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bitter-sweet-farmgirl · 3 years

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An Analyzation of ADM (Parts 22-26)

The analyzation of Estel during her stubborn streak. *Note: Read Afrân first

An Analyzation of A Deep Misunderstanding (Parts 22-26)

In Ashfâkh, Estel suddenly developed this deepset insecurity that I didn't even realize she had until she just pulled it out of nowhere. So teaching moment here for me, I realized I do not have any semblance of control over my characters whatsoever. Once you create them and set them on the page, they're going to do any damn thing they please.

Anyways, I had this chapter all planned out--Estel would be a bit flustered, but ultimately say yes and everything was going to be all fluffy and happy. But when I was writing it, that was not the way it went. Estel really just got distant on me, and kinda shrunk away from the thought of marriage. Honestly, I couldn't understand why until I kept writing and brought Balin in to try and sort things out. That's when she revealed that she felt insecure about marriage because of what she had witnessed from her foster mother.

She mentions her insecurity indirectly at first, and only thinks about it in her mind, but then goes on to state it aloud.

"What if we just don't work out together? Right now it might seem as if we are perfect together, but what if a few years down the road, we find that maybe we just don't fit as well as we thought? What will we do then? Split apart and carry the weight of the heartbreak for the rest of our lives? It is just wiser to wait." --This is her indirect thoughts on the insecurity, basing off the fact that her foster mother was (and still is) deeply in love with her husband, but then left because of personal reasons (maybe they didn't fit as well as thought, as Estel mentions?) She also talks about the heartbreak that one would have to carry for the rest of their lifetime, something that brings to mind a past scene in ADM.

'...blue eyes that sparkled with a merriment that still couldn't quite conceal the pain she hid inside.' This is a quote from Iktibith E when Estel thinks back to her foster mother. Ironically, it ties back into Ashfâkh, because Estel talks about the pain of heartbreak.

The next paragraph is Estel's personal thought on the matter--the insecurity.

'I did not want to end up like my Naneth; forced to leave her husband and endure that heartbreak because he wasn't the man she thought he was.' Estel has watched her foster mother struggle with her heartbreak her entire life, and unbeknownst to her (and me) it made a huge impression on her. While she is willing to love, marriage is something frightening to her in a way, because she doesn't want to have her heart broken.

Her next sentence states exactly that. "Elves only love once, but my Naneth and her husband split apart because their differences... I don't want to end up like her." Here she lays it all out in the open to Thorin and Balin, making known her insecurity.

From this moment onwards, even though the insecurity seems to be resolved when Thorin reassures her, writing Estel was an uphill battle. Looking back on it now while writing this little essay, I'm realizing that her insecurity was more complicated than I thought. While she was nervous about having her heart broken and having to endure what her foster mother endured, she also worried about Thorin being disappointed with her because she didn't know Dwarvish traditions. That probably was the main part of it, I realize, with her heartbreak worries being a sort of top layer.

Anyways, in Afrân, that insecurity was still very much present and she just did not want to work past it. Honestly, after writing Ashfâkh, I found writing ADM super hard. So I just pushed it aside and took a break from writing, figuring that eventually I'd figure out a way to resolve Estel's insecurity. During that break, I took awhile to kinda think about Estel and try and reason with her about that insecurity, but she was having none of it. Through that experience I learned that she had a stubborn streak to rival Thorin's.

But anyways, one night I was just doing something random, not even thinking about ADM and it was like this lightbulb just went off in my head. Estel had finally overcome her insecurity. The solution was just so simple, but apparently Estel just needed some time to herself to think and such, and now that we're on speaking terms again, I'm not complaining.

'If he was just as unprepared as I was, then he was probably just as nervous. He was most likely forgetting the fact that I was still learning Dwarvish customs and therefore would be thinking that I would be offended by the lack of tradition.' --The exact moment where Estel's insecurity is resolved.

So Afrân was finally finished up and I could continue working on the next part.

After that, I was curious to see how this insecurity came about, because when I thought about it, Estel had slowly become a little distant even before Thorin asked her to marry him. It was almost as if there was a chasm slowly widening between me and her as time went on. So I dove into the past chapters of ADM to try and see if I could figure out where Estel had began to draw away from me.

It actually was easy to find, since I had already been thinking about the 'mood' of past chapters and had noted that Id-Thurkhu had been rather strange to write since Estel was uncharacteristically grumpy and moody in it--something that just set off alarm bells in my head.

Since I knew that she was a bit 'off' in that chapter, I went to Jalaibsêk Abâkât to see if I could find anything there.

And boy, did I...

Reading through it and getting to the part where Thorin sees Estel's tattoo for the first time, I came across an interesting sentence: 'His words had resurrected the memory of why I had gotten the tattoo; of the time when I struggled to find out just who I was.'

Right there I knew I had found where everything had begun. That exact sentence is where Estel began to grow away from me and become stubborn and moody. Unintentionally, I had brought up a painful memory for her about a time that I think a lot of people have experienced--not knowing where you belong and struggling to figure out who you are.

From there I just read back through the following chapters, and everything just made so much more sense. And honestly, in the week I spent trying to reason with Estel, (I swear, it was like I had a toddler that didn't want to listen. That is exactly what I felt like with Estel!!! I was also very tempted just to sit her down and talk sense into her through a one-on-one conversation, (like a texting fanfic) but I figured that might make things worse so...). And I learned so much about writing in general. Like the fact that I actually don't control my characters.

#essay #estel #a deep misunderstanding #yes this is a fricking essay about my character

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d3-iseefire · 4 years

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She Walks in Shadow Chapter 18

The scar on Bilba’s back hurt, and it was pissing her off.

Largely because, up to that point, it had been about the only thing that didn’t hurt.

Having her younger body, free from scars and other wounds she’d picked up over the years, had been nice at first but the appeal was quickly fading. Every muscle hurt from her attempts to get back in shape, and the gait of the pony constantly reminded her that this body had virtually no riding experience whatsoever.

It was a miserable experience, and all of it was compounded farther by the ever-present feel of eyes boring into her back.

She shouldn’t have slept with him.

She knew that, obviously. She’d known it then and knew it doubly now. It was just that, at the time, the idea had been that she’d be the one suffering the consequences for it.

It had never occurred to her that he’d have any lasting hang-ups.

Just further proof of how little she’d known him to begin with.

In any event, sleeping with him had not had the desired effect. She’d expected it to settle her down, prove that neither of them was the same person. She’d expected it to help her stop wondering, cheapen it all even. Take it from the lost fantasy in her mind to the grounded reality, to the knowledge that what was lost could never again be found.

She’d expected it allow her to move on.

