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levmada · 2 years

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ftm!Levi headcanons [Erurihan]

FINALLY! the last part!! read part 1 here.

i go over Levi Squad in this one, plus hormone therapy, more stuff about binding, and (it's about time) smut. Finishing out this series with years 848-850 !

wc: ~4k

//gender confusion, extensive talk about chest-binding +overuse, gender dysphoria mentions, lots of insecurity in sex, masculine terms for genitalia in place of female ones, lots of smut near the end (as usual, mdnf/i)

some of these headcanons are also just my personal opinion! feel free to disagree but don't be mean, please <3

Year 5 (848)

(Original) Levi Squad

We know very little about how Levi exactly.. got his own squad, except that he chose them himself. [I personally like how this author on ao3 wrote it, as a subplot in an Eruri.. but still.] Thus, let’s skip the pleasantries.

It goes without saying that Petra and Oluo are particularly popular beside Gunther and Eld lol - I have more hcs about the former two anyway, so I want to cover the others first.

Eld&Gunther

Eld is portrayed in canon as Levi’s second-in-command in a way. If something more vital has Levi’s attention, or he has to leave for a while, Eld is put in charge of executing Levi’s orders to a tee until he returns. Clearly, there’s a candid trust between them.

Eld respects the Captain just on principle—but the fact that Levi returns that trust is equally important. He strikes me as someone who sort of knew, without anyone having to say anything, but cared so little of how Levi’s identity affected his leadership that Eld accepts him as-is and doesn’t see him as any different for it. They have a good camaraderie. (And for funsies, based on vibes alone I think Eld is bisexual... with a preference towards women.)

God help that I can’t remember much about Gunther at all. As a fairly reasonable man (given all I’ve got in terms of character is how he reacted when Eren accidentally transformed that one time…?), Gunther is probably fairly the same as Eld. He trusts Levi, and isn’t too interesting as far as what these hcs are all about. If ever there was demand for Gunther in any other context, he’d warrant more attention. Not now tho. (Except for funsies, i feel he's straight. hehe)

Oluo

Oluo… oh boy… 😭 I feel like he’d be really obnoxious for no reason, without reading the room, so to speak. He just thinks he’s hilarious and doesn’t understand why no one’s laughing—poor guy.

Petra would jump on his ass so much when he brought up sensitive topics, too. It’s not as if he’s transphobic, but upon Levi finally giving in to recruit him onto the Special Operations Squad (because ain’t no way Oluo wasn’t brave enough to march into Levi’s office and request his recruitment on multiple occasions)—Oluo even before then would be giving him the look, you know? Idk if this is an individual experience, but as a passing trans person, in the presence of new people it’s easy to tell when someone is sizing you up, trying to figure you out. This isn’t exclusive to transphobes either, but they definitely make it more obvious lmao.

The side-eye… definitely staring a little. Oluo would quite quickly get over the way Levi makes him—and most, for that matter—cower with fear, and ask: “Can I ask you a personal question, Captain?”

Levi knew Oluo’s incessant quizzing was inevitable (because Oluo copies idolizes him, a lot) but Levi isn’t expecting it when he asks whether he’s a man or a woman.

“Are you serious?” Levi deadpans, and doesn’t give Oluo a chance to respond. “Never ask me such a braindead question again. Get outta my sight.”

On the bright side: Oluo is clueless, but supportive! Any jokes he makes (such as chiding Petra for her admiration for Levi by saying, Oh? Are you jealous of his figure?) are met by a roll of the eyes from Gunther and Petra almost always swiftly bopping him on the head lol. He doesn’t mean to be offensive, and if the Captain is nearby and hears one... Well, Oluo will definitely remember what’s okay (tolerated) to joke about and what’s strictly off-limits after that.

I don’t think he would understand Levi’s situation, per se, but again, he tries. He’s—more than anyone in Levi Squad—one to speak up and comment that Levi looks very handsome on days he is most definitely in a horrible mood. Oluo thinks he’ll get brownie points in return; he won’t, but Levi quietly, silently, doesn’t mind his compliments.

(Cis (questioning) straight man.)

