#and you can bet he'd protect loneliness with his LIFE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

larrythefloridaman · 2 years

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handing you more characters bc your analysis is so delicious .

crimson. the scrunkly. most likely to be cpuk's tumblr sillyman.

Studying this little freak like a bug <3

(cpuk and ncct spoilers)

The thing about Crimson is that narratively, he is, as a villain, a bad coping mechanism or a self-destructive behavior. Barely even a metaphor- thats literally what he is to peppermint in pretty much no uncertain terms, she's parasocially in love with him because he, and the concept of a multiverse, allows her to indulge in the fantasy of a world where she's happy, and indulging unhealthily in fantasy is what actively drives people away from her, making her even lonelier. And she's not the only example of characters whom crimson's relationship to them is defined by them giving in to a character flaw. Chessmaster is the other clear cut example- succumbing to his inferiority complex and giving in to evil for the sake of proving himself are directly interrelated events, and he broke free when he was given kindness and support, a clearer picture of why he's like this (because he was designed to be,) and a vision of something different, something healthier, to be. He tempts people, consciously or not, to act their worst.

Hamburger Helper was a family man. Season one's storytelling is patchier than later seasons, but one can read between the lines, both then and later, to see something of a Mr. Incredible style gloryhound mid-life crisis to inspire his behavior, and his husband putting his foot down and breaking things off wasn't enough to drag him back to sense- especially since his son was on his side, resenting dadondorf for both his more firm parenting and splitting their family, launching into his ongoing emo phase and "trying to summon satan to kill his dad." (Real line from cpuk1. smthn smthn nccts crimson's first host was a dad and hes good with kids and says despite being kind of a monster he wouldn't hurt one. food for thought) But when The Grunk died, the show went on hiatus, and he was left in the broken fizzled aftermath of all that and forced to slowly realize how immature he'd been behaving and what ultimately really mattered to him and defected from Crimson of his own will.

Valentine was a risk taker, all for the drama of the show. Valentine walked directly into explosions just to see if he could survive them. He's a performer and a gentleman and a hero to the people. However, a risk taken in performance is a risk nonetheless and his overconfidence was his downfall. Valentine made a bet. Didn't tell a soul before he did it, other than a crimson possessed hamburger helper, speaking in their minds- hold your breath for the drama! And then he lost. And the deal was real. And so were the consequences. And the show he so loved came crashing to a halt as he was used to kill a man. (I'd also like to note, captain crimson in the nccts is kind of another example of a recreation of val as an image without his input, if im understanding the dream-fakes correctly- bc theyre composed of the current dreamers recollection of them, and Val isnt in the fourth dream. So once again val is being copied over as a biased outsiders image formed from people's perceptions of him, this one more literal and impermanent and largely defined by a very publically known traumatic experience that he really doesnt like to talk about and the person who controlled him in that time, while Quad was originally made to be a sort of exaggerated parody of what he loves and values. fun.)

Larry's... well, I've talked about Larry's problem. He overextends himself, unwilling to burden others intentionally even if they're willing to bear it, and needs to show himself a little self-compassion. And the circumstances of his possession? He functionally agreed to saving Crimson's life, and Crimson repays this by running off with his body right away and refusing to let Larry see his loved ones (for reasons of self-protection, crimson desiring to lie low right now, but still) and Larry's still trying to fix him from the inside. Bro thats nice and very noble and all bc god knows crimson genuinely needs help but you functionally got kidnapped my dude!!!!!! You missed yet another Valentines day after SEVEN missed Valentines days! you're on course to miss a NINTH since the show's gone off air in your absence!!! Your man just wants you to be safe for once!!!!!! He misses you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sidenote ive noticed in terms of teaching the lesson of not overextending your compassion sometimes folks trying to teach it fumble the point by making it so the way its taught is by making the target not 'worthy' of the compassion somehow (tricking the giver of care or help into thinking they need it when they really dont or smthn) as if overextending yourself is a matter of choosing who's morally deserving of help and weeding out the untrustworthy lazy manipulators or some shit rather than You Cannot Help Everyone, its a Logistical Impossibility and By Trying You Will Only Hurt Yourself and Eventually Others as Either Your Loved Ones Worry Themselves Sick To Death Over You as Your Wellbeing Inevitably Declines Or You End Up Lashing Out At Others Because Your Needs Have Gone Uncared For As A Result, Therefore You Literally NEED to be Helped Because You Literally Cannot Bear It All Alone and im glad thats more the kind of vibe set up here. Like. Crimson definitely definitely definitely needs help that much is clear. But Larry aint the fucker to do it. because He's Super Not Okay Either and also, he'd been trying to get Crimson to open up for however long it was between cpuk orange and ncct2 hed been trying and didn't know Funbox's name when Crimson was willing to say that on live tv but Dani spends an hour in a vent with him and he's Explaining His Personal Living Nightmare to her. Larry is not a person hes willing to open up to, probably Specifically Because he is trying and wants to help him! Larry's fuckin. Red Cross Syndrome actively makes Crimson want to clam up! They can be good buds, they certainly seem to enjoy eachothers company well enough, but not in the 'i can unload about my trauma to you' way right now because neither of them are people who think they need or deserve that yet!

