#and its such a hard thing on me mentally | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

harpylady · 8 months

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Bought maple one of those scratching boards for her nails

#despite our best efforts nail trimming never is a good time #and its such a hard thing on me mentally #maple loves scratching things so hopefully this will be good #gotta keep a close eye on her though bc these can wear their nails down too much if you dont monitor it

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atomicnumber47 · 2 months

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i dont think he's used to it

#pokespe #pokemon #dexholder silver #pokespe silver #pokemon adventures #johtoshipping #idk if that counts tbh this is more him having a mental breakdown over people being nice to him #ah well #i imagine the shift of. his childhood straight into doing. Normal. Kid Things. would be the most whiplash inducing thing.#being invited to a Home with someones Parents. i dont doubt he was shitting himself the first time gold invited him over #plus i think there'd then be a whole load of messy feelings about it too. i dont think ... he's jealous.. if you are to understand me..#its hard to describe. not necessarily jealous.. but it leads him to probably think of what ifs for the entire night that day. yearnin n all #anyways. is this too edgy.... i always liked these style of ....... things

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skitskatdacat63 · 1 month

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Roleswap anyone??

Tell me Fernando wouldn't make a fantastic general/emperor, and that Napoleon wouldn't make a fanastic driver/tp!!

#this might be the most mentally ill thing ive drawn yet....#lmao im like ah this would be a funny idea to draw #and then got WAAYYYYY more into drawing napoleon #to the point of cuteness aggression and sadness that him in f1 isnt real :(#cofi and i made up a whole lore and plot line so if you want a pt 2 of that hmu LMAO #but briefly: hes a driver(2 wdc btw) who got kicked out for smth and then came back as a tp again to torment his former rivals #gahhhhh why is he so cute why isnt he real :( i would stan him so hard you dont understand #with his cute little lesbian bob and introverted but brave and outspoken demeanor....#his mechanics and team in general are all tall men who love to pick him up #but god the plot is just so fun and compelling that it makes me sad that kinda driver doesnt exist irl #my greatest dream is for someone from the actual napoleon fandom to see this #bcs its weird enough for you guys so i cant even imagine what theyd think #BUT PLEASEEE #anyways. this is a very odd post. but im very proud of it :)#lmao this is just like one step closer to actually writing my proper manifesto about it #but yeah i posted that silly meme the other day and it got way more notes that i expected so maybe this will be appealing too?#girls who cannot draw normal fanart #<- like seriously i wont draw napoleon in his normal clothes and fernando vice versa but no prob with the reverse?? my brain...#f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #nandopoleon alonsoparte #napoleon bonaparte #napoleon #catie.art

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chiquilines · 9 months

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Yeah im late to the bandwagon but i've been itching to redraw them for some days now,, theyre so small

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puppyeared · 6 months

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people who do STEM or administration as a career full time and continue to do art as a hobby, I am scared of you but like in a hot way. youre like if we were allowed to have cold drinks in winter. i look at you and think of miles morales with his two cakes. do you want to make out sometime

#i say all of this positively bc i just! i cant help admiring it!! even if its mundane or not a big deal to you i seriously cant wrap my head #around it.. this is in no way at all meant to be condescending or anything. whenever i look at someones bio and theyre like oh im working #as a lab assistant biologist pharmacist realtor etc im like woag.... thats insane.. and then i peep your art tag and it knocks my socks of #how?? what lives do you lead??? im so curious. i seriously want a peek inside your brains someday. or at least shadow you at work lol #i cant help but feel sad when someone says smth like well i have to support myself and art cant do that for me. or maybe you were #pushed into pursuing a 'safe' career bc i hear it a lot. all of my relatives have the same story working as nurses and OFWs for the family #i think for me its not about missed potential but rather its being sad about making a decision to put your happiness aside to get by #ive tried so hard to do it but it didnt work out. i guess watching you guys do it is fascinating to me #or maybe youve made peace with your decision or actually like what you pursued but im still amazed!! it makes me wonder what made #you pick one over the other in that case.. is it like putting time for two different things the way you would for a schedule?? hmmm #im doing graphic design so i dont really interact with ppl in other faculties even humanities like sociology or childcare... so i cant help #wondering what it must be like as someone whos pursuing visual communication both as an interest and career #i seriously wish i could do smth like a desk job or even admin and maybe ill try that if this doesnt work. or i could look into trades #but dyscalculia already makes it hard to do things like cash and mental math so i get overwhelmed if i think about this too hard #yapping

