#also lionel is such a cutie | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr has 4 main sources of revenue.

#also lionel is such a cutie

0alanasworld0 · 10 months

Note

What would a starting XI of your favourite players look like? They don't need to be the best at their position just your favs

AAAAAAAAAH LOOK AT ALL OF THESE CUTIES I LOVE THEM ALL SO DEARLY ;)

i was thinking of putting in subs but i cant think of names off the top of my head but some good shouts also include: - attiyat allah - romain saiss -pablo chihuahua gavi - eduardo camavinga - lionel messi (obvs) - sofiane boufal - thomas muller - mesut ozil

im tagging @mchiti @swaggypsyduck @karotland @shadesofblue21 @bostonoriginal @cryingforcrocodiles and whoever else wants to do this!!! i've linked the website i used below!

7 notes · View notes

nunesbytko · 2 years

Text

Netflix - Dahmer- Monster - The Jeff Dahmer Story- Episode Four - “The Good Boy Box”

Present Back to Jeff's arrest.

Police go through Jeff's childhood home, the garden, and find his first victims bones scattered there. He scattered them because he wanted Steven to still be around.

Does anyone believe that Jeff didn't kill again for nine years??? I don't!!!

Trying to be a good boy my ass!

Hijacking the photo lol! They blacked him out!

Lionel planned to bring Sherri back to face off with Joyce. Yeah. That sounds healthy for Jeff to watch. Lionel can be such a petty asshole. Lionel you dumped Jeff to hook up with your flozzie. You haven't called or seen your son in months and have the audacity to walk in and have a go at Jeff!

Lionel starts bitching about Joyce being a crappy mother, but Lionel you've done jack shit for Jeff as well. Pot kettle black. Lionel just refuses to take any responsibility! Your son has been falling apart while you've been banging your "hot babe"

I'm cry laughing everytime Jeff looks at Sherri over this coffee table.

Lionel is pissed that Jeff didn't go to college, but Lionel if you had fucking been there like a father would, you should have been on his ass and helping him with applications. It's no use coming in now and trying to save his education. It's too late.

Community college sounds like a great idea Sherri!

I honestly thought Jeff was going to say some kind of racial slur about community college.

Man he's going to tell Lionel about Steven???

Lionel had to stop this. This is a coffee shop. But Lionel should have taken him home, or fishing alone, and just let Jeff speak.

His dad paid for Ohio college. He doesn't show up for lessons and gets expelled. His Dad is pissed Jeff's headed to the army.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So he comes back in his little Army suit, and Lionel and Sharri are in shock. It's a cute scene and I thought. Maybe Jeff's changed!!!

He hasn't. He using a drug called Halcion to drug his army colleagues, his friends! He's off to Germany next week.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------- Months later his enraged Dad drives him to his Grandmothers. He's been discharged from the army. I feel like his dad is sending him to his grandmothers as a punishment.

Where are the blue contact lenses???

Lovely scene with him and his grandmother and the box. He also kind of tries to tell her that something is off. She responds with church. She's sweet.

Butcher shop with Wally. Jeff has a job!

We're back to the mannequin scene! Oh shit Grandma!

Oh god lovely Grandma is challenging him about the mannequin! Shit this is sooooo embarrassing for him! She's talking about getting him help and church and Jeff losing it. This is the first time we've seen him angry like this. He shouts in her face. It's a horrible scene. She just wants to help him.

I'm worried that he'll hurt Grandma!

LOL she threw his boyfriend away and he's pissed and smashing glasses! Jeff needs to move the hell out! He can't speak to his grandma like that!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- God Jeff and the beer tent at the fair. He was "Indecent" at the fair. With kids around! This guy is so fucked up. He's arrested. He gets fired from the butchers. But gets a job at a clinic. He's going to get turned on the by the blood, you just know it!

He's drinking blood????

WTF super dangerous!!!!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------ Jeff at the gay bars lol!!!!

OHHHHH!!! The bathouses!!!!

Hot dudes just walking around Naked!!!!

Jeff pretending to be all new to sex.

Did they do more or just cuddles?

Nooow Jeffie is a regular at the bars and the bathouse.

He gets kicked out of the bathhouse when they realise he's drugging guys. Shit. one guy nearly died!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think Grandma is going to kick him out.

Don't show him your moves Jeff, you' ll scare the cutie away!

He's drugged himself! Jeff you dumbass!!

The hotel murder, I forgot about this one!

Man of the house!!! Jeff you're a bum that lives with Granny, like what Man????

? The hotel guy {Steven's } Head is now in his father's old chemistry box. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Notes

Notice that in the beginning a lot of his victims were white, what changed?

Shoutout to Ricky! The guy that kicked Jeff out the bathhouse. I think he would have killed him if no-one was there!

Loved the scenes between Lionel Sherri and Jeff!

These episode feel like mini movies!

I really hoping that he'd changed in the army. He was given soooooooooo many chances to make things right.

Maybe if Lionel had listened, maybe things could have been different!

#Dahmer on Netflix #Episode 4 Review #Steven Tuomi the hotel Murder #Vince Hill-Bedford #He shouts at poor Grandma!#Jeff and the Army #Jeff goes to the bars #Jeff drugs himself for once!

0 notes

buenosairesnews · 2 years

Text

Lionel Messi, Leandro Paredes, Argentina team arrive in Spain for Finalissima training

Lionel Messi, Leandro Paredes and the Argentina national team have arrived in Bilbao, Spain to train for the Finalissima match.

The Argentina national team will be training in Bilbao, Spain for their Finalissima match against Italy on June 1 at Wembley. Rodrigo De Paul, Angel Correa and Cristian “Cuti” Romero arrived on Sunday with most of the players arriving on Tuesday.

Leandro Paredes, who was not selected for the team due to injury, has also travelled and is with the team. As we reported on Monday, Marcos Senesi will play the Conference League final on Wednesday and arrive on Friday with Julian Alvarez and Franco Armani arriving from Argentina on Friday.

Lionel Messi and the Argentina national team players arriving in Bilbao, Spain for the training camp. pic.twitter.com/9spkF0gR78

— Roy Nemer (@RoyNemer) May 24, 2022

Ángel Di María, Leandro Paredes, Lautaro Martínez and the Argentina national team in Bilbao, Spain. This to Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg’s The Next Episode. pic.twitter.com/adEsOxgChn

— Roy Nemer (@RoyNemer) May 24, 2022

Argentina soccer news

#football argentina #soccer argentina #Mundo Albiceleste

0 notes

liohnelmessi · 6 years

Photo

The little man certainly didn’t let anyone down, and by the time he had finished it was difficult not to think that far too much had been made of that statistic about him failing to score in any of his first eight matches against Chelsea.

#lionel messi #leomessiedit #fcbedit #fc barcelona #barcaqueenstag #leo messi #captainmessi #userjace #userdorota #userchang #aftgomes21 #*#messi #fcb #17/18 #champions league #also happy early bday to Mar :D #also dont' forget how much of a Cutie 3.14 he is #today's Pi day and only irrationality can describe how surreal he is at footie

231 notes · View notes

cottoncandyjester · 2 years

Text

So ignoring that awkward vent post, have some zeke fluff

Zeke hummed as he finished getting buttoning up his shirt, nervously running his hands through his hair. He wasn’t sure why he was nervous about you coming over for dinner you two have been dating for months and you’ve been over several times, it has been a while since you’ve been over.

Zeke cracked his neck now walking to his impressive vinyl record trailing his hand along the records “is Lionel Richie too obvious? Fuck it. Give me strength Lionel” He mumbled out as he placed the record on the player setting the needle on the record hearing the music fill the house.

