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carmenized-onions · 1 month

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Tony, Terry, Tommy? | Walk-In Hotfix

synopsis; You get an unexpected call from an old friend in need of an emergency repair. Good thing: that's kind of your whole gig. Bad thing: You've been avoiding the Berzatto family for the past year.

tasting notes; hurt comfort? idk man, he's in a fuckin' freezer. this is gonna be a long slow-burn series. We don't use Y/N here and we've got a very preestablished storyline going on babes. Eat up.

portion; 3.1k+

possible allergies; SEASON 2 FINALE SPOILERS, I've started writing this before Season 3 comes out in June so we're going WAY off canon (unless I'm an oracle), Mikey is gonna be central baby, any tw you require for the bear-- you require for this.

pairing; Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto & Fem Reader (No pronouns!)

I have not written fanfiction in 5-6 years and once again some goddamn pretty boy just YOINKS me back in. I'm making up my own season three here so I'm kinda flying by the seat of my pants with this series, hopefully it turns out. If it doesn't... C'est la vie, I had fun.

The inciting incident, the thing that pulls you in, and permanently alters the trajectory of your life— Is honestly quite boring, because it’s just a phone call from an old friend.

You stare at your screen for what feels like eons but it’s really just a few rings. It’s enough time to frantically search through blankets on your couch for your remote to pause your show— Which might as well be like 10 years of time. You’re heavily debating not answering; what if it’s something heavy? What if a mutual childhood friend died? What if it’s a love or murder confession? What if it’s about the money you owe her? The money she owes you?

Do you really want to take that kind of call? On what’s been a peaceful Friday night? That’s a rarity in your part of Chicago, c’mon. If it’s important, she’ll leave a voicemail... Who are you kidding, she doesn’t leave voicemails— Frankly, it’s bizarre and concerning that she’s calling in the first place instead of spam texting. …Alright, she’s let it get to the fourth ring, she’s probably dead or dying. You need to pick up.

“…Syd?”

She sounds infinitely stressed, but relieved to hear your voice.“Hey, hey, uh—”

There’s a cacophony of yelling, banging, and what you imagine are kitchen noises in the background. Guess she kept to her guns after Sheridan. That’s nice. Or maybe it’s not. Hard to tell.

“Are you good?” She can’t see the concern on your face or your free arm crossing over your waist— But she can imagine it in the worried lilt of your voice.

“Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah— I-I’m good— Well actually, no, I’m not good, that’s why I’m calling. Actually. Sorry. I know it’s been a minute, it’s fucked up to call only when I need something—”

“Syd.”

“Is your dad still a handy-man?”

Ah. Goodbye peaceful Friday night. Hello emergency hotfix services.

You click your teeth, “Oh, no, he retired. Got a case of… Getting fucking old disease.” But a part of you is relieved it’s a thing that’s broken, and not her. This is at least manageable— Whatever it is.

“Fuck. Okay. Fuck. Ha, yeah, my dad’s got that too— Well, okay, then I’ll talk—”

You’re quick to jump in. “I took over the business though. So, if you’re—" “We need help so bad right now.”

You can’t help but laugh at the speed of it, but immediately feel guilty hearing the desperation in it. “Yeah? Who’s we?”

You stick the cellphone in the crux of your neck, already walking across your apartment to throw on your jumpsuit— Dark navy blue, elbow length sleeves, dad’s old logo embroidered on your right breast pocket.

CHICAGO’S KINDEST ⚒ FIXERS & CO. It’s managed to grow on you.

There’s an egregious number of patches ironed or sewn onto the back and shoulders of it. All from businesses you and your father had either worked with or done odd jobs for. A NASCAR jumpsuit, but for nostalgia and small businesses. Something something ‘it all starts with your neighbourhood’. Your dad would say.

Syd continues, she hasn’t changed much. You hear her sharp dicing in the background, the rhythm seems to calm down into an actual flow instead of erratic speed. You figure either the dinner rush is starting to slow down or she’s relieved you’re coming. Who are you being humble for, no shot it’s the former.

“So, you know how I’m like— Like a chef and shit?”

You hum the affirmative, putting her on speakerphone so you can pull out your tool kit with both hands.

“So like, I actually co-own this restaurant opening tonight.”

“Oh nice!”

“Yeah— Yeah, yeah, it’s really nice, but actually, it’s not, because it’s bad.”

“In the way I can fix?”

“In the way you can fix, yeah. Hopefully.”

“What’s the damage?”

“So, my co-owner uh, Carmen, he got locked in the walk-in. Like trapped.”

You take a beat, a confused one. Half-stepping, almost tripping. You stare at your tools, picking out what you’ll actually need for this— How the fuck— “How is he trapped in the walk-in?”

“So, he meant to call to get it fixed—” “And he didn’t?” “And he didn’t.”

“What was broke about it in the first place?”

“The doorknob on the inside, broke off. And right now, or, more like, 5 minutes ago, the handle on the outside broke off too.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, fuck.”

“Do you have the outside handle, still?”

“Yeah. Yeah, laying around somewhere— It snapped off though, like—”

“Clean?”

“Uh…. Y’know, I would check, but I’m actually kinda—"

“Can we run table 36, please, Chefs?!” Now that’s an uncomfortably familiar voice.

“Yes, Chef! …I’m kinda busy.”

“Right. Restaurant. Oh, what fucking restaurant? You said Carmen, that’s that fuckin’ Michelin guy, right?” Berzatto. It has to be. The smallness of this world is a personal prank on you.

“…How do you know that?” Son of a bitch.

“…I try to remember what you like.” It’s a good save, but that was too intimate for 3 years of no contact besides Happy Birthday texts, fuck fuck, recover— “Ahem, uh, Restaurant?”

“The Bear. Formerly The Beef. You do still live in Chicago, right?”

Berzatto. Confirmed. Bleh.

“Fortunate for you, I do. I know The Beef, I’m not far, I’ll be there in ten. Tell him to not have a panic attack, if you get a minute.”

“I will not get a minute. But I love the dream.”

And you’re off. Jumpsuit half zipped over what was supposed to be a sleep shirt but is now posthumously a work shirt. Nobody has to know you’re wearing pajama shorts under this. Carhartt jacket thrown over your shoulders— Your dad’s, so, a bit oversized. Toolbox in hand, utility belt on— Though you’re mildly sure if your hypothesis is right, you will only need your threateningly long sledgehammer.

Thank God for your car. CTA would not like you right now.

You pull up front. Oh boy. The sign change is making you feel a type of way that you were not expecting. Pride? Envy? All seven of the deadly sins? Maybe. No time to stew on it because there’s an older woman smoking and having an emotional spat with who you assume is her shivering son out front. So. Definitely going through the back alley instead of getting in the middle of that shit.

Alas, it’s not any better, because there’s Syd, vomiting next to a dumpster.

“Better to ignore or acknowledge you in this moment?” Is the response you decide is best, despite the question, you’re already by her side. You put your tools down (out of the splash zone) and rub her back with one hand, holding back straying braids with the other.

“I couldn’t—” More vomit. “Fuckin’ tell ya.” Syd takes a few deep breathes before standing. She considers going in for a hug, but remembers, the vomit. “Good to see you. I want to catch up, f’real, but—” “The bear in the walk-in?” “The bear in the walk-in.”

You nod, fishing through your pocket. You hand her a mini container of Tums. She waves it off, of course, and you double down, of course, “Who you acting tough for?”

“Fuckin… No one.” She grimaces, taking the box. She makes a show of taking one, like a fussy kid.

You refuse to take it back. “Keep it.”

“Never stopped being the mom friend, eh?”

You laugh, picking up your tools again. “Listen, there’s no telling what the night and your stomach holds. Lead the way?”

The Bear is pretty, or at least the kitchen of it is, so far. It’s clean. Cleaner than it used to be. The death trap walk-in is really the only eyesore for you. You stare at the broken-off handle in your hand, twisting it back and forth to look at all the angles. It’s honestly a pretty clean break.

Sydney’s left to talk to her dad, as she should, and the rest of the kitchen is either too busy to pay you mind or is just silently relieved to see you.

Tina— Who has thankfully opted to not say ‘Hey, good to see you, it’s been a year, what the fuck’—Taps the walk-in door and says to this elusive Michelin Carmen that she’ll be right back, that help’s here. He does not seem to register this at all. She gently slaps your cheek before rushing back to her station, regardless.

“Maybe I’m just not built for this, maybe, maybe that’s okay— Maybe that just is.”

You’ve never said his name to him, it feels heavy on your tongue. “Carmen.”

“Right? What the fuck was I thinking?”

