#and takes her to the clinic and they get home and ellie under the influence of painkillers just fucking apologizes
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“You are enough”
CHAPTER 2
A few weeks passed. Dr Staple came back to her work. She was pretty busy, so soon she forgot about the weird visit at the Zimmerman’s house. It was of course until one night. Ellie fall asleep in her office – while going through with paper work. At one point her eyes simply closed and she fall into slumber with her head on the desk. That’s when her phone rang.
“It’s Dr Staple” she answered sleepily
“H-hi. Good evening. It’s late. Too late. I shouldn’t… Oh god, I’m sorry”
“Ronnie?” she shifted in her office chair
“Y-yes”
“It’s okay. I’m still working. What’s going on?”
There was a long silence on the other side.
“Did something happened?” continued the psychiatrist
“I- Well, I was just thinking”
“Yes?”
“It would be really nice to have that conversation with you” she paused “If you still want. I mean, cause maybe you changed your mind or something”
“I didn’t. I’m glad you’re calling” she smiled to herself
“R-really?”
“Yes”
“Why?”
“Because as you said, it would be really nice to have that conversation. How does some coffee tomorrow sounds? There is a cafe near the clinic, we can meet there if you want”
“Okay. Great”
“So, I’ll be free about...” she looked at her watch “Let’s say 10am”
“Okay”
“So, see you tomorrow”
“Dr Staple...”
“Yes?”
“Take some rest”
“I will” she smiled “You should too”
“Good night, Dr Staple”
“Good night, Ronnie”
__________________
"Good morning, Mrs Staple"
"It's Miss actually. And indeed, good morning" she smiled friendly leading the girl to the small cafe
They sat at one of the tables next to the huge window – fronting onto the park.
The night before Staple suggested coffee with half a mind to take the conversation elsewhere – namely to her office, but seeing how nervous the younger woman already was, she gave up on the idea.
There weren't that many people at the cafe, so they still could have some privacy and the atmosphere was probably more relaxing than it would be in her office. Ellie examined the girl's features carefully.
Ronnie was definitely paler than during their first meeting. She had a dark circles under her eyes, which even the make up couldn't cover. It was visible that she was stressed out – too stressed. The psychiatrist waited for her to say something, almost afraid that she may run away if she starts the conversation. But Ronnie was only sitting. She wasn't even looking at the other woman.
She wanted to talk – of course, but as she was finally sitting in front of the doctor she didn't even know with what she should start. Ronnie felt as if her mind was speeding and was afraid that it can explode at any time – spilling all the thoughts she buried deep inside. So, she chose to look anywhere, but the woman.
Staple's attention was caught by Ronnie's fingers – drumming on her arm – covered with a long sleeve.
"You're nervous" the doctor stated carefully placing her hand on the girl's
Ronnie looked at the woman – surprised by the sudden touch, which she had to admit was soothing. Ellie's hand was soft and so warm in comparison to the girl's.
"It's okay. We don't have to hurry. I'm hear ready to listen to everything that you want to tell me"
"I'm sorry. I just don't know anything any more... I don't even know what to tell you" she smiled sadly
"Maybe... Let's start with ordering coffee and then we will think, okay?"
Ronnie nodded. After a few more minutes a waiter brought their beverages.
"Did you have breakfast today?" asked Ellie
Ronnie's eyes widened as she looked at the woman.
"Y-yeah"
"You sure? Cause you didn't sound convincing at all" she tried to joke
"I'm... I'm not hungry lately" she said
"So, you don't eat?"
"I do... Just a little bit less than before"
"And how's your mother?"
"She's busy" the girl shrugged
"But you talk with her?"
"God forbid" she rolled her eyes making Ellie smiled
"Tell me what's so wrong with her, then?"
"Everything?" she looked at the woman "She... They simply never really understood me. And I'm tired of proving them my worth"
"You don't have to prove your worth"
"With them I have to. You see, my mother has those ability to push me to the edge"
"Yes. I can say she does"
"We haven't got on well with each other since my 16 birthday" she took a sip of her coffee
"And what happened then?"
"I stopped acting like a good girl"
"So, you're a rebel?"
"Not exactly" she lowered her gaze
"What do you mean, then?"
"That I didn't let them hurt me and that was somehow not fair to them" Ellie looked at her questioningly
"You're very interesting case"
"Thanks"
"Continue please. Can you explain it to me?"
"I'm sorry, doctor, but I don't feel like talking about it. I mean... Not right now"
"Okay. So, maybe let's make another appointment?"
"Whatever. If you still think you're able to help me…"
"Of course I am. I mean I'll do my best as friends do" she winked
"Are you my friend?"
"I hope I am"
_______________
They were supposed to meet next week, but it didn't take that long. Ellie got a phone call from a drunk Ronnie the same evening.
"Where are you?" Staple asked
"At the... I don't know, but they have a lot of vodka and even more" she chuckled to the phone
"Ronnie, listen to me"
"Yeah…?"
"I need you to listen to me very carefully"
"Alright"
"Where are you? You need to send me the address"
"W-why?"
"I'm going to pick you up"
"No, no, no. Doctor... You cannot see me right now"
"And why is that?"
"Because..." she paused "Because you won't want to be my friend after that"
"My god, I can assure you it won't change anything. Now send me the address and I'll be right there"
___________________
"Hey" Ellie sat next to the girl and sighed with relief
She was looking for her for about 15 minutes and seeing all those strange people under the influence of various substances she began to fear for her new patient. It was completely new for her to care for someone, who she didn't really know, like she cared for Ronnie. She wasn't sure how to feel about it, but as she finally found the girl she smiled and came to her.
"Are you okay?"
"I had to take my stuff from the studio" she admitted
"What studio?" Ellie asked a bit confused
"I-I used to be a dancer" she answered "Before all that shit happened…"
"Let's get you to the car and you'll tell me everything, okay?"
"Okay" she tried to stand up but stumbled
"I got you" the psychiatrist hold her up by her forearm "Come on, let me help you" she said placing one of her hands on the girl's lower back to support her
"Thanks, doctor" she said leaning against the woman
"Not for what"
Staple took Ronnie to the car and helped her get into it – careful not to harm her in any way.
"Do you want me to take you home?"
"No!" she almost screamed "I mean... No. Please. Anywhere, but there"
The psychiatrist sighed
"We can go to the atelier I'm using"
"Atelier?"
"Yup. I'm painting…"
"I must admit you're full of surprises Ronnie" she said starting the car
"Probably" she mumbled shifting her position "And I must admit you're different than everyone else"
"What do you mean?"
"You touched me today. You did it twice and I wasn't afraid of you. I wasn't afraid that you'll hurt me like they did"
"Ronnie" she began with a serious tone "What did they do to you?"
There would be a complete silence if it hadn't been for a radio playing at the low volume.
"You can trust me, you know that" she said trying to encourage her to speaking
"I know..." Ronnie took a deep breath "I was a dancer, you know” she started “And my mother wanted me to perform professionally. So, I was dancing since the very young age..." she paused
Ellie took the girl's hand and squeezed it gently in a reassuring manner.
"My mother had those friend. He was a great dancer and after he stopped performing he opened his own school... She took me there... I was 16" she closed her eyes for a while "I wouldn't tell you that probably, but I'm drunk... He was molesting me. And when I finally got the courage to tell Caroline she laughed at me. Can you imagine? She claimed that Oliver's a gay and he would never touch me" a few tears streamed down her cheek
Ellie stopped the car.
"Then I had an accident. I had my leg broken and since then I couldn't perform. And it would be all okay, but I'm a disappointment for my family. I'm not doing what they want me to do and so I'm the world's worst... But why should I apologise to them for being who I am now, when they've never apologised to me for making me this...?"
"Ronney... I'm so sorry"
The girl smiled at the nickname.
"It's okay. You don't have to be sorry"
They came inside a huge, old building.
"It used to be some kind of factory or something, but the owner went bankrupt and had to sold it” Ronnie began to explain “My father bought this building with the aim to establish a new restaurant here, but I liked the place... And he agreed that I can have it. You know, that's the one advantage of having rich parents – sometimes you can have whatever you want" she smiled sadly "Would you like anything to drink, doctor?" she asked unsteadily walking towards the small space resembling a kitchen
"Water, please" she said looking around
Ellie admired all the paintings hanging and laying there with awe. They were very expressive. She could feel all the emotions, which accompanied the artist while painting. And she had to admit it was mostly pain or fear.
"Here you go" Ronnie handed her a glass of water
"Did you paint them?" she gave the younger woman an enquiring look
"I did" she nodded taking a long sip from her own glass
"They're amazing…"
"Thanks"
"Ronney…"
"Yes, doctor?"
"You can call me Ellie if you want to"
"Alright" she smiled shyly
"Let me help you, will you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I have a friend. He's a great therapist…"
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no" she shook her head "I'm not going to talk with any man. I'm not going to talk with anyone about it" she walked into a huge room and turned on the light
Ellie could see even more paintings, but it wasn't important at that moment. The girl – she was. Staple thought to herself that she probably had never felt like that. Suddenly, an unknown and weird need developed in her. She wanted to make that fragile and lost girl to feel safe. She wanted to hold her and protect against everything that could ever hurt her. She felt a strange connection. And each time she was thinking about her the excitement and adrenalin grow in her. There was a weird kind of anticipation for what was to come next and she didn't have enough of that feeling.
