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darkdevasofdestruction · 3 years

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Day 31 : Not Lonely Anymore - Obey Me! Brothers

"Why the gloom face, Kat?" Mammon asked as I stared blankly at my phone, playing a game absent-mindedly. "...I'm just tired, I guess." I muttered, not wanting to look at the white haired man. "Haven't slept enough, huh? Well, c'mon, maybe you just overworked yourself with studying again. I mean, chillax a bit, you're just like Lucifer sometimes, but I can't take care of you all the time...Wait, actually, I can...Huh..." Mammon caressed his non-existent beard, almost as if he just had a revelation. "Well...I and Lucifer are very much alike. Sometimes it's scary when I realise just how very alike we are. I'm sure you, of all people, realised that, haven't you?" I sighed, dragging my hands down my face in exasperation. "Yeah, 'course I did! That's what worries me, sometimes! But, hey, at least you ain't got some sort of unhealthy obsession with Lord Diavolo...You don't, do you?" Mammon's eyes widened in mock shock, and I got to my feet, signaling for the man to come to dinner with me in the dinner room, where we met the other brothers.

"What are you all doing these days?" I asked, pushing around my food with a fork. "I'm going to sleep." Belphie spoke, as Beel munched on food, as usual. "I'm cooking and have a reservation at Hell's Kitchen and a match soon." "I have some friends inviting me on a trip, and Asmo's coming with me since there are clubs there." Satan pointed out simply, barely lifting his gaze from his book. "I have work to do...Gotta repay some debts...And Lucifer is burried in work as usual. And Levi ain't here 'cause some new game appeared and he hasn't left the room in 3 days already." Mammon explained for the older brothers, and I could only look down and nod in agreement. "Seems like y'all are incredibly busy during this time of the year...Oh, wait, my phone's ringing...? My human world phone...?" I muttered, getting up and walking around the room. "Yeah, hey, how are things?" I asked softly, not really wanting my conversation to be heard by the demons."Oh, hey, well...I wanted to tell you that I can't come to your birthday anymore. I know, I know, I promised you months ago that I will come, but, uh...My boyfriend made a reservation to the mountains for ski and I couldn't refuse...Y'know, I didn't just want to stay home like a lonely depressed loser on New Year's." the self-proclaiemed best friend of mine said in a whiny voice, but it was obvious she couldn't care less about me and she had her priorities set since the second she got together with the guy. "...That's alright...There's always next year...Or the year after...And so on. Have fun on your trip. Bye." I told her, hanging up the phone and staring at the screen, gritting my teeth in betrayal, disappointment and anger. "Like a lonely depressed loser, huh..." I muttered to myself, robotically exiting the room and going to mine, getting on my laptop to unwind a bit by waching "The Real HouseSuccubi of Devildom", only to receive a text from the other friend who was supposed to come to my birthday, only to say she didn't realise my party was on the 2nd, not on the 3rd, as is my actual birthday, so she couldn't come anymore, as she was too busy with many other parties.

Great.

Guess they're right.

I really am the only lonely depressed loser from all groups of so called friends that I have.As tomorrow is December 31st, and I had to do some New Year's and Birthday shopping, I packed my laptop and other gadgets and made my way to Diavolo's Castle, only to be stopped by Lucifer, as we bumped into each other in one of the many golden corridors.

"Did Lord Diavolo request a meeting with you too, Katrina?" Lucifer asked, but I could only shake my head, not feeling up to chatting. "No. I want to tell him to get me home for a week. No big deal, really." I shrugged simply, knocking and walking together in the Demon Prince's office, and telling him my request, which he accepted, but his eyes showed a bit of concern and skepticism that I chose to completely ignore. "That's right, I believe humans celebrate New Year's every year, correct?" Lucifer asked, widening his eyes in realisation. “...Yeah.” I nodded, hoping to have this interrogation ending already. “I suppose you’re going to gather around with your friends and celebrate, correct? That’s what humans do with these kinds of festivities, from what I gathered.” the brunet continued, which made me sigh and roll my eyes in exasperation. “Yeah. That’s if you have friends. If not, you’re a lonely depressed loser who spends every festivity at home, alone, watching crappy TV shows, drinking cheap alcohol and eating pizza and ice cream until you can’t eat anymore. Fun, isn’t it? Now, can I go, already? Yes? Thank you, bye.” I gave them a sarcastic, overly exaggerated grin, waving a bit before stepping into the portal and finding myself back in my world, inside my apartment. “...Welcome home, bitch.” I muttered to myself, taking a deep sigh and opening all windows to get fresh air in, while I’d go and order a shit ton of alcohol and cheap frozen pizza boxes.

This is absolutely tragic and miserable, and I absolutely hate it. Not that I’m surprised, really. Not even one bit. If I’m fated to be forever alone and living in ultimate misery, might as well do it in style like doctor Gregory House - Drinking booze, all alone, eating snacks and watching the Real Housewives of whatever bitchin’ U.S. state I can find, starting with Beverly Hills.

Episodes passed by fast, seasons as well, and bottles and boxes were discarded to the floor at an indefinite rate, since I completely extracted myself from real life, choosing to turn off my phones and keeping them in another room, and I had no wall clocks, so the only way to estimate time was the darkness outside... And considering the drapes were closed and the only lights from the house were coming from the big Smart TV and the mini disco ball I had from the year before, that I had placed in the middle of the living room table, that, if you were to look at the rapidly moving, colourful dots from the walls, you’d get high as a kite without even having to snort a white line.

Gosh, this is boring.

Oh, hear that, it’s midnight already, they’re shooting fireworks outside -... Ah, right, I forgot to buy some myself. Well, doesn’t matter, ain’t like I can enjoy them with anyone.

What was that quote...

‘There’s always next year’

That’s what my grandparents would say when I was little and they didn’t want to come to see me on my birthday.

There’s always next year.

But there was no next year since then, because they disowned me and my parents because of some petty fight.

How great life without a family is.

There’s always next year...To make new friends, to get a boyfriend, to find a purpose in life that isn’t simply overworking yourself until you collapse on the spot, that isn’t...Being a lonely depressed loser...

And, ideally, not being such a pity-wallowing idiot, like I am now.

I had no idea how long I stood on the couch, lounging around, the thin blanket over my head and watching, without paying much attention, tv TV show, I head a loud pop and suddenly, the lights got turned on in my apartment, making me squeak and put the blanket over my face so my eyes wouldn’t be burning anymore.

“Is that how humans celebrate? Pretty lame if you ask me.” the familiar voice of Asmodeus was heard, and I could only groan in annoyance. “Well, I’m SORRY for offending you, Queen Bee, but not everyone is liked by all the people in the world, and not everyone has FRIENDS! Yes, this is fucking pathetic, but what the hell am I supposed to do anyway? This is what all my celebrations look like since all my friends got boyfriends and they clearly don’t give a flying fuck about me. Why are y’all here anyway? Get the hell back to your stupid work, I don’t need everyone to see how much of a lonely depressed loser I am.” after my angry outburst, I hid back in my blanket, covering my face, hoping that my form wouldn’t be trembling like a sad and angry chihuahua trying to be intimidating. “Wait, hold up, didn’t you say you were having a birthday party in a few days? With friends and all that?” Mammon asked, dropping on the couch next to me. “Yeah, well, I cancelled it. Everyone’s too busy to come. They got boyfriends. Even if they promised to come, I’m nobody’s first option and I’ll never me. I’m resigned to that, I know I’ll always be the lonely depressed loser, as my friends called it, so there’s that. Now, if you’ll PLEASE leave me the hell alone and weep in self-pity, I would be really grateful. Bye.” I emphasised the word that was supposed to make them understand and bugger off, but, instead, the other 6 brothers plopped down on the couched, squeezing each other and crawling all over me. “Well, they aren’t real friends, are they? The Lord of Shadows would never treat Henry so terribly! The Lord of Shadows stay by Henry’s side through all the good and bad moments without fail!” Levi preached, making me chuckle slightly, despite the tears that were welling up in my eyes. “Besides, you kinda became our family, so no matter what, you are our first priority, even if we don’t really show it.” Belphie smiled softly, taking off the blanket from my head and stroking my hair. “You are a special person and you deserve to be treated as such. Perhaps humans are too narrow-minded and blind to see it, but we do. You’re always so sweet, quiet and kind, that when you can’t hold your emotions anymore and they got too bottled up, it shows how miserable and stressed out you are. I get it. And you at the dinner table...You were really sad.” Satan spoke from one of the couch arm rests, hoping to make me feel better. “Not to mention, when we were in Diavolo’s room, you were really on the edge. We may have things to do, but they’re all pretty usual and mundane, so they can be put aside for a later time. Humans don’t live as long as we do, so we take time for granted, but when you should cherish every second you’re alive, living with such depression isn’t the right way to go.” Lucifer smiled like a kitten trying to reassure me. “Yeah, even Lord Diavolo got worried when he heard you speak, Lucifer said, and wanted to make sure you’re okay, so he had Barbatos bake some sweets for you.” Beel grinned, pointing to the tons of cakes placed on my table. “You’ve been more cheerful whenever you were in the Devildom, but here, it feels like you’re always so sad, and I hate seeing you like this. You deserve so much better than the way they’re treating you, Kat!” Asmo hugged me tightly, and I could only scoff. “Yeah, that’s what I hear all the time from everyone. You deserve better. Good, then why don’t you treat me better?! If I truly deserved better, you would treat me better! ...Everyone’s such a hypocrite nowadays...It’s impossible to find anyone genuine here.” I complained about my shit experience with people. “Well, y’know, people suck, right? Looks like they suck more than demons do, and we’re all sins, damn it! Anyway, you have as now, Kat, so who cares about them? You belong with us, at least we care about you even when we’re pissing you off. And we’d never abandon you like that, ‘specially on your birthday! Hey, Kat look at me...Now, smile. Yeah, like that.” Mammon told me to smile, but he pinched my cheeks and forced a wide and kinda painful grin on my face, only to make me chuckle nonetheless. “...Thanks, guys. I owe you.” I muttered, looking down and trying to hide my face a bit, but the guys hugged me, making me finally feel happy and warm. “You owe us nothing, Katrina, just to try to find happiness in other places other than this miserable Earth.” Lucifer advised me, and I couldn’t help but smile and nod. “Yeah...I will. I’m sure I will. Everything’s better when demons are involved.” I joked, shrugging my shoulders dramatically, as the others laughed at my comment, and finally, we could start a proper party with deafeningly loud music, dancing and hella on point food.

Who’s the lonely depressed loser now, bitch?

#fluffy self-cember #self-indulgend #obey me x reader #obey me x kat #obey me self insert #christmas #fluffy december #self indulgent december

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tjkiahgb · 5 years

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3.08, “I Got Your Number” - Jonah History

The whole premise of this thing is a bit wacky, but still, it’s probably one of the best visual jokes they did in the series. It’s really only something you can do on this type of show. Multicam sitcoms can’t pull off a clever visual bit like this. It’s shot and edited well. It’s funny. It’s snappy. The jokes outside of the flashback are really solid, too.

I don’t have a ton more to add about the scene so, while we’re here, I’m just going to use this post to do something I didn’t get around to earlier.

See, when this episode aired, I’d pretty much retired my “TJ Kippen did nothing wrong” persona, but if I hadn’t, I might’ve said something like...

This memory is clearly tinted by Jonah’s view of what happened. He’s telling the story from his perspective and, as we’re all wont to do, he’s made himself the protagonist of the story.

But let’s take a step back for a second and see what happens if we shift perspective and think about this incident from TJ’s point of view. I’ll even do it using the framework established by Jonah’s memory of the whole situation, which is very likely fallible, as memories often are.

Young TJ has just joined the Little League team and picked up his jersey. Look at how proud of it he is. He’s smiling and showing his teammates. This is a joyous occasion. First day of Little League! Excited to start playing sports!

Suddenly, that joy is broken up because here comes the coach's son, and he is acting like a brat. "That's my jersey!" he yells at him. Now this is surprising to TJ, of course. Why does this kid want to take his #12 jersey from him? So TJ does what any reasonable person would do, he stands his ground and tells the kid it’s not his jersey.

But then, get this, the bratty kid doesn’t want to listen. He threatens to take it to the coach, who is his dad. He’s basically doing a “Do you know who my father is?” to TJ -- the ultimate brat move.

Obviously, TJ’s had enough now. I mean, what is this kid’s deal? So, in his own TJ way, he tells him he’s acting like a baby. Harsh? Maybe. Inaccurate? Not really.

So what does this kid do then? He gets violent! He straight up shoves TJ because he’s not getting his way. This behavior is outrageous. So TJ shoves him back. The other kids gather round and encourage him to stand up to Jonah.

Ultimately, the coach breaks it up and tells Jonah to stop and let TJ have the jersey. Now we understand the reasoning behind it and the number mix-up and all of that later, but just from young TJ’s perspective: the coach had to come and force his own son to quit behaving like this and leave TJ alone. How can you see that happen and not feel like you weren’t in the right all along?

Cyrus mentions how this event likely shaped Jonah’s behavior, but think about it, it very likely shaped TJ’s as well. If he’d given in, he would have lost his prized #12 jersey. He probably would have gotten upset, he would’ve lost confidence, he might’ve quit the team. Maybe he never becomes a star athlete. Maybe he becomes like some lonely kid who spends all his time in the library. Never meets Buffy, never meets Cyrus, never figures out his dyscalculia. It just spirals from there. What a sad, boring story that would be.

Instead, he stood his ground and got not only the jersey, but confidence and the admiration of his teammates. Young TJ has learned a valuable lesson here, one which would shape his outlook for much of the next several years of his life: you want what’s his? His jersey? His position as best player on the basketball team? Whatever it is, doesn’t matter. You want it, you’d better take it from him, because he’s not just giving it up. Not without a fight.

So, really, when it comes down to it, TJ being a jerk to Buffy for those handful of episodes in early season two? That was pretty much Jonah's fault.

Ohh, man. That was like a cozy old sweater. Felt good to do that one last time.

#Andi Mack #Jonah Beck #TJ Kippen #Cyrus Goodman #analysis #discussion #moments

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jazy3 · 4 years

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Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 16X13

I watched the new episode of Grey’s Anatomy over the weekend. I hated the opening, but I liked the rest of the episode. This episode made me laugh a lot too and I’m glad they’ve brought the humour back to Grey’s! After last week’s standalone episode were back to our regularly scheduled program! Meredith and DeLuca are making out in bed together. Yuck. A phone goes off. It’s DeLuca’s. His incurable patient Suzanne is being moved to the CCU. Suzanne still isn’t getting any better. DeLuca says he hopes Dr. Riley can help. Meredith asks who that is. DeLuca says she’s the doctor from San Francisco that he’s bringing in to help with the case. He thought he told her.

Mer points out that they didn’t do a lot of talking last night. I’m trying to understand her actions here. DeLuca breaks up with her over his own insecurities, then refuses to talk to her about it, and then barks at her about his case and so she sleeps with him? I get that she’s lonely but come on! He treats her like crap, they have nothing in common, and he told Maggie he meant what he said. This is why I hate them together. They make no sense and yet they keep breaking up and getting back together. DeLuca tells Mer that Dr. Riley is a diagnostic genius and that he used Mer’s name to lure her to here. Again, he broke up with her because he couldn’t handle that she was better than him but now that his patient is dying, he’s fine with it? WTF?

As usual DeLuca is only interested in Mer for what she can give him. He wants to be with her not be a part of her family. Her superiority is a problem until he can use it to his advantage. What a leech! That being said I do know people who slept with or temporarily got back together with an ex because they missed them or didn’t want to be alone or because it was easy so I do kinda get that from Mer’s perspective. It’s still dumb though. Mer thinks DeLuca’s move was resourceful luckily for him. He follows that up with, “Look at some point we should probably talk about us.”

NOW he wants to talk? He couldn’t give Mer the time of day last we saw him. What an ass. That’s one of the things I hate most about them. When DeLuca wanted to talk Mer wasn’t interested then when Mer wanted to talk DeLuca wasn’t interested. They’re never on the same page. It’s exhausting to watch. Just move on already. Mer says they will talk about where they stand but he should go save Suzanne’s life first. They kiss and he leaves. Thank god. We get a sweet Ben and Bailey moment and then Bailey goes into work and Ben goes off to sleep all day! LOL!

Owen comes to talk to Richard at Pac North. Richard tells him that the hospital has been purchased by the Fox Foundation. Owen thinks he’s joking. He’s very much not. Richard tells him about his and Catherine’s fight and that now everyone has to report to Grey Sloan and interview with Tom Koracick to keep their jobs. Seriously? What is her problem? Owen asks if Alex knows. Richard says he’s still in Iowa dealing with family issues. He said he called to tell him Pac North was closing and in response Alex texted him a laugh until you cry emoji with a party hat! LOL! That is so Alex! Then Maggie walks in excited for her first day! Oh jeez! They have to break the news.

Meanwhile over at Grey Sloan it’s Schmitt’s first day back. He’s nervous. Nico’s unhappy that Schmitt is still crashing at his place. He wants Schmitt to move out and get his own place because they’re not at the cohabiting stage yet. To be fair Nico’s got a point. Levi’s never lived on his own and that’s an important step in adulthood that everyone needs to take. I’m with Nico on this one. Next we see Hayes and his boys coming down the main staircase. He introduces them to Meredith. They’re bored and disinterested as teenage boys usually are.We learn some very important information about Hayes in this scene in that he and Mer have something else in common. They’re both white parents raising black children as both of Hayes boys are black.

I find this really interesting as it adds a level of complexity and commonality to Hayes’ story and to his and Mer’s relationship. And look at that smile! Look at how her face lights up when she talks to him! Swoon! It also tells us more about Hayes’ family because this means that either his kids are adopted like Zola was or he was married to a black woman. Being a part of a biracial family comes with its own unique challenges and seeing the characters explore that I think could be really interesting. It could also be good for Zola in that she would gain older siblings of the same race that could help her through stuff that her white family members can’t. Derek always said that he wanted her to have black people in her life that could help her.

I love the idea of them all becoming a family. Derek always said that if something happened to him he didn’t want Mer to be alone which is why he encouraged her to connect with her sisters and have kids and wanted Maggie to be there for Zola. Hayes fits the bill perfectly in that he’s exactly the kind of man Meredith needs in her life and that Derek would have wanted for her and I love that! Plus, he’s got Cristina’s stamp of approval! Hayes tells Mer that his boys used to love getting a tour of whatever new hospital he was working at. Now they just want to know where the cafeteria is. LOL! Mer asks why they’re not at school. Hayes tells her it’s parent teacher conference day. Hayes tells the boys to put back whatever they’re messing with and carries on.

After he leaves Amelia walks up to Mer and says she saw DeLuca leave the house this morning. She asks if they’re back together. Mer says she doesn’t know and asks why she’s so interested. While I’m sad that we didn’t get to see more of Meredith and Hayes this episode and that Mer and DeLuca slept together I do like that they’re building Mer and Hayes’ friendship organically. One of my big pet peeves is that following her relationships with Derek and Finn every relationship Mer had was something they threw her into. There was no build up and they always pursued her. I like that they’re building her relationship with Hayes slowly over time. They’re becoming friends. We’re seeing all that they have in common and he’s not pursuing her like a cheetah chasing a gazelle on the savannah.

