#and again! (at least on that second point because that might have been entirely Perkins’ doing) I might be being a little unfair | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

silvertonedwords · 3 years

Note

#40 kisses prompt if you haven't had that asked yet please and thank you.

A gentle kiss that quickly descends into passion, with little regard for what’s going on around them.

I felt like expanding this.

“And, why are people staring at us?”

Tina clears her throat as they walk past gaggles of well-dressed employees at the Ministry entrance, then waves her wand at a stand of this morning’s papers so that one flies into her hand and falls open to the second page. “The usual.” She passes the page over to Newt, her beaded charcoal gown rustling between them.

Many of the guests pay them no mind, but Newt is right to notice the odd person pointing or whispering with badly concealed glances in their direction.

“ ‘Scamander and Auror Wife to Split’ details on page 10′” he reads. “Merlin’s beard, not again.” He skims the article briefly before sending the paper back to the stand with a flick of his wand and a frustrated sigh. Frequent absences for work. Sources close to the couple. Chilly atmosphere on a walk last week after Mr. Scamander returned from his research trip.

“Mm-hm.” Tina rolls her eyes, fighting hard to brush it off entirely, although she knows these articles bother Newt. Not all of them—not the ones speculating about the color of ink he uses at book signings or the financial arrangement he has with his publisher for a second edition. He finds those easy enough to ignore. And the articles that anger him the most are those with misinformation about his creatures. But she has noticed that it bothers him when the papers speculate about the state of their relationship. Is it so impossible for people to see how we feel about each other? he’d asked the night after the second article had run, his face cast in shadows on the pillow beside her and his fingers tracing absent-minded shapes along her ribs.

She can understand the frustration. As secure as they are in each other, it stings that the rest of society seems to have decided that their feelings deserve suspicion and ridicule. A single article would be one thing, but to have the baseless stories repeated over, and over... (Who’s gonna marry him? she remembers asking Newt on the day they met, in reference to Jacob of course, but it feels apt now—the question everyone else seems to be asking of them.) Tina is a generally private person, and she knows it wouldn’t help, but sometimes she wishes she could make these foolish people listen to her as she describes her husband—his kindness, and wit, and energy. How unusual and wonderful he is, and how lucky they both feel every day, even when one of them is in a terrible mood, or they’re about to be separated for work, to have stumbled into each other on a New York street.

The specifics of the articles change each time, but the implications remain more or less the same. Some speculate that she is always at work, too busy to support his success, and too disinterested a wife to care. Others suggest that he is too strange, too cold—that he couldn’t possibly care for her. And always, the articles seem to say, it was destined to be a disaster, and if ever there was any passionate feeling between them, there certainly isn’t now. She’ll take the criticism of her feelings and know it’s absurd, but the self-satisfied hints about Newt are enraging.

They make their way to the east wing of the lobby and up a set of stairs, where floating chandeliers and draping gold and navy fabric adorn the usually bare hall. Newt must have picked up on her scowl, because he slides his hand into hers and squeezes tightly. She squeezes back, trying to shake off her frustration as she waves at a couple of auror colleagues. “Thanks for coming with me. I know you hate these things.”

“You hate them too,” he protests.

“Yes, but I’m the one who’s required to go.”

His thumb sweeps across the back of her hand, his fingers threading through hers. “I’d do far more, you know.”

She does not try to hide her soft smile, lovestruck though it must be. “I know.”

They reach the top of the stairs and turn left, making their way past tables of bubbling drinks and towards the ballroom’s heavy wooden doors. Newt drops her hand to avoid a floating platter of chocolates, stepping to the side to rejoin her a few feet later. A camera flash goes off in front of them. Wonderful, Tina thinks. More fuel for speculation.

-&-

The first part of the evening goes as well as can be expected. Tina has few enough people that she’s interested in talking to; the only reason the Auror Department is required to attend these soirees is ‘to demonstrate to everyone that England is doing just fine in our efforts to stop Grindelwald’.

At least Perkins had pulled Newt deep into conversation about the creatures he’d come across on assignment in Brazil. They’d wandered off fifteen minutes earlier, leaving Tina to sip her drink and watch the rest of the senior aurors and department heads mingle. Occasionally, she has a brief conversation with a colleague, but they, like her, keep moving around the room, taking stock. Even if she were the kind of person who enjoyed parties, she supposes, her job would probably ruin them. There are too many people to keep an eye on--too many people that she’s learned by reputation or experience not to trust.

Since Newt left for a smaller anteroom, she has also found to her great annoyance that the gossiping has become somewhat bolder. There are a few whispers around her--a couple of women from the press office pointing at her with sympathetic sighs; a man turning to his wife and saying I didn’t think it would last, you know. He’s so odd.

She has just turned back for another drink when Mrs. Selwyn spots her. “Ah, Tina darling, how are you?”

Tina moves her glass to her left hand, reaching with her right to shake the woman’s hand. The Selwyns have purchased hippogriffs from the Scamanders and have known both boys since they were little, although they are not, Tina has gathered, a particular favorite of either. “Fine, Mrs. Selwyn,” Tina replies smoothly, keeping an eye on new arrivals passing through the ballroom door.

“You know, dear, if you ever needed--well, if you needed someone to talk to...”

Tina swallows a cough at the presumption. “What about?” she asks cheerfully.

“Oh, well. I’m sure I don’t know. Married life. That sort of thing.”

Tina does cough at that, covering it with a sip of her drink. Any anger on her part, she knows, will only be taken as confirmation of the story. The nerve of these people though, and the nerve of those so-called journalists with their smug implications, that no one could really fall in love with Newt; that a woman and an auror could not possibly have a happy marriage; that because Newt doesn’t follow her around like a crup at every event saying ‘yes dear’ and ‘of course dear’, he couldn’t possibly be in love with her. Never mind the way he looked at her from across the room a few minutes ago, when he caught her gaze mid-sentence. Never mind that her heart still takes off like a niffler in a jewelry store whenever he fixes her hair or kisses the back of her hand.

“Tina!” she hears, grateful that for once, her brother-in-law has good timing. “Could I borrow her for a moment, Mrs. Selwyn? Auror business.”

Mrs. Selwyn looks between them, raising an eyebrow as though deciding whether to be offended, and then nods and turns away.

“Thank you,” Tina murmurs under her breath as they walk towards the opposite wall.

“I’m quite put out, you know,” Theseus replies good-naturedly. “My brother and sister-in-law are splitting up for the fifth time this year, and they didn’t even bother to tell me.”

“Don’t you start,” she warns.

Theseus glances at her, then nods towards Mrs. Selwyn’s retreating form. “Is that what that was about?”

She hums in acknowledgement. “Offering ‘marital advice’.”

“Ridiculous, if you ask me. ‘There was a chilly atmosphere on their walk’,” he quotes. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Mm, particularly given the fact that we’d spent the majority of that day in bed.”

Theseus chokes on a sip of firewhisky. “Tina, he’s my little brother, would you please not—“ She grins, and he scowls back half-heartedly. “You say things like that just to make me squirm.”

“It’s good for you.” Her grin melts into a softer smile as she catches sight of Newt, who is still engrossed in his conversation with Perkins half a room away, his hands flying through the air with his enthusiasm.

Theseus’s voice has gentled beside her. “I don’t know how anyone could pay attention to the two of you for five minutes and believe anything those articles say.”

Well, Tina thinks with a rush of impatient energy, perhaps that’s what everyone needs to put an end to this stupid speculation. “Back in a minute,” she tells Theseus, downing the last of her drink and setting the glass on a nearby table.

She strides across the room to where Newt and Perkins are still talking. “Could I borrow Newt?” she asks, one hand grazing Newt’s elbow once he’s seen that it’s her.

“Hello,” Newt offers once they are facing each other. He swallows hard, she presumes at what must be a rather fierce expression on her face.

“Hi,” she returns, touching the edge of his fringe.

He catches her hand in his own, turning to press a kiss to her palm, the touch comfortable and breathtaking in equal measure. “Is something the matter?”

She shakes her head, falling into the tender amusement of his searching gaze. The auror in her had crossed the room with a plan, but as she slides a hand along his jaw and brings his lips to hers, she does not think about who might be watching them, or who would care. She does it because she wants to, and because she loves him, and because they can. Because she’s caught glimpses of him looking at her all evening, and knows that she’s been doing the same.

Newt is as wrapped up in them as she was in an instant. He tilts his head further and cups her jaw to keep their mouths joined, his other hand settling on her waist to steady them. The kiss is intense but not frenzied, the press of lips and tongues a familiar give and take, their soft gasps muffled into the space between them.

Tina slides her hand around his neck, slipping her fingers up into his messy hair and smiling against his lips when he arches into the touch, and Newt coaxes her closer with his hand spread across her back. A shiver works its way through her as his calloused hand settles against her bare skin where the cut of her dress has left it exposed.

They part slowly, first to their foreheads pressed together, and then enough that Tina glimpses the dazed expression that matches her own.

He watches his fingers curl into her mussed hair and tuck it back behind her ear, and Tina melts into the tenderness in his touch and his eyes. “That was…” he manages, his voice rough.

Her teeth dig into her lip, her eyes dancing to find the beginnings of a smile on Newt’s lips. “Unexpected?” She fixes the ends of his collar, although they hardly need adjusting. “I thought maybe we could put a stop to the rumors. They were starting to bother me.” She fingers his bowtie. “I think they have been. A little. Not because—but the things that everyone assumes about you are...“

“I know.” His brow furrows, his fingers curling around hers. “I think the same about you.”

A camera flashes beside them.

Tina sighs as, reluctantly, they pull apart. In an ideal world, they wouldn’t appear in the papers. But if they’re going to, at least it can be a little more accurate, and less likely to send nosy women and thoughtless Ministry officials their way with cruel assumptions about Newt’s heart.

The story runs the following day as a caption to a photograph from the evening, an ever-repeating moment of their hands tangled and eyes fixed together as they separate from their kiss.

Newt Scamander & Auror Goldstein Like Newlyweds at Last Night’s Soiree, the headline reads.

Theseus drops a copy on Tina’s desk the next morning with a shake of his head and a begrudging grin.

“So, did that go how you’d planned?” Newt asks that night as they’re getting ready for bed.

Tina grins as he settles under the blankets beside her. “I saw you tear out a copy of that photograph and put it in your case.”

He settles a hand on her hip, and she grasps it to tug him closer, until he’s pressed up against her back, his voice behind her warm and sleepy. “Your eyes in that photo, Tina.”

She cranes her neck to glimpse his face, reaching an arm behind her to tuck his face into her neck. “I may have left a copy in my desk. I prefer yours.”

#newtina #newtina fanfiction #my writing #i don't even know what this is #anyway #tina and theseus being friends gives me life ok

70 notes · View notes

crossdressingdeath · 3 years

Note

Just a reminder that if you have time and feel like writing that post you mentioned about how you would rewrite each DBH character’s story given unlimited runtime, it would be very cool to read.

Ah, right. Quick note that I don’t know much about Connor’s machine path or the violent revolution path or any ending to Kara’s story that doesn’t involve successfully getting past the border guard so I will be skimming those parts of the story. Also it’s going to be pretty vague because Details Are Hard. (Also I’m tired so this is probably not going to make a lot of sense or be in any sort of reasonable order.)

Okay, general points first. I feel like the three stories should intersect more, even if only in a “seeing the aftermath of their actions” way; maybe Connor and Hank are sent to investigate Zlatko’s death after Kara and Alice have gone through, for example. You’ve got three protagonists active at the same time and they barely interact! Come on, give us a little conversation. And of course the public opinion system needs to be used a lot more; it only effects two things in the whole game, come on! It doesn’t impact any of the major human characters, and that just feels wrong. I’ll. come back to this in Connor’s section because I feel like it would be best used there (since there really aren’t many humans in the story outside of his parts and the ones who do show up have reasons to side with or against the deviants outside of public opinion), but if nothing else I’d like it to lead to us seeing humans demonstrating/fighting with the deviants. Also I would like to see at least a few examples of androids deviating peacefully, like Connor does; I don’t believe for a second that there weren’t androids who deviated in a place where they were surrounded by people who were with them all the way.

So, first off: Markus. Mostly I’d just want to extend the timeline a bit and add some more Jericho missions, because oh my god you cannot join an organization of people with no weapons or resources of any kind, become their leader, and successfully change society in less than a week. So just... more evidence of Markus slowly winning Jericho over and helping them gather supplies and resources. Show him helping them set up actual supply lines! Rescuing deviants! Winning over allies! Including human ones, because the idea that there isn’t a single human working with Jericho when pretty much every major human character is in fact on the deviants’ side is... dumb. Also, individual missions with North, Simon and Josh; it would be good to spend more time getting to know them, since as it stands it’s... kind of hard to care all that much when they die. I might also add short scenes where we see Connor’s targets arriving in Jericho if they survive, just to add more connection between the stories (and also I like them and wish more had been done with them). And make Simon a love interest (because this is a choice-heavy game and so I should be able to make the choice to play exclusively as gay androids if that’s what I want), and make it easier to avoid having a love interest; let’s not create a situation where entering into a relationship less than a week after gaining emotions is all but mandatory, hm? Also, maybe Markus should meet Kamski one time? As the guy fulfilling Kamski’s deviant-related plans? Come on, one meeting. Maybe clear up Kamski’s motivations just a bit. And, crossing over with Connor’s story, maybe a bit of stuff them both being part of the RK line and how it went from a caregiver android to a detective android. Oh, and change it so that you’re not guaranteed to have fatalities on the violence path, because insisting that only pacifism can possibly end happily when fighting against oppression seems kind of... not great, all things considered. Frankly given the androids’ combat abilities it kind of makes more sense to have unavoidable deaths on the pacifism route, or alternately to have different unavoidable deaths on both routes, but being admittedly a softy I am very happy to have it be possible to have no deaths on either route. I don’t necessarily expect it to be easy to save everyone (it might make sense to add in missions where you make preparations to increase their odds of survival, or do something similar to Simon’s possible death in Stratford Tower where one of other protagonists’ actions has an effect on the sequence of events), but it would be nice to have it be possible.