“What about me?”
“What?”
“What if it will be me? I’ll be your therapist. I’ll take care of you. I-I can’t promise that everything will be okay… Or that I can fix all your problems, but I can promise you won’t have to face them alone”
"I... I don't know what to say, doc... I mean Ellie"
"Say yes"
"Yes"
Ellie smiled coming closer to her.
"You should take some rest" she tuck a strand of hair behind the girl's ear
"Ellie?"
"Yes?"
"Can you stay here with me?"
"Of course"
"I'll give you some pajama..." she walked towards the wardrobe "Here you go. The bathroom is at the end of the hall"
"Alright" Ellie smiled taking a set of pajama
Staple was back sooner than expected. She entered just in time to see the other woman's naked back. She was so skinny that Ellie could without any problem see her shoulder blades and spine.
"My god, Ronnie..." she sighed
The girl put on the t-shirt and quickly turned back
"Do you have eating disorders?"
"No!"
"But you don't eat. Ronney..."
"Can we just lie down?" she handed the woman two pillows
"Yes. For now, we can. And tomorrow I'll take you for a proper breakfast to help with that hangover"
"I'm not drunk" she stated leading upstairs
"Of course, you're not"
Ronnie turned on the light – which was dimmed upstairs, where the bedroom was supposed to be. Ellie looked around the spacious room. It was too dark to see everything, though she did see the pallet bed. The psychiatrist lay down and let the girl to place her head on her shoulder.
"As I thought" Ronnie hummed "You're far more comfier that those pillows"
Ellie chuckled
"Sleep"
"I'm sleeping, doctor" she smiled cuddling up into the woman's warm body "Can I please hold your hand?"
"Yes"
The psychiatrist let Ronnie hold her hand and after some time she began to caress her knuckles with a thumb. "You smell nice" the girl said nuzzling Ellie's neck
"Thank you" the woman rolled her eyes trying not to laugh at how drunk the girl was
"Do you think we can have some pancakes in the morning?"
"We can have whatever you want, but now sleep"
The girl was silent for a few minutes, making Ellie thought that she finally fall asleep
"Hey, doctor?"
"What is it, Ronney?"
"Thank you. I mean it" she smiled and cuddle up into the woman even more as she drifted off
Ellie wasn't used to sleeping with someone in one bed. She was too preoccupied with her work to have a serious relationship. She was too preoccupied with her work to have a serious relationship. All her relations were usually one night stands – when she was in the mood of course. They most likely left after sex, while she was working until late. And she definitely had never slept with her patient.
And there she was. Laying in bed that wasn't hers. With the girl that she has been knowing for some time, who was her patient. And they didn't even have sex. What exactly went wrong? When did she make a mistake?
The woman shifted, so that she could look at the younger girl. She was in a deep slumber already – holding onto Ellie as if she was afraid the psychiatrist could run away and leave her. She must be crazy to do that.
Sure, it was weird to her. It was something completely new, but felt good. And the girl's warm breath on her neck was so soothing.
She shifted once more to have a better look and froze when the girl moved.
"Where are you going? Are you leaving me?"
"No" she whispered "Shhh. I'm here. Sleep"
Ronnie moved closer to her and buried her face in the crook of the woman's neck. Ellie smiled and carefully embraced the girl
"I'm not going anywhere"
"Good" she said drifting off again
"I'll be here when you wake up" she didn't really know why, but she kissed Ronnie's crown
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Rest of the story below the cut for those who don’t want to click the link! My sister asked if Connor liked cats so this came out of that. Thanks for reading! @interstellarvagabond Thought you might enjoy this :)
In retrospect, perhaps Connor should have taken up North on her offer to walk him home.
Of course, he was fully capable of defending himself and others when the situation called for it, but he had a feeling the fiery WR400’s presence would have ended this confrontation before it became physical. As it was, Connor was bracing himself for an altercation, allowing his preconstruction software to determine the best methods for finishing this fight before it even begins, when a soft cry distracts him. He glances at the tiny thing cowering in the corner of the alleyway, the cat whose cries attracted him to this area to begin with, and the three humans who had been tormenting the poor thing take advantage of his momentary lapse in concentration.
Despite their temporary advantage, the most they do is bloody his nose and Connor has them running before a full minute has passed. It was rare for him to find a human who could match his skill in combat, and three teenagers hardly qualified as a fight. By the time he has turned to the trembling feline, he has already sent the precinct a report listing their names with video from his optical units as evidence of their misdeeds. Connor crouches down and quiets his voice, murmuring soft reassurances to the cat as he assesses its condition.
His analysis immediately identifies it as a female tortoiseshell, approximately aged two months old, in stable condition despite a severe break in her right hind leg. Connor’s LED blinks yellow as he searches for an available veterinary clinic while he reaches toward the little ball of fur, smiling as it cautiously reaches forward to sniff at his hand. “That’s it, little one, I’m not going to hurt you,” he murmurs, sliding closer to the slowly calming animal.
The kitten’s yellow eyes become half-lidded as she rubs her head against the palm of his hand and Connor takes that as an invitation to carefully pick her up, gently shrugging off his jacket to swaddle the tiny feline. Aside from a mewl of discomfort, she otherwise remains compliant, purring softly as the android scratches her head absentmindedly. The flickering yellow in his temple returns to blue as his search for a clinic yields no results. Not that he expected any at this time of night, although he certainly hoped at least one place would be open. “Alright, little one, you’re going to have to stay with me tonight,” the kitten blinks at him owlishly, “Don’t worry, I’ve already downloaded information on treating compound fractures in cats. I’ll take care of you tonight.”
The RK800 turns to continue his walk home, softly talking to the kitten the whole time, assuring it of a future with warm milk and a proper bed to lie in.
Detective Gavin Reed was beyond pissed off.
Of course his car had to fucking break down when it was forty fucking degrees out. Of course he had to get off work at ten fucking pm. Of course he broke his fucking phone this morning so he couldn’t call a fucking taxi. Mondays are a real bitch, and this one of course was no different. And then, of course, on his way home, he had to run into fucking RoboCop 1.0. Fucking androids, man. Gavin swore CyberLife had designed them to be as annoying as possible.
Brown eyes rose from the jacket bundled in his arms to mee Gavin’s green ones, and he had to stop himself from gasping at the sight of the plastic prick. Normally prim and proper, the android’s nose had a trail of blue blood leaking from it, the white plastic beneath showing as the skin glitched around it. Blue speckled his white button up, and if Gavin looked close enough, there was a hint of red blood on the gray jacket bundled in his arms. “The fuck happened to you, Barbie,” the question escapes him before he can contain it.
Gavin almost smiles vindictively when the robot mood ring jumps from blue to red, before settling on yellow. The android just stares at him for a second, and Gavin starts to wonder if he’s actually damaged until Connor answers, “Cat.”
He just blinks and Connor clears his throat, “Forgive me, Detective Reed. I meant that there was a cat in need of my attention. I was bringing her home to take care of her injuries, if you’ll excuse me.”
Gavin finally looks at the bundle in Connor’s arms and he can feel his heart drop as he notices the tiny yellow eyes staring at him. God damn it. The damn piece of plastic found his one weakness, a feat even his robo-brother hasn’t managed to do yet. The question leaves his mouth unbidden yet again, “Can I see?”
The android hesitates, and Gavin supposes he deserves it. He hasn’t exactly shown Terminator he had empathy as of yet, but Connor manages to shock him again when he relents, gingerly moving the jacket to give Gavin a better view of the most fucking adorable kitten he has ever seen. He’s aware of Connor mumbling in the background about how he came across the kitten, but all of his attention is focused on the bleeding leg just barely visible and the anger that rises with it. He sighs and runs his hands through his hair, “Fucking hell, Connor…”
Connor stops in his explanation, a single eyebrow raised as a prompt to continue. “Look, I got some vet supplies at home from when Ellie got an infection, and I know a thing or two about taking care of cats.”
Of fucking course Connor tilts his head.
“You can take the fucking thing to my house.”
Of fucking course Connor doesn’t say anything, the prick.
“I promise I won’t hurt you. I got a…thing...for cats,” Gavin smiles softly as he reaches to rub the kitten’s head, “I won’t hurt her.”
The mood ring blinks once, twice, and then returns to blue as Connor straightens up, “That would be acceptable.”
Gavin just rolls his eyes and refrains from shouldering the robot if only to spare the kitten, and leads him to his apartment, where he knows Ellie is pissed off from him missing dinner time. “You tell anyone about this, I’ll fuck you up, you understand me?”
“Need I remind you of our fight in the evidence room, Detective? I calculate a-”
Gavin cuts off the asshole before he can finish his calculation, “I don’t have to help you.”
