#and yes i'm ancient but making gifs is so much fucking fun so here i am
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HAPPY STAR WARS DAY - MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU
THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY (1977-1983)
#may the fourth be with you#may the 4th be with you#starwarsday#star wars#starwarsedit#swedit#starwarsblr#theforcenetwork#starwarscolors#swcreators#thestarwarsdaily#usergif#swsource#skyshippergifs#*starwars#maytheforcebewithyou#i had to do something with the original trilogy because it's how i fell in love with star wars#mando rekindled my love but we watched these a million times as kids#the return of the jedi is the first move i remember seeing in the theater#and yes i'm ancient but making gifs is so much fucking fun so here i am#have a happy star wars day everyone!!
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Oz Rewatch 3: S2E02: Ancient Tribes
This episode, we are reintroduced to Peter Schibetta. Knowing that he sort of plays a bigger role in the season, it’s kind of interesting to remember he he comes onto the scene. That is, I feel like he’s introduced in a way similar to Ortolani, where you think he’s going to make moves in Oz but he never really ends up reaching that height. In any case, Sister wasn’t too impressed with “Mr Mole Jr” (funnily, Busmalis gets introduced in this episode also).
This episode saw a lot of predictions by Sister and I have to confess that her silly, unhinged rambling over my shoulder somewhat distracted me from reflecting on the actual episode. This fun in this is that the Miguel arc for this episode usually pisses me the fuck off (on his behalf), but tonight, that frustration was traded for a laughter-induced headache instead. On the other hand, I don’t really have any of my own big takeaways for this episode. I feel like, carrying on from last episode, it was pretty enjoyable and things still felt fresh. If I recall correctly, one of the things in season 2 that sort of drags for me is the Whittlesey/McManus drama, but there wasn’t much of that in this episode.
(Augustus's Beecher panic)
Sister: ... I don't know. It's not like he's a snake slithering around under the covers looking for something to bite off...
Sister: Oh no! A pedophile!
Sister: McMonald's
Sister: I know that one! They (the rat shit) costarred in the Invasion of the Body Snatchers!
(She watched the movie with me the other night, which inspired my Oz AU... although, sadly she has no idea who Chico is yet, so I can't explain my whole idea to her)
Schillinger: Yes :)
Sister: That's his racism coming back
Nothing really: Sister just really enjoyed the way Miguel was sitting like "a posh Italian mother, prone to gossip" here ("He's got those West Side Story ankles")
Sister: Oooh you're messing up your parole! She's got this on tape!
Continuing her perceptive predictions, Sister correctly guessed that something had happened to Glynn's child to put them in the hospital when his wife called. Then, to cover her bases, she went on to predict that Glynn and Mukada were having an affair due to the fact that Glynn said he'd call his wife back and also because Mukada came out of Glynn's office with a sweater that was "clearly" not his.
Sister's deranged commentary soon transformed into conspiracies about a torrid office romance love triangle between Glynn (CEO archetype), Miguel (ingénue), and Mukada (jilted/yesterday's news). Truly the delusional babbling of a madwoman, but as I said, where usually the bit where Glynn makes Miguel miss his visit with his family pisses me off, I stopped breathing a couple times from laughter.
The only times that Sister paused in her mutterings about how everything was a Sign™ of the Plot™ was when Miguel talked to Sara, at which point she hissed "Don't look at her! Leave her alone, she has work to do!"
Sister:
Sister: THE LOVE TRIANGLE!!!
(^ Literally she said "I'm like Lucifer right now" and when I looked over my shoulder she was doing these hands. She is an adult woman btw) (We are twins)
Sister (offhandedly) (knows nothing): I don't care for this romance.
Me, thinking: You don't even knowwwwwwww....
Stray Thoughts:
A huge miss in terms of predictions: When she saw Poet this episode, she predicted that he would die. I think this is mainly because she did not recognise him from last season, as he had cut his hair.
"10 months away has de-aged O'Reily and made [Adebisi] look learnèd... but not that learnèd"
Sister thinks Sister Pete is delusional (in terms of having high confidence and poor insight into her patients)
Tears streaming down both of our faces as Sister theorised that Glynn must have really blown up his personal bathroom if visiting hours were already over by the time Miguel finished cleaning it
Sister said that Miguel getting dressed reminded her of one of those tasteful sort of voyeuristic vintage male pin up-type illustrations. We Google image searched for several minutes but failed to find exactly what she was referencing (a great disappointment to all).
Me: Any final thoughts for this episode?
Sister: Hmm... I feel like it seemed like a Valentine's episode
Me: That's because you made up romantic side plots throughout most of it....
Sister: Hmm... How many butts did we see? I feel like we saw a lot of butts this episode... We saw Mr One-eye's butt (Schillinger)... we saw flashback Nazi butt (Beecher)... we saw Miguel's butt 🤗 *raises hands as if cupping*
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Funhouse
Pennywise x Reader | Smut Request
Anon Request: Yooo I want Pennywise to furiously dry hump me in a secluded off tent at a carnival, with my legs spread wide as I feel his thick tentacle dick viscously rub against my clit through his clown costume. Could you do a one shot about that? Great blog btw I’m in love!
A/N: So, I tried to make this kinda nasty. I definitely have a kink for tentacle dick Penny now.