Or at least…she thought that was what her intention had been.

Instead she’d just ended up hurting him which, in hindsight, shouldn’t have surprised her. That was what she did, after all, wasn’t it? Hurt him. Failed him when he needed her most. It only made sense that ---

Bilba cursed quietly. Stop it, she ordered herself. Stop thinking of him as him. Even if he felt the same, smelled the same, even if the sun brightened his hair to the same burnished gold and his smile lit the same fire she’d felt back then.

It wasn’t him.

He was gone, and he wasn’t coming back.

Now if he’d just stop staring at her all the damn time.

He was probably still convinced he’d gotten her pregnant.

He hadn’t, of that she had no doubt. She’d been sent back to accomplish a task, and it wasn’t to give her a second chance. The Valar didn’t care a single, small hobbit and, even if they did, that hobbit certainly was never going to be her.

She was there to accomplish a task. A pregnancy would get in the way of that task which meant, simply put, she wasn’t pregnant.

He’d relax eventually, breathe a sigh of relief and place the entire incident in the back of his mind, under the label of “Mistakes Not to Be Repeated.” His interest would wane and turn elsewhere and…that would be that.

The discomfort in her back spiked unexpectedly and she tensed, unconsciously pulling her shoulders back as if she could somehow squeeze the pain out of her body.

“Are you all right?” Dwalin asked quietly from where he rode next to her.

“I’m fine,” she said shortly.

Dwalin’s gaze went to the horizon where the sun was in the process of sinking toward the earth. “We should be stopping soon.”

Bilba tsked. “I don’t care.”

He chuckled. “Sure you don’t.”

Bilba considered throwing a knife at him, but decided it wasn’t worth losing the progress she’d made in trying to gain Thorin’s trust. She’d ridden next to him nearly all day, simply chatting and trying to forge a relationship. If she wanted to get anywhere with him in the future, if she wanted any hope of changing things, having his trust and respect would be vital.

Dwalin settled back into silence next to her. He knew better than to try and push her, especially when she was in a bad mood.

The pain in her back spiked again, like a severe pinch she couldn’t relieve, and she let out an annoyed hiss. Her younger body was fast proving to be more of an irritant than her battle scarred one had been.

She forced herself to study the landscape, watching for potential threats. There hadn’t been anything this early the first time around but, then again, there hadn’t been orcs in the Shire the first time either.

They were still traveling through a mostly open plain and would continue to do so until they reached the Trollshaws.

The Trollshaws, and the actual trolls they’d met there the first time. Bilba still hadn’t decided what to do about them. As things stood at present, she had the advantage of knowing everything that was coming. The second she started to change things she would lose that advantage and be as blind as if she had been back then.

Movement came up on her left side and she turned her head to see Bofur riding alongside her. He grinned and reached up to tap his hat. “Lovely day we’re having.”

“It’s no different than the one that came before,” Bilba said, pain making her temper short, “or the one that will come after.” At least until they got closer to Erebor and winter began to set in. A cold breeze seemed to rush through her veins and, in the back of her mind, echoed the splintering sound of ice cracking on a frozen river.

She tensed, and her fingers curled around the reins.

Beside her, Bofur was chattering about something or other and she struggled to focus on him in the hopes it would take her mind off where it was trying to go.

It took her only a few minutes to become completely enthralled.

He was just so…alive.

It was such a stark contrast to how he’d been the last time she’d seen him. There’d been no light in his eyes then, and the few smiles he’d managed to dredge up were brittle and false.

None of them had come out of that last battle unscathed.

From Bombur who’d lost himself in the monotony of work, to Ori who’d found a second quest and followed it to the same bitter end as the first. Nori who’d given himself to the streets, Dori to the dark halls of his mind, and Balin who’d fled Erebor in search of something he could never find. Even Gloin who’d come out the best of them all with family and fortune awaiting him back in Ered Luin. He’d never spoken of the quest after returning, and stories she’d heard from others spoke of his struggle with nightmares, moodiness and flashes of temper.

It made her wonder sometimes, just what they had all hoped for that first time around. What would drive someone to set out on a mission where, going in, they knew the most likely outcome was death. Was it loyalty? Hope? Desperation?

What was it that had driven her to go? To give up the comforts of home and hearth to set out with a lot of strangers on a quest doomed to fail?

Whatever the case might have been, there was one thing she knew without question and that was that all their hopes, dreams and fears had been bound up in the figure of Thorin Oakenshield.

Bound with him, and died with him, and as Thorin had gone so had they all.

She rode now with a company of ghosts.

Fourteen souls had marched to Ravenhill, and eleven husks had left it.

Bofur cleared his throat awkwardly next to her. “Ah, I’m sorry, Lass. I didn’t mean to bother you. I’ll leave you alone.”

Bilba blinked in confusion, and then reached out and put a hand on his arm before he could drop back. “No, wait.” She hesitated as something inside her almost overwhelmed her, nearly desperate to replace the last image she’d had of Bofur with the one riding beside her now. “I’m the one who should apologize. I’m not used to riding. It’s put me in a foul mood.”

He grinned; a genuine one that poked at some dark corner of her heart and threatened to open a door she’d long since shut. “Well, it just so happens cheering up pretty lasses is a specialty of mine.”

The barest hint of a smile tugged at Bilba’s lips. “Is it?”

He nodded sagely. “That it is. If you’d like, I’d be happy to do my best to get your mind off—” he stumbled slightly, face reddening slightly, “—other things, that might be distressing you.”

He made a vague gesture in the direction of her saddle and, again, Bilba felt that ghost of a smile along with an almost desperate desire to recapture, if even for only a moment, some small piece of what that first journey had been.

Minus Thorin glaring at her every five seconds. That she was happy to do without.

But, as for the rest, what little of it that could be recaptured…that she was happy to entertain for however long it might last.

***

They traveled for several more hours, finally stopping only as the light began to change to the brilliant oranges and red of sunset.

By that time, she’d gathered quite the little group around her. Apparently, her willingness to have Bofur riding next to her had made various members of the company decide she was…approachable.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like them, or that she didn’t want to spend time with them. It was just that she was so out of practice. Out of practice with small talk, being in groups, being around more than just herself and her own thoughts. Before, she could go weeks without seeing someone, days without remembering to say a single word and then only to her pony.

She was out of practice with hospitality. She’d been bad at it to begin with and was worse now. Knowing when to smile and laugh and make small talk, thinking of questions to ask or answers to give. She had tried, a little, at first. There were just so many of them, though, and they were all crowded about her and it felt like the air was being sucked out even though they were all outside.

