#and then prentice gets his mind broken and now it’s too late | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kittystalking · 1 year

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Tierce Week Day 8

I'm too late with this again. There was no prompt and I decided to try something. But I have no idea how I can explain what I did, so just read and listen.

Prompt: None

Wordcount: 1,523

Warnings: None

Title: You belong with me

You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset

She's going off about something that you said

'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do

Tiergan looked up. He saw Prentice angrily fighting to a girl on his imparter screen. He always forgot the names of the girls Prentice dated. Maybe because he didn’t want to know. Maybe because he stilled hoped for a chance. But there won’t be one, he thought.

,,Really Alina?’’ Prentice asked the girl. Right. Her name was Alina.

,,Oh, Yes!’’ Came the response. Tiergan couldn’t tell how was angrier.

,,It was just a joke!’’

,,Sure it was just a joke! Isn’t everything a joke to you? You’re a dumb and unemphatic person, Prentice Endal!’’

I'm in my room, it's a typical Tuesday night

I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like

And she'll never know your story like I do

Prentice looked into Tiergans eyes. ,,Sorry, Tiergan. We just…kind of got into a fight.’’ It sounded like a question. Tiergan didn’t knew much about Alina. Just that they started dating a few weeks ago and that she was a beguiler.

Last week he heard the rumor that Alina was just dating Prentice to get back her Ex-boyfriend Alden. Alden Vacker. The Telepath with beautiful teal eyes. Prentice’s eyes are prettier Tiergan thought.

,,Tiergan?’’ Tiergan looked up. ,,Sorry what was?’’

Prentice smiled and rolled his eyes at him.

,,I asked, if we should continue with the cognate exercises.’’

,,Of course’’ He answered. Maybe a little too quick. He didn’t want to seem like he had something to hide. But he did have something. His feelings for Prentice. The Telepath next to him with amazing dark blue eyes. Who had a girlfriend, he added to his thought.

Cause she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts

She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers

And even if Prentice wasn’t dating someone, Tiergan thought, there would still be no chance for them. Boys couldn’t date boys. Everyone knew that, even if nobody was saying it out loud. The Lost Cities were homophobic and not a place where two about-t-be cognates could date each other.

And on paper, Alina was perfect for Prentice. She was talented, smart and pretty. She was a girl in her short skirts and he was just a broken boy, with parents which were ruled as a bad match, in his simple T-Shirts.

Dreaming 'bout the day when you wake up and find

That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you

,,But just on paper.’’, a voice in the back of his mind whispered. His own voice.

They were always fighting. And Tiergan loved Prentice in a way Alina never could. He understood Prentice in a way Alina couldn’t. Sometimes he dreamed that Prentice would find out his feelings. That his best friend would realize, that was he was looking for, has been there the whole time. Maybe there was a chance for them. They were friend and maybe would become cognates now.

Been here all along, so why can't you see?

You belong with me, you belong with me

But cognates had to share all their secrets. All of them. Something Tiergan could never. He could never say Prentice that he loved him.

,,I’m sorry, I can’t be your cognates.’’

Prentice looked surprised at him when Tiergan said those words. He could see who his words had hurted him. Tiergan could see it in his eyes. Whenever he looked in the pair of dark blue eyes, he knew that they belonged together. He knew that Prentice belonged with him. But today, he run away. He just took out his home crystal and let the light carry him away, before Prentice could say anything.

Walk in the streets with you in your worn-out jeans

I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be

They day after Pentice said it was fine. But it wasn’t. In the next weeks they didn’t talked much. But Tiergan saw him every day when he passed Tiergans locker to reach Alina’s. And every day he wished Prentice would stop by him and talk to him. But he didn’t. But still, Tiergan thought about how good Prentice looked in the foxfire uniform.

Laughing on a park bench thinking to myself

"Hey, isn't this easy?"

But wounds heal with time. And Tiergan and Prentice grew closer again. Tiergan loved to hear his laugh when they sat at Foxfire at Lunch.

And you've got a smile that can light up this whole town

I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down

You say, "You're fine", I know you better than that

Hey, what you doing with a girl like that?

Prentice had the prettiest laugh of all. At least after Tiergans opinion.

It was a beautiful sound, it sounded like pure happiness. He hadn’t heared it in a while. Not since he started dating Alina. But Prentice was dating Alina in the moment.

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers

She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers

And even if they wouldn’t, he reminded himself, they still wouldn’t have a chance. Even if Prentice loved him back. Tiergan shrugged at his thoughts, he knew there was no way, someone like Prentice could like someone like Tiergan. And they were still to boys. And with Alina, a talented girl, Prentice would have a perfect match.

Dreaming 'bout the day when you wake up and find

That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you

Been here all along, so why can't you see?

You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door

All this time, how could you not know, baby?

You belong with me, you belong with me

♪

Tiergan really wished the world was different. He wished his feelings were different. He wished there were a chance. Even now, after Prentice and Alina broke up, they had none. He wished they had a chance, even if it would just be a small one.

Oh, I remember you driving to my house

In the middle of the night

It was a normal Friday noon, when Prentice showed up at Tiergans house.

,,What’s up Tierce’?’’ Tiergan asked.

Prentice looked like the nervous energy was almost bursting out of his body.

,,I wanted, to show you something’’, he replied.

,,What do you want to show me?’’

,,It’s a surprise.’’ Tiergan hated surprises. They never ended up good for him. Never.

,,You will have to trust me.’’ Prentice looked him direct in the eyes. He sticked his hand out and Tiergan grapped it. They were carried away by the light of Prentice’s crystal.

I'm the one who makes you laugh

When you know you're 'bout to cry

I know your favorite songs

And you tell me 'bout your dreams

,,Where are we?’’

Prentice smiled at him.

,,Welcome to Seaview.’’

Tiergan looked around. Seaview was beautiful. He was standing in golden sand and could see the bright yellow sun sinking in amazing deep blue water.

,,It’s beautiful’’ He said stunning.

,,I found it when I was trying to make a leap crystal at my one, a few years ago.’’ Prentice said. Tiergan could swear his cheeks were pink. But he was probably just imagining it, he thought.

Think I know where you belong

Think I know it's with me

,,Why did you take me to this place?’’, Tiergan asked.

Tiergan could see Prentice hesitate with his answer. He could see how the Person he loved all those years took a deep breathe. The kind of deep breathe you take, when you are goingt to share a secret, you had for years. The kind of breath, Tiergan thought, I can never take, because I’m not brave enough. Not brave enough to admit my feelings

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?

Been here all along, so why can't you see?

Prentice opened his mouth and said: I-I… I like you. Like a lot. More than just a friend.

You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door

Prentice turned around, his cheeks were red, and he had something sad in his eyes. ,,But I’m sur you don’t like me in that way.’’