When he heard the knock on the door he flinched before he walked to the door opening it, grinning when he saw you. “Well hello there cutie” he teased before leaning forward planting a quick kiss on your lips feeling all his nerves vanish the moment he saw you. “You look so handsome” you gushed, holding back a little snicker at the sight of him turning his head away blushing and getting shy.

“Well, it’s been a while since we both had free time..I wanted to dress nice for you” he said softly as you walked into the house softly placing a hand on his chest “getting shy on me?” You teased out with a laugh only making him blush more.

“I’m supposed to be making you flustered not the other way around” he hissed out as he quickly followed you as you walked deeper into the house. “So what’s for dinner?” You asked curiously now poking your head in the kitchen feeling zeke place his hands over your eyes.

“What? Don’t trust my cooking? I’m hurt babe” he teased before trailing soft kisses along your neck “I made your favorite meal of course~ I also have wine for us” he cooed out before you moved his hands to your mouth kissing his palms, it was a simple thing but made him weak as you looked at him with a hidden smile. “I missed you,so much” you whispered out now trailing your kisses to his fingers which made him hug you from behind.

“Mmm,let’s skip dinner and just cuddle while drinking wine..I missed you” he whispers out now burying his face in your neck with a hum. “We shouldn’t waste that amazing cooking of yours,why rush? We have all night” you reassured him softly.

After a great dinner and three glasses of wine later you and zeke cuddled on the couch with him hugging you tight and close, never wanting to let go. “You watching the movie?” You asked knowing full well he wasn’t.

“I want you to move in with me” he said bluntly now forcing you to look at him noticing how sad he looked which made your heart break. You reached out cupping his face “Zeke?” You asked only for him to nuzzle against your hands “I miss you all the time, I work nights almost every night and I want to come home to you. I want to wake up and see you laying with me, don’t you want that?” He asked softly.

“Of course I do it’s just..” you trailed off now glancing away, his sad eyes being too much to bear. “Are we ready it’s only been a few months isn’t that too fast?“ you asked out only making him chuckle “who cares, I love you and you love me so move in with me” he cheers out only getting happier when you slowly nodded “okay, I’ll move in” you said firmly not expecting him to yank you close drowning you in sweet kisses.

“Gods above you’re perfect, I love you” he chimed out happily now mumbling sweet nothings out in Spanish as you cuddled close to him, now he could be with you forever..

#yandere imagines #yandere ocs #yandere #zeke

37 notes · View notes

iwannaban0nym0us · 3 years

Link

Who else is excited for PUPPY BOWL this Sunday!

I’m going to highlight a few (ok it might be more than a few, but they are SO CUTE) of my favorite pups (keep in mind I love all of them) in no particular order.

Archer:

Archer, what a cutie. His name caught my eye right away, Captain Jonathan Archer (and his dog). Archer is an American Staffordshire Terrier and playing for team Ruff.

Lionel:

Lionel, look at that little head tilt, what treat or toy is the camera man holding? Lionel is an American Staffordshire Terrier/Boxer and is playing for team Ruff.

Hope:

Hope, she’s not a tiny puppy. There is so much love in her eyes just staring into the camera. Hope is a Beagle/American Fox Hound and is playing for team Ruff.

Cosmo:

Cosmo, those ears are so adorable. His name also hooked me I mean who wouldn’t want this astronomical pup? Cosmo is an Australian Cattle Dog and is playing for team Ruff

Xena:

Xena, the head tilt, the ears, I wish I could reach into the photo and pet her. She also has a really unique coloring, which just makes her cuter. Xena is an American Staffordshire Terrier/Labrador Retriever and is playing for team Ruff.

Theodore:

Theodore, look how soft and cuddly he looks. He looks like he’s either about to play with you or bark at something. Theodore is a Great Pyrenees/Australian Shepherd and is playing for team Fluff.

Jiffy:

Jiffy, the blep and head turn are so cute. If the photographer had wait much longer Jiffy would have been gone. Jiffy is an American Staffordshire Terrier and is playing for team Fluff.

Chip:

Chip, look at that blep and those ears just starting to perk up. That face and those eyes just draw me in. Chip is an American Staffordshire Terrier/German Shepherd and is playing for team Fluff.

Fozzie:

Fozzie, look how fuzzy he is. He is adorable and looks like he could play all day. Fozzie is a Norwegian Elkhound Mix who’s playing for team Fluff.

Jett:

Jett, he so ready to play. It doesn’t look likes those wheels slow him down at all. Jett is a bipedal dog who’s playing for team Fluff.

#puppy bowl #puppy #super bowl #dog #dogs #adoption #go team fluff!

49 notes · View notes

tommydoesntpayforsuits · 2 years

Note

Robert Lewandowski

Lionel Messi

Cristiano Ronaldo

Xavi

Harry Kane

Sergio Ramos

Frank Lampard

Iker Casillas

Xabi Alonso

Fernando Torres

David Beckham

Ben Chilwall

Luke Shaw

Mason Mount

Jack Grealish

I only really know Spanish and English football, and Lewandowski because one of my friends is Polish and adores him 😅

*rips shirt, reveals Real Madrid shirt underneath* MY TIME HAS COME!

Other teams exist, too, I guess.

5. Not my type at ALL. I've never seen Poland play, are they good?

2. He kinda looks like an off brand Alfie when he's got that beard. I'd drink a bit so as he'd look more like Alfie.

3. He's handsome. He's not really my type, but I'll fuck him

4. ADORABLE, but not my type.

6. Great player, but not my type HELL NOO

4. I think he's a looker, but the man never has a flattering hairstyle.

8. He looks like my French teacher. Not into him at all. He kinda looks like Sebastian Roche.

1. For nerves. FANTASTIC bone structure.

2. Cutie.

3. He's ok.

2. He's handsome.

Stone-cold sober.

6. Not my type.

4. Sorry to the Mount stans, but also not my type. He's very cute, but in like a buddy/brother sort of way. Not that I would sleep with my brother for 4 shots. That's not what I meant. Literally nothing I say will make what I said better, so let's move on.

12, with a few chasers. He grosses me out, don't come at me.

#football #marina's asks #kit kat #fun with friendos

4 notes · View notes

aardvark-123 · 4 years

Text

I was tagged by @digital-magus to put my playlist on shuffle and note down the first ten songs that come up. However, I have no shuffleable playlist, so the best I can do for you is ten random songs I have bookmarked. Thus, without further ado:

1) A cover of the Cutie Honey theme song by Ichirou Kageyama

2) Dancing on the Ceiling by Lionel Ritchie

3) Machine Hearts by Miracle of Sound, featuring Sharm

4) The Ultraman Neos theme song by Project DMM

5) Sick Beat by Kero Kero Bonito

6) Free to Believe by FELT

7) HEAT UP MY REVOLUTION by SOUND HOLIC

8) Because the Night by Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band

9) Yeast in the East by 5150ATTACK

10) Shin Burning Tensoku Z by SOUND HOLIC

I am also expected to tag other people, so let’s go with @turbobyakuren, @emrylurkeroftheloch, @evendrierguys, @moonhermitbuddyboy, @fall-in-the-dark, @nitr09-productions, @totallynotreimuhakurei, @taberone, @justahighlandcow and @anueutsuho.

9 notes · View notes

that-yandere-life · 5 years

Text

*CLOSED* 1000 Follower Yandere Song Blurb Prompt List! *CLOSED*

Because of your ongoing support and love that you all give me every single day, I wanted to give back by making this list for you all to use to send in requests!

So for the next two days [Starts 5/14/19 at 7PM EST until 5/16/19 at 7PM EST ***NOW CLOSED***] I will be accepting stuff from this list! I will be writing up blurbs/mini one-shots for each one! Just let me know the character and the song!

If you want a specific lyric used make sure you add that to your request! [NO MORE THAN THREE LYRICS PLEASE] Otherwise I will just pick out appropriate ones!

