#and while joel helps or comforts ellie he is reminded of the way he did it with sarah
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come morning light
chapter 2 • series masterlist
pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader
summary: An injured Joel and Ellie stumble into your home in the middle of the night. Against your better judgement, you decide to help them.
word count: ~2.5k
tags/warnings: post outbreak, slow burn, found family, age gap (sorry not sorry), able-bodied reader, angst, reader has a sad sad backstory and ptsd, hurt/comfort, fluff, eventual smut, vague description of an injury
a/n: i'm finally finished with chapter 2, and once again nervous af about it haha. there's not terribly much happening in this one, but i promise we'll get there, it just needs the buildup :)
thank you @catchallfangirl for beta reading <3
follow @janaispunknotifs for fic updates and find my full masterlist here :)
dividers as always by the lovely @saradika-graphics 🤍
You don’t feel like you’ve slept at all, but after hours of tossing and turning in the darkness of your bedroom, you think it’s probably time to get up.
You’re halfway convinced that last night’s events were a product of your imagination, that your mind has felt so lonely that it conjured up the whole scenario. But when you step out of your bedroom and find the door of your parents’ bedroom only halfway closed, the way you have never left it before saying good night to Ellie earlier, you have to come to terms with the fact that this might actually be your reality.
Ellie seems to be sound asleep, a lump under the covers, softly breathing, but when you head to the living area and switch on one of the smaller lamps, you’re met with the piercing glare of Joel. He’s still lying on the couch, much like you left him, still pale, still dark shadows under his eyes, but he’s much more awake now, his gaze following your every move.
“Hey,” you say softly, sinking down on the same armchair that you sat in when you watched him last night while Ellie took a shower. You suppress a shudder at the way he regards you, his eyes flicking up and down your body, taking in your size, you presume, searching for weapons. Your gun is tucked into the waistband at the back of your pants, which you’re sure he’s already aware of. You don’t like the way he makes you feel, like somehow you’re intruding on him. You should have the upper hand, this is your home and he’s injured, you helped him for crying out loud, and here you are, nervously watching his every move. You did the right thing. It’s gonna be fine.
“Where’s Ellie?” he asks, ignoring your greeting, his voice gruff.
“Sleeping,” you reply, nodding your head to the bedroom door. “She’s okay, I promise.”
Some of the tension seems to release from his body and he slumps back down a little, but the distrust in his expression when he looks at you doesn’t waver. Then again, you’re probably not much different.
“Look,” you sigh, “I’m not playing some kind of game here. You came into my house, I saw that you needed help, so I helped.” You try to infuse your voice with as much confidence as you can. “Don’t make me regret that, okay?”
He shrugs, a noncommittal grunt the only verbal answer. It could potentially be interpreted as a thanks, you guess. In a less tense situation, you’d probably grow annoyed by now. Shrugging yourself, you get to your feet and head to the kitchen. Anything to escape the way he’s watching your every movement.
“Hey, do you want coffee?” You don’t really want to offer him any, but you’d feel weird drinking it yourself without asking.
He pipes up at the question, head turning in your direction, his face the most open that you’ve seen it yet. “You have coffee?”
“Yeah.” That’s why I’m fucking asking.
“I– yes.” A breath, a second of him not meeting your eyes. “Thanks.”
You smile, small, fleetingly, busying yourself with the ground beans and the boiling water, reveling in the smell that slowly spreads throughout the room. It reminds you of happier times, when the world was still normal.
He has pushed himself into a sitting position, breathing heavily, when you walk over to hand him the steaming cup, still careful to keep your distance.
After you sit back down, the both of you stay silent for a few minutes. You enjoy the bitter taste on your tongue, the way you slowly feel your energy rising.
“Does it hurt much?” you ask eventually, gesturing towards his stomach.
Another grunt, the hint of a head shake.
“So it does.” He opens his mouth, the protest most likely already on his tongue, and you raise an eyebrow. “I have painkillers, are you sure that you–”
“No.” It comes fast, his voice raised, no room for arguments.
You instinctively flinch back at the unexpected louder sound, the cup shaking in your grip. You set it down on the table in front of you. Have your hands free, just in case.
There’s a hint of regret in his eyes, his free hand slightly raised, palm open. He’s trying to calm you down, you realize.
“Okay,” you breathe, working hard to keep your voice steady, “no painkillers, got it.”
“Sorry,” he mutters, his face half hidden, words almost lost behind the cup. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s alright,” you tell him as much as yourself.
You’ve gotten jumpy, not used to loud sounds anymore, raised voices, not used to humans in general, you suppose. You hadn’t fully realized it until now, until there’s other humans around you again.
“Thank you,” he continues unexpectedly, “not just for the coffee, but– you know.” He’s struggling, the words not coming easily, but you think that he’s being earnest. “Patching me up.”
“Of course.” You nod hastily, your heart still beating a little too fast.
Another moment passes in silence, both of you slowly sipping the coffee. He’s looking around, taking in his surroundings, eyes lingering on the closed wooden doors and the stairs leading up. You try not to get nervous about it. It’s normal that he would want to know more about where he is, after all.
“This is the basement, right? Is it safe?”
“Yeah,” you breathe. “No way to get in from outside.” As long as you stay inside, you’re safe.
He hums, appreciatively, you think.
“How long have you been living here?”
“Always. It’s my parents’ house. I mean–” you laugh, but it comes out hollow, “we lived upstairs, obviously. But my dad was… kinda crazy. Or– not that crazy, I guess, all things considered.” Your lips curl into a wry smile.
Your mind flashes back to long lectures about survival techniques, learning how to shoot, your father going on and on about first aid, hunting, all the things that you couldn’t have cared less about as a teenage girl, but were ingrained in your brain nonetheless. You’re grateful, now, but it’s laced with guilt about how often you snapped at your father, how often you told him he was paranoid, seeing dangers that weren’t there, that he was wasting your time. You couldn’t have known, the rational part of you argues. But you can never take it back now, the guilt whispers.
When you look up, Joel’s eyes are on you, eyebrows raised in question. You shake your head, trying to clear it. Stay in the present.
“Sorry, what did you–?”
Worry is painting his expression. “Are you okay?”
Don’t show weakness. “Yeah, of course. Just spaced out for a second.”
You force a smile onto your face and stand up rather abruptly, gathering both cups and putting them into the sink. Joel hasn’t moved, but you feel his eyes on you as you move.
“Do you, um, do you want to shower, maybe? Or just wash up, I don’t know, how–” You gesture towards the dried bloodstain on his flannel, forcefully keeping your tone light. “I have clean clothes, too, if you want.”
A shiver runs through you at the thought of going through your dad’s things, of someone else wearing them. He doesn’t need them anymore. He’s not coming back.
You know that you’ve gone silent for too long again even before you see Joel’s expression. He doesn’t ask this time, but there’s something in his eyes that you can’t place, something that almost looks like understanding.
“Yeah, I guess cleaning up a bit would be nice. I– thank you. Again”
His voice is gruff and he avoids your eyes. You think that he doesn’t like it, having to thank you. Owing you.
Giving him a nod, you head to the bedroom, hoping not to disturb Ellie, but she’s awake already, her eyes glinting in the light that’s falling into the dark room from the living area. You clench your jaw, heading for one of the drawers, trying hard not to think about what you’re doing. It’s not like he ever wore this stuff, it was just sitting down here. It’s fine, you’re fine.
“Don’t worry, it’s not about you,” Ellie says quietly from beside you, breaking through your racing thoughts.
You turn towards her, confusion on your face. “What is?”
“Joel,” she shrugs, still keeping her voice low. “He’s like that with everyone. He’s a bit of an asshole, really.” She sounds fond, saying it, like it’s an endearing character trait.
A surprised laugh escapes you. “I– okay, thanks, I guess.”
She waves it away, swinging her feet out of the bed. “No, thank you for not murdering me in my sleep.”
“Yeah, likewise.” You shake your head, still laughing to yourself. It’s so easy to like the girl, to feel like you already know her.
You hand Joel a pile of clothes, purposefully avoiding to look at them too closely, explain where the towels are and he grumbles his approval before the bathroom door closes behind him.
You release a breath and close your eyes for a second. You are undeniably warming up to Ellie, finding it almost impossible not to, but her companion is a different story.
“Hey, do you drink coffee?” you ask in the direction of the bedroom.
“Ew, no!” comes her reply as she steps out of the door, collecting the wild mess of hair on the top of her head and securing it in a ponytail.
Her offense at the mere suggestion makes you chuckle under your breath as you busy yourself with preparing breakfast in the form of porridge instead. She’s leaning against the doorframe, watching you, her eyes wide as she takes in the cupboards full of supplies.
You’re glad that you don’t need anything from the storeroom, keeping that door in the corner firmly closed. You want to trust her, want to trust them, but a feeling of unease still lingers at the thought of letting them know just how much you have.
Instead, you voice another question, a thought that fills you with unease as well.
“Hey,” you begin, keeping your eyes trained on the stove, “I’m sorry, but you and Joel, there– there isn’t anything weird going on, is there?”
“Like what?” She sounds slightly defensive, but when you steal a glance at her, she’s eyeing you with curiosity.
“I don’t know, like…” You shrug, stirring the mixture of water and oats, “you want to be here, he’s not forcing you to come with him or anything, right?”
“No, don’t worry about that,” comes her reply, almost amused. It was a bit of a stupid question, when you think about it, considering how worried she was about him last night, how protective.
“Okay,” you smile at her. You’re curious nonetheless, how they ended up together and where they’re headed, but it’s probably not really your place to ask.
You divide the porridge into three bowls and hand her one, while you carry yours and one for Joel back to the living area and set them down on the wooden table.
Ellie starts shoveling the food down immediately and you’re left wondering once more what happened to them and when they last ate something.
“So…” Ellie begins, her mouth still half full, “you’re just down here with all this food? Because your dad stored it here, before… things went to shit?”
You can’t blame her for her curiosity, you’re aware that you’ve probably found yourself in a better living situation than most people. Your thoughts go to the storeroom again, basically stuffed with enough supplies to last you multiple lifetimes, especially now that it’s just… No.
You hum in affirmation, not trusting your voice and you’re thankful that she’s too distracted by her breakfast to notice anything weird about your reaction.
“So you don’t go out hunting or anything?” comes her next question. You freeze.
You did go hunting, back when you cared about variance in the meals you prepared, about using fresh ingredients when you could. Until there was no need for that any more.
You realize that Ellie is saying your name, not for the first time, judging from the look on her face.
“Sorry,” you mumble, your hands tightening around the bowl. “No, I- I don’t go hunting.”
If she finds the situation weird, she shrugs it off impressively fast.
She nods to herself, eating quietly for a minute, before she speaks up again. “So what do you… do? Down here all day?”
“Uh…” What is it that you do all day? Time has been blurring together, days without anything happening repeating on a constant loop. You realize that you don’t remember, can’t talk of any activities that are part of your day. How long has it been like this?
You’re relieved from having to answer by Joel emerging from the bathroom, his face pale and his breaths going heavy. He has put on the sweatpants you gave him, but his torso is bare, the skin around the injury still an angry red.
He sinks back down into the cushions with a heavy sigh and you quickly get to work, cleaning the wound once more and giving him more antibiotics before you redo the bandages and hope for the best. Your hands don’t shake as badly as they did last night.
Ellie gets him some water and pushes his bowl of porridge into his hands, urging him to eat, before she turns to you. She’s trying to be strong, to hide her worry, but the pleading look in her eyes when she asks you if he’s gonna be okay tells a different story.
“Of course,” you say, giving her what you hope to be a reassuring smile.
Joel does look better after he’s eaten something, but his eyelids are drooping and after a few more minutes, his eyes close and his breath evens out. You do the dishes and check the cameras, calming down a bit more when you’re sure that everything seems to be quiet upstairs.
When you return to the living area, Ellie is rummaging through her pack, muttering to herself, until she pulls a book out of, proudly turning the cover for you to read it. No pun intended - Volume Too.
She starts reading them to you while you settle back down with a second cup of coffee and you share her laughs, enjoying the way it makes her look lighter, allows her to be a kid who can laugh at stupid jokes. You ignore the sting it causes in your chest because you once knew someone who would have loved this book just as much as Ellie does.
thank you for reading 🤍 if you liked this, please consider reblogging, leaving a comment or sending an ask, it truly makes my day every single time!
#fic: safe and sound#janas fics#joel miller#ellie williams#the last of us#the last of us fanfiction#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fic#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x female reader#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fandom#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedrostories
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puppy love, joel miller
summary: IN WHICH — when joel is upset, you do anything and everything in your power to cheer him up. this means showing him your new guitar skills, while singing one of his favourite songs to him.
warnings: post outbreak!joel, jackson!joel, implied relationship, gender!neutral reader, sub!joel, lovey dovey joel and reader, ellie being a little shit once again, swearing, literally all fluff because i can, brief mention of death/killing (very very brief! shows up like two times), bad descs of guitar playing since i haven't played in like 10 years LOL, lmk if i missed anything!
wordcount: 2.3k
a/n: my second fic!!!!! i sort of love this one?? also tysm for the love on my first! looking for moots too! hmu if you wanna <3 make sure to reblog, like, and comment on this plz and thank u! if u have any requests for a fic lmk (dms r open for it!) more to come soon xoxo
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God only knew what time it was. You had an infuriating day at work, training all new people on how to successfully patrol Jackson's surrounding areas, and how to not- well, die. This was always your least favourite time of year, to say the least. All the "fresh meat" had been selected to be potential patrolers, and they had to go through extensive training to make sure they were one hundred percent qualified and committed to the role.
Both you and Joel were practically put into this role by Maria (Joel's sister-in-law), not by force, but more of a "you would be doing the entire Jackson community a whole favour if you did this" sort of thing - guilt, most would say. Maria had even tried to get Ellie to help train people, but Joel almost killed Maria by his glare when she brought it up to the two of you.
Even though you hated this role in the community, you think Joel liked it. He had a bit too much fun getting to put kids in check, and humble them big time. At least it was only for a few months, you had kept reminding yourself. The few months were from early June until late September, though - the hottest months of the year. The before dawn wake up calls, and after dusk ends would only last for another month, since it was sometime in the middle of August right now.
After getting home extremely late, around an hour or two ago, you had already taken a shower and changed into more comfortable clothes before you went and sat on your back porch. Even though you didn't want to be outside anymore than you had to right now, Ellie had one of her friends over and wanted privacy. You love the kid, so you gave her the privacy (not much privacy, only hanging out in the living room of your home).
You were able to tell Joel was finished with his shower when you heard high-pitched and muffled screams coming from inside the house behind you. Just as you went to turn your head around to see what exactly the commotion he was causing inside was, the familiar figure of Joel Miller left the glass door, with the door slamming shut behind him. "Everything alright in there, cowboy?" You hummed to him as the nickname rolled off your tongue, scooching over on the step you were seated on to give the man some room to sit.
"Fucking Christ," He started as he took a seat next to you, "they were paintin' their nails, or somethin'. Said I wasn't allowed anywhere near 'em in that room, or they'd be off with me." Joel had grunted once he was completely lowered on this step, his bones weren't as good as they used to he would say.
This earned a snort from you, "No way- Ellie's paintin' her nails? Your girl's really growin' up, Joel." You couldn't believe she was doing this, to be honest. Ellie had stated to both you and Joel that she was not girly whatsoever, and would rather turn into a clicker than wear a dress or do her makeup. After you had said this to Joel, he looked to be upset. He didn't want Ellie growing up, his girl growing up. "Joking, joking."
He took his eyes off of you, and moved them forward. "Nah, you're right," Joel had sighed, "she won't need me soon. Soon she'll-" He had trailed off, quiet now. Fuck- why did you bring this up, you had thought to yourself. You could only place your hand on Joel's thigh. "She'll always need you, Joel. Shit, she'd be death without ya'. Lighten up a bit baby, she ain't going anywhere."
Joel knew it was true, he was just having a really emotional moment right now, it was most likely from being up since five in the morning. "Dunno 'bout that." He had only muttered, placing his hand over yours. You tsked, putting some pressure on his thigh as you got up in an awkward fashion. "Where are ya'-"
"I have an idea, hold on." You had cut him off, making your way back inside. You were engulfed by the sounds of laughter as soon as you stepped foot through the patio door. You were silent about it, not wanting to bother Ellie or her friend. You had silently moved to the house's spare room, where the three of you put anything and everything. You had grabbed what you were looking for almost instantly (it had a distinct shape) and made your way back outside.
Joel turned his head once you had stepped outside again, his eyes moving down to what you had in hand, then gaining eye contact. "Is that my-" he couldn't even finish his sentence. You grinned as you pulled the lawn chair over, placing the case on the floor and unlatching the sides. You had picked up the piece of polished wood and string and placed the curved part on top of your knee.
"Okay so," You had started as Joel turned around to give you his full attention. He looked handsome like this- more than handsome, actually. The way the dull light from inside of your home highlighted his face almost perfectly- ugh, you couldn't get enough of it. "From all of the, sort of, free time I have had in the last few months, I decided to sort of, really badly, learn a few songs?" It came out more of a question than it did a statement, and Joel took notice of this with only a laugh in return.
"Anything ya' play'll be gorgeous, baby." Joel could only look at you in complete awe; if he didn't love you one hundred percent before, he sure as fuck did now. Instead of sitting down, Joel stood up and was now leaning against the wooden beam behind him. He towered over you, only inches away- this got you on even more of an edge.
"Okay, please don't kill me if I don't get the chords right- I don't think I read the notes properly." You awkwardly chuckle as you avoid eye contact with Joel at the current second. Joel knows a guitar from the inside-out, but even if you messed up, he would not care at all. You took the time to learn his favourite instrument, and this only put him in an ecstatic mood.
"Pick a number one through three." You told him as you move your left hand up the neck, and your right arm drooped over the body. "Three." He replied almost too fast, he was just so eager to hear you play.
You brought your fingers through the strings before you started, making sure it was in tune. You glance up towards Joel, "It's in tune, right?" You ask him. A chuckle escapes his lips as he nods, "Don't worry baby, it is."
You (unfortunately) tore your eyes apart from Joel's as you focus on both your left and right hands now. Multitasking was hard for you before this, so you struggled a bit to play. You inhale slowly, placing your fingers on the top three strings on the fingerboard. You strum from both left and right, meeting to the middle string as the first chord.
"And they called it puppy love," your voice was quiet and sounded more hoarse than relaxed, which you mentally slapped yourself for. Before hounding yourself about it even more, you had to focus on changing the chords another four times as you repeated the strumming rhythm.
"Oh, I guess they'll never know," There wasn't any moving, or talking, or breathing (from the sound of it) from Joel. He was just- mesmerized, mesmerized by what you had been doing with your fingers, with your voice, with everything. If the world hadn't gone to shit, you most definitely would've had a big breakout as an up-and-coming music star, he had thought to himself.
"How a young heart, how it really feels, and why I love him so," You had changed the lyrics, and Joel noticed - you changed "her" to "him". Honestly, Joel only noticed because it was you singing it (and he loved you deeply), and that whenever he would spend time with his grandfather when he was little, this song was played a million times. Had he ever told you about his love for this song, or was it just a coincidence?
"And they called it puppy love," You repeated yourself, emotion starting to seep through your voice. "Just because we're seventeen," If you weren't so lost in your train of thought, of remembering where to put your fingers for the next chord, and the correct strumming pattern, and the lyrics, you would've noticed Ellie and her friend silently sneak out onto the porch.
"Tell them all, it isn't fair. To take away my only dream," You had paused strumming for a single second, it sounded like a dramatic pause in Joel's eyes. You had just completely lost your breath from a combination of singing and nerves. After the (painfully long, you thought) second was over, you started once again.
"I cry each night, my tears for you. My tears are all in vain," The chord pattern you had going changed for the last time, and your strums started to sound quiet, your voice dying out while all of this happened. Joel took notice of this, standing up completely now (from leaning against the wooden beam behind). The two girls behind you were still so silent, almost just as mesmerized with you as Joel was.
"Oh, I'll hope and pray, that maybe someday," You inhale as your thumb starts to brush down from the highest string to the lowest string, "You'll be back in my arms once again." A loud exhale falls through your mouth, followed by the two girls bursting out with clapping and compliments. This does nothing short than scaring the absolute fuck out of you, causing the guitar to slip out of your grip.
Luckily, with Joel being completely focused on you, he had came to the rescue and snatched the guitar before it had fell on the ground. You shoot him an apologetic look before turning around to the two girls, he just looks at you with understanding eyes. "You guys almost made me drop the fuckin' thing- how long were you there for?" You question them, eyeing between the two. Their clapping hands were now silent and playing with their thumbs, almost nervous from you.
"Ya' know what, it doesn't matter. Inside- go, it's bedtime." You had scolded the two, as if you were their mother. Ellie's friend had opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by Ellie gripping her hand and yanking her back inside. You start to turn back to face Joel, after snapping. "Fuck, we can never have a minute of fuckin' sile-".
He cut you off by smashing his lips into yours. He was acting as if though he was touch deprived, if he hadn't seen you for years. You two just move in sync for what feels like forever (not that you're complaining, though), before you pull away.
Before you have the chance to say anything, Joel brings you to your feet and sets the guitar down on your previous seat, embracing you in a tight hug. You can feel his rough facial hair on the exposed parts of your neck as he exhales, you definitely don't mind. "I needed that more than anythin', darlin'." He admits to you.
"Anythin' for my favourite person." You remind him, bringing your hand to the back of his head. It was true, you would do anything for this man. You would steal for him, kill for him, anything he wanted.
The sun was threatening to peak through the moonlit skies, you knew you two had to be up and about soon enough, but that didn't stop you. You were laying in bed together, tangled between each other's arms. The covers were kicked off your shared bed, and a small breeze cruising the room every so often from the open windows.
"I think it's true." You had broken the comfortable silence that filled the room. Joel didn't move from his position (half of his body on you), just hummed with his eyes staying shut. "What is, baby?"
"The song- fuck, I don't want to sound cheesy or nothin'." You admit, before continuing, "You just, ya' know, I love you's all." You send a small squeeze through Joel's hand, that vibrates his entire body. This results in him dropping your hand and lifting it to wrap around your chest. "Nothin' cheesy 'bout that." His voice was even more hoarse than when you had lost your fears of singing in front of someone, in front of Joel. You now went silent, just loving his embrace.
"Darlin'?" He now broke the silence after a minute or two, eyes still shut and not moving whatsoever. You gave a hum in response, just like he did earlier. "Ya' said to pick a number between three before ya' played earlier, were the other options real?" This was your favourite, vulnerable Joel.
"It was, and before you ask-" you pause, bringing your hand to the back of his head, just like earlier. You ran your fingers through his restless curls. "-I'll play the rest for ya'. Promise." Joel had obviously liked this answer, as he responded with a sloppy kiss to your collarbone.
You would learn every lyric in the world, every chord in the world, every strum in the world, just for Joel to be happy. You didn't want anything more in this world than for him to be happy. If he was happy, so were you.
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puppy love, paul anka
#joel miller x reader#joel miller#joel tlou#tlou#tlou2#ellie williams#ellie tlou#ell#ellie the last of us#joel the last of us#joel miller the last of us#ellie williams the last of us#joel x you#joel x reader#x reader#gn reader#chasedbyatlantic#joel#miller#the last of us
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Slow Hands | Chapter 5
“be still, my foolish heart”
A/N: so originally I was going to write more for this chapter, but like @morning-star-joy says, sometimes a story tells you how it should be written so I’ve decided to end the chapter where I feel it felt most natural. The slow burn is still slow-burning but there’s definitely some development happening! 🤎🤎
~word count: 6.0k~
Pairing | Joel Miller x f! reader
Summary: you meet Joel’s horse, Tex while Joel opens up to you about his past further. Your connection begins to develop as you grow more comfortable with one another
Warnings: angst, anxiety, trauma, mentions of death, stress induced thoughts and feelings, fluff, awkward flirting, internal thoughts/dialogue, slow burn, mental health, remorse, forgiveness, soft! Joel, protective! Joel, in his feelings! Joel, readers nickname is beanie (coffee beans) ends on a bit of a cliff hanger, no age gap, +18 minors dni! Let me know if I missed any warnings please!
main masterlist series masterlist playlist
Joel Miller was fast asleep on your couch. In your home. He felt comfortable enough to doze off at your kitchen table. Well, of course he was exhausted. He was out at the late hours of the night patrolling with Tommy, and then he spent the early morning hours with you on your rooftop.
Nonetheless, he was asleep on your couch.
You couldn’t help but feel giddy like a little school girl that was developing her first crush at recess. Joel was handsome, ruggedly handsome and there was no denying it. He reminded you of a pearl. Something so beautiful, yet hard to obtain as a pearl is always guarded by the outer shell of an oyster. You couldn’t help but wonder what he thought of you as you stepped outside of your home. The air was still brisk and there was a fresh layer of frost coating the ground. Spring was on the horizon with the sound of chirping chickadee's that gossiped in the treetops above. New life was beginning to sprout and blossom through the frost. Soon Jackson would flourish in green.