,,I love you.’’ Tiergan simply replied. It was just three words, but enough for the both to change forever. Three words were all it took.

All this time, how could you not know, baby?

You belong with me, you belong with me

You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe, you belong with me?

,,I love you too, Tiergan.’’

They spent the rest of the evening falling in love, like the shooting stars above them. They shared secret kisses, and for a moment in time, it was just them. Without the world and people wo tried to change them. Without all the bad things. Without people judging them.

Just Tiergan and Prentice falling for each other.

♪

You belong with me

#tiertice week 2023 #tiertice #tiergan alenefar #prentice endal #kotlc alina #kotlc #Spotify

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clairvoyantsam · 4 years

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#JUSTINDESERVEDBETTER talk & 13 Reasons Why S4E10 thoughts

So ... I’ve already watched the series finale, did it right after episode 9 but it was hard for me to watch and write my thoughts simultaneously because I was ugly crying the whole freakin time. Thus, I’m posting this now. Haven’t cried this much in a LONG while. My heart is fucking broken. I’m gonna start by talking about my favorite character whom the show did SO. FUCKING. DIRTY. JUSTIN FOLEY DESERVED BETTER. (obviously, OBVIOUSLY, it was gonna be MY favorite character who gets screwed over and dies a horrible death, just my luck, why did I expect a happy ending, I don’t even know).

Justin was the most tragic figure of the show. Raised by a junkie mother who never gave a damn about him, sexually molested as a little kid by one of her many drug addict & violent boyfriends, he often went to school dirty and hungry because of the neglect. He never had a positive influence in his life. He only managed to do better with Bryce’s help (Bryce was a bastard but he did care about Justin in his own way, that’s for sure).

After the events of S1 with Hannah’s suicide and the tapes and everything that happened with Jessica and Bryce, he left his abusive home and lived in the streets where he barely ever found food and what money he got from charity or the men who paid (and hurt him) to use his body, he gave to drugs.

In S2, Clay and Toni, found him and saved his life, helped him get back on his feet and he tried his best to set things straight with everyone. He even saved Clay’s life who came so close to killing Bryce and even worse himself. He didn’t hesistate to face the legal consequences if it meant helping the girl he loved. And Clay eventually became his brother as his parents decided to adopt him.

In S3, he started going to school and doing well, got a job, tried to start his life over, this time in a safe environment with a real family and friends who supported him. He was doing exceptionally well, he looked much happier, he finally felt what it’s like to be loved by a mother and father and a brother and he got some sense of normalcy in his life. He was there for Clay when things got bad, believed in him and he had his back ALWAYS. (still emo about their scenes together where they told each other “I love you” & “I’d do ANYTHING for you”), Plus, he was one of Tyler’s biggest supporters stating Tyler deserved a second chance to be better.

Come S4 ... he’s fresh out of rehab, looking better than ever. His friends welcome him when he gets back but everything is different. EVERYTHING. And everyone has changed. THE ENTIRE SEASON, NOBODY, NOT A SINGLE PERSON gave a fuck about him except for the coach and to a point his adoptive parents. He had done so much progress, he wanted to make his new family proud so bad, he was clean, he was doing great at school, he even got accepted into college!!! And what did he get in return???? NOT ONE OF HIS FRIENDS HUNG OUT WITH HIM ONCE, NOT EVEN ONCE. Every time he tried to approach someone or help THEM deal with their problems, he was turned away and even insulted. They would tell him he shouldn’t be giving advice and that he would never change who he used to be. He confessed to the coach that he felt like nobody believed in him and frankly?? NOBODY SHOWED THEY DID!!!!!!!! Jessica brushed him off all the time because she was MAD he broke up with her so he could FOCUS ON HIS HEALTH!!!!!!!!!! WHAT??????!!!!!!!!! She kept parading everywhere with Diego when she knew this was hurting him deeply. Clay was so fucking MEAN to him and I didn’t understand WHY after their great bonding their previous two seasons. Sure, he had his own problems, but there was NO reason for this, absolutely none. He was jealous of the moments Justin shared with his parents and how he was doing well at school and sports and got accepted in college. He even told in his FACE that Matt and Lainie are his parents ALONE, not Justin’s when he knew Justin’s biggest need was to feel the love and warmth of a family. Justin wanted to go to a free college so that Clay could have the money go to the BEST one and so the Jensens didn’t have to spend any on him. And I’m 100% sure he never told them how sick he was until it was too late because he didn’t want to be a burden so he decided to die quietly and slowly without upsetting them. Clay had the NERVE to pin the positive drug test on Justin when Justin was fucking CLEAN and then went on to smoke POT at that party. It broke my heart in 1000000 pieces when Justin asked him why he hated him so much. Zack wasn’t better either, basically telling Justin that he’d be a junkie his entire life and he could never change. The others mostly didn’t give a flying fuck, focused on nobody else but themselves and stayed far away from him the entire season. His mom died of OD and he didn’t tell anyone but the Jensens and Jess and he had to deal with everything all on his own again. He only had the coach to listen and there was a limit to what help he could give. So, he finally broke. He stopped caring since nobody was giving him a chance, he started using again, he lost his job, he didn’t care about anything. Jess and Clay knew he was using again and did NOTHING to help except tell him “Hey, I thought you quit! I thought you were getting better!”. Wow, BIG HELP, ASSHOLES. They all left him alone on prom night, and Clay SAW how sick he looked but he preferred to go to prom rather than stay with his brother who needed him.

Justin, with what little strength he had left, got dressed and went to the prom towards its end, he looked so beautiful in his suit, like Prince Charming. He lived one last carefree moment with the girl he loved and then he collapsed. And THAT’S when everyone said “OH, NO! Let’s go see our sick friend!”. Well done, now he IS DYING, YOU IGNORANT IDIOTS. Now that he’s at death’s door, you want to be there for him but WHERE WERE YOU WHEN HE WAS SO DESPERATELY TRYING TO LIVE?????????? Yes, it was proven that he had HIV, probably from the time he lived on the streets and without the proper care it went on to become fully AIDS and he had numerous other issues with his health as a result of that and the drugs to the point that he could no longer breathe on his own. BUT. Had he shared his problems and told the Jensens how sick he was feeling for so long, his death could have been prevented. I know someone in real life who got HIV in his 30s and he’s now in his 60s and his life is perfectly fine. He has friends, he has family (didn’t get married), he travels, he does what he wants. Justin could have been saved if someone had NOTICED. Like HANNAH could have been saved if someone, ANYONE was paying attention. Needless to say, I fucking died during his scenes in the hospital, it was so hard to watch him waste away in that hospital bed. When they took the tube out so he could say his goodbyes to Clay, Jess and his adoptive parents ... I LEGIT haven’t cried so hard in SO long ... I still have a headache from all the crying. My poor CHILD, he was scared but he told them all how much he loved them and eventually died in his sleep, holding his brother’s, Clay’s hand. The episode was meaningless after that for me. I only watched to see how everyone’s stories would end, even though I didn’t care and knew that they’d get their happy (mostly) endings. The one character who TRULY deserved the best and happiest ending, got royally fucked and buried six feet under while everyone went about their lives like nothing had happened.

