#and also. what singular post did i not tag. this is going 2 haunt me forever
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I posted 421 times in 2022
That's 306 more posts than 2021!
146 posts created (35%)
275 posts reblogged (65%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@/amamozarte
@/spamtonromantic
@/eldritchstingray
@/blackraggedyandy
@/torchiiko
I tagged 420 of my posts in 2022
#rb - 261 posts
#deltarune - 137 posts
#save - 119 posts
#spamton - 89 posts
#nerd time - 85 posts
#torch chatter - 61 posts
#pokemon - 41 posts
#ramble - 39 posts
#submas - 23 posts
#rc9gn - 17 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#prior to him i did have a little tiger beanie boo who was so well loved that it was noticebly more decrepit(?) than one my sister got later
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
i Love spamton x readers where spamtons in like. an unconventional form, like hes a virus in your computer or he gets isekaid into your world as a living doll
That being said: in the "spamton lives in your computer" stories, reader downloads him accidentally or out of pity but What If they were a youtuber who talked about computer worms and viruses and downloaded him On Purpose in a virtual machine to showcase him
they narrate everything he does while screen recording like "oh see, its trying to access my microphone now. this is why you have to be careful about what programs you run, im using a vm so it should be contained and cant get into my actual files" and spamtons like "wtf. wtf"
little desktop spamton contained in the virtual machine while reader makes videos on him bc they and their audience think hes neat. they compliment his complexity and how much hes seemingly able to do, not knowing hes a whole little guy in there and not just a random computer virus
131 notes - Posted October 24, 2022
#4
hey i made another poll 4 spamton fans!!!
2022 version babey!! this one has a lot more questions and more answers based on responses from the last one! im just curious how everyones feelings abt our favorite guy might differ from a year ago
now includes questions abt sneo, the spamton plush, and your favorite design headcanons! responses are public so have fun once theres actually enough to read through
ive heard tumblr doesnt like links so for the sake of getting more ppl to see this (and thus more answers to read which is the best part), please reblog!
132 notes - Posted November 17, 2022
#3
littol inscryption hcs :)
while leshy kinda has shut-in vibes i feel like like hes actually more the type to Never be home!! if you wanna challenge him you have to go find him in the woods and hes like up in a tree taking regular pictures of all the animals he sees (inscrybing everything would not be good for the ecosystem)
follow up he likes to think outside.. got like a huge rock he chills on where he brainstorms stuff for his games.. the Thinking Rock
probably bathes in a river or waterfall tbh. he doesnt need soap the sheer force of the water is enough to cleanse him
the fact that p03 has a mechanic where bot cards can have beast forms implies he doesnt hate them :) he feels positively enough to add them to his cards at least!!
although he can display pretty much anything he wants on his monitor, it still takes him considerable effort to hide his expressions! accidentally showing his smile only to immediately switch back to neutral like "you didnt see that"
being good friends with him would obviously include lots of playful + affectionate bullying but also the occasional sappy moment where he will either respond equally as sappy and/or threaten to kill you bc hes overwhelmed with the kindness
grimora treats her ghouls very well and visiting her is always a delight! the type to not let you leave without giving you a gift of some kind, be it a nice meal or a new pack of cards
she always tells the ghosts and ghouls they died bc they have to know at some point, but she makes sure to be gentle about it and is ready for whatever reaction they may have
yknow what! i think shed think p03s technology is cool!! all the scrybes feel a little old fashioned but shes quite interested in the modern stuff even if she isnt used to it or doesnt really understand it, but she tries!
man idk whats up with magnificus. giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he was trying to do a sort of tough love approach with his students but in a weird twisted kinda way?? that or he was like "ah you idolize me? lol cringe [puts your head on a pike forever]"
he should have a wizard hat. i think he does have one somewhere but he got bullied into not wearing it
itd be really funny if his eyes see color differently so to him hes making these really gorgeous masterpieces but everyone else sees the colors normally and its just an awful awful mess. imagine if he sees things really bright and almost neon so everything he paints ends up being incredibly dull and slightly the wrong color
147 notes - Posted February 2, 2022
#2
forever thinking about how hunter specifically said belos Found him. that he didnt think he would make it in the boiling isles bc of his lack of magic. the Implications guys,,, either belos didnt raise hunter from birth/creation Or grimwalkers can be made with false memories
cuz its like! that implies hunter had some kind of life before belos, whether it was real or a memory he implanted and i need to know what happened before belos, even if its just what hunter thinks happened
148 notes - Posted August 16, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
what if ingo and emmet had a shared pokemon version of instagram account for posting pictures they take of various trains and like. its not exactly Secret but theres nothing that really ties it to them bc its just about The Trains
but one day part of one of their shoes and like the edge of their coat is ever so slightly in frame and it goes viral bc this random little inconspicuous train fan account was actually run by the Subway Bosses of the Unova Battle Subway, 2 quite powerful and well known trainers in the region. and of course the internet would lose their minds over something like that
they wake up with like millions more followers and tons of comments like "I NEVER KNEW THIS ACCOUNT EXISTED??" and "thats. ingos shoe. he and emmet are the only people in the world who wear shoes like that"
ingos like "how did they all find out it was us??" and emmets reading the comments and says "ah, you were just barely in frame in this photo. thats how they identified us" and then they do nothing about it. they never speak about it publicly they just keep posting their train photos and ignoring dms
704 notes - Posted March 12, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#didnt realize that ingo n emmet post had that many notes#also i didnt wanna actually @ anyone#i did som other editing on this instead of posting it directly as is#and also. what singular post did i not tag. this is going 2 haunt me forever#abyway heres this ig#long post
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author tag
thank you mj ( @mjjune ) beloved <3
i’ll do these for paramoiiiiii (which is pronounced para-MWAH bc i’m kissing it)
1) What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it?