You triple checked your front door lock as a forced habit. When you felt relieved that the door was in fact locked, you quietly walked down the wooden steps that were far sturdier now as Joel insisted on replacing some of the rotted planks.
As you started the short walking distance to the stables, you remembered Joel telling you that he would often count his steps as a grounding system. In turn, you found yourself doing the same. There was some innately comforting being around the horses. The barn smell didn’t bother you, in fact you relished in it. From the sweet smelling grain, the earthy scent of Alfalfa, and the horses natural aroma. All of these scents permeated your senses in an indescribable warmth. There was no sign of Ellie or Dina when you stepped into the stables and you were greeted with soft nickers, and curious expressions before the horses returned to their breakfast.
Tommy’s horse, Timber, was a leopard spotted appaloosa that truly had the goofiest human-like personality. Sometimes you wondered if there was actually a human trapped inside of his four-legged body just from the way he would look at you. You stopped in front of his stall and reached into your coat pocket to pull out a handful of sugar cubes that laid flat in your palm.
“Hey, pal.” You softly cooed as Timber lifted his head from his grain pan. “Did you see anything exciting last night? Any stories for me?”
Timber snorted softly as his velvet soft muzzle rested in your palm. He wasted no time to gently snatch up each of the sugar cubes before he was nuzzling your pocket for more.
“Wow, five racoons? How exciting.” You giggled as you playfully and gently nudged his muzzle away. “Were you scared?”
Another snort and a hoof pawing at the ground. “Oh, alright. Just one more, okay?” You snuck him one last sugar cube followed by a gentle pat on his neck before you strode away from his stall. Your mare, Tess, was a flea bitten gray QH. Shortly after outbreak day, you found her wandering through your abandoned neighborhood and you were drawn together like moth to flame. She was your special girl, your beacon of light through the darkness. Her darker counterpart, Tex, was always at her side. He was always at her side, brooding like a shadow but he had the most gentle brown eyes despite his rugged demeanor. Tex was a jet black mustang, and unbeknownst to you, he was Joel’s horse.
You stopped outside of Tess’s stall first and your mare already had her neck outstretched over the stall door to greet you. She nickered softly as you gently wrapped your arms around her fury neck in a tender hug. “Good morning my special girl.” Your tone was so soft-spoken, sweet like the sugar cubes that laid in your coat pocket. Sometimes you felt a bitter-sweet melancholy thinking about how much time you had spent with this mare and the trials and tribulations you went through together. Maybe one day when your mind and heart were calm, you’d be able to go outside beyond Jackson’s towering walls on her back once more.
You wiped your brewing tears along the sleeve of your hoodie as you fed Tess a few sugar cubes. Your fingers gently twirled the soft tendrils of her forelock between your fingers as your forehead came to gently rest upon her own.
You were torn from your present mourning thoughts by the sound of Tex’s hoof pawing at the ground. His ears were attentively flicked forward in your direction.
“Do you want some sugar cubes too?” You softly asked the jet-black mustang as he pawed at the ground once more.
Your forehead slowly dropped from Tess’s as you reached into your pocket once more and pulled out a helping of sugarcubes. Despite Tex’s brooding nature, he was incredibly gentle as he ate the sweets from your tender palm. His velvety soft muzzle and wispy whiskers tickled your skin. His eyes held so much warmth, so much kindness, and you swore this horse was staring into your very soul.
Joel had awoken shortly after you had departed for the stables. He vaguely remembered the handwritten note nestled in the worn fibers of his flannel pocket. He slowly swung his legs over the side of the couch with a heavy grunt. His hand reached for the mug of coffee that he downed in one gulp as the muscles in his back strained tightly. He let out a grumbled sigh as he carefully folded the quilted you had laid upon him. He grabbed both the empty mug and plate and brought them back into the kitchen. He’d be damned if he wasn’t a respectful house guest. He couldn’t help but feel that warm tingle in his heart creeping through the morning chill as he stepped outside. How sweet you were to leave him a treat and a note.
He headed off in the direction of the stables and the sight he saw warmed his heart even further as he observed Tex gently nibbling on the lapels of your coat as you were braiding individual sections of his charcoal black mane. Joel and his horse counterpart were very similar in the sense that they had a protective brooding nature. Hardened exterior yet soft in the middle. Weathered and mysterious, yet docile and gentle.
“Y’know darlin, if y’keep feedin’ me’n Tex sweets like this, you’re gonna fatten us up.” Joel softly chuckled as he stepped further into the barn. He hoped that he had not frightened you, or ruined the moment you were sharing with his horse entirely.
You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks as Joel leaned up against the side of Tex’s stall with one of his broad arms leaning against the side of the wooden stall door. His expression was playful in nature as your eyes finally met his softened gaze.
“Tex is yours I presume?”
“Mhm. He’s got an apparent sweet tooth jus’ like me as well. Think he’s taken a particular likin’ to ya Beanie.” He murmured silkily.
“I have to admit..you do look alike. Tess has taken a liking to him as well.” You responded with a smile tugging along your lips as you finished braiding the last section of his once unruly mane.
“How so? You’ve got me intrigued now darlin.’” He paused momentarily as his eyes flitted over at your mare. “Tess is yours? I had..no idea.”
“Your eyes. They’re the same as his..that same deep shade of brown..like cinnamon. Tess is mine, yes. I found her after the outbreak day, after the government bombed the major cities. She was wandering through my abandoned neighborhood and were just drawn to each other.”
Tex and Tess.
Joel could feel a newfound sense of emotions wash over him as he cleared his throat against the sleeve of his coat. “Well, she’s..a real sweetheart. I can see why Tex likes spendin’ time with her. What about my eyes now? They’re like cinnamon? Wish I could see the world from your eyes darlin,’ cause to me? My eyes are just brown. Like the dirt. Ain’t nothin’ special to ‘em.” He rolled his shoulders into a half shrug.
“She is a sweetheart. She’s my special girl. Joel, brown eyes are beautiful. Have you ever seen them in the sunlight? They melt into golden rays, like sticky warm caramel. There’s nothing boring about brown eyes. They’re extraordinary.” You murmured as your eyes casted downwards to where Tex was still gently nuzzling his face into the warmth of your coat.
Unbeknownst to either you or Joel, Dina and Ellie were up in the hay rafters laying on their stomachs as they eavesdropped.
“Why don’t you ever talk about my eyes like that El?” Dina softly teased as she lightly poked Ellie’s shoulder.
“Because I'm not a poet, Dee.” Ellie whispered back with a smile tugging on her lips.
“Well, Beanie sure is. I don’t think I've ever seen Joel blush like that before. He’s as red as a tomato.” Dina whispered as her and Ellie quietly peeked over the rafters to get a better look.
“That’s cus’ Joel likes her. Isn’t it obvious? He’s always spendin’ time with her. I can’t blame him honestly because she's like really really pretty.” Ellie murmured as she rubbed her hands together to keep them warm. “Not as pretty as you of course.” She quickly added feeling heat rise to her cheeks. Dina and Ellie were just friends but lately there was something else there that was beginning to simmer between them. The last time Ellie felt for someone in a romantic sense was Riley..and now? Well, only time would tell what laid ahead for the two teenagers.
Joel was unable to find the words that he could respond with to your generous compliment. His brain felt like it was re-wiring as if the circuit had been cut through. He didn’t want to leave you hanging like a stray leaf on a dead branch that was holding on for dear life as a ferocious wind tried to tear it from the stem. He blinked, cleared his throat as his thumb swiped across the tip of his aquiline nose. “So, I take it that you like my eyes then?” He mused with a slight arch of his brow as both of his broad arms came to cross against his chest.
“Yeah, I suppose you could frame it that way.” You responded a bit sheepishly as you peered up at him through soft lashes.
“Well, that was a mighty fine compliment t’give me. I never thought of brown eyes in that mindset. Maybe I outta start tryin’ to see the world through your eyes, huh? Anyway, I didn’t get much’of a chance to give Tex a proper groomin’ after patrol..you wanna help me out?”
“If you’re looking to live life with your head up in the clouds like me, then I recommend you adapt to my mindset. See the small beauties that what’s left of the world has to offer. Like the changing of seasons for example. Winter is so cold, so dark, yet it is beautiful. The way that the snow hugs the branches on the trees and the jaw dropping sunsets that paint the sky.” You trailed off before responding to his question, “Sure, I'd love to help you out.”
Joel was in awe to say the least. For someone who had been through so many unspeakable horrors, you truly did see life in all of its beauty. He could listen to you shamelessly for hours if you’d let him. He pushed himself off of the side of Tex’s stall as he maneuvered around you to bend down and pick up the grooming box. “I never really was all that a fan of winter. Holds a lot of bad memories f’me. I do see what you mean about the beauty in it. I love fall the most. When the colors in the sky begin to change and the leaves transform into all of these brilliant shades of orange, yellows, and reds. It was always Sarah's favorite time of the year as well. She’d drag my ass to the nearest pumpkin patch as soon as the first leaves began to fall.”
“I’m sorry that winter holds bad memories for you..but i’m a firm believer that everything heals with time. I think out of all the seasons fall is probably my favorite as well. Was Sarah a big fan of Halloween? She seems like the kinda kid that would go crazy over getting to dress up.” You wanted to nurture this conversation that Joel was openly having with you. You could only imagine the emotional toll it brought upon him when talking about Sarah.
“Oh, she absolutely loved Halloween. She’d have her costume pretty much planned out months in advance. We watched all of the movies together as well. Beetlejuice was her favorite. What can I say? My kid has some damn good taste.” He chuckled softly as he quietly unlatched Tex’s stall. “I’d take her trick-or-treating and then when we’d get home I'd help her sort through all of her candy and make her pay the ‘dad tax.’” His eyes crinkled in the corners when his mind encapsulated an image of a ten year old Sarah in her Lydia Deetz costume. “Daaad. You can’t eat all of my candy! You have to save some for me!” “Yeah, yeah dontcha worry, kiddo. I ain’t gonna eat it all, but you gotta pay the dad tax, baby girl. That’s the rules.”
Joel had just slipped Tex’s halter over his ears when he felt your hand gently grasp his bicep through the material of his warm jacket. He had zoned out after recalling the memory and you were just trying to bring him back down to earth. “Joel?..” You attentively asked as he looked over his shoulder at you. “Sorry darlin.’ Didn’t mean to zone out like that. Jus’ y’know get a little emotional thinkin’ about her is’all.” He murmured.
“Hey, it's okay. Sounds like you have a lot of wonderful memories of her, Joel. I have to ask..what the hell is the ‘dad tax?’”
Joel felt a warm chuckle creep up his throat as he latched the metal clip around Tex’s halter. “Oh, the dad tax? S’jus’ a silly thing I came up with after she made me carry all of her candy bags for hours. Felt like it was only fair if I got a few pieces of her loot.” He responded with a casual shrug as he let Tex out of his stall so it would be easier to brush him down.
“Oh, I agree. That sounds perfectly fair. Man, I'd absolutely kill to have a Reese's peanut butter cup or a kit-kat. Did you end up being persuaded to dress up with her as well?” You picked up the curry comb from the grooming box before gently rubbing soothing circles into Tex’s furry coat to lift up any dirt or debris.
“Fuck.” He nearly groaned. “Reese’s were my favorite. I used to stick a few of them in the freezer and eat them after they got nice and chilled. It was like my guilty pleasure midnight snack. Oh, yeah I dressed up with her alright. Used to go all out with my costume as well. Whatever was gonna make her happy, y’know?”
“Oh my gosh, I used to do the same thing too! I’d stick an entire roll of them in the freezer. That was really the only way to eat them.” You softly giggled as Tex let out an appreciative grunt when you had found an itchy spot near his withers. “Was there a favorite character that you dressed up as?”
Joel pondered for a moment as he flipped through the memories in his mind of all the Halloween costumes he had dressed up in with Sarah. “Damn, that’s a good question darlin.’ There was one year we dressed up as Iron Man and the Hulk. Sarah insisted on being the Hulk of course. We did Sherlock Holmes and Watson for one year as well.”
“Wow, I would have definitely given y’all all of my candy if you trick-or-treated on my block. All the neighborhood kids had some lame costumes I swear. The best one I ever saw was a trio of girls dressed up as the Sanderson Sisters. I nearly gave them my whole goddamn bowl of candy.”
“Woah. The Sanderson Sisters? Those chicks are wicked.” He chuckled warmly. “Although, Binx was my favorite character out of the entire movie.”
“Oh, I loved Binx too. Dani was my personal favorite. She was such a cool kid.” You peeked over the top of Tex’s withers as you finished currying the dirt from his coat. You felt the heat rise to the highest point of your cheeks when you found that Joel was already looking at you. He looked away quickly of course and cleared his throat.
A comfortable silence washed over the two of you as you got into a groove with brushing down Tex.
Joel broke the silence a few minutes later after he had finished picking out clumps of dirt and rocks from Tex’s hooves. “So, now that the weather is changin’ and Spring is gonna be here soon..I won’t be on patrol during the late night shift. So uh–we can..spend some more time together if you’d like? M’sorry that I've been absent for a while. Maria told me that you were wonderin’ about me.”
You paused your present actions with a soft sigh as you dropped the brush into the grooming box with a soft thud. “Sometimes I struggle with having a rational thought. I–assumed that maybe you were blowing me off or something. Or that maybe you didn’t want to be my friend. It was so fucking silly for me to think that way, but my brain is a warzone a lot of time. It plays tricks on me..Maria told me that she assigned you, Tommy, and a few other men on the late night patrol because..you found something disturbing in the woods?..”
Joel could feel his jaw clench inwards as his fist tightened around the brush that he was holding. Images of those charred women sprung into his mind as he shook his head tightly. “Darlin,’ i’m sorry that it seemed like I was blowin’ you off. I would never do that to ya. I don’t think it is silly for you to think that way. My brain does shit like that too. S’okay that you were feelin’ that way. I jus’ genuinely felt bad, but it was out of my control y’know?” His head drooped slightly as he let out a slightly agitated sigh. It wasn’t directed at you, it was just his present frustrations. He and Tommy had lost track of the raiders and where they were headed. He felt like he had failed you, and the town.
“Joel, Maria wouldn’t tell me what you and Tommy found in the woods that night. Can you please tell me? I know it was out of your control, and when Maria told me the reason why I genuinely felt terrible. I can only imagine how exhausting these past couple of months have been for you.”
The energy seemed to take a drastic dip as Joel met your gaze once more. His jaw unclenched from the tight position it was currently held in. He wanted to tell you what he saw. He really did, but he promised both Tommy and Maria that he would not disclose the details to you. His lips parted as a sigh slipped past. He looked defeated as his shoulders slumped inwards. “Beanie, I'm sorry but I can’t tell you what we found.” He uttered softly.
“Joel, why can’t you tell me? I know I shouldn’t pry, but Maria told me that it was concerning and that–”
He cut you off with a gruff response as he raked his fingers through his salt and pepper dusted hair. “Beanie, I can’t tell you. Please don’t ask me again.” He nearly pleaded as his eyes bore deeply into yours.
“Okay.” You meekly responded. “I–won’t ask again. I’m sorry.” You sounded just as defeated as he did.
Fuck.
This is where Joel struggled the most in conversations. When every fiber in his being could sense the mood shifting and churning, he didn’t know how to bring it back to a calm place. This was usually the moment where he would snap and say the wrong thing. He could feel the word vomit pulsating on his tongue like bile. He didn’t want to keep secrets from you. Not when your friendship was just starting to bud like new sprouts through the permeating frost.
“I’m sorry too. I don’t want to keep secrets from ya darlin.’ I jus’ hope you can understand.”
Please. Please understand.
“Joel, it’s okay. I understand, and I'm not going to hold this against you or anything I promise.” You responded reassuringly.
He let out a visible sigh of relief as he dropped his hand from tugging at the roots of his hair to his side. “Okay, good.” He softly rasped.
After you finished brushing down Tex, Joel led him back into his stall before latching the door shut. “I take it you never found Ellie or Dina? Maybe they’re at breakfast already.” He set Tex’s halter back on the hook alongside his stall before he shoved his hands deep within the pockets of his worn out faded jeans.
“I didn’t see them when I came in. Maybe they are at breakfast like you said? Regardless, I appreciate you suggesting last night that I go and spend some time with the horses.”
“Of course darlin.’ I jus’ know what it’s like to struggle n’feel like you ain’t have no one there to support ya. Horses are good listeners. Better listeners than I am.”
“I disagree. You are a good listener, Joel. You didn’t make me or my feelings feel small or insignificant last night. You’re a good friend.” You meant every word as a small smile tugged on the corner of his lips.
“Well, thank you. Guess I can do somethin’ right huh?” He chuckled softly.
“Hey, don’t sell yourself short, okay?”
“I won’t darlin.’” He seems the least bit convincing as his eyes are averting from making contact with you. You’d accept his response, for now.
After leaving the stables, Joel accompanied you to your shop. He could have gone home, but after not seeing you for quite some time, he felt like he could sacrifice his sleep a little longer. So while you were whipping up two lattes, he was rearranging your back storage area so that there was no chance that a sack of sugar would potentially fall on your unsuspecting head.
“Hey, Beanie?” His voice sounded slightly strained from the heavy lifting he was doing.
“Yeah, Joel? Everything alright back there?”
“Peachy.” He grunted softly as he set the sack of sugar down. “Got a question for ya.”
“Shoot.”
“Your horse, Tess. Did ya name her yourself or did she have that name previously.” He was curious. It was evident in his tone as he wiped a bit of sweat that had beaded upon his brow.
“I named her myself. Why do you ask?”
“Jus’ wonderin.’ I uh–had a partner named Tess. Tommy and I met her after outbreak day. The three of us became a ruthless team. Anyway, we were together for as long as I can remember. We relied on each other heavily. ‘Specially after Tommy up n’left me for the fireflies. She was my partner n’crime. The brains of our operation and I probably wouldn’t have survived very long if it wasn’t for her. Your horse..just reminded me of her s’all.” He missed Tess. He missed her more than he liked to admit and even though time had passed since her death, he still wished that she lived. He imagined that she would have found ultimate peace in Jackson. She deserved that and more than what Joel thought he could offer her.
His voice was less strained and sounded closer in proximity as you turned and faced him with a mug outstretched towards him. “Did..she die?” You softly asked.
He somberly nodded as he gently grasped the mug in his hand. The steam slowly rose from the top and kissed his skin as he leaned back against the counter. “She went out a goddamn hero though. Saved me and Ellie from a hoard of infected. Sacrificed herself so that we would live. She was g’nna die anyway. Got bit. Still feel like sometimes I failed her. Coulda done more to keep her safe. She deserved fuckin’ better.” He bitterly sighed with a shake of his head.
“Hey, I'm sure Tess wouldn’t want you to be feeling like this Joel. She doesn’t think that you failed her. She doesn’t think that at all. She’d want you to forgive yourself Joel.” You reached over and gently touched his bicep as he choked back a strained laugh.
“Yeah? Maybe. Jus’ never was able to give her what she truly wanted.”
“What couldn’t you give her, Joel?” You softly prompted him.
“My heart.” He uttered just above a whisper as his gaze slowly fell upon your face. You could see the glassy look in his irises as his lower lip ever-so slightly wobbled under the soft glow of the fairy lights dangling above.
You could feel your heart straining against the figurative strings in your chest cavity as you looked upon his sunken features. “Joel, it’s not too late to tell her how you feel.” You murmured.
“What?” He looked puzzled as his brows furrowed. He let out a soft sniffle as he dragged the tip of his thumb across his nose. “How can I do that?”
“Write to her. Write her a letter straight from your heart Joel.”
“How’s that supposed t’work? She ain’t ever gonna see it.”
“You just have to believe that she will see it. If you write down how you feel, and all the things that you wish that you could have told her, you’ll be letting that part of yourself go. That part where you feel like you’re to blame for her death. Pen and paper. Write it all down.” You softly encouraged him.
“Will you read it..after I write it?” His tone was timid, unlike his natural gruff nature as he picked at the skin around his cuticles out of a nervous habit.
“If you’d like me to read it then I will.”
“Pinky promise?” He softly requested.
You were already offering him your pinky as he slowly wrapped his thicker weathered finger around your own and gently squeezed.
“Pinky promise, Joel.”
Spring was in full bloom now as the earth turned green and sprouted new flowers and life in every corner. Joel was only having to patrol in the early mornings with Tommy. The sun was warm on his skin as he was hunched over in the tall grasses with a leather notebook and pen resting in his lap. Both Tex and Timber were peacefully grazing a short distance away as Tommy was cleaning his rifle. He glanced over at his brother with a curious expression on his face as he watched him scribble something on one of the blank pages.
“Whatcha writin’ in there big brother?” He asked with piqued interest.
“A letter.” Joel murmured.
“To who?”
Joel let out a sigh as he closed the notebook on the pen before looking over at his younger brother.
“Tess.”
Tommy had an unreadable expression on his face as he tightly nodded. For a moment Joel thought his brother had nothing else to say until a hand reached out and gently squeezed his shoulder.
“Say hi to her for me. Will ya? Miss the hell outta her.” Tommy mumbled softly.
“Me too. I miss her a lot. I just hope she’s with her husband and son. Hope they’re all together.” Joel responded mournfully as he opened the notebook once more.
Tommy felt a tear slowly roll down his cheek before he quickly wiped it away.
Godspeed Tess.
Joel found himself getting lost in his present thoughts and emotions as he poured his heart out onto the parchment. His words bled like the ink from his pen that was clutched tight in his fist. His knuckles transformed to a stark white shade.
Hey, Tess. It’s Joel. I’ve never fuckin’ written a letter in my goddamn life, so I apologize if this is absolute horse shit. I’ll salvage what I can. It’s the least I can do for you Tess. Anyway, lately i’ve found myself doin’ a lot of reflectin.’ Can ya believe that? Me? Joel hardass Miller expressing his emotions? Ellie and I made it to the fireflies. I’m sure by now you know what happened so i’ll spare the details. Do you remember when you told me to save who I could save? Well, I did. I saved her. I’d do it all over again if I had to. Man, I used to think of that kid as cargo. Now, I think of her as if she was my own daughter. They were gonna kill her, and I couldn’t let that happen so I did what I had to do. Ain’t proud of it, but she’s alive and that's all that matters to me even though she hates me. I couldn’t live without her. The truth is, I wish you were here. You’d love Jackson. This community has it all figured out. We coulda lived a life at peace together, you and me. You deserved the world, and I'm sorry I could never give that to you. You never asked anythin’ of me. Never begged me to feel for you back, but fuck, I loved you. I loved you Tess. I think you knew. It was unspoken between us, but it was there. I should have told you when I had the chance. Well, I'm tellin’ ya now. I know one day I'll get to thank you for savin’ Ellie and I. You went out a fuckin’ hero. You’re the reason why I'm alive. I know I need to forgive myself for your death. I know I can’t go on livin’ and blamin’ myself. It’s hard. It’s so fuckin’ hard, but i’m going to try. I hope that you are at peace. Y’know I ain’t believe in there bein’ a Heaven, but I hope that’s where you’re at. I hope your husband and son are there with you. I hope you get to hug them tight. Sarah too. Bill and Frank. I hope you’re all together now. If you see my baby girl, can you please tell her that daddy loves her? Keep her safe. Hold her close f’me.
I’ll see ya again one day. Till then, I'll do better. I promise.
- Your Texas
Joel let a few tear drops drip along the paper before he wiped them away. He felt a weight being lifted off his shoulders as he was releasing the burden that weighed him down. It lifted from his being, floating like a cloud in the sky as it dissipated to dust. Tess never blamed him for her death. She never held it against him. She only wished that she had more time with him in this cruel unforgiving world.
When Joel returned from patrol in the late afternoon, he found himself in your shop. The door was propped open with a heavy ceramic pot as a warm spring breeze drifted past his covered shoulder blades. Your shop was peacefully quiet sans the record player crackling to the tune of Queen. The song playing was ‘You’re My Best Friend’
How sweetly fitting.
He could hear your soft humming through his good ear as he walked around the counter. “Beanie? Y’back here darlin?’” His voice traveled like the breeze as you looked up from the mug you were currently painting. Normally you’d paint in your shed at home, but today you decided to kill some time and paint at the shop.
“I’m back here Joel.” You softly responded as your paint brush delicately dragged across the ceramic.
The first thing you noticed was Joel’s bare arms in your peripheral and the way his hair had one stray curl that dangled over his forehead in a soft swoop. His cinnamon brown eyes landed in a soft gaze across your face as he leaned his arm up against the wall. You liked to call this stance the ‘Joel lean.’ Although, this information was kept private.
“What’re you paintin’ today?” He asked intriguingly.
“Vines and tiny little flowers.” You held the mug up in his direction so he could observe what you had completed so far.
“Beautiful.” He rasped. “Listen, you got any plans this evenin?’” He was fidgeting with his fingers now as he awaited your response.
You gently set the mug down on the little drying table before wiping your hands on your paint stained apron. “I was going to head home in an hour or so to make dinner and then settle in with a good book probably. Why do you ask?”
