#and they did a A Christmas Story parody
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Dear MAD Magazine,
I would like to write for your institution. I have been reading through your back catalogue for months, and I feel that every day I get closer and closer to being able to replicate the iconic MAD style. Attached below is some of my work. I hope you enjoy it.
Thank you for your time,
Antigone
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A SHAME of GROANS!
Lord DULLARD SHART and his wife Lady HATIN' SMELLY are approached by King SLOBBER TOYOTATHON for a prestigious position on his court. However, can their daughters SHAMSA and FARTYA adjust to the royal lifestyle? And what of LAME-PEE CAN-IT-NERD, the Kingslayer, who crippled young UNPLANNED SHART for overhearing the devious plans he and his sister Queen GIRL-PEE CAN-IT-NERD concocted? Read on to find out!
#this is a shitpost#game of thrones#a song of ice and fire#asoiaf#this was inspired by my dad getting me a copy of the MAD Chris special#and they did a A Christmas Story parody#where instead of Scott Farkus it's Snot Carcass
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IQ Test #2: Ritchie Johnson
Ritchie Johnson swaggered through the large building on his college campus and into the library, with two Psychology textbooks in his arms. In the library, students were going about their business. A girl by the name of Samantha was checking out some mystery novels, and Ritchie’s friend Leo had his nose in a very large book. Ritchie knew Leo because they were both gifted students, and were about to graduate university at the end of the semester at sixteen years of age.
Ritchie found the little alcove where he often studied for his psychology classes. He was to take an IQ test today, in order to see just how gifted he really was. Ritchie turned the knob and pushed open the door with his foot, squeezing through the frame. Inside, a thirty- something- year old man sat in a chair at the end of a long wooden table. “Hello,” Ritchie said. “I’m Ritchie. You must be Mr. Smith?”
“I’m surprised you got my name right, you pretentious stuck up jerk.”
Ritchie was taken aback. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me, you stuck up intellectual piece of garbage! I’m just as smart as you are!”
“I didn’t say you were dumb,” Said Ritchie.
“Sit down and let’s get this over with.” Said Mr. Smith.
Ritchie nodded uncomfortably. “Sure. Let’s get started.”
“Question one- what did I have for lunch today?”
“What?” Asked Ritchie. “How am I supposed to know that?”
“If you’re really a genius, you’ll know. Take a guess.”
“Um- a chicken sandwich?” Asked Ritchie.
“What’s a chicken sandwich?” Asked Mr. Smith.
“Do you seriously not know?” Asked Ritchie.
“Don’t condescend to me! I’m just as smart as you! Your IQ may be 170, but mine is 50! I’m only 120 points below you, you stuck up intellectual dweeb!”
“You’re a level 50 IQ and you’re giving me this test? How do you even have this job?” Asked Ritchie.
“My Dad blackmailed the university. The dean was caught on my Dad’s phone video robbing a bank and then taking his mask off after leaving the bank, and my Dad threatened to post it on YouTube if he didn’t give me the job.”
“So you’re not even qualified?” Asked Ritchie.
“I am! I dropped out of middle school, but I received my equivalency degree at the school of the puppy farm my Dad works at. I know a lot about intelligence and how it works.”
“How’s that?” Asked Ritchie.
“It’s determined by my feelings. If I feel I’m intelligent, then I am. Also, emotional intelligence is the only other form of intelligence. I go to group therapy every week so I can pretend to care about people’s feelings and prove my intelligence.”
“Sure,” Said Ritchie. “Can we please get on with the test?”
“Next question- what’s my favorite holiday?”
“Christmas?” Asked Ritchie.
“No!” Mr. Smith yelled. “You got it right! Now I look stupid!” Mr. Smith suddenly jumped up from his chair and ran to the door, but struggled with the knob. “Dammit,” Mr. Smith swore loudly. “I always have trouble with door knobs.”
“Are you ok?” Asked Ritchie. “How did you even get in here if you can’t open doors?”
“I had the Librarian help me. I never remember to push the door open after turning the knob,” Mr. Smith leaned on the door. “There we go. Goodbye now!” Mr. Smith ran out into the lobby where he spotted Leo.
Mr. Smith paused and yelled, “Oh no! What do I do?” Leo had already been retested by someone else and proved to have a 190 level IQ, but Ritchie’s test wasn’t done yet. Not wanting to look stupid in front of someone he hated, Mr. Smith turned and ran back into the alcove.
“Back so soon?” Asked Ritchie.
“Time to finish that IQ test, and prove I’m more smarter than you,” Said Mr. Smith.
“Don’t you just mean, ‘smarter’?” Asked Ritchie.
“Shh!” Yelled Mr. Smith. “Next question- what time did I wake up this morning?”
“6 AM?” Asked Ritchie.
“No!” Yelled Mr. Smith. “Not again! You can’t be smarter than me!” Mr. Smith got up to run away again, but went in the wrong direction accidentally and bumped into the table. He bumped into it again a few more times, unsure of how to escape.
“Do you need some help?” Asked Ritchie.
“No! Don’t patronize me, devil spawn!” Mr. Smith said. He backed up finally and hit his back against the wall, then ran in a zig zag motion for the door as Ritchie finally couldn’t take it anymore and burst out laughing. Mr. Smith tried again to open the door and accidentally kept turning the knob the wrong way, and then finally figured it out and pushed open the door. He ran out into the library.
“Help!” He yelled. “He’s smarter than me! I look so stupid!”
Leo rolled his eyes at the spectacle Mr. Smith was making, so Mr. Smith got angry. “No one is allowed to be smarter than me! No one! I quit! I’m going back to McDonald’s!”
“You need to tell your boss that, not everyone here,” Said Leo.
“I quit again!” Yelled Mr. Smith, and then he ran away and out of the building and went home. Once he got home, he called the dean and quit his job, hoping instead to get his father’s job cleaning up excrement at the puppy farm.
Fin.
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#mr. smith story#idiot meets a genius#silly story#humour#funny story#parodies#ritchie johnson#leonard philips#mr. smith#two geniuses and a moron#quitting your job because you were outsmarted by a genius in the stupidest way#gotta work at mcdonald’s now because the genius you gave an iq test is smarter than you and you can’t have that#that moment of panic when a genius gets the answer to what your favorite holiday is right… how did he know it would be Christmas?
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Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 3
Propaganda
Glenn Close (Dungeons & Daddies):
#Propaganda for Glenn Close: one of the other PCs mentions multiple times how hot he is #Actually several characters point it out but especially Henry #Also the only person in a podcast that has to put a disclaimer about not being a BDSM podcast to have had sex during the course of the show
PLEASASSWEEPLEASE TOU DONT HUNRERFSTABDS
GLENN GLENN GLENN ITS GLENN VOTE GLENN VOTE FOR THE BOY
We didn’t do hot Glenn summer for him to LOSE. Spoilers for his story but MORE PROPAGANDA FOR YOU:
Young hot rocker dilf
Loyal to his dead wife <3
Does in fact smoke weed
BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)
His band was a Christmas cover band btw.
Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy
Anti government (ofc)
Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)
Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??
Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch
One incredibly buff arm
Has a pet rat named after his son <3
Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged
OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE
HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON
A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)
HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS
IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED
Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence
Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!
I can’t put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.
GLENN GLENNNNNN
Listen, I don't know this other character but I've seem some good arguments for her However Consider Glenn Close winning through no effort of his own in a bullshit way despite being a dick is the most in character thing ever. He leveled up three times and got a crab mech, we GOT to give him this win, it's fitting
I haven't dedicated the last 2 months of my life drawing Glenn close for him to lose
Vote for Glenn Close or I will make you read the parody I did of the vaporeon copypasta
I don’t regulate if minors follow me or not bc I’m a pretty chill space but I hope the world is aware that’s the only reason I haven’t been downright nasty about Glenn close. I’m down bad. I’m NOT in the boat of ‘Glenn isn’t sexy but I want him to win bc it’s my fandom’. I would estimate I have 200+ drawings of Glenn on my phone that AREN’T safe for work. Way more that are. Where did they come from? That’s MY business. But I tell you this fact to assure you- Glenn IS sexy. I’m not voting to represent my fandom I’m voting out of TRUTH AND LOVE. IF YOU DON’T GET IT YOU DON’T GET IT!!! I just think my level of feral over this man is more powerful than y’all realize. If you don’t get his sex appeal that’s okay, but don’t doubt that this is my truth.