I really don’t have much to comment on the rest of the story. Clay did one final extreme act by walking in the police department, saying he had a gun. Not convinved he didn’t really want to die too after Justin but perhaps his psychologist was right and he was just trying to make people notice he was hurting. I’m happy for Toni for doing what’s best for him and deciding to accept the scholarship and go to college, same goes for Tyler, he deserved to be happy and I’m glad he ended up with Estella. Relieved that Jess and Diego tested negative for HIV but disappointed they were ready to get back together so soon after Justin. Winston decided to not use what he found out about Bryce’s death against Alex and the others and that made me respect him a little bit. (Winston and Ryan btw? hehe, I kinda saw it coming ever since I saw Ryan and Courtney at the graduation-did anyone also notice Bryce and Monty in the crowd too??lol). Liked the graduation and Hannah’s little cameo (although it was archived footage) but it left me with a sour taste because Justin wasn’t there among the rest, only as a ghost in Clay’s mind. Also that Heidi girl talking to Clay, uh, SO cheesy and unnecessary. Clay reading Justin’s college essay with Justin’s ghost in their bedroom and seeing how it was all about him and Justin calling him his brother ... IT DESTROYED ME. UTTERLY AND COMLETELY. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME. WHY WOULD YOU KILL THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CHARACTER OF THE SHOW. THE MOST COMPLEX AND DAMAGED ONE. WHY COULDN’T HE HAVE A HAPPY ENDING LIKE THE REST OF THEM. IT’S FUCKING UNFAIR.

I’m glad the final scene was just Clay and Toni driving away, always enjoyed their friendship. Having no word exchange between them was pretty powerful because you only needed to read their expessions to feel the emotions.

All in all, a powerful season who dealt with so many important issues, well directed and full of action but disappointing for me where it mattered the most ... Right now, I don’t want to even touch another show for a long time, I need a break to recover from this, it was too much. I wish I didn’t get so attached to certain characters, but I do and it hurts me deeply when shit like that happens to them. Anyway ... Goodbye, show ... it was (mostly) good while this journey lasted ... I sure hope I see all these HUGELY talented actors and actresses in other projects in the future, especially Brandon Flynn (Justin), Dylan Minnette (Clay), Katherine Langford (Hannah) & Justin Prentice (Bryce). I also hope Brandon & Dylan get ALL the awards for their performances in S4. THEY DESERVE EVERYTHING. I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on all this, it was such an intense experience.

#Justin Foley #13 Reasons Why Spoilers #13RW Spoilers #13 Reasons Why #Clay Jensen #Brandon Flynn #Dylan Minnette

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shawtygonemad · 3 years

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What Is This Feeling: Chapter 9

Fem!9th Doctor x Male!Rose Tyler

WITF Masterlist

The last time we saw our dynamic duo they had picked up a stray from Utah. Adele was only with them for one adventure, before she almost got them killed. She also got an information port embedded into her forehead which is a big taboo. You never try and change the future or past in a dramatic way. So, the Doctor once again had to save the day. Needless to say, Adele was dumped back off at her place once they were out of danger.

Ross and the Doctor were currently relaxing in the control room throwing around ideas on which place they should explore next. The Doctor was sitting on the jumper rolling a ball between her hands.

"How about the planet of Junifer? It's really beautiful this time of year. They have one of the best flower festivals in the universe," she suggested with a smile.

Ross shook his head. He seemed really off this morning. She had asked him earlier if anything was the matter. He had denied that something was wrong. The Doctor left it at that assuming he had wanted his space. However, this was the fifth place that he had rejected.

"Alright. Is there any place that you're wanting to go to," she asked.

"Well… there is one place I've been thinking a lot about. Well it's more of a time rather than a place," He started. "I want to meet my dad. Peter Alan Tyler. The greatest man in the world. Born 15th September 1954. My mum would always take out a photo album and start telling me about him. I wasn't old enough to remember him. He died on 1987, 7th of November. It was the day that Stuart Hoskins and Sarah Clarke got married. That what mum always said. So I was thinking, could we, could we go and see my dad when he was alive," he said somberly.

"Where's this come from, all of a sudden," she furrowed her brows at him.

"All right then, if we can't, if it goes against the laws of time or something, then never mind, just leave it," he mumbled as he began to absentmindedly touch knobs on the TARDIS's console.

The Doctor furrowed her brows as she studied her favorite pink and yellow human. This was a simple adventure. There's nothing wrong with Ross wanted to see his dad alive. She was just a bit worried how Ross would take in the event. Humans seem to be much more emotional than Time Lords.

"No, I can do anything. I'm just worried about you," she gazed at her companion with concerned eyes.

"I want to see him," Ross confirmed.

"Your wish is my command," The Doctor smiled. "But be careful what you wish for."

The Time Lord hopped up onto her feet and began her dance around the console, hitting buttons, twisting knobs, pulling levers. This console is originally meant for at least 8 Time Lords to operate her. It was miracle the Doctor was able to do it by herself. Although she has had many years of practice under her belt now.

The pair arrived just in time for the wedding ceremony. They didn't want to be noticed to much in case people came asking questions, so they sat in the back pew. It wasn't very formal. Jackie didn't even wear a white dress. She was in a baby pink pencil skirt with a matching blouse and blazer. As she walked down the aisle towards Peter she seemed to be a mixture of happiness, nerves, and dare she say doubt. Peter, on the other hand, was all nerves.

"Repeat after me. I, Peter Alan Tyler, take you, Jacqueline Angela Suzette Prentice…" The officiant spoke.

"I, Peter Alan Tyler, take you, Jacqueline Angela Suzanne…" Everyone's eyes grew large with the mix up. Peter tried to correct himself but dug himself an even further hole. "Suzanne Anita…"

"That wasn't even remotely close," The Doctor thought. "I never thought I would say this, but poor Jackie. This bloke must have been sneaking around behind her back. And yet she still wants to marry him."

All eyes were on Jackie now, awaiting her response. "Oh, just carry on. It's good enough for Lady Di."

The Doctor grinned. Of course, it was such a Jackie response.

"I thought he's be taller," Ross whispered.

After the ceremony, they snuck out before the newly bride and groom could make their rounds greeting all of their guests and thanking them. They were back in the TARDIS once again.

"Well that was fun, wasn't it?" the Doctor grinned as she practically skipped around the console. She had hoped this would make her little human feel a little bit better. She hated it when he was feeling down.

Ross moved towards the Doctor slow and hesitantly. He still wore a frown on his face. His eyes were trained on the ground.

