hi! i actually would liek to hear your thoughts on the whole "health" = "care" thing but i dont want to subject you to my followers on that one post so i'm asking you about it here instead 👀

oh i didn't want to subject you to a rant! but thanks for giving me the opportunity :) I just can't stand the idea that if you "take care of yourself" you will automatically be healthy, and that if you are unhealthy it's because you didn't do a good enough job taking care of yourself. side note that i think the concept of "healthy" in and of itself is an issue because it's predicated on a set of ideas that cannot and do not work for everybody.

but in this particular case what pisses me off is this common fanon construction: sam eats vegetables and runs = sam cares for himself = sam is healthy vs. dean eats burgers and doesn't run = dean does not care for himself = dean is unhealthy. also at play is dean's drinking, which i view as a serious disease influenced by social factors and his mental state, but which others view as a personal moral failing (dean drinks = dean doesn't care about his body = dean is unhealthy). i'm not saying either of them is healthy or unhealthy, just that i really don't think it's up for us to decide how healthy anyone else is, and especially not based on how much care we think they are or should be taking.

Analysis on the MHA Girls

(Part I: Uraraka & Momo)

I know that the fandom tends to dislike these queens and push them aside, and I know Hori doesn't really know how to write women, but what he has given us is great and I wish the fans would appreciate these awesome ladies more. So here's an analysis for my girls, I wanna do an analysis on the three musketeers (broccoli, popcorn, & candy cane) so that'll be posted soon too :)

Uraraka

BEST. GIRL. I love Uraraka so much, she is the reason why I started watching MHA and she's such a sweetheart, I wish she wasn't so hated amongst the fandom.

We first meet her as this wholesome, bubbly girl who saves Midoriya from falling, and it's pretty clear that she's gonna be the main love interest. Honestly, I was a little disappointed during her first few scenes. Like I said, she was the reason why I started MHA, and she turns out to be the typical sweet girl the main dude has a crush on. I didn't have high hopes tbh. What first intrigued me was when she admits her reasons for becoming a hero. You would never expect the innocent girl-next-door love interest to be doing something for money. Even she herself says it's "such an unwholesome motivation" in comparison to Midoriya's and Iida's reasons, and she gets praised for "looking out for herself." This is the first misconception I see often on her character; she wants money for herself because she's poor. If you look into her reasons, she just wants to make money for her parents, not for her, so that her parents can take it easy. She is just as selfless as Midoriya and Kirishima, but I don't see her get praised for her selflessness nearly as much as for those two or other characters. I also really like the small flashback they included; her father tells her to not worry about them and to follow her dreams. Whether at the start Uraraka truly wanted to be a hero or solely did it for the money is up for interpretation. I personally think she started solely for the money, which I'll get into after I talk about the Sports Festival.

Uraraka vs. Bakugo is one of the most emotional fights in my opinion, and it's one of my favorites. EVERYONE in that stadium underestimated her. I'm not going to say that the reason was because she was a woman, but rather, Bakugo is pretty ruthless and powerful, where as she is not, and people knew that. The fact that she was a "small young girl" just added more fuel to that, if that makes sense. And this best girl did what she could to prove EVERYONE wrong. This is where Uraraka proves that she isn't a typical sweet shonen love interest and I wish people took notice in that. People think of ambitious, determined, driven, cunning, and powerful women as dark and mysterious, femme fatale so to speak. But this fight shows that Uraraka, a pretty extroverted, kind, and bubbly person, is all of those qualities, just as ambitious and determined as the strongest male characters in the show, such as Bakugo and Todoroki.

And when she loses the fight (after basically passing out btw, queen didn't stop until the very end), she doesn't just mope and quit and wait for encouraging words from her love interest, she 1. GIVES the encouraging words TO her love interest and 2. she understands that her quirk alone isn't going to be enough to get her to the top, so she carefully chooses a hero agency where she knows she will be taught combat, AND SHE LEARNS. The next time her class is attacked by villains, she single-handedly takes down one of the more dangerous members without a quirk, just with the fighting skills she took the time to learn.

Back to what I said earlier, Uraraka started her hero journey solely for money. This plays directly into her development in seasons 3 and 4, which is criminally underrated. She sees her entire class working harder than ever, and even though she's dealing with unfamiliar emotions, she decides to push those emotions aside to not fall behind, determined to be a good student and hero like her classmates. During the events at Shie Hassaikai, Uraraka finally learns the true environment a hero works in. Failing to save Nighteye, she realizes that what she truly wants for herself isn't money or Midoriya, it's being a hero who saves people. I believe Nighteye's death directly ties into the "who protects heroes when they need protection?" line. This recent chapter in the manga makes me think that she's gonna do something big and go through a character arc. I said this on Twitter and I'll say it here, I want Uraraka to become a hero who protects heroes (whatever that could mean, it has a nice ring to it lol). Honestly, her character has sm potential, I'm excited for what Horikoshi has in store for her.