Petra

omg Petra: so tender, so kind. I feel like she, like Eld, was perceptive enough to notice Levi’s softer facial features, the shape of his hips, etc etc. I don't think there’s established hormone therapy in aot, or more.. overt medical changes like top surgery and such—so it inspires questions in her. Petra will feel guilty about it though; it’s not her business after all, not that her Captain being transgender even affects her in any way.

Also, Petra knows all about it. The reason for this is because—as it happens for all—she just had a feeling. There’s no one she trusted more with this info than Levi, having overheard a very surface-level explanation of that facet of him from Hange once. Get them talking about someone so dear to them as Levi or Erwin, and they can’t stop (they were drunk).

“Ohhh! And those eyes of his—Erwin is such a poet, he compares Levi’s eyes to moonlight!” As if this were a scientific anomaly, they giggle and kick their feet. “Ah, I need more whiskey.”

Miche watches on mildly, smirking, but Petra is interested, anxiously tracing the rim of her tankard of beer with her fingertip. “Huh. Is that so?"

“Yes! He’s much like me, too. It’s nice, because Levi is so patient, and he understands what it’s like to be.. Hmm...” Hange chortles, then slurs, “...Nevermind. Here he comes now!”

Petra straightens up immediately, and Levi doesn’t know what conversation was just abruptly extinguished—but something’s off. Fresh drinks in his hand, he has half the mind to ask, but Petra is so flustered, stiff as a board that he decides it’s probably better not to.

Petra doesn’t strike to me as someone who’s trans in a binary way—but places herself in a foggy place somewhere on the nonbinary spectrum. Maybe I also hc her as a closeted bisexual because she once walked in on Nanaba in the washrooms (hehe).

At some point, as close as she and Levi are as comrades, she does bring up the topic. She’d probably be nervous, tiptoeing around the question like eggshells.

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, sir, but.. uhm.”

As fierce as she is, Levi is used to Petra being nervous around him, but never so much as when fragile topics are concerned.

“What? Out with it already.”

“Are you…” Her brows pinch together. “Transgender? As in, born a female, but you’ve transitioned—no disrespect, but I was curious—I’m sorry, I know it isn’t my business—but er, I’m sorry, Levi…” Her cheeks are flaming. “...But I had a personal problem I thought you could help me with.”

And once Petra gets over the mortification of her rambling, Levi does in fact help her. While this twisted facet of himself has followed him all his life—he hates to talk about it—Levi is surprisingly candid with her. If in any way she feels similarly to him (or anyone for that matter) he’ll help; he knows how hellish it is to cope w/ it, clueless and alone.

more on Hange, Levi and Erwin

Mm. As I've said before, relationships are almost never clearly defined in aot. That is, not so much ‘I love you’ and more ‘I trust you more than anyone to support me’.

A relationship between Levi, Hange and Erwin is as candid as eating meals together; the latter two helping him to read and write in his first years with the Corps; lingering touches, like scratching Levi’s undercut or the latter being caught staring at Erwin too many times not to poke fun at; Levi getting a tiny cut that Hange inadvertently caused and them fretting over him as if he's within an inch of his life.

The mutual trust and affection isn’t labeled, and it doesn’t often need to be said—their love speaks for itself.

Binder problems

Hange

Hange wears a binder too. I haven’t delved into their gender too much, but seeing how it’s confirmed to be vague/open to interpretation by Isayama (the creator of aot) - I believe they’re afab (assigned female at birth) and on the androgynous bit of the nonbinary spectrum, rather than them being born intersex or male.

They’re such a workaholic lol, definitely one to wear their binder for too long without realizing - only for Erwin or (equally as likely, seeing how he wears one himself) Levi to point it out.

Hange probably has a lot of back pain, ever so often grimacing and bracing the small of their back with their palms. Once Moblit becomes their assistant Levi and Erwin have much less reason to grieve over it, thankfully <3

But, and this is pretty obvious—binding one’s chest while on expeditions isn’t exactly proactive, or in fights at all really: the fabric constricts the chest and requires breaks to stretch and take off. I don’t believe dysphoria would be as severe for Hange, what with growing up on the surface (presumably, with more ease of access to support) and the value of their intelligence speaking for their reputation more than anything else about them.. So, if they don’t take a break from binding or something else just as important—it's 'cos they forgot to (lol). Regardless, the fact is, if they are feeling dysphoric or insecure, they’re more likely to speak of it very blithely as if it doesn’t affect them at all.