"I- I remember mum telling me that no one was there. When he died that is. It was a hit and run driver. Never found out who. He was dead when the ambulance got there," Ross finally looked up and met the Doctor's gaze. "I want to be that someone."

The Time Lord of course gave in. "November the 7th?"

"1987," he finished.

The Doctor flipped some switches and the Time Rotor once again started up. Once they landed the TARDIS parked herself between a telephone junction box and a road sign by Park Railings. They stepped outside to the sound of Never Can Say Goodbye playing off in the distance. The Doctor took a deep breath in and looked around.

"It's so weird. The day my father died. I thought I'd be all grim and stormy. It's just an ordinary day," Ross softly spoke and also gazed around.

"The past is another country. 1987's just the Isle of Wight," she looked at her companion. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yeah," he quickly replied and nodded his head. He also threw the Doctor a reassured smile.

"Alright then. Off we go," she spoke with a smile before walking off.

A few blocks away Ross stopped and stared at a road with minor disbelief.

"This is it. Jordan Road. He was late. He'd been getting a wedding present, a vase." He started to choke up a little bit. "Mum always said, 'that stupid vase'."

Just then a car rounded the corner. It was Peter.

Ross continued narrating the scene unfolding before them.

"He got out of his car…" The car pulled up to the curb. "And crossed the road…" He watched with slight horror. "Oh God, this is it."

The Doctor wrapped Ross's hand with hers and held it as Peter got out of his car. She wanted to comfort Ross that was the only subtle way she could do it.

The two watched in silence. As Peter got out he was instantly hit but the driver. Ross shut his eyes during the impact. The car zoomed away leaving Peter and the vase lying broken in the street. The Doctor turned to Ross.

"Go to him. Quick."

Ross stood there frozen in horror. Tears formed in his eyes as he watched his father slow die in the street.

"I can't…" he softly whispered.

Once the Doctor realized that he was in shock and not going to his father's aid, she slowly steered him away. The went around the corner and sat on the ground with their backs against the brick wall. The Doctor held Ross's hand slowly running her thumb over the back of it comfortingly until Ross snapped out of his daze. The ambulances sirens could be heard arriving.

"It's too late now. By the time the ambulance got there, he was dead." Ross looked at the Doctor sorrowfully, with tears running down his cheeks. It pained the Doctor to see him like this. "He can't die alone. Can I try again?"

She caved once more to please her little human.

The Doctor and Ross hide behind the corner to see themselves waiting by the curbside.

"Right, that's the first you and me. It's a very bad idea, two sets of us being here at the same time. Just be careful they don't see us. Wait till she leads him off, then go to your dad," the Doctor informed him. Peter got out of his car.

"Oh God, this is it," Past Ross said.

"I can't do this," Present Ross spoke, slightly panicked.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, but this is the last time that we can be here," the Doctor told him.

Ross suddenly sprinted towards Peter as he was getting out of his car.

"Ross! No!" The Doctor yelled.

Ross wrapped his arms around his father and threw both of them off to the side of the road out of the way of the driver. The previous Doctor and Ross disappeared. Oh, no no no! This was not good!

The doctor didn't notice Peter pointing at her. She was too busy seething. Stupid, Stupid humans! This was all a ploy, wasn't it? Have her take him back just so he could save his father's life! Was he planning this all along? Buddy on up to her and then convince her to take him here. It's no bloody wonder he hoped on in the TARDIS as soon as he said that it could travel back in time.

The Doctor hadn't said a single word the entire way to the Tyler's flat. Even once they were inside and Peter started to yammer on about some invention. The Doctor waited until she was alone with Ross in the living room. Her arms were folded across her chest and she leaned against the door frame. She watched Ross analyzing the place and continue to speak about unimportant things in the apartment like his father's bowling trophy of health drinks. The Doctor could honestly care less and glared at Ross completely cross.

"'Kay, look, I'll tell him you're not my girlfriend," he said thinking that's why she was so annoyed. How could this daft human no understand the entirety of this situation?! How could he? He was just a stupid little human.

"When we met, I said travel with me in space. You said no. Then I said time machine," she spoke trying to cover the hurt in her voice.

"It wasn't some big plan. I just saw it happening and I thought…I can stop it," Ross defended himself.

The Doctor gave herself a sad smile. "I did it again. I picked another stupid ape. I should've known. It's not about showing you the universe. It never is. It's about the universe doing something for you."

"So it's okay when you go to other times, and you save people's lives, but not when it's me saving my dad-"

"I know what I'm doing! You don't!" She cut him off. "Two sets of us being there made that a very vulnerable point," she tried to explain.

"But he's alive!"

"My ENTIRE planet died. My family! Do you think it never occurred to me to go back and save them?"

"But it's not like I've changed history. Not much. I mean he's never going to be a world leader. He's not going to start World War Three or anything," he tried to rationalize.

"Ross, there's a man alive in the world who wasn't alive before. An ordinary man. That's the most important thing in creation. The whole world's different because he's alive," she kept trying to explain to him.

"What, would you rather him dead?"

"I'm not saying that," she shook her head in annoyance.

"No, I get it! For once you're not the most important person in my life," he told her full of bitter.

This struck a pain in her chest. She, at one point, was the most important person in Ross Tyler's life. Above Mickey, her mum, everyone. And now she wasn't. It hurt so much. It angers her that it hurts so much. Why does she feel this way? Why did she have to form feelings for this ape? She should know by now that they all hurt her. They all leave her in the end. Why did she think that this one was any different?

"Let's see how you get on without me, then. Give me the key." She held her hand out. "The TARDIS key. If I'm so insignificant, give it me back," It truly pained her to say these words, but she put up her cool, stony look so he couldn't see what he had done to her.

"Alright then, I will," he said and placed the key into her hand.

"You got what you wanted, so that's goodbye then," she spoke coolly, before turning around and began to leave.

"You don't scare me," he cut her off and stood in front of her. "I know how sad you are. You'll be back in a minute, or you'll hang around outside the Tardis waiting for me. And I'll make you wait a long time," he yelled after her.

She quickly left the flat. She didn't want him to see a truly sad she was. Her pace was quick as she walked down the sidewalk towards the TARDIS. Hot tears were forming in her eyes. She angrily wiped them away. Why was she crying over a stupid ape? She very rarely cried, and she was not going to start crying over Ross!

The TARDIS was in sight. Just as she reached it a cold wind blew past right. She felt as if something was watching her. She looked up towards the sky to find nothing there. She shook her head as she unlocked the door and started to push open the door. That familiar hum and warm was gone. Throwing the doors open she found that the inside of the TARDIS was gone! Now it was just an ordinary telephone booth. She must have been too busy arguing with Ross and feeling sorry for herself that she didn't notice the connection to her old friend had disappeared. This was not good! Everyone was in trouble.