oof. paramour has a lot of things going on in it, a lot of which are unintentional but evolved as i began to piece together the characters and the narrative. i don’t think paramour can be boiled down to a singular “main lesson” because i don’t think there’s really a lesson to be HAD. you can definitively read paramour for all of the deep thoughts i have about religion, masculinity, sex, gender presentation, and societal expectations, as well as like the horrors and suffering that greed can bring… or you can just read it as two guys who take the most stupid roundabout way to realize maybe the sex does have feelings. maybe the porn in fact has a little plot.
a lot of the messages woven into paramour have been marinating and maturing in me since 2020 tbh when i really started to allow me to be yknow. MYSELF. and so because i love them they got the projection beam as ya do.
2) What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)?
paramour is inspired chiefly by steampunk, rococo fashion, and france. lmao. the entire universe that paramour is in (which includes wips like alizath, teardrops, and that one wip that is new and budding but doesn’t have a name yet) is inspired by me bastardizing and colorizing (aka making every mc and all the characters black) europe bc i’m tired of fantasy, mythology, and history and all the things that i enjoy as a person being dictated and delegated to white people. so a lot of it is also “writing the story that i want to see” etc etc.
paramour specifically was also inspired by (but has moved away from QUITE a bit): hamlet, crimson peak, beauty & the beast, gothic literature (that aspect has heavily stayed) and stuff like that. it’s original name was beauty and the crimson hamlet and it was more of a haunted house thing vs what it’s evolved into now lol.
3) What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?
hya is honestly trying to achieve being left the fuck alone and he doesn’t succeed LMAO. i’m not really trying to achieve anything with hya particularly (again you can read into all the things that i put into him and the narrative or he can be just some guy and both are correct tbh) — other than extreme wish fulfillment. though it may not seem this way because hya is a raging dick, he’s ideally what type of person i want to be like in Extreme fantasy land. i wish i was joking but i ain’t. and as such, he gets forgiven of a lot of the things that he does by the narrative or gets his own little happy ending and reasonings why he’s like this which i know some or many people will take issue with. him leaving a corpse in the foyer for example—many will describe him as cruel and callous and “problematic” and they’re right! love that for him 💛 i’m not trying to inspire anyone but myself like when i tell you that paramour is a wip written by me and for me i mean it LOOOOOL like idgaf about what anyone thinks of it 💀 (though i am so happy so many people love paramour as much as i do i didn’t think anyone would care about these assholes but many of my dear friends and other followers have proved me wrong and it’s validating tbh lol)
4) How many chapters is your story going to have?
current outline says 27 but i’m thinking it’s gonna lean closer to 30 just because as i write i realize i need to add in a filler chapter or two. so i’ll say it’ll probably end up being 30–at MAX 35 chapters probably.
5) Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?
original 💛 and i still don’t particularly know where i want to publish it meaning idk if i want to go for indie which makes more sense or tryyyy to get trad published but. with the content paramour is and the way the publishing industry is i somehow highly doubt i can get it trad pub. so nothing but snippets online (tumblr) for now. maybe if i go indie i’ll make it readable on a website or whatever cuz i’m not really keen on putting it on amazon. but i may just for the reach. idk! i’m just trying to finish it first.
6) When and why did you start writing?
if we’re talking generally speaking i’ve been making stories since i was like 3 years old. paramour in itself however i made juneteenth (6/19) of 2021. i can’t remember WHY i started it so much as i remember just wanting a wip inspired by crimson peak perhaps? and we have gone WAAAAY off from that but yknow. we move lol.
7) Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow?
honestly just write for you. take all advice with a grain of salt and don’t worry about what others think of your writing/your ideas/whatever. there’s something for everyone and you’ll find your people.
other writeblrs/artists/creators whatever i follow and would recommend (and tag to do this if ya want no pressure) are: @kudzucataclysm @henrike-does-writing-sometimes @kazenokaori @magic-is-something-we-create @void-botanist @outpost51 @isherwoodj & consider this an open tag if you would also like to do this :)
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The Haunt of Redemption (4)
Sequel to: A Path I Can’t Follow
Chapter 4: Incoming! | Cal Kestis x Reader
Summary: It has been months since your last encounter with Cal, at that time he was a fledgling Inquisitor. In an ironic twist of fate, you cross paths and blades with him once again, and he’s keen on turning you into an Inquisitor as well—unless you bring him back to the light first.
Tags: Dark Side! Cal Kestis, Inquisitor! Cal Kestis, Redemption Arc! Cal Kestis
Also posted in AO3
Chapters: 1 - 2 | Previous: Chapter 3 | Next: Chapter 5 | Masterlist
4 of ?
His holotable beeped, signaling an incoming message.
“Admiral?” he greeted when he answered the call.
“Sir, the transport containing the suspect has arrived. Shall I call an escort for you?”
“No need. I’ll be on my way.”
“Very good, sir. Transmission out.”
He strode through the hallways, Stormtroopers stiffened their backs until they’re erect at the presence of the Eleventh Brother, commanding officers curtly saluted when he passed them by, and he blatantly ignored the Fifth Brother and Eighth Sister in his periphery.
He arrived at the interrogation block and entered the cell where they’re keeping the captive.
It was Boss Lora.
Cal stood by the Stormtrooper and demanded the details.
“Lora Argul, proprietor of the Yewa Docking Bay & Inn,”
“And where is this docking bay located?”
The Stormtrooper glanced at his datapad, “In Hoga, sir. That’s in Cameegon,”
Cal repeated the planet’s name in a questioning tone.
“A temperate planet in the Daoro System, Jama Sector,”
“Daoro? Then it’s an Outer Rim planet,” the young Inquisitor pointed out, he stepped closer to the adult woman strapped to the interrogation machine. “Don’t bother struggling, it’s not like we’re going to set you free anytime soon.”
“Please, I don’t have anything to do with you! I’m just a business owner!”
“Oh, I know,” Cal cooed emotionlessly. “But I think you know something that I need. You might know somebody I’m looking for.”
“I don’t know anybody! My customers come and go, I only have my family!”
Lora tirelessly pleaded to Cal—it’s the same words in different order, but the same idea all in all. The young Inquisitor watched the prisoner wriggle in the torture machine, begging without a pause, until she succumbed to her tears.
Cal walked closer to Lora, a colorful woven bracelet stood out from the drab of her dark brown work clothes. He reaches for the bracelet and now his Force ability comes in play.
“Look what I made you, Mama!”
“Oh, how beautiful! Thank you, sweetheart!”
“Here, I’ll help you wear it. Do you like it?”
“I love it! I’ll always wear it so everyone can see.”
He saw the bright-eyed girl that is her daughter. The warmth of the child’s love radiated all over this woman’s being. His Psychometry allowed him to “borrow” such emotions, thoughts, and images for a period of time; he has done so to his multiple captives on their various campaigns ever since he was induced into the Inquisitorius.
Yes, he thought as he found her weakness.
“You have a very kind daughter. Kaleen, isn’t it?”
“How did you know her name?!” Lora roared.
She knew she never said anything, she only thought of her child when Cal started to enter her mind using his powers. It was something she has never seen or experienced before—and it terrified her. The wild, out-of-pace beating of her heart throbbed through her chest, any moment now she might feel it burst through.
“Oh, I should remember to apologize to your daughter personally. The little brawl in your cantina must have given her a big scare—with what her papa unconscious and her mother taken away right in front of her very eyes. Who knows what that little girl is thinking right now.”
Lora tugged herself from her restraints as far as she could until she’s eye-to-eye with Cal.
“You do so much as touch the tip of a hair strand from my daughter, I swear I will kill you!”
Cal smirked albeit concealed by his mask, satisfied that he had provoked the woman, he kept the bait hanging right in front of her until she tells him what they want to hear.
He consciously avoided the question, “You are going to tell me where you’ve seen the fugitives.”
“What fugitives?”
“You will tell me,” the smirk seemingly lost its amusement, Cal stepped closer and clutched the woman by the wrist as he demanded. “Where she is.”
At that exact moment, Lora suddenly felt like someone or something was tearing her brain open while fully conscious—the pain was excruciating, albeit the absence of the high-voltage shocks of the actual machine; Cal’s grip grew tighter, nearly barring the circulation to her hand, the next thing in Lora’s mind was you. She never intended to think or speak of you in front of this fearsome, young man—to her, it just happened.
