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roseghoul26 · 1 day

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Hello! I would like to request Cooper Howard x gn!reader (post war, because...murderous cowboy...hnnngh), where they struggle with mental health issues like depression? I've been in a really tough spot, having no energy or motivation to do anything or really any desire to take care of myself. So I was thinking, maybe the reader's mental health is declining, they're slower and sloppier when it comes to keeping up with Cooper and he's more and more frustrated. Then one day he has enough (maybe the reader is taking too long packing up) and threatens to leave them and they're just...passive, because they really don't care anymore about what happens to them. So he realises they haven't been taking care of themselves properly for a while now and then some soft moments with him? I know this is pretty dark and you can change this however you'd like, but I'm dying for some hurt/comfort with this man 🥺 It's totally cool if it's too much for you, if you decide to not write this, please just let me know, so I don't wait for it. Thank you so much, I love your Cooper fics <3

Cooper Howard | The Ghoul x gn!Reader

Synopsis: You’ve been struggling lately, putting both you and your traveling companion in danger. He was bound to confront you about it eventually. Tags: Prompt Request, Not Beta Read, Gender Neutral Reader, Depression, Mental Health, Mentions of Suicide, Disagreements, Comfort, Lazy Day, Cuddling, Beginning Relationships Author's Note: Trigger warning for topics relating to mental health, such as depression and suicide. Please do not read if you’re not in a good mental space. Take care of yourselves. Also, everyone’s experience with depression and mental health issues differs, so I am writing this story the way I experience it. Also, this was a fun challenge to write. Like how the hell would he approach a topic like this? It’s been fun to explore his character like that, and I hope I did it justice. Thank you so much for the request! <333

You used to be able to keep up with the Ghoul.

Wherever he went, you followed, tearing through the Wastleland without hindrance. You watched his back, and he yours, a security that was unheard of in this world. It was a trusting friendship, bordering on something else, something that neither of you had crossed yet. You couldn't compete with over a hundred years of experience with a gun, but you were able to hold your own quite well. You were a decent shot and someone who never let anyone get the drop on you, senses always sharp.

So when you started missing easy targets and found yourself surprised by opponents one too many times, you knew it was a matter of time before the Ghoul started asking questions and not believing the first lie that you said. The first time it had happened, you blamed it on your lack of sleep, and he seemed to buy it. And maybe you convinced yourself it was just a lack of sleep, ignoring the darkness that had begun to emerge in your mind. You just needed to rest, was what you told yourself.

It happened again a few days later, completely missing a target in front of you. Your reactions had begun to slow down, too, unable to avoid the swing of a blade, cutting across your cheek. It was like your body gave up on wanting to move, an unbearable weariness to your muscles that you were unable to shake. Later, as you bandaged the wound on your cheek, the Ghoul confronted you, demanding to know why you were acting so sloppy. You’d merely shrugged, offering up the idea that you were sick. This time he seemed less convinced, yet he had let the matter go.

You knew why you were acting the way you were. You weren’t unfamiliar with depression, far from it. It was something you’d dealt with your entire life, coming and going like waves. You’d go days, weeks, months and you’d be fine, but then a flip would switch. You’d lose your energy, your motivation, wanting nothing more than to just lay on the ground and never get back up. You’d stop taking care of your body. You’d lose your appetite. Your thoughts would turn dark, ideations and ideas flashing in your mind, things that you’d never tell another soul.

For the months you’d been traveling with the Ghoul, you’d been able to keep a reign on your depression. Sure, you had your off days, but nothing like this. It was like the universe was punishing you for having such an excellent past months.

But how could you explain this to your traveling partner? How could you explain that you didn’t have the energy to continue existing, to continue fighting? He needed you to be alert, to not have your thoughts occupied with something, that in perspective to the Wasteland around you, was trivial.

So you kept your mouth shut, forcing yourself to appear alert and unaffected. You forced those thoughts to the back of your mind. You forced your body to move, no matter how much it screamed at you to just be still.

But it seemed that all that bottling your thoughts up did was make it worse. As the days dragged on, you stopped talking, only muttering small words whenever the Ghoul asked you a question. You’d normally spend the time traveling conversing, and the Ghoul did try to initiate a conversation with you, but no amount of questions and joking and jabs could get you to break. Eventually, he fell quiet too.

Sleeping became a challenge. You’d think with how exhausted your body felt, you’d be able to sleep easily, but the opposite was true. Hours would tick by, and you’d lie awake, getting up the next morning more exhausted than before you went to bed. Your face, already a bit gaunt from living such a difficult life, had grown even more so, the circles around your eyes darkening and your lips growing more chapped.

You stopped eating, turning away the food he offered you. After you went a few days without eating more than a bite, he practically forced spoonfuls of food into your mouth, snapping at you the entire time. It was humiliating, but you couldn’t bring yourself to change. You just wanted to be done.

You could tell that your demeanor was starting to annoy the hell out of the Ghoul, whose words had turned shorter and snappier. If you took too long, he’d grab you by the shoulder and drag you along, like an upset parent with their child. Your cheeks would burn every time, tears pickling your eyes, and you’d hang your head.

There was a tension growing between you and the Ghoul, your friendship growing thin. His guard was up constantly, unable to trust you any longer to watch his back, which hurt you more than any knife or gun. Soft glances disappeared, his gaze scrutinizing when he looked at you. Light touches from him reserved for when you were at rest were no more, as you chose to keep to yourself every night. Instead of walking side-by-side, you’d linger a few feet behind him. You pretended like it was easier this way, to make him push you away, but it was tearing you apart.

But eventually, that tension snapped. Too many close calls, too many sluggish movements, too many half-hearted excuses finally made him break. You’d just gotten up for the day, another sleepless night behind you, and you were packing up your few belongings. You must’ve been taking too long, because you heard him sigh audibly, standing in the open doorway of the room you’d sheltered in for the night. “What’s your fuckin’ issue?” He growled, arms crossed tight over his chest.

You looked up, feigning confusion. “I dunno what-”

“Bullshit,” he cut you off. He began to walk towards you, his steps methodical, threatening. “You’ve been actin’ like this for weeks, and you’ve only offered me half-assed excuses.” He was seething, and understandably so. He crouched down in front of you, rendering you unable to escape. “So, you,” he stuck a finger in your chest, barely avoiding hitting you, “are gonna tell me why. And don’t even think ‘bout lyin’, sweetheart.”

You swallowed, heart hammering in your chest at the confrontation. Words flooded your mind, a full explanation on the tip of your tongue, yet you just couldn’t bring yourself to utter it. Your mouth opened and closed, struggling, until you eventually just gave up. Sighing, you just shook your head, which pissed him off even more.

A disbelieving laugh left him, and he ran a gloved hand over his face. “No? You’re kiddin’ me, right?” He didn’t wait for a response. “Ya know, I’ve tried to be lenient. I bought into your fuckin’ lies that you were ‘just tired’, ‘just sick’. I tried to give ya space, to give ya time to get out of this. But you’re gonna get us both killed if ya don’t fix yourself. I can’t be distracted out there, constantly worried ‘bout you and keepin’ you alive, ‘cause it seems like that’s the last thing on your mind.”

He took a breath, steadying his rising voice. “So I’m gonna give ya one more chance to explain yourself, or else I’m leavin’ without ya.”

“Then leave.” Your response came almost immediately, your voice lacking any inflection. Even though in the back of your mind you were screaming at him not to leave, you kept an air of indifference about you, unable to make yourself care. It would be easier if he just left, wouldn’t it? You wouldn’t be putting anyone else in danger, and you wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt you felt of him worrying about you so much. And it would be so much easier to just disappear if there was no one looking for you.

He wasn’t expecting that as a response if the look on his face told you anything. His brow muscles were raised, leaning back from you in shock. But the way he was watching you, it was like he was observing you in a different light, dots beginning to connect in his mind. “You’ll die out there without me.”

