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elliespet · 1 year

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　　　　　 $20 pt.1 | a. anderson

pairing + wc: abby anderson x mascdealer!reader, 1k+

description: modern!au where reader is a masc dealer crushing on abby who buys from her constantly & abby reveals she feels the same!

warnings: mention of puke, drugs, passing out, self injury (mention of wanting to bang your head against a wall) thats it.. i think.. lmk if theres more!

a/n: long awaited abby x masc reader.. will be making another part, if not more!!

you let out a choked groan, rolling off your bed and shuffling towards the door. there was a knock, soft and audible. you had cracked the door, squinting the exhaustion out of your eyes as they trailed up the body of the person outside the door.

shoes, tied sloppily. tough, big frame as your eyes trailed up higher, you could start to see the small tattoos that littered against the smooth yet muscled skin of the girl outside. “hey,” she started up, voice spilling out like honey. “you good? you looked kinda pissed yesterday.”

you finally adjusted, eyes not nearly as blinded by the fluorescent lights in the hall. your voice comes out rasped, low. voice cracking in between speech as your lips tug upwards, slightly. she was a regular, and you enjoyed seeing her face. “yeah, business just slow last night.” you replied in a hushed voice, watching as she pushed out a sigh that seemed like it was a boulder crushing her chest.

her blue eyes darted all over your face, body, the walls surrounding your door. there was a lingering silence that was so deafening it could kill before you let out an awkward chuckle. “you wanna..?” you nod backwards, pulling the door open and making room for her to step in.

she waits a second, hesitantly. she’s nervous and you can feel it. “i mean, you don’t have to i just figured —“ you’re quiet, almost inaudible. you didn’t want it to seem like you were suggesting that she should leave, that it’d be better. nothing had happened to the two of you and still the energy had shifted severely.

it was a painful, sickening tension that neither of you could shake. “so.. did you uh, want something? come to buy?” you let out, chewing anxiously on your bottom lip as if you did something. she just stood there, staring. it wasn’t out of anger, sadness, confusion. she was comfortable and her gaze was admirable.

you weren’t sure if she was really upset and you weren’t picking up on it. you were lost, watching her every move as she surveyed the room. she’d been in here before, what was different? she looked at everything, taking it in as if it’d be different. it was a bit messy, shoes and a few shirts tossed here and there.

she looked so cute, the braid she always wore slung over her shoulder and a few stray pieces framing her face. she had a scar across her cheek, subtle yet you could tell how defined it really was. her blue eyes only pierces your body more as you shifted your weight on your feet. “y/n,” her voice rips through the silence.

you let out a hum in response, leaving room for her to continue lingering in the air. “do you want to, uh,” she lets out a frustrated sigh, nervousness only making her bones stiffer. she tries to relax, dropping a small ‘fuck, okay.’ before her blue eyes were basically stabbing you everywhere repeatedly.

“let’s go on a date.” she’s gone just as fast as she came. once again, the atmosphere in your dorm had shifted. you heard your phone chime, you and abby were friends. nothing more, nothing less. she had your number. you don’t give it out to just anybody. you half expected it to be abby and half expected an order for later off your work phone. you were shocked, happy. you’d been crushing on abby for god knows how long and everyone knew. your sister, your ex, you even thought your professors knew.

you watched abby when she was with friends, walking alone, in the library. whenever she was in your line of sight, your attention had drifted straight to her. it never went unnoticed. she looked at you just as much. talked to you about everything when she would make her oh-so-familiar purchase, always making you crack a smile.

everything sat in your mind as you got ready, dressed up and yet still staying casual. it wasn’t much, letting your hair sit sloppily in a way that made it look so nice, comfortable clothes paired with. it was something you knew abby liked.

it was approaching 3 and all the confidence you thought you had simmered into nothing. you were so scared you could puke all over the place, but why? you were friends with abby, you hung out. i mean — of course, you didn’t ever think of it as a date. but now that it has a label, oh, you were going absolutely insane.

abby was just as nervous as you, the ball of nerves having a spasm in the pit of her stomach. she walked, slowly, until she was face to face with your dorm.

she knocked with shaking hands and a small cold sweat. abby had been left on the other side of the door for what felt like ages, being it was only 2 minutes. in those minutes, you were running back and forth from the bathroom to your room, double, TRIPLE checking that you had everything. once settled you swung the door open, eye to eye with abby anderson.

her eyes almost lit up and popped out of her head from excitement. she wasn’t taller than you, but bigger. her muscles were so prominent in the t-shirt she wore that you almost smashed your head against the door frame.

her hand reached out for yours. hesitance written all over your face, you held it. it was probably your nerves but you could’ve sworn the hall started spinning and you passed out. it was a blur, really. you left your room holding onto abby’s hand and then you’re in her car, rubbing your sweaty hands against your jeans.

“so.. do you like, have a preference for dates?” her voice smoothes over all the fear that was once present in you, your lips turning upwards ever so slightly. “i mean, i guess not. i’ve only been on a few and i was the one who took them out.” you reply with a small shrug, watching the buildings passing by quickly.

“hope you’ll like this then.” abby whispers and looks over at you for just a second. she’s focused, determined to make sure this goes right and she will do anything to make sure it does.

thats pt1 for now… hope u guys enjoy it!!!

#abby anderson x reader #abby x you #abby x reader #abby anderson x you #abby the last of us #abby tlou #abby anderson #tlou #tlou2

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mako-neexu · 7 months

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guda-chan idol AU reverse harem + past life remembered AU that includes everything i ever want that caters to my needs, romaguda where romani secretly hides his crush on ritsuka as the school nurse but also hes a helplessly in love fan and absolutely does Not pour his savings into buying merch of her (da vinci and mash says its creepy for a 30s to do this, ritsuka doesnt think so and romani agrees), as the school nurse he really cares for her genuinely since for some reason, he feels soft towards her ever since meeting her- the girl having stumbled across an empty classroom he was using where they talked for a bit and he felt this closeness and familiarity towards her that he cant describe, and if he oversteps boundaries he'd do dogeza insantly, he would combust if ritsuka so much as holds his hand though,

kadoguda where kadoc doesnt care about her career, very chill friend ritsuka loves to hang out with, really likes the music that ritsuka makes since a majority of it is composed by her or the lyrics are by her when she's invited to help out on another artist, he likes her MVs, her voice, some of the animation she made by herself, hes impressed by her skill in art, and especially her being multilingual, wdyM she can converse in fluent russian with him?? where did she learn that???yes she can she even knows a few dead language and speaks it well. not sus at all. and also nonope he doesnt have a crush on her. he definitely doesnt volunteer to be the one to drag her to her bed to rest instead of practicing another dance routine.

also obeguda where oberon is an actor-seiyuu-singer and because they voiced two characters in a show called 'Avalon le Fae', another sequel to an ongoing anime series that was popular in japan and their characters' ship blew up locally and internationally, they did collabs sometimes, they were invited to do dramalogues, also to radio broadcasts, gameshows, talkshows together etc. hosts even try to ask the both of them if theyre dating but they always somehow dodge the topic. since oberon's character almost matches his own feelings during the avalon le fae voice recording session, he's surprised by ritsuka having immediately understood the assignment as "Master of Chaldea". the studio decided to pick the female Master this time to take over for the male Master. just a one time thing (but could change depending on people's views since the director of the entire series liked using male Master as much as possible for fanservice and bc shounen genre) so with Master of Chaldea being a girl this time, everyone is excited to see how it would play out. after all, female Master of Chaldea never got the chance to shine in the soptlight in the main story.