On to Kara; I mentioned this before, but instead of her story being a cute-but-boring game-long escort mission where you have to protect a small child who is entirely useless I’d give her a story about uncovering how deviancy works and the history of it. Whether it really is just a glitch or something more, what rA9 actually is... all that fun stuff. No idea how that would actually go, but it would be more interesting than just running to Canada. If nothing else we could get more backstory on how the hell Kamski managed to create androids who are so realistic that that they can develop emotions. And if it is just a glitch there can be more discussion on whether or not simulated emotions are as real as actual emotions, because the fact that they brought up the concept of deviant emotions being a simulation and did nothing with it just feels like a massive waste of potential. And I’d add some more ways to live; from what I understand it’s really hard to keep everyone alive unless you maybe possibly condemn a couple and their baby to freeze to death or get killed by a revolution and keep things peaceful in Markus’s story. While I do want more interaction between the stories, I don’t think your choices in one story should automatically lock you out of getting the best ending for one of the other stories (with the obvious exception of the situations where that actually makes sense; can’t get the best ending for Connor and Hank if Markus nukes the city while Hank is in it, for example). At least with Kara; her story is so separate from Markus and Connor’s that it doesn’t make sense for Markus’s actions to lock her out of escaping to Canada! Also, it adds nothing to the story to have Alice turn out to be an android and robs Kara of her close human companion who has a massive impact on her life; yeah, there’s Rose, but she’s in... what, two missions? That’s less than Karl, who has the additional story impact of having been Markus’s father figure for (if memory serves) years before the start of the game, so there’s no dynamic to build; it’s already there. Keep Alice human! It’s a completely pointless twist! ...I recognise that this does mean that Connor can get a young human girl killed by succeeding in stopping a deviant, but it wouldn’t take much to rewrite his run-in with Kara to not involve a chase across a freeway. Again, I’ll come back to this when I get to Connor’s section. But imagine the impact of things like Todd’s abuse and Zlatko’s section if Alice is human; showing that these villains don’t necessarily see androids and humans as different, but in a negative sense this time. Also, I’d like a sort of prologue to her story featuring the incident that got her broken and led to her being repaired at the start of the game.

And of course now we get to Connor, the best boy who deserves the best. I’ll start with the things I said I’d come back to. First, the public opinion system: imagine if Hank’s thoughts on deviants (instead of just changing for no apparent reason beyond a handful of meetings with people who generally kick his ass and then run away or die with at most a bit of conversation) could be altered by public opinion of the deviants’ cause. Even better; by that and his relationship with Connor. Picture a situation where Hank doesn’t trust or like deviants at all due to them running around killing people but still helps them because he wants to help Connor. It would just be very good. Also, since Connor is the only character hanging out exclusively with humans (what with the station full of cops he’s working out of): imagine more missions taking place (or at least starting) in the precinct where Connor can interact with his sort of coworkers and how the conversations with them could change as time passes and public opinion changes. Also again the possibility for a conflict between dislike of deviants and fondness for this particular android, just for fun. And, also just for fun, maybe a bit of character development for Gavin where he’s still a dick (because honestly he’d be less fun if he wasn’t) but if public opinion is high he’ll pretend not to notice Connor sneaking into the evidence locker and fucking around in there for a while when he really definitely isn’t supposed to. Come on, if you’re going to have heroic cops you could at least do something with more than one of them. Also, more Captain Fowler. All we know is that he and Hank are old friends and he’s totally okay with Hank beating the shit out of Perkins; all in all I’d like to know a bit more about him. And with Kara and Alice: the freeway chase works, sure, but I would like the option for Connor to at least try to save Alice; by this point Connor is already showing signs of software instability, if we change it so that Alice is human him putting the mission aside to save a little girl makes sense and gives us a good sense of who he is as a person, and it fits neatly into steadily escalating refusal to complete his mission that eventually reaches full deviancy. If I’m remembering the order right it’s Ortiz’s android (who you can’t let escape), Kara (who you can let go based on Hank’s orders), Rupert (who you can let go to save Hank), the Tracis (who you can let go just because), and then Markus (who you have to deviate to spare); changing it so that you can let Kara go to save a little girl she’s protecting fits the escalation (you could easily argue that Connor has something in his programming about saving human lives, and as one of his earlier missions shows him being specifically trying to save a little girl it makes a great deal of sense that he wants to protect Alice. Also like. Imagine having the option to push Alice out of the way of a car at the cost of Connor’s life. It would be very effective, I think. Also it’s another opportunity to make Hank like you because he would for sure react well to you saving a small child from getting hit by a car.

Alright, moving on; I’d like some more assignments with Connor before he joins the DPD and gets partnered with Hank, showing him actually earning the title of deviant hunter? Also that way we aren’t stuck with the conclusion that CyberLife decided to send their prototype out into the world to partner with the police in investigations after one mission, which said prototype may well have failed to complete. And we could show more of Connor struggling with what he’s being ordered to do but having no way of stopping himself due to a complete lack of any interaction with anyone with functioning emotions, except for maybe CyberLife technicians. Actually, I’d also like to see what it’s like for Connor going to CyberLife for repairs and debriefing and such, because I doubt it’s fun. Other than that... well, Connor’s story is pretty good all things considered, but there are a couple tweaks I’d make. Aside from the previously mentioned exploration of what it means that he and Markus are both part of the RK line, I’d maybe cap off the added early story for him by adding him being hesitant about turning in Ortiz’s android if you’ve been pushing for more software instability and only going through with it when it becomes clear that if he doesn’t all he’ll achieve is getting himself caught not doing his job, which wouldn’t be a good look. I feel like the most effective way to do it might be if it’s not under player control; if his software instability is high enough he’ll be uncertain about it, and if he’s not he won’t be. And if he is uncertain you could add some options to the interrogation where he can win trust by telling the android he was scared of what would happen to him if he didn’t turn him in (followed by him immediately insisting that that was just a cunning ploy and in no way true when pressed on the matter if he did it out loud and not through an interface). Also: why wasn’t it Hank who pushed Connor to deviate. You spend Connor’s entire story with Hank! He is Connor’s tie to humanity! Why does Connor deviate in one conversation with a complete stranger and not his dearest friend! I desperately want a situation where Hank learns too much or something and Connor is ordered to shoot him and you can either go through with it (killing Hank) or deviate and shoot whoever gave you the order instead. Also then there could be hugs. And maybe forehead kisses because please. Connor deserves a little smooch honestly. He’s earned it. And then if your relationship with Hank is low enough that he’s already dead at this point you can have the conversation with Markus. Also, I would love an addition to the machine path where if you have a high relationship with Hank you can choose to deviate before fighting him (instead of just walking away despite that preventing Connor from finishing his mission quickly) or to deviate after fighting him when he’s got Hank hanging off the edge of the roof. Think about it; a moment of horrified realisation where Connor’s software is finally pushed to the breaking point by having to choose whether or not he will kill his only friend for the sake of his mission where he’s left desperately asking himself what the hell he’s doing? Like, if nothing else it would hammer home the fact that at this point Connor is choosing to remain a machine (assuming his software instability is high enough) to have to choose it twice even at the cost of Hank’s life. Actually three times, because the initial choice would be before this point. Also going that way it would be possible to play through the machine path up to the fight with Hank and still net Connor’s best ending, which would just be nice I think. Also, more hugs. Hugs are good.

...Okay, that’s all I can think of for now. Also it’s uh. almost 1 AM here and sleep is in fact important. So I’m going to wrap up here; maybe I’ll make some more posts later if I think of anything else.

#detroit become human #also i now kind of want to write machine!connor deviating when he realises he's killing his best friend #i don't know i just think it would be a really powerful scene if well written #don't know if i can pull it off but it might be fun to try #anon #asks

11 notes · View notes

gimme-a-hand-scaevola · 3 years

Text

A review of the book The Rook by Daniel O’Malley that nobody ever asked for...

Ok so @chemcat92 recommended me this book and I listened to it on audiobook and I just... have a lot of thoughts. I haven’t read the sequel and I’m torn if I will. Having watched some AMVs of the show, it’s a hard pass. My review is going to be in three parts:

1. The plot

2. Wasted Potential - In General

3. Wasted Potential - Gestalt the Most Wasted Character Potential I’ve Read since Drizzt Do’Urden

Obviously spoilers under the cut.

Part 1: The Plot - i.e. I think Daniel discovered books four days before he started writing

Ok so... The plot of this book. It starts off STRONG I will give it that. Myfanwy Thomas wakes up in a rainy part surrounded by bodies wearing latex gloves and no memories. She soon discovers her previous self lost her memories but because she was organized and knew it was coming, she has eased new Myfanwy’s transition. She gets to choose to stay in her life through letters and then we get an easy way to give flashbacks. Anyway this part RULES.

Honestly, the book starts strong as hell. Myfanwy discovers she has supernatural powers over people’s nervous systems and is a trained bureaucrat for a supernatural wing of the government. This all runs sort of like a combination of Heroes and Harry Potter in the best way possible. And here is where we find the strongest part of the book: the superpowers.

We don’t have to look that far to find Heroes type shows or books where everyone has a special ability, so if you’re going to go that route, you’ve gotta bring it. And honestly, Daniel brings it. They powers are cool as hell, they’re inventive, they’re well bounded. I felt like I understood what people’s powers and limitations were. We were in a land with magic, but it never felt cheap. This is going to dovetail into my absolute RANT about Gestalt but give me a sec to get there.

Ok. So honestly I don’t even have any complaints until the third act. Act one gives us the set up, act two introduced the big bad the Grafters and so far so good. We’ve got good but elitist supernatural guys vs. bad but more egalitarian supernatural guys. We also know that it was someone in the supernatural org (it has a name but the name is so stupid I can’t spell it) that betrayed our protag and stole her memories and they’re still around and teamed up with the evil Grafters. Intrigue?? Don’t know who to trust???? Love it.

For some reason everyone is either old, or hot, or so inhuman it’s viscerally horrifying. Love this touch. Eleanor from the Good Place taught us that it’s totally free to imagine everyone in a story as super hot. And it is. So they’re all super hot. Love it. Good commitment, Daniel.

But then we get to Act three. So, this was a big swing on ol Danny’s part because a lot of the effect of this had to do with carrying out mystery. We’d built a lot of tension on the suspense Who Betrayed Myfanwy. So obviously it’s really important for me to be surprised or at least satisfied with who this is. (As an aside, I would have been ok with guessing correctly, I definitely don’t subscribe to surprise trumping cohesive plot). Ok. With that on paper... like... holy shit. What a stupid “reveal.”

So in part 1, like the first scene we get of old Myfanwy’s letters giving us context, she says that her apartment at work was inherited from a dude Conrad something that got promoted. And then she says it’s super badly decorated, and later we see it and this shit is straight out of Austin Powers, mirror over a round bed, The Whole Shebang. But she also says that this guy who otherwise is supposed to be very smooth and charismatic like... asks her about the decor.... every time they interact. Every Time They Interact. The second this was mentioned (WHICH IS AFTER WE KNOW SHE WAS BETRAYED) I'm like “oh ok so this guy bugged her room he’s the villain” and I only wasn’t sure because it was WAY too obvious.

But no. He’s the villain. He has a big reveal where he’s like “AND I BUGGED YOUR ROOM” and I'm like... well... yeah. Of course you did. But here’s the thing tho... Myfanwy’s like... WHOLE ASS JOB is planning covert ops. So... is she good at her job??? IS SHE????

But we also don’t actually show how characters are based on their actions, we are just told how they are. But we will circle back to that in the Gestalt part. That’s honestly the sum of my rant about the plot. It was nothing. It put all its eggs in the basket of the worst most boring reveal of all time. Daniel, I think you might just be boring.

Part 2: Wasted Potential - Everything but Gestalt who gets a special part to themselves.

The big sin of this book might just be too many good ideas. There’s a lot of characters, they all do cool stuff, but we have like 200 pages, so there wasn’t enough time to do anything with all these guys. I got lost about who was who like 80 times because they’re basically all sneaky hot magic guys. One of them smokes and is a soldier and he seems chill.

There’s a vampire and he gets a scene and a long intro that reads more like a wiki page. Like it was interesting but you would have lost NOTHING cutting him as a character except that he was cool. You never ever believe that he was the bad guy because it’s super well established in the Certified Back Story that he could give two shits about the politics of the humans. He’s there bc he’s an adorably young vampire who is very curious so his dad set him up as a powerful government agent as though it was enrolling him in a prep school. Love it, but again, we don’t.... need him around.

There’s a lady who can walk through dreams and I thought she was going to be important based on the fanfare of her introduction but then we forget about her basically entirely.

There’s a whole American wing that we also only see anything interesting about in side story. Basically the world building is really good. Like pretty superb to be honest. But it’s bracketing a story that is nothing so it makes even good characters seems really random. And that bring us to:

Part 3: My Darling, Gestalt. My Type. My Weakness. What a Sad Little Thing You Are (Also misogyny)

Alright... if the rest of this review wasn’t salty enough for you... let the salt begin. Gestalt. So named because of the word meaning larger than the sum of its parts. And so they were destined to be. And so they were most definitely not. So Gestalt’s whole thing is that they are one consciousness with four bodies. They can either control one body at a time and sort of shut the others down or they can control them all at once but that becomes harder if one of them requires more attention than another, like if one is in a fight.

Two twins (men), one fraternal brother, and a sister. If anyone is thinking “uhoh, only one girl, hmm can Daniel handle that? Seems like maybe some Smurfette style misogyny-lite is coming,” you would be wrong. Super wrong. Because it is not misogyny-lite. It’s aggressive Fight-Me-In-A-Perkins-Parking-Lot misogyny. So go fuck yourself, Dan.

Alright, so to number Gestalt’s sins.

