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chaotic-archaeologist · 11 months

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I'll be on my first dig this coming August (whoop whoop). Aside from the general tips (sun cream, good shoes, clothes for the weather), what are some suggestions you have? (Anything from how to deal with 20+ random people from my uni course who I don't know, being a trans man in the UK heat and figuring out how to dress and deciding whether I should actually try to care about hiding my chest/sports bra straps (if I wear tank tops), what to pack for lunch, etc.) Our dig organiser has literally told us nothing except the dates and times we'll be working, so I am going a little bit insane with trying to plan logistics for myself. (Also having a fun time trying to find steel-toed boots and a new rain jacket....) Sorry for the long ask, I hope you have a lovely day!

Hey there, dirtling! Congratulations on going on your first dig! The good news is that I think I've answered all of your questions before, and you can find those posts on my advice master list. But I'll also take the time to go into more detail about some precautions for trans archaeologists.

Passing: listen, I'm a firm believer that passing is not the end all/be all of trans experience. Some people really really want to pass. Some people don't. That's totally fine. However, in certain settings, passing can be a safety issue—particularly if you're going to a country/area which is less LGBTQ+ friendly. The choice on whether to conceal your methods of binding is entirely yours.

In general, I've found archaeologists to be very accepting, but I would consider keeping things on the DL for a week or so while you get a read on the group and then proceed from there. Is it shitty that you have to worry about that? Yes. Is it a precaution that could help keep you safe/minimize uncomfortable interactions? Also yes. Do what feels best to you.

Binding on a dig: binding is going to put you at higher risk for heat exhaustion and heatstroke. This is a serious concern, and you should do everything you can to minimize the danger. You don't have to tell your supervisor why, but I would recommend letting them know you're sensitive to heat and may need to take breaks to cool off. Heatstroke is one of the biggest occupational hazards for archaeologists, and it shouldn't be taken lightly.

You can also set yourself up for success by getting clothes that will help keep you cool (provided you can afford to do so). I have two pairs of REI's Trailmade Pants, which are expensive but totally worth it. They're incredibly comfortable and breathable, and they've held up to repeated wear and tear. (They also come in a lot of different waist/inseam measurements which is handy for trans guys.) But you cal also totally go to a local sporting/outdoor store and find something similar. Do this for shirts too. Find things that are breathable and that won't trap heat.

Figure out how you're going to wash whatever it is you're using to bind. You are going to sweat. You are going to get gross. You do not want the skin irritation that will come from wearing a dirty binder all the time. Again, if you can afford it, look into getting multiples of your preferred binder so you don't have to worry about doing laundry all the time.

Be aware of the physical limitations that come with binding. This is applicable to any kind of physical exertion, excavation included. Make sure you're taking breaks to breathe properly.

Medications: if you're on HRT, make sure that 1) you have the supply you will need, and 2) have a safe place to administer those medications. Depending on the field school, you could be camping or living in some sort of nearby accommodation. If your HRT requires an injection, scope out a sanitary place to do so. If you need your supervisor's help in ensuring privacy while you do your injection, you don't need to tell them what the injection is for (if you don't want to).

Group dynamics: (this has nothing to do with being trans) being tossed into a group of people that you don't know is always intimidating. But remember, everyone is probably feeling the same way, to varying degrees. Go into things with an open mind and find the people you gravitate towards. There's always going to be someone you don't like on a field crew, and there's nothing you can do about it. Just try to keep contact with that person to a minimum.

Keep your trowel sharp and your heart hopeful, -Reid

#he speaks #archaeology #archaeology advice #trans archaeologist

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endlich-allein · 3 years

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Once again, @iinchicore was very kindly to translate an article for me. This is the interview with Till and Joey in MetalHammer (January 2021). The boys tell about their journey in the Amazon and their future projects together.

A big thank you, lots of kisses and a big hug to @iinchicore ♡

Till Lindemann & Joey Kelly : Friendship Without Limits

MetalHammer: How did the preparations for this journey differ in comparison to your Yukon trip?

Joey Kelly: We took along different equipment. While riding on the Yukon we used sturdy Canadian kayaks, which we couldn't find in Colombia. So we took along our own foldable 15 kilogramme kayak. Due to the climate, our choice of clothing was also different. Besides, the Amazon is much more dangerous than Alaska. There are many dangerous animals, small and big ones. You can find snakes, crocodiles and piranhas, which is why you shouldn't bathe in the river. You have to move differently on the Amazon than on the Yukon, where you only have to keep your distance to bears and elks. Amazonia is a jungle, where only those animals survive who eat the others.

Your first river journey led you to the Yukon, now you travelled on the Amazon. Was there a reason for why you picked that river exactly?

Till Lindemann: We were considering to travel along the Chinese Yangtze or the Lena in Russia, Siberia. Siberia was my favourite, but Joey convinced me to go to the Amazon. We have both been there before and knew a little about how to prepare and what to expect. One thing we knew right away was that, in regard to the nature and people, South America was much more exciting – Siberia looks similar to Alaska. That wouldn't have been all that interesting for our second book. Now the contrast is much greater: Alaska is austere and glum, the Amazon is the exact opposite with an entirely different wildlife and vegetation. Don't forget the wonderful colours of South America!

Any fascinating experiences of nature?

TL: It is really rare to spot an animal in the jungle. You can hear them everywhere, but they hide or are disguised very well. With the help of the local guides we observed snakes, birds, monkeys and a tapir. We saw pink dolphins and watched them do their jumps on the river. Because of their skin-like colour the locals believe they're incarnations of their dead loved ones and worship them.

How did the locals at the river react towards you?

TL: Reluctant, at first. You go to them and, for example, ask whether you can stay the night. They don't really talk much in the beginning, but after a night with a lot of Cachaca they warm up to you. Usually they were interested in our fishing gear. Most of them had never seen something like it, as they were used to fishing with rolled up strings and nets. I was amazed that every village we visited, no matter how remote the location, owned fridges with cold beer, they even had solar energy. Huge satellite dishes to watch football. For three days we visited one particular village. There was a storm, so they allowed us to stay. There was an older guy who had fallen off his stilt house, drunk, and broke his foot. Two young men went to the neighbouring village, a day's journey away, to get the shaman. The man should have belonged to a hospital, but that was entirely out of the question for him. It either heals on its own or it doesn't. We bandaged his foot and supplied him with pain meds. Then we continued drinking.

Did you plan beforehand what you wanted to see during your journey?

TL: Yes, a coca plantation. We knew that they existed there everywhere. At first, it was a lot of back and forth. They were staving us off, but after a lot of endless waiting and our patient agreeing to it, they allowed us to go. Along with two attendants from the village, we paddled down a branch of the Amazon that became narrower over time. A labyrinth of branches we would have never found our way out of. Eventually, we ended up at one of the countless plantations. It wasn't harvest time, however, so the leaves weren't ripe yet. But you could see all the tools for it: mashers, bags, and hundreds of bowls. And a little storage.

Did you try the coca leaves?

TL: Yes. We were on the plantation. They hid the plants below banana trees, so you couldn't see the plantation from the air. I did try a few coca leaves, but there is no sorcery about it. You just stay awake and feel energized. Everybody is chewing on them there, it's like coffee, just ten times stronger.

Did you reach your physical limits during this journey?

TL: The body adjusts to the climate pretty quickly. After three weeks you don't sweat all that much anymore. Even the sun doesn't bother you as much anymore, because you're thoroughly cooked anyway. But the humidity requires getting used to. The people there are handling it very differently. They own to pairs of shorts, two t-shirts and beach slippers, and they walk around like that all day.

JK: The climate there is exhausting, you're sweat-soaked after only three minutes. Personally, I don't mind it, but to people who aren't used to it it's a pain. The route we went on was quite difficult in parts, it was very serpentine. You had to paddle the whole time, you had to steer, then there were shoals or the water became too flat, so we had to relocate the boat.

You didn't capsize though, like it happened to you on the Yukon?

JK: No, the water level during that season was way too low. Later on, when the water comes in from the Andes during the monsoon season, the level rises by 15 metres. It drowns out entire forests.

TL: I was there once during the monsoon season. Back then only the tree tops were peeking out of the water. That's why they build their houses on stilts, so the water doesn't reach them. Many villages are located on mountain tops, as the water level won't rise that high.

Considering the many preparations and daily challenges, did you ever find time to relax during such an extensive journey?

TL: Travelling on the Yukon wasn't stressful, because we were sleeping on the sandbanks. Those experiences made travelling the Amazon even easier. As the sun goes down very early there, our only concern was to make camp before 6PM. Whenever we found a good location we sometimes made camp even earlier than that, instead of travelling on and risking not finding a good spot. That only happened to us once, so we had to sleep in the jungle, which wasn't all that bad either.

With a camp fire and night watch?

TL: A camp fire, yes, but we didn't need a night watch. You have to trust your guide, those guys know what they're doing. Our guide went ahead a couple of metres with a bit of string and, within a few minutes, came back with six piranhas. Then we turned on the grill and ate. Piranhas are really tasty, like giltheads.

Did you gain more respect for nature due to this journey?

TL: I had a great respect for nature before that already. Still, I couldn't hold myself back from taking pictures with snakes. I love snakes, Joey thinks they're scary. (laughs)

What did you learn along the way?