the way ritsuka voices 'Master of Chaldea' feels... raw, natural. she understood their pain as someone who has killed innocent worlds just for a chance at survival, she understood the burden of being a commander for ghosts who can kill her in an instant, she understood the weight of what 'Master of Chaldea' entailed in the entire series. theres a pleasant lilt to her voice when the moment is quiet in the scene, especially during her nightly conversations with the Fairy King who was the "only servant summoned in the lostbelt to help Chaldea" . her voice is strong and determined yet there is fear, there is that sense of "i have to move and save someone. i have to try even if it will be useless in the end. i have to try. i cant save everyone but i have to try." in her voice when someone dies, when someone is hurt, when someone close to her disappears. ritsuka's voice acting especially shines during the 'Lost Will' episode/scene. where she conveys 'Master of Chaldea's feelings as if it truly truly is her own. and either shes just really passionate or something about the character resonates with her. so this makes oberon watch her more carefully. avalon le fae also gives ritsuka the chance to befriend artoria again, who was the star (hehe) for this show despite being a little new to the entertainment world. and because ritsuka loves castoria no matter the world, ritsuka devotes every spare time she has into spending time with artoria. and artoria is almost always flustered bc wtf wtf fujimaru ritsuka is holding my hand?! she's kissing my cheek!? wtf do i do!?aaaaæåâa. ritsuka also teases oberon, which then leads to oberon breaking out of his princely facade to retort back because of course, no matter the world, only yakudou trio can mess with each other's masks and call each other out haha. in anycase, this AU's oberon is also looking for his titania in a way. and so with avalon le fae's story, it feels like ritsuka is constantly calling him out for real and not just towards his character but to himself too. maybe there is even a party...maybe a ball for the entire staff that lets oberon and ritsuka do a more intimate talk as just 'themselves'. they could even dance together which would fuel more rumors of them dating and also for my obeguda needs. oberon also notices she has so many very faint scars that can easily be covered up by makeup or photoshop which would allude to her past life but of course she keeps that knowledge secret. again, oberon's attention towards her is sharpened. her work as an entertainer with her multiple talents allows her to do maybe even thrice of what he usually does with his own roles and things only he can do. theres of course that natural enormous pressure she feels as an entertainer, multilinguist and artist, and also because she's only a 2nd year student, even she herself wouldnt know when to take a break and stop. naturally, there would be haters, people who think of her annoying, people who thinks she is a leech taking credit, people who think she's just sleeping her way through. there would even be some people trying to harass her or even try to ruin her. of course, she takes it all with a smile. and maybe at a fansign event, someone throws food at her as revenge for not replying to the fan in one of her tweets. but of course, she's strong. that's how she was even back then. this is no place to be weak. you dont deserve to show a sign of weakness or arrogance. you have to keep up with your image just like back then. instead, she's just forgiving which angers oberon. maybe obeguda also do a small commercial up in the mountains for filming, which naturally of course rains, ritsuka gets lost, knocked unconscious, oberon goes to get her despite other staff protests, when he finds her though its raining harder and he cant see but theres a small abandoned house nearby they could use for temporary shelter. they spend the time together warming themselves. augh fluff and angst moment basically but they talk more, there is more understanding...a majority of this post is basically obeguda now wtf.

for romaguda, i can think of ritsuka surprising romani with a really expensive slice of strawberry cake she gifts him with on a random day, romani tending to her injuries after she sprains herself and he catches her in time, ritsuka staying over at romani's place since she just missed the last train home. also romani doing his best to hide his merch of her as fast as he can with the unplanned visit from her. ritsuka also teasing him with 'roman-kun' as if they were classmates which would KO romani...then out of nowhere ritsuka one day hugs him tight on what was supposed to be a happy christmas for everyone. and she's just... really sad yet happy as she hugs him tight, (someone describing her expression to be 'romantic' back then). ritsuka tells romani how much she appreciates having him by her side and seeing him happy, living a relaxed life. of course, romani is confused but nonetheless he appreciates it and is flustered by ritsuka saying this. he doesnt know why she's suddenly soft towards him. softer than usual but he doesnt like seeing her look as if she was on the verge of tears. he doesnt truly know the answer until... he finds her sketchbook that was left in her classroom. he knows he shouldnt peek but hes curious... so he could just pretend that he didnt see it. her sketches are wild to say the least. theres somehow drawings of orleans in early century with... two identical women fighting with flags, companions and dragons, theres even rome drawn? she drew the argonauts? is that nightingale? she's cetainly scary.. theres even some knight of the round table too... was she a fan of myth and legend? then on the last page... romani sees an awfully familiar throne, with rocks floating about, black and red tendrils around stone white pillars, a huge band of light as well as... a man with white hair and dark skin but he couldnt see his face due to the man facing the throne, his hands stretched out into the sky as... rings float away from his grasp and there was ritsuka herself, drawn bloody and crying as she clutches at a massive shield on the ground and somehow.. somehow a pang of pain shoots right through him seeing this scene. he swallows. his hands grow weak, he carefully sets the sketchbook back on the table as he takes a moment to breathe. what was that? what was that? he doesnt know what to think except... it was familiar in a way he cant describe. nevertheless he looks back at the beautiful artwork again, this time seeing the cursive title and date "The Time of Parting has Come, He is the One who Lets Go of the World (12/25/20XX)" today, this piece was finished today, which was accomanied by ritsuka's signature under it. even though romani doesnt completely understand, he does understand the pain ritsuka was feeling when she hugged him earlier.

i also want to add edguda but i still have to think of what kind fo good position gankutsuou can take that allows him to be able to be close to her...

#fgo #someday ill make this into a real fic but for now its just ramblings beamed from my brain😭#obeguda #romaguda #kadoguda #fate grand order #fujimaru ritsuka #guda #gudako

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ofmermaidstories · 2 months

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(This is all about ''Something (just like this'' :], i apolagize in advance)

Theres an auther (you, i'm thinking of you) that has given sutch weight to the simple human pains everyone has, let them cary a greaf in every breath they're mentioned, i can't help but ache with the mc as one because i get it, i understand and even if i handn't felt the same pain that crushes your hope of ever being loved in the same way you do, if i hadn't though myself cynical and bitter the way she does i still think i'd get it.

I still think i'd be able to see myself cradle my heart like an infant, even though it's an old ugly, terrable creature.

The plots so ritch it's unbalivable that i get to read your works for free, like i knew it was her bestfried the second our artist glaced over her sholder and saw her drawing kids with guns in masks. But it was her best-fucking-fried, who dies without answering her livid questioning.

It's her constant self awair bitternes to the person she is that just-

Chefs fucking kiss.

Like the way she views herself and everyone else she thinks threatens the few things she sees as good in her with a sort of cynicalnes, but through herself that is bloody perfect.

Shes insane for the shit she pulls, Gods i love her.

I cannot expres enough of my love for the way you craft your words, the story and the way you put so mutch care into it makes me ill.

Izuku is caprured so well, his whole being being intertwined with Katsukies-....i am going feral as we speak.

Also her being an artist so acuretly presented, it's insane, the way she is about her skill, her talents, her works and her instuments and the way there are these little moments she wants to capture is so stupidly accurate to how i see the world as a creative. Always hungry and always craving to make, even when im no where near a peace of paper or even the shittiest of pens.

Im grinning and in fucking tears. (As i was writing all of this in my notes i wasn t even that far into the last chapter.)

Holy fuck, god i fucking despise Hana. And i get why, and im amazed at how her resoning, her pain and anger dosn't justify(?) shit when i've seen a lot of things where someones inhumane actions get swept under the rug cus they were hurting quietly, or something.

She was like a quirk nazi. Nothing redeams(?) that, y'know?

Auther i am shaking you by the sholders, and im sorry if my nails dig in too deep but holy fuck. Breathings hard, fic so good my rib cage has started to feel too small for my heart, and my lungs, and the hole your story has carved inbetween all of it.

Fic so good i haven't even gotten to the end and i want to thank you for, for all this has done to me. I'm shit with fics where there are a lot of words, no matter how mutch i love the characters and yet, and yet somehow this is one of the 100k + fanfics i have enjoyed every gut wrenching second of.

I feel like vomiting

In fact

I might.

They all need therapy after this, methinks.

(I know this is long and loopy, and my english (my second language) is not great, and that ultametly i kinda said nothing but i needed you to see (at least a little bit of) how insanely wonderful your craft is)

Anywho, i still haven't finished, and that was a lot of words, but i hope you have a lovely 24 h, i wish you the best with all of your future works. "Something (just like this)" has...given me brain damadge i'm guessing.

Blue, there is nothing to apologise for, I think you are wonderful. 🥺 You said everything. 🥺 From this message alone—from you taking the time to write it, and send it, I can tell you that there’s nothing about your heart that’s old or ugly or terrible. If anything, I think it’s golden—like the afternoon sun, reflecting all that good light back until it’s too much to hold. 🥹🫀✨

But okay, lemme try and do the thoughtfulness of this ask some justice. 🥹💕 God, to be honest I kinda worried about Hana, and her place in the story. Like—knowing how it was going to end. I think a lot of us will end up parting ways with people in our life that were important—and some, unfortunately, for ugly reasons. Hana’s betrayal is like, so extreme, so dramatic and terrible. And it doesn’t just hurt Reader, it hurt other people, kids. Like sure, Hana was hurt—but then she turned around and hurt others, willingly. And there’s no justice for the ones she directly affects. You’re right, Blue. You can’t redeem that—you can only pick up the pieces around it.