Levi

Levi is different. As he’s always done amidst strife or a brutal challenge, he’s one to brush all his grievances to the side and push through it head-on. Besides, he never wants to feel as hopeless as before, and being one of the (discreetly) more emotional characters in aot, his dysphoria impacts him much heavier than Hange. Thus: On a quiet point of an expedition when he’s huffing just to catch his breath and it feels like the coarse fabric is choking the hell out of him, Erwin is quick to order Levi to take care of himself: “You’re too important to lose, Levi, take a break. Thirty minutes at least.”

Levi is nearby (of course), leaning against the same wide table Erwin is stooped over. Maps with plans of strategy are spread across, illuminated by lamplight.

“I won’t let a piece of fabric do me in,” Levi scoffs, but more than that, he won’t chance anyone who isn’t Hange seeing him without it. A cloak can only do so much.

Erwin levels an even gaze with him, never able to quite understand, but is more than compassionate and willing to absolve some of Levi’s pain. He won’t outright force him—because no one can force Levi to do anything—but he won’t allow him to malform his ribcage or bruise his chest.

So, Erwin stands to his full height and unclasps the cape from his collar. As late as it is, the Titans will be still—it’s overzealous to be so geared up anyway.

“Take this.” Erwin steps to his Captain and drapes the much larger fabric in his arms, which Levi is quick to take. With a quick glance towards the tent’s entrance, he allows his hand to glide across Levi’s cheek. “No more excuses.”

“Fine. Whatever,” Levi mutters, soft. There’s a stifling warmth in his chest; gratefulness, tenderness for how he cares for him.

Erwin’s own cape is enormous over his own shoulders, heavier, more secure. It probably looks like a grass-green shawl that flutters all the way down, just above his knees.

Erwin nods, goes to take a step back, but Levi reaches up and yanks him towards his face by the bolo tie looped around his neck. Despite how Levi must lean on his toes and Erwin stoops down, the former kisses him hard to show his thanks.

Really, many of Levi’s feelings are evident if you notice his mannerisms and actions more than all else.

Year 6 (849)

hormones

This is aot: a late-1800s-ish medieval society. I severely doubt HRT (hormone replacement therapy) exists within the universe, let alone gender reassignment surgery😭 Surgery in general with the technology they have would be a dangerous procedure anyway.

But: Seeing how Hange is Hange—I want to believe they figure out an impromptu HRT invention, realistically through direct injections. I don’t think Levi has a problem with needles (at least before… you know), so once Hange enlightens him, assures that it’s safe (with proof to back up their claims, bc it’s Hange)—Levi is chopping at the bit to start the injections.

HRT, particularly FtM testosterone injections, has many effects; I’m not on HRT personally, but I’ve been trans-masculine for many years and I know a thing or two. Thus, I’ll briefly go over how it changes one’s body without too much detail.

Changes

As you can expect, regular HRT injections will give the body more male features: excess body hair, increase in weight/muscle mass, shrinking chest size... Levi isn’t overly prone to the changes in mood it causes I think—that is, increase in aggression—but he becomes horny as hell (as is the nature of testosterone🙃). As well, the clit grows in size—varying by length—and becomes a lot more sensitive; it isn’t a dick now (duh), but the change is obvious.

It’s—for all intents and purposes—a second puberty. Periods taper off and eventually go away, shoulders become broader and muscle+fat is redistributed from the hips and chest to the core, back and arms; the jawline becomes stronger as the body takes a more masculine shape.

Levi gets so fucking excited when his voice starts dropping. Erwin would notice it first, but Levi would’ve realized eventually once it starts cracking when he’s trying to give orders (😭😖). In general, the dysphoria is 10x easier to manage, even though it doesn’t entirely go away. I know Erwin gets a kick out of the baby facial hairs Levi starts growing too😭, and it brings an ever-present serenity to his heart to see Levi’s wellbeing (and mental health in general) improve.