JK: I asked the Indians to teach me how to fish with a cast-net and pulled animals out of the water, which an aquarist would usually pay thousands of euros for. Scalars, discus fish, loricariids, sisorid catfish, catfish in all shapes and sizes.

Here in Europe we read a lot about the fact that these romantic times might be of the past soon, due to the systematic ecocide. Is that what you saw over there?

TL: When you approach Leticia you can make out the slash-and-burn methods used below. We assume that every minute jungle area the size of 1.5 football fields gets cleared, for soy plantations or pasture areas. The search for gold is also devastating for the nature. They use mercury to wash the gold out of rocks and clay. The mercury ends up in the rivers, in the fish, and then inside the people.

JK: The Amazon traverses through the entire continent. It is so broad and deep, there are even bigger ships cruising the river than on our rivers here in Europe. They carry natural resources, mainly wood. You can find a sawmill every couple of kilometres. They carry the tree trunks there and cut them along the length (4m by 1,20m or even 4m). Those planks then get transported either by ship or overland, a systematic deforestation of the Amazon area.

TL: You find a lot of filth in the main stream: huge tree trunks, garbage, bags full of plastic, and a lot of wood waste. It's illegal, but everybody does it. Very obviously, even during the day, nobody cares.

Are the locals not aware of the drastic situation?

JK: The sawmills pay the farmers 250 to 300 euros for one tree trunk. The sawmills sell it for 2.500 euros, and then here in Europe it costs up to 30.000 euros.

TL: As soon as they saw us, the lumbermen turned off their chainsaws and fled into the forest, yelling: “Piss off!” They were afraid that those pictures would be seen by the world. Same thing for the fisheries. Usually, the fish leave the lagoons during the dry season and swim back into the main stream, because the lakes dry out. The law allows it that they cast a net over half of the lake, so that a part of the fish can swim past. Now, the fishermen close off the entire lake, with up to ten nets. No fish can get past that anymore, only the very small ones. They're overexploiting the area high and low. They even steal all the turtle eggs from the clutches. It didn't used to be that way, back then they would leave half of it where it was.

Do you think that could change, if other types of income would replace the exploitation, like tourism?

JK: I don't think that the parts Till and I went to would be suitable for commercial tourism. Let's be honest, the biggest income is ensured by the coca production. You would travel right into a drug area. We could only move around freely there, because the government was taking care of the cartel conflicts at the time. Apparently, the military is now in charge of the coca trade.

TL: Corruption is the order of business. A policeman is earning less than a coca farmer. Thus, bribery and blackmail are commonplace. Almost all of it is illegal: fishing with the many nets, the gold-seeking, the wood clearing and the coca plantation. The areas are huge and hardly controllable. Since president Bolsonaro is in power in Brazil, the clearing business went up by 30 percent. Bolsonaro announced officially that the Amazon is a product, and that's how the people treat it. They expel the indigenous people and allocate them to surrogate areas, their land goes to the gold-seekers and their prospecting rights. The surrogate areas aren't of any use, however, so they don't live in villages anymore, but in small cities. That'll turn out to be very problematic in the future.

Was it a bizarre experience to you to live with indigenous people, even though it is said that there is no room for the white man?

JK: I've seen tourism in parts of the world where I'd have never expected it. An example would be the South Pole. Once I reached by goal there a plane landed, six tourists came out and paid several thousand dollars for a four to six hour long stay. I thought there was a lot less tourism at the Amazon than anywhere else. The only tourists who travel there are either extremely rich Americans or Russians who come in by helicopter, no matter how expensive the journey. As long as they were there once in their life, took a picture with an Indian and a monkey, then they fly back to Bogotá. All in all, you only meet natives here.

TL: You have to differentiate. There are also motor boats and Americans with sun hats on, sleeping in their loggias. But not in the area we were in. There were children there, who pulled at our pants and ran to our kayaks, because they had never seen anything like it. A canoe made of plastic! They only know boats made out of wood. The kids played with our fishing poles, the angling reels, and were amazed by our lures and wobblers. They had never seen something like that before. They only knew of the hooks, where you put a little meat on. There was a lot of curiosity.

Did the journey affect your friendship at all?

TL: Our friendship didn't get any better or worse, it's been a good friendship before. We want our travels to be periodic. Joey and I want to grant us this sort of time off every two, three years. We realized we're getting better at it. We drove down rapids. While travelling on the Yukon we would have peed our pants, but now we're capable of really daring manoeuvres among waves that are 1.5 metres high. You get well attuned over time, become more experienced with the daily routine, the luggage, moving around.

JK: That was one of the reasons why we planned out the next trip right after our Amazon journey. We paddled down the Rhine in August 2020. We decided to do this during the Corona pandemic, because like that we didn't have to travel through so many countries and still got to tell the entire river's history, which led us through Switzerland, Germany, Liechtenstein, Austria, France and the Netherlands.

Do these travels to the Yukon and Amazon satisfy your wish for solitude?

TL: Like we said, we already travelled along the Rhine. The Nile will be next. The Mekong river is also on our list, but with the goal to start at its origin. These journeys are really important to us. We might have published up to six books some time. We still have a couple of goals ahead of us: The Nile, maybe the Mississippi, one Russian river and the Mekong. Like that we would have visited a river in almost each part of the world.

Which seems to be a difficult goal to achieve, considering the current Corona pandemic...

JK: Sadly so. Because even if Germany will be cleared of the virus, that might not be the case for Tanzania, where the Nile originates, or in Egypt, where it ends. There are five countries in between, after all.

Symbolically, what did you take home from this journey?

TL: Humbleness! And gratefulness for what we have. At the same time, however, a sort of incomprehension for how we live here in Europe. With so much waste, lunacy and luxury. The people we met didn't really have anything. Property and wealth don't mean anything. The huts, the boats, tools, even the TV, it all belongs to everyone. You eat and drink together, and most of the work is done as a community. They say people are happier there. I won't be the judge as to whether that's true, but life there is simpler, more manageable, and thus people there live more modestly. In Germany people get up in the morning, rush to the office, are stuck in traffic, sit at the computer all day or manage machines, rush back home in the evening. In comparison, it's very relaxed at the Amazon. The people go to bed early, when they wake up they go fishing, hunt or raise manioc and corn. Life there is structured in a very simple way, it's been reduced to only the bare necessities.

What is the first image you see when you think of Amazonia?

JK: Looking back, I'm always thinking of this one boat ride very early in the morning. It was still foggy when we started paddling. To the left of us I can still barely see riverside, apart from that only fog, I can only see for two, three metres. We are on the Amazon without knowing what's ahead of us. It's quiet, there is no wind, the water is calm... That was a great experience.

#thank you @iinchicore ❤️#till and joey in amazonia #till is love 🖤#till lindemann #till 2021 #t.lindemann 2021 #t.lindemann #joey kelly #metalhammer

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hot-wiings · 3 years

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The One Where Dabi Gets Involved With Overhaul’s Girl. Part Fifteen.

Edited: 1-29-2021

You walked with Kai down to the infirmary. It was a pristine and clean place. It was attached to the Shie Hassaikai but felt like a separate building on its own. Once you opened the door, it took you down a long hall. Several doors led to a hospital-like room. The ones on the left were room with beds for the injured, the ones on the right held chairs you sat in for checkups, and held several different types of equipment used for checking your vitals and various things like running bloodwork.

Kai opened one of the doors on the left and let you go in before him. He followed after you and closed the door behind him, if you both were infected it was good to keep it confined.

"Take a seat. I'll check my blood, then I'll check yours."

You stepped up on your tiptoes and wiggled yourself up on the patient's chair. It was tall and your feet dangled before you turned your body so your back was slightly reclined and your legs were up on the end of it. Kai sat on a rolling chair that you would typically see in a doctor's office and rolled over to the drawers that held various blood drawing equipment.

Kai rolled his sleeves up before he washed his hands thoroughly and pulled a clean pair of medical gloves on himself. He took a long piece of elastic material and tied it around his upper arm, making a tourniquet. He opened up an alcohol wipe and wiped down the area where his upper and lower arm connect. He pressed his finger down on the skin, looking for a good spot to poke a vein before he swiftly punctured his skin.

He did it so fast and swift, without a moment of hesitation. Kai was in his element when he was doing medical procedures. You had to wonder for a moment if he had been placed in a better environment, somewhere better than the yakuza, would he have gone on to be a doctor, rather than dabbling in drugs and experimenting on Eri. With a quirk like his, he could have easily cut and removed tumors. He had so much potential, but it was all wasted on the life of a criminal.

You watched as the tube inside the syringe attached to the needle filled up with Kai's dark red blood until he untied the tourniquet and pulled the needle out, along with a now filled tube of his fresh blood. He pulled the tube out of the syringe and put a lid on it before rolling over to the biowaste can and throwing the used needle and syringe inside. He rolled over to the counter and pushed the vial into a machine attached to the computer. It sucked the vial in the machine and unscrewed the lid before taking the blood in and testing it.

"This machine takes the blood and tests it for anything and everything out of the ordinary. It takes a few minutes for it to read the blood, then it displays it on the computer."

Kai crossed his arms as he stared at the computer, patiently waiting for the results to flood on the screen. You sat there, quietly as possible with your hands folded on your lap before Kai turned to you. He looked like he was hesitant to open his mouth, but he opened it anyway.