Tbh, I think Reader’s bitterness would’ve made building a life after it all that much harder, if it weren’t for other people. 🥹 Like—Scribbles cynical nature was such a fun part of writing the fic, lmao, and it absolutely would’ve made life that much harder for her in the aftermath if she didn’t have support. 🥹 I think someone like Scribbles, who barely trusts themselves, was a good match/contrast for Izuku who—like, even in canon is learning to overcome the worst of his most fear-driven habits. It gives him the ability to see Scribbles in a way that—that she needed. 🥺

Bluey!!! You’re an artist too??? Like our Reader. 🥹 The need to document everything is so real lmao. Like—it’s constant!! An insatiable way of looking at the world. 🥹 How do I capture this, how can I do this. I literally just had that feeling the other night, driving home under a perfectly straight trail of cloud like a comet’s tail. The sky was that perfect, indigo glow, and there was a single star alongside of it and it genuinely looked like the trail of a meteorite streaking over the sky and I wanted to remember everything about it. I wanted to draw it, write it, anything to keep it.

Blue, you have said so many kind things about my writing. 🥺 Either in this ask or in the tags of other things. And!!! It means so much to me, every time. 🥺 This is what I mean when I say you have a reflective, golden heart. 🥹💛🌿 I’m always going to be glad that like, I could write something that made you wanna reach out and say hello, lmao, but mostly I’m just glad you’re here. ☀️

(Also, as an aside—you mentioned a song, in the tags of one post a little while ago. I wanted you to know that I immediately ran to spotify to try and find it, lmao, and listen to it and like, now it lives in my likes and every time I listen to it I think of you and also of maybe trying to write a Bakugou worthy of the association, lmao. It’s such a sweet song, Blue, thank-you for the new music 🌷)

#ofmermaidstories-asks #something just like this — fic

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gg-selvish · 1 year

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sapnap/unresolved georgenap in rules

someone on retrospring asked me for sapnap's perspective in rules because it's pretty underdevlopped in the fic so here's my answer so i have it saved because it was fun to talk about

ok i. ran out of time for sapnap in rules and i will be the first to admit that. sapnaps arc isnt very as satisfyingly resolved as dreams and thats because the dnf damage was just so intense and so fresh it took priority over longterm hurt but. theres a lot there that he went through thats implied and also in my personal headcanons of unwritten lore that implications stem from that i dont describe well or explore enough in the actual fic (sorry self burn booooooo)

rules is sapnap fell first george fell harder. 100%. its established in chapter 1 that sapnap had a crush on george since they were young and it was implied that george knew about it for most of the time of their friendship because it would be brought up casually/jokingly and while george thought it was lighthearted (and, once they got together, irrelevant) it was pure torture for sapnap.

loving both of your best friends is very difficult, if you could imagine. in my head dreamnap eased into each other better than georgenap did (emotionally) but... thats not really hard to do. dream and him established probably pretty similarly to treacherous in that it didnt take too long for them to realize their feelings for each other, but in rules george is more present so they get together faster because as we all know dreamnap are kind of scared of each other while george is the worlds biggest instigator. dnn complete each other yadda yadda im getting sidetracked

so they establish that they want each other and start this relationship but we're gonna math it out. sapnap isnt getting words of affirmation (outside of e-sex like praise no i love yous) or physical touch from george. he's getting words of affirmation from dream but limited physical touch due to The Rules (wooooooo). another thing thats quick in the fic is that dreamnap kinda lock away from each other because they Want to be together and theyre Not Allowed To so u can imagine the strain that would put on all of their dynamics. theyre so close but limited to compromise with someone who cant even say i love you or touch them like its Hard bro and theres resentment that comes from that piled atop the years of teasing for feelings that sapnap can never even be sure are reciprocated are u kidding????

so not only is there this prodding and underlying making fun of sapnaps feelings at regular interverals and overall memeing on him for YEARS theres george putting him in a painful position in the relationship too. more resentment. the piles getting pretty high, huh? and then they meet. theyre together. and its george but its also someone completely different. suddenly he's being worshipped and touched like gold with the kindest words whispered and he slips into subspace and feels so safe and he loves george so much why does it have to be so hard?

so he settles for when it's not hard.

he consents to cosigning the breaking of dreams heart and lets george sleep with him alone because for just a few minutes or hours he can pretend he means something to george. because he has doubts. maybe id go so far as to say theres times where he really doesnt believe him at all. but he does believe him when he's combing fingers through his hair and letting him taste love on his tongue

i think a lot about dreamnap in oklahoma. how sapnap felt to sleep in the same bed as dream and want to be with him alone the way they were when george was on call but he cant. all the while knowing if george was in his place he could do whatever he wants because hes on another wavelength

more resentment. george always wins, isn't that so unfair?

and when sapnap comes back different. that line is important and holds a lot of weight. thats when he got tired of george being unfair and dragging him through the mud and he wanted to be strong against someone who makes him weak so he tries so hard even though hes being torn in two and he's so tired, can you imagine? so he stops the unsafe scene. more resentment builds. he's done with george. he cant take this anymore. hes ruining everything and so he pulls away from him even more

and then he gets drunk and george crawls under his skin and he fails and can you imagine how much he was beating himself in the head for that? after being so strong and maybe he felt excluded a little because of it but he wasnt being weak and then george fucking makes him weak again and dream catches him and it all blows up because he was weak

and still. even with sapnap and him on the chopping block. george does not say i love you.

sapnap defends him in the fight. and george still doesnt say it.

it takes dream taking him apart and nearly forcing vulnerability. and sure sapnap is told first but was it because of him? do you think he'll always wonder if it was always going to be dream fixing george and never him? do you think he would feel resentful about that as well?

there's a lot of negativity in him. he's been really dragged through it and treated like shit and theres a part of me who has this perspective and sees rules!george apologists and wonders if theyre thinking about any of this. if any of it is even detectable in the tiny one liners i slipped in because i was going too fast

rules is about george at face value, but it's also kind of about dream, and it's definitely about sapnap.

#suggestive text //#txt #thonking

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trans-xianxian · 2 years

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I know you’re not a fan of the novel (and neither am I lol) but how do you feel about some of cql’s decisions meant to kind of soften Wei Wuxian’s character like the creation of the second flutist/changing the Wen Remnants from people who participated in the war to Wen Remnants who are all completely innocent. (Personally I don’t mind the cql changes that much but I’m curious how you feel about them, and if they change Wei Wuxian’s character in your mind)

I say this with the understanding that a lot of the changes you mentioned and the softening of his actions were in large part due to censorship, but I think that the only change I have a negative opinion about is the fact that in cql wei wuxian is not the inventor of demonic cultivation, and in my interpretations and analysis of his character it's really the only thing I follow novel canon on. it just strips him of so much of what is so impossible and impressive and unbelievable about his power and his return post core transfer. wei wuxian inventing a new kind of cultivation on his own and half dead in three months and being able to wield it so devastatingly, to put it simply, fucks. don't get me wrong he is plenty powerful and terrifying and impressive in cql but there's just something about his power being utterly unprecedented and beyond comprehension that goes so so hard in a way I'm obsessed with. we know that I am a sucker for ridiculously competent wei wuxian

as for what you specifically mentioned:

I have mixed feelings about there being a second flutist. on one hand, the concept of wei wuxian simply losing control, of the anger and the resentment and the constant abuse and, in the case of nevernight, the overwhelming grief, finally being too much for him and the weight of it all being so enormous that he can no longer manage his unfathomable power, is devastating. I like the way that is amplifies his suffering. I also appreciate that it gives him something to truly be sorry for after his return, something terrible that is irrefutably his fault

on the other hand, a second flutist adds a lot to the mastermind and the evil of jin guangyao, and says a lot about just how much the world wanted to be rid of wei wuxian. I like that it's a deliberate attempt to turn him into a scapegoat, the eternal boogeyman to the cultivation world for a crime he did not even commit. I appreciate what it says about his character, that he was good up until the very end, even through the anger and the grief. I like that it lets him keep some of his personal agency. conversely I dislike the implication that anyone could wield the same power as wei wuxian, that anybody could match his skill enough to use it against him

I think I like a combination of the two interpretations best - that someone else had made wen ning kill jin zixuan on the mountain pass, but wei wuxian truly and completely lost it at nevernight. mostly this is for selfish reasons devoid of consideration for what would make the story better, because wei wuxian losing control and making wen ning kill jin zixuan is painful and troubling in a way that I personally dislike. but also wei wuxian finally losing it in a way that is less pointed and more broad is something I enjoy