You merely shrugged your shoulders, glancing down to continue packing your belongings, no longer able to look him in the eye. He didn’t respond, simply standing up with a sigh. You didn’t look up, not even as you heard him walk away, backing towards the entrance of the room. You didn’t look up, even as you heard the surprisingly gentle click of the door as it shut. You didn’t look up, even as the tears that you’d been holding for the past weeks finally fell.

You were alone.

You thought it would make you feel better like there would be a weight lifted off your shoulders. But everything just felt heavier, the thoughts in your mind becoming a tempest, making you physically weak. Expletives tumbled from your lips as you sagged down onto your arms, head hung. Of course, he’d fucking leave, you idiot. No one wants to deal with your moping.

A part of you wanted to chase after him, to beg him to stay, but you already felt pathetic enough. You couldn’t blame him for leaving, not at all. You were weighing him down, putting his life in danger; he said so himself. He could only deal with you for so long. You should be grateful that he didn’t leave sooner.

The sound of rustling fabric made you jump, finally looking up. The Ghoul had taken off his jacket, laying it across the back of the couch he had slept on, never having left the room at all. Stunned, you watched him sit, taking his hat off in the process and setting it on the floor. He finally caught your eye then, a soft look on his face, a look you hadn’t seen in a long while.

“I thought you left,” you whispered, sitting back upright. Embarrassment warmed your cheeks, and you tried to wipe the tears that had fallen on them.

“I ain’t leavin’ ya, sweetheart.”

“Why not?”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Do you want me to go?” You’d never shaken your head faster in your life. “Then I’m stayin’.”

“But why?”

He sighed. “‘Cause I care ‘bout you. I… Is that too hard to believe?”

It is. Unable to find words, you just shrugged again.

Something akin to regret or remorse flashed across his face, and muttering something under his breath he reclined against the couch. He was upset, but even now you could tell it was not because of you, at least not fully. “C’mere,” he murmured, patting the couch beside him. “You look like you’re gonna fuckin’ bolt at any second.”

Taking a steadying breath, you complied, albeit with some difficulty, your legs barely wanting to function. His gaze didn’t leave you once, as much as you wished it would, making you want to collapse in on yourself. The walk to the couch felt like it was miles long, but you eventually made your way over to it and him.

He rolled his eyes when you just stood there in front of him, unsure of what to do with yourself. “Sit down, I ain’t gonna fuckin’ bite.” In another situation, you knew he’d add some comment like unless ya want me to, but he bit his tongue. The couch groaned as you sat next to the Ghoul, keeping a foot between your bodies. “Talk to me,” he commanded, yet his voice was gentle. “What the hell’s goin’ on?”

You picked at the skin around your nails, no doubt drawing blood. “I’m… I’m not quite sure how to explain it,” you responded, and you expected your words to upset the man even more. But he nodded his head slowly, an almost understanding look on his face. “I’m just… done."

“Done with… what? Bein’ out on the road?” You shook your head. “Travellin’ with me?” You shook your head again, this time more vehemently. “Done with what?” You knew that he knew the answer to his question, but he wanted you to say it.

“I’m done with… with existing. I just can’t bring myself to care anymore. I’m just so tired of it all.” You sagged back against the couch like speaking took a toll on your body. “I’m so tired.”

He didn’t respond for a while, mulling over your words. “That… that explains a lot,” he chuckled humourlessly. “Your mind won’t just leave ya the hell alone, will it? It's like all your mind can focus on are these terrible fuckin’ things, no matter what ya do. And it just weighs on ya, like a million pounds, getting worse with every passin’ day until you just wanna… give up.”

He explained it perfectly, and you cocked your head to the side, a bit confused about how he was able to do so. “I ain’t a stranger to what you’re goin’ through. We’re well fuckin’ acquainted, to say the least. So I shoulda recognized it sooner with ya.”

He paused, sighing. “Wanna know somethin’?” You nodded. “I was too busy thinkin’ ‘bout what I did to upset ya that I didn’t bother to think of any other possible reason as to why you’re actin’ the way you are. But once I realized it wasn’t my fault, not entirely, instead of bein’ there for ya, I was an ass. I thought, because I’m a damn idiot, that you were just mopin’ around for the hell of it, putting us both in danger simply ‘cause you were tired or some shit. Not once did I stop to think why. And I apologize.”

“You don’t gotta-” He cut you off with a pointed look. “I… I accept your apology, then.”

He nodded slowly, content. “I’d like to help ya, sweetheart. I know nothin’ I say or do is gonna make it go away like that… but I’d like to try. Whatever ya need from me, and you’ve got it.”

“I’m not sure what I need exactly,” you admitted quietly.

“When ya figure it out, will ya let me know?” You nodded.

“Just… be patient. As difficult as that is for you.” You hadn’t meant for the jab to come out, but you weren’t taking it back. Especially when a loud laugh left the Ghoul, making a smile of your own appear on your face. It was faint, yet it was there.

An almost starstruck expression appeared on his face, his laughter dying out. “I missed seein’ ya smile,” he murmured as if it was a subconscious thought.

You ducked your head, making him laugh again. “As for bein’ patient, well, I can be that, if that’s what ya need.”

“It’ll take some time,” you cautioned again, indirectly giving him a chance to back out of this.

“Time ain’t an issue. I’ll wait as long as it fuckin’ takes.”

“You mean it?” Your voice was so soft, barely audible to either of you.

You watched as one of his gloved hands inched towards you, palm upturned. Tentatively, you placed your in his, eyes growing wide when he brought your hand to his lips, kissing the back of it gently. “I swear,” he uttered, sealing the promise with another press of his lips.

As you returned your tingling hand to your lap, his eyes scanned over your face, a furrow appearing between his brow. “How long has it been since you’ve eaten somethin’? Somethin’ that I didn’t force ya to eat,” he added when you opened your mouth to respond.

Your silence said enough, and he leaned down to his bag, which he had placed beside the couch when he sat. After a few moments of rustling through, he handed you a small bag of what appeared to be jerky, as well as a small canteen of water. “It ain’ human,” he added when you eyed the bag suspiciously before taking it.

The jerky was salty and tough when you took a bite, not quite wanting to, but unable to not eat under his gaze. You ate in silence until your stomach was full and your teeth hurt from the tough material. Taking a swig of water, you could feel your eyes growing heavy, eating seemingly draining your energy more than replenishing it. Stifling a yawn, you shoved the canteen back into his hand, and you noticed he had an almost pleased look on his face.

You were confused, though, when he stood, making his way to the entrance of the room. For a moment, those thoughts flashed in your mind that told you that he was finally leaving, that he realized how pathetic you were. But instead of doing any of those things, you watched as he simply wedged a chair under the handle of the door, like he had done before you went to bed for the night.

“What’re you doing?”

“We takin’ the day off. Doctor’s orders.”

“But aren’t we supposed to be in Filly in a few days?”

“We’ll be fine. You are gonna spend today catchin’ up on some much-needed rest.” He stood in front of you now, a moth-eaten blanket in his hands.

“And what are you gonna do?” You asked, and he shrugged.

“Don’t worry ‘bout me, sweetheart. Go ‘head, lie down.”

Your eyes quickly scanned the couch, and you took a deep breath before speaking again. “The couch is big enough for us both, no?”

For the second time that day, you’d stunned him with your responses. “Is… is that what ya want?”

Encouraged that he hadn’t just outrightly said no, you nodded your head, and a fond look crossed his features. He handed you the blanket before sitting once more, but instead of his back being against the cushions, he rested it against one of the armrests, not before tucking a pillow in front of it.

Once he was situated, he opened up his arms to you, and you could’ve laughed at how uncertain he looked. Hands rested on your body when you laid down, head on his chest, laying on your stomach, and you made sure the blanket covered both your bodies as best you could. You weren’t too worried about covering all of you, though, with the sheer amount of warmth he was radiating.