VOTE GLENN
Glenn fuckers fought tooth and nail to get us here from like 38% dawg we DESERVE THIS. GLENN IS THE SEXIEST MAN!!! HE WAS THE FIRST FICTIONAL CHARACTER I FOUND HOT AND HE’S GONNA CONTINUE TO SWEEP!!! Your hot goat woman sounds sexy don’t get me wrong but I’m forever fighting for the man that changed my brain chemistry. Proud of our fandom tbh. I don’t think y’all understand the sheer amount of effort I have put in to get my boy where he is today but this placement feels well earned. TO GLENN SWEEP!!
THE FUCK YOU MEAN GLENN CLOSE ISNT WINNING IM BOUT TO THROW HANDS FR
Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so
Yalll better vote glenn i swear to god
Vote Glenn or else the bird gets it🐦🛸
HOW IS MY DUDE NOT WINNING????
GLEN GELN NELG GLENNANN HE DESERVS ITTTT
HE HAS A BOOK THAT HE MARKS X’S AND CHECKS FOR EVERY DAY TO SEE IF THAT DAY WAS A SUCCESS OR NOT. TO SEE IF HE DID GOOD THAT DAY. ITS ALMOST ENTIRELY X’S. HE WAS CUCKED OUT OF A SON. AND A DEAD WIFE. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KILL HIS DAD IN REVENGE. There’s absolutely nothing going for him except his sex appeal in his life. Nobody he loved remembers him. He lost his eye. All he has is a pet rat and friends who admit they don’t really like him that much. He was kicked out of his own band. The band was named after him. He was kicked out of the Glenn Close trio. All he could do was deez nuts the big bad and be sexy. If nothing else, then pity him. Look in his eyes. Look at his heart and soul. Do you think pickman needs this to feel good about herself? Can she not accept a loss for the sake of a pathetic father? Can she shake hands with the minivan fucker and his human gun and just take the L on this one? He did not do the BDSM episode for this I’ll tell you what. Do this for my his sake. Do it for Nick Jr, who needs the prize money to pay for his rat snacks. Do it for his son. For Morgan. Ganbatte.
Mod Note: While I will still take "bad dads are sexy" propaganda and "bad dads aren't sexy" anti-propaganda, I kindly request no more discussion on whether or not he was a bad father. This is a sexypoll, not a parentingpoll. If you see a post you strongly disagree with, you can just not reblog it.
Taako (The Adventure Zone: Balance):
A celebrity chef from another plane
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Someone has gotta make a completion for all of the one piece references in pirates smp
I don't know if there are THAT many are there? I keep making a reference / pun of the show name and there's Flam, did I miss any others?
Oh I guess my parody of Bink's Sake too
Fun fact, I did talk with NoName about doing a Christmas special as we knew the series was ending quite a while before Xmas. I wanted to recreate lots of elements of the Drum Island arc lol. It'd be enough to be recognisable but we'd tell our own story (it may have been how I'd find the L.O.O.T shard originally)
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Year Six: A Retrospective
Followers: 3,124
Total Posts: 10,750
Most Popular Post: Happy New Years with 12,876 notes
Favorite Post: Definitely my Keystone post. Not only is probably one of the biggest things I have ever written and had a lot of effort go into it, but it was actually kind of fun revisiting the arcs and figuring out how I felt about them. The D&D one was pretty fun though.
Least Favorite Post: While I don't dislike What’s This-All For One Edition: A Christmas Parody, there were a lot of annoyances around it. Not only was this kind of a pain to write, especially with such a fast song, the scheduling made it come out over a month late.
Funniest Moment: As much as I liked the wrestling commentary and joking about Aoyama's attack, I really liked the Pro Hero Parent Tier List. I think the concept itself was funny and had some jokes sprinkled throughout while still being offset by the actual analysis of these character.
Best Moment in the Manga: Izuku vs Tomura:
I hesitated to include this since it's still going on, but I couldn't deny how good everything has been between these two. I'm really enjoying a lot of the interactions and tactics on display between them, especially in the shared realm where it feels like these two can finally just talk to and understand each other.
Runners Up:
All Might vs All For One: For what sounds like a terrible idea on paper was honestly pretty amazing. It gives lot a of great moments and resolution with Toshinori and his character, all while giving one of the most unique fights in the series.
Toga vs Ochako: The dark horse of this arc. I did not expect the whole part to be this good and actually handled everything with a lot of tact and nuance. Plus, Ochako is finally getting some deserved recognition by the fan base, which is nice.
Worst Moment in the Manga: Stain's Death
Man, what a waste. For one of the most popular villains in the series, the guy that helped define the manga both in and out of universe, having him die without any further impact on the fight or story was such a terrible move. We can only hope that there is some justice for Stain before the series ends.
Runners Up:
Aoyama's Blast: I don't out and out hate this moment, but it does feel like a rushed after thought. It was barely built up to or shown, Aoyama Awakening his power comes out of nowhere, and Hagakure's appearance does feels extremely convenient.
"Decay" coming from "Overhaul": It could be that the wound is still fresh from this, but tying those two Quirks together raises so many questions and issues in the series. It felt like a pretty pointless addition that only caused issues.
Best Moment in the Anime:
Runners Up:
Worst Moment in the Anime:
Runners Up:
Once again, I have skipped out on this season. I haven’t been interested in picking it back up. Heck, I haven't even heard anyone say anything about it. Again, sorry if any of you were curious.
How would I summarize the year: I feel like things are starting to take a turn for the better.
What I would do differently: I really should close the ask box more often.
Thank you all for such a good year. Hopefully the next year will be better.
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I couldn't fit in an option for this, but if you are a) not a fan of Starkid, b) not a fan of Community (the show), or c) not a fan of either, please refrain from voting, as it could skew the results!
as a sequel to this poll I did a while ago, I wanted to continue my investigation into people who are a fan of both Community (the show) and Starkid (their musicals/other things they've made), as I really like both and am curious about other people who also like both! here, a "fan" is just someone who has enjoyed consuming content from the respective media to some degree. for the sake of completeness I've included the full names of each musical. in addition, I had to group the A Very Potter trilogy together in order to fit all of Starkid's major productions. feel free to reblog with your reasoning or even just to talk about Community and Starkid :]
#polls#tumblr polls#starkid#team starkid#hatchetfield#community#community tv show#community nbc#poll
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The Spirit of Christmas Eve
Masterlist || Chapter 1 ll Chapter 2
Chapter Summary: After an unexpected visit from your younger, overly pregnant and concerned sister- you are yet again put into a terrible mood. You receive a night visit from the ghost of your predecessor and fall into an abyss of confusion.
Pairing: Chris Evans x f!reader
Chapter Warnings: 18+ Dead Dove Do Not Eat, Disrespect to Homeless People, R4pe Fantasies, Masturbation, Dark Joke about Abortion, Hinted Xenophobia, Humiliation, Ghosts, Swearing, Alcoholic Use, Drug Use, Classism.
Word Count: 5k
Author Notes: This is a parody of the classic "A Christmas Carol" story by Dickens, I hope you come to enjoy it even though the pov holds cruel, toxic and abusive traits.
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09:00am, 24th December 2023, New York City.
Oh how you hated the holidays. You hated the red and green colouring, you hated the carolling groups and bands singing every day in December leading up to the wretched twenty fifth. You hate the baby Jesus in a manager nativity set ups.