I know it may seem counter intuitive to be like hm I dislike wei wuxian being responsible for the death of one guy I like it better when he's only responsible for the death of thousands 🤔 BUT. theres just something I like about wei wuxian losing control in such a grand, indiscriminate way. I like what it would say about his character, I like what it would say about what it is that he is to blame for, I like what it would say about his grief, that the too much of it all, the crushing weight of all of the cruelty he has had to shoulder in his life, is less pointed and exacting and more overwhelming and uncontrollable. something about wei wuxian finally just being sick of it, finally breaking at the end of it all, and just letting all of the pain come out of him in a terrifying and deadly wave of unleashed power is so very devastating and so very wei wuxian. it is the perfect combination of him being genuinely responsible for something terrible and the notion that if you bend something far enough it is going to break

I didn't know about the wen remnants being different in the novel and thus do not have all of the pertinent information to build a solid opinion, especially within regards to how it changes wei wuxians character, but with the information at hand I do think that cqls decision accentuates the evil of the cultivation world and the older sect leaders in an interesting and, for lack of a better word, fun way. the way that all of the most powerful people were willing to ruthlessly and violently kill the wen remnants in cql, who were completely innocent, just the old and the sick and the very young (or at the very least willing to sit and watch all of it be done to them), I feel spoke to the cruelty of everything, and made it clear just how much influence and power the jin sect had, because killing and torturing and demanding the bodies of people who were irrefutably innocent was so obviously wrong and so many of the characters Knew it was wrong and still did Nothing. these are less my thoughts on the change and more my appreciation for the choice cql made

something you didn't mention but I feel the need to bring up when discussing novel to drama changes is wei wuxians death. cqls version of it is a Genius choice when it comes to creating parallels - wei wuxian being thrown into the burial mounds, the scene where he stands on the edge of the very same cliff with lan wangji who tells him, "you promised you would let me help you", the final scene of the show. cqls death also gets points for adding extra tragedy to wei wuxians relationships with both lan wangji and jiang cheng - lan wangji having to watch him die and being unable to stop him despite his best efforts, how the only time we ever hear lan wangji raise his voice is to scream wei wuxians name, jiang cheng going to the edge of the cliff to put the final nail in wei wuxians coffin but ultimately being unable to commit to the act in the face of his brother, "lan zhan, let me go", that gut wrenching smile he gives jiang cheng the moment he sees him even though he knows his little brother is not there to do anything kind

but mostly I love wei wuxians death in cql - the reason I prefer it to the novel - because it makes wei wuxians death his own choice. I love the ironic and tragic concept of him being torn apart by his own terrible creation in the novel but his death being a choice? being something he made for himself? a deliberate act on his part? something no one could take from him? good lord. I've said it before but I think that wei wuxian went to nevernight that day Knowing he would not make it out alive, and yet he was able to take that inevitability into his own hands, make it His. he decides the moment, he chooses when it's too much, when he's had enough, when it's finally time for him to go. it makes for such a devastating moment visually, truly opened up the gates for such a phenomenal performance on xiao zhans part. it's the culmination of it all, it's the fact that even at the end of his life nobody and nothing could take his agency from him, it's the refusal to be controlled until the very end

even with my limited knowledge of the novel, I definitely think that cql wei wuxian is a very different being from novel wei wuxian. in my opinion it's not only the deliberate softening of his character and some of his actions, but also because the directing, writing, and acting gave him so much life and charm and heart apart from that, and I think that the latter is what makes me especially fond of cql wei wuxian, not the fact that they had to shift some of the blame

#this is so long oh my god this is so long I just love him so much #you opened the flood gates how was I supposed to not come pouring out #my interpretation and combo of wei wuxians traits across adaptations is the right one. btw.#ask #counting this as #ghost posts #wei wuxian #wwx #wangxian #yunmeng bros #looking at this posted I really should put it under a read more KAHSMHXKSHDKND #I'm on mobile tho and not that dedicated to completing that task tho sorry

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narwhalandchill · 7 months

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FINALLY FINISHED 4.1 AQ!!!!! (General thoughts also Lot of childe thoughts + 4.1 spoilers obvi and 4.2 leaks warning, LONG)

ok OK OK that was actually insane holy fuck. i was mad initially when childe lacking voicelines in 4.1 leaked but like bro was Still a central character im cool! im cool! keep it up in 4.2!!!!

FIRSTLY. i was fucking right i KNEW the oratrice was ALWAYS onto childe being connected to the primordial sea through 'it' GOD the sheer fucking amount of "theories" i saw that were like oh its all just arlecchinos machinations nothing abyssal whale is an easter egg (?) childes poor mood is bc hes drugged with sinthe by arle (??????) etc etc etc. eat my fucking ass. i saw this shit coming YEARS ago i knew i fucking knew.

honestly its just like my dearest ajax to minmax his K/D ratio to the point that he becomes the murder weapon to a case that started when he was like 5 like what a legend. he is so talented. 🥰🥰🥰🥰

im still highkey on the copium camp that the leaked humanoid phase of the ptahur fight wouldnt literally be childe tho. unironically mostly bc i think its simply a crime against him to let foul legacys visual design AND ptahurs whale design serve cunt that hard only to do the ugliest most generic possible rectangle shaped dark armor guy for A Boss Fight. Like cmon. the purple cyclops look with the flowing galaxy cape and fluffy collar was The Shit. give us extra galaxy effect pastel purple water-y polar star motif-y foul legacy design for childes magical girl powerup not That. tho if childes only gonna look ugly before he asserts his claim over the whales power and then gets a cunty powerup then all is forgiven 🥰

AND WE SAW THE WHALE I WAS LITERALLY GIDDY WATCHING THE CUTSCENE. knew it was coming bc i spoiled myself on purpose by watching it on yt i Had to see it but. ITS SO GOOD. God. and then 4.2 we will fight them both??? & the boss title is "devourer of the stars"???? like its so fucking abysspilled and real i feel like a starving middle ages peasant being fed from the royal banquet table ive waited SO LONG. foul legacy is called devouring deep and 'it' is Litetally titled devourer. this isnt a fucking coincidenceee im in love . WILF i said what i said

anyway i do agree that in terms of lore implications i dont think its unrealistic at all for it and its will to overwhelm ajax temporarily like that thing is the devourer of stars which. Might i remind people literally means devouring fate in the world of genshin and constellations. a world ending entity. but also at the same time this might be me being insane and abysspilled (always looking for a reason for apologism yk) but like. theres no direct confirmation either way whether ptahurs intentions with childe are really malicious at all. he awakened it, theyre linked and its calling for him and sure thats bad for fontainians' projected life expectancy but we cant assume much else. i mean childe was in the deep sea he might be snezhnayan so immune to anti french bathwater but bro couldve been drowning maybe the whale helped out a pal. and the music in the cutscene was more wonder than terror too? fanon guys are just coping bc they dont want childe to get worse when thats just much sexier Trust (she says, overtaken by constant paranoia that somehow theyll pull a 180 and damsel-ify him with no actual narrative weight or satisfaction for his arc ahahaha)

(but like me when i havent read tusk of monoceros caeli item desc and understood that the all-devouring desire to crush everything in his path like the solipsism represented by the image of a whale cruising through the celestial heights is very explicitly stated to be a part of himself childe chooses to gleefully embrace do not fucking try me you illiterates. sorry i got emotional for a sec back to 4.1)

AND LIKE NO I DID NOT MISS THAT NEUVILLETTE DID NEVER IN FACT CLAIM PTAHURS SENTENCE UPON FONTAINE WAS UNJUSTIFIED. JUST THAT IT WAS TOO HARSH. so like listen listen listen. (pulls up my abyss is justified the gods are false the sky is fake so bringing ruin upon the world in the greatest sin against an artificial system is actually making the sinner the one delivering heavenly justice---- conspiracy whiteboard) ANYWAY point is childe tartaglia ajax should get to torch celestia and im going to kiss him on the mouth when he does. No one @ me. but actually neuvillette genuinely APOLOGIZED for overturning ptahurs authority to deliver its sentence. im gonna read into this so hard it might be reaching but who am i if not behaving down bad horrendously about the abyss and the prospect of a cosmic eldritch entity shattering celestias world order into pieces,?? this is my Brand

act III has so much hate but i thought it was fine SJSJSKSJFKFIDKFK it did what it set out to do and it certainly isnt as interesting as act IV but it did So much of the foundational work for the next act and managed to work well enough. it got a bit repetitive so like no it wasnt perfect at all but idk when u go in with the right mindset its perfectly competent. but i can see it feel horrible when u Really just wanna get to the action parts so like its fine if ppl dislike it jsjajsk not too pressed either way

anyway i find it so cute how many people are reacting to travelers dreams of childes pov as this like omg theyre in sync and not like. An explicit confirmation that visions are mass surveillance tools p much 💀💀💀💀 like its not even ON HIM and he can still be tracked how is this endearing im so lost JSFFJSJSJ

honestly beyond the obvious childe brainrot its hard to even go off about just any specific character bc EVERYONE got it so good. chlorinde dodged the sara allegations im SO fucking happy for her!!! even if it wasnt that much its already far off from that travesty!!! her and wrios dynamic is so fucking funny i adore them and wasnt expecting it at all.