"Ross!" She yelled before sprinting off towards the church the wedding was being held at. The flat would be empty by the time she got there. An old church might actually be the best place to be in a situation like this. She ran as fast as she could. She just hoped that she would make it in time.

As she turned the corner leading to the church she saw Ross standing on the side walk along with the bride, bridesmaids, Peter, and more. They all are in immediate danger.

"Ross!" Ross turned around and smiled knowingly at the Doctor assuming she came back because she missed him. "Get in the church!" She yelled. Ross's smile fell.

Just then they both looked into the sky to see a large creature with bat-like wings appear. It was very devilish looking. The reaper hissed and started to swoop in on Ross. He cried out in fear as it almost latched its talons onto him. The Doctor quickly took action and pushed them both onto the ground and out of the reaper's grab.

"Get in the church," she said once again, to everyone.

The ground quickly headed for the church only to be stopped at the inside of the gates when another reaper appeared. The Doctor put herself in front of the other's ready to distract the beast if need be.

"Oh, my God. What are they? What are they," one woman cried.

"Inside," the Doctor kept yelling trying to coral them in.

"Sarah," the groom yelled for his bride-to-be and stepped outside.

"Stay in there," the Doctor yells at him.

One man, the father of the groom, took in the situation and decided to try and escape. The reapers pounce on him before he could even get a few feet away. Another one appears in the bride's path and she just screams at it, scaring it away. It decided to take that vicar as its next victim. This gave the group some time to make it safely into the church.

Once inside the Doctor began to survey the area making sure they the reapers couldn't get in. Their screeches rang loudly outside of the church.

"They can't get in. Old windows and doors. Okay. The older something is, the stronger it is. What else?" Her mind was racing a million miles a second. She had to make sure they couldn't get in. At least for the time being so she could figure out how to get them out of this mess. "Go and check the other doors! Move!" She cried out orders like the true warrior that she once was.

As the Doctor began to move around Jackie followed. "What's Happening? What are they? What are they," Jackie asked.

"There's been an accident in time. A wound in time. They're like bacteria, taking advantage," she informed her as the Doctor began checking other doors and windows.

"What do you mean, time? What're you jabbering on about, time?" Jackie snarked back, like always.

"Oh, I might've known you'd argue. Jackie, I'm sick of you complaining," the Doctor rolled her eyes.

"How do you know my name," Jackie demanded.

"I haven't got time for this-" the Doctor was cut off by Jackie once more.

"I've never met you in my life," Jackie exclaimed.

"No, and you never will unless I sort this out. Now, if you don't mind, I've waited a long time to say this. Jackie Tyler, do as I say. Go and check the doors," she ordered the woman.

Jackie was shocked to finally be yelled back at. She quickly nodded her head and replied with a 'Yes Ma'am' before running off to check the doors and windows.

"I should have done that ages ago," she laughed.

The groom walked over to the Doctor. "My dad was out there."

"You can mourn him later. Right now, we need to concentrate on keeping ourselves alive,'" the Doctor told him.

"My dad had-"

"There's nothing that I can do for him," she told him firmly.

"No, but he had this phone thing. I can't get it to work. I keep getting this voice." He passed to phone to the Doctor. She put it up to her ear and listened.

"Watson, come here. I need you," it said. The Doctor smiled.

"That's the very first phone call. Alexander Graham Bell. I don't think the telephone's going to be much use," she passed it back to him.

"But someone must have called the police," he said.

"Police can't help you now. No one can. Nothing in this universe can harm those things. Time's been damaged and they've come to sterilize the wound. By consuming everything inside," she explained to everyone. Her eyes locked with Ross who was standing in front of her.

"Is this because… is this my fault?" He asked. The Doctor didn't answer as she stepped around him.

She was still really made at him, so she decided to go off and work rather than say something she might regret later. The Time Lord strode up to the front of the church and began to use her sonic to bolt the doors down. Just was she was doing so the bride and groom approached her.

"Excuse me, Miss," the groom said.

"Doctor," she corrected him.

"You seem to know what's going on," he stated.

"I give that impression, yeah," she said not removing her eyes from her work. In reality she really had no idea how she was going to get them out of this situation.

"I just wanted to ask-" he was cut off by his fiancée.

"Can you save us," she asked abruptly.

This made the Doctor stop her work and turn towards the couple.

"Who are you two, then," she asked, look at them both up and down.

"Stuart Hoskins," the groom said.

"Sarah Clarke," the bride followed.

The Doctor's eyes strayed onto Sarah's slightly protruding stomach.

"And one extra. Boy or a girl?" She asked.

Sarah looked down at her stomach and smiled while caressing it, "I don't know. I don't want to know, really."

"How did all this get started," the Doctor cocked her head, and asked curiously.

"Outside the beatbox club, two in the morning," Stuart grinned at Sarah.

"Street corner," Sarah added with a laugh. "I lost my purse, didn't have money for a taxi."

"I took her home," he said happily.

"Then what? Ask her for a date," the Doctor laughed.

"Wrote his number on the back of my hand," Sarah confirmed.

"Never got rid of her since," he grinned. " My dad said-" he trailed off with a frown.

"I don't know what this is all about, and I know we're not important-" Sarah began sadly.

"Who said you're not important? I've travelled to all sorts of places, done things you couldn't even imagine, but you two. Street corner, two in the morning, getting a taxi home. I've never had a life like that. Yes. I'll try and save you." The Time Lord smiled at the pair.

Suddenly Jackie began to call her over. As she walked over to the blonde she began to prepare for another lecture of some sort. She was surprised when Jackie asked if she could watch baby Ross while she went and looked for Peter and little Mickey. She of course obliged. Little Ross looked up at her and began to smile. This made the Doctor's heart soar. Even though she was still a little ticked at her Ross, she had no reason to be angry with this little one. He was even as cute as his current Ross.

She sat down beside him and offered him to play with her fingers a she smiled down. She began to talk to him knowing very well that he would not understand her. However, the present Ross approaching them would.

"Now, Ross you're not going to bring about the end of the world, are you? Are you?" She gave a sideways glance to Ross. "Jackie gave her to me to look after. How times change."

Ross gave a small laugh. "I'd better be careful. I think I just imprinted myself on Mickey like a mother chicken."

He began to lean in close to the baby. The Doctor put her hand on his chest to stop him.

"No. Don't touch the baby. You're both the same person. That's a paradox, and we don't want a paradox happening, not with these things outside. Anything new, any disturbance in time makes them stronger. The paradox might let them in," she informed him.

"I can't do anything right, can I," he mumbled dejected.

The Doctor looked at him and frowned. She knew he was hurting, but he needed to learn from his mistake. If he wanted to continue to travel with her then he can't make stupid and dangerous mistakes like this again.