The Derry carnival was always your favorite. It was a shame that it was only in town once a year. Tonight was the last night, and you were determined to take in every bit of the atmosphere as you could to hold you over until it came around again. You had already sampled all various foods from vendors, even going on a few rides and getting yourself completely lost in the mirror-house more than a few times. The friends that you had come with had all left out over an hour ago, having had enough of it for the year.
If it was up to you, it'd last all year, but that was just a passing thought. It was getting close to shutting down and only a few people remained around the vicinity as you walked around the place, catching in the last few sights of the bright lights and taking in the cool night air, making the billowy dress that you were wearing flow in the cool autumn air.
As you walked through each of the concessions, some of them already closed, you noticed a tent near the outskirts of the place that you hadn't seen here yet, and you had seen literally everything. Being the ever curious person that you are, headed straight for it. It wasn't a newer looking tent like the rest of them, it was a bit dilapidated to say the least, with a few dimly burning lights inside of it.
You stepped through the flaps of it, trying to keep yourself from sneezing with how dusty they seemed to be as if it was some sort of ancient structure that hadn't been touched in years. You examined the inside of the place, and there were a few stray pictures, a small work desk that had a few items spread across it, and.. Why was everything so damn dusty?
You looked up, eyeing the few pictures that were on the wall. A lot of them pictured a clown, and a man that you could on assume was the clown. They both seemed to have the same sharpened front teeth. One photo showcased what look like a carriage with a huge mural on the side.
"Pennywise The Dancing Clown," you whispered out loud as you read the photo.
You noticed that the carriage had a strong resemblance to the tent that you were standing in now. It was definitely weird to say the least, but you assumed that maybe this was meant to be a small museum of sorts. Perhaps this was a person that had something to do with starting the first carnival in Derry?
Once you had seen just about everything, you started to leave, but before you could, all of the already dim lights in the place burned out at once, leaving you in the complete darkness.
"Shit," you said, having to resort to feeling your way out.
Your hands found the small work desk that you were just looking at, your hands dragged their way across the wood of the table, gathering up plenty of the dust as they did so, until your hands landed in something wet. It was thick to the touch, and you shuddered, letting out a small noise of disgust as you tried to flick whatever it was off of your hands before wiping it down your dress.
"I don't even wanna know," you groaned, still slowly making your way around, trying to find the tent opening.
"You're going the wrong way, y'know," a friendly, but menacing voice called from the darkness.
This made you gasp, your body freezing up instantly as you stood there. You hadn't seen anyone in here when you came in before, nor did anyone speak to you before this. Was it a prank, was it part of the show here?
"Who's that?" You called back, squinting your eyes in the darkness.
Suddenly, you could see a small, yellowing light appear from what looked like a pair of white-gloved hands and it illuminated a large, white face of a clown with a red-tipped nose and two red stripes that went from his red lips up to his eyes. You were more confused than ever as you took a step back from the clown in front of you.
He looked familiar.
"I'm Pennywise The Dancing Clown," the clown said in a cheerful, cracking tone as it's head twitched, making a few unseen bells jingle.
"Oh," you gave a sigh, "Like the pictures. You work here?"
"Nooo," he answered in a sing-song tone.
His eyes began to narrow as if he couldn't focus on any sort of communication. He only stared at you from beneath a prominant brow with piercing blue eyes, and drool gathering on a plump bottom lip.
"Uhh, yeah," you squinted at him. You had this uneasy feeling in your chest as he seemed to stare right through you. You side-stepped, intent on finding the exit. "Well, I'm gonna go, sorry for disturbing you."
"Don't go," a more guttural tone escaped him.
Before you could even begin to find the exit, he was directly in front of you now. How did he even do that? He completely towered over your small frame, even in this complete darkness, that was apparent. One of the small lights in the back of the room began to shed dim light on the back corner of the room again, making it a little more distinguishable to see the place now and to see him. Whatever and whoever he was, was in complete clown attire. Full makeup and a Victorian era-esque silver costume, complete with red trimmings and ruffles.
But that wasn't the focus of your attention for very long. Those piercing blue eyes had turned into a haunting golden color and they were.. glowing? You blinked your eyes hard a few times, trying to make your eyes focus on what you were actually seeing. This all had to be a dream, it just had to be. There was no way there was an almost 7 foot clown standing in front of you with glowing, gold eyes and.. Fangs?!
Your lips parted as you breathed out, watching the clown narrow his eyes at you as he opened his mouth to reveal a row of sharpened fangs in his mouth that were now wet and sloppy with his drool.
"What the fuck," you whispered, backing up as you watched him close the distance between the two of you, a primal growl escaping his throat.
"What's wrong, (Y/N), not having fun with ol' Pennywise?" He growled again, his lips turning upward into a sinister smile.
You could feel your heart race in your chest as your backside his the wooden table again. You breathed heavily as he closed in on you. You were scared, but you felt something else, too. Something that was entirely wrong and immoral as you gazed up as this thing that was clearly not a human-being. You felt an attraction. You bit down into your lip, hoping it'd just get whatever it wanted to do to you out of the way.
