My partner talking abt one of their Coworkers that they're getting closer to as if she isn't transphobic abt me on the daily and ablist as fuck to my partner 😊

i dont know what to do guys, im depressed and hurt and i want it all to end but i literally cant do anything and i feel like shit

so i broke up with my now ex(lets call him sabe) in may, because thing were complicated and i was traveling for the summer....... and i got with this other guy (lets name him carl) in place of him.... ive known carl for about 2 yrs now and i had alot of feeling toward him but i didnt want to deal with the long distance relationship..... so i said no a year ago.... but i said yes about a month ago.... me breaking up with sabe hurt him alot.... we dated for 3-4 months (ik its really short but he was my first bf and he made me feel so fucking special like i cant), like alot alot.... so he blocked me on everything even text so he didnt get any of my messages of me wanting to talk to him to clear the mud..... i told my friend to ask if i could talk to him.... she ended up saying more than i wanted her too... and yes at this time im still dating carl..... she said i had a bf and i was sorry and i wanted to talk to him, he literally fucking said he didnt care.... about me being sorry about my new bf ( which btw i was going to mention myself or even not at all she just blurted it out), and even about me wanting to talk to him..... and ive been trying to bc i feel like i really fucked up and i didnt want to be ignored by the guy i loved the most so i was and am still trying to make amends.... any way so carl has been ghosting me for the past 3 days... i tell him i love him( weve known each other for 2 yrs i thought itd be fine, ik its early to say that) , hows he doin, how was his day, what happend, but instead i got half assed responses and comments..... yesterday he called me, he was so quiet i knew smt was up so i asked, he said he was thinking about ‘us’... so i said what about ‘us’... he said im rethinking this relationship... and me being already depressed and my anxiety was way up that day already so imagine the shit that was going through my mind. i asked why.... earlier he had asked me if i was christian i said idk bc i literally dont have a preference, then he asked if ive used a ouija board and shit like that, i said no but i use tarot cards.... he told me he didnt like ‘witchcraft’ or ‘dark shit’ and im 100% into all of that.... so to him that was a ‘problem’.... he told me thats why he broke up with his last gf ‘she wasnt christian enough’.... oh and he decided to mention the long distance thing once after he said all that. anyway he said he loves me and would nvr do anything to hurt me.... so i sent him a message of how i feel.... ive nvr gone to him about my cutting(which ive done more recently bc of this), about my depression, anxiety, add, and every single disorder i have bc he just tells me to go to the doctor or talk to someone other than him, and he judges me so hard like omg...... ik hes going to break up with me today and im so fucking scared.... i dont know what to do and like i want sabe back so bad bc he didnt treat me like this he NEVER treated me like this..... i told my friend that i want them to find me in the girls bathroom dead.... slit wrists and neck.... i want sabe back... and i just want my pain to end... im so done for how people treat me 

and i havent told @captainchloe12354 so ur now hearing about this girl.... im sorry i didnt tell u earlier but soo much shit was happening for the past week ive been so fucking depressed and i so wish u were here w me clo i love you so much my best friend and favorite cousin........ 

and @dontlookatmeimdead this is y ive been depressed.....

anyway ik this is a long ass post and for those of you if u even care i appreciate yuo reading my horrible grammar and horrible life, heres a piece of cake  ...