"Do you want to know where I was the last two weeks?"

"If it has to do with Eri, I don't want to hear it."

Your tone came out fast and hard, you bit your lip as soon as your mouth closed. You needed to control your tongue. You were supposed to convince him you loved him, not make him angry. Love him, don't agitate him. You weren't sure what he was thinking, what he was feeling. He had an undecipherable expression on his face, still, you tried to deescalate it.

"I love you, but she's my sister."

"I wasn't away on business. I wanted time away from you, time to think to myself. Time to think about us."

The computer behind Kai chimed, he swiveled around in his chair and rolled over to the computer which now held his blood result transcripts. Your chest bubbled at the sight of him going through his test. It bubbled both with nervousness and a tickled feeling. Seeing him like that, in such a setting brought back those feelings from earlier. He could've ended up so different, had he not been dragged into a life of criminality.

Your grandfather saved Kai, he took him in when no one else would. He fed him and housed him, he had to join the yakuza as a result. You partially couldn't help but resent your grandfather for that. He could've pushed Kai to be something better. He could've pushed Kai to use his quirk for something better, he would've excelled as a doctor. Maybe you would've finished your psychology degree, and maybe you would've met like that in a different setting. You would've had a better, more normal relationship.

Yet there was no use thinking about this. It wasn't Kai. It wasn't who he chose to be, nor would he ever be that. He was Overhaul, the leader of the yakuza. You shouldn't dwell on it, not when you'd already chosen to betray him by sneaking around with Dabi.

Kai's words also left you with a bubbling nervous feeling. What did he need to think about? What was there to think about pertaining to your relationship? You watched him with careful eyes, analyzing his every move as you tried to say something. Was he sick of your disobedience? You'd given him a hassle as of late before he took off. Between sneaking off to see Eri then taking the blame for Dabi's action, and overall just giving him lip, you were sure he'd finally gotten fed up. You took in a shaky breath and silently prayed he wasn't going to do anything sudden and drastic to you or Eri. You weren't sure whether he would hurt her to get to you, she was his precious merchandise, but she was still your sister.

"Why'd you need to think about us?"

"It's not important."

You wanted to huff and cross your arms, but that would just be showing Kai what a defiant attitude you held when it came to him. You tried to calm your breathing as you watched Kai read his transcripts. His body was tensed up, worried he was infectious with some disease, and anxious to see his results. Perhaps the reason he hadn't divulged you in a conversation was that his mind was preoccupied with his test results. He got so overworked with things in this manner, of course, he didn't want to indulge you with a conversation.

You shouldn't work yourself up over something you don't know the truth about. For all you knew, it was something stupid and minor. For all you knew, this was another attempt at making you submit yourself over to him. Another manipulative tactic that he had hidden up his sleeve.

"I'm clean. There's nothing in my blood."

"Good."

"Even though I'm clean I still want you to get tested."

Kai pulled out more syringes, tubes, and needles from the same drawer. He neatly set them on a tray, then he pulled out a tourniquet and a clean pair of gloves. He rolled the tray over to the patient chair you were sat in then he pulled the clean gloves down on his hands swiftly, a sharp sound resounding in the room as it snapped against his wrist.

"Put your arm out for me."

You put your arm out immediately to show your obedience to him, but your other hand was grasping a tight hold onto as much excess material from your pant leg as you could. You watched cautiously as Kai rolled up your arm sleeve and then proceed to rip open an alcohol wipe. He grabbed onto your arm and lightly pulled it open further, giving him better access to your arms midsection. He wiped your arm, rubbing the wipe in a meticulous motion, careful not to go over a spot he already wiped. He was gentle and careful, he did it in such a manner he hadn't treated you with in such a long time.

Kai took the wipe and discarded it in a small metal bowl on the table, then he proceeded to grab the needles and syringes. He pulled them all out of their packaging before attaching the correct pieces together, then he gripped your arm and carefully, yet firmly pressed his finger down in various spots, looking for the right vein. Once he located it he pressed the tip of the needle to it.

You felt your heart stop beating as the needles cold metal made light contact with your skin, but it was barely a graze. It wasn't even in yet, you felt stupid really. Kai had inflicted such pain, yet you were afraid of a tiny one-inch needle.

"This is going to pinch you, alright?"

You gave Kai a little nod. It was almost like he noticed your fear and uncomfortablility. He never cared before, and he wouldn't have hesitated just to push it in without giving you a forewarning. You were truly grateful. You closed your eyes as the needle went in and a sharp pinching feeling went through your skin like Kai had said. You kept your eyes closed as you waited for the tubes to fill up. You didn't open your eyes again until you felt Kai pressing a bandaid against your skin tenderly.

"All done."

Kai took the blood vials and walked them over to the machine. He took his out and replaced them with yours, then he walked his blood over to the biowaste can as the machine sucked your blood vials in and began to run the blood test. You looked down at the bandaid as you waited for your blood results. It was pink. You didn't know they made pink band-aids, let alone that the Shie Hassaikai would buy them.

"I bought them for Eri. Figured if she's going to be littered in bandages, she might as well have kid ones."

Noticing your prolonged stare at the bandage, Kai answered the question you didn't ask. You didn't want to smile for him, at least not genuinely, but the words elicited a small but undeniable smile from your face. You worried about what kind of treatment she received. You knew he was experimenting on her, but you worried— more so not being able to see her—that her quality of life wasn't good. Knowing that Kai was taking care of her, even going as far as getting her girly kid bandages, made you feel more at ease.

"Thank you. She likes pink."

He walked over to you and leaned against the chair as he stared at the computer screen. You supposed he was really anxious to see your results, whether he actually cared and valued your life, or was concerned with you infecting everyone else was unknown. You liked to believe he actually valued your life, or else keeping you captive here was for naught. Experimenting on Eri would be for naught. After all, he claimed he was doing this for you.

"I've been thinking about that night a lot. I want you to genuinely love me, coaxing you into it at such an extremity wasn't how I should've gone about it."

The computer chimed, signifying your blood results were done. Kai sat back down in the wheelchair and rolled over to look at your test results. You were glad for the distraction from your conversation. He was referring to that night he took his need for you to love him one step further. The night he coaxed you into being his 'good girl'. He seemed like he was regretting it and he was being gentle with you, but you weren't ready to forgive him, and you weren't sure you would ever forgive him.

You stared at the back of Kai's head as he silently read your test results. Maybe if he hadn't been experimenting on your sister, you might consider forgiving him. Maybe if he hadn't already previously hurt you, you would consider forgiving him. But you just couldn't. He hurt you too much, you couldn't possibly consider forgiving him. You would just have to fake it. Fake forgiveness, fake your love until Dabi could get you out.

"Odd."

"What? Is there something wrong with my blood?"

You had thought that your blood would've been perfectly normal and healthy. It wasn't like you had been going anywhere outside, of course someone in the Shie Hassaikai could've given you something. If Kai thought there was something odd with your results, then you should be worried.

"Your blood volume is thicker than average for females your age and size. Your platelets are low, and your white blood cells are high. I'm going to have the machine run a deeper search on your blood."

"Is it bad if my white blood cells are high and platelets are low?"

Kai turned around to look at you. He let out a light chuckle as he ran a hand through his hair, he was trying to remain calm, but you could hear the stress behind the chuckle.

"Yes, in some cases it's dangerous. There shouldn't be so many white blood cells considering you haven't been injured as of recent and platelets are responsible for your blood clotting. In other words, take away your platelets then get cut and you'll bleed out."

The computer chimed again and Kai swiveled back around to check the deeper results. You anxiously waited for him to read the results, he was starting to get you worked up and you began to think the worst. Finally, he stood up and walked over to you with a tight smile on his face.

"You're completely fine and healthy. I checked your hematocrit and HCG levels, you're just pregnant"

"Pregnant."

You say the words in disbelief. You couldn't be pregnant. You couldn't be. You were too young, and you slept with Kai once. But then there was Dabi. Your stomach quaked at the realization that you had been not so careful with either of your partners. You had been so picky with your eating, overly hungry at times, peckish at others. Horny one minute, sad the next. This wasn't ideal. You were trying to escape this place, not up your security.

"Yes. Your platelets go down during pregnancy, and your blood volume rises to create better blood flow to your uterus for your child."

Kai took his gloves off and placed his hand on your stomach gently. He looked genuinely happy. Of course, he was. He claimed to love you, and he just said he wanted you to genuinely love him. What else would tie you to him even more besides a child. What else would make you his more than bearing his children?

"I'm with child."

You say the words again but in different phrasing. You were still in a slight shock. A baby was growing inside you. In the coming months, your stomach would begin to protrude, making space for an infant. You would be achy, you would hormonal and hungry all the time.

"You're with child. You've got a baby growing in there. Our baby."

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katedrakeohd · 3 years

Text

Once Upon a Merry Birthday - Part Three

[Masterlist]

Rated PG : sexual themes, suggestive language.

Word count: 3730

Synopsis: Drake and Kate's roleplay "first date" scenario continues, taking foreplay to another level.

This isn't a stand-alone story, you need to read parts one and two to understand the context.

This started out as a story for the 12 days of fictmas, but I didn't finish it all in time. And since there's a Part Four coming too... we won't be done with this until January.