Connor closes his mouth as Gavin fumbles for his keys, cold fingers uncooperative. He swears under his breath, even as he smiles when he hears Ellie scratching at the door like she’s helping to let him in. He might never get his security deposit back but, damn, did she make him smile. He finally gets the door open and lets the android inside, ignoring the sharp claws climbing up his legs to reach his shoulder, motioning for Connor to sit on the couch as he heads to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. “Did you do your scanning thing on her or do I need to call my emergency vet to get her an x-ray,” he calls out, nuzzling the gray ball of fluff currently perched on his shoulder.
“Her right hind leg has a compound fracture which may require amputation, but she is unharmed everywhere else. I’ve already downloaded the necessary information to care for this injury until the clinics open tomorrow.”
Gavin swears under his breath. Fucking humans and their fucking treatment of cats. He knew he was an arrogant asshole, but even he understood that you never hurt an animal. Especially fucking cats, man. They deserved so much better. Gavin grabs the medical supplies and tosses them to Connor, who has made a nest of his jacket for the tortoiseshell to awkwardly cuddle up in. Despite her situation, Gavin can hear he purring from his location, and he smiles yet again. Fucking cats, man. Best fucking animals ever. “She’s a fucking trooper, just might have to keep her.”
The plastic detective, already cleaning the injury, nods in agreement. “She certainly is resilient,” he glances up at Gavin, or rather, Gavin’s shoulder, “Ellie, I presume?”
He grabs the cat from his shoulder as he nods and carries her to the kitchenette, “Found her on the street too, with a bad eye infection. She ended up losing her eyesight in that eye, as you can see, but she was otherwise fine.”
“I didn’t realize you liked cats, Gavin.”
“Remember the threat, prick. I’ll fucking end you if you tell anyone.”
“I’m alerting Lieutenant Anderson of my whereabouts, just in case,” Connor retorts as he wraps the leg, apologizing as the kitten cries.
He grabs some kitten food leftover from Ellie’s kitten days as she scarfs down her own meal, ignoring the two intruders. “Tell him you’ll need some blue shit too, most advanced prototype my ass. Can’t believe some fucking kids landed a hit on ya.”
“It was one hit, which is one more than you managed,” Connor reaches for the bowl as Gavin offers it, a smirk on his face, “Besides, the damage is minimal and my self-repair systems should handle it when I enter rest mode tonight.”
To refrain from smacking the piece of shit, Gavin focuses on the kitten instead of the insult. Fucking android was getting too good at them, no doubt as a result of Hank’s influence. The kitten is small, too small, Gavin notes, and she looks rather pathetic with the bright, white bandage engulfing her tiny leg. Despite it all, however, and despite a mouthful of food, she purrs louder than a motorboat and Gavin finds himself relaxing as he watches her. He pets her again, feeling a sense of satisfaction as the purring intensifies.
Fucking cats, man. He thinks he just adopted another one.
#detroit become human#dbh#connor rk800#dbh connor#gavin reed#dbh gavin#cats#fanfiction#my writing#hurt/comfort but for a cat#kittens#dbh fanfic#fanfic#please don't tag as ship
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Book 23- Pet Sematary by Stephen King
[Originally posted November 10, 2019]
It has taken me quite a while to articulate this review, and I’m still not 100% sure how to begin. After a week of putting pen to paper [and scratching out the pen to rewrite], I still come up short with my review for this novel. Let me start by saying it has taken a year of coaxing and talking myself up to be able to pick this book up. Over a year ago, a very kind customer of mine gave me two brown, paper sacks filled with all of her Stephen King books [partially due to my sudden interest and mostly due to her sudden need to Marie Kondo her place]. I immediately tore through The Shining, Carrie, and Misery, but subsequently had weird and unsettling dreams which made me take a break from King. Generally speaking, I like to choose titles based on the time of year [in the winter, I like to settle in with something dense that I can use as an excuse to stay in, and in the summer I opt for lighter, fun fiction that I can breeze through], so this year I decided to follow suit with Halloween and read the scariest book that I could imagine- Pet Sematary. Being an older title, many of my friends and acquaintances were excited for me to join the King Club by reading what is dubbed one of his scariest novels. I, however, had my doubts. As I’m sure has been established on here [many, many times], I am NOT a fan of horror or being scared. I will never understand why people choose to be scared and I’ve determined that it’s a switch in my brain which has been left dusty and unused [and I’m totally okay with that]. Pet Sematary forced me to take a giant leap into the unknown, and allowed me to expand my reading interests into a genre that I had only dappled in previously. I will try my best to concisely summarize the plot [emphasis on the word “try”] and then offer my own critical review of the text. As opposed to some of my other reviews, THERE ARE SPOILERS, so please be warned and skip the rest of this review if you are unfamiliar with the plot and wish to read it yourself.
The story follows the Creed family- Louis, Rachel, and their two children Ellie and Gage- as they move from Chicago to Ludlow, Maine for Louis to work as a doctor on the local college campus. As they begin exploring their new home, they meet their new neighbor, Jud Crandall, who immediately welcomes them and settles the unease that Louis had been feeling. Jud, a lifelong resident of Ludlow, gives them the lay of the land, warning them about the dangers of the main road they live on and pointing out the trailhead behind their property, on which he offers to give them a guided adventure. As promised, after a few days of unpacking and settling into their new house, Jud takes the family on a seemingly innocent trip down to the Pet Sematary- a small burial ground for the local children’s deceased pets. He shows them the space where his own childhood dog, Spot, is buried, and when asked about the deadfall of branches near the back of the sematary, he warns them to stay away. The trip to the sematary leaves the family disgruntled and unsettled- Rachel disapproves of their children’s close encounter with death, and Ellie becomes hysterically frantic that their cat, Church, will die and be put in the sematary. Louis soothes the woes and worries of his family, promising never to take his children back.
Normalcy sets in for the Creed’s, until Louis’s first day on the job when a young man named Victor Pascow is brought to the clinic. Irreparably maimed in a car accident and drawing what seem to be his last breaths, Victor comes to in Louis’s arms, grinning at Louis as he mutters this warning- “It’s not the real cemetary.” Louis, shocked by the young man’s alertness, cannot seem to respond as Victor continues, “The soil of a man’s heart is stonier, Louis… a man grows what he can… and tends to it.” Victor’s whole body dies at once, leaving Louis terrified, clutching the corpse, and grasping for some logical answer to this episode. Later that night after Louis falls asleep, Pascow comes to his bedside and guides a reluctant Louis down to the Pet Sematary. Pointing towards the deadfall behind the sematary, he warns, “Don’t go beyond, no matter how much you feel you feel you need to… the barrier was not made to be broken… Your destruction and the destruction of all you love is very near…” When Louis wakes hours later, he is convinced it was all an unsettling dream until he pulls back the sheets to reveal muddy feet covered in pine needs. The logical part of Louis’s brain takes over, trying to rationalize the insane experience. Soon the dream is all but forgotten, until the fateful day that Church is run over by a semi truck on the main road and killed.
Led by his trusty neighbor Jud, Louis has his first encounter with the Micmac burial ground beyond the deadfall, where he buries Church and is told the history of the tribe. The next day, Church saunters into the garage where Louis is working, smelling of sour earth, with pieces of plastic bag stuck in his whiskers. None too surprised, Louis brings the cat inside and feeds it, repulsed by the blasphemous presence of his daughter’s dead cat. Louis tries to rationalize with himself, thinking that the cat must’ve been stunned and not dead when he was buried. But Church does not seem to be his spry old self, walking in funny patterns and lacking the grace of a real cat, leaving Louis with a shadow of a doubt that he did, in fact, bring the cat back to life. When Ellie sees her old cat, she immediately notices the smell, and the fact that there is something off with Church. The family seems to ignore the glaring differences though, and continue on with their lives as usual while Church continues to exhibit more and more out-of-character behavior.
The plot finally comes to it’s point when their toddler Gage, is run over and killed by a semi on the main road. Distraught and unable to come to terms with his death, Louis sends his wife and daughter to Chicago to stay with his in-laws as he begins to plot his son’s second burial. Knowing what he plans to do, Jud harshly warns Louis to leave Gage in peace and tells the story of another local who brought back his son and was driven to murder/suicide after the fact. Unmoved, Louis continues with his plan and buries Gage at the Micmac burial ground. Gage comes back, possessed with unflinching evil, and murders both Jud Crandall and Rachel before Louis is able to kill him for good. Louis, unhinged by the horrors he has seen and convinced that he “waited too long” with Gage’s reburial, takes Rachel’s corpse up to the Micmac cemetery . “Darling,” it mutters, and then the story ends.