1. Scrape off some of that intro mustard.

They’re introduced in the LONGEST fucking passage I’ve ever read telling me that this dude is hard to talk to and weird. Like, I’m in an urban fantasy book already, I'm all set. Also... bitch SHOW ME they’re weird. Like can I see some interactions that give me second hand embarrassment??? No. It is actually never uncomfortable to talk to Gestalt. I only know that because people are super fucking rude about them. But it is never earned. So I don’t feel sympathy when people are like “Oh noooo you have to spend a car ride with Gestalt? Ewwwww sorry.” I’m just like, “What’s your fucking problem? They seem fine.”

2. They’re supposed to be Bad At Planning but when??

Alright so there ARE times they’re bad at planning and we will GET TO THAT. But it’s only post-reveal like... what we are told during a monologue that they were dumb as shit. And that wasn’t even like not being good w/ details like it’s implied they are, it’s literally like doing dumb ass stuff. And it felt more like my bud Dan didn’t have a good handle on why stuff was dumb as rain than Gestalt being silly.

Also.... this is a stupid use of this sort of character. They’re dumb and bad at planning??? THEY’RE A JOINT CONSCIOUSNESS why would you waste that making them “Good at kicking ass.” ugh. Fine.

3. They get sidelined IMMEDIATELY

So a guy named Pumice Stone or Kettle or Lil boy Bad At This or something outs that Gestalt is working with the Grafters because he like.... wasn’t paying attention. It was boring. But anyway so they capture two of the bodies and then stop addressing Gestalt until the end. They have one weird scene where the protagonist like.... freaks them out but ok. Fine. Why is Gestalt so Yelly. Why are so many villains in this book yelly. Ew.

4. The REVEAL MONOLOGUE.

I know this is a long ass review already. But my Feelings Must be Heard. So in the end when Conrad surprises no one but “smart” Myfanwy that he was the bad guy, we also get a reveal from the surviving Gestalt bodies that:

a. There’s an incest baby

b. They’re afraid of death

c. They’re so phenomenally stupid I have lost all interest in them

So... this is where the misogyny comes in. I’ll note here that the only time we interact w/ Eliza, the special girl body, is when she takes a carried to Hogwarts the super secret magic school with Myfanwy and she doesn’t do anything except we get the internal note that she’s like... gained weight. This is the misogyny-lite we expect. (And no, Dan, you don't get any points bc a female character is the only pleased she got pudgy bc YOU wrote the female character so we’re all set there.)

And then we discover that the weird blonde (lol oh yeah they’re all hot blondes) baby that Conrad “Evil Austin Powers” British-Last-Name has with his weird wife is actually a Gestalt body that Eliza had after she boned down with her other body who is genetically a brother and consciously herself.

K. Ok. I have. Ok. Alright. Daniel. Ok.

SUBPART A: My Feelings about Gestalt: Oh Eliza, my darling, my dear, would that I could bring you Justice

So after Eliza is shot dead one of the interchangeable boy bodies of Gestalt yells at Myfanwy about how terrible that is bc it was the only body who could bear children so now THE HORROR they’ll die.

For god’s fucking sake Daniel O’Malley. What the fuck is your goddamn problem. You LITERALLY wrote a Smurfette Syndrome character who is only important because she can have babies. She is literally just there to be a baby-box. What the fuck. Get fucking wrecked. Thank GOD Starz cut your program and fuck the Aurealis Awards for giving you an award for this fucking book. But they’re a sci-fi award so this is probably super progressive for them. I was pleasantly annoyed by the basic nature of this book until this part. Now I am just done with your content. This was more overtly sexist that Supernatural. So... real swing and a miss.

ANYWAY FORTUNATELY this opens a whole new can of worms that I get to ruthlessly mock certified Basic Bitch Daniel O’Malley for.

SubPart 2: Gestalt Raises Interesting Philosophical Questions Daniel Isn’t Smart Enough to Address

So, remember, I would have cut this dude more slack if he didn’t do that to Eliza. Gestalt, to be honest, this whole review is dedicated to what you Could Have Been.

Interesting Questions or Comments We Could Have Asked:

Does having a baby being one of five of your bodies affect your consciousness? That thing doesn’t have object permanence? Is there like an intellectual cost to having another baby body? No, we don’t care. I think we just had there be a baby bc “Weird sister-sex” was as interesting as Daniel could get. Side Note: The obvious question of “lol haha lol is it incest or mAsTurBation is not going to be addressed here bc it is literally too boring to consider)

Does having a body who textually is said to have post-partum depression affect your joint consciousness? If not, why bring it up?? Bc she has “weird lady disease” is that why???

Are they....afraid of death????? Why didn’t you ever bring this up? Why have they showed only excitement at the prospect of very dangerous fights up to this point? Why are all four bodies in the field.

WHY ARE ALL FOUR BODIES IN THE FIELD. Ok so here is one of those points that is definitely stupid but stupid in a dumb as dirt way. If you were afraid to lose your baby-box body, why would you send her into battle?

Why didn’t they freeze a bunch of her eggs? In fact, why did she bear it at all? Why put your one female body that you only want for babies through that sort of danger? Canonically they all get paid an absurd amount and Gestalt is paid for each body, they can afford a surrogate.

Why let a weird dude who is at best contemptuous of you raise your baby body? Why wouldn’t you want to do that? Doesn’t that give him a huge amount of leverage over you?

Is the quality fo Gestalt’s form destined to decline if genetically they can only make more bodies by full genetic sibling offspring? Does that scare them? Again... does their physical brain affect their consciousness?

If so... maybe that would be a good reason for them to want to join up with the Grafters who are way ahead in genetic research and engineering.

ANYWAY Gestalt is sexist as shit and boring as hell and had SO MUCH WEIRD POTENTIAL.

In summary: It was definitely fun but Fuck you, Daniel O’Malley

#the rook #Daniel O'Malley #Myfanwy Thomas #Gestalt #Book review #the rook starz

7 notes · View notes

imagine-the-universe · 6 years

Text

Of Flutes and Star Wars

Summary: The reader bonds with Peter and Ned and gets quite a shock (pt 1?) Set sometime before Homecoming and after Peter gets his powers.

Characters: Peter Parker, Ned Leeds

Word Count: 2,771

Author's Note: *shamefully throws this at the readers and runs away hoping they'll be distracted*

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Unorganized chaos was the best way that you could think of to describe the current state of the band room. The director, a short, red-haired woman who was currently extremely pregnant, was standing on her podium with a look of utter desperation. A group of trumpets were emptying their spit valves by attempting to see who could send their spit into the trash can from the farthest distance. In the corner, two saxophones played through their scales with squeaks galore. Someone pounded out Heart and Soul on the portable piano accompanied by a chorus of clashing drum solos. Mrs. Perkins pulled at her red hair and then collapsed into a chair and rubbed her feet.

As you approached her (taking care to avoid flying spit) the band director pointed towards her office. “Your music’s on my desk. I would offer to help you now, but I'm going to make sure these hooligans don't do anything to get me fired. There should be a practice room you can use.”

You were a little put out, but hastily slipped into her office and grabbed the folder marked with your name from her desk. Just outside the door hung a clipboard with a schedule for all of the practice rooms and you squinted at it. All but two were blocked out for today. No surprise there.

It was widely known that those two rooms were the least desirable for serious practice. The first had sticky carpet from when an entire bottle of orange fanta was knocked over by the percussionists and the piano was always flat. The other room was nicer, but since it was located in the very back of the band room it had a history of unmentionable things happening in it. Just last week the janitor had caught the lacrosse team and a few cheerleaders in the midst of a game of strip poker after practice one evening. Plus it always smelled like wet dog.

Deciding that sticky carpet was better than possibly being interrupted by a promiscuous couple, you headed towards practice room in the corner and stood outside of it hesitantly.

A ghastly sound like a mix between a cow, a fire truck horn, and flatulence emitted from underneath the closed door. There were a few giggles and then: "Do it again!"

The noise sounded again, this time accompanied by a terrible clashing and clanging and finally a loud ringing that made you nearly drop your flute to clap your hands over your ears. The room's occupants burst out laughing again as you readjusted your grip on your instrument and music.

"Let me try!" Someone said through fits of giggles.

You debated trying to knock, but at this point everything would go tumbling to the floor if you even attempted to free a hand. Instead, you used your hip to press down on the handle and push against the door.

Peter Parker froze when you entered. He was in the middle of putting a tuba over his head and Ned Leeds was standing on a piano bench attempting to help him. The gong in the corner was still swinging.

"Peter, you have to help," Ned snorted, "it's too heavy to hold up here."

"Ned, quit it." Peter pushed up on the tuba, "Ned!"

The boy on the piano bench finally took notice that someone else was in the room with them. "Oh, hi, Y/N!" He waved, but forgot about the large instrument he was holding in his hand. With a lack of proper support the tuba tipped from his hand and fell almost in slow motion.

Somehow Peter managed to duck out of the way just in time, but Ned wasn't so lucky. He tipped off of the bench and hit the ground with a thud just after the tuba. You could only watch in horror. Peter ran over to Ned as you carefully sat your flute and music on a chair and did the same.

"Holy shit, are you okay?" Peter knelt on the ground and you bent over slightly, pausing to right the bench and move it out of the way.

With a groan, Ned spread out his arms, "No, I'm dying, just leave me here to die, please."

Peter looked at your alarmed expression, "He's probably just joking," he said with a wince.

"Okay..." You said slowly, not convinced that Ned Leeds was actually not currently dying. Pointing at the tuba, you gave a questioning glance towards the two friends. "And, uh..." You gestured to it's now-dented rim.

"S'only my practice tuba," Ned groaned from the ground and then mumbled incoherently.

"The middle button sticks and the mouthpiece falls off. Plus Flash Thompson threw a gum wad down it during pep band last year," Peter translated. "Uhm, did you need something though?" Peter scratched at his shoulder.

"What?"

"Did Mrs. Perkins send you in here or, like..." He trailed off.

You grabbed your sheet music and riffled through it, "No, I just—” A piece of paper with 'For Contest' written on it came to the top of your stack and you shoved it towards his face.

Peter leaned back to read it. "Oh, oh! I kinda forgot people still used this room to practice."His eyes widened and he glanced over at your flute. "I thought you played the French Horn?"

"Only for marching band, 'cause the flute isn't brass."

There was an awkward pause as Peter folded his arms.

"Oh, well uh, Ned and I were just messing around, right Ned?" A hand rose into the air from where Ned was lying and gave a weak thumbs up. Peter leaned over and gave Ned a fist bump.

You giggled, "I sure hope so, because I thought for a second someone was being murdered in here or something."

"Hey! It wasn't that bad." Ned sat up quickly but then held his head. "Whoa, blood rush."

"Ned, I think you might have a concussion," You said pointedly, only slightly serious. For a moment you took in Ned's hair and sweatshirt hood which were both flung over his forehead. He didn't seemed phased though, only wobbling slightly as he stood with the help of the piano and Peter.

Peter gave you a sheepish smile. "I should probably be a good friend and take him to the nurse."

"Yeah, probably."

The two friends made their way to the door, Ned leaning slightly on Peter who didn't seem to mind the extra weight. "Hey, I'll see you around."

"Bye, Y/N!" Ned said cheerfully, like he hadn't just fallen from a few feet in the air. You waved back and as the door clicked shut you heard him say “Dude, why didn't you try to catch me.”

The response to his question was muffled by the door. Why Ned would even expect Peter — a slightly-smaller-than-average teenage boy — to be able to catch him, you had no clue. You blinked and shook your head. They were quite the pair, those two.

You edged around the fallen tuba and began adjusting a music stand to your preference. The door swung over again; Mrs. Perkins stood in the door frame and stared at the dent in the tuba.

“Do I even want to know?”

You thought for a bit. “No, probably not.”

“I saw Leeds and Parker walk out of here. They're alive, that's all that matters.” She slid into a chair and took off her shoes. “Alright, Mr. Quinn’s taking his lunch break to monitor the room, so let's try sight-reading this puppy…”

The following days were a whirlwind. You had been spending all of your spare time in the practice room playing through your music, trying to get it just right. Ned and Peter often joined you in the room. The second time you had walked in on them, they offered to leave right away, but you told them they could stay as long as they kept the noise to a minimum. Most days they worked on homework, Peter secretively scribbling hopelessly complex chemical equations and Ned tapping maniacally away at a laptop. At first you had been hesitant to allow them hear you play, (after all, band kids had a tendency towards the judgemental when it came to music) but they seemed uninterested. And surprisingly it didn't offend you.

It was like a codependent habitat. You thrived off their silent company and they appreciated the reserved room away from everyone else.

One day in particular you had gotten into the room before the two friends and had already put together your flute when Peter and Ned walked in. They were whispering, their heads put together and arms full of boxes. You paid them no mind until there was a loud clatter from over in the corner. As you whipped your head around quickly, Peter and Ned were hastily moving around on their hands and knees picking up little pieces of something.

“Are those legos?” You slid out of your seat to squat on the sticky carpet.

Peter looked up and frowned slightly. “Yeeaahh,” he said a bit defensively. “Ned you’re going to kneel on Chewie.” Ned froze and pulled a lego character out from below him. You picked up a piece that had skittered over by your feet and dropped it in Peter’s outstretched hand.

“I used to play with my dad’s old legos when he wasn't looking.” You shrugged, “They were pretty vintage though.”

Ned dumped a few pieces into a box and you looked at the picture on the side. “I didn't know they made big sets like that though. Is that the Millennia Falcon?”

“Millennium,” Ned corrected as Peter snorted.

Sliding back up into your chair, you turned back towards your music. “Sorry, I've never seen Star Wars.” You had just pressed your flute to your lips when:

“You've never seen Star Wars?” You turned to see Ned and Peter, both with jaws dropped and with faces of disbelief.

“Well, I mean I think I saw one a few years ago. I think there was some kind of race? And a bunch of weird aliens?”

“Phantom Menace,” they said simultaneously.

“That could be it.” You shrugged, “Was super weird though, I never even saw the ending.”

“You can't judge the whole series by just the prequels!” Ned exclaimed.