There…! Cal celebrated sooner than he could wait.
The memory that played was your first time in the docking bay, her very first interaction with you, Lora still had that stingy tone when speaking to you. The image of you examining the ship she asked you to fix as an entrance trial and smiling back at her with a smug confidence played behind Cal’s eyes.
“Well now, I gotta say your work is impressive, kid!”
“When do I start, boss?”
There.
Your smile. Your laugh.
Even the faintest melody of your laugh came through for him.
For one, his heart skipped a beat—he saw the length of your hair has changed but your smile remained the same.
“Please…! Enough!” Lora sputtered out crying.
Cal jerked his hand away and turned around abruptly.
“Prepare my ship!” the boy Inquisitor commanded.
“Right away, sir!” a lower-ranking officer promptly replied and went ahead for the task.
“Bu-But, sir,” the admiral stuttered, hoping that it doesn’t offend the Eleventh Brother to stop him in his tracks. “What about the prisoner?”
“I leave it to you then, Admiral.”
The Eleventh Brother marched to the hangar, flanking him were two TIE pilots. Upon his arrival, the technicians have just finished recalibrating the TIE Fighters as well as his ship: a TIE Interceptor that he personally modified to his liking. The technician unclamped the docking boot of the Interceptor while his co-workers did the same for the two other Fighters.
“I want transports each carrying assault units and a squad of fighters deployed en route to Cameegon with me.”
“Yes sir, understood!” the attending officer’s heels clicked and marched to the hangar’s command center with an urgency.
The young Inquisitor climbed into the cockpit, the glass dome slid shut with the touch of a button. His fingers follow an invisible yet learned pattern of switches and buttons. There was an indescribable feeling that he cannot pinpoint with a single word, perhaps the closest being “elated.”
The TIEs’ engines hummed in a collective baritone, lights on the screen flickered to life, the ships hovered and then zoomed past the ray shield of the hangar.
—–
Meanwhile, back in Cameegon, you’ve been training in the forest for the rest of your day-off. You were out of breath, but the clean air from the trees refreshed your lungs as you inhaled and then exhaled. This expansive stretch of land has become your own haven—it’s where you mostly do your Jedi training and meditation, it took a long while for you to get used to doing them alone.
BD-1 may have kept you company while you spend your time in the woods, but it was different having someone actually with you, though you didn’t want to offend the little one so you always kept him close to you.
“Alright, BD, toss me another!”
The little white droid—perched upon a tree branch a few paces in front of you—trilled and threw the whole, rotten fruit in its claw—that you’ve installed yourself some time ago—and you went charging towards it; when the distance was enough, your heels sprang from the carpet of leaves and you somersaulted in the air, severing the target in half in the process and then landing back on the balls of your feet.
BD cheered for you in high-pitched whistles and song-like trills, followed by another string of conversational tones.
“Really? Should I have jumped a bit earlier?”
“Trill, chirp!”
“Hah, well, I really can’t tell if it’s by the second, little guy! Maybe I could borrow your scanners next time,” you joked.
The droid replied with a nervous trill, but you knew that he was only playing along.
“How’s the claw? You getting used to it or should I modify it some more?”
“Boo…” BD’s singular scope-like scanner examined the external appendage. “Woop!”
“Okay, I’ll see what I can do later,”
You beckoned the little droid to come to you, it activated its little turbojets on its feet and then willingly clambered on your shoulder. You continued on with your training, cutting down the training dummies that you made out of logs and leaves—your own regimen consisted of combining new moves with learned ones, last-minute improvisations if the need arises, and inventing more styles which is a hybrid of both old and new. You liked the adrenaline pumping in you when using the environment against your “enemies.”
Afterwards, you’re traversing the terrain, knowing the twists and turns of the forest like the back of your hand—a result worth of seven months’ progress. The path that you followed was one of your personal favorites—it was still an obstacle course, but you cut through and traversed it effortlessly. You decided to banter with your little droid friend while you trekked uphill.
“Hanging in there, BD?”
“Woop! Bee-woop.”
“Oh, you think so? I sounded like him for a moment there?”
You gave a weak chuckle in response to your exploration droid’s comment. Next, it gave out a somewhat apologetic tone, to your surprise you asked him why he was sounding like that.
“No need to apologize, buddy. It’s okay, don’t worry.”
“Woo!”
“Heh, you sure perk up quick!”
You’re almost to the top. The end of the hill’s path wasn’t the real summit—at least for you. You scaled the rock face of the waterfall nearby, there were enough rocks sticking on the wall to serve as handholds and footholds. It was a quick climb to get to the top of the waterfalls, only then, you’ve really seen the true expanse of Cameegon. The sight of the lower jungle and the river delta connecting to the sea was breathtaking.