He lowered his face to yours, those glowing eyes getting brighter. He opened his mouth wider to only stop midway as his eyes snapped back down to yours as the two of you locked into a fierce staring competition. His eyes narrowed again as he studied you, he seemed to be confused with your demeanor. It was clear that he was very much used to people being in nothing but a sheer panic when they were near him, and rightfully so.
His gloved-hand reached out to wrap around your throat, causing you to yelp as he pushed you back against the table, lowering his head to sniff at you, a few stray drops of cold drool plopping onto your skin made it well up instantly with goosebumps. He growled again as he jerked his head back, putting his face right into yours as you were pulled up onto the table.
You dress rode up further onto your hips, exposing you almost completely. You felt his body and the silky feel of his costume force between your legs as he leaned into you, still staring at you intently.
"You're not afraid" he growled, his lip curling up into that wicked smile again as he gazed at you. He tightened his grip on your throat as he took a breath. "But I can sense something else.."
Truthfully, you weren't afraid now. Especially when he was pressing himself so tightly against your body that your legs were spread wide for him to lean himself against you. You were still trying to decide if it was the best or worst day to not to wear panties with this dress. He was pressed so roughly against you that, whatever was beneath his suit was pressing hard against your sex and every movement sent a jolt of arousal straight to your clit and it made a small moan escape your lips.
You were a complete fucking mess.
"Please," you whined. At this point, you didn't know if you were whining for him to let you go, or if you were whining because you didn't want him to let you go.
He chuckled, pressing his head right up against yours as his tongue slithered from between his lips, dragging it up along your face to leave a trail of saliva in it's wake.
"Desperate and disgusting little human.. I can smell the arousal on you.. I know that you don't want to leave, I know what you crave," he purred in a gravelly tone. "Isn't that right?"
You couldn't speak, you could only look up at him through your lashes, your breathing becoming needy and desperate as you felt the first, shallow roll of his hips against you, making your breath hitch as you felt him hardening under his costume.
"Isn't that right?!" He spat, demanding that you answer his question.
You nodded quickly. "Y-yes."
He growled, snapping his teeth in approval, shaking his head as he slung drool onto your face again, rolling his hips into you again. "Then say IT. Say it for me. Say it for Pennywise. You want to live, don't you? SAY IT."
"I- I am a disgusting human," you croaked out.
If he couldn't bring the fear out of you, he damn sure seemed intent on humiliating you. Which, oddly enough, was also a turn on.
Nothing about you was fearful anymore, in fact, you were almost ashamed at how utterly turned on you were at this point. You could feel just how wet you had become and you already knew that you were leaking onto his costume. You could still feel his length hardening beneath his costume, and it felt huge.
"Good girl," he cooed, thrusting his hips against you a little harder this time.
You moaned, feeling his cock hit your clit again front beneath the suit. It felt as if it was moving beneath the surface, as if it was growing, pulsating, even. It was fairly obvious that that wasn't a human, nor was this a human-like cock, either. God, this whole thing was disgusting, and you knew it was disgusting, but you couldn't help it nor did you care. Here you were getting off inside of an old dank tent to some sort of monster that was set on killing you five minutes ago, and even that turned you on.
It was all wrong on so many levels, but you had never been so fucking turned on in your entire life.
He tightened his grip against your throat, still grinding himself against your sex, making you moan louder and louder with each thrust. He growled in unison with you, his mouth opening to reveal those sharpened fangs again as he lowered his head, biting down into your shoulder as it caused you to scream out in pain. Long, sharp claws wrapped themselves around your waist, digging in as this thing grinded and dry humped against your soaked cunt.
"That's right. Scream for me, pretty little human," he chuckled darkly, slamming his hips into yours. "Beg for me like a good little slut."
You gasped, feeling the pain radiating in your shoulder and your waist, but it only served as fuel for the pleasure that you also felt as this clown rubbed your pussy raw. You had completely soaked through at this point, but what real concern was that anyway?
"Please," you begged, obeying his orders. "Please, don't stop."
He bit down even harder into your shoulder this time, and you screamed again, the tears welling up in eyes as you felt his grip tighten on you again. This was it. You were sure he wasn't going to let you go. He was gonna kill you right here and there.
And the thought of that in itself sent you completely over the edge as you moaned out. One hand reached out to grab as his costume, pulling and ripping at it until you heard something tear off in your hand, and your other hand shot between the two of you as you pressed your fingers into your swollen clit, rubbing feverish circles around it to prolonge the powerful orgasm that washed over your entire body as Pennywise growled and drooled against your skin, still grinding himself against your body.
You breathed hard as your orgasm finally subsided. Pennywise pulled himself away from you, his mouth covered with a mix of saliva and your blood as he met you face-to-face again, his eyes still glowing a wicked golden color as he unhinged his jaw, revealing a whole mouth a throatful of teeth with three distinct lights in the center as he got closer to you. You gasped, closing your eyes to it as you turned your head away, preparing for him to finish you off then and there.
You wait for a few seconds, and a few seconds more. Nothing. Was he fucking with you?
You cracked open one of your eyes, half expecting to see him standing there, still ready to pounce as soon as you let your guard down, but there was no one. You opened them back up to see the room was empty, and all those dim lights from before were finally back on, illuminating the entrance of the tent.
You sighed, but it wasn't necessarily relief . Had you completely fucking lost it? What just happened?