Writer tags: : @texaskitten30 @emichelle @leelee10898 @zaffrenotes @alj4890 @burnsoslow @kat-tia801 @darley1101 @msjr0119 @annekebbphotography @god-save-the-keen @plumeriavibes

@ofpixelsandscribbles @camillemontespan @ao719 @cocomaxley @cordoniansgonewild @twinkleallnight @the-soot-sprite @cordoniantrash @axwalker @innerpostmentality @lucy-268 @janezillow

Reader tags:: @mom2000aggie @sfb123 @bbrandy2002 @debramcg1106 @desireepow-1986 @speedyoperarascalparty @hopefulmoonobject @fluffyfirewhiskey @jovialyouthmusic @sirbeepsalot

Drake places his hands on the back of Kate's chair. The heat from his body radiated across her shoulder blades, and his warm breath smelled of whiskey as he bent down to ask, "Can I have my seat back now?"

Kate shivers as his breath caresses her skin. He turns her chair and then offers her his hand to help her up. "Such a gentleman."

"Only in public," he murmurs as he bows to kiss her knuckles.

"We haven't been formally introduced. My name is Drake Walker."

"Walker, like the whiskey?," Kate replies.

"No, Drake, like the dragon."

Kate pulls her hand back out of his grasp, the warmth of his fingers was like a delicious fire that blazed up her arm. "Kate Darling."

"Darling, such an endearing sort of name. I can't place your accent."

"I'm from New York."

Drake sits down and then gestures to the seat beside him, "Please sit with me Kate."

Kate sits down, sliding her wine glass over to herself. Amanda walks over, smiling at them both but addressing Drake first, "Would you like something else to drink?"

Drake slides Preston's diluted Coke back across the counter, "Can I get a new one of these?"

Amanda nods, pouring it out and drawing new soda from the fountain and a fresh scoop of ice.

Kate looks Drake up and down, appreciating how nice he looked all in black. "I thought I smelled whiskey on your breath earlier. Not having another?"

Drake shakes his head and sips at his Coke, "I haven't had dinner yet, so I need to pace myself."

Kate swirls the wine around in her glass, biting at her bottom lip. "Have dinner with me."

Drake places his drink down, raising his eyebrows, "Is that an invitation or a request?"

"It's my Birthday and I don't want to eat alone."

Drake nods, "Happy Birthday, then. I would be honoured to have dinner with you."

Drake signals to Amanda, "The lovely Kate has invited me to have dinner with her, could you bring what's left of that bottle of Merlot to our table?"

"Only if you settle your drink tab first."

Drake leans to the side to pull out his wallet, "Certainly."

He leans over and whispers to Kate, "Go find us a table, and I'll be right over."

Kate nods, leaning in to cup his face in her hands and kiss him softly on the lips. "Don't be long."

Drake groans softly at the desire in her eyes, wondering how much longer this first date roleplay was going to continue. He leans back reluctantly, and turns to hand Amanda his credit card. Kate slides out of her seat and gives him a long lingering look before walking into the dining room.

Amanda grins at him as she hands his card back, "You two are clearly hot for each other, so why all the polite pleasantries? Get your freak on already."

Drake looks over to the booth in the far corner of the restaurant that Kate was sliding into, "Not yet, we need more foreplay."

A waiter approaches Kate's table with a pair of menus tucked under his arm, Drake takes another long swallow of his Coke and then gets up out of his seat. Amanda places two clean wine glasses on the bar next to the bottle. When the waiter leaves, Kate makes eye contact with Amanda and nods,

"You're all set, go get her tiger."

Drake flashes Amanda a smirk and then picks up the bottle and glasses, cradling the stems between his fingers, "Is that your way of wishing me luck?"

Amanda picks up his unfinished Coke and dumps it out, laughing quietly, "Like you need it. With the way she's looking at you over the top of her menu, I'd say you're already a lucky man."

Drake nods with a smile, turning away from the bar, "Thank-you, Amanda. You certainly have a way with words. Have a pleasant evening, and if I don't see you again before I leave, a Merry Christmas too."

"You too, sir."

Making his way over to Kate, Drake couldn't help but appreciate how elegant she looked. With her dark hair cascading over her bare shoulders in waves, long curled lashes and ruby red full lips, Kate could have been a star from an old Hollywood movie. When she glances up from the menu and meets his gaze with a smile, his heart skips and he can't help but feel a wave of desire wash over him.

Arriving at the table, he shows her the bottle of wine and carefully sets down a wine glass in front of her. She nods and he pours her some, before sliding into the seat across from her. He pours wine for himself, and then sets the bottle aside. "So, Kate Darling, what brings you all the way to Cordonia from New York?"

Kate gives him a little smile, a twinkle in her eye as she leans forward in her seat to fold her arms on the table. "Now, that's an interesting story. You probably wouldn't believe me."

Drake tried to ignore the way her breasts threatened to spill out of her dress, he quickly diverted his eyes to her face. "Try me."

"Do you believe in fairytales Drake?"

Apart from the fact that I pretty much live in one? Drake shrugs, picking up his glass of wine. "That depends."

"Depends on what?"

"Whether or not there's a happy ending."

"Would you believe I came here following a handsome Prince?"

Drake takes a sip of his wine, grimacing at the bitter taste and then swallows. "A Prince, huh? And how did that turn out? Certainly the guy you came in with wasn't acting very noble."

Kate toys with the stem of her glass, tracing it with her fingers. "It turned out that the Prince wasn't my type."

"I see, and what kind of man is your type?"

Picking up her glass of wine and settling back in her seat, she looks Drake over. With his large callused hands, his broad chest and shoulders and the hint of black hair peeking out of the open collar of his shirt; he was almost too masculine for his black dress shirt and jacket, if that was possible for someone so handsome. When she meets his dark eyes again she answers, "Someone more humble, rough around the edges, and less refined. The unsung, mysterious hero kind of guy."

"So the knight in shining armor that slays dragons, and then whisks away the fair maiden on his galloping horse." Drake answers with a smirk.

Kate grins back, "Something like that."

Drake takes another swallow of wine, feeling the effects of the alcohol, but missing the burning sensation of his whiskey.

Kate giggles at him, "You're not a wine drinker are you?"

Drake smirks back at her and sets down his glass, "Is it that obvious?"

"You throw it back as if you're expecting some sort of satisfaction out of it. Like the smokey burn of your whiskey. But you're doing it wrong."

"Oh? Enlighten me then."

"Whiskey is all fire, smoke and a punch in the throat. Whether you sip it or not it goes down the same. Wine is more earthy and rounded in flavour. You hold it in your mouth and feel it with more than your tongue. Let your taste buds and palate bathe in it until you experience the notes from the fruit it came from, and appreciate the sundrenched vines that gave it life."

Drake raises his eyebrows, "You make wine sound like poetry."

"A great wine is."

Kate takes another sip of her wine, closing her eyes and savoring it for a moment before swallowing. She moans quietly with pleasure as she discerns the specific flavors. Drake swallows too, feeling a different kind of thirst. To Drake the wine just tasted like bitter grape juice, but after hearing Kate describe how she used her whole mouth to experience it, he thought about what else she's had her whole mouth wrapped around. He suddenly felt hot all over, and shifted in his seat as his pants felt tighter too. He clears his throat, trying to swallow the lump threatening to make his voice come out like a squeak.

"So Kate, describe what it tastes like to you."

Kate licks at her bottom lip and then smiles, "Well, to me I taste black cherry, with notes of cocoa and plum."

Drake looks doubtful, "Really? Shouldn't there be a grape in there somewhere?"

Kate shrugs, opening up her menu. "If I wanted the taste of grape I'd just order grape juice."

"It would definitely taste sweeter. If I was looking to taste hints of chocolate and cherries with my drink, I'd ask for some chocolate covered cherries with a side of brandy."

Kate giggles, "For someone who enjoys such a strong drink you certainly have a sweet tooth."

Drake chuckles, "Hey, I like my food and I'm no stranger to dessert. A guy can't live off of whiskey alone."

After opening up his own menu, Drake wonders what meal would go best with the wine. He needed something to distract him from the way Kate looked in her dress. He couldn't see what she'd been so self conscious about. He'd argue with anyone who refused to believe she'd had a baby just a few months ago.

Kate looks up to see Drake staring at her instead of looking at his menu.

"What are you hungry for, Drake? And I'm talking about food."

Averting his eyes down to his menu, he smiles. "Well can you blame me? You're easily the most beautiful woman in the room. Don't forget that you already stoked the fire with that kiss you gave me."

Kate glances around the room. Apart from Amanda the bartender, and an older woman sitting with an elderly man, she was the only other woman in the room. "You seemed friendly with the bartender. She's certainly attractive."

Drake looks up, hearing the hint of jealousy in her voice. "Well, you walked in on the arm of another man. As for Amanda, it's her job to be friendly. Why is it so difficult for you to take a compliment?"

Before Kate can respond, the waiter returns to their table. "Hello, I'm Eric. I see you've already chosen a wine, could I interest you in an appetizer?"

After the bitterness of the wine, Drake was in the mood for something sweet and salty. "I think we'll start with the Charcuterie board to share." He glances at Kate, "If that's okay with you?"

Kate nods. "Works for me. Oh, and I'll have the Sautéed Forest Mushrooms to go along with it."