"Since you asked, no! So, Don't. Touch. The baby." She emphasized every word so he would understand.

"I'm not stupid," he glared at her.

"You could have fooled me," she shot back. Ross looked away, sad and a little angry. She knew that she had to be the one to cave first and fix this bitterness between them. She really hated it when they were like this. "Alright, I'm sorry. I wasn't really going to leave you on your own."

"I know," he looked at her with apologetic eyes.

"But between you and me, I haven't got a plan. No idea. No way out," she confessed.

"You'll think of something. You always do."

"The entire Earth's been sterilized. This, and other places like it, are all that's left of the human race. We might hold out for a while, but nothing can stop those creatures. They'll get through in the end. The walls aren't that old. And there's nothing I can do to stop them. There used to be laws stopping this kind of thing from happening. My people would have stopped this. But they're all gone. And now I'm going the same way."

"If I'd just realized…" he began.

"Just… tell me you're sorry," she looked at him.

"I am. I'm sorry," and he meant it.

The Doctor reached out and placed a hand on his cheek. Ross held onto it with his hand and leaned into the touch. The Time Lord grinned at him and the both fell into a hug. Ross leaned back with a small jolt.

"Have you got something hot," he asked. He reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the TARDIS key. It was scolding hot which made him quickly toss it to the ground.

"It's the TARDIS key," she grinned and quickly took off her leather jacket to pick up the flowing key. "It's telling me it's still connected to the TARDIS. Everyone! I have an announcement!" She ran up to the back of the church and faced the entire crowd. "The inside of my ship was thrown out of the wound but we can use this to bring it back. And once I've got my ship back, then I can mend everything. Now, I just need a bit of power. Has anybody got a battery?"

Stuart quickly grabbed his dad's phone and passed it to the Doctor.

"Fantatic!" She grinned. She took the battery and began to charge it up with her sonic. Once it was ready she placed the key where the door would be and it held in place. The TARDIS slowly began to materialize around it. "Right, no one touches that key. Have you got that? Don't touch it. Anyone touches that key, it'll be, well, zap. Just leave it be and everything will be fine. We'll get out of here. All of us. Stuart, Sarah you're going to get married, just like I said." She grinned at the couple.

Afterwards there was nothing much to do except wait. Ross and the Doctor sat in one of the back pews with Peter in the one directly behind them. Ross leaned towards the Doctor and began to speak softly.

"When time gets sorted out-" he began.

"Everybody here forgets what happened. And don't worry, the thing that you changed will stay changed," she finished his thought.

"You mean I'll still be alive, though I'm meant to be dead. That's why I haven't done anything with my life, why I didn't mean anything," Peter started from behind them.

"It doesn't work like that," the Doctor said.

"Rubbish. I'm so useless I couldn't even die properly. Now it's my fault all of this has happened," Peter said with a frown.

"This is my fault," Ross reassured him.

"No, mate. I'm your dad. It's my job for it to be my fault," Peter stated.

The Doctor got up and shook her head in frustration. Of course, Ross told him.

"Her dad? How are you her dad? How old were you, twelve? Oh, that's disgusting," Jackie said, overhearing the entire conversation.

"Jacks, listen. This is Ross," he tried to explain.

"Ross? How sick is that? You give my son a second-hand name? How many are there? Do you call them all Ross," Jackie yelled defensively.

"Oh, for God's sake, look! It's the same Ross," Peter said taking baby Ross out of Jackie's hands and place him into Ross's hands.

"Ross! No!" The Doctor yelled, but it was too late. She grabbed the baby and placed him back into Jackie's arms.

Just then a reaper formed inside the church causing panic. "Everyone! Behind me!" They all ran behind the Doctor as she held her arms out in a sad attempt to protect them all. She stared up at the creature with fear in her eyes. "I'm the oldest thing in here."

Within a blink of an eye the reaper flew towards her. There was a second of pain. Then darkness.

The Doctor woke up on the ground where she was attacked completely unharmed. She felt her body and did a quick once over. She was fine, and was not regenerate. While getting up on her feet the first thought to cross her mind was to find Ross. As she stepped outside she began to observe the situation. Peter was lying in the middle of the road once again with a broken vase. He must have sacrificed himself to set everything right. She walked up next to Ross.

"Go to him. Quick," she told him.

With that bit of encouragement, he ran off to be with his father during his final moments. The Doctor finally approached the scene once I was over. She held put her hand for Ross to take. He did, and the two walked hand in hand back to the TARDIS for some much needed down time before their next adventure.

#romance #adventure #doctor x rose #doctor who fanfic #doctor who #the doctor #doctor who fanfiction #bbc doctor who #doctor who imagine #ninth doctor #9th doctor x rose #9th doctor #the doctor x rose tyler #rose tyler #genderbent #fem!9th doctor x male!rose tyler #fem!9th doctor #male!rose tyler

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Vigil Ending: Russian Spies, Navy Conspiracies and Murders at Sea

https://ift.tt/3CMoALA

Warning: contains Vigil finale spoilers.

Nobody could accuse BBC thriller Vigil of lacking plot. That series was a Matryoshka doll, in which each mystery broke in half to reveal another, then another, and another. What began with a sunk trawler, a heroin overdose and a whistle blower ended with a Russian plot, a multi-layered Naval conspiracy, a drowned activist, three dead crew members, and a saboteur in a cage, shitting in a bucket. Along the way there were family revelations, broken hearts, an extra-marital affair, and the deadliest tin of sliced grapefruit ever to feature on television. Join us as we straighten out anything you may still be pondering after this packed thriller’s post-finale.

Why did the Russians want HMS Vigil to surface?

It was all for the PR, apparently. The Russians wanted to engineer a situation where a British Trident submarine was shown to fail, then forced to surface and conduct an emergency evacuation onto a waiting Russian boat, which would tow it home, laughing all the way. Think of it as an exercise in national humiliation aimed at undermining Trident and attempting to influence the forthcoming parliamentary vote on whether to renew the UK’s continuous at-sea nuclear deterrent.

How did Doward sabotage Vigil?

He undermined it to DCI Silva from the start, telling her on their helicopter ride in that his usual boat – Virtue (the irony!) – was much less trouble than Vigil. Then at the end of episode one, he jimmied the lock on the RCMS panel to manually force the nuclear reactor to shut down. In episode two, he deliberately failed to notice the tanker with which Vigil almost collided until it was almost too late, generally putting the shits up everybody. Then in episode four, he left a note in Jackie’s apron threatening her to hurry up and release the nerve agent she’d been tasked with doing, which prompted her to fatally poison herself. Then he deliberately snagged the communications wire, taking the ship offline. That’s when he knocked out Silva, tried to drown her, attempted to suffocate Glover, and broke open the bilge tank valve to flood the boat, before stabbing Prentice to death and taking Silva at knifepoint to the control room. Busy boy.