Maladaptive coping mechanisms and emotional regulation strats being the domain of a god of treachery makes sense- especially in a show about compassion and healing the way CPUK often is. they don't fix the real problem. Often they make it worse. They make you feel better, stronger, until they don't, they take control of your life, and sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you realize you have a shovel in your hands. But, the thing about them is, they're NOT 'evil,' they're volatile, theyre unhealthy, and they don't come from nowhere. Its the culmination of unaddressed pain. And as with Chartreuse's tragedy, this applies to Crimson as much as it does to those his powers effect- this badboy's chock full of dumb destructive shit he does to feel power and control over and satisfaction with his own life, and that makes itself most apparent in his relationship with Crimsonaut. Now, Crimsonaut lacks much of a firm moral compass- but he's kind, in a snarky long-suffering sort of way. he was created by Dr. Order to venture into the crimson for study. We don't know how that went, but we know the result. Allowing Crimson to hide and recover in his body, lying about being uncontaminated upon his return from meeting him, intentionally hiding and protecting Crimson from discovery until he was strong enough to start taking control of the body from time to time and getting up to his shit again. Crimsonaut is more than capable of verbally standing up to Crimson, he puts his foot down- but he puts his foot down only when Crimson condescends to him, treats him like he's not an equal. Crimson calls him his little buddy- like hes affectionately describing a cat or a small animal or perhaps one of those fucked up lil splatoon fish, and Crimsonaut tells the evil primordial god in his body that he owes him at least the title of friend. Takes some backbone, which he chooses not to use later. He wasn't happy with crimson attempting to destroy the universe, where he lives, but after the fact, their relationship as we see it doesnt seem to have changed at all. Crimsonaut was still willingly playing his snarky human shield. Crimsonaut's friendly with Dani, and no exorcism ever happened. even though he very nearly successfully destroyed a universe, (and got them both put on a fucking Leash by his siblings for weeks after the fact,) he'd rather let him stay. But being separated from Crimson as a result of Crimson's own meddling, getting a nice breather away from him, and Crimson using this break as an opportunity to make a direct attempt to kill him to avoid being put back was the last straw. he was horrible despite when they got along and what he was made for and he couldnt just put up with it anymore, although Prism's next move might have... complicated his feelings about it. Crimson might honestly care about him, but that didn't make him any less of a toxic friend, and for that, Crimsonaut doesnt owe him a continued place in his life, and Crimson lost himself the most earnest, faithful, selflessly motivated friend he seems to have had since he arrived in this universe entirely through his own short-sighted self-destructive inability to deal with the minor restrictions living with Crimsonaut imposes on his life. He cant make himself willingly hand over control to another person enough to adapt to a minor dietary restriction. Absolute control freak. And... well. We know why.

Prism and the Ciblings relationship wasnt... explicitly cast as being abusive in those words before the nccts, though one could easily read between the lines. And what the implications spoke loud and clear already was bad enough. But things are called what they are in the nccts, (not by the cods, who. likely think its... not normal. but maybe normal for gods. Theres not really other examples of godly parenting for them to draw from, after all. But Folk correctly labels Prism as abusive.) and Crimson's status as a favorite target of torment is exposed, and recontextualizes... a lot of things, really. He implies quite straightforwardly that everything he says should be taken with a grain of 'im aware of when Prism's watching and what im willing to say when she is is effected somewhat by that.' His words are inherently a bit deceptive, but not necessarily maliciously- but self-protectively. Every respectable parenting resource: "strict helicopter parenting doesnt teach your child obedience, it teaches your child how to lie to you" prism raising a god of treachery: "haha yeah thats the point :)"

Crimson and Prism's relationship is a pretty realistic example of the effect of the beginning of a cycle of abuse, in the broad sense. A parent, effected by existential stresses they cannot escape, be they monetary, interpersonal, psychological, whatever, lashes out against their children in the process of raising them, simultaneously traumatizing them and modeling toxic behavior to them, which they ultimately mimic because thats how dealing with problems and stress was modeled to them in their formative years, lacking access to or knowledge of more positive outlets for their feelings.

Crimson wants to be nothing like her- but he is, unthinkingly, like her. He hurts people to his own ends, he manipulates the truth, he's controlling, a number of other small things- a sickly smile to reflect prism's vacant yet intense one. He is his mother's son. Godhood of treachery and godhood of stories are... rather similar in concept, really- i don't recall who, but ive heard a certain philosophy of storytelling said as, paraphrasing, 'fiction is lies, falsehood, in service to truth.' he adopts an aesthetic of opposition, blood guts and chocolate cake, without really deconstructing his behavior in context, because changing who he is means making himself more vulnerable to being changed while he's figuring himself out, and Prism's entire modus operandi is changing you without you ever noticing, and he wants to believe through his rebellion he can atleast be fully authentically himself, uninfluenced. But change cannot be staved off forever, and despite what he wanted to believe, he's still stuck. Choosing evil is not an escape, it is another cage. The hopelessness and stagnation of lacking meaningful choice setting in seems to be changing him anyway.