After Eric leaves with their order, Drake settles back in his seat with a sigh. His neck was itchy from the stray hairs left behind from his haircut and they scraped his skin inside his collar. Kate noticed him fidget as he smoothed down the back of his hair and rubbed at his neck.

"I knew I heard your voice when I was down at the spa. Is your new haircut not to your liking? I think it makes you look very handsome."

Drake grins, finally giving in and scratching at his neck. "You do? I figured since you were there to get all pampered and polished, that it was only right that I made an effort to look good too. If only I'd had the chance to shower afterwards, because now the stray hairs from my trim are pricking my neck like crazy."

Kate offers him her napkin, "Here, undo another button on your shirt and then give your neck a wipe. It's better to do it now before our food arrives."

Reaching up to undo his button, he pauses. "Are you offering me your napkin just so you can watch me undo my shirt?"

Kate laughs and then picks up her glass of wine to finish it. "Maybe. At least it will spare me from watching you twitch, squirm and scratch at yourself like you have fleas."

Drake smirks at her briefly and then undoes the two buttons near his collar. "Haha, fleas. I suppose you think you're funny?"

The napkin works its magic, and he appreciates the cool smoothness of it as he wipes his neck and throat. Kate watches his every move with interest. It was like watching him shower with his clothes on. A flashback to earlier in the day when he spontaneously stripped down for the sake of hot chocolate pops into her head. Despite the thin material of her dress and the cool atmosphere in the room, she felt a surge of heat bloom under her skin and creep up into her face. She hoped Drake wouldn't notice.

Kate picks up her menu to pretend to look at entrees. The low rumbling chuckle of Drake's voice sends a thrill fizzing through her veins that rushes to her core. "I do believe you're drunk, Mrs. Walker."

Yes, drunk on you. Kate closes her menu and leans her elbows on the table, propping her chin in her hands. She could feel the heat in her cheeks against her cool fingers. "I blame that on you, Mister. I haven't had a sip of alcohol for a year and a half, so my tolerance for it is super low."

Drake feels a sudden stab of guilt, "Oh shit, you're not still breastfeeding are you?"

Kate shakes her head, "Nah, I stopped two months ago. Once Brooklyn became too heavy to comfortably hold in my arms while feeding, I started pumping my milk instead and freezing it. When the reserved milk ran out, Hana and I introduced her to formula."

The image of Kate using a breast pump suddenly invades Drake's thoughts, and he shoves it away for another time. The guilt creeps back in when he thinks about how much he's missed of Brooklyn's first six months, making him realize why Kate was so reluctant to leave their daughter behind. She was growing so fast that Kate didn't want to miss a minute of it.

Eric approaches carrying a tray with their appetizers. Drake shakes out the napkin he borrowed from Kate, and offers it back to her. She's reluctant at first, thinking of the possibility of the hairs he was wiping off his neck still being on it, then she thinks about the possibility of his cologne being on it too and accepts it.

Eric lays down the Charcuterie board and Kate's plate of mushrooms. "I'll let you two tuck into these and then come see you later about entrees."

Kate smiles, "Thanks, Eric. These look great."

While Drake is preoccupied by looking at the board of cured meats and cheeses, Kate sneaks a sniff of the napkin before spreading it onto her lap. It did carry the faint scent of him, and she can't help but notice that he's forgotten to re-button his shirt.

Drake picks up a cracker and a piece of prosciutto while Kate spears a mushroom from her plate, "So what did you say to Preston to make him act like such an ass?"

After swallowing her morsel of mushroom, Kate replies. "I told him to pretend he's the worst date ever, so that we'd get your attention."

Drake scoffs with a slight shake of his head before putting the cracker and meat into his mouth, "It definitely worked. If I was sitting closer I would have torn him apart with my bare hands for touching you like that."

Kate grins at her husband as he washes down his mouthful with a swallow of wine. She always found his fierce protective side so damned sexy, and now regretted handling Preston's bad behavior herself.

"Oh really? I would love to have seen you fight him for me. I suppose he's too sore now to do a replay for my amusement. Poor Preston."

"I was hoping for a romantic dinner date this evening for your birthday, not emasculating brutality. Then again it was fun to watch you stick up for yourself." Drake winces again with a chuckle as he refills his glass, "I'll have to add some extra money to his Christmas bonus this year for enduring that knee of yours."

Kate slips her foot out of her shoe and then extends it to tickle at Drake's ankle with her toe. He flinches and bangs his knee under the table, rattling the glasses. "Ow! I wasn't expecting that sneak attack."

Kate giggles, sliding the side of her foot up the inside of his calf. "I bet part of you enjoyed that. I apologized to Preston in advance, he wasn't expecting my sneak attack either."

Drake clears his throat in warning when he intercepts Kate's toes with his hand as they end up on his seat, wiggling against his crotch. "Excuse me, but can you keep your feet to yourself please?"

Kate withdraws her foot with a pout, finding her discarded shoe and tucking her foot back inside. "Oh, come on. Let a girl have some fun on her birthday."

Drake adjusts himself and then slides his foot forward to trap the toe of her shoe against the floor. "I think we've made enough of a scene for one evening."

Kate spears another mushroom, pulling her knees off to the side and crossing her ankles to get her feet out of his reach. The deep vee of skin revealed by his open shirt still taunted and tantalized, but she was enjoying it too much to mention it. She decided to tease him back to gauge his reaction.

Lowering her voice she makes eye contact with him as she slowly licks the button top of the mushroom before putting it into her mouth. "I guess I'll behave then."

Drake sucks in a breath as he feels the blood rush to his groin, he grips his thigh and squeezes, trying to distract himself with pain. He quickly tents the napkin in his lap to hide the full blown erection in his pants. He growls at her from across the table, "Damn it, Kate. You don't play fair."

Leaning her breasts on her forearm as she reaches across the table for the bottle of wine, she replies. "Nope."

Drake's appetite for food vanishes as Kate pours the last of the wine into her glass. She wants to play games? I'll give her one. He picks up a cube of cheese from the board in front of him and lays it on the table. Calculating the trajectory in his head he waits for her to lift the glass to her lips before cocking his finger against his thumb and flicking the cheese at her, aiming for the valley between her breasts.

As it makes impact, her eyes shoot open and she spits her wine back into her glass, causing some to dribble down over her chin. "Peh! Drake! What are you doing?!"

Drake throws his head back and laughs as she sets her drink down, sloshing wine onto the tablecloth. She wipes at her chin with the back of her hand, shaking her head as she feels a giggle bubble up out of her throat.

"Oh, that's it. You're on Buster."

Drake lines up more cheese cubes as Kate grabs the dish of olives. "You're going to need another shower after this."

"And it's going to be fun licking the cheese and cracker crumbs off of you afterwards," he replies, snapping a cracker in half before placing it between his fingers and launching it at her shoulder. She tries to duck out of the way, but still ends up with cracker in her hair.

Kate uses her fork to catapult an olive at him, aiming for the open neck of his shirt. It disappears in the vicinity of his collar and he cringes, scrunching up his shoulders as he feels the olive roll across his skin and land in his armpit.

"Ach! That feels weird."

"Hey, you're the one who flicked cheese at me first."

Drake pulls his shirt away from his chest and peeks in to see where the olive went. "Yeah, well I wasn't expecting you to pretend to give head to a mushroom before putting it into your mouth. I know where those naughty lips of yours have been."

Kate flicks another olive at him, this one hits him on the ear, and he flinches again. "Ok, that's enough!"

She spears another mushroom and eats it, poking it around her cheek with her tongue. Drake covers his eyes with one hand, sweeping the cheese projectiles back toward the board with the other. "You win, I can't compete with what you're doing to me with those mushrooms."

Kate sets the dish of olives aside, enjoying her little victory. "So you do find food seductive afterall."

Drake sighs, leaning back in his seat. "And I thought the way you described the taste of wine was sexy. But holy hell.."

Kate reaches across to pick up a roll of salami in her fingers. She licks her lips before biting it in half and then offering the other half to him. He leans in, hooking his finger against her hand and then pulls the meat into his mouth. He chews and swallows and then sucks the saltiness off of her fingertips. The pleasant jolt that shoots up her arm makes her shiver, and her eyes flutter shut.

"Oh God," she gasps.

He smirks as she pulls her hand back and then buries both of them in her lap. "You're welcome."

Eric returns to the table to find the contents of the charcuterie board scattered across the table, the mushrooms only half eaten and wine stains on the tablecloth. He pauses to collect himself and then asks, "Are we done playing with our appetizers and ready to order a main course?"

Drake glances across at Kate, taking in her flushed cheeks, and the dark desire in her eyes. He leans back in his seat and sucks in a deep breath before answering, "Actually, Eric. I think we'd like to skip dinner and have the check please."

As Eric nods, reaching for the empty wine bottle, Drake lays his hand on his arm. "Oh, and the wine is already paid for. We thoroughly enjoyed it, but I better not get charged for it twice."

#drake walker #choices #long post #drake x kate #the royal heir

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shawnpetermuffins · 5 years

Text

Were you going to tell me?

A/N: this is my first fan fiction on here, so I'd love some feedback if you have any! Also, I'm writing this on my phone, so it probably has a bunch of typos.

Summary: y/n and Shawn have been together for 7 years, but y/n isn't so sure he still wants to be. (This is a really bad summary, wow. Sorry lol)

Warnings: some swearing. Angst and lots of it.