Alright, he’s too far gone. You flag down one of the cooks that are just shadowing for the night. “Hey, can you hold this in place for me?”

You stick the handle into what’s left of the hinge still attached to the door, which is, not much— But hopefully, again, if your hypothesis is correct, it’ll give enough leverage. The cook holds it in place, a little terrified as your sledgehammer comes into view.

“Not gonna hit you, promise.”

“—I’m a fuckin’ psycho. That’s why. That’s why I’m good at what I do.”

You tap (bang) the hammer on the door, enough to stop his train of thought. For a second, at least. “Sweetheart, I need you to stand up for me, Carmen Chef Sir.”

“…Tony?”

“...Who the fuck is Tony?”

The meek cook beside you speaks up, “He means Tommy.”

And Tina is quick to yell from across the kitchen— hearing how? We don’t know. “It’s Terry!”

“I am none of these people.” You sigh, readying the hammer. “Carmen, can you stand up, and just tuck your fingers in the wedge of the door? If there is one?”

“Heard. Yeah.” There’s shuffling from in there, getting into position. Though the steps and the words seem dazed, as he’s forced out of a mental fog. “Here.”

“This isn’t a fix by the way. Your whole door is fucked after this. Not that it isn’t already, but, y’know.” You back up, teeing yourself up before running forward.

“Well, wait—”

You slam the mallet into the tip of the handle perfectly, forcing it way too tight into the gap of the hinge. You push the cook aside with your hip, now using the long handle of the mallet to stick between the knob and the door, using it as further leverage to pull it open. It is incredibly straining.

“Carmy!” Is it okay to say that nickname before you’ve even seen his face? Eh. You’re moving the boulder, he’ll forgive you. “You feel air?!”

“Holy shit— Yeah, yeah— Push?!” “Of course fucking push!”

And it becomes apparent in this exchange of force that this Head Chef must be significantly stronger than you, because it’s opening a lot faster now. Though, fast is a strong word for the snail pace this is happening at. But it’s more than the nothing that was happening a minute ago.

“Aye… Cousin?” Richie, in a… suit? Runs up to you, coming from front of house. He immediately grabs a free spot on the sledgehammer’s handle to help pull. He was shocked to see you doing, well, this, right now, but then upon registering, he’s just shocked to see you. Period.

You can only groan in response, sticking a leg up and putting your foot on the wall as if it’s gonna add meaningful leverage— Oh wait, it kinda is. “Y'clean up good, Rich— Opening going—Fuck— well?”

“Oh yeah, fucking peachy.” He can only manage to wheeze in reply. Investing his strength in yanking rather than reintroductions; thankfully it pays off.

The hinge shoots open, you would have absolutely fallen on your ass if Richie was not ready to stabilize you. The walk-in door cracks open. Just a bit. It’s not dramatic, it’s just a breath.

It’s so anti-climactic that Richie doesn’t mind walking off to cheer before Carmen even comes out. Clapping your back as he does. “Let’s what I like to fuckin’ see, Cousin! Ingenuity!”

Though, to be fair, he’s moving to intercept a very sweet looking, worried girl. You look up at her, wheezing as you keel over slightly to catch your breath, hands on your knees. She’s saying something along the lines of ‘What’s going on?’ ‘Is he okay?’ Girlfriend? Probably. Richie seems to be coaxing her accordingly. You turn your head back to the door. Carmen hasn’t come out yet. That’s a red flag. With another wheeze, you stand up right, opening the door further, peeking in.

He's standing there, catatonic. Not looking at you, but straight forward, beyond you. He must’ve been by the door to push it open but now he’s stumbled against the back shelf. Every time his girl’s voice manages to ring into here, his eyes crinkle— Wince. His breath keeps hitching. He looks afraid. It is better to be caged right now than it is to be out there, doing whatever he could be doing, right now. Talking to anyone might be a death sentence, right now.

“I don’t need to provide amusement or enjoyment. I don’t need to receive any amusement or enjoyment. I’m completely fine with that.” He mumbles repeatedly. You can barely hear it over the buzzing of the freezer.

Whispering it just for himself, like some sort of fucked up mantra. Like it’s a state of inner peace to feel this bad. You doubt he even sees you right now.

You know you don’t know Carmy personally. Mostly just through hearsay.

He’s never met or heard of you, that’s for sure.

But you know Berzattos. Or. Knew the one.

And you know a downward spiral. Intimately.

And you know that right now, he’s fucking cold. He is shivering and making no move to leave that state. You think he thinks that’s the state he deserves to stay in.

Nothing to lose but a good first impression, right? You drop a screwdriver in the doorway as a doorstop— Because how fucking dumb would it be if you both got stuck? And. Extremely slowly, you approach him not unlike approaching an actual captive bear. In your eyes, you might as well be.

Standing right in front of him doesn’t stop his mantra. You slip your jacket off, half hugging him to drape it over his shoulders. “You’re just cold.”

“I’m a—” “You’re just. Cold.” You cut him off before he has the chance to self-deprecate again, smoothing out the sleeves on him. His eyes readjust to actually look at you rather than somewhere beyond.

You sniff. You’re already cold and it’s been 30 seconds. This poor thing. You rub your hands together, breathing hot air into them before touching them to his frigid fucking face. “Fuck you’re really cold. Like danger cold.”

Never being one for boundaries or hesitation, you hug yourself to him. It’s the fastest way to warm him up. You slip your hands under the jacket— Your jacket— And just engulf the Italian Popsicle Man before you.

Shockingly, he doesn’t push you off or suddenly reawaken to his senses and tell you to fuck off. He doesn’t flinch, if anything he leans in. His body doesn’t really have time for surprise, right now, it just takes what it needs. And what it needs is warmth and oxytocin. His breathing slowly but surely self regulates, and once you start to remember decorum you lower your arms— But. He opts to place his chin on your shoulder, like the world’s most gentle hook, and that alone is enough to keep you there.

It's a long, silent, liminal spacey moment before he speaks again. Both of you speak just above the decibel of the freezer's buzzing.

“You’re not Tony.”

“Terry.”

“You’re Terry?”

“No, Tina said Tony’s Terry. I don’t know who the fuck Terry is.”

“Terry’s the fridge guy.”

“You’re still going to need to call him; I did just make it worse.”

“That’s fine.” He swallows. “Who called you?”

“Syd.”

“Should’ve called you earlier.”

“Should’ve called the fridge guy earlier.”

“Yeah.” He sighs, but he makes no move to move, so you don’t either.

“You know Mikey too?”

Ah. The patch. The Beef. It's worn, but it sits proudly on the left shoulder of your jumpsuit. Your heart tightens and so does your posture.

“Yeah.” You sigh. It’s shakier than you’d like it to be. “Dad knew him, so then I knew him, so then I occasionally fixed shit for him. Shit that ‘Fak couldn’t?’ I think his name was?”

“Hm.” He hums. “He ever got locked in the walk-in?”

“Yeah, he really fucked it up, like waayy worse than whatever happened with you tonight. Like whatever happened. At least 10 times worse.” Your voice is coated with sarcasm, but it’s not entirely untrue.

You’re relieved, when Carmen laughs at this, a touch maniacally, but it’s something. Right now, any emotion from him besides regret and anxiety feels like a trophy. He straightens up, pushing his hair back, so you remove your arms.

“You’re fuckin’ funny, Tony.”

“Still not Tony.”

“Oh my god!” A blonde, very pregnant woman cracks the door open, relieved. “Are you okay, Bear?” You step aside so she can hug Carmen, holding his cheeks to look over him. Oh, this has to be—

“I’m good, I’m great, Sug.” He says this incredibly unconvincingly, hanging one hand on her wrist.

But what matters more in your brain right now is: That’s Sugar. Natalie.

And now you can put a face to both siblings you’ve been bitched about to.

Chain-smoker, means well, cringeworthy husband, too good for her family, incredibly judgemental, cares too much and worries more, loves to fight, her mother’s daughter, pushy, sticks her foot in her mouth, can’t take no for an answer, would lay down her life. Natalie Berzatto. Little sister.

Michelin Star retaining, big shot, sensitive, definitely a virgin, ball buster, sweats the small stuff, sweetheart, asshole, incredibly smart, flighty, coward, deeply loyal, whiny, screamer, show-off, fantastic drawer, shell, mister new york, annoyingly humble, undeniably the most talented. Carmen Berzatto. Baby brother.

Mikey’s words. Of course.

Nat turns her gaze over to you, “Thank you.” You can only bring yourself to nod in reply, a bit awkward— Lost in your rolodex of memories of the people you’ve never actually met until right now. It’s weird to feel parasocial about a normal person.