I want to start off by saying, I really liked this book. It scared the bejesus out of me, but it was so worth it. If you’ve read King, you know he likes to drag out the story [much like this particular review I’m writing]. He painfully details the protagonist’s backstory as a dramatic build up to the climax, and this can often lead some readers [myself included] to internally scream, “GET ON WITH IT!” However, with Pet Sematary I feel as if this technique truly lent to the creation of the story and was absolutely essential to the climax of the plot. While the idea of a cemetery in general gives me the creeps, what is even more unsettling is the slow unraveling of Louis’s mind. Whenever he tries to make logical sense of a situation [i.e. Church’s resurrection], he compromises another piece of his rational mind, and the more he does this, the more likely he is to do something rash and unreasonable. Now, I would make the argument that the presence of the Micmac burial ground [and it’s demons, spirits, etc.] are mainly responsible for the undoing of Louis Creed. I enjoy when a supernatural entity is the antagonist [its extra spooky when an unseeable evil occupies any story], and King does a grand job of creating this wicked presence which subtly alters and influences the minds of anyone who has visited the Micmac burial ground. Jud himself admits to wrong-doing by bringing Louis there, claiming there is a draw to the burial ground for all who have visited, and it is presumed that anyone who has been there will fall under the same spell. Talk about creepy!
The one thing I have an issue with is how quickly Gage is resurrected and then killed again. Now, don’t get me wrong, every single word that involved zombie Gage is horrifying and left knots in my stomach- Even now, I shudder as I think of Gage taunting Jud in his own kitchen before going in for the kill. BUT, it seemed to me that after ALL that build up, we should’ve gotten more time with possessed toddler Gage before he gets killed. The other point which had no resolution, and which I did not summarize, is Ellie’s sudden onset of clairvoyance after Gage’s death. As soon as her little brother dies, Ellie begins having horrible dreams about her family and the Pet Sematary. When Louis sends Ellie and Rachel back to Chicago, Ellie goes insane with worry and anxiety, convinced that something horrible is going to happen to Louis [or happen because of Louis] in their absence. In her dreams, Paxcow [aka Victor Pascow] comes to her, warning that Louis is in danger. When they finally get to Chicago, Ellie’s hysteria becomes so uncontrollable that Rachel decides to immediately turn around and go back to Ludlow to check on Louis [which is how she ends up murdered by her dead son]. King, however, does not go back to Ellie at all once Rachel leaves Chicago. This leads the reader to question what Ellie may already know, and whether or not she will end up back in Ludlow with her insane father and re-animated mother. My hope is that Ellie stays with her grandparents and never has to see her parents again- and maybe, hopefully, we get a sequel a la Doctor Sleep?!
All in all, this book was fantastically horrifying in all the right ways. I truly understand why this book is considered one of King’s best and most terrifying novels, and I would say I have to agree. If you’re a fan of a good thriller, and this review hasn’t completely ruined your will to read it, I recommend giving it a try. I’d loan you mine, but the back cover just fell off. If you’ve made it through this review, congratulations! I am currently cross eyed and giving up on any further edits or alterations.
5 out of 5 stars
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Request: “Some of your thoughts on how much they remember of their previous lives would be cool ;u; idk if that helps any”
A/N: I really enjoyed writing this, so I hope you enjoy reading it as half as much as I enjoyed writing it. Also, last pic belongs to @karuoke
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The trio continued their walk, leaving the heart of Atlanta, moving nonstop up north. The colder, the slower the dead were able to move, bonus their decay. Their tired footsteps marking the foot high white desert, carrying their backpacks and duffle bags full of whatever food, health, equipment, or plain entertainment. Ellis’ sneakers lost balance, his mustard coat hiding his exhausted face. Rochelle snickering at the groaning man. “Ellis. We only have less than a mile left…. I think… I’m sure.”
“Sounds about right.” Nick agreed, continuing towards the low buildings, shadowed by the white haze and freezing crystals. Rochelle slowing behind to help the countryman up, readjusting his memorable hat under his hood. He bent down to pick his rifle up and the two picked up the pace to catch Nick’s side. They were almost to their temporary “home”, out of the city, small town. Hardened walls to keep out noise, small barred windows that they cover with light blankets, a steel door in the front with multiple locks that mimicked the back door. Candles sat in various areas: on the tables, in corners, on top of cabinets. Only “ homey” thing that sat in the middle of the “home” was the a small stove.
Each member claimed their side in the small home, laying out their sleeping bags (leaving Rochelle the only mattress), blankets, and little entertainments: Rochelle’s past news articles, Ellis finding her pens and markers to complete the puzzles, reading the comics together; Nick had is various pistols, counting the ammo sometimes out of boredom, various literature, telling the tale of Shakespeare’s Iago and the mischievous Elizabeth of Salem to Ellis, usually told with hidden excitement; Ellis happily kept his game cards, easily able to get Rochelle to play with him along with Nick, reading various cook book at finding an old iPod shuffle, lucky enough that this stranger had similar music taste.
The trio let their bags drop in their spots, not bothering to take off their scarves and coats. Nick immediately setting himself down, stretching out his limbs, Rochelle pretzel sat in front of the stove, heating it up, placing soup cans they found about in the middle of it, Ellis sitting across of her patiently waiting.
Rochelle chuckled in the silence.
“What?” Nick immediately groaned out.
“I remember getting hired for Atlanta’s News Corp. I teamed up with another woman to work on taking photos and writing an article for pro-life movements that were protesting at abortion clinics and…”
“Didn’t hear much while I’ll was in the city.” Nicki commented.
“That���s because the movement wasn’t very big and less and less people participate when police began arresting for harassment.” She chuckled at the upcoming memory. “So, when we got to the site to record interviews, you wouldn’t believe the reason for the calls – haha! The pro-life protestors shook people hands but when you look into your hand there’d be blood, well paint to mimicked blood. “This is the blood of the children that are aborted every year.” Haha!
Then, a candidate to be major took children who were suppose to be on a field trip to a museum, and she took them on a new station and on live tv with these confused six-year-olds yelling about the evilness of abortions.“
“Oh my god!” Ellis laughed.
“And how the article go?” Nick questioned.
“Story was reported on TV, they even endorsed us and the company. I remember calling my dad and telling him ” Ya girl’s made it to big leagues now, daddy!“ Her laughs died out. “I had made it.”
Ellis watched the soup steam, smiling at the story. “I remember my fifth sister’s sixth birthday.”
“Your fifth sister?” Rochelle let out, eyebrows raised in shock.
“Yup. Five sisters, two brothers.” Earning a disbelieved “wow” from Nick. “Her name was Amy, she was a bit of a prankster. Doing the usual bucket of water on top of the door, or glue on the silverware, chocolate bar in the seat. But on that day, our other sister Cody thought she would finally get her revenge. We had the balloons, the presents, the decorations all set up. Mom and dad had the cameras set up, now everyone knew about the prank except mom, dad, and my brother Riley, you couldn’t tell him anything, he always went to mom and dad. But, anyways, the camera’s rolling and we brought out Amy’s cake and as soon as she blew out the candles and we picked them out, Cody pushed Amy’s head right into that cake.” Rochelle laughed and Nick covered his face with his scarf, listening.
“But then Amy starts to get this big pouty face then starts crying, she had these being red eyes and wobbling lip. Ha! I had to spend the rest of the afternoon and evening holding her and calmin’ her and rubbin’ her back while Cody apologized. Amy never even opened her presents til to next day.“
“Sounds like you were a good brother.” Rochelle complimented warmly.
“I tried to be. Spoiled them ‘specially when the mechanic business started boomin’.”
“Til the great bang happened, huh?” Nick let out tiredly. “World ending, dead and mutated shits eating the people. Goddamn this place…”
“Always gotta rake away the good don’t ya’, Nick?” Rochelle shook her head, disappointed, not bothering to look at the man.
“Why ice the truth with sappy past stories?”
“Nick!” The reporter and mechanic let out, trying not to allow the frustration raise their tone.
“God, this disease took…” He groaned behind his scarf, rolling his eyes. “It took everything. The disease took everything from us. And you two just sit there talking like it hasn’t.”
“What’s got you worked up?!” Rochelle turned around.
“Yeah.” Ellis smiled. “Join us by the fire, Nick. Let’s open that wound.”
“I’ll pass.”
“You start that up but don’t want to talk? C'mon.” She encouraged him. Nick looked at the two, hopeful eyes planted onto them. He groaned finally scooting toward the stove, not bothering to look at the two, only the boiling soup.
“I had the whole fucking world…” He took a long pause. “We were usuals at this low down bar. We never talked, sat at our usual separate booths til one day she sat in front of me and we just started to talk. We both were just complaining about life, both our fathers left us alone with our mothers, always got into wrong crowds. We went on a few dates, after about a year or two later we moved in with each other –”
“Waited so long?”
“We enjoyed our own space.” He rubbed his neck. “She moved on from her past, got a job as a hostess at this high end restaurant. Me, however, heh…” He shook his head. “I joined up with this… Group. They ran the city mostly, had influences, controlled the police…”
“Gang?”
“What? No. Better. We helped the community while making sure we got our money.” Rochelle rolled her eyes. “One night, she dumped a bag in front of me. It was the money for doing my part in a job. A raise from the boss. I just remember her yelling: “This is our house!” We fought a lot but it was never serious and we always knew we had each others backs, but this…. She hated this and wanted me to move on, but it was mostly how we were living off in our nice apartment, our car, her thousand dollar dresses and shoes and jewelry. That wasn’t what she wanted though… Months later and many, many nights of arguing, she just up and left.“
The other two simply frowned.
