Someone said Enji reached the top 2 at twenty years old, is that true? Where I find this piece of trivia?

In the manga:

I saw your list for the ask to your top 10 favorites. We are practically sisters. I won't touch on all of them because I know I suffer from "lengthy post-ism". I just want to say I definitely feel Shane was the best human antogonist with a compelling descent into madness. At times I thought he would be okay, but nope. So to me he was the most human antogonist. Most others who got around 2 seasons of an arc like he did just felt comic-y to me.

Merle, yes! He was such a strong character. If he lived and learned through his redemption arc, he would be nothing short of awesome. I think part of what made Shane and Merle great antagonists was because you could feel their conflict and fighting against their better angels. Other villians usually just felt like villians. I didn't feel their heart at all.

Girl, I am with you all day on Ezekiel and Beth too. Ezekiel has so much heart, like a king and he's got great social skills (except for when it comes to Daryl haha) but he's got an inner strength that goes deeper than the facade he was putting on when he had The Kingdom. And Beth, gosh. She was another great example of younger siblings really stepping up when the older sibling is absent (think Daryl with Merle, Mika with Lizzie (though Lizzie was present) Beth with Maggie, Kelly with Connie). There are dualities of strength that TWD has repeatedly chosen to have seen in the younger sibling that hits just right for me.

Yes, Kelly is amazing. And the fact that we know she looks up to Carol just melts me. Because who shouldn't look up to Carol? She's the best role model. Lydia is a whole topic in itself. But she is truly a favorite of mine as well.

Definitely not trying to stir the pot here. I am really just curious. I notice Rick is not on your list. And I was wondering if you were comfortable sharing your reasons? I am just interested in seeing if they align with my own. Because I will always love Rick but he ceased from being a favorite character of mine after he killed Shane. Not because I didn't agree with his choice. Shane had to go. But Rick literally turned into Shane. It reminds me of how the Roman Empire didn't "conquer" the Grecian empire? They just absorbed it. That's where they get the term Greco-Roman Empire from? I feel like that's what happened with Rick. That he just "absorbed" Shane. And from there he makes a myraid of judgments that are inconsistent and costly to the group. But that is just my opinion on him. I know he is fighting for the greater good. But still. Just curious on what you thought?

Well, great minds think alike as they say. Reading all your brilliant blurbs on the characters, I'm realizing I should have included those on my list as well, so here's me remedying that. I'll skip Carol and Daryl for now because that's probably a whole post on it's own. The first five I'm copying and pasting from a similar ask post about which other characters I liked on the show and why:

Michonne - Carol understandably gets labeled "the most transformed," but Michonne's growth as a character is pretty phenomenal too. She's always been a badass warrior, but I love that over time she allowed herself to show a more nurturing side and a great sense of humor. I think her relationships with Rick and Carl were integral to that.

Glenn - In early seasons, he was the adorable dork of the group, but his resilience made him the biggest asset. I think he might also be one of the only long-term characters whose morality never wavered no matter what they had to deal with.

Lydia - There is a strong possibility my investment in her character has everything to do with her having so much in common with both Daryl and Carol.  Despite a long history of abuse, she's stronger than ever with a heart of gold.

Kelly - I'm not saying I'm glad Connie went missing, but her absence has really given Kelly some much needed time to shine and shine she does. I love her rationality and youthful resilience. For being so young, she's one of the most mature characters on the show. I also love how loyal she is and how determined she is to make sure the people she cares about are safe (i.e. Luke, Connie).

Jerry - He may not be the most developed, but he always makes me laugh. I mean, how do you not love this guy? His relationship with Ezekiel is everything and I really hope they get to reunite. I also really loved his interactions with Carol in Diverged, and how perceptive he was of her relationship with Daryl. What he said about "a friend thinking you're perfect when everyone else thinks you're broken" was spot on and now I need to hear the words come out of Daryl's mouth. Ugh.

Ezekiel - He comes into the series a little too comic-y for me, though I think the CGI tiger has a lot to do with that. At the risk of sounding like a sadist, I want to say watching him slowly lose everything he holds dear helps me feel more drawn to his character. Underneath the facade, there's clearly a human being with noble intentions and a strong desire to view the world optimistically, which is beautifully challenged by the LOADS of shit the world throws back at him. Seriously, the man lost his people, his home, his son, his wife, his horse, and on top of all that finds out he has cancer. I mean, jfc, can he catch a break already?? This is why I love his relationship with Jerry so much. So. much. He's the one consistency in his life, the only person who has and will always be there for him emotionally. I don't think you can really say that about Carol. And look. We can't blame Zeke for falling for her. She's Carol. She's amazing. Why aren't more characters tripping over themselves trying to be with her? We can hold it against him for acting insecure about Daryl, but also why? It serves a purpose. It establishes the two of them as foils and even better, it validates the possibility of a romance between Carol and Daryl.

Beth - To me, she embodies the coming of age narrative that we missed out on with Sophia and are currently being deprived of with Judith. We get to see her change from naive and innocent to capable and determined in real time, and because of that, we get to see Daryl navigate mentorship for the first time. So yes, I enjoy their scenes together. Again, not sorry.