“Come with me to the Tipsy Bison.” He blurted out suddenly, catching you off guard.
“I’ve never been.” You murmured sheepishly.
“S’okay. You ain’t even have to drink. Jus’ would love to share your company. There’s music n’dancin.’ There’s no pressure or nothin’ but it would be fun.”
Was..Joel Miller asking you out on a date right now? An unofficial-official date?
Am I askin’ her out on a date right now?
Yes, you are.
No. I ain’t.
You are.
“Won’t I stick out like a sore thumb if I'm not drinking?” Truthfully you were looking for a way out of this. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to go spend time with Joel. You were just intimidated by the thought of having to socialize with other community members of Jackson. You could already feel your anxious thoughts creep up and stain your mind with self-doubt.
“Darlin.’ everyone there is g’nna be too drunk to care. If anyone has somethin’ to say, they can say it to me. Again, no pressure. I don’t wanna stress ya out or anythin.’”
Be still, my foolish heart.
You chewed down on the inside of your cheek, gnawing on the soft flesh as you could taste copper beading along your tongue. How bad could it really be? Besides, Joel wouldn’t let anyone fuck with you. Maybe he would even share a dance with you?
Be still, my foolish heart.
“Okay.” You finally responded. “I’ll come with you, on one condition.”
“Name your price darlin.’” He was holding back his grin that was threatening to spread across his lips.
“You have to dance with me at least once.” You requested.
“Deal.” He didn’t even falter on his response as he outstretched his hand towards you to grasp. “We’ll dance the night away.” He shot you a subtle wink.
His hand was warm in your grasp as he gently eased you up from the chair you were sitting in. You could feel the rough ridges from years of scarring, but despite this, his hands were beautiful. The ridges reminded you of mountain peaks that would nearly touch the clouds. His scars were littered about like constellations in the night sky. Some were deeper than others and you could only imagine how many times the skin on his knuckles had been split open. How many times they bled, how many times he’d hiss under his breath as the healing scabs would flake off.
How would he react if he saw your own scars? Would he shy away or would he trace them delicately? Kiss the pain away with gentle words. Promise you that no harm would come upon you again. Would he hold you close? Murmur into your hair an oath kept against his heart. Would he protect you? Kill for you?
Of course he would.
You just hadn’t a clue what this night would bring.
One thing was for certain, you were eager to find out.
Banners made by the lovely @saradika 🤎
Tex, Tess, and Timber:
#joel miller#joel miller fanfiction#pedro pascal characters#pedro pascal#the last of us#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller/reader#joel miller tlou#joel miller the last of us#joel miller fic#joel miller fanfic#joel tlou#protective joel#joel x reader#joel the last of us#joel x female reader#joel x f!reader#soft joel miller#joel miller angst#joel last of us#the last of us fanfiction#the last of us fic#tlou fic#tlou hbo#pedro pascal fanfiction#tommy miller#ellie willaims#dina tlou#joel miller fluff
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garnish {chapter 10}
Pairing: Chef! Joel Miller x Bartender! Reader
Summary: Time doesn't heal all wounds, but it does make the heart grow fonder. You find yourself missing Joel, too stubborn to reach out but Ellie is tired of seeing you both pinning as she navigates classes with you and her homelife with Joel now that she's back in the city.
Word Count: 3.8k
Warnings: canon typical language, reader is a dumb dumb, reader is stubborn and heartbroken, mentions of reader's past, trauma, complicated family dynamics, stressful family dynamics, reader mourns her past relationship with father, verbal abuse (past tense), ellie being a scheming lil shit, language, sexual content, references to sexual relations (past tense), smoking, cigarettes, nicotine, drinking, consumption of alcohol, melancholia, manic depressive internal monologue
A/N: WE DID IT, we made it to the end!! i've never finished a fic before so this is all so exciting and a little terrifying, to be honest. i hope hope hope that i've done this lil au justice, with it growing a mind and story line of its own i never even planned for somewhere around chapter five. but we did it and i am proud of this lil one and maybe self-indulged a lot with my own birthday on the 17th! please tell me your thoughts!! a HUGE thank you to everyone that interacted with this. y'all made this possible by engaging with me and inspiring me to continue on even when my own brain was working against me ♡
i would love to take prompts for these two dummies to expand their universe and story in the future if anyone is interested? but i'm still getting used to having what little attention my fics are getting and i dunno if that would be something people are interested in ♡
ao3 link || series masterlist || main masterlist || ko-fi
“Well, you certainly have the enthusiasm, Ellie.” A smile passed over the desk, fingers curled over her application and subsequent documentation. She had already graduated from her Boston school at the end of the previous spring semester, already set up to TA for a favorite professor of hers in the new year after a successful first year of doing so for another. But she had a pending application for a secondary degree. One here in Austin.
Her life laid out in front of you once she had begun school, having applied and gotten into an art program in England right out of high school, something she had gushed about excitedly for a few moments when you asked her about it. Sure, you had talked about it in passing over shared meals both in the comforting environment of father’s home and while out getting coffee that had developed as a regular occurrence any time she was in town.
She was only four years younger than you, both her and Sarah. So driven and excited about this time in their lives. Sarah having relocated to work for a company that fought for her attention and hire after a phenomenal performance in communications and social work out in California. Both supported and shown love in a way that used to make anger and jealousy flair up in you, but that you now saw as a blessing for those who had that kind of nurturing environment to flourish in.
“I just…the perspective of art and language of art you’re trying to explore is really fuckin’ interesting. I know it doesn’t necessarily fall in line with my focus of studies, but-“
“Classes that interest you are just as important as those that help along your degree.”
“And dad said that I could go for it, said if it’s what I want, he’ll help me in any way he can.”
“Ellie, it would be a pleasure to have you take part in the program. There is a two semester commitment, I will remind you. And the application you submitted for Austin is still pending. But if you’re on board, I can sign my approval and walk it over to the admissions office when we’re done here.”
“I was…actually going to see if you could give me a ride back to the house…dad was in a hurry when my car wouldn’t start, and I left my keys with him so he could take a look at it.”
“Oh,” Your bottom lip was between your teeth, nervousness taking ahold of you. “Um, well-“
“I totally understand not wanting to, but I would feel better going with you than taking a bus or somethin’.”
“It’s okay, I can. But let’s walk this over to admissions and see what we can get in the way of aid first, yeah?”
“Fuck yeah, thank you so much!”
Your class sessions were at nine and lasted for two hours every Tuesday and Thursday. Not wanting to over log the students with a long block of class time on top of all the reading you did end up requiring of them in order to participate in the discussions. Only two days a week to allow for some leeway with the readings on top of the other responsibilities you were all to familiar with. You had explained to Ellie once her application had been switched over from pending to accepted.
You did miss the social aspect of working at the restaurant, the different foods and drinks you could try on a whim, the ability to get as much or as little human interaction as you wanted. But…you had made a choice to leave it behind. For good. Focusing finally on the things that you wanted to do for the rest of your life and a plethora of memories and stories of a time now past.
And Joel….you missed Joel.
But you were stubborn, sure that the man wanted to wash his hands of you after never getting a response.
Ellie was banging her head along to the tape that had been stuck in the trucks deck for years now. An old one from your childhood, one of the only things you father had intentionally gifted you. His love of music something you shared despite the rift and space created between you both. Your birthday up until you moved resulting in a gift card to the local record shop and a few tapes or CDs he wanted to share with you.
The younger girl belted out the lyrics, the loose strands of her hair whipping around from the cracked windows. You sang along with her, though not as loud, indulging her despite the ache that had settled in your bones. Having overthought yourself into a weird mood before class.
Suddenly the music faltered before the warbling completely as the ribbon inside began to loosen from the spool and hang out from the deck.
“Shit, that’s not good.” Ellie lamented as she reached forward to push the play button in to pause the music. She hit the ejection button and carefully pulled the tape from the mouth of the player. Her charcoal stained fingers spinning the spools one at a time to wind the ribbon back where it should be. A few moments later and she was reloading it and pushing play but the speakers only crackled before the tape ejected itself.
“Damn, it died.”
You didn’t say anything, thoughts a whirlwind as you panicked over loosing the last tangible connection you had with your estranged father. If she picked up on your tense silence, Ellie didn’t comment on it, leaving the tape hang half out the deck and moving to use the radio for the remainder of the ride.
The house looked the same, Joel’s house, nestled to the side of a small cul-de-sac. The neighborhood calm and quiet in the early afternoon.
The graying curls you would recognize anywhere peaked from where Ellie’s care was being inspected by Joel laid out on a roller underneath the carriage. The hood was propped open and a giant tool storage cabinet had been wheeled closer to the opening of the garage. She bounded up to him, talking too fast for you to make anything out from the curb.
But Joel must’ve been able to decipher at least some of it because his gaze turned to you, oil staining one of his cheeks and his chest puffing up with a deep breath.
You felt your own breath catch low in your throat, a lump of air making it hard to breathe.
You drove off with your heart hammering in your chest.
It was now February, the dreaded holiday of the month approaching and your birthday right along with it. A shame, that such a day overshadowed any plans you had once made. The holiday taking precedent with prefix menus that brought in generous tips from happy couples and friends. But this year, this year you could do whatever you wanted.
Stay in, go out, order takeaway, drown yourself in fancy truffles. Whatever you wanted. But the weight in your heart didn’t have you all too keen for the day to arrive. Wondering what Joel had decided for his special menu, the drinks Millie worked with Mary on to pair alongside it. Maybe….maybe you could snag a seat at the bar and indulge?
You let the thoughts trail off and focused on grading the papers in front of you. Needing to get them done before your attention was pulled by a movie night with your friends.
You were up at exactly one minute before the clock stuck midnight. Bleary eyes watching the progression of the last sixty seconds before it was officially your birthday. Your phone buzzed with two texts immediately, all camps too much to handle in the early hour. Turning it to silent mode, you turned over and listened to the faint sounds of Sweet Pea playing with a bell down in the living room, hoping sleep would come back to you.
Waking up for a second time was a whirlwind, snooze allowing for you to sleep in until the absolute last minute before you had to get up. Shoving the tube of fabric that was a simple, off the shoulder dress over your head and fluffing up your hair with dry shampoo and you were out the door and headed to the campus.
“Alright, everyone, since I’m feelin’ a little generous today!” You clapped your hands once, noticing Ellie slink in at the last minute before you typically announced the beginning of class. “I’m gonna play a documentary for today- but!”
You interrupted the happy chuckles from the group of about thirty or so individuals you had interviewed and approved for your program. “I will need a paper on the methods used to help identify the remains and artifacts, with your general interpretation of the cultural basis hypothesized from them due next class!”
“Professor, c’mon. It’s my birthday, it’s your birthday: let’s all just take it easy.”
A chorus of, “Is it really your birthday?! Why didn’t you tell us!” rang out across the room. Certain individuals looking genuinely upset that they had missed out on a chance to let you know how much they appreciated you and liked you. It made the ache in your heart lighten just a bit, weird mood about the day waning slightly in their unabashed openness. Ellie was oddly silent, normally one to engage loudly and enthusiastically, her phone in her hand, fingers a blur as she fiddled with it.
“If you really want to do something for me, please, concentrate on the documentary!” You turned your back to the class, booting up the video on your laptop and tugging down the projector screen that was closed and stored up above the whiteboard. Turning the lights off, save for one in the back for them to take notes with, you pressed play and offered one last tidbit before the opening credits rolled, “But it doesn’t hurt to bring a gift card for any local coffee shops.”
“Need a ride today, Ellie?” You asked the lingering girl, slow to pack her bag up once the class had ended and hesitant to disembark from the campus altogether. Her car was in the shop, something needing repair that was beyond Joel’s skill set. As well as a new set of tires they were waiting on to get delivered before installing them. The ones she had for the more intense weather seasons of Boston worn down over the years and needed replacing. You didn’t mind totting the younger girl around, offering her help with proof reading papers and going over terms that didn’t easily stick. Talking about nothing in particular, though Joel had been diligently inside the house or away each time you dropped her off at home, no more awkward glances since your little display of speeding off the first time.
“Was gonna offer to get you a coffee,” She wouldn’t look directly at you, setting you on edge. You were about to ask her if everything was okay when she suddenly swung her bag on her shoulder and faced you. “I’m helping at the restaurant today, assumed you wouldn’t be cool with dropping me off there.”
An hour later, you were both loaded in the car with too expensive coffee drinks and pulling up to the front of the restaurant. You didn’t want to test if you had clearance to park in the employee lot, not sure what would hurt more. The denial of your code beeping or the approval of your code chirping and opening the gate. Sighing, you put shifted into park and let the engine idle.
Ellie seamed to be taking her sweet time once again. Moving slow to collect her things, having hesitantly showed you the project she was working on for one of her art courses. The bell above the front entrance sounded as the door opened and your head snapped up to see Joel walk through it. He paused, holding the door open beside him as he gave a small wave to Ellie and a somber nod to you.
Yous lips lifted at the corners as you noticed the stain of what had to be beets on his otherwise pristine apron, the white of it displaying the dark red in a disturbing way. His other hand was behind his back, shrouded in the shadows of the interior. He shared a hushed work with Ellie as she finally exited the truck and slinked past him with a last wave toward you.
But Joel didn’t follow her inside.
He stepped outside completely. The door closing behind him with a soft thump.
He was walking toward the truck, the passenger window down all the way as Ellie relished in the fresh air before knowing she wouldn’t leave until well past midnight after the rush of the holiday.
Your fingers dug into the skin of your thighs, dress having ridden up during the drive to expose the tops of them. The sun warm on them as your nails made crescent shapes in their softness, making your anxiety for the world to see. You were otherwise frozen, unsure of what to say, how to talk. He looked so good. Longer hair slicked back, sliver glinting in the sunlight at his temples and in the scruff of his face. A vaguely heart shaped patch where it didn’t grow in too tempting of a sight as you recalled the way it felt to pepper kisses there.
Joel’s eyes flickered down to your mouth as your tongue swiped out to wet your suddenly dry bottom one, his hidden hand finally shifting from behind his back.
You couldn’t help the little gasp that pushed from your chest as a boquet of flowers was revealed to be in his grip.
The colors of it shades of orange, gold, and yellow. A mix of chrysanthemums, sunflowers, and peonies all wrapped in a delicate tissue paper with a white ribbon holding it all together. In the middle of the front of it, there was something shiny.
“Thought it was an emergency, when she started blowing up my phone a few hours ago.” He finally spoke, stepping off the curb and up to the passenger side of the car. He extended the bouquet to you, hiding his face from you for a moment. You were able to make out the shiny thing in the middle.
It was a copy of the tape that had died the first time you had given Ellie a ride home. The one you couldn’t find anywhere online. The one you had almost just ordered a CD or digital version of. The one you had almost reached out to your father to ask about. It was impossible to find, to replace. But it was there, in the middle of a beautiful arrangement of flowers.
A sob suddenly wracked through your body, hands coming up to cup your chin and hold any others in as fat tears fell hot from your eyes.
“Oh no, no – this – this was supposed t’make you smile, darlin’, not burst into tears.” Joel quickly lowered it, moving it out of view of the windows frame and pulling it back behind him. “I’m so sorry, I – I was just trying to do somethin’ nice for ya on your special day.”
You hiccupped as you reached out a hand in a weak wave, wiping at your cheeks with the other.
“No, Joel, it’s…it’s really sweet of you to do this. I just…I don’t deserve it.”
“Of course you do, you deserve everythin’, darlin’.” He reached through the open window and gently placed the bouquet down on the passenger seat. Molasses eyes catching yours as he offered you a weak smile and a nervous display of his fingers slinking his hair back. “Just wanted to do somethin’ for you today. I didn’t know last year and well, this year I do.”
“Joel…”
“Don’t need anything from you, really. They’re for you and that’s that.” He shuffled on his feet, watching as the breeze ruffled your loose hair and the fabric of your dress, sleeves flowing in the wind, the shine of your necklace in the sunshine.
“Thank you, really. I- I appreciate it.” You reached over to tug the cassette from its secure spot. Turning it over in your hands, taking in the scratches on the plastic of the case. The memory of looking over the massive collection he had displayed in one of the guest rooms, the small shelving unit he had made himself to store all the tapes he had previously kept in boxes in the garage. “Joel, this is from your collection, I can’t-“
“You can ‘n I wanted to. Ellie told me yours got ate and I don’t listen to the tapes much these days, just the vinyl.”
Voice gone and heart beating fast, you nodded. Feeling the urge to lean over and pull him into the truck to drive around for hours and listen to the reverent offering in your hands. But he had a holiday menu to get back to and you had a new recipe to try out. Each on their own and in different worlds.
He patted the window sill twice with a wide palm before he was turning away and disappearing back inside. You watched him go, heart urging you to call out to him while your mind told you it wouldn’t ever be that simple again.
Friends had come and gone, sharing dinner and gifts with you. Crappy movies and good liquor, laughs abundant and feelings so alive. The kind of day that reminded you that you were alive and well. The kind of day that made everything else worth it, small moments tiding you over until you could feel like full and bright again.
You stared at the flowers until the alcohol in your system blurred them, the colors running together and dimming as sleep pulled you under in the late hour. The tape playing through to the end before the machine finally shut off, blanketing you in your passed out state.
You would stare at them, as if they were pulling your attention every time you were in the kitchen or the living room. Choosing to hide away in your office or upstairs when you were home where they were out of site. When they began to wilt and dry up, you moved them to the back patio, not able to through them out but not able to reach out to the man who had gifted them to you.
Finally removing them from the vase and cleaning it out. You bagged them up and left them on the counter to deal with after class. One that went by in the blink of an eye, almost like the day was rushing toward something. Rushing you toward something. The slow thrum of…something deep in your bones as you engaged in the discussion, leading it back to the focal point if it got too off tangent.
The routine of giving Ellie a ride one that hadn’t been prevalent lately since her car had been fixed and the middle of the semester rolled around. But today it seemed to be one of the things that time was ushering you toward. Driving Ellie home with post class treat of milkshakes this time, the weather beginning to inch toward the dry heat that was prevalent most of the year.
“Thanks again! See you Thursday, professor!” Ellie hollered over her shoulder as she all but tore out your truck and ran towards the front door. By passing the scene of Joel stood in the driveway, garage open behind him once again.
“I better! You have a midterm!” You hollered after her, no real malice in your voice.
She whizzed past Joel who was stood at the front of her car, hood open and engine block exposed to his perplexed expression. His hands were on his hips, a wrench in one and a screwdriver in the other. He was looking down into the exposed parts with a look you couldn’t quite read from the curb but when he spotted Ellie he called after her.
“Babygirl, I don’t see anything wrong with it. You said it was making a rattling sound, yeah?”
“Oh, yeah! A rattling sound.”
“From…where, exactly?” He turned a furrowed brow to her but she was determined to get away from his prying gaze, scurrying off without any more words. Her bag thumping against her shoulders as she rushed toward the door.
You had been so focused on watching her nearly trip over the steps leading to the front door that you didn’t notice Joel rise from his spot tinkering with something on her car and approach the side of yours.
“Hey there,” His cautious voice greeted you too close through the open window.
“Oh jesus, fuck! Joel don’t do that!” You startled so bad the seatbelt locked up and tightened around you, preventing you from taking a deep breath to calm yourself.
“Shit, sorry. Thought you saw me comin’ over.” A sheepish rub of his hand along the back of his neck, had your eyes roaming over the picture he made in the frame of the open window. Perfectly fitted, as if he should be on the inside of the truck beside you instead of standing outside of it. Close, but not close enough.
Quiet fell over the both of you, Joel looking into the cab of the truck, grease and oil marring his beautiful skin and white t-shirt and you gazing just to the right of him, not able to directly do so now that his attention was focused. The words shared between you both, all of the good, all of the bad, and all of the confusing floating in the heavy air between two people who had lived far too much in such a short amount of time. Echoes of everything passing in the charged air between you both.
Your name being uttered had your eyes glancing at his, the sun lighting them up into a bright hue and your heart fluttered in your chest. You held his gaze for a few seconds, heat creeping up your neck from the pulse of warmth that only he could cause filling your chest.
“Alright, well…thanks for bringing Ellie home.” He reached a handout to pat the side of the truck before shoving away.
“Hey, Joel, wait…” You leaned over, hoping that the words in your throat didn’t get stuck. When he turned quickly back to you, there was a hopeful pinch to his features, lips pursed as he waited with bated breath for you to continue. Taking a deep breath, you locked eyes with him again, keeping up the connection. The hope that glinted in them helped the words to flow from you in a quick push.
“Do, um, do you want to grab a coffee sometime?”
previous chapter || end
taglist: @hiddenbabynyc @jessthebaker @clevergirl74 @anavatazes @samiamproductions @76bookworm76 @tuquoquebrute @sarap-77
dividers by the lovely @saradika-graphics
#dev writes#fic: garnish#tlou#tlou fic#tlou fanfic#tlou au#restaurant au#the last of us#the last of us fanfic#the last of us fic#the last of us au#joel miller#joel miller series#joel miller fic#joel miller smut#joel miller fanfic#joel miller x you#joel miller x reader#chef! joel miller x bartender! reader#smut#angst#hurt and comfort#mutual pining#ellie williams#reader is an academic#pedro pascal#pedro pascal characters#ao3#ao3 fic#ao3 link
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17 x roses | joel x reader
prompt: roses
pairing: joel miller x f!reader
word count: 888
notes: fluff, no outbreak, no y/n, no reader description, reader has a kid
summary: I don't know? You help Joel choose flowers not expecting to run into him again.
x. masterlist
Joel looked around at the vast selection of flowers and it wasn't difficult for him to get overwhelmed with the choice in front of him. He was grateful he’d skipped on the florist down the street because if the grocery store was giving him this much of an issue, he couldn’t imagine what that experience would be like.
Before he could debate on the merits of calling Tommy for advice he heard someone clear their throat behind him, “Excuse me, if I could.”
“Oh, shoot, sorry,” he apologized profusely stepping out of your way.
You were there, trying to reach for a bouquet of tulips that were just a bit too high for comfort. Noticing your struggle, Joel's initial embarrassment from blocking the aisle quickly transformed into a helpful gesture. “Let me get that for you,” he offered, retrieving the bouquet with ease.
“Thanks,” you replied once the bouquet was stashed safely in your cart.
You were about to turn away and carry on with your grocery shop when you noticed the look of confusion on his face as he turned back to surveying the buckets of flowers.
“Can I offer some help in return?” you smiled as Joel’s head whipped to look at you, the look of desperation on his face wasn’t missed.
“Could you?” he laughed, relief on his face, “I have no clue.”
“Well,” you started, taking a step closer to the sea of flowers, “you really can't go wrong with roses. They're classic for a reason.”
Joel looked at the roses, then at you, a spark of interest lighting up his eyes. “I guess you can't argue with classics,” he conceded, “thank you.” the half smile he gave you made you weak at the knees but before anything could happen your phone rang and you groaned when you saw who it was calling.
“Best of luck,” you wished him as you held your phone up in show of your reason for leaving as you hurriedly walked away with your cart.
“Momma!” came a cry from the crowd of kindergartners and it didn’t take long to spot your daughter furiously pushing her hair out of her face, out of the neat braid you’d put it in that morning.
“Ellie!” you called out as she barrelled into your legs, “slow down love.”
“You’re here!”
You nodded, with work it was hard to do the school runs, you were thankful for those in your life who could help you juggle work life and parenthood.
“I am,” you reassured her, smoothing back a few stray hairs from her forehead. “Did you have a good day?”
Ellie's face lit up, and she tugged at your hand, eager to show you something. “I made something for you!”
“There!” Ellie pointed to a valentine made with an assortment of flowers. The same ones parents had been asked to bring in the day before.
You remembered the phone call you'd received while in the grocery store, initially thinking it was a reminder about the flowers, only to find out about Ellie's getting into a fight with another child. In defence of another kid, but a fight nonetheless and you’d thought she’d miss out on the holiday festivities. Luckily you’d been able to smooth things over with the principal.
You were about to compliment Ellie on her art when you heard her name being shouted from the other side of the room.
Turning around you saw a bright-eyed kindergartener dragging her parent by the arm towards you and Ellie and looking up you were met with the same eyes from the grocery store the other day.
“Hello again,” you said with a smile meeting Joel’s eyes.
“Hi, I’m Sarah!” she introduced herself breathlessly, barely pausing for a breath before Joel could open his mouth in response, “Dad, this is Ellie, she's the one who told Jackson to leave me alone.”
Ellie, with her characteristic indifference, shrugged nonchalantly. “No big deal, he wasn’t being nice.”
You were about to chime in with caution on getting into playground fights again when Sarah’s father extended his hand to you.
“I don’t think we’ve seen you around here before. I’m Sarah’s dad, Joel Miller,” he said, his voice warm. The half-smile that accompanied his introduction was disarmingly charming, and you found yourself momentarily lost for words.
“I er, um.. I work downtown and usually my parents or my sister-in-law help with drop off and pick up.”
Before the conversation could meander further, Joel glanced at his watch, a slight frown creasing his brow. “Shoot, we've got to get moving. Dinner with Sarah's grandma tonight,” he explained, his tone apologetic.
