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#also the way they're referred to makes it sound like a bad thing. ''restricted interests'' fuck you

puppys-rhythm-heaven · 1 year

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"i think today's a listening to remix 7 on loop kinda day" -me, 2023

#puppy rambles #rhythm hell #remix 7 #the audhd is strong-#i just remembered i was reading my psych eval from when i got diagnosed with stuff and my favorite part #is it saying that i was ''wearing comfortable clothing and had disheveled hair''#like. the fuck else clothing would i wear??? do you want me to wear formal attire or some shit???#other highlights: i ''rarely expressed interest in the examiner's thoughts or feelings even when pressed''#(idk why i would beyond my standard ''i don't want to upset people'' like i'm never going to interact with that person again)#mentioning me having strong interests several times but never saying the phrase hyperfixation and only saying special interest once #also the way they're referred to makes it sound like a bad thing. ''restricted interests'' fuck you #my least favorite part is it basically straight-up saying i'm not creative??? like fuck you i'm just not creative in the specific ways #that were tested. which are really stupid also why is make-believe important when i'm a teenager??? what #also this part's just funny to me cuz it sounds pretty accurate to me:#''She also rarely used descriptive gestures‚ only doing so once when showing how her cat pushed something off the table.''#like. yea that sounds about right for a circumstance when i'd do that #these tags are completely irrelevant to the post sorry to anyone who reads the tags fsdkljfdklsfjksdf-

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maverick-werewolf · 1 month

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Hi! I suck at sending asks so I hope I don’t come off in any kind of bad way

I know you very briefly mentioned Van Helsing (2004) in one of your ‘Vampire vs Werewolf’ posts, but I wanted to know your thoughts on the werewolf designs in them. I was doing research for one of my characters, and I’m not really sure if drawing inspiration from their designs would fit/work with the actual folklore.

Maybe you could even list some of your favorite designs or good places to reference from, if you know any?

— House 🩵 (I love your blog so much it’s a literal godsend for Vamp and Wolf research)

Not at all a bad way; thank you for sending in an ask! And I'm so glad you enjoy the blog, thank you for the kind words! :D

I actually love the werewolf designs in Van Helsing, overall. They're very cool - they're big, scary, muscular, and wolfish (all traits I personally love), but they are also varied according to character...

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This is concept art from the film. Notice how they all look like wolves and have a coherent common design while also having unique and characterized features and builds. I really love that. You may not have even noticed it a whole lot in the movie itself (I did, though), but it really makes them feel more like an individual turning into a monster instead of just someone turning into a standardized creature like a transform ability in a video game.

I'd say they're a good starting point for any werewolf concepts that want to go for the big wolfish humanoid look while still being scary and characterized!

Designing werewolves after folklore can be tricky and even odd, given folklore varied very widely and also wasn't always very specific. Most werewolves in folklore turn into wolves, which leaves a lot of room for interpretation. Some also had paws they used as hands (does that mean they had hands? etc) and other variations. Some even looked quite ridiculous and not even very wolfish, with things like a tufted lion tail and red hindquarters! It got wild in folklore.

Personally, I wouldn't restrict yourself to trying to stick too closely to folklore specifically. Design something cool, and most importantly, have fun with it and make it yours. My recommendation is just to stick with what you like and think looks cool and things that look wolfish in some way. Don't do like a lot of designers and tell yourself that a wolf is the last thing you should be drawing reference from; that's just silly. They're still werewolves. Granted, since you're interested in folklore and enjoy my blog, I doubt I need to say that, lol. I have other personal preferences, but at the end of the day, that's my advice to others.

My advice might also sound a little bit canned, but that's how I feel. My werewolves in Wulfgard have a variety of designs per individual and other factors in the story/world itself and many other elements; their designs are something I have hashed out over the course of literally my entire life, so it isn't something to rush. I like a variety of designs, and curses are complicated in my world, and I've adapted that into the entirety of werewolf designs themselves. I'm really proud of what I came up with - be sure to check back to my blog in November for some big news in terms of my own werewolves and their designs... Sorry - shameless plug! I've got a big thing coming.