Shane - What makes him my favorite villain is the fact that he doesn't have the word villain tattooed across his forehead like literally every other showy and borderline cartoonish bad guy on the whole damn series. He's a human being with human feelings mixed with a defective moral compass. He's trouble, but still relatable. He's strong, but grounded. I really hope there are more villains like him on the Caryl show.

Merle - Characters do not have to be good, likeable people in order to be good characters. Merle is proof of that. In real life, I wouldn't want someone like Merle anywhere near me. He's racist, sexist, and as Daryl put it so eloquently, a simple-minded piece of shit. But I like that he has such a distinct voice and I also appreciate that unlike a stereotypical big oaf, he is rounded. He has a soft spot for his brother, and though it might be buried deep, DEEP down, he has a sense of right and wrong. Which of course Daryl helps bring out of him.

As for why I didn't include Rick on my list, I'm not sure I have a clear reason. I like him. I root for him. He's just not my favorite. Could it be because the white male protagonist who comes from an honest background and wants to build a future for his male heir just feels a little stale to me compared to some of the other really complex character narratives? Maybe. I don't know. Personally, the choices he makes don't really bother me because I can see why they're necessary for his personal growth and the plot. I will agree that he does stoop to Shane-level if not below it, and it could totally be argued that it takes away some of Rick's justification for killing Shane in the first place. But while Shane is written off as a lone wolf who has no one to pull him back, Rick thankfully has Michonne and a lot of others to keep him balanced because they want him to succeed. I know not everyone ships Richonne, but I think they make a great team.

A/N: This takes place towards the beginning of Arc 1. Please enjoy!

~Mun @t-vict101

A/N: Please enjoy this tale containing original content from our AU. This is the first of many to come, so please be kind to the other mun who is working hard to produce this story as well as loads of other free content for this blog.

~Mun @spacepumpkinz

Riding through the city upon his beloved motorcycle, Shadow the hedgehog finds himself in a peculiar situation. Just last night he was finishing up an assignment for G.U.N. until something crashed landed in Station Square. What he found was just a bucket load of problems that frankly he rather not deal with. First, a weird orb broke open and something seeped into his body. Second, a weird tall bird floats right into his arms then proceeds to make him go on a wild goose chase. Lastly, he’s tied up in a situation that he never asked to be in and forced to go to that damn blue hedgehog for help.

He grumbles a bit at the state of his situation and feels a pair of hands shift on his waist. He peeks back at the bird who seems to be just looking down in complete shame at what has happened. She did run around the city like a manic with no regard for others’ safety so that’s something. Shadow huffs out and shifts his eyes down the road.

“...Have you calmed down…?” he said with a deep gruff.

The bird flinches at his voice and sinks in the seat further, “...Yes sir.”

Sir? He’s never heard that one before. “...Good. Now you’re going to tell me EVERYTHING else you know about this thing.”

The bird gulps and tightens her grip on his waist, “W-Well I told you everything I know… T-The notes I had were destroyed on impact. And the only thing I know is that if we don’t get that energy source out of you, you could die..”

Shadow scoffs and rolls his eyes, “Don’t worry about that. I’m the Ultimate Lifeform, I don’t perish that easily.”

The bird slowly tilts her head giving him a look, “....D… Did you really just say that?? I-I mean ultimate lifeform or not, YOU CAN STILL DIE!!”

He peeks back at her, narrowing his eyes, “...I said don’t worry about it..”

She feels a cold sweat from his stare and straights up her posture, “I-I’m just saying! That amount of energy can do a lot to your body if you exert yourself too much!”

He huffs and looks out ahead, “Well gee, someone didn’t think about that fact last night when she went crazy and I had to chase her down..!”

The bird flinches at his remark and looks back down in shame thinking about their initial meeting. She woke in his apartment and was surprised to see an actual talking hedgehog. Let alone one that could walk and have a weird fashion statement. But it was when it was revealed she transformed from a human to a falcon that really set her off. Admittedly she could’ve reacted better, jumping out of a window with a 5 story drop is not a proper reaction. And neither is running around the city in a full panic and almost causing a near-disastrous collision isn’t a proper reaction either.

She bit her lip a bit and fiddled with her fingers, “...I’m… really really sorry…. I-I didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt.”

Shadow huffs brushing off her apology, “You’re lucky no one did. Honestly. Don’t you know how to look where you’re going! How stupid can you be--” He peeks back at her looking down shaking making him cut off his words. He lets out a deep sigh looking back onto the road. “....Do you have a name…?”

The bird gulps a bit and fiddles with her fingers, “...A-Ailani… Um…” she looks towards the back of his head, “W… What do I call you? Mr. Ultimate Lifeform..?”

Shadow gives her a look and huffs looking forward, “Shadow. Shadow the Hedgehog.”

Ailani nods and hums a bit, taking in his answer, “Okay… Shadow. W-Where are we going exactly.?”