**NOTE THESE WILL BE POSTED EVERY OTHER DAY SO THAT I CAN DO HEADCANON REQUESTS ON THE OFF DAYS!**

[Each song title contains a link to a YouTube video so you can listen, then next to it is a link to the lyrics (although most of them are lyric videos)]

1. Private Eyes by Hall and Oates - [Lyrics]

2. Hello by Lionel Richie - [Lyrics]

3. Every Breath You Take by The Police - [Lyrics]

4. Please Don’t Leave Me by Pink - [Lyrics]

5. I Never Told You What I Do For A Living by My Chemical Romance - [Lyrics]

6. If I Can’t Have You by Yvonne Elliman - [Lyrics]

7. Hungry Like The Wolf by Duran Duran - [Lyrics]

8. One Way Or Another by Blondie / (Also One Direction) - [Lyrics]

9. Paparazzi by Lady Gaga - [Lyrics]

10. My Bloody Valentine by Good Charlotte (DARK) - [Lyrics]

11. You Take My Breath Away by Queen - [Lyrics]

12. Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic At The Disco - [Lyrics]

13. Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner by Fall Out Boy - [Lyrics]

14. Don’t You Want Me by Human League - [Lyrics]

15. Run For Your Life by The Beatles (DARK) - [Lyrics]

16. I Want You To Want Me by Cheap Trick - [Lyrics]

17. I Will Possess Your Heart by Death Cab For Cutie - [Lyrics]

18. Nights On Broadway by The Bee Gees - [Lyrics]

19. I Think I Love You by The Partridge Family - [Lyrics]

20. If You Leave Me Now by Chicago - [Lyrics]

21. Can’t Fight The Moonlight by LeAnn Rimes - [Lyrics]

22. A Little Piece Of Heaven by Avenged Sevenfold (DARK AF) - [Lyrics]

23. Lay Your Love On Me by ABBA - [Lyrics]

24. Hey There Delilah by Plain White T’s - [Lyrics]

25. Misery Business by Paramore - [Lyrics]

26. Monster by Skillet - [Lyrics]

27. Hellfire from Hunchback of Notre Dame - [Lyrics]

28. You’re Mine by Disturbed - [Lyrics]

29. Tainted Love by Soft Cell / (Also by Marilyn Manson) - [Lyrics]

30. I Hate Myself For Loving You by Joan Jett and The Blackhearts - [Lyrics]

31. Blank Space by Taylor Swift - [Lyrics]

32. The Game by Disturbed - [Lyrics]

33. If I Killed Someone For You by Alec Benjamin - [Lyrics]

34. Smoke and Mirrors by Jayn - [Lyrics]

35. Happy Together by The Turtles / (Also by Gerard Way & Ray Toro) - [Lyrics]

36. Take A Chance On Me by ABBA - [Lyrics]

37. Obsessions by Marina and The Diamonds - [Lyrics]

38. An Unhealthy Obsession by Blake Robinson Symphony Orchestra - [Lyrics]

39. Animals by Maroon 5 - [Lyrics]

40. Animal by Neon Trees / (Also by Chase Holfelder) - [Lyrics]

41. In The Next Room by Neon Trees - [Lyrics]

42. Toxic by Britney Spears - [Lyrics]

43. I’m Gonna Make You Love Me by The Supremes and The Temptations - [Lyrics]

44. This Maniac’s In Love With You by Alice Cooper - [Lyrics]

45. #1 Crush by Garbage - [Lyrics]

46. Possession by Sarah McLachlan - [Lyrics]

47. Shiver by Coldplay - [Lyrics]

48. 500 Miles (I’m Gonna Be) by The Proclaimers - [Lyrics]

49. Say You Love Me by Fleetwood Mac - [Lyrics]

50. I’ll Be There by Jackson 5 - [Lyrics]

[Please let me know if any of the links are wrong or they don’t work! Thank you guys again you mean the world to me! You fill my heart with so much joy! <3 <3 <3 -xoxo Ash]

#yandere marvel #marvel yandere #yandere umbrella academy #yandere ncis #yandere ncis no #yandere criminal minds #yandere star trek #yandere star wars

54 notes · View notes

edwardslostalchemy · 5 years

Note

Stand By You by Rachel Platten is such a Tododeku song though

God that's such a beautiful song and the lyrics fit them so well it hurts. 😭 I agree. The part about the tears making kaleidoscopes in the eyes is definitely Shouto telling Izuku because his eyes are beautiful and he'd make it sound poetic how Izuku cries. Also the part about believing in truth kinda reminds me of them being heroes for justice, especially Shouto, so that's a part I think Izuku is telling Shouto. The whole song is just so pretty.

I somehow misread your ask and thought you were talking about Stand By Me by Ben E. King alskdjfnsldl (because I thought the artist was Lionel Richie alslfnsmlfla how do you even go from Rachel Platten to Lionel Richie, Fran??? IDK) REGARDLESS, I also think this song fits them. Give it a listen, nony!! And I have another suggestion: I'll Follow You Into The Dark by Deathcab For Cutie.

https://youtu.be/NDHY1D0tKRA

https://youtu.be/BTCfQ6Bb8QE

#tododeku #anonymous #asks #tododeku playlist #ahhhhhh

5 notes · View notes

everybodylovesluka · 5 years

Text

Archive

cutie (90) -> how unsurprising this is the #1 tag

marcelo vieira (75) -> players’ names means mostly “luka + said player”

sergio ramos (73)

funny (64)

magic (57) -> luka being awesome at football

gareth bale (43)

awards (38)

fanart (34) -> check it out

yum (31) -> yummy luka

cristiano ronaldo (31)

<3 (29) -> no idea

real madrid (29)

favorite posts (26)

croatia nt (25)

mod family (20) -> luka’s family

karim benzema (20)

lukathirstythursday (20) -> 💦

ballon d'or (17)

mateo kovacic (17)

hair (15) -> important (!!!)

vedran corluka (15)

casemiro (15)

mario mandžukić (14)

so cute (13)

hello (13) -> handsome luka

isco (13)

why you so cute (12)

drunk luka is favorite luka (11)

dejan lovren (11)

ivan rakitic (11)

lucas vazquez (10)

zinedine zidane (9)

james rodriguez (9)

precious (8)

iker casillas (8)

keylor navas (8)

xabi alonso (8)

danijel subasic (8)

zlatko dalic (7)

liam vieira (7) -> this is marcelo’s son, the cutest boy ever

domagoj vida (7)

dani carvajal (6)

fifa football awards (6)

baby luka (6)

vinicius jr (6)

seriously cute (6)

the champions (5) -> Bleacher Report funny series

gonzalo higuain (5)

awesome (5)

raphael varane (5)

sime vrsaljko (5)

pepe (5)

carlo ancelotti (5)

beautiful (5)

vanja bosnic (4) -> luka’s pretty pretty wife

<3<3<3 (4)

darijo srna (4)

enzo vieira (4) - marcelo’s other son

blog stuff (4)

cool (4)

alvaro arbeloa (4)

kaká (3)

clarice alves (3) - marcelo’s wife, lol - why do i love them so much

lucas vasquez (3)

bromance for the ages (3)

football ramblings (3)

sad lukita (3)

lmao (3)

uefa champions league (3)

savage baby (3) -> lukita being savage

santiago solari (3)

tall kid curse (3)

cute af (3)

club world cup (3)

marcelo is one of us (3)

ivan perisic (3)

real madrid fc (3)

eden hazard (3)

lionel messi (2)

oh well (2)

salah is also a cutie isn’t he (2) -> yes he is

ante rebic (2)

amazing (2)

vintage (2)

neymar jr (2)

ricardo kaka (2)

marta (2)

#blog stuff #bye!

