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entitled-fangirl · 3 months

Text

Two idiots in love. (P10)

Joel Miller x anemic!reader

Summary: the reader gets taken by David. And Joel will do anything to get her back.

Warnings: bruises, creepy comments, kidnapping, manipulation, name-calling, cursing

Author's note: I think 3 updates in one day is enough lmao

Masterlist

Part 1 and 11

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Y/N woke up with a labored breath.

In fact, all of her breaths were harsh and painful.

And now that she had truly came to her senses, she couldn't remember taking her medication since Jackson.

She left her medication in Jackson.

"I started worrying you wouldn't wake up."

She sat up slowly, now realizing she was laying on cold tile in a fenced in area of the room.

And she knew that voice.

David.

She hummed, trying to collect her thoughts.

Her shivering frame no longer had her winter coat.

Her torso was just left in a tank top and Joel's flannel.

She finally managed to look up at David.

He smiled, "Tess… is it?"

Her eyebrows furrowed. "…Tess?"

He shook his head, "Apparently not." He held up the piece of paper again, "…Y/N?"

She couldn't stop the small instinctual light up of her eyes.

He smiled again, "There she is… pretty Y/N."

In David's hands was Bill's note to Joel. She remembers Joel keeping the paper, and it must have ended up in her backpack.

"So, is Tess the girl?"

"Stop saying that fucking name."

His eyebrows rose, "Alright. Touchy subject." He set the paper down, "I just want to get to know you. Understand you? Is that alright?"

"L…Let me out."

"Well, that's certainly the goal." She saw him grimace, "Sorry for that bruising. Can't imagine it feels nice. I talked to James about it, and I truly apologize on his behalf."

The struggle to breathe.

It was the bruising on her neck from her attempted escape.

"Are you hungry?"

"Wh…why am I in a cage?"

David shrugged, "Have you ever had a pet bird, Y/N? You have to make sure it'll stay before you let it out. Otherwise, it may fly away-"

"-Fuck you."

"Or," he continued more harshly, "More realistically, a dog. You're wild. But don't worry. We'll domesticate you. Make you obedient and respectful. Let you eat the scraps off of the table. The others want to kill you. But I saved you. I can help you. Let me protect you."

She shook her head, "We both know I'm not really on my own."

"Right," he nodded, "your family. Your husband, how is he?"

"He's not my fucking husband."

"Well, I can see how much you care about him, so I know it hurts. But that part of your life, it's ending. And what I'm offering you is a beginning. But if you can't find a way to trust me, then yes. You are alone."

Y/N let out a breath, pushing herself against the wall.

"Can I ask about that?" David asked.

"About what?" She replied coldly.

"That bruise on your arm. Is that… from him?"

A bruise in the shape of Joel's fingers laid around her wrist in a deep purple. It was from cleaning his wound only yesterday, and at the time, she didn't think anything of it.

She looked up at him.

"I see." He said, "You know, people that love you- truly love you- they don't hurt you."

"How the fuck would you know about love?"

"Well, I wouldn't hurt you, Y/N."

"The same bruises are on my neck."

"Those are from James. Not me. I would never hurt you. I think you're beautiful. And beauty is meant to be treasured."

"Joel wouldn't hurt me. He's not like that."

David scoffed, "Did you see what he did to Alec at the university? Snapped his neck. You think he wouldn't do that to you?"

"No. He wouldn't." She reasoned.

"Be serious with yourself, Y/N. That man is dangerous and cruel. You deserve someone kind and protective."

"And you think that person is you?" She scoffed.

He let out a laugh, "Of course, I wish the pretty girl likes me. Who wouldn't? But, I think that's up to you to decide."

And he left her alone with her thoughts.

…

Joel was livid.

He could barely see through the red that clouded his vision.

In the scheme of things, they had somehow taken Ellie, too.

And Joel didn't like it when people touched his things.

He continued to punch the man taped to the chair.

"Please," the man pleased, "I don't know any woman."

Joel stabbed a blade through the man's knee.

"Marco-"

"No, no, no, no" Joel said softly, "He can't help you. You focus right here. Or I'll pop your fuckin' kneecap off."

The man took a deep breath, "She's alive."

Joel nodded, "Where?"

When the man wouldn't answer, Joel twisted the man's kneecap with his bare hands.

"Fuck, fuck! The town!"

"WHAT TOWN?!" Joel yelled.

"..S…Silver Lake."

Joel pulled out a map, setting it on the man's lap.

The same map Y/N had used in Bill's truck.

"It's not a real town name," the man said out of breath, "It's a resort."

"A resort?"

Joel sighed and pulled the blade from the man's knee, shoving the handle of it in the man's mouth harshly.

"You're gonna point to where we are, and where your "resort" is. And it better be the exact same spot you buddy over there points to."

The man did as Joel commanded, then he spit the blade out, "Go ask him. He'll tell you. I'm not lying."

Joel nodded, then shoved the knife into the man's stomach with no mercy.

The other man held hostage yelled out at the violent act. "Why did you do that? He told you what you wanted! I won't tell you SHIT!"

"That's okay," Joel said calmly as he walked to him and grabbed a bat, "I believe him."

Joel swung the bat with no remorse.

…

Y/N was sat on the floor in a panic.

A human fucking ear laid on the ground not too far from her cage.

They were cannibals.

David came in with a plate, setting it on the ground and sliding it to the hungry woman.

But the last thing she could do was eat after seeing what laid on the ground.

He noticed her gaze and followed it, then looked back with a clenched jaw, "For what it's worth, this is just deer meat. I swear."

She let out a small cry, "Are you gonna fucking eat me?"

"I'd rather not."

"How… how could you do this?"

"There are only a few of us that know." David said, "but, I would've told you. Sooner or later."

She let out another small cry.

"It was a last resort. You think this doesn't shame me?"

She sniffled lightly and looked up at him.

David grinned slightly at the eye contact, "Your friend is no different. Didn't he take another man's life to save yours?"

"He…he was defending himself."

"No, he was defending you."

Her eyes left his as she took in his words.

"Can I tell you something? Be honest with you, Y/N? I'm just a shepherd tending to my sheep. And all I want… is someone to share it with. A friend."

"What about my friend?"

He nodded, "I can tell the others to stop looking for him. They'll spare him."

"W…what?"

"If he leaves us in peace, they will just let him go. They do what I tell them to do."

"What about my daughter?"

He smiled, "About that…"

Her heart dropped, "Where is my girl, you sick fuck?"

"JAMES!"

James walked in with Ellie in tow. Her hands were tied behind her back and she fought against the man's movements until she saw Y/N.

David smiled, "A happy reunion, indeed."

Y/N stood and approached the bars as close as she could to Ellie. "Ellie! Are… Jesus, are you alright?"

Ellie nodded.

"Let her go, David. She didn't do anything. I'm the adult here. Blame me. Just… let her go, please. Don't touch her."

The preacher sighed, "Well, I really want to, sweetheart. But… I have to domesticate the dog, remember? So, I take something that the dog loves, like…. Ellie, you said?… and I dangle her in front of the dog's nose. The dog will now do anything I say to ensure it gets what it wants."

"I'm not a dog, David."

He smiles, "No…?"

James pulls on Ellie's hair, making her cry out.

"STOP IT!" Y/N yells, "STOP! Fine! I'll do anything. Anything, please. Don't touch her!"

"C'mere then."

She approached where David stood on the other side of the bars.

His hand wandered to her cheek.

It made her remember Joel's touch.

But they were nothing alike.

David smiled, letting his voice drop to in intimate volume due to the proximity, "And now, the pretty bitch bows to her master."

He turns around, "Put the girl in there."

When Ellie is thrown into the cage, Y/N immediately takes her in her arms.

They watch the men leave the room.

"Where are you hurt?!" Y/N asked frantically.

Ellie shakes her head, "I'm fine. Just… scared."

"And Joel?"

Ellie shrugs, "I heard voices, so I did what I could to lead them from the house. Got the horse shot. I'm sorry."

She shakes her head, "I don't give a shit about the horse. You're okay, and that's all the matters."

…

A few hours later, the two found themselves a little more relaxed.

David had left them alone for the last 4 hours.

"Y/N?" Ellie asked. "I have something to confess…"

The woman nods, "Okay."

"It's really bad…."

"Bad as in… you killed someone? That's not exactly considered bad anymore."

"No…I… I read the note."

Y/N froze. "What note?"

"The one Joel left for you in Jackson."

Y/N didn't know what to say, "How… when did you… Ellie…?"

"I saw it when I went to the bathroom before we left. I just… I don't know. Part of me hoped that Joel had left it for me. I understand why he left one for you, but…. I couldn't help myself. And I'm sorry for reading it."

"It's fine, Ellie. Really."

Silence.

"Did you want to know what it said?"

"Well," Y/N shrugged, "that depends. Is it something I have to know?"

Ellie considered the question, then shook her head.

"Okay then. Is it something I'd want to know?"

Ellie immediately nodded.

"Hmm. Would this information change what I have with Joel? And with you?"

Ellie frowned in thought, then nodded, "Yeah. Big time."

Y/N sighed, "Well, I don't care then. I like what I have with you and Joel. I don't want to change it. I'd rather live life not knowing anything and having you two, then to know everything in the world and live without Joel and my daughter."

Ellie let out a shuddered breath at her response.

"Joel also said he loves you."

Y/N's head shoots up, "…what?"

"I won't get into details but… it was all mushy about how much he loves you and how you ground him… all the shit he'll never say out loud."

Y/N nodded. "I see. I hope Joel is out there looking for us then."

"Me, too."

If only they knew.

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Tags: @lover-of-books-and-tea, @pedropascalfan221, @lottieellz101, @bambisweethearts, @hiroikegawa, @elliaze, @littleshadow17, @n7cje

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not-neverland06 · 5 months

Text

Alone And Forsaken pt. 2

Joel Miller x fem!reader

A/N: clearly I don’t do one shots, I tried, I failed. I can’t help it he’s just so fine (@woodland-mist you asked so, here you go)

WC: 5.6K

Part one

You weaved through the throng of people in the town square, hoping to get by unnoticed. Maria had told you where to find Tommy, you should have known it wouldn’t be easy, nothing with him ever really was.

“Y/N! Hey!”

Nope

You had one goal and it was not to meet and greet with all your neighbors. You ducked your head down, hiding yourself in the passing throng of people and evading them. It was a new couple that had just moved to Jackson a few days ago.

You, of course, had protested anyone new coming in after the incident with Abby and her people. But because you and the brothers had been less than forthcoming with what happened and no one had any reason to listen to your doubts.

They’d been moved into the big house across from you and Joel, because they needed the space.

Because she was pregnant.

In three months your life was going to get very loud and very miserable.

The couple was too nice for your taste. You’d just barely gotten used to staying in Jackson for longer than two weeks, then Maria went ahead and shoved the two friendliest people you’d even met down your throat.

Maybe you were too bitter. Maybe everyone was right, you should try and socialize, give people the benefit of the doubt before you write them off.

“Do you see where she went, honey?”

Then again, maybe not.

You rushed into the Tipsy Bison before they could spot you. You were sure they would tell Joel about this when they spotted him on the porch with his morning coffee. And you were sure he would give you hell for it, but you already have to deal with Tommy this morning. They can go bother someone else.

You glanced around the bar, spotting some blonde hair in the back. When you rounded the tables you could see Tommy was busy haggling with Sam, trying to trade a shirt for some of his roast beef sandwiches.

“I think I’m offering more than enough for some sandwiches, Sam.” Tommy, being the de facto leader after Maria, was trying to maintain a semblance of diplomacy.

Sam was a stubborn jackass and you knew if you didn’t do something this would take all day. You walked up and nodded a greeting to Tommy before glaring at Sam. “Give him the sandwiches.”

Sam glared at you, trying his damndest to look down his nose at you. “Mind your fucking business.”

Tommy straightened up, a frown on his face. Neither he nor his brother had ever been good at losing the whole Texan chivalry thing. They didn’t do well when someone disrespected a ‘lady’ in front of them. “I think you need to watch your tone, Sam.”

You held up a hand towards Tommy, stopping him from getting too riled up. You already had a less than respectable reputation in Jackson, didn’t need to drag him down with you. “Give him the sandwiches, and we won’t need to get Joel involved.”

Sam opened and closed his mouth, he glanced between you and Tommy, like he was trying to call your bluff. You couldn’t really help yourself as your hand drifted down to land on your holster, your fingers idly drumming against the leather. Finally he huffed, mumbled something prickish under his breath and shoved the sandwiches into Tommy’s hands, snatching the shirt. You watched until he retreated into the kitchen to address Tommy.

“You probably coulda kept the shirt.”

Tommy shrugged, tucking the food in his pack. “Yeah, but we do things a certain way here. Can’t just go flashing your pistol at people.”

You scoffed, “Didn’t flash my pistol, I used your brother.”

Tommy chuckled and nodded his head towards the bar’s exit. You followed him outside, looking around to make sure the coast was clear of your neighbors. When you turned back to face him he was giving you an odd look. “What’re you so jumpy for?”

You sighed, “Your wife decided to move Mr. and Mrs. Rogers next to me and Joel.”

Tommy smiled and laughed, most definitely at your expense. “You mean Ann and James,” you nodded, ushering him along the sidewalk in case they popped up again. “They’re nice people, I think she’s just trying to get you to branch out.”

“Don’t need to,” you grunted out. Though, hunching over, hiding from anyone who wants to talk to you, you weren’t sure you were making a great case for yourself. You straightened up and glared at him, “‘Sides, I didn’t come out to chat about my new neighbors. I want to talk about the Harvest Festival and my ‘date.’” You couldn’t keep the disdain out of your voice if you tried, which you weren’t.

“Bob,” Tommy offered. You rolled your eyes and nodded. “What about it?”

“I’m not going.”

Tommy crossed his arms and smirked. “Says who?”

“Me,” you weren’t sure what he wanted from you.

“And why not?”

Oh. Oh. That stupid smug little look was back on his face. How in the hell does he know? “I think you know why.”

He shook his head, “Nope, don’t think I do.”

He was really making you do this? “I can’t go because of Joel.”

“What’s my brother got to do with this?”

You opened your mouth, some argument at the tip of your tongue, but it was lost to you the second you tried to speak it into existence. Why couldn’t you go?

You broke apart from Joel slowly, neither of you in any sort of rush to end this. Idly, and without much thought behind it, your fingers traced the shape of his lips. You didn’t realize you were smiling until you saw the same soft expression mirrored on his face.

“Been wanting to do that for a while,” his voice was quiet, as if he spoke any louder the trance would be broken.

“I’ve been waiting for you to do that for a while,” your smile grew when the hands around your waist squeezed you tighter. He pulled you closer and you got comfortable in his lap, your hands moving down to play with the fabric of his shirt.

He didn’t seem to mind the subtle exploration, his own hands mimicking yours. Now that you finally had the chance, neither of you seemed able to stop touching each other. You weren’t sure where to go from here.

You hadn’t realized how desperately you had wanted this, wanted him, until you had him. You didn’t want to ruin the moment by overthinking or complicating something simple. Still, is everything going to change now?

Did that kiss mean as much to him as it meant to you?

What did this mean-

“Hey,” you startled slightly, jolted out of your thoughts by the heavy weight of Joel’s hand on your cheek. “I can see that brain going. I can practically hear the rust flaking off the gears in your head.”

You scoffed and smacked at his chest, “Shut up.” But he was right, it was far too easy for you to get lost in your own head. Especially concerning him. You were grateful for the way he could anchor you in the present, drag you back out of a trap of your own making.

Joel stood, his arms wrapping around you and dragging you along with him. You could hear his bones popping, you wanted to protest, tell him to just let you walk, but you knew he wouldn’t listen. He had that determined look on his face, the one that meant he was ignoring how old and worn out his back and knees were.

Besides, you liked how strong he was. Relished in these little displays of strength, even if it was something as simple as carrying you to bed. You knew you needed to talk, you needed some sort of verbal confirmation that this was more than just two lonely souls looking for company.

But Joel just dropped you on the mattress, grumbled about getting your stuff from the guest room, and left. You changed out of your clothes, brushed your teeth, and waited for him to come back. When he did, he had changed too, he dumped a pile of blankets on the bed and got in beside you.

He laid down and wrapped his arms around your waist, dragging you into his side. You looked down at where he was holding you, lacing your fingers together, and let yourself fall asleep. You two didn’t say anything else, you just reveled in each other's warmth, let the comfort you provided lull you both into an easy sleep. And when you woke up in the morning, he had breakfast ready for you, but he didn’t say anything about the night before.

In fact, for the next week, there was no mention of you two kissing or what his vague, half-confession meant. Sure, now he greeted you with a kiss each morning and night, but other than that nothing had changed about how you two operated.

You didn’t have anything to appease Tommy with as he looked at you expectantly. No, nothing had majorly changed between you and Joel and you hadn’t had a real discussion about anything. But, you didn’t really need one, you knew what you meant to each other. And you knew how hard it is for people like you and Joel to have those discussions.