Amelia tells Mer that she’s anxious and so she’s deflecting and looking for examples of love enduring hardships. Mer laughs and says she wouldn’t go that far yet concerning her and DeLuca but the sex is great. She asks if that counts. Amelia says it doesn’t hurt. I like that Amelia and Mer are friends now. It’s so much more interesting than watching them fight. And again we’re back where we started with Mer and DeLuca. She’s having fun and enjoys sleeping with him. He’s head over heels for her and wants a serious relationship with none of the strings. The strings being her family, friends, and kids. Sigh. Amelia runs into Jo. We find out that Amelia is getting the paternity test results back today and that she’s been avoiding Link ever since he asked for the test. Jo is upset about how Amelia’s been treating Link and makes this speech about how couples need to have all of the available information because if they do they can work things out and rise. Amelia asks Jo if she herself is going through something. Jo says Alex hasn’t been returning her calls. That he said that he’s going through something and needs time.

WTF? Seriously? Are they really going to break up Jo and Alex because the actor has moved on? That’s so dumb! Why not just kill him off then? God this is stupid. Jo says she’s deflecting because she’s anxious. Her and Amelia have that in common. I like that they’re becoming friends. Next we see Jackson asking Tom for more information. Bailey asks what’s going on. He tells her the Foundation is absorbing Pac North and its employees. Bailey didn’t know. Seriously how could Catherine not tell her? She’s the Chief of Surgery! I get that Tom is everyone’s boss now but still.

Following that Bailey walks into a patient room to find three very smelly residents. Helm and Simms are still recovering, and Brody is there helping them do research Suzanne’s case. Bailey is not amused, “Oh god lord people just because you’re injured doesn’t mean you can’t shower!” Simms replies that, “Dr. DeLuca said we could only eat and sleep.” Okay seriously? That’s abusive and also foolish. They’re still recovering! What does Mer see in this asshole? As funny as that line from Bailey was the fact that DeLuca forbade the sick residents he’s in charge of from showering until they figure out what’s wrong with Suzanne is super messed up! No one knows what’s wrong with Suzanne at this point and a bunch of smelly, tired, and sick residents are not going to be able to solve it.

We cut to a patient room to see Suzanne’s sister telling her about how her daughter kissed someone named Taylor at school. We then find out that her sister’s been digging up dirt on DeLuca and Grey Sloan. She’s not happy. She’s seen the hospital hell article. Yikes! That’s when Dr. Riley walks in! She sets up her tablet and DeLuca is confused. Then she starts signing. The tablet is to connect her to her interpreter so she can communicate with them. She says she’s here for a consult with Dr. Grey who as you recall has no idea who this woman is because DeLuca didn’t tell her!

I love that they’re showing the different ways Deaf people working within the health care system can communicate. The Deaf community doesn’t get as much authentic representation as it should! Very cool! Dr. Riley introduces herself and DeLuca explains why she’s there. Suzanne warms to her immediately. Riley has no time for DeLuca’s nonsense and I love that! She asks him to tell Dr. Grey that she’s here already. She clearly thinks this is Mer’s case and it’s not which is going to cause a problem sooner or later. Also, there’s a big difference between using someone’s name to entice someone and saying they’re going to be working with them which is apparently what DeLuca did. Idiot.

I loved Suzanne’s sisters comment, “Wow. The competency is just slapping me in the face right now.” She is having none of DeLuca’s crap right now and I love it! Tom comes to interview everyone. Owen tells him that since Alex took a personal leave he’s been filling in as interim chief. To which Tom replies, “Cool story bro.” Oh Tom. He’s like an elephant. He never forgets and he never forgives. Tom tells Richard what he thinks is good news. That his job is safe. Richard doesn’t see it that way. Tom tells him that Catherine wants him at Grey Sloan enough to buy a craptastic hospital and pretend it’s an investment. Richard’s a hard no on that one. He says, “I thought I could do this because I miss Grey Sloan. Because I miss Bailey and Meredith and Bokhee and OR 2. God how I miss OR 2! But if Catherine thinks she can just move me where she wants like she’s playing chess?”

Richard refuses to be Catherine’s pawn. Tom tries to talk him down and does a terrible job of it! “You tell Dr. Fox she can go to hell!” Checkmate bitch! You go Richard Webber! Meanwhile in the ER Levi treats an old married couple. They’re in town to attend the Seattle Ballroom Dance Championships. They won 5 Championships back in their day! It turns out the wife has cancer and it’s terminal so they’re out living their best life. They’re very sweet and it’s very sad. Maggie is interviewing to get her job back. Tom’s on his phone. LOL! He hires her back but as an attending working under Teddy because she ghosted them.

Bailey comes to see a patient of hers who’s a foster kid that Ben brought in. He wants to know where his siblings are. Bailey has to tell them that they were taken by child services because legally she has a duty to report. He’s understandably distraught. Maggie examines Suzanne at Dr. Riley’s request. She needs another procedure. Her sister is pissed. Dr. Riley explains their approach and Suzanne agrees to the procedure. Out in the hall Dr. Riley asks DeLuca where Dr. Grey is. He says she’s in surgery. Maggie walks up and says she’s not in surgery she right there and points to her. She leaves to book an OR.

Okay it’s one thing to lie to get someone to consult on your case which is bad enough but it’s quite another to lie and say someone is in surgery in front of their sister whose your ex when they’re actually standing two metres away. What the hell? DeLuca’s defining characteristic at this point in the series is that he’s an asshole. He does whatever he wants to get what he wants and he doesn’t care about the consequences. I wish they’d just write him off already! Dr. Riley walks over to Mer. She introduces herself and says it’s good to finally meet her. Mer thinks she’s her consult from UCLA. DeLuca tries to correct her and says she’s from UCSF. She asks if Suzanne is her patient and Mer tells her she’s consulted but that’s it.

Mer says she’s at a loss and that she’s heard great things about her. She says it was great to meet her, but she has to go because she’s being paged. She leaves and Dr. Riley is livid. She calls DeLuca out on the fact that he lied to her. DeLuca says he prefers the word lured. What an ass! Dr. Riley’s had enough. She’s leaving. DeLuca really has no redeeming qualities at this point. DeLuca stops her and says that if she leaves now the case will drive her crazy because it will keep her up at night because it’s too rare, they’re too lost, and she’s too good to just walk away. He’s projecting here. That’s how HE feels not her. God he’s such an ass.

Meanwhile Tom is making Owen wait till the very end to be interviewed because Owen was an ass to him and Tom’s petty like that. Amelia and Link talk in the green room. She says she’s getting the results back tonight. She wants to know what’s going to happen with them when they get the results back. Link says he doesn’t know. She asks him if he can try to know. She says he told her he loves her and asks if that’s true and if he wants to be with her and be in her baby’s life. He says that her and Owen have a complicated history and he feels that will shape her future if Owen’s the father. Links says he loves her, but he needs to know. Amelia says okay and leaves. I’m struggling to understand Link’s behaviour here. If he loves her it shouldn’t matter who the biological father is.

Jackson runs into Maggie and they talk about Koracick as well as Catherine and Richard’s break up. They banter and laugh. I’m glad they’re not fighting anymore. I always liked them better as friends. I hope they get back to that. Meanwhile Hayes catches up to Meredith in the hallway. The way she smiles when he calls out to her makes my heart melt! Hayes asks Mer if she’s seen his boys by any chance. She says no and asks if they’re hiding or maybe just wandering? He says they’re trying to torture him by making sure they’re late for the parent teacher conference. The way she smiles while talking to Hayes about his boys and her kids gives me butterflies! She looks radiant! THAT is what true chemistry looks like!

Hayes says that sometimes he thinks he hates them. He says he doesn’t know how Mer does it. The kids, the job, staying sane. Mer’s response is “Who says I’m sane?” She says that the city shut off her water once because she forgot to pay the bill and she didn’t even notice. Her daughter had to tell her. Oh Mer! Never change. The two of them laugh about the joys of parenting and having to juggle it all. Just then Levi calls Mer to look at some scans. Hayes says he’ll leave her to it and goes to find his boys. I love the easy rapport they’re building between the two of them and I love the way she smiles when he’s around.

Levi brings Mer in to talk to the old couple. The wife’s cancer has spread to the rest of her body. If they tried to operate it’s unlikely she’d recover. This is it. Levi is moved to tears as are we. Maggie goes to operate on Suzanne. Dr. Knox welcomes her back and Suzanne is concerned. She tells Maggie that the Taylor her daughter kissed is a girl. She needs her cool supportive Mom not her uptight Aunt. And her other daughter was already an orphan once and she won’t recover if Suzanne dies so she really needs Maggie to save her. Maggie reassures her. They’ve got her. Suzanne’s speech made me tear up. She really loves her kids. The husband of the dying woman Levi’s been treating comes to talk to him. He says Levi reminds him of his grandson and asks him if he can help a sad old man with a very big favour. Levi says he’ll do anything. My heart!

Maggie and DeLuca operate on Suzanne. Is this guy who can barely do his job seriously trying to backseat drive the head of cardio? For real? Who the hell does he think he is? As Maggie says Suzanne isn’t here for her feelings she’s here for her hands and her expertise and that is her focus and it should be his too. That is what separates a great surgeon from a hack. Maggie gets that, but DeLuca never will it seems. Following the surgery Maggie and DeLuca come to see Dr. Riley. She decided to stay after all. Dr. Riley says that when Suzanne wakes up they need to withdraw all treatment. Dr. Riley believes the medication is masking the cause of Suzanne’s illness and they need it to present itself so they can treat her properly. DeLuca is concerned because if they do what she’s asking Suzanne could go into septic shock and die within a short period of time. Maggie thinks Dr. Riley’s suggestion is reckless and cavalier. But it’s not her case or place to decide. She leaves and tells DeLuca to follow up.

DeLuca still disagrees but as Dr. Riley points out he asked for her recommendation and this is it. Levi comes in and asks to borrow the other residents. DeLuca tells him to go in his typical dismissive fashion. Owen is still waiting to find out if he has a job. Amelia comes to talk to him. Owen is enraged but as Amelia points out Tom hates him because he stole his girlfriend. He won. He got the girl, the family, the whole Megillah. Tom’s messing with him because he’s in pain and he’s lonely. Her advice is to let him have his fun. Owen asks how she does it. Feel everyone’s feelings so deeply all the time. Owen says it must be exhausting. Amelia says it is. She rests her head on his shoulder for a minute and then leaves. This scene was not as bad as I was anticipating from the thumbnail I saw. It was actually quite sweet.

Over in the cafeteria the residents have lit candles and put out flowers. They bring the dying woman out to meet her husband who’s in a tux. They reminisce about the day they met. He asks her to dance. His wife is worried because she doesn’t have a gown and looks terrible. Levi hands her a floral bell sleeved feather trimmed robe that she can put on over her hospital gown. Her husband tells her she looks exquisite. Helm puts on the song Moon River and the two of them dance in a candlelit cafeteria like they’re on the world’s best stage! My heart! More people come to watch them dance including the cafeteria staff, some of the nurses, Nico, and Meredith. We find Richard sitting outside on a bench. Jackson comes to talk to him. He says he’s already been to a meeting, he doesn’t want to come home to an empty house, and he’s not sure where he works so he’s just sitting there.

Jackson says he works here and Richard says it’s not by choice. They were building something at Pac North and Catherine took it all away with a phone call to the bank. Jackson says it’ll pass. It’s bad now but soon enough him and Catherine will be joking about it over coffee. Wow. Jackson really doesn’t get it. Shaking my head over here. I loved his line, “Son, After Godzilla’s done stomping all over Tokyo the Mayor doesn’t take Godzilla to brunch.” Sing it Richard!

Next we find Meredith in the Attending's Lounge. Bailey walks in. Mere talks about how she’s feeling. She says, “There was a time when I would have made a dance floor for the dying old lady. Andrew and I broke up the night of my trial and there was a time when that would’ve meant months of drama for me. But instead I went home and went to bed and I woke up and I was just excited to go practice medicine. I used to be a romantic. I would’ve been the one to build the dance floor in the cafeteria.” And now she’s leaving the dance floors to the residents. Bailey says she’s not lacking in passion she’s just grown up a little. I’m so glad they’re friends again! Next she asks, “What would you do if Ben dumped you?” “I’d burn him to the ground.” Sing it Bailey! They’re called exes for a reason!

That’s what Mer needs to do. Burn DeLuca to the ground, move on, and start over. I like their talk here. Mer used to be a romantic. She used to be the person who built houses of candles and did big romantic gestures. But when Derek died she stopped being that person. She deserves someone who makes her feel that way again. And no one. Not Riggs or DeLuca or Thorpe or that transplant surgeon or anyone else has made her feel that way. The way that Derek did. She deserves to feel that way again with someone who truly loves her and wants to be a part of her family. I hope she finds it. I do. I hope she finds someone that makes her want to be a romantic again. I think Hayes could be that person and I hope that we get to see it!

Because she deserves it and that’s what Derek would want for her. He wouldn’t want her to close herself off or settle for second best or some fling. He’d want her to find love again, true love, with someone deserving of her. Jackson comes in and tells them that Richard walked because he doesn’t want to work on Koracick’s terms and honestly neither does he. He asks if they’re just going to let this happen. Bailey’s all hell no! She’s not going to sit by helpless while her family gets split apart again. They’re going to do something about this. Finally!

DeLuca’s speaking with Suzanne and her sister. They’re explaining what they want to do. Her sister is pissed. She thinks they’re giving up. She pleads with Suzanne to let her transfer her to another hospital. That’s when Dr. Riley steps in. She explains that she has three sisters. She talks about each of them and then talks to Suzanne’s sister directly. She explains that she’s too sick to be moved safely and even if they could there’s no one better than her. She explains that because she’s Deaf she’s learned to listen with her whole body and that when the medications are gone the disease can start talking so she can figure out what’s wrong with her and hopefully save her life.

With that she convinces them. Suzanne consents to the withdrawal of treatment. Dr. Riley leaves the room and DeLuca follows her. He tells her that he also has a sister and starts to compliment her. That’s when Dr. Riley stops him. She’s an only child. Daaaamn. Look at her. Getting the job done. I did not see that coming. Dr. Riley you continue to surprise me. Well done! I really like the way they’ve written Dr. Riley so far. Her Deafness is one part of her but it’s not the sole focus. As it should be. She’s a real character with complexity not a stand in and that’s cool.

We cut to the boardroom. Where Tom has just been paged by Bailey, Jackson, Richard, Meredith, and Owen. Shit is about to go down. Buckle up. They tell him the hospital board of which most of them are members has come to a decision. They’re all prepared to quit. Mic drop! “I’m sensing a but.” Right you are Tom! They explain that Dr. Fox wouldn’t really like that as she wants them here at Grey Sloan and she’ll wonder why Tom didn’t do more to protect her Crown Jewel hospital. They’ve only just recovered from the hospital hell article and as Meredith says, “We could blame me for that or we could just remember that I’m a Catherine Fox Foundation award winner and a media darling and I mean you want me here.” Like a boss! And that’s why 16 seasons later we still love her. She gets stuff done like the badass she is.

As Bailey as Tom can’t afford to lose all his best doctors and his inability to see that could cause Catherine to rethink the whole Chief of Chiefs title, salary, and benefits. Tom concedes. He asks them to name their terms. Bailey says they’re a family. He doesn’t get to rule with an iron fist, not anymore. Their terms are as follows. Owen and Richard get their jobs back. Teddy and Maggie become co-chiefs and he finds the money to cover it. Alex and Hayes become co-chiefs as well or they all quit. Boom!

If Justin Chambers was still on the show this is definitely a scene he’d been in. Fighting for Grey Sloan with the rest of them no doubt. Their deal is this: he agrees to their terms and gets to take all the credit with Catherine. They get their hospital back and he gets to save face. It’s a win win. Tom agrees. It’s a triumphant moment! Tom leaves the room and we hear everyone cheering. It’s great for our heroes but not for Tom. It must be hard hearing everyone cheer at your destruction. Amelia’s right. Tom’s in pain and he’s taking it out on everyone else. Tom is such a complex and interesting character. Greg Germann brings such beautiful complexity to his portrayal.

Nico and Levi are getting it on in an on call room. But soon Levi stops. He says he doesn’t just want sex. He says he wants a dance partner. He wants what that old couple have. Nico asks if he’s reciting a poem or if he’s being literal. Levi is frustrated. Nico is confused. Next we see Link in the green room. Jeez there are a lot of plants in there! They’ve definitely added more. It’s getting a bit excessive in my opinion. I mean how many plants do you need? Amelia looks through the window at him. He doesn’t see her. She takes a shaky breath then walks away. Link gets a text. It’s from Amelia. She says she’s sorry but she didn’t run the test. She needs more time. This part really pissed me off. I get that she needs more time but Amelia should have told Link that sooner. I hate that they’re drawing this storyline out. Just get the damn test already! Ugh!

As Meredith’s voice over plays we see Jo come home to a dark empty flat. The future for her and Alex uncertain. Meredith's voice over in this episode is about time and how we're struggling to overcome the simple inescapable truth that eventually everything ends. But that for every clock that counts down another restarts and when one thing ends something new always begins. I feel like this is one of those voice overs that can be taken in a variety of ways depending on how you look at it and which ships you're rooting for. You could take it as Meredith realizing that her relationship with DeLuca has ended and that she needs to move on. Or that Amelia and Link's relationship might be ending. Or that Jo and Alex might be over. Or you could take it the opposite way. It's very open ended.

Until next time!

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nightofnyx8 · 5 years

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Robstar Day 3: Lost

Alright, this isn’t as fluffy as I would have liked it to be, but it was still enjoyable to write! Plus I believe I needed a bit of a happier oneshot after yesterday. Enjoy!

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It’ll be fun, she said.

The things Dick Grayson did for his alien wife. Of course, he was all for the idea of going to Disneyland for a family vacation, but Kory neglected taking a plane and opted for driving the entire way.

“But that’ll take forever!” He protested when she proposed the idea.

“Nonsense.” Kory said, packing their clothes into a large suitcase. “Garfield said this “family road trip” is a most delightful experience.”

“I really don’t think we should be using Garfield as reliable source material.”

“Oh, come on.” she bantered. “It could help us create memories with the children.”

“Kory, we’ve never been a road trip this long. Trust me, we’ll kill each other before we even get there.”

But her heart was set on it, always the one for “new experiences” as she called it. And after all her constant pleads and head-reeling kisses, he finally agreed to it.

And now they were driving along I-50, somewhere in Arizona. The heat sweltered through the open windows, making Dick sleepy and very uncomfortable.

“Daddy, I’m bored.” Mar’i complained from the back seat.

“I know, Starshine.” He called back. “We’ll be at the hotel in just a few hours.”

She slunk back into her seat, playing with her dolls without much enthusiasm. Jake slept soundlessly beside her.

“I believe we will be turning right soon.” Kory mused, searching the giant road map she had bought at the last gas station.

“No, we stay on this road until we hit the border of California. Dick countered. “Why did you even buy a map? We just follow the signs until we get there.”

His question went unanswered and Kory creased her brow. “Are you sure? The map says we take this exit in a mile.”

“Yes Kory, I’m sure. We don’t need a map.”

“Daddy, are we there yet?” Mar’i called out, now trying to wake her sleeping brother.

“No Mar’i, not yet. And leave your brother alone.”