The mention of leaving seemed to remind Joel of something, and he swiftly fished out a business card from his wallet, handing it to you. ‘Miller Contracting,’ it read. “If you ever need anything, or, uh, maybe we could set up a playdate for the kids? Grab a coffee while they play?” His suggestion was casual, but the hopeful undertone was unmistakable.
You nodded, “I think they’d like that,” but your smile told him that you would very much enjoy it also.
As they prepared to leave, Joel's voice carried back to you, “Oh, by the way, Happy Valentine's!” he called over his shoulder, his smile broadening into a wide grin that had your heart skipping a beat.
#x29 valentines#joel miller#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fanfic#joel miller x you#joel miller x reader#joel miller x f!reader#pedro pascal character fanfic#pedro pascal character fanfiction#pedro pascal characters
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maybe tomorrow you’ll know
🎀 summary: when your girlfriend ellie can’t make it to patrol, you take her slot and go with joel. your father figure comforts you when you get overstimulated.
🎀 an: trying out the diary entry kind of cover picture ?? idk if it looks cute or not but idk what else to put so there . another ldr song title lol … this fic is kinda odd ,, kind of a weird ending and idk if i like it. feels kind of ooc. oh well !! ppl requested it. this is a prequel to this fic and a late sequel to this one !!
🎀 warnings: implied acknowledgment of neurodivergence from joel ?? joel is a little nicer / more healed than he is canonically,, reader gets overstimulated and upset ,, mentions of daddy issues lol ,, mentions of grief ,, i think that’s it ??
It wasn’t unlikely that common colds and flu’s swept Jackson this time of year. It was the pollen from the trees, or maybe the sap, or something like that. Ellie had explained it you a while back but you were more focused on her freckles than the scientific explanation of illness, so the information was kind of buzzing around loosely at the back of your brain.
Ellie, who’s immune system seemed to be made of gold in other departments was hit by the cold. She had the runt of it, red nose, sore throat, awful mood. The one upside was you swanning around looking after her, but that one upside was accompanied by several downsides— as per mentioned, really shitty mood, and the God awful medicine that Maria had cranked out to those hit by the illness.
That left very few people to go on patrol, and you being the helpful angel that you were signed up without second thoughts. You, who had very little patrol experience — your talents thriving more in the gardening area or barn. The shell shock Ellie experienced from hearing you’d signed up didn’t last long thankfully, when you’d rushed to tell her that Joel told you that he’d accompany you. She relaxed a little, if she was going to feel that you were safe in anyone’s hands, it would be Joel’s.
She was honestly feeling much better, the headaches and most of the sniffles had gone away by the time the day of your patrol rolled around, but the antibiotic she was still unfortunately taking made her drowsy for the better part of the day — so for safety reasons, she wasn’t able to up and snatch your patrol slot like she’d so cunningly planned.
She’d watched you get ready, watched you pull on your jeans and a tight white t—shirt. She could tell you were trying to look ‘practical’, outfit removed of any frills and decoration like it usually would garner to seem more Ellie-esque, apparently manifesting her courage and skill to support you on the patrol. It was sweet, but she worried for you, and kept having to remind herself that Joel would be there, Joel would be there, Joel would be there. Nothing was going to get you. She didn’t let this show of course, flashing you a winning smile before you left, helping you tighten your backpack straps and kissing the nervous line between your eyebrows. “Go get ‘em, patrol girl.” She was as cool as ever.
You’d spotted Joel waiting by the gate, and your own nerves settled into a quiet hum in your chest at the sight of him. He looked unafraid, as usual — but when did he ever look afraid? His worn brown jacket was a familiar sight, and you smiled— giving him a sweet wave when he noticed you emerging.
“What, Ellie not here to send you off?” He smiled, in his gruff Joel way as soon as you were in hearing distance.
“She’s on strict doctors orders to rest and stay in bed.” You recite proudly, the two of you sharing a chuckle of disbelief at the fact that someone had managed to tell Ellie what to do. Who else would it be?
“Alright Kiddo, up you get.” He aided you onto his horse, wedging himself in the front saddle. You weren’t offended that he hadn’t trusted you with your own horse today, in fact you felt safer like this.
Joel liked spending one on one time with you, like the time you introduced him to skincare. He found you to be rather seraphic in nature — a glow of purity and light heartedness in an otherwise dark world. He was the most happy to see that you and Ellie were dating, as he found your ways to rub off on her. He’d notice the way she would actually think twice or hesitate before snapping at someone, always making sure to check for you first to gauge your emotions. Ellie was gentler than before, her jagged edges buffing themselves down as to not catch you on its spikes. In fact, Joel had notice everyone that had the grace of being around you had softened up slightly and not in a bad way, you were your own little patch of sunshine. The sugar in the tea that was Jackson.
Which is why he was happy to let you wear yourself out with words, burbling about some funny incident that occurred earlier on in the week with Jesse — Joel chuckling along due to the expressive nature in which you told the tale, glancing at the shadow in the snow of your arms waving about wildly in gesture as you did so despite the older man not facing you.
“I don’t know how you got this much energy so early in the mornin’.” He chuckled with an amused shake of his head. You sat with this for a moment, staring out at a gaggle of birds flapping about causing ruckus in the tree top. You wondered if the birds knew the world has ended, and exhaled through your nose at the thought — leaning forward to rest your cheek to Joel’s back. You suppose you were a little tired, not having much sleep from the night before.
“Changed your tune.” He hummed, a little more quietly. The sun had only just come up, and you felt the adrenaline of leaving past the gates beginning to seep out, your eyes feeling puffy and dry from perhaps lack of sleep.
“You reminded me I am a little sleepy.” You yawned and he chuckled, steering the horse round a bend making your fingers dig into his jacket just a little more. You stayed this way for a while, the two of you plodding along on the horse as Joel took mental note of routes and watched for foot prints and such. Your peaceful reverie was broken by the terrifying groan that could only belong to clickers. Your head snapped up, heart clenching in that dreaded way but Joel didn’t seem to react in the slightest. His back continued to slowly expand and deflate with his slow breaths as the two of you located the small gaggle with your eyes. He drew his weapon, a knife with a thick handle and slid off the horse.
You felt slightly vulnerable as he stepped away, weary of his feet crunching in the snow as he stalked towards the screeching clickers ambling around amongst themselves. Perhaps it really had been a long time since you’d been past the gates, as your gut tensed up as you watched Joel brutally take down the small group. You didn’t quite notice that you were clutching at your jacket, jaw tense and eyes wide until he started trudging back towards you slightly lost of breath. His eyes caught yours and gave you a curt nod to signify he was okay, watching you for a moment longer as you uncurled your hands letting your jacket free from its clammy grip.
“Been a while since you been out here, huh.” He slung himself back onto the horse with a quiet grunt of exertion.
“Yeah. I’m super out of practise, it’s bad.” You shook your head fearfully, eyes boring into the mangled figures staining the snow red as you passed them, flinching when one of their legs twitched ever so slightly.
“You’re alright. S’the people who aren’t infected you gotta watch out for.” He remarked. You stayed silent, pensive at this comment that slightly set you on edge and he added “Don’t get many o’them round here though. We’d know about it.” to soothe your anxiety.
Perhaps you’d been spoiled a little with your working hours at Jackson, because being on patrol was more demanding and time consuming than you’d have thought. Some parts were nice, like chatting with Joel when you got to sit on the horse— but the rest of it was a lot more physically challenging than you were used to. Being hoisted up onto walls, climbing over fences, Joel was giving you quite the workout in comparison to your usual quiet and peaceful days. Your backpack had grown heavier from being filled with useful items you had found to bring back home — and it was beginning to make your shoulders ache, weighing you down uncomfortably.
The sky was aglow with a breathtaking abendrot, the day been and gone having been travelling around with Joel all day. You’d mentally clocked out around 2 hours ago, feeling the exhaustion push you past your limits. You never wanted to be in a bad mood with Joel — so you hid it, but you were starting to feel a little shitty. A close run in with the infected made your ears ring from Joel’s gun shooting a little too close to your ear— the annoying humming sound making it hard for you to concentrate. All of the physical exertion made you hot and clammy beneath your layers, but it was too cold without them. You could feel your hair sticking to the nape of your neck, getting tangled in the back of your necklace bringing it taut against your skin leaving a thin chain print indent against it. You could feel a pebble rattling in your shoe that you couldn’t get out, your knee was grazed slightly from a stumble trying to get away from a clicker, and you could feel the blood from the injury sticking to the inside of your jeans. Worst of all, you could feel a slight tickle at the back of your throat — the start of what could be the cold Ellie had.
“You listenin’?” Joel glanced round at you, on top of everything — he had decided now was the time to launch into a long and detailed story. You loved when Joel told stories, it was usually a moment of comfort or bonding — but you couldn’t help but feel irritated at the fact you could barely hear him, ringing in your ears seeming to grow louder.
“Huh? I— ugh, i can’t—” You stressed, fingers prodding inside your ears trying to wiggle the blockage out. Your face was screwed up slightly, overwhelmed by the feelings and sensations you were experienced. The man craned round slightly, taking a look at you.
“Y’alright?” He gave you a once over and you simply huffed, deciding that you didn’t care about the Jackson chill anymore as you practically fought your jacket off your body, immediately going back to sticking your finger in your ear trying to unplug it to escape the incessant ringing. You groaned agitatedly, not noticing your jacket dropping off the back of the horse and into the snow as you continued your pressurised ministrations. It all had seemed to hit you at once, your face heating up as you felt your heart rate pattering against your chest. “Kiddo?”
“What? I— I don’t know I don’t feel good I’m— I hurt myself and i’m getting sick and — everything is too much and —” You exploded, cutting yourself off as you burst into tears. You were frantically, nearly wailing as you grappled with yourself like you were covered in tiny ants. Joel frowned, quickly steering his horse beneath an old bridge and parking up, jumping off — hoping you didn’t fidget your way into falling off. You slid off the horse by yourself, pacing for a moment as you cradled yourself before sliding down the wall.
“Hey, kiddo. Look at me.” His movements was slow, purposeful. He didn’t freak out, he never did. Just slowly coming to squat infront of you, knee’s clicking with the gesture. You pulled your face from your hands, face hot and sticky now which only seemed to worsen your reaction. “You’re panickin’.” He observed. You nodded, unsure of what to say as you scrubbed your face, trying to rid of the feeling of your sticky tears. “Be gentle. Gonna hurt yourself.” He spoke even quieter as you did so, weary of hands rough swiping.
You leant back on the brick, letting your eyes flutter shut as you sucked in breaths. Joel took the time to look around, checking that there were no unwelcome visitors approaching. “Y’alright.” He soothed as you continued breathing. After a moment, you whined quietly into your hands.
“Too many feelings and sounds.” You shook your head, embarrassment creeping up the back of your neck. Joel probably thinks I’m insane, spoke the loud moth’s buzzing around from ear to ear.
“I get it.” He drawled, shrugging and sliding up beside you to sit, drawing his knees up. “We’ll sit here ‘til they go away.”
You went to complain, knowing he probably just wanted to get back, you were only holding him up — “Joel—”
“We’ll sit here, ‘til they go away.” He repeated with determination, turning to look at you seriously. You glanced at him, nodding before you closed your eyes once more — focusing on your breathing.
What did you find relaxing? The gentle breeze that fanned over your face as you sat and caught your breath, caressing the overly warm places on your body and soothing you as evening crept in. The thought of Ellie back in Jackson, the domesticity of it, thinking about how she was probably laying on her bed resting wearing her warm grey hoodie, tongue poking between her lips in concentration as she doodled in her diary. A butterfly sketched with a chewed biro, your profile drawn in the margins. The sound of birds tweeting as they settled in their nests for the evening, rustling their feathers slightly and cooing to their babies. Joel beside you, same old worn brown jacket and the deep lines of age embedded into his skin. You could hear his slow breath, in and out. In and out. You matched his speed, and before you knew it you were calm.
“Sorry about that.” You croaked, voice hoarse from your freak out. You didn’t feel hot with irritation anymore, just a slight warmth to your cheeks from embarrassment. “Didn’t mean to have a tantrum on you.” You sniffled, still clearly upset by the occurrence.
“Nothin’ to be sorry about. I think going on patrol just ain’t for everybody.” His deep voice reverberated beside you. The two of you sat for a moment, and you felt him observe you for a few seconds before he pushed himself to stand. He wandered off, returning back a moment later with your jacket that you had chucked off the back of the horse in his hand. He draped around you and you stuffed your arms back in, feeling the chill consuming you a little more now. Standing above you, Joel held out his hand.
You took it and he pulled you up. The sky seemed a shade darker, and a pang of guilt smacked your chest — realising how much time you’d wasted. You started busily dusting yourself down, adjusting your backpack waiting for him to step aside. When he didn’t, you stepped around him.
“Gosh, it’s getting late already— we better get going I’ve wasted enough time.” You released all in one breath. Your voice was strained, odd, like you were still barely holding it together. You turned to Joel, who still stood there and watched you analytically.
“Hey.” He interrupted, as you turned back to him.
“What?”
He held out his arms, and you didn’t hesitate.
Joel had only hugged you a few times before. From his demeanour, it was clear he wasn’t much of a hugger. Once when your dad left, and once when you had a frightening run in with an intruder. He had been there to comfort you in your lowest moments.
He wrapped his arms around you as you pressed your ear to his chest, hearing the slow and steady thump through his shirt. You let out a quiet sob, shoulders relaxing. You hadn’t realised how badly you just needed fatherly love until this very moment, the hole in your heart slowly but surely being filled by Joel’s presence.
“M’grateful you’re here. You’re the closest thing I have to…” You stopped yourself, deciding it would be too… much to say. You decided it would probably stay unspoken forever — the grief on his behalf too large to mention. You had only hoped he felt your gratitude and love without saying it.
Part of him tensed, but relaxed in allowance after a minute. “I know, babygirl.” He spoke his appreciation. It was quiet, almost like he had hoped that you and maybe even himself wouldn’t hear it. Another moment passed, and he cupped the back of your head, pulling you closer. “Same goes to you.” Your heart was warm when you pulled away, Joel not quite being able to meet your eye — as if processing what he’d just quietly admit to. You didn’t bring it up, and the two of you never discussed it again — climbing up onto the horse and galloping back in the direction of Jackson’s gates with quiet conversation as the sky melted into navy.
You were half asleep by the time you’d gotten back, Joel walking you back to Ellie’s door. Your breakdown had pretty much exhausted you, and Joel decided not to press you on it — silent footsteps in the snow as you reached the porch. Ellie came to the door, welcoming you inside with a kiss on the cheek as you sleepily mumbled to her before toddling inside the house disappearing into the dark hallway.
“How’d it go?” Ellie gave a once over to Joel’s pensive expression.
“Good.” He looked passed Ellie for a moment, to see whether or not you lingered. “Keep an eye on her, yeah?” His brow furrowed slightly and Ellie mirrored the expression, saying nothing as she urged him to continue. “Reckon she… she’s a little … different to you and I. Feels things different. She got… upset. Said she was feelin’ too much. Got all… overstimulated. Think that’s the word anyway. You know me, m’not good with all that stuff but… maybe you can talk to her, Kid.” He shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Yeah.” Ellie frowned, the syllable coming out in a fog of cold Jackson air. “I’ll ask her… thanks.” She nodded.
“Yeah. ‘Night.” He smiled, turning and plodding away tiredly.
Ellie curled up behind you in the moonlit room, your body was still cold having simply shed your clothes and dropped into the bed. The freckled girl rubbed your arms as she pulled the blanket over the two of you, pressing kisses to the back of your head.
“Missed you today, brave girl.” She whispered and you hummed, hand tiredly closing around her own on your shoulder.
“Missed y’too.”
“Joel told me you got upset. We gotta talk about that tomorrow, you know that right?” Her voice was gentle as she craned around to watch your face in the dark room, dropping a kiss to your cheek. She watched your eyelashes move, a failed attempt to open your eyes and your hand closed around hers just a little tighter.
“Tomorrow. M’okay.” Your voice grew weaker as sleep faded in around you.
“Okay baby. Get some sleep.” She tucked herself in behind you, trying to erase the worry from her mind.
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Goodnight, Mom
HBO ELLIE WILLIAMS X MotherFigure!Reader
This character is under 18 so the relationship is PLATONIC
Summary: After you help her down from a panic attack, Ellie calls you Mom for the first time.
Contents: mentions of David, trauma response, Ellie isolates herself, Night terror, Panic attack, Panic attack comfort.
A/N: I re-watched the last of us, and omg I need to comfort this bby so bad.
Ellie was such a ray of sunshine, so funny, so fiesty, so sweet. But ever since what happened with David, she just wasn't herself. She was quiet, reclusive and she never left her room, you went upstairs with a tray of food three times a day and left it outside her door, only returning an hour later to see it half eaten and abandoned in the same place you left it.
You missed her. You missed your walking boost of serotonin. Joel, Tess and you had been given her by the fireflies, you were all friends aswell as coworkers, well Joel and Tess had a little fling going on- but to each their own. She was so cute when you first met eachother, her little pocket knife and her messy brown hair.
And ever since you were assigned her as 'cargo', you hadn't been the same. The 14 year old immediately took a liking to you, and you to her. She stuck by your side through everything, you were practically attached by the hip.
She was with you when Tess died, when you tried to find Bill and Frank, when you met Henry and Sam, and when Joel told you he would no longer be coming with you. Ellie was your shadow, always lurking around watching you, smiling in admiration when you killed some infected in a particularly impressive way.
And that's why, after David, you couldn't bring yourself to deliver Ellie to the fireflies. You weren't stupid, you had a degree in biology for fucks sake, you knew- deep down that Ellie wouldn't make it out of that operating room. You knew she would want the truth and so you told her the truth.
Sitting in an old rusted car, driving down an abandoned highway back to Jackson you told her. She was conflicted- her life? For the world's? She was inclined to say yes. However, once you reminded her of the reality- it was unlikely it would work, and if it did it would be used as a political weapon against Fedra, and probably wouldn't see another person after its initial creation.
Once you made it back to Wyoming, you both settled down. Maria gifted you an old run down house to take on as your own.
When Ellie isolated herself in her room, you knew you had to leave her to it. She went through a traumatic experience and she deserved the time by herself to heal, no matter how much you were worried about her.
So, to take your mind of it, you went on patrols and found paint, old books, decorations and lights to try and make the house a home, and you think that you did that successfully. You painted the kitchen cabinets, reupholstered all the stools and couches. Added string lights in the living room and your bedroom to make it more cozy, and added potted plants around the house to bring the outside in.
After about 2 weeks the only room left to decorate was Ellie's. You had a large can of pale blue paint, and had collected a lot of posters of 70s-80s bands she had info-dumped about a while back.
It was night time, 10pm to be exact and you were exhausted- you did your usual routine, applying a moisturizer on your face and brushing your teeth before heading towards Ellie's door.
A small crack of warm light came out from underneath the wooden paneled door. Your first knocked onto the wood,
"you alright in there sweetheart?" you spoke softly, earning just a hum in response. "Well I'm going to sleep now- if you need anything don't be afraid just come wake me up"
"night y/n" Ellie's voice spoke quietly from the other side, if your ear wasn't pressed up against the panels you wouldn't of heard it. "Goodnight Ellie."
••••••••
At first the sound of Ellie's screams were no surprise, you often heard her sobbing, begging and pleading in your dreams, but this one was different it was clearer than usual.
Eyes flittering open and reaching over to your bed side table, you flicked on the reading lamp and blinked as your eyes adjusted to the warm golden light the bulb emitted. It did not take long for you to realize that the cries were very much real, and very much coming from Ellie's room across the hall.
Before you could even comprehend what you were doing, you scrambled out of bed and across the landing, swinging open the oak door that lead into the teenagers room. You hurried over to her bedside, turning on the table lamp so you could see Ellie fully.
Her body was writhing, her hands clawing at her own skin subconsciously. Her eyes remained closed, she was still asleep. Shit. First things first, let's make sure she doesn't hurt herself. You took her hands in yours, ever so softly, stroking your thumb against her palms reassuringly. You began speaking to her, trying to rouse her from her sleep as she began to fight against you.
"Baby- Ellie, it's just me Babygirl" you said, louder than you usually would. "You gotta wake up for my sweetheart."
After about a minute her eyes opened slowly- however there was a deep-rooted anger in them at first, for a split second she thought that you were him. She went to push you off of her.
"Sweetheart- sweetheart, it's just me Babygirl, it's just me." You comforted. Ellie's eyes softened, her angry screaming turning into words made incoherent by her relentless sobbing. You took a seat next to her on the single bed mattress, allowing Ellie's arms to wrap securely around your waist.
Her chest heaved- breathing quick and unsteadily. "5 things you can see, you know the drill" you told her, hands tangling into the brunette hair that laid in your lap.
"I can see... You, my sketches on the wall, my pencils, the moon out of my window and my comic book." She trembled through shaky breaths.
"Good Girl. Now, four things you can feel?"
"my bed sheets, your t-shirt, your hand in my hair and the socks on my feet." She spoke calmer this time, but the sniffles and occasional sob still left her lips.
"Well done sweetheart, three things you can hear."
"The clock ticking, your breathing, and my sniffles"
"Mhm.. and two things you can smell?"
"Your new soap and the smell of freshly clean laundry"
"And lastly, one thing you can taste"
"My toothpaste" she says, her breathing had now slowed and her sobs turned into the occasional sniffle.
"Well done Ellie, in so proud of you" you hummed, you pecked her forehead lightly- and grinned when you saw the hint of a smile grace her face.
"Can you stay with me till I fall asleep?" She whispered, looking up at you. "Course I can." you replied before shuffling onto the bed in a comfier position.
Ellie's face, still damp from tears buried itself in the crook of your neck, arms wrapping around you like her life depended on it.
"Goodnight Ellie".
"Goodnight Mom".
--------------
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The Millers Buttercup Chapter Five
Pairing: outbreak/commune! Tommy Miller x F reader (past Joel Miller x F reader)
Word count: 3.2K
Chapter/content warning: 18+ MINORS DNI (no smut this chapter, that'll be back in the next one besties), angst, mentions of medical stuff but mainly just angst.
Note: I'm so sorry for how long this has taken! I had a surgery and a health flare up which wasn't fun and then I didn't want to write the angst but it was essential to this chapter so I kept putting it off. I'm thinking that this is the penultimate piece and then maybe we have an epilogue?
Let me know your thoughts and comments/reblogs are more than welcome!
*****
Joel had been worried about you and his concern was piqued when you’d called out for Tommy after your brief conversation. After what felt like forever but was probably not more than a minute Joel followed out to the hallway, while the door was closed he could easily make out your voices.
You sounded upset still but it wasn’t long till your voice had a more upbeat tone, and Joel even heard some laughs. Your soft, melodic one and Tommy’s loud, infectious one. Joel’s heart felt relieved to listen to your laugh but he sighed when he remembered that you were laughing because of Tommy. You were laughing because Tommy was comforting you after Joel had made you upset, Joel cursed lowly under his breath. It felt like all he ever did was upset you.
He stepped away and walked into the room nearby that his brother had offered him. While Joel wanted you and his brother to be happy, the domesticity, the normalcy of this was too much. Joel didn’t think a life like this would ever be possible and despite what you’d thought and he’d said, he’d had feelings for you. Bigger feelings than what he knew what to do with. A life like this with you seemed pretty close to perfect but he’d never allowed himself to imagine something like this. He wanted the best for Tommy like every older sibling did for their younger one but it almost felt like a slap in the face for Tommy to be the one to get this life with you.
Joel couldn’t help but think about Sarah and it hurt. Isabel had Tommy’s smile but there was a way about it, something about her face and her energy that reminded him of Sarah when she was that age. So clever, sure of herself and full of joy. He pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned. It only hurt to think of her.
Joel tried to focus on his breathing instead, after a little while he heard you and Tommy leave the bathroom. After a couple of minutes Joel decided to enter the world again and he stood in the doorway, nobody seemed to have noticed him yet and he just observed. You were seated on the couch with the girls. Isabel was squealing and talking a million miles per hour to you and your bump, Joel smiled thinking she was so obviously Tommy’s child, boisterous and warm.
Joel carefully watched your interaction with Ellie and how much she lit up because of the interaction. Joel thought about your kindness and warmth, you were so welcoming towards Ellie. He missed your warmth but he was glad that it still existed, that you hadn’t had it beaten out of you. Even if it only existed for others and never him now. He watched Ellie’s eyes light up as she felt your stomach, it was painful to see her being so touched and unused to genuine, what once would’ve been considered normal interactions. She was a kid that didn’t deserve to grow up in the world she had.
“Uncle Joel! He’s been kicking!” Isabel squealed out. Joel gave her a tight lipped smile and nodded, you looked up at him, unsure of how long he’d been there. “Do you wanna feel?” She asked him.
“That’s okay, kid.” Joel doubted that you wanted him to feel that after everything and he wasn’t wrong, you exhaled at his response and felt your heart calm at that. Isabel was easy to please and just nodded as she continued to talk to the bump and Ellie kept her hand there.