Emotions, romance, love were all such distant concepts, it felt so foreign to you. If you tried to date, or speak into existence how much weight he held in your life you know inevitably it would just end up complicating and ruining things.

You were together, alive and not some mindless fungi outside Jackson, the rest was inconsequential.

You just said, “Cancel it, I’m going with Joel,” and walked off before you had to be subjected to more of his smug face.

You made your way back through town, the morning rush having calmed down now that everyone had gotten their supplies or found their assignments for the week. You were thankful not to spot any nosy neighbors as you made your way back, that was the last thing you needed after having to deal with Tommy’s questions.

Neither you or Joel were really big fans of talking about your emotions, hell you’d have punched someone out back in the QZ just for telling you to look for the light. Gooey stuff was practically a foreign language to you now.

You could function based on actions; setting out his coffee in the morning or a new book appearing on your nightstand when he’d gotten back from patrolling. It was all you needed to understand what you were to each other.

You trudged up the stairs to the porch, Joel was sitting in his favorite rocking chair, a mug resting on his knee. His supply was running low, you were gonna have to find someone to trade with again. You had been keeping an eye out on your patrols, trying to see if you could find any beans.

You weren’t really sure how coffee plants worked, if you planted the beans whether they would even grow or not. But it was worth a shot.

“How’d it go?”

You let out a long sigh and threw yourself down on the chair next to him. It creaked under your weight but held up against the strain of its old age. You rocked back and forth, plucking at a string on your jeans. “Fine.”

He snorted slightly as he took another sip of his coffee. “Looks like it. Oh, Jason and Anna stopped by.”

It was your turn to laugh, you smirked at him, propping your head in your hand. “You mean Ann and James?”

He rolled his eyes and nodded, “Yeah, them.”

“You’re losing it, old man.”

He shrugged, “I don’t know, they were concerned about your hearing. Said they must’ve called your name ten times and you didn’t hear them.” There was a shit eating grin on his face as he stared at you, like he knew it was complete bullshit.

You rolled your eyes and scoffed, “Please.” You sat up and leaned forward, irritation forcing you upright, “If I have to listen to her complain about how tender her breasts are again, I’ll shoot myself.”

Joel grimaced, giving you a disgusted look as he put his mug down. “These people know what T-M-I is?” He put too much emphasis on each letter and you couldn’t help yourself as you laughed. It was always funny to hear him get an attitude with that gruff Texan accent, he ended up sounding like a poor attempt at valley girl. He swatted your knee, trying to get you to stop making fun of him.

“Tommy, come on, what’d he say?”

You shrugged, looking down and away from him, going back to playing with the loose thread of your jeans. “I don’t know, he was asking all these questions.”

Joel was quick to ask, “What questions?”

You rested your head on the back of the rocking chair, “Why I didn't want to go on the date.”

“What’d you say?”

Jesus, he was barely taking a breath. “I said,” you paused and looked at him, not really surprised to already find him looking at you. His gaze wasn’t as intense as you were expecting, more eager? You weren’t sure Joel got eager. “I said I couldn’t go with what’s-his-face to the festival because of you.”

“Yeah?” He smirked, leaning back in his rocking chair, a strange sort of male pride clear on his face. “How come?”

You scoffed, glaring at him from where you sat. The hell was he getting at? “Why do you think, genius? Why would I go out with someone when I’ve got you?”

“You got me?”

You paused, irritation draining from your body as you stared at him. His face wasn’t giving anything away, he wasn’t closed off, just staring at you expectantly. “Don’t I?” You hated the way your voice went quiet, you wished it had been more confident, teasing, like you knew the answer and were screwing with him. You sounded too vulnerable.

Joel let you squirm for a minute, you’re pretty sure he thought it was funny. Finally he sighed and leaned forward, his hand landing on your thigh and you could feel the warmth of it through your jeans. You hadn’t realized how cold you’d gotten until he was this close, walking furnace that he was.

“Yeah, you do.” You tried not to let the relief show, though you’re sure it did if his little smirk was anything to go by. He squeezed your thigh once before he stood up to go back inside.

“Oh,” you suddenly remembered the last bit of your conversation with Tommy. “And I told him you were taking me to the harvest,” you called over your shoulder. It was your turn to screw with him, and if the way his shoulders tensed up as he paused in the doorway was anything to go by, he was just as excited as you about that ridiculous festival.

“When’s your next patrol?”

Joel had found you an old mystery book on his last run, the same one you were reading now. You marked the page and put it down on the nightstand as he got into bed next to you. “Not sure, I think thursday. Why?”

He shrugged, leaning back against the pillows and gazing at you. “I was thinking I could go with you. We could go exploring that old art museum Maria told me was a couple miles out.” He reached out, tucking some hair behind your ear and you tried not to lean too much into him.

You smiled, almost accepting when you realized what he was doing and the smile dropped. You huffed out a breath and rolled your eyes. “Nice try, Joel, we’re going to the harvest festival.”

He held up his hands in mock surrender, “Got no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Really?” He shook his head, oh-so-innocent. You scoffed, “You’re so full of it. If I went with you, we’d miss the harvest festival. And who would have to listen to Tommy’s bitching? Me.”

“He’s my brother.”

“Then you deal with him!” You picked your book back up, deciding on ignoring him for the rest of the night. You should have known he would try and weasel his way out of this.

Honestly, once you’d decided you were going with Joel, the festival didn’t seem that awful or daunting. You’re a little hurt he wants to get out of it so badly. You weren’t that bad of company.

“You ignorin’ me now?”

You shrugged, flipping through the book, not really absorbing anything. You’d have to reread this chapter tomorrow.

A big hand found itself in front of your face, blocking you from reading anything more. Joel dog-eared the page, something you loudly protested to, and threw the book on his nightstand. “Joel, you know I hate when you do that.”

“Yeah, I know,” you rolled your eyes at his little smirk. “But you’re talkin’ to me.”

“Child. You’re a child.”

He leaned over you and shut your lamp off, ignoring your snippy still usin’ that. He settled down in bed and patted the spot next to him. You hesitated, only for a moment, debating whether you wanted to give him more of a hard time or just give in.

It wasn’t a hard choice.

You settled down beside him, your head falling on his chest and his arm naturally wound itself around your back. You tried to ignore the way your legs fit together, how you felt like a complete puzzle when you laid down beside him, the two of you fitting together perfectly. You tried even harder to ignore the way the thought made your heart race, but it was nearly impossible.

Sometimes you resented Joel a little bit. Resented him for the way you lost control of yourself and your emotions when you were around him. Resented all the power he held over you and how unaware of it he seemed to be.

“I really don’t want to go.”

You scoffed, your fingers tracing the design on the worn out t-shirt he was wearing. “You think I do?”

“Then let’s just skip it.”

“Joel, I already said-”

“We used to be able to just do whatever we wanted.” You paused as he interrupted you, closing your mouth and tilting your head up so you could look at him. “We went where we wanted, when we wanted. There weren't all these bullshit obligations like patrol, or making sure our shifts match up.”

You were silent, taking in what he was saying. It wasn’t hard to miss the resent lingering in his tone, or the way he spoke fondly of your past. Before you had responsibilities. But you must have been quiet for too long because he reached over and turned his lamp off, closing his eyes with a sigh.

You stayed awake a while longer, just thinking about what he said. He was starting to sound like you, the same frustration and anger at being expected to provide for others. You were at everyone’s beck and call here. People viewed you as do-ers. Someone needed something done, you were the one to do it, and there was no arguing either, because everyone worked together here.

The thought left a bitter taste on your tongue as you went to sleep.

“Come on, hurry up!”

Ellie was sitting on the couch, she ran the towel in her hand over her hair roughly. You stood behind the chair, scissors in your hand as Joel trudged down the stairs. You wrapped a towel around his shoulders to keep his wet hair from dripping on his shirt.

Years ago, a time that feels nearly as distant as 2003, it was Tess who would cut yours and Joel’s hair. You’d sit down in the crappy apartment you had in the QZ and she’d use some blunted ass scissors to saw off your hair.

Neither you nor Joel should have been trusted with any scissors, but when Tess was gone and you were on the road for too long Ellie and Joel would start bitching about their hair. Neither of them liked how it would touch their neck.

Luckily while you were still learning there were no mirrors. They couldn’t see how horribly you had done. They would always run their hands through their hair and frown, like they knew something was wrong, but they just couldn’t prove it.

The only thing you had to worry about for a while was just not busting out laughing every time you saw the bangs you accidentally gave them.

Thankfully, by the time you reached Jackson you’d gotten good enough at it that they would still come and badger you for a haircut. They’d never had a chance to see just how horribly you had done in the beginning.

“Oh, Jesse wanted me to ask you if you’d do his hair soon?”

You gave Ellie a noncommittal hum, running your fingers through Joel’s hair. “I like it long.”

“Cut it.” He didn’t exactly leave any room for arguments, he even crossed his arms, like you were actually going to pester him about it. You weren’t, but you were leaving some length, it’s not like he could cut it himself.

He tilted his head slightly towards Ellie, “What’s Jesse want with her?”

You pushed his head back in place and started snipping. “What do you think he wants?” Ellie snorted, she got off the couch, probably already bored of sitting there. She went over to the mirror on the wall, running her hands through her hair and grinning.

“Isn’t he with Dina?” You weren’t proud of it, but you might have picked up some information about people around town. Would you say gossiping? No. Would others? Probably.

“Not anymore, they broke up a while ago.” Ellie turned around, hands on her hips as she stared at you.

You momentarily paused in cutting Joel’s hair, ignoring his disgruntled complaint. “Am I missing something?”

Joel turned to face her as well, matching confused expressions on both your faces. “Yeah,” Ellie paused, like she was waiting for the two of you to connect the dots. You glanced down at Joel but he just shrugged.

He tried, “I thought Jesse and Ellie were dating.”

You rolled your eyes and shoved Joel’s head forward, going back to the haircut.

“God! You guys, me and Dina are dating, we’ve been dating for like three months.”

”I thought you were friends,” Joel offered unhelpfully.

“Clearly not,” Ellie sniped back. “You guys seriously didn’t know?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know what you kids get up to.” Ellie sighed and sat back down on the couch seemingly disheartened by your underwhelming reaction. “At least you can’t get her pregnant.”

Ellie sucked in a breath, “Right.”

Joel swatted your hands away from his hair, he better pray that doesn’t screw you up. “Ellie, what was that?”

“What?”

“That noise you just made.”

“Joel,” you interrupted, forcing his head back in place, “stop moving, dammit.”

“Dina’s pregnant,” Ellie rushed the sentence out in one, jumbled breath.

You watched as Joel’s shoulders tensed and then slumped in front of you. “How’d you even get her pregnant?”

“What’re you doing?”

Joel closed the patrol log and shook his head, “Nothing, come on.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in suspicion as you watched him walk off. He had spent way too long by the log book for him to have just been writing - Couple runners, took ‘em out -J

You wanted to open it up and look but he was watching you from the entrance of the garage. You shoved aside your curiosity and followed him out to the horses. He grabbed the reins of his horse, “Come on, Sunny.” He shook his head and scoffed as he mounted her, “Still think their names are ridiculous.”

“Sunny and Cher,” you pet the black mane of your own mare and huffed out a laugh. “How’s Ellie even know who they are?”

“I don’t know, must’ve heard it from someone ‘cause she don’t even spell Sunny’s name right.”

“And she’s a girl.”

He laughed, “And she’s a girl.”

He led you both outside into the sunny woods. Snow’s completely melted now, you weren’t sure how Maria and Tommy managed to time their ‘Harvest Festival’ so perfectly but it was a good time to celebrate the incoming warm weather.

“So,” you nudged Cher forward to walk alongside him. “Where are we going?” Joel shrugged but didn’t provide you any answers. “Clearly not Jackson,” you were going the opposite direction of the town.

You glanced at the back of Sunny, the bags he had tied to her saddle, each of them far too stuffed for a simple patrol. “You kidnapping me?”

“Maybe.”

You sighed, rolling your head back and taking in the greenery of the woods. You were definitely eager for winter to be over. Something about the cold weather makes the infected go fucking insane. They're faster, meaner, and just over all bigger pains in the ass. Not to mention the fact that they travel in huge fucking hordes.

Tommy always tries to pretend he knows about them, something about the barometric pressure making them migrate but you know he’s just full of it. You watched a pair of hare’s dart in front of you and Joel and took in a deep breath.

God, you’d forgotten how nice it was to be outside without the sound of people around you. There was the sound of the horses' hooves squishing lightly over wet grass, the wind moving the leaves above you, and the distant sound of birds singing. But no voices, or kids, or people demanding favors.

You’d missed this, with Joel specifically. It’d been a while since you had this type of quiet with him. So, you didn’t push him too much about where he was taking you, just followed him down the path.

You were fine not bugging him while you were on a lovely jaunt through a pretty forest. But it’s been an hour and you can’t feel extremities that really need blood flow. “Joel,” you tried to remain friendly but your tone was strained as you shifted on your saddle for the nth time.

“Yeah?” He grunted out.

“How much longer?”

“Not much longer.” He turned around and frowned at you, “Have some patience.”

You tugged on Cher’s reins, forcing her to stop while you glared at Joel’s back. “Patience? Joel, we’ve been out here since six. I’ve had a lot of fucking patience. But that ran out about three miles ago, right when I stopped being able to feel my a-”

“We’re here.”

Of course you were.

Joel got off Sunny and offered you a hand down. You took it eagerly, more than happy to finally stretch your legs out. You were a bit surprised when he kept your hands locked together, he wasn’t normally one for touchy shows of affection.

Not that you were complaining, you were more than happy to revel in the comforting feeling of his hands in yours. Though, his were definitely rougher than your own, you weren’t without your own callouses, but he’d had years of carpentry and being a contractor under his belt before the apocalypse.

He’d paused in a field, the grass here was up to your waist which made it difficult to see where you were stepping and what you were stepping on. You kept close to Joel, the horses trailing behind you both as he led you through the field.

It took a moment for you to realize you’d never been out here. You’d only been vaguely paying attention to the direction you went while you were on the horses, trusting Joel to know the way. But this was definitely unrecognizable, which was strange, you thought you’d found everything when you went exploring on your own.

Out in the distance you could see a vague shape forming, some brown structure that you couldn’t really make out as the grass was getting taller. It only took a few feet to finally figure out what was looming over you.

A fence.

Fun.

You said as much to Joel, probably in the most sarcastic tone you could muster. He rolled his eyes and kneeled down. You couldn’t help but admire his arms as he dug his fingers into a rotten plank of wood and pulled. He managed to make a hole large enough for you to crawl through and motioned towards it.

“Well, go on, smartass.”

You huffed, getting down on your hands and knees and squeezing your way through. You didn’t bother seeing what was in front of you, turning around so you could keep the way through open for him. The wood dug into your palm, splinters burying themselves in your skin.

God, this better be worth it.

He groaned as he straightened up, pulling you to your feet and stretching his back out. “Alright. Ready?”

”Yep,” you rolled your eyes as he walked in front of you. What could have been so amazing he had dragged you out here?

A house.

Well, it was a nice house, better taken care of than you’d seen out here. Looked like an old farmhouse, two stories, and a wraparound porch. Something you would have loved a long time ago. Surrounding it was a tall fence, it went out pretty far, there was room enough for a large garden and then some. There were bits where the wood had rotted or had holes in it that looked like someone had broken through. But the grass was trimmed, a normal height instead of tickling the ends of your hair.

Overall, nice, but you had no clue what Joel was doing out here.

“What do you think?”

“It’s nice.”

Joel scoffed, he crossed his arms and stared at you, “Just nice?”

You laughed and walked up the stairs of the porch. It was cleaner than you thought it would be, no signs of aging on the wooden boards. “It’s a nice house, Joel. I just don’t get why we’re here.”

He sighed and walked up to you, you took in a deep, centering, breath when he placed one hand on your waist. He moved you slightly out of the way as he leaned in, opening the door up behind you. “We’re here ‘cause this is ours,” admittedly your eyes were on his lips and your focus was how close he was to you.

It took you a second to actually process what he had said. You blinked and your eyes shot back up to his, “What?”

He nudged you inside and you stumbled over your feet as you went. The interior was even nicer than the outside. There wasn’t a spec of dust or decay, it was like time hadn’t had a chance to touch it. There was a couch, bookshelves, even an old record player.

“Joel, what the hell are you talking about?”

He sighed and threw his backpack down on the ground. He walked over and took yours off your shoulders, nudging you to take a seat on the couch. “Been working on this for months.” He smiled a little, the wrinkles in the corner of his eyes crinkling with the movement.

You were still a little confused, eyes darting around the living room as you sat there with a dumb look on your face. “Look, Jackson was nice for a while.”

You tuned in enough to grunt in opposition. Joel chuckled, “Alright, fine, it was never my favorite. I was out here one day, looking for you,” he added with a light nudge to your knee. “Found this place.”

“And… What? Decided to test out Jesus’s favorite pastime?”

“I was a contractor before the world went to shit. Like riding a bike, it just comes back to you.”

“I just don’t understand. Why? Why put in the time and effort and materials?”