How I wish you’re here to see it. You muttered under your breath, dedicating it to Cal.
The entire view took off a heavy load from your chest. Simply look at it warranted a smile from you and a look of wonderment as if seeing it for the very first time.
“So pretty, isn’t it, BD?”
“Woo-boop!”
You patted the little droid’s head as the two of you gazed upon the majesty of the unspoiled part of the planet.
Over time, you’ve grown to love this planet because of the solitude that the trees have given you, it was your secondary comfort next to the company of your family, the Mantis crew.
Your sightseeing was disturbed when you heard machinery humming—the noise got louder by the second—and then three black ships come speeding past your view. Your eyebrows furrowed, something about them tells you that this is not your regular merchant convoy.
Their flight direction came from the east and they’re heading westward. Your eyes squinted in suspicion—you peered through your binoculars, zooming in by turning the knob resting by your thumb, until you got a better look of the silhouettes. Your lips parted open.
“Oh no…” you shuddered.
Without a second’s notice, you kicked the coil of rope sitting by the edge of the waterfall and rappelled down. You started bolting through the path in the forest, while running you try to reach Cere’s signal from the Mantis—but the wildlife was so dense that it interfered with the clarity of the signal.
“Cere! Can you hear me?! Cere, come in!”
A garbled radio frequency was your only response, but your feet kept running—it’s as if it was moving on its own—and made your way back to the ship.
The thought of the settlement suddenly entered your mind, but logically, the town is much farther from your training course in the forest—you’ll never make it in time even if you drive with your speeder’s top speed. In the middle of your combined panic and contemplation, you stumbled upon a detour and realized it too late.
You look around and find that there are no familiar landmarks around the area.
You’re lost and alone among the trees, accompanied by the chittering of unseen animals, and the apparent presence of the Empire… or the Inquisitors.
#cal kestis#cal kestis fic#cal kestis x reader#cal kestis x reader fic#star wars#star wars fic#sw#sw fic#star wars jedi fallen order#star wars jedi fallen order fic#swjfo#sw jfo#swjfo fic#sw jfo fic#jedi fallen order fic#jedi fallen order#jfo#jfo fic#dark side! cal kestis#dark side! cal kestis fic#inquisitor! cal kestis fic#inquisitor! cal kestis#redemption arc! cal kestis#redemption arc! cal kestis fic#redemption arc#redemption#inquisitor#inquisitorius#dark side#dark side of the force
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Podcast Project - #1
I’m going to listen to every podcast that won a 2019 Audioverse award. Is someone paying me to do this? No. Why am I doing this? I love podcasts. I love learning. I love Excel and python. I wanted to combine them into one singular format to give me some outlet, that nicely outlines every fact anyone ever would need about a podcast. I’ll also go off on pop culture, but those posts are tagged, search: Opinion Corner
Why Podcasts Keep Me Sane At Work – PP#1
My friends and co-workers at various times have been horrified and astounded at the number of podcasts I listen to on a daily basis. The reason for this is simple, I spend a lot of time alone or on less than challenging work or I’m in a public space trying to pretend I am not around other people. That last part is hard on account that my headphone adapter is on the fritz with one earbud working at a time.
This week it is the right earbud. I have been blessed for this occurrence.
Some people like to point this out to me, that in paraphrase, “All you do is listen to crime podcasts”, which is at worst very inaccurate and at best, anoints them as someone to avoid. I don’t just listen to crime podcasts, those are usually just the ones that I happen to bring up if the conversation turns to, “Oh do you listen to podcasts? What are your favorites?” It’s not a personality trait, but still, people like to point it out like that’s what’s really my deal.
This blog is now my way of providing a large anecdote of evidence, that “Hey! I like everyone who is a complex creature, with wants and needs and many shortcomings! The fear of being known along with the dread of not living up to my own potential haunts me daily, but I can’t tell you that when I talk about my weekend plans, so I’m going to tell you about the newest comedy podcast that’s helping me through the workday!”
Anyways on to the main scope of the project. There were overall 62 winners across the six categories this year. I put it in a spreadsheet, sorted some data and found that were a unique 46 podcasts. Those 46, I’ve listened to 6, meaning I have 40 podcasts left to listen to and hopefully enjoy.
I’ll be breaking down how many seasons are per podcast along with the number of hours listening I have in store for me to figure out how many blog posts I can reasonably post in a couple months. I think I’ll add the one’s I’ve listened to already at the bottom of my list since most are on hiatus or posting every couple weeks, meaning I could listen to the newer episodes without breaking up this project too badly.