The AC was blasting on high, but the car still felt like the inside of a volcano. Mar’i had stolen his phone a while ago and was now listening to the only downloaded episode of her favorite cartoon for the tenth time. They had been stuck in the car for two days straight, and Dick felt his nerves itching with irritation. How much longer?

“Richard, I really do think we should turn—”

“You want me to go right? Fine, we’ll go right!”

He swerved across three lanes of traffic and exited off the freeway, speeding into some forsaken town of tumbleweeds.

“Not that one!” Kory scolded. “You turned much too early!”

“Well maybe if you just let the driver drive—”

“Daddy, are we there yet?

“No, Mar’i.”

“We have to get back onto the highway.” Kory said frantically.

“That’s what I’m trying to do!” Dick exclaimed, not particularly focused on the turns he was making.

“Perhaps I should drive.”

“No.”

“We are clearly not going the right direction!”

“Yes we—Mar’i, if you ask me that question more time, you’re riding on the roof until we get there!”

Dick’s attention was now far from where he was going, and after half an hour the family finally stopped arguing long enough to notice that they were well beyond the highway. They were driving along some lonely country road, miles upon miles of nothing stretched out on either side.

“Uh, where are we?” Dick mused, trying to retrace all the turns he had made in his mind.

“I shall check the map.” She decided, but Dick snatched it away from her.

“Are you kidding? That’s what got us into this mess in the first place!”

She crossed her arms in annoyance. “Then perhaps we stop and ask for directions.”

“From who?” He demanded. “Oh wait, I think I see a giant station of nothing ahead.”

Kory scowled. “Then let us at least stop for a moment. I need to feed Jake.” She motioned to their son, who was now screaming in the backseat.

“Fine.”

They stopped along the edge of the road. Mar’i jumped out of the car straightaway and hovered slightly over the rows of cacti, laughing gleefully as she tried to chase the tiny wrens. Dick sighed and leaned against the outside of the car. He looked over the horizon, the sunlight fading fast into twilight.

He had absolutely no idea where they were.

Fantastic.

A little while later Kory came up next to him with a sleeping Jake in her arms. She leaned against the car as well and rested her head against his shoulder.

“We are lost, yes?” she asked with a small smirk.

Dick let out faint smile. “Completely.”

Kory shifted Jake onto her hip. “Is our GPS working?”

“Not without a signal.”

“What about your phone?”

“Mar’i drained it watching her show.”

Kory giggled softly, surprising Dick.

"What's so funny?"

"All of this.” She replied. “It recalls memories of when we were stranded on that awful planet, trying to find our friends.”

“You mean when you completely ignored me because I said you weren’t my girlfriend? And my only response was ‘I like the way you shoot starbolts?’”

She laughed. “Yes, I suppose I was a little displeased with you then.”

“Look, Star.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry I snapped at you back on the road. I was just frustrated, I guess. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “You were tired, Richard, as are we all. I think it best to stop and rest for the night.”

“What, here?”

“Yes! We have sleeping bags and a small tent in the trunk in case of emergencies.”

“We do?”

“Of course.” She replied, holding his gaze. “You taught me to always be prepared.”

She placed Jake in her husband’s arms. “You can set up here. I shall fly over to see where the main road is so we can start again tomorrow morning.”

The fire they lit was reduced to only smoldering embers by the time Mar’i finally got into her sleeping bag. After five rounds of tag and hide and seek, she quickly fell asleep and snored softly besides her father.

“Poor thing, she’s exhausted.” Dick stated, stroking her hair.

“Yes, but rather content.” Kory bundled Jake up with all the blankets they had so he wouldn’t get cold. “I must say, I did not expect a camping trip on our journey.”

Dick laughed and allowed her slip under the blankets next to him, her warmth radiating against the cold.

“You know, this whole thing kind of reminds me of my days in the circus.”

“It does?” Kory propped herself up on her elbow to face him. “How so?”

“Oh you know, we used to drive for days when we traveled from city to city. My parents would argue too, and my Dad used to make me pay a nickel every time I asked where we were. I got so bored that I think I actually did ride on top of the roof once. But you know, looking back on it now, those really were good memories.”

Kory smiled, resting her head on his chest like a pillow. “And now we can make new ones. Lost in the middle of nowhere.”

Dick kissed the top of her head and pulled her closer. “We all know that I would be completely lost without you.” Kory hummed in response, both drifting off to sleep.

“But seriously, next time can we just take a plane?”

#robstarweek2019 #robstar #dc #fanfiction #mar'i grayson #jake grayson #robstarweek 2019 #dickkory

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rkpjy · 5 years

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⭐️MGA 5 EPISODE 4 - SECOND CHANCE ↪ performing i want to fall in love by kim johan with @jacksxnrk version: x (2:00 - 4:00, arranged by the two of them) line distribution: x

Are you really happy at this moment?

and to think that around the same time last week, jinyoung almost expected to hear his name called for the top 3 singing performances. while it’s a competition and a lot of people have already gone home, making the prospect of winning seem more difficult than anticipated... does he really deserve to be eliminated this early? if he didn’t think he was talented enough to win, jinyoung wouldn’t have bothered applying. it doesn’t mean he believes himself to be better than everyone else, but he believes in himself and honestly, he thinks they’re wrong. no matter how he looks at it, no matter how he looks back at his performance with jeonghan and thinks of their flaws... there were duos worse than theirs. but of course, that’s only his truth. he gets no say in it, and did not hear the judges’ comments prior to taking their decision.

to be called mediocre of all things. on a show that clearly isn’t searching for the best talent, it seems a bit insulting. he waits to be given the reason why so jisub thinks that, but it never comes. jinyoung meets his fate with pursed lips and a nod, wrapping an arm around jeonghan’s shoulder for support. neither of them should be sent home right now, but here they are, after working their butts off all week. it’s everyone’s case, probably. but taking a look around him, he can’t help but feel as though the winners have already been selected, and the rest of them were just props meant to fill in some airtime since the beginning. he understands that he’s nobody. he’s no ex-idol, no ex-contestant, he doesn’t have a whole band of friends with him. he’s exactly how he felt the second week: invisible. everyone in this country knows how much these types of shows are scripted, but now that he’s experiencing it first hand, it’s worse than he’d imagined. mnet has its picks, some that are in the top contestants right now, some who just benefit from a lot of screentime. there are others who jinyoung believe made their own path, like sihyeon who more than anyone here deserves the praises she’s been given so far. he thinks of heejin too, who is no doubt a favorite, but a girl with that much talent and star quality will always hog the spotlight. no one can blame her.

he clenches his fist. for the first time since coming here, there’s a rage growing inside him. he shouldn’t be standing here. if they want to see his true colors, he’ll throw it at them. he feels the urge to decline the second chance at performing, but it would be seen as giving up. he won’t give them that satisfaction, considering they barely notice his existence to begin with. it’s up to him to show them what they’ve been missing, and he’s greatly satisfied to learn he’ll be doing it with jackson.

this week is all about redemption. if so far he’s been a nobody to them, he can only hope to turn things around and let everyone know he’s not someone to mess with. but this could go both ways. he could be beaten down twice in a row. they could still hate it, and belittle their efforts. there’s no pity in this industry, he’s learned that a while ago. but just because they’re big shot ceos doesn’t mean they’re always right. how many times have they rejected talented people who went on to become superstars? so clearly, they aren’t all-knowing. they make mistakes just like everyone else. his talent will be recognized elsewhere if not with them. hyunbin wanted him twice. they will too.

jackson and him spend no time complaining about their situation. there’s no time for self-pity, and jinyoung honestly isn’t the type to just confide in anyone. they’re friends, but they’re not extremely close either. he shares how he’s feeling with his girlfriend, and for him that’s enough. he doesn’t avoid yugyeom at home either, and he congratulates him for moving on to the next round, but he doesn’t really... want to talk to him about what’s going on. he lets the younger enjoy himself and focuses on his own performance instead.

they soon decide on a song they’d like to attempt. it’s a nice ballad, with meaningful lyrics that don’t necessarily relate to their present situation, but tell a story they’d like to help come to life. about loneliness, something jinyoung has kept inside him for the longest time, and love. about being happy about what they have all while questioning why, in that case, they still feel so empty. but rather than only performing a simple cover, they decide to add harmonies to it that would be more fitting for a real duo. not just two people singing side by side, each having their own parts. they want to come together as one, and let their own vocal colors shine through.

they add high notes and other adlibs to the song, thinking this could set them apart and also show the judges the extent of their abilities. jinyoung is very good at emoting, so is jackson, but they also possess a technique they might not have focused on enough so far. for the past three weeks jinyoung has mostly tried to get out of his comfort zone and prove to himself and others that he can do many things and be good at it. but it’s time to go back to his roots, and belt out a powerful, emotional ballad. those are his true colors.

the set feels very empty without everyone sitting in the chairs on each side. there’s so few of them, and he looks at the other duos with a new found compassion. more than ever before, they’re all on the same boat. they both suffered a setback last week, but only two of them will be allowed to return. jinyoung doesn’t speak much, but he silently wishes them the best. the rest of the time he spends with jackson, reviewing the performance in his head. they both know what they have to do, but it’s just two minutes, and that’s very little time to impress a panel of five judges.

minhyun and jeonghan go first, and jinyoung watches his previous partner with frustration. jeonghan should not be here on this stage, he should be arriving later with the others, and so should he. there’s something so powerless about knowing just how much they’re talented but being unable to do anything about it.

once their turn comes, jackson and jinyoung make their way on stage, with their only prop being the microphone they’re each holding. there’s nothing else to focus on. no flashy outfits, no chairs, no glitter. just them and their voices. after briefly announcing their song choice and greeting the judges, they get ready, since they jump right into the song as soon as the music starts. jinyoung closes his eyes, and opens them again so they lock with jackson’s. he smiles. they can do this. they can wow them.

A life like this really seems nice I’m living a good life

it starts off sweetly, their voices resonating in harmony, and right after jackson belts out the first high note with brilliance. jinyoung feels hopeful as they go into the chorus, voices powerful but with a tenderness that shows just how much they feel what they’re singing. they don’t verse into melodrama, but if anyone in this room has ever felt lonely, they won’t be able to remain insensitive.

I’m so lonely, tears come into my eyes Loneliness comes and asks me Are you really happy at this moment?

jinyoung sings the last line alone, eyes closed as he climbs the notes one by one until reaching the final one. this song is vocally challenging for sure, more than any one he’s done up until now, but he’s a musical actor. it’s nothing he hasn’t done before. singing duets that tell a story, and not getting lost in the other’s voice. jackson is a wonderful partner in that aspect.

I answer (lonely) I’m so lonely (tears start to come) What is the reason for my existence? What is love? (what is love?) I’m so curious I am in love but I’m still lonely

the first part of this verse is jackson singing the main lyrics, while jinyoung does the adlibs. the ‘tears start to come’ is very high, and about as high as he can go without straining his voice. he’s usually comfortable in the middle range, as are most people with his tone of voice, but he can also reach unexpected high notes. and that is due to years of singing experience. he can now reach levels he couldn’t five years ago. they switch roles for the third line, with jinyoung singing the main lyrics, and they both finish together, gently, voices fading off as they let the music play.

after the very intense build up that just happened, there’s a long pause during which neither of them sings. they just let the track speak for itself, and let everyone and themselves catch their breath and return to a softer, quieter mood for the finale.

What is life? Why is it so lonely?

for a brief moment when jinyoung starts to sing, the music is silent, but it slowly picks up, guiding him through the last few notes, and jackon’s voice can be heard in the background, although very faint so it doesn’t outshine jinyoung’s. and right after it’s jinyoung’s turn to do his partner the same favor, harmonizing as jackson sings the last words.

it takes jinyoung a few seconds to get back to reality once they’re done, and after stepping off the stage he knows that this time there really is nothing more he could’ve done to prove to them that this is what he was born to do. this is him, and this type of song is what he excels at. some contestants would call it boring, but he couldn’t disagree more. there’s nothing boring about ballads, and it can capture and audience’s heart just as much. and a few people’s shitty opinions will not change the way he feels about it.

#rkmga5 #rkmga5duos2 #jacksxnrk #rkkyg #rkjeonghxn #rksihyeon #rkkmn #bolded parts are jinyoung singing #italic are jackson's #normal are both #wc: 1707 #he went on a small rant in his head but listen he's mad ok #.solo

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jordm · 5 years

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Heartland 12x05 - Change of Heart review

So back by popular demand (LOL JK), here it is! A Change of Heart - slightly delayed partly due to me forgetting it’s on and generally not having time to sit down and watch.

Anyways, happy to see Clint here again, even if we don’t find out anything about him that’s new besides hes a foster care worker and places troubled youth in homes - like Ty and he’s only there to drop Luke off. Not the point though ;)

I’m also seriously wondering if Clint has any other successful foster placements or if Ty is legit his only one?

Luke

When Clint asks, “Hey, your mom leave for work already?” and Luke says, “Yes” then looks back, I can’t help but think that either a) his mom actually isn’t there and he’s been on his own for awhile and/or b) he’s definitely hiding something. I’m not sure what or if we’ll find out this episode.

Anyways, his mom picked up “extra shifts” (which seems a little.. off but maybe it’s just me - does he not have neighbours to watch him?). He also seems extra defensive when Ty asks Luke what he does when his mom’s at work.

Anyways, it looks like his mom actually does work (??), or at the very least is alive, so maybe Luke just loves his mom and is overly protective and i’m talking in circles - but no he’s definitely hiding something. Did you see Luke’s face when he heard Georgie say, “I just wish Betty could still take care of him and he didn’t have to go to the boarding facility.”

So, Luke let Boot’s be free, which is when Ty realizes that Luke saw himself in Boots - with an unstable home (a non-available loving mother/not with the right guardian), who still needs to be taken care of despite everything. Someone looking out for him.

Lyndy

I’m not sure how fast it takes to potty train someone but... a weekend does seem a bit rushed. Maybe actual mom’s out there can advise more on this but I don’t think potty training is something you can... force? Like I said. I don’t know but without Jade it surely wouldn’t have happened.

Anyways, how cute was it when Tim told Lyndy to leave poor Remi alone. my bet is she got to know Remi pretty well off set with Amber at her farm/on set, so this was a pretty natural scene to film.

I also can’t help but think that the Lyndy scene of her bringing cars to Jade/Georgie was completely natural and improvised at the end.

Jade

Jade is lonely - and frankly bored not being able to ride Bronx and I totally understand. When you’re on the go all the time and then suddenly have nothing it can seem pretty boring. At least she seems to recognize (as does Amy) that Ty is just being Ty - overprotective AF and able to laugh at it.

Jade even gets Lyndy to be potty trained (OK i stand corrected, it can be done?) and even Ty seems impressed. The potty cheering when she potty-trained successfully was a nice touch.

It is nice to see Jade getting ‘back in the saddle’ - or back ‘near the saddle’ and to see her spirits lifted.

Georgie

Georgie meets her idol, Betty Thomas and it turns out Betty is pretty bitter. She just wants to eat in peace dammit! Which I totally get btw - I wouldn’t want to be disturbed while eating, however I guess she could have said it a little nicer.

Anyways, with Wyatt’s help, they track down Boots, Betty’s old trick riding horse; whose current owner has not seen him (her?) in a year. Poor horse. Anyways (how many times have I said anyways already), Georgie arranges Boots to come to Heartland so she can be reunited, but doesn’t heed Amy’s point that perhaps she doesn’t want to be reunited.

Well, luckily for her, it doesn’t work out that way. Reluctant Betty is won over the minute she see’s Boots and Boots is miraculously riding willingly again. Never underestimate the power of old memories. Georgie even trick rides again and manages to make Luke and Betty smile. Wait? She made Luke talk. The power of horses?

So maybe perhaps Georgie should have asked first, however maybe it was for the best that she didn’t as maybe if she did, Betty wouldn’t have even taken the chance.

I also got the impression that Luke, Ty and Georgie might have something in common should Luke end up at Heartland; they all had rough childhoods and somehow stumbled onto something good.

Amy and Ty end up buying Boots (so Luke seems happy and Betty can visit anytime!). And.. where is this disposable income coming from?! Like hellooo, Ty just took reduced hours at the clinic...

Wyatt

So we learn that he still keeps in touch with Adam and still clearly has something for Georgie, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. Or even if he can’t because Georgie refutes it, as seen when he invites her to a “friend-date” to a Godzilla retrospective (which honestly doesn’t sound... that appealing?) and Georgie first assumes it’s a date.

“Oh so I should be offended you don’t have time to see a movie with me, but you’re gonna make time to track down some random strangers horse?”

“Okay, I can’t really say no to that, can I?”

“Gotta say, we still make a pretty good team.”

Yep. He still feels something for her.

So i’m not going to delete the top part but after spending an entire weekend together, Georgie buys tickets to the Godzilla thing... but corrects Wyatt when he says “friend date” to “real date”. I’ll say this - I think they’re good together but I don’t want them to rush into this like last time. Lets learn from our mistakes yes?

Tim and Jack

Lisa sends a bottle of wine to to “save for their anniversary”. Cute, but couldn’t Lisa just bring it back with her? Someone’s bound to drink it inadvertently by accident (oh and I have a feeling it will be Tim). Anyways, we know Lisa is alive - so that’s something.

BTW i’m soo proven to be right 10 minutes later. Classic Tim.

“I made a big sacrifice moving here” - Tim

Look, I get Tim’s point that perhaps the bottle should have been labelled better - if its that valuable then perhaps the kitchen wasn’t the best idea? But at the same time, you didn’t make a sacrifice - you chose to sell Big River with no contingency plan, assuming that you’d move in with Casey. Not smart Tim, not so smart.

Tim ends up living in a rental mobile home after Jack kicks him out- a la rodeo days and I say it’s about time. I didn’t know how long Jack could live with Tim in the house; plus now we have normal subdued less volatile Jack/Tim relationship back on track!

End notes

- Ty trying not to be so controlling and letting Georgie go check on Jade was pretty funny, even if he won’t be so happy about the mess/tents

- Jade taking care of Lyndy after just having her own IRL child must have made it pretty natural; cue the irony that “she has no babysitting experience”

- I need another word instead of Anyways.

Songs in this Episode

@heartlandians

Full on Storm - Chloe Collins

Like I do - Natalie Poole

Made it Home - Ahi

#heartland #change of heart #review #12x03

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bigskydreaming · 5 years

Note

Why did (do?) the Magivians film you with rage?

Racism, homophobia and anti-survivors trifecta. They had an epic case of Bury Your Gays back in S1 where like, their gay character had to kill his new love interest in self-defense after that guy was possessed by the bad guy, and then when he was understandably upset afterwards because they’d made a point to hype this guy up as the first guy he’d ever had real feelings for, his friends were like boohoo get over it, which was like…swell, lol. Oh and then that same character ended up forced into a marriage with a woman for the sake of some fantasy kingdom he didn’t even give a shit about and was all of his friends’ quest way more than it was his, and only then did they decide to have him say a line about how he was mostly gay but was occasionally into women so bi a little bit even though he’d always ID’d as gay before then so it felt like a patch job to cover up the fact that they only belatedly realized oh hey forcing our gay lead into a hetero marriage he doesn’t want to be in is maybe Not A Good Look.