“They're notoriously bad compared to the originals,” Peter agreed.

You blinked at them and pressed your lips together. “Okay, I have no idea what any of that meant.”

“Blasphemy, straight blasphemy.”

“Unacceptable.”

They exclaimed in unison; Ned smacked the floor dramatically and Peter jumped to his feet in a fluid motion. Their sudden movement made you nearly fall out of your seat so you grabbed the edge of the piano to steady yourself. You stared at them warily.

“Sorry?”

“You know what this means, Ned?”

“Star Wars marathon!”

“Oh, I don't know…” You were interrupted.

“Not an option, we’re going to get the whole Star Wars gang together.”

The whole gang ended up being a guy and girl from their academic decathlon team, Mandy Baker who was a percussionist in the band, and a kid who you knew was in the chess club with you but whose name you couldn't remember. Everyone was already gathered in the living room of Ned’s apartment hovering over bowls of chips that his mother had set out before you arrived in out of the pouring rain. His mother took your soaked umbrella and boots away to dry as you were swarmed by people.

“Finally! We've been waiting to start!”

You took a full gasp of air, slightly out of breath from your journey, “Sorry, there was a big traffic backup because of a gas leak or something.”

“Y/N! I saved you a seat!” Called Mandy from the couch as she patted the cushion beside her.

You settled into the seat and took in her apparel which consisted of Star Wars themed clothing and a lightsaber that was sticking out of her pocket. “I didn't know you were such a Star Wars fan.”

“I’m not really,” Mandy whispered conspiratorially, ‘but Peter’s cute enough that I'll like anything that lets me hang out with him.”

You supposed he was kinda cute in a dorky sort of way. Cute enough that you felt the heat rush into your cheeks when he plopped next to you and accidentally brushed up against your thigh.

Ned dimmed the lights and flung himself onto the floor as the yellow title card began rolling across the screen and loud orchestral music began.

Mandy fell asleep just before the first movie ended, softly snoring with her head resting on your shoulder. You were feeling drowsy yourself but any time that your eyes drooped Peter nudged you. After watching spaceships blow each other up and masked troopers shoot ridiculous weapons for hours, you just wanted to sleep. Even the spectacular score by John Williams couldn't pique your interest enough to keep you awake.

You woke up to a flashing light emitting from the television. The movies had reached their end and an option menu was playing on the screen. Someone had muted it, but the stark brightness was enough to wake you from your snooze. Knowing you would never be able to fall back asleep with the TV on, you slid off the couch and pulled the remote from the chip bowl. With a click of the remote the TV faded to black and you were left to shuffle around the sleeping bodies of Ned and the kid from chess club. But as you returned to your seat you found that Mandy had fallen over and stretched over the entire length of the couch.

Peter was missing as well, although it was entirely possible that he had moved seats or gone home after you had fallen asleep. You edged your way carefully out of the living room and into the kitchen where you poured yourself a cup of water and stared out the window, listening to the rain pelt against the glass. All you wanted to do was go back to sleep. Just as you had made your mind to go find another place to lie down, there was a muffled this from a room down the hall accompanied by hissed swears.

Instantly you were on high alert.

You edged from your position in the kitchen to the door frame and listened again. The sound of light footsteps had you tensing and before you even knew what you were doing, you were creeping down the hall towards the source of the noises. Following the light thuds, you ended up outside of the closed door to the bathroom. The light in the room was off. You hovered outside of it with bated breath.

“Why won't you shut…” someone whispered, “come on… finally!” A window latched clicked and you had a horrible realization that someone was entering the house through the window. There was a moment that you debated making a run for it, but then you decided that if you were going to be murdered you wanted to go down with a fight.

Without another thought, you flung open the door and rushed at the bathroom's occupant.

You made no contact with the person. Instead you rammed into the wall and fell onto the floor as the light clicked on. From your angle you took in a soaking wet figure in baggy blue pants, a red hoodie, and finally a masked face with a pair of goggles that were looking right at you. You opened your mouth to scream but before you could get the sound out they launched at you and pressed their hand over your mouth. You bit down hard and they yanked back.

“Ow, hey, it's me! Peter!”

They yanked the covering from their head revealing Peter’s curly (though now matted) brown hair and soft brown eyes.

“Peter?” You struggled to your feet, “What the hell are you doing? You’re all wet!”

“I was… I was taking a shower.” He looked down, “... In my clothes. Because I don't like getting all wet?” He posed the ending more like a question and waited for you to say something.

With absolutely no idea how to respond, you let your jaw hang open and you just stared with wide eyes.

After a minute of dead silence you sighed, “You know what? I'm tired, I just want to go to bed. I don't even care.” You turned to leave.

“Wait, Y/N” Peter called after you and you turned, the tone in his voice slightly desperate. But all he said was, “goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Peter.” You said softly, then yawned and headed back to bed.

24 notes · View notes

elizadoolittlethings · 6 years

Text

https://www.room207press.com/2018/01/we-dont-go-back-76-league-of-gentlemen.html

Friday, 19 January 2018

We Don't Go Back #76: The League of Gentlemen (1999-2017)

When

The League of Gentlemen

was first broadcast, I didn't own a TV, and by the time I owned one, I was living with my Beloved, who didn't have any interest in seeing it. Nonetheless, I could tell you a not insignificant amount about the major characters, and reel off catchphrases. I could tell you what it was like. People cared about it. Partly this was because several of my friends adored it, and it entered the referential lexicon of our conversation. But partly it seemed to be present, part of the furniture of our pop culture.

For example, I remember that at the time the university LGB society (the T or the Q were not yet added, which is related to a point I'll pick up later) used pictures of prominent gay and lesbian people on posters for an anti-homophobia campaign and one of them was Mark Gatiss, and I recognised him as the chap from

The League of Gentlemen

. It's fair to say that

The League of Gentlemen

fell firmly into the category of things I'd never seen but which I could take part in a conversation about without getting completely lost.

I never got round to watching

The League of Gentlemen

But now this project is Serious Business, there are some things I can't really get away with leaving out. So I committed myself to watching it. A good friend expressed concern that it might be too late for me to do that. I sort of half understood what he was getting at, but only really got what he was about having worked through it.

The usual caveats about how writing about comedy are the antithesis of funny apply here, by the way (I still think my funniest article was the one about

Planet of the Apes

, but I digress).

Honest town signs.

The League of Gentlemen

are Reese Shearsmith, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton and Jeremy Dyson. All four of them write; Gatiss, Pemberton and Shearsmith appear in front of the camera and divide the vast majority of characters, men and women, between them.

It's set in and around the fictional village of Royston Vasey ("You'll never leave!"), in the North of England, where everyone is a grotesque. It's sort of but not entirely sketch comedy.

Some characters appear in most of the episodes: Pauline (Pemberton), who runs a job start course, loves pens and despises the unemployed; Mike (Pemberton), Barry (Gatiss) and their spectacularly messed up mate Geoff (Shearsmith); disappointed musician Les McQueen (Gatiss); Mr Chinnery the vet (Gatiss again), who kills every animal he touches; Hilary Briss the butcher (also Gatiss) who puts something terrible and evil in his delicious sausages; and perhaps the most iconic characters in the show, Edward and Tubbs (Shearsmith and Pemberton), a pair of debased, depraved yokels who run a Local Shop for Local People and who visit unspeakable fates on anyone who comes who isn't Local.

What's all this SHOUTING?

But unlike many sketch shows, the recurring characters' stories progress from episode to episode. So for example, the fate of innocent Benjamin (Shearsmith) at the hands of his finicky aunt Val (Gatiss) and monstrous uncle Harvey (Pemberton) develops and escalates as he realises he might never be able to leave, and begins to formulate a plan of escape. Pauline finds her nemesis in one of her course attendees. Mr Briss's Special Stuff creates an epidemic of nosebleeds.

Many characters appear in no more than a handful of episodes at most, and become the focus of the episodes they're in. The Legz Akimbo theatre company (slogan: "put yourself in a child!") come to visit the local school but their internal tensions destroy the group. A guide leads a party of tourists through the Royston Vasey caves, while replaying a terrible tragedy for which he blames himself. A farmer keeps a man who slept with his wife as a scarecrow in his field. Kenny Harris (Gatiss), owner of the Dog Cinema, engages in a cutthroat business struggle with a rival who's more into cat films.

And then there's Papa Lazarou.

HELLO, DAVE!

Papa Lazarou (Shearsmith) is the single most nightmarish creation of the League of Gentlemen, and along with Tubbs and Edward, is most representative of the show's folk horror elements. He's the owner of the Pandemonium Carnival, which comes to town early in series 2. Papa Lazarou is a nightmare in human form, his scabrous face caked in black-and-white minstrel makeup. He forces his way into people's houses, insisting on calling them "Dave", and intimidating them through an almost supernatural power of domination into giving him their wedding ring, wherein he spirits them away as his slaves, with the phrase, "You're my wife now."

He is genuinely terrifying, and I wonder how that first episode he's in would play if it didn't have a laugh track (only the first two seasons have laugh tracks). And of course he's one of the two places where people most take offence at

The League of Gentlemen.

The most usual objection to Papa Lazarou is that he's in minstrel blackface. But while minstrel makeup is a blot on our culture, it is, it's obvious from the way that Papa Lazarou is framed is that he's supposed to be horrific because he's precisely the sort of person who wears blackface and always wears it.

In his second appearance (the final episode of series 3) there's an insane visual gag revolving around him disguising himself as relatively normal by painting a pale skin tone

over

his blackface makeup, which I found hilarious. But it's also a bit of a problem for a lot of viewers, evidently, because I've read at least two pieces online that interpret the scene as meaning that he's naturally minstrel-toned, which is... Well, I don't know. I'm starting to doubt my own reading a bit, but part of Papa Lazarou's grotesquerie is that you can see how the black and white paint is caked on his face in closeup, and I'm sort of inclined to go with my original reading, partly because it's much less hard to swallow, and mostly because it's a lot funnier.

The League of Gentlemen

is part of a tradition of British comedy and horror alike that deals with grotesque figres: in a show with Geoff, Mr Briss, Pauline, Harvey and, oh God, Edward and Tubbs, Papa Lazarou is just one more of a parade of freaks and monsters. And he is scary, really scary. The episode where Papa Lazarou and his Pandemonium Carnival comes to town (season 2, episode 1) is the point where I moved from a state of "that bit was pretty good" ambivalence to understanding why people consider

The League of Gentlemen

to be an undisputed classic of British TV comedy. Whatever the framing of Papa Lazarou and his freakshow (and notwithstanding the arguments about whether anyone should be making gags about blackface at all, the politics of freakshows is a subject I am simply not equipped to get into), that whole episode is a delirious comic horror and I have seen little to match it.

I can't go to Dorothy Perkins.

The other point where

The League of Gentlemen

gets some flak is in the figure of Babs the transgender cabbie. And the joke with Babs is partly that she's butch and hairy, so that she looks like a bloke in drag (specifically that she resembles the other women characters on the show, only more so), and partly that she's excessively forthcoming about the mechanical details of her transition with her clients. It's complicated by the fact that most of the people of Royston Vasey like her and are supportive of her. No one on the show is ever an open bigot about Babs. She's never deadnamed, for instance. And she's essentially one of the most sympathetic characters in the show. But nonetheless she embodies most of the most enduring transphobic stereotypes, simply by being so grotesque (so much so that we never see her face).

And back in 1999, as I mentioned in passing, we still talked about LGB issues and a lot of us hadn't added the T yet. And it's not as if trans people hadn't been there all along, but trans rights are in the general sphere of discourse now in a way that in the UK they weren't in the 90s. And this doesn't mean that a character like Babs isn't a problem, it means that many of the people who might be aware of the problem now weren't then because it hadn't been pointed out to them. And that isn't an excuse either. It's like all the history that comes back, unresolved, to haunt us.

You could tell that it haunted

The League of Gentlemen

: in the special episodes that aired over the 2017 Christmas season, she's back. She has to be, really: in a lot of ways, Babs acts like a Greek chorus for the unfolding story. So here she is, opening proceedings as ever. Barbara has transitioned successfully now, and she even says that trans people should not be "a source of cheap laughs" just for being who they are, and given that Barbara is a character who has always been framed as having her heart in the right place, as someone you're supposed to sympathise with, it's pretty clear that this is what Dyson, Gatiss, Pemberton and Shearsmith actually think.

But for her to even appear, and it's more or less obligatory that she does, she still has to supply a joke. So now, no longer an Ugly Trans Person, Barbara is an Excessively Touchy Trans Person who seizes on innocuous statements and takes offence to comic effect.

I wonder if Papa Lazarou and Barbara are problems like this because of the way

The League of Gentlemen

engages with its inspirations.

The League of Gentlemen

owes a great deal to classic British TV and cinema of the 60s and 70s, but crucially it engages with that source material in a way that enriches the show. It's instructive here to compare it with

Dr Terrible's House of Horrible

, which is roughly contemporary and which, unlike

The League of Gentlemen

, has not entered the annals of classic comedy. They both get their inspiration from similar places, in fact in several cases the same places – I mentioned

The League of Gentlemen

's odd relationship with sketch comedy, and it's sort of fair to say that it's sketch comedy in the way that an Amicus anthology horror is sketch horror. But where

Dr Horrible

depended on your being familiar with the source material, at least to some extent, to get the gag,

The League of Gentlemen

tells a collection of stories that don't depend on any foreknowledge at all. It's not a parody, and it's not entirely an homage either, although it has parodic elements and homage is threaded through the whole thing.

Rather, it's a comedy that focusses on the absurdity of evil and the equal absurdity of despair and that uses the grammar of classic British horror to tell those stories.

A Beast.

For example, a narrative thread in the fourth episode has workers on a proposed road digging up an inexplicable creature. Mr Chinnery comes to examine it, and proves as incompetent as ever. And while the scene carries a bunch of signifiers that come from Nigel Kneale, echoing

Quatermass

and

Beasts

in particular, and multiplied by the simple fact that Mr Chinnery looks and acts like Tristan Farnham (Peter Davison's character in

All Creatures Great and Small

), the joke doesn't depend on that. It depends on a moment of uncanny horror punctured when the vet's incompetence is revealed once more.