41 notes · View notes

musicfeedsmysoul12 · 6 years

Note

Can I prompt a headcanon for a single parent L&L MC?

Anon, I love you. I really like Single Parent stories which is weird because as an adult I don’t really want kids unless they’re like… eight but I love Single Parent stories where the kid is five or some shit. I change the kid for each LI and how MC ended up with the kid to because how MC is related to the WQ changes throughout the stories so… why the hell not?

Long ish post and hey- wanna request a prompt from this? Go ahead- no huge series will be coming from this, this was just for fun.

Reiner

So the MC has a bio kid who is five and a little girl here with super curly blonde hair who loves tea parties

No one really thinks MC is the WQ because they would have known if she had a kid but like… there are rumors about her and Alain sooooo…

Small plot where the generals actually do think the kid is Alain and the WQ and freak out. HOW DID SHE HIDE THIS!?!?

Reiner is super nice and makes sure the kid is happy while also being nice to MC because it has to be hard, you know?

Reiner is the Dad friend but has never actually done dad stuff. Sure, people have called him dad by accident but… yeah.

Super good at being a dad though. Like when he and MC get together it’s like a month later the kid is calling him dad.

Ryland is thrilled.

The kid ropes Reiner and all the retainers into a huge tea party that is mostly a little kid having fun.

Reiner is super protective of MC and the kid. Like when the war starts he’s super focused on protection of the castle because that is HIS KID.

MC actually is more willing to marry him sooner because… well, her kid loves him and when else is she going to find someone as awesome at being a dad?

Reiner signs adoption papers in Chicago to make the kid his legally. She is his heir, no matter what.

Super dad Reiner!!

August

The kid here is a four-year-old girl who MC adopted when her mother (MC’s friend) died. It was a bad car accident and the little girl lost her leg to it.

August is only like… 80% sure that MC is the Witch Queen here because the other 20% is like: she has a kid she loves. Can’t be the WQ.

August is good with kids but like not… used to being more than just a brother or a mentor? He’s good with the kid but is also super awkward about dating her mother.

Also, there’s the whole the kid isn’t used to MC being the mom either, so it’s both of them trying to figure out how to parent the kid without putting stress on the kid.

Kid starts calling them mom and dad in the third season.

The kid turns out to love horses through and boom. August has an in. They two obsess over horses and August totally gets the kid her own pony.

“She’s four.” “Never too early, besides we’ll start with the basics.” “FOUR.”

August goes to veterans who lost a leg or something to learn how to help train the kid when she expresses an interest in swords.

His mother is a grandma right off the bat. Loves this kid and his sisters love being aunts. His dad… eh, still has a hard time with it but then just falls for the cute kid. He’s a grandpa now.

August is super protective of the kid but also is the one to encourage the kid and be the best parent he can be.

The little girl gets the fanciest dress for the wedding. August asks her permission before marrying MC and it’s super sweet and cute.

Saerys

The kid here is a five-year-old boy with a stutter. He’s a bio kid but it was like a super long custody battle and the kid is a little nervous around strangers.

Saerys is: Nope, not the WQ. She loves this kid to much.

Romance takes a bit longer because MC does not go to Saerys room at all the first time because of her kid. Saerys as well is actually SUPER awkward with the kid.

Like really awkward because he’s never handled a kid before and like the demon realm is gone so he never thought he would either.

The kid does bond with him over food though. This kid loves food.

Kid also likes learning languages.

MC and Saerys have a slow burn because MC is kind of recovering from the shitty relationship and Saerys is struggling with: She’s a parent, that’s a kid, what?

Saerys is vicious about protecting the MC and the kid. Like this is his family. HIS. HIS.

Kid kind of takes to calling him papa fairly easily.

Saerys is more interested in staying in Chicago because like it’s safer for the kid and the kid can get a lot of help with his minor anxiety and stuff. But the kid hates it cause he’s scared his dad will be able to take him back and his dad was not a good guy.

Demon souls are kinda like: What? What? about the kid but like… also sort of warm up to MC faster cause they see MC as a way to rebirth the race as she has a kid already so…

MC is not happy.

Turbo Mode Saerys never hurts this kid.

Altea

The kid here is a little boy with red hair. He’s six and adopted after MC was in a serious relationship with a woman who had cancer. She died and MC adopted the kid.

Altea is… eh middling about the WQ thing. it would make sense for the WQ to have a kid as a cover but there appears to be real love…

The kid doesn’t like Altea at first. He still remembers his mum and this lady can’t replace her!!!

But magic is super cool and the portal thing turns out to have given him magic and Altea is all over teaching him.

Also the kid’s mum was French so he and Altea speak French and MC is like: Okay, this sucks.

MC and Altea are sickeningly cute with their kid. Many jokes.

MC is really happy that Altea is such a good parent because she loves her kid and like… it’s hard being a mom after losing the woman she loved. And Altea is here and helping.

The whole princess thing really is tough to deal with because like what does this mean for her and the kid?!

Going to Altea’s kingdom is terrifying. The Queen and King are even more upset their daughter wants to marry a woman with a kid.

Lionel is super into being an uncle though.

When they accept MC and the kid, they are really into being grandparents and kind of shower the kid with stuff.

They plan to leave the kid behind where he is safe but well, his uncle has a fun idea…

Iseul

The kid here is a bio kid who is two. A cute baby girl. The relationship was a one-night stand and the dad wants nothing to do with her.

Iseul is not sure if MC is the WQ but is more focused on NOT wanting to deal with a kid. Like no, no. He doesn’t want that responsibility!!

MC picks him for that reason- to annoy him.

Iseul and MC have a very long slow burn because Iseul is terrified of being responsible for a kid.

Baby girl loves Iseul though and likes playing with his hair and animals. Isuel gets a huge soft spot for her.

Grandma Ishara. That is all

MC and Iseul don’t have as much issue with Ishara because their relationship developed slower so they’re more secure.

Iseul is a great dad and breaks down crying when the baby girl calls him papa. it’s so cute.

Will totally have tea parties or whatever she wants.

the kid is a cutie who loves cuddles and likes to be carried. Iseul ends up with a baby sling.

Iseul and Ishara totally will have the kid drink from the well to.

This kid is going to be spoiled af by her aunt, zizi, grandma and grandpa.

“DWAGONS”

MC being pregnant with the second kid makes Iseul even happier because two cute babies!!

#writing prompt #love & legends #love and legend #headcanon

31 notes · View notes

dictionarywrites · 6 years

Photo

Know Your Jeffs: A Guide To Goldblum’s Characters

This isn’t an exhaustive list, and I will be updating it as I watch more Goldblum movies, adding in the characters as I pick them up! Everything is below the cut so that I can just update as I take more stuff in.

The descriptions of movies and characters are very much not impartial, but they should give you an idea of what you’re in for if you want to look the film up. I’m only including stuff I’ve already seen, plus Raines, which I feel like I’m never gonna be able to get hold of, and am heartbroken about.

Movies are listed in CHRONOLOGICAL order, but if you CTRL+F, you can search for a particular character name, date, or movie/TV title. This is very much under construction. There are currently 40 Jeffs on the list.

1978 - Invasion Of The Bodysnatchers, dir. Philip Kaufman - IMDb

Invasion Of The Bodysnatchers is a film about a kind of alien who comes to Earth and steals people’s bodies - effectively, they make up their own pod-versions of them, and then turn the original to dust.

Jack Bellicec is a poet in New York City, who owns a bathhouse with his wife, Nancy. This film is a sci-fi horror, and Jack is earnest but antsy throughout - he’s a real cutie, and every much a good guy. He’s just the sweetest, and is generally in a state of complete and utter terror, whilst still trying to keep grounded and keep thinking forward.