Oh and I do remember catching a bit of a S2 episode where like, the gay character was throwing an orgy in the palace to make himself feel better for being stuck in fantasy land ruling over a fantasy kingdom he gave no fucks about and was bored and lonely in….only to get chewed out by his wife slash queen (a native inhabitant of fantasy kingdom) about how rapey and coercive that was and an abuse of his power as king because his subjects didn’t feel like they had the option of opting out. Which to be perfectly clear, is an absolutely valid point to make….BUT the fact remains that like, they chose to write in that angle, and they chose to make their gay character the one to learn that Important Lesson About Consent and Power Dynamics….but oh yeah, they ALSO chose to write this particular gay character as forced into oh yeah, a hetero marriage he did not ask for and clearly did not want, for the sake of mystic prophecy bullshit resulting from someone ELSE’S personal quest. And that was just….so…oblivious to me? Its like….ummm….could you not have the Straights educate The Pervy Deviant Gay on Consent Issues WHILST FORCING HIM INTO A HETERO MARRIAGE WITH ONLY HIS EXTREMELY RELUCTANT AND DUBIOUS CONSENT AT BEST??? Hellooooooooooooooo??

Then the racism side of the Awful triangle was like, their only two PoC in the first season (other than the blind black headmaster who was all kinds of Tropey ‘Cryptic and Thus Untrustworthy’ from the way the narrative was framed which, no, stop)….the only other two PoC in the first season and main cast were the girl who just so happened to be set up by the plot as the one revealed to be the ‘traitor’ or whatever who was there at the school under false pretenses and just stealing magic for other hedge witches. Like yes, she was under duress because they were threatening her mom I think? But I mean it was still like super predictable having her be the character that was put in that position and forced to fill that role. And then Penny, the man of color in the main cast, like, again I only watched the first season sporadically because I was like Nope every other episode and just skimmed in the hopes it would get better cuz everyone I knew kept raving about it, but I specifically remember one scene where like Penny was singled out by one of his teachers and told how he was super powerful like way more than any of his peers because he had like wild magic or something…BUT then the teacher went on to basically tell him this was more of a curse than a gift because his own power would eventually burn him out and destroy him or something like that. It was definitely framed as an inevitability, like, just his fate, a natural consequence to being the kind of magician he was innately…super powerful but with a shortened lifespan essentially as a trade off, with no way around that.

And he was something like a Traveler, able to take himself and his friends between worlds? Which was great and super necessary for the plot but also a big part of what made his magic so destructive for him himself in the long run, so essentially the man of color got set up to be a glorified taxi cab for his white friends aka the LITERAL plot vehicle, with it announced to him very early on in the show that like ‘dont be too happy about how mad powerful you are, cuz its basically just gonna kill you way before all your friends end up biting it, sucks to be you kinda’. Again, this was early on in the show so I don’t know if that changed or they added more context to that later, but just the fact that his character in particular, like Kady’s, just so HAPPENED to be the one singled out for that particular plot niche and accompanying fate, like….that was fucking bogus from the jump.

Oh and also there was that really cool (in that not all sort of way) and totally not at all predictable (in that it totally was sorta way) antiblackness that reared its ugly head the second S2 introduced the oft-mentioned ‘barbarian kingdom’ that bordered Fantasy Land…..because hey guess whether or not the first appearance of more than one black person at a time on the show was when a whole bunch of black people showed up in S2 as oh yeah, you guessed it….the natives of the neighboring BARBARIAN Kingdom. Classy, Magicians. Way classy.

And then the anti-survivors angle of the Triangle of Suck, like, the show fucking HATES ‘bad survivors.’ You know, survivors who don’t embrace forgiveness and tra-la-la their way into the sunset and recovery while weaving daisy chains and leaving all their anger and thoughts of vengeance and retribution behind them in the past? Like, god forbid a survivor fucking HATE the person who hurt them and want to make them pay, which was essentially Julia’s S2 arc I believe? And boy was she fucking punished for that. Shit just got worse and worse for her, and it only got better when she decided to try the Healing Power of Forgiveness! Unlike one of her fellow survivors, raped by the same bastard who hurt her, who was also on the same Vengeance Quest as her, except she got murdered extremely graphically and painfully onscreen in like…narratively framed as a See Kids This Is Why Revenge Is Bad And You Should Not kinda way, that Julia was pretty clearly meant to learn from and Make Different Choices.

Oh and let’s not forget that the initial antagonist of the series, the dreaded Beast who killed tons of people and was the one who possessed the gay guy that the other gay guy had to kill right after their makeout session in self defense cuz lol why would that be traumatic…yeah, that Beast…..let’s not forget that he was another Bad Survivor, a guy who was molested by one of the series’ Significant Backstory People years and years ago when he was just a kid. And thus he was pretty blatantly a case of Look How Stewing In Your Hate For What Happened To You Instead of Forgetting All Your Worries and Your Strife Will ABSOLUTELY Turn You Into A Literal Monster Who Murders People and Is Evil and Bad And Must Be Slain For the Good of Alllllll the Land.

And there was actually a lot more than just that because Survivors was a definite Thing on the show, with lots of them showing up and established as being survivors in various ways and almost all of them like….being the focus of the series like….perpetual hard on for torture and torturous death scenes for various satellite characters. Like don’t get me wrong, the series pretty much kills people left and right, its just it weirdly just so happens that the first people standing in line to either the left or the right tended to be PoC, women, survivors, gay/bi characters or characters who lucked out and got to be all of the above for the handful of scenes before they met their untimely ‘Wouldn’t Wish It On My Worst Enemy Let Alone On My Or Any Friend of Mine’s Only Representation On This Show’ demise.

Anyway, yeah I hate that show and it dinged all my NOPE alarms hard from day one and I kept checking back in on it over the first season and then a little bit off and on after that in the hopes it had gotten better because I kept fucking hearing all over twitter and tumblr how amazing it was and progressive it was and I’d watch the latest episode, jump up, yank my hair out and screech like a gibbon monkey while speaking in tongues and asking the universe to help explain to me what the fuck was I missing here, where was all this lauded Progressivism I was supposed to be taking away from all the miserable, tortured and murdered - and also abused, raped and exploited - PoC and occasional white gays or women tossed in to round out the variety pack??!?! Just did not see it, at all, Error 404 Not Found, Did Not Compute, and then I’d hop back on tumblr and see people raving about the same stuff that just whipped me into a frothing rage and I’d be like I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE WHAT IS GOING ON ARE WE USING THE SAME WORDS OR DO I NOT KNOW WHAT THE WORDS MEAN CORRECTLY OR….

Ugh. Yeah. So like I said….nooooot a fan. And also, fans of the show plz don’t @ me if I got things mixed up there or inaccurately remembered a scene I referenced, I’m not claiming to have perfect recall of a show that was actively pissing me off while I watched it and thus I was kinda TRYING not to pay full attention to. I just know that I definitely got a full helping of racism, homophobia and anti-survivor bullshit in SOME form or another from each and every episode I did watch. I freely admit that like, I’m not necessarily describing or denoting the actual things that pissed me off or registered that way to me, like.. for sure accurately here….again, I haven’t watched the show at all in a couple years and I’m not trying to be like This Is Definitely What Happened In This Scene and This Scene. Its more just one of those things where like, I definitely remember these are reasons I hated the show and I’ve put a lot of effort into NOT thinking about it or remembering it, so this is just how that jumbled mess all came out right now while trying to sort through it all and remember specific instances of the Triangle of Suck that made me rage so hard. There’s a reason I’ve never gone around actively engaging in Magicians Discourse or encouraging people not to watch it, lol, I don’t claim to be an expert on it or to have taken extensive notes of my Rage Reasons at the time of watching. Just that like….they were definitely there, and this was the general vicinity of the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

#Anonymous #rape cw #antiblackness cw #racism cw #vague seasons old magicians spoilers I guess?#idk #whats the statute of limitations on those idek

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lightsandlostbells · 6 years

Text

Skam España, S1 episode 1 reaction

Aka how to troll the part of your audience that’s seen this story seven times.

Sorry this is late, but it took me longer to write this because there were a lot of changes, and that means more to talk about! Skam España surprised me at how much it diverged from the source material. It’s hitting the same beats, of course, but it felt much more like a remix of the original than a remake, if you follow me.

Thanks to everyone who subs and uploads clips and other content for the non-Spanish audience! You are the best for taking the time to do that for the fandom.

Episode 1

Intro

So this wasn’t in a clip, but it was included at the beginning of the full episode. We get the iconic intro speech, except this time it’s from Eva. And not Eva reading Jonas’ words, it seems, but Eva herself talking about teenagers presenting a happy appearance that masks their insecurities and loneliness. It’s very fitting for her character and taps into some areas that directly affect her, such as wanting to be liked but not knowing how, struggling with her studies, and not knowing who she is. I’m glad she got to give this speech.

And actually, I think it’s important that she didn’t give this speech within a clip itself, to an audience of her boyfriend. It’s like she’s talking to us and only us, the audience, and no one in her life knows what she’s thinking or the full extent of her insecurities.

Clip 1 - And now for something completely different

Spanish Jonas (Jorge) doesn’t get his opening monologue but he does get the first words, though they’re very casual, about diving in the pool.

There’s some obvious framing here with Eva and Jorge sitting together on one side across from Lucas on his own, setting up their third wheel dynamic.

Jorge and Lucas tease Eva, like in the original, but it’s very much a good-natured thing, not something that makes her uncomfortable or feel bad. However, I do think you can read into the dialogue - Eva not knowing how to dive in head first is like her lacking confidence or not being able to take initiative.

We get a focus on Lucas’ uncomfortable face as loud smacking kissy sounds play. I’m always mixed on when the remakes focus a lot of the Isak’s discomfort with Eva/Jonas, because it seems to give too much away. A longing look is OK, maybe, but a moment that wouldn’t be noted from Eva’s POV seems too much. Still, that was a nice way to shoot it, and Lucas gets in some nice facial expressions. And at least there’s ambiguity as to why Lucas is not here for it. At this stage it doesn’t mean he likes Jorge; he could like Eva, or he could just feel bored with his friends making out or lonely that they’re paired off, without having romantic feelings for either of them.

Random detail but I love all the dirt and grass on Jorge’s pants when he gets up.

This is a cute bit of dialogue between Eva and Jorge with him predicting her future. I don’t think this is the case but I would loooove if Spanish P-Chris was Jorge’s height and had curly hair, just for his prediction to happen, just not in the way Jorge means.

I would also love if the money and house on the beach ended up being references to the school trip.

Eva’s future dog being named Nymeria is a reference to Arya’s direwolf from Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire.

This closing image is VERY different. In the other versions of the opening clip Eva ends up alone, setting up her isolation and loneliness. In this one, we close on her and Jorge together, kissing and being intimate, after he’s told her that he’ll be there for her.

Actually, I want to talk about what all the changes in the opening could mean for the season. Hopefully the show takes these changes into account and goes somewhere with them, rather than developing relationships and clips differently but ending up in the same place just because, you know?

So here’s what’s different in the first clip:

Jorge doesn’t have any of that air of condescension that Jonas did, and he and Lucas banter with Eva in a friendly way without any serious insults. (I mean I guess she could be really bothered by them poking fun at her lack of diving ability but lmao, that’s not the same as poking fun at her grades or intelligence.)

We haven’t seen Ingrid or Sara yet and don’t get a hint as to the friction between Eva and them. We do learn that Eva worries about the first day of school but like … there could be literally any reason for that at this point.

We didn’t hear anything about Jorge hanging out or going to Elias’ and there’s no clip later that night where he’s being shady about his whereabouts.

Jorge is extremely kind and supportive, telling Eva that he’ll be with her if there are any problems. But we know that he won’t be able to fulfill this promise, so it’ll feel like an extra slap in the face when he disappoints.

Clip 2 - First day of school

Eva is alone this time… and a lot of people walking into the school are in pairs, including two girls swinging their hands together. Sure is a great reminder of how you lost your BFF.

We do get the Ingrid slow-mo death glare in this clip. “Jungle” by X Ambassadors and Jamie N Commons is a good song choice, on the nose, but Eva does feel like she’s heading into the jungle. High school as dangerous terrain is a common but well-deserved trope, like in Mean Girls with the wildlife comparisons played for humor.

Lol and Jorge notices Ingrid (Inés) and her pals, too, then goes back to kissing Eva.

So Lucas interrupts them making out, but he’s with some other boys! Are they setting up the boy squad this early? Is one of them supposed to be Elias? They seem like kind of a cute, doofy squad.

You can tell Eva feels increasingly left out as the boys are wrapped up in a discussion that doesn’t involve her, they’re talking more to Jorge than her and mostly not even looking at her when they tell the story. Although not gonna lie, the story the boys are telling seems kind of inoffensive, not isolating or uncomfortable in itself. I think it’s mostly that she doesn’t have a squad like this herself and has to hang around her boyfriend’s.

And Lucas goes over to her to talk and specifically asks her to the show on Friday, awwww. Unless you think he did it to stir up shit since Jorge forgot to tell her about the show.

Because Jorge forgot to tell her about it, Eva probably won’t be able to get a ticket. So it’s not that Eva invites him somewhere first (like in the original), it’s that he’s already got a thing and that she’s excluded from it. She says she’s cool with it but of course it’s just another small way she’s left out.

Eva ends up outside of the conversation, literally. The boys turn away from her and get engrossed in their own stuff. I was wondering how this was going to go because in the first clip, Jorge was so supportive and she and Lucas seemed tight, and it made a point of showing her together and not being alone. But lmao, teenage boys are maybe not great at living up to their promises.

There was another post about this, but there was a weird zoom on Eva at the end of this clip that felt like someone’s finger slipped on the camera or something. Felt like it needed another take. I hope it was a weird but intentional choice rather than sloppiness.

Clip 3 - Mystery girl

Eva is sitting alone and SHIT, we see the Sana character walk by! Hajar Brown, her actress, is awesome. She features in her own Skam homage, please watch (this version has English subtitles). I’m really happy that she can be part of this project.

It seems that Spanish Sana (Amira) is wearing hijab for the first time, which was mentioned in the show synopsis. The other girl says Amira didn’t wear it last year. It’ll be interesting if we hear more from Amira herself on this development.

Also, did we ever hear people openly talking badly like this about Sana so early in the show? Because obviously we had Vilde running her mouth, and similarly ignorant comments from people like the biology teacher, but until S4 I don’t think we ever witnessed random students gossiping about her like this. I might just be blanking on some of the OG moments, but here we get to see Amira react directly to random hurtful comments.

And of course there’s Lara.

I was really thrown by this clip because it seems very soon to introduce the Noora. As we all know, she makes a more dramatic entrance later on. And yet they have this character wearing Noora’s signature red lipstick, in an extremely Noora-ish outfit, come in and sit next to Eva in a scene very similar to Noora and Eva in episode 3 of OG S1 (and most of the remakes). Except … this character says she’s Lara. From the press release, Skam España’s Noora is supposed to be called, well … Nora. I was so confused. I clearly heard her introduce herself as “Lara” but I figured I was just hearing wrong and somehow she said Nora?

Anyway, Skam Spain fucked with everyone’s expectations by introducing a Noora expy, with the same personal style, with a scene similar to one of Noora’s first, only not to make her the Noora … just to throw everyone off? Because honestly, I applaud them if this is the case. Keeping everyone on their toes.

My guess so far is that she might be Sara, or a Sara equivalent. She might befriend Inés and end up shunning Eva because she hears all about what a bad friend Eva is.

Anyway, Lara makes an impression right away for Eva, talking a lot about herself. She’s certainly not shy, and she’s got an interest in theater and photography. She seems a bit humble-braggy, like her GPA is so good that she can do whatever she wants! She seems to have the confidence Eva lacks. If she’s unsure of herself, it’s because she wants too much.

And then Lucas comes in to talk about school elections, setting us up for the Vilde and the russ equivalent of this show. He doesn’t get her name right but he clearly means Viri. Viri is the only one running for president so better just hand off the position to the person who wants it.

Eva checks out Lara, like all Evas do with Nooras, but lmao, this ain’t Noora.

Clip 4 - Eva at home

Eva is doing homework when she gets the urge to check Instagram and ends up scrolling through Inés’ pics wistfully.

Eva’s mom says she’s going to the hospital so I assume she’s a doctor/nurse/medical professional? If she’s working shifts that conflict with Eva’s schedule, that makes sense as to how Eva could be left alone and have a distant relationship with her mom.

Eva gets a little smile on her face when she views Lara’s profile.

Did Eva actually hit the follow button for Lara or not? I couldn’t tell.

Tbh it’s pretty interesting to see the difference in the Evas’ rooms across remakes. For instance, Spanish Eva has pretty light and sparkles and the word LOVE suspended above her bed, whereas in the Dutch remake, Dutch Eva sleeps under the word FUCK.

So this is clearly taking on Eva’s friending Noora saga, but Lara ain’t Noora, so again, what’s going on? What if Lara’s IG reveals her as a huge weirdo and Eva realizes she doesn’t want to be friends with her?

Skam Spain is trolling everyone and I love it.

Clip 5 - Hello Viri and ALEJANDROOOOOO

Eva is sitting alone in front of the windowsill and skimming through Instagram when Lara shows up! She’s happy to see Eva because she doesn’t know where her next class is. Eva is obviously overjoyed to see her and volunteers to show her where the classroom is. Eva is positively beaming at her. Like she’s in loooooove. But Eva barely gets a second of Lara’s attention before Elvira, aka Viri, aka Spanish Vilde runs up and introduces herself as the class president.

Lara’s outfit seems noticeably less Noora-ish this time around.

Lara shoots Eva a look when Viri is talking, and I don’t know what to make of it. Annoyed at Viri’s attitude? Annoyed that Viri interrupted her moment with Eva? Not annoyed, just trying to check out Eva? IDK, man.

Viri is super grateful that she’s been elected (even though everyone just voted for her because she wanted the job) and is eager to get activities rolling and to get people involved. Lara semi-cuts Viri off from her excited ramble.

We pull back on Viri and get a wide shot … I don’t really know why.

Viri says she’s new, so I guess she doesn’t know Cris that well, which is a big change. Vilde and Chris have always been friends, Chris is the one who’s been her friend all along, but Cris isn’t tagging along with Viri on her quest to recruit more people as in the other versions of this scene. I wonder how they met?

Viri calls Cris “the pretty one” and while I think Ina/original Chris is beautiful, Chris has never been framed as an attractive character in canon so I’m wondering what they’re going to do with this. Cris is also surrounded by people so she seems like a popular, well-liked person. It makes you wonder how she got roped into hanging with the weird girls in school.

Lara says she’s in if Eva is, and Eva agrees. WHAT ARE YOU DOING SKAM SPAIN. You got your Noora in my Lara??? Except Noora only agreed to go to the russ meeting when Sana did. For Lara, it’s Eva she needs to also go. On that note, Lara sure seems into Eva. And Eva agrees because she wants to spend time with Lara...

Viri’s mom is having a meeting, or “meeting,” so maybe they’re going with the same backstory for her as Vilde.

She cuts herself off as she notices William - Alejandro - through the window, and like, if they had named this character Alejandro but not played Lady Gaga’s “Alejandro” at some point, I would have felt cheated. I feel like they could have timed or edited the scene better to make it funnier, but I did still appreciate the effort.

I saw people upset that this William looks like an embryo but I’m fine with it. I can completely get why he would be considered a cute boy on campus among these 16/17-year-olds.

Please note Viri’s facial expressions as she takes him in. It looks like she’s glitching.

She’s so turned on by Alejandro that she’s grabbing Eva’s leg.