He scoffed, “Why do you think?” When you didn’t answer he rolled his eyes. “We always talk about disappearin’ and I thought this would be a nice place to do it. There’s already a perimeter up, just have to make some more repairs. Worked something out with Tommy, it’s close enough to Jackson that we got some power from the dam,” he stood up now pacing around the living room a little as he talked to you.

You slowly became aware of the stupid grin growing on your face. The warmth that was spreading through your cheeks and stomach as you realized he’d done this, fixed up this old house for months in secret for you.

That explained why he’d been complaining about his back so much lately.

You stood up, cutting him off from his tangent about how you were still close enough to Jackson for supplies and to see Tommy and Elllie. You fisted your hands in the flannel he was wearing and tugged him down. “Joel.”

He smiled at you as his hands landed on your waist, squeezing a little. “Yeah, sweetheart?”

“Have I ever told you I love you?”

He pulled you in and grinned, “Not once.”

This kiss felt different than all the rest. Felt like something more final, like you both knew you’d reached the end and there was nowhere left to go. You’d explored all you could, fought your way here, and now you stood in this old house. The one he had fixed up and you knew you didn’t need to fight anymore.

You just needed this, him in this moment.

“Ellie?”

Ellie turned around at the sound of Dina’s voice. “Yeah?”

She nodded her head towards the patrol logbook, there was a strange smile on her face. “Might want to take a look at this.”

Ellie walked over, shooting Dina a confused glance before she took a look and let out a laugh.

We aren’t gone, but we’re disappearing for a while. You won’t find us, don’t come looking (I mean it Tommy) - J

TAGLIST: @chrysanthemum-00 @marimarvelfan

#Joel miller x reader #tlou x reader #game!joel x reader #joel miller #tlou #the last of us x reader #the last of us

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iguessweallcrazyithinktho · 1 year

Text

𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 • 𝐣𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫

Summary: hello! I saw your post about wanting to write Joel Miller smut while scrolling through the Pedro Pascal tag. I would like to request something if that’s okay? Could I request something where it’s the readers b-day and she tells no one cause she hates it but Joel finds out and wants to help celebrate her birthday by giving them the best sex of readers life and he basically treats reader like a goddess. I just kind of imagine them having sex everywhere the whole day of readers birthday. Fluff can also be included if you want. I imagine it’s at the beginning of their relationship.

GENRE: smut, fluff

WARNING: NSFW, intercourse (protected, cursing, during the outbreak, Ellie's in it at the beginning,

PAIRING: Joel Miller x f reader

Request or not: yes

AUTHOR NOTE: didn't proofread because I'm lazy but yeah

Enjoy

Ever since the outbreak started Your birthday always was irrelevant to you. Each year, due to the constant threat all around you, you always let the day slip bye like sand through your fingers. There was no reason for you to celebrate; you were only getting older anyways.

Even after getting to Jackson you didn’t care much to tell everyone. The only person you told was Ellie, a kid you meet along the way with a guy named Joel who eventually became the love of your life. You thought maybe Ellie would forget all about your birthday but she didn’t.

You woke up bright and early to do your usual things around town. Joel and Ellie stayed home getting themselves breakfast before their day got started.

Ellie sat at the table eating her cereal while Joel Waite for his coffee to finish brewing.

“What are you going to get for y/n today?” Ellie asked. Joel turned to her, a confused look as to what Ellie was even asking.

“what do you mean?”

“Todays her birthday.” Ellie frowned. “don’t tell me you forgot her birthday.

Joel stood there confused. In his short time of knowing you it never dawned on him to ask when your birthday even was.

“She’s never told me.”

Ellie gasped dramatically. The spoon that was in her hand falling onto the table with a loud cling. “wow talk about couple goals.” She laughed. “well now you know and now you have to surprise her. Make this the best birthday of her life.”

Ellie stood up and brought her bowl over to the skin. “im going to be gone for the rest of the day so that gives you time to do whatever you want.”

Ellie smirked at Joel causing him to groan. “alright enough.”

Ellie released a laugh before walking out of the kitchen, grabbing her coat and leaving Joel there.

Joel was a little upset that you didn’t tell him today was your birthday, but he didn’t have time to think about that. He needed to make today a special day for you, one that you’ll remember.

When you returned back home after running some errands you were surprised by how abnormally quiet it was. Usually Ellie or Joel would be arguing about something loudly but not today.

“Joel? Ellie?” you called out as you shut the door. You pulled off your outside clothes before walking further into the house.

As you stepped around the corner the kitchen came into view. You gasped at the sight. There was lit candles on the dinning room table, dinner sitting their and a cake which seemed like it was just made.

“you like it?”

You turned towards the stairs to see Joel standing there. He had his arms crossed and a soft smile on his face.

“Yeah. I love it.”

Joel walked over to you and placed a kiss on your lips before hugging you.

“how’d you know what today was?”

You pulled away looking up at Joel. “Ellie told me. I’m just a little confused why you didn’t tell me either.”

You sighed. “I don’t know.. I just didn’t think today was really important anymore cause the outbreak you know.” You avoided Joel’s eyes feeling a little guilty from keeping the information from him.

“Hey.” Joel took your face and his hand and forced your eyes on his brown ones. “your birthday is very important to me even if we were out there with a million brainless, virus carrying zombies, it still special to me.” Joel ran his thumb over your cheek. “but we’re not out there now So let’s celebrate it. Just you and me.”

Joel took your hand bringing you over to the table. “no Ellie?”

“No.” Joel muttered as he pushed your seat in before settling in his own across from you.

“She wants just me and you today. She didn’t request we leave her a slice of cake though.”

You laughed.

You and Joel began to chat and eat the meal Joel surprisingly prepared for you all by himself.

Many many laughs and smiles were shared between you two throughout dinner. It felt nice to enjoy your time with Joel without an interruptions or threats around you both.

After you finished up eating, you grabbed the dishes and went to put them in the sink. While you were hovering over the sink rinsing the dishes, Joel came up behind you. His hands snaked around your waist and his lips on your neck.

“You know we have the house all to ourselves and it’s your birthday.”

You bite your lip to hide a moan that was threatening to escape. The heat between your legs grew more and more as you felt his lips on you. You wanted Joel so badly.

“Take me up stairs Joel.” You practically demanded turning in his arms. Joel didn’t need to hear those words twice. Without effort he picked you up and tossed you over his shoulders. He made his way over to the stairs, climbing them before reaching the bedroom.

You were tossed on the bed making you yelp. “wow! You’re already rough.” You joked with a smirk on your face. Joel rolled his eyes as he hovered over you.

His hungry lips found yours ripping that smirk right off your face. You began making work at Joel’s belt because you were so desperate to have him in you. This would be the third time you’ve ever had sex with Joel.

The first time you both had sex it was because you ran your mouth to Joel one night in a safe house about how you’ve been a virgin your whole life. While Ellie was fast asleep in the other room he was busy slamming you into a mattress, trying his best to keep you quiet. That was when you knew your relationship was more than friends. He soon asked you to be his.

The second time was when you arrived in Jackson. The fact you were in a safe place was a cause for celebration so you and Joel spent the night between the sheets.

After that you both haven’t touched each other for two months until now. With how busy you both were in the town it made it hard to have sex, but now you were together uninterrupted. You were so fucking ready to have him inside of you.

“you’re so desperate.” Joel muttered when he pulled away from your lips. His lips were red and swollen making you smirking. “yeah of course I am when it comes to you Joel.”

“well let’s get these clothes off of you so we can satisfy you.” Joel whispered against your lips as his hands snaked under your shirt groping your breast.

You and Joel began to strip all your clothes away. One by one everything was removed until you both were completely bare.

You laid on the bed as Joel sat between your legs slipping a condom on. A small shiver ran down your spine as you looked at how big Joel was. You definitely aren’t used to his size even after those past two times.

“you ready birthday girl?” Joel asked taking your thighs in his large hands. All you could do was nodded as you looked in Joel’s eyes.

Joel eyes never left yours while he took his cock and ran it between your fold. You moaned softly, but it was soon replaced by a louder one when he pushed into your tight cunt.

Joel held your hips as he slowly thrust into you. “so tight doll.” Joel hissed.

“Joel, please move baby.” You begged.

Joel listened, pulling his hips before slamming right back into you. The moans you had went from quiet to loud really quickly. The room filled with your sounds of pleasure as Joel fucked you senseless.

“shit. Joel. You feel so good!” you brought your hand to Joel’s face pulling him into a kiss.

With how big Joel was you could feel him in your stomach with every thrust. It made your toes curl and your back arch off the bed.

“Going to make you cum huh baby.”

“please Joel.” You whined. Truly you didn’t know what you were saying please for but you didn’t care. The feeling was too good to care.

Joel grunted as he felt you grow tighter and tighter around him. You were close and he was determined to make you cum.

His thumb found your clit, he drew circles around the swollen bud. your were moaning loudly at this point.

A few more quick circles around your bundle of nerves, you were coming.

A string of curse words and breathless spilled from your lips as you saw stars. Joel didn’t stop his thrust until your high fell.

You let out a small whimper when Joel pulled out of you.

“Fuck. That felt amazing.”

Joel laid down on the right side of you. “yeah?”

“Uh huh.”

“yeah well I’m not Done.” Joel took your right leg propping it up. “today is your birthday. Gotta make it the best birthday ever.”

#joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller x y/n #pedro pascal #Pedro Pascal x reader #pedro pascal fanfiction

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snapscube · 1 year

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hihihi ok. so i’m in my last of us fixation mode and i’m being extra silly about it but i NEED to know what’s ur current opinion on the last of us hbo?? also i logged onto tumblr and saw a lot of rly good points defending joel’s final choice and i remember during the last of us pt1 playthrough u had differing opinions so i wonder if u think the show’s differences affect that at all? btw i LOVE ur stuff and cannot wait until u do last of us pt 2 wehehehehe!!! anyway besides all that i just want u to know that u are one of the things in my life that makes it easier to get up in the morning

I still feel exactly the same about the final events as I always have! The show didn't change it for me, and actually being able to remove myself from being in control of the situation in the game and actually just watch the events play out in show format solidified that further. The connection I have to Joel as a player when I play the game really helps me understand his perspective more and stomach the goal a bit more easily, but without that immediate intimacy it puts into perspective for me how kinda monstrous the whole thing is from every angle. Obviously I don't ever lose that sympathy for him, and I never stop understanding why, because the whole point of the conflict is that no one is in the right. Ultimately I think the damning thing for every single person involved is that they removed Ellie's agency from the equation, and I still stand by that. They all should have talked to her. They should have told her the truth. All she wants is for her immunity to matter, and I believe that they may have been surprised at the lengths she's willing to go in order to make a difference, whether it's ultimately the right call or not.

I don't know what arguments you've seen exactly in defense of Joel's choice, but personally I don't really agree with one I see a lot and I'd expect will pop up again now that the show is over, which is the whole "well who's to say a vaccine would have worked anyway?????" angle. I think, while reasonable from a meta standpoint, completely ignores the intended framing of the story in order to more conveniently justify a protagonist that the story through its entire runtime is trying to tell you is a little bit of a piece of shit. It's pretty clear and safe to assume that the ultimate intent here is that... yes, the vaccine WOULD have worked. Maybe not in the sweeping way they hoped, but Ellie's sacrifice absolutely would have done something. The whole moral dilemma of the situation really does not make any sense unless you give them that as fact imo.

So then, assuming that is true, you have to wrestle with the idea that Joel is willing to take down the entirety of humanity for Ellie. And not really for Ellie, because none of this is what Ellie wanted. The game AND the show QUITE LITERALLY SPELL OUT for us that Ellie really really really does not want to go back to Jackson without finishing what they started, regardless of the cost. Joel's reasons for saving Ellie, while understandable, are ultimately selfish and rooted in his own trauma and having just seen the light at the end of his grieving over Sarah. Again, incredibly sympathetic, but it's selfish. I know we like to joke as much, but Ellie IS NOT his daughter. They share a similar bond after everything they go through, but by the end of the game you can already feel Ellie pulling away from that notion because she's starting to realize Joel doesn't have the same commitment to the idea of her immunity being meaningful as she does, they're only a few miles away and he's already asking her to give up and go back to Jackson with him.

Then, of course, I think what ultimately damns Joel in my eyes on a poetic/storytelling level is his decision to lie to Ellie after it's all over. That's the nail in the coffin for me. It would be one thing if he said "they were going to kill you on that operating table without even telling you what was going on and I couldn't let them do that", but instead he lies to her to make sure she's still able to see him as the father he desperately wants to be again. It doesn't change anything. He tells her her worst fear has come to pass: her immunity, this unexplainable thing that has taken so many of her loved ones from her, is completely useless. Not only that, but now even more people are dead. Including Marlene, who's known her since birth. The only thing his lie changes is the fact that he's responsible for it all.

Anyway, part of what I love most about The Last of Us Part II is how it follows up on these threads and you may be pleased to know that I actually just started streaming the game last night after the HBO finale premiered cause I was so pumped up I couldn't wait any longer haha. So you'll be seeing VODs for that soon :)

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elliespassagerprincess · 1 year

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First time using this so sorry if it’s worded weird I’d love if you did a fic with in hell by Japanese breakfast

Also she kinda sounds like Ellie if that makes sense

𝐈𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐥: 𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

This story is based off the song In Hell by Japanese breakfast, If you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: Jackson!ellie x fem!reader

Requests are always open, feel free to leave one, or just send me a song and I'll take it from there:)

Warning: murder, blood, violence, revenge and death

Summary: in which ellie had a taste of what hell felt like

Also this story was requested by the beautiful @iceylemonqueen ! Thank you so much for requesting it (and yeah I agree it does sound like Ellie)

With my luck you'll be dead within the year

I've come to expect it

There's nothing left to fear, at least there's that

Face to face, and at my hands

I snowed you in with hydrocodone

Layer by layer, 'til you disappear

Loosing Joel was one of the hardest things Ellie has ever experienced. Watching him get brutally murdered traumatized her. After Joel’s death Ellie’s obsession with killing Abby took over her life. Ellie became heartless, more brutal, cold. Abby consumed her thoughts.

“Abby Abby Abby Abby Abby Abby” kept on repeating in her head like a mantra. Her goal in life was to kill Abby. Get rid of the person that caused her so much pain. She had to get rid of the person that took Joel away.

Her Joel. Her father figure. Her best friend.

On her journey in search for Abby, she come across you. She should’ve killed you. But no. Something inside her said keep her. And that exactly what Ellie did. She kept you. You had gotten lost from your group, and you begged Ellie to help you back to them, and instead of leaving you or killing you like she normally would, Ellie said yes.

The voices in her head that keeps on telling her to kill Abby, get her, make her pay for what she’s done- went silent. When you were with her she was at peace. She could sleep for the first time in months because of you. She felt like she could live a normal life with you. You were someone worth fighting for, someone to protect and look after. Everything that Ellie has done, the amount of people she killed didn’t matter because when she was with you, her dark thoughts and guilt went away.

For the first time since going on this journey Ellie felt fear. Riley, Sam, Tess, Joel- they all died because of her. At this point Ellie waited for you to die, because every time she gets close to someone they leave. But you didn’t. You stayed with her for months. Not judging her when she brutally kills someone.

What is she going to do if something happened to you?

One night when you and Ellie lay under the starts, Ellie realized that you weren’t going to be with her forever. She remembered that you wanted to get back to your group. A small pout formed on her lips, her brows furrowed she quietly said:

“you know you can stay”

“huh” you questioned raising a brow at what Ellie said

“what are you talking about- “

“with me” she said quickly. “You can stay with me I’ll keep you safe” As soon as those words left Ellie’s mouth she regretted them, fear settled in her stomach:

What happens if she can’t keep you safe?

You sat up giving her a small smile “I’d like that Ellie”. As soon as she saw you smile all fear she felt went away.

“With my luck I thought you’d be dead in less than a year” Ellie laughed, you let out a small chuckle “I’m not leaving anytime soon els” you promised.

If only she didn’t believe you

Hell is finding someone to love

And I can't have you

Hell is finding someone to love

And I can't see you again

Ellie sat in the cold water as she watched Abby push the boat. Tears ran down her face.

She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t kill Abby because it will never bring Joel back. She wasn’t worth killing. “Just go” Ellie sobbed as she continued to sit in the water. Everything was quite for a while, and as Ellie looked up she saw Abby standing in front of her, holding something. Ellie’s eyes landed on the small piece of silver jewelry and she felt sick. It was yours.

After you agreed to stay with Ellie, the two of you found a farm house. And Ellie couldn’t be happier. You were with her, living the life she had dreamed of for years.

“You know our life is like those cliché romance books” you said one night. Ellie would never admit it but she liked living this cheesy cliché life with you.

When Tommy came around and told Ellie about Abby’s whereabouts, she knew she had to go. And that was her biggest mistake.

She left you alone.

As Abby stood in front of her holding the silver necklace you wore Ellie knew something happened to you. She gently took the chain, and started up at Abby, her eyes filled with guilt.