“Did you at least see her before it happened?” Ellis questioned, hoping for a happy ending.
“It was a year before the whole incident. But I had gotten a tip, she got a part-time at that mall. I didn’t even get to see her.”
“Like at all?” Rochelle questioned, cooling the stove, standing to grab plastic spoons from her bag. “Not even in…”
“Nope.”
“That sucks.” Ellis commented. The three sat in silence, thanking Rochelle for the soup. “Coach should be here.”
“He did the right thing, El.”
#l4d2#left 4 dead 2#l4d2 ellis#l4d2 nick#l4d2 rochelle#left 4 dead 2 edit#l4d2edit#left 4 dead edit#left 4 dead fanfic#original#left 4 dead imagine#left 4 dead 2 imagine#l4d imagine#l4d2 imagine#mine
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7 Myths About Narcolepsy, Debunked
The post 7 Myths About Narcolepsy, Debunked was originally seen on Elly Mackay's Blog
Sleep professionals and the general public have misperceptions about the neurological sleep disorder. How many did you believe?
By Sree Roy
Myth 1: The public gets their information about narcolepsy from reputable sources.
Recent data suggests: The public’s understanding of narcolepsy may be influenced by pop-culture portrayals that aren’t necessarily accurate.
An online survey of 1,000 Americans, conducted by Toluna Analytics and sponsored by Jazz Pharmaceuticals, found that of the 83% of respondents who said they are aware of narcolepsy, 24% reported learning about the sleep disorder from movies (24%) or television shows (35%). What’s more, 43% of respondents who are “aware of narcolepsy” believe “people with narcolepsy fall down often because they lose consciousness while walking or standing”—an exaggerated and inaccurate understanding of the narcolepsy type 1 symptom of cataplexy. (People with narcolepsy do not lose consciousness during cataplexy episodes.)
Seventeen percent of survey respondents reported they’ve never heard of narcolepsy.1
Myth 2: People know that excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS) is a cardinal symptom of narcolepsy.
Recent data suggests: In the same online survey, 32% of people said they are familiar with the symptoms of narcolepsy, but only 10% knew that all people with narcolepsy have excessive daytime sleepiness. What’s more, only half (51%) who reported they have heard of narcolepsy or are familiar with the symptoms said they considered excessive daytime sleepiness to be a potential indicator of narcolepsy.1
“These survey results reiterate that public understanding of narcolepsy is limited and often inaccurate and there is a need for the entire narcolepsy community, including patient advocacy organizations, researchers, clinicians, drug developers, and local communities to continue working to help combat misperceptions about narcolepsy that are common among the general population in the US,” said Julie Flygare, JD, president and CEO of Project Sleep, in a release.
Myth 3: A person will seek medical attention if sleepiness has a noticeable negative impact on his/her life.
Recent data suggests: After being told that excessive daytime sleepiness is defined as the inability to stay awake and alert during the day resulting in drowsiness and unplanned lapses in sleep, 65% of respondents in the same online survey said this is something they “commonly” experience and 15% reported this is something they “sometimes” experience.
One-third reported driving a vehicle while drowsy, 11% reported being in a car accident as a result of being tired, 38% reported an inability to concentrate at work, more than 30% reported needing to take a personal day because they were too tired, and about 20% reported making a mistake that resulted in personal injury or injury to someone else. But only 31% of the respondents had sought medical help for sleep or sleepiness issues.1
Jed Black, MD, senior vice president, Sleep and Neuroscience at Jazz Pharmaceuticals and adjunct professor at Stanford University Medical Center, Stanford Center for Sleep Sciences and Medicine, said in a release, “At Jazz, we are committed to raising awareness of sleep disorders, like narcolepsy, and it’s clear there is still work to be done to clarify misconceptions related to the condition and help people understand and identify its key symptoms. Many people experiencing symptoms of narcolepsy, like EDS, don’t realize that it could be the result of a serious, but treatable, neurological condition.”
Myth 4: The symptom most specific to a diagnosis of narcolepsy—cataplexy—is obvious when it is present.
Recent data suggests: Patients and even many physicians do not recognize the muscle weakness when they see or experience it.
A recent guide to improved recognition, diagnosis, and management observed, “In adults who experience cataplexy, recognition of these symptoms may be poor. In fact, many may refer to themselves as clumsy or have unwittingly developed avoidance techniques to mute emotional experience.”2
A recent survey, financially supported by Harmony Biosciences LLC, of 200 patients with narcolepsy and 251 physicians found that 25.5% of patients reported cataplexy as a symptom, but an additional 32.5% reported brief/mild muscular weakness triggered by emotions (the latter also falling within the medical definition of cataplexy). Physicians “may be more aware of [cataplexy] when it’s obvious, but less aware of its more subtle manifestations—and consequently patients are not aware of subtle weakness as being cataplexy,” said lead investigator Michael J. Thorpy, MB, ChB, in a phone interview about the study.3
In the management guide, pediatric neurologist and sleep specialist Anne Marie Morse, DO, said, “It is critical to re-evaluate for symptoms of cataplexy at every visit for individuals who have excessive daytime sleepiness, even those who may have been diagnosed with another sleep disorder, such as sleep apnea, to ensure that the diagnosis of narcolepsy is not missed.”2
And in a public sample, among people who reported they have heard of narcolepsy or are familiar with the symptoms, 73% had not heard of cataplexy.1
Myth 5: Sleep specialists always know whether their patients’ narcolepsy symptoms are under control.
Recent data suggests: Almost half of the physicians in the Harmony Biosciences-supported burden of narcolepsy survey were board-certified sleep specialists. Even so, twice the percent of physicians (27.5%) reported that they felt that patients’ symptoms were well-controlled than what patients themselves reported (12%).
Thorpy said, “We need to have a better understanding about how it’s affecting them in their home life, and relationships with family members and others, and in their work environment, as well as the characteristic features of their symptoms and how we can help them deal with their symptoms.”
Myth 6: Physicians have the same diagnostic challenges with children who have narcolepsy as they do with adults.
Recent data suggests: Both children and adults with narcolepsy may be misdiagnosed.
In the case of children, their narcolepsy symptoms “may be overlooked, misdiagnosed or considered typical for childhood,” reports a management guide published in Medical Sciences. “For instance, sleep-related hallucinations or REM behavior disorder may be perceived as nightmare disorder or other non-REM parasomnia. Sleep fragmentation, nocturnal awakenings, and poor sleep efficiency may be considered behavioral, hormonal or related to sleep disordered breathing, especially when there is significant weight gain accompanying the onset of symptoms.”2
Myth 7: Families of people with narcolepsy turn to their medical team with their worries.
Recent data suggests: A research investigation in Canada gave 30 caregivers of adolescents with narcolepsy the Pediatric Quality of Life Inventory Family Impact Module questionnaire. Scores in the worry domain—which asks about worries related to medical treatments efficacy, treatment side effects, others reaction to their child’s illness, illness affecting other family members, and the child’s overall future—were the lowest (worst).4
But the investigators note that research suggests that when families of pediatric narcolepsy patients are asked who they relied on for support with their child’s sleep disorder, 77% replied that they relied on their spouses—while only 27% reported relying on their child’s clinical team.4,5
The investigators recommend that clinicians assess family functioning at routine clinic visits. “One possible way that clinical teams can help families with narcolepsy feel supported is by hosting narcolepsy family education days or peer-support groups at their institution to provide patients and their families with an opportunity to connect and network with other families whom they can relate to….Clinical teams may want to provide school-aged narcolepsy patients with a letter explaining the diagnoses and lead educational seminars on the condition for school personnel.”4
Sree Roy is editor of Sleep Review.
References
Jazz Pharmaceuticals Narcolepsy Survey. Conducted by Toluna Analytics for Jazz Pharmaceuticals, August 2019.
Morse AM. Narcolepsy in children and adults: a guide to improved recognition, diagnosis and management. Med Sci (Basel). 2019 Nov 27;7(12).
Thorpy MJ, Hopper J, Patroneva A. 0592 Burden of narcolepsy: a survey of patients and physicians. Sleep. 12 April 2019;42(suppl_1):A236.
Parmar A, Yeh EA, Korczak DJ, et al. Family functioning among adolescents with narcolepsy. Paediatr Child Health. 2019 Dec;24(8):490-4.
Kippola-Pääkkönen A, Härkäpää K, Valkonen J, et al. Psychosocial intervention for children with narcolepsy: Parents’ expectations and perceived support. J Child Health Care. 2016 Dec;20(4):521-9.
from Sleep Review https://www.sleepreviewmag.com/sleep-disorders/hypersomnias/narcolepsy/myths-narcolepsy-debunked/
from Elly Mackay - Feed https://www.ellymackay.com/2020/06/05/7-myths-about-narcolepsy-debunked/
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Here’s Why Your’s & Elon Musk’s Lack of Sleep is Bad
If you wonder what lack of sleep looks like, look no further than Elon Musk’s erratic behavior over the past few months. From believing that he alone had the time and unique resources to save the Thai boys trapped in a cave to prematurely tweeting that he had “funding secured” (when he didn’t) for a private buyout of Tesla, his embattled electric car company, Musk has shown a troubling pattern of ignoring his own self-care.