His eyes were already on you when you glanced up, a smile pulling at his lips. “Comfy?”

“Yes.” Your voice was barely audible, but he heard it.

You felt his fidget with something in his hand behind your back, but you didn’t have to wait long to find out what he was doing. You felt fingers run along your scalp, making you shudder, before combing through any hair there. “Alright?”

You sighed contently, nodding your head before letting it fall back onto his chest. He continued to run his fingers there, his other hand tracing patterns across your shoulders. You hadn’t realized how tired you were until now, finding it hard to keep your eyes open. For the first time in a long time, you felt safe. Safe from the world outside this room. Safe from the thoughts that plagued your mind. Safe from everything.

He didn’t have to see your face to know that you were struggling to stay awake. “Go to bed. I’ll be here when you wake.”

“Promise?”

“Ain’t fuckin’ like I’m gonna be able to get up,” he chuckled, before taking a more serious tone. “I promise.”

That was all you needed to hear before you finally let the final strings of consciousness leave your grasp. Before you lost control of all your senses, though, you felt him lean down, pressing a barely-there kiss to the top of your head. “You’ll get through this, sweetheart.”

You believed him.

#the ghoul x you #the ghoul x reader #fallout tv series #cooper howard #cooper howard x you #cooper howard x reader #fallout prime #fallout show #fallout

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tofixtheshadows · 1 month

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I've been thinking a lot lately about how Kabru deprives himself.

Kabru as a character is intertwined with the idea that sometimes we have to sacrifice the needs of the few for the good of the many. He ultimately subverts this first by sabotaging the Canaries and then by letting Laios go, but in practice he's already been living a life of self-sacrifice.

Saving people, and learning the secrets of the dungeons to seal them, are what's important. Not his own comforts. Not his own desires. He forces them down until he doesn't know they're there, until one of them has to come spilling out during the confession in chapter 76.

Specifically, I think it's very significant, in a story about food and all that it entails, that Kabru is rarely shown eating. He's the deuteragonist of Dungeon Meshi, the cooking manga, but while meals are the anchoring points of Laios's journey, given loving focus, for Kabru, they're ... not.

I'm sure he eats during dungeon expeditions, in the routine way that adventurers must when they sit down to camp. But on the surface, you get the idea that Kabru spends most of his time doing his self-assigned dungeon-related tasks: meeting with people, studying them, putting together that evidence board, researching the dungeon, god knows what else. Feeding himself is secondary.

He's introduced during a meal, eating at a restaurant, just to set up the contrast between his party and Laios's. And it's the last normal meal we see him eating until the communal ending feast (if you consider Falin's dragon parts normal).

First, we get this:

Kabru's response here is such a non-answer, it strongly implies to me that he wasn't thinking about it until Rin brought it up. That he might not even be feeling the hunger signals that he logically knew he should.

They sit down to eat, but Kabru is never drawn reaching for food or eating it like the rest of his party. He only drinks.

It's possible this means nothing, that we can just assume he's putting food in his mouth off-panel, but again, this entire manga is about food. Cooking it, eating it, appreciating it, taking pleasure in it, grounding yourself in the necessary routine of it and affirming your right to live by consuming it. It's given such a huge focus.

We don't see him eat again until the harpy egg.

What a significant question for the protagonist to ask his foil in this story about eating! Aren't you hungry? Aren't you, Kabru?

He was revived only minutes ago after a violent encounter. And then he chokes down food that causes him further harm by triggering him, all because he's so determined to stay in Laios's good graces.

In his flashback, we see Milsiril trying to spoon-feed young Kabru cake that we know he doesn't like. He doesn't want to eat: he wants to be training.

Then with Mithrun, we see him eating the least-monstery monster food he can get his hands on, for the sake of survival- walking mushroom, barometz, an egg. The barometz is his first chance to make something like an a real meal, and he actually seems excited about it because he wants to replicate a lamb dish his mother used to make him!

...but he doesn't get to enjoy it like he wanted to.

Then, when all the Canaries are eating field rations ... Kabru still isn't shown eating. He's only shown giving food to Mithrun.

And of course the next time he eats is the bavarois, which for his sake is at least plant based ... but he still has to use a coping mechanism to get through it.

I don't think Kabru does this all on purpose. I think Kui does this all on purpose. Kabru's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be understood as informing his character just as much as Laios's autism informs his. It's another way that Kabru and Laios act as foils: where Laios takes pleasure in meals and approaches food with the excitement of discovery, Kabru's experiences with eating are tainted by his trauma. Laios indulges; Kabru denies himself. Laios is shown enjoying food, Kabru is shown struggling with it.

And I can very easily imagine a reason why Kabru might have a subconscious aversion towards eating.

Meals are the privilege of the living.

#Dungeon Meshi #Delicious in Dungeon #Kabru #Kabru of Utaya #Laios Touden #Dungeon Meshi meta #you can have him in the tags too. as a treat.#Dungeon Meshi spoilers #this was directly inspired by livelaughlaios's post about Kabru self harming but I decided it got too long to make it a direct reply #this is a theory I've been working on for weeks because I kept noticing this while skimming for screencaps #I'm hesitant to trigger tag this because of the way certain subcultures on tumblr operate #but if anyone needs me to add a content warning please let me know #also I included image descriptions! I did my best #I think they even help illustrate my points but my god were they sad to write. Kabru is so fucking sad you guys #musings with Dea

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beanghostprincess · 6 days

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Sorry I really didn’t mean I’m attacking you or your ship. I also don’t think it’s a red flag, most gay men I saw don’t really like shuggy either. I mean, probably the entire world prefers any other shanks ships? On almost every site, con or store there’s always tons of mishanks and Bennshanks and never shuggy. I get it’s also about dynamic and connection those two pairs have, like with the parallels to other ships the base for them is extremely strong. But the minimal shuggy does speak volumes. I genuinely wonder about this. Shuggy is unpopular and again while I do agree there’s strong connection between “rival ships” I don’t think that’s the only reason… and like…. Buggy is ugly, isn’t he? He doesn’t have cool style, doesn’t look cool, makes ugly faces all the time, also is a coward. I like him as comedy character and shanks brother though!

I understand where you're coming from when you say Shuggy is unpopular amongst some people (actually, before anyone says anything. It IS an extremely popular ship in Japan but I have seen A LOT of hatred towards it in this side of the fandom, so that's what I'm talking about when I say it's unpopular). I have talked about this before. And I have said a lot of times that the reason why is often because people only focus on looks and Buggy is not conventionally attractive for the fangirly twinkified sexualized gaze numerous sides of the fandom and the general audience seek. Like, I am not forcing people to ship them, but I have had people admitting the only reason they don't is because of the looks, and I personally believe that is a very (despite valid, of course) dull way of seeing ships. And respectfully, I don't care that other gay dudes or all the people in the world agree with you. It's not a red flag to not like Shuggy, what it is a red flag, though, is to come into people's inboxes to do what you're doing!

I know you don't mean to attack me or anybody who ships them but your tone does wonders showing otherwise. Your perception of shipping is just based on looks and the fact that you came here, to a blog that explicitly ships these characters and is fond of Buggy, talking shit about one of the characters' looks... Is just straight-up mean and not following the social etiquette this site should follow, which is "let people do whatever the fuck they want".

So with all due respect, what makes you think I won't find your questions offensive in any way? Because you keep talking bad about a character I like in my inbox for literally no reason. Do you expect me to admit that the ship is unpopular because Buggy is ugly and boring? Well, I do admit people view him as ugly and only a comedy relief, but I don't. Expecting others to find beautiful and interesting the same things you do is having a very close-minded vision that One Piece's plot itself is against.

By the way, you're showing that you clearly don't like Buggy in the slightest because you're only talking about the traits that you find negative about him. But of course, you like him as comedy relief. Of course, you like him as a character in Shanks' story and not as a character himself. Despite Buggy having lots of depth. Your perception of these characters seems, in my opinion, extremely empty and, as I said, only based on looks. And you're free of shipping whatever you want however you want! But please, please, don't do this anymore. This is just petty high school mean girl behavior. Even Regina George would word this in a more polite way.