“Here ya go, darlin’” Tommy said as he walked over carrying a plate that had a messy sandwich that you were able to convince yourself resembled a burger. He looked down at Isabel and shook his head chuckling, “What do ya think you’re doin’ young lady?”
“Talking to the baby.” Isabel stated matter-of-factly, grinning up at her father. “He was playing, daddy! Ellie and I felt him!”
“How do you know they’re a boy?” Tommy asked in between laughs as he picked Isabel up, tickling her sides, he then started to walk with her to the kitchen, “Come on, you can help me sort out a snack for you and Ellie.”
“And what about uncle Joel?” Isabel pouted as she squirmed in her father’s arms.
“Hmm,” Tommy paused, pretending to think. “Fine, I suppose we can make uncle Joel a snack as well.” He winked at her and she giggled. Joel gave a small smile at that and nodded at Isabel as she looked at him over Tommy’s shoulder.
Joel sat in an armchair across from where you and Ellie were, he was surprised to see that Ellie still had her hand on your stomach. He wondered if Ellie had ever had physical contact for that long. It didn’t surprise Joel that if she was going to be comfortable around someone here it would be you.
“How much longer till it comes out?” Ellie asked you.
“About another month, maybe month and a half-ish. Hopefully not longer than that.” You said making eye contact with her and smiling, she gave you a small smile and let out a quiet chuckle at that.
“Were you a doctor before?” Ellie asked.
“No, I was studying, pre-med, the degree before med school, when the outbreak happened.” Ellie nodded at that, that made sense to her. You were younger than Joel but you clearly had been at least a young adult when it happened. You took a bite of your sandwich before continuing. “I finished up with FEDRA though. It’s a bit of a different path now compared to what it used to be, a bit shorter as they’re desperate. Even harder than what it was before though. I specialised in ortho and traumatology” You continued.
“What’s that?”
“Orthopaedics, is the musculoskeletal system, so that’s illnesses and injuries of the bones, muscles, joints, tendons, nerves, and ligaments. Traumatology is wounds and injuries from things like guns and accidents.”
“Huh,” Ellie looked at Joel for a moment then you again, she smiled softly as she watched you finish off your sandwich. “That’s pretty cool.” You nodded, “Pretty relevant with the end of the world and everything right?”
“Definitely.” You let out a little laugh at that and gave her a playful wink, Joel broke his silence and let out a small chuckle. “Are you interested in medicine?”
“It’s interesting, I guess, but I wanted to be an astronaut though.” Ellie looks at you, curious what your reaction will be to her sharing such an impossible dream.
“An astronaut, that’s pretty incredible…” You tilt your head to look at her with a big, warm smile. “Well us STEM gals, need to stick together.” She let out a small laugh at that and playfully rolled her eyes which made you let out a small giggle. You close your eyes for a moment, it makes you sad that that’s not an option that she’ll ever have.
“Snacks are at the table, the rest of you can eat there.” Tommy comes in and says, Ellie gently removes her hand from your stomach and gets up, Joel stands, pausing to look at you for a moment before following her.
Tommy sits down next to you and rubs your stomach, you tilt your head to lean it against his shoulder as he stays by your side.
“There’s a flick on tonight right?” Tommy nodded in response. “You should take them to the hall for dinner and Ellie and Iz can watch it.”
“You don’t want to come?” Tommy asked softly, as he looked down at you.
“I’ll just have an early night. Sitting in the hall for a couple of hours in one of those chairs doesn’t sound fun with your offspring, sweetie.” Tommy chuckled at that softly and continued rubbing your stomach, kissing a sweet apology onto the crown of your head. “I think it would be good for Ellie too.”
“Yeah, I think so too buttercup.” Tommy agreed. “You’ll be okay?”
“Yes, Tommy.” You inhaled softly, taking in his musky scent then looked up at him. “Somebody needs to babysit your brother anyway, he’d freak anybody out with the silence and glare.” You and Tommy chuckled softly, he nodded and got up.
It wasn’t long before, you were putting Isabel’s winter coat on her for her to go outside. It was an odd sight seeing them all go out for a family outing, as normal of one as the Miller family could get to in the apocalypse.
Isabel gave you a hug and Tommy leant down to kiss your forehead before they left. He held onto Isabel’s small hand as they left the house with Ellie and Joel. You curled up on the couch, planning to have a nap and depending on the time maybe do some reading but you knew that realistically you would just nap.
*******
It was the stomping and the slam of the front door opening that woke you up from your nap, it startled you and you immediately sat up looking at the door. It was Ellie, Joel, Tommy and Isabel. The Millers walked into the house, it was an odd and unpleasant sight the four of them coming in like that.
Ellie was the first one in, she was visibly furious and immediately stormed off, Joel looked unhappy and frustrated. Tommy stood behind them all with a resigned expression and dread etched all into his gorgeous, usually more relaxed face. Isabel was still her usual sweet, sweet self but significantly quieter than usual. She seemed the most unaffected by whatever had happened of the four but her change in demeanour still said a lot to you.
Ellie and Joel were gone, you looked at Tommy with concern all over your face as you came closer to him. You had your arms out for Isabel, and she quickly came over to hug your side before Tommy had a chance to say anything.
“Iz, sweetie, can you go get changed please? Mama and I will be up soon.” Tommy looked at the younger girl, and she nodded.
“Yes, daddy.” She said softly, he leant down to kiss her head and Isabel hugged your side a little tighter before heading off. Tommy tilted his head to the kitchen, gesturing for you both to head in as his expression grew sadder. You walked into the kitchen and he followed you.
You watched him, the look on Tommy’s face was not one you’d typically associate with him and you’d very rarely seen him ever have any expressions like this. You leant against the counter for support as you watched him, waiting for him to fill you in.
Tommy’s brows furrowed as he tried to think of what to say, how to tell you exactly what had been said and how to do it respectfully. He was also dreading how upset he knew you’d be, he was upset himself but the fact that he had a family to think about that wasn’t just Joel made it crueller. It was unfair on everyone and he knew that.
“Hey, sweetie?” Tommy’s silence and furrowed brow just concerned you even more, you left your support of the corner of the kitchen to stand in front of him. You rubbed your hands soothingly up his arms. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re not going to be happy buttercup.” He melted under your touch and he gulped on air.
“What is it?” You put one hand through his hair trying to calm him, his hand came to the small of your back tracing a pattern there.
“Joel wants me to take Ellie.”
“Take her in?” You questioned, somewhat surprised but not entirely. “Well yeah, we can uh- we can do that. She’s a great kid.” You continued, you knew there was more but you hoped it was just this. Tommy wouldn’t have worried about that upsetting you, you both knew that.
“No, darlin’.” Tommy sighed, meeting your eyes with a look of devastation. You didn’t say anything, you just looked at him waiting for him to continue. “A fireflies base.” He looked down at that, not meeting your eyes.
“Why the fireflies?” You finally spoke. Tommy rubbed his brow as he tried to think of the right way to phrase it all. It was a ridiculous situation.
“Joel doesn’t want anyone to know and I don’t blame him-”
“Why the fireflies?” You repeated. Joel didn’t want anyone to know about Ellie’s condition, which Tommy completely understood but Joel had to know that Tommy would tell you, Tommy knew he would as soon as Joel opened his mouth. You also knew Tommy wouldn’t hide anything from you.
“Ellie’s immune.”
“What?”
“She was bit maybe a year ago,” Tommy exhaled, looking around the room before turning his gaze back to you and continuing. “And well, nothing. There’s scars on her arm. She’s immune.” Tommy looked at you, your face was perplexed but you weren’t saying anything else.
“But-”
“She is.” Tommy answered, your brows furrowed as you thought back.
“It’s why she didn’t want me to examine her. Why they looked at each other like that…” Tommy nodded. You scoffed at it. “Oh my fucking God.”
“Yeah.” Was all Tommy could say before looking at you, you’d stepped back from him you were still processing this. It was certainly a lot.
“So…” You started as you quickly put the pieces together. “The fireflies want to use her as a lab rat?” Tommy flinched slightly at your words, he’d been expecting a response like this but he was dreading this conversation. He knew you were probably right but he hoped that wasn’t the case for Joel and Ellie’s sake.
“Marlene apparently has someone. They think they can make a vaccine.” Tommy repeated what Joel had told him as if it was a script.
“A vaccine?” You scoffed, you looked at Tommy waiting for him to click at how ridiculous he was sounding. “And Marlene has someone? They’ll be a med school drop out Tommy- all the researchers are dead. And all the doctors are dead.” Your voice was raising slightly and you felt yourself becoming more emotional. You were a cocktail of anger, grief, and disbelief. “Or they’re working for FEDRA and went down the path that I did.” You leaned against the kitchen bench, stepping further away from him as you rubbed your eyes, tears starting to fall down. “She won’t have anyone tha-that’s competent.”
You looked at Tommy, studying him, he was so quiet, which was so unusual for him. “There wasn’t a cure before, not when they had the resources… the people. They won’t even have the technology to try anything Tommy. They’ll just hurt her…” Tommy nodded, he had been replaying how the conversation would go in his head as soon as him and Joel had finished talking.
“And Joel wants you to take her…?” You asked, Tommy nodded. “What did you say?”
“I-” Tommy sighed out, stepping closer to you, placing a hand gently on your bump. “I ended up agreeing, he-”
“Tommy!”
“Buttercup I-”
“No! He can’t do that!” You yelled out, absolutely infuriated that Joel would ask that of Tommy. Your stomach was a balloon, about to pop with the latest addition to your family in weeks, not even 2 months. “He doesn’t get to talk to you like this, treat you the way he has and-and just always leave his messes with you!” You continued as your voice started to break. Tommy just held you as you ranted. “He doesn’t have that right Tommy when you clean up everything for him.”
“You’re not a mess, and you never were one, buttercup.” Tommy quickly assures you as he holds you as tight as he can, pressing kisses against your forehead. You’d always had this deep fear, an insecurity that had been a core part of you at the start and that would occasionally sneak up that that’s what you were to Tommy at times. That he’d only been with you out of pity over his brother’s actions and words, or lack of.
“You’re not a mess. And Ellie isn’t either.” Tommy continued as he sighed into the crook of your neck.
“Why did you say yes?” You whispered out. You needed to know the exact reasoning of Tommy risking his life for this, the wellbeing of his entire family.
Tommy exhaled and repeated his painful conversation with Joel while the girls had watched the film. Explaining the tension of when they’d all come in before. You listened carefully, you were upset with Joel but you still had sympathy for him. You didn’t agree with any of this but apparently Ellie was also set on it, you didn’t think it was fair though or that she could truly ever give genuine consent to any of this. She was Atlas, literally walking in the apocalypse with the weight of the world on her shoulders. It all explained so much. You loved Tommy’s moral compass but absolutely hated what it was doing to you all right now. But you were well aware that you couldn’t talk him out of this.
“Your child is coming along in 6 weeks, quite possibly 4. You have to be back in 3. And in a very much alive condition.” You said firmly, you hated the idea of him not being there for that and despite what your mind kept going back to you were trying not to think about the chances of him dying. You couldn’t handle that.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world buttercup.” He said planting a kiss on the crown of your head. “You know I don’t want to do this right? Or hurt you and Isabel.” He asked, you nodded your head. You knew but that didn’t make it any easier.
“Your heart is far too big for that body of yours, Tommy Miller.” You defeatedly sighed out against him.
“Are you calling me scrawny?” He teasingly whispered into your ear, you knew he was just trying to use humour to make you feel better, that was Tommy, your Tommy. While there was his usual playfulness in his tone, he didn’t really feel it and you could tell in the slight shake of his voice and by the way he was holding you, it was for your sake just as much as it was for his.
“Don’t make me laugh” You answered as you pressed your head against his chest, dramatically rolling your eyes as you listened to the beat of his ridiculously and sometimes stupidly, compassionate heart beat.
“That’s all I ever want to do.” He said against your head. “Not a sweeter sound, you know.” He closed his eyes as he wanted to just drown his senses in you, your touch, smell, voice. All of it. “Come on, let’s go see Iz.” You nodded and held his hand as you both made your way to her room.
Taglist: @pedritosdarling @read4funz @undermoonlightwalk @daddy-din @cowboychickenlittle
#tommy miller#tommy miller x you#tommy miller fluff#tommy miller x reader#tommy miller x female reader#tommy miller fanfiction#tommy miller x f!reader#gabriel luna#gabriel luna characters#tlou tommy#tlou joel#tlou series#tlou fanfiction#the last of us#the last of us hbo#the last of us series#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fandom#pedro pascal characters#joel miller#joel miller fic#joel miller fan fiction#joel miller x you#joel miller x female reader
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I’ve always wondered how they walked away from Sarah’s death.
Did Tommy lightly walk over while Joel’s rocking of Sarah slowed and his agonizing cries turned to silent sobs in her neck to place a hand to his shoulder? “Joel…we need to go” and Joel damn near hissing at him because how the fuck could he say that? Did Tommy tell him they need to go and Joel, much like how Ellie seemed to with Henry and Sam, beg Tommy to help bury her? And if so, did they go out and find shovels? Did Joel dig with his bare hands because she deserves a proper burial? Did they find a triage nearby and Joel broke again because she should be here with us. She should be alive. Did Tommy try for comfort with a hand draped across Joel’s shoulder as Joel sobbed into him and other civilians watched, not knowing how the lives of these young men were just wrecked beyond repair? Tommy, now, having to be the one to take care of his older brother, instead of the intended other way around? How Tommy probably had to remind Joel to eat and drink. Did Joel attempt soon after? “Tommy, I can’t do this.” “I need you, Joel!” “Tommy, I can’t! I fucking lost…. you think I want to keep this up? You want to keep living like this? There’s nothin’ left, Tommy! What’s the goddamn point?!”
Or did Joel finish his crying, hoist sarah up bridal style to lay her to rest in a flower embankment nearby, and urge Tommy along saying “we need to go.” How they continued to run through Austin and Joel directing Tommy down certain streets where they might have better luck with surviving? Maybe Tommy forced Joel into working with groups of people to find safety, despite Joel’s obvious distrust in the idea. Did they make it to the triage and Joel just sat on a folding chair, right hand thumbing his watch and he stares a hole through the ground beneath him? Any conversation starting with “Joel…” from Tommy ended abruptly with Joel diverting the conversation to survival, or giving Tommy a firm, one word reply of “‘m fine,” “no,” or “don’t”. Did Joel, when (or if) Tommy ever broke down recalling that image in his head, was told to “get it together. We got shit to do” by Joel? How Joel couldn’t grieve Sarah, and they were too busy surviving for Joel to need Tommy wasting his time on doing the same.
Anyway.
#idk#thinking sad thoughts I guess#you’d be surprised how often I think about these questions#anyway hope this made you happy#the last of us hbo#tlou spoilers#joel miller#ellie williams#the last of us#tommy miller#sarah miller
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⚠️LAST OF US EPISODE 8 SPOILER ⚠️
David and his crew were Joel's literal worst fear.
One of his crew immobilized him and his weakness got the best of him, just like he predicted when he was talking to Tommy. He was stuck recovering while Ellie did her best to keep them safe and in doing so she fell victim to the one common force that has taken away the thing he loves most. People who think they know what's best for everyone.
Ellie is then preyed upon but what is easily the worst of people, David. One could argue that cannibalism was a product of desperation but not the rest. Not his affinity for young girls with no one protecting them.
David's crew is not only the one thing Joel feared while helping Ellie, David himself is the antithesis of what Joel was fighting to do. Joel's every action was made to protect her and as weird as he thought she was in the beginning he never pushed her to change who she was. He even questioned why she would trust the Fireflies because he remembers his little brother becoming ome of them and losing his independence.
And then theres David who seeks to control and manipulate. He insists he knows whats best but seeks only to satisfy himself. He pushed Ellie to give up her independence and change to be more like him with empty promises. Then when he can't get his way, he preys on her in more ways than one and when she can finally take control she destroys him out of fear.
Her bubble had been burst, for almost a year now shes known Joel, a guarded yet humble man, who protects her at every turn and allows her to feel safe. She finally sees this man, who only seeks to force her to submit to everything he wants her to be and when she resists, he threatens to use her as a resource.
That look from Joel was one of fear and the feeling of failure. A look of realization that he couldn't protect her this time and the depravity of man almost took her, and he cared. So he used the one word that would let her know he had her and she was safe again. One word that he begged would comfort her in a moment where his lack of control of the situation could have ended in losing the thing he loved most again. So he said it to her to remind or even confess to her that he's there and she is safe.
Babygirl.
#joel and tess#joel my beloved#joel and ellie#joel the last of us#joel tlou#tlouedit#tlou clicker#tess tlou#tlou series#tlounetwork#tlou fanart#frank tlou#tlou#david tlou#tlou episode 8#pedro pascal#bella ramsey#troy baker#ashley johnson#winter tlou#last of us hbomax#hbo max#tlou hbo#joel miller#ellie the last of us#ellie#ellie tlou#ellie williams#naughty dog#neil druckmann
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“i used to hear a simple song. that was until you came along. now in this place it’s something new. i hear it when i look at you.”- i hear a symphony-cody fry
dear my sweet ellie. you bring such a huge smile to my face. i met you in fall 2023. my dad was asked to take some cargo,he didn’t want me to be alone as he knew this would probably take a while because his last one took a week. i am so glad he let me come. we met with marlene and she took us to u,u tried to kill us at first but i thought it was cute u were trying to protect marlene. my dad was angry that the cargo was a kid,he got even angrier when he realized u were bit. on our first couple of days he was quiet and rude to u,as of i tried to keep my distance knowing he wouldn’t like me talking to u that much. when we lost tess,he was so upset. u didn’t know this but he loved her,even if he didn’t show it. he shut us both out for a while but we kept each other company,we grew closer and closer. u told me so many jokes,they were stupid but it was cute,u were always so proud of them and that’s what i loved ab u. u were also so so stubborn,it was hard to convince u to do things but u always gave in. i got attached to u because u reminded me so so much of sarah,u reminded joel of her too. which is why he shut u out.
the day my dad got impaled,i was so so scared i was gonna lose him. i couldn’t get a hold of myself. but u were there for me,u helped me,u got us food,u helped me take care of him,and i have always thanked u for that. i was so scared when u got taken by david. i couldn’t find u. i thought i lost u. i stayed with joel while trying to figure out what to do,he woke up and we immediately started looking for u…when we found u i was heart broken,i’ve never seen u so sad,so angry. u were scary,but after what i heard he did to u. i wasn’t scared anymore. bc i would’ve done the same thing. u fought like hell to get to the fire flies and i adored u for that. we almost lost you though,knowing the surgery was gonna kill u. my dad couldn’t let that happen,he didn’t want to lose u and neither did i. i know u were upset,u didn’t know the reason,all u knew is that ur immunity meant nothing.
i am so glad i have u. i am so glad i get to see u laugh,smile. i love our nights when we just cuddle and talk. i love when u take me out on romantic dates even though u hate them. i love u with everything in me. u always brought back supplies and stuff u new i would like when u went on patrol. u were always so great and u will always be so great. after joel died,u were there for me,u comforted me. u made sure i ate food,as i also made sure u ate. we were both broken. but we healed each other. u always made sure i was okay,u gave me the biggest hugs when i needed it. i love when u let me play with ur hair,u don’t let anyone else do it and it makes me feel so so special. u always brought back any snack u could find just so we could watch a movie and eat them. u made me feel myself again after joel. u made me realize how much i mean to people. i love u so so much ellie,i love our midnight talks knowing we should get sleep for our patrols. we always snuck out,even thought we weren’t good at it and we would get caught by mary,but it was still so much fun doing it with u my love. u r my everything. u know everything ab me,u love me even when i yell at u,u give me space when i need it,u shower me with love,support and gifts. u’ve always been there for me through our ups and downs,no matter how bad it got and i thank u for that. i thank u for everything u have done to keep me safe,u always will and always have protected me. i could write paragraph after paragraph to u. i wish u could see urself the way i do. u did nothing wrong,none of it was ur fault and i hope one day u realize it. u did what any person would do,and so did i. we lost ourselves together and that’s all that matters to me bc we were together,we were in it together. we picked each other up,we helped each other when we were hurt and i’m so glad i still have u.
i love u my love,u will always be every thing to me.
“if i ever were to lose you. i’d surely lose myself.”-future days-pearl jam
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New friend (part 3)
Warnings: fluff, a bit of angst
Pairing: Ellie Williams x Reader
A few months into staying in Jackson, you’ve had the best time. Having a roof over your head, food at all times, being able to take hot showers and sleep in safety was something you never thought you would have. You grew up in this world, hearing stories from how it was before the outbreak from the older people, you used to envy that. Wishing for a bit of normalcy, which you got now, you were so happy and thankful that you met Ellie and decided to trust her and go with her. You haven’t been this happy in such a long time. You just wished that the people from your old camp were alive and safe somewhere, hoping they found something similar to Jackson.
You tried different jobs, you tried gardening, working at the stables, helping Maria organize some stuff. You figured patrolling would be more your thing, you’ve been out there for so long you knew how to handle yourself, letting your survival skills go to waste like that while being copped up behind the safe walls of Jackson would be a waste. So that’s what your job was now. You’d mostly been patrolling with Joel, learning more about him and his relationship with Ellie. You found him a little intimidating at first but you liked the older man, he was nice to you. You mostly talked about music, telling him all about your favorite bands.
Right now you were just coming back from a long patrol, currently riding on your horse right beside Joel, about ten minutes away from Jackson. The sun was beginning to set, the spring air getting a little fresher with the light wind blow against your face, you sighed, closing your eyes for a second, enjoying this moment, it was nice to be outside. Sure you loved being in Jackson but you also loved being outside, you loved nature, it always gave you a calm feeling.
“You miss it?” Turning to Joel, he was watching you curiously. “Being outside.” He added.
“I mean, yes and no. I love Jackson don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for the opportunity to live there. It’s safe and I haven’t felt safe in a long time but being outside gives me the feeling of freedom you know?” You looked at Joel, he nodded at that, understanding what you meant.
“But I know what is out there and I don’t want to live this life again.” You added.
“I get it kid, I felt like that too when Ellie and I got to Jackson but I would just think about what’s out there and compare it to the safety in Jackson, I would never want to get back outside again. You’ll need some time to get used to being behind walls but it’s all gonna be okay.” He gave you a smile. You smiled back at him, nodding to that.
“I see you made some friends too.” He was referring to Ellie, Jesse and Dina. “Ellie cares a lot about you, she constantly talks about you when she comes over.” Getting shy at that, you hoped he didn’t catch your awkwardness because of the last sentence.
“I.. yeah.. I.. umm.. I care about her too. Ellie’s amazing, she saved my life that day, I owe her.”He smiled at that, seeing you getting a little embarrassed about him telling you that Ellie talks about you, he knew there was a little more than friendship between the both of you.
From what Joel has seen from you so far, he liked you the most out of Ellie’s friends. Despite being out there for so long, probably encountering the worst people and going through things no one should go through, you were still a positive person, you were nice always cracking jokes with him whenever you were patrolling with him. You could also stand your ground, killing clickers and stalkers as if it was the easiest thing in the world, Joel knew that Ellie would be safe with you if something happened, even though he knew Ellie can handle herself, it was nice to know that someone was there to protect her in case something went wrong.
Arriving at the gate, it was opened for you. You went inside, both you and Joel got off your horses. Smiling at him you told him you could bring the horses back to the stables.
Shaking his head at you he gave you small smile “I got it, someone’s waiting for you.” He looked behind you.
Furrowing your eyebrows, turning around you saw Ellie walking towards you from afar. Smiling you turned back to Joel, “alright, thank you Joel. I’ll see you tomorrow have a nice night.”
“You too, (y/n).” He smiled at you, waving at Ellie he guided the horses back to the stables.
Walking towards Ellie, you noticed a worried look on her face.
“Hey stranger, I mis-“ not being able to finish the sentence she rushed over to you pulling you into a tight hug. You were confused about the sudden contact, hugging her back.
“Ellie? What’s going on?” You questioned, worried about her.
“I- what’s going on!? What took you so long? You were supposed to be back two hours ago, I was so worried about you!” She exclaimed, pulling back from the hug but keeping you close, holding your hands. Your heart almost burst at her being worried about you.
“I’m sorry Ellie, we had a few run ins with some clickers, there was a small horde we had to wait it out at one of the cabins.” You explained.
She nodded at that, “I was so worried something happened, I’ll ask Maria if she can assign us to patrols together, that way I won’t have to worry something happened.”
You could kiss her right then and there. She was worried about you just like you were always worried about her whenever she left for patrols.
“I’d like that Ellie, now let’s go home.” Taking her hand in yours she smiled at you, squeezing your hand she started guiding you back home.