‘Jesus wasn’t even fucking born on Christmas. He was a January baby according to Jewish scholars. It was all a ploy to satisfy and celebrate Yule with pagans before encouraging indoctrination!!’
And the smell of peppermint, gingerbread and fatty sugary foods left you feeling sickly.
“Unnecessary calories to dissolve the enamel of my teeth when it comes back up in the goddamn toilet.”
The cold air and the slippery frost brought you no delight. Along the way you would kick the snow men in your walking path. You despised the bratty children sitting on the Santa laps in the malls.
‘Their parents should know half of those fat ass Santa actors are just paedophiles getting their kicks once a year? Yea I’d love a little boy all prim and plump to sit on my lap if I was a sicko in a red suit too.’
You hated the fact they were bringing Christmas trees in the day after Halloween.
“Sure, it spins the wheel of capitalism but God, do they have to look so trashy? Christmas is once a year, not two months long.”
You rolled your eyes and scoffed as you strutted the street to your work place.
Your senior associate Marlene who you could’ve considered your friend had a heart attack early that year. She was a woman in her prime, at forty years old she had managed to build her business empire. No husband, no kids, no pets. She didn’t need those things, not when she raked in over four million dollars a year. She drank and smoked like a chimney, you wondered if it contributed to her death in the end. She was rumoured to be found naked, getting fucked by some no name sexy twenty-one year old playboy from South Korea. And among her blissful orgasm, her heart just couldn’t handle the pressure and faltered.
Imagine his horror. Balls deep and not knowing she had died. Little shit tried getting her money in the inheritance scheme. He tried pushing that he was her long committed boyfriend. One threat to the immigration department sent that kid running for the kills back to Seoul.
You were named successor in her Will. Now, it’s not like you needed her millions, you already had a full pocket. At twenty five you’d made your first million all because you picked the right pattern in your investments and put every cent into them. You worked instead of partied. And many had said behind your back that it made you a miserable sourpuss bitch with no friends. You didn’t need friends. Marlene was just a funny coincidence.
Some might have called you careless, impulsive, and greedy. But what that translates to you was the word ‘Wealth and Success’. You were wealthy and money made you happy. The more numbers, the more joy in your cold heart.
You entered the building that was now yours. Oh did I forget to remind you...you were the CEO of your tax collecting firm. I think that’s important for you to know.
Entering the sleek grey, white and black minimalist foyer you sighed in relief. No Christmas or holiday bullshit in here. You had banned all decorations and affiliations.
And you refused paid leave to anyone asking not to work on Christmas day. You remember scoffing last night at the amount of requests you had received about time off for the holidays.
‘I’m running a business, not a charity.’
Christmas was the best time of year for your job. So many stupid people take out stupid loans they can’t afford especially during the holidays period when gift giving is the centre cause of financial stress. You got a thrill out of denying loans and upping payment interest rates for those suckers who didn’t make their payments on time because they chose to spend the money meant to be going into your pocket on some disposable wrapping paper and a cheap pharmacy gift last minute.
As you stepped into the elevator you smiled cynically at the empty space. You could look at yourself in the mirror and pick apart all the things you loved and hated about your body. It was strangely therapeutic. Something about the critiques gave you a massive high.
But just as the elevator doors where closing a hand slammed hard through the gap.
“Wait!” came a familiar cry. Your face fell and you felt a tight discomfort seeing the face of your younger sister. Caroline.
Your eyes shot down to her belly. Big as a house in the ugliest knit Christmas sweater.
‘Pregnant again. Jesus Christ. What’s this? Number four now?’
You clenched your handbag tighter. You tried recalling some sort of baby shower invite from months ago, you totally forgot about it once you moved it to junk mail.
‘If she fucking asks me for money again, I swear to god she’s risking an abortion voucher in a Christmas card...are abortion vouchers even a thing?’
Caroline had married her highschool sweetheart, he was some sort of mechanic or something. A bum, like your Dad. You couldn’t believe she was dumb enough to breed with an imbecile like him. Mind you, her first son was clearly an teen pregnancy accident that sealed them together. And every year, she just seemed to pop out a new one. And every year that meant you gave her a fat cheque, usually six thousand dollars.
You ground your teeth as she forced herself inside and pressed the button of the doors shut immediately, not at all taking notice of you until mid way moving up in the building.
Her face lit up and she shrieked in delight at seeing you. You strained a smile.
‘Yea, definitely looking for a handout.’
“Oh my god! I was about to fight security to come see you sissy!” she forced her arms around you. You bit your tongue. You hated hugs.
“Well…lovely seeing you too,” you muttered before awkwardly patting her back.
Her breath hitched at seeing the look on your face, “Sorry about not pre-warning, I did try calling you but your phone keeps going to voicemail.”
‘Oh good, she still hasn’t figured out I let them ring out.’
“And you didn’t reply to my emails.”
You fought a smirk, ‘because they go straight to junk mail’.
She smiled and babbled happily, “Anyway, I had to come here because I need to give you-“ she huffed and swiped a bead of sweat from her forehead before reaching into her nappy bag (that she treated like a handbag.) and retrieved a thick red envelope.
She handed it to you. Your manicured nails pinched the ugly stickers one of your nephews or nieces had chosen. Scribbled in absolute chicken scrap handwriting was your name, most likely also done by your nephew or nieces.
The elevator opened and you sighed, marching out to enter the offices with your solo office space down the hall with the largest window and finest view of the city below. You didn’t expect your sister to tail you. She waddled like a fast duck following you.
“I was thinking you should meet this guy that babysits-” She was talking to you about something but in all honesty, you weren’t listening until she mentioned the cursed words, “-Christmas Party.”
You deposited your handbag on your desk and spun on your heel. Your eyes wide, your smile straining into a sneer.
You snickered cruelly and laced your fingers together, “How many times have we discussed this? I. Don’t. Celebrate. Christmas. I don’t do presents, I don’t do carolling, I don’t do secret Santa’s and I sure as fucking hell don’t do Christmas Parties. I’m glad that you and Tim have fun with your kids and do all that meaningless stuff to shield them from the big bad world. I however am not in the mood for it. Work comes first. This is one of the busiest years of my life, the market is at an all time high in interests rates.”
She looked like she was growing smaller with every foul word that dripped like acid rain.
“It’s just one day, not even a full day. Just a few hours, not far from you,” she whispered and rubbed her belly comfortingly.
You shook your head and circled around your desk, “Might as well get this over with, you don’t need to ploy me with booze.”
You pulled out a cheque book from your drawer and slapped it down. You bent over and fished out a pen, pressing the ink to the slim piece of paper.
Your voice came out like a bark, “How much are you wanting this year?”
“Wh-what?” your sisters eyes grew wide.
You sighed and rolled your eyes, with a condescending tone, “How much money do you want to cover all the gifts? I hear Disneyland is great this time of year in Florida. I need a number. I have a busy day ahead of me so I’d just like to get this over and done with.”
Your sister didn’t answer. You glanced up. Her face was no longer smiling. She looked in pain. Her hand sat on top of her belly. She hissed and breathed out hard.
Her eyes were dimming down. She lost the joyful spark. She waddled to the guest chair in front of your desk and sat down.
She put the nappy bag on the floor.
‘great, thanks for the smell of cornflakes and breast milk on the carpet.’
Her breath turned husky and you started to reach for your desk phone ready to call a bloody ambulance to take her to the hospital. You couldn’t tell what the hell was wrong with her and prayed she wasn’t going into labour. You didn’t need to waste five thousand dollars on a carpet replacement because her waters might break.
Her eyes glared up at you as she tried to focus on pacing her breath. God, she looked like your mother with that look. It hurt. She got the best genes you had to admit. Even while pregnant she had this way about her that made men just want to beg for her number. You couldn’t tell if it was her ditsy personality or just good looks.