Word count: it's a lot sorry

***

Seven years. Five of which I was in school. (The unfortunate fact of getting into a long distance relationship during my senior year of high school and continuing through college.) Four of which he has been all about touring, and working at the studio, and doing promo. And two of which I have been living with him. Two birthdays and two anniversaries have gone forgotten - by him, I might add. I've never forgotten an anniversary or birthday. I'm good at remembering dates, especially with people that I love. And despite this, I have been completely invested in our relationship.

He's never home anymore. I'm always here cleaning our - his - condo, which used to feel big, but now it feels like I can't take a single step without being in his personal space. That is when he bothers to be home for more than an hour at a time and I'm not at work. He doesn't even notice anymore. It's like he just expects it now. Dinner is always in the fridge for him to heat up because he's never home in time to sit down with each other and eat like a normal couple would. And of course this also means that our sex life is pretty much nonexistent. It's not that I don't want to because that is definitely not the case, but every time I try to get him in bed he always says hes tired or "not now, y/n. I have to get this done." "I'm about to leave." "The boys are on their way."

We've gotten to this point in our relationship that I never thought we'd be at. I never thought he'd become disinterested in me, in us. He really doesn't even pay attention to anything I do or say anymore. So I high key doubted that he was going to notice when I didn't come home for a few days, weeks maybe. It's not like he texts or calls me to see where I am now.

I was throwing in a few more pairs of panties when the front door closed. He was home early. I panicked for a second, debated on whether or not I should I hide the suitcase, but I shook my head and zipped it, set it next to my nightstand. I went to the bathroom to grab my makeup and toothbrush.

“Y/n?” He said from the door to our room. I already wanted to burst into tears, but I couldn't. Not in front of him. He couldn't see how much I was hurting. I walked back into the room, “Hi,” I said softly, but I didn't dare look his way.

“What are you doing? Why is the suitcase out?”

I sighed and didn't answer for a while, trying to find the right words. “I’m going home for a while.”

“Home? You are home. What are you talking about?” He stepped farther into the room.

This was killing me because this was probably the longest conversation we've had in months. “No, Shawn. I'm going home. To y/h/t.” I finally looked up at him. He looked tired, so tired and I just wanted to put him to bed and have him rest for a few days, but I knew better than to say anything to him about how hard he was working himself. We've had that fight before. He thought I was having him choose between me and his work. I would never. (Because I know he'd choose work.)

“What?” He closed the distance between us, grabbing my elbows. This is the closest we've been in a while and it took everything in me not to melt into him. “Were you going to tell me?”

“Shawn,” I pulled away from him and tossed my bathroom bag on the bed.

“What? Is that not a fair question?” He was getting angry, that was obvious. “Why are you leaving?”

“Because I have to.”

“Were you going to tell me?” He asked again.

“Honestly? No. I didn't even think you'd notice.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“What the fuck are you-?” He threw his hands up. “Of course I would notice!”

“When? Huh? When there wasn't dinner for you in the fridge?”

“Y/N, where is this coming - what did I do?”

“I'm tired, Shawn.” I rubbed my temples.

“Why are you leaving?!” His voice rose, and if I hadn't heard him like this time and time again in the past year and half, I would probably be scared.

“Because I want to go home! Because I can't just sit here anymore!”

He crossed his arms, eyes wide. “This is your home! This is our home!”

“No,” I shook my head, letting out a bitter laugh. “It's not.”

“Yes it is.”

“Shawn, this doesn't feel like home. This condo is not my home! You would understand if you bothered to pay attention to anything I say anymore.”

“I do pay attention!” He said defensively.

“No, you don't! For four years all you've thought about was yourself and your career. You never ask me about me and mine. Which, by the way is pretty much nonexistent since I moved here.”

“So, it's my fault that you don't have a career? Don't you put that on me, y/n! You know I work hard to put this roof over your head and make sure the utilities and anything else you need is paid for.”

“I don't ask you to do that! And I'd pay for it if you would let me! It's not like you're here to use the utilities anyway.”

"What is your fucking problem?! Why are you doing this?!"

"Because I'm tired! I'm tired of being overlooked. I'm tired of everyone asking me how you are and how we are and having to lie to them. I'm tired of going to bed by myself and waking up the same way. I'm tired and I want to go home."

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"I tried! You never listen. It's always 'I have an early day tomorrow, can we talk about this later?' Or 'I can't do this right now.' Or 'the boys are coming over, let's put a pin in it.'"

"You still haven't said why you're really going."

"I miss my family, Shawn! I miss my friends! I haven't seen them in two years and you don't care because it has nothing to do with you or your career!"

"Of course I care! How dare you say I don't?"

"How dare I?! How dare you?! You can't just come in here and act like you suddenly give a shit about what I'm doing! You haven't so much as looked my way in months, but now that I have a suitcase out, now you want to act like you care. That's bullshit and you know it."

"You can't just leave!"

"Yes, actually. I can. Because even though you feel like you do, you don't own me. I can make my own decisions. In fact, I've been doing a lot on my own recently."

"You're being ridiculous," he said with a scoff and an eye roll.

"I don't really think I am," I tugged at the ends of my hair. "I have a right to see my family. Even if I have to fly across the entire fucking continent to do so."

"Y/N-"

"Do you know how much I've given up for you?" I cut him off.

"Excuse me?"

"I moved to Canada for you. I left the only place I've ever known just because you asked me to. I left my friends and family. I left my job. I left my home to be with you in yours. Notice how I say this, Shawn. I'm in your home. Not ours. Yours. It's absolute fucking shit that I have had to give up everything I've ever known just to make you happy and you've never once said thank you. You don't act like you appreciate me. Half the time you act like I'm not fucking here. But I am, Shawn! I'm here and every night I make you dinner and I make sure the place is clean and your laundry is done. I do everything for you and you can't so much as look at me when I try to tell you about my shitty day or to say 'thank you for dinner, pumpkin' when you're coming to bed." I took in a shuddery breath, but didn't take my eyes off him. "I can't even remember the last time you kissed me goodbye when you were leaving in the morning. Or the last time you woke me up in the middle of the night because you thought of a new chord progression that you need a second opinion on. I don't remember the last time we made love to each other. Now, I don't know why you wanted me here, but I'm sick and tired of playing the role of the forgotten housewife. I'm absolutely fucking done!"

"What does that mean? Done. Done with what?"

"Us!" I said without realizing what was coming out of my mouth.

"Baby!" He reached for my hands again, his eyes practically popping out of his head. "I'm sorry! Okay? I know. I know I've been fucking up a lot lately-"

"You forgot our anniversary. And my birthday. Twice!"

"I said I was sorry about that. You know I was-"

"Working on the album. Yes, I know. I forgave you because you were under so much stress. But I'm stressed too, you know?" I pulled my hands away from him, wrapped my arms around my middle. "I'm here in a place that I still don't know that well. I don't have a single friend here that isnt your sister or one of the guys. And no matter what, they would tell you if I was feeling neglected or sad. But they shouldn't have to tell you! You should just know because we've been together for seven goddamn years and you know me better than anyone. You should know I'm not feeling well." I took in a deep breath before continuing. "But you don't. You don't notice that I've lost weight because I've been under so much stress that I can barely keep any food down. You don't notice that I clean this house spotless at least twice a week because I have nothing else to do, or that your laundry is always washed and put up. You don't notice anything I do for you and it hurts! I've given up everything in my life just to be with you and you. Don't. Care. That fucking hurts, Shawn! It hurts that you haven't realized that I'm not happy anymore!"

He flinched like I'd hit him. "You've never said that to me before," his intense gaze dropped to the floor.

I've never said it out loud before either and I felt just how powerful and hurtful those words acfually were. Not only for him, but for me. It hurt me to say that to him. To see his face after I said it. "Look," I said, guard down, defeated. "I'm going back to y/h/t for a little bit. I just - I need to get away from this for a while."

"Do you know when you're coming back?" He reached for my hand again and played with my fingers, swirled the promise ring he gave me six years ago that, even through all this, I've never taken off.

I shook my head. "No."

That's when he started to cry and I knew I had to get going before I changed my mind. "I need to do this, Shawn. I think it'll be best for the both of us. We need to figure out if this relationship is really what we want. If it's still worth the fight."

"I want you, y/n. I've never wanted anyone else the way I want you. Please." He took my right hand and rested it on his cheek, locking it there with his own hand. "Please stay. I'll be better. I'll work less. I'll make you feel as loved as you should be. I'll do anything you want me to. Just please," he begged again, his voice cracking. "I'll be lost without you. I can't- I can't lose you."

I sighed and kissed his temple, retracting my hands from his once again. "I have to go," I grabbed my bags.

He followed me out to the car, tears still streaking his face. I put my bags in the trunk and checked my purse to make sure I had my passport and ticket. Then I closed the trunk and stood face to face with my broken boy.

"Can I kiss you? Is that allowed?"

I nodded. I wanted more than anything for him to kiss me and never stop. I wanted this kiss go be enough to make me forget all that's fallen apart between us. Forget all the pain I've suffered watching him live his dream while I put mine on hold and stay in this house that isn't home, even when he isn't coming home and he can't send me something as miniscule as a text to tell me so.