LOL at Alejandro looking straight at the camera just to smolder. Wow. I’m imagining that this is just a thing he does on purpose, walk around Blue Steeling into invisible cameras.

Is it just me or does he look a bit like Mikael from the original show? Just … floppier?

Clip 6 - Damn, Inés

I think that’s Amira walking across the screen out of focus at the start.

Eva walks up to see Inés hanging out with some girls, the reluctance on her face. And then she sees Lara with them, and the despair crosses her face. Fuuuuuck, this budding friendship is over before it really started. (WAS I RIGHT? I knewwwww it! Lara is going to get turned off by hearing Inés tell her side of the story, and she won’t want to be Eva’s friend. Then the girl squad will step up.)

Getting mild Darlene from Mr. Robot vibes from Inés. Except less unkempt.

Eva going up and talking to Inés in broad daylight, at school, totally sober? Brave, very brave.

We get a closeup of Inés’ face when Eva talks to her so it can sink in that whatever happened with them didn’t hurt only Eva - it’s Eva who seems to be at fault. It’s POV breakage that we maybe didn’t need consider the rest of the scene also establishes that Inés is really hurt by what Eva did, but it did help show Inés as more vulnerable.

Ouch. Inés is right to be pissed (as we know her reasons) but she’s ice cold to Eva, especially with making her repeat that Eva will never be around her again. That is really harsh, worse than any “your eye makeup makes you look like a slut” comments.

Clip 7 - Interrupted by dancing dudes

Cris is seen leaving the school ahead of Eva and Jorge. I like that they’re planting the major characters around the school, casually showing them going about their lives. I mean maybe they were just filming other scenes that day and used all of the actors they had on set, lmao, but it feels realistic.

Jorge meets Eva and seems supportive, she’s not alone walking out of school this time. But she spies Inés again outside, there’s eye contact, and Eva is clearly upset over what happened earlier. Even Jorge notices.

She doesn’t want to open up to him, he keeps asking her to open up, and just when it seems like she might tell him, he gets a notification of his friends being goofballs and watches them on his phone.

Jorge promises to be all Eva’s tomorrow, and lol somehow I think it’s a promise made to be broken.

Clip 8 - Sad blue-tinted lonely Friday clip

Eva is hanging out in her kitchen heating up food in her not-leaving-the-house attire, alone, not doing anything on Friday night. She gets a text from Jorge and looks at all the fun her boyfriend and his friends are having at their concert.

She watches it fondly and sends him some texts back, then goes back to that solitary microwave life.

Viri sends a message asking if someone can host the end of the year trip meeting. Eva goes back to munching. But we know what she’s really hungry for ... is friendship. 😎

Clip 9 - Goddammit Jorge

Eva is on the sidelines watching Jorge play football. You know, not that you can’t support your significant other, but being a teenage girl and watching your boyfriend be active while you sit there watching is maybe not the most fun activity? Let’s be honest, would a lot of these teenage boys sit and watch their girlfriends play a game together, one that wasn’t like an “official” game for school or anything, and cheer them on while not participating themselves? Girls are expected to support their boyfriends’ activities in a way that frankly is not reciprocal.

Lucas comes up behind the bleachers, wearing sunglasses and doing this face that would probably be meme-worthy if it were more in focus. Like he actually does that peer over the top of the sunglasses look. And I was like, lmao, why is the fuck is he doing that, but then I realized he was probably checking out Jorge.

Jorge comes up to Eva all drenched with water and sweat so you know Lucas is taking advantage of his sunglasses to peep that manly sight.

It sure didn’t take long for Jorge to go back on his promise. Jorge makes a comment about wanting to go home and sleep, Eva says they were supposed to hang out today, he’s like “well I’m going to play video games with the boys, but you can come if you want.” Lmao this is uncharitable but I’m imagining he means “you can come and watch” not “you can come and participate.”

She suggests they go out together and he’s like, nah, do that shit yourself. Wow, so supportive. And yet a realistic depiction of dating high school boys. He tells her she’ll make a bunch of friends soon and forget all about him, which is sweet, except if you think that later, in the tradition of past Jonases, he’s going to get all miffed about the school trip and be passive-aggressive to Eva about her activities and friends? Less sweet.

I just want to mention that Lucas is oh so casually lying there and soaking in all of this dialogue. Noticing that Jorge is ditching Eva. Not saying a word, but you know. Absorbing this information, in case it’s pertinent.

Jorge asks Lucas if Eva is a good catch, for reassurance, and he pauses before commenting on her hat. Well, he can’t exactly say he doesn’t know, can he?

Jorge and Eva kiss before Jorge gets called back to his game, and Lucas asks Eva what Jorge tastes like, L O L. She answers sweat. We see Eva, deflated now that Jorge has bailed (like “I came to watch you and put on this hat and now you don’t even want to hang out?”) while right beside her, Lucas has … a look. That sweat comment will fuel his fantasies, don’t lie.

I mean I’m going to be honest, my attention was focused on Lucas instead of Eva at the end, since I was trying to see if he had a ~meaningful look.

Clip 10 - Class trip meeting

This is pretty easily inferred since Eva is desperate to be social but she volunteered her house off screen via text message.

Viri is super hyped about this meeting even though it’s apparently only going to be her, Eva, Cris, and Cris’ friend. She thinks more people will want to come to their meetings once their project gets off the ground. I think she is concerned about popularity, but not gonna lie, I’m getting less “social climber” vibes from her and more “type-A overachiever.” But I guess she could be both!

Ding dong! Who’s at the door? Why it’s Cris, and she brought Amira! Good God, the way the smile drops off Viri’s face when she sees a Muslim is in her presence. She greets Amira and all, but Viri looks like she’s been told her puppy got run over.

She backtracks from Mallorca, and when Amira asks why, Viri’s like, well it’s all beach. Holy shit, Viri, have you never seen Muslims on a beach? Cris is “just like wear a burkini,” Amira says she’ll get one, and even Cris seems to have a moment where she has to backtrack. It’s like she mentioned the burkini as a joke but didn’t take it seriously. Amira clearly is a bit exasperated by this turn of conversation. Like it’s othering to her, she has to hold these people’s hands.

See I’m really curious about the nature of this trip, because when you say “school trip” I’m coming from my own experience, and I think of like a trip with adult chaperones, guided activities and tours, strict supervision. Partying and sex do happen, but it’s not a free-for-all where the students are running around on their own. What Viri is describing seems more like a casual beach trip? How much independence would the students have? Obviously this is a different culture than my own (and a lot of the strict chaperoning on US school trips comes from wanting to curb underage drinking, which wouldn’t be a problem here) and I’m not familiar with how Spanish schools operate these kinds of excursions, but I’m trying to figure out what are Viri’s plans for this trip.

@skammovistarplus explains some context behind the trip in this post.

Viri gets happy about her trip again and starts talking about it, and she very obviously looks back and forth from Cris to Eva as she talks about it, not making eye contact with Amira. The camera in this part of the scene is pulled back so we can see just how excluded and distant Amira is from this conversation, almost like we’re in her shoes.

Amira talks a lot of sense and says more people should get involved in trip planning. I mean, yeah, otherwise just plan a trip among yourselves and leave the school out of it? Seems easier.

The doorbell rings again, Eva thinks it’s Lara, but when she opens the door it’s …. Nora! Also wearing red lipstick.

Amira gave Nora the address so they’re already acquainted. That’s a change, Nora joining the group because of Amira. Noora said she wanted to get to know Sana better, but Eva was also the one who got her acquainted with the other girls.

This clip cuts off right at Nora’s introduction, and I can’t help but laugh at the context? It’s kind of dramatic, though less in the full episode. Like if I knew nothing about this show, I’d be like … is this supposed to be some twin shenanigans??? Is one of them the good twin and the other the bad twin? Lara and Nora? But I guess this moment is for the existing Skam fans. It’s …. Nora! The one you thought was Nora was emphatically not Nora! Plot twist!

This was the least gay Noora introduction, though.

Clip 11 - More meeting

There was a post about the clips and problems with the length and timing and I completely agree that posting multiple shorter clips is not good. If they keep doing this, it will minimize emotional investment - we won’t be able to sink into a scene without them cutting it off at a certain point. I guess Viri and Amira have been arguing for like an hour which I’m sure was enjoyable to witness for the other girls.

Viri is getting cringy, like I thought she did an OK job of Tracy Flicking it up but she’s getting OTT in a theater kid kind of way. Stress will do that to you.

So I guess a Mr Wonderful notebook is just a brand of notebook with cheesy motivational sayings, and Viri talks like that earnestly, lmao.

Amira thinks they need cool girls to be at the meeting, like Inés. Eva is affected by this. Nora seems to notice.

Nora is from Madison, Wisconsin, holy shit. As a Midwesterner I am rolling on the floor.

I have been to Madison, Wisconsin. It’s a very nice city! I love Wisconsin! I recommend visiting the cheese castle! But it’s just funny that Nora the cool girl is from a place that’s as mundane as Wisconsin. Like there’s that storyline from Love Actually where the awkward guy thinks he can get laid in America just by having a British accent, so he books a ticket to America, to a “fantastic place” called Wisconsin. That’s the joke. It’s supposed to be funny because it’s Wisconsin.

Hajar Brown does a good job as Amira, I like her. She points out that they’re all losers who have nothing better to do on Saturday so they’re at this meeting. Viri says they’re not weird, they’re unique, and Cris asks what about twins, and Nora seems to laugh at herself. SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT HER AND LARA BEING TWINS… the secret will come out.

Why is Cris here, anyway? I get why the other four would be weirdos and hanging out together - Eva has been shunned, Viri is a racist Hermione, Amira is Muslim, and Nora is the new girl in town - but Cris seems, frankly, not a lot like original Chris and appeared to have some other friends in our first glimpse of her. What’s her deal?

Nora asks why the cool girls would want to come to them and Amira’s like, well, you’re very pretty, Nora. Eva, you could be pretty if you wore some makeup. L M A O. I think Amira was saying that to fuck with Viri, since she gave her a considering look before moving on to Eva, and Viri looked offended, but lol, as if the four who are supposed to flirt aren’t all pretty, skinny, conventionally attractive girls. (I mean, I hate debates over which characters are the best looking, I just don’t give a shit, but if you ask me, Nora is not noticeably prettier than the other girls. Tbh I kinda didn’t like that they changed it to Nora from Eva since, if they follow the rest of the show, Noora was so singled out for being special and attractive among the girls anyway.)

Viri is beside herself with rage at how this meeting turned out.

Lara never showed so presumably she heard all about Eva’s history from Inés. She also leaves the trip group chat later.

Clip 12 - Eva spies Jorge

Eva is guiding Nora to her bus an hour later. Nora questions whether there will be another meeting and Eva says she supposes not because they don’t have anything in common. Nora says nay, they’re the weirdos at school. It’s cute.

I was about to ask what was the point of this scene since, other than a moment between Eva and Nora, it’s not adding much, but then “Jungle” kicks in again, a bus goes by, and Eva sees Jorge on that bus. Looking like he is talking to a girl. Who may be Inés. Eva realizes she’s been duped! Dramaaaaaa!

That does appear to be the same shiny backpack that Inés had earlier in the episode.

General Comments:

Regardless of execution, in a lot of ways this is what I want from a Skam remake? If I can’t have brand new stories and characters, I’d like to see remixes of the scenes with new dialogue and focus. Very little of the dialogue was taken straight from Skam, iconic moments were left out, new plot elements were introduced. So it makes me want to keep watching to see what else they do.

Unless Skam Spain has a different contract than the other remakes, so far it’s ripping holes in the idea that the remakes were required to be exactly the same as the original.

They sure crammed three episodes into one. I will give them credit, though, it didn’t feel rushed for the most part. I think the girls’ meeting suffered the most since we basically had to meet a bunch of characters at once (only Viri had really been introduced), whereas in the original we’d gotten a solid scene with all of the girls by the time of the meeting and had an inkling as to their personalities. However, the Jorge stuff and Inés and the other elements felt fine, pacing-wise. I love S1′s beginning episodes and things like the cabin episode, but they can easily be condensed if needed.

There was controversy over Chris being skinny in this version, and just to go over that - this isn’t the first version of Skam that’s had a thinner Chris, Druck and Skam Austin had Chrises who weren’t fat, Skam NL does too. I think Skam España got the most flack for this because the Chrises in Druck and Skam Austin were WOC, and while race and body size are two different areas of representation, those characters were still members of an underrepresented group. Skam NL has a thinner white Chris, but it also has the first Noora who’s a WOC so the girl squad has additional diversity besides the Sana character. So I think it’s a combo of everyone being thin + everyone other than Amira being white that made Skam España get criticism in particular.

I do think it is disappointing that all the main girls appear to be thin, because overall I think the various Skams have done a decent job of showing girls with a variety of shapes - not just in terms of skinny or fat, but even the “thin” characters often have different body types than are often seen on TV. And I hope there are more POC in the cast later. That’s all I really want to say about it at the time.

I mentioned this in my Skam NL recap, too, but I think so many characters are called Lucas because it’s a religious name that can be used for symbolism, like Isak.

I feel like some of the more technical aspects are off, like camerawork/editing, and the acting overall is mixed, but it does feel like a down-to-earth low-budget production that cast actual teenagers and that’s my jam, so I am very willing to cut it some slack in this regard.

Some highlights of social media: Lucas posting a shit-stirring #TBT post with him, Eva, and Inés, that’s pretty cold, dude. Eva and Lucas taking turns third wheeling in it group photos.

@skammovistarplus is writing some awesome posts detailing some of the cultural aspects in the clips, go check it out!

I’m not Spanish so if I misunderstand something, feel free to let me know!

Thank you for reading!

#skam españa reactions #skam spain reactions

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sebeth · 5 years

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Young Justice: Independence Day, Fireworks, and Stopover

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

My goal is to re-watch the Young Justice series and re-read the comics before the January 4th launch of Young Justice: Outsiders. Let’s begin.

Episode 1: “Independence Day”

July 4th: We begin, appropriately enough, on the United States’ Independence Day. The title will have multiple meanings by the end of the first two episodes: the kids’ semi-independence from their mentors and Superboy’s freedom from the Cadmus Project.

Do cold villains hate the Fourth of July?

Dick is the only Robin who would have laughter as a trademark.

“Juniors doing this for attention?” – One of my favorite parts of this series is the depth of knowledge for the characters of the DC Universe – even the obscure ones. The current Icicle is a “junior” – his father was the original Icicle of the Golden Age era. As a huge fan of the B through D list characters, I have a huge appreciation for anyone who remembers the small details.

Kaldur was an interesting choice as he was a new but fairly obscure character when Young Justice debuted. Garth would have been the more logical choice as he was a founding member of the Titans along with Dick, Roy, and Wally.

I admit I wondered why the series was called Young Justice because all I was seeing were the founding members of the Titans at this point (minus Garth and Donna).

“You’ll chat it up with the cops, the bystanders, with Cold even.” – One sentence reveals so much of Barry’s personality.

“I knew we’d be the last ones here.” – Again, a Barry trait.

“Speedy is Green Arrow’s sidekick.” “Well, that makes no sense.” – Accurate.

“Why isn’t anyone just whelmed?” – Dick’s mangling of the English language begins.

“02” – The assigned numbers correspond with the members joining the team. The way to my heart is the small details.

Roy has a huge hissy even by his impatient, hot-headed nature. We discover the reason later in the series.

“We could make an exception.” – Really, the Justice League wouldn’t allow their proteges on the Watchtower? Why?

Zatara and Wotan! Yay, obscure characters for the win!

“Glad you didn’t bring you know who?” Foreshadowing!

The boys invade Cadmus in all its glory: Guardian, G-Nomes, Genomorphs, Dubbilex, and, of course, Superboy.

“Dr. Desmond” is a hint for his upcoming transformation. The “Blockbuster” label confirms it.

Wally is a science nerd. Makes sense with Barry as a mentor.

“File KR” – another hint.

“Sub-level 52”. – DC does love its 52.

Superboy! Looking more like the Teen Titans-era version than the early, scrawny, fresh out of the pod version.

Hack! – Tim is typically the Robin most associated with computers. To be fair, the Internet was pretty much non-existent when Dick and Jason were Robin.

Superboy, unsurprisingly, curb-stomps the team.

Episode 2: “Fireworks”

First appearance of the Light aka the Cadmus Board of Directors.

“Clone them.” – We later discover that one sidekick has already been cloned.

Dubbilex, the sneaky traitor, awakens the boys.

“Project: Sidekick” – Desmond is so imaginative when it comes to naming projects.

“He can talk.”

“Yes, he can.”

“Not like I said it.

Wally, listen to Dick and Kaldur and keep your mouth shut.

Kaldur is clearly the wisest of the original group.

“Batcave’s crowded enough.” – Well, it’s been said three is a crowd.

“What would Superman do?” – Everyone should apply this standard to their decisions.

“Don’t you give me orders either.” – I can see why it would be a sensitive issue – his whole life (all 16 weeks) has been controlled by others.

“You can leap tall buildings in a single bound. Still cool.” – Sweet Wally being supportive.

“Don’t apologize. This is perfect.” – That’s how you know Dick was raised by the Batman.

“I finally have room to move.” – Yeah, speed is more useful when you have to space to run.

“Grab something from Project Blockbuster.” – If you were familiar with the villain, you knew what was about to happen.

“The Genomorph hero.” – Unfortunately, this bit wasn’t followed up on.

“Everyone back.” – Protective Guardian for the win. Sadly, he’s outmatched by Blockbuster.

“Got your nose.” – Gross!

“You incredible bulk.” – Shout out to the competition.

Oh, look at protective Superboy and Aqualad covering their more delicate teammates.

The League arrives with Superman taking point.

Not loving Hawkgirl/woman’s costume.

Poor Kal breaks Superboy’s heart. Bad Kal! I understand Clark’s upset and confusion but don’t take it out on the newborn child.

“All 52 levels.” – Again, DC loves the 52.

“Why let them tell us what to do. It’s simple. Get on board or get out of the way.” – Superboy declares the true mission statement of Young Justice.

Red Tornado as team supervisor is a nod to the comic book version of Young Justice.

I did like the addition of Black Canary as team trainer. It’s a nice nod to Dinah’s combat skills which Gail Simone spent most of the 2000s building up.

“This is the Martian Manhunter’s niece.” – Another surprise choice as Miss Martian wasn’t very well known in the comics. Never will a character start out so cute and then devolve into creepiness.

M’gann’s obsession with Superboy begins immediately. We’ll discover why later in the season.

Young Justice #1: Stopover

The issue begins immediately after Superboy declares “Get on board or get out of the way.”

“Give me three days” Batman responds.

The group then realizes Superboy has nowhere to go in the meantime.

Kid Flash brings Superboy to Central City. Wally explains the situation to his parents. There is a cute moment when Mrs. West corrects Wally’s grammar: “Robin, Aqualad, and I…”

Superboy interjects with a “You weren’t there.”

Cadmus clearly didn’t instruct Superboy in conversation nuances.

Mrs. West informs Wally that he “leads a very strange life. But we’re use to it. Largely.”

Wally’s parents are way more understanding and supportive than they are in the main DC Universe.

Wally’s parents ask Superboy’s name. Wally responds “I call him Supey. I think he likes it.” Conner doesn’t look like he likes it.

We stop in on Kaldur and Arthur’s return journey to Atlantis.

Kaldur: “We meant no disrespect.”