“What did you do to her?” Ellie asked, trying to stay calm. Abby opened and closed her mouth a couple of times before she let out a quiet “I’m sorry”. And Ellie saw red.

Soon after Abby’s screams filled the quiet air as Ellie punch her. Blood filled the water and Ellie’s hand felt numb but she didn’t fucking care.

Now here she stood in front of the farm house the two of you shared. She doesn’t know if she killed Abby, she could care less. She wore the necklace rushing back to you, to make sure her worst nightmare didn’t come true.

And as soon as Ellie opened the front door the smell of a decomposing body hit her. “No” she whispered. “Please baby, please be ok” she begged as she searched around the house for you. And when she found you, she wasn’t met with the beautiful girl she fell in love with, she was met with a corpse, a room filled with blood splatter and bugs.

This is why Ellie doesn’t fall in love. This is why Ellie doesn’t trust anyone. Because every time she finds some they die.

And most people deserve death, but you didn’t. Ellie let out a scream as she grabbed you, not caring for the smell, she brought your cold lifeless body to her chest hugging you, “I’m so sorry” she spoke into your hair.

Wheeled you in, laid on your side

I cried and cried and at my signal

They stopped your heart and then you died

And under the fluorescence, into this still room

Where no-one ever tells you just how clinical death looks

And I can't unsee it, the two shots it took

Ellie went back to Jackson. And she took your body with her. As soon as Maria and Tommy saw her limping back with a girl’s dead body they were concerned.

“Ellie-“ Tommy started but Ellie extended out her arms to Maria , giving your cold lifeless body to her

“please” she whispered, “please bring her back”

Maria and Tommy looked at each other knowing, by the looks of your body you’ve been dead for months. But still Maria took you to the clinic and fulfilling Ellie’s wishes.

“Ellie what happened” Tommy asked

“I want to see my girl” Ellie said completely ignoring the question Tommy had just asked. And with a sigh Tommy took her to you.

“Ellie we tried” Maria started “but she’s not coming back”

“Leave” Ellie said. And as soon as they left loud sobs filled the room. Elle walked over to where you lay, climbing into the bed next to you.

“I love so much baby” she said over and over again. And for hours Ellie spoke to you, telling you stories, telling you her hopes and dreams. She knew you were never going to wake up again, so she had to spend as much time with you, as she possibly could.

She’ll never be able to unsee you, she’ll never be able to move on.

“If I ever lose you, I’d surly loose myself” Ellie sang as she gave you a kiss on the forehead. She picked up her backpack walking out of the clinic. No one warns you about death. No one warns you about the pain of losing a loved one.

After losing Joel, Ellie though she experienced pain but after losing you, Ellie had a taste of what hell felt like.

Authors note: Once again thank you for requesting this fae! I love you sm! Remember you are loved and to always be kind.... feel free to request anything!

yours truly,

Zia<3

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lifcaltcring · 1 year

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the moment dina decided to leave the farm house | part 1

she didn't plan to leave. trying to process that ellie was now gone, her longterm goals weren't anywhere on the horizon. her main focus was to take care of her son while trying to not let her anxiety and heartbreak get the better of her. this was now a different type of survival. she would remain with jj and her purpose would remain the same - to protect him for as long as she can from the harsh reality of the real world. she knows one day he will be like her, he will have to know how to defend himself, how to kill. but for now, she needs him to know what a normal life feels like. if thats living on a farm rearing their own animals and tending to their own crops then thats it. she'll teach him how to hunt, how to set traps, how to use herbs for medicine, how to read, how to swim...all the things of childhood and goodness. she'll fight back every urge to cry when she looks up at the moon, to fight the urge to not go into the room with all her paintings...she'll fight it all back for her son. he's all the matters now.

they're not completely isolated either, friends and family come to visit all the time from jackson. jesse's parents are always coming with small gifts. maria comes to visit and will often stay a few nights so dina can rest. they'll go to jackson often and will stay with jesse's parents. dina will watch jj play with the other kids and smile. she's so in awe of him it hurts. she's so proud of him. already wickedly smart and just as charming as his dad. he loves music now. he's fascinated by guitars. she finds him one day sitting with the band as they set up for one of jacksons summer dances. he's got the guitar on his lap and his little eyebrows are knitted together. dina stands proudly and grins widely as she watches from a distance. he's got that same look of concentration as jesse, she thinks. moments pass and there's an ache in her chest that's so sharp and so sudden her breath catches in her throat. she used to play the guitar next to his crib to get him to fall asleep. she feels sick. after all these years...she still can't think about her. it hurts too much. the anxiety and worry of where she is. is she...alive? is she dead? was it quick?....oh please god let it have been quick. the anxious thoughts are too much. they overwhelm her. she's outside now, hands on her knees as she tries to control her breathing. she dry reaches. jesse. ellie. joel. the past. that night. the what ifs.

the next day they're saying goodbyes and returning to the farm. jj is old enough to help make dinner. they work side by side in the old kitchen, jj standing on a chair so he can reach the counter. little hands busy mimicking his mother. afterwards they're snuggled on the sofa and she's reading to him. when she hears his gentle snores she scoops him up and puts him to bed. when she sleeps, there's a knife in the old woodwork of the headboard and a shotgun over a plank of wood within the wardrobe. although she sleeps well, even the flap of a birds wing could wake her instantly. instincts of survival always at the forefront. she had to learn to be quick. sharp. it was just her and the child now. when she wakes this time, she doesn't go back to sleep. she listens out and then there it is. she hears her own memory. the guitar on her lap. her soft singing voice. she's out of bed now, she needs to move. she reaches the top of the stairs and stops. don't. for the love of god don't do it. what good will it do? she thinks. but it's too late. her feet have brought her in front of the door and her hand is already turning the knob.

part 2

#| ɢɪʀʟs ʙɪᴛᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ | ᴍᴜsɪɴɢs #me and my silly little metas and my silly love for my silly lesbians #my silly heart really hurts right now #tlou headcanons #ellie x dina headcanons

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dissonantdreamer · 3 years

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okay so shout out to @caitsyoi for this post, which prompted a search to try and figure out the umbrellas (only thing i could think of was umbrellas being there the first time and last time they were in Jackson together but that is a stretch) and led to an entirely different discovery about just how much detail went into Ellie’s trauma.

I made a separate post because this gets super long and don’t want to detract from the original goal of the post with a rambling hugely unrelated tangent. So go check out all cait’s in game detail posts cause holy fuck are they good good details.

Anyway details about Ellie’s trauma manifesting that might have been missed under the cut:

The photo of Ellie’s flashback set my brain off. I’ve stared at this game far too long and I distinctly, vividly remembered a different door in my mind. I panicked because my memory is shit so when I know i remembered something and there is proof that contradicts it I have to double check. So I looked up the door in the chalet and my dudes, my fuckin’ DUDES! Naughty Dog has done something, cause I didn’t misremember the wrong door: Ellie’s brain gave her an entirely different door.

Here is the door Ellie actually goes through just before Joel’s death scene (and the one I remembered):

And here is the door that we see in her PTSD flashback:

Her recollection of events when compared to the actual event becomes a fucked up Spot the Difference game. The handle, something she physically grabbed has changed as well as the design of the entire door. Which is something that happens with PTSD. And now I’ll lead you through my thought process, cause I processed all the wrong things but it’ll make sense I promise so the info is staying in.

-So I’ll admit, I got real excited and spent almost and hour scouring gameplay videos scrubbing and pausing trying to find the door in Ellie’s flashback. Initially thinking it was a different door she couldn’t get through from some other traumatic point in the game. Was it a door in Joel’s house? No. What about her door in Jackson? Nope. Hmm. Maybe, I thought, it was in Part I. How fucking brilliant would that be, to tie in some other big moment of upset from the first game with this moment here in the second game and show the lasting effects of trauma and how it doesn’t go away completely. It wasn’t a door she went through around Tess, or Sam and Henry. David! It could be the door she escaped him through! No dice. Left Behind! Riley. And the answer to that friends is that a “yes” would be a biiiiig ol stretch:

Sort of similar handle but it’s still too different to be the correct door details. Still there could be some overlap.

I got stumped and then my brain kicked in and reminded me, “Hey remember how trauma affects memory, how you can remember certain details of what happened that day, but your shoes are never right?” and I was like “What the fuck are you on about brai- oooooh fuck you’re right.”

-Naughty Dog, layered her trauma in a way that we might not have noticed because depending on difficulty, it’s about 15 plus hours in between these two scenes (plus personal breaks which could be days or more at at time).

Ellie’s traumatic memory of that moment doesn’t just replace details of the door, her mind pieces things into the scene that never existed. Sights and sounds, possibly the smell of blood given her journal about the boar. The blood and Joel’s screams turned to him calling out for her, being the most notable change we recognize ourselves, a manifestation of her guilt and failure to help Joel. It’s draws your attention and in the moment, entrenched in Ellie’s pain with her it’s all we can really focus on.

Look at the photo above and compare it to the one below. How many differences can you find?

-Memory is a weird, complex thing. With the most basic knowledge of how trauma affects your memory, I’m going to dumb it waaaay down to my level and do my best to explain:

The process of storing a memory involves that primal part of your brain that recalls and collects the moments you felt fear and of danger, it’s survival and how you survive this part allows you to remember the next time “Oh hey, maybe I should not have put that metal fork in a light socket. That fucking hurt the last time I did that.” The process also involves the part of your brain that serves as a librarian of memory, storing and cataloguing details of events in bits that can be put together like a puzzle. When shit goes down your brain focuses on the “OH SHIT DANGER” more that it focuses on making the pieces of the puzzle. So later when your brain recalls the event you got pieces missing.

You don’t know what your brain will remember after a traumatic event. The memory itself will be the result of those two parts of your brain making a final product, which is almost always a deeply negative emotional memory. Encountering anything that reminds you of the event, like the sound of a boar dying or a shovel falling over onto a bucket, your brain begins triggering that flight or fight response because last time this meant danger fuck, looking at the bigger picture for context clues.

During a flashback your brain will try to fill in the gaps however it can to complete the puzzle even if it means using pieces from another puzzle that fits. Little details that might not be noticeable once the picture is completed and you are looking at the final product.

-The moment here seen here shows that her brain worked to create a memory with, some correct details from that day and some details to fill in the gaps. She gets the umbrellas, a painting, something hanging off the coat hanger, a box, a pair of boots, how there was a storage bench of sorts.

Her memory omits the white gloves, the baseball cap, the color of the umbrellas, the photo in the frame, the contents of garbage on the floor. It adds smudges on the top of the box, changes the door entirely along with the bloody signs of a struggle that never happened smeared from under the door along with Joel’s screams.

One of the biggest details that got me, is the building here. Because to me it looks like an approximation of a building we’ve seen in Part I. Either an old statehouse in Boston or a building on the UEC campus (Go Big Horns)

Her brain is filling up the scene as best as it can, taking details from other moments and replacing the fuzzy bits. The puzzle has to be completed. How many nights did she stay awake post flashback trying to fit the pieces of her memory with what she just saw in this vivid reliving of that moment. These little details show how deep, how damaging Joel’s death was.

Sometimes, with trauma and memory the details you do remember are ones you wouldn’t think you would even notice in the moment. Like a broken fuse box and the switch of a light, the way the wallpaper cracks and peels.

These are just the things replaced about the stairway, and the moments leading up to the event. There might even be things we never get to see in the flashbacks she may have. Being in the room during Joel’s death, waiting next to Joel’s body while Dina rushes off to get Jesse might go differently in her mind than what actually happened.

What happened vs. what Ellie remembers, we’ll never fully get to know. (Not that we need to know every fine detail of her trauma.)

I did wonder briefly if she remember it right for the first time on the beach? And after watching a few scenes over and over. No, she’s remembered that moment with crystal fucking clarity since Dina found her on the chalet floor. She can’t not forget the new hole in Joel’s skull, the sickening way his eye stares at the floor, out of focus, out of light. Her brain has formed a memory around those details, it’s where all her attention went. She might not even be able to recall the room at all beyond the spot where Joel died. Or she might remember everything. It’s hard to tell with trauma.

If you pause on Joel’s face before she fights Abby, really look at his eyes, you can see why Ellie can’t sleep why she can’t draw his eyes anymore. She can’t close her own eyes without seeing his dead ones. That’s why the memory of Joel pulls her out at the end. She can remember his eyes bright and alive again. That’s the moment of hope that she can recover, it’s going to take a lot of work given the fact that dealing with mental illness in the world requires adaptation to what is available. It’s still possible for her to live and we see that she understands that as she leaves the guitar behind and heads off the farm to an unknown.

The depth of nuance to Ellie’s trauma has continued to surprise the more that’s uncovered. Naughty Dog and Ashley worked extremely hard to portray PTSD and dealing with it going untreated as accurately as possible and I’d say they’ve put the effort in. Because the details that say the most are the ones that often go unnoticed.

#ellie x trauma #i'm seriously blown away by the details in this game #these are literally blink and you'll miss it #but they put them in to show how deeply affected ellie is #instead of just saying she is #i probably spent way too long on this post #a good hour was spent trying to find a fucking door before i realized what was going on #i was up til ass o clock trying to write this before i realized it was nonsense #and then figure out what the fucki was on about #this morning #hopefully this version makes sense #also a lot of what i said is my repeating what's been told and explained to me #so if i misrepresented anything plese correct me #papa is back baby #the analysis of us

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tloujm · 4 years

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Part I: Going Home

Author’s Notes: This is the first chapter of my first Joel Miller fic. As mentioned in an earlier post on my main page, my desire was to veer away from canon and it does...like a lot. It still keeps enough details to make it familiar, but I rearranged it to fit the plot that I had in my head. This takes place after the events of TLOU. It does utilize some scenes at the end of the first video game, but most of the plot is inspired by the second game. The reader, you, is replacing Ellie. Instead of a father/daughter relationship, there is a romantic relationship between Joel and a more age appropriate OC/reader. The reader is still younger than him but an adult. Its up to your imagination how much of an age difference there is. I try to keep things vague regarding the physical description of his romantic interest to make it easily relatable for a variety of readers. It’ll probably get more specific in later chapters to help with imagery of certain scenes *wink wink*. I’ve proof read it, but let me know if things don’t make sense. Please show love if you enjoyed reading it! Even if no one reads this, I enjoyed pouring out my love (and lust) for Joel.

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Summary: Joel drove you to Jackson to live a more stable and comfortable life. It was his best way to protect you; that and lie about what really happened at the Fireflies hospital. His goal was to move on from anything Fireflies related, but you couldn’t quite do that. So many questions ate at you which caused your emotions to conflict. You wanted to trust Joel; you felt something deep for him. Unbeknownst to you, he came to terms with his love for you when your life was threatened at the hospital. It was you or them and he chose you.

Ship: JoelxReader

“They stopped looking for a cure. I’m taking us home.” Joel said before falling silent on the car ride to Jackson.

It was a long ride from the hospital in Utah to Maria’s settlement in Wyoming. You would drift in and out of sleep in the back of the car Joel was driving. Home. He said it so naturally as if Jackson was the destination the whole time. A home felt comfortable. The word gave you warm feelings as it was something you hadn’t known for a very long time. That sense of content mingled with the anesthesia allowed you to push away any more questions you had.

They were still there, however; popping up more frequently in your head. After the car ride, Joel was careful not to mention anything related to the Fireflies or the hospital around you. His lack of transparency caused you to be a bit hesitant. The words just wanted to roll off your tongue; it was so close, you could taste it. Tell me everything. What did the test results say? Where are the other immune? How could they have given up? You remember the look in the eyes of the Fireflies back east. They were so eager to find a cure.

Just a week ago, there was no one in the world you trusted more than Joel. Being around a group of strangers in a state that you’d never been in, Joel was a crutch. He trusted the place because of Tommy, so you knew you should too, but it wasn’t that easy. At the same time, however, you had the instinct to keep your distance from Joel. He caused an inner conflict with you.

The settlement itself was easy to love though. The running water, electricity, stable of horses, fresh food and the list went on. It wasn’t easy to maintain these resources, but it was damn better than hunting and gathering out there everyday. Joel picked out an empty house within the settlement walls large enough for the two of you. He fully expected you two to sleep in separate rooms but he did not expect you to reject the house altogether. He may have been your social crutch, but you just felt better being in your own four walls. Being protective, he preferred to have you close, so the two of you made a compromise by agreeing that you live in the garage. It was quite large as it was a two-car. After a little while, you were able to make it up in a way that suited you. Soon enough, the only thing you had to share with him in the main house was the bathroom. It wasn’t that you wanted to avoid him completely. In fact, he peaked a certain interest in you which furthered the inner conflict.

Having space from Joel was difficult because you hadn’t yet made friends. Between the anesthesia weakening your body and Joel’s air of mystery, people tended to tread lightly around you.The only other people you really talked to outside of him were Maria and Tommy. It was surprisingly easy to fall into a domestic routine of sorts. The two of you ate together, walked around outside together, patrolled together. Watching Joel sit on the porch or relax on the couch after a long day gave you a glimpse into how he must have looked before the world went to shit. After all that he’d been through, watching him rest warmed your heart. He deserved it, you thought. He didn’t smile often, but you caught him smiling more since arriving home.