wrio is fucking GREAT! i absolutely lived for every single line of dialogue he had like mans literally the funniest person in fontaine. silver powercreep. but not just that bc hes actually so fucking good and interesting and intriguing and i loved the overall role he played. the whole power play he did w lyney and that entire confrontation played so well with both his and lyneys character im just. this was a certified banger. the house of hearth sibs were all great and lyneys characterization had So much depth and nuance i really liked the way he wasnt dropping his and lynettes backstory in 4.0 just to trauma dump but that it was all actual setup for his minor/major breakdown during act IV and that payoff was so worth it!!! arle chiding him for his pride too. listen to your dad lyney.

speaking of Whom.

oh my god oh my god arle arle arle. this woman had me actually fucking blushing like. Her ENERGY. The Poise. the Threat. the Pressure. the veneer of perfectly conducted civil friendliness that feels more threatening than if she just put a knife to my neck (which. she could. id thank her)??? how shes genuinely LIVID at furina and about the prophecy and just kept pressing at her?????? no woman in this goddamn game has had an effect like this on me i feel so weak im such a fucking dyke oh my god. HER VOICE. HER FUCKING VOICE. EVERY SENTENCE OUT OF HER MOUTH I WAS EATING IT UP. that like. idk how to even call it that like dry breathy quality to her voice is just?????? i was transfixed i was obsessed i was hypnotized.

and ofc she didnt really gaf about childe much SJAJSKSJFKSKSKDKD but like unironically funniest fucking mental image from this AQ was the concept of if arlecchino ever somehow got arrested in another nation CHILDE would be her attorney like. 😭😭😭😭😭😭 HELP (logically ik he would do fine lmao hes smart and literally feeds his ego by being good at his job you guys are just so fucking rude comparing him to 6d chess zhongli in liyue AQ. thats zhongli being too galaxy brain not anyone else being dumb)

honestly i love love love this fucked up strict but seemingly truly genuine in her own fucked up way parental figure that she appears to be?? like this isnt redeeming her this is making her interesting as fuck and i do love that. the fact that shes generally very reasonable and collected but that you can just Feel the danger lurking underneath is literally So attractive i might keel over.

and like FINALLY a nation where its not all the fatuis fault!!! well it is all childes fault (so proud of him. thats my man!!) but you get what i mean GSJSKDK. arlecchino actually offering up her cooperation at the end just feels so refreshing and nice like ahhh. feels good feels organic.

so. neuvillette is the reincarnated hydro sovereign. whos surprised. (silence) yeah fucking thought so. honestly neuvi was both incredibly interesting and good but also his clueless moments of not picking up on jokes and banter are So autistic like if i hadnt already pulled him by the point i started doing act IV i wouldve the second he started sharing his autism diagnosis with us. so like im ecstatic to have him both on my main and NA alt actually.

ALSO. Confirmed that gnoses are based on stolen authority from the sovereigns. as a scalie enthusiast i Always had a hunch sth like this was up but having it confirmed is fucking excellent. and like it feels very much like furina/focalors (r they separate ppl or not? Huh?? is the gnosis in the oratrice?) r gonna allow neuvillette to tackle the bathwater problem by surrendering the authority over hydro back to its rightful heir n thats prolly gonna be a part of how fontaine dodges the prophecy. but its still very hmmmmmm

sigewinnes traitor moment actually caught me off guard it was SO funny. like she was actually fooling us i loved that. sure she always had good intentions and everything but still iconic. in general just how wrio and gang outplayed us in the fortress of merupide was great like it just really emphasizes how bro Runs the place for real for real and it was excellent. the massive ship was kind of out of left field tho. inb4 ptahur just crushes that thing anyway lmaooooo

theres probably more still but uh this is already too long JSJSKSKDK anyway yes i did enjoy acts III and IV very much how did you notice. sorry for the length of this crazed frenzy but not sorry actually. it feels so nice to get fed finally. im so hype for 4.2.

edit: wait i forgor furina. honestly im not gonna lie i was too mesmerized by arlecchino to pay that much attention to her so sorry about that but like GAJSKDJDKDK she was great too!!!

#rambles #genshin

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pinkseas · 11 months

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[parasocial bestie] you still did progress anyhow and das really really good!!! focus on ur trip the attention might mess up da writing vibe and thought process tho i trust 10000000% on ur gigantic shiny brain what you do on ur writing <333333

ALSO WHAT BREAKUP THERES A??? NO YOU DID NOT TALK ABOUT IT HERE JUST ZHONGVEN RECENTLY 😭😭😭😭 pls elaborate please dump it all on me i am sitting i am preparing the Tea i am Sipping for the oncoming angst silly whatever i am expecting and the piping hot tea stays no matter what reaction LETS GOOOO 🍵🔥

SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM OMG THANK GOSH I DIDNT TALK ABOUT IT OKAY OKAY SO.

im so excited omgggggg also good morning !!!!!!! :DDD <33333

okay SO. this is actually basically just an idea i initially had for a Different piece of media taken and recycled.

xiaolumi. modern au. lumine and aether move to xiao's town and start at his school when they're like 13 or 14.

aether befriends half of their year in half the day. lumine is quieter, sticks closer to those who are the same. scara, xiao <- im absolutely not biased in any way. aether is chatty but quiet once you get to know him, lumine is quiet but chatty once you get to know her.

she and xiao share loads of classes and work well together and very much want to be closer to each other but dont exactly know how, there's this sort of tension there that neither of them can figure out to save their lives. they're still very close, just. definitely not as much as they could be. and they endure CONSTANT teasing through their school years from friends and family alike about them liking each other/having crushes on each other/"so when's the wedding?" type stuff. people will try to get them together and they just kind of awkwardly laugh it off and dont really know what to do about it. they don't like each other like that. do they?

its never been a question of whether or not they love each other. never. of course they do. but in college they make new friends, and those new friends not ONLY assume they're together from the very start but also jump right in on the teasing after learning that they're not and they finally think okay. fuck it. lets just try dating.

it lasts... a week? two weeks? three? they've never, ever felt further apart from one another. it's strange and weird and they do not like it, even with all the congratulating and claps on the back and celebration that its "finally" happened.

they break up. they make it very clear to all of their friends that they've broken up. and they're scared !! they're scared. they've been each other's closest friend for years now. what they had worked so well for both of them and now they feel theyve ruined it and they're so scared that it's gone for good.

but the breakup is a huge weight off their shoulders. there's a little bit of distance until one day lumine makes a joke about it and suddenly they fall back into rhythm like nothing ever happened. more jokes about the breakup and about each other being shitty partners are integrated right into their vocubulary, and suddenly, somehow, they're closer than ever before. that tension that'd always been between them seems to vanish, they become so COMFORTABLE with each other in a way they weren't quite able to achieve beforehand

venti is probably a pretty big part of it. i am so ready to shove the aroace agenda onto everyone. they meet him in college and he's friendly and carefree and kind and he befriends them both pretty easily, is one of the few who never teases. he does ask, after the fact, about the breakup and how it felt-- but hes respectful and he doesnt come at it from a romantic standpoint and he helps one of them (i havent really decided but Probably xiao) work through a lot of those feelings and what they mean.

lumine and aether end up having a pretty serious conversation about it. lumine has always, always known that she loves xiao, that she's in love with xiao. that hasn't changed. its just... not that kind of love. aether listens. he helps her to better understand, and he starts to understand, too.