You sat there for a moment, still in shock before you could even begin to move. There was no evidence. The bite marks were gone and all the blood you expected to see turned out to be nothing but red face paint that you had stuck your hand in earlier in the dark.
You gritted your teeth, mildy upset that this had been some sort of hallucination. You sighed again, lowering yourself off of the table. You were so lost in your own head that you hadn't even noticed until then, that you were gripping something extra tightly in your fist. You pulled your hand up to open it, revealing a small bell with red trim around it.
Your eyes widened as you looked at it.
That was on Pennywise's costume.
You looked around the room frantically as you backed out of it, clutching the small bell in your hands. A small smile escaping your lips as you exited the tent, stumbling out of it as you turned to get one last glance inside of it. It had gone pitch black inside of it again, and you could have sworn you saw a faint glow of golden eyes from inside.
You turned on your heel and began to run towards home.
This was one night at the carnival you'd never forget.
#pennywise#pennywise it#pennywise x reader#pennywise x you#pennywise smut#pennywise imagine#bill skarsgard fanfiction#bill skarsgard x reader#bill skarsgard smut#bill skarsgard imagine#it 2017#it 2019#daddywise#pennywise fandom#it fandom#it movie#pennywise the dancing clown
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In Defense on Mineta.
Alright, I didn't want to be the one to have to do this, but here we are.
Of all there Creepy, Leturous & Perverted characters in all of anime, why has everyone as a collective decided that Minaru Mineta is the one y'all want to die?
Now I'm not saying Mineta's actions are okay, because they are not. But of all the 'Pervy Characters' Mineta is probably one of the least problematic of the bunch in my opinion-and I will get to the why as I get through this rant, so just bare with me.
I honestly don't get people's obsession with wishing death upon a 15 year old for being a pervert when they don't ever seem to show anywhere near the same level of loathing towards other, much older and far more gross and perverted than he is.
Jaryia (Age 53) - Naruto Series
The self proclaimed "Super Pervert" of the Naruto Series, is probably one of the worst and most despicable Perverts to ever grace a Tokubon Page.
His very introduction to the story was of him spying on girls at a hot spring. When Naruto asked to be trained by him, Jaryia's condition was that Naruto transform into a naked woman while they did so.
Hell, he on multiple occasions in the anime takes the hard earned money from his child wards to spend in brothels for his 'research'
And yet. He is one of the most beloved characters of the story. His perverted characteristics is considered a 'quirky personality trait' and nobody cares that he spent the majority of his time in the story spying on young girls when they were bathing.
Sanji Vinsmoke (Age 21) - One Piece
Sanji can't meet a new woman without getting a nosebleed and proffesing his 'love' to her, he spends a ridiculous amount of the story telling us how 'in love with' Nami he is, and yet- the moment a big busted dorito shaped chick comes along, he's all over them.
No care or same for how he's acting or the shame he's bringing to his crewmates with his actions.
And yet. I have never once seen anyone speak out about his perverted and disrespectful manner.
Meliodus (Age Fucking Immortal) Seven Deadly Sins
Okay. I'm just gonna say it.
Meliodus is a Pedophile at worst and a Child Groomer at best.
It doesn't matter that him and Lizbeth are immortal Soulmates, every generation when Liz is reborn, Meliodus finds her to restart their unbreakable cycle of love and death.
If I'm remembering correctly, in the current canon Liz is 16 years old. And yet, nobody seems to have a problem with him constantly groping her, stripping her & dressing her to suit his personal taste. This is straight up preditory behavior. Plain and simple.
Kon (Age ???) - Bleach
There is not a female character in bleach that con has met and not immediately tried to grope (aside from Ichigo's sisters, who are a basically his sisters too)
Kon's behavior is so bad that Ichigo hates letting him use his body, even though it's the safest way to protect his human form when he's out of it because of how much of a gross pervert Kon is.
Kon takes every opportunity he can to grab or smother himself into every girl he comes into contact withs breasts.
And yet, very little is said about his perversion. "He's a cute Teddy Bear! He's harmless"
Master Roshi (Age 300+) Dragon Ball Series
Aside from training Goku and Krillin, the only real thing Roshi has done throughout the Dragon Ball Saga is perv on girls (regardless of their age of legality) and try to basically wish for a heram on the ancient magic wishing balls.
Roshi is the original nasty pervert of anime. And yet, what is he remembered as? They man who trained Goku. Not for being a gross old man who preys on young girls.
_______________________________
I could go on about all the other perverts and creeps of anime, because I do have a list, and it is much longer than this, but I think I've made my point.
What is the difference between these characters and Mineta?
Mineta tries perv on the girls at the hot spring - Jaryia does too
Mineta has tried to grope most of his female classmates - Kon and Roshi do this too
Mineta is a gross pervert - yeah, he's not the only one (not even in BNHA) there are lists of gross perverted characters in anime and TV.
Fucking Hell Guys.
If y'all are gonna continue to Stan these perverts and countless others while hating on Mineta for literally the same damn shit, then y'all are hypocrites and need to get off your damn high horses.
And another thing. Stop hating other people for liking him! He's a fun character. Let people like the character!
And yes. Me making this post now is a direct response to all the Annon shit I just saw over on @bakusquad-shenanigans blog! Though they are not the only reason.