Laying in your bed, you thought back to the period right before you arrived at the hospital. It was probably the best part of the whole journey. The weather was just starting to get warm again, the scenery was lush and most impactful of all, the two of you were getting along. Not just in a civil way, but in a ‘something more’ kind of way. At least that’s what you felt and you couldn’t help but tread across those waters. Joel became more open with you. He would play into your flirtatious antics as if he wanted more. Despite knowing that the journey was nearing its end, Joel allowed himself to enjoy your company as you did his. You remembered that he even asked if you wanted to continue the journey further, at one point. He said that the two of you could turn back now and head north to Jackson. Sometimes, you wish that you had chosen that option instead, but you know that you’d just regret not choosing the hospital even more.

Seeing Joel’s guard fall down, slow as it was, still is sometimes, made you happy because you liked the person that you saw underneath it all. It was still a struggle some days, though. A hardened look would appear on Joel’s face at the mention of the Fireflies, even if it was unrelated to you. Moments like those reminded you of the questions that formed not too long ago in your head. Moments like those prompted you to form new questions. Why did he look so defensive? What was he hiding behind those darkened eyes?

After a few months of living in Jackson, you had finally mustered up the courage to talk to Joel about that day back in Utah. What was the worst that could happen? You were comfortable around him and he cared about you. He never said those words, but you knew that he did. You wouldn’t be in Jackson if he didn’t.

“Joel?” You shout from downstairs. You entered the house from the back door without knocking like you usually did. He wasn’t scheduled for patrols today so you were hoping that he was home.

“M’up here.” His voice responded from upstairs. You walked up the steps until you reached the hallway. The only door open was that of his craft room.

“You making something?” You gestured to the raw piece of wood in his hand. He looked up from his whittling knife and turned to face you standing in the doorway.

He shook his head. “I dunno what I should make,” He offered up a half smile. “Just shavin’ off pieces ‘til I figure somethin’ out.” He sat the knife down onto the workbench. “What is it, (Y/N)?”

You shrug casually. “Just wanted to see what you were up to.” You moved into the room and found a place to sit. Joel scoffed at his dinged up piece of wood before setting that down too. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Shoot, darlin’.” His pet name for you always made the nerves that you had melt away, to an extent. You would constantly tell yourself that there was no reason to be nervous around him, but you saw the way he looked when he was triggered by certain words.

You let out a breath. “You know, back in Boston when I was bitten, I was not alone. My friend was there. She was my best friend actually.” You look down at the wooden floor. “Well, she got bitten too. We didn’t know what to do. We were scared. So she says, ‘Let’s just wait it out. We can be all poetic and just lose our minds together.’ She...I didn’t…” You shake your head. “I’m still waiting for my turn.”

“(Y/N)” Joel began before you cut him off.

“It was her, then everyone else I attempted to get close to after that. Why do I get to live when they don’t? Each time, others have had to take my turn for me and I don’t know why?” You pause. “Why am I immune?” It was the first question you had for the Fireflies but everything happened so quick and next thing you knew, everything went black.

“(Y/N), that’s not on you.” Joel said gently. “I’ve struggled for a long time with survivin’.” He let out a sigh. “No matter what, you gotta keep finding somthin’ to fight for.” He made sure to look you in the eyes, even if you didn’t want to meet his.

“You don’t under---” You start.

Joel cuts in. “Now, I know that’s not what you wanna hear right now, but it’s---”

You speak up. “Back at the hospital...” You watched as his face began to harden. You contemplated what to say next. “Just swear to me. Swear that everything you said about the Fireflies is true.” He repositioned himself in the chair, never breaking eye contact with you.

His voice turned gruff. “I swear.” You stared at him for a long moment to read his face. He looked you dead in the eye and gave you his word. How much could you trust a man that would do that and still lie?

“Okay.” You nodded your head and left him alone in the room. Joel had half a mind to go after you, but decided best to give you space. You asked him to swear and he did.

*****

“(Y/N), You comin’?” Joel asked from the other side of the garage door after knocking. You didn’t forget that Tommy had invited the two of you over for dinner. After talking to Joel, however, you weren’t much in the mood.

“I’m coming.” You said with a huff.

You quickly threw on something nicer than what you usually wore and opened the door. You found him standing there waiting. He turned to you and smiled as if the most intense conversation you’ve had with him in months hadn’t just occurred. You offered a tight lined smile in return before walking off. The air was crisp and the temperature was just right. It didn’t take much for him to keep pace with you. Joel took glances at you every so often. You would only look back at him when he wasn’t. The thing was, you weren’t sure if he was actually lying. You could only translate the feeling in your gut. You stopped on the stoop of Tommy and Maria’s house as Joel lifted his knuckles to rasp the door. He waited a moment and glanced at you again.

“Hey!” Tommy exclaimed after opening the door. “Come on in.”

“Thanks, Tommy.” Joel muttered as he walked in.

“Yeah, thanks for having us.” You followed.

“Of course. It’s not often we all have a night off at the same time.” Maria chimed from the dining room. Joel grunted in agreement.

“C’mon, have a seat in here.” Tommy guided us out of the hallway. “Dinner’s just about ready, right hun?”

“I hope y’all like duck! I tried my best with it. I’ve never cooked duck before.” She brought a large roasting dish into the room and sat it in the middle of the table. “If not, there’s still mashed cauliflower and gravy right there and then some lima beans over there.”

“I’m sure it’ll taste really good, Maria.” You said.

“Now, where did y’all find a duck?” Joel inquired as a way to make conversation.

“I went hunting, brother mine.” Tommy replied, patting his older brother on the shoulder before sitting. Joel rolled his eyes and gave Tommy a pointed glare to which he chuckled. “Jesse told me about a new pond he discovered while out on patrol and well, you know, where there’s water, there’s life. So I decided to go see for myself and I took my rifle with me.”

“Shoulda told me. I would’ve gone with you.” Joel responded. He held out his glass as Maria came around with a pitcher of water. He nodded at her in gratitude.

“Nah. Wanted it to be a surprise for the dinner here. You ever had duck?” Tommy turned to you.

“No.” You shook your head. Tommy could sense there was something up between you two but he knew better than to bring it up at the dinner table. He wondered if Maria had caught on.

“Duck.” Tommy stated with a sigh, trying to think of something else to say. “Always thought it was a rich man’s food. Now look at us.” He carved into the breast of the roasted duck and began to serve portions.

“Next time, I’ll bring some caviar.” You spoke up. You saw what Tommy was trying to do, so you in turn tried your hand at comic relief. Luckily for you, it worked. The room broke out in laughter.

Maria sat down and grabbed her husband’s hand to her right and yours to her left. This prompted you to take Joel’s hand into yours. “We are rich in our blessings. We have food and we have each other.”

Maria quickly said grace before everyone at the table dug in. For something you’d never tasted before, it was good. It wasn’t your favorite meat but the dinner as a whole was delicious and fulfilling. You think back for a moment on how your full belly now contrasted to that of yours a year ago. The four of you sat at the table for an hour after finishing the meal. You had to admit that it was an awkward start but these were the people that you were most comfortable with in the whole town. That had to mean something. Even things with Joel subsided, if just for the evening.

The rest of the night was spent in the living room. The four of you caught up with each other. At times, the conversation included everybody and at others, it was just between Tommy and Joel which elicited Maria to spark up a conversation with you.

“How’s things going?” She gestured her head toward Joel. She caught on. “If you guys need anything, you know all you have to do is ask. We’re happy to do what we can.”

“Oh, we’re fine. I’m fine. I’m sure Joel’s fine but thank you.” You replied.

She looked at you for a moment. “Is there something going on between you two? I’ve seen the way Joel looks at you. Even the first time y’all came around to Jackson. I saw it back then and I know you live with him.”

You glanced up at him then shifted back to Maria. “Well technically I don’t...um no. There’s nothing between us. We’re friends.” You shrugged as if you had no idea what she was talking about. “I guess after traveling so far for so long, you just grow attached to each other, but that’s it.”

“I think he’s grown more than attached to you.” She shrugged as well. “But if he’s not who you want, then that’s fine. Just please don’t hurt him. Tommy has told me things about his past all the way down to their childhood. I don’t know what he’s shared with you, but he’s had it rough.” To this day, Joel hadn’t shared much with you, but you didn’t need to know exactly what happened in his past to know he’s had it rough. Everybody’s had it rough in different ways.

“I could never hurt him.” You meant it. You just hoped that he could say the same about you. “I was wondering if I could ask you something.”

“Go ahead.” She replied.

“How do I go about changing my patrols? I don’t want to stop going out with Joel, but I would like to do it with other people. Make some new friends.”

She smiled. “I think that’s a good idea. Jesse is one of the patrol leaders as well as Tommy of course. Talk to one of them about it. They can pair you up with an experienced patroller to start you off. I know you’ve got experience patrolling with Joel, but it's just protocol when someone takes a different route than usual.” She paused for a moment to down the rest of her water. “Hell, Jesse might even take you out himself. He’s a good kid.”

“Thanks.” You replied.

#Joel #Joel Miller #TLOU #TLOUS 2 #The Last Of Us #Ellie #Troy Baker #fanfic #fanfiction #tlou fanfic #joel x reader #joel miller x reader #reader insert #oc #fandom

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mophamsa · 4 years

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Thoughts on The Last Of Us Part II

WRITING (creative process)

the game’s storyline is straight to the point, you can see from the trailer that it’s going to be a timeline about revenge. the whole game happens around joel’s death in the beginning and I guess that’s the whole reason why people are upset. but guess what? neil druckmann’s goal was to make you upset, angry and nostalgic. he accomplished his goal and that’s why you’re feeling the way you are.

you not liking the the way things went down does not mean the game’s writing is awful, it just means you were expecting something and got another. not liking something isn’t a crime and it’s totally ok as long as you respect the creators and don’t use your hate to put others down, it’s a valid opinion and that’s it.

what makes a story good is the writing and the thought put into it to make the player/reader/viewer feel a certain way, and the developers did an incredible job to do that. we feel frustrated, anxious and weird the entire gameplay and that’s exactly what they wanted from us, which means they won. I’ll talk more about my opinion on the storyline far ahead.

the graphic visuals of this game are RIDICULOUS, they’re perfect. every detail is insane to look at, they worked so hard to get it right and it was so worth it. every time I entered a new scenario I would just go into photo mode and appreciate the art because that’s what makes the game unforgettable and groundbreaking. the red lighting scenes were so perfectly made and so badass, the sky when ellie goes outside the farm with JJ is breathtaking just like every other view in the game. by far the most beautiful game I’ve ever had the honor to play.

STORYLINE (joel’s death)

the first game gave us a story about love and hope, making us guide joel into taking ellie to the fireflies looking for a cure based on ellie’s immunity. we spend the whole game thinking we’d get to the fireflies, make a cure and live happily ever after but that never happened in those terms. the gameplay made us slowly fall in love with joel and ellie as characters, joel for his tough personality that would fade under the influence of a little girl and ellie for her nativity and innocence as a young teenager who really wants to help other people by making a cure. that’s the whole situation of it, joel getting attached to ellie while she developed a paternal affection for him but in the end joel ends up doing an unforgivable thing, basically destroying the hope for a cure and ruining all hope for the world to heal from the outbreak, so he decides to lie to ellie blaming the fireflies for everything so he doesn’t lose her trust and love.

I do understand liking and loving joel as a character, myself included, because they made the game thinking about it and they knew the audience would develop a major caring for him and ellie as daughter and father, that’s how it was supposed to go and it worked it.

now let’s talk about joel’s death. I think we were all surprised to watch him die so early in the game but considering the game time and storyline, it would have never happened differently. his death was brutal, violent, merciless and inhuman, abby and her crew tortured him until he couldn’t take it anymore and he obviously suffered with ellie being held to the ground begging them to stop. I agree that it was a horrible death but we can’t just pretend joel was a sweet innocent hero because he wasn’t, the audience portrays him as a hero when he literally stopped the human race from being saved, killing the fireflies and acting out of pure selfishness. joel isn’t the angel some people paint him as, he’s not a good person and if ellie herself could never forgive him for what he did, who are we to do so? she said she would try but she never got the chance to and it took her years to even come to terms with it.

most importantly, it’s obvious that people forget these characters are human beings, not real people but they’re real in that universe and technically speaking, they run and feel the same way we would feel if we were in their shoes. they’re people, every character in the game is a person, with feelings, a background, a past, a personality and thoughts. they’re no different than us except for them living in a post apocalyptic world were morality and ethics aren’t taken into consideration since there is no law or living lifestyle.

for us to understand this storyline, we need to step away from our society’s view of morality and wrong or right, because that does not apply to them, everyone in the game has killed people and/or have done something morally questionable in their life since it’s the apocalypse and there is no wrong or right, there’s only how the characters feel about certain situations and how they act on them, which is basically what guides the entire game to happening the way it did: human feelings.

joel obviously changed after the first game, since he starts living in jackson and having to raise ellie as a daughter in a relatively normal town with other people, he’s not the same person as he was in part I, now he turned into a father and a friend, not a merciless mercenary who doesn’t care about others. we see that when he and tommy decide to help abby, a complete stranger who was about to die in the hands of infected, and maybe that’s what led people into hating abby with their heart. but ending this topic, joel’s death was bound to happen, you can’t just expect someone to destroy the world’s hope for a cure and leave with no people being angry at him and wanting revenge, that cure could’ve saved many people’s loved ones but he chose to save his loved one. if joel is indeed a terrible person or not, that’s up to you to decide, that’s more of an internal turmoil within yourself that is different for everyone depending on their experience from part I and how they view joel in the end. it’s kind of messed up if you think about it, would you let the only person you care about die for a not confirmed chance of a cure in a world that is already doomed? that’s a question for yourself.

joel’s death happened so you could see things from multiple perspectives, which is the whole fucking point of the game. there are multiple sides to every story, it’s the same world we live in except in different circumstances. your actions affect others, people have feelings and if you hurt them they might act a certain way, those characters are no different than us because they were based on genuine human thoughts and actions.

ELLIE (growth and development)

ellie is one of the most well written characters I’ve ever seen in my life. she’s the symbol of badass but fragile woman and that’s so amazing to me. as the game goes by we start seeing many sides of ellie, she slowly starts to turn into a completely different person after joel’s death and her urge for revenge. killing abby becomes her main priority the second she leaves jackson and that’s clear in the way she acts and treats others. I’ll have to play the game again to pay more attention to ellie and abby’s behavior throughout the timeline. ellie is the reflection of how the excessive amount of effort you put into a negative thought, the more it will bring you and your loved ones down. watching ellie during the story is such a nice experience, there are times where you love her to death, others you get annoyed with her or don’t agree with how she acts, and that’s exactly how the creators wanted you to feel. revenge takes ellie’s soul from the inside out, from her not being able to forgive herself for letting joel die to her going after abby for nothing but hate for herself in the end.

ellie’s journey is exciting to play and to witness as her relationship with other people (specially dina) starts to fade away and being consumed by hate and regret. we were manipulated into loving ellie since part I and I don’t think she’s a bad person, she lost everything in the hands of other people and went through a lot, losing joel was a deal breaker for her but she just didn’t realize soon enough that killing abby wasn’t going to make things better. ellie’s gameplay was meant to make you reflect on losing a loved one, grief, mourning and revenge, she’s not the lost kid from part I anymore, she’s a grown woman who just lost her dad and she doesn’t even know exactly why. the funny thing for me, which is what makes the story realistic, is that ellie didn’t fully forgive joel yet she still suffered from losing him and went after abby for revenge, when not even herself could forgive him, that’s pretty realistic in my opinion. it’s the human uncontrollable instinct of still missing someone you’re mad at and not being able to say goodbye.

for me, ellie is the perfect and most detailed reflection of revenge and what it can do to you. the game is much more than “revenge is bad don’t do it”, we all obviously know it’s bad but we still have an urge to fight back against it and make the person who hurt us suffer too because it’s not fair for us and it wasn’t fair for ellie until the very last moment.

ABBY (point of view and perspective)

by far the most controversial character of the game. I’ll star off saying I actually like abby and I think the people who hate her so deeply just didn’t understand how things go. hating abby is no different than hating ellie, they’re in the same situation for almost the entire game. abby lost her father in joel’s hands, she was still a teenager and seeing her own dad die for trying to save humanity isn’t easy, just like ellie watching joel being tortured and killed wasn’t easy. being fully honest ellie would’ve done the same thing abby did if joel was the doctor and we can’t deny that.

on the other hand, I do think the ellie and abby gameplays could’ve been distributed better, maybe switching from ellie to abby and back and forth so it wouldn’t get too tiring or confusing since we don’t know the exact timeline when we first play it. that’s the only slightly negative thing I have to say about the game.