Hope this helps, and hope you're having a great day! :)

#asks #ask #anonymous #werewolf #werewolves #designs #Wulfgard #folklore #van helsing #movies #werewolf movies

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tuliharja · 1 year

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Update concerning my art and Tumblr blog

I'm getting sick and tired of the fact DA is blurring/hiding some of my artwork, because of some ridiculous reason. (Reference to these posts.) It seems they've taken yet another new step by providing this text: "May contain sensitive content. Log in to view." So, if you're a non-DA member, you'll see some of my artworks sporting that text.

What's more, it seems by slamming that text instead of 'mature' or 'unavailable' has now resolved the "issue" as DA has in their help & faqs section 'Known Issues'. For a long time this issue was listed there, but not anymore. So, the issue has been solved. Not really. Some of my artworks are still hidden and I can't figure out why.

What's more, when I looked at why some artworks may be hidden, there was basically a section that if external audiences deem those artworks "don’t align with their interests" those will get hidden.

Excuse me, what? While I can understand real adult themes should be hidden/tagged correctly and somewhat negative emotions (even in that explanation I don't understand why "sadness or other topics associated with negative emotions" can't be shown. Like hello? Those are part of life?) That basically means if the external audiences decide they don't like, say fanart, boom, it gets hidden. Or if they decide 'bunnies don't align with my interest' boom, it gets hidden. I feel like DA is slowly spiraling into children's sites as in 4kids style. Where most ridiculous things get edited (in this case hidden) because someone decided 'nu-huh, I don't like this!'

Well, I'm still trying, despite the fact I'm starting to feel like giving up on DA. I've contacted the staff about this issue and I hope they'll answer to me what's so 'bad' in some of my artworks that those get hidden. Depending on their answer (or the lack of it, since I wouldn't be surprised if they won't answer me or they just tell me 'it's what it's) I might change my main art site.

I've already taken steps on my Tumblr blog to change it more into a personal one. Unfortunately, that means I won't anymore reblog as much as I've before as let's face it: when a person comes to my blog and sees 20-plus posts that are just reblogged, they'll think my blog is just a reblog blog. They won't notice my art. They won't notice my writings. They won't notice any original content I'll make unless it falls into the popular/niche tag.

I know this might sound harsh and some of my followers might be disappointed, but I originally made this blog to interact with people on Tumblr (which, I don't sadly do anymore so often as some people have left Tumblr or things have otherwise changed), post my writings and at times art. But things have changed. I want to show my art without ridiculous restrictions because of someone else.

If I want to post an anime/manga character on the beach with a bikini, I want to. I don't want someone to hide it and make it sound scandalous when it isn't. I want to post pretty drawings of pretty anime/manga characters without someone deciding to hide those because I didn't happen to draw full bodies that would show they're fully dressed up. And there is so much more. I tag very meticulous manner my posts on Tumblr and any other site to ensure people can block those tags if they don't want to see such content. I've played by the rules, but when those rules start to get too ridiculous and like I'm being punished for no reason, I don't see why I should stay on such a site or anymore play by those rules.

Hence, if DA's reply to my inquiry will be a negative one, I think I'll start to be more selective about what to post on that site. I'll still post there, but if it gets hidden the next day, I'll probably just delete the artwork on whisk it on Tumblr and Pixiv and later on to Insta.

I've started to build my Insta as my main art site, but it'll take time.

I've started to post some of my older works here, on Tumblr and Pixiv, but it'll also take time.

This is truly a pity because the way DA has been built is different from any other sites that I'm using at the moment. I just hope my most dread won't become true, but if those will...well, it's what it's. But for my own happiness that should ultimately matter, some changes will happen. I just hope those who follow me on different sites will accept these changed and maybe still follow me. But if they won't follow me, that's their right and decision that I'll honor.