I have been considering making this post for a while now, and my desire to make it grew every time I read a post or saw a fic tagged with something along the lines of replacing Mineta with Shinsou or Mineta being dead.
To end this very long post: FUCKING STOP BEING A DICK TO MINETA IF YOUR STILL HAPPY TO STAN OTHER PERVERTS IN ANIME.
#yami speaks#Mineta minaru#Bnha mineta#Mha#Bnha#Boku no hero academia#My hero academia#Not taging the other characters#Because this isn't for those fandoms#This is about the bnha fandom#And it's utter hypocrisy#Also!#Fucking leave Hirakoshi alone!#He is one of the least sexualizing manga artists around#And I'm sick of people starting bullshit over his design choices for his characters.
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Recap/review 14.13: “Lebanon”
THEN: They hit me right in the face with gorgeous young 1.01 Dean saying "Dad's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days" and beautiful baby 1.01 Sam saying "we've got work to do" and we end with 14.12 and Sam furiously punching his brother and then furiously hugging him and Dean saying "let's go home" and does anything else matter? No.
NOW: We see the reflection of Sam and Dean walking up to a pawn shop, with a nice selection of guitars and sunglasses and that weird monkey that was in Rocky's Bar. The proprietor seems friendly enough. Dean flashes him a wad of hundred dollar bills because they're looking for "the really good stuff." This gains them admittance into a secret back room full of things hunters would be interested in, including a hockey mask (?) and a perfume atomizer full of dragon's breath. They tell the guy they're looking for the skull of a specific woman who was executed during the Salem witch trials, and the fact that he has it basically proves that he killed the friend of theirs who previously owned it. (Also Sam picks up a teddy bear and starts to pull the string to make it speak and the guys warns him not to and this is Dean's role, isn't it, messing with things he shouldn't be messing with? But I don't care because chastized Sam and eye-rolly Dean are precious to me.)
Sam goes through a ledger of the guy's inventory and says he's got a lot of occult objects that they should take with them. (Dean plays with the dragon's breath. Sam ducks and flinches and does the really, Dean? thing with his hands and face. I laugh again.) Dean agrees they should take the stuff home.
Title card!
The Impala zooms past a sign welcoming us to Lebanon, Geographical Center of the USA. Then we find ourselves in front of a movie theater showing Beetlejuice and Hell Hazers (All Saints' Day is coming soon, and I imagine Route 666 can't be far behind), where a group of teenagers is talking about... somebody. "People say they're brothers," a kid in a knit cap says, "but all I know is, I was standing right here, and I heard this bam from the trunk of their car. And then, this like, shallow breathing." I'm pretty sure this is a fake-out, and it will turn out he's talking about someone else, but the Impala pulls up in front of the theater and Knit Cap Kid says "that's them!"
As the Winchesters get out of the car and enter a liquor store (decorated with that Family Business neon sign from Rocky's), Sam is still reading the ledger, which lists things like a hangman's rope, fairy dust, and John Wayne Gacy's cigar box. Well, that's oddly specific! The guy working there greets the "Campbell brothers" and knows their usual order. Oh, wow. I love that they're actually known in Lebanon, and that they're going by Campbell. And we know that actual Lebanon, Kansas is too small to have a movie theater or this much business downtown, but I'm happy to handwave that.
What do you mean, "happy to handwave that?" You're always complaining about the inaccuracies regarding tiny Lebanon having traffic cams and whatnot.
Well, maybe this episode just MAKES ME HAPPY, okay?
Anyway. Sam thinks cataloguing the confiscated items would be a good way to take Dean's mind off "things," but Dean's pretty convinced nothing will ever take his mind off that.
Outside, the teens are asking where the guys even come from, and what about their weird trenchcoat-wearing sidekick, and "that kid with the dumb Bambi look on his face all the time" (!) One girl says that, whatever the deal is with these guys, they do have an awesome car, and no one can argue with that. And the other girl, Max, who seems to smitten with the first girl, gets an idea.
Inside, Sam has discovered something significant in the ledger - the "beyzoo" (no, I know that's not how you spell it), which is one of eight ancient Chinese treasures. A pearl that gives you "what your heart desires." Oooh, getting rid of Michael, maybe? But as the guys are discussing this, Dean sees the Impala drive by the window. Guess Max figured out how to impress that other girl! (BTW, there are couple of COOL old trucks on the street.)
The guys see Knit Cap Kid standing on the sidewalk looking confused, and while Sam tells him the car is dangerous to whoever stole it, Dean looks like he wants to murder someone. And yet the Winchesters are confused when the kid says he doesn't want to die. (Or get locked in the trunk!) He says Max is new and he doesn't know where she lives. Dean raises a fist, but Sam pulls him away.
MURDER. I'D MURDER THEM.
Post office. There's a poster of stamps featuring old cars behind the customer service counter. I'm really getting my old truck fix tonight. Sam comes in with his sweet anxious smile and asks for help finding the girl who washed his car, since he forgot to tip her. Post Office Lady is not amused or helpful, or the least bit swayed by his sweet anxious smile. Then Dean comes in and calls her by name and asks about her grandson and she MELTS and he gets sincere and puts his hand on hers and she does exactly what I would do, which is offer up ANYTHING YOU WANT, ANYTHING AT ALL, WOULD YOU LIKE MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER WHILE I'M AT IT? Unfortunately, all she knows is where Max's mother works.