For the joke to land, you don't have to have seen

Baby

Quatermass and the Pit

, and while the whole scene is richer if you imagine Tristan Farnham in a Nigel Kneale script, that's not the joke. No, for the joke to land, you just need to have seen Mr Chinnery in action enough for you to be waiting for the moment when he fails catastrophically.

And throughout

The League of Gentlemen

, this texture is present. Royston Vasey is a vaguely comical, Northern-sounding name. But it is also the real name of legendarily foul-mouthed comedian Roy "Chubby" Brown, who himself appears later in the series as the town's mayor. And the joke with the mayor is that he's got a swearing problem, and that's a simple enough joke that you don't need to know who Roy "Chubby" Brown is, or that he's guesting as mayor of a town named after him to get it. That other stuff helps, but it isn't essential.

But the problem with the way that

The League of Gentlemen

mines classic horror and comedy is that sometimes it homages the things that perhaps should be left behind, so you get characters like Babs and Papa Lazarou, who are both beautifully played and well-written comic characters, but who reference stuff that is difficult to justify beyond nostalgia.

The League of Gentlemen

is important as the first sign of the folk horror renaissance that we've had in the last few years. Rather than saying "look at all these ropey old films! Aren't they terrible?"

The League of Gentlemen

embraces them, but crucially makes new things. It's a comedy, but it's also a horror: Edward and Tubbs reference any number of pagan village conspiracies. "We didn't burn him!" blurts Tubbs to the Scottish policeman who comes looking for poor missing Martin, but not before Edward tells Tubbs that she "did it beautifully." You don't have to know that they're quoting

The Wicker Man

to think they're funny and scary.

There's nothing for

you

here.

The members of

The League of Gentlemen

have taken active part in the rise of folk horror as a recognised genre. Jeremy Dyson scripted the recent film

Ghost Stories.

Shearsmith of course starred in

A Field in England

, and with Pemberton continues to make

Inside No. 9

, an anthology show that combines comedy and drama, and which has had at least a couple of folk horror episodes. The most notable of these is

The Trial of Elizabeth Gadge

, where Pemberton and Shearsmith play 17th century witch hunters. Just like

The League of Gentlemen

The Trial of Elizabeth Gadge

isn't a spoof or a parody, it's a black comedy that stands on its own merits, even while it draws inspiration from other sources.

And Reese Shearsmith took part in Folk Horror Revival's 2016 event at the British Museum, hearing about which is how I realised that there was a name for the things I liked.

Mark Gatiss is the man who might be credited for extending the name "folk horror" to a genre (Piers Haggard being the first to apply it consciously to his own film). In his 2010 series

History of Horror

, Gatiss popularised the idea of the Unholy Trinity, and talked at length about

Blood on Satan's Claw

, which probably did more to bring about the critical reassessment of that film than anything else. Gatiss also wrote

Crooked House

, which aired on the BBC in 2008, and the 2013 adaptation of

The Tractate Middoth.

Together with Shearsmith, Gatiss has remade

Blood on Satan's Claw

as an audio drama (released January 2018).

You could argue pretty persuasively that without

The League of Gentlemen

, there might not have been a rebirth of interest in folk horror at all. Without them, it would still be an accidental genre. A local genre, for local people.

Patreon

supporters got to see this last week! To support my work and read early, please consider donating. No donation too small.

Posted by

Howard Ingham

1:25 pm

Email This

BlogThis!

Share to Twitter

Share to Facebook

Share to Pinterest

Labels:

horror

we don't go back

No comments:

Archive

August 2018 (4)

July 2018 (9)

June 2018 (7)

May 2018 (4)

April 2018 (11)

March 2018 (8)

February 2018 (6)

January 2018 (7)

December 2017 (8)

November 2017 (5)

October 2017 (9)

September 2017 (11)

August 2017 (9)

July 2017 (9)

June 2017 (13)

May 2017 (8)

April 2017 (14)

March 2017 (7)

February 2017 (9)

January 2017 (12)

December 2016 (9)

November 2016 (16)

October 2016 (23)

September 2016 (26)

August 2016 (30)

July 2016 (41)

June 2016 (44)

May 2016 (20)

April 2016 (11)

March 2016 (5)

February 2016 (14)

January 2016 (1)

December 2015 (7)

November 2015 (3)

August 2015 (2)

July 2015 (4)

May 2015 (12)

April 2015 (25)

March 2015 (18)

Subjects

atlantis

atlantis (popular) rising

cambrofuturism

characters

chariot ii

city of god

comics

contractual obligation

cosmic memory

cult cinema

cultures

excerpts

fiction

for frank

future friday

guest posts

hat club

horror

i blame society

in music

in search of the miraculous

inner worlds

lemuria

m4 death trip

manifesto

mechanics

misc criticism

npcs

on a thousand walls

personal

poetry

production

setting material

sian

stormboy

tarot

the age of miracles

the prince of exiles

the question in bodies

the shivering circle

the truth about sappho

translation

we don't go back

worst case scenario

written in water

your move darwin

Blogger

interesting read

this pic motivated the search

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQHVqfTZiw_khqpo2AZaRMu1kFLvWgFeO4wkNBNxGKnoLxxu-LI

#Mark Gatiss #league of gentlemen

4 notes · View notes

lamepotter · 6 years

Text

au where Harry fell in love with a muggle

she lives in the apartment complexes just outside the neighborhood with her mom and little sister

au where Harry starts volunteering at the public library over the summer because they have air-conditioning and free snacks for their staff, and isn't it better than being not allowed in the house during the day?

au where Harry bumps into Emily the muggle at the library and they bond over a stack of sci fi books because Emily-"No I don't really like fantasy books or magic"-Perkins is new and different from anyone in his life at Hogwarts or in his life at Privet Drive

au where Emily starts volunteering too and Harry downplays how the Dursleys treat him when she asked about his family because of course she would ask

emily hears all about ron and hermione and she laughs at Harry's stories, but turns her nose up when he tells her about some of his teachers

he has to change things for her ears of course. emily thinks draco is a rich racist rather than a pureblood supremacist, and harry is famous because his parents were star athletes at his fancy boarding school etc

au where harry spends some of his summer nights on Emily's couch because the one time he forgets his sweater at the library, she decides to return it herself and witnesses dudley shoving him into the doorway, and vernon's yells, and the slamming of doors

when emily finally got up the nerve to knock, its petunia who answers the door, and she can just tell that this woman isn’t the aunt harry talked about. emily’s mom understands harry’s situation and doesn't ask questions when harry showed up at 11 o'clock that night with a black eye and an owl cage

au where Harry falls in love with emily’s compassion and positivity because its refreshing after a school year of war and endless talk of Voldemort. the biggest thing on emily’s mind is how she’s going to get to uni, not whether or not she’ll make it to 18.

au where emily the muggle falls in love with the strange potter boy that works at the library and has a pet owl.

emily knows theres something big harry is dancing around but she knows better than to ask. weird things happen around him anyway, like the time she lost the charm on her necklace and spent half an hour walking around the library sidewalks looking for it, nearly driven to tears. harry's observant green eyes spotted it in less than a minute.

au where harry sends emily letters from hogwarts. she hears about Cedric dying in a freak sports accident. she hears about Umbridge and spends an entire night researching how to get a school teacher fired for discrimination and improper behavior. harry sends her candy with unfamiliar wrappers, and she trusted them all until one unforgettable toffee turned her breathe to smoke.

and then she begins to hear less from him

letters become scarce as the war that emily doesn’t know about gets worse. harry’s letters are monitored by the ministry, and after the dementor attack he's whisked away to "a long lost uncles house in the country". Sirius advised Harry not to keep contact because it could draw danger to her.

au where emily runs into him quite by accident in london right outside the leaky cauldron in the rain. she couldn't see the wizarding pub of course, but it was still surprising to Harry. Mrs. Weasley graciously gives him a few minutes to catch up with her, all the while looking around for death eaters who might happen upon them. This was just supposed to be a trip to get their school books.

emily doesn't know what to make of it. harry surrounded by unknown adults with strange clothing and words. she's happy to meet ron and hermione for the first time in person. and mad at harry for not telling her why he disappeared. "I thought you were really hurt!" she seethed, thinking of Dudleys tendency to pick on his cousin. Petunia Dursley refused to open the door to her now.

harry tells her he probably wont be able to see her til next summer and emily demands to know why. sirius nudges harry and they have to go theyre too vunerable out in the open and theres no time to say anything

so harry kisses her

right in front of ron and hermione, mrs Weasley, kingsley shacklebolt, sirius... Ron whistles and emily turns pink, but harry doesn't care. "Ill explain everything I promise". he says and he goes with them to the Leaky Cauldron. emily sees them all dissapear into thin air. She begins to cry and she doesnt know why. At least no one could tell in the rain.

au where sirius sends her the two way mirror in the mail anonymously. The only instruction was to send it back after she uses it. There's a dummy address attached that doesn’t show up on any maps. Harry activates it one evening while he's at school and scares the crap out of her. Shes confused because there arent any wires on the back and this isn't like any technology she's seen.

harry asks her not to question it and she hesitantly agrees. But Harry wont tell her whats been going on and emily is aware more than ever that there's a huge secret Harry isn't telling her. They talk almost every day through the mirror system, and that's when Emily begins to notice. harry would slip up and complain about nonsensical things.

"...was not ready for that pop quiz in Transfiguration, I copied of Hermione-"

"-Transfiguration?"

"-I mean history! Stupid history pop test. I swear..."

and he'd go on before she could ask more.

"Snape was a troll today!" he vented once. It was little terms like that that struck her as odd. Usually Harry was able to explain these little things away.

Until Seamus and Dean decided to have a duel in the his dorm. All Emily could see was bright red flashes and green explosions while boys yelled ancient latin phrases in the background. Harry shut off the mirror as soon as he could and ignored her attempts to call back.

His official excuse was someone set off a firework in his dorm. Emily didn't believe it for a second.

"Look, Emily, I really care about you," said Harry, and Emily blushed remembering that rainy day in london. They hadn't talked about it since.

"But there's some things I can't tell you." he hesitated. "Not yet at least."

Emily bit her lip.

"Can you at least let me know when you're in trouble, or hurt?"

harry was going to lie, but something in emilys tone made harry realize this was a deal breaker. He nodded once and brushed his dark unruly hair aside, revealing that curious lightning shaped scar. She nodded to herself and admitted,

"I really miss you."

Things got weirder after that. Harry talked to her more about what was going on but continually referenced 'the thing I can't tell you about'. Emily was frustrated. But she held her tongue. The school year seemed to go by so slowly.

au where harry comes home after his sixth year and knows nothing will ever be the same. Seeing Emily in person instead of the mirror was like he had taken a vial of felis felicius all over again. Harry spent the night on Emily's couch again but this time with Emily right next to him. Harry told her about what had happened to Dumbledore and the rest of the teachers.

"...and then he fell from the tower."

Emily held his hand. She assumed suicide and Harry wasn't going to correct her.

"Some of Draco's family came in. Totally torched the great hall."

Harry sounded so sad and broken all Emily could do was nod and hug him. They fell asleep like that, intertwined together, feeling complete for the first time in awhile. Harry woke first when Emily's mum left for work early in the morning. She gave him a knowing look and pointed to the bread box which had two muffins inside.

Harry couldn't go back to sleep so he stayed awake listening to Emily breathe. He had missed her so much. And this last year had put things into perspective.

au where harry realizes his 17th birthday meant he was leaving Privet Drive. and hopefully forever. Hermione was planning on obliviating her parents and sending them to a different continent. Ron was going off the grid and his family had a clone set up to take over his identity.

He knows the right thing to do.

au where harry spends his last summer in Surrey with Emily. They date properly and go to London for lunch with money Emily saved. They see cheap films at the dollar theater. Harry has nothing but stories for her. He sketches her favorite animals and folds paper into tiny stars. She keeps them all in a jar.

au where harry celebrates his birthday early in his bedroom with Emily and Hedwig. They sit on the dusty floor and blow out candles on a discount cake that was squashed in the middle. It was perfect.

au where Harry gives Emily a necklace from diagon alley even though it was his birthday they were celebrating and she definitely protested. A tiny golden snitch with silver wings went around her neck. Emily thought it was strange but she didn't ask because it was Harry's and it was beautiful.

they spent the next day together, hardly not touching one another in some way. Harry had a hand on her back when they walked around the library--the place they first met. Emily stroking his hair when they picnicked in the park. They held hands for days.

au where the eve of Harry's 17th birthday--his actual birthday--he takes her back to her apartment complex and they sit on the curb. Emily can tell Harry was sad about something.

"What's wrong, Harry?"

"I have something to tell you, Em." he sighed. "That thing I'm not supposed to tell you. Please, you have to keep an open mind. You see, I'm a..."

au where Harry told her everything. Emily listened carefully as he went over his entire teenage years. It all made sense and it terrified her. Harry had been in so much danger and he was so young and none of it was fair.

"...Hermione is going to obliviate her parents so they aren't targeted, which is really smart. Ron's in enough danger so his family is pretending he's sick and bedbound while we hunt for horcruxes."

Emily started. "Hunt for h-horcruxes? how long will you be gone?"

She didnt like the pain in his eyes.

"Harry?"

he didnt answer.

she gripped his arm and he looked down. He kissed the top of her head.

"I don't know if I'll even make it, Em." he admitted, saying the words out loud felt funny. but they were true.

"Harry-"

"And you're in danger as long as you know me."

"Harry-"

"And you can't protect yourself. And you have your sister and mother-"

"Harry James Potter!"

"This is the only way I can think of to k-keep you safe..." his voice broke in the middle and emily could hear the sob in his throat.

Emily was already crying. "Harry James Potter do not forget me!"

Harry held her tight. "Its more like a you-won't-remember-me kind of deal, love." Harry whispered.