Momo

God is a woman and that woman is Momo Yaoyorozu. I'm tired of people calling her annoying because of one episode, as if you've never had self-esteem problems before 🙄 so now I'm going to talk about why she's amazing 😋

My initial impression of Momo was the typical smart girl, stern, formal, and aloof, but still caring. And as I rewatch the series, I believe this is what Horikoshi was going for at first. I think her voice was deeper in the first season too. As much as I love the Erza type of characters, I love where Horikoshi ended up going with Momo. As a teenage girl, I find the arc she went through during season 2 very relatable. It's obvious that Momo was raised to have full confidence in herself. While she may not show it like Bakugo does, I think it's obvious that she's not used to losing, she was probably praised for having an amazing quirk growing up, like Bakugo, but is a way more humble about it because she was raised differently. So at the Sports Festival, she experiences losing, seemingly for the first time, in a place where she just can't afford to lose. But she does. And this takes a huge toll on her.

She's rich, pretty, the top student in class, and admired by her peers, but obviously that's not what mattered to Momo. What mattered to her most in that moment was looking good in front of agencies, what mattered most was to be a worthy hero, and she feels like she's failed. She seeks guidance from a female hero, hoping to have a female role model guide her through issues she has as a 15 year old girl, but instead finds herself being used for her looks. Again, Momo doesn't care about any of that, she just wants to be considered a worthy hero, and her defeat at the Sports Festival made her completely lose the confidence she needed to accomplish that goal.

Now we have the Yaoyorozu Rising episode. Fans who hate her often refer to this episode as "evidence for Todomomo", "her being annoying by not knowing what to do," etc. etc. etc. 🙄

I like Todomomo. It's a cute and healthy ship. There are WAY more Todomomo scenes, not in this episode. Todoroki is a side character in Momo's story in this episode. This episode is MOMO'S. Sorry but she’s not sharing the spotlight. I know that seems a little aggressive, sorry, but this episode shows a lot of development in Momo, and it just gets brushed off as Todomomo content when it's not. She did know what to do, btw, she has a plan. She didn't know how to communicate that. She didn't want to communicate that. She was scared that her plan wouldn't work. She was scared that she'd fail. All of that stems back to her defeat at the Sports Festival, she has lost a major amount of confidence, and Aizawa and Todoroki notice this. Aizawa even says that her actions are of a normal 15 year old girl's, and even though he wished to help her, he couldn't, so Todoroki does it in his place. This is something I notice about Momo that is one of the most relatable things I've ever seen in a teenage girl in not just shonen, anime but just in fiction in general: she knows she has a good plan, but she doesn't have confidence in it until someone else gives her the validation. Upon seeing that others trust her, she regains her confidence and fulfills her plans with excellency. She is a REALISTIC 15 YEAR OLD GIRL which is honestly SO refreshing to see in a work of fiction. It's what I love about her character: she represents many teenagers, girls, boys, and theys alike.

And yeah, it might've been annoying if she had stayed the "has good plans but only executes them if she gets the validation from others" type of character. But she doesn't. By season 3, she has shown a significant amount of growth. She is shown to be more of a leader now that she's more confident in herself, and she's still dealing with it (that one scene with Sero & Jiro 💀), but she's gotten a lot better after realizing her worth, after realizing the trust others have in her, after realizing that others see her as an intelligent leader. So in the forest, she quickly comes up with a plan and executes it quickly. Had she not done this, had she not thought and acted quickly, who knows how long it would've taken before the heroes found Bakugo.

Another thing I want to mention before I finish Momo's section- at the hospital, All Might calls her a worthy hero because of her actions. It was her inability to act quickly at the Sports Festival that made her doubt her worth, and it's her ability to act quickly that makes All Might see it. I think this plays a major role for her character, maybe why she ultimately decided to go on the mission to save Bakugo. She's gonna have some of the spotlight to herself during the Joint Training Battle.

I also want to mention something from the manga, if you don't want spoilers then don't read this part.

Some of Midnight's last words in the manga are "Yaoyorozu's going to make a fine leader someday," which shows how her peers and mentors alike notice her potential. Additionally, she proves this statement right by quickly coming up with a plan to stop Gigantomachia. I'm very excited to see how Momo develops into an even more inspiring leader as the manga continues.

RE chiming in go go

Because I can’t decide whether to put my thoughts, I decided Imma just do this and tag you in, @wellthisisprettyrisque!