“Our toilet, exploded.” She says.

Now that pulls out you of it, and gets a laugh out of you. You put your hand over your mouth. “Yeah?”

Sugar shakes her head, eyes widening like she’s just stepped in it, “I didn’t mean like— Like, you just did a job, right, that’s like tacking on another last-minute service—”

“That’s fine.” You put a hand up stopping her from continuing, still chuckling. “I’ll take a look at it tonight and try to fix it tomorrow?”

She nods, smiling bright, “Thank you, Tommy.”

Who needs to use Y/N when you have the fridge guy?

I so desperately hope you liked this first chapter. I've been stewing on this for like a week so I beg of you to reply/reblog/send me an ask (anon or not!!) telling me what you thought!! Unless it's mean!! In which case, do NOT!!!

And just a forewarning, as we step into uncharted territory where the walk-in meltdown was cut short, I need you to hold my hand through it bb. We're making this man's life better or we're gonna die trying.

Next Part

#carmen berzatto #carmy the bear #carmy x reader #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #the bear fanfiction #the bear x reader #the bear x you #carmen x reader #carmen berzatto imagine

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kiefbowl · 2 months

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hi sorry if this ask is really long or kind of weird but I just really need some help. There's this guy I met through a mutual (female) friend about a month ago. We got along really good at first and started kind of getting to know each other just as friends, but about a week after we met he kissed me. I didn't really know what to do and so I talked to my friend about it and she was like "Wow that's great you should date him!!" cuz he obviously likes me. I felt really bad so I agreed to date him but ever since then it's been awful. I didn't (don't) like this guy at all and never did, I just didn't want to hurt his feelings, but it's advanced so much I don't even know what to do. I'm 16 and I was a virgin, but he came over to my house with condoms without every having talked to me about it first, and then proceeded to spend the whole day begging to have all different kinds of sex, like giving him head and him giving me head and then eventually full on PIV sex. It was so awful and I didn't want to do it but he was getting mad at me when I was being hesitant and just really really pushing it and I didn't want to cause problems. It was so bad that during it I started crying multiple times but I'm not sure if he noticed. After that happened, we had sex a few more times on a few different days and all of them started with me saying I wasn't really feeling like it, him getting mad, me giving in, and then me ending up puking and crying either during or after. Anyway, now he won't ever leave me alone. He's constantly coming to my house even when I didn't invite him and always begging me to come over to his, and started asking me to skip my after school track + soccer so that we can hangout ("hangout" as in me give him head) and even asked me to quit my job so we could spend more time with each other. He also constantly texts me very very graphic sexual messages and is constantly asking me to send him nudes or sexually suggestive pictures. I've never felt worse and honestly I just want to kill myself. I hate myself so much and I'm just so disgusted but I don't want to cause any problems because my only really good friend is his friend too and it could ruin our relationship. And he knows so many guys at school and I know they'd all hate me and wouldn't leave me alone at school if I tried to break up with him. I tried to break up with him once but he got pissed and screamed at me so much that I just told him nevermind we could still date. I don't know what to do it's only been a month and so much has happened. I'm sorry this is long but I just really need some advice

Please don't apologize for this ask. I really want you to read the words I'm saying with an open mind, and understand that this is an adult responding to you, and that I want to help you, not hurt you.

You have described rape and sexual harassment. You are sixteen, and that does mean you are a child, which is why you don't know what to do. It's okay you don't know what to do, this sounds extremely stressful and it shouldn't be something you deal with alone. Please reach out to a trusted adult you know in real life to help you. I know it can feel embarrassing, and maybe it doesn't feel like a big deal or you think no one will take you seriously, I still encourage you to seek out an adult to protect you. If it can't be your parents first, a teacher or a counselor at school is a good place to start. There are adults who love you who would want to hear this, don't worry if it's embarrassing.

This boy and all his friends encouraging him, are doing something wrong to you. He is doing the wrong thing, and you are allowed to feel as angry and hurt as you feel.

I know it might be scary to read "you have described rape," and maybe it feels like you can't think of it like that right now. That's okay. You don't have to act or think any single way; however your emotions, mind, and body are reacting to this situation is nothing to feel ashamed of or need to fix right now or ever. The only thing you need to worry about right now is your health and safety, which means getting a trusted adult to help you.

If you don't know where to start, please consider a suicide hotline or a domestic abuse hotline. You don't have to worry about what you'll say, they will listen to whatever you want to say.

Sister, please believe me when I say, you are not alone. Please believe me when I say I want you to live, and I want you to live many happy, healthy, pleasurable years. Please believe me when I say I want to see you thrive, and what you are describing is a situation that will harm you the longer you're in it.

I wish you all the luck and the love in the world that I can give.

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chezgender · 10 months

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Cha cha cha / It's crazy it's party comparison

@tmrwds post and @izpira-se-zlato addition gave me brainworms. @kylla-kylla also saw the connection between ICIP and CCC and I saw their post after I started writing this. So I'm definitely not alone in being insane. Thus here is my own rant about It's Crazy it's Party.

Notes:

ICIP lyrics transcript taken from @koppitules on twt, translation taken from a Käärijä discord

CCC lyrics and translation from lyricstranslate.com

Disclaimer: This analysis is purposefully exaggerated/dramatic in order to highlight contrast. I do think Jere loves his job and career, ICIP is definitely a fun song in which you can find (or not) a deeper meaning, it's up to your interpretation. I just love angst lol please don't come at me I'm sensitive 🤡😭

(ps. sorry to all the people I tagged. You don't have to interact with this, I just wanted to give proper credit)

Let's start. Bear with me being cringe.

First verse

At the beginning of CCC, we see how partying is reserved for the weekend - it's something cathartic after a long week of responsibility and worries, it's an outlet for stress and negativity. The world can't scare him no more, as he mentions later in the song, now that he's having fun.

In ICIP, people have pointed out how the first verse reminds them of CCC, musically wise. This is definitely on purpose, the main difference lies in the lyrics. Here Jere reveals that partying now it's an everyday thing. It's an endless circus of traveling despite everything, he's the cog in a machine bigger than him. The world that seemed so tiny compared to the fun, is now scary - the party is now and tomorrow and 365 days a year, in Finland and even abroad. As if there was no safe place. He can't escape it and it's overwhelming to the point "you'll feel it in your hair and your ass" (honestly, weird phrasing, but it gets the point across I guess?). Either way, this party is almost ineluctable.

Chorus

In the CCC chorus he says he wants to forget about the pains of daily life by getting wasted and drinking with both hands on as many drinks as he can hold, until he won't even be able to get up. Honestly, although this doesn't seem like a healthy coping mechanism (but I'm none to judge), it does look willing and deliberate - he makes the choice of getting drunk on the weekend. He's in control of when the party happens.

In ICIP instead the chorus is shorter, and quite tautological: crazy is crazy, party is party, and life is life, you know? (see @tmrwds for a cultural insight on the "elämä on laiffi" phrase). There's a different feeling in this chorus, the singing is soft and maybe even a bit sexy but the lyrics hold a touch of resignation in between. This party is not a deliberate choice anymore, Jere doesn't get to choose when his life is crazy/party and when he gets to rest.

CCC 2nd verse / ICIP Tommy's verse

Without need for lyrics, also because most people have a hard time understanding what Tommy was singing live, I'll talk about this in brief. I chose to include it because Jere himself sang some parts of it during the live - mostly echoing, but still.

In CCC, Jere parties almost alone. Well, it's implied that there's more people to that party but the song is about him, his own liberation from stress and whatever thing was keeping him bound and off the dancefloor. There are no explicit references to other people.

In ICIP instead, Tommy sings about a club in which they enter and people go crazy. They talk about sex in a rather crass way, probably for kicks, but as mentioned in @tmrwds post, it could definitely hint at the wrong kind of attention Jere is receiving. People in his DMs and probably even in person are making more or less explicit advances on him, surely unsolicited, but it's part of the party.

And Tommy invites Jere to party with him (that modulated voice parodically reminds me of the beginning of Barbie Girl by Aqua). Jere says yes, of course he wants to party with him, right here right now (no matter the day, or his condition, does he really have a say in it?)

Another thing I'd like to point out:

Jere in CCC mentions "it's hard to talk when this different side of me does its part" / Tommy in ICIP mentions how the alcohol makes it hard to think (obviously, but I'm clinically insane and I see intertextuality everywhere) - so, basically, the "side of him" Jere talks about in CCC renders him carefree, maybe happy, definitely free of burdens. In ICIP, this "part of him" seems to have taken complete control to the point Jere can't tell himself from it.