I marked the 'horrible person' square the way i did because normally when one claims a tragic villain 'had no choice' but to commit their actions, its not really an accurate reflection- having reasons and motives to do what you do doesnt change that you chose to do them, if only under duress. But Crimson was... very particularly, literally and specifically being disallowed from having a choice in who he turned out to be under the gaze of a panopticonic and brutal authority that could begin watching him at any time, and what they wanted him to be was evil. He was born to be a villain and groomed into it, lead to evil blindly by a strict parent who's strictness was applied specifically to spawn the rebellion it caused and create a self-demonizing villain. He could've chosen to be better in theory- options were technically there- but he wanted to be a villain because he was raised in such a way that it felt like a meaningful rebellion against Prism's goody two shoes persona, but it wasnt, and he wouldnt have been allowed to pick the better options anyway- judging from things like Prism hitting the undo button on TOJ giving her a shiner, anything deviating too far from the plan can just be undone anyway, with none but her (and the audience,) maintaining memory of it, although it's marks are left regardless. little retcons. (Prism saying she felt guilt for what she 'had to do' to Crimson is... a bit supported by this- if she never wanted him to ever have nice things she could very easily take All of it away. She could have made that hug never happen. But she did let him have that. Doesnt make the constant cruelty better but yknow. Abusers are weird and complicated people sometimes and often they believe what they're doing is for the best for the child even if it really really isnt)

While we all came to agreement that Doctor Order's statement, about how if someone is changed by prism by unnoticed inches it will become miles over time, did not apply to her... I think it applies to Crimson, although not fully in the magical sense she meant, but the metaphorical. I think once upon a time there mightve been a better nature and hope in crimson which was slowly, steadily, and thoroughly corroded for a long, long time. Started CPUK Reboot in my rewatch recently, and before it became Team Calibur, Team Crimson's uniting factor wasnt even evil- it was passion. Bizarre, considering how inhuman Crimson was played in the first season. Kindness is what comes naturally to people. All that doesnt have to matter, not in the least, to the people he's hurt- but free will has always been more theoretical for him than the average person with Prism's eyes trained on him, and morality greys and greys as one gets into the weeds of why people are the way they are and when you remove or bar off meaningful and conscious choice from the equation. It is, sometimes, a luxury to have the option to be a good person, even if you aren't aware those options have been closed off to you. People get trapped, often without even knowing, in doing things that contradict what they believe or understand to be right to survive and enjoy any kind of happiness or fulfillment every day. smthn smthn no ethical consumption under capitalism for a familiar example. Crimson just raises So Many Fun Moral Philosophy Questions. God i love 'born to be evil, are so much more than that' type characters theyre always so human and fun to get pretentious about. can you tell my family's ex-catholic /j

Judging by his resentful tone with things like lovey dovey romance and Prism's 'barney the dinosaur' demeanor, i think its pretty fair to assume Prism's faux-sugary demeanor has made him thoroughly distrustful or disdainful of anything too 'sweet' at the outset. Only pain and grit is 'real', anything too sweet is a facade waiting to stab you in the back. Despite his two-faced smarmy deceitfulness being a defining trait, being Authentically Himself seems to concern Crimson a great deal, and for obvious reason. That being said i think theres also a part of crimson that wishes he could win over her approval, judging from his conversation with captain crimson- where i think he's the only one of the cods to actually briefly label prism as their mom directly, if only in a snarky derisive way, (usually they fall in line with her description of herself as their babysitter, but i mean. When your parent is a primordial cloud of feelings and ideas and not a person that can raise you but their emissary raises you in their place idc thats functionally a Mom) and implies Crimson sticks around here because of Prism in a way that makes it sound like it was a deliberate choice- it'd certainly explain why he actually tried to be good at the job he Knew he had (until attempting to self-sabotage to prove a point,) and making a point out of cobalt fucking up at his, despite his typically impulsive and self-indulgent personality. not really realizing he never could have her approval until his godhood of treachery was revealed to him, a title which means he is inescapably evil to her. I think Crimson wants very badly to be liked and approved of by Somebody, and in failing to get that from Prism has... latched on to the audience a bit, as another extension of his progenitor Spectrum. Crimson sees chat! He can see everything we say about him! He probably has thoughts and feelings on a good lot of it! He started using the nickname Crimbo because of us, and throughout orange's intros iirc he seemed more than a little disappointed by the reception to him as host not just from the competitors but from us in chat booing him (in a heelish kind of way, largely. God knows we do love crimson even if he sucks <3) and for god's sake the nelson warping is activated by us complimenting him. hes So Desperate for us to like him! Not unlike prism was!

i think the treachery reveal ultimately came as the second hit of a three hit combo of crimson's held beliefs being challenged. I think Crimson percieved Cobalt as kinda... Prism's lapdog to some extent? always trying to be the 'responsible' one, managing his and Chartreuse's behavior on Prism's advice while botching his own job. Cobalt showed his care for Crimson as his little brother through making deals to keep him alive, but considering he spends every other moment they're together (understandably, crimson is not a good person and cobalt has a very firm and deliberately constructed punitive moral compass to keep from losing sight of his responsibilities,) being critical of him on moral grounds it makes their relationship feel much more... transactional, even if Cobalt doesnt mean things that way. Like he's only making these deals to protect him because Someone needs to do his job. And then a disguised Crimson, after his apparent death, walks in on Cobalt discussing with Chartreuse that they need to do something about Prism, that this has all gone on too long. He cares, regardless of their stupid jobs, he just wants Crimson to be Less of an Asshole. And then, after the treachery reveal, there's chartreuse giving up her godhood.