Arthur: “I would not be much of a king if I did not allow my subjects freedom of expression. Especially when their words carry such wisdom.”

Somewhere, Garth is wondering why he never had this type of relationship with Arthur.

Conner wonders “Think Superman knows I’m here?”

Wally awkwardly reassures Conner that Superman knows he’s in Central City.

Wally awakens the next day to find Conner sleeping upright in his closet. Conner informs Wally that he is not “used to sleeping in a bed. Your closet reminded me of my Cadmus pod. Except for the funny smells.”

Poor Conner. A bed shouldn’t be a foreign concept.

The boys spend the day vegging in front of the tv. Conner is very bored. Each panel has Wally eating something different: a bag of chips, pizza, and a bucket of fried chicken.

Nice nod to Wally’s metabolism.

Late in the day a card arrives with a credit cart addressed to Wally “for expenses.”

Superboy wonders if it’s from Superman.

Wally vaguely confirms it’s from Superman with a “who else could it be from” even though he’s clearly aware it was sent by Batman.

Wally is so sweet – he keeps trying to reassure that, of course, Superman would care about Conner’s location and well-being.

Batman is also a very sweet Bat-Dad this issue. Bruce would deny it but he was consistently sweet and supportive to Conner in the first season. None of the other Leaguers thought Conner would need money to buy basic essentials like clothes. Or that the middle-class Wests would need financial support to care for Superboy. Wally’s appetite alone has to put a serious dent in their income.

If Wally hadn’t offered, I’m positive Bruce would have taken Conner back to the Batcave. If for no other reason than Alfred wouldn’t have been thrilled with the idea of an underage child being left alone. Batman would have also thought of the risks of leaving Conner on his own – Cadmus operatives could have tried to regain custody of a lone Superboy.

The boys head to the mall to shop for clothes. A nice easter egg is the name of the store the boys enter: “Forever Sixteen”. Conner was genetically locked in that age for some time in the comics.

Conner buys multiple copies of the same black shirt. Not someone who’s big on fashion.

We bop over to Gotham where Dick is impatiently wondering what Bruce is doing in the Batcave – it’s been almost two and a half days!

Alfred patiently reminds Dick that when one says three days, one means three days.

Poor Alfred has the patience of a saint. Imagine what the poor man endures on a daily basis: Bruce in all his glory; hyper, energetic Dick, Jason’s explosiveness, Damian’s demanding arrogance, and Stephanie’s boisterousness. Tim, Cassie, and Duke are the quieter children. They don’t cause Alfred as much fuss.

Back to the mall where Wally and Conner encounter Tommy and Tuppence, the Terror Twins – the same twins that Conner and M’gann impersonate at Belle Reve.

Flash and Superman arrive on the scene of the fight. Conner mutters a single “Superman” before Clark flees from the scene. To be fair, he was pursuing the Terror Twins but he couldn’t even offer a “hi” before he left?

Flash tells the boys to go home. Barry will pick the boys up in the morning because “Batman has made his decision”.

Honestly, Batman made his decision as soon as he told the kids “three days”. Bruce simply needed the three days to implement his plan.

Conner asks Wally if “Superman will be there tomorrow”. Wall responds “Uh, sure, you know…if there’s no emergency somewhere.”

Conner’s downcast face shows he doesn’t believe Wally’s statement.

Conner asks Wally “Why’d you invite me to stay with you?”

“Well, un, Aqualad lives underwater. And the Batcaves’s kind of a big secret. So I figured it’d be cool for us to hang.”

Conner smiles after Wally’s statement.

Wally is so sweet and supportive in this issue. It also shows that Wally is very trusting. He is inviting Superboy into his home with his civilian parents – and he knows how easily Conner curbstomped the entire team. But Wally knows Conner is one of the good guys and doesn’t even hesitate to bring him to Central City.

The issue ends with the final moments of the second episode.

#Young Justice #Superboy #Kid Flash #Robin #Aqualad

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douxreviews · 5 years

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Pride and Prejudice - ‘Episode 3′ Review

“You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

In which we meet Lady Catherine de Bourgh, the Gardiners and both Charlotte and Elizabeth receive marriage proposals.

This episode is all about marriage; the offers, the lack of offers and the consequences of either acceptance or declination of such offers.

Mr. and Mrs. Bennet are an interesting pair. Having to witness these two people and their marriage every day would affect anyone. While we do not know what led them to marry originally, they now bring out the worst in each other. This enmity spills over into the relationships with their daughters. Mrs. Bennet (as several people commented on in the previous episode) obviously favors Lydia and Jane, and cannot understand Elizabeth at all. Mr. Bennet obviously favors Elizabeth and cannot stand his three youngest. He goes so far as to insult all three of them in public.

Neither Mr. nor Mrs. Bennet sees their daughters for who they are or what they may be experiencing. Jane, in love with Bingley, has been patiently waiting for him to propose. Instead, she receives a letter from Caroline that leaves no one in any doubt that a proposal is not forthcoming. Elizabeth is infatuated with Wickham and wants her parents to like him. As the soldiers leave after tea, both parents make comments that prove just how oblivious they are to anything but themselves. Mrs. Bennet flutters on about Bingley leaving and the huge mistake Elizabeth made by rejecting Mr. Collins. Mr. Bennet makes a series of rather sarcastic remarks about how young women want to be thwarted in love that force his eldest to leave the room, cause Elizabeth to literally sit up to defend her new friend and leave his wife in tears.

Jane and Elizabeth both long for a marriage as unlike their parents as possible. Having seen what marrying for money or security can do to one’s soul, they want to at least be able to like and respect their future spouse. Which is why, I believe, Elizabeth is so upset by Charlotte’s news.

Very quickly after he is rejected by Elizabeth, Mr. Collins proposes to and is accepted by Charlotte. She is a wonderful example of the purely pragmatic side of matrimony. She is older and she is plainer than the other girls, so when she is given a chance to marry a man who has a good living and will one day have an estate, she takes it. Charlotte is not a fool; she understands the type of man she is marrying. As she says, however, she is not romantic. She wants a good home and a secure future and, now, she will have both.

As Elizabeth visits Charlotte, it is very clear that her worst fears have been confirmed. Charlotte is lonely and bored; going out of her way to ensure that she spends as little time as possible with her husband. While she tells Elizabeth that she is “quite content,” the way she greets Elizabeth when she arrives and her description of her daily life put that remark in doubt.

In direct contrast to her reaction to Charlotte’s marrying for security, Elizabeth is able to understand why Wickham is to marry Mary King and to accept it graciously. I get the impression that, at least on some level, Elizabeth knew from the start that she and Wickham would not be able to marry and so did not allow herself to fall in love with him. By doing so, she has also saved herself a broken heart.

Clearly, Elizabeth is just fine while she is in Kent. Refusing to be intimidated by Lady Catherine, she is polite and gracious enough to not embarrass either her cousin or her friend. The situation improves immensely when Darcy and Fitzwilliam turn up. As quickly as Elizabeth had decided she didn’t like Darcy, she decides that she does like Fitzwilliam and the two become friends. Of course, Fitzwilliam is charming and friendly; hardly the proud, aloof man that his friend was and is.

The friendship with Fitzwilliam helps Elizabeth begin to see the man behind the facade and Darcy, in turn, approaches her much more gently than he ever has in the past. The whole conversation over the piano at Rosings is flirty and fun and, for the first time, they smile at each other. They are still going at each other; but, now they are laughing while they do so.

The call the next day is one of my favorite scenes in the entire series. They are both so used to disliking each other that they struggle to find something to say, but the thaw from the night before is now between them. Uncomfortable and awkward, the silences are long and the conversation is stilted. Until it becomes personal. Elizabeth hints that she wouldn’t mind living a great distance away from her family and Darcy instantly picks up on it. This intimacy, however slight, scares them both and he scurries off.

The next time they are alone together, things become intimate indeed. Darcy’s proposal and Elizabeth’s refusal is a tour de force and I love watching it. It is hard to imagine a less romantic declaration of love. I don’t want to love you; I don’t like your family; I fought this as long as I could, but I really do want to marry you.

While it is often said that the pride in the title refers to Darcy and the prejudice Elizabeth, this young woman has enough pride of her own and it comes out in a very real way here. Already upset with Darcy because of his interference with Bingley and Jane, her anger takes over and she snaps at him.

What is clear as we watch this exchange, however, is the level of emotion they are both feeling. Darcy can’t stop pacing; Elizabeth is close to tears. As Elizabeth throws one accusation after another at Darcy, he gets angry as well and snaps back, especially around Wickham. Jealousy can make us say awful things.

At no time during the entire conversation does the subject of money come up. Unlike the Collins’ marriage which is based solely on the pecuniary need that each has for the other, this proposal is all about love and respect. Although he is saying the words, Elizabeth does not feel love or respect and so, she turns down one of the richest men in England. I’m not sure the thought of his money ever entered her head.

Darcy’s parting shot is that he believes Elizabeth would have accepted him if he had not told her the truth; it he had courted her in the traditional fashion. I believe he’s right. There is a great deal of feeling between these two and, although it started out as contempt, it was already changing. I don’t think it would have taken much time or effort for Darcy to persuade Elizabeth to marry him.

But, for now, they are on the outs. Both have said things in the heat of the moment, but the key word is heat. There is a great deal of it, too much for it to ignored for long.

Historical Context:

Sermons to Young Women, more commonly known as Fordyce’s Sermons, were a series of sermons compiled by James Fordyce on how young women should behave. My favorite? “The Folly of Unlawful Pleasures.”

Lady Catherine’s shock that all five Bennet girls are out at once would have been a typical response at the time. To “come out” meant that a young woman could attend social events and was at a marriageable age. Traditionally, girls came out when they were sixteen or seventeen, but some were older. It was customary to marry off the elder girls before allowing the younger girls to come out. The Bennets, therefore, are quite unusual in that they not only have five girls out at once, but Lydia (only fifteen) is very young to be in society.

Bits & Pieces:

There is something soothing in the thought that we still sing the same Christmas hymns two centuries later.

Jane’s first letter to Elizabeth is dated January the 12th. In it, she talks about the fact that she visited Caroline three weeks ago. As the Gardiners were at Longbourne for Christmas, it didn’t take Jane long to renew the acquaintance.

When Elizabeth is “playing the piano” at Rosings, the camera pans across the instrument to the others in the room. Unfortunately, none of the hammers are moving so the piano must be magically making that bad music.

The clock, throughout the engagement scene, always shows the time at 6:17.

Favorite Moments:

Darcy’s obvious discomfort when he sees Elizabeth again, but especially his spin in the parlor when he hears Elizabeth quoting the words he spoke to her to Fitzwilliam.

The first time Darcy smiles at Elizabeth, my heart beats faster and I get a huge grin on my face.

The whole scene when Darcy comes calling for the first time.

The proposal and refusal. I have watched this scene I couldn’t tell you how many times and each time I come away from it having noticed something new. Wonderful acting from both parties.

ChrisB is a freelance writer who spends more time than she ought in front of a television screen or with a book in her hand.

#Pride and Prejudice #Jane Austen #Elizabeth Bennet #Fitzwilliam Darcy #Pride and Prejudice Reviews #Doux Reviews #TV Reviews #something from the archive

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nctsukashii-archive-blog · 5 years

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Unpopular character you love? (not hoshi)

The saltiest cracker you know is me, Bepsi!23. Unpopular character you love?

Ah SHOOT. YOU TOOK MY EASY ANSWER. JERK ! Meanie !!! U big pizza slice !

aababbaa but! I do have one I really wanna talk about!Under the cut you see, for I ramble a lot.

- Hifumi !

I love him man.There’s so much about his character that’s so relatable and lovable to me. I think that’s why DR1′s amazing theme of “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” really comes on in with him. On the outside he looks like as one would expect of a gross anime fan. Fat, not attractive, pretty gonk-y, speaks all fuckin over the top like an anime, so on and so forth. But it’s when you learn about him that really makes him super fucking amazing.His past is like, something that I can relate to myself in a bit. As someone that ‘became a bully to stop the bullying’ and stopped when he could like… find enjoyment and fun in an anime character and put all of his effort into that instead. He’s drawing because he shows appreciation for her, and that’s super sweet. And quick tangent before I continue, but “he only makes hentai” is a bad argument. Like, he does and I ain’t gunna vouch that he doesn’t but lots of people do. What’s wrong with it? Like, is it a crime to make that stuff??? Clearly not if Doujin creators are a big deal in Japan, able to have hour long lines at their stands at conventions, with people willing to purchase their merch with devoted fans. Like, ppl are so quick to demonize sexuality it’s CRAZY.

Anyways, back on topic. He’s got a great personality. He’s like, a bit of a stuck up jackass when ya first see him, but it’s the later interactions that just really sell it for me. He’s got some of the FUNNIEST lines in my opinion, between saying that his punches towards Ishida will go faster b/c he has no arm hair so there’ll be less wind resistance, or his numerous anime and videogame quips (”rebooting my devices; please stand by”, “You haven’t reached that point in our friendship! You don’t have enough friendship points to be asking those questions!”, “If he tries that (in context it’s mondo going to attack monokuma) Oowada Mondo-dono’s health will go to zero!”, “the whole anime plotline for the first episode outside the trash room”, for a few) are all just absolutely stellar to me. He’s unabashedly awkward because he’s just so confident in himself and what he loves, and it makes me happy to see him so enthusiastic!

Speakin of that, let’s go more into it!!He’s so passionate about himself, and just has a gay ol time doing everything. It’s absolutely amazing honestly. His speaking is just so energetic! He’s so happy to do what he does as an artist and I absolutely love it! It’s almost inspirational, that he can be so unabashedly confident and happy about his skill, and it shows just how much love he puts into his art. And real talk here, but Hifumi isn’t even that much of an asshole. Like, people make him out to be some kinda monster, when that’s absolutely not the case. “he killed Ishimaru though!” yeah, because Celes lied and said that Ishimaru sexually assaulted her, took what would be at that point Hifumi’s close friend, and said Ishimaru planned to kill him and probably everyone else. Like, murder is still wrong, but he didn’t do it because “oh celes asked me to”. He did it for his sense of justice- in that he hated to see someone like Celes be hurt. : / don’t diss my dude for tryin to protect a friend yo. His spats with people are less mean spirited and just more fun and lightheared dickery. Like, when you crack shit with your friends. He picks fights, but it’s never out of malicious intent. It’s like having a good time or trying to lighten the atmosphere, albeit in his own goofy anime way.Even in Chapter 2, the spat he has with Fukawa in the library over literature and doujin isn’t as aggressive as it prolly should be. He takes most insults with stride (unless they insult the 2-D works of course!!) and it feels a lot more like a cliche anime rivalry (esp. when he says shit like “you are my ARCH NEMESIS, I can’t make you tea!” when Fukawa asks why he only made some for Celes). At least, that’s what Yamada thinks.

He’s confident, which a lot of people always like to assume makes someone a dick or feature it as a negative trait rather than a positive one, when it can go both ways. Hifumi being able to have such high standards that he openly admits to not reading other people’s works because he can just write a story he wants to see himself can be considered narcissistic, but having the confidence to sell his works starting from high school (prolly when they were more pg and ‘fade to black’) and get over 10,000 copies sold is something to be proud of and I’m glad that he is! It’s a stigma that artists have to hate themselves, or suffer for their work, but I disagree. When an artist is healthiest and happiest in their mind, that’s when they make the best work. Vincent Van Gogh made the Starry Night when he was in a hospital getting better for his depression and mental relapses after all. Hifumi’s not fit, and he definitely has some areas where people would consider him unhealthy such as his eating habits and whatnot, but he also focuses on being happy and being himself as a first priority. He eats because he enjoys it, and remembers to have all his meals. He does what he likes without actively hurting others, because he just enjoys doing it, and he loves to promote his favorite anime character. He’s a dorky geek that says shit like “swag” and fuckin says “i forget not everyone is as savvy as I am” which is just so fucking amazing to me it’s both hilarious and fun.

Also haha, the fact that he’s making Doujin from a character who’s overweight is kinda nice to me, because she’s not a “conventionally attractive” anime girl with big titties and a small stomach; she’s chubby and different, and I think that’s nice to show what Hifumi’s interests are as well as what anime really means to him. It’s not just about getting his rocks off, it’s about the fun and enjoyment and the feelings that anime can give you and what your mind can do. It’s why he had a dream about going on a date with a magical girl, the kinds of characters who inspire friendship and happiness, for fucks sake. When he was lonely and had no friends and became a bully to counteract the way people treated him, he found something that would be there for him, and he wanted to support it ever since. Which is a powerful and very overall positive message to give people.

But he has great messages too. Messages about being able to be yourself and have fun, no matter how “dorky” or “lame” your interest might be to others. He encourages people to have fun in their own ways, even if he wants to promote Princess Piggles, with lines such as “what might be boring to me might be another persons moespiration! With that in mind, look for your own!” and “In a sense, a geek is like an expert. That’s right, a total expert! A successful musician must necessarily be a music geek, a good movie director is a movie geek. You see? It’s those experts, those geeks who open up the world to others!”. It’s positive and nice, and it forms who he is as a person.

No one’s perfect, and neither is he, but he’s pretty damn good. And I’ll defend him with every fiber of my being for just how real he feels.

I personally believe it’s because this fandom has a definite bias against male characters that aren’t distinctly attractive, as you can see Hoshi gets ignored quite a lot compared to all of the other males (even being the ONLY male left out of the halloween drawing!! Let alone he gets left out of most fan merch.) and he’s honestly one of the most down to earth and downright cool dudes in DR. I don’t want to change either of them, because I think their looks only make it better for their backstories and who they are as characters! So even if Hifumi gets like no fanart, and Hoshi struggles with getting new content, I’d rather have them the same way they are now, rather than make them attractive. Because I think that the way they are, only makes them better.

And that’s my short version essay on why I think Hifumi’s super rad and more people should give him a chance. Of course he’s a very hit or miss kinda person with his comedy, but if Tsumugi’s obscure anime references were fun for you, then Hifumi’s really good too! ^p^b

#reciprocation :: response #negative tw #//just gunna tag all these w/ that catch all #//BUT !#//please read my shortened essay I spent a lot of time on it.#blindedhope #parchments :: inbox

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stuffandsundry · 6 years

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Arc 1: The Beat Riders

Premise

Most of the early episodes don't need to change all that much, compared to later--

Ah. Shit. I forgot to address my beef with Kaito. ok gimme a sec uhh. Ok. Okokok so here we go. I'm not gonna do this for all the characters because mostly, character introductions are fffffairly okay. Some are better than others but like, they're all at least workable… except. HIM. Kaito, the most out of all the gaim characters, makes zero sense so im gonna throw EVERYTHING out and try to extrapolate something based off of backstory given from Gaiden and canon and a little bit of real riders. Hope it makes sense. So, recap of backstory: Kaito's family used to be decently middle class and he played near the shrine tree, until Yggdrasil came in and bought them out. Kaito's dad didn't really know what to do after losing his purpose in life and turns to drinking/gambling, and they rapidly lose whatever money they had gotten from the corporation, dad becomes abusive, parents kill themselves and Kaito is left at an orphanage and grows up bitter and vaguely traumatized. Gets into a lot of fights at school, is a history nerd, etc. Cool, that's workable. Extrapolation from that for this scenario (oh yeah also, I did say girl now, it's Keiko now)

Keiko rreally hates Yggdrasil. If they had never moved in, maybe her family could have stayed together.