She’d eventually stopped trying and lapsed into silence, eyes focused on what little of the landscape she could see through the people around her. They hadn’t really noticed, or perhaps had simply allowed it, their conversation flowing around and over her in a cacophony of sound she couldn’t begin to follow.

Thorin finally called a halt on the edge of a cliff, overlooking the forest that lay before Rivendell and the foot of the Misty Mountains. Said mountains loomed before them even now, a craggy rock face rising up hundreds of feet into the air. When she’d been younger, her mother would sometimes take her on trips to see the elves and Bilba had always loved the sight of the mountains. They called forth a feeling of mystery and romanticism that would have her awake late into the night dreaming up epic tales of what fantastical sorts of creatures might live there.

She’d never told anyone but at least a tiny part of her decision to go on the quest had been a desire to finally set foot on those rocks and see for herself what lay beyond.

The answer, she’d soon found, was apparently rocks. Giant, rude rocks that couldn’t be bothered to tell you when you were standing on them and that liked to play catch…with other rocks.

She really was not looking forward to a repeat of that. Judging by the look on Dwalin’s face as he gazed up toward the not-so-distant peaks neither was he.

They set up camp under a low overhang very near to the edge of the cliff. Bilba had a vague memory of it from the first time but it was overshadowed by everything else that had happened and was preparing to happen again.

She did remember the sight of Fili and Kili huddled up under the overhang, mostly because she could recall being mesmerized by how the firelight played off Thorin’s oldest nephew.

The reality now, when compared to the memory still lurking in her mind, did not disappoint.

She waited until most everyone else had set up their bedrolls before unfurling hers on the edge near where Thorin’s was. It was far from the chatter of the rest of the Company and, after listening to them for the entire day, she could understand his desire for some peace and quiet, as much as could be found under the circumstances.

She wasn’t surprised when Dwalin dropped his bedroll next to hers.

He headed off to speak to Thorin and Bilba wandered over to drop down next to where Gandalf was seated on a large boulder.

“Are you all right?” he asked as she dropped down next to him.

Bilba’s eyes tracked over the company, watching as they laughed and chatted amongst themselves, joking and carrying on as if they were on a lark and not a suicide mission. “No,” she said finally, eyes going toward where Fili lounged against the rock shelf next to his brother, “but sometimes I wish I was.” Her voice dropped to a near whisper on the last, but she wasn’t surprised that Gandalf caught it anyway.

“And, what, pray tell,” he prodded gently, “is keeping you back, my dear?”

Fili’s eyes shifted toward hers, as if he knew she was looking, and Bilba turned away. “You know the answer to that, old man.” She pushed to her feet. “Neither of us is who we once were.”

“And is there a reason you can’t begin again?” his voice questioned from behind her. “As you both are now?”

Bilba didn’t answer. Instead she went to stand at the edge of the cliff, overlooking the forest far below. Night had fallen and there was little to see but a black void stretching out beneath her feet.

“What’s so fascinating about the dark?” an amused voice asked from behind her.

Bilba barely reacted. She’d felt him approaching, like a too tight string suddenly going slack.

Fili moved to stand next to her, arms crossed in an unconscious mirroring of her pose. A breeze coming up from below brushed an errant strand of hair over his shoulder and she had to clench her teeth against a surge of irrational jealousy.

It physically hurt to not be able to touch him. She’d ridden ahead of him all day, and had barely seen him outside of rest stops, but she’d been aware of him every second. She was convinced that, if pressed, she could have turned and pointed to his exact position without a moment’s hesitation.

“What will you do at the end?” The words came out of nowhere, born from a sudden need to give him a reason to keep standing beside her as long as possible. “After reclaiming Erebor?”

He shrugged. “Same thing I’m doing now, I suppose, just in a different place.”

“Oh.” She forgot sometimes that Fili already had a life well before he ever met her. That he’d been a prince in his own right, helping to rule Ered Luin alongside his uncle. In her mind, only the journey had existed. An independent world separate from the rest of Middle Earth.

She’d never met Fili outside of that. Had no idea about his life in Ered Luin. What his daily responsibilities had been, things that had annoyed him or made him happy, what he’d done in his free time.

If there had been a girl he’d had his eye on.

How she could have gone nearly an entire year without knowing any of that showed just how shallow their relationship must have been.

Just a dream, one that would never have survived the light of day. If they had retaken Erebor, he would have realized it. Seen just how poorly she measured up against those he’d left behind, just how out of place she was in the life he’d long ago established.

He’d have grown tired of her, and she’d have ended up in the same place she had the first time around.

But at least he’d have still been alive.

She’d have traded it all for him to have still been alive.

Would have traded it then and would trade it now.

“What are you planning to do?” Fili asked, breaking into her thoughts. “I heard that you sold your house before leaving.”

“I haven’t decided,” Bilba lied. “Perhaps I’ll go stay with the elves.”

“Because life in the Shire wasn’t boring enough?” Fili’s lips twisted. “My apologies, that was uncalled for.”

Bilba surprised herself by chuckling. “But fair. Life in the Shire isn’t exactly known for excitement. As for the elves—” she frowned. “I’ve been to Rivendell and I have to say that I have no idea what it is they do all day.”

“Right?” Fili asked. “Perhaps they simply wander about and practice looking pensive.”

Bilba’s lips quirked into a smile. “Perhaps, and let’s working on sounding grave and mysterious.” She shot a glance over her shoulder. “I wonder sometimes if Gandalf might not be part elf.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Fili said dryly. “He does seem incapable of simply speaking straight. I think we could be in mortal peril and he’d waste time trying to cryptically tell us how to defend ourselves.”

“So he would,” Bilba murmured. Her good spirits flagged a bit at the thought of them being in mortal peril. They would be going through that soon enough.

Her eyes went to Thorin who was still resting against the edge of the stone. The last time around he had been the one standing here, staring out over the darkness while Balin had recounted the story of how he’d gotten his title, Oakenshield.

Disquiet moved through her. Why was it different? She tried to think back, and a hazy memory began to form. He’d been asleep back then too, but then he’d awakened…for dinner? No…it had been something else, but she couldn’t remember what.

Beside her, Fili raised an eyebrow. “Problem?”

“No.” Bilba shook her head. She was being ridiculous. She was so used to living in constant danger, so used to paranoia, that she was seeing danger where there wasn’t any. Everything was fine. It was a miniscule change that could have been caused by any number of small, infinitesimal actions. It didn’t mean that –

A loud screen came from somewhere behind them, off in the darkness, and both she and Fili half turned to look.

“Looks like an owl got its dinner,” Fili mused.

“I suppose,” Bilba said slowly. The memory of their first trip pressed forward again.

