#and i know logically they're just tighter because 1. im actually fucking eating properly
Text
.
#i really fucking hate my brain right now#i put on a pair of jeans today#and they're the only jeans i bought when i was at my lowest with my eating#which means they're the smallest ones i have#and i put them on td and they were tighter than usual#and i fucking hate that im using them as a yardstick for my body but i still do it#and i know logically they're just tighter because 1. im actually fucking eating properly#and 2. i'm bloated anyway from my period#but there was this little voice in the back of my head screaming at me that im not fucking good enough and nobody will ever want me#and i've made alot of progress with my eating#i've not intentionally skipped a meal in almost a month#but my mind wont shut the fuck up#and my partner always says “text me if you need me” but i cant#because it's the middle of the night and for once#for ONCE#theyre actually taking care of themselves and sleeping#and it'd be so shitty to ruin that because i know that thats really hard for them#so now i'm just lying in the dark listening to music#and trying to drown out my thoughts with it#but it's not fucking working and nothings fucking working and im so so scared im going to relapse again#because i dont want to do that anymore but i dont feel like i have a fucking choice#and nobody will probably read this except alex#gods bless them#but i just needed to write the words#because if i dont do something#i'll do something else that id regret a lot more#tw eating#tw eating disorder#ed vent
12 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
averymayhemeveryday
kind of witty, awfully gay
mad-menz-blog
Living Luxuria
mad-menz-blog
Living Luxuria
next-exist
Untitled