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nono-uwu · 4 months

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First oc post i am shaking crying throwing up for multiple reasons and also anxious as hell- anyways, meet the man, the failure disaster gay, the forever doomed ginger(derogatory/lh)

I forgot to add his birthday omg, it's march 13th

Lore utc (i wrote a lot lmao), the uh post ch 134 stuff will be elaborated on later (or if asked. Actually, ask me anything about him. And my other oc's once they're posted. Please. I will answer in great detail. I also need a distraction. Pls.)

So basically, among the first few vampires (a 4th progenitor to be percise) turned by Shikama was a woman who showed great potential for spells and magic. She had a loving husband and child which she tragically lost in an accident. Upon turning into a vampire, her family was still the only thing on her mind. She accepted to help Shikama in his endeavors to revive Mikaela since she hoped she could revive her own family in the proccess. Unfortunately it didn't work. Disillusioned, she abandoned vampire kind and started searching for the possible reincarnation of her beloved husband, whom she may be able to have a child with and have family again.

Fast forward a a lot, and I mean a lot, of years and she arrived in 60s japan. None of the people she had hope for turned out to be the reincarnation of her late husband until that fateful day. She encountered a (rather pathetic may I add) man in his late 20s and it was like a miracle. The woman cornered the man in disbelief and from this awkward first meeting blossomed true love. Then everything went to shit lmaooo

The first problem was that the mans family didn't approve of the woman. Tough this didn't stop their love. Next was the issue of bearing a child, something that a vampire simply can't do. Well, an ordinary one but this woman was anything but ordinary. By some impossible miracle she bore a child. A biological child. (GIRL HOW?? We will never know and frankly, i don't want to think about it💀)

The child was, as expected tbh, kind of a disaster. Already born with pointy ears and sharp fangs. The child needed both human food and blood to properly sustain themselves. Drinking blood outside of their family would permanently stop their aging. Despite this, the couple was overjoyed. (And then named their child "mistake" bc that would help /s.) They named him "Machigai". Why tho?? I dunno man something along the lines of "a mistake but the best mistake of their life" bruh

So after Machigai was old enough to walk, but not old enough to remember, the mother diappeared, leaving father and child behind. The father did his best to raise such an... extraordinary child but it was understandably kind of impossible. Machigai grew up alone and isolated from his peers. He was always wearing a hood of some kind and rarley opened his mouth to talk. In high school, he met a girl who he became good friends with but she is another oc I'll post about sometime adlf,wpl.

Anyways! Come Machigai's high school graduation and 18th birthday, his father... disappeared. All he left was a note saying, that Machigai now owned the apartment and that there is enough blood in the fridge to sustain Machigai's thrist while he could grow and mature. To an already depressed and disillusioned Machigai this obviously didn't help. Throughout the next years he became a shut in, who only left the house if absolutely necessary. All he did all day was play video games, watch tv and later be on the internet. Once he ran out of his fathers blood was when things changed. He had to go out and actually find a new source of blood. Welp, sorry to unlucky bastards who went into dark alleyways at night bc these types of people became Machigai's source of blood. (That's when he stopped aging)

On one of these nightly escapades, Machigai was greeted by a large man in a neat black suit who called himself "Saito". Saito claimed to have known Machigai's mother and offered a deal: Machigai would offer up his unique constitution to the Hyakuya sect's research and in turn get a well paying job and a guaranteed source of blood. He agreed. "Welcome to the Hyakuya sect. I look forward to your performance"

Machigai was practically a lab rat for the development of cursed gear. Thanks to his half-n-half physiology he could tank wounds from cursed gear/magic n shit while still providing useful data to how effective it is. During this time Machigai aquired knowledge of vampire culture(?), became familiar with magic and it's quirks and learned how to perform simple spells and whatnot.

Around 2011, when the internet was already fairly well used, Machigai came across a forum dedicated to paranormal sightings. Various users claimed that a secluded spot in Kyoto was home to vampires. (Ferid was the one spreading these rumors btw) Most would have dissmissed this as someone wanting attention, yet Machigai was intrigued. He was well aware that vampires existed across the world but he mever knew how to actually contact them. Perhaps out of morbid curiosity, perhaps out of a genuine want for connection with people like him, he went to check out the spot. There, he met none other than the eccentric Ferid Bathory who specifically manufactured the rumor to meet Machigai (extra much?). He was well aware of Machigai's work for Rígr "Saito" Stafford and was trying to one up his father by stealing his most prized lab-rat. Machigai declined, not trusting a single thing out of that vampires mouth. Ferid left, already proclaiming that one day Machigai would be working for him.

Machigai stuck around that area as it was already well into the night and public transport wouldn't start up until the early morning. There he met another vampire: Crowley Eusford. Their meeting wasn't planned or meticulously calculated, it was actually rather awkward. Their chat was meaningless and short but in the end leagues above whatever Ferid likes to plan. Crolwey has already unwillingly heard about this curious being from Ferid and seeing Machigai himself left him wanting to learn more about him. Machigai was left a little hopeful, that perhaps it's not too late for him to look for connections.