“Jim," Caroline corrected with strain, "-and I don’t need your money. We don’t want it. We have never have wanted it. This year, I just want you to put in the effort to spend Christmas with us as a family. You and I haven’t shared a Christmas since I was in middle school. My kids want their aunty to visit because I tell them you’re the coolest person alive...” her eyes narrowed, “Put the fucking cheque book away, and come to fucking Christmas dinner at least. It’s going to be at my house if you look at the invite that your nephew and nieces made special for you. They don’t want presents, they just want to see their aunty. Besides.... I told them you’d come if they put extra love into it.”
You chewed your inner cheek and stood up straight, crossing your arms and sat on the edge of your desk.
“You shouldn’t lie to your kids, Caroline,” you coolly said with icy impact.
You watched her eyes start to shine and water.
“Jesus,” you muttered, “Don’t fucking cry.”
She broke down immediately. You sighed with annoyance. ‘why did she have to come today of all days and act like this. It’s not a big deal. God.’
“You’re such a bitch and my kids have done nothing to you except love you unconditionally. The least you can do is show up,” Caroline struggled to stand out of the chair and when you reached out to help, she snapped like a firecracker and hissed, “Don’t fucking touch me.”
She groaned as she bent down, holding her belly and reached for her nappy bag, that she let you help her with. She suddenly looked so tired and deflated compared to when she had ducked into the elevator. You started to feel a tick of that itchy sympathy. Pregnancy always looked hard. Her first birth was so difficult, the second slipped right out but she didn’t have an epidural and the third time was an emergency c-section. In fact you weren’t even sure if she was meant to be having this fourth baby. It would be too risky. She could honestly kill herself. Now that was a bolt of fear that coursed through you.
“Is it a boy or a girl?” you sniffled, trying to distract your little sister from her anger.
She looked even more offended and scoffed, “You know, if you had even tried to come to my baby shower, you could’ve eaten one of the gender reveal cupcakes.”
‘Ouch.’
You looked down at your Valentino pumps. Seven years younger than you and she still managed to put you in your place with the snap of her fingers.
She rubbed her wet eyes with the tips of her fingers.
“I worry about you...” she mumbled, “You might have a lot of money Y/N, but money can’t buy you everything. Don’t you want to share memories?”
You tried hiding the laugh limbing your throat,, “Not this argument again...come on, I’ll walk you out and hire you a cab.”
You escorted her back to the elevator, all your employees watching and whispering about it. You knew your office needed thicker glass.
As you quietly pressed the button down, your sister finally said, “It’s twins. A boy and girl.”
You didn’t say anything for a while. Eventually you only nodded and whispered, “Congratulations. You and Tim must be excited.”
“Jim," she grounded, "-and I are flat out on our feet with the others but yea...I’m thinking about naming the girl after mom.”
Again you didn’t respond. You wanted this interaction to be finished. You wanted to go to work and drink away the days leading up to New Year’s. Maybe you should take a trip overseas. You might run into a handsome one night stand with an attractive accent.
Your sister turned and hugged you again, she rubbed her sweet face into your shoulder and sighed, “I’m sorry for snapping. Please don’t be mad. Please promise me you’ll come to the party, even for five minutes.”
Her pleading eyes finally cracked your ice wall.
“Fine. Five minutes.”
The squealing giggle of delight made you groan internationally instantly regretting your words. Nonetheless you took it upon yourself to at least hug her back. God help you, you didn’t know how you’d survive.
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10:00pm, 24th December 2023, New York City.
On your way home you discovered with aggravation all the cabs and ubers nearby had been booked up and the traffic in the city horrendous. Of course. On Christmas eve it would look like this. You decided to march your way to the subway. It would be the quickest way back home.
You had to cross the park to get there though.
And among your walking you passed a man laying down on a bench. He wore a baseball cap that hid his face. He wore a blanket over his shoulders. A puff of cold air escaped his pink lips.
His shadowed face peered up at you and held up a piece of cardboard that read the following: Homeless, please donate a food and blankets.
And something inside you cracked again. You fought the urge to pull out your purse and give him the only hundred dollar bill you had. You looked him up and down. And froze. Next to him was a bottle of liquor. Something malicious dripped from your lips. Words filled with cruelty and hate. It was bold and dangerous. But you bet he was drunk.
“What’s wrong? Aren’t there any shelters taking in scum? Are all the prisons full? Maybe if you got off your ass and got a real fucking job, you would be too busy making money instead of swilling down booze!”
He did not react in the way you expected. He smiled at an ankle, winked and held a finger up to his lips.
Your face curdled in disgust and hacked back your throat, spitting on him.
“Booze bum,” you muttered, and marched on, away from him.
Your chin jerked high. It was a method of teaching you had learnt in your youth. Shame someone until they commit to a goal and out perform it. To this day you are still doing that very thing, why not share that gift of knowledge with others?
You scowled the entire train ride home and flicked through your emails.
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11:10pm, 24th December 2023, New York City.
Alone in your penthouse apartment, you padded your way to bed scrolling through your phone. In your hand you cradled a wine glass and set it on the bedside table.
Beneath the soft cotton covers you sighed happily and used your phone to command the fireplace to be lit up. A fake flame on a flat screen tv with heaters all around you, filling your place with warmth. Laying back into your pillows you scrolled your phone and frowned at all the Christmas themed posts online, all the tutorials and recipes you’d never follow and all the Christmas stories you’d never read.
Tossing the phone beside your wine glass, your hands snuck down into a drawer and retrieved your absolute best friend in the world. She was thick, long and quiet, totally sky blue and had twenty different settings. You slid the vibrator under the covers and shimmied out of your underwear. Your fingers fumbled, touching your wet cunt.
The alcohol was finally hitting you, warming you up. You weakly reached for your vibrator. You knew it would be a comfort to take away the anger and stress away from your day at work.
You pressed the silicone to your clit and switched on the toy. A soft sigh came from you as you rubbed it along your lower lips. You fluttered your eyes shut and tried to imagine a person and you having sex.
‘A policeman? No. College professor? No. Loser doorman? No…’ and then your eyes flickered in a quick vision of the homeless man from the park… ‘Yes. He must be miserable, pissed off, angry, he smiled but that would have been a lie, his long finger he held to his mouth should stuff itself inside me.’
Your hand slid up and pulled down the front of your night down. You dug your nails into your breast before tugging your nipple hard. You whined as you bucked your hips into your toy that you playfully prodded and tore out of you. You imagined that same stranger ripping your dress from your body and dragging you into the snowy woods.
Rape fantasies weren’t uncommon for you. It was something about the power struggle that sent thrills up and down your spine. You liked the pain. You liked being forced to give up your control. You slid the plastic cock deep into your slick pussy and mewled.
The homeless man would hold a knife to your throat and bend you over a log, no, no, that bench, so out and open and public for anyone to catch him tearing you apart. His hand would lick your skin in stinging slaps. The alcohol on his breath would be putrid. He’d call you names, whore, slut, bitch, cunt, fuckpig. And you would be totally helpless…
You lazily rolled over onto your belly and forced your ass up, your bed sheets falling down your thighs.
You pushed the dildo back in deep and turned on the highest setting, biting the pillow under you. You fucked yourself hard until it hurt.
The homeless man fantasy went on and on, forcing you to cum and cry. You didn’t care if neighbours or tenants below you heard. You imagined this terrible man after fucking you raw making you sit in his filthy lap, fucking you with the empty liquor bottle neck and letting strangers walking past the chance to spit on you and slap you until you cummed.
The fantasy didn’t have a fanciful ending fleshed out. You could only imagine him dragging you back to some ghetto homeless tent village under one of the city bridges and whoring your cunt out to his homeless buddies. You wanted to submit, to be used like that…
But not in the real world. Fuck no. Your reputation mattered greatly. You were too stubborn to willingly date a man and ask him to do something taboo like consensual non-consent play.
You tore the blue cock out and pressed it to your clit, riding out an ultimate orgasm that left your body feeling like jelly. Slumping forward you groaned into the pillows, you knew you had to eventually get up and pee. The alcohol still in your system made the journey feel almost impossible. But when your bare ass hit the seat, you leant back and sighed. 'UTI prevented!'