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sepiamestus · 3 months

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It always rubs me the wrong way when people characterize atsushi as too much of a sweetheart. Like he IS a sweetheart but he's also snarky and sarcastic and most importantly he's very very angry. Do not forget this.

#I think its a product of like. People thinking that being kind and being angry are mutually exclusive #Which they very much are not #Atsushi is an extremely compassionate character who also happens to be angry!! These things do not cancel each other out #Like. He bites and screams and fights when someone hurts him or someone he cares about #He's been hurt so much and he's furious and bitter about it.#He's still a compassionate character. He's so so good. Being angry at people that hurt you is not bad.#He's not someone who just rolls over and takes whats thrown at him. He establishes this very early on #Idk. I just think taking away that part of him that's bitter and angry about the way he was treated #Is a major disservice to his character #Jesus this turned into a tangeant. I love atsushi a lot.#I'm a very angry person myself. I actually like that about myself!! I relate to atsushi a lot just as #Someone whos affected by mental illness in ways that often end up making me someone thats hard to be around #Atsushi is a tiger. He bites. This is important.#Sorry sorry. The atsushi brainrot is strong this morning #ruby speaks #Bsd #Bsd atsushi #Atsushiposting

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maraschinotopped · 5 days

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undertale yellow. clutches head in anguish.

#[cherry on top]#undertale yellow spoilers #[..its still you]#anyways. finished my uty playthrough yesterday. oh my god.#^ that might be a bit of a surprise given that ive said like. nothing about it on here #but honestly i felt like positive-neutral about the game for most of it. like yeah it was good;#but nothing that drove me crazy. yknow? it was just an overall good game.#which is why i didnt really say anything about it #then it started picking up near the middle-end with the steamworks-#i enjoyed axis and guardener a lot; ceroba was a cool party member;#and the music in steamworks goes hard. one of my favorite tracks tbh #then there was the buildup to cerobas fight.#then i /got/ to cerobas fight and. crumples up into a ball AAUUUUUUUUUU #OH MY GODDDDDD #something about it made me shatter into a million tiny pieces.#a lot of things did actually. like how HARD IT WAS #i was stuck on her for OVER AN HOUR #BUT I DID IT. I DID IT LEGIT. IT WAS SO SATISFYING WHEN I FINALLY BEAT HER #god im just insane about ceroba rn. women who fuck up everything big time #and see no other option other than to dig their hole deeper because they sure as hell arent getting out of it #OH AND THE ENDING... BECAUSE OH MY GODDDD OF COURSE CLOVER WOULD DO THAT AHUGHHHHH #THEY'RE THE JUSTICE SOUL. THEY WANTED TO BRING MONSTERS TO JUSTICE AFTER ALL THEY FACED #OF FUCKING COURRSSSEEEEEEE AAAUUGHHHHH <- wail of anguish #KILLING AND MAIMING AND BITING.#SORRY. i needed to lose it for my mental health. quoting that one tiktok: 'im craeezay. im insaaane!'#for other tidbits i wanted to mention:#cerobas bossfight music went HARD. i fucking love the phase 3 transition especially with her yelling as the music starts;#that black hole attack can go fuck itself;#and if you were wondering how long it took me to beat uty. it was around 10-11 hours for a pacifist route.#anyways i totally need to play more games. that was fucking awesome and i need to experience more things like that

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lemongogo · 5 months

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can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3

#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me.#as in.an idea or concept that already exists #chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists.#and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it #i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim #like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations #but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know #like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness #and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty #and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh......#i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete #and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better #but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard #and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel #one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it.#i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing #but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping #so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands #but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing #fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht #but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time #SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach #sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)