Crimson's been confused by and rudely dismissive of his sister's relationship ever since he found out- particularly so after learning what she's been doing to maintain it. She's weakening herself, hurting herself, making herself vulnerable, to maintain a relationship with some mortal who, even if she could keep up what she was doing, not telling him anything and enduring the pain of keeping his fracture in the timeline sustained, would have sixty maybe seventy years at best to be with her and then she'd be back to the usual. They are incomprehensibly old, Folk is a blip in the grand scheme. She'll get over him, she should stop whining about it, its spilt milk. And then she gave up her godhood entirely. This mortal was worth facing not just pain, but the inevitability of death to her, worth facing the absolute vulnerability of mortal life. Crimson still can't understand it... he still doesnt agree with her decision and he doesnt particularly like Folk that much. but he can understand this is Really Fucking Important to her. and he cares about her enough to respect it and want to be a part of it as much as he can.

Ultimately, what i think Crimson really needs is to learn is how to trust someone enough to willingly hand over power and control to someone else without it being the end of the world and that change can be for the better, and him respecting the agency of other people even if he intensely disagrees with their decisions is an important step in the right direction on that front.

#anyway. *points gun at you* listen to fly in my room by kerrin connolly and think about dani and crimson. Now #this is long to a frankly embarrassing extent #mostly because i went on several partly related tangents or overexplained the background observations that led to my conclusions. lol

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trashlie · 1 year

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hey, i'm that anon that sent you the long message about FP 215 and 216 a while ago, thank you for giving such an elaborate response. and i hope you get plenty of time to relax and catch up on sleep, make sure to drink lots of water! 💗

i'm dropping by to bring up a couple of points for your consideration, if you don't mind. just something i've been thinking about lately.

i absolutely agree with you that kousuke doesn't really want nol out of his life. in my opinion, the reason is not guilt or jealousy or loneliness (i bet he'd 100% prefer being an only child even if his siblings were born in wedlock, also he's had a friend group in college, so he is/was capable of making friends). the reason for it is fear. 1) fear of disappointing father - since kousuke is nol's 'guardian' and if anything happens to nol, it'll be a 'failure' on his side and strain his relationship with rand. 2) fear of losing control - nol being gone = out of reach = out of his control = unpredictable = more of a threat. and we know how much kousuke needs to control everything in his life. 3) fear of losing a part of his identity - being 'better' than nol has become a big part of who he is. kousuke is nothing without his name, the company, etc. similarly, traits like being the better, smarter, more successful brother, the golden child, the 'rightful' heir have all become a part of him thanks to nol. kousuke can only achieve those by bringing nol down to push himself up. he needs nol to remind him of those traits, and he needs nol so he can look better compared to him to other people. and i believe he subconsciously realizes this, and hates nol even more for it.

in general, a lot of kousuke's behavior and the main reason for kousuke's mental state is that he's being eaten alive by his fears. fear of failure, fear of disappointment, fear of his image being damaged, fear of not being in control, fear of being exposed, fear of being nothing, fear of losing everything etc. some of those fears are made up and/or planted by yui (like disappointing his father, or nol being the enemy), but to kousuke, they're very much real. and if kousuke's going to grow, dealing with those fears, and recognizing the root causes of them (there's multiple), will be a big part of it. for now, in his current state... it seems to me like he's completely overwhelmed and craves safety more than anything, and well. yui is right there. idk if the brothers can ever reconcile tbh... it seems to me that nol hasn't completely lost hope in his brother yet, so it'll completely depend on kousuke.

and good point, you're probably right about nessa protecting nol from yui until she couldn't anymore, i didn't think of that, thanks for pointing it out! we still know so little about nessa and yui both, it's going to be really interesting to learn more about them...

AAAAHHHH hello Nonny! I've been looking forward to you coming back! Also thank you! I am trying my best!!! This week has not been my best but at least my brain is feeling less sluggish, so there's that at least!

Also I have got to say, reading this message made me feel really weepy. I think it's obvious, but Kousuke is a character I've come to be just as invested in as I am in Nol and Shinae and now Alyssa, and I think you hit the nail right on the head. I think because of the way Kousuke has treated Nol, and his apparent privilege coupled with his less than savory personality, a lot of readers just kind of... dismiss him. And to some degree, I get it. Kousuke is rarely doing himself any favors to endear the audience to him - but that is what makes him such a fascinating character. The story proves that privilege and opportunity alone are not enough, but it also shows us that people do not exist in a vacuum, and that everything they do is impacted by and also impacts something else.

And you're right - it does come down to fear, and there's a reason fear remains a prevailing emotion/driver in many stories. I think man vs man conflict so often comes down to fear, it's the root of a lot of ugly emotion. Jealousy stems from it - a fear that someone has something you don't, that maybe you'll never come to possess yourself.

I think there's a lot to be said of formative foundations. Had Kousuke been older when he learned of Nol, had he received security and love and comfort from his parents, maybe we wouldn't be here. But it was when he was young enough to be influenced, when he was so lacking in his father's love, and to learn that this boy knew there existed a side to Rand that he himself had never met? It never registered to him that Nol had never actually met him because fear came crashing down - all those rumors people were whispering about him were true. Rand, the man too busy for his own son, too busy for his own family, had a whole other family, and they knew a version of him that he'd never gotten to meet. It took root in him at such a young age all it could do was grow with him like a weed. He had no way to know otherwise!