Getting back to bed wasn’t as hard as getting to the bathroom. You breathed in the smell of your own sexual prowess. No shame. You put away your toy and before you could search for your discarded underwear, you heard your phone pinged. You grunted with annoyance.
You glanced at the screen; it was a text from Caroline.
*Told the kids you are coming tomorrow! They’re so excited to see their aunty! Xoxo*
‘oh right…her Christmas party…it’s tomorrow…' you still hadn’t even looked at the invitation. Anger started burning its way into your chest when you saw the emojis and gifs she attached. Santa and reindeers and snowmen. God you fucking hated Christmas!! She didn’t need to remind you. You didn’t plan to be there longer than the strick three hundred seconds. The miserable evil stabbed your heart again.
It out you so over the edge you began to type, *Tell them I changed my mind, I’m busy.*
Before your thumb could slam on the message send, something strange occurred. The penthouse apartment lights started to flicker on and off repeatedly.
‘A circuit must’ve snapped. I know I turned off all the lights.’
You slammed your phone down and ripped off your bed sheets. Marching over to the telecom beside you door you prepared the mental speech of anger and abuse you’d deliver on whatever poor soul was handling the front desk of the apartment complex tonight.
You pressed the button hard and when no welcoming comment came you decided to wait.
You waited and waited and still no one acknowledged you over the telecom. There was a noise coming from it though. It was a sound of ragged breathing. Squinting with absolute judgement you hissed into the microphone.
You sobered up your voice and rubbed your eyes. Your wine was knocking around your insides at that point, it had polluted your blood. You just needed to stay awake for a little longer.
“This is penthouse three. Your lights are dimming and flickering out. I want someone to change all that bulbs and check the power wires immediately. Do I make myself clear?”
The unusual panting was still there and getting louder. You shook your head. Someone should’ve been repeating back your request and discussing a mode of action.
“Hello?” you angrily huffed into the microphone when no answer came for a long time.
You hissed, “Now you listen here. I don’t give a fuck it’s Christmas eve. You’re job is on the line if you cant fix my fucking lights.”
And then the line went totally dead and your apartment was entirely darkened. You groaned with anguish. Using your phone flash light you returned to your room.
“Fine,” you grumbled as you pulled the covers Of your bed back again, “Probably too drunk on eggnog to give a damn. Say goodbye to those two dollar tips dickhead.”
You laid back and fished out your bonnet, carefully lipping your hair inside the protective layer. You rolled onto your side under the covers and shut your eyes.
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12:00am, 25th December 2023, New York City.
For some reason at 12am you received a very obnoxiously loud phone call. Blindly you reached for it and accepted the call. You had a suspicion it was a prank call from overseas.
“Y/N,” said the caller. Your eyes cleared up fast at the sound of a voice you knew too well.
You almost dropped your phone. Surely it wasn’t her calling. You had seen her body at her funeral. She chuckled on the other side, her voice was just as rusted as you remembered. In the dream she had come over to your house and had a sleep over together.
Your eyes widened, “Wh-who is this?” you asked, “Do you fucking know what time it is?”
The identical voice of your passed companion echoed back, “In life you knew me as Marlene Jeong.”
You hung up the phone fast and sat up straight. Her hands trembled and the phone screamingly made another phone call from the same unknown number.
You answered it and heard her shriek, “Don’t you know hanging up like that is rude.”
You took a deep breath in. And shut your eyes. No. It couldn’t be.
“This prank isnt funny,” you barked into the receiver.
“Well I’d hope not. You know I wasn’t a fan of funny,” she grumbled back.
You picked up the phone and huffed, “If you’re really Marlene...tell me something only I would know...”
The phone went quiet and clicked off. You smirked, 'Yea, that's what I thought you sick fuck.'
The air around you grew colder. With the power out you accepted that the central heating was out too. Getting out of bed you stumbled down the hall to the linen cupboard and pulled out a few more thicker blankets. When you returned back to your room you screamed and jumped ten feet in the air, dropping the load of blankets.
Marlene was sitting on your bed, scrolling through your phone. She was not herself and yet was at the same time. She looked the same except for the fact her entire body was a light blue and translucent. She was naked. And you could see her translucent organs. In her hand was a false spiritual cigarette. Smoking rising from the tip and faded into the darkness. And don’t let me forget a important detail. She was floating and parts of her body wrapped in chains.
Hearing you, she turned her face away from your phone and winked. You slammed back into a wall, trying to get away from her as she floated closer to you. She took a mean drag of her cigarette and blew the smoke into your fear filled face. You could’ve fainted. The smoke didn’t smell like anything and was rather a cold breeze to your cheek.
You flinched and whimpered, “Marlene...what the fuck.”
She smirked and rolled mid air upside down,
“Long time no see. Or well...you can’t see me but I see you basically every day,” she cackled.
Your lips fell apart, “Wha-how- why...why are you hear? Should you be dead?”
She flicked the cigarette of ash that turned into blue light specs and disappeared before touching the floor.
“Oh trust dear, I’m dead, dead as a doornail. Little Kyong gave me a killer orgasm, literally,” she took another long drag, “I had no clue what was coming and poof! I’m on the floor choking and groaning and next thing I wake up to, is you moving your shit into my office and my penthouse. But I digress sweet snake...I’m not here on a social call...I’m here to send you a warning.”
Your head felt dizzy, “A warning? The fuck? Am I going to die soon or something?” you wrapped your arms around yourself.
She smiled and shook her head, “Oh no...no, no....something a tad more painful. See, I have been sent to play 'angel Gabriel' so to speak and inform you of a supernatural message.”
She floated around, chains at her wrist dragged behind her as she did. Marlene sharpened her gaze at you.
‘Woah did I take one too many Percocet with my wine...I must be high.’
“You are saveable unlike my dead cold self,” she said flying back to your bed and lewdly laying down, “My dead frozen heart could not thaw,” she sighed and tapped her chest.
You could see inside her at the organ most resembling heart was literally made of icy and was not beating. It was disturbing.
“I’m destined to float while tethered to the world unseen, unheard, unloved…forgotten. But you? You still have a chance to atone. A spirit shall arrive and come to you in three shades…Christmas past, present and future. It shall greet you hourly between one and three o’clock.”
You timidly stepped closer.
“You need to open your mind and open your heart or else-“ she floated above you and groaned, “This will be your future fate.”
You rubbed your eyes and slapped your cheek. Marlene’s ghost was still there. She held up her wrist, showing off the manacle around it, “This is a fate no one wishes, trust me on that.”
Her face leant in closer to your face. Her hair floated around her like water tendrils.
She rattled the chains together, clinking them and explained, “The spirit will test you. And they will test you fairly. They will decide what to do with you after. They call themselves, Christmas past, present and future.”
When she had said these words, Marlenes ghost faded away, disappearing into the cold, quiet night. It took you a few minutes to catch your breath. You couldn’t believe or make sense of it and no matter how many times you pinched of slapped yourself, you found yourself still in the unexplainable dream. You tossed the blankets from the floor onto the bed. You had another drink of wine before you chose to return to bed. You tugged the warmest and softest blanket up to your chin. You were scared and confused. Your eyes grew heavier as you forced yourself to forget and ignore the apparition of Marlene chained nude and talking in riddles.
You laid your cheek into the pillow and fell into a deep slumber.
HELPINES:
If you are a victim of sexual abuse, assault or domestic violence or know someone who is please reach out to these links that share helpline services, phone numbers or emails. Consent and respect is important in every relationship whether between friends, family or even strangers.
Australian Helpline Services
UK Helpline Services
American Helpline services
India Helpline Services
#chris evans x female reader#chris evans x y/n#chris evans x you#chris evans x reader#chris evans#dark!chris evans#tsoc
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Celebrating 15 years of Team Starkid with my (current) ranking of all of their shows and brief thoughts on them.