She's always looking for something to challenge her- she saw her family "give up" early on, and she doesn't want to end up like them. Struggle as proof that she's alive? No sympathy for people who've given up fighting, in her eyes.

Related to Point 2. Believes in a fair fight. There's no use in beating down someone clearly weaker than you, and anyone who does that is a coward and a bully. And if you need to lie to someone to beat them, then that doesn’t count as an actual victory. Wants to be acknowledged as the best by her own power.

A lot of pride. Doesn't like accepting help or depending on others/seeming weak. Talks big but also has a lot of like. Self-worth issues, thinks that people have to be "worth" something to be allowed to live, which comes from being abandoned by family so young.

Listen I know that this is a Very Standard anime rival lone wolf archetype but it didn't get to be a standard because it /Didn't/ Work, also I got really attached to Keiko halfway through typing this just let me have this please, I rarely if ever see it applied to girls,

Actually, the soccer episode also gave me the idea that Keiko would be the type of person that just. Rolls with things, no matter how vaguely ludicrous they are. Re: canon soccer episode. What are you gonna do when you get punched in the gut, sending you to an alternate dimension where the city wasn't destroyed and everyone uses the power of the drivers to play soccer? Clearly, become the best damn armored soccer player ever. That's such a funny trait I'm keeping it. It would be such a good source of deadpan comedy. Example: in high school Keiko was a delinquent who got into fights, how did she end up captain of a dance team? Nobody knows. (Most likely: somebody tried to insult her by saying that she couldn't dance for shit and she decided that the best way to rise to this challenge was to… take over a dance team and make them teach her.) Simultaneously zero chill and weirdly chill. Chill about all the wrong things.

Okay, back to plot. Only minor changes for the first 14 episodes, which I'm collecting into an arc--

Instead of Micchy becoming Ryugen, I wanna say that Micchy shows the rest of the Beat Riders the driver he got from Sid ahead of time and Mai sees her chance and asks him to give it to her. Because on one hand, Mai's grateful that Kouta's staying behind because Yuuya's gone missing and Mai isn't sure that she can handle being the final word of authority in Gaim, but on the other, Mai's kinda annoyed that Kouta stayed behind because it's like he doesn't trust her to be able to protect the team. Just because she's doubting herself doesn't mean that he should! She wants to stand on equal level with Kouta, so the driver. Micchy does give Mai the driver, because he cares a lot about Mai. However, subconsciously or not, he was looking forwards to being the one of the people that the team relied on, so a seed of resentment is also planted here. This colors his decisions in favor of keeping things secret from the rest of the team moving forwards as well.

Within the team, Mai and Micchy more-or-less switch roles, except that Micchy is also finding out a lot of Yggdrasil's-- and his sister's-- secrets in the meantime, so he's still extremely relevant. This way, there's a character arc set up for both Mai and Micchy-- Mai needs to learn that Gaim will follow her (like they did when Yuuya was around) not for her fighting ability or anything, but because she cared about people and wanted to make them happy. Mai realizes that she didn't need to change in order to become a strong leader, because she was already a strong leader and she just needed to trust in herself. On the other hand, Micchy's going to eventually realize that staying quiet about things that upset him is actively working to make his life worse because his friends and family aren't mind readers and they can't tell if they did something to upset him if he doesn't verbalize it. And if his friends and family really, truly care about him, then they'd be upset at THEMSELVES about hurting him, not at him. His secretive martyrdom is a ticking time bomb for everyone.

Ah yeah, one plot change I have to mention here: Keiko doesn't want the other teams to be her vassals because what's the fucking point, Team Baron is the best anyways. (That entire thing was a little. Hm. Idk how much sense it made, man. And it only lasted like two episodes so there was no point to it except to show that Kaito was an asshole even???) So in this 'verse, the reason that she gives Hase and Jo more powerful lockseeds in the first place is because. Gaim is the only real challenger to Baron, which means that theres only one person that she can fight meaningfully and that’s boring as shit. Raid Wild and Invitto still want to fight, they're just lacking the means. The only real surprise is that they come after her with drivers, which she didn't know they had. She has mixed feelings about the sneak attack. On one hand, maybe Hase and Jo are stronger than she thought they were! On the other, those motherfucking SNAKES,

Oh wow I just realized that having Keiko instead of Kaito makes that scene where Mai goes into the forest alone and Baron finds her… really gay. Mai bandaging Keiko's arm and they talk about their childhoods together… Mai remembers that Keiko would always watch her dance and Keiko tells her she was too shy to go up and say hi… Mai's deal wanting to protect those that she holds dear and all that jazz, while Keiko's a cynical SOB. ( By the by, Kouta's not super concerned with Mai being in there until he remembers ah. Mai doesn't have a Lock Vehicle so she can't get out, and the white armored rider is in there, which is when he rushes in like a fool. Except he's on his own while Mai is with Keiko, so it ends up being Kouta who has to get rescued, etc, etc. a lot of early stuff goes this way tbh. Small changes, but overall plot stays same so im not gonna outline it all.)

Takako's thing is a lot more. Okay. Bear with me here. I feel she'd def be far more defensive than Takatora was, because she's got a lot more to prove, and she's pretty isolated-- again, handing out the drivers wasn't her idea, and she's not getting the respect someone else might get at her job level, it's really stressful but Takako's kept going because the people around her-- Ryumi and the other scientists-- say that this is all going to work. Enter Akira. (YEAH. YOU HEARD ME. KAZURABA AKIRA DESERVES A BIGGER ROLE FUCK YALL)

Akira works for Yggdrasil-- she used to be part of a subsidiary, but her last project just got wrapped up, and she was reassigned to Takako's division as junior project manag-- what the fuck. Oh my god?? Is THIS what Yggdrasil's doing? WAIT THAT'S HER LITTLE BROTHER, SHE RECOGNIZES THAT SUIT. If you have Akira and Takako working together I feel that a lot more is viable here, you could compare and contrast Akira's ideals and Takako's. You can def. challenge Takako's ideology that a little risk and loss now is worth the gains that studying Helheim will grant in the future. Akira can act as audience substitute, basically. She's here to yell "SUPERVISOR KURESHIMA, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, WHAT THE HELL" as takako eventually realizes that… possibly… maybe Akira has a point. She's spent so long chasing the company's bottom line she forgot things like, you know, empathy. The problem is, does she realize this too slowly to do any good? Also, what does Ryumi think about Takako's convictions wavering?

So while we're getting introduced to the main players of the Yggdrasil corporation through Akira, the Beat Rider side asks the questions: Who made these drivers, and why give them out to us? And whats with the strange forest? Which eventually leads us into the Christmas game, and the Yggdrasil base camp incident. Kouta learns considerably less than he did (seriously, how did those scientists not get suspicious) but he does learn: this forest is called Helheim, the scientists here work for yggdrasil, and that the Sengoku is the scientist in charge of this project. And then they realize that kouta isn't a yggdrasil employee and raise the alarm except oh no, that’s the moment that the inves attack and suddenly they have more to worry about. Again, minor changes. Kouta sees his sister at the Yggdrasil base but doesn't get the chance to talk to her, everything else can basically go as it did… incluuuding Hase.

Okay. Hase.

Here's how this works. His driver gets broken, okay, fine. Jo doesn't abandon him right away. Even if he's kind of an aggressive musclehead, they've still been working together for a while. But she's not enough to fight alone, and Hase can see that it's really only a matter of time before Jo's goodwill runs out. So he eats the fruit! And does not turn into a monster right away. Instead, it gives him the power that he was looking for this entire time-- he is able to fight on even level as the rest of the armored riders, even though his belt is broken, and it looks like everything is okay. With this, some of the other Beat Riders are considering eating the fruit too. Why's everyone so worried anyways? Besides, they look delicious… however, Micchy points out that Yggdrasil handles the fruits with the utmost caution, and that just because there are no visible harmful effects doesn't mean that they aren't dangerous, etc.

Kouta and Akira also sit down to have a talk about the driver over dinner one night-- they've both been kind of keeping secrets from each other. Akira tries to convince Kouta to stop using the driver because she knows that it's dangerous but isn't sure if Kouta knows that (remember, last time she saw Kouta using the driver in person was Episode 2 shenanigans) -> Kouta shows his sister that yeah, he knows that this isn't a joke, but he wants to help people like she raised him to do. Right now, they need the drivers to fight. Akira relents because he's right, but promises him that after the immediate crisis is over, they're going to have to have another talk about this. Kouta plans to bring his sister to the Gaim garage so that she can brief everyone on everything she's overheard in her the short time she's been working as Takako's assistant, but that'll have to wait until the weekend when she's free. Meanwhile, important stuff is going on in the rest of the city. Show that the beat riders have been losing their audience because of a sudden string of disappearances in Zawame (caused by ppl eating the fruits), and the police are encouraging most people to stay home. Not a lot of people are willing to go outside anymore-- they're scared, and rightfully so. Inves attacks are growing more frequent.

This is pretty frustrating for most of the Beat Riders, especially because people are telling them to break it up and just go home too. More and more Inves are showing up, too… And then some official or something shows up one day and says that until ZPD solves the mystery of the disappearances, the stages are going to be closed. And this is when Hase snaps. See, Hase has been using the belt for a while, so he's built up some immunity to the Helheim fruit's effects. (He doesn't lose it immediately like Yuuya did) But it's still not enough. He'd been acting erratically. More aggressive, recently. And today's the last straw. Hase gets into an argument with the official, it starts getting ugly, Jo steps in between them and…. Hase transforms into an Inves. People are taking pictures of it and everything-- even though the Beat Riders Hotline shuts down the live camera feed quickly, its not fast enough. And Hase goes after Jo. Kouta and Mai run over to pull him off of her and he runs off and everyones going???????

Hase holes up in a warehouse somewhere and mostly transforms back except for hand and he's terrified, he doesn't know what's going on. Jo finds him first and yells at him HEY WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, DUDE which, while totally understandable, does nothing for Hase's stress levels. He transforms into an Inves and runs out onto the street, where the others, still searching for Hase, stumble onto him. They end up fighting near Charmant and Oren comes out to see what the fuss was all about, he ends up joining the fight. Hase's lashing out in fear and pain but also he's putting civilians at risk, so the Beat Riders are forced to fight him even though they're well-aware that they can't just like, do a murder. Meanwhile, Keiko gets cornered in Helheim by Youko and Takako, and she is captured. Takako leaves halfway into the battle because she gets word that they've tracked down a Beat Rider that became an Inves and she has to take care of it ASAP. Kouta, Mai, and Jo are still fighting Hase (and also Oren, who doesn't really know what's going on and is trying to kill the inves) without actually trying to fight Hase when Takako shows up. She tells them that that Inves is no longer human and tries to put an arrow right through him, with intent to kill. When the smoke clears…

Jo falls to her knees, because she protected Hase. In the shocked silence afterwards, Jo tells Hase to run. She doesn't know whats going on! And maybe Hase can be kind of a jerk sometimes, and really annoying, he's still her friend, and she doesn't want to see him die. Hase regains some degree of control over his transformation and he backs away, runs off. Takako tries to go after him but is blocked by Kouta, who tells them to get Jo out of there and he'll handle the white armored rider. Spoiler alert: he can't handle the white armored rider, but he bought enough time for the rest of them to get out. Kouta is taken in by Yggdrasil.

I think this is a good place to stop for now, so I'll do more later. Okay, see you around!

#gaim thoughts;

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psi-psina · 7 years

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The Hounds of Baskerville read-through

Pt two, Dartmoor. [pt one]

(this post is a direct continuation of pt one)

Credits to Ariane DeVere once again for her transcripts.

They head to Dartmoor in silence, and begin by scouting out the area to get an idea of what they’re dealing with here. John points out Baskerville and Dewer’s Hollow, and Sherlock asks what the skull and crossbones are. A minefield? “Guess they’ve always been keen to keep people out.” …Clearly.

Sherlock…I’m begging, why do you keep lining your hearts with explosives. 😩

They work at a distance from each other, Sherlock high above on the rocks, John alone on the ground. Playing on this thread in series 2 of a literal GULF separating the two of them, simultaneously calling back the mirror-case of The Hiker & The Driver, and foreshadowing Sherlock’s suicide off Bart’s.

Then they arrive at Cross Key’s Inn. On their way in they pass a small group of tourists gathered around young Fletcher as he goes about his business of selling them on the lurid idea of the Hound escaped from Baskerville. They share an awkward moment as Sherlock protectively adjusts his coat as they pass the group and John gives him the Eyes before looking away.

John and Sherlock enter the inn, and Fletcher dons the monster mask to excite the tourists as, elsewhere, Henry grimaces as he remembers during a session with Lousie. Another very thematic transition, as Fletcher’s lighthearted joke turns into Henry’s nightmare. Louise is positioned in this scene identically to John in 221B, in a mirror, dressed in matching colours:

Mirrors. :)

Henry (Sherlock) just says that that part of the memory doesn’t change. It’s always the same. But there’s something else now; two words. Liberty and In. Sherlock himself will complete this phrase for his mirror shortly:

Liberty in death, the only true freedom.

Back at the inn now, finally some John action! John is taking care of practicalities and getting them a room at the bar as Sherlock loiters in the background eavesdropping. I love this scene sooooooo much.

Look at this:

…Cocks

sldkjfnas Look they are the ones who do this all the time I am just observing. Anyway, with all the nice background undertones about food and meat and.... . cocks creating a nice ambience (and the nice phallic beer taps?? lmao) as John get’s them a room, it’s not hard to guess what...what might be on John’s mind at this prospect of sharing a room with Sherl. So of course, Gary warmly says he’s sorry they couldn’t do John and Sherlock a double room, and John starts to say (and perhaps remind himself) that things aren’t like that between them, but Gary just smiles knowingly and John gives it up and pays him. They mirror each other with their “Ta’s”, and while Gary’s back is turned John spots an invoice for the. . . . . . meat supplies.

The meat supplies for the gay owners of the vegetarian inn for feeding their (secret) ”hound” sdkjfnaksdf. John nicks the invoice for later.

Now, Billy and Gary are simple romantic mirrors for Sherlock and John, but MORE PERTINENTLY they are CLEARLY conduits for Messer's Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat, like...The curly Scottish bloke and his partner, the camp gay ginger! Not the culprits per se, just some blokes jumping on the opportunity to add some spice to their business! Playing on the local legend! Lovely amiable fellows who are nonetheless lying through their teeth about the ‘Hound’ right to the very end! The audacity! These shameless self-inserts! Also like, just more evidence that John is Steven’s self-insert and Sherlock is Mark’s asdkjf.

Anyway, John moves the subject to Baskerville (❤️) and the skull and crossbones out on the moor, hopefully asking Gary, “Pirates?”

MYCROFT: “My brother has the brain of a scientist or a philosopher and yet he elects to be a detective. What might we deduce about his heart?” JOHN: “I don’t know.” MYCROFT: “Neither do I. But initially, he wanted to be a pirate.”

It’s the skull and crossbones that baby Sherlock wears...when he plays pirates...

;___; JOHHHNNNNNNN. IT IS PIRATES!! He loves him!! He knows!! He just doesn’t know that he knows!! 😭 ALLOW HIMMMM!!!

But, nothing so sweet or soulful to be found at Baskerville. :( Right now, this shit IS a minefield. Gary says No no, it’s the Great Grimpen Minefield, home to the Baskerville (❤️) “testing site” that’s been going on so long unchecked that no one really knows what the hell’s in there anymore. :( Ugh, tell me about it. John takes this in and asks, a bit more warily, “Explosives?” And Gary warns him, oh no no, not just explosives, break into that heart and if you’re lucky, you just get blown up. In case you were planning a nice wee stroll. :( And unfortunately, John is not one of the lucky ones.

So…to start with this is literally ALL that is on John’s mind this entire season, he is completely obsessed and pining to DEATH because he is being tormented by some VERY strong misgivings and conflicted feelings about Sherlock which are sadly both sensible and very well founded:

SHERLOCK (rolling his eyes): Yes, if I wanted poetry, I’d read John’s emails to his girlfriends. Much funnier.

SHERLOCK: Yes, good. Skipping to the night that your dad was violently killed. Where did that happen?

SHERLOCK: ...and then there was the one with the spots; and then the one with the nose; and then ... who was after the boring teacher?

SHERLOCK: The shade of red echoes her lipstick – either an unconscious association or one that she’s deliberately trying to encourage. Either way, Miss Hooper has lurrrve on her mind. The fact that she’s serious about him is clear from the fact she’s giving him a gift at all. That would suggest long-term hopes, however forlorn...

And this is just a few examples from these two episodes, this isn’t even getting into the shit Sherlock does in series one that this is building off of, and this is also BEFORE Sherlock starts doing REALLY fucked up shit to him like attempting to drug him and gaslighting him in a lab experiment, or making John watch as he commits suicide off a building and allowing John to mourn for two whole years. Sherlock emotionally humiliates John, he humiliates other people in front of him, he manipulates him and is downright cruel to him at least once in basically every episode bar probably the first two, in which Sherlock more just takes him for granted and swings kinda relentlessly between pursuing and then rejecting him. John desperately wants Sherlock to be the the warm-hearted, caring, playful, funny (pirate ;_;) person he sometimes glimpses behind the facade, but he’s increasingly convinced he’s kidding himself, and just seeing what he wants to see because he’s besotted and lonely.

Anyway, Gary goes on to say that all that morbid Baskerville stuff buggers up tourism a bit, scares people off, so thank god for the demon Hound. God bless Henry and his hound from hell, made them a nice little industry off it. :) John then asks Gary if he’s ever seen the Hound and Gary says he hasn’t, but goes on to say that Fletcher has, motioning right at Sherlock, and by extension Fletcher who is standing just behind him in the entrance.

“He runs the walks, the monster walks.” “That’s handy. For trade.”

“Did wonders for Devon tourism.”

This gets Sherlock’s attention and he exits the inn to go after Fletcher. John is looking a bit distracted, eyes wandering around a bit as he gazes after Sherlock’s retreating figure with a rather amorous look…

God…But as Sherlock exits John’s line of vision a clear warning pops into focus:

Beware the Hound, John. Keep those wandering thoughts (and eyes) in check. Don’t want to get savaged. :(

Young Billy, the camp Sherlock mirror to John’s Gary, appears behind the bar and he and Gary start bantering their Hound (the cheek!!). John looks down and smiles to himself at their easy intimacy. Billy teases Gary about his snoring then asks John, “Is your’s a snorer?” And John immediately asks if they have any food. Crisps? Anything? It’s not like all the scenarios running through his head at the idea of sharing a room with his beau wasn’t bad enough, now he’s thinking about Sherlock softly snoring...in his arms…ugh that one made him hungry. He gets a drink to wash his chips down with (presuming he can get any...he never has much luck with food), since he’s halfway through a stout when he joins Sherlock outside. Needs a stiff drink after…all that.

