Out of every ship i have been invested in, which isn't a whole lot but still, I think that narumitsu is the most justified in being the most painfully slow burn to ever have burned. Like, it's obvious to literally everyone around them that there is something between them but it still takes twenty years to do anything about it. Not because they're stupid but they're both just specific types of fucked up that make getting into a relationship kind of impossible.

They're both seemingly very reluctant to get into any sort of romantic relationships in the first place, one due to general disinterest and a truly incredible amount of emotional constipation, and the other due to his last (and only known) relationship being so fucked up that he kind of gave up on the concept entirely. Them being excruciatingly in denial about being in love for decades is just so in character because they're just Like That.

Their history is also complicated enough to warrant waiting around for each other forever, there's so much baggage and trauma and hurt between them that it's just crazy. They've saved each other and they've hurt each other and they push each other away, they owe each other their lives and their jobs and their hopes. They would do anything for each other but are still pretty justified in being afraid to take the last step into making their relationship not just platonic.

idk it feels like a lot of other ships fall into the infuriatingly slow romance because the characters are too stupid to take a hint and it's just kind of painful after a while but these are the most hilariously repressed characters I have ever seen and while they might be stupid about their own feelings, it's usually stemming from trauma which is far more interesting for me personally lol.

ARO/ACE NAVELGAZING

Now that I've unlocked the final square on my ell gee bee tee bingo card, I've begun to wonder how much of my gender thing is sourced in being an aroace thing. I find that despite being 27 years old, being called "girl" has never actually quite bothered me, but the word "woman" in relation to myself is so viscerally unappealing that I can't find any way in my imagination to comfortable with it. I've noticed that about myself before, but I've never really thought about it overmuch, and now I'm wondering if it is because "adult woman" is a status that is just inextricably connected with being an object of sexuality and romance in my mind for messy societal misogyny reasons.

I've always identified extensively with robot/android/AI characters - Breq from Imperial Radch, Murderbot from the Murderbot Diaries, Connor from Detroit: Become Human - and I used to think that it was, in fact, the gender thing.

But the other thing all of those characters have in common is that they're not canonically subjects of romance or sexuality and, in fact, in some cases are explicitly portrayed as finding those things repugnant. Further introspection also reminds me that I've found similar comfortable relatability in female characters who aren't inhuman in any way, but also aren't involved in romance in any major way. Archivist Wasp comes to mind, and so does Baru Cormorant (who is very notably a lesbian, which is an active threat to her existence, but did not feel to me like she ever had a romance so much as she had close, complicated, painfully unromantic yet codependent relationships that she then destroyed - though I haven't read the third book).

In those cases of female protagonists who aren't involved in romance, they are significantly more relatable than non-romantic male protagonists because non-romantic male protagonists still feel very male to me. Society and media don't usually hinge male characters' masculinity on their romantic and sexual experiences in the same way that feels like a default for female characters. And in comparison, female characters that aren't involved in romance still experience the societal consequences of being female, which are important to my ability to relate to a character. And in the meanwhile, separating them from any romance feels like it de-sexes them in the narrative, in a way. I get that I'm reading a female character, but I don't feel like I'm reading about a woman because woman is something that has been drilled into my head as "object of sexualization and romance."

Despite the lack of discomfort, "girl" is still not a word I identify with strongly. Rather, it feels more like a safe mask, particularly since most of the people who use it are people who I do in fact have to mask with. But it's a comfortable mask. It's not one that I mind. In contrast, any time someone calls me a "woman" it makes me want to crawl out of my fucking skin. On the other hand, being called "boy" was outright delightful as a kid. On the third mutant hand presumably growing out of my rib cage, I strongly identify with the term "lesbian" because I feel like it encompasses many of my experiences, ranging from misogyny to compulsory heterosexuality. It just also turns out that the discomfort I feel at someone being interested in me isn't restricted just to men.