You still lived with Ellie. You wanted to move out multiple times already not wanting to bother the girl any longer. Knowing there were some free houses but Ellie wouldn’t let you leave, telling you you should stay with her and that you weren’t a bother at all, you couldn’t decline that offer. You loved living with her and you loved her. You wanted to kiss her every night you went to sleep and you wanted to kiss her every morning she made you breakfast but you didn’t wanted to ruin the friendship. The way ellie worried about you all the time and the way she would hold your hand whenever you were uncomfortable, making you breakfast every morning, occasionally giving you kisses on your cheek was clear enough that it wasn’t just friendship but you didn’t wanted to mistake anything and ruin your friendship. You’d let Ellie make the first move.
Arriving home, she pulled you inside. Telling you to go take a shower while she would make you something to eat. This moment reminding you of the first time she brought you home. You felt so loved and safe with Ellie. Clearly she cared about you just as much as you cared about her.
After your shower you got dressed in some clean jeans and one of Ellie’s big flannels, stealing her clothes was your favorite thing to do, they were just so cozy and Ellie always told you how adorable you look in them.
Walking out of the bathroom to the smell of food, your mouth watering at that, haven’t eaten anything since breakfast you were happy to finally eat something.
You watched Ellie setting your plates down on the table. This setting reminding you of a movie you watched recently where a couple went out on a date to go eat dinner. You decided to tease her.
“This looks absolutely delicious darling, work has killed me today, are the kids asleep yet?” You grinned at her.
Ellie let out a groan but smirked deciding to tease you back “come on (y/n), you and I both know that I’d be the one going to work while you’d stay at home with the kids.”
You started laughing at that, “oh is that so Williams?” Sitting down looking down at the food, you were desperate to eat.
“Yup” she winked at you, sitting down opposite of you.
After you cleaned the dishes you let yourself fall on the couch beside Ellie where she was currently drawing something in her journal. Groaning you complained about the horde that you and Joel saw today but quickly changing the subject at the mention of Joel you remembered how he told you about a story he told you from back in the day. Ellie listened to you, she loved hearing you talk about Joel, it was important to her that you and Joel got along, she did plan on asking you out and making you hers. Zoning out she admired your face, the way you enthusiastically talked about patrolling with Joel and hearing all the stories the older man had to offer. The way your eyes lit up whenever you talked about something you loved or the way your lips curled up whenever you would manage to make Ellie laugh with your stupid jokes. Ellie was in love with you. You were special to her, it’s like she knew it right from the start even when you were covered in mud from top to bottom, she knew you’d be special to her. She could skip the dating part and marry you right away. She would do anything for you.
Right in the middle of a story you were telling Ellie you were interrupted by someone knocking on your door. Ellie realized she just completely zoned out while you were telling her a story, feeling guilty because she didn’t even know what you were talking about blaming your pretty face for that. She watched you open the door.
“Hey guys” Dina and Jesse walked inside. You and Ellie looked at them curiously.
“Umm what are you guys doing here?” Ellie asked. Not remembering making plans with them.
Jesse clutched his chest, acting offended “Ouch Ellie, can’t we come see our friends?” He wiped an imaginary tear away. She rolled her eyes at him.
Dina slapped his chest playfully “you forgot about it?” She looked back in forth between you and Ellie.
“Forgot about what?” You asked. Watching Jesse look for some snacks in your kitchen making himself comfortable on the couch next to Ellie once he found some almonds to eat.
“The dance! That was all what I’ve been talking about, are you guys even listening?” Dina exclaimed, looking annoyed at the both of you. “What were you guys doing?”
“Probably having sex, that’s why Ellie here is so red in the face.” You gasped at his words. Dina laughing at your reaction, she started to tease you too “ouuuhhhh you finally did it, it was about damn time you guys.” She winked at you.
“What the fuck is wrong with you guys?” Ellie exclaimed. She was indeed red in the face, now even more so than before.
“You know I was just kidding about that but giving the blush on your face Ellie.... I thought you had something going on with that bartender (y/n)?” Jesse smirked at you. You rolled your eyes at him at the mention of the slimy bartender that kept trying to make moves on you.
“What bartender?” Ellie asked asked angrily, not having heard about a bartender before.
“Thomas right?” Dina asked. Great so Dina knew about him too but Ellie hasn’t heard from him yet? Did you like men? She was convinced you liked girls? She felt her heart racing, feeling like it was going to break any minute. Just thinking about seeing you with someone else made her want to throw up. She thought you felt the same way about her like she felt about you.
“He’s trying to date (y/n).” Jesse teasingly said. You stayed quiet, feeling awkward about this whole situation, you didn’t tell Ellie about it because you didn’t think it was relevant, you hated that stupid bartender and you were angry at your friends for bringing this up.
Feeling betrayed even though you weren’t even dating she grabbed her jacket, leaving her house quickly. She couldn’t stay there any longer, knowing she was about to start crying plus your silence wasn’t helping, making Ellie think you actually liked that guy.
Confused about her reaction you watched her leave, looking back at Dina and Jesse they looked just as confused as you are.
“What was that about?” Jesse asked.
“I have no idea, I should go check on her. You guys go have fun at the dance.” You said.
“Are you sure?” Dina asked. Looking guilty for what just happened. She knew about Ellie’s feelings for you, she didn’t think Ellie would be this insecure about the mention of someone else. You clearly weren’t even straight. Ellie had nothing to be insecure or worried about.
“Yeah go have fun, please.” You gave them both a hug. Grabbing your jacket you ran after Ellie trying to catch up with her. You saw her walking down the street.
“Ellie!” Ignoring you she kept walking.
“Come on, Ellie wait!” She listened this time, stopping. You finally got to her.
“Ellie what’s going on?” You grabbed her shoulders, turning her around you noticed she had tears running down her face. Shocked at that, you never saw Ellie cry before.
“What’s going on Ellie?” You worriedly asked, wiping away her tears.
“It’s nothing (y/n) go back to Jesse and Dina they’re probably waiting.” Tears falling down again. She angrily wiped them away.
“I don’t wanna go back, are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?” You asked, worried about her.
She mumbled a no, turning to walk away again, you grabbed her hand pulling her back again, not letting her leave.
Looking at her you waited for her to say something. She looked down, refusing to meet your eyes. “Who’s Thomas (y/n)?”
“I- what? He’s no one, he keeps trying to ask me out on a date” you said, confused about why she was making such a big deal out of this.
Annoyed at the mention of someone asking you out on a date she huffed.
“Do you like him?” She asked.
“Like him? I don’t even lik-“ Realization hitting you. “Wait are you jealous Ellie?”
Like a deer caught in the headlights, staring back at you she couldn’t get a word out. Feeling embarrassed about this whole situation she looked down on her shoes.
Grabbing her chin you made her look at you. “Ellie?”
“Yes” she said.
“Yes what?” You asked.
“Yes I’m jealous, (y/n)” she looked away, knowing you knew now that she has feelings for you.
“You have no reason to be jealous Ellie. If you haven’t noticed I love you, like a lot and I’m gay like super gay, I don’t care about Thomas or anyone else, I only care about you.” You smiled at her.
Staring at you she didn’t know what to say, she didn’t expect this right now. She almost felt like she was in a dream, hearing you say that you love her was all she ever wanted to hear.
“I-“ not even letting her finish you grabbed her face, you leaned in to kiss her.
She looked at you wide eyed, shocked at the feeling of your lips moving against hers. She closed her eyes, she grabbed your waist pulling you closer to her she kissed you back. The kiss even better than what she imagined it like to be. Your lips were soft, she could get used to this. Pulling away from her, you looked into her eyes. She gave a second to catch your breath she pulled you back in for another kiss. Her hands moving from your waist towards your face, stroking your cheek with her thumb, you stayed like this for a while.
Pulling back she kissed your nose, “I love you (y/n) no actually I’m in love with you” looking at you, she smiled sweetly at you.
Smiling back at her, happy about her confession. “I’m in love with you too Ellie.” You pecked her lips.
Ellie wanted to cry out of joy, she was so happy about you confessing your love for her.
You pulled her into a hug, kissing her neck.
Pulling back you brushed some hair out of her face, just when you wanted to kiss her again you heard something coming from the bushes behind Ellie, looking over her shoulder you saw something moving, Ellie watching you curiously turning around to see what you were staring at. She pushed you behind her, protecting you from whatever it was. She told you to stay quiet, grabbing her knife she walked towards it.
Suddenly hearing a quiet “ouch” followed by a “stay quiet” you both looked at each other understanding who was behind those bushes.
“Jesse, Dina we know you’re behind those bushes.” Ellie annoyingly said rolling her eyes at her childish friends.
They got up, coming around from the bushes they grinned at you. You started laughing at them, Jesse had leafes in his hair and Dina looked annoyed about getting caught.
“Why aren’t you at the dance?” You asked them.
“We wanted to watch you guys confessing your love for each other, that was pretty cute not gonna lie.” Jesse said.
“Yeah and then you had to ruin their moment” Dina annoyingly said.
“You’re just mad that you lost the bet.” Jesse said smirking at his girlfriend. “Whatever.” Dina grumbled.
You and Ellie looked at each other confused.
“What bet?” Ellie asked.
“Dina and I had a little discussion about you two. I said (y/n) would make the first move and Dina here” gesturing to her “said Ellie would make the first move, so we decided to make a bet.” Jesse explained.
“I’m disappointed in you Ellie, I thought you’d confess first.” Dina said with a disappointing face.
“Technically we confessed at the same time.” You said, shrugging.
“Nope you confessed first (y/n) and that’s final.” Jesse said.
“What does the winner get?” You asked curiously.
Suddenly they both got quiet, avoiding your eyes. Ellie noticing their awkwardness she started laughing. “Hah you made a bet over sex, I’m guessing Jesse gets to choose whatever he wants.” Ellie said.
You started laughing too, now it was both of you teasing them instead of the other way around.
“Very funny guys, ha ha.” Dina mumbled annoyed.
“It’s okay babe, let’s leave the gays alone now, they got some stuff to do.” Jesse wiggled his eyebrows at you smirking. Grabbing Dina’s hand he started, walking back. “Bye Ellie, bye super gay (y/n).” Dina yelled out from afar.
“Ugh why are we even friends with them?” Ellie asked.
Laughing at that, “they’re the worst but they’re funny I guess.” Nodding at that Ellie pulled on your hand, walking back home. You enjoyed the quietness of the night.
“Hey Ellie?”
“Yeah?”
“Even if I was straight, I’d turn gay for you.” You grinned at her.
Ellie laughed at that. “I’m glad I have that effect on you.” She said proudly.
Stopping her, you pulled on her hands turning her to you, you put your arms around her neck, she put her hands on your waist, she leaned in to kiss you, staying like this for a while under the night sky enjoying the slightly fresh spring air, kissing your lover, what more could you ask for.
You found each other and you’d have each other for the rest of your life’s.
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The Two of Us. pt 3
Author’s Note; Hello everyone! Welcome back :) Thank you once again for reading The Two of Us, i’m so excited for he directing this will be heading. The ideas are flowing! Anyways, i think this story will be less then 10 chapters. There will be conflict- with some angst so be prepared! Enjoy!!
Endgame Pairing: Ellie Williams x fem! Reader
Warnings: Violence, marijuana, swearing, ect.
———————————————————————
“Wanna hear a joke?” Ellie asked after a couple of minutes of silence. You smiled, somehow feeling nostalgic. Ellie used to have this pun book that she would carry around when you two were younger and randomly tell you jokes.
It was refreshing.
“Alright, hit me.” You nodded, looking over at Ellie who was next to you. Ellie was on Shimmer, riding gracefully. She was looking straight ahead, almost as if she was avoiding eye contact with you.
But she wasn’t. If anything she was nervous.
Suddenly, she leaned over towards you- and smacked you over the head. She retreated back to where she originally was and smirked at you. The look on your face told her everything. “What? You said hit me, so i did. You’re welcome.”
Funny girl. Of course, you couldn’t even be mad or negative. You let out a small laugh. “Ellie, i’m pretty sure that wasn’t the joke.”
“How’d you figure?” With another look that you threw at her, she understood what it had meant. She thought about something for a moment, and then remembered what the joke was. “What did the grape say when it got crushed?”
“I don’t know, something with raisins?”
“What? No- you really suck at this,”
“Shut up and finish the joke.”
“Nothing, it just let out a little wine.”
“Ellie, god that was horrible.” You chuckled out, and continued to grip onto Gemini’s reins. At the moment you were passing a small town. You had no idea what the name was since the vegetation was covering all the signs, growing onto the buildings and overgrown as shit. Everything was so green and lush, but the way it was abandoned made it look scary.
Which made you even more cautious for infected.
“Oh yeah? Well, i’d like to hear one of your fabulous jokes.” Ellie’s voice rang through your ears. You looked over at her, somehow she was now ahead of you. You stared at the back of her head, looking at her long neck, her hair that was tied back and her slender shoulders. Ellie made you forget about the apocalypse.
“Sorry to break it to you but my speciality is pick up lines.” You answered with a smile. You finally looked away from her and your attention fell onto the graffiti on the buildings. But the moment you felt Ellie’s eyes on you, you looked back.
Ellie’s eyes were sparkling. You didn’t know what that look on her face meant, it was the first time you’ve seen her like this. “Really? Alright, i’d like to hear what your ex’s fell for.”
“Ellie, they don’t count since they’re not really ex’s.” You frowned, remember the people who you used to… Well, “hang out with”. There was a time in your life where you denied the feelings for Ellie. Where you thought it was a phase and that you were mistaking your feelings as something else. You thought the interest was you just wanting to be her close friend because god, Ellie was amazing. It took you some time and talking to some friends to realize what you felt was more than wanting to be a close friend.
“Doesn’t matter. I want a good pick up line!”
She seems fine with it, why wouldn’t she? It’s not like it’s something serious. You got this. Playful attitude and it’ll all be okay.
You nodded, and cleared your throat. You stopped Gemini from continuing to walk. You waited for Ellie to stop Shimmer, so she could actually look at you. And she did, she turned shimmer around so she could stare at you. You two were in the middle of the road, out in the open. “Can i borrow a kiss? I promise i’ll give it back.”
Ellie’s face flushed- it couldn’t be helped. That was a good pick up line, she couldn’t deny that. The way you said it, the way you were looking at her and… God, she was helpless. Wait- what was she thinking? She had a girlfriend back home! She swore to get over after realizing you couldn’t have liked her back!
“What? Was that not good enough? Well, i do have seasonal pick up lines. Like, If a kiss was a snowflake, I would send you a snowstorm.” And with that you sent her a small wink, and leaned closer to Gemini’s neck. The look on her face was… Different. You couldn’t really understand her.
“Y/n-“ There was a scream- multiple screams and clicks that brought you back from your little world with Ellie. You felt your stomach drop at the noise. Infected really are a pain in the ass.
“Infected,” You warned, looking around in the town where the sounds seem to be coming from. You noticed a broken window from a grocery store. It was dark, and there was small noises coming from in there. “I thought this area would be clear.”
“They like to wander, remember?” Ellie reminded you with a hard look on her face. You jumped off Gemini, and decided to tie him to an old bike post. “What are you doing?” She asked with a frown.
You pulled out your handgun from your holster, checking to see how much bullets you had in the clip before looking at her. “We have to clear this place, we are on patrol.”
“This isn’t the checkpoint, what are Danny and Axel gonna think when we don’t show up on time?”
“Then we should deal with this quickly. Come on,” You urged, walking towards the broken window and jumped in without hesitation. Ellie quickly followed behind you, trying to catch up.
You get pretty impatient when it comes to clearing areas. She’s not sure where it came from. You were more hostile around infected- with good reason too but it was to the point you would jump in even if it killed you. That’s how bad it was.
From where she was she could see you silently bringing down one of the runners. There was three clickers strolling around the registers while there was some more runners strolling the isles. 7 infected in total- well now six.
She followed your lead, and decided to take down some of the runners quietly. It was much easier than showering them with bullets that you needed. But just in case, you kept your gun close.
After a couple of minutes, you two finished and decided to look around in hopes of finding something good. Which was rare, but it was still worth a shot. You body lead you to the back of the store where a door caught your attention. With your left hand you attempted to open the door but of course it was locked.
“Come on, let’s get going now.” Ellie walked up to you, watching you as you kept your attention on the door. You looked up, finding the entrance of the vent open. Bingo.
“Ellie, give me a boost.” Ellie raised her eyebrows at you, and it seemed like all she wanted to do was leave. First, Ellie promised Joel she wouldn’t take the longer routes and that she would start off with groups patrols but here she is, doing the longer routes and doing paired patrols instead. She just hopes that Joel doesn’t find out. “I’ll just check in there and then we can leave. I promise.” You reasoned, giving her a convincing smile.
She sighed, and nodded. She couldn’t say no to you. She leaned against the wall, and got in position to give you a boost. With one foot you stepped into her hand and she hoisted you up. You climed straight into the vent and crawled into the locked room. The room was bigger than you expected. You thought it was a janitors room but it was actually an office. It was nicely put together for a room that has been locked for what you assumed was years. You were about to walk closer towards the large desk when you heard something, but the banging on the door distracted you.
“Y/n! Open the door already!”
You sighed, and moved towards the door. Just as you were about to unlock it, an ear piercing scream sent you into panic but you weren’t fast enough to react to the stalker who had grabbed you from behind. You were so close to its mouth that you could hear it’s teeth chattering in anticipation.
You struggled against its hold, trying everything in your power to get it the fuck off you because god, this thing was disgusting. “Get the fuck off of me!” You grunted, continuing to fight off against the thing but you don’t remember where you put your knife. You were barely holding the stalker back, but you grip on its neck was the only thing keeping you alive at the moment.
Two gunshot rang out, and the stalker dropped behind you. You fell to the ground, feeling the sick to your stomach. “Y/n! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Are you bitten!?” Ellie jumped down from the same vent that you came through, and kneeled down to you. She grabbed your face and continued to check for bites- or any signs of injuries.
You couldn’t look her in the eyes. “Shit.” You closed your eyes. “I’m loosing my shit.”
“Come on, let’s get the fuck out of here.” She grabbed your hand and pulled you up from the ground. She unlocked the door and lead you outside where the horses were waiting for you. Almost as sensing something was wrong, Gemini leaned into you once you were close enough.
“Hey, buddy. I’m okay.”
Ellie decided to let go of your hand. Your skin was warm and somehow she was comforted by that. But then she remembers that it probably meant more to her than it did to you. It always did.
She could never read you.
-
“What took you two so long?” Axel asked once you two made it to the dam. You two walked into the building, and straight to the watchtower. Ellie went straight to the couch while you walked towards the notebook and decided to report what had happened.
“Infected, we were clearing the an area and lost track of time.” You explained briskly. Axel nodded, noticing something was off but decided to say anything. Danny and Axel left after packing up.
You looked over at Ellie who was lounging around on the couch that was in another section of the room. She was writing something in her journal. You were curious as to what she was writing. “Watcha writing there, El?”
She didn’t look up and just continued to write. But she was smirking. “Only writing that i had to save your ass… Again.”
You groaned, hearing her laughing from her spot. “Watch it, William. I swear i’ll haunt you from beyond the grave.”
“You’ll never get the chance because i’ll always be there to save your ass.”
You rolled your eyes playfully. “Oh, yay. My own personal prince charming. What’s next, saving me from an evil queen who placed a curse on me?”
“We’ll, it’s on my list.” She joked, finally finishing up whatever she was writing in her journal. She closed her journal and hides it back into her backpack. You decided to look into the other room, you were looking for something specific. After some scavenging you finally found it. A bong.
“Hey, El! Guess what i found!” You yelled from the other room. You looked at the beautiful glass piece in-front of you.
“Please tell me you won the lottery, i would kill for a cruise ticket!”
“Funny,” You walked into the room Ellie was in, and presented the bong to her. Ellie’s eyes widen.
“How’s you know that was here?”
“There’s always at least one at each checkpoint.” You replied swiftly, giving her a grin. “ Eugene is a very chartable man.” 
“We shouldn’t. Plus, we don’t have- wait, do you have some on you?”
You reached into your bag and pulled out a small bag of bud. You smirked and tossed her the bag. “As i said, Eugene is very charitable.”
Ellie was awestruck. “Jesus, y/n. Since when did you become a pothead?”
You hummed. “That’s a really good question- i’m not going to answer though.”
“Aw come on! I literally tell you everything.” Ellie slightly pouting at the fact that you were withholding information from her.
“Come talk to me when you’re 18.” You responded with a smirk on you’re face.
She rolled her eyes and smiled. “Quit being a dick. You turned 18 a couple of months ago and don’t know how to act.”
“Shut up,” You walked over to her and sat on the opposite side of the same couch as her. You pulled out your bottle of water. “So, inside or outside?”
“Outside, obviously. Only one bowl, deal?”
“Deal.”
-
After many hours of waiting, you and Ellie were finally replaced at the dam checkpoint, so you two finished running your routes while riding back to Jackson. It started out rough but at the end of your shift you were feeling better. You had made it through the gates in one piece thanks to Ellie- and she made sure you didn’t forget it.
As soon as you made it to the stables you let out a relieved sigh. You started to stretch out your limbs. “It feels so good being back.” You let out a yawn, after you jumped off of Gemini. Ellie followed after you and stepped off of Shimmer. She grabbed Shimmer’s reins and held out her other hand towards you. You were confused on why she was doing that. “Uh… Is this one of your weird ways of telling me i’m awesome?”
“Psh, you wish. Give me his reins. I’ll bring him in.”
“You sure?” She nodded without any hesitation, so you handed her Gemini’s reins. “I’ll wait for you outside, maybe today’s the day we finish the flood arc.”
Ellie looked just as excited as you- maybe even more. “I’ll hold you to that.” She grinned, which made your heart beat faster. You turned on your heels and waited right outside the stables for her. You shouldn’t get too excited. She’s you’re best friend, your best friend who has a girlfriend. She doesn’t like me back. She doesn’t.
You felt like you were being watched so you looked around, finally finding as Cat walking over to you. She was taller than you and way more intimidating. “Uh, hey?”
She looked unimpressed. “Hey? That’s all you have to say after everything you’ve been doing?”
“Woah! What the hell are you talking about?” You had no idea what she was talking about. You didn’t do anything wrong, at least you don’t think you did. You wouldn’t do anything intentionally.
“Don’t pull that crap. I know you have feelings for Ellie.” She had said it a little too loud, and that’s what made you uncomfortable. You hated how open she was about everything- not everyone can be like that. It was one of the things you envied and hated about her.
“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, Cat. Remember… before anything that Ellie is my best friend. So whatever the hell you think happened- didn’t!”
She scoffed, laughing bitterly. “Right. You expect me to believe that when you’re making Googly eyes at her all the time?”
“Cat! This isn’t the time or place to be talking about this. I’m serious.”
“Fine. Just admit that you have feelings for her and i’ll leave you alone.”
You scoffed, crossing your arms in an attempt to protect yourself from her glaring eyes. “Yeah, right. So you can kick my ass when you hear something you don’t want to hear? Why can’t you understand that what i’m feeling is one sided and that Ellie literally loves you! God, Cat. Couldn’t you have realized that instead of cornering me like this? I cant lie to you.”
“Y/n.”
You immediately recognized the voice, and you felt sick once again. You slowly turned around to face the girl who had been the cause for this altercation. She knows.
“Ellie…���
-
#ellie williams x reader#ellie x reader#ellie williams#tlou2 ellie#dina tlou#jesse tlou#cat tlou2#the last of us part two#maria tlou#tommy tlou#joel miller#tlou2
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Part XXVI: Giving Grief
Author’s Notes: This is the first chapter I’ve posted in months (literally since April). I don’t know if this is a full comeback. I have a few chapters in the drafts that need to be edited and formatted for posting but after that, I still plan on continuing the series bc my plan was always have a long fic. With no new content after part II of the game was released, my interest in the fandom waned but was always there. Now with HBO creating a show based off the game, as well as me being apart of the Pedro Pascal fandom, I think I will soon become more consistent in posting as new content gets released. I will say that at least half of what appeals to me for Joel is Troy Baker’s voice and while I love Pedro’s voice too, I know it won’t be the same. I still think Pedro will do the voice justice bc he can do a damn fine country accent as seen in the movie Prospect on Netflix. If you’re a fan of his and have Netflix, please go watch it!
Genre: Angst and Fluff
Summary: You and Joel reconcile and bond over Ellie and Sarah.
Ship: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader
Joel waited for you to come home. He paced back and forth in the kitchen switching from holding the card and setting it down on the counter. He was eager to talk to you about this new revelation partly because he was nervous to have the other conversation with you. After a while of calming his nerves down, you still hadn’t come home. The sun had set an hour ago and Joel was ready to throw on his boots and go looking for you.
Just as he laced them up, the front door opened. You walked in and immediately stopped because his body blocked you from walking in the house further.
“Going somewhere?” You asked as you slid past him. He was a grown man and could do what he wanted, but the thought of him leaving to go do other things before the issue between you was resolved upset you.
He reached back down to unlace his boots. “Not anymore. I was ‘bout to head out and find you.”
“Why?” You asked dryly.
“I’d been waiting on you to come home for a couple of hours. We gotta talk.”
“You’re right, we do. I was helping Wendy walk the kids home from the daycare; that’s what held me up. I’m here now, though.” You leaned against the back of the couch and crossed your arms. The stance you took reminded you of what Joel would do.