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seoafin · 3 years

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tbh,, i havent read the raws of the interview yet, only the translated ver from fan-translator and b4 i start, i think that this will be just me talking in circle and in no particular order AND a real mess (my brain does weird things after exams) but uhh here we go

gojou collects talented people, and by doing so he finds the people he can most probably relate to, except that he can't, not really, because something in the universe shifted when he was born. and it makes me think of how he's always known it, that he is special, and he's proven it, time and time again— he wants to take in talented ppl and he does, but there rly isn't much he can do for them. for they are talented, more talented than the world can understand,,

but they aren't gojou satoru

gojou took in megumi, bc he knew megumi was strong, and would grow up to be someone even stronger, but gojou can't facilitate or encourage his growth, bc for all they're similar, they are so fundamentally different. ALSO,, while geto was in his life, gojou rly judged everything according to his understanding of geto’s moral compass. gojou wears a human suit and geto is how he learnt to wear it well 🏃

the dragonfly analogy regarding to geto’s response to gojo, who was shown wearing a dragonfly patterned yukata in HI arc,, i’m trying to not think abt the fact that dragonfly symbolized victory in jpn....pain. i quoted from a web here for more explanation : In Japan the dragonfly is known as the "victory insect", or kachimushi, because of its hunting prowess and also because it is known to never retreat. Dragonflies are agile and fast fliers and can even hover, but never fly backwards

and bringing this up again, matricide and patricide are 2 of the 5 worst act to commit in buddhism, and it was said that if u commit one of those act u’re going to spend a real long time in the deepest pit of hell before continuing the samsaric cycle (higher chances to be born as an animal after that probs)— this might be geto’s divine retribution. held no power over his own body and could be considered that he’s the same as those “monkeys” 💀

ALSO the fact that sukuna's interest is "eating" rly drives home his hedonistic philosophy of seeking pleasure for himself. and he’s a cannibal...makes me think if he’ll just chomp on ppl with the mouth on his stomach

randomly, to date i think he hasn't really called himself a human, shaman, or a curse, and has held himself apart from all 3, and we've also the intro of the cursed wombs so i wonder if he’s trying to become, or is, a different entity altogether

so onmyoji got mentioned in the interview and what they practice is called onmyodo and abe no seimei and kano no yasunori were the notable practitioners,, and the kamo in jjk is the same as irl who served the imperial court back then

maybe i was right when i said that the relation between the govt. and jujutsu elders are similar to how the shogunate and imperial court work (ie, the former holds the actual power) but... lets see later,,

and i cant believe that i actually nailed it on the analogy of jujutsu practices by religion,,, so mahayana buddhism, shintoism, and taoism is present in jjk along with their respective jujutsu practices...but between the 3, it shld (?) be taoism > shintoism > mahayana buddhism (which could took a path to pure land buddhism)

it’s weird that the number of curses are supposedly higher in jpn comparable to other countries when taoism was brought from china....tengen sus

so the zenin family tree is sth like :

brothers: [toji's dad] ; naobito ; ougi

so toji, naoya, and maki & mai are cousins of the same generation

[toji's dad] → jinichi (probs) ; toji → megumi

naobito → other brothers, naoya

ougi → maki, mai

but yea i’d call anyone who’s within/close or below my age range as cousins and others above 30 as uncles/ aunts LMFAO,, i dont rly memorize my own family tree 😭😭 especially since most call the other by honorifics instead of names : aunt, uncles etc or attaching said honorifics at the end of a name for an older sibling figure/ older cousins [but like ppl in my country also call the other who are older with sibling honorific even if we’re strangers,,, rly similar to korea’s hyung/oppa—eonnie(unnie)/noona but some uses more genderless honorific] (1)

tw // topic of incest, mentions of abuse

if anyone got the wrong idea when reading this : i am not glorifying/ romanticising incest(uous themes),, i’m looking at this with absolutely no lenses of bias even tho im rly against it

初恋 = literally : first love, or puppy love

恋 = romantic love/ deep longing

i literally don't know how else to put this...🧍and with language barrier...using a western interpretation of the eng word "love" to explain a jpnese term is not quite that simple, unfortunately

that thread omg,, i rly do understand how exactly someone could associated kindness with love bc of my upbringing, it was when i was slightly older that i was just...oh so its not like that orz,,, so the most plausible explanation would be that

but the problem is that,, akutami never specify when exactly she had a crush on them,, and when megumi answered todo’s question she had a “♡” reaction 😶,, uhmmm there’s rly no way to look past this if its this way or be in denial

i’ve seen some of "why wouldn't mai react that way after hearing megumi say he'd like someone who's compassionate when she's surrounded by men like naoya",, well I MEAN,,, that, but also mai probs admires that megumi grew up so well out of the clan, regardless of the fact that he had the foundation (10 shadows) to do so. imo she seems happy for him the way she can't be for maki, bc maki ultimately had to leave her behind