So, as a little advice for you, let people ship whatever they want without questioning their favorite characters! I am sure you will live a more peaceful life!

#this is my polite way of saying get the fuck out of my sweet sweet peaceful inbox !#i think i made pretty clear in the last ask that i did not agree with your views and that your tone was pretty much attacking me and others #and also???? NOT COOL??????? BUGGY????? ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME CHARACTER #ONLY COMEDY RELIEF?????????? sweetie you did NOT read chapter 1082 or. well. understand buggy's character at all #and to answer what you said in the last ask: no i do not think shanks should be with someone prettier bc shanks wants to be with buggy #and also who said shanks is the pretty one in that dynamic damnnn he is not the one who pulled cross guild let me tell you #okay i am being meannn i love shanks you all know i do but uhhh #buggy's character design and story are like. extremely way more colorful and interesting and it's obvious oda loves him so damn much #and nothing against you seeing them as brothers btw that's a reasonable view of the dynamic but #the wording makes it seem like you just care about shanks #and sending these asks to someone who obviously cares about both but is extremely fond of buggy is so ????#why #like why would you do it #don't you have better things to do 😭#not even gonna tag this as shuggy bc this is triggering my rsd and god i am sorry for the people reading this #i love you shuggy shippers mwah mwah #ask-bean!

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astramachina · 6 months

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did you guys know i'm a writer? yeah i had no idea either.

anyway, AMAPOLAS IN THE DESERT is a new short story (3.4k words) that just went up for free on patreon if anyone's feeling zesty and wants to read about a displaced latino roaming the american southwest, coming across a questionable watering hole, getting flirted with by trickster gods, and getting torn asunder by a trans woman who may or may not be a primordial deity.

but also, for like a whole $1, you can get access to a T4T sci-fi romance short (8k words) inspired by H.G. Wells' The Time Machine.

but also also, i've got a couple of nonfiction essays dropping next year where i set out to piss people off by arguing that their favorite pieces of media are grossly mis-categorized (in a fun and non-judgy way; and who knows, it might make it onto podcast or even video format if i can afford to outsource editing). among other things.

#yes i am extremely worried about my finances now that i have a ton of medical stuff to deal with #but i hate asking for donos and shit. i also hate locking stuff behind paywalls. i'm just BAD at this.#so like. yeah here's how you can keep my ass from going insane. 'but mitch it's free' LISTEN I KNOW. leave me alone.#text tag #if y'all let this flop i am spiritually shoving you into an animatronic suit and triggering the springlocks (with love)

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ineed-to-sleep · 3 months

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Watching the machine do the thing is kinda cool actually

#idk if I should put any trigger warnings in this?? if anyone needs me to tag this let me know!!#I like the noise it makes too but I didn't manage to record much of it 😔#sleep.txt #sleep.png #every time I think this tattoo can't hurt any worse it hurts much worse fjfjjfkdkfk BUT #we're almost finished 🙏🏻#I'll just need one more session now and it'll be complete #also the machine is pink jdjdjdjd her gloves are pink she has a whole pink thing going #also I was mesmerized when I saw it but the little packets her needles come in have like. little cat ears on them #it's the cutest thing

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sideblogforweirdshit · 11 months

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Whump Reference Post for Fingernail Removal Torture

Hi whump writers of Tumblr! I recently made a little introduction post in which I said I’d be making reference posts. This is one I already had typed up, because for some reason this was the first thing I thought of.

There are no images attached, but I’m putting the rest of the post under a readmore since the majority of the content is semi-graphic written description of the how-to’s and wherefore’s and such of fingernail removal torture.

To be clear: I will be going into as much depth as I possibly can without using images. The content of this post will be purely academic. There will be no artistic liberties taken. This post is meant to be as accurate to (and descriptive of) a real-life situation as possible.

I hope some part of this post eventually winds up being a helpful resource for someone!

1) Not as painful as it’s made out to be

-It's painful, but definitely not to the extent it’s shown in movies or whatnot. A lot of the "pain" comes from the shock factor of seeing your body without something it’s always had, as well as the inherent "wrongness" that comes with experiencing a part of your body being removed.

2) There is very very thin film of skin between the fingernail and the finger.

-If one is careful in removing the fingernail by peeling it back slowly, one can preserve this thin piece of skin. -If one pulls the fingernail back quickly and without taking care, this thin film will rip, and the nail will pull away with bits of flesh attached.

3) The flesh under the nail will be vertically striated.

-If one uses the peel-back method, and is careful to not let the thin film of skin between the nail and the flesh rip, the skin/flesh underneath the nail will be as visibly striated as the fingernail itself. If you look closely at your fingernail right now, you’ll see that there are many tiny grooves from the tip of your nail to the base. This is true for all human fingernails. If the nail is peeled back with sufficient care, those striations will be echoed on the skin underneath the nail.

4) The “peel entirely off” method versus the "peel back and then stop" method versus the "pull out entirely" method.

-The “peel entirely off” method is how I will refer to the method of grasping firmly the tip of the fingernail in some sort of vice (usually pliers) and then peeling it backwards, moving the pliers from the nail at the tip of the finger towards the hand itself. Using this method, the nail will remain firmly grasped in the pliers the entire time. The movement of the pliers only stops when the base of the nail is ripped entirely out of the finger. This will necessarily result in ripping out a fair bit of skin past the cuticles, as the technical base of the nail (aka “nail matrix”) is generally around half a centimeter hand-wards past the cuticles (and follows the curve of the nail, so is deeper than the cuticles as well). Due to the nature of skin, I would expect a tear reminiscent of an extremely deep hangnail that goes from the base of the cuticles to at least halfway between the first and second knuckle (and at most goes to the second knuckle). In this case, it is not guaranteed that the nail will grow back. There is a chance it’ll come back, but there is also a chance that the nail matrix is permanently damaged and will not be able to grow a new nail. Since every human is different, there’s not an exact science to determining where a person’s nail matrix is before it’s ripped out. A (very) general rule of thumb is to follow the curve of the existing fingernail, and draw a point on that curve before it hits bone. Obviously, this is extremely subjective.

-The “peel back and then stop” method is how I will refer to what is essentially the previous method, but one stops before the nail-ripping goes past the cuticle and snips off the peeled part, leaving a milimeter or so of fingernail existing on the nailbed. In this case, it is assured that the nail matrix is undisturbed, and the fingernail will grow back. This is the method I will assume is taken for the future steps

-The “pull out entirely” method is how I will refer to the situation where one grasps the protruding part of the nail firmly, and applies force away from the hand and in the direction the finger points. In this case, there’s a large chance that the nail will rip. This depends largely on the care taken with the pulling object (pliers, usually) to grab the nail exactly parallel with the sides of the pliers. If any part of the pliers digs into the nail at a singular location, this will create a point at which pressure will build up, and the nail will likely rip at this location. The strength of the individual’s nails also affects the ripping. The individual’s nail strength can vary based on nourishment as well as on a general person-to-person basis. Personally, I do not recommend this method.

-If one wants to make the removal definitely permanent, there’s the possibility of peeling it back all the way down and out, and then chemically burning where one assumes the nail matrix is. (Some serious irl hikers do this to their toenails on purpose, to reduce the chances of getting ingrown toenails from being laced into hiking boots for days on end.) Removing the nail permanently will obviously reduce the opportunity to peel it off again, but will give a permanent Horrific Aspect to the victim.

5) For the first three days, the exposed flesh will be painful.

-The entire tip of the finger will be a constant deep and throbbing pain. Any deviation from this norm will be an increase in pain, never a decrease (save medication or an ice-bath-for-full-minutes immersion to the point of numbness).

