#and thats with no setbacks and it just feels like :( like sad face emoji
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dress i ordered for my uncles wedding didnt fit, might kill myself
#tw ed#<to be safe ig. vent in tags#ohhhhhhhhhhhhh#im so upset about this i could actually cryyyyyyyyy#i have ruined my body#and now i just have to fix it on my own as well#trying to improve my relationship with food and get better from BED#at home#with only youtube videos and tiktok dieticians to help#i might actually kill myself#ive been trying so hard to be positive about this but idk if i can keep it up :|#i tried to talk to MORE THAN ONE mental health professional about it but they all shut me down cuz they were clearly uncomfortable with it#which... whatever im a big girl but why become a therapist if you cant deal with such a common issue WHATEVER#i am eating healthier and im more active than ive been since i was like 13 and its showing#just very slowly#which is good cuz fast weight loss doesnt last and im trying to like meaningfully change and stuff#butttttttttttttt iam going to be fat for the next 2 years at least#and thats with no setbacks and it just feels like :( like sad face emoji#i am going to be fat at my uncles wedding that i DONT want to go to i dont have anyone to bring as my plus one#and i hateeeeee my cousins and im DEPRESSED#but i dont wanna take antidepressants and i WONT#and i feel sick and anxious all the time and ive lost 40lbs but im still FATTTTT#because i fucked myself#i literally used to eat til i threw up#5000 calorie binges every other day and it has lowkey ruined my body fr#not jsut in looks like yea im over weight but in so many other ways too#it wrecked my confidence and im still young enough that my health is mostly fine i just know everything would#easier if i had never done it#and then tried stupid shit to UNDO it like brotherrrrrr yoyo dieting is NOT the move#starving yourself for days then binging is not the moveeeeeee
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