Because you’re bringing some interesting discussion concerning Fictional Relationships, how much of them involves things that are SO NOT FUCKING HEALTHY in a real relationship, and the question of recognizing/acknowledging OTPs for what they are instead of sanitizing them.

Leon and Ada are.......honestly, a huge mess and a classic example of the Dating Catwoman trope in fiction. Forbidden or complicated romances are often present in fiction, especially in fiction involving Spies and Secret Agents. 

I’ve always personally felt like they are a good example of how a relationship is more than just chemistry and attraction. Relationships need more than just desire or emotion to work, especially in the long run. And I think that is something both of them understand, because they aren’t the emotionally-charged young people they were that night in Raccoon City.

Ada’s a character that is kind of......incredibly inconsistent from entry to entry, and they seem to have no intentions of ever laying the cards on the table concerning her true motivations, goals, or background. Really the only things we know is that she’s a ruthless and brilliant, and terribly inconsistent when it comes to Leon. Every single time the woman shows up, we have her risking her life/mission for Leon one moment and then doing something that could harm him another. I’m not sure if they intended it to show “personal conflict” or whatever, but it’s kind of frustrating how they can’t seem to decide on something as simple as “Ada will protect Leon no matter what” versus “Ada will tell him to RUN BITCH RUN with a smile on her face”. 

PICK ONE HOLY SHIT.

Ultimately, Leon and Ada are people that could never work out because neither one of them is willing to change their ways or leave their current life behind. Leon clearly doesn’t expect Ada to do so, and she actively helps him reclaim his place on the right side of the law. So I think that both know that it isn’t something that will ever happen between them.

Leon has never been able to let go of the torch he carries for Ada, but knows that he can never actually have her. 

Ada is a mystery, but simply from her line of work is likely someone with a very damaged ability to connect with people. She doesn’t trust out of necessity, and she readily acknowledges Leon as the one time she’s let emotion overrule reason, something that nearly cost her life. She actively keeps him at arms’ length, issuing him warnings, and almost never letting him see or know the crazy shit she’s done for him. (Separate Ways and RE6 campaign, we’re looking at you.) I think Ada is someone that really DOESN’T want to care, and the world she lives in encourages that. She’s used to dealing with men like Simmons and Wesker, after all. 

Maybe in some other world, some peaceful Coffeeshop AU or something, Leon and Ada might have had a chance to be a couple. But they don’t live in an uncomplicated world, and their professions have placed them into a reality that doesn’t allow for a lot of attachment. Leon tries his hardest to be as good and decent as possible within the constraints of his ugly work, while Ada hides everything behind a flippant smile and a coy remark. He wants to make connections as best he can and wants to care so much, while she......really actively tries NOT to care and does most of her kind moments when no one can possibly see her doing it. 

It’s a huge, complicated mess. It’s not something with a happy ending or potential for anything healthy. The only good point is that both of them definitely seem to know this, and have no expectations of the other changing for them. 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I think I got too much sun today. I mean, it’s spring here finally. (Altough on Saturday it was still snowing, welcome to Finland..........) There’s sunny days. I was out the whole day (at the harness racing... well, races as I’m studying horse training n stuff) and it was very sunny day and even tho too much sun causes me to have a headache, apparently it and the whole experience made me also feel very energetic. I’m really tired tho but I’m listening to music and feeling this... feel that I usually love to call “happiness”, music has always had this effect on me. Especially around spring. Around that time I really love life and living.

ALSO I start feeling like I need company. Right now, for some reason, I’m again starting to mentally hype Gotham in my head even tho I still haven’t been able to watch the 3rd Season and when was it when I finished with 2nd season? Few months ago when it was added to Netflix...

SOOOO I don’t even know what I’m trying to achieve with this or if I’m trying to achieve anything at all, I just feel like talking and idk. I think this is going to be about mental stuff once again as I am pretty much obsessed with mental health stuff and I myself am a one big (except I’m short wait what) walking mental health issue. Anyway, I’ve been a huge Batman fan since I was 8 years old and back then I couldn’t really explain it but later I realized I’m still a fan because of how psychological everything is in that world. Also majority of them are not what they are just by accident but because of how everything affects everything. I love the Arkham video game series for this too, you can see this psychological aspect in there so well.

It seems I look up to characters that are more or less mentally ill (this is not from DC but Marvel Universe, but Deadpool is my ultimate favorite but still kinda sharing the first place with Batman, and Joker too) because I’ve admitted to myself and some of my things are just not curable but that’s just plain okay. If I can learn to live with them, then they should not be a problem to anyone else either. I just hope I could say aloud that I have anxiety attacks, panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive thoughts, derealizaton, depersonalization, body-image problems (basially I don’t feel the way I look and it’s causing me to love escapism), constant worry of certain things and overthinking and what else and no one would not judge me for it. Atm it feels like it’d be the worst ever if everyone knew because all I can imagine in my head is this huge scenario where people turn against me because they wouldn’t know how to deal with me anymore as if the disorder appeared out of nowhere, even tho it has always been there but they just did not know about it. (Basically I think this could be compared to those who are “in the closet” for their sexuality/anything; even tho I’m not. I’m ace+aro and proud but I just don’t say it aloud ever, people will figure it out if they need to know.)