But this lips still felt so good against mine. Like they were made to connect to my lips. His tongue wrestling with mine was heaven. To taste him again after so long without him felt surreal, and that's when I started crying because how could we be so terribly fucking broken and still be able to share a kiss like this? How could he still make my stomach do backflips when his fingers combed through my hair?

And how could it still not be enough?

"I love you," he pulled back, his forehead creasing as he fought back more tears.

I wanted to say it too. Wanted to put him at ease, but I'd been crumbling in that place for months upon months and some part of me, no matter how small, wanted him go hurt the way I have. Leave him wondering like he's left me. So I got in the car because the kiss, his words, they weren't enough.

***

So that's the end of that. Let me know if you want a part 2 I guess!

#shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes #shawn peter raul #shawn mendes angst

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chocolatemin · 5 years

Text

TIME (ONEUS FANTASY AU)

Amber's POV

We set foot onto the forest without any fear lingering in my body as Hwanwoong guided the way. The forest is dark but the moon is shining brightly even if it is in waxing cresent form only. The sound of the crickets, our quiet footsteps and humming of the owls are making the atmosphere calm and serene. However, there are two things we still need to overcome— sleepiness and exhaustion. Too bad I wasn't able to fully see the beauty of this forest since we arrived at night.

Once we arrived at his house, I immediately dropped Hwanwoong off on the couch in his living room. He looked really tired and worn out.

"Amber, can you prepare a cup of water on the kitchen while I get something on the room?"

"Of course." He pointed to the cabinet near the kitchen sink, signaling that the cups and other dinnerwares are inside it. I went to the kitchen to do the task he asked me. Hwanwoong's house is not that large but the interior looks like a mansion, it is spacious and has two to three rooms. Maybe he isn't living alone. I carefully put down the cup of water on the dining table and sat down to one of the chairs while waiting for Hwanwoong.

"Amber, I think you should stay the night. It's too late, besides, we've been walking for almost a day. You should rest too." Hwanwoong came back with a pair of clothes on his hand. I noticed that he had also changed his clothes into comfortables ones for sleeping. I wanted to argue but before I can speak, a yawn is making its way out so I quickly covered my face and tilted my head down. Hwanwoong chuckled at the sight.

"Hah, sure it was funny." I shook my head and he rolled his eyes, "Pfft, you can't object anymore, I've seen the proof."

"Can't argue with that." I smiled at him as he stepped closer and offered the clothes while I threw him a confused look, "Oh, you're wondering why I have these. I have a sister, an older one, who visits me everytime the spring comes. She's with my mom, so sometimes I visit them too. I don't know if these will fit you since she's taller than you, and oh, I forgot to mention that she likes to pick the herbs I've had a hard time growing."

"She must be cool then!" I accepted the clothes with a wide smile. "You actually have a similarity with her!" He smiled back and lightly chuckled, "Really? What is it?" I asked with hopeful eyes.

"You're both annoying." He said mockingly in which I dramatically put my hand on my chest and pretended to be shocked and hurt earning a disgusted look from him. "How dare you-" "Whatever, get changed already, that is the bathroom." He rolled his eyes to the direction where the bathroom is and I just replied with a nod.

—

"Amber, come here." My ears perked up as Hwanwoong spoke loudly from the basement, mixing peculiar liquids from glass bottles, herbs in which I wasn't familiar with into a cauldron and stirring it non-stop, "You're wounded right? Drink this and it will heal your wounds overnight." I got up from my seat on the top of the stairs and descended the stairs.

"Hwanwoong, will you tell me what are you really?"

"Even if I tell you, you wouldn't understand... I'm sorry."

"Was it really that complicated?"

"Yes, just think of me as a kind and friendly wanderer with a bit magic." I chuckled at the way he spoke, it seemed like he was sure yet awkward at the same time, "I see. It's okay that you didn't tell me what exactly are you since you introduced yourself cutely."

"Cutely?"

"Oh, sorry. I mean the way you introduced yourself was adorable."

"Oh, so that's what it means. Thanks for the new knowledge." He looked amazed by it, and he looked really cute! I want to pinch his cheeks. He's very much unlike my brother, my brother isn't cute and very annoying at times. What was his name again?

"My pleasure." I smiled and slightly bowed to him which made the both of us laugh. He transferred the viscous liquid into a tea cup. "Let's wait for it to cool a bit before you drink it."

"What about you? Your cuts are deeper and bigger than mine."

"Don't worry about me, it will heal by itself overnight. It's just that I was very weak so I wouldn't be able to use my magic."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, and you should go to bed immediately after you drink this. Alright? I'll tell you the things I know tomorrow, so you can return to your home too. No buts!" I sighed before nodding. I slowly drank the liquid and it tasted like strawberry milk. I finished the cup before I head to the room Hwanwoong told me to stay the night and left him by the basement. As soon as I plopped myself comfortably, everything went black.

» T I M E «

Hwanwoong's POV

I am afraid to tell her what I really am. Humans aren't supposed to know that healers exist. It's written in the laws and it is forbidden. If I tell her that I am one of them, either, she shall forget everything and a spell will restrict us from meeting each other again or she'll lose her sight and be a healer like me, which I can't afford to risk anything. It has been a long time since I made friends. I don't want to lose another one.

What a terrible life.

I sighed. Oh and I shouldn't forget that Amber's looking for the way back to her home. She'll be leaving me soon. I hope to meet her someday again.

"I'm sorry, Amber. After you saved my life, I wasn't able to heal your wounds using my magic," I quitely said to myself, after all that blood I lost, I wouldn't be able to use my healing abilities, "that is all I can do for now." I shook my head along with the sad and guilty feeling lingering my heart.

I cleaned up the kitchen in the underground floor before going to my room. I washed my hands and dried them slowly as I think of the friends I used to have. My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the bathroom's window, I saw my sister's cat along with a letter tied on his neck.

Why? What do you want now?

I opened the window and took the letter before patting the cat's head and sending him off. I opened the letter and it reads:

"Woongie!! Don't forget to bring the herbs mother has asked you when you come tomorrow, alright? See you!

~Hwayoung."

Right, I had forgotten already. I chuckled to myself and went to bed, putting the letter in the nightstand.

"Good night to me!"

» T I M E «

Amber's POV

Series of knocks on the door awakened me from my deep slumber. The morning came quickly than I expected. I tried recalling the happenings last night, oh right, I drank the liquid that tastes like strawberry milk and immediately fell asleep as soon as I got here. I went to the bathroom to fix myself and change into my clothes again. I left the night dress neatly folded onto the table in the bathroom.

I exited the bathroom and found Hwanwoong setting the bowls on tne table. He smiled at me when he saw me got out of the bathroom and I returned the gesture, "Good morning, Woong! What are we having for breakfast?" He poured the soup in the bowl carefully and spoke, "Hwanwoong's secret dish soup! It's very healthy and delicious. Come, let's eat!"

—

"Hwanwoong, what is it you're going to tell me? The one you said last night."

"Oh, the gateway to Hell. Sure!" Hwanwoong smiled to me wickedly as if he's going to chop my head off causing me to shiver and stood up from my seat shocked. "What are you saying gateway to Hell?!"

"I thought I told you last night?" He took a step towards me and just like a reflex, I took a step back.

"You didn't say anything about gateway to hell!"

Hwanwoong bursted into laughter after I panicked, "What are you laughing at?" I glared at him which caused him to laugh again. "Your face looks so funny, you should have seen it!" I sighed and shook my head.

"I thought you're going insane, I was about to hit your head, just so you know." I smiled at him but he just rolled his eyes, "Whatever, Amber." He chuckled but I kept a straight face. "See what I did there?"

"Yes, so please don't do it again." He again laughed at my comment before speaking, "Okay, enough of laughing. So, I was speaking about the gateway but not the one's for hell. There's this tree called "The Gate of Memor", it is somewhere here in the forest." I nodded and he continued, "my grandma used to bring me with her there when I was young every morning. She was always picking flowers and uses it as an ingredient to elix- you know, like drink I gave you last night."

"I see, I bet it was fun."

"Indeed, it was."

"What about that gate? How am I going to enter a tree?"

"I've heard that the keeper will take you to the other side of the gate. But– the keeper only appears at the time between daylight and darkness– the twilight. If you manage to catch him, he'll take you but if not, then wait for the next day. That is all." I looked at him confused but he just shrugged, "I'm puzzled just like you, I haven't actually seen the keeper. Whether it is an animal, a witch, a hybrid, a ghost or what. But I think that it is real."

"Then maybe, you could guide me to where that tree is?"

"Anything for you, Madame." He slightly bowed and we both laughed at his actions. Being with Hwanwoong is never boring, he sure knows how to make a person laugh. However, I cannot stay here for too long, I need to prepare the things I need to bring and make sure that Hwanwoong wouldn't notice that I left something for him once we are ready to leave.

"My deepest gratitudes to you and your kindness, peasant." I took his hand and shook it while he looked shock pretended to look hurt. Ha! After all those teasing, I finally made my revenge.

"Wow, Amber, I can't believe you. Is that actually how you thank the person who let you stay the night, made you breakfast and now, will help you go home?"

"Well, I just made my revenge after you made fun of me. It is now equal." We both laughed and he replied, "You really should have seen your face earlier! It was and will always be amusing." I sighed in defeat, knowing I wouldn't win in a teasing fight with him.

"You won, but I think I need to get ready."