Along with this, I’ll be posting my approach to how I’m trying to analyze and parse my data in Excel and Python. This is partly a future dev diary for me to figure out what I keep trying for problems that aren’t working and to highlight the fact that Excel is a crazy powerful application when used correctly.
Process: My previous and the more tedious solution had been to highlight just the stuff I want to copy, but I’m here to learn to automate my slow finger response and get this down to a click of a button. My second even more tedious solution would be to still text to columns, but have to piece back the info I needed by copy and paste.
Google search with some mash-up, “separate text to columns by the character” yielded a message board with the solution to use the equation, Column 2, =FIND("for",A1) and Column 3 =RIGHT(A1,B1-13) .
Column 2 had the number of characters including spaces from the word I put in the “ “. Column 3 removed all the characters, including spaces from the designated word.
In theory, this should be able to copy all the way down, but there wasn’t a uniform number of characters. I did end up getting closer to the magic number each time I ran it but then forgot to account for the spaces. Damn spaces. The spaces meant when I copied just the values to a new column to highlight the duplicates, it meant that any cell with an extra space would be skipped throwing off my total count. I ended up running four times, trying to catch each mistake I was making in the Excel doc. Note: This might be because I was tired, but defiantly need a way to account for spaces.
Conclusion: There is apparently a better version called Right-Trim, that combines the ability to take out spaces with the character you want to remove, but as of this posting haven’t attempted yet. I will update in future posts if I’ve managed to improve my text parsing process.
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@nachttour tagged me in a writing question thing!
1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?
uh yeah there’s like, several. some of them are better developed than other but a lot of the reason I’ve been holding off on writing them just comes down to feeling inadequate due to my own limited experience with relationships and feelings of complete inadequacy. it’s hard to write an epic romancu when I’m aromantic as fuck and have a hard time conceptualizing what those feelings might be like to experience, for example, or like, I want the story to be funny but I feel like I’m not actually a very funny person?
also I always feel like I need to do more research. I get stuck on the research phase about 85% of the time haha
2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?
man I am embarrassed by MYSELF existing, so idk probably all of it when you get right down to it
3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?
it seems to vary a bit. sometimes I just power through start to finish, but sometimes I need to write the ending first to remind myself of what I’m shooting for. sometimes I just gotta write some random scenes in the middle before I forget what they are and have to figure out where they’ll go later.
considering the longest thing I’ve managed to finish comes in at about 12 k I don’t know if I have enough data to really come up with a firm answer for this one though. from what I can tell, it really does seem like I start at the beginning and go for a bit, write the end, and try to connect the two with occasional random middle bits getting written out of order and a general feeling of “I’ll fix it in post” carrying me through
4) favorite character you’ve written
probably Samantha Traynor. she’s such a fucking nerd and I love her. it was surprisingly easy to write for her once I got started. at least I THINK I did a good job writing her, I have no actual idea haha
5) character you were most surprised to end up writing
I’ve written TWO mass effect fics featuring Samara as a main character and I have no idea how this happened or why because she’s about in the middle when it comes to my most to least favorite mass effect characters list
6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now
there’s a couple of fics I wrote for fic exchanges that I kinda wish I could take back and turn into something else because I love the concept but feel guilty about idk, using as a springboard because the original is a gift, or something. it feels ehhhhhhhhh disingenuous to continue them when the gift is supposed to be a singular and self contained unit
for example, oh man I would love to take that vrisrezi space pirates au someplace, but I don’t know if I should because the fic itself is a gift, complete, and so forth.
plus I hate the way I run out of steam about 4 chapters into everything. I would like to not run out of motivation please
7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?
considering my output is so low I barely consider myself a writer at all tbh.
but yes, embarrassed. I hope to god the three people I know irl who follow me just like. never see those posts haha
8) favorite genre to write
space adventure! and lately? mysteries even though I have no FUCKING idea why or even how to write them, which is why I have at least three projects stalled out on me haha
9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?
I read a lot, mostly. sometimes I stare at a wall. or play minesweeper.
also when I’m doing something fairly mindless sometimes my mind wanders and I hit something.
oh and music. music is great
10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?
I usually need music, mood music preferable, instrumental so the lyrics don’t distract me. generally I prefer to not be around people when I write, though a public setting is also fun to write in. I’m too distractable to actually get any done though, so I usually end up just looking like a tool with their notebook out if I try to write in a coffee shop or whatever tho, haha
11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?