-Any contact with the exposed nailbed will increase the pain. Knocking the exposed flesh against anything, even extremely gently, will result in a visible bright red welt under the thin layer of skin (bright red on light skin only! on darker skin, the welt will still be visible, but will show as a dark red-brown). It is a visual similar to an extremely tiny, non-protruding blood blister. Knocking the nailbed against something less gently will result in fully scraping off that delicate outer layer of skin.

-Using the finger for anything will be painful (though not unbearably so), and it may even be painful to bend the finger at all.

-Any moisture on the exposed flesh (including anything from regular water to antibiotic ointment) will hurt a lot. This will intensify the throbbing at least twofold across the entire nailbed, and will also result in an amount of stinging as if one had just realized one had been stung by a bee.

6) For treatment and healing thereof (if quick healing is desired)

For those first three days, any bandaid application is inadvisable -The exposed flesh will be so tender and vulnerable that any bandaid (even the non-stick kind) will stick to the exposed flesh and rip it upon removal. I can only assume this is in part due to the curvature of the finger, which means that any wrapping-around type bandaid will inherently put pressure on the nailbed, resulting in sticking.

-To promote healing, the first three days should be without any sort of covering on the wound.

After the first three days, a scab will form. -At this point, the pain will be much less. it might be uncomfortable to bump the nailbed into objects, but it will not be the same pain as in the first three days.

-The wound will also be much less sensitive to moisture.

-When the scab starts to crack (usually a vertical crack), one should apply antibiotic ointment and a bandaid. At this point in the proess, it is desired for the scab to remain as consistently moist as possibly. This will help the scab fall off when it is ready to do so.

-At this point, the finger can be used normally (within reason) without much (if any) pain.

After two or three days with the bandaid covering, the scab will start to fall off.

-One may expedite this process if one is careful.

-At this point, the skin on the nailbed is sensitive to the touch, but not to the point of pain.

-There will be some dry, loose skin around the edges of the nailbed.

-The previously visible striation will no longer be there.

-Pressure on the exposed nailbed will not be necessarily painful, but it will feel decidedly Odd. Though not painful, It will be an extremely sensitive area.

-The nailbed will be a delicate pinkish color.

Around a week after the initial scab falls off, there will appear to be another scab. It will be a relatively thin layer of dry, dead skin.

-If the nail is allowed to grow normally, it is likely that it will cover this second scab before it has the chance to fall off.

-If the stub of the fingernail is trimmed routinely, it is possible for the scab to fall off, leaving only relatively smooth unblemished skin where the nailbed is. This skin will be roughly the same color and texture as the skin on the tip of the finger.

7) The rate at which fingernails grow back is extremely slow

-The average growth rate is about 3.5 milimeters per month. There are several factors that can cause this to vary:

-Fingernails on the dominant hand grow back faster than the nails on the non-dominant hand.

-Fingernails grow back faster than toenails.

-Nails grow back faster in warm weather than in cold weather.

-Depending on the nail and the aforementioned conditions, one can expect a total regrowth time of anywhere from three to six months (or more).

8) Life Without Fingernails

-Fingernails affect a large part of our everyday lives. We mostly use them when we’re manipulating objects with our hands, and we use them to scratch. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but it’s a lot. It’s hard to explain just how weird it is to not have fingernails to someone who’s never experienced it, but here goes:

-Fingernails are the Hard Backs used to brace our fingers against a hard shell when we manipulate something with our hands. If you pinch your fingers together right now, you’ll see a white band along the top of your fingernail. This is where the pressure from the pinching goes; it’s braced against your nail.

-Picking something up without fingernails feels extremely odd the first few hundred times you do it. It takes a long time to get used to it.

-Writing is even worse. Without the hard shell backing your fingers, the pencil tends to slip out of your grip more often. If you usually have long enough fingernails that you balance your pen/pencil on them, you’re extremely likely to have the pencil completely slip out of your grip multiple times a sentence.

-You don’t realize how much you unconsciously scratch itchy parts of your body until you no longer have the ability to do so. If you’re only missing a few nails, you have to consciously adjust your hand so that you can scratch with the existing ones. If you’re missing all of them, you have to actively find an external object to alleviate the itch.

Some places on the body one can scratch with their teeth, but for most places, one needs to either find an “itch stick,” or rub that part of their body on something scratchy. A lot of clothing is scratchy enough to work for this. One needs to learn how to vary the pressure so that one can alleviate the itch without tearing through the skin or scratching themselves.

Pros:

-Body horror

Fingernail removal is a more mentally significant mutilation than cuts or burns, if only because it draws on the "that was there and now it's not" aspect of body horror.

-Can be inflicted more than once

Since fingernails grow back, they can be removed again and again and again. Though it may take some time for the nails to regrow, it isn't even close to the type of permanent that’s chopping off a finger or a toe.

-Helplessness

Since it takes a few days for the nailbeds to heal enough to be able to use one's fingers, a complete removal of all fingernails will take away one's ability to use their hands. Even after this initial period of extreme sensitivity, the lack of fingernails is something most people aren’t prepared for. The previous section explaining how fingernails affect daily life is significant here.

Cons:

-Can’t repeat often.

Once a fingernail is off, it's not coming back for at least three months (likely longer). It doesn't have the relatively quick reset time that burns or cuts do.

-Relatively short amount of time in pain

All of the pain is in the first few days. It is inconvenient afterwards, but there is little to no pain at this time.

-Amount of care needed

One needs to be relatively careful inflicting this. Fingernails are not as resilient as you'd think, and the likelihood of them ripping before you can finish ripping them off is fairly large if you're not being careful.

If you have a short-tempered or impatient whumper, this might not be their particular wheelhouse.

Conclusion

Overall, I’d say that the effectiveness depends entirely on the desired result. The time it takes for the fingernails to regrow versus the amount of time in which the subject is in pain is not a very productive ratio, so if you’d want your whumper doing a particular torture regularly, I wouldn’t recommend this.

However, if the whumper’s goal is to appeal to the body horror aspect without permanent damage, this is a great option. The fact that it takes nails so long to regrow gives the victim a sense of horrified freakishness. It also has the added benefit of reducing the victim’s maneuverability far after the fact.

The semi-visible nature of this method of torture can be effective if one wishes to horrify characters outside the whumper/whumpee relationship. You don’t immediately look at other people’s hands when you meet them, and as such it might take a while for outside characters to notice the lack of fingernails (especially if they’re past the three day mark). But once they notice, it will be hard to look away.

#whump #whump writing #whumpblr #whump community #whump reference post #this is the post i already had typed up i hope it passes muster #i tried to be as exhaustive as possibly because i KNOW there's so many details one needs when writing a thing #investigative journalism but with injuries that's us here at sbfws #ummm i don't know what to tag this #if y'all want a trigger warning tag for this stuff please let me know?#or if y'all want to be added to a tag list also please let me know??#also also please feel free to make specific post requests if y'all want?#i don't know how timely my responses to them will be but i will FOR SURE try to get to them as soon as i can #just like #if you're a whump writer who fuckin hates having to do research into different types of injuries hit me up!#(especially the weird injuries)#(fingernails are all fine and good but i thrive on the Weird Stuff There's Barely Any Research On you know)#(I really like researching weird niche stuff)#(you'll be doing me a favor if you give me something Decidedly Odd to fixate on)#nail gore #nail whump #hand whump

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writterings · 7 months

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Your post about South Park really does hit the nail right on the head for why the hell this show has a fandom that I've never seen anyone acknowledge, at least not on this fucking webbed site. Instead mosts stance is along the lines of "why are you shipping the racist children" which ignores. That they have INCREDIBLY strong characterization, to the point that even side characters personalities are able to be pinpointed with a lot of accuracy, enough for there to be subsets of fans for those guys even. The show is primarily about putting those fucking circle guys in situations and people who like to see them in situations are like. Man. I could totally come up with some situation for these guys to be in. And they don't even have to be weird and centrist about it like the creators. (Not to say plenty of fans don't still land there. If Cartman is included you really have to decide whether you declaw him and either answer gets dicey unless you get him. And some people really don't and it gets. Bad.) It feels a lot more generous seeing someone actually clock the appeal of the show for what it is rather than stopping at Matt and Treys wild ride of very very mixed messages and leaving it at that so thanks

no like literally i only started watching the show as a background noise type of deal after i finished family guy (in my "watching every adult cartoon" type of beat) and then just got. enthralled.