VHS Christmas Carol
I don't know how this became my favorite. The music is top tier, I've liked every version of it.
I was initially nervous to watch it because I wasn't sold on the original format, but it grew on me.
Also it's the second best adaptation of A Christmas Carol (the best is still the Muppet Christmas Carol)
2. A Very Potter Musical
My first ever Starkid show.
I watched it with my sister on our very old computer. I was in maybe 6th grade and had become quite obsessed with musicals and Harry Potter, so it perfectly combined my interests.
I truly was not totally sold on it just because 6th grade me was not prepared for all the cursing and the dirty jokes (6th grade me was a very different person) but Granger Danger fully hooked me
I still hold that Granger Danger is the best Starkid song, i do not care that it gets (over)played all the time. I also love that they keep having to come up with new ways to perform it (my favorite/the best being the LeakyCon one with Meredith directing the rest of the cast who only half-remember it)
Definitely ranks high just because it was the first and nostalgically I love it so much
3. Trail to Oregon
It's so fun as a concept and one of the few shows I like that really uses audience participation and makes it work.
Joey credited as "Everyone Else" and every shot with Clark in the background
I like the smaller cast, it's such a feat to run a show like that with 6 cast members
4. A Very Potter Sequel
it's ranked 4th but it probably actually ties with Trail to Oregon
I watched it after AVPM (so my second starkid show) and it did not disappoint
I do think it is stronger than AVMP for most of it
I quote Draco a lot
5. Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier
Definitely my favorite parody they've done. There's a great video that breaks down why it works so well: they've nailed the style.
Around the same time I first watched Twisted was also around my Wicked phase so that helped a lot.
Dylan Saunders knocks out it out of the park as Ja'far, he puts so much depth into the role. It works as an actor and for the part and helps a lot of the humor since Ja'far is the straight man of the show.
The entire soundtrack slaps including the bonus demos
6. Nerdy Prudes Must Die
The songs are great
The production value on their shows has gone up exponentially, and they make good use of it. The effects are so so good
I've never been more uncomfortable as when the words "dirty girl soup" were first said
7. Black Friday
probably tied with NPMD but
I think plot-wise it is better than NPMD, and overall so are the songs. I think maybe the live version that's on youtube is what makes it slightly below NPMD because everyone was sick so it sounds very different between the live and recorded.
the garland and lights becoming wiggly is peak set design
I think it has some of the most memorable songs
the return of Dylan Saunders and his lovely ballads
Take Me Back is a top tier love song for Starkid
8. Starship
Probably the 3rd Starkid show I saw
Joey Richter absolutely sells the performance (he's not carrying it because the whole cast is great) and is fantastic as the lead
puppets! so many puppets!
9. Holy Musical B@tman
my previous exposure to Batman at this point had been the 60s Adam West TV show so really this is like the spiritual successor of that, so honestly i was totally unfazed by the number of puns, I just assumed that was how Batman media was
Jeff Blim as Sweet Tooth is great, but I also love Joey Richter's in the Apocalyptour
"you got my hopes up so high, then mugged and shot them in an alleyway!" i quote an unreasonable amount
10. The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals
tbh I did not super like the show when I first watched it but it grew on me overtime. I think i really started to enjoy it when I went back to watch it after they announced Black Friday was going to be a sequel
11. A Very Potter Senior Year
it's so long guys
I think Joey Richter is the best part of it, Sidekick was fantastic
i do love that they got basically everyone they could to come back and do it
most of the callbacks work really well and make it fun
12. Ani: A Parody
fully gonna admit I haven't seen the full show itself, but I do really like the music
it is truly in the Star Wars spirit
13. Firebringer
I really wish I liked this show more, I think it's a fun concept and overall was fun
the opening number is really good musically
i think the humor and the unnecessary cursing didn't really work for me
14. Me and My Dick
I just think overall this show isn't to my taste but it's quite fun
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I did it!! I got my first Hetalia fic done just in time for Christmas! Phew, that was in under the gate, wasn’t it? I’m so proud of myself 😊
This story is gerita (plus a few other pairings) fluff based around one of my favourite parody Christmas songs. Please enjoy if that sounds interesting to you. Happy holidays!
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@thealmightyemprex @makingboneboy @professorlehnsherr-almashy @princesssarisa
So last night I watched Super Eyepatch Wolf video essay 'What the Internet Did to Garfield', which analizes transformative fan art made on the Internet, that transformed the gag comic strip into more dark scenarios focused on a portrayal of Garfield as an eldritch entity that drags the anxious and depressed Jon Arbuckle into a neverending cycle of abuse and torment from which not even death can save him.
The video essay itself is more analytical of why the proccess of making this transformative works happen, and what is their appeal, and how the maker of the video saw itself in Jon Arbuckle in both the strips and the transformative artwork, which is good, but my problem is with the transformative art works itselfs: how they can be so lost in imitation, and so focused in one aspect of the Garfield stories that they loose grasp in other aspects.
You know how when works about making fairy tales dark or cynical like Into the Woods and Shrek came out, and they were very good, but then a wave of writers and filmakers tried to imitate to the point of saturation, we started to notice how superficial their understanding of fairy tales was to properly make deconstructions or parodies, and then you just wanted a return to the wholesome fairy tale content with happy endings again?
So, that is what happened in most Garfield fan works on the internet:
Somebody saw one aspect of the stories (Jon's loneliness and sadness while Garfield failed to properly show empathy), made some fan works about it, and then everybody started to make fan works on this grimm dark line.
And I get it: with the gag comic strip that goes on for 40 years, following a basic formula of character writing, with some subtle changes to the status quo, can give this more sad view of characters living in the formula structure without changing (just look at audiences reaction to Marge and Homer's relationship problems in 34 years of The Simpsons).
But the thing is: the gag comic strip is not the only place where the story was told.
The animated series Garfield and Friends and their specials are another, if not more important part, to consider in the portrayal of the characters.
There, the characters could be allowed to be more complex, not restriced by formula.
So you saw narratives about:
Jon getting to save Garfield from his own imagination;
Jon and Garfield travelling to a cheap hotel in a Pacific Island, and slowly enjoying themselves despite all the trials and tribulations;
Jon taking Garfield and Odie camping, the cat initially complaining, but eventually getting to enjoy the forest, going to save his friends of a wild panther in the clímax despite being terrified;
Jon and Garfield enjoying a wholesome Christmas with Jon's quirky and loving family;
Jon successfully amusing a young lady who has similar problems with awkward social interactions.
This goes to give dimension to the characters, showing Jon not as "just a pathetic looser", but as someone who, while branded a looser by others, and ocasionally acting melancholic, is still optimistic and adventurous.
Showing Garfield as a pet who can be capable of moments of sensibility, sharing his owner's sad moments, initially judge his choices of fun, but slowly learning to enjoy himself.
And Odie, how so much of the edgy fan works just make Odie exist in the middle as the dumb dog, when his character is the heart of the disfunctional little family: a bit naive, but capable of showing great inteligence when the other characters don't expect it?!
We shouldn't just see Jim Davis as the creator of the characters: few people talk about it, but besides voicing Garfield, Lorenzo Music was also a writer, producer and composer in his animated encarnation!
His input, alongside Low Rauls and Desiree Goyette's music, helped flash out the characters beyond being just mean spirited gags!
What I mean is: the dark and edgy had their moment of the zeitgeist, but I think highliting what is good and wholesome about the characters will be even more revoluctionary artistically, and show a better understanding of the characters beyond the limits of the three framed panels.
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Stuck on Bridgerton? You’re not the only one. Pt 1
Who doesn’t love a period drama? The vibrant ball gowns, regency architecture, furtive glances behind feathered fans, and the Mozart-esque score. The Bridgerton series on Netflix was the perfect little Christmas gift. A great getaway. And escape, I did.