SAM’S FACE.
(Sidebar: Have I mentioned that Sam is wearing that nice blue jacket from the episode where he killed the alpha vampire? I like it. Toss that stupid orange jacket, Sam, and wear this more often. And Dean's wearing the black jacket that I always love.)
At the restaurant where Max's mom works, we learn that she has no idea where her daughter is, because she was supposed to be in school. But the guy working in the kitchen knows February 7 is Skip Day (is it always February 7? what about when that falls on a weekend?) and that she'll probably be at a party at this old house on Route 36. (Yes, I did confirm that Route 36 is just outside of Lebanon. Yes, I did use Mapquest. I'm old school up in here, y'all.)
Party house. The little batch of delinquents has taken all the boxes of occult objects out of the Impala for some reason. Including the evil teddy bear. Luckily, someone announces "pizza's here" before a girl pulls the teddy bear's string. At some point I've got to find out what would happen if you pulled it. Fic it for me, friends! (Also, I just noticed the teddy bear's mouth is SEWN SHUT and that's not creepy AT ALL.) The camera slowly pans to a wooden box, and we watch the lid open to reveal a smoky/dusty ghost hand. With a ruffled sleeve. Uh oh.
Knit Cap Kid runs in to warn the partiers that "those guys" are looking for Max, and he's told to chill. Another teen goes into the bathroom, where the mirror frosts over and then the CREEPIEST CLOWN EVER comes out of it. Seriously, creepier than the clown in Plush, which you wouldn't think was possible.
The Winchesters pull up in yet another antique truck, where Dean greets his car with "Baby, Baby, please tell me you're not hurt." Sam's more concerned about the boxes of dangerous occult objects missing from the back seat. Ghost Kid comes running outside and the girl following him tells the brothers that he saw a clown ghost that tried to kill him. Maybe it's my imagination, or maybe Sam has a flash of crap, a killer clown ghost expression before they run into the house.
Dean announces they're FBI and everyone needs to get out, now. Once the room is cleared, he asks if "anything screams clown to you?" Sam immediately notices John Wayne Gacy's cigar box and guys, I'm ashamed to say I didn't put the two together until now. The killer clown ghost is John Wayne Gacy. And Sam is freaked the fuck out about it. "We should burn that right now," Dean says, in a lovely holding-in-the-freakout way, and Sam rushes to throw it into the fireplace. Then Dean says "I mean, this is like a best worst thing that's ever happened, because you love serial killers, but you hate clowns" and I'm DEAD. (I'm also loving TWO gifts from the Continuity Fairy in once sentence.) The lights start flashing before Sam can get his lighter lit, and then the killer clown ghost shows up and tosses Dean around. Knit Cap Kid and the girls run back inside just in time to watch John Wayne Gacy's ghost go up in flames. So the kids get the "monsters are real" speech and are told to keep it secret.
Back at the bunker, Sam's going through the occult goodies and thinks he found the magic pearl. Dean's ready to use it right now, and dismisses Sam's suggestion that they call Mary or Cas. If it doesn't work, he doesn't want to have gotten their hopes up. Sam looks distressed at the idea it won't work, but agrees. The pearl doesn't come with any instructions, so Sam suggests Dean hold it and concentrate on what his heart desires. "Michael out of my head," Dean says, and I'd have been more specific. I'd have concentrated on Michael out of my head and destroyed, and me perfectly fine, but, well, what do I know?
(Also, I KNOW all you Wincest and Destiel fans are gonna have your own ideas about what - or who - appears in front of Dean when he’s granted what his heart desires. This setup is better than sex pollen. Have fun, my kinky little friends.)
Dean clutches the pearl and concentrates, and the lights flash and then go out, and in the red emergency light we see someone in the bunker. Someone fighty, who knocks both brothers down and then pulls out a shotgun and says "don't you move," but it's a familiar voice and then the lights come on and what do you know? Winchester Surprise!
So, was anybody truly surprised? I covered the guest stars on first viewing, as I always try to do, but I noticed on rewatch that they didn't even credit JDM at the beginning of the episode. Which they sometimes do, to avoid spoilers. And yet. Has there been a single episode of this series that was more spoiled? I don't think so.
(Sidebar: What do you think would have happened if Sam had taken the pearl and made a wish? I think Michael would be gone. Because I don't think there's anything Sam wants more than saving his brother.)
Back to our story. Everyone is shocked. John thinks Sam should be in Palo Alto, apparently in his 14th year of post graduate work. He thinks he's still in 2003, and he doesn't notice his boys are older. And they apparently don't notice that his hair is very short and a lot greyer than it was when we last saw him. (I mean, really, they slapped a wig on Samantha Smith to make her look like The Last Version Of Mary, so why couldn't they do the same thing with JDM? It's distracting.) Sam figures they must have accidentally summoned John from the past. So they do what one does in this situation - sit down and drink.