“New Mobotropolis. There’s a group there called the Freedom Fighters that could help, in theory, without any annoying ulterior motives.” Shadow gives off a huff gripping on the handles, “Unfortunately there’s an annoying faker who’ll get a good laugh out of this for sure…”

Ailani snaps out of her trance once she hears the word “faker”, “...Faker? There isn’t like a clone army of you or something…. R-Right..”

There was a beat of silence before Shadow responded, “...Not anymore. At least I don’t think so.”

“YOU DON’T THINK SO?!” the bird screams out, “S-So this hedgehog is just like you??”

Shadow nods and huffs out an annoyed breath, “So much so that people often get us confused with one another somehow. He may look similar and have the same abilities as me but we couldn’t be any more opposites.”

All Ailani could do was sit back in her seat in utter shock at the information she just heard. There was a hedgehog that looked just like Shadow out there, so much so that they get mixed up. There was absolutely no doubt that Ailani would get them confused so there must be a way to tell them apart. She scratches her head a bit before bumping into her hair clip. An idea popping into her head, she perks up and takes out her hair clip then studies Shadow’s head a bit. 

The hedgehog was still talking to himself about the annoying blue hedgehog, although Ailani tuned all of his rambling out. She leans over him and softly slips the hair clip into one of his quills. Shadow’s ear twitches a bit and he reaches up towards the hair clip.

“What did you--” he started to ask.

“It’s just my hair clip,” she chirps out “If you say there’s someone like you out there then it’s highly likely I’ll get you two confused. So this is just something that will help me.”

Shadow huffs a bit and grips on the handle shaking his head, “Whatever. If it helps you tell us apart then fi--”

Suddenly Shadow felt his heart practically beat out of his chest. It felt like it was going a million miles per second. He started to hunch forward slowly as a burning sensation grew within him. His bones felt like glass, his muscles like jello, and his vision started to blur. Despite his efforts to concentrate on the road, it came to no avail as the motorcycle started to swerve. Shadow tried to jerk it back to a steady path but it felt like he was being tugged back that forth between the road and the excruciating pain.

Ailani’s train of thought was interrupted by the sudden swerving and saw Shadow’s pain-filled form. “Oh, shi-- Are you okay!?” She asks reaching out to him. 

He hits her hand away and growls out, “I’m FINE. This is nothi--” but instead of finishing his answer, he lets out a loud scream of pain clutching his chest and losing grip of the motorcycle’s handle.

The motorcycle swerved like a mad man causing Ailani to spring to action, reaching over Shadow and grabbing the handles. Her hands shake as she tries to bring the motorcycle to a stop but she was beginning to panic and lose her concentration, “UH! UH! I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I’M DOING HERE!!”

Shadow tries to reach for the handles again but a surge of pain rushes through his chest causing him to scream in pain. He growls out, “USE THE FUCKING BREAKS!!”

Ailani peeks at him and nods looking around the motorcycle, “O-Okay! Breaks! Breaks… breaks… Where… are they…”

Growing more and more impatient, Shadow grips on her face and turns her face to the handle brakes, “.....Squeeze those… left foot… then rig--” Before he could finish his instructions the burning sensation grew worse as hunches in more.

“Okay! Okay! D-Don’t worry! I-I got this!” Ailani reassured as she takes a deep breath and squeezes on the brakes slowing down the motorcycle. She manages to maneuver it into an alley and brings it to a stop. “Okay! Whew! Did it! Ah-- Right! You need help!” She hops off the motorcycle and carefully lifts Shadow off the bike.

She trots over to a wall and softly lays Shadow against it as he wrenches in complete agony. Come on Ailani, think! There has to be something you can do to help! Ailani stands up and paces a bit as ideas rattle in her head. Okay so I have no magic, no tech, and I probably don’t have the strength to kick him out! She suddenly perks up and pats at her belt a bit. She takes out a small blue vial and studies it for a moment. 

With not much time to think against Shadow’s cries of agony, Ailani decides it’s worth a shot. She kneels down to him and lifts up his chin. Carefully she dropped a single drip of whatever the vial contained into Shadow’s mouth. Shadow began to cough violently once the substance began to travel down his throat. It tasted horrid but the pain almost immediately subsided. He finally felt a sense of relief and sighed out, laying his head back on the wall.

Ailani lets out a deep sigh, relieved that the solution worked and looks at Shadow stroking his quills back, “...You okay, Shadow..?”

Shadow coughs a bit and looks at her. He sighs out and nods, “...I am.” He peeks at the blue vial, “...What is that stuff anyway..?”

Ailani perks up and looks at the vial, “Oh! This?” She holds it up a bit proudly, “It’s a remedy that I keep on hand in case of emergencies.”

Shadow nods a bit then quirks a brow at her, “How did you know it would work? I thought you didn’t know anything about this thing inside me..”

Ailani scratches her beak and nervously chuckles out, “I-I didn’t? Eheh. This is the most potent remedy I have so I figure it might do something.”

Shadow just sighs up holding his head suddenly feeling his eyelids drooping, “..Potent is an understatement…. I feel so… exhausted.” 

“Oh!” she chirped up, “That must be the remedy’s side effects..” She hums a bit looking around before taking Shadow back into her arms, “Here, you rest. I’ll try to get us somewhere safe..” 