But I wasn’t ready to leave that setting just yet. And that got me rereading a couple of I-woke-up-in-a-novel webtoons. These stories are about protagonists who are transported basically from the real world into a book. It’s a little like reading your ultimate fanfiction pairing: you inside your favourite romance hardback.
First up…
Who Made Me a Princess
When you wake up in a novel, you have to keep your wits about you. And Athanasia was born ready. She might be the daughter of the emperor, but her greatest foe is her father… WHO WANTS HER DEAD. (Cue Cell Block Tango.) Now all she has to do is hatch a plan to avoid death at all costs. The only problem is that she’s a fully grown adult stuck in a baby’s body.
Miss not-so Sidekick
Latte, Bestselling BL author, is all about that chill life. After accepting her new reality, all she wants to do is to hide in some bushes with 3D glasses and popcorn at the ready, and watch some fish (harem boys) fall for Ibelin (the novel’s female lead).
This is a parody of the girl-stuck-in-a-book trope, where the FL pokes fun at the genre and mocks the authors for naming side characters after whatever food was nearby– Olive, Canola, and Americano. My only gripe is how much I LOVE this silly romcom.
#webtoon#who made me a princess#miss not so sidekick#athanasia de alger obelia#claude de alger obelia
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Thoughts on Tim Burton?
i think Burton is a horrible person, racist, and mostly dogshit filmmaker who made good movies for a very brief period of time.
to break it down:
1. Burton made some movies i sincerely love, including Batman, Beetlejuice, Sweeney Todd, Edward Scissorhands, and Ed Wood. they have their flaws, but i think they’re great movies full of heart with an iconic style.
2. his once-charming signature style has devolved into an embarrassing parody of itself, exaggerated and ugly and void of substance.
3. save for Sweeney Todd, i don’t think he has made a good film since the 90s.
Mars Attacks! completely fails as a campy sci-fi horror comedy.
Big Fish has a punchable main character, shitty message, and wasted ideas.
Sleepy Hollow is a dull adaptation that proves he cannot make a thoughtful gothic horror.
his remakes… good fucking god, his remakes are atrocious. they consistently shit on their sources while being packed with cliche stories, empty characters, and garishly ugly art design that screams TIM BURTON MADE THIS, SEE? IT WILL LOOK GREAT ON AN OVERPRICED SHIRT FROM HOT TOPIC! what he did to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was insulting.
4. this is the most important one: even if Burton was still making good movies, i wouldn’t give him a dime. his racist comments coupled with his gross casting history and the way he stripped all Jewish influence from Corpse Bride tells me everything i need to know about his beliefs.
and, to be blunt, i will never trust someone who has a history of such close creative and personal relationships with bastards like Depp and Elfman.
5. Henry Sellick did The Nightmare Before Christmas and i’m sick of Burton getting credit.
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Bracket 2 - Side A - Round 1
Webby Vanderquack (Ducktales) vs. Hiyoko Tosaka (Hatoful Boyfriend)
More information under the cut!
Webby Vanderquack: In the original DuckTales, she was the generic girl character and she wore pink and a bow, she loved animals and was very kind. In the reboot, she retains the girly outfits but has a different personality being more active in the story and more excitable. She is also definitely autistic <3
1987 Webby
Hiyoko Tosaka:
Well, it's really pretty debatable due to her Not Having A Character Design, but she *is* the main protagonist of an otome game. She makes lots of jokes about being a typical, silly, clumsy anime girl and says things like "teehee." A trend in fan designs for her character is to give her a girly aesthetic but extremely huge muscles because she is precisely one steroid away from becoming a war criminal.
2. Also, her only canon designs are her as a stick of meat with a pretty pink bow tied around her and a disturbing scarecrow-like machine with her brain in it but decorated pink and sparkly for Christmas :) She definitely would've LOVED the Barbie movie and Magical Girl aesthetics. Did I mention she became a Magical Girl at some point? She did-- she became Coore Dark Grey (a parody of PreCure). I suppose Hiyoko isn't the Girliest Girl Of All Time, but I love how she seems comfortable with her gender and feminity while also being extremely violent and stereotypically masculine (in a girl way).
being the only girl in the main cast i think makes her the most girly, has only ever been depicted with a pink bow, magical girl coded
#round 1#bracket 2 side a#poll runner#polls#tumblr polls#tumblr tournaments#poll tournament#ducktales webby#webby vanderquack#webby mcduck#dt webby#ducktales#hiyoko tosaka#hatoful boyfriend#girlygirltournament
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sending you back top 5 fic recs and top 5 fics you’re written for the ask game!! :)
Sorry this took so long! I got busy.
Top Recs:
"You must fix your heart" series by @screechthemighty as much as I like Valhalla, it didn't come CLOSE to what I want from a post Ragnarok story like these fics do. They are kind of interlinked and honestly, after (Massive GoW ragnarok spoilers) this really helped me with all of that.
Angry Words by PoH. Actually anything by PoH. They are my best friend and all of their writing is fantastic. They Semi sincerely wrote fics about William Birkin having a love affair with the element fire, they wrote a GORGEOUS fic about Jack and the Little Sister's first Christmas on the surface, and a lot of great Ace Attorney and KH stuff that fill in blanks or are post series. But this is maybe the funniest ones they did (outside of William/Fire which was a sort of parody) where Xigbar gave Roxas and Xion a PS3 and a copy of Bioshock with no context and they learn about Swear words! Like "Communist!" and "Goddess!" It's great.
Dripping Diamonds (between my thighs) by @empresscirque Okay I haven't read it. But Empress is another fantastic friend and this is maybe their most popular piece. I skimmed it a bit and it's written really well. (Just not my ship, and they know that)
The Mallard Family by GreyLiliy as a MASSIVE Darkwing Duck fan I can't emphasize enough how much this completely changed how I thought of his yuppie neighbors, the muddlefoots.
Pearls of Portent by Zophaer Link/Mipha fic where Link wakes up with 7 of Mipha's eggs next to him. Link is mute, everyone is confused, it's really sweet and sad.
Okay, on to mine
As long as you should have lived - a Resident Evil post village story where Chris proposes a legally real but otherwise fake marriage to Mia in order to fulfill his promise to protect Rose. Mia agrees, and things don't go as well as they planned. Chris is a Demiromantic Asexual in here, Mia has loads of trauma to unpack from 7 and 8, and their fake honeymoon keeps running into complications, like Ethan's sister who never bought anything Chris said.
The Jecht/Maleficent series Kingdom Hearts universe, some time shortly after BBS, Maleficent mistimes a teleport and ends up on Destiny Islands, where she runs into Jecht - recently of Radiant Gardens - and falls ill. A combination of exoticism and Florence nightingale leads them to having a one night stand. After THAT it splits into 3 universes. In all of them, Jecht has promised to love her forever. In all of them, How that plays out depends on what happened right after that promise.
Italian Beef Sandwiches and Spaghetti! Introducing Chef Carmy! Look, in 2023, The Bear and Delicious Party Pretty Cure came out. Both stories had people using food to deal with dead family members. I had to smash them together, and I had a LOT of fun doing it. It was written before S2 came out so it's not exactly canon compliant even before the girls show up, but like... I had Yui and Carmy talk about food and dead relatives and Ritchie trying not to swear in front of kids.
You are not alone stand alone story in my Quadratum series, Sora figures out he's Aro Ace after being very confused by the X-files. Aya, Garrett, NieR, and Sora all have great moments, Ash gets introduced and as much as I love Xem, xeir pronouns make me frustrated (but non binary people deserve more non they/them rep) and Garrett also learns something about himself.
Welcome, Curious Friends a zine piece where Sora went to Phantom Manor and woke up looking at a ticket taker skeleton. It's got a mystery, it's got danger, it's got a LOT of catharsis for anyone who has ever wanted to punch (spoiler)
(honorable mention: Xion, the soap opera lover, Lover of the Light, The Secret Diary of Quincey Morris, Mia Goes Shopping, and Tell me it won't hurt.