So the apocalypse rolls around-

Machigai makes a deal with Saito that in exchange for his freedom (*eagle screech*) he would keep his mouth shut about anything the Hyakuya sect discovered while Machigai was there.

Machigai seeks out the Demon Army where he successfully keeps his half vampire identity a secert until someone on his squad gets blackmailed into revealing it. Before that, he gets a cursed weapon, a pair of daggers. And lo and behold, the demon possessing the daggers is his own mother. Unfortunately since the now demonic mother didn't witness Machigai growing up, she falsey believes to be able to still shape Machiagi to her will. After getting locked up by the army, Machigai completley gives up, only wishing for his miserable existence to end (spoiler: It won't! Ever. :) ). He ultimately loses any and all trust he has in humanity or just anything in general.

After about half a year of grueling torture and some experimentation, Machigai gets freed (kidnapped) by Ferid and promptly brought to Kyoto Sangiuem. Krul Tepes, finding Machigai to be useful in her fake-ish war against humanity and whatever she's planning with Yuu and Mika, lets him be part of the japanese vampires under Ferids faction. Ferid found himself unwilling to deal with the often uncooperative and irritated new "recruit" so he did what he does best and made it Crowley's problem.

After a rather agressive and disrespectful first impression, Machigai was officially a... coworker? of Crowley and thus also Chess and Horn in Nagoya. The three got the additional task by Ferid to somehow domesticate this feral and angry stray animal and get him to open up. At least that's how Ferids orders were phrased. Shenanigans, Drama and FeelingsTM ensue.

(How did I write so much??)

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illusionsofdreaming · 1 year

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falling hard, falling soft;

Notes: For this one I’ll leave my personal notes at the bottom. Please take note of the trigger warning.

Ft: Cale

tw: anxiety attack

As it sometimes does, it came without warning. You weren’t even sure what triggered it. Only that you were reading documents one moment and the next you felt were chills running down your spine.

Shit. You set down the papers by the side as you pushed your chair away from the table. Why? You clasped your hands together even as your breathing began picking up. You’ve had only a moment’s time to feel annoyance against the inconvenience of it all before the building fear washed over all sensible thought and clutched its invisible hands around your throat.

Breathe. A mantra you chanted to yourself even as your airway seemed to close on itself. I’m just imagining it. You’ve been through this before and you understood it’s just panic clouding your thoughts. You’re not actually suffocating but- it was getting really hard to breathe. Cold sweat broke out over your skin as you trembled in your seat.

Stop, stop. Feelings of dread rose over you like waves crashing against the shore, over and over again and you could feel yourself tipping, so close- barely held back by your last slips of rational thought. You were shaking so hard in your seat, you’re surprised you haven’t fallen over.

I can’t breathe- but why? Something so basic, so normal- you’ve been doing so well until now- so how could you have forgotten how to breathe? A hysterical laugh burst from your lips and your lungs seemed to constrict into itself.

Somewhere at the back of your mind you realised you should call for help. The attack came too suddenly, too violently and wasn’t something you could handle by yourself. They wouldn’t judge and they knew about your condition but somehow, letting them see you now, like this, struggling to do something as simple as breathing, was suddenly the worst possible thing that could happen.

You gasped, reeling on the threads of oxygen you could barely get past your closed airway. Your knees hit the ground as you shook, and shook, and shook.

You’re being irrational. A voice chides at the back of your mind, a part that’s detached from you writhing on the ground. You’re being dramatic. The guilt and shame was an iron grip around your chest slowly crushing you and that’s when you heard the door to your room open.

“__________, have you seen the papers-“

And then Cale’s there, hands on your shoulders as he propped you up, concern on his face as he held you, drawing you back from your downward spiral momentarily. I’m alright, I’m fine, you wanted to tell him but your ability to string words together had been the first to slip from you as shame took the front wheels of your thoughts. It was hard to decide whether you wanted his help or to kick him out for witnessing the ugliness of your vulnerability. Why did he have to come in now when all you could manage was gasp for how little air there was, and why can’t you just breathe-

“__________,” his brows creased as he grabbed your hand and placed it over his heart. “Listen. Breathe in. Breathe out.”

I can’t! You weren’t sure if you wanted to laugh, cry or scream at the absurdity of the situation. Can’t he see that’s what you’re trying to do?

His grip tightened around your wrist, the painful pressure focusing your attention briefly. “You can breathe, you’re hyperventilating now. You need to slow down. Follow me.”