I think writing fanfic has really helped me figure out what it means to write in character. also I think I’m starting to get better at balancing dialogue versus narration? at least a little bit
12) your weaknesses as an author
the inability to actually finish shit.
unwillingness to approach emotions that make me feel uncomfortable.
the fact that I often approach writing a character with the thought of what I would do in a situation rather than what the character would do (which is why writing fanfiction is helping me with that haha)
coming up with plots that lend themselves well to longer stuff
13) your strengths as an author
pretty good at dialogue
when it comes to my own shit, pretty good at coming up with interesting fantasy worlds (I think they’re interesting at least)
I’ve got a pretty firm grasp overall just the nuts and bolts of writing: I mean I tutored English in college for fuck’s sake I know how to write a grammatically correct run on sentence when I want to
14) do you make playlists for your current wips?
not really
15) why did you start writing?
I wanted to know what happened next
16) are there any characters who haunt you?
not really? I mean, there are specific character TYPES that’ll get me every time, though, like the happy go lucky person who has to learn what pain is but still come out the other side a LOT worse for wear but not completely broken (think Tasslehoff Burrfoot, or perhaps less obscure Vash the Stampede) but I wouldn’t say they haunt me, per say
17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?
don’t be afraid to be self indulgent. you’ll enjoy it more and who the fuck cares, anyway? people who’ll make fun of you for doing what you love are ass holes
18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?
If I’m honest I can’t really say what influences my writing style, if I even have one. Mostly all I can do is list off my favorite authors because I’m pretty sure they all have something to do with it.
so let’s just do that I guess. when I was a teenager I tended to find a single author and just read through all their works before moving on, and these are the big ones that stand out:
Connie Willis, Anne McCaffrey, Steven Brust and Ursula K. Le Guin. Connie Willis for the humor she includes in almost all her writing, Anne McCaffrey because I STILL spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about Pern. She had a real skill for coming up with both great characters and great settings, even if what she did with them, and also her inability to keep continuity were less good. Steven Brust introduced me to the idea of relating to morally reprehensible characters at an alarmingly young age. Ursula K. Le Guin, I just love her. No idea if it’s actually done anything GOOD to my writing but she gives me something to aspire to.
I read just. a ridiculous amount of fantasy and science fiction as a kid, the genres as a whole without a doubt influence the type of shit I end up writing. also in seventh grade I mainlined dragonlance, just the whole damn thing
later in college I got really into Margaret Atwood. her focus on female characters and narrative just is really great.
then I went through a depressive phase in my late 20s and just exclusively read Julia Quinn, Joanna Lindsey, Sabrina Jeffreys and Eloisa James, and that was IT. so I’m pretty sure my foray into the romance genre is what makes me honestly prefer povs limited to two or three characters hey, reading romance novels also lead me to the realization that I’m aromantic so \o/ I guess
19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?
I outline and then give up lol
20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?
little spurts until something grabs me and makes me marathon. usually that’s a deadline, but sometimes it’s also inspiration
21) what do you think when you read over your older work?
mostly just holy shit I can’t believe I wrote this! sometimes that’s bad, sometimes it’s good. I can’t really tell if I’m good at divorcing myself from my writing enough to give me perspective on it, to tell the truth, because for a good lot of it, I still think it’s pretty good so ???
22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?
it’s hard for me to let a character be embarrassed by the dumb shit they do. I don’t want them to do dumb shit because of it, which makes it hard for the character to have shit to grow and learn from.
23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?
I’m pretty sure my own issues with having and experiencing some emotions makes its way into the stuff I choose to write about, especially when it comes to the original stuff (I have. at LEAST three different plot outlines that involve characters literally losing the ability to experience emotions and having to find a way to heal or gain it back haha)
also the fic I wrote about the box ghost is literally just about what it’s like to work in a factory haha
24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?
listen.
yes.
I fucking. LOVE. research.
honestly this is the stage where I most often get lost in the weeds, distracted by my own need to know more
25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of
“He was not the knight Casey taught him to be, but he was close enough for government work“ remains the single best pun I’ve ever written
tagging: @anthropwashere @inktail @manicpixiesdreamdragon if you guys are up for it!
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June 5th 2017
Isn’t it funny? What leads us to start something?
Usually, I start something because a deadline is coming up, or something is tugging at me. I can’t remember the last time I’ve started doing something of my own accord. Until now at least.
I’ve thought about doing this before, coming somewhere and uploading a small post each day where I just talk about how I’m feeling, but I’ve felt lazy to even do that. A series of rough events led me here today though. I feel like shit, and I had no one to rant it to, so I thought spilling it out here would help.
To be clear, this isn’t for you. This is for me. I’m hoping one day I can look back at this time in my life and laugh. Not to mention I’m extremely sentimental. I relish in the thought of being able to just scroll up and find exactly what happened in my life a certain day.
If there is a person reading this, know this. I will never tag someone, I will never reblog or whatever the hell they call it. I don’t even know how this goddamn site works, and I don’t intend to find out, outside of how to do a post like this. All I’m going to do on this site is bitch and moan about the way my day is going. Like a diary, but it’s plastered online for everyone to see.