I do think abby is a great character, they built her perfectly to make the audience hate her in the begging, painting her as a sadistic monster only to show her side of the story later on in the game and make you realize that you have been wrong all this time, making you see the bigger picture and understand that ellie isn’t the only person in the world, she isn’t loved by everyone, she’s just a girl in the world and so is abby. they both have fucked up pasts and they both lost a lot, and in terms of personality, they’re actually quite similar. we love ellie because we got to see her grow up and WE know that deep down she’s not a bad person, the first impression we had of abby was of her recklessly killing joel with a golf club when ellie was begging her to stop, since that we tend to think abby is a horrible person and that ellie is an angel, but it’s not like that at all. obviously ellie didn’t do anything wrong up to that moment to justify that happening to her, but ellie isn’t the best person in the world either.

the duality in this game was created on purpose and with a deeper meaning, ellie is ellie, abby is abby and the cycle of revenge goes on until both parts understand that it’s useless to keep going. abby let go before ellie could and let her and dina live because of lev, killing joel didn’t change abby to the better, lev changed her. tommy couldn’t change ellie, jesse couldn’t change ellie and not even dina could do it, ellie had to change and forgive herself alone. the point I’m trying to make is that abby is no better than ellie and ellie is no better than abby, they’re both emotionally drained women who are not wrong or right in the end of things.

DINA (support and reflection)

dina is the only character I will 100% defend because she’s flawless and did absolutely nothing wrong during the whole game. in my head she represents ellie’s good side, dina is the constant reminder that ellie hasn’t lost her humanity and hasn’t completely changed into someone else because of revenge, even when she has her downs (example: calling her a burden when dina says she’s pregnant). dina is the most forgiving and loyal character, she loves ellie more than anything and it shows. the sad part of it is that even with dina’s huge amount of love and affection, that doesn’t stop ellie from going in the wrong direction, which brings us to another life lesson: loving someone is a choice you make everyday and nobody can control your choices when you’re determined to do something.

ellie decided to go after abby, dina followed and supported her the whole way through, then she took that for granted and left dina and JJ behind to go after abby again (after abby let her and dina live) officially breaking dina’s heart. that was a choice, dina obviously cared so much about ellie, loved her so much but she couldn’t change ellie’s mind. but the point here is that dina is a reflection of ellie’s bright side, she keeps ellie sane until the very last moment, saving her life multiple times, going with her in a revenge journey, “you go, I go, end of story”, telling the wolves to fuck off and staying by ellie’s side, constantly putting her life at risk while being pregnant, she has loves ellie for such a long time even before getting with jesse (you can read ellie’s journal where she says cat told her dina is jealous of their relationship) and she probably took ellie back when she came back from santa barbara (a theory that I believe in because it makes sense).

dina is one of the few positive ends in the universe of the last of us, highly optimistic, funny, beautiful and an amazing support system for ellie. if it weren’t for dina, ellie would’ve become a monster.

LGBTQ+ REPRESENTATION (ellie x dina and lev)

it’s 2020 and people are still talking shit about the game just because of queer characters. that’s why I say people who hate the game are people who either didn’t capture the story or just didn’t even try to pay attention because of a closed mindset bigot sandwiches. representation is the best path to general acceptance, making people see different stories and realize that someone’s gender or sexuality does not influence on the quality of art.

ellie is a lesbian, that’s clear in the game when she says she’s “not into jessie’s type” (such a nice dialogue by the way), she talks about her ex girlfriend and clearly has had a crush on dina for the longest time (probably the reason why she broke up with cat).

dina is bisexual, in my opinion she always had a crush on ellie but maybe she lost motivation to to after her when she started to get close to cat and started talking to jessie because of that and it ended up working.

now dina and ellie’s relationship is probably the only thing that keeps us sane throughout the game, when we sit down to think “thank god ellie has dina, that means she’s not alone”, which is basically the whole concept of it, ellie not being alone because dina is there to hold her to the ground and stop her from becoming someone she doesn’t want to be.

lev being trans is something I can‘t have an opinion on, I have seen both sides: people saying it was a good approach and others saying it wasn’t an accurate representation. I’m not trans so my opinion isn’t valid and I can definitely see why many people think it was a bad reach but I also can see the other side, so I won’t comment on that.

the nice thing about representation in this game is that they brought it up as a normal thing, the only moment the focus is sexuality is when seth was being a dick and called dina the d-word, ellie got defensive but dina stopped her from getting into a fight. even then the main focus of that situation was how ellie dealt with joel saying she didn’t need his help. the point was never ellie’s sexuality, never, not even in a single moment, because it was never an issue. in a post apocalyptic society people don’t pay much attention to being homophobes (unless they’re in a fanatic religious cult or just assholes like seth).

the game approached the subject very bluntly but in a normal way, not making it that huge of a deal but it is a big deal for those who seek comfort and/or are dealing with their sexuality in a way. if a character they admire ends up being part of a minority group, they can relate to that and feel more comfortable in their own skin. we’re here, we’re real and we exist even in a fucked up infected world.

ENDING + THOUGHTS (moving on)

the last of us part II is a story about revenge, being completely different than part I which is a story about love and surviving. what happens in the second game are the consequences of the first, the choices joel made reflected upon himself, saving ellie costed everything; the cure, people’s lives and maybe a brighter future. people who are bashing the game for it’s storyline and how things went down need to understand that it’s not because we love joel that his actions didn’t matter to others. joel is a human being, so is abby and those who got harmed by joel’s choice to save ellie. joel killed abby’s dad, abby went after him for revenge, a predictable and reasonable thing to do if you just try to see it from her point of view, keep in mind that ellie would do the same exact thing.

if you can’t get yourself to see things from other people’s point of view, you missed the whole point of the game. the storyline isn’t summed up in “revenge is bad don’t do it kids”, it’s just based on the fact that death can never and will never bring you any sort of relief.

the game is the reflection of the cycle of revenge. abby going after joel for killing her dad, ellie going after abby and killing all of her friends in the process, abby finally breaks the cycle letting ellie and dina live but ellie couldn’t get over the guilt and went after abby again, yet she ended up letting her ago and officially breaking the chain for good.

the whole concept of the game is how seeking someone else’s suffering can lead to full destruction of someone’s character and values.

if ellie had killed abby she would’ve turned into the monster she was fighting against and she would lose literally everything she hadn’t already lost: her humanity. I don’t actually know the exact reason that compelled ellie to let abby go, maybe it was losing her fingers and realizing that she’ll never be able to play guitar again, which was her very last memory of joel and what he taught her. it could also be thinking of lev and how he’s the only thing abby has and vice versa, which is what she had with joel and what was taken from her, therefore she didn’t want to turn into the person who put someone through the same pain she was going through. technically if she killed abby she would have to kill lev to avoid him coming after her and continuing the cycle and doing that would kill ellie even more.

to make this shorter, abby moved on earlier than ellie. mostly because abby actually got her revenge killing joel but you gotta look through things before you put all the blame on her. ellie lost everyone in her life, her parents, riley, tess, sam and then joel, going after abby was a defense mechanism since she couldn’t have done anything to save those she lost before, but losing the one who took care and raised her was something she couldn’t bare, specially when she thought joel was the only person she had even though they weren’t in good terms and she and dina weren’t a thing yet.

ellie needed to revenge joel at all costs because that’s what she thought he would want, but in the end she realizes he would want her to move on and be happy, because that’s what he always tried to give her: the best shot in life that he couldn’t give sarah. ellie thought that by killing abby she would be able to let go, when in reality she would just feel more guilty for leaving lev alone like she was having no emotional relief concerning her PTSD. ellie got to that beach fully aware that killing abby wasn’t going to solve any of her problems, but a single memory of joel made her make the decision that she wasn’t going to let her go without a fight. their final fight was silent, in the middle of nowhere, they had absolutely nothing to say to each other because they were both fighting for nothing but excessive mental emptiness. they both knew that nothing would bring their loved ones back and they were ready to move on.

what the game wants to teach you is that nothing good comes from searching revenge and other’s suffering. ellie gets consumed by her own view of justice and ends up losing herself both inside and outside, when she comes to terms with the fact that killing abby won’t bring joel back from the dead, it’s already too late. she lost jessie, her friendship with tommy, her good memories with joel, her fingers which results in her not being able to play guitar anymore, the love of her life and her son.

in the last of us part one ellie says that her biggest fear is to end up alone, and the saddest part of all is that her actions led her to making that fear come true. the ending is ambiguous, it can mean something different to different people depending on what you choose to interpret things and how you view the characters. for some, ellie could just end up alone looking for a life purpose that doesn’t involve anyone from her past. to others, ellie returned to jackson and proved dina that she loved her and that now she’s ready to fully commit because she let go of her anger and is at peace with herself and her inner struggles. but that’s all up to you to decide what you want to believe in.

at the end of the day, this storyline is beautiful, heartbreaking, breathtaking and emotionally draining. it makes you think and open your mind to new perspectives, which is honestly one of the best things art is able to do, create a new universe for you to deep your thoughts in and take your own conclusions. the last of us didn’t have a bad or good ending, it had a realistic ending. just because they didn’t make this the way you wanted it doesn’t mean the writing is bad, it means you’re probably disappointed and that’s fine, but hating on it isn’t the way to make a point.

I can only thank everyone involved for creating this world and making me so invested in it, connecting me with these amazing characters and emotions that I never experienced playing a game before. there is nothing more to say except: endure and survive.

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ellie-s-machete · 4 years

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My thoughts on the ending of The Last Of Us Part II

spoilers ahead

Gonna say right away that I loved the ending. First I was afraid because I think the real ending got leaked just before the game came out, like 1 or 2 days before. I'm not sure because I avoided social media as much as possible so I managed to avoid the ending. All I know is that an incredible amount of people kept complaining about how shitty the ending was. I was so worried during the whole game, and I was shocked by the ending and the fact that people didn't like it to be honest. I think the ending that we got was the perfect conclusion for this game, an open conclusions that leaves you enough space to interpret it. The ending is composed of two key scenes: the final Ellie/Abby confrontation, and Ellie returning to the farm in the epilogue.

- The final confrontation

The whole point of Ellie and Abby fighting at the end was to show how futile this quest for revenge had become. Ellie had lost Joel, and she had lost herself, she became a monster when she threatened a 13yo's life as a way to force Abby to fight her. Abby at that point was a former slave, she was weak and didn't want to fight back. Abby had moved on, but not Ellie. But at the end of the fight, Ellie let Abby go, she came to her senses and realized that killing Abby would not soothe her pain, it will on the contrary add to her trauma. Because killing Abby also implied killing Lev/letting him die. That's why I will never understand people who wanted Ellie to kill Abby despite everything both women have been through. How would it help Ellie overcome ptsd? How would killing a weak woman leave hope for Ellie's future? I just came to that conclusion: whether you like Abby or not, if you still wanted Ellie to kill Abby, you simply don't care about Ellie, you don't love her because you wanted her to stay trapped in that vicious circle.

A lot of the criticism revolves around the fact that apparently "Abby got the happy ending, and Ellie the sad one". I totally disagree. Sure Ellie lost a lot (even though we don't know to what extent exactly, if you take into consideration all the theories about the ending), Abby apparently made it to the Fireflies in Catalina Island with Lev, thus achieving her goal (even though we're not 100% sure). What I gathered is that both Ellie and Abby lost almost everything and that none of them got a happy or sad ending. Both did get however a hopeful ending that is left to the player's interpretation. I'd like to believe Abby and Lev made it to their destination.

-The Farm

How you interpret the epilogue at the farm really depends on how you want it to end. It is so open and ambiguous that several interpretations can be valid, so my interpretation is in no way the right one, it's just mine.

Let me just say that a few weeks have passed since the game came out, and that several theories have emerged, the most popular being the bracelet theory. I now believe in this theory, because I want to believe, but it wasn't my own initial interpretation. To be honest, I noticed that Ellie didn't have the bracelet in Santa Barbara and was wearing it back at the farm, but I was too dumb to put two and two together. So my thoughts about the ending have changed, but this is how I first interpreted it:

Ellie left the farm to go back to Jackson, and hopefully reconcile with Dina. Dina obviously came back to Jackson with JJ because taking care of a baby and the whole farm would have been too exhausting for one person.

I don't see Ellie not coming back to Dina and JJ after all she's been through. Maybe Ellie and Dina broke up and won't be lovers anymore, but I'm pretty sure they'll stay friends. Their friendship seems too strong to be completely ruined. But I still hope that they'll get back together and raise JJ together.

In terms of symbolism, Ellie leaving the guitar doesn't mean she leaves Joel, on the contrary, she has moved on, knows the truth about what Joel did, and forgave him. Her leaving the guitar means that she is ready to start a new chapter of her life, and that she is leaving behind the chapter we saw throughout the game: a chapter full of uncertainty, danger, anger, madness and irrationality. And Joel was the driving force of that chapter, she did what she did for Joel. Letting the guitar (which is reminiscent of Joel) means that she let go of the emotional grip Joel indirectly had on her. She won't ever forget him, she is just now able to live her own life, for herself. She doesn't have to live for someone or a purpose that would benefit others. Her only goal now is to find a bit of rest and happiness, which she will most likely find in Jackson with Dina, JJ, Robin, Maria and Tommy. Ellie wandering on her own at the end seems off, I don't see her inflicting herself more pain by refusing to go back to her community, she is now free and ready to start a new life. Going on her own seems like a dead end.

Although the nature of Ellie and Dina's relationship in the future is uncertain, Ellie and JJ's remains the same. Ellie is his adoptive mom, and Dina sure considers Ellie her baby's mom too. Dina naming her baby "JJ" is not an insignificant detail: she named him this way to honor Jesse (the biological father) and Joel, who is her girlfriend's father figure. Nothing forced Dina to name him after Joel, but she did anyway, because she knows Joel was important for Ellie, and she wants Ellie to be important for JJ. Joel's reference in JJ's name proves that Ellie IS part of his life, and not just his biological mom's girlfriend. And Ellie sure knows all of that.

Ellie lost a lot throughout the game, her father figure, her friend Jesse, Dina and JJ (temporarily hopefully), two fingers and her ability to play guitar, her knife (which was the one object that really connected her to her mom). She almost lost herself but managed to cling to the last remaining ounce of humanity left in her at the very end, just before completely losing her sanity. Her final decision to spare Abby saved herself. And Ellie had the choice there, she could have chosen to achieve her goal by killing Abby, but she chose to let her go, she chose consciously. By making that choice, Ellie initiated a process of peace with herself, that is why I see the ending as optimistic and hopeful.

#tlou2 #tlou2 spoiler #the last of us part 2 #the last of us #tlou2 review #ellie williams #ellie and dina

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qguardian · 4 years

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Idea for Last of Us 3

So GameTheory recently put out a video that shows that Ellie probably isn’t immune because of something in her body, but she’s immune because she caught a different strain of the fungus that eats its brothers and sisters, allowing its host to be free of the zombie infection, and possibly any infection. Combining this theory with recent events, here is my idea of TLOU 3.

Jackson gets a visitor from a aging immunologist, in her 70s or so. She claims that she was looking for a famous smuggler to get her to the remaining fireflies in Catalina Island because just getting to Jackson was a struggle and her old bones needed help to make the long journey. They have to inform her that Joal is no longer around, but the fact that she is searching for the fireflies peeks Ellie’s interest. The immunologist, let’s call her Jill, says she has vital information about the infection that could lead to a cure. After some deliberation, Ellie agrees to help her find the fireflies, and someone convinces Dina to help, leaving her son behind for the cause of finding a cure and possibly reconnecting with Ellie.

Act 1- The Journey to Find the Fireflies

Similar game play to TLOU 1 of going from area to area fighting off infected and bandits. During this journey, at some point Jill’s mask get’s broken in an infected area. Panic ensues, but she quickly calms them down. It is revealed that much like Ellie, she is immune to the infection. The escape and make camp and Ellie also reveals her immunity, recounting the events of the first game and says they were so close to a cure but Joel ruined it. Jill laughs and states that he didn’t. Ellie and Dina are confused. Jill explains that their immunity doesn’t come from inside them, but from being infected with a competing strand of the infection that eats the others kind, and basically anything else. The firefly scientists were so desperate for a cure, they never took the time to fully understand her immunity and were willing to kill her on a hunch. The weight of the revaluation that Joel was right to save her weighs heavy on Ellie, and motivates her to keep going.

During the next gameplay section, Jill reveals she isn’t partitioning the fireflies for science, she needs them for soldiers because she needs help to find this strand of the infection that makes people immune. Also over the section, Jill shares stories with them about the pre-outbreak America, some good, but also about the tensions between many groups and how leadership did not solve the problem, but provoked it.

Finally, they reach the fireflies, explain the situation, and ask for help locating this strain. There are no clues as to where it is except Ellie’s origins. Jill explains that she had isolated this strain in her lab, but her lab had been burned down by Zealots (Scars) that had been pushed out of their home and were taking retribution on anyone who they passed. The only hope was to find where Ellie came from and hope that that is where she was originally infected. Ellie said she grew up in Boston, but vaguely remembers her mother telling her they had moved there when she was still an infant (or something else that retcons the first game). The fireflies state that their goal then is to find where Ellie was born and dispatch a group of people to aid Jill, Ellie, and Dina. A group of people that includes...Abby and Lev.