1980 - The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow, dir. Henning Schellerup, IMDb

Okay, so, for a stupid TV movie from the 80s, this is actually really cute It loosely follows the plot of the short story, but generally with a happier ending and a lot more fun antics from Ichabod Crane, and it’s just great fun. A schoolteacher comes to the valley of Sleepy Hollow, and finds himself facing down the silly ghost stories continuously thrown forward by the locals.

Ichabod Crane is the cutest - he’s soft and sweet with the children, like he is in the short story, on top of being lanky and clumsy and a little stupid; he lacks a lot of his arrogance that he has in the short story, and instead he’s much less of a dick when he criticizes the ghost stories and stuff. He’s lovely, I adore him.

1980 - Tenspeed and Brownshoe, TV Series - IMDb

Tenspeed and Brownshoe is a delight - it’s a detective TV series with a very light-hearted tone, and it’s very comfortable to just settle back and watch casually.

Lionel Whitney is... a trip. A chartered accountant turned gumshoe, Lionel starts his own detective agency in L.A. after breaking up with his fiancée and meeting the charming (and duplicitous) E.L. Turner, a conman and scam artist. E.L. is his partner in the business, and the two combine strengths - Lionel with his idolisation of and knowledge of the 40s pulp fictional detective, Mark Savage, as well as his black belt in karate; E.L. with his thousands of accumulated skills, including being a master of disguise, a smooth-talker, and a winner at sleight of hand.

Lionel is a dote: he’s just the sweetest, and he really gives off Bertie Wooster vibes, but with an air of genuine competence Mr Wooster never had. He’s truly incredible, and all the episodes of Tenspeed and Brownshoe are up on YouTube, so it’s really worth watching!

1981 - Threshold, dir. Richard Pearce - IMDb

Okay, so Threshold... Big old snooze fest. Not a very engaging movie, not an especially good movie - I forgot a good deal of the movie after I finished watching it. It was uninspiring and a bit bland. The concept is basically that a pioneer in mechanical science re: bio-engineering comes up with a heart valve to replace a little girl’s heart - the pioneer being Jeff Goldblum’s character - and a doctor puts it in the little girl, but it’s a very unpopular decision, because it’s not organic. Obviously, in the 80s, that was a much bigger deal than it is now.

Aldo Gehring is just... Adorable. Too earnest, a little bit arrogant, and he’s just far too baby-faced for the age he’s textually said to be to be believable, but like... You know! It’s a dull movie either way, and Aldo isn’t a huge part of it.

1983 - The Big Chill, dir. Lawrence Kasdan - IMDb

The Big Chill is a film about a group of college friends that meet up for the first time in like, a decade after one of their closest friends commits suicide. They all come for the funeral, and spend a few days together in the aftermath.

A lot of people seem to dislike Michael Gold, but like, he’s kind of one of the most tragic of the figures in the movie - a lot of their friends don’t remember him initially, and he really isn’t good at doing anything other than compartmentalising and shoving down his emotions. He’s brittle and a little sharp, and maybe a bit too honest for his own good, but I really love him, and I totally rec him if you can handle the subject matter, which is obviously very grim and very sad.

1984 - The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai, dir. W.D. Richter - IMDb

Buckaroo Banzai is a guy who’s basically, like, any eight-year-old’s Mary Sue - he’s a cowboy, a neurosurgeon, an expert test pilot, a rockstar, etc... And they play it completely straight. Leading his band of hypercompetent pretty boys, The Hong-Kong Cavaliers, he saves the world, if not the universe, on the regular.

Doctor Sidney Zweibel, a.k.a. New Jersey, is a new addition to the team in The Adventures, and he’s a neurosurgeon who went to med school with Buckaroo. He’s a would-be cowboy, complete with boots, hat and chaps, and he’s just the cutest thing in the world, a sweet and pure boy. 10/10 Goldblums for Sid Zweibel.

1985 - Silverado, dir. Lawrence Kasdan - IMDb

Mmm, Silverado is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, and it has little to no plot. Even for a Western, I found it incredibly dry and disjointed, and I can’t in good fatih recommend it to anybody, even though John Cleese is inexplicably a sheriff midway through.

However. Slick (whose actual name is Calvin Stanhope) is really fucking hot, and so you should watch his scenes on YouTube, even if you don’t watch the movie (which you shouldn’t). Slick’s screentime tocks up to around 15-20 minutes, out of a movie that’s genuinely like, two and a half hours long.

Slick is like, a casino man with a knife in his boot; he wears furs; he’s terrible. He’s so great, I adore him.

1985 - Into The Night, dir. John Landis - IMDb

Into The Night is... a little hard to describe. It’s like, a crime thriller movie with Jeff Goldblum and Michelle Pfeiffer, and with a cameo from David Bowie, as well as about 700 other Hollywood lads who Landis knew. I think the plot is... loose, and the film itself isn’t the greatest, but the main characters are pretty great.

Ed Okin is an astrophysicist dissatisfied with his job and his life in general, who abruptly becomes plagued by this inescapable insomnia, and subsequently becomes embroiled in this whole crime plot across from Pfeiffer. I really love Ed - because of the insomnia, he tends to underreact to most of the situations around him, and he’s very likable.

1985 - Transylvania 6-5000, dir. Ruby de Luca - IMDb

Is TR 6-5000 a good movie? No, absolutely not. But should you watch it? Oh, yes.

This is like, a comedy/absurdist horror/pastiche, lots... It’s lots of stuff. Basically, these two reporters who do a Weekly World News style thing go to Transylvania to report on Frankenstein, and also meet some Igors, a werewolf, a vampire, etc.

Jack Harrison is such a great character - he’s pretty much eternally looking after his hapless partner, Gil, but both of them are as ridiculous as the other, each of them stumbling into bizarre situations. Definitely don’t take the movie too seriously, but it really is a fun thing, and it’s certainly worth watching for the goofy trip it is. Jack is a real sweetheart, and he’s so lovable - Gil certainly thinks so. ;)

1986 - The Fly, dir. David Cronenburg - IMDb

So, fair warning, I nearly vomited like, several times watching The Fly, and was on the verge of just turning it off a few times. It’s nearly forty years old, but the body horror of the effects really stands up, and it’s very gory toward the end. Despite its well-earned rep as such a gory film, though, The Fly is actually a heartbreaking tragedy, so definitely don’t expect it to be lacking in the feels department if you can stomach it.

Seth Brundle (yeah, poor guy, what a name) is a really impressive engineer and scientist, and he invents a machine that should enable him to teleport objects from one electronic pod to another. Unfortunately, when teleporting himself, he becomes melded with an intruder to the pod - a fly - and begins a horrifying transition into something other than human.

Seth at the start is... He’s a genius, but he’s naive, arrogant, and a little too trusting in how earnest he is. As time goes on, and he begins the change into Brundlefly, he becomes much more erratic, and his personality changes a lot. I totally rec Seth, honestly.

1988 - Vibes, dir. Ken Kwapis - IMDB

Vibes is a fucking trip. It’s a movie about two psychics - Jeff Goldblum’s character, Nick Deezy, who can tell the history of an object by touching it, and Cyndi Lauper’s character, Sylvia Pickel, who is a medium. Yes, you read that right. Cyndi Lauper. It’s incredible.

Vibes is actually a much better movie than I expected - it’s a genuinely funny comedy, it’s ridiculous and cartoonish and stupid, but it’s fun. Cyndi Lauper and Goldblum have a tango scene at one point, and the height differential is so extreme that she’s literally wrapped around his waist and he’s just carrying her around.

Nick Deezy himself is a really interesting character - he’s kinda used to being used and pushed around because of his psychic powers, but he’s a guy with such a lot of courage and genuine empathy for others, and I just think he’s so sweet.