like i genuinely would not recommend the show to anyone who doesn't have the stomach for gross out humor, frustrating political takes, and even satire that often actually is progressive and even straight up anti-discrimination at times but can be packaged distastefully -- especially since i feel like the show can only be truly enjoyed if you watch the entire 26+ seasons and movies and play the games.

but like matt and trey are unfortunately VERY good writers so i totally understand why the show has a legit, functioning fandom with popular headcanons (shoutout to marjorine) and AUs. like oftentimes the fans are also just Putting The Circle Children Into Situations. or they're playing around with the Situations the Circle Children were already put into in the show, like expanding on tweek and craig's canonical relationship via fanart or exploring kenny's canonical trauma of being repeatedly killed and reincarnated as himself.

but yeah happy to provide my input on this when asked! glad you liked my take

#ok so i apparently lied i am posting about this topic once more #but its not gonna be a regular thing #if anyone does need a trigger tag then let me know im happy to tag it #also just as a disclaimer but the claim of the characters being 'racist children' is actually incorrect -- more often than not the kids are #actually pretty progressive and have episodes about them learning to be less shitty #it's legit just cartman doing shit and he does get called out on it a lot #and if the other kids DO engage in cartman's bullshit it's usually from a place of ignorance and them genuinely not know something is wrong #which is somewhat of a cop out claim since they're fictional characters and are controlled by matt and trey #but the point is that they're not intentionally written to be bigots so when people find the show appealing. it's not bc of bigotry.

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divinesouldariax · 2 years

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it doesnt have to hurt more to be love!

it doesnt have to hurt more to be love.

there’s been a lot of very good meta about ashton, taking hits, carrying his friends, carrying heavy things for their friends, doing things that hurt, that make it hurt worse, to protect his friends from pain. because he knows how to carry pain. because they’re used to it. because they know he can keep going. because, because, because it’s what he knows, it’s all he knows.

and it’s true. ashton loves them. ashton is willing to hurt more for them, and it’s because they love their friends.

but, but, but. he shouldnt have to. people with chronic pain shouldnt have to do things that make the pain worse. we might choose to, and that is definitely an act of love, but feeling like they dont have a choice, that taking on more pain, silently, suffering without ever asking for help or saying no, i can’t do that, it hurts too much...

because, listen. for most people, chronic pain is limiting. it says no, we’re not climbing those stairs today. no, we can’t lean down and pick something up off the floor. no, we’re staying in bed with a heating pad and telling our friends sorry, i can’t make it today after all. i know you were looking forward to hanging out, but i can’t do it. maybe there’s some people with chronic pain that never have days bad enough that it limits them, but i’ve never met one.

so when i see ashton, whose friends didn’t figure out that he has chronic pain until they literally felt it in his mind, keep their pain under wraps for over a month, never saying no to carrying something (a heavy statue, fcg up a ladder, orym after he fell, laudna’s dead body for miles), swinging his hammer to defend and protect, literally picking losing battles to see if anybody is watching...to me, that doesn’t read as “look at this strong, empowered person with chronic pain who never lets it limit them”.

to me, that says “this is a person who thinks that love cannot exist without a worsening of pain, who won’t let themself pause or say no or even tell anybody that it hurts because he is deeply, deeply afraid that refusing pain is the same thing as denying his friends love”.

and that’s fucking devastating.

it doesnt have to hurt more to be love.

#ashton greymoore #critical role meta #critical role campaign 3 #bell's hells #there is a secret second part to this post #where i gently criticize matt and tal for not including some kind of Disability Mechanic #because i KNOW they can do it. they do it for caleb and fcg and imogen #but i'm still holding out hope that they have a secret one that they're waiting to reveal #based on a specific event or trigger for a flare-up #just. something something mental illnesses being given the opportunity to be Actually Disabling in this work of fiction #(which it SHOULD be. i'm not saying they shouldnt have done any of those ones.)#while physical disability is a handwavey/barely acknowledged flavor #let disabled characters be Disabled. Disabled means they are LIMITED in their ABILITY to DO THINGS.#.....i didnt mean to do the whole rant in the tags but apparently i did it anyway lmao #anyway. able-bodied people dont clown on me for this.#ill block u.#edit: i focus on chronic pain here bc thats what i personally have experience with #but obviously ashton has a traumatic brain injury which is also a disability #and i wouldnt want to ignore that just because it's not something im as intimately familiar with

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sugared-violets · 2 months

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can i say something fucked up? sometimes it feels like the worst part of getting [REDACTED] last summer wasn't, like, the feelings of violation and fear and loss of confidence in myself and my decisions, it was the loss of what could have been and, in conjunction, the feeling that it couldn't have really been that bad of an experience, because like...

he was so genuinely charming, and he made me laugh, and he told me i was beautiful even as he [REDACTED]. he held my hand, he listened when i talked, he bought me my favorite food and fucked around in the settings on the bowling computer so that i could "win" and told me he'd never seen anyone play so well. (i got like 20 points the whole game. he was goofing around. it was funny and cute, unfortunately.) it was maybe the most fun date i've ever been on. (not that i have a lot to compare it against.)

he held me and rubbed my back after he ruined everything. he told me he hoped i had a good day at work the next day and that he hoped i had fun working on a project with my grandma that i'd told him about.

worst of all, the one time that i got up the courage to tell him no, please stop, that's too far, he actually did. so was it all my fault, for not saying no earlier? it might be. i didn't say no. i felt coerced and unsafe and he never asked me if i wanted any of it, he didn't once check in to see if it was okay, if i was up for whatever he wanted. i didn't say no. he never asked. if he had asked from the beginning, i would have said no, i didn't feel comfortable going that far on a first date. but he didn't ask. but i didn't say no, so it's probably all my own fault.

i wish he'd asked. he was so nice before it happened.

#i dont know what to tag this #other than #vent post #im being intentionally vague both because i dont want to talk about. it. in any more detail but also to avoid triggering others #but idk if it's still too obvious to not be triggering #i should have just said no. i dont know why i couldnt. i was being stupid #i should have said i didnt want it #i just didnt want him to get upset with me. i have too much experience with a man being upset with me #it was easier to let him do whatever he wanted and then block him the next day #dani.txt

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14dayswithyou · 2 years

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So with Ren and his sister being used to trap their mother, what did Taylor really think of his kids? Did he care for them or were they just a means to an end to him?

✦゜ANSWERED: He never really acknowledged them in the first place. He treated his children as though they were never there, and only showed concern when it came to Ichika, his wife. He left her to do all of the work, and only stepped in when it involved taking them out of the house.

On multiple occasions, Taylor would drop them off at school and wouldn't even bother to pick them up afterwards. He'd drive them to the supermarket with a grocery list and wait in the car while looking at the home security feed on his phone. He would even drive them to the beach and tell them not to come home wet or covered in sand unless they wanted to sleep outside.

Taylor can see how much the children mean to his wife though, which is probably the only reason why he hasn't gotten rid of them yet. He also treats Ren the worst given his male inferiority complex, and the lengths he goes to to dismiss his son's identity is honestly heartbreaking.

He was also the one who told Ren that it'd be better for everyone else's sake if he just pretended to be someone he's not.

#all my homies hate taylor #literally the worst #also why is my queue not posting??? hello????? tumblr my love talk to me #💌 — answered.#💖 — about ren.#🗑️ — about taylor.#to be tagged later #cw child neglect #i really don't know how else to tag this so please let me know!! >.<#even if you have to do it on anon at @cutiesigh!! i don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable or triggered by this!