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madame-mongoose · 4 months

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I wish mental health services were more easily accessible and certain mental illnesses weren't still demonized in the field

#still pursuing a bpd diagnosis #but a lot of the specialists im seeing online are all like #have you been victimized abused or manipulated by someone with bpd?#and im like :(#ough im not ready to have ANOTHER heavily stigmatized mental illness #but despite that i still do hope i get diagnosed #i think it would explain a lot #and really help me work through my issues #before it gets to that tipping point #it already has come close multiple times just this year alone #i just... idk #i want to be better i want to get better #i dont want to hurt people anymore. i dont want to hurt myself anymore #it sucjs it really does #sorry for vent posting again #i just dont have anywhere else to go #and i dont feel comfortable talking to people about this stuff usually #everyone tells me i can talk to them but.. idk. its hard to do that. so many things can go wrong. i dont like talking about myself #i like for people to have a certain image of me. prefer people not to worry themselves over me #it brings bad feelings and associations sometimes #which if i have bpd can be thhe cause of that i suppose. just makes me feel insecure? ig? guilty? makes me feel like a bad person #when people try to get me to take care of myself. even if its a good thing #idk im just rambling #nobody take this in a bad way or feel discouraged in fact dont pay any mind to this #im just spitballing #will probably delete later #monnie rambles

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quins-makeshift-menagerie · 3 months

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Fruits

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alphacrone · 10 months

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this is your reminder that 99.9% of employers care more about money than you and even if they are kind and fair now they WILL at the end of the day put profits over your well being so absolutely do not sacrifice your life for them.

#and by life i mean time really #do your job to its exact description #do not make things too difficult for your fellow workers #you can even work hard if you want to #but do not undervalue your time or your mental and physical well being #this is a mistake i made in my first job #the stress of that job triggered my (undiagnosed) crohns so bad i was hospitalized twice #and my boss asked me to work from my hospital bed #while also not giving me sick time and not paying me well #in my previous post that coworker has been working there at least 15 years #never caused any problems went above and beyond #was a fucking backbone of the company #and is getting tossed out bc management is fucking moronic #they’ll be fine they’re so great they’ll get a much better job i’m certain #and previous management loved them SO much and did try to take really good care of them to keep them from leaving #but in the end stupid financial decisions will always come before employee we’ll begin #being #so never give too much of yourself to a job and always keep your resume updates #also don’t be afraid to leave nasty reviews on yelp or glassdoor and also maybe key your boss’ car

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weafurry · 5 months

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YAYY YIPPEE HII/silly

(Sorry I didn't get to this till now it was late when I saw the ask and I didn't wanna answer it while I was half asleep. Also apparently tumblr doesn't let you edit asks anymore?? )

Leaving this under a cut tho cuz I know this shit will get LONG

ANYWAYS. The. Big one related to that™ post came from a combination of me wondering how the FUCK Cedric got the yellow phosphor needed to rebuild proto + consequences of the revival of characters my beloved

And uh. Yea any yellow phosphor he does end up getting his hands on I. DOUBT WOULD BE ENOUGH.

So uh. Proto being rebuilt with less yellow phosphor then is probably even remotely adviseable and that causing a whole ton of issues™ . And Cedric not even knowing cuz of the whole just. Scanning the blueprints in.

Also this is proto we're talking about here. There's no fucking way he'd tell anyone until shit got BAD.

LEMME JUST. Screenshots from when I was brainrotting over this in my first OneShot fixation

And yea. The author probably would have had yellow phosphor stored in the lab somewhere just incase. (Esp with the head canon that. Proto predicted his own death a long time ago cuz. Prophet moment. And. Told the author and the prophet but never cedric and rue cuz everytime he went to he would get another vision of them trying to intervene and things only going worse)

BUT. since I want my angst goddammit. That part of the lab collapsed first and while Cedric was abled to salvage some yellow phosphor it ends up not being enough.