#fanfic rec#God of War#Call of Duty#Kingdom Hearts#Bioshock#Darkwing Duck#The Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild#Resident Evil#The Bear#delicious party precure#Thief#Parasite Eve#NieR Gestalt#Phantom Manor
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Spoiler alert for all of season 5 of BBC Ghosts and the first three episodes of season 2 of Our Flag Means Death.
I really enjoyed season 5 of Ghosts. More than I expected to, I think, because I’d thought it might be running out of steam. I didn’t find season 4 quite as good as the first three, I figured there’s maybe not enough in the premise to sustain it for all that long. But season 5 left me wishing it would keep going, there’s plenty more they could do.
I am glad we’ll have a Christmas special, as they left a lot of loose ends. Arguably too many loose ends for a season finale. They could probably have solved that by cutting the quite unnecessary “Pat and Robin fight over a weather presenter” B plot from the finale, and spending the whole episode on the main story. But that was probably the only storyline in the season that I didn’t enjoy. Even the baby storyline, which I anticipated annoying me ever since I realized last week that they’d inevitably do a pregnancy in the final season, was done nicely, I thought.
Aside from the baby thing, I like that they did avoid a few of the seeming inevitabilities. There is such a well-recognized formula to this sort of feel-good sitcom, and everyone is so familiar with it, that there were few things they could have done without being incredibly predictable. Everyone’s been assuming it would end with all or at least most, or at least a few, of the ghosts disappearing. So I found it funny that instead of doing that, they dedicated the second-last episode to parodying the fans’ certainty that it would happen, and then subverting the expectations. It was just enough of an affectionate jab at the audience and their expectations to be funny, not so much as to compromise the warm and nice tone of the show.
The characters are all really well drawn for a show with such short seasons, I thought. And I did like the closure we got on Kitty and the Captain in the last season. I mean, I’m disappointed that my theory didn’t come to pass, that it’ll turn out his name is Captain Ben Willbond (I would also have accepted Captain Adam Kenyon). But Regular Ben Willbond did a hell of a job in that dramatic scene. And Lolly Adefope did a hell of a job in hers. They all did, really. It’s just a really, really nice show. I’m glad Tumblr obsession with it got strong enough a couple of years ago for me to watch it. And definitely looking forward to the Christmas special, and hoping we get a bit of a time skip/epilogue that’ll tie up all the loose threads.
And on the other show that dropped a new season this week – the first couple of episodes had me rather disappointed that Our Flag Means Death seems to have given up on being a comedy altogether to be a drama, even if it’s a reasonably entertaining drama. But the third episode felt more like the first season, which was good. I didn’t absolutely love the first season as much as some did, but I did quite like it. It was low on female characters though (I mean, it’s a show about old-timey pirates, I’m not saying I blame the writers/creators for making it male-dominated, I’m just saying I’d probably have enjoyed it more if there had been more scenes for Leslie Jones and Claudia O’Doherty because they were both great characters), so it’s nice that season 2 seems to be quickly solving that. I like a lot of the new people. I’m not quite sure how much more the main two guys have to do from here, so I like that they’re bringing in other stuff.
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Long Live the Pumpkin Queen: Dr. Finkelstein & Sally
There's a lot of heavy criticism circulating Dr. Finkelstein’s character in the novel. It’s completely understandable as to *why* - he and Sally are the only two major characters to have their stories/pasts completely rewritten, for Long Live the Pumpkin Queen. And if you’ve grown up with these characters & their tales, you’d be taken by surprise with the spin the novel took regarding their relationship.
Spoilers to Long Live the Pumpkin Queen below.
It’s revealed in LLTPQ that Sally is a ragdoll who was born, and her parents are Albert and Greta, the governors of Dream Town. She is part of a Rag Doll species who serve as dream weavers – in the human world lulling children and adults to sleep. The Rag Dolls we meet are the Governors, who tell Sally she was kidnapped as a child, taken through her bedroom window, by a man with a ‘large head and small eyes’. They show Sally her childhood bedroom, toys, and belongings - which she finds vaguely familiar.
We later get a confession from Dr. Finkelstein, who claims that he kidnapped Sally from Dream Town and brought her back to Halloween Town, where he gave her a ‘forgetting potion’ so she couldn’t remember her prior family/home. He even replaced her original cotton stuffing with leaves. He did this because he had a book about the Holiday realms, and read about ‘Dream Sand’, wishing to experiment with it. So he went into the woods and found Dream Town. Apparently, he had also been failing to create a Rag Doll daughter of his own at the time, and once he saw Sally, made the decision to take her for himself.
Greta tells us that they searched for her after she was taken. But Dr. Finklestein was the one to completely block Dream Town’s door, effectively making it a forgotten realm. Jack Skellington is furious with this news and sentences him to 100 years of community service for Dream Town.
…As you can see, it’s a pretty big…rewrite for his character. And Sally.
In the original Nightmare Before Christmas, I always believed Dr. Finkelstein and Sally were a parody of the classic Frankenstein-and-his-creation tale, where she was brought to life by electricity and assembled by the Doctor himself. But the novel tells us that it was simply a trick - that he was lying to her all along, making her believe he created her. That she is actually a living Rag doll who came from her own species.
In a way, I can understand this from a narrative point of view - it brings a complexity into Dr. Finkelstein and Sally’s relationship, having him be her *literal* captor, someone so swept up in his pride and inventing abilities that he claimed to create something that he didn’t. And it would explain Sally’s feelings of being an outcast in Halloween Town, who couldn’t relate to anyone. It works as a storytelling tool – however, there are also…problems with these concepts.
First off - the Rag doll species. I'm both fascinated and confused by Albert and Greta. The way the novel words it, Sally was ‘born’, and was once a child who grew to the age of 12 before being taken by Doctor Finkelstein. It’s mentioned Albert has graying hair, so we can assume Rag dolls age. But how can it be that they’re born with stitches, assembled and can tear apart? Or, in their world, does ‘born’ mean stitching a baby? Do they periodically build Sally, or does she age naturally? And how do Rag dolls reproduce? Is there any genetic code to them, or do they simply build each other?
–The novel doesn’t answer these, so I can’t say.
Another thing to mention – the book heavily villainizes Dr. Finklestein, despite the Sandman being the antagonist until he gets a redemption(a discussion for another post). We’re simply *told* that Sally was taken, and the Doctor was struggling, desperate to keep her – but we don’t get to see the build leading to that. We don’t read about Finklestein struggling to assemble a daughter, failing with his inventions and creations, where it would drive him to do something as extreme as **kidnapping**. This backstory lacks depth because it doesn’t care to spend more time on the Doctor and his intentions, his past, etc. It paints him in the light of ‘man who kidnapped beloved main character from her family, and kept her captive for the rest of her life while lying to her’ — even though it could’ve held so much more emotional complexity if more time were simply spent on him. We’re only ‘told’, not so much ‘explained’, it feels to me.
Dr. Finkelstein isn’t the hero regarding Sally’s story - he has always been her captor, locking her in her room and discouraging her curiosity with the outside world. He’s overprotective. But he deserved more than being heavily demonized for the sake of shock value.
I am divided, personally - I love Albert and Greta’s characters, the concept of Dream Town and Rag Dolls - but Doctor Finkelstein isn’t a one-dimensional character. I can understand the depth to the story Shea Ernshaw gave him - it’s not a bad one on its own, in my opinion - but it lacks genuity in its writing when treated like an afterthought.
#long live the pumpkin queen spoilers#pumpkin queen spoilers#long live the pumpkin queen#sally skellington#dr finkelstein#discussions#fink finding the holiday realms far before jacks christmas incident deserved more focus imo#he knew of the trees? but chose to kidnap a little girl? if he wanted recognition he couldve mentioned his discovery of holiday towns#this part of the story bothers me a little bit.#i think albert and greta are interesting characters but as sally's parents..? hm.
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