God. Levi would tenderly, discreetly, be so thankful to Hange. I think his heart grows 3 times in size in the year following Levi beginning the HRT. He wouldn’t show it in obvious ways, but he brings them good meals and nice teas when he finds them working late into the night. And they’re both more open to sharing the personal aspects of the whole journey; they’re much closer, just fundamentally.

Year 6–7 (849–850)

Fuckin'

I’ve been waiting for this one. Granted, it’s not guaranteed that these three waited 6 damn years to open the doors to a sexual side of the relationship, but it would be one of the furthest things from ftm!Levi’s mind. (disclaimer: gender dysphoria doesn’t affect everyone in the same way, especially when it comes to sex—I continue to speak from personal experience).

What Levi’s got between his legs is one of his biggest insecurities. A packer will help in most situations, but not when he has to strip bare, especially with a whole man’s man like Erwin Smith. Naturally, Levi has needs, but he has no idea how to meet them. Perhaps he’s faulty in the first place—broken, and it won’t work at all.

Regardless, Hange and Erwin are endlessly patient. No one is very apt even to bring up the topic of sex anyway, unless that’s just where the evening takes them.

I have so many thoughts about this, but maybe: Levi gets to thinking about it after watching Erwin’s shoulders flex one evening as he undresses, or wakes up with his morning wood pressing into his backside; Levi could be on top of Hange, kissing them, and shudder when their hips roll into his; hell, Levi could just be curious.

He wants to, but he harbors so much anxiety, even depression at what he’s got. It’s not like he could fuck Hange in the traditional way, and Erwin is so damn big Levi is irrationally concerned that it’ll hurt too much to get anything out of it (as it is usually taught, incorrectly, that it will always hurt the first time for afab people).

With all this insecurity, he tells no one. Instead, Levi strips down in the bathroom for once, and just looks at himself. He scrutinizes himself so cruelly for so long that he freaks himself out and chickens out on one night he was going to try and bring it up or just pounce on Erwin and see where it went.

It’s not that Levi dislikes how he looks per se, but it’s the stuff he’s made up of, wrong parts grafted onto what should be his mother’s son, the man Levi sees in the mirror. It’s so easy for him to convince himself that Erwin’s standards must be very low (because in no way is he stupid), but that would be an insult to Erwin.

Levi tries to touch himself. It feels good to squeeze, then rub his thighs together (of course) and push against a pillow or his hand, so he’s wet when he reaches down and experimentally strokes up and down, dipping beneath his slit.

He wants to see what feels good. And it does, of course, as someone who never divulges in such a way—Levi would feel his insides fluttering, clenched around nothing and gasp a little.

Touching his bottom growth is different. It’s rounder and thicker, so sensitive he throws his arm over his face, but a strangled sound still hits the air.

It isn’t as tumultuous of an endeavor to get close as it is to keep touching himself: Levi’s hyper-aware of the wet sounds, and his own sounds, too, reminding him relentlessly of his own shame. He smushes a pillow over his mouth just in case, and his entire spine arches off the mattress when he comes, a fiery climax that throws its waves against him. There’s not a chance in hell he’s completely silent, or can think to be when his hips are rutting up into his hand, clenching and pulsing around nothing.

It’s a fucking mind-bending experience. He never in his life imagined a thing could feel so good, but he’s still too nervous to do it again—at least, alone.

first times

After that, things progress in a very casual way, like dominos spilling and winding down in a spiral. Levi perching himself on Erwin’s desk every now and then, especially after hearty dinners they’re not too busy to enjoy to the fullest; when Hange and Levi wake together while Erwin has already been awake for over an hour, swamped in work. Hange’s leaning over and pressing little kisses all down his jaw, his throat, then tucking their face into the tight space there, still foggy from sleep.

There’s not much to establish out loud beforehand except asking to let the other know whenever they're uncomfortable. It’s really a matter of trial and error in seeing what Levi likes especially, as I don’t see him as a sexual person, at all, in the context of this AU… Guiding each other’s hands, and in lieu of scrounging together the words, wrapping his arms around Erwin or Hange’s shoulders to yank them in closer. He’d be so sensitive, so reactive; Levi wouldn’t even need to say anything to get across what he wants, really.