Last part of ICIP

"Let's go party" leads to a countdown - inexorable and short, leaving everyone little time to get ready. The song explodes like a bomb, reminds me of a breakdown in a Korn song. The bass hammers hard and everyone is jumping, hearts bursting, everything is out of control. To quote @izpira-se-zlato , there's an apocalyptic feeling to it. Jere can't do anything but let himself be engrossed without a chance to escape. Which he can't, lest he gives everything up.

Where CCC was party metal with a touch of eurodance, ICIP definitely belongs to an insane rave. It reminds me of Dutch hardstyle, dubstep and a touch of eurodance until the end, which screams industrial/nu metal to me, only adding to the concept of hammering and exhausting work/lifestyle.

We could say that It's Crazy it's Party is the Välikuolema to Cha Cha Cha's Viuliunkieli, in a way.

Jere is a storyteller in most of his songs, and it's clear he likes such narratives to carry on between different tracks (i.e: I think the Viulunkieli/Välikuolema narrative carries on to Morgan), so it's only fair to assume the two songs combined tell a whole story.

Further speculation: Jere has often said he's really tired in this precise moment - the relentless touring throughout summer is obviously taking a toll on him, no matter how much he can love what he does. It would be exhausting for anyone. Plus, the "ghost" of ESC follows him everywhere: sometimes I get the feeling many people perceive him as the CCC-guy rather than the complete artist he is, so maybe he's trying to change this.

As many people already said, the story Mikke posted with the grave being dug could hint at the burial of green-bolero-Käärijä. I don't believe Jere is denying the fame and good things it has brought, but he's probably willing to turn the page and carry on with something new (and probably take a long, well deserved break). Or maybe the MV will just be homoerotic softp-rn featuring a grave, WHO KNOWS. I just know I can't wait to see what's next. I love ESC-Käärija (without CCC I wouldn't even be aware of his existence, so I'm forever grateful) and that love will forever be a part of me, but I also welcome this change with open arms in hopes to see him grow more and more.

Conclusion: the speculation is very real and material and I am very very cringe <33

#käärijä #jere pöyhönen #kaarija #cha cha cha #it's crazy it's party #ccc #icip #meta #song analysis #music #eurovision #tommy cash

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yakuzacanons · 3 months

Note

Hi!! Can we have a continuation of "How They Would Confess Their Feelings To You" hcs? With Ichiban & co, Watase and Kashiwagi? Thanks!

Brain go brrrr yea, we can do dis chief. Includes da girlies also cuz I am realizing I do NOT write for them much?!

Kasuga Ichiban: "Listen, I just wanted to say... that I really like you! And you mean a lot to me!"

Hands sweaty moms spaghetti, he is. Nervous wreck long before he actually works his way up to confessing. The thought of having a crush on you is enough to make him sweat.

Is he asking Adachi and Nanba for advice? Yes. Is he taking it? Hell nah, it just makes him more stressed. Feels like his head is spinning after hearing all they had to say.

In the end, he just quite literally spills the beans after hanging out with you and once he starts he just cannot seem to stop! Ironic given how hard it was for him to start in the first place.

Nanba Yu: "Hey, look, I get it if you don't feel the same way but I just wanted you to know... you're really special to me."

It's ironic that he gives Ichiban dating advice given that Nanba has been a bachelor for quite some time. He's also pretty calculated and takes into careful consideration whether or not a relationship would even be viable so if he's confessing, it's quite serious.

Might consult with Ichiban or Adachi about it but mostly keeps it close to his chest. Good at hiding it in front of you so it might feel like it's coming out of nowhere but trust me, it's been on his mind for a while.

He's pretty candid and straightforward. Through the years, he's learned beating around the bush gets you nowhere. He'll likely just pull you aside, no fancy date or hangout required, and just tell you privately how he feels.

Adachi Koichi: "You really changed my life, you know that? Thank you."

With Adachi, it's less of a confession and more of an appreciation of who you are. At his age and given his track record, he's kind of resigned to living the single life and the older he gets, the less he gets his hopes up for things to get serious.

Having said that, he does still want to stress just how impactful you've been on his life. Like Ichiban does with all his friends, Adachi feels you deserve your praises to be sung.

It's not something he really plans on. He'll just blurt it out in the middle of any old conversation, maybe at a bar. If you ask him for clarification or to elaborate, that's where he starts choking up. Be nice to him.

Mukoda Saeko: "Ah, you know I wouldn't normally say this but... I like you, heh."

Little miss independent will not confess easily, let me tell you. She's got an awful lot on her plate right now and potentially changing the situation between you two is not necessarily low priority but more so another thing she doesn't need to stress about.

Honestly, you may have to get her a bit drunk for this to come out. Or at the very least, she may feel she needs a touch of liquid courage to get it all out there.

Saeko keeps it short and sweet. Ironically, despite her bold personality, she gets super shy after and insists you don't give her an answer until you've had time to think it over.

Tianyou Zhao: "Ahh, you've really gone and turned my life upside down, you know? But that's okay. I like that about you."

Sly as ever, Zhao is similar to Saeko in that it takes a lot to get him to confess. Only difference is he's more perceptive than Saeko. He can sniff out pretty quick how you feel about him.

Having said that, chances of him confessing are greatly increased if he thinks or knows you would reciprocate. His playful side gets in the way though as it becomes a cat and mouse game of who gives in first: you or him.

When it eventually turns out to be him, it'll be a cute little planned event that he's meticulously thought out. He'll close his restaurant for the night and invite you over for a special private dinner with a menu inspired by all your favorite things.

Joon-Gi Han: "I don't know, I just... I always get this way when I'm with you... will you just stay with me? For a little bit?"

Our poor baby boy Joonie bun is inexperienced in the ways of confessing. He understands having a crush and love as a concept but lack of personal experience means he's navigating all new terrority. Please forgive his blunders.

Unfortunately, Seonhee proves to be little help in these matters. Although she has more in depth observations of situations between you two, even she cannot determine for Joon-Gi if reciprocation is guaranteed.

More likely than not, he'll just start blurting out his feelings during a moment where his guard is down. Half of it boils down to he just can't keep it to himself anymore and partially that he feels he's being dishonest the longer he keeps it to himself.

#majima megaphone moment #yakuza #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza headcanons #yakuza imagines #ryu ga gotoku headcanons #ryu ga gotoku imagines #ichigang #ichiban kasuga #zhao tianyou #tianyou zhao #han joon gi #joon gi han #yu nanba #koichi adachi #saeko mukoda

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staytinyville · 7 months

Text

Beomgyu

PLEASE REFER TO MASTERLIST TO GET FULL TAROT READING EXPERIENCE

↣ Summary: You’re the glue who keeps the boys all together. And maybe the one who fancies Beomgyu just a bit more than the others.

↣ Characters/Pairing: Choi Beomgyu x gn!reader

↣ Genre: fluff

↣ AU/Trope info: 6th member!au, idol!au

↣ Word Count: 1.085k

↣ Warnings: None

↣ A/N: Beomgyu is chaotic but we are here for him. I will be honest some self insert was shoved in here and idk maybe that’s not how Beomgyu acts but it is how I am. I share the same MBTI as him and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of people get overwhelmed with him and tend to lash out. I get that a lot of the time and it does make me upset. But that’s just what I think. Maybe it’s not how he is and is quite content. I hope he is.

TEMPERANCE

Balance, Moderation, Patience, Purpose

This card shows that you have balance, patience and moderation in your life. Your energy has been running free but now it is time to bring it back into you. You must get a hold on it once more.

You are the kind of person who understands what it's like to be open minded with what others have to say. And because of this now is the time to use it if you are dealing with two different sides of a story.

You are also at a point where you would need to act with a calm and even mind. Be sure you stay calm even in a time of stress. Because what you show others, they might just show back.

XVI TEMPERANCE

You could remember the first time you had ever met all the boys. They were chaotic and had their own feelings towards each other that weren’t the best. However over time you got them to loosen up and now they couldn’t live without each other.

You were their mediator–the one who made sure all their fights were resolved and there were no hard feelings. Sometimes arguments were harder to fix than others, but you always wanted them to make up. Mostly because you guys all lived together so it was best to fix your problems than let them fester in your own personal space.

While fights were few and far between, there were still those petty ones that only lasted for one conversation before they were back to poking fun at each other. In these cases, most of the time they were between Beomgyu and Yeonjun. You loved both of them but they clashed so much. You had no idea why but it probably had to do with the fact that Beomgyu was a chaotic boy and Yeonjun had thin patience.