Being mentally ill is just a huge taboo and seen as a bad thing in this world. Like, don’t get me wrong, there’s some illnessess that I wouldn’t wish to anyone, but it’s not for others to decide whether it’s a problem or not. Mental “illness” can also be what makes you, you. Part of our personalities.

So this is why I love characters that are weird or could be mentally ill. This is why I’m very much obsessed with Deadpool. I just can relate to them way too much. And I constantly need to read or hear about toher people’s symptoms and feelings because, idk, it makes me feel better. I’m not alone with myself. I don’t care if it’s a fictional character or a real person, I just need to relate to something. It’s actually one of my ways to “compulse” my anxiety - I go and read about things. If I’m having a weird anxiety attack out of blue, I go and read about generalized anxiety disorder. It’s like I try to explain every feeling of mine by psychiatry. I don’t think it’s even that healthy lol, but that’s what I seem to do every time... I costantly self-diagnoze myself, I want to know more and more and more, I want to hear what doctors would say about me. I just want to _KNOW and nothing is enough, I don’t think I’ll ever stop doing this. Even if I was diagnozed one day, I guess I’d still come up with new diagnoses.

I think this^ is because I was bullied at school and I also always had this desire to be different. Actually not even desire but obsession. People say that we shouldn’t be proud about our anxiety or something but to be honest, I actually am proud. Like here in the internet, I’m really excited to talk about this and to describe myself. I feel like it’s the only thing I’ve succeeded at even tho some would see it as a failure. Okay I sometimes feel like that too, there has been times when I’ve been feeling so down and I’ve just tried to imagine how life would be if I was not mentally ill. Sometimes I’ve actually imagined it and let’s just say life would not be worth living, everything would be so empty and dull, like living without brains. Yes, there’s days when I don’t want my anxiety, but the days between the anxiety are great. Maybe I need that anxiety so I remember to enjoy those days when I don’t have anxiety. I need anxiety to stay healthy, I probably wouldn’t sleep nor eat like ever if I didn’t have my anxiety. I get anxiety about food if I haven’t eaten well enough, there was a time when I ate very very poorly and never again, it was horrible. I would probably be dehydrated if I didn’t have my anxiety. I just can’t imagine living in this world without my anxiety and hundreds of other quirks because then I’d turn into this zombie who I see way too often in life. I can’t imagine how some people are just happy with all this life cycle of going to school and studying and getting a job and having a job until they retire and are already too old to phsyically to anything at all. I want to live while I still can. Yet I feel like I’m trapped because of how the society nowadays is how it is, money is everything and you get no money without a job but when you are not really able to work like that, only way to get money is to get lucky and win a jackpot. Which is not gonna happen as I don’t do lottery...

I think I lost the point a while ago. I felt like talking to someone but not anyone special. Probably feeling like talking to my best friend who doesn’t even exist. Last time I had a best friend was when I was 13, then I always had my cousin but it feel weird that she now has a kid, it felt like she was not my _best friend ever since she started dating boys and later found her partner who she has the kid with too. I think ever since I’ve been in search for that best friend but it’s most likely never gonna happen because I strongly believe that this person does not exist at all. Like you just can’t find a person with all these features. Just like my body image is something that does not exist (I would like to be able to change my looks at will...), also my ideal-best-friend is not something that can be found in this reality. Which is bit sad but that’s why I live for escapism. And when I get really obsessed with something fictional (oh how I wish it was not fictonal... I don’t like this reality...) that’s when it gets “mixed up” with this reality and all I want to do is just talk about it and do stuff that has something to do with this thing. Otherwise I just... “go with the flow”, try to live this life but I still spend more time in fictional worlds (movies, tv shows, games, books) than in this reality.

Usually when I feel like hyping and talking, it’s just enough that I write somewhere, like Tumblr, and pretend like someone was reading these and it’s like I talked with someone. Because really I don’t even need the answers, I just need to be heard. Fortunately I have therapy on Wednesday, it’s been probably a month since the last time. Actually almost exactly a month. It’s just... these thoughts never end by thinking or talking. More is just one the way 24/7. I get myself confused when I talk and think but it’s okay when I don’t think about them. Existential crisis.

Oh gosh how tired I am, I need to go to sleep soon. This day was very exhausting yet I don’t feel tired tired. Just my body is tired.