Tears pooled at the corners of your eyes in frustration but with enormous effort, you began to fight for your breath, following Cale’s firm instructions as he guided you, breath by each agonising breath. Slowly, painfully, you fought to control your breathing, with every inhale that doesn’t end with a hitch, you began to regain lucidity and the grip around your throat began to loosen. Throughout the whole process, Cale stayed with you, never breaking his gaze from you and keeping a firm pressure against your hand.

As the adrenalin receded, the overwhelming exhaustion that inevitably came after every attack crashed over you and you would’ve fallen on your side had Cale not caught you. The worst of the attack was over and you let out a shuddering sigh as you slumped against his side. He pulled you closer and gently guided your head to rest against his shoulder, rubbing your shoulders as the remaining tremors in you died down.

“What caused it?” he asked after a while.

The aftermath of an attack always left you feeling boneless and liquefied. You glanced down at your fingers, the feeling of pins and needles running up and down your arms made you feel weightless and detached from reality. Something at the back of your mind warned you that it’s not over, that it’ll come back and you won’t be able to hold it back this time-

Cale’s grip tightened around you and you snapped out of the dangerous spiral, this time catching yourself before you could work yourself up again.

You closed your eyes and focused on Cale’s slow breathing beside you, anchoring yourself to his stabilising presence. Now that you’ve calmed down once, it was easier for you to recognise and compartmentalise the smaller panic attacks.

“I don’t know.” you rasped sluggishly, throat sore from choking hard on nothing.

That was just how it was, you could register and recognise all the symptoms of an oncoming attack but no amount of preparation or knowledge could guarantee you would be able to stave it off every time. If there was logic to it, you supposed it wouldn’t be called a disorder.

He nods and asked no further questions and you sit in companionable silence together until your head started drooping and you shivered from the chill that slowly crept up on you.

“Can you make it to the bed?” he asked softly as he squeezed your shoulders, gently massaging the stiff muscles.

You contemplated your physical condition, the exhaustion that weighed down your bones and shook your head lightly. Without hesitation, his strong arms came beneath your knees and behind your back as he picked you up from the ground, holding you close to his body so you could take advantage of his body heat.

Such a big attack doesn’t happen often, but when it does it always left you out of it for the rest of the day. It sucked and you could feel the apology weighing on the tip of your tongue but you leashed the demon back, knowing deep down, even if it doesn’t feel like it, that it’s not yours nor anyone’s fault.

“Thank you.” you said, despite what your demons wished and counted it as a small victory. He glanced down at you and sets you down on your bed before wrapping your blanket around you.

He sits on the bed and met your eyes. “You did great.”

A comment which made you chuckle lightly despite everything.

“Do you need anything?”

You tugged the blankets closer to your form, huddling in the warmth as the question turned in your mind. “I don’t know.” you swallowed thickly, looking down at your knees in shame. You’re just tired and aching, mentally and physically, it was hard to tell what could or couldn’t make you feel better at this moment.

“That’s okay.” His brown eyes were clear. “Is it alright if I stay here by your side?”

There was no expectations from him and you knew that at any time if you wanted time alone, he would immediately get up to give you space. You thought back to how he’d helped you calm down, how being taken care of this way didn’t feel so burdensome for once. Maybe you didn’t want company on most bad days but there can also be days where another’s companionship was enough. So as you gave your permission with a small nod, he seated himself next to you, leaning against the headboard as he stretched out his legs beside you.

You sit beside each other like this, each lost in your own thoughts, as you slowly felt your heartrate slow to a lethargic thud. At the back of your mind you knew you’ll have to unpack what happened today later. You should run through what had happened before the attack and hopefully figure out what triggered you, but for now, with his presence by your side, you allowed his soft rhythmic breathing to lull you to rest.

It’s okay.

Notes: This was written based on personal experience- though I have never been formally diagnosed, nor looked into it, honestly I’m not sure I can claim if what this piece was based on could be called anxiety/panic attack - so if there are misrepresentation, or discomfort due to this, please accept my apology here, as I wish not to offend anyone.

This piece came from a rather... interesting place. Since I’ve never looked too closely into why I feel this way when it happens, I’m not sure if people with anxiety goes through the same thing. What I do know is that the first time it happened to me it completely blindsided me, unfortunately I do not have a Cale by my side so let’s just say it was a struggle to handle things out on my own.

Ahem, not to bring the mood down here I just wanted to do an exploratory piece. Something more serious and slightly more gnarly. and here we are

On a completely irrelevant note, as I was trying to figure out what to title this piece, my brain for some reason came up with the brilliant idea to call it “asparagus” for some reason. Evidently, I did not listen to it. But it keeps looping in my head. So alt. title would be asparagus. I suppose..?

#tw: anxiety attack #tcf #trash of the count's family #imagines #tcf x reader #cale henituse #anxiety attack #panic attack #stress #comfort #i guess it's true what they say #that strong emotions really are a great source of motivation/inspiration for creatives #i was stuck on the toughest writers block on this once piece for months #but i wrote this one in half a day #funky moods amirite?

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