They still loved each other though and that was all you tried to care about.

“I told you it had my name on it!” You squeezed your eyes shut at the sound of Yeonjun’s annoyed voice.

“No it didn't!” Beomgyu retorted back. “Look!”

“Beomgyu! It's right there.” Yeonjun retorted.

“How do you expect me to see it when you wrote it in the same color!?” You got up when Beomgyu shouted.

“Guys!” You told them pointedly walking into the kitchen. “Stop screaming.”

“(Y/N)—”

“But (Y/N)—”

“Stop.” You raised a finger, watching as they both began to pout. “What happened?” You asked them.

“He ate my yogurt.” Yeonjun told you.

“I did.” Beomgyu admitted. “But I didn't see his name on it.”

You held your hand out for the cup, trying to find where it was that Yeonjun had put his name. While you did find it, Beomgyu had been right to say that it was hard to see. He had used a red marker on a red label.

While you knew Beomgyu should've thought for a moment that if he didn’t buy it, it wasn’t meant for him. However there were occasions the boys would buy things and share with the others so the possibility of eating something meant for all of them was there this time it wasn’t the case.

“Yeonjun, you did write it in the same color.” You told the boy, handing him the cup. “Soobin could've eaten it.”

“You're just taking his side.” Yeonjun pouted.

“Yeonjun, don't argue with me.” You told him with a stern look. “It wasn't intentional. Beomgyu will buy you another yogurt.” You looked over at the other boy who avoided your stare.

Yeonjun watched as you waited for Beomgyu to look up at you and acknowledge your agreement. While they all knew about how you babied the boy a bit too much, they also knew you were the only one who he listened to.

You had always known how to settle arguments and how to make them all get along. You were someone who held them all together. The shoulder they needed to lean on. Especially when Beomgyu overwhelmed them.

While Soobin was the leader of all 6 of you, it was clear you were the motherly type. You always worried about them–telling them to be careful when they left the house, asking where they were going just in case something happened. You weren’t over bearing but it did bring them happiness to know that someone was at the dorm making sure they were healthy boys.

It also assured their parents.

“Fine.” Yeonjun sighed. “I'm sorry for yelling at you.” He told Beomgyu .

“I'm sorry for eating your yogurt.” The boy said back.

“Good!” You grinned. “Now hug!”

They looked at you with sneers on their faces. “Too much.” You rolled your eyes. “I want a hug though!” You held your arms out waiting for the large boys to cuddle you.

Yeonjun scoffed but wrapped his arms around your middle before kissing the top of your head. “Love you.” He told you before leaving the kitchen.

“Love you too.” You called with a smile.

When you turned around, your breath was nearly knocked out of you as Beomgyu was crouched down and rubbing his cheek into your chest. “Hi, Gyu.” You giggled, messaging his scalp.

“Can we cuddle?” He asked shyly.

“Are you okay?” You asked him, pulling his face to look at you.

“Yeah, I just feel tired.” He sighed, his cheeks squished between your hands.

You smiled softly, nodding your head. You knew what it was like to suddenly feel anxious over being scolded, especially when being yelled at. Beomgyu was a soft boy who got sad easily. So maybe that's why you paid a bit more attention to him than others. You knew his personality was a bit too much for others which led to being scolded a lot and that made him shrink in on himself.

He just needed someone with patience and luckily you had a lot of that.

“Let's go watch some dramas.” You smiled at him.

He grinned widely before skipping off to your room. You shared it with Soobin but seeing as he was currently out, Beomgyu took the time to cuddle with you in a sacred space. He grabbed your laptop and started to set it up before you made your way into bed and huddled up at the headboard.

Like a small child, Beomgyu enjoyed being the small spoon so he laid his head on your shoulder and placed a leg over your waist. For a large man he was extra cuddly but that was okay, if he wanted to be babied you would do that for him.

“I love you, (Y/N).” He spoke up, cheek squished against you.

“I love you too, Beomgyu.” You chuckled, kissing the top of his head.

“More than the others?” He grinned, looking up at you.

“Don’t ask me that.” You lightly swatted at his head.

“Sorry.” He cackled. “But seriously?” He added, going back to squishing against you.

“No, I don't love you more than the others. I love you all equally.” You admitted. “But maybe I just like babying you a bit more.” You smiled softly.

“I'm the best.” He giggled quietly.

“No, you just need someone watching you 24/7.” You laughed.

“I do not.” He gasped.

“Hush now, lay on my chest.”

Tags : @cultofdionysusnet , @sandsofire , @k-vanity

#cultofdionysusnet #sandsofirenet #kvanity #tomorrow x together #beomgyu #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu imagines #beomgyu x y/n #beomgyu x you #tomorrow x together x reader #tomorrow x together imagines #tomorrow x together fluff #tarot

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good7luck · 3 months

Text

personal, real life

negative, depressing (giving me a headache, at least)

mention of illness, hospital, passing away, etc

asking for your opinion(s)

(more under the cut)

This is very personal all of a sudden,

but I'd really appreciate your thoughts on this OTL

I know I cannot provide every single info and the full context, but I did my available best for now.

Summary exists at the end!

My mother (full housewife) has been ill and currently hospitalized since a while ago (as a part of her medical treatment, not some unexpected emergency), which would last for a month or so.

My father (full worker) has been pretty kind to her overall and helped her with everything needed.

But...he has had a problem with her housework ways, mainly with piles of stuff (which is sure a lot tbh). Recently, he has tried to randomly "organize" things (unbox, see, re/move etc) at home multiple times, which annoyed and stressed her very much everytime.

Now that she's in the hospital and not coming back anytime soon, it seems he decided to take it as a "chance" to re-organize all the stuff piled he didn't like in the house. Even if he's obviously not young in 40s or such, not so healthy, and still needs to go to work almost everyday.

The thing is...he's even going to dispose of her old religion-related books (Buddhism), including mostly given as presents when she was doing some volunteer works at some religious place(s) years ago (maybe some were purchased, idk). It's not that she read them often, but she has saved them there for years for a reason. And yet, today he already took many of them out of the shelf and put them in boxes to remove later (maybe in 2 days). Of course, he did NOT get any permission from her and did NOT tell her any of this at all.

In fact, I, too, have had a problem with a lot of the boxes and things she has purchased but often abandoned for years, even if I understand it's cheaper to buy things a lot on sale at once. I do feel very irritated when I newly find a bunch of food which expired 2021 or such.

Still...I wouldn't carelessly touch her religion-related books or such?? Especially when she's suffering from the illness right now, and the religion has been one of her rare comforts (even long, long before the illness), and the books are basically her private, not his?? I'm not even so religious myself, but this looks quite rude and abusive??

Unfortunately, he sincerely thinks he's ~finally~ doing the "right" job that should've been done long ago, and realistically it's plain impossible to persuade him. He would never listen, much less change his mind because of me (or even her, perhaps).

All I can possibly do is probably to hide her books. But it's quite a lot for my room; he's checking almost all the spots in the house, and no guarantee he wouldn't enter my room. I'm not sure if it would even work tbh, as he seems sooo determined about throwing away "unnecessary" things, and he might notice some are missing idk.

Honestly, I'd like to let her know about what's going on to her books, so that she's at least aware and can make her own choice. But...she's literally sick and very weakened, she had better not get stressed. She's going to take some serious treatment soon, which might or might not succeed. Strictly speaking...the possibility of her passing away in the hospital is not zero. It's surely not a good idea to add more problems there.

Before she got hospitalized, I did tell her that he might dig up the whole house, and she said he wouldn't cuz he should be too busy with his work (especially when she cannot do the housework for him). I was more joking, and she sure didn't take it seriously, but now my concern came true, much worse than I ever imagined.

I'm pretty sure she'd get super angry, no matter WHEN she gets to learn about this. Or, would she actually be able to take it better if she hears about this after coming back home? Cuz it's all "ended" then, after all?

I just...don't understand why he had to make things (even more) complicated and worse. Seriously, it's even not like she's very likely to pass away soon. He didn't mean this for sure, but more than often he doesn't realize how insensitive and impolite his action can be. Her religion books were not so many and so not a real problem, in the first place...

Summary:

My mother (housewife) is currently hospitalized due to her serious illness. My father (worker) is going to dump many of her old religion books (Buddhism) in 2 days, which were already half-boxed today. I could try hiding them in my room at best, which might not succeed. And/or I could contact her and inform her of what happened, which would give her a chance but definitely stress her a lot.

...I feel I'm probably being ridiculous and immature here, but I'm genuinely so stressed about this now, especially when I have my own real life problems to take care of as well OTL Maybe I just wanted to vent idk ^^;; I cannot guarantee I'd strictly follow the poll result or comments, but I'd like to know what other people would do. I appreciate your attentions!