"Thank you for the acknowledgement and yes, I think so too. I also need to get ready, I will be heading to my sister's after I send you on your way."

"Alright, let's start moving, I do not want your sister to wait for a long time."

"It's okay, I'll be staying at theirs tonight. It won't hurt her to wait a bit." We smiled at each other before heading to our rooms to prepare. This is now my chance to find my way back home. I'm more willing to risk anything, but I think I'm going to miss the friends I made here...

-END OF CHAPTER-

[A/N: We're at the end of this short series... the next chapter will be the epilogue! thank you for reading! xoxo]

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babblingbr00k · 5 years

Text

Inventory in a Pepto Bismal Stripper Room

~I will never forget that first morning for as long as I live. I was told the night before that, Monday through Saturday, all those individuals that couldn't pay the fee to be in the program, must work at the Thrift Store. It's here that we Earn Our Keep. It's also where Character is built.

~I sat up on the edge of my bed and attempted to stand. My heart rate began to climb and was beating about 40 beats too fast. As I stood up, the room began to spin and my eyesight went black. Afraid that I would pass out, I retreated back into the loving arms of my bed and caught my breath.

~Having gotten, both, my eyesight and horizon back, I was now able to focus on my next objective.

~My mission, if I chose to accept it, was to place one foot in front of the other. Making my way towards the closet, dressing, and vanity area. Once there, my next obstacle was to pick out my frock for the day, adhorn said frock, and try my best to appear halfway decent.

~I made my way, in the darkness, to the back of the house where the vanity, dressing, and closet areas were.

~I felt like Dorothy. Stepping from the black and white Kansas world into the Technicolor world of Oz.

~Giant mirrors covered the 3 walls of this world. Above the mirrors were bright iridescent light bulbs. Below the mirrors, at waist height, was a shelf, colored to match the walls. It was on this Pepto Bismol pink colored shelf, that little workstations were sectioned off for each girl. Makeup, curling irons, straightening irons, hairsprays, body sprays, purfume’s, blow dryers, styling gels, lotions, facial creams, hair bows & headbands of every color, as well as brushes, picks, and combs of every possible shape and size, could be seen stuffed into every available nook and cranny.

~The room was wall to wall chaos right now. Each girl bouncing back and forth, borrowing this, using that. Every couple of seconds you could see each girl shove her face into any one of the mirrors, each painstakingly perfecting their very own work of art.

~Fighting back the urge to vomit, I grabbed the only empty chair and made a left into the dark, quiet, and safe confines of the closet. It was in the farthest right corner where I unfolded and placed my chair. I sat down with a sigh of relief and looked up into my designated storage section.

~I glanced over at each of the girls closet space and felt a wave of shame pass over me. Just like the vanity room, here in the closet, every possible corner, cubby hole, and shelf was overflowing some kind of article of clothing. I returned my gaze to my collection and quickly took inventory of everything I owned in the whole world.

Itemized Inventory in Closet

~One (1) medium LSU Tigers T-shirt-Yellow-Small hole right underarm.

~One (1) XXXL Gonzales Fire Station T-Shirt-Faded Blue-Bleach stain on the bottom hem in the back.

~One (1) pair of XL Crocs-Green-Traction on bottom soles worn away due to over use and advanced age of almost 10 years. These Crocs are sentimental to me...I’ll explain later.

~One (1) pair of Fruit of the Loom Bikini Cut Cotton Underwear-Pink Paisley in color-Unsure of size because the tag is too degraded-Clean-Waistband beginning to come apart.

Itemized Inventory on Person (Me)

~One (1) Pair of light blue scrub bottoms-Small-Starting to smell-Needs to be washed.

~One (1) Fruit of the Loom Sports Bra-Grey-Used to be Medium in size but stretched to XL from 3 years of use. Absolutely no support whatsoever. Needs to be washed.

~One (1) XL Plain white Hanes Crew Collar T-Shirt-Stole from Phillip-Dingy from years of wear. Needs to be washed.

~One (1) Hanes Women's Bikini Cut underwear-Faded Purple-Stained-Stretched and Smelly~Needs to be Washed

~One (1) Pink ankle sock with hole in baby toe-Needs to be Washed

~One (1) Black Crew Sock-Needs to be Washed

~These few items of clothing was all that I had left. Everything else I had to leave at the rental house that Phillip and I shared. The cute little cottage house where Phillip abandoned me almost two weeks before.

~I angrily stormed out of the closet and made my way back to my bed. These people cannot expect me to work in this condition. They can’t MAKE me do anything. There is no way in hell these people can MAKE me work. Not in this condition.

~I stubbornly laid there in bed, daring any one of the girls to say one single word to me. I laid there listening to the laughter and happy banter coming from Pepto Bismol Pink Stripper looking Vanity Room. The happier they got, the angrier I got.

~A few minutes before 7 a.m. Amy came bouncing out of the Stripper Room and plopped down on the bed opposite me. She informed me that they were ready and asked if I was. I pleaded with her to let me stay behind.

~“I already asked Stacey. She said that you are not allowed to stay here by yourself. Your going to have to come with us.” She said as she looked at me pathetically.

~I sat there quiet for a couple of seconds, debating on whether or not I should release my own private hell on this unsuspecting girl. But just when I was about to open my mouth, I was interrupted by my roomates exiting the vanity room, making their way to the kitchen.

~“How dare all these girls feel so happy and good when I am feeling so miserable!?! A Plague on ALL YOUR HOUSES!!!”

~It was a short walk across the parking lot to Miracle Place Church. We made our way through the main doors, through the empty, dark sanctuary, into a long hallway, and finally into a room that was decorated in Coca Cola memorabilia. There was a couch and also some chairs.

~"Brook? Why don't you lay down on the couch and get a little more rest while we have Devotion. You can listen and follow along but you don't have to join in." Amy told me. "Devotion lasts an hour." she also said.

~I took Amy's advice and laid down on the couch and just tried to relax a little. My heart was still beating about 40 beats faster than what it should have been. I could hear it in my ears. This made me winded and I felt even more anxious. I wanted to come out of my skin. I wanted to be anywhere but in my body. The nausea came and went. Irrational thoughts and paranoia invaded my brain. I knew I had to try to calm down. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and tried to go to my happy place. I knew that if I went to my happy place and concentrated enough, my heart rate would come down to a more comfortable level. Once I could get my heart rate down to a comfortable level, the anxiety, nausea and uneasiness would subside.

~My "Happy Place" has always been the same. I'm on a deserted beach. There's absolutely no sign or noise of anyone else being there. It's night-time and I'm laying on the beach just enough into the water so that it laps over my body. I focus on the night-time sounds that my "Happy Place," has to offer. The sounds of the waves as they crash into beach. I focus on the distinctive yet individual sounds that each ones makes as they come onto shore. The sound of the wind as it comes in from the ocean, and the sounds of the insects as they are preparing their nightly ritual.

~I concentrate on each part of my body. First, the muscles in my feet. I flex the muscles in my feet by moving my toes. Once I feel the muscles in my feet relax, I move onto my lower legs. I move onto each part of my body until, hopefully, my entire body is completely relaxed.

~I'm not sure how long passed but I was brought back to that Coca Cola room as I felt each girl lay their hands on me. From my head to my toes there was a soft little hand. I kept my eyes closed and nervously waited. Waited to see what weird stuff they were going to do to me. For a few seconds I was imagining some weird little spiritual ritual that I was about to be party to.

~Another couple of seconds passed and just as I was about to open my eyes, Amy began a prayer. Amy was praying for me. My mind, body and soul. She prayed for supernatural healing. She asked God to, please, heal my mind and body of all nausea, anxiety, panic, fatigue, depression and uneasiness. She prayed for God to take away any and all withdraw symptoms. Take away my craving for the drugs.

~Emma's prayer began just as Amy's ended. Each girl took turns as they prayed for my body and mind. I focused on each prayer. I focused on each lovely word that came from each mouth of these lovely ladies.

~Can I be honest with you? I expected it to work. I listened to these prayers and expected all of my pain and discomfort to go away. I expected to open my eyes, get up, and be able to run a marathon. I expected to open my eyes and all of this was going to be over.

~I opened my eyes and still felt like crap. I opened my eyes and felt a wave of anxiety and panic rush over me. I sat up and wanted to die. In my head I TOLD God to kill me. I was always considered to be a very strong person, but this was too much. There's just so much a person can take and I had reached my limit. I had made up my mind that if God wasn't going to put me out of my misery then I was going to do it myself.

~I began crying as I started my own prayer. Verbally asking God to kill me. The girls listened to me beg God to put me out of my misery.

~"Please release me from the pain of this miserable existence." I told God.

~I got angry. Accusing God of taking the wrong person. He shouldn't have taken Coleson. Coleson was the better person. He would have done more for this world than I ever would have. Why take Coleson, such an angel, when he could have taken someone who actually deserved death, like me? The girls let me vent. They let me say what I needed to say. My prayer ended. I'm not sure how long passed but I eventually passed out. And when I woke.....it wasn't my body that was healed.....It was my attitude.

~When I opened my eyes I saw these lovely ladies, all sitting around me. I knew that God had sent each one. Each one was going to help me get through this. I knew from that moment on that I wasn't going to be alone. These women were praying for me. They were pulling for me. Each woman was behind me and they were going to fight for me if they needed to.

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