John's astonished. Dean's proud. Sam's visibly anxious. We don't get to see exactly how much of the backstory they tell him, but they do tell him about the apocalypse and Lucifer and living with "an angel and Lucifer's kid." And now John thinks he died "taking out Yellow Eyes," which... not really? But okay. And they don't tell him Mary's back, until he mentions her and Sam's, all, yeah, about Mom, and then she comes in and John hears her voice and tears up and dammit. This reunion is everything I didn't think I ever wanted. I mean, I've made no secret of the fact that I'm not a fan of John Winchester. He's a fascinating character and JDM does a great job with him, but he's such an awful father (don't bother arguing with me, you will not change my mind) that I can't really like him. And I'm not too impressed with resurrected Mary, either. But when these two come together... damn. It's good. It's very good. Well done, you two.
I love that the boys give them some privacy, because it's been over a decade since John saw them, but it's been even longer since he saw his dead wife, and this should really be a John and Mary reunion.
Out in the hall, Dean's gleeful and Sam's all, how the hell did this happen? Dean explains that he's wanted this since he was four years old (oh, my heart) but Sam warns that messing with time will not end well. I don't actually remember Sam being that concerned about the unintended consequences of time travel, but I'm sure there's a good reason he's bringing it up now. Dean doesn't care. Dean just wants one family dinner together (oh, my heart again, remembering his one last dinner with Mary).
Sam, sans Dean, runs into John in the library, because Mary's off making a shopping list and he decided he'd rather examine the bunker than be involved in that I guess? Okay. But then this happens.
I screwed up with you a lot, didn't I?
No, that's okay.
No, it's not. Sammy, tell me the truth.
I don't want to talk about that.
You didn't have a problem talking about it before you left.
Dad. For me, that fight, that was a lifetime ago. I don't even remember what I said. I mean, yeah, you know, you did some messed-up things. But I don't... I mean, when I think about you... and I think about you a lot... I don't think about our fights. I think about you... I think about you on the floor of that hospital, and I think about how I never got to say goodbye.
Sam. Son. I am so sorry.
I'm sorry too. But you did your best, Dad. You fought for us, and you loved us. And that's enough.
OH MY GOD. This is everything I ever wanted.
1. John admitting he was a crap parent to Sam.
2. Sam trying to sidestep that - because he's Sam Winchester and that's what he does - and John not letting him.
3. Sam finally calling him out instead of just saying nah, it's fine.
4. John calling him Sammy.
5. Sam pointing out that he didn't get a goodbye from John. (Did he ever find out that Dean got praise and an apology?)
6. John apologizing.
7. Sam forgiving him.
8. "And I think about you a lot."
9. The way Sam keeps having to stop talking and look away and make that little "hmmm" noise.
10. And the tears.
10b. The way Sam tears up even before The Talk, when he remembers them as kids trying to make Winchester Surprise.
11. The shaky voice.
12. And Sam's shirt.
13. And the way Sam's expression looks so much like his expression in Sacrifice, when he tells Dean that his confession was about how he let his brother down.
This, right here, is two minutes and 24 seconds of the best television I've ever seen. I don't care what else this episode does, this 2:24 is worth it. And yes, this is three weeks in a row that Jared Padalecki has ripped my heart out of my chest and STOMPED ON IT.
And I love it.
Meanwhile, Dean gets the shopping list from Mary. Sam finds him and tells him he's right, because Sam also just got everything he ever wanted, and then offers to go shopping with him. (Saaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmm!!!!!!!)
When they get to town, the guys split up - Sam to the grocery store, Dean to the liquor store. Dean's surprised to see the liquor store guy, the one who remembered his "usual" earlier in the day, has no idea who he is. If Dean had ever seen "It's a Wonderful Life," he might say this is just like when George Bailey goes into Martini's Bar and isn't recognized. But apparently Dean Winchester, pop culture aficionado, has never seen that movie (no, I haven't gotten over that, and I never will) so he doesn't recognize a classic uh oh, we changed the course of history moment when he experiences it.
Meanwhile, Sam steps out of the grocery store and finds that neither Max nor the postal clerk recognize him. And then he sees a wanted poster in the post office window. Dean Winchester, wanted for assault, murder, and credit card fraud. Whoops! He trots to the car, where Dean is waiting, and tells him they have a problem. "Yeah, we do," says Dean. "Check this out."
He shows Sam his phone and it's a video of SAM IN GLASSES AND A BLACK TURTLENECK AND SLICKED BACK HAIR GIVING A TED TALK. HE RUNS A LAW FIRM AND LOVES KALE. IT IS THE SECOND MOST AMAZING THING I'VE SEEN TONIGHT.
HE'S STEVE JOBS.
So, those of you who were spoiled... did you know about this? Or did they actually keep THIS AMAZING THING under wraps?
Sam Jobs tells his audience that being your best leaves no time for hobbies or a family, and Sam has seen enough. He tells Dean about the wanted poster, and Dean says yes, of course he googled himself too ("a lot of beheadings," hee!!!) and wonders if there are alternate versions of them running around. Sam thinks it's a "temporal paradox," and time is self-correcting, changing to the new one. If they don't fix things, they'll become those alternate versions of themselves. "Well, I'm cool," Dean says, "but you're, ugh." Sam's less worried about them, and more worried about what else might have changed.