So what does lack of sleep look like, and why is it so bad? Let’s take a look.
Sleep is vital to our body’s functioning, our mental and cognitive abilities, and our overall health. Research has shown that a person who constantly and consistently deprives themselves of a good night’s sleep can also have a shorter life expectancy. Lack of sleep can literally kill you sooner.
Most people put off these concerns with, “Well, I’ll sleep more when X is done,” or, “I’ll catch up with sleep on the weekend.” Not only do these things never happen, they can actually hurt. For instance, one study found that skimping on sleep and then trying to catch up on it later hurts both attention and creativity. But problems with lack of sleep don’t end there. Lack of sleep leads to increased anxiety — hardly something you want to be cultivating in your life.
Elon Musk’s Workaholism
Lack of sleep can be tied to workaholism, and an overarching belief that a person needs to continue working because only he or she can get the work needed done, done right, and done in a timely manner. In an interview with the New York Times published in mid-August, Elon Musk detailed the “excruciating” year he’s had as the chairman and chief executive of Tesla, the electric car maker.
He said he had been working up to 120 hours a week recently — echoing the reason he cited in a recent public apology to an analyst whom he had berated. In the interview, Mr. Musk said he had not taken more than a week off since 2001, when he was bedridden with malaria.
“There were times when I didn’t leave the factory for three or four days — days when I didn’t go outside,” he said. “This has really come at the expense of seeing my kids. And seeing friends.”
This is concerning behavior for anyone. If a loved one started acting this way in our lives, I think we’d all be concerned and reach out to him or her to express our desire to help this person slow down a bit.
Most companies — even startups — don’t require or need their chief executive to work 120 hours a week. That’s not normal behavior for a chief executive. If he or she is working that much, that indicates a serious leadership and organizational problem within the company.
More concerning is that if Musk really is working 120 hours a week, that means he’s working an average 17 hours per day. That leaves only 7 hours a day for things like commuting, eating, and sleeping — not to mention his constant tweeting and conversations with others on social media. It’s no wonder a person in Musk’s position might feel overwhelmed, because that’s not enough time to actually engage — for most people anyway — the most meaningful part of our lives: friends and family.
Social connections define most people’s lives, they aren’t just an afterthought or something you have to schedule around your work. It would be concerning to me if a loved one was acting in this way, putting such an unnatural emphasis solely on work. Nobody is at their best when they engage 17 hours straight, 7 days a week, in activities requiring consistent and reliable cognition, attention, and focus.
Good Sleep via Ambien
Although Ambien (zolpidem) increases sleep quality and quantity in most people who take it (Huang et al., 2012), using it regularly to get a good night’s sleep is not usually recommended. Joshua Lio, MD, a physician at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston and a clinical fellow at Harvard Medical School wrote a few years ago about the downsides of Ambien:
On one hand, sleep medications like Ambien can work, and work well. Insomnia can be debilitating. Many have used them safely and effectively, and some people swear by them. On the other hand, they can lead to dependence and worsen the mental clouding that many insomniacs already experience.
More importantly, by limiting discussions to specific medications and their doses, we miss a fundamental issue in treating insomnia: sleep hygiene. By focusing on “hygienic” habits around sleep (avoiding napping, not eating or drinking caffeine or alcohol right before bed, establishing regular bedtime routines, exercising, using beds only for sleep, etc.) many people can achieve better sleep. Adopting those habits can often mean that medications can be used more sparingly, and at lower doses, if at all.
Some research has shown that certain kinds of use of Ambien (zolpidem) can result in memory issues (Hall-Porter et al., 2014; Pompeia et al., 2004; Wesensten et al., 1995). A meta-analysis and review of the research of Ambien’s cognitive effects (Stranks & Crowe, 2014) found:
[T]he effect sizes calculated for each domain of cognitive functioning based on data of participants who ingested zolpidem prior to bedtime revealed that performance on attention, performance on verbal memory, and performance on psychomotor speed were each impaired as compared to that of controls, with attention and verbal memory both found to be moderately impaired.
Overall, this pattern of results indicates that the use of zopiclone has fewer deleterious effects on cognition in healthy adults than does zolpidem, which has additional specific adverse effects on attention and processing speed.
In other words, according to the research, use of Ambien impacts a person’s next-day cognitive abilities.
Ambien & Odd Behavior
Ambien is a sedative hypnotic that binds selectively at the benzodiazepine site containing GABAA receptors. Because of it where it binds to other neurotransmitters in the brain, it makes a person more susceptible to things like sleepwalking and memory blackouts. It’s no wonder then that Ambien has been linked to some odd behavior in some people who rely on it regularly to get to sleep. John Cline, Ph.D., a sleep psychologist, wrote,
Over the past decade, I have worked with a number of patients who could probably sympathize with [Roseanne] Barr’s situation. I have, not infrequently, encountered people who have engaged in sleepwalking, sleep driving, and even criminal activity while under the influence of Ambien. I’ve heard sometimes amusing but more often frightening stories of people who have done things they don’t remember, such as making a purchase and driving to the store to pick it up.
While Roseanne Barr attributed her recent twitter behavior to Ambien, the most famous example of odd behavior while on Ambien takes us back to 2006. That year, Representative Patrick J. Kennedy of Rhode Island had a motor vehicle accident in Washington, DC, which he later attributed to Ambien use. Such odd behavior has been documented in the research literature as well (for example, Farkas et al., 2013).
From the NYT interview article, Musk also appears to be engaging in some odd behaviors of late, including the recent “funding secured” tweet:
[Musk] wrangled with short-sellers and belittled analysts for asking “boring, bonehead” questions. And after sending a team of engineers from one of his companies to help rescue members of a stranded soccer team [the Thailand cave rescue, which ultimately was done without Musk’s help], he lashed out at a cave diver who was dismissive of the gesture, deriding him on Twitter as a “pedo guy,” or pedophile.
To help sleep when he is not working, Mr. Musk said he sometimes takes Ambien. “It is often a choice of no sleep or Ambien,” he said.
But this has worried some board members, who have noted that sometimes the drug does not put Mr. Musk to sleep but instead contributes to late-night Twitter sessions.
It should worry them, since the effects of Ambien are really unknown in any specific person unless that person undergoes neuropsychological testing or has been to a sleep lab.
The NYT’s article notes that for years, Tesla’s board has been trying to recruit a chief operating officer to help take some of the work off of Musk’s crowded plate. It’s unlikely anybody reasonable would want the job, however, because it would require the tunnel-vision dedication to work (“Willing to work 120 hours/week? Have I got the job for you!”) that most people simply don’t have. Not because they’re not dedicated to the work, but because it’s not healthy or normal to work that many hours at a job. For anything.
What’s normal is celebrating your birthday every year with friends and family. What’s normal is taking a day or two off to celebrate your brother’s wedding. What’s normal is finding a balance in your life between work and home. Musk hasn’t done these things, demonstrating traits that some may find attractive — but that most would find concerning, especially if they appeared in a loved one. We hope Musk finds that balance in his life and takes care not just of his physical health, but his mental health too.
Conflict of interest disclosure: The author has no financial stake and holds no positions or interests in TSLA or any of Elon Musk’s companies.
References
Farkas, Ronald H.; Unger, Ellis F.; Temple, R. (2013). Zolpidem and driving impairment—Identifying persons at risk. The New England Journal of Medicine, 369(8), 689-691.
Hall-Porter JM; Schweitzer PK; Eisenstein RD; Ahmed HAH; Walsh JK. (2014). The effect of two benzodiazepine receptor agonist hypnotics on sleep-dependent memory consolidation. J Clin Sleep Med, 10, 27-34.
Huang, Yuli; Mai, Weiyi; Cai, Xiaoyan; Hu, Yunzhao; Song, Yuanbin; Qiu, Ruofeng; Wu, Yanxian; Kuang, J. (2012). The effect of zolpidem on sleep quality, stress status, and nondipping hypertension. Sleep Medicine, 13, 263-268.
Pompéia, S.; Lucchesi, L. M.; Bueno, O. F. A.; Manzano, G. M.; Tufik, S. (2004). Zolpidem and memory: A study using the process-dissociation procedure. Psychopharmacology, 174, 327-333.
Stranks, Elizabeth K.; Crowe, Simon F. (2014). The acute cognitive effects of zopiclone, zolpidem, zaleplon, and eszopiclone: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Clinical and Experimental Neuropsychology, 36, 691-700.