Considering every other aspect, he wouldn’t genuinely care about all the fluids—especially when he lets Erwin between his legs, flutters when his finger glides up and down his slit, and praises him for being so hard.

Levi gets a huge, electric kick out of being referred to in this way, rather than the obvious fact that he doesn’t possess the actual faculties. Hange especially loves to admire his cock, and when it’s that sort of night, say, “Fuck, that’s my sweet boy.” Levi majority-part knows it’s ridiculous, these compliments which aren’t based so much in reality, but it makes him feel too good to seriously demand they stop. It makes his chest soar and his head buzz.

At first, Levi was quietly intimidated by Erwin in a sexual sense. He’s so big: his entire palm can stretch over one of his shoulder blades, and hell, the straps of Erwin’s ODM that wind around his calves properly fit Levi’s thighs.

It helped a lot that Levi was taking the injections by this point; especially for his frame of mind, and Erwin just loves to hear his voice. Normally terse, deadpan Levi, moaning high in his throat with a warm blush stretching in patches down his chest.

Obviously under no circumstances does Levi wear a binder when he has sex (same for Hange, duh)—but most times he isn’t comfortable without something draped across the small peaks of his chest. No one minds this, and in fact Erwin will often cover him up without Levi needing to ask, or fit him in one of his giant shirts that swallow his hands and dangle around the peek of his upper thighs. Erwin gets such an ego boost out of the collar sagging down one of his shoulders, and it makes Levi feel warm and sweet inside.

Levi really fucking loves climbing on top and scissoring Hange. Honestly, both of them get wet so easily that it makes the sweltering, sweet sensation effortless and burns him that much hotter. Levi’s much larger bump will sweep through their folds, and Hange just takes Levi’s plump ass in their hands and grinds up as much as they can.

Whenever Erwin watches—and he really likes to, no matter how Levi calls him a creep for it (when he secretly likes it too)—Levi is bound to come so much quicker. Whenever he's behind him, praising and petting his hair, and at the same moment Hange is gasping into his salty skin and coming around his fingers, he feels drunk with it all.

I’m not sure how likely it is that strap-ons exactly exist in aot (though considering the existence of ODM it’s probable), but if they did, you would hardly catch Levi not using one; especially the double-ended ones that move inside him at the same time he’s on top of Hange—or on the rare occasion that he's bottoming out inside Erwin.

About that! Erwin is so so careful the first time (and every time they go without Levi bottoming for a while) in setting him in whatever position makes him comfortable, curling his thick fingers between the tight squeeze of his walls; he wants to be careful even if Levi’s heels are bullying into his back, urging him on; even if there’s enough of Levi’s cum to coat his inner thighs hot and slick.

“You won’t fucking break me.” Levi tosses his head back, his thighs automatically snapping together when Erwin’s heavy tongue glides between his folds, settling on little sucking motions over his puffy clit.

“You don’t want my tongue?” It’s a rhetorical question.

It’s too much, fragile moans rise high in Levi’s throat. Erwin can feel it too, his walls sucking his crooked fingers in deeper, hugging tight.

“I’m close! So fucking—”

“That’s it,” Erwin groans between hearty swipes around Levi’s heavy clit. “There you go, ‘Vi.”

Erwin’s cock is long and girthy enough to fill Levi up perfectly. There’s a good chance he’ll brush against just the right spot whether or not Levi is using his cat-like flexibility lol.

I think Hange doesn’t mind either way—having either of them, and especially both at the same time rile them up so damn much. They just enjoy kissing, being kissed and squeezed and fucked; Levi gets insecure quite easily and needs the reassurance, especially if he’s beneath someone or being bent over something; Erwin especially enjoys taking care of Levi, either in conjunction with Hange or both at the same time—usually, he’s almost certainly in charge in the bedroom (ironically).

the end

I think there’s a lot more I could touch on, but tbh I could go on forever about these three + transmasc!Levi. They make my heart warm hehe.

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#trans character written by trans writer #levi ackerman #levi aot #levi headcanons #trans levi #g.scribe #erurihan #levi x erwin x hange #aot hcs #attack on titan #tw gender dysphoria #levi x erwin #hange x levi #snk hc #ftm character

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