A screech, she remembered. There had been a screech that time too, but from down below, in the valley. Fili and Kili had made a joke about orcs and that had…

She twisted back to look down into the darkness that masked the valley floor. Why would that have changed? She could understand other things, things that might have changed because they rode at a different pace or she said something different or a host of other things. She, Dwalin and Gandalf all remembered the first trip, it made perfect sense for some things to change no matter what they did or did not do.

But not this.

Nothing had delayed them that long, and they were in the same place so what could change –

Realization hit.

Ice ran through her veins and her heart thundered so hard in her chest it was a wonder it didn’t burst right through.

She spun, mouth opening to raise the alarm…and it was already too late.

Dark shadows stepped into the flickering firelight, and quickly resolved into orcs.

At least a dozen of them, if not more.

A shout rang out, she had no idea from whom, and then a flurry of activity broke out as everyone dove for their weapons at the same time. Thorin went from sleeping to standing at ready, sword clasped in hand all in one, simple move.

Bilba stood frozen. Her blood thundered in her veins and her heart threatened to burst right out of her chest. She felt cold, ice cold, and her eyes remained helplessly fixed on the empty spot between two of the larger orcs.

Orcs didn’t travel alone, and they didn’t travel without a leader. The bigger the group the more important the leader and for this one to be here…to be here when they shouldn’t be, when they hadn’t been…

Please don’t be him, she thought desperately. Please don’t, not yet. I’m not ready yet.

Please.

A new orc stepped into the light. One bigger, and stronger than any she’d seen in a very long time.

An albino, a condition so rare and unique amongst the species he was often referred as the pale orc.

One she hadn’t seen outside of her nightmares, in what felt like an Age.

One she’d have been grateful to never see again.

Azog.

Follow on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16547237/chapters/38767136

#Writing #My Writing #Fanfic #Fanfiction #The Hobbit #female bilbo baggins #Romance #Bilbo #Angst #Happy Ending #time travel fix it #Fix It #tolkien

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silyabeeodess · 4 years

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Well, since Steam won’t let me post my review, I might as well rant here: Whatever excitement I had to play LOTRO, it’s very much dead now. The main positive is that the game is very expansive and the world feels fleshed out; however, it's also one of its worst aspects in many cases.

Those of you who saw my first post already know what I’m about to say, but you know how the Shire is supposed to be this relaxing place? In the game, you're sent running around these massive landscapes from one area to the next to the point where you're completely lost, there's absolutely no chance of stacking missions so that you can keep to an area and explore it at leisure to then move on to the next, and some of them are ridiculously timed missions that you have to beat going through these huge landscapes as well as through enemies and random npcs that will completely ruin you so that you'll have to go all the way back and start over. To top it off, your character runs at a pace that would make a snail look like a world class racer (seriously, even the running animation looks awful because your character's "run" is timed at a speed-walk or light jog), and when you can fast-travel (because you can only do it at the stable's scattered locations than all have insane limits on where you can go to the point that you literally can't even use some of them) it's an auto-travel system--meaning you're stuck having to remember which of the countless towns is closest to where you actually need to go. And even it’s pretty slow at times too! (It's so bad that it got to the point where I just started holding down a button and reading to pass the time, looking up every now and then to make sure that I didn't run into a tree.)

Oh, and the tracker? Half the time it doesn't even work! If it's not leading you to an impassable mountain range on the border of the map instead of where you actually need to go, it's auto-selecting the mission that on the other side of the map because you did something that might've triggered that quest instead of what's closest by that still needs completion. The controls are also pretty wonky. They really depend on the camera, so if your camera messes up or locks onto something, have fun trying to move around! I've had to constantly readjust it in order for my character not to walk over a cliff or to simply keep running when the game decides I need to focus on the random enemy that's 5 levels below me and I just want to get through a forest.

There's also a crafting system. Again, nicely fleshed out, but there's some stupid aspects of its design as well. For instance, I'm a tinker, meaning I have the prospector, cook, and jeweler crafting abilities. I happened to get these crafting quests where I needed to make dishes using Spring Barley. Well, after searching forever for it, after some research, it turns out that you can't even get Spring Barley normally without being a farmer. The advice I saw in forums for the game was literally to make a secondary character as a farmer in order to get it. No: You shouldn't have to make another character in order to play the game properly. I had to hope that I landed a quest that would give me what I needed in order to finish those crafting ones.

The game's pretty, at least I'll give it that... Again, the main positive is that the world looks nice and is really fleshed out from the settings, to all of the rich landscapes, to the story aspects. There were a couple of times I felt taken out of Middle Earth because of the landscape rapidly alerting as I moved through one to the next, but it tends to the the exception rather than the rule. However, there are so many other problems that I can't enjoy exploring those areas as I would in other MMOs. Most of the time, I feel frustrated because I'm being sent off in so many directions. It's not even an issue of taking on side quests because, in most other cases, side quests keep you in a relatively confined location as you complete the main quests so you have plenty of time to level up and see what's around before moving on to the next area--and when you do have to travel a massive distance, the quick-travel system is actually effective.

Seriously, imagine if, in "The Hobbit," instead of Thorin's company making as direct a route as possible to the Misty Mountains with just the occasional bumps in the road to keep the story interesting, the group decided, "Ok, well, we're going to go to Rivendell first, but after that--since Bilbo told us to try some mushroom pie--we're going to go back to the Shire and pick a couple up from his grandmother who lives in the marshes. Then, we'll head toward the Misty Mountains... Oh, wait: We've lost our horses? No, we don't need to borrow Beorn's: Let's just go to Rohan to get some instead. While we're at it, let's visit Thorin's cousin: It's only a day trip in the opposite direction." It’s pointless wandering around that takes greatly from the experience, and you just want to get through it, so you stop caring about what you're doing.

One, final thing that I couldn’t stand: The fall system in the game. Initially, I thought it was neat in that there was some consequence. If you fall a far enough distance, there’s cracking sound effect of broken bone and your character hobbles for a while instead of runs. After some time though, it got old, and if you fall far enough—despite the fact that you don’t actually take damage at any shorter distance—your character can actually die. It’s bad enough that you have to respawn somewhere after finding that out with no warning whatsoever either through gameplay or by tutorial info, but to really grind salt into the wound, there are titles that you get for staying alive over the course of multiple levels in the game and you lose every bit of progress toward them.

#rant #review #lotr #lotro #lord of the rings online #lord of the rings

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austenwilliam · 6 years

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A Noble Maiden Fair.