hate to say it but yea,, the 3 clans most likely still practice inbreeding in order to preserve their power and presumably their wealth too 😀

i had an idle thought abt it at first but i filed it deep in the back of my mind asap,, bc i ont wanna jump to conclusion abt this out of all things too early. it’s probably not even in jjk, but all those elite clans in other ani/mangas that produce powerful heirs and whatnot also do the same,,, but this way of (my personal) thinking was influenced when i first got into tsukihime (type-moon),,, i read abt the nanaya family background and found out that they practice that in order to keep their bloodline “pure” (to keep it short : they have an optical power),, and i had this kind of assumption ever since so there’s that

i’m,, convinced the zenins' inbreeding made it more difficult for them to get powerful shamans bc they got 2 jujutsu technique-less children with heavenly restrictions in the same generation: toji & maki

even more convinced that maki might be a bit stronger than toji bc toji could see curses without aid while maki can't so the pay-off must be higher,,, SJJASN IDK ,,, plus naoya sort of implies his older brothers are nothing compared to him, and idk if we should take that as his arrogance or that his older brothers rly are weak/powerless. it would make sense as to why naobito had a lot of sons, ig, as head of clan

i feel so bad that if one of the factors that can caused heavenly restriction is inbreeding,, toji and maki and mai had no say in how they wanted to be born but are scorned for it,, typical asian families projecting their traumas and ideals onto their kids but get mad when they realize that those ideals are ugly...😁😁😁

since the zenin are conservative,, i wonder if they still hold onto old jpnese dining traditions. where in ancient jpn, hierarchical relationships were made readily apparent even within families. a dining table where everybody sat down and ate as equals would be unheard of. rather, each individual is given their own table that indicates their status,,, someone who is not considered “strong” according to the zenin’s views most likely have no place at the table, and probs eat when those who are “strong” finished/ serve them when they are eating

if toji was tossed into a swarm of curses,, i dont think abuse during said time is below them,,,

the zenin clan was already great, but they further amassed power and strength by, what i assume to be, marrying and adopting powerful individuals into the clan 🤔 ,,, i imagine they're like the hiiragi but without doing what they did to shinya (ons reference)

BUT after all that, i like to think that since akutami’s a big horror fan, jjk might be an outlet to explore said topics or even darker ones, so i wouldnt be that surpised abt it. given that there’s more than enough “red flags” before this was dropped : a reference to “tale of hikaru genji” when a grown woman asked for gojou’s number in HI arc (out of all things); granny who transformed into the man’s daughter, sat on his lap and man just touched her waist; mei mei and ui ui ; and...this (incestous theme is in the novel btw)

lets not start with whatever the fuck in kubo’s head in the interview otherwise i’m writing paragraphs with every curse words possible,, those big 3 mangakas are so— UGH,, a planet w out (cis) men like him sounds real good rn 😌 if one of yall out there decide to do it,, pls hmu rly cant do this shit anymore

akutami said i like my men pretty and i like women who will step on my neck and spit in my face (I REMEMBERED TATSUKI FUJIMOTO’S INTERVIEW WHEN HE WAS ASKED ABT MAKIMA AND IT WAS SO 😭😭😭😭) but ykw,, love that for both of them <3

when i said 3 : one piece, bleach, naruto. aside from the blatant depiction/ characterize of women in those 3,, idk if some ppl arent aware yet but oda is friends with two (2) convicted pedos,, man...the major disappointment and disgust when i first find out abt it

anyways this is just my 2 cents (which i think rightfully belong to the trash can) so pls just take this w a lil to no grain of salt - 🐱

YEAH THE ♡ LMFAO I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A “good answer ♡“ heart BUT NOW IM RE-EXAMINING?????

honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if the three clans practiced inbreeding. but ik people are going to be 😡😡😡😡😡 about it when the queen of fucking england is literally married to her (something) cousin. i’m not justifying it but like....love the double standards, just as always with the west 😍

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT FUCKING PED* LIST THEY SHOULD ALL BE IN JAIL. JAILLLLL. it’s all so gross. that’s why i fucking hate when people look towards manga for positive representation because the chances of that are super slim to zero, especially since the industry is saturated with misogyny and ped******* and a lot of other gross stuff.

i think ppl forget jjk is a horror manga LOL so obviously it’s going to confront darker themes. the question is whether it’s going to be done tastefully or not......