Back with Sherlock, he takes a gamble on Fletcher being a gambler, he gets into ‘disguise’ and approaches Fletcher as a skeptical but intrigued tourist, attempting a blasé demeanour but just coming off as awkward as he tries to broach it, like he’s a bit scared Fletcher might actually have something. Fletcher gets very cagey and Sherlock asks if he has any proof which is enough to scare Fletcher off, until John appears and Sherlock turns it all into a game, which Fletcher can’t resist. He pulls out his phone and shows Sherlock a pic of an ordinary dog, which Sherlock sneers at, and taunts “Sorry John, I win.” Then Fletcher starts going on about the hollow, much like Henry was in 221B, but Sherlock still remains unconvinced. That is, until Fletcher tells them a Ghost Story, and pulls out a plaster cast of a large paw print. Sherlock is spooked now, and shies away from it a bit, eyeing it resentfully as he’s obliged to pay John. John takes another swig of beer as he eyes off Fletcher, and happily takes Sherlock’s money.

Approaching Baskerville, we are bombarded with signs signalling danger and secrecy, dogs roaming around, and men with guns. Baskerville has some strong parallels to Sherrinford, another top secret "facility” cum heart-dungeon that’s home to an escaped mayhem-causing monster that Sherlock has to confront. Sherrinford? Baskerville 2.0 tbh. Sherlock uses Mycroft’s ID to get them inside, which is absolute nonsense because Mycroft’s face is clearly on the ID lmao. Mycroft, of course, has full access to Baskerville (❤️) and “all areas” because he’s that aspect of Sherlock; The Clever One, the brain without a heart, the iceman persona, the detached puzzle solver, order, rationality, Mr. Caring-is-not-an-advantage etc. And this is the guy who’s In Charge. For fuck’s sake, Sherlock. Thank god he starts to reject alla that nonsense in The Sign of Three.

Anyway, John is anxious about all this, and quips

JOHN: Caught in five minutes. “Oh, hi, we just thought we’d come and have a wander round your top secret weapons base.” “Really? Great! Come in – kettle’s just boiled.” That’s if we don’t get shot.

John (rightly) does not anticipate any hospitality in Sherlock’s ‘ole heart, and is rather worried they might just get shot.

They drive on in and hop out of the car both seeming a bit trepidatious and are swiftly met by Corporal Lyons, who is a bit flustered by their presence and immediately asks if they’re “in trouble”. Because Baskerville (❤️) just doesn’t get inspected you see. It just isn’t done. John’s eyes wander over the attractive young Corporal and he swiftly pulls rank, getting them inside easily as a contrite Lyons scuttles to obey and give them the ~full tour~ and Sherlock is unable to completely hide his appreciation for his…Captain John Watson.

They go inside and Lyons takes them underground into the main lab. Sherlock asks Lyons about the animals they keep down here and gets all ominous about it as the ‘monsters’ inside Baskerville mill all around the lab.

“Phone Lestrade! Tell him there’s an escaped rabbit!”

FLUFFY FRIENDS. I like the way they frame the monkey’s and rabbits to look monstrous, really adds to the utter absurdity of it all. As the boys look around, Frankland exits the gas chamber and approaches them, all smiles and affability, hidden in plain sight, just like Moriarty.

FRANKLAND: Ah, new faces, how nice. Careful you don’t get stuck here, though. I only came to fix a tap!

SHERLOCK: James Moriarty is for hire. PROSECUTING BARRISTER: A tradesman? SHERLOCK: Yes. PROSECUTING BARRISTER: But not the sort who’d fix your heating. SHERLOCK: No, the sort who’d plant a bomb or stage an assassination, but I’m sure he’d make a pretty decent job of your boiler.

Lol. Frankland (Moriarty) only came to Baskerville (❤️) to fix a ‘leak’ but then…he got stuck in there…and now he’s a full blown virus 😩 Frankland gets some ominous villain treatment as he retreats and John then asks Lyons what it is that they actually do in this place;

LYONS: I thought you’d know, sir, this being an inspection. JOHN: Well, I’m not an expert, am I?

Lyons dodges John’s questions by acting like he should already know all that, then answers as imprecisely as possible. They head further on into Baskerville, now entering a lab in which they meet one Doctor Stapleton, another John mirror and one of my favourite instances of John’s bisexual coding lol. She’s another Doctor, same physical type, fair-haired, wearing a button-down cardigan and has a young daughter.

Sherlock asks what her role at Baskerville is, to which she snorts in amusement and says she’s not free to say, to which Sherlock reacts rather strongly?

Like even John is bewildered. Why do you suggest she remains that way Sherlock, hmm? Hmm? I have no idea if this is just a coincidence, but the phrasing along with Sherlock’s response just stuck out to me, especially since these are both Mark’s episodes.

She then says

STAPLETON: I have a lot of fingers in a lot of pies. I like to mix things up – genes, mostly; now and again, actual fingers. SHERLOCK: Stapleton. Knew I knew your name. STAPLETON: Doubt it.

This quip about Stapleton’s (= John’s) name happens right after she ambiguously says she “likes to mix things up”. Genes mostly but also, actual fingers. Has a rather, wide field, you might say. And she’s (required to be) very secretive (private) about it.

And then we get to the crux of the matter, Sherlock quips dramatically about coincidence then holds up his moleskin on which he’s written…Bluebell.

In the end, Sherlock breaks into Baskerville to find out why Bluebell had to die.

SHERLOCK: Why did Bluebell have to die, Doctor Stapleton? JOHN: The rabbit? SHERLOCK: Disappeared from inside a locked hutch, which was always suggestive. JOHN: The rabbit? SHERLOCK: Clearly an inside job. STAPLETON: Oh, you reckon. SHERLOCK: Why? Because it glowed in the dark?

“Why did I have to die, John?” CLEARLY AN INSIDE JOB. OH YOU RECKON. Sherlock’s halfway there, but we'll return to this later on, as this isn’t pertinent until John speaks to Stapleton after he’s drugged. This is just set-up for that. For now, Sherlock looks at his watch and hightails it outta there with a very indignant and confused John on his heels.

JOHN: Did we just break into a military base to investigate a rabbit?

Well…………….yeah. You did. :(

Elsewhere, the ‘security breach’ slowly makes it’s way to Mycroft who apparently receives word of this ~national security breach~ via text message and literally just rolls his eyes at his phone and sends Sherlock a text. Like, I’m laughing my ass off, did people really ever think this show was ‘realistic’. It’s NONSENSE. No one but Mycroft is involved or even notified because this is all a dumb heart-metaphor, which is also why the only action Mycroft takes is to send down Sherlock’s ‘handler’ to look after him lmao. The only thing they have ever cared about are their dumb metaphors (that I love! So much!). Sherlock just laughs at the text and says Mycroft’s getting sloppy (has he ever NOT been though…this is the question) as they rush toward the elevator, in which they conveniently bump into Frankland again. Back on ground level, they run into the stern and impressive Major Barrymore, who is quite outraged that Sherlock has staged an inspection.

BARRYMORE: The whole point of Baskerville (❤️) was to eliminate this kind of bureaucratic nonsense... SHERLOCK: I’m so sorry, Major. BARRYMORE: Inspections?! SHERLOCK: New policy. Can’t remain unmonitored forever. Goodness knows what you’d get up to.

“The whole point of Baskerville (❤️) was to eliminate this kind of bureaucratic nonsense...” Like...is this some meta-fictional yelling on Mark’s part about the heartrooms or what :/ And like, I get it, the heartrooms etc WERE no doubt intended to subvert the ‘bureaucratic nonsense’ that would inevitably swamp the first gay Holmes adaptation and allow them to tell the story they wanted to tell relatively undetected, but I’m with Sherlock on this one lmao. These fuckers have been running around unmonitored for TOO LONG and they can’t keep getting away with it! Enough is enough! Um, anyway, they’re interrupted as Lyons sets the heart-alarms off despite the intruders being like, right there with them, and just says ‘ID unauthorised’. Sherlock hands over Mycroft’s ID and just as Barrymore is about to skewer them, Frankland intervenes and is able to persuade Barrymore that Sherlock is in fact Mycroft Holmes (I guess. Since Mycroft is basically just The Brain anyway), and get them off the hook. This scene is a clusterfuck to me and one of the few where I can’t really tell if there’s anything going on because there’s no context and I can’t stand watching it because of the alarms. Like the scene with Jaqui, I feel like it’s mostly just setup for the second trip to Baskerville.

Frankland walks them out and seeks to ingratiate himself with them and insert himself into the investigation although Sherlock is clearly still on edge. He gushes about the hat, saying Sherlock’s almost unrecognisable without it (tell me about it) as Sherlock crankily says that stupid hat wasn’t his hat. (I take it anyone reading this is familiar with the meaning of the hat, but if you haven’t seen it the tjlce video explains it well). He then compliments John on his blog, “the pink thing” and “that one about The Aluminium Crutch”*[1] and with the mention of THAT debacle Sherlock abruptly changes the subject. Frankland says he knew Henry’s dad better than Henry himself and that he had all sorts of “mad theories” about Baskerville (❤️) but was nonetheless a good friend. He gives Sherlock his number, and says to give him a call if he can help with Henry.

Frankland throws some shade at Stapleton after they joke about killing Sherlock again and then they part ways. As soon as they’re alone, John immediately asks Sherlock what all that about the rabbit was, and Sherlock doesn’t answer. He smirks to himself knowingly, then flips his collar up and pulls his coat protectively around himself (in my opinion). His acts of defensiveness are so tiny, man, it breaks my heart. John, (pining to DEATH!) already wound up from being led down this rabbit hole blind, blurts out

JOHN: Oh, please, can we not do this, this time. SHERLOCK: Do what? JOHN: You, being all…mysterious with your, cheekbones, ’n turning your coat collar up so you look cool. SHERLOCK: I don’t do that! JOHN: Yeah you do.

John is simultaneously endeared and exasperated by this behaviour, but mostly he’s just dying of frustration with all his own pent up desires for his friend.

But Sherlock doesn’t really take well to stuff like this, because he think’s John’s straight. And he hates himself, so obviously he’s never gonna see affection in being teased like this (at least, certainly not the kind he wants) by a ‘mate’ with whom he’s secretly in love. I’m quite sure all he see’s here is the blokey prodding, y’know; posh boy public school with your cheekbones and high collar. A joke. A laugh. It grates at him. These micro-misunderstandings? Death.

The sexual tension continues as they sit in the car together, making awkward eye-contact and immediately looking away from each other before John brings up Bluebell again. Sherlock speculates that Jaqui made Bluebell glow with a fluorescent gene and concludes that as we know she performs “secret experiments” on bunnies, the question is now whether she’s been “working on something deadlier than a bluebell”. As we know, the answer to that question is…no. So John makes a joke.

“To be fair that is quite a wide field.”

John cracks a bi joke RIGHT THERE…AT Sherlock…he’s flirting at him again! Twice in less than five minutes! Sherlock is stumped and perhaps kinda suspicious of another joke at his expense and John just looks away and smirks to himself. I am sorry but I love this so much, John is just like, I’ve had enough of this mysterious asshole it’s MY turn to be a cryptic bitch for once! Aksjndf.

Likes to mix things up….has quite a wide field…dis bisexuelle coding, Mark! ❤️

They arrive at Henry’s house and there is a pertinent moment here that’s been deleted from the episode (perhaps because it’s too obvious), but the script snippet is included in The Sherlock Chronicles:

Sherlock asks John for his money back while they wait for Henry to answer the door, and John rebuffs him, claiming Sherlock owes him. >.< You can see Sherlock is kinda crabby when they cut to him as Henry opens the door:

Uh...tense. They head inside and John looks around, quite surprised, and asks Henry a bit tactlessly,

And this is Sherlock’s reaction:

Hooo boy. TENSE.

In the kitchen, Sherlock helps himself to Henry’s sugar as Henry tells them about the words he remembers, Liberty In, and Sherlock supplies the complete phrase. Henry asks “What now then?” and Sherlock supplies them with The Plan, as he tries to drink his sweetened coffee, which he’s having some trouble swallowing. :(

It’s not to his taste! He just doesn’t do coffee ok.

SHERLOCK: We take you back out onto the moor. See if anything attacks you.

John laughs and acts peeved about Sherlock’s recklessness and Sherlock snaps at him quietly. Got any better ideas? He concludes that if there is a monster out there, the only thing to do is find out where it lives. Time to face his fears at the scene of the crime.

*[1] - writemeastoryofsolitude’s meta “The Mystery of The Aluminium Crutch, or How Sherlock Holmes Fell in Love” has a lot of great insight’s about this particular blog post, I haven’t read it in years and from what I remember I certainly wouldn’t parse it like that myself, but it gives you a pretty good idea. :)

tagging any interested parties again :) @sarahthecoat @impossibleleaf @northstargrassmaiden @devoursjohnlock @gosherlocked @love-in-mind-palace @221bloodnun, @johnlockiseternal, @tjlcisthenewsexy etc

#sherlock #tjlc #johnlock #sherlock meta #my meta #the next part (umqra)...is my fave

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einokay · 6 years

Text

This year

This year has been difficult.

5 months ago my husband and I separated. It was a long time coming and it was my decision. He had severe panic attacks and depressive episodes and rather than seeking help through a GP or counsellor, used me as a crutch. His depression was so consuming and became a full time job to manage. There wasn’t room in our marriage for my own mental health, let alone my own depression and anxiety. Communication slowly eroded. There was just silence.

I moved out on Feb 22, a few months before our 10th anniversary. I moved into a flat I loved, on a street I loved. I wanted to have games nights with friends, and film nights with popcorn. But there was just silence.

Shortly after, I entered a severe depression. Several years of pent up anxiety and depression came to the surface and dragged me under like a tidal wave. I spent days in bed staring, with the blinds closed, cocooned in the darkness. I didn’t eat. I barely moved. I saw my GP and was signed off work and prescribed anti-depressants.

Eventually, I moved from bed. Then moved a bit more. Then washed my face. Then moved to the living room. Then started checking the post. My medication gradually escalated from 5mg a day to 100mg. I started going to the gym to be ‘out in the world’ as my counsellor kindly put it. My depressive episodes led to a weight loss of a few stone. I still don’t know how much I weigh, but know I went from a size 18 to 8 in less than a year.

After a few month’s off of work, I had another appointment with my GP. How did I feel about going back to work? Cautious, but ready. Did I get along with everyone in my team? Yeah, I had good working relationships, 2 were my best friends. So you’ll have support? Absolutely. I was confident in this. How do you feel you’d like your return to go? Phased return as I was still struggling with the side effects of the medication – forgetfulness, paranoia, anger/rage, trouble sleeping, nervousness – managing these side effects was difficult, but the medication helped and the side effects would eventually fade.

I returned to work. Within a week, very few people in the team were speaking with me. Conversations were….curt. Civilities were gone, and everything was peak professionalism – there was no ‘how was your weekend’ or ‘hows the cat?’. For reasons I still don’t know, or understand and am preventing myself for ruminating about. My medication increased.

I spoke with my manager. We had regular catch ups. I was unsure if it was my paranoia, but was reassured there was tension in the team – I still didn’t know why, but wasn’t concerned at that point. I was asked how I felt about working in another building – our team ran three buildings. I acknowledged I needed a team environment – the isolation in my marriage was incredibly difficult for me and I actively relied on being around people. Isolation was a clear trigger. Trigger – I used that word. I needed conversation and interaction to keep myself steady – whether with co-workers or customers. I acknowledged I didn’t drive and commuting would prove difficult, especially since becoming the sole wage earner.

By the end of the week, I was told I would be moved to the furthest building (90 minute walk), would be a lone worker and there was no scope to change this.

Again, the tidal wave pulled me under. I raised my concerns. Again. My medication increased. Again. I drew attention to the fact that I clearly indicated isolation was a trigger. There was no scope for change. There was no reasoning given. There was no guidance in the new role. There was no discussion about adjustments to make it less difficult. My mind started wandering and the anxiety returned. My medication increased. Again.

A few weeks later I met with HR and my manager. I assumed it was to discuss my concerns about the new arrangement. I tried to be optimistic. I was self-managing my mental health. I was exercising, I was seeing a counsellor regularly. I was trying to maintain healthy relationships. I was consistently taking my medication. I had been very clear with my manager about triggers and what helps and hinders my mental health. I made sure my communication was clear. I had followed my GP and counsellors advice. I was ticking the boxes.

I was then told I was being moved out of the team. Into a standalone role. Immediately. Furthering the isolation - physically, socially, even geographically. No reason given. No rationale.

My medication increased. Again. The panic attacks returned. Again. The depression returned. Again. And the isolation was palpable. Whilst in the team, my days were filled with tasks to support the team. Processes. Checklists. In my new role, there was….nothing. No team to support. No tasks to complete. And a 90 minute commute to sit in a room, by myself, doing nothing. Days go by without conversation or meaningful interaction.

One day I tested 200 pens. 8 worked.

One day I pushed in all the chairs.

One day I scanned and shredded hard copies of files from 2003.

I started tracking how many people I interact with. On a busy day, including the post man, its 3. I’m hoping one day it will be 4. Or maybe 5.

After 18 months in my old team, no one acknowledged my leaving. Nor did my manager. There was no goodbye card like the one we gave the intern we had for three months - the one that spun in her chair saying ‘I’m bored’ and deleted 3 years of data. There was no drinks organised like the ones we had for the intern we had for 2 days a week for 6 months - the one that couldn’t use Twitter and was our social media intern. There was no phone call to say ‘sorry to hear you’re leaving’. No one said a word, or has since said a word. No one has been in touch. No one has said a thing. There was just silence. Again.

My dad isn’t speaking with me. He thinks I should have stayed with my husband to support him more.

My mom would like to talk more, but doesn’t want to upset my dad. They’re both retired, so both always home - finding a time where mom is home alone is difficult.

My brother doesn’t understand time zones and tries to call at midnight, my time.

I have a handful of friends - longtime friends and ‘strangers’ (though I don’t like that term, considering how much support I’ve had from them) who reached out on social media. They’re spread out from Toronto to North Tyneside but support from a distance with waves, cat gifs, or just saying hi. Almost always when I’m at a very low point. They break the silence and it helps enormously.

One of my friends who stopped speaking with me finally replied to a message I sent. I needed to draw a line. I didn’t understand what had happened. I ticked every box. We talked every day. At length. About everything. Then it just...stopped. I reached out one last time to acknowledge how hurtful it was and that the situation was quite painful. She replied. After 4 months of silence, she replied. Only to say she had reasons, didn’t want to say what they were and didn’t want to speak.

The tidal wave still drags me under. When I returned to work, it was usually every 4-6 weeks. I could tell when it was coming and had time to plan for it. I could feel it building and building in strength and knew it was time to stop. To slow down. To take a breath.

Now, it comes without warning. The waters have calmed to give way to a lightning storm. Its now a sudden shock. It stops me in my tracks and incapacitates me. When I wake up, first thing in the morning. Or in the middle of the night. Or when I’m at the gym. Or while I’m going for a walk. Once when I was playing with the cat. Another time when I was making toast. Another time paying for groceries. It is frequent. It is unpredictable and it is horrible.

I ticked all the boxes.

I spoke to my manager.

I sought advice from my GP and counsellor.

I maintained healthy relationships.

I tried to have open conversations.

I looked after my well-being. I exercised, I kept a journal, I made a point of going outside and participating in the world. I got a cat. I got plants. I looked after myself and continue to do so.

I am still getting shocked and I am still incapacitated by it.

Frequently.

Weekly.

Sometimes daily.

I miss the slow build of the tidal wave.

I’m trying not to increase my medication. Again.

I’m trying not to get signed off work. Again.

I’m trying to get myself steady and stable. Again.

I’m still ticking all the boxes.

#anxiety #depression #mental health #isolation #loneliness #panic attack

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