Pairing: Thranduil x OFC

Rating: Fluff.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Tolkien characters mentioned or the world in which they inhabit. I also do not own the lyrics used within this story. I do however own Edana Leòideach. This is purely written for entertainment purposes. I do not make any money from this, whatsoever.

Warnings: None.

Length: 2,609 words.

Note: I have a feeling I have already posted this one but I can’t seem to find it. My apologies if you have seen this one before. It also posted on my AO3 account.

This was also written based on an imagine from Tumblr but I can’t seem to find it either. Edana is also loosely based off of the character Merida, from Disney’s Brave. The song she sings is Noble Maiden Fair from the same film. It is written in Gaelic.

Summary: This maiden fair sings a lullaby and captures the heart of a particular Elven king, Thranduil.

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After the chaos had subsided and the dwarves were allowed to join the elves for supper, instead of being cooped up in the cells, Edana could only hope that the company would behave themselves. She really couldn't handle any more embarrassment such as the behaviour that unfurled during their time spent with lord Elrond in Rivendell. Fortunately, and to her surprise they all sat quietly at the table. Thankfully the halfling had come to her aid in reminding the men that they were no longer around the table at Bag End, but dining with the king of the Woodland Realm, Thranduil; who despite his dislike towards the Dwarvish kind offered them food and shelter. Albeit he did capture them first but in his defence, they were trespassing on his lands.

Thorin grunted with obvious dislike at having to mind his manners before the elves, but for Edana he would spare her the shame, for she was the only woman amongst them. It would be unfair of him to let her experience such madness all of the time. He then laughed to himself as he noted himself referring to the lass as a lady, for she had yet to demonstrate such behaviour befitting that status. Maybe it was the fact that she had spent too much time in their company that had ruined any chance of that, or her fiery aura that did not make room for grace and elegance.

Breaking herself off a little of the elven bread placed before her, she examined the produce before taking a bite. It was different than what she was used to, but after a few reluctant swallows she found it to be not all that bad. So much could be said for the boys as they looked to the greenery upon their plates with faces like disappointed children. She even noticed Bofur lifting up a leaf in hope that underneath a piece of meat would be hiding. Much to his despair he found only more green. Before he could say anything, as she expected him to do, she gave him a kick under the table as a reminder of their other guests.

Wincing from the sudden attack, Bofur grumbled and tore a great piece out of the leaf on his plate in comical defeat. His actions brought Edana to let out a laugh. Her laugh, melodious as it was, broke the silence in the room in turn attracting the attention of the elven king.

Thranduil looked to the other end of the table at the fiery, red haired maiden. He wasn't quite sure what to make of the woman as he had never met such a specimen of female before. She was neither Dwarf nor Elf which led him to believe she was human. This made her that little bit more likeable to him as he favoured humans over dwarves but only a little, for he found men to be too rash and greedy, although less greedy than dwarves. To be fair it didn't take much for Thranduil to dislike anybody other than his own kin.

He took a moment to admire her form for as before said he was not familiar with a woman of fuller figure. Elven women were mostly tall and lean in their figures, delicate and elegant whereas Edana embodied curves, a fuller breast and a shorter frame. Shorter than that of an Elf she was still a head or so taller than her Dwarf friends and almost double the height of the Hobbit, Bilbo. What fascinated him most was the flaming red curls that was her hair. Although it was slightly unkempt, compared to the straight silver strands of his own, it suited her well. The curls gently nestled themselves to rest upon her shoulders, complimenting and framing her youthfully rounded face.

Lifting the goblet to his lips, he tore his gaze away from the maiden and continued with his meal and wine, making sure the dwarves kept to their word and behaved themselves. Just as he turned away Thorin looked to the Mirkwood royal, briefly catching him admiring Edana. He was sure that he caught the king smirking slightly as he looked over their friend. To be fair he couldn't blame the Elf as she was a fine sight, and an even better friend to laugh and enjoy a conversation with. However, beyond that he felt nothing in the sense of romance for Edana.

After the food had been cleared away the company had been offered chambers for the evening suggesting that they rest. Edana looked to her leader in hope that he would accept for she needed the rest. She may have been built of tougher stuff then the sprites of the woodland realm, but she was never one to turn down a comfy bed and time to sleep. Looking around at his men, and of course Edana, Thorin turned to Thranduil and kindly accepted his offer.

"Very well, see to it that you all get some rest." He gently bowed his head before turning to one of the guards speaking quietly in Elvish. No doubt it was to make sure that the guard was doubled so that no one left the halls without him knowing, and also to make sure they bathed. In turn they were all showed to their rooms, all but Thorin, of whom Thranduil wished to speak to. So, the Dwarf king stayed behind.

Edana thanked the she-elf that showed her to her room. The Elf politely nodded and reminded her that should she need anything, to just call. She was also given permission to wander the halls, should she feel up to it. Although, the Elf did stress that she bathe and change first. The lass felt she should take offence to the urging of a bath from the Elf but upon smelling herself, lifting her arm and sniffing her garment, she wholeheartedly agreed. After travelling for some time with a bunch of manly men she sometimes forgot herself and the need for a wash every once in a while. Embracing the opportunity, she gladly stripped of her dirtied attire and dipped in to the pure waters of a bath, filled with the scent of lavender and rose oils.

Finally, clean and resembling a lady once again Edana dressed in a gown that was kindly provided for her, layered out on the bed. Lifting the sleeve of the gown and feeling the material of it between her gently calloused fingers, she admired the softness of the finery. The gown was a deep blue-green colour with golden detailing at the bottom of the skirt, and the hems of the sleeves. Pulling the dress over her head, she pulled it down and adjusted it so that it would fit. Luckily it fit her perfectly, her curves accentuated in the right places and her modesty kept intact. With a simple v neckline, adorned with golden lace up detailing, a white panel of silk lay underneath to cover her chest. The gown rested gently just off of her shoulders, exposing the top of her shoulders and lengthening her neck. All in all, the gown in shape, fit and colour brought out the ocean hues of her eyes and the fiery curls of her hair, against the porcelain tint of her skin.

"Well, m'eudail don't ye look bonnie?" Edana admired herself in the mirror, reciting her mother's words of endearment, whenever she would doll up instead of running around like a young laddie. She smiled at the memory as she tucked a curl behind her ear in a vain attempt to tame the fire, but it was no use. If she really wanted to, she could be a true lady, but her hair would always betray her with a mind of its own.

Satisfied with herself, she put on the shoes provided for her that happily complimented her gown and left her chamber. She gladly took up the offer of a chance to wander the halls of the Woodland Realm. She had never seen an Elven home before let alone a palace, and after hearing many stories of their grandeur and natural beauty, she simply couldn't pass it up.