(sorry this post cannot be reblogged and can be deleted in the future. this post is also not meant for screenshot or such spreading for obvious reasons. thanks for understanding...!)

#good7luck talk

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erythromanc3r · 5 months

Text

Annual writing self-evaluation

I was tagged by @pipergirl17 (and I'm so glad she did - thank you, friend!)

1. List of works published this year (in no particular order):

Better Living Through Chemistry

Among the Willows

It ain't fiction, just a natural fact

kiss me where you bruise me

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

I'm proud of all my children but I'm most proud of myself for writing Among the Willows because it really did start as just vibes and it ended up being a lovely little vignette of a moment in time that I put a lot of research and love into. Honorable mention to Better Living Through Chemistry because it was my first PWP and I personally thought it was a unique and fun take on sex pollen.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

[buzzer noise] I am proud of ALL my children!!!!

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

I loved this exchange at the tail-end of kiss me where you bruise me because it was a good exercise in writing some post-coital awkwardness between two people who don't know each other all that well while still acknowledging that there's the potential for something more there. And I needed Eddie to take any opportunity to be a little softer and sillier bc he desperately wants Chrissy to not see him as mean and scary!

“I’m…good,” he says, throwing his palms up and flattening his lips into a tight, awkward smile. He’s looking for his right sock — she knows it’s on the other side of the mattress. Chrissy doesn’t know if it’s rude or not to grab it, worried Eddie might think she’s pushing him out when she’s not quite sure where she’d prefer he be. The red light of the alarm clock on the bedside table burns a bright 1:37 into the dark when she asks another question, maybe just to cut through the awkward silence. “Are you okay to drive home? It’s late.” (Where is home for Eddie Munson, anyway?) He smiles to himself a little before he answers her. “Nah. I’m a bit of a nocturnal creature, actually.” He throws two hands up, fingers curled out like he’s doing a vampire pose during a game of charades. “Still got a couple hours left in me.”

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

I'm a big fan of the incoherent flailing but I also really love when people engage with the details of the fic and tell me something they really loved about a particular line or description! I just love and appreciate getting comments in general!

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

November. Something about that month just zapped the energy out of me. This seemed to be a hard time for a lot of us for one reason or another…I propose we move NaNoWriMo to like…March or June or something because November is NOT it.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I gained a lot of confidence. I stopped obsessing over every line being perfect because I would rather have a finished product that others can enjoy instead of a gorgeous, perfect wip that no one else can read. And now that I’m not chasing validation (both internal and external) the process is way less stressful!

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I want to be more consistent! I want to explore more outlining methods, write more productively…and I want to be a beacon for other writers who are new to the process because the community aspect is so important.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

@staceymcgillicuddy is a rockstar of a writer whose work ethic amazes me. @pipergirl17 my angel in the comments your work is gorgeous and you’re so kind. Extra special shoutout to everyone who writes fearlessly and freakishly because we’re all better for it. And everyone who encourages writers to keep going!

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

Wouldn’t you like to know? Ummm honestly though nothing super personal but it ain’t fiction came to me over nights of sitting on my couch watching old metal videos on MTV classic and wishing those two kids made it out of Indiana and got a shot at their dreams.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

The time will pass! Writing is vulnerable and embarrassing but I am more embarrassed by the years I spent not pursuing this hobby and letting all those ideas never leave my brain than by ANYTHING I’ve published.

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I want to prioritize finishing all my multichapter wips…but I also want to explore more historical AUs.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

(But only if you want to 👉👈)

@justhere4thevibez, @toodivineforhumanmind, @0nemorestranger

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yooniesim · 4 months

Note

I REALLY don't want to come off as mean because I understand what it's like to struggle financially and the stress that puts you under, but I really really think it'd be for the best if you stopped using curseforge, Ceci.

Please do early access if you must! We get that it's not a matter of greed but rather a matter of survival, but please please use the means less damaging to others while keeping yourself healthy. Sims politics is nothing compared to a genocide. I hope you think about it, and I hope you can meditate on this choice. My thoughts are with you and your family 💜

Thank you for this kind comment, nonny! 💜

Honestly, I have considered it. Having a paywall is the last thing I want to do, but after living under this much financial strain for around a year now... well, it's weighing on me. As is using curseforge in the first place. I'll be honest- this month, I'll get $50 from cf. For the whole month. Sometimes it's more if I have points leftover from the previous month (so like $100 in one month), but usually that's the average. Having to use it for such (relatively) little money and dealing with the guilt of using it and the hate that results is pretty damn tough, I'll tell you that much. Like, curseforge fucking sucks and even beyond the boycott I resent the hell out of it at this point. I literally hate it and want to delete it so bad but it's the reason I was even able to even buy my meds this month. I've been working on making my patreon have better benefits without having an actual paywall, and some amazing people have kindly donated, but the amount per month varies so much it's tough to rely on. I'm really getting to be at a loss of what to do at this point. I've been exploring every other possible avenue of extra money I can that fits with my current job schedule, I do other freelance work online on top of that and cc making, and sell any stuff I have left from my collecting days. But I'm still in the red every month and it fucking sucks man. And then to come on here and have people say you love/support genocide, while researching and finding out even more about how Overwolf fucking sucks and trying to figure out how to help the boycott, then people just straight up lie about what you said so others will gossip about you publicly like middle schoolers- it's seriously awful all around. Sorry to vent at you nonny, but it's honestly depressing.

I'm on the verge of just saying fuck it, but the truth is, I'm scared to. The bottom line is that I can't function without my meds, and no one here on tumblr is gonna be with me irl to help me or pick my ass up, you know what I mean? When I log off here, simblr doesn't matter, I'm the one that deals with my own life and any negatives of that. And no matter what I do online or irl activism wise, I have this shit haunting me in the back of my mind. It feels like selling your damn soul for 50 fucking dollars, man. And how pathetic is that, you know? I guess it probably sounds like a simple choice to everyone else, but it isn't. I'm still deciding what to do and hoping, praying, that a few opportunities I'm trying to get irl yield some results. Cos like, even with CF, I'm kinda screwed either way at this point lol. I don't know. What does it even matter, right? I'll consider the early access option, but it's more probable I just quit CF and not do any paywall/CC making in general before that happens. I think if I did early access all my want to be a cc creator would suck out of my body even more than it is now. And boy has it fucking waned ever since I started posting on CF. I don't know. It's literally midnight and I think I need to sleep on it- I was supposed to already be asleep, but I saw your ask and had to answer it, oops. Sorry to ramble, nonny. Thanks again for the ask and being understanding 💜

#asks #ceci speaks #anonymous #negative #on my part not yours #highkey depressing sorry lol #hopefully ill have a better plan tomorrow/the next few days

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orchideae · 5 months

Text

I'm a little late to the party, and I have a few more of those 'before 2023 ends' to answer in typical me fashion— which means answering them incredibly late: on the 4th of January (okay, it's the 4th over here). Who's surprised? Okay, but, but! Better late than never, right? So here we go: Happy New Years, you fellow-obsessers over fictional characters! (And let's be honest here, they're the real reason that we get up in the morning, right?)

Now, while 2023 proved to be a year of many tribulations and changes in my personal life, it also proved that not all of that change was bad at all. Relocations and all kinds of stresses aside, 2023 was also the year where I finally caved and got into Genshin Impact. I've forgotten how many times people have told me that 'It's right up your alley, Sae!' And honestly, every single person who ever did was so right, 'cause I haven't enjoyed a game as much since the peak of Warcraft. Its gameplay is engaging and diverse, its storytelling is one that I thoroughly enjoy, and its lore is deep and vast and never-ending that I'm given crumbs in corners of Teyvat where bread shouldn't even exist! And the latter is, as anyone can guess, my favorite. I just don't feel like I ever run out of things to dig into and research.

But most importantly, Genshin has slowly been giving me something back that I lost numerous years ago after a very big loss in my personal life, which was/is my desire and will to write. Throughout the last few years, I've tried to get it back, but nothing ever quite nudged me enough, and I only recently realized just how much of an effect the prospect of losing a passion of that kind of magnitude, had come to have on me. But my enjoyment of the game ultimately led me to its RPC, and through the likes of Guizhong and now Yelan, I think I've found my next 'home', a place where I want to stay for quite some time to come. And that's because of you guys, it's because of all of you who engage with me every time I surface (even the tiniest of likes has me smiling), all of you who read my ramblings, and express an interest in writing with me despite the fact that I'm slow as a snail, and most of you haven't even gotten a thread or ask response out of me yet. And that has to change. I always preach that words don't mean much if your actions don't back them up, and so it's time I really make this a proper resolution this year: I will do better. Not just for you guys, but for myself. I can yap all day about how much I want to write because I really do, but what does it mean if I don't actually... write? There's so much that I want and need to say and talk about, there's so much that I want to write with so many of you; and so it's time I proved that. I have numerous resolutions this year, but actively engaging with my passion again? Yeah, that's a big one.