#honestly I don't have high hopes unfortunately 😭#but who knows I might be...pleasantly surprised #idk I don't have high hopes in manga nowadays so hmmm #anyway as always I enjoy ur thoughts <3 ❤️❤️#hope ur doing well!!!#and getting all those genshin impact goodies #🐱 anon #long post

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animalinvestigator · 3 years

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(long text incoming)

Here's a kinda big list of my current DR plot headcanons/theories. Feel free to argue/talk about them lol. Uh.

1. Chara is light, Gaster is dark

2. Chara restricts our choices in the overworld

3. Chara may be possessing Kris in the ending. Perhaps they got angry we're making a difference and hijacked Kris's body from the player?

4. Kris is Deltarune's Frisk, with a bit of Chara mixed in due to having a bad past and being adopted into a place full of monsters

5. Someone is going to die. Not sure who, but Kris pulled a knife for a reason. Maybe, if it is Chara, they're punishing us for doing whatever we did? The scene is eerily similar to the Post Geno Pacifist ending.

6. Gaster doesn't really have good or bad motives. He's just conducting his experiment. Whatever happens happens.

7. It's possible Kris is a soulless vessel that grew up in Hometown, which is why they don't seem to have any interests or much of a personality outside of "scare this other kid with ketchup to get a reaction out of them"

8. Ralsei is made of plants in some way, or is just some void darkness being. He can change his fur color with magic. (Also possible Darkeners can just cloak themselves like lancer and the king do. and san-)

9. Don't Forget is a happy sounding song with a dark meaning. Who did we make a promise to? Who is with us? I think the song could be from Chara (or maybe Ralsei's) perspective

10. Back on the subject of a character dying, we know Rudy died in Undertale's world. In DR, I think his illness may be a red herring.

11. Due to the alternate universe situation, DR could happen at any time before/during/after UT. Chara has come to this world after a Genocide run, and still plans to continue destroying, but is also more interested now in Gaster's experiment and observing the world and testing other things themself.

12. Lancer is a fuxking pupy

Oh this is fun! ^_^ You have lots of thoughts. I have many thoughts as well. Let us combine our powers! First and foremost though ,Lets refrain from using the “geno run” terminology, at least on my blog, it is an uncomfortable way to refer to it. No mercy run is the more generally accepted term nowadays (though the wiki will tell you it is a different thing >-> )

Under read more because it is very long!

1. I agree completely with half of this! I won’t tell you which. you can probably figure it out....

2. Objectively true depending on if you believe they are the narrator or not. if you buy that they were the one interrupting gaster during the survey (And I Do) , it is reasonable to believe they have some stake in limiting the players choices.

3. Controversial but i actually agree! I think there is a relatively high chance it is Chara, again attempting to control the choices the player makes. Who knows what their aim is...

4. I believe kris is their own person independent of either frisk or chara, but was rather made in frisk and chara’s combined image, to be an “ideal child” for the dreemurrs. despite being crafted purposefully, though, I think they are an individual, or at least capable of becoming one!

5. dont think if it is chara doing the possessing that anyone’s lives are in danger. if its kris, we know less about them so i suppose you could assume...? but it seems like an unjust assumption. we dont know why the ending scene is the way it is, but if its chara trying to intimidate the player, i doubt they would want to damage anyone in hometown. I dont think anyone in hometown is at any risk of dying hehe.

6. any claims about gasters motives are largely unsubstantiated as of right now. we just know too little about how involved he even is to draw any conclusions! I think its reasonable to assume he is being a scientist about things though hehe. we just dont know why

7. i agree i believe kris is almost solely a vessel as it stands. however, they have many small moment of agency that reveal that they may have their own thoughts and feelings about things at hand. the things they’ve done as a child almost suggest to me that they have been used as a vessel prior to the players arrival.. ^-^ i wonder who might be doing that?

8. this one is controversial to me. i think he has a lot to do with plants, but not cos he’s made of them..it has to do more with his history than his physical makeup . i do also agree that i think he can change his appearance on a whim, or at the very least that his appearance was Not Finished when he first appears as his little fluffy soot ball self.