Wesensten, N. J., Balkin, T. J., Belenky, G. L. (1995). Effects of daytime administration of zolpidem versus triazolam on memory. European Journal of Clinical Pharmacology, 48, 115-122.
from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2BG5rjP
via theshiningmind.com
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Here’s Why Your’s & Elon Musk’s Lack of Sleep is Bad
If you wonder what lack of sleep looks like, look no further than Elon Musk’s erratic behavior over the past few months. From believing that he alone had the time and unique resources to save the Thai boys trapped in a cave to prematurely tweeting that he had “funding secured” (when he didn’t) for a private buyout of Tesla, his embattled electric car company, Musk has shown a troubling pattern of ignoring his own self-care.
So what does lack of sleep look like, and why is it so bad? Let’s take a look.
Sleep is vital to our body’s functioning, our mental and cognitive abilities, and our overall health. Research has shown that a person who constantly and consistently deprives themselves of a good night’s sleep can also have a shorter life expectancy. Lack of sleep can literally kill you sooner.
Most people put off these concerns with, “Well, I’ll sleep more when X is done,” or, “I’ll catch up with sleep on the weekend.” Not only do these things never happen, they can actually hurt. For instance, one study found that skimping on sleep and then trying to catch up on it later hurts both attention and creativity. But problems with lack of sleep don’t end there. Lack of sleep leads to increased anxiety — hardly something you want to be cultivating in your life.
Elon Musk’s Workaholism
Lack of sleep can be tied to workaholism, and an overarching belief that a person needs to continue working because only he or she can get the work needed done, done right, and done in a timely manner. In an interview with the New York Times published in mid-August, Elon Musk detailed the “excruciating” year he’s had as the chairman and chief executive of Tesla, the electric car maker.
He said he had been working up to 120 hours a week recently — echoing the reason he cited in a recent public apology to an analyst whom he had berated. In the interview, Mr. Musk said he had not taken more than a week off since 2001, when he was bedridden with malaria.
“There were times when I didn’t leave the factory for three or four days — days when I didn’t go outside,” he said. “This has really come at the expense of seeing my kids. And seeing friends.”
This is concerning behavior for anyone. If a loved one started acting this way in our lives, I think we’d all be concerned and reach out to him or her to express our desire to help this person slow down a bit.
Most companies — even startups — don’t require or need their chief executive to work 120 hours a week. That’s not normal behavior for a chief executive. If he or she is working that much, that indicates a serious leadership and organizational problem within the company.
More concerning is that if Musk really is working 120 hours a week, that means he’s working an average 17 hours per day. That leaves only 7 hours a day for things like commuting, eating, and sleeping — not to mention his constant tweeting and conversations with others on social media. It’s no wonder a person in Musk’s position might feel overwhelmed, because that’s not enough time to actually engage — for most people anyway — the most meaningful part of our lives: friends and family.
Social connections define most people’s lives, they aren’t just an afterthought or something you have to schedule around your work. It would be concerning to me if a loved one was acting in this way, putting such an unnatural emphasis solely on work. Nobody is at their best when they engage 17 hours straight, 7 days a week, in activities requiring consistent and reliable cognition, attention, and focus.
Good Sleep via Ambien
Although Ambien (zolpidem) increases sleep quality and quantity in most people who take it (Huang et al., 2012), using it regularly to get a good night’s sleep is not usually recommended. Joshua Lio, MD, a physician at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston and a clinical fellow at Harvard Medical School wrote a few years ago about the downsides of Ambien:
On one hand, sleep medications like Ambien can work, and work well. Insomnia can be debilitating. Many have used them safely and effectively, and some people swear by them. On the other hand, they can lead to dependence and worsen the mental clouding that many insomniacs already experience.
More importantly, by limiting discussions to specific medications and their doses, we miss a fundamental issue in treating insomnia: sleep hygiene. By focusing on “hygienic” habits around sleep (avoiding napping, not eating or drinking caffeine or alcohol right before bed, establishing regular bedtime routines, exercising, using beds only for sleep, etc.) many people can achieve better sleep. Adopting those habits can often mean that medications can be used more sparingly, and at lower doses, if at all.
Some research has shown that certain kinds of use of Ambien (zolpidem) can result in memory issues (Hall-Porter et al., 2014; Pompeia et al., 2004; Wesensten et al., 1995). A meta-analysis and review of the research of Ambien’s cognitive effects (Stranks & Crowe, 2014) found:
[T]he effect sizes calculated for each domain of cognitive functioning based on data of participants who ingested zolpidem prior to bedtime revealed that performance on attention, performance on verbal memory, and performance on psychomotor speed were each impaired as compared to that of controls, with attention and verbal memory both found to be moderately impaired.
Overall, this pattern of results indicates that the use of zopiclone has fewer deleterious effects on cognition in healthy adults than does zolpidem, which has additional specific adverse effects on attention and processing speed.
In other words, according to the research, use of Ambien impacts a person’s next-day cognitive abilities.
Ambien & Odd Behavior
Ambien is a sedative hypnotic that binds selectively at the benzodiazepine site containing GABAA receptors. Because of it where it binds to other neurotransmitters in the brain, it makes a person more susceptible to things like sleepwalking and memory blackouts. It’s no wonder then that Ambien has been linked to some odd behavior in some people who rely on it regularly to get to sleep. John Cline, Ph.D., a sleep psychologist, wrote,
Over the past decade, I have worked with a number of patients who could probably sympathize with [Roseanne] Barr’s situation. I have, not infrequently, encountered people who have engaged in sleepwalking, sleep driving, and even criminal activity while under the influence of Ambien. I’ve heard sometimes amusing but more often frightening stories of people who have done things they don’t remember, such as making a purchase and driving to the store to pick it up.
While Roseanne Barr attributed her recent twitter behavior to Ambien, the most famous example of odd behavior while on Ambien takes us back to 2006. That year, Representative Patrick J. Kennedy of Rhode Island had a motor vehicle accident in Washington, DC, which he later attributed to Ambien use. Such odd behavior has been documented in the research literature as well (for example, Farkas et al., 2013).
From the NYT interview article, Musk also appears to be engaging in some odd behaviors of late, including the recent “funding secured” tweet:
[Musk] wrangled with short-sellers and belittled analysts for asking “boring, bonehead” questions. And after sending a team of engineers from one of his companies to help rescue members of a stranded soccer team [the Thailand cave rescue, which ultimately was done without Musk’s help], he lashed out at a cave diver who was dismissive of the gesture, deriding him on Twitter as a “pedo guy,” or pedophile.
To help sleep when he is not working, Mr. Musk said he sometimes takes Ambien. “It is often a choice of no sleep or Ambien,” he said.
But this has worried some board members, who have noted that sometimes the drug does not put Mr. Musk to sleep but instead contributes to late-night Twitter sessions.
It should worry them, since the effects of Ambien are really unknown in any specific person unless that person undergoes neuropsychological testing or has been to a sleep lab.
The NYT’s article notes that for years, Tesla’s board has been trying to recruit a chief operating officer to help take some of the work off of Musk’s crowded plate. It’s unlikely anybody reasonable would want the job, however, because it would require the tunnel-vision dedication to work (“Willing to work 120 hours/week? Have I got the job for you!”) that most people simply don’t have. Not because they’re not dedicated to the work, but because it’s not healthy or normal to work that many hours at a job. For anything.
What’s normal is celebrating your birthday every year with friends and family. What’s normal is taking a day or two off to celebrate your brother’s wedding. What’s normal is finding a balance in your life between work and home. Musk hasn’t done these things, demonstrating traits that some may find attractive — but that most would find concerning, especially if they appeared in a loved one. We hope Musk finds that balance in his life and takes care not just of his physical health, but his mental health too.
Conflict of interest disclosure: The author has no financial stake and holds no positions or interests in TSLA or any of Elon Musk’s companies.
References
Farkas, Ronald H.; Unger, Ellis F.; Temple, R. (2013). Zolpidem and driving impairment—Identifying persons at risk. The New England Journal of Medicine, 369(8), 689-691.
Hall-Porter JM; Schweitzer PK; Eisenstein RD; Ahmed HAH; Walsh JK. (2014). The effect of two benzodiazepine receptor agonist hypnotics on sleep-dependent memory consolidation. J Clin Sleep Med, 10, 27-34.
Huang, Yuli; Mai, Weiyi; Cai, Xiaoyan; Hu, Yunzhao; Song, Yuanbin; Qiu, Ruofeng; Wu, Yanxian; Kuang, J. (2012). The effect of zolpidem on sleep quality, stress status, and nondipping hypertension. Sleep Medicine, 13, 263-268.
Pompéia, S.; Lucchesi, L. M.; Bueno, O. F. A.; Manzano, G. M.; Tufik, S. (2004). Zolpidem and memory: A study using the process-dissociation procedure. Psychopharmacology, 174, 327-333.
Stranks, Elizabeth K.; Crowe, Simon F. (2014). The acute cognitive effects of zopiclone, zolpidem, zaleplon, and eszopiclone: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Clinical and Experimental Neuropsychology, 36, 691-700.