It’s also likely to be very incoherent. I’m here to pour my heart out, not write a essay to be graded and critiqued.
Chances are, I won’t be back tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that.
The few times in my life, outside of this one, where I start something....I almost never follow through.
Now that introductions are done, the brief overview of my day:
I am in the last two weeks of my first year in college. My hardworking father is more than happy to provide, and I’m getting perfect grades, but I still feel like I’m letting him down. I’ve kept perfect scores (and I do mean perfect) since......I think the 4th or 5th grade, even through now. Everytime it seems like my grade is fucked, especially in high school, I make myself miserable and work hard to undo the mistakes I’ve done. And without exception, it has worked every single time.
There was once a class, where the highest grade was guaranteed an A, no matter what the score was. I received an 88.92 in that class. The next two highest scores were 88.55 and 88.54, both of whom I called friends back then. I purposefully avoided studying with them, or talking with them, to try and increase my own chances, because it’s all I cared about.
Even in college, I’ve gotten myself in these same situations.
Last semester, I fucked up a midterm REALLY badly. I got a D on it. I tortured myself to prepare for the final, and I ended up with a score of 147 out of 150 on a test that has a class average under 70%. The 3 points I missed were due to a question that I knew, but simply did not notice because of how fast I was moving.
My final grade was .02% above what I needed. Losing a point in any category would have made my grade change.’
And now, once more, I am in the exact same situation. I have 3 difficult classes this semester. And I’m worried about each of them
In one of them, I probably have near a 95% so far, but only because of bullshitting and cramming at the last moment. The teacher’s exam’s are extremely easy, and I’ve been able to squeak through with little issue. But, apparently the final is the same throughout the entire science department, so I’m going to be dealing with a normal level of difficulty, while having a basic knowledge. I’m going to cram and kill myself over that.
Second class is a similar situation, except with a little less stress. I have closer to a 98 in there, and I hear that the final isn’t too far off of the difficulty of previous tests.
The third class is the one I’m worried about significantly. No matter my heavy studying, I’ve gotten subpar scores in everything I’ve done so far. Only two tests remain. ONe on the 7th, and one exactly a week from it.
Combined, those two tests are worth 58% of my grade, and I need a 93% average on the two of them. That’s a stretch considering my previous test scores were under 80.
Today I planned to wake up, go to my 3 lectures and get to studying
I slept at 5 A.M. (for reasons.....) to wake up at 8 A.M. for a class at 9.
I didn’t really pay attention, it was the second class, and it wasn’t a priority. I was studying for the third class’s exam.
I had about 4 hours between then and my next lecture (the important one for the third class) so I went home and took a nap. I set my alarm an hour off, and arrived at the class just as it was ending. The ironic part, is that I wasn’t even mad about missing the class. I was more pissed off about missing the end of it, by just a few minutes.
It’s that sentimentality I mentioned above, and if I actually do more than one post, you best believe it’ll be brought up again (in addition to an array of other mental and psychological issues). At that point, I cared less about the information I missed (I could just borrow some notes after all) and more about the fact that I missed what the professor told the class at the end. Apparently she said some inspirational stuff, there was a standing ovation, and everyone left feeling hunky-dory.
A normal person would shrug and move on, but in my mind, a singular thought is ringing. “ You missed something important. If you didn’t make that mistake, you could have gone.”
I know deep down, how silly it is. When I asked people pouring out of the lecture hall about what it was, they just gave some half-assed answer and looked at me like I was crazy.
Probably because I am.
Now I’m back home, typing this bullshit with the lecture I missed still on my mind. I’m missing the last lecture of the day, because I’d probably end up not paying attention anyway, in favor of studying for the class I’m currently fucked in.
That’s about it.
I’m probably going to spent the next 9 hours studying, if I’m lucky, and I don’t waste time on anything.
Oh, one other thing, because I’m sure anyone reading this is tilting their head at me.
I’m aware I don’t need perfect scores. My GPA needs to be high for my degree...but not nearly as high as perfect. In addition to my sentimentality (and an array of other stuff that would take two hands to count on my fingers), I’m also a perfectionist.
I don’t give two shits about the impact getting a B would cause my G.P.A. I care only about keeping that 8-9 year streak alive. I am 100% positive that the next 2 or 3 months of summer break that I’d have will be filled with misery and regret.
>
It’s funny. I’ve been sitting here for a few minutes unable to press post. Maybe paranoia, that one day, this will come back to haunt me somehow. Maybe fear of having to commit, because once I press this, something has been started again (another thing I have the risk of forgetting about and failing).
Fuck it.
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