"lumine. all that matters to me is that youre happy. are you happy?" and she is. she really, really is.

lumine and xiao do talk about it eventually, too. lumine asks xiao if he loves her. not because she wants or expects to hear a yes, just because she wants to know. wants to understand his feelings, too. and he describes it-- the depth of his care, how important she is to him, describes exactly how he feels and does not once use the word love to do so. he doesnt really know if its love. he doesnt know if any of it is. and lumine tells him that that's okay. that it doesnt have to be love. they're on the same page, they understand, that's what matters.

the Biggest Focus if i were to write it would be that huge comfort and the weight off their shoulders afterwards. the characters i first had this thought for were slightly younger teenagers, one with a huge crush on the other thats so intense they barely manage to befriend them out of shyness, and the thought was that they'd finally date, it would suck, theyd break up, and suddenly without all the perceived romantic feelings in the way there'd be nothing stopping them from being besties. i do think it works a little better with that and in theory i could change this around so that xiao and lumine meet later on and both have ""crushes"" on each other and dont know each other super well before getting together? i actually do kind of like that thought now. fawk. erm. ill Probably end up doing that if i ever do this :sob:

BUT ANYWAYS yeah that's the whole idea/premise smile. breakup fic my <3333333

#parasocial bestie tag

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wolfhiddeninthedarkness · 2 years

Text

Push

Looking back at me, i wonder just how i survived..

Mundane and always hidden, the best hide and go seek player ever.

I have let my walls decay,fall,break,crumble at your words..

I have decided to wait by myself,waiting for a touch...

The bass line slowly follows me and increases tempo...

I'm in the middle of catastrophe..

In down with the fallen,brought up on pain and destructive force...

I sit at the river watching this empire fall,break at its very sturdy support ..

Can you tell me what is real?

I've lost all of it,the light is dimming..

Staring at this phone,tears form..

I'm afraid it wont happen,I'm afraid this war inside will no longer subside.

Afraid this time, more like afraid of everything..

Leave if you want, the dark cape upon your bright smile.

Theres no real me,the real you alone..

If you want...

The life force fallen,the red covers the floor.

In love for all the wrong reasons,burnt bridges for a new season..

Cold again, the ac no longer blowing..

We are thrown away,stolen moments...

Don't pretend i know how this ends..

Fast asleep and full of deceit..

Everythings not alright...

Best thing we can do is just survive.....

The demon upon your back,producing toxins in your heart..

Imprisoned in skin, sheltered from everyone...

These are the days it all went dark on me.

There was no hate,love,only dark skies that hang above..

I called your name to send a signal to guide me home.....

What i found in it all,i lost in me....

Dead of night, You went dark on me....

How could you just walk away and leave me here...

I laid awake watching you sleep, protecting like a wolf should.....

I told you, i cant do this on my own, you WERE all i had to guide me home...

Monster killer i have been called, a broken savior of a lost cause..

In my life i refuse to run away...

Save my life,im never gonna sway...

A force to beckon upon a side unseen...

The waves crash so soft, I'm against my own tide..

Under this crushing weight, ill be sinking..

Echoes in empty rooms,decaying...

A whisper, "it doesn't matter anymore"

Hanging onto these memories like a blast from hell...

I stand and face the rest of me,what the hell is wrong with me.

Why am i torturing myself..

The doors of hell bang with supreme force, enough to hear from above...

A mistake no longer seen,felt or remembered....

The banging closer,against the apartment door,screams from each floor..

It's time to push...

Closed eyes feel no pain....

All i ask of you, all I ask...

A determination,a spoken word,a truthful mouth,Wanting eyes, and a reason to be...

But something got in the way...

My soul turned black and sombered away...

Open up a little bit more, im searching and the connection is weak...

My heart races,the sparks from down lines in my head bright..

Stepping stone no longer...

There isn't much i can't do.....

But i do what i can...

I don't care about the story,or the myth.

I don't care how you see my life, you haven't witnessed it......

Engaged like a pin against the one small point on a shell, producing hot death...

#poems #my poems #my stuff

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foulflame · 27 days

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Childhood / Endeavor.

Sometimes I'll see people speculating who Toya's favorite hero would have been as a child or if he didn't become a villain and honestly..... If its not plainly obvious Toya's Hero was his father.

( Though thats a ramble for another post entirely bc oof I actually got a lot to say about that. ) But yeah, we can see Toya definitely saw his father as his favorite Hero, which of course he did. Most little boys look up to their fathers as Heroes, in Enji's case it was just super literal as he was actually a Pro Hero.

Like I feel like a lot of people don't understand that when you're a kid parents are your whole entire world and in many cases kids will have a parent they favor. ( Usually the one that favors them, since they react to the affection/praise, or the one that favors them less, since they then make it their subconscious mission to win that parents love and approval and with Toya and Enji it became a sad combination of both.)

Above, we can see young Toya is wearing clothing that reflects this. From the more subtle "Fire" shirt to his singlet which is literally Endeavour merchandise. And I think really drives home the crushing weight of the situation because the second gif is literally the scene where Natsuo is born and Toya begins to realize the reason Enji is set on having more sons is specifically to replace Toya, who he believes can no longer carry on the 'dream' that was passed to him despite Toya still trying so hard to do so for his father's approval. Like he's literally standing there representing his dad's brand, covered in burns from training to achieve his father's goal FOR HIM and then almost all at once he's made to think his father doesn't want him anymore and that literally none of that matters and theres no point for him to exist anymore. Imagine this and you're just a kid.

And you can bet he proudly showed these things to his dad and wore them around. And as a side headcanon to this, I don't think Toya was the same with other Heroes. Sure he thought they were cool and stuff but they weren't his dad. You'd never catch Toya being fan of All Might in particular because he knew his dad's feelings on that. The clothing was the only Hero merch Toya had, he didn't really have action figures or plush toys and would typically reject them, because he had the real Endeavour and he was loyal to his father in the sense that he'd feel weird about having toys of All Might or other heroes when he knew his dad worked really hard and especially was in competition with someone like All Might.

#headcanons

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dumpdaily · 2 months

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i feel so abandoned by everything

i know i make things worse for myself sometimes but fuck dude im so tired

i hate having to constantly fight myself. i hate pretending like people care more than they do.

its so easy to feed the bullshit in your brain. no one cares about you etc etc. ignoring peoples efforts and ignoring your own shortcomings just fucks you over. so easy to believe that no one cares, that no one is there. partly because i am largely out of contact with people. partly because i talk to all of maybe 5 people each month with a large variance on how often we talk (sometimes not talking to anyone at all in a day or week). its so easy to fall for the lie that no one gives a shit, especially when you forget interactions.

but it is also painful to see the lack of interaction. even if its hindered by your own bullshit. its hard knowing that you are often forgotten just because people have lives outside of you. its hard knowing that you value certain social connections with more weight than the other person. sometimes the social connection was entirely imagined... its hard to respect others when you want to take up so much more space in their lives.

i hate that I can sit here and feel so fucking abandoned and then even when a friend says hello after a while I just end up feeling annoyed or angry at them and I dont want to interact with them. i hate that i know i need to make more friends to spread the weight of my social needs across more people but i struggle to connect with people at the best of times and now I dont want to at all. i hate that no matter what i do i seem to end up fucking things up.

and then theres the idea that you should push people away because youre cursed, or a problem for others. for me its the idea that i am just so exhausted from constantly trying my best for so long, from fighting for so long, that I no longer wish to live. before it was that I was so much of a mess mentally i thought it rude to interact with people because why on earth should they have to deal with my shit.

these past 1-2 years have been immeasurably difficult. things started to work out so well only for it to all crumble away again. I had started to feel feelings properly which made the downfall of everything so much more painful than I had ever experienced before. Everything felt so real for a while that it was overwhelming. And then everything seemed to go wrong. which crushed me mentally and then I lashed out there too.

sometimes it feels like i am destined to be alone. people are just passing through. those who stay around me for too long end up cursed too.

I've always felt my luck is strange. The sort of luck that will have me live. Have me bear witness to hell but barely experience it. Keep me alive despite all odds. The sort of luck that keeps me distant. That the isolation I desperately tried to brake was baked in as some sort of safety mechanism.

I always figured luck was just the probability playing out and nothing more. But maybe the system is rigged after all. And maybe I can't do anything about it.

I already spent more than a decade putting in my best effort.

I really wish the people I get close to would stop leaving me behind.