Why had Doward become a Russian spy?

Unlike Jackie, who did her work for the Russians in order to save her son, we don’t know what motivated Doward, and perhaps it doesn’t really matter. “No comment” was his answer under interrogation (he’s obviously been watching too much of World Production’s other big BBC thriller Line of Duty). Silva surmised that Doward didn’t have any particular political allegiance to Russia, but undertook the sabotage because he was a narcissist and it made him feel special and powerful, and that’s as good as we’ll get.

Did Ben Oakley kill Jade Antoniak?

No, but he was hardly a friend to her. Jade trusted Ben, who was the leader of the Dunloch anti-nuclear peace camp where she lived. When Jade got suspicious about the presence of Peter Ingles at a protest, Jade took his photo, wrongly thinking that he was a plant for MI5. After her boyfriend Craig Burke died on board HMS Vigil, Jade showed the photo to Ben, wanting to expose the suspected MI5 plant. Ben had an existing relationship with Peter Ingles (a Russian agent whose real name was Piotr Vasilyev) and so recognised him. Ben then told Ingles about the existence of the photo and warned him to be more careful in future. Ingles, knowing that the photo would compromise the identity of Doward, the Russian asset he’d just planted on board HMS Vigil, asked Ben to arrange a meeting between him and Jade, where he would shine a light on what really happened to her boyfriend. Jade and Ben met with Ingles, who drowned Jade and stole her phone. Ben did nothing to help, knowing that he would look like Ingles’ accomplice if he involved the police.

Two hours after Jade died, Ben downloaded the photo from her laptop to his phone, deleted her copy and hid her computer. He later took the photo to Patrick Cruden MP (an old pal from their CND days and co-incidentally Jade’s secret father), pretended that he had taken it and planned to leak it to expose the fact that the Russians had a plant in the British Navy, thereby making Trident submarines look vulnerable to enemies and negatively influencing the upcoming parliamentary vote about Trident renewal.

What’s going to happen to Doward, Ingles and Ben Oakley now?

MI5 aren’t going to tell the Russians that they’ve uncovered and arrested Doward, they’re just going to hold a closed trial for him, convict him with the evidence gathered by DCI Silva, and let him rot in isolation in prison. Good riddance. Ben Oakley is going to prison for a long time for his part in the lead-up to Jade’s death, and for withholding evidence and trying to evade arrest, promises DS Longacre. And Ingles has diplomatic immunity which means he can’t be prosecuted in the UK and was flown back to Russia soon after his cover was rumbled. The GRU will probably give him a warm welcome.

Vigil Episode 5 Review: You’ve Got Some Nerve, Agent!

By Louisa Mellor

Vigil Episode 6 Review: a Thrilling Pay-Off

By Louisa Mellor

Why was Craig Burke killed?

The Russians needed to kill one of Vigil’s Sonar Operatives so that their plant CPO Doward could be brought in from another boat as a replacement, to work his sabotage. Peter Ingles (see above) had already approached Craig Burke (after an introduction by Ben Oakley) about becoming a Russian asset, but Burke refused. That left Ingles vulnerable to being identified by Burke, who had started a dossier on his fellow Vigil crew members, presumably in an effort to sniff out any who had also been approached by, and were working for, Ingles. Burke knew that the British Navy had covered up the serious incident in Port Havers, Florida and so knew that he couldn’t trust officials or his crewmates with what he knew. That’s why he amassed the evidence he’d collected on a hidden thumb drive intended for Jade. The Russians had Craig Burke murdered to kill two birds with one stone – getting rid of the threat to Ingles, and creating a premise for Doward coming aboard.

Who killed Craig Burke?

The boat’s cook Jackie Hamilton poisoned him with a nerve agent in exchange for the early release of her son from an Indonesian prison on a drugs charge. She had evidently also been approached by Peter Ingles, and coerced into acting for the Russians to help her son, and the pair had been communicating through coded messages on a fishing website. The guilt though, was too much for Jackie and so instead of enacting the second part of the Russian plan and releasing the nerve agent more widely to force Vigil to a surface evacuation, she deliberately opened the device when she was alone, then attempted to contain it, but died almost immediately as a result.

Why did the Rear Admiral lie about the Russians being responsible for the trawler accident?

Two reasons: 1) if it were known that the trawler nets had been dragged under by a US submarine, questions would be asked as to why one of our allies was secretly surveilling a British naval submarine. Those questions would inevitably lead back to the Port Havers cover-up, in which Vigil’s drunk, high and negligent crew combined with the boat’s ageing equipment almost caused a nuclear explosion to rival Fukushima (only averted by the fast thinking of engineer Gary Walsh), and killed two US marine workers, whose deaths were reported as accidental drowning. And 2) the Navy wants parliament to vote to renew Trident, so any way to put the fear of God into people about the Russians and a new Cold War would play into that.

Why didn’t Patrick Cruden MP release Jade’s photograph of the Russian agent and Doward?

Because the Navy can prove that the photograph was in his possession hours before the police saw it, in which time a naval officer was stabbed to death by the man who could have been identified in it. Never mind that Vigil didn’t have any communications at that precise time, so it wouldn’t have made much difference.

What made the Russian ships disperse in the finale?

When the USS Delaware made it look as though it was preparing to fire torpedoes at them. As the Rear Admiral told the US Defence Secretary, the Russians believed they were unopposed and it was the UK and US’ job “to change that perception”. There was some talk of making them shit their uniforms too, but let’s not sink that low.

Why did Captain Newsome ask Silva what would be in her report at the end?

Having just watched Lieutenant Commander Prentice zipped into a body bag, he wanted to know whether she was going to report his XO for taking heroin from Gary Walsh and planting it on Craig Burke’s corpse, and for punching Burke on the day he died. Silva’s reply indicated that she was going to give her findings on Jackie, Burke and Doward, but nothing else. That means she’s keeping Walsh, Prentice, Glover and Docherty’s wrongdoings out of it, and preserving their careers.

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atestamenttotheoldtestament-blog · 6 years

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First Cultural Scripturing: Kendrick Lamar FEAR - Deuteronomy

Kendrick Lamar’s Song ‘FEAR’ which includes references to Job and Deuteronomy ideas of Suffering for the Sake of Sins (Click to Listen)

Lyrics

What's up family, yeah it's yo cousin Carl man, just given' you a call man

I know you been havin' a lot on yo mind lately

And I know you feel like ya know people ain't been prayin' for you

But you have to understand this man, that we are a cursed people

Deuteronomy 28:28 says

"The Lord shall smite thee with madness, and blindness

And astonishment of heart."

See family that's why you feel like

You feel like you got a chip on your shoulder

Until you finally get the memo, you will always feel that way

Why God, why God do I gotta suffer?

Pain in my heart carry burdens full of struggle

Why God, why God do I gotta bleed?