Ailani carefully sets Shadow onto the motorcycle and sits down behind him cradling him with one arm. It takes her a good few minutes to get it started again and to start driving it. The pace was slow but at least they were on the move. Shadow feels at his chest a bit thinking about what just transpired. He felt pain before but nothing like this. He almost felt like he was… vulnerable. The motorcycle swerves a bit and Ailani keeps a tight grip on Shadow while trying to steady the bike.

Shadow huffs and peeks up at her, “...Do you know how to drive this thing..?”

Ailani sweats a bit and peeks down at him, “W-Well I’m doing good so far r-right?” As if the timing couldn’t be perfect enough for her to swerve a bit more. 

Shadow would take over right there but pure exhaustion washed over him as he leaned his head back on Ailani’s chest, “...Whatever… Just… Don’t break it… I like this bike…” After stating his final request, he succumbed to exhaustion and fell asleep.

Ailani peeks down at him and breathes out softly. An overwhelming sense of guilt washed over her as if she was the cause of Shadow’s pain. Looking ahead she grips onto the handle tighter, “...I promise…  I’ll get you to New Mobotropolis…. No matter what it takes.” she says as they ride off down the city streets as the sun sets in the horizon.

D&D Quotes Without Context

Ravenloft, Dementlieu arc, part 4

OOC: Lets see if we can group team evil up for another fireball... GM: Oh they aren't falling for that trick twice. "Drat! The only weakness to our brilliant plans... Common Sense." "Its not as common as the name would suggest." Damiel: "Oh no, my racism has come back to bite me." OOC: How does he have a bloodshot glass eye? OOC: Starfleet security commander occupational benefit. GM: This thing is not interested in fighting. In fact near as you can tell it's not interested in anything. It's basically like a sad old man sitting in a retirement home. Marshal leans towards the others, whispers, "Did we happen to it?" Marshal moves to intercept Jonni's casting. With his face, if need be. 'I suggest you calm your pyromancer friend.' Gorbash: "<Will do. That's practically a full time job.>" “Guys, I’m coming back later and I’m gonna murder the shit out of that fish. He’s on the list.” "But you need crowns and processions and... pageantry to rule. Ruling behind the scenes is just.... it's like.... I don't know. Like a BLT sandwich with just the L and T." (So he's in an asylum, thinking he's napoleon.) Ooc: Worse, he’s Napoleon in an asylum, thinking he’s the head doctor. OOC: Quick, someone get a giant Napoleon hat to [put] on the Colonel {an aboleth}. Gorbash: "You know, it's not always Nima's fault. We aren't even in the same domain." "Apologies, you look like a servant of another necromancer we know and despise. I don't mean to be vitalist." "Begone undead hordes! Begone and return from whence you came beyond the shrouds of mortality!" Irost shouted, his voice booming with thaumaturgy. GM: This Deathlok is dressed in red robes, with a gold crown. Irost: "And tell me your tailor!" Gorbash draws his Sunblade. "Counter Proposal. Piss off back to your graves or we'll make you new ones." Jonni: “I will Rez this sack of crap and then skull fork them to death!" GM: You literally cut the ogre zombies legs out from under it, however it's still moving about on the ground, it's not dead yet. Marshal: "Yes you are, shut up." Gorbash: "She slices, she dices, she reduces undead horrors into mince." Gorbash: "WHY DOES THIS DOMAIN KEEP DROPPING ABERRATIONS IN MY LAP!" Irost: "Really... this is the third one today isn't it? First the play, then the not-whale..." OOC: The dark powers are those edgelord twitter trolls who are like "You triggered bro?" GM: The crowd cheers even as they are pelted with zombie bits. Jonni: “I am kink shaming this crowd. ME.” OOC: Psi deserves to stab the shit out of many many things. OOC: I want the zombolder dead. More Dead. It could be deader. GM: You have to desecrate the corpse to make sure. OOC: I will Weekend at Bernie's this thing to desecrate it badly. GM: Also I should note Damiel and Linxia are in the crowd, eating roasted chestnuts and enjoying the show. They have a little flag that says "Zombies #1". OOC: I could have stripped naked and not been hit. Granted, they’d have to fight through throngs of ladies to try. Jonni: “Nice try, asshole, you know how limber I have to be to play naked Twister!?” Jonni Wishes for L to come kick him in the happy sack. Nyx: "Damiel, I'm going to remember that later. My daggers haven't hit someone in the groin in a while, I'm going to remedy that." "No one hits my brother....except maybe me. But only when he's being a jerk. Which is not often." "Wait.. am I the ONLY one who got hit through all of this!?" Irost said, looking around. Jonni: “Hey, I almost got paralyzed outside of sexy times!” “I need to wash zombie off.” Gorbash freezes at the mention of the play. No he isn't going to be paralyzed by this. "No, Don't refuse on my account." Marshal: "I mean, we'll probably wind up going anyway, if only to save the victims." Jonni: “No worries, it’s gonna mind melt everyone there. Hey! We could get the box after the play kills him!” Irost: "We found out there is an old and very deluded fish guy in the aquarium..." "I think he keeps it close... Really close to the chest." “Pretty sure he keeps it in his Spark Chamber.” OOC1: No, death saves on something should not be happening until the mid tiers IMHO. ...that’s on wizards for designing that. I will speak to their manager and demand free transformers! OOC2: And ponies for Jenny. "I won't say a word...you're both very very Lucky. And if she ever breaks you heart I would be obligated to cut out hers and present it to you." And thus the tradition of Valentines was born.