He walked into the kitchen and came back. “Kiddo made this for us.”
You took it in your hands. “When did she have time to make this?” He shrugged. Your fingers brushed across the drawing of the hat before finally opening it. “Oh my God.” She looked at you for a split second before looking back down at her signature. “Her name has been ‘Ellie’ the whole time.”
“I know.” He commented.
“She never said anything. All of us have asked her.”
“Technically, she still hasn’t spoken her name, but I guess she wasn’t ready for that.”
“She wasn’t ready to let anybody in.” You said. He nodded in agreement.
“Until now.” He walked up to you and pointed to her name on the card. “She’s doing so good, this Ellie. I can only try to imagine the horrors that she’s seen out in the world before she came to Jackson, but whatever happened out there, it led her to us. I’m...It’s just nice to see her opening up to this place.”
You understood what he was trying to say. “Yeah, I’m proud of her too.” You walked past him and into the kitchen to hang the card on the refrigerator. Joel followed. This time, his arms were crossed.
“(Y/N), I meant it when I said I was sorry back there. I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
“If you didn’t mean it, you wouldn’t have said it.” You rebutted.
“I was upset with you because I expected you to react the same as me when Ellie climbed up that T-Rex, but I don’t want a carbon copy of myself. I love you and want to have a family with you because you are wise beyond your years, confident even if you don’t always think so, responsible even for things that aren’t your responsibility and most importantly, you’re level headedness. Where I have a tendency to lose my cool in certain situations, you are guided by this calm...patient sense of will that I envy.” He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, giving you the opportunity to say something. Seeing that you were still soaking in his words, he continued. “You’ll be a great mother. I saw it in the gentle way you juggled all those kids at the daycare. I saw it in the way you took care of Ellie the first day she came here. You’ll see though, if it’s meant for us to have a baby, how difficult it is to stop worrying. It didn’t stop when Sarah....even when I tried to push those feelings away. It doesn’t stop. I know she’s not her, but it’s hard for me to just stand by and watch her do something that could hurt her.”
“I wasn’t standing by, or at least that wasn’t my intention. I wanted to give her space. She’s so delicate, or maybe that’s my problem. I shouldn’t treat her like she’s some glass figurine. I just wanted her to grow comfortable with us by trusting her. Believe me, it wasn’t easy for me to do when there was nothing personally for me to go off of, but then I thought, she’s lived out there for God knows how long by herself. She’s not only seen things but has been able to survive things. It’s hard to see how clever someone is when they won’t let you in, but I knew she had to be to have made it this far. I get it though. I’ve never been a parent. I can only sympathize with your worries. I can not empathize with you until I’ve been where you have. I’m sorry too. I could have found a way to give her space without allowing her to be in such a dangerous spot. You must be disappointed in me.”
He moved up to you and placed his hands on your shoulder. “I’m not. Look at me. I’m not disappointed in you. She was both of our responsibilities earlier.” He brought you into a tight hug. “You’re right, she is smart. She felt comfortable enough to show a side of herself that no one else has seen. You know why? ‘Cause she felt safe around us. Despite the grief she put me through, it was nice to see her so happy.”
“I know it was, wasn’t it? I can’t believe she jumped though! I didn’t think she’d go that far.”
“At the end of the day, kids will be kids. It’s not an excuse to slack off on raising ‘em, but there's just a certain wild and carefree nature that every kid has. It’s instilled in their DNA or somethin’ and then it fades away as they get older, about the time their back starts to ache.” Joel chuckled as he explained. He kissed the top of your head before pulling away to get a good look at you. He made a face as if to ask if you were ok. You nodded. He took your hand and pulled you into the living room. You sat down next to him. “She reminds me of Sarah sometimes. Ellie’s about the same age as her. She ran me through the ringer, raising that one.” He chuckled at the memories. “I wouldn’t trade it in for the world, being her dad, but you shoulda seen the amount of grief she put me through. Especially being a single parent.” He wiped his hand across his face, letting it linger along the length of his neck. “One time, she snuck off to some skate park when I told her no. She was in this skateboarding phase. I bought her a customized skateboard for her birthday and she would practice using it up and down the driveway. She had barely learned that little flippy trick when she asked me to take her to the skate park. I told her no because it looked like it was for experienced skaters. I wanted her to practice more first. To say the least, she was mad at me. She told me she was staying after school for the science club, but she really went to the skate park with some friends. By the time I figured out where she was, I found her lying in the grass, holding her arm in pain. Turned out she had a hairline fracture in her...radius?” He pointed to the bone on his arm. You nodded that it was in fact called radius. “I grounded her for lying to me, but sometimes I wonder if I should have taken her to the park. I mean I’m no expert on skateboarding, but at least I could have been there to supervise; make sure she wasn’t on one of those tough looking ramps.”
“Did you ever take her skateboarding after she healed up?”
“After the cast came off, she switched interests to soccer. I installed a shelf on one of her walls to hang the skateboard on. Better that than being stuffed under her bed. Soccer was her life though. She made new friends from the team, won titles, learned tricks with the ball. Me and Tommy were regulars at her games. I was...am proud of her.”
You smiled as you envisioned his memories. “Did she give you grief with that as well?”
He nodded in an exaggerated way. “Oh yeah, but I’m sure I used to give her grief too.” You lifted your eyebrows with desire for him to elaborate. “I may or may not have argued with the coach and ref on a few occasions regarding plays.”
“You never dated any of the soccer moms?” You teased.
He scoffed. “Most of them were married and the ones who weren’t, I sent Tommy’s way instead. He wasn’t mad at it.” The two of you chuckled. “I did flirt with a few, married or not, so I could get my hands on some of their homemade baked goods.”
“I was under the assumption that soccer moms made food for everyone.”
“They did, but I still wanted a few more cupcakes for the ride home.” He admitted as you laughed. “Listen, I had a busy life. I didn’t have much time to hone my baking skills, so it was nice to be able to have homemade cakes and cookies for a change.
“Well, if you wanted cookies, that’s all you had to say! I can show you how to bake right now.”
“It’s late.” He reasoned.
“It’s never too late to feed your sweet tooth.” You rebutted as you pulled him back into the kitchen.
#TLOU#TLOU2#TLOUII#the last of us#the last of us joel#the last of us fanfic#The Last of Us 2#the last of us fanfiction#tlou ellie#tlou joel#tlou fanfiction#tlou oc#naughty dog#Joel Miller#joel x reader#joel miller fanfic#Joel Miller x Fem!Reader
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Danger Days Chapter 8: Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back
summary: finding shelter in an abandoned home, you try to keep your wits about you and care for the still unconscious Joel until some trouble comes knocking
word count: 3,792
content warnings: mention of gore and impromptu medical care, more canon-typical violence, death, murder, arrival of.... cannibals, y'know the deal hurt/comfort
notes: i didn't mention it last time but yeah, your shit really can kill you if you get your lower intestines punctured lol it's a real thing and gnarly af
read on ao3 / masterlist
You woke up in a start. Heavy breaths taking hold in your lungs. The small, barely considerable amounts of sleep were getting to you as they had been for the last month as more and more night terrors racked your brain. Rubbing at your eyes, you pushed yourself up to begin your usual routine.
It had been a couple weeks since your little group found yet another abandoned home and it took some hell of maneuvering to get Joel into the basement but it worked. The winter snow was coming in full force and it was peritive you all kept Joel as warm as possible, there were too many odds stacked against him.
Walking over to his prone body, you checked on his wounds once more as you did practically every couple of hours. He was looking worse for wear, even changing out the gauze could only do so much. Whatever small amounts of clean water the three of you had went to cleaning it out, hoping to stave off the infection.
Joel was, by all means, not doing well.
To top it off, even with your meager amount of medic training from your days with FEDRA could never prepare you for the long-term haul you were in with Joel, he was dying. The bastard was dying and you couldn’t help but feel it was your fault.
Night after night you were haunted by the image of him falling off that balcony, the sounds of his groans of pain still lingered in your head even when you were awake. It fucking sucked.
He was asleep now, he barely woke up since everything went to shit at the university then at the mall. That in and of itself felt like a lifetime ago. You put a hand against his forehead, feeling how his fever still hadn’t broken. With the chill in the air as winter was fully settling in making your fingers cold as ice, he didn’t even flinch away. You closed your eyes and sighed, still not wanting to give up. Not for Ellie, not for Tommy, not even for the grumpy man himself.
A quick glance out the small basement window told you it was nearing dusk which startled you. Ellie had left when the sun was at its peak, sometime around noon, surely. She had been gone much much longer than she normally would have.
Usually it was you who left to go hunting for food once your supplies dwindled but Ellie wanted to help relieve the burden from your shoulders and you reluctantly agreed. Yo hated to admit you needed a break. She had argued she wanted to get better with her bow and arrow and she certainly did, often bringing back animals of various sizes. It was her way of coping with potentially losing Joel, something she confided in you that was one of her biggest fears.
Thoughts of Ellie swirled your mind and you paced back and forth, chewing at your fingernails. A nasty habit you suppressed most days. A part of you wanted to go find the girl, follow Callus’ tracks in the snow. Another part of you didn’t want to leave Joel by himself.
Fuck, you thought.
Compartmentalizing you figured if she didn’t return within an hour, you’d go looking for her. If you couldn’t locate her within a mile radius, a strict rule you enforced her limited hunting zone to, you’d hunker down with Joel and wait until morning to find her and scold her for being irresponsible.
You stopped your pacing to look at Joel’s face, seeing how his face was still warped in the painful scowl he hadn’t let go of. His features were beginning to slowly become gaunt as the small amounts of food you’d been able to get him to eat the rare times a day he’d wake were coming far and few in between. Even his usual tan skin was slowly softening to a cooler shade of bronze. He looked like death.
Joel, by all means, was a handsome cowboy. Even with his patchy beard that was littered with grey hair in a few spots. Now he just looked like a ghost of himself.
Okay, fine, you admit to yourself. With Joel down, you’ve kind of missed the fool. You missed the banter and arguing with him about stupid shit. He irritated the daylights out of you because he always wanted to jump headfirst into things without a care for his safety clearly but dammit, the lack of his presence was palpable. You hated it.
You sat beside Joel, removing one of his hands from under the blanket to hold. His hands still rough and calloused, mirrors of yours if you weren’t missing a finger. Once upon a time, you remembered hearing that coma patients could sometimes hear what people said to them, that it helped. Maybe talking to him now would help not just him but you as well, to keep your mind occupied. Maybe pass the time a little. Maybe.
“Hey, it’s me, you grumpy bastard,” you started off lightly. “I don’t know if you can tell but you’ve been puttin’ that girl and I through hell and back trying to keep your ass alive.”
A hollow laugh escapes you, feeling a little more choked up than you’d ever dare to admit. Composing yourself you tried to use playful banter. “How do you do it, cowboy? Ellie is a goddamned handful. Shit, I thought I was bad when I was a teenager,” you sniff, feeling your voice waver.
“When I first laid eyes on you two, I think it would have saved me a whole lotta trouble and pain if Maria let me shoot you,” you sigh dramatically. Even though there was a smile on your lips, it didn’t reach your eyes. What did were the tears that were slowly forming. The added stress of Ellie being missing was really wearing you thin.
Amongst other things.
“Y’know,” you sniffled, “you really hurt my feelings back at the university. When you thought I led the two of you into a trap.” You took a sharp inhale. “As much shit as you and I put each other through, that was the one thing that stung. More than anything.”
You squeezed his hand and sighed, closing your eyes. Admitting that was hard, stars know you’d never say that to Joel while he was conscious nor in front of Ellie.
“Don’t die, you asshole,” you begged softly, wiping away the light tears that coated your lashes, reluctantly letting go of Joel’s hand as you tucked the blanket around him tightly.
After you said your piece, your mind became overrun with the little turd you grew fond of. The more you began to worry about Ellie, the more your thoughts swirled rapidly into worst case scenarios.
Before you worked yourself into a much deeper frenzy, a loud metallic bang echoed from upstairs. You ran up the steps and came face to face with Ellie, looking just as frantic. She raised her hand and in it, a tied white rabbit, so white it was nearly silver in the dim lighting. “I got food,” she said breathlessly.
“And,” she shoved you aside and took off to the basement, “I got this. Can it help?”
Ellie reached into her pocket and pulled out a syringe and orange bottle, she handed it to you while kneeling next to Joel as he shifted in his sleep. You were still rather shocked to see Ellie who looked faintly bloodied and tired, before you could comment on the new rifle on her shoulder, you took the bottle and were damn near milliseconds from riding into her until you read the faded label of the glass container.
Penicillin.
“Where the fuck did you get this, Ellie?”
Without waiting for her to answer, you dug in your pack and pulled out some disinfectant alcohol and a gauze pad to clean the syringe and a spot on Joel’s arm. Ellie refused to look up from where she kept her gaze focused on Joel’s face, “‘s not important.”
“If I wasn’t so mad at you right now, I’d kiss you.”
Throwing away all the questions you had for her, you administered the antibiotic as quickly as you could, he sighed as the medicine entered his body. Although, it was likely you were giving him too much, truthfully, you didn’t think it would hurt him worse than he already was.
As he relaxed underneath your hands, you looked down at his wound one last time for the evening. The haphazard stitches were taut on his stomach where the swelling was, hopefully by morning, he’d be better.
You didn’t look up from Joel as you laid into Ellie, “I don’t want excuses about where you were, only that you promise me to be more careful in the future, please.”
“Ye- yeah, I promise.”
“Good,” you covered Joel back up, “Now go get some rest. I’ll take care of the rabbit and wake you when it’s done.”
You turned your back to Ellie, it wasn’t that you wanted her to feel bad for her little disappearing act. You just needed some space to gather your thoughts. Between being Joel’s caretaker, Ellie’s temporary guardian, and keeping yourself sane, you were a wreck. You needed a moment.
Before you took a step on the stairs you paused. “Good work on getting the medicine, kiddo. Joel would be proud of you too.”
She didn’t respond as you walked away, the implication that although you were upset with her, you were still proud lingered in the air. Mindlessly, you focused on the rabbit, doing what needs to be done to cook it for dinner, pushing away those lingering worries. Ellie was safe, you reminded yourself, she came back.
It didn’t take you long to finish with your meager dinner, still pretty damn proud of Ellie’s evolving hunting skills. Maybe you’d offer to teach her a couple snares in the morning to leave out overnight. Although they tended not to gain anything bigger than a rabbit or a squirrel, something was better than nothing and you’d figure it would help Ellie focus on something other than Joel’s condition.
You bounded down the stairs, bringing the freshly cooked meat with you. A small shake to her shoulder and she was awake, “Dinner’s ready.”
Ellie didn’t bring her gaze up to look you in the eye, likely still ashamed. The two of you still sat in silence eating, occasionally looking to Joel for any changes or whenever he shifted in his sleep.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice sounding small.
“I know, Ellie. I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I was just worried.”
Once again, the silence encompassed you both like a blanket, warmer now than it was before. You broke it first, “I was thinking about teaching you a couple snares in the morning. How does that sound?”
Ellie wiped the grease from her fingers on her jeans and looked up, “I think I’d like that.”
Just like that, the two of you were on even footing. It didn’t feel right to be mad at each other, not when Joel wasn’t there to diffuse. Either way, it was much like when you were the one in between their own fight that day you’d met them, it wasn’t healthy when you all had to rely on each other for survival. At least with Ellie, she was quick to forgive and forget in the face of the larger picture. A quality you kind of admired in the young woman.
Both of you finished with your portions of the meat, saving the rest for the morning or for Joel if he wakes in the night. Simultaneously you shuffled through the remaining ammo together, doling out some spare bullets to Ellie for her shiny new rifle, still not going to ask how she acquired it. Let her have her space.
She took the bullets graciously, reloading her sidearm and long range weapons and placing them in her backpack before getting ready for sleep. You stayed fiddling with your own weapons for a few moments longer before calling it quits too.
You laid down on the opposite side of Joel, biting your lip and hoping for the best. You tossed and turned, not knowing if you could take facing Joel’s sickly frame but you also couldn’t turn your back on him and Ellie who laid on her backpack on his other side.
Please, you wished, let the medicine take.
These kinds of wishes filled your mind until you slowly drifted to a fitful night’s sleep.
By morning, you happened to find yourself shaken awake with Ellie’s face close to yours, “Wake up, I need you awake!”
You jumped up, onto your knees. “What is it,” you ask startled, afraid Joel was worse than he was when you fell asleep. Looking at Joel, he didn’t look like he deteriorated in the night, but he also didn’t look like he improved any.
“I was tracked,” she says as if that explains anything. Both of you have your hands on each other's arms in a failed attempt at communicating the other’s panic.
“What do you mean ‘tracked’, Ellie?”
“Those people I got the medicine from, David and-and James, they fucking tracked me!”
“Ellie, what the fu-.”
“Look, listen, I’m gonna draw them away. Keep an eye on Joel,” she tells you in a rush, letting go of you and bolting up the stairs, grabbing her backpack on the way out.
“Fuck,” you practically shout while getting up and looking out the window. Outside you see silhouettes of a few men, searching the nearby area. Frustrated, you kick the washing machine.
Shit, shit, shit.
You don’t know what to do, you feel tied down once again because of Joel’s condition and Ellie’s neverending saviour complex. You mumble out a few more expletives at this situation just as you see the girl bound down the street on Callus shouting for the intruder’s attention. As she rides away, you hear bullets being shot at her, getting further and further away from you.
You carelessly threw your denim coat on and opted to grab your knives instead of guns, hoping to kill anybody who came close without alerting the others. Out the basement window, you could see a few of the men still lurking about, choosing not to follow Ellie.
Just before you followed Ellie out of the house, you doubled back to Joel, kneeling forward and giving him a kiss on the forehead. “We’ll come back, I promise you Joel. Just please, don’t die on me now.” Another kiss on his warm skin and you left without stopping, barricading the basement door as if it was left unoccupied.
Everything in you wanted to panic, your muscles were screaming to fold in on yourself and heave what little food remained in your stomach but you couldn’t give in. Not when Ellie was in danger. She may have been a pain in the ass, but she was your pain in the ass.
After your conversation last night, you’d be damned if anybody hurts your girl.
Taking a deep breath, you shook your worries free and cleared your mind. Although you were a field medic by title with FEDRA back in the day, working with them turned you into a killer. It was a toxic mindset for you, even when you had joined the Fireflies, they took advantage of your ability to focus on one thing and one thing only, turning it into their own game - death.
It took years to shake off that blank emotionless part of you, even Tommy was afraid of it when he saw the horrendous things you were capable of, what the Fireflies exploited from you, but Tommy wasn’t here and the people you loved were hanging on by a thread.
It was easy to see the outlines of the few straggling men who searched the nearby homes, whatever Ellie did really pissed them off. Now, these people only pissed you off.
You stayed lurking within the shadows of the homes, even with the sun just getting ready to set, it wasn’t too difficult to stay hidden. Especially to those who weren’t familiar with the layout. It was easy to spot how the few men tended to remain within a handful of yards together, opting not to venture out into the buildings alone. Alert and yet unorganized as you could see how they would often turn their backs on each other, giving you such a delicious opportunity to sneak in and out, weaving through them and taking them down one by one.
Was it absolutely horrible this was your instinct? Maybe. But you had two people you wanted to protect, two absolutely annoying yet selfless humans who gave you hope. You did love Joel and Ellie, even if you hadn’t admitted to it yet. Besides, you had a whole lot of stress burdening your shoulders and you wanna hit something.
You watched as the small group approached one of the homes off to the left, allowing you ample room to get close without having to cross the street in the open. You took off running, not bothering to try and conceal your footprints in the snow as you got to the house besides the targets. You entered through a broken window - a common for every single house on this block. Taking lighter footsteps, you ducked by the windows and reached the second floor landing.
The homes in this area were built within close proximity to the others, making it easy for, say, somebody needing to jump between windows without being seen. Perfect.
You listened hard and close as the men shuffled and tossed things around the first floor, looking for any sign of Ellie and ‘those two people she was with’. You growled lowly, really hating the implication that these people knew about the three of you.
Taking another assessment, you noticed there were two men standing guard out the front of the house, idly walking to-and-fro, their conversation remaining on wishing they were chasing Ellie instead.
A deep breath in and you jumped with an ‘oof’, trying to make as little as noise as possible, aiming for a wide open window with a snow covered bed on the other side. Between the snow and the mattress, the noise was cushioned to only a small thud, thankfully concealed by the thuds of the men downstairs shuffling through rooms. You quickly got up and went to the doorframe and saw there was only a hallway and stairs leading down.
You took deeper breaths again, trying to center yourself for what you were about to do as you heard one person come up the stairs - alone.
Placing your body flush against the wall, you waited in stark concentration, drawing your knife from its sheath. The footsteps came close, nearing the room you were hiding in and just as an armed gunman came in, you rushed him. Putting one hand against their forehead, you pulled the other hand and dragged the knife into their throat, essentially cutting off the person from making a noise and ending their life. You pulled and lowered their body as they began to choke out, laying them on the floor gently against the wall, carelessly hiding the body.
Downstairs you could still hear shuffling of the other invader and you made your way to them, silently assessing.
From what you could tell, the other person was banging around in the basement. So you rounded a nearby corner to where the open basement door was until finally, finally, somebody came through. You took him down just the same as his buddy.
So unorganized, you thought. If they were really looking for you and Joel, they were doing a piss poor job of it.
You swiped a bottle from the kitchen as you strolled past, taking aim out a broken window. Giving it a nice little toss, it shattered against the other house and without fail, you heard the tell-tale signs of one of the other men asking ‘what was that’. You ducked behind the faded curtain until one of the targets came into view, watching how he was pensive and alert, fortunately he was by himself which made the next part just as easy.
As soon as the man walked by the window, you jumped out from your hiding spot and jabbed your hunting knife straight into the soft squishy part of his eye, surprisingly facing little to no resistance.
You pulled it back and repeated the motion again once the man made an audible noise, probably alerting his friend. In only a slight rush now, you jumped out the window and removed your blade, now stalking towards the front when you could hear the other man yell the other’s names.
Wrapping around the corner of a house in a whirlwind, you surprised the last one when you stood face-to-face with him. He looked at you, astounded, mouth agape and dropped his weapon - a handgun. Looking down at his body, he whimpered as he took in the sight of your knife now buried deep in his stomach as you yanked them up into his chest piercing his heart.
Copper scent filled the air as the hunter’s body gave out. His blood spilling down your front. Under normal circumstances you would’ve likely vomited all over yourself but considering the innate need to protect Ellie and Joel, all that shit is blown out the window.
All in all, maybe thirty minutes have passed, you wanted to check on Joel but the distant gunshots were making you worried. At the very least, the longer they went off, the longer you knew your little fighter was alive.
Okay, think, you tried to get yourself to focus. You came up with a rapid-fire plan and before you could second guess yourself, you ran. Refusing to stop. Each step in the plush snow found you closer and closer to your hideout.
Entering the home through the garage, you gave Whiskey a pat as you walked on by and headed straight for the basement. You pushed the undisturbed barricade from the door, grateful it signaled that Joel was safe. Entering the downtrodden room you grabbed your holsters, strapping them maybe a little more tightly than you should’ve and throwing your backpack over your shoulders. You double-checked your weapons, making sure they were fully loaded.
Once again, you kneeled next to Joel as he laid on the dirty mattress, huffing from the rising pain from the stitch in your side. “Joel? I’m gonna go back out and find Ellie. I’m gonna go get our girl,” you said.
You hoped you were telling the truth.
#joel miller#joel miller x you#joel miller x reader#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal#joel miller x oc#joel tlou x reader#joel tlou x you#tlou#the last of us#tlou fanfic#joel tlou reader insert#the last of us reader insert#joel miller fic#joel miller fanfiction#danger days fic#asher's writing
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Chapter 1 - Small Beginnings
Losing My Religion Series Masterlist
Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist
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Pairing: Joel Miller × Female!Reader/OC
Summary: Joel, Ellie and the reader start their month long journey to Jackson. Although it takes time for the reader and Joel to get to trust one another, things develop quicker with Ellie.
Word Count: 5.668
Warnings: Canon typical violence, detailed description of bloodshed/gore and death; PTSD related events and some sexual tension ;)
Author's Note: Here goes another part of the series! There's this one bit where the reader and Ellie are sleeping, I was kind of inspired by that one scene in the beginning of Lady Bird where Christine and her mom are sleeping, so... Anyways I hope y'all like it 🥰
Enjoy!
Moving out of Carmel and Indiana altogether to Illinois was quite the challenge but it didn't take you all too long to reach a city named Peoria. The route Joel had picked was crawling with infected and you had to take detours to avoid them, barely having any time to rest; but when you reached the city in question, it turned out to be awfully quiet there. Although Joel knew you were special forces, he was impressed with your precision and combat discipline - but of course he kept it to himself.
"The weather is getting colder," Ellie commented when you all settled down on a secure, empty house- the sun was beginning to set.