Act 2 Ellie’s origins and finding the strain

More Journey ensues. The first goal is to reach a firefly contact that keeps detailed record of all known members and associates. During the journey, Dina and Lev are holding back their respective friends from keeping Abby and Ellie from killing each other. Jill tells more stories of the old days to keep people calm. During the journey at some point Abby finds out that her dad almost murdered Ellie for no reason, which means Joel was sort of in the right and that she went on a crusade to murder him for no reason. Cue her emotional weight.

They reach the contact and they say that they only knew that Ellie’s mom had been fleeing from somewhere deep in the Appellation mountains of Virginia. All previous groups sent to investigate the area had gone mission and the few people who were known from the area never spoke about it. It was suspected of a massive bandit nest, possibly zealots like Scars, lived there and were hyper aggressive of all that come onto their land. It was their only lead, so the group heads out.

More Journey. More character building. Group is forming hesitant trust bond.

Group arrives to area, remarking they had not seen an infected in a long time. The few structures they came across were abandoned, but in good condition. Finally, the group climbs a mountain to get a good look at the area and can’t believe what they see.There is an entire settlement that looks near untouched of the infection. Electricity, cars, other tech, all in perfect working order. The young ones are excited but Jill is reserved. She says they still might be dangerous but Ellie says if the other groups had found this place they wouldn’t want to leave either. They rush to the gates.

To their surprise, the gates open and they are welcomed into this settlement, called Oasis. Basically the place looks like Southern California but in the mountains. Grand looking buildings, homes, etc.. The person they meet says not to worry, they will get them settled, fed, bathed and clothed. After that, their leader would want to welcome them. Cue some cute scenes of Ellie and co enjoying modern comforts for the first time. Jill is still reserved. The next day they meet the “mayor” of Oasis, who makes it pretty clear that they were welcome but wants to make sure no one else was coming. He expertly dodges any questions about how this place exists, and just says that he has taken care of his people and the infection is not a worry here.

The gang leaves still feeling good but Jill is visibly distressed. After they get somewhere private, Jill reveals that the “mayor” was the last president of the united states. He was surrounded by his old cabinet. She fully explains about the tensions and near civil war the country was in right before the outbreak. Dina says she and Lev appear to be the only ones not white in the whole city and they were getting looks. Jill theorizes that Oasis was built before the outbreak specifically as a shelter for it.They might be sitting on the strand that makes people immune, and refusing to share with the rest of the world. The weight that the outbreak was planned sinks in.

Act 3- Oasis

The rest of the game is discovering the secrets of Oasis, finding Ellie’s lost family, and confronting the Mayor. They discover that the immune strain is here, along with another strain that turn people into zombies but aren’t aggressive. Oasis uses these zombies for labor, intentionally turning visitors into these slaves to serve their lavish lifestyle. No surprise that most of the slaves aren’t white. The gang decides to steal some samples of the immune strain and escape, but are obviously confronted. The climax finds Ellie confronting an enraged mayor who exclaims that he orchestrated the outbreak to punish an ungrateful nation, choosing to only save those who followed him. He destroyed billions of lives for the sake of his ego and he refuses to let this strain outside Oasis because he had no desire for the country to recover. Once the infection had wiped out the rest of the world, him and his followers would rebuild the world in his image. The gang brings an end to him and runs for their lives, though most don’t make it out. The only two who I would guarantee survive is Ellie and Dina, and Jill sacrifices herself somewhere along the line. They manage to recover a single sample of the immune strand. Game ends with them trying to figure out how to get strand to someone who can cultivate it to make a cure in secret.

And yea, that’s about it. This was long but I would love to know thoughts.

#the last of us #tlou #tlou pt 2 #tlou2 #the last of us part 3 #Long post #ideas #tlou3

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 5 years

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Favored Ones, Part 2. (Joel Miller x Fem!reader)

Description: When you spend every evening with someone who's deeply under your skin, a certain relationship can be developed. So it's crushing for Joel when Y/N suddenly disappears. But there's way more to the relationship that one would've guessed.

A/N: AM I STARTING TO FALL FOR THIS FIC? OMG STOP ME? SEND HELP.

Warnings: Ain’t much, but it is honest work.

Word count: 2.1 K

Tagging: @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme

If you like this story, please, more parts can be found here! :): H E R E

Six months prior events of the hunt, April 2038:

You never thought of an ideal man or that ideal life, having some children of your own or whatever. You never thought of that American dream, if you want to address it like that. The new American dream, most likely the global dream when you think about it, was to survive all of the bullshit that keeps coming.

But sometimes, you start to be curious about someone without you even noticing your behavior. You try to have much longer eye contact with them, laughing at those pretty dumb jokes and sayings they used. You tried to be in their presence every time you possibly could.

Sometimes it gets pretty crazy as you start to understand your behavior and your feelings - and the worse it actually is when you feel soft for is a complete moron.

And so, that's how your terrible crush on Joel Miller, local old jackass, started.

You could exactly name the year, month, day and hour when he and his daughter of some sort, now your best friend Ellie, came into your life. The first time you saw him, you thought to yourself that he is just a typical cynical old moron - and that you had already enough of these in your town.

Something moved inside of you when you took Sadie for a short walk around Jackson - and he was sitting on the terrace, smiling at Ellie and playing a slow song on some old guitar the others gave him.

Ellie just sat there, curled into a tight ball with a bar of beer in her hand, as soon as she saw you, she jumped on her feet and joined you on your walk - that was a year ago. And since that, you watched his face intensely during every tactical meeting about visiting a city, you smirked when he said something which was ironical and whenever there was an option to go out with his little kindergarten, you were there on your horse with your knife behind your belt.

Did he even know who you were except that you were going out to the forests with him? Oh, dear, that is a story worth telling.

Joel didn't let you know, but he remembered your face really well - you were, of course, Y/N, Ellie’s' loudest and most impulsive friend she had until that day. You were a pain in his ass every time he was scheduled to go out with you. No matter how good you were with a knife (and let me say that you saved his ass a few times when Clicker was about to crack his head up), you still acted like an annoying little brat.

He would never say that he hates you, no. But he would never say that he likes you. You just existed by his side in the city he was living in, that was all that he cared about.

And you were sure that the feelings will disappear sooner or later, it was just a dumb guy and that situation was ridiculous. But as January and February passed away, nothing changed.

So there you were, sitting next to Sadie in the grass, eating an apple, chatting with Ellie and watching after Joel’s kindergarten of the young people he was teaching about surviving. There were a few boys around sixteen, which was almost ten years younger than you, who were just dicks.

The only thing they were doing there was trying to get your attention because you were indeed an interesting girl, and to annoy the old man. You were there to enjoy the feeling of freedom and nature around you.

“And what about Y/N?” - One boy turned his face to look at you. They were talking about bows, how to catch the chord the best way, the angles of shooting and the power needed. They completely threw you off rails, because you sat next to Ellie in the back, talking about how much you are looking forward to the sweet potatoes which should be ready to be reaped next month.

“I bet she could show us some of that bow shooting, couldn't she?” - Another one said and you felt on your tongue as you wanted to tell them to shut the fuck up.

“Leave her be. She cant shoot from a bow. But if you will shut your mouth and watch, maybe you'll be able to shoot yourself, son.” - Joel mumbled in his deep voice, not even looking up to you.

Your cheeks went red as you furrowed at that man. What a rude jackass move. Yeah, maybe you weren’t able to shoot from a bow, nobody had ever taught you how to, but you were a fucking psycho with a knife. And Joel knew it.

“Jesus Christ, fuck him. That wasn't polite to me at all.” - You said to Ellie when you rode on Sadie’s back at the end of your small caravan. - “And I should be practically bowing in front of that guy? Fuck that too.” - You spoke fast and quietly so Joel couldn’t understand you.

“Come on, baby. You know that Joel didn’t mean that you’re not good enough. You know he’s not good with his words.” - Ellie rolled her eyes to the back of her head, only laughing at your situation.

“Maybe. But this is the third time something like that happened - and third time’s the charm. I will need someone who will teach me, how to shoot from a bow.” - You rose your eyebrows. That was the most devilish plan ever. - “And then I will have a competition with Joel. We will see who is the worse one.”

“Good luck then. The only people who can shoot from a bow is me, Joel and Jesse.” - Ellie looking behind her and chuckled again. - “Like... More people can do something with a bow, but I would definitely not call that shooting.”

Well, fuck you then. You couldn’t stand when Jesse was trying to teach you something because he spoke to you like you were fucking five - so every time he started with THAT tone of his voice, you were ready to explode. Ellie could teach you some things, maybe, but she would make a pure comedy out of that. Your tummy would constantly hurt from laughter. So the only rational option at the moment was Joel.

And you didn't fucking know if that’s the worst thing that could happen or if it is the best thing ever. You couldn’t but smile at the thought of Joel teaching you how to shoot, so the student could overcome its professor in the end.

So you were trying to raise the courage in you for the next two days and let me say that it wasn’t anything easy. Only after a shot of vodka which Jesse had hidden under his bed you could just come up to Joel’s door and knock on it. Ellie wasn’t at home that day - you were about to meet up with her that evening to have a watch on the city’s walls.

Right now, she went for her newly sewed, repaired pants to Mrs. Jefferson to the end of the town, which should take her something about half an hour. Enough time for you to ask Joel the information needed.

“What the hell are you doing at my doorstep?” - Joel asked even before he opened the door and watched you down with a silent stare. - “Something happened? You won’t make it in the next session in the forest?” - He was asking you, but he only did that for decency’s sake; he did not care at all.

“No, I was thinking about the bows.” - You said in the same tone of voice. You were staring each other down like the looks could kill. This was clearly competition for you - and you didn't mean to lose. You had to show Joel that you weren’t weak at all.

“Oh. The bows.” - Joel furrowed you like you were a fucking psycho. He was fucking lost when it came to you - your run of thoughts was a mystery to Joel. - “What about the bows? What’s wrong with them?”

Damn, you two were acting like children. You spoke in weird sentences and you felt like nothing was making too much sense when you spoke with Joel.

“I can’t shoot from it. That’s what’s wrong with them.”

“Oh. Okay. Why should I care?” - Joel raised his eyebrows. You nodded and raised your eyebrows, making a thoughtful face at him.

“You should care because I need a teacher.” - That was when you smiled at him. You didn't drink so often, so the vodka made you hella loose. Maybe it was way more than one shot, you didn't have a single idea how stupid are you going to behave. So far so good, you thought to yourself.

“So that is what you came here to tell me?” - Joel hugged the doorframe with one of his huge palms and looked you in the face. - “I should find you a teacher? Girl, I think that you’re a bit confused because I’m hella sure that finding you a teacher isn’t my job at all.”

“Oh, I did not mean that you should find me someone who will be teaching me, hot to shoot an arrow.” - You giggled and shoved a trickle of your hair behind your each. - “I want you to be my teacher.” - That’s what made Joel sincerely laugh.

You silently prepared yourself for Joel saying you to fuck off. He was so close to it, yet it seemed that you really are into learning about bows.

“Yeah. Fine. Tomorrow, seven in the morning, the gates. Be there on time, young blood.” - Joel smiled and closed the door, leaving you there. But you started to smile when you realized that you will have scheduled alone time with Joel himself. Even though he was a total asshole at times, it made your day.

The next morning, you were there even ten minutes sooner - and Joel came ten minutes later. He just let you sit there for twenty minutes. Motherfucker. Maybe he hoped that you will change your mind - but you had your goals set straight.

You could see that he’s still a bit sleepy, but his beard was cut short again - it was there, but it was way shorter. People with crushes notice such bullshits, that’s normal, don’t worry.

“I got a present for you.” - Joel said in a cold, raspy voice and you excitedly opened your eyes. - “It ain't much, but at least it’s something.”

With that, he gave you a completely normal, training bow. Everybody always only borrowed them, but he was giving you one of your own. - “But if you will not take the training seriously, I will take it away from you.”

With that, you just left Jackson. He took you on nearby training grounds - the first day you ever tried it was terrible. You basically didn't shoot once from that bad boy - arrows just fell down from your palms and Joel knew that he’s going to need a lot of patience with you.

The first weeks were not that enjoyable as well - he had such a jackass rude commentary to your actions and you just tried to murder him with your stares, still thinking that he is sexy as fucking hell.

But one day, the fall was just about to start, it somehow broke down and you started to joke around. Your skills were getting better faster and faster - soon enough, you could shoot from fairly far away and you didn’t miss most of the time, which made Joel enjoy your lessons even more.

As another month passed, he decided that it is the right time to start hunting with you in the forest. These ones were moving, but you adjust over time. And sometimes, you even hunted something down - like a squirrel, a hare or a rabbit.

You weren't that bad after all - he pretty much liked talking to you most of the time. And even if you were sometimes loud and impulsive, you could be smart when the situation needed it. But you weren't exactly his most favorite person on the planet still.

And you were slowly realizing that this surreal crush isn’t going away anytime soon because you made it just worse for your own fucking sake.

#joel miller #joel tlou #joel x reader #joel x y/n #the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie williams #the last of us imagine #joel miller imagine

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metalgearkong · 4 years

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The Last of Us Part II - Review (PS4)

8/14/20 ***SPOILERS***

Developed by Naughty Dog, released June 19th, 2020

The Last of Us was a game I wasn’t originally a huge fan of when it came out in 2013. Despite it receiving astronomical praise by fans and critics, it took me a couple times completing the game before I fell in love with it. What truly made The Last of Us special was not necessarily its concept or gameplay, but its storytelling and characters. The depth of the interpersonal drama and raw emotion on screen was the true core of the game, with the stealth-action, zombies, and other aspects more like icing on the cake. The Last of Us ended up being one of my favorite games of all time strictly based on execution, even if the game as a whole still isn’t perfect.

The Last of Us Part II was my most highly anticipated game of 2020, and it feels strange to be on the other side of it finally. This game has been polarizing for fans, and as it turns out, I feel conflicted on the game as well. I finished it a month or so ago, but only now getting my thoughts written out. While some aspects are daring, jaw dropping, and gorgeous, other aspects detract from what is an unexpected story not quite living up to its potential. I respect this game more than I love it, and while I do think critics have been too kind in review scores, the exceptionally low user reviews have been far more incorrect. This is a solid, epic, deep, beautiful, emotional campaign which will deliver its money’s worth, but many contentious points will dictate how much you enjoy this blockbuster of a video game.

One of the aspects I like the most about this game is how similar the gameplay is to the original. Many people I suppose would want more change or innovation in the 7 years since The Last of Us, but personally I’ve always been a fan of sequels that retain what I like about a series. If it changes too much, it becomes too detached from what I enjoyed or got used to. Changes Part II makes are subtle, but natural for the genre and world. The player can duck and go prone in waist-high grass to conceal themselves, a dodge button has also been added, and a huge addition to combat and stealth is the addition of attack dogs who patrol with their owners. Dogs can pick up your scent until you distract it, adding to a lot of tension anytime enemy K9s are around. And yes, I found it difficult to shoot the first couple of dogs I encountered as they yelp out in pain when they get hurt or die.

Part II picks up I believe 5 years after the original. Ellie and Joel live in Jackson, the town they town the become a part of at the end of The Last of Us, and seem to be thriving in a community with food, power, and systems in place for relative safety from the outside world. The story is told in a much more chopped up chronology which I found to be detrimental to the pacing. The first game had a straightforward narrative and it worked very well, and this game has to dice up its story to make it seem more complex, but just comes off as pretentious. For example, by the end of the prologue (about a hour and a half) you play as three different characters. This leads into the strange structure of this game’s story, aside from having the linearity chopped up at times.

The most controversial moment of the game is the moment of Joel’s death and how it occurred. While this event was not unexpected for myself and others, the manner of which he died is what’s justifiably pissing people off. A brand new character is introduced named Abby (and one of the three characters we briefly play as shortly before) and without any background or indication of who she is, brutally tortures and executes Joel in front of Ellie’s eyes. It’s not difficult to see director Neil Druckmann cackling with satisfaction of his subversion of expectations. It’s simply toying with the emotions of fans, and he has to expect and stand by any criticism he’s gotten for how this scene went down. However, this moment does make more sense as the story unfolds, but its no less a heavy handed and manipulative move for the sake of auteur video game storytelling.

Ever since I witnessed the brutal death of one of my favorite video game characters of all time, my only though was “they better justify this.” It was never “this is horrible and irredeemable, and “Naughty Dog is off its rocker,” like many people seem to have reacted. It was gut wrenching, but I knew Naughty Dog has a pension for organic characters, and in the back of my mind I knew I had to give this game its fair shot, and see if and/or how Naughty Dog justified a scene liable to piss off virtually every single fan of the original game. This is a poor spot of the game, but the structure of the game itself is, for me, the biggest issue of Part II. In the end, I don’t mind Joel’s death as much seeing the context surrounding it, although it still should have been handled entirely differently.