And something that really fosters all that fear IS the fact that he endured that kind of neglect. On some level, Kousuke knows what Yui does. He's gone to great lengths to try to keep his life private from her so she doesn't interfere. He was rightfully upset when he realized she'd gone behind his back to hire Shinae (and under such false pretenses, too!) and upset about the birthday antics. But he still went to her when he found out Nol might leave, that he might have a one up on him. He knows Yui is horrible, but she's also his only pillar of security. She's also the one who fosters that sort of false reality he lives in, because it's only there that he has that security. When facts and logic counter what he believes, he loses control, and he retreats into the version of reality he knows, because that's the only place he feels safe. I think that's a big reason why he cannot face the truth, why he so often finds himself rewriting accounts of things that happened - he cannot handle the unsettling dissonance between what he believes and what is so.

What a driver fear is, too! On some level, I think Kousuke might be aware of that connection of his identity with Nol. Perhaps not on a conscious level, but I think subconscious he reacts to Nol leaving for exactly that reason - without Nol to serve as a metric for which to measure himself against, how can he be sure he's better, he's the best? As much as Kousuke's identity is wrapped up in trying to please his father and earn a transactional concept of love, it's also wrapped up in being Nol's guardian - which, as you point out, is just an offshoot of not disappointing Rand. I definitely agree, too; it just makes that resentment stronger. Wouldn't you feel a little self-loathing, too, knowing that you can only see your greatness if you see how you measure against someone else? Living and believing this person you are constantly trying to be better than might know something you don't, might have been privy to something you never were? Acknowledging that he tears down Nol because a part of him doesn't trust that he can lord over him unless he does, that maybe he COULD best him?

It makes such COMPELLING storytelling! Once you can see Kousuke from this angle, it makes sense - why he can't stop trying to drag Nol down into his pit, why he stumbles on reality and has to rewrite things, why he's so desperately in need of control. It's so easy to say that Kousuke should know better because he's an adult, but one of the loudest, flashiest messages of ILY is that age does not make someone any better lol. Wisdom doesn't come with age - it comes with experience and also humility. There's no room for that in Kousuke's life and his experiences definitely are lesser than others. He's surrounded by people who tell him what he wants to hear, who just make nice with him to get by and maybe see if they can take advantage of their proximity to him. What experiences does he have, outside of those with Nol, that can drown out the fear he's living with?

Something someone brought up on reddit was that Kousuke was, for the most part, pretty "chill" (lol chill for Kousuke that is) when we first met him at the start of the story. Okay, let's nix that, he DID trip Shinae for a piece of cake LMAO but that brings me to what I'm getting at. When the story opens, it feels like Kousuke isn't around Nol nearly as much. He has an informant in Soushi which allows Kousuke to keep tabs on Nol without needing to be involved, and he's at a sense of peace. When we see him interacting with Shinae, while he's definitely cold and blunt, he does try to treat her with some regard of respect after Shinae essentially saves his hide by keeping Nol's date-rape drink a secret. Now we certainly can argue that this is because Kousuke feels he is indebted to Shinae, but I think it's also because when he has less of that stress going on, when he has a clearer mind that's not so cluttered with his fear, he has room to be the gentleman he wants to believe he is, to be the person he hopes will make Rand proud.

But it's once Kousuke gets re-inserted in Nol's life - the hospital after the masquerade, Nol coming to work for the week, the entirety of the black and white formal - that's when we start to see all the cracks forming and watch Kousuke slowly start to lose that control and spiral. Nol coming to work was the real curveball for him. Not for one minute did Kousuke expect Nol to take work seriously, but worse, he never anticipated that Nol would be so good at it or that his people skills would illuminate a jarring truth that Kousuke had blinded himself to. From that very moment, Kousuke enters a grappling battle to maintain his role. It's not enough to be the heir - it's about impressing Rand, it's about earning some transactional love, it's about fulfilling a duty that he takes too seriously, it's about ensuring that he is not lost. I think to Kousuke you are in one of two places: either the light or the shadow, and you cannot share them. If Nol is in the light, that relegates Kousuke to the shadows, so compelled by fear, he starts on his quest to sabotage Nol, so that his own weaknesses are not illuminated by the points where Nol shines.

Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!! I really do have SO MANY thoughts and feelings these days about Kousuke and especially Kousuke and Nol, and the ways they are impacted by their families, the ways their circumstances pit them against each other. Kousuke has become a character I WANT to find his way, because I WANT him to be freed from the effects of his family and especially free of their control. I think your third point is SO VERY IMPORTANT because WHO is Kousuke outside of all of this? Who is he outside of Hirahara Heir, outside of besting Nol? He definitely knows there is something hollow and empty inside him - he wouldn't have to convince himself that he wants this career, that he wants to move to Japan, that he wants to do this if that wasn't true. He's so afraid that there is nothing more to him than the husk of a boy who is so desperate for his father's love, who tore others down for something that he ultimately never received, and frankly I cannot blame him for wanting to hide that and avoid facing it lol but I DO want to see him face that. I want to see what kind of person he decides to be outside of everything if he gets that chance. I say "gets that chance" but it's definitely more that he needs to actively come to that conclusion, but it's hard to imagine at this point what it will take for him to get there.