BUT LIKE. YEA. the way I always imagined Cedric and Rue actually finding out is. One of those moments where a bunch of errors and shit happens . Happens when him Cedric and Rue are walking in the refuge. And this one's bad enough that he can't just metaphorically grit his teeth through it like the other times this has happened in public. Once it's over Cedric and Rue are reasonably extremely concerned and. Fuckin rush him to the lab to try and see if there something they can do to fix this.

AND UH. That segways into another little detail of this headcanon. BECAUSE. he let this go on for so long with the damage all the errors and malfunctions overtime have caused. It probably would just be better to rebuild him and reuse the yellow phosphor they already have. BUT UH. since the situation around him being rebuilt made it so stressful the first time around, he. REALLY doesn't wanna do that again. I have. Such a vivid idea of a scene in my head for that. They're like. Talking with kip. And shes like halfway through saying the word rebuild and. She doesn't even get to finish he just cuts her off.

So what they end up doing is, in the meantime, using red phosphor to prevent any further damage until they can go to the barrens to get blue phosphor so said phosphor won't have to be replaced as often.

I ACTUALLY. made a dumb little chart of how. I imagined them looking different a few days ago

I imagine that. Actually having a normal level of phosphor would. Definitely HELP. But. There would still be some issues partially because it's not one uniform type of phosphor and partially because of the damage the issues caused. And you couldnt pry this headcanon out of my cold dead hands. Consequences of the revival of characters go brrrrrrr

AND THEN UH. Don't get me started on the night terrors as a result of the whole squares thing headcanons.

that whole thing. Came from me going. "do robots still need sleep?" and ultimately deciding yes when i came up with the other headcanon that. only tamed robots dream.

When I made this headcanon I actually hadnt played solstice in a while, and for some reason I always remembered it as, him handing Niko the disk while the lower half of his body was already in the squares. which. no he actually hands it to them while the squares are directly behind him BUT. I still choose to remember it that way HSHSH. anyways uh. Important and related to this headcanon. He remembers what that feels likeeee. and hes probably the only oneee because in the solstice ending everyone only sayss they remember the squares surrounding themm not actually touching themmm and even robots who have gotten caught in them and liveed probably dont rememberrr especially since most of them arent tameddd and uhh even if he only remembers the beginning of ittt hes probably really good at filling in the gapss with the whole prophet thingg (thanks @malwarechips for that last idea/silly)

ANYWAYS UHm. so the whole. tamed robots dreaming thing right. HIM. having night terrors about the fucking squares.

I always imagined it as like. about a week after solstice, once things are starting to calm down and return to normal, one night cedric and rue wake up to proto just fuckin screaming at the top of his (metaphorical) lungs. And. they fuckin burst into his room to him tossing and turning in his sleep and then fucking jolting awake. and like.this keeps happening like. practically every other night. he's losing sleep over this shit. Which probably isn't helping all the other issues from the whole phosphor ordeal which he still hasn't told Cedric or Rue about at this point. And I mean. I doubt the nightmares would be restricted to just. in the mines. cuz dreams are weird like that esp when traumas involved AND UH. With the whole prophet thing. That. PROBABLY WOULDNT MIX WELL. (once again thanks eve for that last part/silly)

(On a lighter note I did have the thought of Cedric and Rue sleeping in his room one night and him actually finally getting a good nights sleep and thus that just. Becoming routine for them. The thing about my angsty headcanons is 99% of the time there's hurt/comfort potential in there)

I DO HAVE. some more lighthearted not angsty headcanons, but i wanna save most of those for their own posts cuz theyre small enough that i can actually draw them and finish them.

I will say one more though. this one is 100% projection but *points at proto* chronic migraines

#90% of my proto headcanons are just me torturing my son and making things 10x worse for him. this is the cost of being a blorbo #i mean it's not like i made him *that* much worse #i mean look at him. look at him and tell me he's ok. look at him and tell me that he has decent mental health.#its so fucking hard to take myself seriously writing some of this when theyre called the SQUARES. like #OOOoooOoo scaryyyy he failed geometry oooooo #autism blast /silly #all of these are so fucking self indulgent and i will not be apologizing #can you tell im writing these tags as im writing the actual post #ok im normal now (this is a lie)#prototype #prototype oneshot #proto oneshot #oneshot #oneshot game #I still dont have a tag system for this fandom besides using oneshot/just character names for personal tagging #wyrm.txt #Wea's Art