1988 - Earth Girls Are Easy, dir. Julien Temple - IMDb

So... Earth Girls Are Easy is in the same vein as Vibes for me - it’s a fun romp, and so long as you don’t take it too seriously, it’s a really enjoyable movie. It’s about these three furry aliens that drop down to Earth, and are trying to pick up the language and have a good time. It’s good banter, and it’s also a musical, because-- It was 1988, okay?

Mac is like, probably one of the most genuinely sweet characters out of the ones on this list - he’s very caring, and he’s doing his best to do good whilst not really being able to navigate the world around him very easily. He’s wonderful, and I can’t rec Earth Girls enough.

He’s also a big, furry, blue guy in his underwear for the first part of the movie, if that helps.

1989 - The Tall Guy, dir. Mel Smith - IMDb

So, disclaimer. This film is written by Richard Curtis, so like... It’s snappy, it’s clever, but it’s also a little insufferable and kinda misogynistic the whole way through, with the classic Curtis obsession with infidelity, where characters cheat on one another whether it makes sense or not.

That aside, I really enjoyed the first two acts of this movie, and while the third one falls very flat, I still think it’s worth watching. Goldblum’s character, Dexter King, plays the straight man in Rowan Atkinson’s comedy sketch act, but goes on to have a romantic relationship with Emma Thompson, and those links are just... So cute.

I think Dexter is kind of a dick, but by no means does that make him unlikable, and I’d still rec The Tall Guy! I’m not sure how long Goldblum was in the UK for - there’s a nude sex scene with Goldblum and Thompson, and I was really thrown, because he’s super pale in this film, compared to similar nude scenes in like, The Fly. So there’s your fun tidbit for the day lmao.

1990 - Mister Frost, dir. Philippe Setbon - IMDb

This film is... Odd. As a thriller, it’s fine - you know, it’s average. It isn’t so terrible, but it’s not great either. But as like, a film, there are aspects where it’s just inexplicably terrible - some of the lines are dubbed over, for some reason, and the sound quality is so off in random moments; there are odd moments where the camera is just too close to the actors’ faces, even for a close-up; technically, this film just has some bizarre and glaring... errors.

The plot is interesting, though, and I did enjoy it for that aspect - Mister Frost is a serial killer institutionalized in an attempt to cure him of his murderous tendencies, and he then professes to be Lucifer himself.

Mister Frost is a funny guy. He’s snide, clever, self-obsessed and sharp - I really liked him, and I totally think he’s worth a watch.

1992 - Fathers & Sons, dir. Paul Mones - IMDb

[icon to be added if I can ever get a decent fucking picture or screencap or something of this film]

This film was bad. I didn’t care for it. Fathers & Sons is, however, like... Very human, I guess. Max, Goldblum’s character, runs a bookstore on the coast and is having trouble communicating with his son, Ed; there’s a lot of tension between them based off the death of Ed’s mother and Max’s own character flaws, as well as Max’s temper. There’s fucking voiceover in the film, which is used clumsily and just comes across as terrible, but there aren’t any glaring technical issues throughout like there are with Mister Frost.

Max himself is not, in my opinion, a very likable character? He’s certainly relatively sympathetic, and you can see where he’s coming from, but he’s got a terrible temper and the tension with Ed is very much his own doing in a lot of respects - despite my personal dislikes, however, Goldblum is as ever a marvel, and you really do feel that Max is a whole, complete person.

1992 - Shooting Elizabeth, dr. Baz Taylor - IMDb

This film was a fucking trip and a half. The premise is that this guy, Howard, really hates his wife, and decides he hates her so much that he’s gonna kill her, but when she goes missing, he is arrested for her murder even though he never got around to it. It’s a generically confused movie which neither really meets its labelled genres of comedy or thriller, but wouldn’t do well under drama or romance either. It’s odd.

Howard Pigeon, as a character, is deeply unstable. A lot of the moments in the movie that I think are meant to be comedic just end up being tragic, because you can see how upset he is, how freaked out he is, and how disconnected from reality and rational thought he is. He’s also just... A really fucking bad person, but to be honest, so is his wife, so like... Hey. It is what it is, I guess.

1992 - Deep Cover, dir. Bill Duke - IMDb

Deep Cover is fucking incredible. It’s easily one of my favourite movies now, and I just die over it, to be honest. Playing across from Laurence Fishburne (then billed as Larry), David Jason (Elias in the script, and I don’t know why they changed it, maybe to make his name less blatantly Jewish, but I assume none of them had ever heard of Only Fools and Horses) is a low-down cocaine mogul trying to break out on his own from the local boss.

He’s a fascinating character, and I just adore him - the film itself is a very gritty noir that really considers lines of racial intersection and prejudice within both the police force and the drug trade, and David himself is constantly suffering from antisemitism and a lot of very targeted homophobic remarks, and it’s heavily implied he wants to fuck John, Laurence Fishburne’s character. David is erratic, sharp, and extremely brittle with a very short temper: he and John kinda balance each other out, because John’s a much cooler, calmer guy, and I just love their dynamic.

David’s my son. I love him. I will cry over him forever.

1993 - Jurassic Park, dir. Steven Spielberg - IMDB ↪1997 - Jurassic Park: The Lost World, dir. Steven Spielberg - IMDb ↪2018 - Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, dir. J.A. Bayona - IMDb

So, like, I’m sure you know the basic concept of Jurassic Park. A crazed Walt Disney parody in white linen with seemingly unlimited money decides to clone a bunch of fucking dinosaurs and put them into a theme park, and it goes horribly wrong. These films are genuinely great sci-fi, raising some wonderful philosophical questions about ownership, ethics, and our place in the universe, and the voice of that philosophy usually belongs to Doctor Ian Malcolm, a mathematician who specialises in chaos theory.

Ian Malcolm... I just adore him, I really do. You know, I’ve read the book of course, as well as the seen all the Jurassic Park and Jurassic World movies, and Ian is just a delight - he’s bright, he’s sarcastic, but he’s genuinely full of feeling and so eager to talk to other people, to connect with them, etc. I just find him fascinating, and even if sci-fi isn’t your thing, you’ll love Jurassic Park for him alone.

He reprises his role in the latest Jurassic World movie - I can’t, in all good conscience, really recommend the Jurassic World movies, but... He is a silver fox.

1995 - Hideaway, dir. Brett Leonard - IMDb

Hideaway is a supernatural thriller based around the concept of demonic possession, and an antiques dealer - Hatch Harrison - finds he has visions of a local serial killer after being revived from being dead for several minutes. Using those visions to thwart the killer, he and his family realise the cause is supernatural.

Hatch is a really cool dude, and I like him a lot - he’s got the strongest dad energies, and he’s so, so caring. Even grieving and tense, like, he’s just doing his best, and he’s such a good guy, I really adore him.

1995 - Nine Months, dir. Chris Columbus - IMDb

Nine Months is a terrible movie thick with a deeply unsettling ideology re: the whole “everybody really wants kids and must have them”, and I honestly despised it throughout. It’s just a terrible movie, and Columbus always ranges from “this guy is a vaguely bad director” to “this guy is a fucking twat”, and there is nothing vague about the badness of this movie.

That aside, however, Goldblum’s character is kind of a delight. Sean Fletcher is a painter (of paintings, not houses) and like... Layabout? He’s a little erratic, he changes his mind about stuff constantly, but he’s a really sound guy, and he cares a lot about Hugh Grant’s character, who is the protagonist. He’s really fun in a movie that’s just garbage the way through.