I don't think there's a lot that a conversation with Rand can do - though I do think that's highly necessary, if only to put everything in the open. I would love for Kousuke to get the chance to be honest with Rand, and not while being drunk leaving a voicemail or anything, but that's a big, big step. It goes against everything he's worked towards, goes against the very things that drive that fear. But I want to see him reach that point where he can tell Rand pointblank the ways he failed him, the way everything he ever did was because he just wanted that love and look at him, look at how he turned out! aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

I'm also inclined to believe the same as you re: Nol. I know Nol made it sound like he's absolutely done with Kousuke - and I certainly don't think he'll be welcoming him with open arms any time soon lol - but I think much like us as readers, much as characters like Hansuke and Yujing, I think Nol wants to see Kousuke break himself free. Let go of Rand, escape the sordid security blanket that is his relationship with Yui, and find himself. Become his OWN person. I think Nol will be more receptive to Kousuke when he can finally do that. Because again, as established, so much of Kousuke's personality thus far is just being better than Nol, is just trying to earn Rand's affection. But what does he do for himself? WHO is he? I think that's what Nol is waiting for and I don't think we'll see any kind of amicable relationship until that comes.

AAAHHHHHHHH this is so long lmao but MAN I have so many thoughts and feelings about this and I LOVE getting to talk to people about Kousuke when they can see these aspects of him. In an intriguing way, both Nol and Kousuke are driven by fear, right? Nol lives in fear of himself, of whatever guilt it is he carries. He carries this fear that he is a harbringer of doom and harm, that association with him will only get people hurt, that getting too close and caring too much is damning people, so he spent his life wearing a mask, trying to keep others at bay, trying to coast by and hope maybe, MAYBE he could absolve himself of whatever that guilt is by helping others. And when he got too close, when he started to care too much, he ran away, he lashed out, he took up a new facade. He's denied himself anything he wants or anything that brings him comfort out of fear. But where Nol's fear is internal, Kousuke's is so completely external. But at the end of the day, they are both driven by fear. Nol, I hope, will come to terms with the reality that he DOES have safe spaces. Nana loves him and wants to help him, wants him to live, wants him to find enjoyment. Shinae has proven what a caring friend she is, that even after the way he tried to ghost her and the guys, she still keeps coming back. But Kousuke doesn't quite have that support system Nol does. Or, rather, let me take that back. He does, he's just not aware of it and can't see it for that. He's so blinded by what he's lacking in a parental way that he can't see that Hansuke is the one person in the world who absolutely 100% has his back, and I think in time, depending on the choices he makes, he could find that in Yujing and Meg, both. (I think there is SO MUCH room for Meg and Kousuke to eventually be friends with a similar dynamic to him and Shinae - where she is no longer so besotted or obsessive and she can call him out when he's being y'know, Kousuke, where he can develop respect for her as a person. I want it SO badly lmao I want SO BADLY for him to come around on her!)

Basically a very important thing I think is: neither Nol nor Kousuke have that family relationship with their parents. Nol lost the one parent who ever gave him warmth and comfort, and I don't think Yui sees Kousuke as a son so much as an extension of himself. I think found family is the way to go for them. Nol has it, if he's willing to let them be that, if he can swallow his fear and let them be there for him. I think Kousuke could have it, too, if he, too, is able to let go of his fear. AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I told you, just nonstop FEELINGS over here lmao thank you for always indulging me and my longwinded responses ;~; I just get SO EXCITED to talk about this, and especially to have these conversations who think so similarly about Kousuke and don't immediately go "throw him away he's irredeemable trash" lajfkafjkafjkaf lmao like fine for people who have those opinions but I just wanna dig into why these characters do the messy shit they do LMAO

#ILY Brainrot #I Love Yoo #Kousuke Hirahara #Nol #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Rand #Yui Hirahara #no FP spoilers in here for once you guys!!!!!!!!!#I think it's very obvious that Kousuke has become an incredibly fascinating character to me and I love getting the opportunities to talk #about him and what seems to motivate him and why he is the way he is #ILY is so careful to never create a scenario that is black and white even if it SEEMS like it's black and white #what makes Kousuke such an excellent antagonist is the circumstances that create the antagonism #there's a whole alternate reality where Kousuke realized that he could never earn Rand's affection and maybe he came out different #a whole alternate story where he and Nol allied themselves with each other brothers against a shitty family #but that's not their story that's not their reality #and getting to examine that illuminates the sheer tragedy of it all #I think it's also an excellent study in general of why people aren't good at getting the help we need #fear is such a driving force and i think that's the biggest takeaway when it comes to Kousuke #fear has clouded him so much that he can't see through it that he can't see a possibility where it DOESN'T plague him #he can't imagine anything BUT living like this #how can he see he needs help when he's TERRIFIED to admit it?#I don't say this to absolve Kousuke but just to understand him - that fear makes us do awful and oftentimes stupid things #it's such a primal driver and it's hard to admit you need help. Kousuke's whole THING is that he can never appear weak that he loses if he #does. so how can he admit that he needs it? for him to admit to Nol like that that he's scared he will never be good enough?#that was HUGE #AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #I just want to see Kousuke find a way to free himself to find his REAL self to figure out what he wants #i want him to fail and fall and learn that life goes on and we make mistakes and sometimes we screw up and sometimes we face the darkest of #fears and life keeps going on and we learn to live with it and we learn to take different paths #he needs to see that life doesn't end if he falls - it just presents him a new opportunity

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mangoshibi · 5 years

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Garry AU

I came up with some HCs for Garry but after a while they started to contradict some of the things you said so this is an AU now. Let’s say these are headcanons for Earth 2 Garry or something.