Phobia ☤ Alexios

twelve - first do no harm

masterlist

“Be strong, saith my heart; I am a soldier; I have seen worse sights than this.”

Fate decrees two kindred souls from two different empires will find one another, and the spear shall be made whole again.

ZEUS UNLEASHES HIS wrath upon the morning sky in a flash of white light followed by the roaring crackle of thunder. In the wake of Zeus' anger, the Hyades beckon the assuaging pitter-patter of raindrops. The two somnolent travelers break and pack their small camp in the downpour.

They've ridden since daybreak through inclement weather and the approaching gates of Argos paired with slivers of blue sky are a welcome sight. They leave Phobos to rest at the gatehouse stables. "Follow me," Irene says, glancing over her shoulder. Finding Hippokrates' clinic would be easy even for a person who has never seen Argos before. All one had to do is follow those who were sick or injured.

Scores of sick and wounded -both soldiers and civilians- are waiting to be seen by Hippokrates. Others have no room in the main clinic and lay beneath tarpaulins, shielded from the wind and rain. Irene has never seen this many waiting patients before. Several novice healers tend to patients, but Hippokrates is not among them. Among the apprentices is Sostratos –he received his initial instruction under Theophilus in Athens with Irene before departing to seek greater knowledge.

A beldame is confronting Sostratos about something –her croaking voice is both hushed and raised. "Bitter old crone," Irene remarks as the Priestess of Hera leaves the clinic in haste, pushing past her and the Eagle Bearer.

The apprentice shifts his attention to Irene and Alexios, and his trepidatious expression fades, slipping back into a more aplomb composure. He maneuvers through the patients and greets Irene and her companion with a friendly smile. "Chrysis believes Hippokrates methods anger the gods and has accused him of impiety," he confides.

"We need to speak to him. Where is he?" Irene questions, looking around the crowded clinic.

"Near the Cave of Pan," Sostratos answers. Hippokrates had left several days ago to set up a clinic to treat those the Sanctuary of Asklepios had refused. Alexios and Irene exchange looks –they both know where they must go next. The princess thanks Sostratos and follows the Eagle Bearer back to the gatehouse stables.

ATOP A HILL to the southwest of the Heraion of Argos people are gathered before the entrance to one of Pan's caves. Alexios pulls back on Phobos' reins as they set up the winding road –passing a throng of weary travelers. "I thought they were exaggerating when they said people came from all over to see Hippokrates," he comments. Irene glances back at him and shakes her head. She has heard stories of people traveling from Egypt to seek out the famed physician's help.

The princess stops Alexios before he can interrupt the physician's description of the sacred disease and his proposed remedy. Hippokrates does not speak of the god's ill-will, but of impoverishment -proper meals and rest can help cure those not yet beyond his ability to save. A far cry from what the priests and priestesses would tell the sick. "Challenging traditions," Alexios notes, crossing his arms, "you must be Hippokrates."

"Yes," the physician answers, vexed by the interruption. "I am also very busy."

"We won't take you away from your patients for long," Irene amends.

Upon hearing the familiar voice, Hippokrates turns from his workstation, disbelief overtakes his consternation. "Irene!" He greets. She pushes forward the wrapped parcel from the Argos clinic and he accepts the supplies and tools with an appreciative nod. "What brings you here?" He inquires. The physician knows Irene is not here for sickness. She's perhaps the only person he has ever met that has never even caught a mild case of the sniffles. Their last encounter had been by chance, and he'd stitched a wound beneath her arm closed.

Irene glances over her shoulder at the Eagle Bearer. "Alexios seeks your help."

The physician glances at the misthios, eyes darting over him to find signs of illness or injury -he finds none. "He doesn't look unwell," Hippokrates notes, gaze lingering on the scars wrapping around his arm. "More like one of Phidias' sculptures come to life." Irene hides a faint smile, unable to keep her eyes from straying back to Alexios –it wouldn't be hard to believe he'd been carved from marble.

"I'm looking for a Spartan woman," Alexios explains. "My mother," he's quick to add, "she would have come to you a long time ago with an injured baby. I was told you may have helped her."

Hippokrates shakes his head and turns back to his workbench. His mind is burdened with the woes of his patients, and he cannot spare the time to recall every person who had ever sought his help. "Maybe the priests at the Sanctuary can help," he suggests, eager to return to his studies and patients, "they keep detailed records of all those who pass through."

The princess steps up next to Alexios, her hand brushing against his. "We've traveled a long way to find you, friend-"

"As do my patients," he interjects. "They need me." The physician sighs, leaning forward on the wobbling wooden table. "My notes were taken," he admits, turning back to look at the misthios. "If you retrieve them I will help you find what you seek." An Athenian commander had taken the notes –claiming his soldiers were more important than innocent civilians. Hippokrates could remember most of what he had written, but some finer details that slipped his busy mind.