1995 - Powder, dir. Victor Salva - IMDb

Powder is a very sad movie, to be honest. It’s about this lad who’s like, an albino with telekinetic powers, and when his parents die, he ends up having to go into the public school system, where he’s bullied an awful lot. It’s extremely brutal about a lot of the bullying stuff, and it does come across very accurately; just as a general warning, there’s... an uncomfortable tone to it, although nothing directly or graphically terrible, especially re: sexuality, which I noticed even before looked Salva up and realised he was that paedophile that did Jeepers Creepers. It’s just something to be aware of.

Jeff’s character is... a delight, however. Donald Ripley is a high school teacher who’s genuinely really passionate about teaching, has no small amount of sympathy for all of his students, and is just-- He’s really sweet, and I love him. Despite the uncomfortable gaze of the film, he retains a paternal air, and I love it.

1996 - Independence Day, dir. Roland Emmerich - IMDb ↪2016 - Independence Day: Resurgence, dir. Roland Emmerich - IMDb

Independence Day, honestly, I expected to be like, bad sci-fi dreck, and it genuinely isn’t. While I think the premise is inherently stupid (the whole evil aliens invade thing), it’s actually executed so well, and I just love it as a flick - Judaism saves the day in many aspects, and it’s so nice to have that positive thing mixed up in it.

David Levinson is such a sweet guy - he’s arrogant and a little bit of an ass, but like, he’s so caring: he constantly worries about his dad, he’s so loyal to his ex-wife without being creepy or weird about it after like, three years; he fucking recycles and uses his bike to get around the city... Like, he’s an underachiever initially, but he’s a genuinely nice guy despite his abrasive personality at times, you know?

I just love him.

And he reprises the role in the new movie, which isn’t as good as the first one, but is still worth a watch for Julius Levinson’s antics, picking up grandchildren as he drives across America.

1998 - Holy Man, dir. Stephen Herek - IMDb

My full review of Holy Man is here.

Holy Man is not a good film. It’s about an exec who runs a TV shopping channel, but is like, really shit at it, and he ends up getting G., a homeless guru played by Eddie Murphy, to sell stuff for him. Nonsensical and odd although the film is, it’s actually surprisingly sweet and wholesome, and I really enjoyed a lot of the humour.

Ricky is a pretty bad guy at the beginning, but he’s slick and fun and good-humoured - he’s mostly just selfish more than outright evil, and he actually ends up becoming a lot less selfish toward the end of the film. He’s a sweetheart, in some respects.

2001 - Cats & Dogs, dir. Lawrence Guterman - IMDb

God, this movie is so bad, and so much more racist than I remembered? There’s this whole racist sequence with some ninja cats, complete with the chopsticks-style music playing in the background, and that’s... Awful.

But Charles Brody is actually really funny, to be honest. Goldblum somehow makes him feel really human - earnest and work-obsessed, but still desperate to be a good father despite not being naturally inclined, and that’s... Honestly, I hate it when he does this. He takes the stupidest character in the stupidest movie and makes them feel like a real person, and I hate him for it.

Brody is cute.

2002 - Igby Goes Down, dir. Burr Steers - IMDb

Igby Goes Down is... Hm. What best to call it? Insipid teenage horseshit. The whole film is just fucking terrible, honestly - it centres around the Culkin that isn’t Kevin in Home Alone, and he’s some unbearable little New York teenager who thinks the world revolves around him and is upset at the prospect that perhaps he should go to school and/or get a job.

Anyway, Goldblum is at his least moral and most hot, he is revolting, and he is so sexy. There’s a weird thing where he’s the family friend of a family that’s pretty anti-semitic, but they play it straight, as if Jeff Goldblum’s face isn’t one of the most Jewish faces anybody’s ever seen, but that aside, he’s really sexy. Sociopathic, abruptly violent, and infrequently undressed, but it’s not worth watching the rest of the film for, to be honest.

2003 - Spinning Boris, dir. Roger Spottiswoode - IMDb

Spinning Boris. What a film.

Here, listen, we just watched this, me and @annethecatdetective, and it was absolutely nothing that I expected,or could expect. It’s a heavily fictionalised “based on a true story” film about three Rpublicans who went to work on the Boris Yeltsin campaign in ‘96. We, apparently, are once again meant to believe Jeff Goldblum as a goyische Republican, which--

I mean, what can I tell you? He does it so well. George Gorton’s fictionalised counterpart is charismatic, charming and funny, but so is most of the movie - the Republican trio are all morons, but that actually lends to their likability in the end, and Gorton is the most lovable of the three, taking the foreground. This movie was like, actually really good.

2004 - The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou, dir. Wes Anderson - IMDb

I hated this film, and had to fast-forward a lot of it. I’m not a fan of Anderson at all, much as Goldblum is always singing his praises - I just don’t get it, I guess. Anderson is a master of visual spectacle, but he’s one of the worst writers out there, and pithy lines don’t make up for the complete lack of character that any of his films have.

Alistair Hennessy is no exception. He’s pithy, vaguely (comedically?) sociopathic, and is kinda DTF... And that’s about it. Even Goldblum can’t really add that much depth to this guy, because there’s no depth in other characters for him to play off.

2006 - Man of the Year, dir. Barry Levinson - IMDb

Mmm, so, Man of the Year surprised me.

It’s definitely quite weak, when it comes to plot and writing - the jokes aren’t at their strongest; it can’t really decide whether it wants to be a comedy or a political thriller; some of the jokes and commentary are very off-colour and have not aged well; it seeks to set out a political moral without making any particular targets. Nonetheless, I rather enjoyed it - it doesn’t pretend to be a higher art than it is, and I think it’s still enjoyable. The primary drawback is probably that the premise of a comedian being elected president of the USA is much less hilariously unbelievable in the wake of the Trump campaign, and that colours my perception a little - some of the protag’s comments about immigration or women, the way he responds to other candidates in debate, Hell, even Robin Williams’ wearing of a red baseball cap at one point... All of those elements kinda take the humour out of it a bit because of the Trump election, but hey, it was 2006 - how could they possibly know?

Goldblum’s character in this, Mr Stewart, is the lawyer and primed attack dog of a corrupt company that produces the electronic voting machines responsible for Williams’ character being elected. He isn’t at his most Goldblum-esque in this, I have to say - he’s sharp, nasty, and very business-focused, but he doesn’t get that much time on screen, and his on-screen moments don’t lean very much into his usual charm and humour. Stewart is actually a very dull, run-of-the-mill evil corporate type, and he was a pretty boring character.

2007 - Raines, TV Series - IMDb

I will write whatever you want if you can get me a download link for this, or somewhere where I can just buy the fucking series, from Ireland. I am desperate to watch it, because it looks fucking awful. Michael Raines is a detective who hallucinates that his victims help him solve the crimes.

Doesn’t that sound so bad? I need it.

2009-2010 - Law & Order: Criminal Intent, TV Series - IMDb

So like, you know the shtick with Law & Order. It’s a gory, stupid crime procedural that’s just really stupid. This one, Criminal Intent, is about major crimes, but honestly, I have little to no idea exactly what a major crime is, even having watched the two seasons in which Zach Nichols is a marauding force.

Zach Nichols himself is... Fascinating. So, you know how there’s this fucking trend of just, mean detective who everyone lets be mean because he’s a ~genius~ or whatever, and everyone is always like “ugh, he fucking sucks, but we gotta let him do that”? That is not the case with Zach Nichols. Zach Nichols is nothing short of a genuine sociopath, continuously manipulative, randomly and without provocation is he cruel to victims, witnesses and criminals alike. At no point does anybody call him out for being terrible, or even admitting he’s being terrible. It’s like no one registers the cruelty of his behaviour, or cares.

Honestly, I expect it’s quite accurate as to the New York police system, and in the mean time, it’s really fucking hot. He’s my favourite of all of Goldblum’s characters, and he disgusts me on literally every level.