-Splendor Man (a character from this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MXYC_jX2Wc) is his favorite pet-sitter.

-Due to his overly curious nature and lack of understanding about how the world works he gets himself into trouble a lot. Usually it’s just harmless stuff but sometimes he gets into real danger. For example the first time Jack was taking too long to come home Garry went looking for him, accidentally wandered too far away, was attacked by the Rake and needed to be rescued. -He really looks up to the Seed Eater and sees him as his big brother. He is constantly demanding piggy back rides and playtime from him. Seed Eater was going to eat him the first time they met but Garry reminded him of a baby Seed Eater so he was spared. -The little pup is part of this pack the animal monsters (Loneliness, BRVR, Smile Dog, the Seed Eater) made. After BRVR, Garry is the most protective pack member towards Loneliness. He will legit fight you if you do anything to hurt or even mildly inconvenience the little Eeevee (FYI Loneliness comes from a creepypasta called “Abandon Lonliness”. ) -He loves the way twinkling lights look and can just sit there stare at them for hours on end. -Garry positively adores going to the mansion because there’s so many rooms and hallways for him to explore and so many people for him to cuddle and play with. -He hates baths since when his fur gets dried it becomes this thick easily tangled cloud that makes it difficult for him to move in for a while. You ever see pictures of sheep that haven’t been sheared in a really long time? That’s what he looks like. Plus he flashes back to the lab and gets scared so EJ just rinses his fur with soap and water whenever Garry gets dirty. -When someone he’s attached to tries to leave he does that thing where he grabs onto their leg in an attempt to keep them from leaving. He does this to almost everybody. -The reason he doesn’t like people touching his chest hole is because he knows the acid in his body spills out of it and burns Jack if he snuggles Garry too tightly to his body. Since Garry is the second most sweet and innocent pasta there is after Splendor Man, he keeps people from touching it so he doesn’t hurt them. The only reason he lets Jack touch it is because he’s the only one he trusts to help him if there’s something wrong with it. -After eating his food the tendril acid in his stomach completely melts it down until it absorbs into his body. The lab didn’t want a genetically engineered killing machine they had to clean up after so this is why his body gets rid of waste this way instead of well, you know. -It doesn’t hurt him and he can re-attach them easily with no ill effects but he has a bad habit of ripping his limbs off when he’s anxious or scared. He usually only does it if he’s been completely alone for a very long time. -The only toy of his he won’t share with the other animal pastas is Bonnet the defender. Bonnet is his most prized possession and he's worried about it getting damaged or lost so he hides it in his pouch every time he’s with the other animal monsters. When they ask what’s in his pouch he says “butterflies” and they don’t question it. -Even though he’d happily walk up to the scariest looking monster and ask them to be his friend without a second thought he is deathly afraid of the dark.

-He sometimes has nightmares about being, in his own words, "a big, scary monster who brutally murders people and says bad words". ___ Shibi: *clutches heart* oh my god I love these thank you!!

#submission #garry hc #headcanons #monster garry #oc #creepypasta #a lot of these are canon actuallly #like his ripping of limbs habbit #and how/why his body absorbs his meals #he would totally just adore splender man #and you can bet he'd protect loneliness with his LIFE #and is true he doesn't want others to get burn by his acid but he also isn't comfortable with others being near his open heart #the rest is pretty fitting to his character #i love reading this so much #thank you for sending them in #thank you!!

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shamelessllamapeanutthing · 3 years

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My LoveBlossom playlist

(It is angsty as hell, for obvious reasons, focussing more on their relationship as teenagers. Song meanings and POVs elaborated on down under but in case you want the direct Spotify link and don't wanna read through the crap, here you go-

Blame game- mxmtoon

So I actually think this song works very well in both Cherry's and Adam's POVs.

Adam- because let's be real for a second here, he doesn't think what he is doing is in any way wrong or harmful. Adam is a character in need of help, and twisted as his idea of love is of course he'd take Cherry's unwillingness to put up with his abuse as betrayal, and that Cherry doesn't love him etc etc. I do imagine he, himself was pretty heartbroken when his and Cherry's relationship fell through. Here's a quote from the song-

'And I know,

That it's not the first time,

That I've given so much away to be left with,

Someone who just won't stay.'

Cherry- He is very righteously upset about who Adam is becoming and how he treats people. These lyrics from the song come to mind-

'And I heard,

You say your goodbye

But denial is my greatest skill,

Bending the truth to feed wishes of will.'

These differing narratives and blaming the other person on both of their parts, just makes the title hit harder.

Cherry- Lana Del Rey

(and no I didn't add it because it has Cherry's name in it XD)

The intensity of emotion and the darker thrills of being in love that Lana sings about in this song are how I see younger Cherry viewing their relationship in the very beginning.

