#and yeah insulting is our humor buuut i wish he didnt use my actual insecurities for that like being slow and speaking silently/not clearly
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yesterday coach brought up two of my insecurities/traumas from school which made cry when i got home and today i feel like my writing’s not enough 😩 pls treat me nicer
#being a succesful author is my dream pls#but no ok i feel like im not enough today but i AM enough. it will pass#and if im slow it doesnt mean im a failure#also im probably going to a fencing tournament in october which normally would make me happy buuuut the convo went like that#coach: do you want to go to the tournament? me: i want to but i keep that doing that thing with my head and it’s guarantees losing isnt it?#coach: yeah. it is. but you go there for experience as well#me: 😐#so yeah does he think im a failure? probably not. do i think i am one? sometimes. so if im going to lose anyway why go#i mean he also said id meet other people so thats nice but still#and he said we’re only starting actual fencing from next month so ill have only three weeks to prepare??? why cant we start already#yeah some others did a break during summer but i didnt#the most i missed was two weeks#and yeah insulting is our humor buuut i wish he didnt use my actual insecurities for that like being slow and speaking silently/not clearly#those ones shatter me#though i kinda also told him that not my brain is working slowly today#and he asked: do you know why im not doing this exercise? me: yeah because your knees dont bent that much#ok that could have sounded a bit mean but it was lighthearter and he said it that himself not long ago#and then i turned to my pals and said: what? he said it himself#mylife
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