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coquelicoq · 11 months

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just got a biopsy to see if my [checks notes] 15-week period is because of cancer. however then my friends drove me to get chocolate and the new martha wells novel so, you know, there are pros and cons here.

#the epic highs and lows of having a uterus #highs: people buy you chocolate!!#lows: all the other stuff :(#anyway i am. a lil stressed out lol #also pretty lightheaded! i'm not really even sure why because ok so yeah i was already anemic from the 15 weeks of bleeding #plus i was anemic before that also #plus there was a lot of blood during the biopsy. but i feel like that blood was just the stuff in my uterus that'd be coming out anyway #as opposed to new blood from within my veins or something #and i'm still sick lolllll #so it's a fun time. BUT! martha wells novel! and i lent all systems red to a friend who will hopefully become obsessed with murderbot #and talk to me about it constantly! (<-my endgame at all times)#it's so funny every time i've been to the doctor they're like 'date of your last period?' and i'm like april 9th. and it is ongoing.#and then we just 😬 at each other #anyway cross your fingers for me. apparently if the biopsy comes back negative they don't have other ideas for what could be going on #not sure how to feel about that. obviously i don't want to have cancer but it's very stressful not knowing what is going on #do i just bleed forever indefinitely??? i'll be real with you lads that doesn't seem great :/#she was like next step would be to put in a hormonal iud and i was like that is absolutely not an option that i will consider #i would sooner get a hysterectomy #so idk maybe i will get a hysterectomy! biopsy results in a week. okay. ending the tags now #if anybody wants me to trigger tag for cancer mentions let me know and i can definitely do that going forward <3

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masonscig · 1 year

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Man. I won't say I'm disappointed with this book, but I think the series is a whole lot better when the focus is on things being done TO the mc vs random people suffering because x wants their blood

Like, book one was about Murphy going after the mc. Simple clear threat that fits the tone of the books. Sure some other people died but I don't think it hindered anything

i liked book 2 because it was just a genuine supernatural problem. The carnival guys who's name I can't remember rn were just having a simple conflict of interest with wayhaven. I'm not mad at the trappers coming in at the end but I think a simple low stakes ending where they sign the treaty or don't would have been just as fitting

But book 3 was absolutely not ready to actually handle the dark topics it wanted to devle into. The scope of the plot was way to wide and it still managed to feel slow. If it were up to me I would have just had the trappers going after addie with no connection to mc. It would be lower stakes than like. A dozen or whatever kidnappings and wouldn't have made the actual romance (you know the focus of the books?) Feel so out of place tone wise.

Sorry for rambling into your ask box lol I just have many thoughts about book 3 (like the fact that on steam it sits alphabetically between book 1 and 2 so my steam games list goes 1 3 2. That's going to bug me forever)

HI <3 before i respond, don't apologize for leaving a long ask in my inbox! i absolutely love getting asks and especially ones that open up discussions! <3 thank you for this !! answering below the cut

you're so right about the differences between books. it's so much better when it's contained – the story for this was just too big for her to get her hands around. and that's awesome that she was ambitious! the story quality just suffered a lot bc of it. dude i LOVE that it was just One Guy Versus Unit Bravo for a while, because it was just so much more focused and allowed for more romance to bloom – and a huge reason i liked falk so much is that, like you said, it was a conflict of interest. he's not evil – just from another world with another cultural standard for "judgment". in book 3, it's literally a human (or supernatural in this case) rights violation. these are children – being kidnapped and attempted to be sold. this isn't a story that should have any lighthearted plot beats in the slightest – unless they were organic, and none of them felt that way

it's funny (not funny haha, funny weird) you say that about addie, because i was having an in depth discussion with friends about how much better the plot would flow if less people had been kidnapped. even just the idea that there are supernatural youth existing in wayhaven and that it is in fact, not safe for anyone! human or supernatural!

this book is just lacking the emotional impact plot-wise that it should, in my opinion, because she tried to cram so much into one book. that doesn't mean any of the plot points are bad, per se, they just needed to be workshopped, edited down, saved for later books, cut out completely – whatever makes the series flow better! and that's not to say any of these ideas are bad ideas – it's just unrealistic to write literally every possible idea for twc! there's going to be a point where there's too much to call back to and it's going to affect the story if those things aren't mentioned again yk?

also STOP ITS OUT OF ORDER ON STEAM??? LMAOOOO the cherry on top to a shit sundae huh.

#asks #twc book 3 #twc book 3 spoilers #twc spoilers #long post #let me know if i need to tag any triggers or if there's more spoilers tags that would be helpful!#i have another general ask about what i didn't like about book 3 and i'm definitely working on that – it'll just take a while #i have quite a few points to make – but tbh i need to replay to make sure i articulate it right #also... just so you know @ anyone reading this who would care:#i'm planning on doing a lot of rewrites but it'll be slow! my friends and i have been brainstorming improvements #anyway ty to the anon for the ask! <3

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one-black-rotary-phone · 9 months

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I have a poll idea.

For people who only want Finn/Gwen or Terrence/the mother or The Grabber/Max, just pick the option with both. Feel free to specify in the tags!

By the "others' perspectives" option I mean just general people in town and not the victims/the policemen/Gwen/Terrence. It could be teachers, parents, students--whoever. General aftermath is just the town/area as a whole, with other possibly new characters. And general prologue is just the same but before the movie takes place.

#cass' rotary #poll #my polls #tbp #the black phone #tbp poll #the black phone poll #i dont want to clog character tags rn so i won't tag those #tbp 2 #the black phone 2 #the black phone 2022 #idk if i have to tag any triggers here but let me know #there's no real use for this poll. i just think it's fun #nearly forgot to set it to one week lol #tell me if there are any issues #also please dont be a creep in the tags/replies/whatever #but also no fighting

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yewphoric · 5 months

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He got a reference at the same time as the others did, but I forgot to upload it!!

Behold the stinker. I hate him (said while hanging up yet another picture of him in my room)

#yews art #yews ocs #jenais oesis #tes oc #reference sheet #necromancer #diversity win! this guy that values you more as a corpse than alive is trans #image desc in alt text #im flopping back and forth over whether to tag his scars-- on one hand i can see why they can be triggering but #on the other hand theyre a part of him and i dont believe people should have to cover their bodies for others comfort--#but he's also not real so yknow.#soooo idk let me know if you think this needs a tag!

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thirteenth-sword · 1 year

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this is the ONLY way i wanna see hunter acting in for the future btw

(third one based on the second pic in this post btw)

#i have so many problem about him #my art #toh #fanart #hunter toh #no spoilers #suicide ment #death ment #ask to tag #sorry i never post idk how to tag triggers :( if someone could let me know i'd rlly appreciate it actually #thanks to them changed my brain chemistry for the worse and i'm gonna start making that everyones problem by posting more often #oh ya also obligatory don't repost or use w/o permission etc etc i'll kill you irl

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mukamibabe · 2 years

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Hi!