'A touch

From your real love

Is like heaven taking the place of something evil

And letting it burn off from the rush.'

Dangerous- Big Data ft. Joywave

This song has Adam written all over it. It deals with how intensely he feels emotions and how he thinks his love, despite the inherent dangers that come with him as a person, is worth everything. It also talks about a need to get away and disappear and just- it is Shindo Ainosuke's theme song in my head.

'You understand, I got a plan for us,

I bet you didn't know that I was dangerous,

It must be fate, I found a place for us,

I bet you didn't know someone could love you this much.'

Devil Side- Foxes

Cherry struggles to find and hold on to the Adam he fell in love with.

'I want you

Not for your devil side,

Not for your dangerous mind,

Just for you.

So tell me why,

It's always your devil side

It's always your dangerous mind

And never you.

So who's gonna save you now, who's gonna save you?'

Hurt People- Jack & Jack

A nice pop hit about the cycle of hurt and pain that never truly seems to end. Here are some verses-

'Thought we had a chance, that's true,

But you have weapons,

Didn't know you have weapons.

Now I am insecure and stressed out,

When someone gets close, I shut down.'

...

'Hurt people, hurt people,

Hurt people, so lethal,

'round and 'round we go,

Guess we're used to the pain.'

Icarus- Bastille

I feel like this song works from three different POVs for two different instances.

First, it depicts Adam's descent into insanity. He flew too close to the sun, yes and yet the song goes on to say-

'Icarus is flying too close to the sun,

Icarus' life has only just begun.'

Which I feel is a good parallel for the freedom Adam thinks he has achieved in this spell of hatred and loneliness that he has cast around himself.

Further, the song has another verse-

'You put up your defences when you left,

You left because you're certain,

Of who you want to be.'

Secondly, the song can also be a metaphor for Cherry and Joe's ditch efforts at trying to protect and save Adam, which ultimately result in grievous hurt to Cherry.

'Your hands protect the flames,

From the wild winds around you.'

...

'This is how it feels to take a fall,

Icarus is flying towards an early grave.'

I come with knives- IAMX

ADAM ADAM ADAM ADAM ADAM ADAM

'I never promised you an open heart or charity,

I never wanted to abuse your imagination.

I come with knives, I come with knives,

To love you.'

It's all in vain- Wet

The first time I heard this song it gave me big Cherry vibes, but the more time I spend with it, the more I see Adam in it.

I see an Adam who's losing his faith in his relationship with Cherry because he walked in to that relationship with messed up standards for love, anyways. He doesn't believe Cherry loves him, even though he desperately wants to be loved. He doesn't feel seen or understood, and he knows it's driving their relationship towards its end.

'Tell me baby, tell me slowly,

All the things you couldn't show me,

Tell me one more time before I leave,

Now I see you hardly know me,

Look at you, you look right through me,

Tell me one more time before I go.'

Just give me a reason- P!nk ft. Nate Ruess

Hear this song as a conversation between an Adam who's beginning to lose himself and his love and a Cherry desperately trying to hold on to him and assure him they're all right. Read this verse as bold for Adam and Italics for Cherry. (The song is sung by two people so you'll clearly be able to see the distinction.)

'Oh, tears ducts and rust.'

'I'll fix it for us.'

'We're collecting dust.'

'But our love is enough.'

'You're holding it in.'

'You're pouring a drink.'

'No, nothing is as bad as it seems.'

'We'll come clean.'

Love Runs Out- OneRepublic

Adam giving himself over to the thrill of the kill, so to speak.

'I'll be your light, your match, your burning sun,

I'll be the bright in black, that's making you run,

And I feel alright, yeah I feel alright,

Cause I worked it out, yeah I worked it out,

I'll be doing this, if you have a doubt,

Till the love runs out, till the love runs out.'

Pretty when you cry- Lana Del Rey

Broken-hearted Cherry vibes.

'I'll wait for you babe,

It's all I do, babe,

Don't come through babe,

You never do,

Because I am pretty when I cry.'

Reckless Love- BLEACHERS

Cherry trying to come to terms with how unhealthy and toxic his relationship is, and how he still finds himself unable to distance himself from Adam.

'I could use a bad disguise,

To guard me on the darkest nights,

I keep finding my way to the harshest words,

I got a strange, strange vision of a reckless love.'

Take What You Want- ONE OK ROCK, ft. 5SOS

The aftermath of their dramatic ass breakup. Cherry's POV.

'I don't want anything in our broken home,

Not the memories or the things we own,

Not the picture of us on the wall,

So take what you want.'

...

'Can you hear me?

I am trying to hear you.

Silence strikes like a hurricane.

I am singing for you.

You're screaming at me.

It's hard to see your tears in the pouring rain.'

You Give Love a Bad Name- Bon Jovi

(come on guys this is me there was bound to be at least one classic rock song somewhere in there.)

(also, also, shouldn't this be like our fandom-wide Adam anthem?)

'Shot through the heart, and you're to blame,

Darlin' you give love a bad name.'

#sk8 infinity #playlist #loveblossom #past loveblossom #adam x cherry #kaoru sakurayashiki #ainosuke shindo #Spotify

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