Neil Druckmann proudly pulls a Metal Gear Solid 2 move, and entirely switches protagonists for a huge portion of the game (about 45%). Abby turns out to be the main character once the halfway point of the game hits. Following Joel’s death is about 9-11 hours playing as Ellie on her revenge quest to find Abby and kill her. The motivation is justified, being in the room with Ellie as she watched her father figure die in agony in front of her. Ellie’s portion of the campaign makes sense, Abby’s makes less. The structure of the story comes to a high point mid way through, where Abby and Ellie finally meet to clash. After all this build up, and around the same time of the game where the first game had its conclusion, everything halts and resets.

We are suddenly dropped into the Abby story, showing her side of things, and why she would want to kill Joel. I do think the story directly surrounding her motivation is well done, but the problem is, a large portion of Abby’s story has literally nothing to do with Joel or Ellie. We effectively see why Abby would want revenge on Joel, but then we have to tag along on a major side journey while Abby helps a trans kid and his sister escape the cult they grew up in. I get that it helps develop more empathy for Abby as a character, but Abby’s story should have been at least cut in half to keep the overall story more focused and flowing. Many times while deep into Abby’s story I honestly forgot what the point of what I was doing is, and was getting confused on which events had happened and which hadn’t.

Abby herself is a good character, and after all has been said and done, she is the third best character in this series so far. It’s a shame though that so much of her story is a direct waste of time, despite more of an excuse for more of the same great gameplay and set-piece moments. Empathy and perspective are the two big themes of this game. The best thing I can say about Part II is it convinced me of something I thought was near inconvincible: it made me like and root for Abby after the scene of Joel’s death. However, while the theme of the game is “all of your enemies have their own backstory,” Par II doesn’t teach us anything new whatsoever. Abby’s father was the surgeon Joel killed upon saving Ellie from the Fireflies at the climax of Part I. But Joel (and Ellie) killed a lot of random enemies in the first game, most of them players won’t even remember specifically.

The fact that we have an entire video game showing us the perspective of one single person who wants revenge on Joel is a story that doesn’t need to be told. Any NPC we killed in the first game had family or friends who would also want revenge on Joel as well. We don’t learn anything new. This whole series is just marauder against marauder. Joel has never been a good guy, and that’s never been a secret. Joel is shown as an anti-hero even before the conclusion of the first game. It’s partially what makes him such a cool character. We only rooted for Joel because we were seeing things from his perspective. If the first game was entirely about Abby and Joel was framed as the bad guy, the results would have been the same: Abby would be our point-of-view “hero” character, while Joel was clearly the villain. Part II is not the epiphany Neil Drukmann likely wanted his audience to experience.

As anyone can see, the graphics and performances of Part II are incredible. While the story and structure are nothing too special (because it ruins its great moments by long drawn out heavy handed moments), at least the game itself is engaging to play and is gorgeous to look at. Growing up in the Pacific Northwest myself, and the game mainly taking place in Seattle, I enjoyed being totally waterlogged throughout the entire experience. If the story isn’t depressing enough on its own, the weather will certainly get to you. The core characters themselves are portrayed extremely well via motion capture and voice acting as well. I’m wondering why Neil Druckmann didn’t just make a Netflix series beings he is clearly so focused on the character’s interpersonal relationships. This is especially true for Joel and Ellie once again. Side characters are well acted, but have less of an effect on the core story, which is a huge tragedy when so much effort was clearly put into bringing them to life.

There’s no doubt Naughty Dog accomplished their specific goal in making you as depressed as possible. To be honest, it reminded me of some of my favorite books about stories of conflicting emotions and ending on depressing notes. Even though Part II is far from perfect, it’s still a juggernaut of a single-player game with amazing graphics, acting, responsive gameplay. I like the ways it proved me wrong on stuff I thought was unchangeable, and for that, it has my deep respect. It may not be for everyone, not even fans of the first, but if you come at it with an honest open mind and let yourself drop your ego enough to take in this entire story, I think it’s a daring piece of media that might age very well in time.

7/10

#the last of us part ii #naughty dog #ellie #abby #video games #review #ps4 #playstation 4

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murkyhazed-hasmoved · 4 years

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OKAY SO now that i’ve finished watching the playthrough i can successfully write FULLY about tess’ divergence from her death all the way up to the ending of the second game.

tess does not get bit, obviously. it was a really close call that had her a bit scared/winded which is why she seems a little off the rest of the way to the capitol. she was counting on dropping off ellie and going back home with joel where they could rest and take it easy for a while. that’s why she freaked out when they got to the capitol building and the fireflies were dead. her saying “there’s enough here” isn’t her pushing him to go without her, it’s instead her trying to convince him that TOGETHER they take ellie to tommy’s.

during the fight with all the soldiers, she gets shot in the shoulder by one of the soldiers, and the wound is serious enough that they need to get more supplies than just some rags. tess is losing blood, but she’s stubborn and they keep pushing on until they manage to get to bills town. that’s where she can finally rest for a minute and get properly patched up.

tess lives and stays with them on the journey to get ellie to the fireflies. over that period of time she’s grown to really like ellie, and consider her almost like a daughter. so when its discovered that ellie will be killed, she’s with joel in that they need to save her, and she also covers up the truth and keeps it from ellie. they make it back to jackson, where they’re given a proper home ( joel’s house in game 2 ) and were SUPPOSED to live happily ever after.

but shit like that doesn’t happen does it?

ellie grows a little distant from joel, but her and tess still get on pretty well. until joel reveals the truth about what happened. that’s when she severs ties with both of them for a while. the two of them at least have each other to lean on and share the guilt and the pain with. and when joel intervenes at the dance, and ellie tells him off, tess is pretty quick to defend joel, and in turn gets pissed at ellie. she tells her that she needs to respect joel and quit acting the way she is before running off after joel. just in time to see him land one on the old man. and naturally, tess is pissed what the guy said to ellie so she too has to land one on him ( couple goals ).

it was tess and jesse that were meant to relieve joel and tommy from their post the next day. when it was discovered they weren’t there, they both went in search of ellie and dina. when ellie quickly went out in search, tess went with her. there is no one who cares more about joel than the pair. that’s when they come across the building, and find abby and her crew with joel.

both women are held down, and both have to watch the most important man in their life be killed. it’s an image that haunts tess for the rest of her life. when tommy decides to go rogue, she joins him. tess will not rest until every single one of the group involved, especially abby, are killed.

with tess being around, the fight between ellie and abby goes a bit different. at first tess helps tommy, but when he tells her to go she does, and she heads after the two just in time to see abby grab a hold of dina. that’s when tess grabs lev from behind, and urges abby that if she kills dina, tess will kill lev. that’s why she lets the women go, and if it wasn’t for three members of her party badly injured she would’ve gone after abby and killed her. but she had to think about tommy, ellie and dina, as well as getting jesse’s body back to jackson.

tess really has nothing to lose now. knowing that abby is still out there, she wants revenge desperately. but tommy needs her, and with maria she helps look after tommy until he’s back on his feet. she’s never really the same again, she’s distant, she’s closed off, and she doesn’t really have as much will to keep fighting with joel no longer in the picture.

#* &. tess.#* &. headcanon.#tlou 2 spoilers #tlou spoilers #this is really long btw cause i had about a game and 3/4 to cover lmao #but ideally.... most of this doesn't happen because JOEL IS ALIVE AND NOT DEAD #this is her canon but i also refuse to accept that the love of her life is dead so i dont rp past the dance scene lmao

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noramoya · 7 years

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“Perhaps the most common trait associated with celebrity is narcissism. In 1988, Jackson certainly would have had reason to be self-absorbed. He was the most famous person on the planet. Everywhere he travelled, he created mass hysteria. The day after his sold-out concert at Prater Stadium in Vienna, an AP article ran, “130 Fans Faint at Jackson Concert.” If the Beatles were more popular than Jesus, as John Lennon once claimed, Jackson had the entire Holy Trinity beat.

Yet while Jackson enjoyed the attention—indeed, even thrived on it in certain ways—he also felt a profound responsibility to use his celebrity for more than fame and fortune. In 2000, The Guinness Book of World Records cited him as the most philanthropic pop star in history. Over his lifetime, he reportedly gave over $300 million dollars to charity, including to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, the Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation, the NAACP, UNICEF, and the Red Cross, among dozens of others. “When you have seen the things I have seen and travelled all over the world, you would not be honest to yourself and the world to [look away],” Jackson said.

This indeed was the point of his hit song, “Man in the Mirror,” which reached #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the spring of 1988. The song was about a personal awakening. It was about recognizing that change does not happen on its own. It requires that people become aware, that they care about more than themselves, and do something. “Who am I to be blind/ Pretending not to see their needs,” Jackson sings. His performances of the song on the Bad World Tour were both the climactic finale of the show and its parting message. “Make that change,” he summoned his audiences. In an era often characterized by individualism, greed, and materialism, it was an anthem of conscience and responsibility. Jackson donated all of the proceeds of the song to Camp Ronald McDonald for Good Times, which assisted children suffering from cancer.

Even more significant than giving money, however, Jackson gave his time. At nearly every stop on his Bad World Tour, he visited orphanages and hospitals. Just days before arriving in Vienna, while in Rome, he stopped by the Bambin Gesu Children’s Hospital, handing out gifts, taking pictures, and signing autographs. Before leaving, he pledged a donation of over $100,000 dollars. Before a concert in London at Wembley Stadium he visited Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital—the hospital to which author J.M. Barrie famously gifted the copyright, and royalties, for Peter Pan. Jackson spent hours talking to, holding, and comforting children at the hospital, some of whom were terminally ill. According to a local news story, the pop star “sat some on his knee and told them stories”; he also “handed out dozens of presents, albums, photos, and T-shirts.” Jackson donated 100,000 pounds to the hospital. In addition, he left an undisclosed amount of money to the Wishing Well Fund to help the London’s Hospital for Sick Children, which he also visited during his stay.

Throughout the Bad World Tour, before and after concerts, Jackson had under-privileged and sick children brought backstage. “Every night the kids would come in on stretchers, so sick they could hardly hold their heads up,” recalls voice coach Seth Riggs. “Michael would kneel down at the stretchers and put his face right down beside theirs so that he could have his picture taken with them, and then give them a copy to remember the moment. I couldn’t handle it. I’d be in the bathroom crying. The kids would perk right up in his presence. If it gave them a couple days’ more energy, to Michael it was worth it.”

Everywhere the tour travelled, Jackson tried to give back in some way. In Detroit, he donated $125,000 to the city’s Motown Museum; in New York City, he gave $600,000 to the United Negro College Fund; in Japan, he gave $20,000 to the family of a young boy who was murdered, and hundreds of thousands more to hospitals and schools. When the tour was over, he auctioned off his personal items, with all the proceeds going to UNESCO. This was the man whom British tabloids had taken to calling “Wacko Jacko,” of whom People magazine, less than a year earlier, declared on the front cover: “He’s back. He’s bad. Is this guy weird or what?” Jackson’s kindness and compassion was not good copy; if it made the news at all, it was usually buried behind stories about his plastic surgery or pet chimpanzee.

Jackson’s philanthropy on the Bad World Tour was not new. In 1984, after his hair infamously caught fire while filming a Pepsi commercial, Jackson established the Michael Jackson Burn Center as part of the Brotman Medical Center in Culver City, one of only a handful of badly needed burn centers in the Los Angeles area. “I wanted to do something,” he said, “because I was so moved by the other burn patients I met while I was in the hospital.” Jackson suffered excruciatingly painful second-degree burns on his scalp, but hospital staff remembers him spending much of his time visiting and comforting other patients. Jackson donated the entire amount he received from Pepsi for the accident—$1.5 million dollars—to the Burn Center. That year, Jackson also donated all of his performance money from the Victory Tour to charity—an estimated $5 million dollars.

In 1985, Jackson joined the U.S.A. for Africa effort, helmed by actor and activist Harry Belafonte and music manager Ken Krager. Inspired by the U.K. charity effort, Band Aid, and its musical vehicle, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” Belafonte’s vision was to bring American artists together for an urgent cause: to raise money and awareness for a famine in Ethiopia that was leaving hundreds of thousands of people, including young children, starving and destitute. The famine was caused by a combination of factors: a complicated civil war, a corrupt government, and one of the most severe regional droughts on record. By 1985, an estimated one million people had died, according to the United Nations. Belafonte reached out to producer Quincy Jones about putting together a song for U.S.A. for Africa. Jones, in turn, reached out to Lionel Richie, Stevie Wonder, and Michael Jackson. Since Stevie Wonder wasn’t available, Jackson and Richie charged ahead.

Jackson’s goal was to write a simple melody that anyone could hum, across cultures and nations, even if they didn’t understand the lyrics. For “We are the World,” he remembers going into dark spaces, a closet or a bathroom, and trying to imagine the people in Ethiopia: their lives, their suffering, their humanity. When he came up with some notes, he had younger sister Janet listen in. “What do you see when you hear this sound?” he asked her. “Dying children in Africa,” she responded. “You’re right,” Jackson responded. “That’s what I was dictating from my soul.”

Jackson continued to develop the song with Richie in the ensuing days and weeks. By early January, he had recorded a solo demo and sent it to Quincy Jones. Jones loved what he heard. “A great song lasts for eternity,” the producer later reflected. “I guarantee you that if you travel anywhere on the planet today and start humming the first few bars of that tune, people will immediately know that song.”

The official recording session was scheduled for January 22, 1985 at A&M Recording Studio in Los Angeles. As Jones planned it, the stars would head over immediately after the American Music Awards, held that night at the Shrine Auditorium. He famously left a sign at the front of the building that read, “Check your egos at the door.” The list of legends that filed in that night was remarkable: Ray Charles, Bob Dylan, Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross, Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, Steve Perry, Tina Turner, Cyndi Lauper, Willie Nelson, and Paul Simon, among dozens of others. "Here you had 46 of the biggest recording stars in the entire world in one room, to help people in a far-off place who were in desperate need,” recalled Jones. “I don’t think that night, that experience, will ever truly be duplicated again. I know and believe in the power of music to bring people together for the betterment of mankind, and there may be no better example of this than the collective that was ‘We Are the World’ ”.

Jackson skipped the American Music Awards that night and headed to the studio early to record his part. When the rest of the artists arrived, he, Lionel, Stevie, and Quincy helped them learn their individual parts and the chorus. He characterized the creation and recording process as a “spiritual” experience. Most of those in attendance agreed. They describe a genuine sense of joy, unity, and purpose. “Every second of that night was magical,” remembers Quincy Jones. “As artists, we are all just vessels for God’s whispers, and I know God walked through the studio that night, a couple of times.” The final result, completed around 8:00 am, was a majestic, gospel-infused, seven-minute anthem that weaved the together the vocals of some of the greatest artists of the 20th century. The New York Times praised it as “more than an unprecedented communal collaboration among pop music’s elite for a good cause—it is an artistic triumph that transcends its official nature.”

Some critics, of course, scoffed at the self-righteousness of the charity event—and the song. But Quincy Jones and Harry Belafonte were having none of it. “Anybody who wants to throw stones at something like this can get off his or her butt and get busy,” said Jones of its critics. “Lord knows, there’s plenty more to be done.” What impressed Belafonte most was simply the willingness of its participants to use their talents for an important cause. “Here you are with dozens of the best and most powerful artists in popular culture, who had relegated their managers to a place in Siberia — and as a consequence, it was completely art on art.“

“We are the World” was released that March and quickly became the fastest selling single in history, shifting just under a million copies in its first three days. It became the bestselling song of the 1980s, eventually selling over 20 million copies worldwide. More importantly, it helped generate proceeds of over $60 million dollars, which were used to send over 120 tons of supplies to Ethiopia, including high-protein biscuits, water, medicine, tents and clothing. Later funds were also used for over seventy recovery and development projects.

Jackson was proud of what the song accomplished. The idea of thousands of malnourished children being fed because of a simple song thrilled and inspired him. It showed him in a very concrete way the power of music to bring people together, to raise awareness and action.

Yet he also realized it wasn’t enough. “We Are the World” didn’t end hunger or poverty; it didn’t solve the complicated socio-political issues, power dynamics and institutional corruption that were largely to blame for the severity of the African famine. Critics were quick to point out these shortcomings, often deriding Jackson as “self-indulgent” and “naïve” for trying. Songs like “We Are the World” and “Man in the Mirror” were dismissed as simplistic, utopian sentimentality. Music critic Greil Marcus wrote off the former song as nothing more than a Pepsi jingle, while the New York Times’ Jon Pareles dismissed the latter as “activism for hermits.” Jackson’s social vision offered global idealism, triumph and easy resolution, they argued, while the material conditions of the real world only worsened. It was a critique that haunted Jackson while he toured. He believed the critics had it wrong; he believed they couldn’t feel what the music meant to people—what it meant to him. Change, he believed, began within individual hearts and minds. And that’s where art reached people. Yet he wasn’t self-satisfied. In a 1987 interview with Ebony/Jet, Jackson was asked: Eboni : When you look in the mirror, are you happy with what you see? MJ : “In what way?” he responded. Eboni : Just when you look – in terms of that social philosophy? MJ : “I’m never totally satisfied,” he said. “I always wish the world could be a better place. No, not at all.”

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