Here's to 2024, may all your resolutions and wishes for it come true, may Hoyo bless us with not only more quality of life updated, but also more ways to gain primos, because sanity knows I'm running out! And here's to you guys, for making this fandom, and my time in it so far, truly great and rather memorable. 💙🤍

#[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.#[ psa. ] seeing isn't always believing. and if you can't trust your eyes; you certainly can't trust rumors.#[ will this have typos? yes. shh. ]

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apcthetics · 4 months

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*˖ ⊹ ──────── lore dump.

this is just a little collection of explanations about where my characters currently are physically, emotionally, career-wise, etc. it's mainly for me to keep myself straight with my ideas and their development but uhhh also to make sense if i drop any of it in a post. that's all ! read or don't read at your discretion ! don't matter to me.

*˖ ⊹ ──────── alistair castillo.

i really don’t imagine his life changes much from day to day to be totally honest………. there is nothing new happening in his life he’s still just being a menace upon new york and giving people sick ass tattoos.

*˖ ⊹ ──────── brady ackerman.

he’s been wound up in a lot of different projects and probably running himself into overdraft; busy filming the next season of his show, and also alongside it trying to finish out a manuscript for the next book he’s supposed to be writing, all while flying all over the world in just a handful of weeks. hasn’t touched down in new york for more than a few days in the past 2 months but hey at least he’s successful right. right guys. right. haha. he's not tired at all. don't look at his dark circles for too long.

*˖ ⊹ ──────── caleb williamson.

christmas is a pretty big time for his little side gig selling rare records online, so that picked up quite a bit even as his music lessons kind of trailed off as kids went off on winter holiday. it’s also just been rly quiet for him because obviously christmas didn’t go very well as family dinners never really go well at the willamson/michaelson house and then luvena has been either away or rotting in her room so there’s not really been much for him to do if levi and trinity arealso preoccupied (with each other? idk i dont god mod 👀. ) he did do a really successful new years eve show i think that he’s proud of but mainly it’s just been his little side hustle and now as lessons are picking back up.

*˖ ⊹ ──────── clementine bailey.

so clem is still in the process/paperwork of buying the diner, all the bank loans and everything like that but she is now effectively in charge of it which has definitely been ! a big deal ! her and loren moved into a new apartment and clem has yet to even unpack most of her boxes because she’s spending a lot of time at the diner going over all the financials and trying to teach herself how to handle the back end of a business instead of just the front half. it’s A Lot and she’s definitely Stressed and crying a lot and everyone has been getting 3am baked thumb print cookies, but don't even worry about her !

*˖ ⊹ ──────── damien clarke.

christmas is always the best but busiest time of year for retail so i imagine damien has been putting in a lot of extra effort to make sure that it’s special !! he did some big holiday toy drives alongside some local charities, but since the christmas rush has kind of fallen off and times are slower he’s now just trying to get through the pile of bookkeeping and administrative stuff that he needs to worry about. i have been playing with the idea of him running a very limited indie comic publishing thing out of the back office of his shop, having started with the one done by him & honey and now kind of expanding to artists who maybe don’t have the funds or ability to afford printing and stuff themselves but………… idk the logistics of that yet so it’s definitely just an idea in his head that’s in the early stages. he’s having fun with it. honestly he's having a great time.

*˖ ⊹ ──────── eli russo.

again i don’t think his daily life has much variation. working security at a show venue a few evenings a week and still coaching the Youth ™ w/ boxing a few days a week… sometimes he does do like 14 hour days which is a bit unfortunate and his schedule is all over the place which is bad for the brain that can barely remember what day it is on a good week but you know!!! his memory has been slightly improving thanks to all of the puzzles & all that stuff!!! so like good for him!!! go off king!!

*˖ ⊹ ──────── elijah guiterrez.

again i just brought him here so i don’t really think things have been particularly outstanding in his life. just him and carmen doing their little school thing idk. he’s working as a TA in among all the other school stuff he’s doing i suppose.

*˖ ⊹ ──────── esther thomas.

lowkey i think she’s started dropping off from doing auditions all together… like she’s so bored of them, and getting anywhere in the snow and cold is rough, so while she hasn’t admitted it to anyone or even necessarily herself she’s just like. not been looking. kind of giving up on her dream but doesn’t want to admit that because then that means her parents were right. but like really she’s resigned herself to the bartending life. otherwise nothing new.

*˖ ⊹ ──────── grace bao.

she’s been stuck in this hellish domestic civil lawsuit at the moment that’s eating up practically all of her spare time because the judge and the defense are assholes and she has gotten competitive about it, alongside all of her Daughter Responsibilities for her parents and their millions of holiday and new years parties. grace does nothing but work, eat, be miserable at charity dinners, work some more, and maybe sleep right now. that’s her whole social life.

*˖ ⊹ ──────── jackson ruíz.

construction is fairly seasonal work so while he’s still working he’s not as busy as he usually is, and also it’s winter and everything is depressing, so he’s definitely been deep into hermit “i haven’t seen you in a week” mode. especially with giselle kind of flying out to conferences and stuff there hasn’t been much reason for him to get out of his apartment. he’s in a Depression Era but hey ! it happens !

*˖ ⊹ ──────── kal sekh.

i think the news of eren’s diagnosis has had quite an effect on kal, especially having to keep it a secret from everyone and also because she doesn’t want as much support for it as he feels like he should be giving, so he’s slipping a little bit into old habits again and overworking himself into the ground so he doesn’t have to rly stop and think about what’s happening. double shifts and insomnia are back baby !!!!!!!!!

*˖ ⊹ ──────── kas peters.

just came out of a period where he had a few different mural commissions going on all at the same time and he was much busier than he’s usually used to so now he is simply basking in the fact that he doesn’t have to worry about funds broke-ass artist bitch but also that he doesn’t have anything to do. just kind of vibing. fucking around with his art in his room. fucking around w/ gabriella’s emotions. you know how it is. no cares in the world for this guy.

*˖ ⊹ ──────── minji kyung.

around new years she had the opening of her studio !! so she’s been very busy, not really making art but she’s been spending a lot of her time at the gallery/studio. this is a really big change from her because she’s kind of lacked purpose or a project for a really long time that i imagine she’s just really happy and really excited ??? but also probably very daunted because she feels like she doesn’t belong or doesn’t have the skills to do it properly yano.

*˖ ⊹ ──────── reid baker.

he took a little vacation time off since his work is also pretty seasonal to go back and visit his parents on the farm, but mostly his life has been no different except he’s been shovelling snow off the central park steps instead of just being a glorified gardener. honestly he’s pretty chill he doesn’t have the braincells to be anything except chill.

*˖ ⊹ ──────── sebastián dominguez-herrera.

this bad boy went on tour !!! first it was america, and following that he did a few shows in europe & south america. he’s also been working on his next album in between, but he’s at a bit of a stand still with that one because he isn’t feeling ~ inspired ~ and he’s kind of groggy and thinks he’s sick all the time because all the travelling + the winter that he’s not really used to. drama queen never experienced seasonal depression before and hes getting a little taste of it.

*˖ ⊹ ──────── wren noor.

i think wren is starting to actually reconsider the kinds of things she wants to do with her life and the degree she already has now… i think maybe she’s looking into online courses at other universities where she might be able to finish her masters but also is considering a career change totally… she’s been spending way more time on the roof with her telescope and getting excited about that stuff again as she heals, but definitely is still cautious,,, anyway she's been doing her research.

#🕺🕺🕺#🎉🎉🎉

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fitscientist · 8 months

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These are all totally genuine questions, I'm not trying to be rude or snarky at all, just trying to clarify and learn! This subject has always kind of confused me... But just curious about your tag about the last time net neutrality came around - wasn't it kind of always around unofficially/there were no rules really before being solidified in 2015 and then they repealed it a couple years later? Do you mean you lost 3k followers in 2015 or when it was repealed? And how does net neutrality make you lose followers - isn't it basically just about all sites being treated without discrimination by internet providers? Again, genuinely asking!