"N-None of this is f-fair." she hiccuped. "You shouldn't have to do this. You can't just--I can't forget you."

au where Harry has to obliviate his muggle girlfriend

Harry let his wand slip from his shirt sleeve. He held her as she shook and sobbed.

"I'm so sorry Emily. I wish it could be different."

"Harry-"

"Obliviate..."

She stilled suddenly and Harry knew the spell worked. He withdrew his arm from around her and wiped his eyes. It was done. Irreversible. Harry kissed her cheek cringing at how lifeless she felt. He stood up and looked down at her frozen form sadly.

"I think I love you." he mumbled.

Emily was stirring so he slipped his wand in his back pocket.

Au where emily has a fuzzy recollection of dating some neighbor boy but it ended badly and stuff like that was best left forgotten right?

Au where emily stands up in front of a boy that she had known for almost nine years and didn’t recall any of it.

"Uh, hi. Excuse me, you're that Potter kid right?" Emily stood up sleepily. Her smile faltered when she saw Harry's stricken face.

"Jeez, are you alright?" she asked, her normally warm face full of worry and concern.

"Uh yea." Harry cracked a sad smile. "Just broke up with my girlfriend."

Her face contorted in sympathy. "Oh that's too bad! How long were you together?"

Harry almost lost it then. But he couldn’t--not yet. He forced himself to answer while she was still plastic and taking suggestions.

"A-About two years. We've been best friends since we were kids though."

"I'm sorry, mate." Emily reached up to brush her face and felt the tears she had been crying only moments before. "Whoa, why am I crying?"

"You just broke up with your boyfriend too. Kind of a weird bloke." he laughed shakily. “He had to go fight a war.”

"Oh. Am I sad about it? I don't feel sad."

"A little. But you don't want to talk about it." he replied simply.

"I don't want to talk about it." she repeated wiping the tears away and smiling a fake smile.

"It's getting late. You should go inside now."

"Okay." she said. "Sorry about your break up, Potter."

"Bye, Emily." he called, turning away before he lost it completely.

au where Harry loved a muggle that had to forget him

#this took 3 hours to write bc i kept going back to it #harry x oc #muggles #muggle au #harry potter fic #fic

10 notes · View notes

disnerdkatie · 5 years

Text

Gooooooooood morning, runners! You know the Memphis Runners Track Club Road Race Series (MRTC RRS or just RRS) has started when you hear that early in the a.m.! And you know you’ll be hearing it a bunch in the coming months, too, because the RRS is, as the name says, a series. A series of 10 races over 5 months:

July 14 – 1st 5K

July 28 – 2nd 5K

August 11 – 1st 5 miler

August 25 – 2nd 5 miler

September 8 – 1st 10K

September 22 – 2nd 10K

October 6 – 1st 10 miler

October 20 – 2nd 10 miler

November 3 – 1st half marathon

November 17 – 2nd half marathon

I love the RRS. I might or might not have mentioned at some point that I started running (for a relative value of running) back in 2013, but I didn’t start getting serious about it until 2014, when I quit smoking for good. As an aside: July 14, which kicked off the RRS this year, marks exactly 5 years since I quit smoking for good. Go me! Anyway… so 5 years ago I quit smoking and got serious about running. I didn’t do the whole series that year, but I did dip my toes into the RRS water that year – including doing my first half marathon, ever.

However, it wasn’t until the next year, 2015, that I went for Road Warrior status. You get Road Warrior when you complete every single one of the races in the series. Yep. I’m a badass. Of course, I only did that once… and in fact for the last couple years I haven’t run the RRS at all (except at least one half marathon, because nostalgia), instead doing water stop volunteer duty.

Well, I’m signed up for the whole series again. I might or might not actually make every single races. Who knows? I honestly signed up for the series to use them as long runs in training for Dopey. Well, and because Nikki and Lisa signed up, and I figured running with them would be a good idea.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I started this post the afternoon of the first race, and here I am two weeks later, still working on it. So instead of a post per race, I’m going to combine the 5K posts. Okay? Okay.

I have been doing races for five years now and I still can NOT for the life of me put on a bib neatly. Sigh. One day!

Big J was out of town for the first race, and then pink eye struck the house before the second. No volunteer duty for the Js this time. That just meant that I could leave early to run a few extra miles get a good parking spot. I did actually have the best of intentions to get some extra miles in, and then I just… didn’t. But I did get a pretty good parking spot close to the finish line (for both races), and I got to see friends while waiting for Heather to show up. Because oh yes, she signed up for this insanity too!

The RRS 5Ks run around the block by Audubon Park. Historically, the race started on South Perkins, running toward Park, down to Goodlett, up to Southern, and back to the same stretch of South Perkins for the finish line. A nice, neat little rectangle, mostly pretty flat. The only problem? The entire last mile was running dead into the rising sun, with zero shade. You can always tell the people who have never run that race, because they’re the people without sunglasses and hats/visors. It was pure hell for the entire last mile. Well, thank God MRTC took pity on us, and this year the course was reversed. Same distance, same roads, but we ran it backwards. Yassssss!!! Sure there was still some sunshine, but nothing like in years past.

Memphis is a fairly flat area, but that doesn’t mean there are zero hills. There’s one on Goodlett that I had forgotten about, and since with the course reversal we were running down it, it wasn’t so bad. But I would have hated to run up that hill, let me tell you! Otherwise this is a pretty smooth course with only the gentlest of rolling hills. Real rolling hills, not the crazy high hills that some race directors claim are gently rolling. Promise.

There are two water stops along the course, at mile 1 and at mile 2 (as well as water at the finish line). Breakaway Running mans one of the stops, and volunteers take over the other. Y’all, the energy and positivity of the volunteers is amazing. The people handing out water get there way before the race to set up and fill hundreds of cups, then hand them out, then pick up all those cups. Yes. Be sure to thank the volunteers!

Now, as mentioned earlier, pink eye struck our house before the second race, so I brought my own water. I made certain not to touch anyone or anything, because pink eye seriously fucking sucks and I didn’t want to be responsible for spreading that plague to the running community at large. You’re welcome, Memphis runners.

I always get a little private kick when running this race, because I went to school right there. At this stage of my life, I have no need to go to that area anymore – no friends live out there, I don’t shop there, there are no restaurants I frequent on the regular there – but I used to be there every week. So it almost feels like coming home, and it is nice. It’s nice to see what has stayed the same, and see what has changed. East Memphis is a really pretty part of our city, even if it isn’t a part I deal with often.

Almost to the finish line of the second 5K!

Once we make the turn back onto South Perkins, the race is almost done. This is the only stretch of road that isn’t really straight, so you don’t see the finish line right away, but you know it is close. Heather and I did a lot of walking during these races, but we ran in the last good stretch of the second 5K. I’m surprised that race picture turned out so well, honestly, because I felt like dying a little bit at that point.

5K is not my favorite distance, because when I’m running it usually takes a solid 2-3 miles before I feel like I’ve hit my groove, which means the majority of a 5K is just miserable for me. But out of all the 5Ks I’ve done, I really do like this one – especially with the course reversal.

Day late, dollar short - here's a meh recap of both MRTC RRS 5Ks. Gooooooooood morning, runners! You know the Memphis Runners Track Club Road Race Series (MRTC RRS or just RRS) has started when you hear that early in the a.m.!

#5k #c3p0 #droids #memphis runners track club #minnie mouse #mrtc #road race series #rrs

0 notes

agirlwithtoomanythoughts-blog1 · 7 years

Text

dean ambrose { spiders }

PETE - BARON - TYLER - SAMI - FINN

NOTES: As promised, the Dean Ambrose version. I think this one turned out to be more sexy than fluffy, but it’s still fluffy... I hope it is, at least. Apologies if he’s not IC here. I tried? I want to do a TJ Perkins and a Cesaro one next, but I make no promises because I also have a few other ideas that I might do too.... -- love, Amber.

TAGGING: @alexablss , @believe-that-001 , @littledeadrottinghood and @writergrrrl29.. you are all awesome and I love you all and I’m also tagging @fan-fiction-galore because she’s a sweetheart and I think she’d like the fluffiness that may or may not be present.

WARNINGS: Partial nudity, Amber’s potty mouth and an intense makeout. This one is strictly SFW, though God knows Dean and imagined reader both seemed to strongly want otherwise..

I was super engrossed in a horror movie when I felt something crawling up my shirt, slowly moving from my abdomen to my tits. I jumped up and shook out my shirt on instinct, but instead of falling out of the shirt, whatever it was moved into my bra cup. Suffice to say, I shed the Guns N Roses baggy t shirt I was wearing and my M&M's went flying everywhere as I hurriedly stripped off my bra too.

It was that exact moment that I knew I'd probably just fucked up. I froze and screamed like a banshee, a sofa cushion over my bare upper body as my room mate coughed from the doorway.. Or he was coughing until I felt the damn crawling sensation marching right back up my leg.. Then I launched myself right into Dean's arms, pointing and stammering and just being extra about it, basically. "Kill it! Kill it now!" I was practically shrieking.

Dean bit his lip, his gaze not leaving my eyes after the one accidental glimpse he'd gotten of my tits. His face was a little red and he chuckled, nodding to the floor. "Kill what?"

"Did you not fucking see Spiderzilla?" When he realized what all the fuss was about -- because the spider chose that moment to scamper up the living room wall, he almost dropped me, the ass was laughing so hard. I pouted and he shifted me around in his arms, eventually sitting me on the counter separating the kitchen from the living room.

I was still clinging to him and our lips brushed when he told me quietly, "If ya want it dead.. Ya gonna have to let me go, doll."

I blushed a deep shade of red beneath my tan when I realized that yes, I was clinging to him and yes, I was shirtless and the sofa cushion I'd grabbed for the sake of 'decency' was long gone.. And he was shirtless too and damned if his skin against mine didn't feel just like heaven. I sucked in a breath and tried to get myself calm.

The spider scampered back towards the web it spun in the living room and Dean eyed me a few seconds. "I'm gonna step away now. Are ya okay?"

"Just kill it, please?" He gave a nod and lifted the high heel I'd taken off earlier in the afternoon, stealthily moving towards the web the spider retreated to after scaring the living shit out of me. When the spider managed to fall out of the web and down onto him, and he was swearing and jumping around too, I couldn't help but giggle a little bit, quickly going silent when he turned and said "I oughta just leave it alive.. Laughin at me." while pretending to pout.

"DEAN!" I pointed to the spider as it scampered for a corner and quickly, he bought his foot down on top of it.. And then, he grabbed something and scooped the spider and it's guts onto it and pitched it into the garbage… When I looked up again, he was standing in front of me, this look in his eyes, his tongue slowly trailed over his lips.

He was holding my gaze intently and he wasn't backing down. He moved to stand between my legs, his hands gripping my thighs and when his gaze lowered accidentally, he swallowed hard and looked back up at me.

I bit my lip as they started to tingle, this urge to kiss him overtaking me. I've probably been in love with the dork since we became room mates about two years ago, but every time I even think about making a move, I chicken out or the timing is wrong or something else.. Excuses, basically.. Not to mention I'm on the shy side and Dean, he tends to focus solely on what he does for a living, I mean in the entire two years we've been room mates, I haven't once come home to find another girl with him or heard him sneaking in past midnight with a female giggling and kissing all over him.

I never find phone numbers in his pockets or lipstick on his collar.. So maybe he just doesn't date?

He grumbled something as his hand reached out, resting across the nape of my neck. He scooted me closer to his body so I was completely pressed against him, clinging to him again and nipping at my lips, he mumbled into the kiss, "That's better. Just stay right there." and I whimpered, gripping at him, my legs biting into his hips to bring me even closer to his body. My hand dragged through his hair and I could taste the energy drink on his lips as we kissed. He groaned and nipped at my lower lip. "Vanilla lipgloss." he mused as I nodded. "Tastes good.. Sweet."

His hands wandered up my sides, cupping my breasts, pushing them together as he let this low growl leave his lips and he bit his lip, his gaze meeting mine. "So soft." his voice was quieter and huskier, his slight accent thicker when he spoke. I could feel wetness flooding my thighs and instinctively, I felt them clench and I tried to catch up and process what was evidently happening.

"Dean?" "Yeah, babe?" he met my gaze and then he rubbed himself against me, his cock strained against his jeans as he admitted, "Two fuckin years, babe.. Danced around the way I felt about ya for two fuckin years. But tonight.. Tonight when ya threw yourself at me because that spider freaked ya out.. I can't keep it in anymore." and I whimpered, rubbing against him in return, craving the friction.

"You have no idea, do you?" I muttered against his lips, looking into his eyes. "I feel the same way."

"Why didn't ya say somethin?" he asked, a confused look. "I have seen the women you work with? And yeah.. I'm just me."

"I fuckin hate spiders." he muttered and I added with a nod, "Me too.. But that one kind of did us a solid?"

"I still hate 'em. Ya probably the only person I've ever willingly killed one for." Dean admitted and I leaned in, stealing a kiss as I smiled against his lips and held his face in my hands. "Aww.. You know, when you're not being a grump, you can be a real sweetheart."

"Keep that between us." Dean chuckled as he picked me up, carrying me down the hall to his room…

#dean ambrose #dean ambrose x reader #dean ambrose one shot #dean ambrose fanfiction #amber.writes.wrasslin.

120 notes · View notes

lodelss · 4 years

Link

Soraya Roberts | Longreads | March 2020 | 10 minutes (2,569 words)

“Can I talk to you in private?” No one wants to hear those words. The impulse is to assume you’ve done something egregiously wrong. The expectation is that you are about to be punished. The conviction is so strong that the only good thing about it is that, at least initially, you can suffer without anyone else knowing about it. You might even thank the punisher for coming to you directly, for keeping it between just the two of you. It’s the least someone can do when they are about to theoretically ruin your life.