As she navigated the vast halls she admired the wood carvings that adorned the walls. She then gazed upon the masts of beautifully carved wood, that climbed up as high as she could bend her head back to look up. Running her finger over some of the detail, she was reminded of the furniture of home, especially her grandmother's chair. She remembered sitting with her beloved nana, in her lap as she rocked gently in her chair, telling her stories of the races of Middle Earth. The chair was engraved with designs that told stories of their own, the story of their past and her ancestors.

Tracing the curve of the design, Edana then noticed the music playing throughout the halls. It was simple but beautiful at the same time. The gentle notes of the flutes and harps swirled around her, bringing her closer to the memory of home. The tune even reminded her of a lullaby her mother would sing to her, whenever she felt scared or lost.

Humming along to the tune she closed her eyes, her body beginning to sway gently to the music. Before she knew it, she got carried away with the moment and began to sing her mother's lullaby.

****

"I suspect a quest is at hand." Thranduil stated, as he circled the Dwarf that stood in the centre of his throne room.

"That you are correct, what of it?" Thorin gave his usual sass of a reply, not liking how the Elf was delving in to his business. He folded his arms across his chest and awaited an answer, filled with more attitude from the Elven king, but it never came. He looked up at the Elf and noticed he had stopped completely in his tracks.

"Thran- " Thorin began only to be silenced by the royal, who held up his hand. Thorin did not like it one bit, but before he could begin to argue, he then heard the sound of someone singing echoing through the woodland halls.

****

A naoidhean bhig, cluinn mo ghuth

Mise ri d' thaobh, Ó mhaighdean bhàn

The beautiful notes of a female voice floated through the halls, sending chills down the spines of all who listened. The two kings looked to each other and wondered where, or mostly who, it was coming from. Listening carefully, Thorin recognised the language in which the song was being sung.

Ar rìbhinn òg, fàs a's faic

Do thìr, dìleas fhéin

Thranduil had never heard such words before. The words held the beauty of Sindarin but with the slight soundings of Khuzdul, the language spoken by Thorin and his kin. He had no idea as to what this maiden was saying, but he knew that it was beautiful and endearing nevertheless. Using his defined senses, he found where the song was coming from and followed it. Not wanting to miss out Thorin followed suit, following the Elven king towards the voice.

A ghrian a's a gheakach, stiùir sin

Gu uair ar cliù 's ar glòir

Upon reaching their destination, Thorin noticed it was Edana who was gracing the halls with her lullaby. He leaned against the wall beside him, arms folded over his chest once again as he watched her swaying gently to the music, admiring the woodwork. He had seen her like this before and although he could not shake the thought of her as one of the company, he did enjoy hearing her sing. It made him think of home and also of the stories she would tell them about her home in the Highlands.

Naoidhean bhig, ar rìbhinn òg

Mhaighdean uasal bhàn

Thorin looked to the Elven king and shook his head. The Elf had been completely taken by the maiden singing in the halls. Her lullaby had soothed his tired soul and opened him up to emotions he had forgotten how to feel. Seeing that he was smitten with Edana, although reluctant, Thorin couldn't help but urge Thranduil forward. Using the opportunity provided by Edana to escape the king, Thorin retreated to his chambers.

****

As the song came to an end Edana continued to hum to herself. In her little daze she did not notice the King of Mirkwood, standing behind her. Finally, she stopped and decided to return to her chamber, as she felt a sudden heaviness come over her. She turned to leave only to be stopped by the taller frame of someone in her way.

Looking up to see who she had been so careless to walk in to, she immediately bowed her head upon noticing it was Thranduil.

"Forgive me, my Lord." She continued to bow her head until she was sure it was enough to show her respects to the man standing before her. Thranduil however, seemed to forget all propriety as he stood gazing upon her still. Edana hesitantly lifted her head, confused as to why the King had not yet said anything. She was met with a glistening gaze that matched her own as he bent his head low to look in to her eyes. His hand reached up slowly to caress her cheek, a move she was not expecting.

"My Lord?" She dared to question him, a little scared to say the least. From a young age she had heard about the king and his quick-tempered tendencies when questioned, but instead she was met again with awe.

Thranduil was endeared by her address to him as her Lord, although it was not him but Thorin she should address as such. Even more so he was captured by the beauty of her, especially now she was washed and dressed, and the words that came from her lips previously in song.

"Those words you sang were so beautiful." His tones were hushed, as if anything louder would break the magic that now surrounded them.

Edana blushed a furious red, that almost matched her hair, at the king’s kindness. Once she realised he was not about to get angry with her, for disturbing the peace, she allowed herself to embrace the beauty of the man before her.

Leaning in to his welcomed hand, she revelled in the warmth that came from his touch. It was her own little way of thanking him.

From that moment onwards, Edana was welcome to grace the halls of the woodland realm, whenever it took her fancy. If anything, Thranduil was reluctant to let her leave. He even managed to have Thorin persuade her to stay, much to the disappointment of the rest of the company, as they prepared to leave and continue on their journey towards the Lonely Mountain. They were going to miss their fiery lass who was now smitten and ensnared by the love of the Elven king.

When it came time for the company to leave, Edana watched on with tears glistening in her eyes. Thranduil however, deep down, was glad to see them gone. Although thanks to Edana, his dislike for the dwarves had lessened just a little bit.

"Edana Leòideach, Meleth nîn?" Thranduil asked, after the halls gates had closed.

"Hmm," Edana turned to the king who was giving her a generous dose of a pleading gaze.

"Sing for me?"

She rolled her eyes and laughed, playfully pushing at him, to which he reacted by pulling her close, wrapping her up in his arms. Her head resting on his chest she sighed happily and obliged the ever-impatient king, embracing the halls with her lullaby once again.

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M'eudail = My Darling/ Sweetheart (Gaelic)

Meleth nîn = My love (Sindarin)

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@fizzy-custard

@lairdofbrochtuarach

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loekas · 7 years

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I have a lot of Hobbit Feels right now, so here’s my headcanon on Bilbo and Thorin’s relationship in the first movie. Well, my headcanon for Thorin’s pov of it.

So while I love the idea that Thorin was attracted to Bilbo right from the start, I don’t think that’s what happened. The whole: he looks more like a grocer, isn’t an awkward attempt at teasing/flirting. It’s Thorin being genuinely unimpressed by what he sees.