2010 - Morning Glory, dir. Roger Michell - IMDb

Morning Glory is... It starts out very bland and uninspiring, but it does grow on you more as it goes on. In my opinion, it would have been better if they’d just tried to bill it genuinely, as a comedy-drama, which is what it is - instead, they tried to shoehorn in a very ugly actor I forget the name of as a love interest for Rachel McAdams, I presume in desperate hope of earning that rom-com dollar. Nonetheless, it’s a cute enough concept - TV journalist gets her dream job running a news studio, and has to get bully and asshole anchor Harrison Ford to be fun and wholesome for the morning show. It’s cute, and I do think it’s worth watching despite some of the issues with it.

Jerry is like... He’s so fucking great. Jerry is just an ass. He’s rude, he’s biting, he’s constantly telling McAdams’ character to make stuff that is impossible work, and he very much eats, breathes, and sleeps his job, while packing in time to jog and to fuck an extremely stupid girl, Lisa, he put in the newsroom, who believes in shit like past lives and angels, and is literally the best character in the movie.

Jerry and Lisa are the fucking greatest, everyone else can go home.

According to the IMDb credits, he has a wife who is unnamed, but like... I have no memory of her even being in the movie, honestly. It’s not the greatest of cinematic works.

2010 - The Switch, dir. Josh Gordan & Will Speck - IMDb

The Switch? Bad concept. It’s about Jason Bateman’s character stealing the sperm donation that Jennifer Aniston was going to use to get pregnant, and then replacing it with his own. So like, off the bat, the whole reproductive rape, grievious sexual assault thing, that the movie... Kinda expects you to view as romantic? Somehow? I don’t.... get it. Apparently it’s okay because their characters are “friends”.

Anyway, moving onto the important part, Leonard, Jeff’s character, is great. He’s go the BDE going on; at one point he’s walking on the treadmill while eating a candy bar, and mocks Jason Bateman for not doing the same; he’s sarcastic, eccentric, and a massive THOT that lets women handfeed him; and, inexplicably, despite being Jason Bateman’s boss, him and Bateman are best friends. 10 out of 10 Goldblums for Leonard, who they didn’t bother to give a last name to.

2012 - Zambezia, dir. Wayne Thornley - IMDb

Egh. Like, even for a kid’s movie this one was pretty bland? The actual design and animation is pretty beautiful - I love the designs of all the wildlife, which is the main focus of it, and that’s really well-done throughout; there’s also a star-studded cast of voice actors. The story is pretty dull, and the script ain’t great, but hey. It’s a kid’s movie, and I think it does what it means to do.

Ajax, Goldblum’s character, is pretty cute - he’s like, a busybody, like the fucking... Toucan or whatever he is in the Lion King. He’s the advisor to the bird king or whatever. That’s... I mean, that’s pretty much it. There’s very little to say here.

2013 - Le Week-end, dir. Roger Michell - IMDb

Le Week-end is fucking adorable. It’s about this struggling middle-aged couple who go to Paris for a weekend to try to rekindle their marriage, and they run around committing shenanigans, arguing, and generally being a little bit adorable.

They meet Morgan, who is an old schoolfriend of Jim Broadbent’s character, and is now like, a best-selling writer in economics, and he invites them for a really stupid dinner party full of really impressive people, which makes both of them feel very inadequate. Jim Broadbent spends a lot of the party with Morgan’s weird teenage son, chatting about how Morgan is kind of a dick, but honestly, Morgan is just... Not self-aware. He’s pretty much in love with Jim Broadbent the entire time, and sings everybody’s praises, then comes to rescue them both at the end.

He’s very cute, kinda selfish, kind of disconnected from reality, and I have a lot of affection for him.

2014 - The Grand Budapest Hotel, dir. Wes Anderson - IMDb

The Grand Budapest Hotel is like... It’s a Wes Anderson film. Egh.

Deputy Kovacs is probably the least Goldblum-y character in any Goldblum role. He doesn’t have many of the verbal tics, and to be honest, he doesn’t even move his hands in the typical Goldblum fashion - if you look at the dinner scene, you can see his fingers twitching as he tries to keep his hand still.

Kovacs has some good lines, but like any Anderson character, doesn’t really have a character.

2015 - Mortdecai, dir. David Koepp - IMDb

Mortdecai is a terrible fucking film, and I despised it. It was just awful, it really was, and Johnny Depp and Gwyneth Paltrow’s characters were each fucking insufferable. It’s about this posh cunt who sells art, and then lots of people try to kill him because he’s posh, and a cunt.

Jeff’s character, Milton Krampf, is the father of Olivia Munn’s character, and Olivia Munn is a nymphomaniac who wants to fuck Johnny Depp. Milton gets like, 5 minutes of screentime, and is weirdly on board with his daughter banging Johnny Depp, but that’s it. If you ask my opinion, they should have had Milton try to bang Depp, and let Olivia Munn be in charge, but like... It was a bad movie. There was no thinking outside the box.

2017 - Thor: Ragnarok, dir. Taika Waititi - IMDb

I mean, what do I even say?

Thor: Ragnarok is like, my least favourite Thor film, but not because it’s not great. Thor: Ragnarok is so much better than most of the other Marvel films put together - it’s fun, it’s snappy, it’s beautifully shot, it has a vision, etc. etc. Taika Waititi’s humour mostly isn’t my thing, but his comedy is so well-ranging and so well-done that like, even if it isn’t your thing, you still get laughs out of his movies. Ragnarok is a great movie - it’s not my favourite for like, Loki’s characterisation, but... Honestly, when you’re watching it, that stuff just falls away. It’s so entertaining and so well done, even if I don’t agree with some of the characterization and story choices.

And the GM, God, he’s... Just terrible. I adore him. You know I adore him, this whole blog is just GM fanfiction. He’s an Eldritch being with unlimited power who forces people to fight in an intergalactic alien arena while shtupping Loki Laufeyson and being too lazy to properly rule a planet. What’s not to love?

2018 - Seth Rogen’s Hilarity for Charity, dir. Ryan Polito - IMDb

Hilarity for Charity was not funny, and was generally very painful to watch. I would recommend you skip through all of the “comedy” except for Tiffany Kaddish and John Mulaney.

At the end of the special, Jeff Goldblum plays the human face of the Netflix Algorithm, and playfully talks about destroying all human life. It’s pretty cute.

2018 - Isle of Dogs, dir. Wes Anderson - IMDb

I fell asleep during this. Like, within a half hour, I fell asleep.

Goldblum is underutilised, but to be honest, so are a lot of the characters - Isle of Dogs is a very weird movie, and I’m a little unclear as to some of the choices Anderson made with it, but visually, it’s a very strong movie, and it’s more enjoyable than most.

I still fell asleep.

Goldblum’s character, Duke, is like, a husky with a cheerful attitude, and he’s constantly gossiping and making shit up. His lines are good fun.

2018 - Hotel Artemis, dir. Drew Pearce - IMDb

Now, Hotel Artemis, not a great movie. The plot is very lacking, the characters mostly cardboard archetypes instead of developed individuals... I think the film has a lot of issues with telling the audience the stuff that could be shown much more artfully, but like, egh.

Despite those issues, Orian Franklin - Niagara - is a very interesting character. He’s in the movie for a very short amount of time (barely twenty-five minutes of screentime, if that) but he’s a really interesting enigma, and I really loved what little they bothered to do with him.

He’s one of those characters that’s much more interesting in fanfic than in the canon.

#as defined by dictionary #jeff goldblum #jgcu #dictionary writes #this is very much under construction lol

52 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

shadowqnights

bee 🫧

osiedlowy-lekoman

Bez tytułu

ipullum

Untitled

hwuicl

Lilac

codenamewhatever

Hideaway on the Interwebs