#isolation #dumpdaily #vent #abandoment issues #lonely #mental illness #mentally fucked #actually mentally ill

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star-ver1 · 3 months

Text

i got a bf a few months ago, a few months after i recovered. hes cis, 200 lbs, 5'11, and plays hockey. hes stronger than me (BUT I BEAT HIM AT ARM WRESTLING)

its weird, on one hand im doing this for him

on the other if he knew i was doing this hed worry and get me to stop

and if he knew i was doing it for him hed probably feel so guilty. he doesnt want me doing this, he always tells me to eat if i said i havent or im hungry.

he always calls me his twink and says im light and skinny and never lets me talk bad abt my weight or my body. i feel bad for letting myself do this because i have such a great support system now. i have someone who genuinely cares about me and wont even let me joke about hurting myself. i have to take good care of myself besides the restriction. hell notice if i lose more hair or lose too much weight at once.

but tbh im not satisfied yet, and with the news theres no way ill be able to start testosterone prior to 18, i don't really feel like staying recovered. i need this control again and i need a more masculine body. last time i lost 60 lbs (gained back 7 of them) and i was so much more comfortable and i pass so much better without my fat distribution to make me stick out. if i cant start T then ill do the next best thing ig. i was so close to my ticket out

i want him to feel my ribs when he touches my chest, i want my boobs to be smaller and less noticeable, i want my hips and butt to be narrow and straight. i want to be so light compared to him. he can already pick me up!!!! i want him to be able to crush me and throw me and hold me down 🥰

plus i really want that lengthy white boy look. i already have stringy long hair, a vacant gaze and a pot/ nicotine addiction. i just need to lose 35 lbs or so

i also feel short compared to him which is okay (5'11 vs 5'8) so having thinner limbs is gonna make me look taller, or at least not stocky.

#thinsi

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melissawebb-avocado · 4 months

Text

1: Name

Milinda

2: Age

3: 3 Fears

Losing everyone, being alone, people seeing me for how i see my self

4: 3 things I love

My daughter, my husband, my sister

5: 4 turns on

Fatherly, back rubs, asking about my day, takes charge

6: 4 turns off

Dosent listen, trys to take without asking, yelling, procrastinating

7: My best friend

Brianna my sister

8: Sexual orientation

Straight

9: My best first date

Went to make pottery and then to dinner and an arcade

10: How tall am I

5"9

11: What do I miss

My home in chandler

12: What time were I born

2 pm

13: Favorite color

Teal

14: Do I have a crush

My husband

15: Favorite quote

"Most of us are gifted with the

ability to see the monsters hidden

within another, but are unable

to see past them.

It takes a special kind of person

to see the light inside of every

living being."

- Lynette Simeone

16: Favorite place

Oceanside beach

17: Favorite food

Sushi

18: Do I use sarcasm

Yes but only with those im close with

19: What am I listening to right now

Always AJR but the trolls 3 music

20: First thing I notice in new person

How they mingle with new people or stick with the person they know ignoring new people

21: Shoe size

22: Eye color

Hazel

23: Hair color

Brown, waiting to dye mt hair a copper red brown

24: Favorite style of clothing

Graphic t and baggy jeans

25: Ever done a prank call?

Yes.

27: Meaning behind my URL

Its my first ever book i wrote in middle school

28: Favorite movie

Howls moving castle

29: Favorite song

AJR object in motion

30: Favorite band

AJR

31: How I feel right now

Depressed

32: Someone I love

My daughter

33: My current relationship status

Married 💍

34: My relationship with my parents

BFF with my MIL and FIL call them every other day. Talk to my mom whenever i can. Forgave my dad but wont ever forget.

35: Favorite holiday

The days before Christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

C section scar

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

None

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

To find more fans aboit the series i loved

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

I dont talk to any of them.

40: Do I ever get "good morning" or "good night" texts?

No because we say it to each other when we go to bed together

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

My husband?

42: When did I last hold hands?

Last night

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

Im a stay at home mom so i wake up and thats it.

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days?

Yesterday

45: Where am I right now?

Siting on the couch watching my daughter play

46: If I were drunk & can't stand, who's taking care of me?

My husband but my sister is taking me to him.

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

LOUD

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

i live with my husband now

49. Am excited for anything?

To get pregnant with my 2nd kid in summer!

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

My husband

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

Not as much anymore. I used to be very good at hiding my emotions no one knew but after years of therapy my face is easy to read.

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

Last night

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

I hope it would be my daughter. But i would probably cry since i dont feel pretty anymore since ive gained weight after birth.

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

Nope. All the people i used to trust that were toxic i dont talk to or give them anything from me anymore.

55: What is something I disliked about today?

My husband is working and theres no wifi

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

My old therapist.

57: What do I think about most?

The future, where im not stressed about bills, healthcare, or living somewhere i dont. Planing my future home.

58: What's my strangest talent?

Imagination

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

Speaking in public

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind!!!!

61: What was the last lie I told?

Im fine

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Phone

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Ghosts are real. I beilve there is other life in the universe but they look like you and me. Not movie aliens.

64: Do I believe in magic?

65: Do I believe in luck?

Yes. Sometimes you just wake up with a good start and it keeps pulling you forward.

66: What's the weather like right now

It snowed yesterday

67: What was the last book I've read?

The last olympian percy jackson

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

69: Do I have any nicknames?

Mina

70: What was the worst injury I've ever had?

Tore my esophagus from throwing up so much for months

71: Do I spend money or save it?

Spend on temu

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

My daughters strawberry baby blanket

74: Favorite animal?

Axolotal

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

Watching tik tok

76: What do I think is Satan's last name is?

Hellboy

77: What's a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Trolls 3 better place

78: How can you win my heart?

Random acts of kindness

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

The hardest thing she did was survive and she lived through it all.

80: What is my favorite word?

Cascade

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

Basbardbin, moringmark, buggachat,

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

Just a reminder that by the time your child is 18, they will already have spent 93% of the time they will spend with you in their lifetime. So go on that adventure, because you can always get your money back, but you'll never get those years back.

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

Read peoples minds

85: What would be a question I'd be hesitate to tell the truth on?

86: What is my current desktop picture?

Me and my daughter in the sand at the beach

87: Had sex?

Uh yeah.

88: Bought condoms?

Nope

89: Gotten pregnant?

Yep

90: Failed a class?

Nope

91: Kissed a boy?

Yepppp

92: Kissed a girl?

Nope

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

Yep, my husband

94: Had job?

Yep. 5 jobs

95: Left the house without my wallet?

Yeah util i atached my keys and my wallet together

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

97: Had sex in public?

In a car parked on the side of the street.

98: Played on a sports team?

Soccer, volleyball, swimteam, softball

99: Smoked weed?

100: Did drugs?

101: Smoked cigarettes?

102: Drank alcohol?

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

104: Been overweight?

Still am.

105: Been underweight?

106: Been to a wedding?

Yes, mine and my best friends and SIL

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

Yep

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

Yep, just watched avatar 1 and 2

109: Been outside my home country?

Mexico.

110: Gotten my heart broken?

Yep

111: Been to a professional sports game?

collage games?

112: Broken a bone?

Broke my radias of my wrist riding my bike

113: Cut myself?

Tried to. Kept to scratching.

114: Been to prom?

115: Been in airplane?

Yes. Terrified

116: Fly by helicopter?

117: What concerts have I been to?

None

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

119: Learned another language?

120: Wore make up?

Try to at least.

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

Nope

122: Had oral sex?

Yes

123: Dyed my hair?

Not yet

124: Voted in a presidential election?

125: Rode in an ambulance?

126: Had a surgery?

Yes, c section

127: Met someone famous?

President uchdorf

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

My exs and their girlfriends

129: Peed outside?

Yep, road trips

130: Been fishing?

Yep with my dad. Hoping to have a better experience one day

131: Helped with charity?

In high school and middle school. Worked for toys for tots.

132: Been rejected by a crush?

Yeah. High school asked a boy out to go bowling.

133: Broken a mirror?

134: What do I want for birthday?

Dnd table or 3d printer.