Because Bilbo is small and seems incredibly frail (compared to Dwarves). He doesn’t look like a warrior, doesn’t even look like someone who could survive out in the wilds for longer than a week at best. And Thorin is supposed to take this frail creature with them on a quest doomed to fail? (because I think that Thorin truly doesn’t believe they stand even the slightest chance of success. Won’t stop him from going of course, it’s his duty to do all he can to reclaim their home, but he doesn’t set out with the idea that they will actually succeed)

So no, Thorin is not impressed. But Gandalf has made it clear that he’ll only help if Thorin allows a Hobbit to accompany them, and that help is worth it to have a burden along. Because while Thorin doesn’t believe that they’ll succeed, he does believe that the only way he could ever be proven wrong about this is by having the Grey Wizard along. (Gandalf has been meddling in mortal affairs for basically as long as the world has existed, you can’t tell me that there aren’t tons of stories about him. So I think Gandalf has a reputation of: if the Grey Wizard shows up on your doorstep with a bunch of Elves/Men/Dwarves/Halflings trailing after him on a quest, never trust him, because he’ll do whatever he must to make sure they succeed, no matter what kind of trick he has to pull on you. Things will also inevitably go to wrong, because whenever the Grey Wizard shows up, the improbable becomes probable. However, if you’re part of the quest yourself, Gandalf is the best ally ever, because while his presence definitely doesn’t guarantee survival, it does usually lead to the success, no matter how impossible the goal seems)

So Gandalf basically tells Thorin, the only way I’ll lend my aid to this quest is if we bring a Hobbit along, and I have chosen Bilbo. And Thorin goes, urgh, fine, you infuriating Wizard. I’ll entertain your irritating quirks for the invaluable help you’ll bring to this quest. (Thorin considers the whole position of burglar to be a farce. Sure, he’ll change his mind later on, but right now? It’s a farce, plain and simple.)

So Thorin is already expecting Bilbo to be a burden. And Bilbo confirms that impression, because at first, he really is a burden. Not because he’s weak or stupid, but because he’s inexperienced. He’s never left the Shire, never gone on anything more taxing than walking holidays. Traveling like he now needs to do is completely different from that.

Bilbo makes a lot of mistakes at first. Small things, simple things, but they all add up until he is noticeably slowing them down. Not much, the others are experienced enough to catch and mitigate most of his mistakes, but the fact remains that they could move faster without him. And this fact grates on Thorin’s nerves in the worst of ways.

Look, I love Thorin, but that Dwarf is not an easy person to get along with. He’s a harsh taskmaster and holds incredibly high expectations of everyone (himself most of all). His minimum expectations are a lot higher than most people’s average ones.

So yeah, Thorin starts out with an already low opinion of Bilbo. And that opinion only continues to drop lower. Yes, Bilbo is a fast learner and has admirable perseverance, but the fact remains that he is slowing them down. That’s not even mentioning the fact that he has no weapon whatsoever (and refused to take any offered to him, because really, given the walking armory that is the Company, at least one of the Dwarves must’ve offered him some kind of weapon when they set out, if only a dagger) and even worse, he has no experience with fighting, meaning he will get in the way of them during battle (because of course there will be battle, they’re on the road, and the roads are never safe. No place is, as life has taught Thorin time and time again)

The fact is that Thorin dislikes Bilbo. Not because of his personality, that doesn’t factor into Thorin’s opinion of him at this point in time. He dislikes Bilbo because he’s a burden.

Then the Trolls happen, and Thorin’s opinion of Bilbo hits rock bottom. Was it clever of the Hobbit to stall for time? Yes, absolutely. Without him, Bombur would’ve died. Bilbo saved his kin, and for that, Thorin is truly grateful.

And if Bilbo had come to him the instant he and Fili and Kili found the Trolls, none of it would’ve ever happened. By trying to reclaim the ponies on his own, Bilbo put the lives of everyone at risk for no reason whatsoever, and that is something Thorin cannot forgive. This goes beyond being a burden, this shows that Bilbo poses a lethal danger to his kin. It doesn’t matter that he didn’t mean to put them all in danger, the fact remains that he did put them in danger, and if he does it once, he can do it again.

But wait, you might say, what about Fili and Kili? They’re just as responsible for the Troll incident as Bilbo is. And you’d be right! Thorin is even more pissed at his sister-sons than he is at Bilbo. Because he already had a low opinion of Bilbo, but his sister-sons? He expects better of them, so much better. They’re young and mischievous, but Thorin truly believed that he could trust them to act like the adults they’re supposed to be when the situation demands it.

Fili and Kili broke that trust by trying to keep the presence of the Trolls hidden.

I headcanon that behind the scenes, Thorin came this close to banishing Fili and Kili from the Company. The only reason he didn’t is because Fili and Kili took full responsibility for their mistake and proved to Thorin that they won’t ever do something like this again (because in hindsight, Fili and Kili realized themselves that, wow, yeah, they acted like unbelievable morons by trying to hide the fact that they’d lost the ponies to Trolls. Even worse, they tried to reclaim their ponies by tricking Bilbo into going after them on his own. It’s a miracle that everyone survived)

But while Thorin talks things out with Fili and Kili, he doesn’t with Bilbo. Because Gandalf has made it clear that, despite the Hobbit being moronic enough to pose a lethal danger to the rest of his Company, the Wizard will still leave if Thorin sends the Hobbit away. And the Wizard’s help is still, barely, worth it to keep this idiotic Hobbit in his Company. As Gandalf proved by saving them all not just from the Trolls, but from the following Orc pack as well. Even if he did it by forcing them to take refuge with Elves.

So despite Thorin’s extreme reluctance, Bilbo is allowed to stay (and has no idea how close he came to being banished from the Company). Fast forward to the Stone Giants. Thorin is already strung tight from the weather alone, which makes various members of his Company regularly lose their footing and almost fall down the abyss below (yeah, the movie only shows Bilbo slipping, but really, many of the others must’ve had their own brushes with death before that) Then they end up in the middle of a battle between Stone Giants (which, Stone Giants. Even Thorin, who always expects the worst to happen, is completely caught off guard by this disaster. And here he thought the Wizard’s absence would offer a temporary respite from landing in absurd catastrophes)

Thorin’s anxiety shoots through the roof. All their lives are in danger, and the Giants are just too huge to outrun, and then they turn out to be standing on a Giant, and the Giant starts to move, and he and his kin get separated, and he and some of the others manage to get off the Giant but the rest are still on it, Fili is still on it, and he sees them smash into the mountain, and Thorin can’t think, is overwhelmed by denial because his sister-son can’t be dead–

Fili is alive. The rush of relief that follows is so great that Thorin doesn’t even consciously account for anyone else aside from Dwalin.

Which means he misses the fact that Bilbo is dangling from the edge. When he does notice it, Thorin puts his own life at risk to save Bilbo without thought (because while he might dislike Bilbo, the Hobbit is part of his Company, so his safety is Thorin’s responsibility) and almost falls down the abyss himself.