Coming to the realization of the aroace thing feels freeing in the sense that I no longer feel like I have to seek and perform romance that I have no interest in, and that I'm allowed to continue being comfortable in my skin without ever wanting a romantic partner. However, it does also certainly highlight how strongly I value my platonic friends and makes me wish that deep platonic relationships and non-sexual closeness were more normalized in society. I've spent a long time mentally prodding my feelings about closeness with people with a stick (particularly the way that they are sometimes very hot-and-cold), and I think a lot of it comes from the fact that I do in fact really value closeness and intimacy, but that on top of having strict personal limits, I am also just extremely put off by this perpetual undercurrent of anxious concern that what if someone thinks this is not platonic.

People having romantic interest in me is very stressful and frequently makes me aggressively disinclined to be around that person at all, and I have not always handled that well in the past. I actually recently had someone (cishet, unfamiliar with the term) say that the very concept of being aro/ace sounds like a code word for "intimacy issues." Which sucks! I didn't see that statement coming and had a difficult time explaining how incredibly not-uncomfortable I am with intimacy. If I had any desire for sexual or romantic intimacy, it would not be even remotely anxiety-inducing to acquire. Source: Been there, done that, it was gross. I am very full of love. I would just like it to be platonic. The wires simply don't run in the direction of romance for me and I want people to stop assuming that they do whenever I do express fondness.

Shout out to the one friend I have that actually did have a crush on me but never acted on it because she picked up what I was putting down before I realized what I was putting down, pfft. She is the best. I can't wait to further irrevocably integrate myself into her life and babysit her future children.

Anyway, I'm gonna go bury myself in another several dozen Hank & Connor fucked up found family fics and also continue to emotionally identify with robots because that is how I see myself emotionally, which I am very comfortable with.

I want to say I fully support your choices writing about the nonromantic relationships between the animatronics. I can't really find the words for how to say it but I (at least) like seeing the characters interact without constant shipping undertones, and I appreciate you having them in your world but not forcing them. I also think it makes the story more entertaining to read and see them interact as friends knowing how they feel about each other. It also gives you more freedom with your story than just romance. Thank you for trying to make sure all of us are on the same page on what you want your story to be and I support your decisions because I enjoy it and I hope you do too.

[Thank you so much for your kind words!!! I will say, I use to be a person who would ONLY find fun and value in romantic relationships, to the point that if I didn't ship two characters, they would just never interact or would be super boring. I am glad to say that I grew out of that mindset, or at least I feel like I have!

I think once I fully accepted that I was aroace is when I started to put more value in relationships other than romantic ones. I realized I was just projecting my lack of romantic love onto characters to try and "fix" myself. But now that I know that romance is not the only valuable relationship, I can have a lot more fun with characters without having to justify myself for a ship that just wouldn't work. (though I still sometimes project myself onto characters and want to have an ideal relationship, which is why I tend to ship Moon with Monty and DJ, because I really like Monty and DJ and project myself onto Moon that it is almost like a self-insert without it actually having to be me lol)

Also, like, some of the non romantic relationships are so fun to write! Roxy and Monty are absolutely my jam of chaos! Sun, Chica and Freddy are such cute friends and just want to help everyone out! And then just Mapbot with everyone causing their own special chaos!

Like, I am just really happy to explore all kinds of relationships now and not put all my energy into shipping. Sure I still project onto characters, and there can be shipping undertones, but I don't want to make that a focus. Mainly with Chica and Roxy, the two can still have a friendship along with a potential romance. So many times I see ships where they are just romantic partners and barely have anything outside of that. Without the romantic love they don't even seem like friends, and that is something I want to avoid.

I don't know if any of this is making sense, I am legit rambling and going back and adding stuff. Not making this all that coherent because it is really hard to get my words out on this topic. And sometimes I feel like a hypocrite because I FEEL like I am putting too much emphasis on ships and crushes, but then I SAY I want to try and avoid explicitly shipping stuff. IDK. I contradict myself all the time.

I just want characters to be friends and family! To let them have dynamic relationships with layers to them. My main goal is to make characters feel 3-dimensional, and not just a caricature (which I was starting to fall into with Chica, but I think I've developed her a bit, now I just need to work on Freddy).

Anyway, small ramble over! Thank you for your kind message! I want to try and include everyone I can on my blog and in my ideas. I know everyone has their own ideas and opinions and most are valid (if they aren't harmful) and really I just want to have fun and play around with characters and stories!]