9. I cant go into this one without going sounding completely insane, theres only one “Promise in our hearts” in the utdr universe and it is contained in a physical item that you can purchase on fangamer as merchandise and that i own. Song is no debate from chara or asriel. Bottom line. I am 100% sure of this and if im wrong thats ok. But This is actually the detail that convinced me of my theory in the first place

10. we know so little about rudy and noelle so far! Really not much we can call with regards to that. wouldnt be surprised if he died and that was noelles impetus to get involved with the story, also wouldnt be surprised if he lived and it was meant to prove a point about the differences between dr and ut. i cant make any calls onthis one but the whole situation hasa very ominous air to it for reasons no one seems to be able to place

11. My initial hypothesis is that deltarune was created after a no mercy run, so i tend to stick to that. if a pocket universe was created in a specific timeline, it would continue to persist after that timeline ends, is manipulated and started over, etc, considering the way time works in separated tracks in undertale, so the timeline of origin is only really relevant if you want to consider how it would change chara’s characterization ( And I Do.) its an interesting topic.

12. Yea for sure.

Thanks for having this sort of disconnected deltarune chat with me..so fun to think about ^-^ /

#long post

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queerchoicesblog · 4 years

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A Few Words On Pride Month 2020

youtube

So, pride month has come at last. No matter how crazy it sounds right now as we're experiencing first-hand one of those events that will end up in history handbooks one day.

I'll be honest, it's quite difficult for me to talk about it now when everything that is not Mrs Rhona releted seems so well less relevant than it was before. But I want to share a few words that most likely nobody will read but I'll let them flow anyway.

I watch that video every single year during pride month. It's from a series I liked quite a lot back then, it's called Sense8. The character speaking is a trans woman, an lgbtq+ hacktivist, reminiscing her disastrous relationship with her transphobic mother yet finding strength in her own sorrow. There is a passage I love:

Today I'm marching to remember that I'm not just a me

But I'm also a we

And we march with pride

These words resonate with me: they summarise perfectly the deep empathy and acceptance that I feel should make us stick together. Both inside the lgbtqa+ community and as human beings: "I am a human being, and thus nothing human is alien to me". I'm quoting by heart a Latin playwright named Terentius (Terence in English, I guess?) so forgive me if I got something wrong but what I mean is...we should all care about each other because no matter our differences, our sexuality or color of skin or class, we are human. We are brothers and sisters: I'm an only child but I believe that the definition of a healthy family is one where people overcome differences that don't truly matter in the end, they don't define us as worthy or unworthy of love and respect which should always be given to another human being.

Unless there are valid reasons not to.

As the latest happenings in the world have shown, a hard truth we all know has been reinforced: we live in a cruel, unfair world where, as Nomi said, "hating isn't a sin on that list and neither is shame". A world where people get hurt or killed for reasons which can be hardly called a motive for violence: not being white, not being rich enough, being different, holding a hand or kissing a person of the same sex in the street.

We may comfort ourselves saying these fears were past fears, last century or even Victorian age fears but no, they're still out there. And we can't turn a blind eye.

The current pandemic added new ones, making our lives even more miserable. Speaking of the lgbtqa+ community, I think I can say the social distancing is hitting even harder. Does anybody feel lonelier now? I rise my hand, I do. I'm not referring to the fact that pride parades are cancelled (because we all know there is a freaking valid reason atm), but getting in touch with other people is way harder now. In my personal experience, getting in touch with fellow lgbtqa+ folks was rare even before the pandemic, now it's hella tough. In the street we hide our faces behind masks and don't have the same careless attitude we used to display. Shaking hands and even the lightest touch or proximity are not allowed under the new restrictions: a few weeks ago, over here a couple was charged for hugging each other in the street. How sad and dystopic are these times we live in...

Virtual meetings can help but they're not like in person meetings: the warmth of personal interaction is simply not there. We try but it's not there. Couples are separeted by lockdown rules and so are some families. Lgbtqa+ hotlines are a saving grace and I cannot stress enough how important they are and how anyone struggling with their mental health or literally anything concerning themselves, their gender and sexuality should feel free to contact those volunteers who are a blessing restoring a little faith in humanity.