(Sidebar: You know, I could quibble about why bringing John forward in time has such a significant butterfly effect, but bringing Mary back, and their other time travel, and Henry's time travel, changed nothing. I absolutely could. But I choose not to, because SAM JOBS, Y'ALL. But okay, let's think about it. 2003 John would have disappeared while Sam was at Stanford. Dean wouldn't have gone to get Sam. Or Sam would have refused to go. Maybe the hurt on both sides was still too fresh. Maybe that's why Dean's hunting alone, and Sam's an internet-famous lawyer.)
What else has changed, you might ask? How about ZACHARIAH? That's right, my favorite angel is back. And with him is ORIGINAL FLAVOR CAS WITH HIS FLUFFY HAIR AND THINGS JUST KEEP GETTING BETTER AND BETTER. Zachariah calls him "Constantine" and Castiel says "I don't understand that reference" and THANK YOU BABY JESUS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID TO DESERVE THIS, BUT THANK YOU. They enter Max's mom's restaurant and ask who's been messing with time. (Because she would know?) And if they don't start talking, he'll have Cas murder all of them. "My name is Castiel," he intones solemnly. "I'm an angel of the Lord." YES YOU ARE. He reveals himself like he did to Dean (no, not like that, jeez) with the shadow wings. Outside, the Winchesters see the bright light of an angelic reveal coming through the restaurant windows, and they know something's up.
They herd everyone out of the restaurant, and are shocked to see Cas and Zachariah. Zachariah is equally surprised to see them. He says they had big plans for the Winchesters, but then their father disappeared and... and he doesn't finish, so we'll never know why yoinking John out of 2003 changed any of that vessel stuff. (Handwave!) Cas, of course, doesn't know them, and when Zachariah orders him to kill them, he complies.
Dean pulls out an angel blade but is, of course, unwilling to actually kill Cas, so he starts hitting him with other things. And Cas, for whatever reason, doesn't just put a finger on his forehead and kill him dead. (Handwave!) Zachariah chokes Sam and asks him what they did, even though he can't talk because he's choking (handwave!) and Sam acts like he's trying to speak so Zachariah gets closer to hear him, and Sam stabs him with an angel blade. Cas continues fistfighting with both of them, and slams Sam head-first into a table a couple of times, leaving him spitting blood on the floor. Which Sam uses to paint an angel-banishing sigil while Cas is choking Dean. Smart Sam for the win!
Bunker. Pretty bruised Dean has explained the temporal paradox, and John accepts that he has to go back, or else Mary will probably disappear. "Okay," he says. "I mean, me versus your mom, that's not even a choice." DAMMIT JOHN WINCHESTER DO NOT MAKE ME CARE ABOUT YOU. Elsewhere, pretty bruised Sam explains it to Mary, and tells her John won't remember anything.
John tells Dean he never meant Dean to have this kind of life. He's proud of him, but he hoped he'd be able to have a normal life, with a family. "I have a family," Dean says. They sit down and have one final family meal together, and everyone's quiet and sad until John points out that they can either think about what's going to happen, or appreciate what they have right now. They cheer up and listen to Bob Seger (well, we listen to Bob Seger) and talk and laugh and have the family dinner Dean has always wanted.
Later, while doing the dishes, Sam says how unfair it is that they all had this and then have to throw it away, and John has to go back to being Dad. He thinks it would be nice for John to go back knowing what he knows now. "I used to think that too," Dean says, and admits that he's blamed both John and Mary for their crappy lives. And if they could send him back to 2003, or even earlier, maybe none of the crap would happen. "But here's the problem. Who does that make us? Would we be better off? Maybe. But I gotta be honest, I don't know who that Dean Winchester is. And I'm good with who I am. I'm good with who you are."
Later. Mary and John are holding hands, and I guess they're doing the thing now. I'd hoped they'd at least let these two have one last roll in the hay (especially since I'm pretty sure Mobby is permanently done after this), but no. They have a very sweet goodbye and their sons are brokenhearted and I am too. John tells his boys to take care of each other and Sam says "we always do." That's a nice change from telling Dean to take care of Sam, isn't it? He tells them both (BOTH) that he's proud of them and loves them, and they have a three-way hug and Sam wipes his eyes and Dean says "love you too" and I REALLY CAN'T, BOYS, YOU HAVE TO STOP. Then John takes Mary's hand again and Sam crushes the pearl (why does Sam have to be the one to do it?) and John glows and then fades away.
We get a quick glimpse of downtown Lebanon returning to normal, and the three teens talking about how cool it is that "those guys hunt monsters," and then we're back to the bunker. Cas walks in the door and sees the remaining Winchesters, obviously distressed, and asks what happened. "Well, there's a story," says Dean.
And finally, we see the Impala WITH HER ORIGINAL KANSAS PLATE. John's asleep in the driver's seat when he gets a phone call from Dean. "No, I'm okay, I just had one hell of a dream. No, it was a good one."
GUYS. GUYS.
When I heard there was going to be a musical episode for the 200th, I was sure it would suck. When I heard about the Scooby Doo crossover, I cringed, because I knew it would be awful. WHY AM I ALWAYS SO WRONG.
Eh, who cares why. Let's just appreciate what we were given. Happy 300, my friends. Here's to 300 more.
(Please help me stay unspoiled for future episodes, thanks!)
#spn#recap#tv recaps#14.13#things that make my heart hurt#sam winchester#dean winchester#john winchester#mary winchester
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