Alexios leaves in search of the physician's notes in Fort Tiryns, but Irene elects to stay with the physician and his patients. "How can I help?" She inquires. Despite her prowess for violence, the princess has a natural affinity for the art of healing and medicine. Hippokrates will not let a spare set of practiced hands be wasted.

"I need a poultice for fever," he tells her, "if you wouldn't mind lending a hand." Irene smiles and goes to work, grinding white willow, elder and yarrow together with rose oil. Kneeling, Irene smooths a portion of the paste over a patient's forehead and lays a cut fig leaf over it. Next, she goes to the child the physician is tending, repeating the same process.

"The mercenary?" Hippokrates asks, curious to know why she was traveling with such unscrupulous company.

She glances down at the fevered girl –nose red and lips cracked. War and disease do not discriminate between the innocent and guilty. "I want to help him find his mother," the princess avows –just because she has no family does not mean others should face the same fate. Irene lays her hand on the girl's cheek and takes a deep breath. A heavy moment of silence passes and the girl's eyes open –a mix of sage and hazel. Her small hands are no longer clammy and the fever that had doomed her to an early grave recedes.

The physician sits back, astonished. "Are you Persephone?" The girl asks in a meek voice. Irene shakes her head and before she can speak a relieved mother is rushing to embrace her daughter. Irene rises and looks into her palms. Hippokrates follows her, filled with questions –though he supposes some are best left unanswered.

Alexios returns with another physician from the fort who claims to have memorized the notes before they were burned during the last battle. Their arrival comes too late for one man, but Hippokrates makes good on his promise. He tells Alexios about the night his mother came with a broken babe in her arms. He had still been young and such feats were beyond his experience. He had told Myrrine to seek help at the Sanctuary.

SHE GOES TO the temple while Alexios seeks out the priests –something innate is calling her there. The temple is void of worshippers and she strides toward the statue of Asklepios, passing plinths of ailing clay body parts and painted images of serpents. Irene approaches a twisted staff held up on a pedestal at the feet of the God of Medicine. It calls to her and though the voice in her head is that of a stranger's, there is something innately familiar about it –as though she has heard it before in dreams. Iron and bronze are cast to look like a crooked branch, a single silver snake curls around the top of the staff, its eyes piercing green jewels.

Her fingertips almost brush the relic when a priest comes to stand next to her. "The Staff of Asklepios," he interposes, and Irene quickly pulls her hand back. "Last wielded by a traitor," the priest vilifies, hands clasped behind his back.

The princess glances at the grey-haired priest –brows set in a deep furrow. "Apollonides of Kos." He speaks the name like a curse and the color seeps away from Irene's face. My father. "They say he is who taught Hippokrates before betraying Greece for Persia."

Her gaze shifts from the priest back to the staff. "What was Apollonides like?" Irene asks. It's the first time anyone has willingly mentioned his name and it fills her with hope.

"He was-" the old priest starts but then thinks twice about revealing anything, else Chrysis will have his tongue like Mydon. They've been ordered not to speak of the traitor or to any eagle-bearing mercenaries and their accomplices. "I don't know," he says too quickly and harshly for the words to be true. Hope slips through her fingers and her heart drops to her stomach. "I never met him," the priest lies, absconding from the temple.

Dejected and alone once more, Irene steps up to the relic and wraps her hand around the staff –all initial hesitancy gone. The emerald eyes of the serpent begin to glow and a surge of power and pain wash over her –flooding her veins as a tidal wave of white heat. Irene.

Strange markings illuminate the back of her hands, creeping up her arms in smooth arcs and lines. It is yours, the voice whispers, take it. She relinquishes the staff with a sharp cry and stumbles before collapsing to the white marble floor, shaking. The markings fade as quickly as they appeared and emerald serpentine eyes still look down upon her, though the light in them begins fading.

Alexios finds her on the floor in the temple, clearly perturbed. He kneels next to her and lays his hand on her shoulder. There's a distant, empty look in her eyes. "Are you all right?" Irene glances at him and nods –an unconvincing gesture. "We should leave quickly," he breathes, helping her to stand. Only then does she notice the blood on his bracers and hands –none of it his own.

To preface:  Avengers: Endgame shook me to my core and I needed to find a constructive, healthy way to talk about what I am feeling and this seemed as good a way as any. This is an endeavor seeking emotional intelligence. So I’m here to talk about how media can affect us, honest-to-goodness grief, and yeah sure, my opinions and most importantly, Natasha Romanoff. There will be spoilers, obviously. You’ve been warned.