Before you left the building in Carmel a few days ago, Ellie had fetched Kurt's backpack while Joel and her were collecting some ammo from the room he was held in. You couldn't look at your teammates' dead or infected bodies, you couldn't dare - it would've been too much to take in all at once. All you had asked of Joel and Ellie was to close their eyes if they were possibly open, and waited for them at the other end of the hall, crying quietly. Joel gave you your rifle (it had your name on it and it was left on the same table as Kurt's backpack) and Ellie handed you Kurt's bag with his stuff in it.
"I thought you might want to have this," she had said with melancholic eyes.
You smiled and thanked her. She clearly wasn't aware of who Kurt was and what he meant to you. He had his famous jacket and blade rolled up in the bag, a few supplies and ammo and finally, a picture of both of you on the front pocket. He was like a teacher and guardian to you, you wouldn't have survived this long if it weren't for him and knowing he was no longer with you destroyed you, stabbed you in the guts and made you feel sick. Of course you had to swallow it all down and wait until either you reached Jackson or met your maker on the way.
"Hey, why don't you wear this," you took Kurt's jacket off and tossed it to her. "It should keep you warm at night."
"What about you? You're more exposed than I am," Ellie objected as you were still in your undershirt. It had more blood on it than it had while you were in Carmel.
"I saw a clothing shop around the corner," you smiled and grabbed your rifle from the table in the living room. "I'll swing by quickly, see if it still has some clothes in it and I'll get us all something warm."
"You're not going now," Joel entered the room. "The sun is setting."
"It hasn't yet and I'll be quick, don't worry." You turned to leave but Joel stopped you. "It's right around the corner, you saw it. We need new clothes, Joel."
He hesitated for a moment, then moved out of the way. He often forgot you were as quick as a snake in grass.
You cleared out the single runner in the store, which had no legs and had his spine following it around like a tail. The store was quite empty at first, but you checked a couple of rooms in the back and found a lot of clothing from the "autumn collection". There was a tricolour raincoat that could fit Ellie, you also grabbed a black blouse for her and moved to the women's section. You quickly started feeling the texture of every blouse you came across (your options were more limited comparing to the kids section) and eventually grabbed a dark brown blouse, then searched through a bag of jeans. There were only two left, one your size and the other significantly bigger. It felt weird, finally getting your hands on normal clothes.
Just before you moved onto men's clothing, your eyes landed on the underwear section for women. You began digging through it but there was no normal underwear left. What you had was dark coloured thong's and brazilian's and matching bra's.
"Yeah... Who'd wear these in the middle of the apocalypse..." you muttered to yourself and groaned. You had no other choice but to take them and you hated how fancy they were, with their laces and everything.
You made sure to grab Ellie some underwear too and you wished you were as small as she was, for children's underwear looked more comfortable and normal. You felt odd at first, wondering how she'd react, but she needed clean clothing as much as you did.
You moved to another room, dug through men's section which was also quite empty. The only things left were plaid, lumberjack shirts and a sack of black t-shirts, so you immediately grabbed one of each.
You quickly sneaked back to the house, praying that you wouldn't get into trouble as your cargo was quite heavy.
"That was quick," Ellie told you as you set your rifle aside once more, making Joel wait outside the room as you handed Ellie the clothing you got for her.
"Told ya," you smiled. "These are for you... I uh, I hope you don't mind that I got this too."
You showed her the underwear and her eyes widened: "Oh, um- thank you."
Although it was a bit awkward, Ellie was grateful nevertheless. While she got dressed, you went to the room Joel was in.
"I got something for you too," You announced as you walked in. "It's not much, the shop was completely ransacked, but it should do."
"Oh," Joel, surprised, took the clothing and studied it before quietly saying: "Thanks."
You smiled shortly and moved to leave, but his voice stopped you: "Uh, I don't wear XXL..."
You turned around and smirked: "Oh, my apologies, did you really think I was focusing on the size while looking for something to wear?"
Joel sighed and nodded: "Right... you got yourself some stuff?"
"Of course I did," you rolled your eyes. "Finally, kissing this nasty thing goodbye."
Joel's lips turned upwards slightly, then you walked out. He actually appreciated the way your undershirt hugged your frame. You were built quite well, body resembling one of an athlete's - thanks to the torture like training you'd gone through pre and post outbreak. Joel shook his head, what the hell am I thinking, and began changing.
You walked into a bedroom with a mirror and sat down on the bed, slowly removing your undershirt. It used to be white and decorated with different stains, now it was completely red.
You froze at the sight of your body - it was almost completely covered with dried blood and bruises, your mind immediately reminding you of the events that happened dayss ago.
----
"Well, well, well; if it isn't our fish out of water lads..." you heard the all too familiar British accented voice behind you as two hunters pressed you down to the floor along with your teammates. "You really are hard to kill, eh? Well, well done Gabe."
You struggled against the men who were holding you down, spitting blood on the floor.
"Gabe! You son of a whore!" Maxim, the teams sniper, yelled and earned himself a punch in the gut. You breathed furiously against the floor, anxiety rising as you had a few ideas on what you were going to face, watching Gabe walk over and greet the leader of the group.
"Move them upstairs," the leader commanded and the hunters dragged you off the floor to your feet. You tried to escape but they were built like an ox - you doubled over when one of them punched you in the gut, blood coming out of your mouth. "Put them in the room to the right, except for this one..."
He walked over to you slowly and grabbed your jaw tightly, making you growl and spit on his face: "This one goes to the room on the left... She'll be my special guest after I gut all of her teammates."
And with that, he wiped the blood off his face and sucker punched you, making your vision go black.
----
"(Y/N)?" You heard Ellie knocking on the door. "Can I come in? I have your jacket."
You quickly walked to the door and hid behind it before opening it: "Thanks Ellie."
You closed the door once more and muttered to yourself: "I can't wear these before I get cleaned..."
The only thing you missed about the Boston QZ was the showers. They were cold and you didn't have any soap, but in the end you still got cleaned.
You quickly walked into the bathroom connected to the bedroom and digged through the cupboards to find something - anything to help you get rid of the blood. When you couldn't, you tried for the bath aimlessly. You were caught completely off guard when water hit your face, so you shrieked.
"Holy shit," you breathed heavily, too surprised at the water streaming out to hear Joel's footsteps bursting in through the room.
"(Y/N)?!" Joel called for you when he walked in and saw your discarded undershirt. "Are you-"
"I'm fine, there's water here!" You spoke excitedly, but suddenly the water almost stopped pouring. "Oh no."
"What?"
"The water's stuck, I think?" You tried to pull the shower head out but it didn't work. "Quick, pass me my knife!"
"Where is it?"
"In my bag!" You pulled harder on the showerhead as he went through your bag, only to come across your new set of underwear. He froze at the sight, but immediately grabbed the knife after you shouted Quickly Joel! His eyes widened even more when he saw your half naked state, but didn't stop from going in and giving you the knife. You got into the tub and cut the showerhead off, water immediately coming out and pouring onto your body.
"Ah! Shit-" you gasped at the cold touch of the water and stumbled out, body completely soaked.
"Son of a bitch," Joel stared at the bathtub in awe before turning to you and looking you up and down. "I guess you, uh, you should go first. Keep it short."
"Yes sir," you rolled your eyes.
Joel quickly walked out, his stomach doing a flip, almost bumping into Ellie.
"What happened?"
"(Y/N) found some water in the bath..."
"Shit, really?"
"Yeah."
"Fuck yeah!" Ellie exclaimed. "Our luck seems to be turning ever since she joined us, huh?"
Joel didn't make a comment even though, when he looked at it, you really did bring some luck with you.
You quickly washed your hair and cleaned the blood off with your fingers as fast as you could - your arms, chest, lower body, legs...
"You've got to be kidding me..." You smiled when you got out and came across towels in a cupboard in the bedroom. You dried off and called Ellie once you were dressed up, letting her know it was her turn.
While you waited on her to finish, you went over to Joel: "Do we have any bandages left?" You showed him your arms and wrists: "They're not quite healed yet."
Joel looked at you from where he was seated - you looked so different in normal clothing and with your hair down and wet, he almost thought you looked real pretty.
"Yup," he cleared his throat and proceeded to bring some out of his bag. "Sit here."
You sat across him on a leather couch as he applied the new bandage: "This place is so weird, it's almost untouched. I found some towels and more clothing you might wanna see in the wardrobes."
"M-hm," he hummed, then moved onto your other arm.
"It's feels so good to be out of those clothes," you smiled, trying to make conversation. "If only there were some socks, I'd be complete."
"Yeah... like the little set you got for yourself?" Joel (actually) teased, making you blush.
"How did you- Oh, right..." You remembered he had to rummage through your bag to find your knife. "They were the only ones left!"
"Right..."
"I mean it! Do you think I'm in the position to impress someone in the middle of an apocalypse?"
"I'm just messin' with ya," Joel smirked slightly and looked at your face once he was done. "Did you by any chance come across jeans or something in those wardrobes?"
"Pants, shoes, underwear- as I said, this place is untouched." You replied and pulled your sleeves down as he got up and left.
The journey from Peoria to the outskirts of Omaha, Nebraska was mostly uneventful. Every day you gained more strength, keeping watch more than Ellie and Joel as Joel seemed to trust you a little more now. You had also discovered that Joel's brother, Tommy, was waiting for them in Jackson. He used to be a Firefly that you helped here and there - you used to send aid whenever you could to the Fireflies, as you thought they served a better cause, but that vision got destroyed once Tommy and a few others quit. You worked with him quite often and were surprised to find out that him and Joel were brothers - for multiple reasons.
"Uh, was Tommy by any chance a Firefly?" You had asked one day, cutting through a shady looking buding in Bloomfield.
"Yeah, what about it?"
"I used to help them get around FEDRA a few years ago- how come you ended up separately?"
"Wait, what-" Joel began, but the sounds of clickers interrupted him. "Shit."
You immediately raised your rifle and got into position in front of Ellie: "Stay behind me."
It was just two clickers on the entire floor - you made it out without breaking any sweat. You decided not to ask about Tommy again, not getting to hear the rest of the story until you reached Jackson.
It had been approximately two weeks ever since you left Carmel, now you were in Omaha, clearing out yet another apartment to rest in. You hated breaks in buildings, you preferred lakesides, where the water was calm. What you liked about the country and the route was the abundance of lakes and rivers. You got to clean yourself more often, wild life was mostly around it so you didn't starve and it was safer around water - unless it was a stream. You always walked far away from streams, it earned you a few questions but you always managed to avoid them.
Joel was less grumpy with you each passing day. What Ellie had said about luck when you found water in the shower stuck with him, as the road was mostly clear for the three of you; not encountering large groups of Hunters or any herds for a couple of days made things a lot easier. Comparing to his journey from Boston to Carmel, Joel had to agree you were like a good luck charm.
There were a few clickers on the floor that needed to be sweeped. You and Joel moved side by side through the corridors, quietly taking out the abomination. You slowly walked through a door and swept the room with your eyes quickly.
"Clear- through here," You whispered. Just as you were inspecting a crack on the ceiling, a deafening shriek filled your ears and two clickers fell through the crack, bringing half of the ceiling down with them. You jumped backwards to where Joel and Ellie stood, tripping and falling on your back, grunting as quietly as you could. Suddenly, you felt Joel's hands under your arms, dragging you up and away from the wreck. He backed the both of you up to the corner of the room as the clickers slowly got up. Ellie quickly hid under the desk on the other side of the room, but you couldn't get a hold of your footing while trying to keep an eye on her and bumped right into Joel, pushing him into the corner completely with your back pressed tightly against his body. You were breathing too heavily, Joel had to put his hand over your mouth. The closer the clicker got to you, the more you pressed yourself against him. You bit your lip and slowly took out your knife.
The clicker, after making its distressing and obnoxious noises inches away from your face, turned around and walked over to the other one.
You sighed as best as you could with Joel's hand over your mouth, his breath coming down hot on your neck and ear, making you shiver involuntarily. This situation could've been better if our lives weren't at risk, you thought as Joel slowly removed his hands from your waist and mouth. You immediately went for the kill, decided it was too risky to stay here, then moved to another floor.
"Phew," Ellie had said once it was safe. "That was way too close."
"Yeah," you replied, slightly shivering at the memory. However you weren't sure if it were your closeness to Joel or the clickers almost falling on top of you that made you shiver this time.
Days later, somewhere near the Wyoming border, you found an empty cabin in the forest. You'd just escaped a herd and decided to hide there until it passed entirely. Luckily, they were coming from Wyoming; you would've had real shitty luck if it were the other way around.
You had been keeping watch for the past two days so you barely got any sleep, you were restless and tired, so Joel took watch and gave you and Ellie some time to rest.
The cabin was very small, it had only one double bed in the only other room connected to it. You both laid down and just as your eyes were about to close, Ellie started asking a variety of questions which were unrelated to each other, eventually putting you to sleep with her hushed voice. Ellie had really grown on you and you could tell she liked you too. You cared a big deal for her and, as you'd grown older and spent every day with her, she really brought out a motherly side to you; which wasn't entirely bad but it wasn't too good either.
A few hours later you woke up for a brief moment, out of the blue. You were facing Ellie: She was asleep, her body rising and falling slowly. She looked so adorable and at peace like this, it made you smile. You carefully brushed a strand of hair out of her face and watched her for a while, slowly slipping back to sleep.
----
"Please... let her go!" you whined.
"Shut her up!" The man growled and one of the men who were holding you punched your side, making you cry.
Your vision was blurry, but not blurry enough to keep you from seeing the scarring images of your teammate being tied to a tree next to a stream by her ankle. She was passed out, beaten by the group of Hunters who held you captive, so she couldn't do anything but let them throw her unconscious self into the water.
"No! No! Please!" You sobbed, blood pouring from your mouth.
You watched her drown in the stream, crying helplessly. Your only hope was Kurt's tracking skills finding you before she drowned completely - however minutes passed, which felt like eternity, but Kurt didn't show up. You cried and begged, but they didn't listen.
"My, my. What a devoted leader you are... But don't worry darling," that annoying, triggering British accent laughed. "You'll be joining your girlfriend very soon."
You watched as they cut the rope around Felicity's ankle, and watched as her body brutally hit the rocks and fall down the waterfall; making you scream: "NO!"
----
"(Y/N)," you woke up again to the hushed voice of Joel.
"Hm, what's wrong?" You whispered sleepily.
"Your turn to keep watch, c'mon."
Ellie greeted you when you got up and left the bed for Joel to rest, commenting on how much you slept. After awhile of hesitation and silence, she asked about who Felicity was.
You tensed at the mention of Felicity, you must've talked in your sleep.
Felicity was your best friend. You knew her since forever -ever since you were children in kindergarten- and you both enlisted after school was finished. You went through everything together, you survived for twenty years in this mess; until one day you two were ambushed while scouting a new area. It was your first encounter with the same group of Hunters that ambushed you out in Carmel. Felicity's death was the reason why the new recruit, Gabe, was brought to Alpha One.
"Maybe some other time, Ellie," you said weakly. You felt sick to your stomach, like you did when you stepped outside and saw a glimpse of one of your teammate's corpse.
"Are you alright?" Ellie asked. "You're very pale."
"Yeah, I just... I just need to lie down, I think." You ran your fingers through your hair, feeling dizzy.
"Why don't you go lie back down? I can keep watch." Ellie offered. "I'll come wake you up if something happens, I swear!"
"No, Ellie," you gave her an apologetic smile. "I'll stay for a bit, if I feel worse I'll go, okay?"
"Fine," she huffed and settled on the edge of a window across you.
Nausea hit you like a tidal wave after only 10 minutes and you launched yourself out of the cabin, Ellie hot on your heels. Kneeling under a tree and getting what little food you had in you out, you doubled over to the ground after you finished vomiting, which was overdue. Ellie helped you back inside, brought you your water and walked you into the bedroom where Joel was long passed out.
"Call for me if you need anything."
"Alright, you too." You replied after reluctantly lying down next to Joel. "Hey Ellie?"
"Thank you sweetheart." You smiled as best as you could when she turned around, then returned the gesture.
----
"The legendary Alpha One leader, (Y/N) (L/N)..." the man walked around you as his goons tied your ankle around the tree like they did to Felicity. You barely had any power to fight back with your beaten up state, but the shock of your best friend's death and your fate being decided by a bunch of Hunters had adrenaline pumping through your veins. "Look at 'er still kickin' lads! Ha ha! Like the dead fish she is!"
"Fuck you! Fuck- I'll fucking get you, you son of a bitch, you hear me?!" You struggled against the pairs of arms holding you down, right above the stream. "You'll fucking die! I'll kill you for this!"
"Don't be funny lass," the man laughed. "Last time I checked, I wasn't the one with a rope around my neck- or my ankle, if you prefer. Show her what we do to people who try to interfere with our business, lads!"
And with that, you were thrown into the water.
You held your breath at first contact, but the water kept going against your nostrils. You tried to swim to the surface, but you realised you couldn't really move your arm. You groaned and let out some of the air you'd been holding at the realisation that your arm may be broken. Was this really how you were going to die? Was this really it? Your body felt like it was going to explode with the amount of adrenaline and shock and the rest of the emotions you were going through, ready to give up. Just as you were indeed ready to give out, however, you felt yourself being dragged by the ankle. Were they cutting the rope or-
With one hard pull, you flew out of the stream with a loud gasp, choking on water as you landed on your back.
"She's alive! My god she's alive!" You heard Kurt yell and rush to your side. Guess this wasn't how you were going to die after all. "I got you darling, I got you."
You gasped for air, looked around for hunters only to find the rest of Alpha One slowly approaching your position. Knowing you were safe, you relaxed and began sobbing violently: "It's okay (Y/N), I'm here, you're safe."
----
Your eyes slowly fluttered open at the sudden overheat. Your body was turned to the left, but with more weight on it. Something hot was blowing against your face and something else was pressing down on your waist. You slowly got grip of reality, only to notice that it was Joel partly cuddled up against you. Your eyes widened but you couldn't really move - his arm was loose around your waist but you didn't want to wake him up
This is nice, having some sort of physical contact which didn't pose a threat-
Stop... you thought to yourself, but then realized how your forheads almost touched.
Shit shit shit...
Your face scrunched up at your situation, cursing yourself internally for being so weak and getting yourself almost ill to end up sharing a bed with a man you'd only known for, what, two weeks?
And he was somewhat cuddling you in his sleep. How did he even know you were next to him?
He suddenly shifted a little, getting impossibly close to you, his hand almost touching your rear and making you feel uneasy. Your teeth were going to crush and your jaw was going to lock up if you stayed like this any longer - this made your imagination run wild, involuntarily of course.
It had been somewhere near 15 years since you got involved with any type of romantic and sexual activity, you were touch starved and Joel was incredibly attractive -impossibly so- with his deep voice, handsome face; all the muscles hidden under that green shirt of his... He was rough; he had this air of dominance to him which got you flustered from time to time. But what also attracted you to him was the possibility of a soft side, hidden deep beneath tough layers of walls built over the past 20 years.
You were involuntarily getting turned on when his hand was practically on your ass so you cleared your throat, more quietly than you had intended, to which he didn't respond. God fucking dammit-
"Look at you lovebirds! Ew..." Ellie's comment woke him up instead, you acting like you were sleeping as well so neither of them suspected a thing.
"Oh god," you moved away as Joel mumbled an apology, retreating to his own side.
"I'd say get a room, but-" Ellie continued but Joel interfered.
"Just-" Joel gave that one impatient glare of his you got so used to, making Ellie immediately stop talking.
"Okay, okay!" She raised her hands defensively. "Well, I thought you should know, I think the herd passed."
"You think?" Joel and Ellie went outside quickly, but you stayed exactly where you were, sat on the edge of the bed.
You were disciplined and certainly had self-control, but you never had had the time to grieve anyone properly. You just pushed it away and stayed strong for everyone in Alpha One, you realized how you never made grieving an option for yourself. It wasn't the first time you had lost someone of course. Your parents, friends, people you were acquainted with in a variety of places... but Feliciy drew the line and Alpha One crossed it with it's entirety. You really needed to get to Jackson, you didn't know when you would slip and lose your composure altogether.
Joel walked back in to tell you that it was time to move, but halted when he saw you still sitting at the edge of the bed. He felt embarrassed, he felt like he probably triggered a bad memory.
"Hey... You alright?"
"Yeah yeah, just, gimme a second," you said, swallowing back the urge to cry.
"Look, I'm sorry, I- I wasn't doing it knowingly," he tried to explain without tumbling over his words.
"No it's fine, really," you spoke and turned to face him. It was more than fine, in fact. As awkward as it was, it made you feel a type of warmth in you which you hadn't felt in quite some time. "I um, I shouldn't have invaded your space-"
"Nonsense," Joel interrupted immediately, taking a step toward his side of the bed. "Ellie told me you got sick, you had every right to rest."
You were expecting him to be angry with you for leaving Ellie by herself with a herd passing only miles away, but you reckoned he was more embarrassed than angry. You couldn't blame him, he never acted soft, ever, this must be truly awkward for him.
"We gotta move," Joel cleared his throat and reached for his bag on the floor. "You feelin' alright?"
"Yup," you partly lied. "Let's go."
And so continued your journey, onward to Jackson which was at the other end of Wyoming. Joel and you had very few chats after what happened in the cabin, only really talking when Ellie started up conversation.
One night, days later while you were in Casper, getting sidetracked for the umpteenth time, Joel joined you in watch while Ellie slept.
"Y'know, you sometimes talk in your sleep," he started conversation as he sat across you.
"So I'm told." You pursed your lips, memories of Felicity starting to resurface in your mind.
"You kept mumbling a woman's name," Joel tried. "Was she your..."
"I don't wanna talk about it," you snapped, more because you were scared rather than you were angry. You were scared, because you knew it would hurt once you started talking.
"Okay," Joel looked away. Ever since you started travelling with them you'd been nothing but nice and caring toward him. Even though you were ex-military. You felt so human to him, as if you weren't in an apocalypse. Most people lost themselves and their humanities in the past 20 years. He'd seen god awful things, including the slaughter of your team, but a piece of human still remained in you. He'd seen how you were with Ellie and he really appreciated how you treated her like a little sister... or even like a daughter from time to time. He knew from the beginning, deep down, that he could somewhat trust you when Ellie first told him your stories at the QZ... but one can never be too careful.
"So," you felt bad for snapping at him, so you tried to change the subject. "You and Tess smuggled her outside the QZ, for what?"
Joel visibly got tense at the mention of Tess' name, so you backed off. "Nevermind."
Joel didn't say a word but he thought about you. Once you were in Jackson he had to tell Tommy, that meant you were going to find out why him and Ellie were out in road sooner or later anyway, but he picked later for now.
"I, uh..." you tried again, cringing internally. "I want to ask you a few things, but they all might connect to something in your past, so..."
"Yeah," Joel nodded. He was both surprised and amused at your honesty.
You stared at him for a while as he stared at the small fire in front of you. You really did want to get to know him a little, but getting to know people have been like walking through a minefield for the past twenty or so years.
"I reckon you were a soldier before all this?" He asked out of nowhere.
"Yup- spec ops." You nodded. "What about you?"
"I, uh, I was a carpenter."
"Really?" You asked in disbelief.
"What?" He looked offended.
"No, I mean it's just that- you're this big rough guy and- shit, I dunno, I expected something else?"
"Rough guy, huh?" Joel chuckled. "What did you expect?"
"Anything but a carpenter... though I can see it now, with the shirt and everything."
You both chuckled. Joel bit his lip and stared at the ground for a while before giving into his curiosity: "I can't help but ask... how old are you?"
"Now that's not a very ideal question to ask a lady, isn't it, Mr. Miller?" You smirked.
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry ma'am." He mocked and rolled his eyes.
"I'd say... around my late thirties?" You had no clue about precisely how many years it had been since the outbreak. "I was twenty when I joined special forces, six months later everything went downhill."
"I'd hate to break it to ya, but I think you're either forty or forty one."
You gasped: "Shit, already? What about you?"
"That'd make me around... God damn..."
"What, fifty?" You laughed.
"Something around that..."
You immediately stopped laughing, cheeks heating up a little. He can't be fifty!
"Forty eight," he mumbled.
"Well, if it's gonna make you feel better, you look a lot younger." You smiled.
"I can say the same for you. I thought you were no older than thirty-five..."
That was the first time you'd had a conversation other than the route. A genuine conversation about each other's personal lives- on some level anyway. It felt nice. Conversations like this with Joel, although brief, took your mind off things. Ellie's too of course, but sometimes she got a little too curious for your liking, but you weren't rude about it in anyway. And that's basically how it went until you reached Jackson: Watching each other's backs, small talk about the stuff that didn't relate to his and your background and slight teasing here and there. You became more comfortable around him after that night and he seemed to be getting more comfortable and trusting as well. You knew you shouldn't be getting too attached, as you knew you wouldn't be seeing them again after they left you in Jackson, but you couldn't deny the fact that they kept you going - that they kept you safe.
#joel miller#joel x reader#joel miller x reader#joel miller imagine#tlou x reader#the last of us#the last of us x reader#tlou fanfic#the last of us fanfiction
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