Wesensten, N. J., Balkin, T. J., Belenky, G. L. (1995). Effects of daytime administration of zolpidem versus triazolam on memory. European Journal of Clinical Pharmacology, 48, 115-122.
from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/heres-why-yours-elon-musks-lack-of-sleep-is-bad/
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Here’s Why Your’s & Elon Musk’s Lack of Sleep is Bad
If you wonder what lack of sleep looks like, look no further than Elon Musk’s erratic behavior over the past few months. From believing that he alone had the time and unique resources to save the Thai boys trapped in a cave to prematurely tweeting that he had “funding secured” (when he didn’t) for a private buyout of Tesla, his embattled electric car company, Musk has shown a troubling pattern of ignoring his own self-care.
So what does lack of sleep look like, and why is it so bad? Let’s take a look.
Sleep is vital to our body’s functioning, our mental and cognitive abilities, and our overall health. Research has shown that a person who constantly and consistently deprives themselves of a good night’s sleep can also have a shorter life expectancy. Lack of sleep can literally kill you sooner.
Most people put off these concerns with, “Well, I’ll sleep more when X is done,” or, “I’ll catch up with sleep on the weekend.” Not only do these things never happen, they can actually hurt. For instance, one study found that skimping on sleep and then trying to catch up on it later hurts both attention and creativity. But problems with lack of sleep don’t end there. Lack of sleep leads to increased anxiety — hardly something you want to be cultivating in your life.
Elon Musk’s Workaholism
Lack of sleep can be tied to workaholism, and an overarching belief that a person needs to continue working because only he or she can get the work needed done, done right, and done in a timely manner. In an interview with the New York Times published in mid-August, Elon Musk detailed the “excruciating” year he’s had as the chairman and chief executive of Tesla, the electric car maker.
He said he had been working up to 120 hours a week recently — echoing the reason he cited in a recent public apology to an analyst whom he had berated. In the interview, Mr. Musk said he had not taken more than a week off since 2001, when he was bedridden with malaria.
“There were times when I didn’t leave the factory for three or four days — days when I didn’t go outside,” he said. “This has really come at the expense of seeing my kids. And seeing friends.”
This is concerning behavior for anyone. If a loved one started acting this way in our lives, I think we’d all be concerned and reach out to him or her to express our desire to help this person slow down a bit.
Most companies — even startups — don’t require or need their chief executive to work 120 hours a week. That’s not normal behavior for a chief executive. If he or she is working that much, that indicates a serious leadership and organizational problem within the company.
More concerning is that if Musk really is working 120 hours a week, that means he’s working an average 17 hours per day. That leaves only 7 hours a day for things like commuting, eating, and sleeping — not to mention his constant tweeting and conversations with others on social media. It’s no wonder a person in Musk’s position might feel overwhelmed, because that’s not enough time to actually engage — for most people anyway — the most meaningful part of our lives: friends and family.
Social connections define most people’s lives, they aren’t just an afterthought or something you have to schedule around your work. It would be concerning to me if a loved one was acting in this way, putting such an unnatural emphasis solely on work. Nobody is at their best when they engage 17 hours straight, 7 days a week, in activities requiring consistent and reliable cognition, attention, and focus.
Good Sleep via Ambien
Although Ambien (zolpidem) increases sleep quality and quantity in most people who take it (Huang et al., 2012), using it regularly to get a good night’s sleep is not usually recommended. Joshua Lio, MD, a physician at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston and a clinical fellow at Harvard Medical School wrote a few years ago about the downsides of Ambien:
On one hand, sleep medications like Ambien can work, and work well. Insomnia can be debilitating. Many have used them safely and effectively, and some people swear by them. On the other hand, they can lead to dependence and worsen the mental clouding that many insomniacs already experience.
More importantly, by limiting discussions to specific medications and their doses, we miss a fundamental issue in treating insomnia: sleep hygiene. By focusing on “hygienic” habits around sleep (avoiding napping, not eating or drinking caffeine or alcohol right before bed, establishing regular bedtime routines, exercising, using beds only for sleep, etc.) many people can achieve better sleep. Adopting those habits can often mean that medications can be used more sparingly, and at lower doses, if at all.
Some research has shown that certain kinds of use of Ambien (zolpidem) can result in memory issues (Hall-Porter et al., 2014; Pompeia et al., 2004; Wesensten et al., 1995). A meta-analysis and review of the research of Ambien’s cognitive effects (Stranks & Crowe, 2014) found:
[T]he effect sizes calculated for each domain of cognitive functioning based on data of participants who ingested zolpidem prior to bedtime revealed that performance on attention, performance on verbal memory, and performance on psychomotor speed were each impaired as compared to that of controls, with attention and verbal memory both found to be moderately impaired.
Overall, this pattern of results indicates that the use of zopiclone has fewer deleterious effects on cognition in healthy adults than does zolpidem, which has additional specific adverse effects on attention and processing speed.
In other words, according to the research, use of Ambien impacts a person’s next-day cognitive abilities.
Ambien & Odd Behavior
Ambien is a sedative hypnotic that binds selectively at the benzodiazepine site containing GABAA receptors. Because of it where it binds to other neurotransmitters in the brain, it makes a person more susceptible to things like sleepwalking and memory blackouts. It’s no wonder then that Ambien has been linked to some odd behavior in some people who rely on it regularly to get to sleep. John Cline, Ph.D., a sleep psychologist, wrote,
Over the past decade, I have worked with a number of patients who could probably sympathize with [Roseanne] Barr’s situation. I have, not infrequently, encountered people who have engaged in sleepwalking, sleep driving, and even criminal activity while under the influence of Ambien. I’ve heard sometimes amusing but more often frightening stories of people who have done things they don’t remember, such as making a purchase and driving to the store to pick it up.
While Roseanne Barr attributed her recent twitter behavior to Ambien, the most famous example of odd behavior while on Ambien takes us back to 2006. That year, Representative Patrick J. Kennedy of Rhode Island had a motor vehicle accident in Washington, DC, which he later attributed to Ambien use. Such odd behavior has been documented in the research literature as well (for example, Farkas et al., 2013).
From the NYT interview article, Musk also appears to be engaging in some odd behaviors of late, including the recent “funding secured” tweet:
[Musk] wrangled with short-sellers and belittled analysts for asking “boring, bonehead” questions. And after sending a team of engineers from one of his companies to help rescue members of a stranded soccer team [the Thailand cave rescue, which ultimately was done without Musk’s help], he lashed out at a cave diver who was dismissive of the gesture, deriding him on Twitter as a “pedo guy,” or pedophile.
To help sleep when he is not working, Mr. Musk said he sometimes takes Ambien. “It is often a choice of no sleep or Ambien,” he said.
But this has worried some board members, who have noted that sometimes the drug does not put Mr. Musk to sleep but instead contributes to late-night Twitter sessions.
It should worry them, since the effects of Ambien are really unknown in any specific person unless that person undergoes neuropsychological testing or has been to a sleep lab.
The NYT’s article notes that for years, Tesla’s board has been trying to recruit a chief operating officer to help take some of the work off of Musk’s crowded plate. It’s unlikely anybody reasonable would want the job, however, because it would require the tunnel-vision dedication to work (“Willing to work 120 hours/week? Have I got the job for you!”) that most people simply don’t have. Not because they’re not dedicated to the work, but because it’s not healthy or normal to work that many hours at a job. For anything.
What’s normal is celebrating your birthday every year with friends and family. What’s normal is taking a day or two off to celebrate your brother’s wedding. What’s normal is finding a balance in your life between work and home. Musk hasn’t done these things, demonstrating traits that some may find attractive — but that most would find concerning, especially if they appeared in a loved one. We hope Musk finds that balance in his life and takes care not just of his physical health, but his mental health too.
Conflict of interest disclosure: The author has no financial stake and holds no positions or interests in TSLA or any of Elon Musk’s companies.
References
Farkas, Ronald H.; Unger, Ellis F.; Temple, R. (2013). Zolpidem and driving impairment—Identifying persons at risk. The New England Journal of Medicine, 369(8), 689-691.
Hall-Porter JM; Schweitzer PK; Eisenstein RD; Ahmed HAH; Walsh JK. (2014). The effect of two benzodiazepine receptor agonist hypnotics on sleep-dependent memory consolidation. J Clin Sleep Med, 10, 27-34.
Huang, Yuli; Mai, Weiyi; Cai, Xiaoyan; Hu, Yunzhao; Song, Yuanbin; Qiu, Ruofeng; Wu, Yanxian; Kuang, J. (2012). The effect of zolpidem on sleep quality, stress status, and nondipping hypertension. Sleep Medicine, 13, 263-268.
Pompéia, S.; Lucchesi, L. M.; Bueno, O. F. A.; Manzano, G. M.; Tufik, S. (2004). Zolpidem and memory: A study using the process-dissociation procedure. Psychopharmacology, 174, 327-333.
Stranks, Elizabeth K.; Crowe, Simon F. (2014). The acute cognitive effects of zopiclone, zolpidem, zaleplon, and eszopiclone: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Clinical and Experimental Neuropsychology, 36, 691-700.
Wesensten, N. J., Balkin, T. J., Belenky, G. L. (1995). Effects of daytime administration of zolpidem versus triazolam on memory. European Journal of Clinical Pharmacology, 48, 115-122.
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