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fraener · 8 months

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9/15/23

each day i get a little closer to happiness and freedom again and notice by looking back how unhappy ive been. my hearts been reaching for anything lately, ive felt stagnant in my relationship and in a lot of ways unseen...i think ive been incredibly bored and lonely for a long time now. this was one of the worst years ive had in a while for so many reasons, but ive been wondering the last few days why on earth i saw fit to let myself get so isolated. i felt at the time i was making every effort to prevent that but i felt crushed by the weight of being treated poorly by people i used to spend time with and just sort of feeling closed off from h. been nearly a year and i still feel closed off. it becomes more pronounced when were out but he often seemingly ruefully squirrels himself away in a corner and watches me talk to other people but doesnt try and participate himself. theres that arrogant kind of shyness that i hate so much again. the expectation that the only kind of social interaction worth keeping up is if someone goes out of their way to engage with you and keeps doing so even if you arent engaging with them. im especially gregarious in most situations so i normally dont notice when people are treating me that way, but i dont like seeing it so close to home. we had a tiff recently because i started hanging out with o again where h actually did hurt me a little and it broke my heart. it took so much to get under his shell enough for him to admit why he was treating me so poorly and it really came to light hed benefit a lot from therapy i think. ive been having a not affair with my coworker where weve been spending sort of questionable time together, feels like romance but we dont ever touch. last time we went out really felt like a date which was nice but hes married so on some level we arent able to enjoy each others company too much. its been scratching an itch for me to have a lot of similarity and humor with someone again, and to learn new things about someone and argue with someone and play. last night he wasnt there at the show but i had such an incredible time talking with everyone and it scratched the very same itch...k came for a visit and i re-met some people from p's birthday party that i really enjoyed talking to. my heart felt so full seeing everyone and there felt like so much possibility before me. it felt like i was coming home to a village after being gone a long time. i dont want to go back where i was this year, i wanna go home to the dark pews and puppeteers and string instruments and laughter and stolen glances and what little magic this place has to offer. what a terrible year it was! i think ill start going to the honky tonk again and spending a lot more time with s and p and j. i really think the big thing missing for me was going to shows with people i like and just being in big group merriment in general. not sure how much longer things will go on with h, he hasnt been kissing me lately and i cant tell if its because i told him i needed space or because of something else. hes been kind of touchy though and the thing where each of you are being sarcastic is being taken seriously because theres something not being talked about under there is starting to happen a lot. i cant tell how much more lonely ill be if we break up. might be the same but probably much worse. i love h but i feel like i dont know where he is and feels very far away, and maybe has felt that way the whole time. i think i thought wed get along better by now. schools starting up again in one week so ill see what happens i guess. i feel ready for change though, in a much bigger and more settled way than i have all year. whatever comes will come and that will be that.

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hatecharredarch · 9 months

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Sometimes I'll see people speculating who Toya's favorite hero would have been as a child or if he didn't become a villain and honestly..... If its not plainly obvious Toya's Hero was his father.

Toya was the only one of the Todoroki boys who knew Enji as a loving, supportive father, not a distant, neglectful or even sometimes harsh father, and thats super important as far as understanding the truth depth of Toya's pain and a lot about both him and Enji as characters and the deep-set tragedy of this for BOTH of them, because I also think Toya was very much Enji's golden boy in spite of everything. ( Though thats a ramble for another post entirely bc oof I actually got a lot to say about that. ) But yeah, we can see Toya definitely saw his father as his favorite Hero, which of course he did. Most little boys look up to their fathers as Heroes, in Enji's case it was just super literal as he was actually a Pro Hero. Like I feel like a lot of people don't understand that when you're a kid parents are your whole entire world and in many cases kids will have a parent they favor ( Usually the one that favors them, since they react to the affection/praise, or the one that favors them less, since they then make it their subconscious mission to win that parents love and approval and with Toya and Enji it became a sad combination of both. )

Above, we can see young Toya is wearing clothing that reflects this. From the more subtle "Fire" shirt to his singlet which is literally Endeavour merchandise. And I think really drives home the crushing weight of the situation because the second gif is literally the scene where Natsuo is born and Toya begins to realize the reason Enji is set on having more sons is specifically to replace Toya, who he believes can no longer carry on the 'dream' that was passed to him despite Toya still trying so hard to do so for his father's approval. Like he's literally standing there representing his dads brand, covered in burns from training to achive his father's goal FOR HIM and then almost all at once he's made to think his father doesn't want him anymore and that literally none of that matters and theres no point for him to exist anymore. Imagine this and you're just a kid.

And TBH I don't think Enji forced Toya to rep his brand or anything, that was all Toya. It doesn't change how cruel this was or the sheer psychological and emotional damage done to Toya by Enji's actions, but yeah. It would be so clear to me to see any little boy walk into a store and see his father's brand on clothing items and instantly want those items. You can bet thats how it was for Toya. And you can bet he proudly showed these things to his dad and wore them around. And as a side headcanon to this, I don't think Toya was the same with other Heroes. Sure he thought they were cool and stuff but they weren't his dad. You'd never catch Toya being fan of All Might in particular because he knew his dad's feelings on that. The clothing was the only Hero merch Toya had, he didn't really have action figures or plush toys and would typically reject them, because he had the real Endeavour and he was loyal to his father in the sense that he'd feel weird about having toys of All Might or other heroes when he knew his dad worked really hard and especially was in competition with someone like All Might.

#⊰ ° ‧: ｡* 炎 💠 ━◞ Out Of Character ⊱#⊰ ° ‧: ｡* 炎 💠 ━◞ Headcanons ⊱#Headcanons

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kmr95 · 10 months

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in franks voice a good weird funny real human "hi you reached frank from the ymca" hah so one can dream but maybe but very slim chance since theres billions of real humans who wanna go to ivy league like alan tuing attended princeton so did einstein. ivy league might very small chance let me in for diversity since i am autistic or i have very high functiong asd or aspergers of course again well its difficult to tell since im close to neurotypical thankfully so I do wish autism or down syncdome wasnt veggatables sorry again if i offend anybody. I used to go to a autism summer cap in 2016 and i met real friendly humans and some of the counselors were from the uk. again real humans come and go in life so even real friends or relatives I don’t see often or never sen like my aunt myrtle or cousin barbara etc. cousin barbaras son has asd as well. Its sad though real friends like Irene befriend a fake ass mom of course so to more same old same old idiots who say i type analog silicon or digitized text walls well again you didnt take english class or attended prestigious schools like rutgers like frank did and you don't know what paragraphs look like obviously. i type paragraphs simply again not so long so i space them. again my real friend from the ymca frank beltane or frank stabile he told me about his nicknames before he died so he passed away but i will remember him for being a real friend a real human a good weird smart simple and funny. he studied sociology. oh course i will raise my adopted boy or fe"male" and call them frank ymca reid hah even before he died of course and raise them with physical verbal discipline and i will raise them of course again with eabos. Ill remain a virgin forever. in 2022 age 26-27 I realized a simple fact everything's always been old school.

alan turing went to the most prestigious school of course but was he being simple to think of eabos well no. he was an immigrant like ashley bernards parents again. ashley bernard she is great at math again like alan turing or charlie wills or abdul etc ashley bernard is mixed no accent she is tri lingual. I have only talked to her dad and messaged her relatives this month june or last month. I dont wanna talk to ashley right now because again nobody is special and eabos. I havent talked or messaged ashley bernard in like 5 months of course. last time i saw her in real life or analog was halloween 2022 again. you might know this refernence my name is ken "come on little bill" matthew reid or my long nickname rolls off tongue hah. i slapped kids in high school silly idiotic game and i snitched on one of the kids because well again I was a selfish idiot again thinking i was special and i was worried schools like rutgers or ivy league would judge me but you know things don't bother me as much anymore since knowing eabos and we all have something to hide as humans/ imperfect idiots again so i did do something sort of with dogs when i was 13 so i wont be vulgar again. my free will.

so anyway i hate bill cosby etc. of course so rape abortion to fe"males" is bad and inhumane. rape because you want a fe'male" or male so bad is still wrong but rape to be evil fake is really bad again. I feel yucky but again fe"male" humans are the weirdest human gender so its just how life is and it turns on most males in a good weird way and a bad weird way. when i was a teen or a minor i got motivated by a fe"male" deanna johnson in high school and i put a pic of her on my weight bar yuck and i had crush on brianna sanders from jack and jill group or nicki guerco in high school etc. so many real humans on earth overpopulated again overwheming a good and bad weird. it's also risky to drive and I have sped in my life before I knew eabos. I almost got killed riding my bike on the road in 2016 a bus almost hit me and my fake ass mom passed out while i was driving and she had injurys which i don't feel bad for of course. my ribs hurt and the air bags came out this happened in 2019 i could have died not be able to tell eabos obviously again. i am guilty of speeding on the turnpike or highway going over 100 to catch a flight in trenton but it was very late at night in 2018 and another time in 2018. some idiots in 2022 speed in the home life neighborhood like 100 mph like at glassworks my home life again. i have sped in my home life in freehold and in glassworks but like only 40 50 but it's still wrong. my real friend again elliott peyton told me twice about his real friend dying and he sped and drove far to the hospital. hopefully he was in great hands but sadly he died like frank. i wish my real friends got to meet my other real friends like frank from the ymca. so again obviously ill care what real humans and fake evil humans say analog silicon way or digitized me fighting fire with fire until you care. I will dismiss you not read or see what you care about. until you get or care what i say about eabos of course again.

#military #army #marines #navy #usa #worldwar2 #wwII #life #turing #chatgpt #reddit #twitch #tumblr #twitter #youtube #algorithm #google #tech #technology #callofduty #sports #comedy #fun #Princeton #ivyleague #marryville #ymca #frank #cancer

#military #chatgpt #life #tech #modern warfare ii #algorithm #ymca #princeton

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