A lot has been written about privacy online, in terms of information, in terms of being policed. Ecuador is currently rushing to pass a data protection law after a breach affected as many as 20 million people — more than the country’s population. A lot has also been written about callout and cancel culture, about people being targeted and cast off (if only temporarily), their entire history dredged up and subjected to ex post facto judgement; Caroline Flack, the British television presenter who recently committed suicide while being hounded in the press and online amid allegations she had assaulted her on-again, off-again boyfriend, was seen as its latest casualty. But there hasn’t been a lot of talk about the hazier in-between, about interpersonal privacy online, about missteps once dealt with confidentially by a friend or a colleague or a boss, about the discrete errors we make that teach equally discrete lessons so as not to be repeated in public. That’s not how it is anymore, not in a world tied together by social media. Paper trails aren’t just emails anymore; they take in any move you make online, most notably on social media, and the entire internet is your peevish HR rep. We’re all primed — and able — to admonish institutions and individuals: “Because of social media, marginalized people like myself can express ourselves in a way that was not possible before,” Sarah Hagi wrote in Time last year. “That means racist, sexist, and bigoted behavior or remarks don’t fly like they used to.”

Which is to say that a lot of white people are fucking up, as usual, but now everyone, including white people and people of color, are publicly vilifying them for it as tech’s unicorn herders cash in on the eternal flames. And it’s even worse than in the scarlet letter days: the more attention the worse the punishment, and humiliation online has the capacity for infinite reach. As Sarah John tweeted after one particular incident that left a person hospitalized, “No one knows how to handle cancel culture versus accountability.”

* * *

“Is that blood?” That was my first question after a friend of mine sent me a message with a link to a few tweets by a person I’d never heard of, the editor-in-chief of a small site. The majority of the site’s staff had just resigned, the impetus being a semi-viral tweet, since deleted, of a DM the editor had sent a Twitter chat in 2016: “I was gonna reply to this with ‘nigga say what?’ Then I was like holy shite that’s racist, I can’t say that on twitter.” According to Robert Daniels at the Balder and Dash blog on rogerebert.com, tweeters, mostly white, piled on — some even called the EIC’s workplace demanding they be fired — before the office-wide resignation. Videos embedded in the tweets I saw showed the editor crying through an apology. (Longreads contacted the editor for comment; they’ve asked to remain anonymous for their health and safety.)

Initially I thought the videos were just a mea culpa, but then I saw a flash of red. Though the details are muddied by a scrubbed social media history, the editor appeared to have harmed themselves. Ex-colleagues rushed to their aid, however, and they were eventually hospitalized. If that wasn’t horrible enough, a filmmaker named Jason Lei Howden decided to avenge the EIC. With scant information, apparently, he targeted individuals on Twitter who weren’t involved in the initial pile-on, specifically blaming two people of color for the crisis — Valerie Complex and Dark Sky Lady, who had not in fact bullied anyone but had blogged about Howden. The official Twitter account of Howden’s new film, Guns Akimbo, got mixed up in the targeted attacks, threatening the release of the film.

There are multiple levels to this that I don’t understand. First, why that DM was released; why didn’t the person simply confront the EIC directly? Second, why did the editor’s staff, people who knew them personally, each issue individual public statements about their resignations into an already-growing pile-on? (I don’t so much wonder about the pile-on itself because I know about the online disinhibition effect, about how the less you know a person online, the more you are willing to destroy them.) Third, why the hell did that filmmaker get involved, and without any information? Why did the white man with all the clout attack a nebulous entity he called “woke twitter” — presumably code for “people of color” — and point a finger at specific individuals while also denying their response to one of the most inflammatory words in the English language (didn’t they realize it was an “ironic joke,” he scoffed)? As Daniels wrote, “This became a cycle of blindspots, and a constant blockage of discussing race, suicide, and alliance.” Why, at no point, did anyone stop to think about the actual people involved, about maybe taking this private, to a place where everything wasn’t telegraphed and distorted?

Paper trails aren’t just emails anymore; they take in any move you make online, most notably on social media, and the entire internet is your peevish HR rep.

I had the same question after the BFI/Thirst Aid Kit controversy. In mid-February, the British Film Institute officially announced the monthlong film series THIRST: Female Desire on Screen, curated by film critic Christina Newland and timed to coincide with the release of her first book, She Found It at the Movies (full disclosure: I was asked to participate, but my pitch was not accepted). The promotional image included an illustration of a woman biting her lip, artwork similar to that of three-year-old podcast Thirst Aid Kit (TAK), a show that covers the intersection of pop culture and thirst. Newland later told The Guardian she wondered about the “optics,” but as a freelancer with no say on the final design, she deferred to the BFI. She had in fact twice approached TAK cohost Nichole Perkins to contribute to her book (the podcast’s other cohost is Bim Adewunmi). Perkins told me in an email that she wanted to, but her work load eventually prevented her. And while TAK did share the book’s preorder link, the BFI ultimately failed to include the podcasters in the film series as speakers, or even just as shout-outs in the publicity notes — doubly odd, given that Adewunmi is London-based. Quote-tweeting the BFI’s announcement and tagging both the institute and Newland, TAK responded, “Wow! This sounds great. Hope our invitation arrives soon!”

The predictable result was a Newland pile-on in which she was accused of erasing black women’s work, followed by a TAK pile-on — though Perkins told me her personal account was “full of support and kindness” — for claiming ownership over a term that preceded them. All three women ended up taking time away from Twitter (which is a sacrifice for journalists whose audience depends on social media) though Newland has since returned. I asked Perkins if she had thought about dealing with the situation privately at first. “I did consider reaching out to Christina before quote-tweeting, yes,” she wrote. “I wonder if she considered reaching out to us, especially after she saw the artwork for the season and admittedly noticed ‘something going on with the optics,’ as she is quoted as saying in The Guardian.” Eventually, the BFI contacted Perkins and Adewunmi and released a statement apologizing “for their erasure from the conversation we are hoping to create from this season” and announcing a change of imagery. They also noted that Newland, as a guest programmer, was not responsible for their marketing mistake, though no reason was given for their omission. “I have no idea why the BFI or Ms Newland didn’t include Thirst Aid Kit in the literature about the Thirst season,” Adewunmi wrote to me. “I was glad, however, to see the institution acknowledge that initial erasure, as well as issue an apology, in their released statement.”

At around the same time, a similar situation was unravelling in the food industry. Rage Baking: The Transformative Power of Flour, Fury, and Women’s Voices, an anthology edited by former Food Network VP Katherine Alford and NPR’s Kathy Gunst, was published in early February. The collection of more than 50 recipes and essays presents baking as “a way to defend, resist, and protest” and was supposedly inspired by the 2016 election. The hashtag #ragebaking was used to promote the book on social media in January, which brought it to the attention of a woman named Tangerine Jones, whose Instagram followers believed the idea had been stolen from her and alerted her — and the rest of the world. Unprompted by Jones, Alford and Gunst DM’d her to say they had learned the term elsewhere and that the book was “a celebration of this movement.” Jones called them out publicly, publishing their DMs in a Medium essay entitled “The Privilege of Rage,” in which she described how she came up with the concept of rage baking — using the #ragebaking hashtag and the ragebaking.com URL — five years ago, as an outlet for racial injustice. “In my kitchen, I was reminded that I wasn’t powerless in the face of f**kery,” she wrote. Jones’s supporters started a pile-on, her article shared by big names like Rebecca Traister, who had contributed to the collection and requested that her contribution be removed from future editions.

In an abrupt turn of events, the Jones advocates were promptly confronted with advocates of the book, who redirected the pile-on back at Jones for kicking up a fuss. “It is beyond f**ked up that my questioning the authors’ intentions and actions is being framed as detrimental to the success of other black women,” she tweeted. Their silence resounding, the Simon and Schuster imprint ultimately issued a statement that failed to acknowledge their mistake and instead proposed “in the spirit of communal activism” to include Jones in subsequent printings. Unappeased, the baker called out the “apology” she received privately from Alford and Gunst, who told her they were donating a portion of the proceeds to the causes she included in her post (though their public apology didn’t mention that), and asked if she would be interviewed as part of the reprint. “Throwing black women under the bus is part of White Feminist legacy,” Jones tweeted. “That is not the legacy I stand in, nor will I step in that trap.”

Kickstart your weekend reading by getting the week’s best Longreads delivered to your inbox every Friday afternoon.

According to Lisa Nakamura, a University of Michigan professor who studies digital media, race, and intersectionality, cancel culture comes from trying to wrest control in a context in which there is little. It’s almost become a running joke the way Twitter protects right-wing zealots while everyone else gets pummeled by them. It follows then that marginalized populations, the worst hit, would attempt to use the platform to reclaim the power they have so often been denied. But as much as social media may sometimes seem like the only place to claim accountability, it is also the worst place to do it. In a Medium post following their Howden hounding, Dark Sky Lady argued that calling out is not bullying, which is true — but the effects on Twitter are often the same. “The goal of bullying is to destroy,” they wrote. “The goal of calling out and criticizing is to improve.” Online, there appears to be no improvement without destruction in every direction, including the destruction of those seeking change. On one end, a group of white people — the EIC, Newland, Alford, Gunst — was destroyed professionally for erring; on the other were the POC — Perkins, Adewunmi, Jones — who were personally destroyed, whose pain was minimized, whose sympathy was expected when they got none. The anger was undoubtedly justified. Less justified was the lack of responsibility for how it was deployed — publicly, disproportionately, with countless people’s hurt revisited on specific individuals, all at once.

We know how pile-ons work now; it’s no defense to claim good intentions (or lack of bad intentions). There were few gains for either side in any of these cases, with the biggest going to the social media machine that feeds on public shame and provides no solution, gorging on the pain of everyone involved without actually providing constructive way forward, creating an ever-renewing cycle of suffering. A former intern for the ousted EIC tweeted that she understood the impulse to critique cancel culture and support the editor, but noted that “there is something sad about the fact that my boss used a racial slur, and I am not allowed to criticize.”

* * *

So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed author Jon Ronson told Maclean’s in 2015 that one of his biggest fears is being defined by one mistake, and that a number of journalists had basically told him, “I live in terror.” I am no exception. Just recently I experienced a comparatively tame callout on Twitter, and even that moderate critique made me drop an entire book project, wonder about a job opportunity that subsequently dissolved, and second-guess every story idea I’ve had since. The situation was somewhat helpful in making me a more considerate person but was exponentially more helpful in making me anxious and in inspiring hateful fantasies about people I had never met. I am 100 percent certain that the first gain would have been made just as successfully had people spoken to me privately and would have saved me from the second part becoming so extreme that I had to leave social media to recalibrate. The overwhelming sense I’m left with is that if I say something that someone doesn’t like, even something justifiable, my detractors will counter with disproportionate force to make whatever point it is they want to make about an issue that’s larger than just me. What kind of discourse is that which mutes from the start, which turns every disagreement into a fight to the death, which provides no opportunity for anyone to learn from their failures? How do we progress with no space to do it?

“I think we need to remember democracy. When somebody transgresses in a democracy, other people give them their points of view, they tell them what they’ve done wrong, there’s a debate, people listen to each other. That’s how democracy should be,” Ronson told Vox five years ago. “Whereas, on social media, it’s not a democracy. Everybody’s agreeing with each other and approving each other, and then, if somebody transgresses, we disproportionately punish them. We tear them apart, and we don’t want to listen to them.” The payment for us is huge — almost as big as the payout for the tech bros who feign impartiality when their priority is clearly capital and nothing else. This is a punitive environment in which we are treating one another like dogs, shoving each other’s noses into the messes we have made. Offline, people are not defined by the errors they make, but by the changes they make when they are confronted with those errors, a kind of long game that contradicts the very definition of Twitter or Facebook or Instagram. The irony of public shaming on social media is that social media itself is the only thing that deserves it.

* * *

Soraya Roberts is a culture columnist at Longreads.

#IFTTT #Blogger

0 notes

lovequotescom · 4 years

Text

Ways To Get Away From Default With Education Loan Rehabilitation

For those who haven’t held present along with your education loan financial obligation, you may be in standard. Your student education loans are put in standard in over 270 days if you haven’t made a payment on them. If your loans get into default, they typically transfer over from student loan servicing business to an assortment agency. With Federal figuratively speaking, there clearly was a very particular procedure and collection agency that follows up.

If you’re willing to regain control of your education loan financial obligation, here you will find the actions to have your student education loans out of standard student loan rehabilitation that is using.

The results of Student Loan Default

Education loan standard is really a place that is tough be. Whenever your loans come in default, you lose the capacity to execute a complete great deal of things.

First, your credit rating will be ruined. It may need years to have that rating straight straight back, however in the short-term, it is likely to be low. You should check your credit rating any moment using a free solution like Credit Karma, that also has great tools for handling the debt.

Second, your loan that is defaulted is assigned to an assortment agency that will be in charge of recovering the maximum amount of of this financial obligation that you can. The debt are restored in many methods, including wage garnishments, taxation reimbursement offsets, also Social protection garnishments. When you yourself have education loan financial obligation and any type of earnings, the us government will require a number of it to settle the loans.

Third, you’re going become dealing with great deal of anxiety while you undertake the method. Having your loans away from standard will be time intensive and expensive. Recognize that now so the procedure is a tad bit more transparent.

Action # 1 – Find Your Loans

The very first thing you should do is re-track down your student education loans. Lots of people in standard have actually just lost connection with their loan providers or abandoned attempting to keep track of the loans.

For those who have Federal student education loans, it is possible to locate defaulted loans through a method called MyEdDebt maintained by the U.S. Department of Education. You have access to it right right here: https: //www. Myeddebt. Ed.gov

You have far less options if you have private loans. Typically, you ought to speak to your bank, or even the collection agency assigned to your loan. You will find typically maybe maybe maybe not rehabilitation options, however you may have the ability to accept a reduced quantity or negotiate a repayment plan.

Action # 2 – Assess The Options

You have got three choices to get the student education loans away from standard. They aren’t great, but there these are typically:

1. Pay from the Loan: One selection for getting away from standard is repaying your student that is defaulted loan complete. This typically isn’t a choice for anybody, if not the mortgage would have gone into n’t standard. Nonetheless, it can occur.