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anxiously-sidequesting · 8 months

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Does anyone else in this fandom have those Autism™ Moments where you have like 80 different wizard posts you want to make and are bouncing around in your head like that windows screen loader thing at the Exact Same Time and each post requires like a nuclear bomb amount of energy and creativity that you don't have because,

#i litwrally have a headache from the things i want to say but cannot because im too lazy #another teen morganthe au post. a post expanding on the ceren bartleby child post. a post about something new i found out about malorn #and then a post EXPANDING on the malorn post. a post about nolan stormgate. a post about boris tallstaff. a post about malistaire #a poll about if dyvim has any rizz canonically or not #these are like all shitty ideas i have and i have no brain juice. the words are there but I Am Not #its great being mentally ill in wizard101 because theres so much lore and shit you can work with its so fun #but then i get tired from thinking too hard im like patrick star. yknow #yknow what fuckit im making that dyvim poll right the fuck now. stop me #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 6 months

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Me, while manically cleaning my room at 3:27am: I should make several large, life-changing, irreversible decisions.

#so ive been in a bad mental state lately #because of many things. but the biggest being (yes i know ive complained about this in multiple other posts)#that my best friend and my ex gf were fucking. without even asking or telling me. i got no heads up. just figured it out on my own #which sucked and now im not speaking to either of them #and when i first found out i was in a bad place physically too #i had a terrible ear infection that was so fucking painful #and i realized i could concentrate on both things. so i focused on healing #and then i remembered ny family is coming to visit for Christmas #and thats a lot to deal with. so now im focusing on cleaning the apartment. specifically my bedroom #so im manically cleaning at 3:30am while angry and stressed and trying not to focus on this thing that makes me really upset #and in the middle of cleaning ill suddenly think 'should i quit my summer camp job?' or 'should i move states again?'#its not good. but i havent acted on anything #AND in the middle of cleaning i found all of my meds #i havent been taking them for months. but i decided im gonna start taking them again #i have a few refills left but then ill have to find a psychiatrist. i dont want to. but its definitely for the best #im trying to get my life back on track and build and better it #but then something hits me and completely derails everything and makes everything so hard #so anyway im gonna go do some more cleaning and try not to make life-altering decisions. and maybe build a desk #btw i have to get up at 9am to take out my puppy. and at 11:35 i have to get ready for work. again its 3:30am #and im full of manic energy #tomorrow is going to be very bad but at least I'll have a semi-clean room

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urproblematicfav-arsonk · 7 months

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Currently thinking about Morgan saying the reason she likes Glenn more then Jodie is because even though he's really stupid, he is trying and thats why she loves him but it's "this is the best its going to be" when it comes to his relationship to Nicky.

Thinking about how Morgan was someone who pushed back against Glenn's worse behaviors and called him out. Morgan made Glenn want to be better. And then she died and Glenn gave up trying because Nick wasn't a good enough reason to keep on trying

#glenn is terrible❤#he is the absolute worst guy #obsessed with the idea of being with nick again was the only thing to keep glenn going in prison #and then he gets out and is given the opportunity to be in nicky's life again #the opportunity to do it over and this time actually be there #and he just #doesn't want to #its too hard. why would he need to hang out with the kid who came from a unplanned pregnancy when he could run off with his wife and party #as someone with a mentally ill parent who was my codependent bestfriend and watching her refuse to change or be there for me anymore #nicky never being worth it or good enough for his dad just hits a lot harder #freddie owes me emotional damage compensation #dungeons and daddies #dungeons and daddies s2 #dnddads s2 spoilers #glenn close #nick close

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puppyeared · 5 months

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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........

#MOTHER FFFFUCKER #to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants #im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night #at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn #to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS #the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori #but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey #consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick #outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to #animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better #at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH #i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc #im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over #where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands #there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE #ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles #but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your #health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves #also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet #im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to #have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to #to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up #their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ #yapping

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