It’s late afternoon on Friday, May 7th, 2010.  I’m a super-soon-to-be-college-graduate, and I’ve just missed my bus home.  There are few places grimmer than where I currently found myself: the Inter-City Bus Terminal in Reading, Pennsylvania. The good news was that buses from Reading to New York ran roughly every two or three hours most of the day, I was going to be fine. I was going to be late, but I was going to be fine.  At the risk of sounding dramatic, I didn’t know it but I had a date with destiny that evening. Since I couldn’t imagine sitting around and waiting in a bleak af bus terminal, I sought refuge a mere block-and-a-half away at the R/C Reading Movies 11 & IMAX. Lucky for me, I was able to schlep my suitcase and (always) large purse over right in time for a showing of Iron Man 2. I remembered Iron Man (2008) to be a whole lot of fun so I sprung for a movie ticket to be able to watch most of Iron Man 2 before I had to catch my bus.  I knew nothing about this film going in and I was having a good time up until the moment Scarlett Johansson came on screen as Natalie Rushman (who even me, a noob S.H.I.E.L.D./espionage sector of Marvel, knew was actually Natasha Romanoff, aka the Black Widow).  Once she made her entrance into Tony Stark’s personal fitness center, I wasn’t having a good time, I was having a great time…and also a weird time.  I was in complete awe of her; I hung on her every word, her every move.  Everything about her radiated a sense of intelligence, purpose, intention, and most alluring to me, confidence.  Looking back I realize I was seeing the kind of woman I wanted to be; not only did she have every trait I wanted as a person, she seemed to be this unattainable personified perfection.  At the time, I wrote off my fascination with her pretty quickly as the voice in my head said “but you’ll never be like that, you know that, right? You’ll never have those things.” I had to leave to catch my bus just as Rhodey showed up to Justin Hammer’s Stark Expo presentation and at the time that was pretty much that.

Let’s skip ahead.  It’s the evening of Wednesday, April 24th, 2019.  Thanks to the kindness of my best friend/basically sister, I was able to see Avengers: Endgame a day early.  I’m a mess.  I’m soaking wet from the collar bone up and my eye makeup is every place on my face with the exception of my eyes.  I’ve been sitting for over three hours and somehow I’m out of breath, my sweat is cold. My status of Full Blown Mess was credited to the fact that I had to watch Natasha Romanoff die violently, fiercely, and courageously.  The shock I felt that night was all-consuming.  I kept saying to my friend through hard sobs, “I just thought she’d be safe. I really thought she’d be safe.”  So many people I know at this event found me after the fact to check in with me.  Am I okay? Do I need anything?  The only answer I came up with on the fly was “I will be, it hurts now. But I’m just…so proud of her.”  More on that later, but basically, people were so kind and if I had to be a mess, at least I was among people who also cared and understood where I was coming from. While my friend engaged in a last bit of work for the day, I sat waiting, attempting to calm down by staring at costume designer Jany Temime’s recent Instagram post where she selfied with Scarlett expressing excitement about working on the upcoming Black Widow film. I reminded myself that this night was not goodbye, just a very jarring “see ya later.”  Of course the present is not necessarily made easier to bear just because more (and potentially the best) is yet to come.

What a difference nine years made.  I’d gone from casual move-going fan who’d only read Spider-Man comics when I had time to being a hardcore, ride-or-die fan of Marvel Comics and the Marvel Cinematic Universe. My library had grown exponentially, along with my knowledge of these characters, and let’s not overlook my closet’s growth after falling into the deep pit of cosplay. I can’t exactly put my finger on the “when” of it, but at some point I stopped stifling the portion of my heart that belonged to superheroes and let them take over with complete abandon.  I’d always had a heavy habit of trying to be what other people wanted me to be.  Though I may have lived very independently, in retrospect my choices and interests were so often chosen for the satisfaction of other people (I am not assigning blame to anyone but myself on this one). Superheroes serve as a perfect example of a passion of mine I chose to shut down for so long. Once I leaned into that passion, I felt so much more complete.  It’s no surprise that Natasha Romanoff was the character I ended up being most passionate about.  

Natasha is a strong woman who spent a lot of her life in the service of others across moral and political spectrums.  She followed their orders always and has plenty of regrets about her past.  Maybe I was self-projecting, but throughout my dedicated years as an MCU viewer and Black Widow comic reader, I always saw Natasha’s arc as two parts:

1) a woman coming to terms with what she’s been and what she’s done seeking to move forward in a more universally beneficial direction.

2)  a woman learning who she is, what she wants and choosing to act of her own volition.

Obviously the two are deeply connected. While her past experiences may have made her moral compass more grey than that of her peers, she’s a woman who wants the Right Thing To Do to be the choice she makes of her own agency.  There’s a beautiful deleted scene from Captain America: The Winter Soldier where Nat speaks to Nick Fury for the first time in confidence after discovering he faked his death and did not include in on the secret.  “I needed to keep the circle small.  You would have done the same thing,” he says.  “I know,” she replies, “that’s a problem.”  A scene she has with Steve Rogers discussing trust that made the final cut achieves a similar idea.  In past appearances in the MCU, Natasha had expressed a desire to make amends for her past and seemingly had started to do so through her work with S.H.I.E.L.D. and her participation the Battle of New York.  These moments in Cap2, as the fandom frequently refers to it fondly, are less about her outward actions and more about her inward struggles. What she seems to learn by the end of the film is that letting people in is a key part of her goal of a truer sense of self.  By the time we meet her in Captain America: Civil War, within the first hour of the film she delivers one of my favorite quotes as the family around her begins to split apart, “Staying together is more important than how we stay together.”  Nat’s journey continued to be one of finding self-possession, self worth and using that greater sense of self to give back to others, both the found family around her and the innocent she can protect.  