2. Loan Consol interest price.

A defaulted student that is federal could be incorporated into a consolidation loan when you’ve made plans because of the Department of Education making a few voluntary re re payments ( speak to your college for information on making re payments for a Perkins Loan). Frequently, you will be needed to make at the very least three consecutive, voluntary, and on-time repayments prior to consolidation.

3. Loan Rehabilitation: An alternative choice to get your loan away from standard is loan rehabilitation. To rehabilitate your Direct Loan or FFEL Program loan, both you and also the Department of Education must agree with a reasonable and payment plan https://speedyloan.net/reviews/cashland that is affordable. (consider, contact your college for the Perkins Loan)

Action # 3 – Complete Scholar Loan Rehabilitation

Your loan is rehabilitated just once you’ve voluntarily made the agreed-upon re payments on time and the mortgage is bought by way of a loan provider. Outstanding collection expenses could be put into the balance that is principal. For this reason it is crucial that you not default, since it will definitely cost a complete much more.

These collection expenses can truly add as much as 18.5per cent for the unpaid balance that is principal accrued interest into the major balance for the loan.

Note: re re Payments that have been already gathered from you—for example, through wage garnishments or through legal action taken against you to definitely collect your defaulted loan—do not count toward your rehabilitation re re re payments.

As soon as your loan is rehabilitated, you might regain eligibility for advantages that have been available on the loan just before defaulted. Those advantages can sometimes include deferment, forbearance, a range of payment plans, loan forgiveness, and eligibility for extra student aid that is federal. Many of these advantages might be available prior to others.

Determining The Most Suitable Choice

This can be done your self, however it could be a challenging and hassle. You can begin by calling your loan provider and requesting help. They’ve been compensated by the U.S. National that will help you along with your education loan financial obligation. You need (remember, it is a call center), they are a good starting point for most questions while they might not have all the answers.

If you’re not exactly certain the place to start or what you should do, start thinking about employing a CFA to assist you along with your figuratively speaking. We suggest The scholar Loan Planner to assist you come up with a good plan that is financial your education loan financial obligation. Have a look at The Student Loan Planner right right here.

Avoiding Education Loan Default Once Again

When you’ve rehabilitated your loans, your loan re payments could be greater than they certainly were previously, particularly because of the greater loan quantity utilizing the fees that are added expenses. As a result, it is essential to prevent education loan default once more.

Among the simplest methods for this is always to ensure that you choose a student-based loan payment plan that you could manage. You can find income-based choices which could make plenty of feeling if you’re fighting which will make payments underneath the standard plan. Plus, several of those income-based payment plans consist of some sort of “secret” education loan forgiveness.

Ensure that you ensure it is a focus to cover from the loans moving forward.

Filed Under: Federal Editorial Disclaimer: viewpoints expressed right right right here are author’s alone, maybe maybe not those of any bank, charge card issuer, air companies or resort string, or any other advertiser and possess not been reviewed, authorized or perhaps endorsed by some of these entities.

Comment Policy: We invite visitors to react with questions or responses. Remarks can be held for moderation as they are susceptible to approval. Responses are entirely the views of the writers’. The reactions when you look at the responses here are maybe maybe maybe not supplied or commissioned by any advertiser. Reactions haven’t been evaluated, authorized or otherwise endorsed by any organization. It’s not anybody’s obligation to make sure all posts and/or concerns are answered.

About Robert Farrington

Robert Farrington is America’s Millennial Money Professional, additionally the creator regarding the College Investor, a individual finance site aimed at helping millennials escape education loan financial obligation to start out investing and building wide range money for hard times. You can find out more about him right right here.

One of is own tools that are favorite private Capital, which allows him to handle their funds in simply 15-minutes each month. On top of that – it really is free!

He could be also diversifying their investment profile with the addition of a small little bit of genuine property. Not leasing houses, because he does not want a 2nd task, it is diversified little assets in a mixture of properties through Fundrise. Worth a appearance if you should be hunting for a dollar that is low to buy property.

Commentary

Having an issue that is major FED Loan Servicing. M loans have been around in presence for a very long time and have been in good standing. Back May of 2015 in filed a forbearance because of a pending surgery and I knew i might never be in a position to attend graduate college until I experienced healed. In December i obtained a page from a third party company saying i must check always my account. To my amazement absolutely nothing have been done. Chirs, the business representative, assisted me with filling in the papers and also the forebearance ended up being set. We pulled my credit file and there was clearly a neg mark on my account from Federal Loan Servicing. Wow. Also though they went back and straightened it out it’s still to my credit file. Just just What do I do now. I will be nevertheless focusing on towards my doctorates, but is almost certainly not in a position to get a job that is decent my credit history it examined, We don’t need to begin repaying loans for a time. Nevertheless, i can’t purchase a motor automobile or home now due to the rating. Assist.

L’article Ways To Get Away From Default With Education Loan Rehabilitation est apparu en premier sur The Love Quotes | Looking for Love Quotes ? Top rated Quotes Magazine & repository, we provide you with top quotes from around the world.

from WordPress https://ift.tt/3bJvO5b via IFTTT

0 notes

junker-town · 7 years

Text

NFL Panic Index 2017, Week 5: Eli Manning leading his team in rushing TDs is a GIANT problem

Seattle’s snakebit on running backs. Eli Manning leads the Giants in rushing TDs. Matt Ryan doesn’t look like an MVP. There’s plenty to panic about in Week 5.

The Seattle offense had a slow start against the Colts, but when things started rolling in the second half, the Seahawks blew the game wide open. But just when the team was putting the finishing touches on a 46-18 win, rookie running back Chris Carson fractured his leg.

The seventh-round pick climbed to the starting spot in Seattle, but now they’ll have to go to the next man up, which isn’t anything to the Seahawks because they have the worst running back luck ever.

It started when Mr. Reliable, Marshawn Lynch, needed sports hernia surgery in 2015 — right after he got a two-year, $24 million extension — and missed most of the season. He promptly retired during the Super Bowl a few weeks after the Seahawks were eliminated.

But Thomas Rawls looked like the next star in the Seahawks backfield. Or at least until he fractured his ankle at the end of his rookie season, and then fractured his fibula in Week 2 of the next season.

C.J. Prosise briefly looked like he’d take the reins with 234 total yards on 30 touches in two starts during the 2016 season, but a fractured scapula ended that momentum.

Others like Eddie Lacy, Christine Michael and Robert Turbin have had a chance to step up, but haven’t done much with the job.

Panic index: Losing Carson is disappointing for the Seahawks, but the biggest concern is the team’s offensive line. Asking anyone to hammer out more than a few yards per carry is a tall ask, but J.D. McKissic gave some reason to be hopeful. It’s not time to panic, but some decent luck at running back would be a welcomed change in Seattle.

The Rams were 3-1 last year too, and that didn’t end well

The Los Angeles Rams look like a good football team! They’ve started off the season 3-1, which is tied for the second-best record in the league. Pretty good, right?

Well, the Rams also started off 3-1 last season. They’d go on to finish 4-12 — not good!

The Rams have actually looked much different this time around, though. They’re fifth in the NFL in total offense, and have the No. 1 scoring offense. Their first three wins of last season was really just the Rams getting by. They had a -13 point differential, a -442 yardage difference, and a five-point average margin of victory.

This year, those numbers are immensely better. They have a +37 point differential, a +64 yardage differential, and a 14.7 average margin of victory. Jared Goff actually looks like the player the Rams hoped he could be, and Todd Gurley looks like the old Todd Gurley.

Panic index: Jeff Fisher is gone, Jared Goff is good, Todd Gurley is back, and the defense is making plays when they need them. The only panic should be about the lack of people in seats.

The Dolphins are regressing on schedule

Last year, the Dolphins were almost the reverse Rams. They started out so cold that their only win in the first five weeks was an overtime victory over the Browns, but then Adam Gase’s team went on a tear, eventually earning a spot in the playoffs.

This year, Miami’s start to the season looks the same. The Dolphins are 1-2, with their only win coming against the 0-4 Chargers. Then they almost got shut out by the Jets (the Jets!), and then did get shut out by the Saints, whose perennially awfully defense hadn’t blanked any team in five years.

But that was in London, and London games can get weird. Gase doesn’t seem too worried, either:

#Dolphins coach Adam Gase, who has a way with words: “It's not time to panic. We've been way worse than this.”

— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) October 1, 2017

But why isn’t he? The Dolphins were always a top candidate to regress this year, and not only because Ryan Tannehill was lost before the season even began. Last year’s team rode a weak schedule and close wins to an 10-6 record. They went just 1-4 against teams that finished the season with a winning record.

This year, while Jay Cutler’s getting paid $10 million to basically show up and do the bare minimum like an 18-year-old with a bad case of senioritis, the schedule is much harder. None of the Dolphins’ opponents for the rest of the season have a losing record right now. That includes the Bills (twice), Patriots (twice), Falcons, Raiders, Broncos, and Chiefs. A turnaround like last season is much more improbable.

Panic index: It’s hard to panic too much about something we all thought was coming anyway. But here’s the best advice we can give to Dolphins fans: Follow Cutler’s lead and try not to give any effs.

Matt Ryan doesn’t look like an MVP

When the Falcons started 3-0, it looked like they might cruise right to the top of the NFC again this season. But over the past couple of weeks, Matt Ryan has looked like a shadow of the player who was named MVP and Offensive Player of the Year last season.

Ryan went nine regular season and postseason games from 2016 to 2017 without throwing a single pick. He’s thrown five of them over the past two games against the Lions and the Bills.

A step back was expected this season for Ryan and Atlanta’s offense. Former offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan was a play-calling genius whose talent got him the head coaching job with the 49ers this offseason. Steve Sarkisian, Shanahan’s replacement, had no experience calling plays at the pro level before accepting this role with the Falcons.

The Falcons still pulled off the win against the Lions. They lost to the Bills, but Buffalo is actually good this season. Still, Ryan’s performance over the past couple of weeks look like a bigger setback than anyone expected.

Panic index: There’s some context needed here. Atlanta’s starting right tackle, Ryan Schraeder, is out with a concussion, and the right guard, Wes Schweitzer, is inexperienced. Plus, Julio Jones and Mohamed Sanu both left Atlanta’s Week 4 loss to Buffalo with injuries. Let the Falcons get through their Week 5 bye and get healthy and the offense, and Ryan, should rebound.

Sean McDermott has an addiction ... to coachspeak

Every coach does it. They say inane things to answer questions without actually revealing anything of substance. But Sean McDermott took it to another level.

#Bills HC Sean McDermott: "If we're going to get addicted to anything, let's get addicted to the #process"

— Joe Buscaglia (@JoeBuscaglia) October 2, 2017

The good news is that the #process is not a banned substance under the league’s policy on substance abuse or the PED policy. So if the Bills are going to get hooked on something, the process seems like a safe enough place to start.

Panic index: The Bills are on top of the AFC East, so if they’re addicted to the process, it’s working.

Eli Manning is the Giants’ leader in rushing touchdowns

New York hasn’t done a great job of fixing its rushing woes of 2016. Through four games, Paul Perkins is the team’s leading rusher with *61* yards. Eli Manning is fifth on the team in rushing yards with 21, and has the only rushing touchdown on the season.

It was this spectacular athletic feat:

That 14-yard run was the team’s longest rushing touchdown since 2015. It also broke a streak of 21 games without a 10-plus yard rushing touchdown for the Giants.

Eli. Manning.

Panic index: The Giants are 0-4, and have no running game to help open up the pass. Something’s gotta be done — and they have to hope rookie Wayne Gallman can be that spark.

The NFL is home to entirely too many bad starting quarterbacks in Week 5

Week 5 will feature some dire quarterback situations. Derek Carr’s back injury will throw EJ Manuel into Oakland’s starting lineup; Manuel is 6-11 all time as a starter. If Marcus Mariota’s hamstring strain keeps him from playing, the Titans will have to turn to thrift store mannequin Matt Cassel in his place.

And then you have the veteran starters who have been microwaved trash. Jay Cutler is earning $10 million to throw for fewer than six yards per pass. Blake Bortles is completing less than 55 percent of his passes. Joe Flacco, in the midst of his worst season as a pro, has thrown for just 150 yards per game.

Some help is on the horizon. Mike Glennon has been yanked for Mitchell Trubisky, who despite his rookie status, can’t realistically be much worse than his predecessor. Andrew Luck has returned to practice, which means the Tolzien-Brissett era in Indianapolis is coming to a close. Sam Bradford could return, uh, well anytime, according to his entirely unspecific coach Mike Zimmer.

But those glimmers of hope won’t help in places like Jacksonville, Baltimore, and San Francisco — all of whom could be looking at a lost season after just one month of play.

Panic index: Seems like there are a whole bunch of teams who could use a quarterback who once led his team to the Super Bowl. If only there were one who wasn’t signed for 2017...

Every game is an away game for the Chargers

There’s no such thing as home-field advantage for the Chargers. They’ve had three games in a row in their temporary stadium, the StubHub Center in Los Angeles. It’s a tiny stadium by NFL standards, with just 27,000 seats. But the Chargers can’t seem to bring in their own fans to fill them.

It was so bad on Sunday that when Eagles linebacker Jordan Hicks tried to rile up the crowd to make things more difficult for Philip Rivers and the Chargers offense, it worked.

“Sixteen away-game season! Every game’s an away game,” a Chargers player yelled in the locker room after the loss to Philadelphia, according to Jack Wang of the Orange County Register.

Rivers tried to be a bit more circumspect when speaking to the media after the game, but admitted the crowd noise was a factor.

“I don’t think, in a lot of ways, it compares to other teams having three home games,” he said. “Yeah, it’s tough.”

The Chargers have nearly sold out every game at the StubHub Center, so attendance isn’t a problem. The problem is that their fans aren’t the ones showing up.

Panic index: The Chargers aren’t very good, and that makes winning over fans in a new city a lot more difficult. But look on the bright side: At least they only have five home games left on the schedule.

0 notes