Hi anon - you haven't followed me long enough have you? hahaha :) I don't want to talk too much about it (especially since, well, I lost a lot of followers, the most I ever had in my life), but I will answer, since I think it's an important topic and that well, it brings up an important discussion about what content is "allowed" by the masses especially when you're a blog that isn't fandom or random.

TL;DR is that when Net Neutrality was threatened (idk, 2017? 2018? can't remember, it's late at night here so I can't be bothered to google when exactly, but you get the gist), I posted a lot about it, trying to bring awareness and showing that YES this is an important topic and people should be aware - I don't want to pay a premium internet service to get on Facebook, or have my connection drop because I want to go to tumblr and tumblr didn't make an agreement with my internet company to provide faster service. This was especially important for me, since I was long distance with my boyfriend at the time-now husband, and the only way to connect with him (for free, as you know long distance calls - phone calls - are insanely $$$$ and I was a poor grad student) was over the internet - we used Skype and Facebook and I couldn't imagine being in a position to have to pay extra to access the websites I used to connect with him. I did post a lot about it. Unfortunately, and obviously, that didn't go over well, because I'm a Fitblr™ who is only allowed to post Fitblr™ Things™. I'm not a person, only a curator of Aesthetic™. So, yeah, LOTS of people left and unfollowed me around that time. 3k worth. In fairness, I did post quite a bit (well, I was anxious about it! I'm sorry!), but it wasn't more than a few posts a day for a couple weeks? Idk. Didn't seem like a lot at the time, but perhaps it was. Since I wasn't a random blog, I had a Blog Theme™, and in hindsight that's definitely why people unfollowed - they didn't want to see or hear anything that wasn't my theme- fitblr. They wanted fitness and health and food content, they didn't want to see some political(?) BS. I don't blame them at all, yet on the other hand I guess people have to realize the people running these different themed blogs are... people? And at the time, it was absolutely an outlet for my anxiety and stress. I was being overworked and burned out in grad school, and the thought of losing access to my person - was unbearable. And the way to feel more in control? Post about it. I couldn't donate money, and I didn't want to protest or sign petitions (shit, I didn't have time tbh), but at the bare minimum I could post about it on my blog to gain awareness.

I was being snarky the other day when it was trending again, so obviously I needed to reblog the Destiel meme and add my snark tags because, that's how we tumblrians do it. Because, well, good riddance, people suddenly agree five years later it's an issue and are suddenly actually in support of net neutrality!!! I was mad so the snark came out, and honestly I shouldn't have posted that. But I was snarky. Good riddance. I was right all along. And, I'll even say that in the body, not the tags.

#anon #I WAS RIIIIIGHT #personal #my post #tumblr lore #answered #fitscientist lore #i did gain back those 3k and more but definitely took a few years #about me #EDIT TO ADD: FUCK AJIT PAI FUUUUUCK HIM #EDIT ONE MORE TIME TO ADD: THIS IS WHY I DONT POST MORE SCIENCE STUFF :(

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ochazos · 1 month

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𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙 𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓 𝘊𝘈𝘕 𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠 𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌 𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙 𝘈 𝘓𝘖𝘛 𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙 !

✧ —repost, don't reblog !

NAME : topaz.

PRONOUNS : he / they

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : Tumblr ims are great for first getting to know me. Once there is a foundation of trust, I can add you on discord. We have to be mutuals for a little bit, interact quite a bit, or chat ooc before I am comfortable giving out discords. Discord is my primary way of speaking with you once I add you though.

NAME OF MUSE(s) : makoto yuki / minato arisato

BEST EXPERIENCE : honestly??? I have had so many good and bad experiences in the rpc since I first started actively engaging in 2012/2013. Before that, I did a lot of rps on forums or even facebook. Tumblr has blended what I love about forums (long form writing) and facebook (not needed to join a big sl or group and plot with specific partners). I first started roleplaying Makoto/Minato when I was YOUNGER than his canon age. Then I picked him up on facebook briefly. Then tumblr when P5 first came out. And now again. That doesn't include the fanfictions I used to write and the private rps I did with friends (Mostly Irons lmao) back then. Coming back here, to him, after all of this time has felt like coming home. I have had some brief stresses since I have been in this community again, but honestly? I am enjoying myself and enjoying writing more than I have in at least 3-4 years. So as of right now, I honestly think this has been my best experience. It's so nice to come back to a character again and feel accepted and loved in a community / series that has been a huge part of my life since my pre-teens / early teens.

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : People assuming how my muse will behave because of popular non-canon / fanon stuff and spamming me with the same 10 jokes that are fandom memes. Or people coming out the gate with really pervy jokes about my character.

MUSE PREFERENCES : i like sad muses. i like angry muses. i like characters that have every reason to be hateful and cruel and instead are kind and loving. i like muses that are lost in the darkness and find the light slowly through their journeys. i like muses that care despite not wanting to. i like muses that put others first because they cannot love themselves.

PLOTS OR MEMES : i love both. however memes are a great jumping off point. i typically get most of my initial threads with memes and then if me and my partner hit it off, we can start plotting the bigger stuff.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : my replies tend to move towards the longer side without my permission. even when i try to keep them smaller.

BEST TIME TO WRITE : late evenings / nights are when i tend to write.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : in some ways. i am way too emotionally volatile to be like him in other ways.

✧ — TAGGED BY: i stole it

✧ — TAGGING: steal it....

#˗ˏˋ ooc. ⟶ ❛ faded reflections ❜

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nataliescatorccio · 1 month

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I'm ashamed to admit I didn't even know the book existed until it came out on adverts for the movie release in cinemas! I bought the book right there and then as I am a big hunger games fan, but it took me months to be able to read it as life got in the way and have just finished it last night!!!

I fell completely and utterly in love with Lucy and Snow/Lucy (well up until his true colours at the end of the book showed its ugly head)

Was it just me that felt the book near the end started to finish off things very quickly? Like with Senjaus and his plans to rebel Snow follows him and then it all goes to shit right there and then he kills the mayors daughter and the other rebel killed Billy which to me didn't make much sense cause he was charging at someone the rebel didn't even know over anger at killing someone he cared about but the rebel sided with protecting Snow? Unless I misread it?

I love how you were drew into actually quite liking Snow and his relationships even though he did have a kind of dick side even then, I also love his relationship he had with Senjaus in district 12 until he betrayed him like he did anyway it killed me reading that part :/ I hate how he became the Plinths son pretty much after he was killed also even though he was the reason. I feel after the deaths of the other two he may now of gone on the run and settled down for a while at least or maybe even ran off like Lucy did on his own in hopes he'd get away.

Also I wish we'd found out what actually happened between Billy and Lucy? It seemed like it was more than what was said as it seemed it happened much before the hunger games name call out? Do you think the mayors daughter really made her name come out and be put into the games?

i'm glad you finally got the chance to read it, it really is an amazing book! i was definitely just enraptured with lucy. i think the story does an amazing job at showing possibly 'redeeming' qualities in snow to make you root for him at points, but then entirely twisting it at the end so you're reminded who he really is. it's so cleverly done because going into it, you know snow is no good, so it takes a certain kind of special writing to make you forget that at points. you get so caught up in his relationships with both sejanus and lucy that you forget his only loyalty is to himself. while a horrible twist that he almost took sejanus' place as a son, it so perfectly fits who snow was, so much so that you almost want to kick yourself for not seeing it sooner.

i agree it wrapped up quickly at the end, but honestly, i feel like most books do. and i think it had to because it all amounted in a cascade of events which were interlinked, each triggering the other. so yes, while a lot happens, it does sort of making sense that it suddenly all starts to fall apart and does so quickly. it's been a while for me since i last read the books so i have to admit the details are not fresh in my mind, but i don't remember being confused by this scene. i think it's just reacting out of the sudden stress of the moment and the need to cover tracks and simply survive the situation before anyone either a) ran for help or b) turned on them.

i personally don't think there was anymore in the story between lucy gray and billy that we weren't told? i just saw it as a typical first love story, girl loves boy, boy leads girl on for a bit, boy leaves girl for another. lucy gray was incredibly independent, intelligent and hardy, this seemed a contrast to what billy wanted from a girlfriend which was stated as lucy as some girl to take care of him. and then their whole breakup got messier because yes, i really do think the mayor's daughter set up lucy gray's name to be reaped out of jealousy. to me this is the only outcome that would make sense for the mayor jumping to the immediate conclusion that lucy gray killed mayfair, why else would he be so convinced she would enact revenge on his daughter? however, i would love a novel from lucy gray's perspective that could show us a bit more of her life before the games. she's such a magnetic character and i'd always be happy to hear more from her.

#Anonymous #tbosas spoilers #thg spoilers

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