With all of this in mind, Avengers: Endgame is my favorite MCU film and features my favorite Natasha Romanoff content we’ve seen so far.  From the moment the film begins, she is a woman hell-bent on remedying the greatest tragedy in the history of the world.  Long gone is the woman we met in her first two films who did the bidding of an organization and/or focused mainly on giving back to those she felt she owed. In Endgame, Natasha aims to save the world, to bring back everyone lost, to restore families.  We first see this when she agrees to find Thanos with the team and reverse the snap. When that mission fails, we skip ahead five years and that’s when I personally really lost it. In five years, Natasha has never stopped trying to fix the world. Let’s be clear, every other member of the original six Avengers most definitely has stopped trying to find an antidote to The Thanos Problem.  Sure, Steve is trying to fix things in a different, more practical way, but there’s still an acceptance of the circumstances in his actions.  The sight of her alone broke my heart and filled me with a sense of honor.  This is a woman we have always seen in control and put together and when we find her she is a noble, beautiful wreck. She’s abandoned most self care, wearing only her depression clothes, and surviving off hope and peanut butter sandwiches desperately communicating with allies around the universe. These people make time for her but are clearly losing patience with her and her insistence that not only can this be fixed, but that it is all of their responsibility to do so.  And in case it wasn’t obvious enough how much she’s changed, this scene gives us what I believe will be (for now at least) Nat’s most iconic moment on screen.  “I used to have nothing, and then I got this…this job, this family.  And I was better because of it.  And even though they’re gone…I’m still trying to be better.”  Nat sums up her entire character arc in this one delicate and stunning moment showing just how strong allowing herself to be vulnerable has made her.  Loving has only made her braver, caring has only made her more tenacious, and giving has made her unstoppable.  She is, in this moment, the woman she always wanted to become.

Remembering the aforementioned scene is absolutely necessary when absorbing Natasha’s choice later in the movie to sacrifice her life so that her team can get the soul stone.  Her entire life has lead her to this moment. Yes, killing off the only female from your original team is a bold move with a LOT of weight attached to it, and one that can definitely be seen as shortchanging her, but I just can’t see it that way. Natasha Romanoff made the ultimate heroic choice, one that the rest of the film hinges on.  My brain can’t navigate the concept that fans have been robbed of her unnecessarily without also hearing a diminishing of the selfless choice she made and the course she followed in the time we’ve known her and beyond.  It’s only when I think of the alternate concept of Clint dying for the soul stone that I feel completely, hypothetically swindled (though while we’re talking about him let’s also not forget how excellent it was to see a man and a woman with no blood relation platonically love one another unconditionally).  Please don’t misunderstand, if you are angry, I respect that, we all deal with stuff different ways, this is just my take.  Natasha Romanoff earned that moment.  Is it devastating to watch? One thousand percent yes, but what I felt even more deeply than the devastation was pride.  I am so proud of this character that in no way can I bring myself to see this choice as abuse or mistreatment of her character.  In that moment, she was magnificent.  Natasha Romanoff died valiantly, unafraid, and of her own free will so that everyone else could live.  Natasha is a hero of the highest standard, full stop.

Entertainment Weekly recently featured a half-hour interview with the original six Avengers to promote Endgame. I was more than moved to hear Scarlett speak about Nat’s arc and confirm what I’d been absorbing as an audience member for years.  “She’s come into her own as a woman saying ‘who am I and what do I want and what do I need out of my relationships and also out of my own self’ and she’s someone who is understanding her own self worth.”  Without going into deep detail, watching Scarlett’s performance as Natasha has affected me in a way I can only describe as profound.  Every MCU film she appeared in had at least one moment that hit a nerve inside me in ways equally gentle and harsh, but still every nerve was hit with the reassurance of knowing that if she could change, I could too.  Catalysts for personal growth can come from anywhere and at my most lost somehow I remembered that moment sitting in a theatre watching Iron Man 2.  Something in my brain told me to follow that feeling I had watching her, not in an effort to emulate her completely, but to see an example of someone one who is “my own woman–first, last and always.”  Natasha taught me that self love, self worth and opening yourself to others are traits more powerful than lightning, stronger than a suit of armor and they’d protect me more than a shield.  In the years I’ve watched and read this character, my life has changed for the better in every way.  She’s been a gift to me and the gratitude I feel is overwhelming.  I may have saved myself, but Natasha taught me how.  As fans I think we all love having more media to look forward to, especially when that media features an inspirational figure for us.  Before Endgame I’d frequently have passing thoughts reminding me that someday the time of Scarlett’s particular incarnation of Natasha will be over.  Who would I be without this character? After Endgame, I’m less afraid of that future.  No matter what form of this character I will have in my life, I will always follow her example and I will try to be better.