My thoughts are for those of us who got stuck quarantining with homophobic/biphobic/transphobic etc parents or roommates, and those stuck in abusive contexts. Yes, even relationships because - I know I'll be super unpopular saying this but we can't lie especially to the minor or vulnerable ones- lgbtqa+ relationships can be abusive and toxic too. As I said, we're human and I am sick and tired of the honeyed sunshine rhetoric of lgbtqa+ people and love as an ever right and righteous safe haven. It is a safe haven for us to some extent but we must acknowledge there are problematic issues in our community. We have to be honest with each other especially for the sake not only of each other but for the vulnerable ones and the young. Like criticising or reporting abusers, predators, rapists and so on don't make us all filthy creatures who will burn on a stake for our abominable sins. It just makes us responsible and looking out for each other.

We spend so long dreaming of finding someone of the same sex to be with that when someone shows us any sign of affection our feelings for them grow fast, even when red flags or abuse enter our lives. We stay because we're hungry for love and crave what straighties seem to get so easily: love, acceptance, reciprocity. To the young and everyone who needs to hear this I wanna say: it doesn't have to be like that. Don't ever settle for cheap love only because you feel you will lose your only chance to be loved. There are good people out there too and you deserve one of them at your side. You will find them, your paths will cross: just be patient and never ever forget the importance of respect and consent.

To all those experiencing anything like the relationships or toxicity I mentioned, who feel silenced by the sunshine rhetoric, I say: you are not alone, stay strong and you did nothing wrong, others did and I'm sorry you're going through this cause you don't deserve it.

I share a similar shutout to those struggling with mental and/or physical disorders. If you ever felt pretty much invisible, you're not. I see you, many others see you and we're all rooting for you. You're stronger than you think and you're beautiful.

The not-as-unfortunate-as-the abovementioned but still quite forlorn are the star crossed lovers meeting that special someone in a bad time. Quarantine will see the blossoming of some romances but also takes no prisoners, blowing off others. They don't vanish though, in most cases they turn into those impossible loves and what if we love so much in the movies and hate in real life. I wish I could lay a blanket or pull into a tight hug all those going through this. Your pain is not irrelevant even if there are worst things in the world right now, our souls hurt for things like that. I hold your shaking hand wherever you are as you stare blankly at your phone, waiting for a message or a call that will never come, or you reminisce, listening to a romantic playlist you still have saved on your device. Your suffering is my suffering.

On a brighter side, cause I don't wanna be a complete downer, the luckiest ones among us are blessed with love and I can't be any happier for you, whoever you are. I can picture the one day a few years from now when I will be talking to someone and they will share their story saying how they met the love of their life during the pandemic. How it wasn't easy at first because of all the uncertainty and fears but they kept trying and it all started with a social distancing date at a park or via Zoom. You lucky ones, cherish that and never take what you have for granted: the love you feel and that special someone is showing you is a balsam in hard times. Please cherish it dearly and never stop loving: one day you'll warm these old bones and lonely heart if we ever get the chance to cross path.

Actually I don't have any more wisdom to share, granted what I wrote can be called wisdom, nor giveaway. I considered doing a lgbtqa+ one in honor of the pride month but I feel nobody would be interested. Or at least not by me and I fully agree: writing is getting hard and I feel like I risk of ruining everything I dedicate myself to, as I usually do in my life. I'll follow the tips of a few anons (I think?) and devote this month to educate myself over aspects, nuances or realities I am not fully familiar with: so I'll watch Pose and Sex Education. Hopefully I'll learn something new that might make me a better human being.

Feel free to share further advice: books, articles, movies, series, documentaries...you name it! Drop a message or an ask and I'll make what I'm starting now a lasting project!

That is my advice: if you're stuck inside with nothing much to do this month, find something that might enrich you, even a little thing, and go for it.

As well as reminding yourself the usual stuff: you are not wrong nor unlovable, you're not offensive or dirty for being attracted to your same sex or both or none. Not to quote Lady Gaga, but it's truly is that simple: you are born and beautiful this way.

Stay safe and stay strong, my darlings 🏳️‍🌈

Love,

E.

#pride month #pride month 2020 #random thoughts

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