Maybe a scenario on Karlheinz and Richter getting addicted to their s/o's blood? Like they had her blood once and ever since became addicted to it.

ok... because i'm not sure if you meant karl and richter separately or not so.. i present you with all three options: karlheinz, separate, richter, separate and then both! karlheinz and richter being addicted to their s/o's blood. i.. just got another thought of them ,, 'accidentally' getting addicted to eachother's s/o's blood's(?). ? i dont feel like im phrasing it right. and if that was terrible grammar? i don't have an excuse other than - sometimes i'm dumb sdhfksdf anyways. i may post that last idea in another post, kinda depends if anyone wants it/?? but for now!!:

also. it killed me to actually write short scenarios for once lmao also if the cuts bother anyone just let me know?? im not new to tumblr etiquette but its been a while jdskfhsd if anyone has issues with it please tell me bc i have no idea

karlheinz + richter sakamaki getting heavily addicted to their s/o's blood. (both separate and also. not lol)

umm, for content warnings i guess, there's really not much to any of this but is more like.. a mental dive into like.. their sanity during this ?? ahfdss i almost want to say it gets yandere-ish, but honestly i'm not sure. dialovers has really confused me with such lmao

if this isn't to your liking/what you preferred, i'll rewrite to your liking!! still not sure if i'm making sense but its 4 am. yea i know i write everything at 3-4 am buuut.. everything still comes out ok right??? DSjfhdsf idk i feel like it also came out more of like. a poem or something. hfhghd just let me know ok?? thank you for the requests as always <3

edit: this might seem a little sloppy ? maybe? hopefully not ??? i ended up writing this a while back and coming back to something after a while .. is tricky. i still really hope this is okay!! i need to get content out hjgfdsf busy times ;;

karlheinz

He wasn't sure how it happened. He could recall when, however. As cheesy as it may be, Karlheinz' first taste of them was, for some reason, one of the things he'd craved the most since a long time. After he had gotten just a taste of their blood for the first time, it almost drove him mad with how much he wanted more. Not only because controlling that itch is difficult (though not exactly a struggle for a more powerful vampire such as himself), but also because he couldn't put a finger on why. Why did their blood taste like nobody else's he's had? It was almost annoying with how Karlheinz' thoughts were busy running constantly, the taste stuck in his mouth yet, there was none of it.

It was dangerous. For both of them.

If the king started to lose himself even more, which he already was, for some reason he couldn't piece together, which then added yet another thing to his mental, and physical torment. Something in him snapped that very first bite, and ever since, the man has felt himself lose his grip on both himself as well as reality. Even if he had indulged, the more frequently he did so, the more likely death was to approach his beloved.

And for whatever reason, even daring to think about living without them was painful. He felt as if he should keep them isolated, protected from his desires that only got greedier day by day. Was it fear? Karlheinz did not believe so, but what he did believe was that this had to end. Before he truly went mad. Before they die. In which Karlheinz would tear them apart, savoring their delectable, deadly blood for the last time. Perhaps it'd be better that way. If they no longer existed in the world, it would make things so much easier for Karlheinz.

This likely wasn't love, Karlheinz knew so already. But did it matter? As long as he could keep them to himself, with no one to interrupt.. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. For it to just be the two of them, his sweet little thing that makes the man want to succumb constantly.

To be rid of them was definitely the best option, if both Karlheinz and his precious prey held any value for their life. This sudden downslide of his sanity was a first, and every possible way he could think of for handling it did not please him. If Karlheinz kept them, they’d be completely drained after a point of time. If he disposed of them, there’d be an emptiness to Karl that couldn’t be filled. Letting them live but keeping a distance from Karl would not work, either. The thought of anyone else drinking their blood was almost... painful.

There was another option, however, if such thing was possible.

To turn them. To stake his claim over them forever.

There were to many options. None of which he wanted to pursue, really. He wasn’t sure about any of it. He wasn’t sure how they managed to beguile him in such a way.

What he did know was that this obsession he had over them- the way they had him completely spellbound, somehow- was frustrating. And, it was definitely not going to last for long.

richter

In the perspective of this brooding vampire, love at first sight was nonexistent. The way he treated his prey almost said otherwise, though it certainly wasn’t love. Nor did it have anything to do with sight; rather, it was taste. He had always been an obsessive man, an obsessive lover. It was almost inevitable for everyone he managed to get close with. The number of such is low, for sure, especially for being someone his age, but regardless, this has happened before.

Unlike his awful brother, Richter could expect this. He foresaw it the moment he even considered drinking their blood. It wouldn’t be the first time, and, if they are able to survive his obsession, which was already pretty intense, then hopefully it’d be the last. It also wouldn’t the first time he’s said such a thing.

To his own dismay, he knows this should end. He’s not concerned for himself, but his beloved, rather. As odd as it may seem, the man has loved before. His view of love may be just as strange as the rest of his family, but did it matter? His love also just so happened to be one of the reasons he was thriving, both figuratively and literally. Blood was a powerful thing, and after so many years, Richter could admire it, at least slightly. At the very least, he was thankful.

However, in this case? Their blood was purely his. He knew this, yet, he worships it. He worships them, for being his, for being such a bewitching creature. Maybe it wasn’t just them, perhaps it was just his nature to dive deep into any sort of attraction he develops. Maybe it was something else completely.

He knew what he had to do. It would be merciful. The ‘humane’ thing to do.

As if he had morals.

His love was not safe near him, and truthfully, it was a genuine concern whether or not they’d survive Richter’s never-ending hunger for everything they had to offer him. Blood, body, soul. But, he wasn’t strong enough to do so. They were his weakness.

And he planned to keep them for as long as possible.

+ bonus karlheinz & richter

Again.

Of course.

Fate was not kind to Richter, and he was aware of this. Yet, it seemed the world was not content with allowing him to not compete for love.

If this was even a matter of ‘love’. It was definitely arguable- he enjoyed their company, sure, but whether their company beat their blood taste? There was a clear winner, for now, anyways.

Yet again, the younger Sakamaki must fight for what he desires. Because, naturally, his elder sibling yet again had no need to fight for anything. It was them. The one Richter had grown ..attached to, putting it lightly. And what does Karlheinz do? Swoop in and try to seduce them into his own arms?

It was horrid. But, unsurprisingly, not the first, and definitely wouldn’t be the last. It seemed to be the way the world worked- Obviously fate favored Karlheinz over Richter. Surely.

Karlheinz did not believe so. Was there an issue with seeking out what you desire? Karlheinz knew what good blood tasted like, had sampling plenty throughout his life. He just had an eye for it, you could say. Apparently, this was something he had in common with his brother- the dark haired man had a knack for picking out good prey, something Karlheinz couldn’t deny. So, why wouldn’t he try to get a taste?

In Karl’s eyes, if they truly were a good little pet, they wouldn’t need to even think of any options. Why refuse him? He could show them a world so much better than any way his brother might have already.

Unfortunately, as lovely as it may be, at least for Karl, the two brothers can’t fight forever. Eventually, one of them will give up, despite both of them sharing yet another similar characteristic- determination. Ambition. Stubbornness, even.

It’d be a constant tug-of-war over the prey, and at some point, their toy might lose themself before they choose one brother over another. Neither Sakamaki will allow for it. They belonged to them. Not both, exactly, but with the rate in which things were happening, neither were going to give up any time soon.

Perhaps all three would just have to get used to endless sharing.

#HGdfshgf more about putting things under read mores: i know it's good to do so where like. . there's like. mature/triggering content #and also longer content. i just have no idea what's *too* long and what's not lol #i mean? i dont think anyone's annoyed by it and i'm 100% overthinking but shhh let me #but also dont lol thanks #its terrible and awful!! and a waste of my time!!!#cindy said :) tantrum time #no honestly not really jsdfhsdf im just tired and abusing the tagging feature. and using it as my diary lmao #also.. ive been fixated on other things. dl is still here i promise #its actually providing me lots of inspo so thats fun #honestly i'm just trying to figure out how to balance my free time more #life requires lots of work and im just ! living Jsfdjdf i want to keep myself occupied with other activities that im fixated over #first one being : genshin #the other one is a secret but its super dark. like very. anyways #yeah that's where ive been #then?? then i just fell into naruto again somehow lmao #it always happens to me :'((((#FJDHFJDSFH #right now the fixation is on sasuke. for some reason. umm #KHFdsfs #honestly idk if i like this but i just needed to post something #or else i'd get eaten up by guilt #i hope this is okay ;;;;#Diabolik Lovers #yandere diabolik lovers #like i said i feel like i went with a completely different style with this one ..?? i dont think i love it but.. whatever #karlheinz #karlheinz sakamaki #karlheinz sakamaki x reader #richter sakamaki #richter sakamaki x reader

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