Thorin gets pulled back onto solid ground by Dwalin, and he’s stressed, is buzzed with adrenaline, is cursing himself for almost letting Bilbo die by being irresponsible enough to not account for his entire Company the instant he saw that they’d survived, is worried out of his mind because the Stone Giants are still fighting and all of them are still in danger, is shaken from the near miss Fili and the others had, and it makes him snap. He tells Bilbo that he doesn’t belong, that he should never have come, and he means it. Bilbo is a burden, will doubtlessly lose his life before they even reach Erebor, and worst of all, he might take one or more of them down with him.

Fast forward to Bilbo’s conversation with Bofur. Thorin, who has mostly calmed down by now, hears Bilbo’s words and feels regret. Not for the message itself, but for the way it was delivered. Yes, Bilbo is a burden, but he also tries so hard not to be. And he has improved, he no longer slows them down on the road, no longer needs to be told what to do, will complete all the necessary tasks without prompting.

Yet this fact isn’t enough to make up for the fact that Bilbo’s very presence puts the lives of his kin at risk. Because that’s what the incident with the Trolls has taught Thorin. That Bilbo’s inexperience with danger leads to foolish courses of action that puts the rest of them in mortal peril.

Then Bilbo says that Dwarves don’t belong anywhere, and oh, that hits Thorin right where it hurts the most. Because he’s right, they don’t belong anywhere. Their home was taken from them.

Bilbo’s wasn’t. And Thorin is glad that Bilbo has decided to go back, glad that he won’t have to live with failing this Hobbit after all. Glad that he won’t have to watch him die, glad that his absence will lessen the constant danger the others are in, just a little.

Then, of course, the Goblins ambush them. Because clearly one disaster a day isn’t enough.

Luckily, Gandalf, with magical timing (the perks of being a Wizard) manages to save them all once more.

All except Bilbo. And Thorin is overwhelmed by self-loathing, because it’s true that he disliked Bilbo, but that doesn’t matter. Bilbo was part of his Company, was his responsibility, and Thorin has failed him. As he has failed so many others before.

Except then it turns out that Bilbo is still alive. And Thorin can’t understand why he came back. Why did he change his mind, why didn’t he take this opportunity to leave? Why is he willing to risk his life for them? This isn’t like the Trolls, where he was captured like everyone else and couldn’t flee. This time, he could’ve easily gone his own way. Could’ve abandoned them.

Why did he come back instead?

And Bilbo tells him. He didn’t come back for the promise of riches, he came back for no other reason than that he wants to help them reclaim their home. Because he misses his own, because leaving it has taught him just how precious a home is. And he wants to help them return to their own. Even after being treated so harshly by Thorin himself.

For the first time, Thorin doesn’t think of him as a burden. For the first time, Bilbo’s lack of skill doesn’t shape his opinion of him. Instead, Thorin is humbled by this unconditional kindness. He actually has genuine trouble comprehending it, because people are never kind to his kin (to him, but Thorin’s own feelings are meaningless next to those of his people). Not like this.

However, before anything else can happen, they are attacked by Orcs (of course they are, because why shouldn’t they add another disaster on top of the previous two?) And Thorin forgets about everything else because that is Azog. That is one of his worst nightmares come to life, that is a symbol of everything that has gone wrong in Thorin’s life, and he thought he’d killed the foul thing, it was the only sliver of solace he could find in the battle of Azanulbizar, that he’d managed to avenge those fallen by killing Azog the Defiler, except he didn’t because Azog survived while his people did not.

Azog triggers Thorin’s ptsd in the worst of ways. The fact that the forest is on fire only makes everything even worse, because now he’s caught between flashbacks of both the battle of Azanulbizar and Smaug’s attack.

Thorin, who was already tired and hurt from the Stone Giants and the Goblin attack, and who is in an incredibly unstable state of mind, is convinced that they’re all going to die (his Company is dangling over an abyss and are holding on only by the skin of their teeth, of course they’re all going to die. Even the Wizard can’t save them this time. Not from Azog). So he decides to attack Azog, reasoning that if they’re to die here anyway, he can at least ensure they take this filth down with them. He can at least die fixing his mistake of failing to kill the monster who slaughtered his family.

Except, again, he’s tired and hurt from the day’s events. Thorin goes down. Badly.

And just when he thinks that this is it, just when he believes that he is about to meet his end (and how strange that part of him is relieved, no matter that he won’t be able to protect his family anymore) he gets saved by Bilbo. He gets saved the Hobbit he believed would never be anything but a burden.

Thorin passes out before he can see the others join in the battle, and only wakes up again after the Eagles have saved them. So given that the last he saw was Bilbo putting himself between himself and Azog, Bilbo is who his first thinks of (only afterwards does he think of Fili and Kili and the others, but by then he is on his feet and can see that all have made it)

And Thorin, exhausted and injured, delirious with joy that Azog the Defiler didn’t kill his family (because that’s what Azog does, he kills his people, his kin, his family. Except this time he didn’t. This time, Azog failed) apologizes to Bilbo for ever doubting him. Thorin was wrong, Bilbo isn’t a burden. He has the same loyalty, honor and willing heart all others in the Company do. Thorin can’t ask for anything more.

And he hugs Bilbo. Because his inhibitions are lowered, because he’s injured and not in a normal state of mind. Because he’s riding the high of his entire Company surviving.

Because while he disliked Bilbo for being a burden, he also likes him for his personality. Even if Thorin hasn’t consciously realized this last yet.

So this is my headcanon for the first movie. On Thorin’s part, there aren’t any romantic feelings for Bilbo. Not then. That comes after Bilbo has proven himself and Thorin stops being blinded by the conviction that Bilbo is a burden. Then he starts to consciously appreciate Bilbo’s kindness, his desire to help others. Then he starts to marvel at the way Bilbo can be so content with nothing but a good meal and a nice place to relax. He becomes impressed by his quick thinking and his quiet but unyielding determination to stand by the Company no matter what.

The love between Thorin and Bilbo isn’t instant. It grows, slow and subtle, until one day Thorin realizes that he doesn’t just respect Bilbo and considers him a close friend, he has fallen in love with him. And at the end of it all, he confesses to Bilbo, who has long ago fallen head over heels for Thorin as well. And they all live happily ever after in Erebor.

(No, I’m not in denial, this is how the movies ended. Everyone survived and they all lived happily ever after. Keep your angsty au’s to yourself, I’m not interested in having fanon break my heart.)

#the Hobbit #meta #headcanon #Thorin #Bilbo

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