Every stone thrown at you restin' at my feet

Why God, why God do I gotta suffer?

Earth is no more, why don't you burn this mufucka?

I beat yo' ass, keep talkin' back

I beat yo' ass, who bought you that?

You stole it, I beat yo' ass if you say that game is broken

I beat yo' ass if you jump on my couch

I beat yo' ass if you walk in this house with tears in your eyes

Runnin' from poopoo and 'prentice

Go back outside, I beat yo' ass, lil nigga

That homework better be finished, I beat yo' ass

Yo' teachers better not be bitchin' 'bout you in class

That pizza better not be wasted, you eat it all

That TV better not be loud if you got it on

Them Jordans better not get dirty when I just bought 'em

Better not hear 'bout you humpin' on Keisha's daughter

Better not hear you got caught up, I beat yo' ass

You better not run to your father, I beat yo' ass

You know my patience runnin' thin

I got beaucoup payments to make

County building's on my ass

Tryna take my food stamps away

I beat yo' ass if you tell them social workers he live here

I beat yo' ass if I beat yo' ass twice and you still here

Seven years old, think you run this house by yourself?

Nigga, you gon' fear me if you don't fear no one else

If I can smoke fear away, I roll that motherfucker up

And then I take two puffs

I'm high now, I'm high now

Life's a bitch, pull them panties to the side now

I'll prolly die anonymous

I'll prolly die with promises

I'll prolly die walkin' back home from the candy house

I'll prolly die 'cause these colors are standin' out

I'll prolly die because I ain't know Demarcus was snitchin'

I'll prolly die at these house parties, fuckin' with bitches

I'll prolly die from witnesses leavin' me false accused

I'll prolly die from thinkin' that me and your hood was cool

Or maybe die from pressin' the line, actin' too extra

Or maybe die because these smokers

Are more than desperate

I'll prolly die from one of these bats and blue badges

Body slammed on black and white paint, my bones snappin'

Or maybe die from panic or die from bein' too lax

Or die from waitin' on it, die 'cause I'm movin' too fast

I'll prolly die tryna buy weed at the apartments

I'll prolly die tryna diffuse two homies arguin'

I'll prolly die 'cause that's what you do when you're 17

All worries in a hurry, I wish I controlled things

If I could smoke fear away, I'd roll that mothafucka up

And then I'd take two puffs

I've been hungry all my life

I'm high now, I'm high now

Life's a bitch, pull them panties to the side now, now

When I was 27, I grew accustomed to more fear

Accumulated 10 times over throughout the years

My newfound life made all of me magnified

How many accolades do I need to block denial?

The shock value of my success put bolts in me

All this money, is God playin' a joke on me?

Is it for the moment and will he see me as Job?

Take it from me and leave me worse than I was before?

At 27, my biggest fear was losin' it all

Scared to spend money, had me sleepin' from hall to hall

Scared to go back to Section 8 with my mama stressin'

30 shows a month and I still won't buy me no Lexus

What is an advisor somebody that's holdin' my checks?

Just to fuck me over and put my finances in debt?

I read a case about Rihanna's accountant and wondered

How did the bad girl feel when she looked at them numbers?

The type of shit'll make me flip out

And just kill somethin', drill somethin'

Get ill and fill ratchets with a lil' somethin'

I practiced runnin' from fear, guess I had some good luck

At 27 years old, my biggest fear was bein' judged

How they look at me reflect on myself, my family, my city

What they say 'bout me reveal

If my reputation would miss me

What they see from me

Would trickle down generations in time

What they hear from me

Would make 'em highlight my simplest lines

I'm talkin' fear, fear of losin' creativity

I'm talkin' fear, fear of missin' out on you and me

I'm talkin' fear, fear of losin' loyalty from pride

'cause my DNA won't let me involve in the light of God

I'm talkin' fear, fear that my humbleness is gone

I'm talkin' fear, fear that love ain't livin' here no more

I'm talkin' fear, fear that it's wickedness or weakness

Fear, whatever it is, both is distinctive

Fear, what happens on Earth stays on Earth

And I can't take these feelings

With me so hopefully they disperse

Within fourteen tracks, carried out over wax

Searchin' for resolutions until somebody get back

Fear, what happens on earth stays on earth

And I can't take these feelings with me

So hopefully they disperse

Within fourteen tracks, carried out over wax

Wonderin' if I'm livin' through fear or livin' through rap

Damn

Goddamn you

Goddamn me

Goddamn us

Goddamn we

Goddamn us all

Therefore I will punish you for all your iniquities

So until we come back to these commandments

Until you come back to these commandments

We're gonna be in this place, we're gonna be under this curse

Because he said he's gonna punish us

The so-called Blacks, Hispanics, and Native American Indians

Are the true children of Israel

We are the Israelites according to the Bible

The children of Israel, he's gonna punish us for our iniquities

For our disobedience because we chose to follow other gods

That aren't his son, so the Lord thy God chasten you

So just like you'll chasten your own son

He's gonna chasten you because he loves you

So that's why we get chastised, that's why we're in the position we're in

Until we come back to these laws, statutes and commandments

And do what the Lord said, these curses are gonna be upon us

We're gonna be at a lower state in this life that we live here in today

In the United States of America

I love you, son, and I pray for you

God bless you, shalom

Cultural Scripturing 1)

The places that I have bolded are the places that link to Deuteronomy and the story of Job. Lamar’s song speaks to the suffering of African American people in American culture. In Deuteronomy chapters 27 and 28 the text talks to the Israelites and how they need to be obedient to the Deuteronomic laws or else they will be cursed. There were many treaties with other countries and peoples during this time in Deuteronomy and there was struggle over whether to follow the treaties or follow the Deuteronomic laws. Throughout the song, Lamar speaks to the curses that have ensued on his people much like the Israelites who did not obey the laws. Lamar speaks to the blessings that he has now and doesn’t understand how he has so much success, was it because of his obedience or is he like Job in the bible and will everything be taken away from him. Is it a test like with Job? Has God let the Devil run the show? The suffering of the African-American community is expressed as Lamar speaks to his childhood and then his success. He raps that he worries his success will make him forget his humbleness and obedience to God. The narratives that Lamar expresses in his song draw parallels to the systemic racism that is in America and the oppression that the Israelites faced during biblical times. He speaks to the minority communities that if they don’t follow the commandments and statutes things are not going to get better. Lamar’s rhetoric reflects the African-American relationship with Israelites post-slavery, post wilderness liberation theology. Lamar is speaking to minorities as if they are on the same path as the Israelites and they are now in the phase of having their own kingdom, and struggling to have it, but needing to stay true to their identities and faith post- Exodus. At the end we understand that he is speaking to his son specifically as a father trying to teach a lesson, much like Moses speaking to Joshua as he hands over the staff of leadership.

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