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iknowicanbutwhy · 3 years

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Heads up we got an

Adult Hikikomori Sunny AU

I've been waiting to find an AU after the neutral end of the Hikikomori route for a while. What happened to Sunny? How did his life go on after that? Did he go to college? Did he get a fulltime job? Did he figure out what he wants in life?

these are all very good questions because literally anything could be the case. So this AU is just gonna be stuck in a hospital setting for a while.

Here's what I got so far:

Past:

Hospital Psychiatrist (practicing? Training?) Doctor Hero

I imagine after Basil's death, Hero would (eventually) turn to learning how to identify and help people with suicidal tendencies, if he's gonna be a doctor anyway.

In a choice between psychologist and psychiatrist, Hero went psychiatrist. Hero's parents would pressure him into getting a more lucrative job. PLUS psychiatrists go to college for 8 years, then take four more of psychiatry residency. Hero might feel just a little more accomplished, just a little better about himself for earning a higher degree, just to reassure himself that he's working hard and doing his best towards helping people.

Hero did extra studying in psychotherapy. He tried doing it at the same time as he did medical college. He's not.. the best at it because of that, for several reasons, but he knows it's better to combine medicine and conversation. When he has his head on straight, he can manage it.

I have.. no idea whether to put Hero into practice or residency. He'd have to be at least around.. 31, if he were in practice. That's a long time to have unresolved trauma. That's a nice hunk of research i gotta do.

That's it that's all for Hero. His goals are set in the present and focused around other people, as per usual.

Sunny is... not doing so well. He lied about going to college when he moved into some hole far away from his mother. He has no reason to get up in the morning when he can just lie around. He doesn't enjoy whatever hobbies he used to have.

He doesn't even know Basil is gone and he's so bad off.

He's honestly convinced himself that he doesn't care about anything. He still cares about people, however. He'd have stayed with his mom and burdened her with himself if he didn't. When they had moved from Faraway, it was to a cheaper, smaller place. That meant Sunny's mom didn't have to work so much. That meant more time with Sunny. He decided it was.. preferable not to stay.

The only times he does anything is when he tries to remember the past and relearn the person he used to be. What did he do? What did he like? He'd play games, and read comics, and would get frustrated? move on to something else when those did nothing for him, searching for.. some feeling to occur. And then he'd question why, why, why.

Why can't he enjoy anything? Why does he want to feel enjoyment? Why can't he just do something and be happy? Why can't he just do nothing and be fine? Why does he need to exist? Why does he want to move? Why does he want, but can never have, can never get by himself?

If there's nothing he can do, then what is he waiting for?

Vague memories would become clearer with introspection, until he would feel something, finally. An old guilt aching from deep inside his bones. A haunting self hatred, ripping away whatever minuscule strength his limbs had to try anything fun. A sense of iron resignation blanketing and anchoring his body, reminding him that it's much too late to try getting up now. Ironically, apathy got him up in the morning, as much as it keeps him from enjoying anything enough to stay up.

He was always a little too thin, but he used to force himself to do things like eat and work enough to survive. Mostly because to sleep means to not have headaches, and to not have headaches means to eat well enough, and to eat well enough means to have food, and to have food means to have money from a job.

But it's not as if he was all too desperate to sleep, anyway. His dreams have stayed the same for years. They're more eventful and colorful than bland reality, but it's a mix of the same thing every day. Staring at the swirling kaleidoscope of his dreams is exactly like observing the same beige ceiling for hours on end, until it all mixes together into the same shade of empty grey.

It probably doesn't help Sunny's mood that he thinks dramatic things like the previous point, just to pass time.

He only got worse once he was forced to move into one of those really bad apartments. You know the ones, with the rusted metal stairs nobody wants to risk their life on, and practically no privacy with four-to-five thin-walled neighboring rooms, and bad heating in one corner of the apartment. But it was cheap. Too bad he had to go up and down the stairs all the time.

He didn't have a problem with them when he just moved in. Generally, the most he notices is starting at the top, teleporting to the bottom, and a slight shaking of his hands that he barely glances at with empty curiosity.

As it is, some part of him knew this was going to happen. That he'd have one of those terribly introspective weeks, when he just so happens to have his new job with a boss ready to fire him and his sullen face and poor (somehow complete neutrality is offensive) attitude. He's emotionally vulnerable, and the memories on top of the stairs are devastating.

A week goes by. He's fired. He doesn't look for another job. He hasn't gone for groceries in a while. He's exhausted.

He was waiting for death, he guesses. He still wants, still feels that urge in the buzzing of his fingertips, the ghost of movement from his limbs, the phantom shiver in his back - the intent of every muscle in his body one after the other pleading with him to move, but never all at once - and Sunny laments that the human body is pretty stupid. Moving wont help. What would he do, make the end come quicker? He's already thrown away too many chances for that.

He'll stop wanting once he's gone. That's what happens when you get what you want, right?

His landlord finds him. He forgot the rent. He's taken to the hospital. Ugh.

Present:

Sunny is stunted and underweight. He wears baggy shirts stuffed into slightly less baggy hoodies, and sweats. Warmth. He couldn't find his hoodie after they took it off to put in an IV on his first trip to the hospital.

Usually nurses do things like bring food to patients, but Sunny only ever interacts with Hero and Hero wants to make sure Sunny is okay anyway. Not that it's much easier for Hero to encourage Sunny to eat.

Sunny stresses Hero the hell out. But Hero kinda missed Sunny, and his depressing and concerning reappearance brings with it a deadpan, world-weary, often childish humor that fails to take anything seriously when everything in Sunny's situation should be taken seriously. It's as much a relief as it is incredibly frustrating. Some days Hero loves it. Some days it makes him angry. Some days it makes him want to cry.

I tried doing research into the conduct Hero should display regarding patients/clients in general but it just. Any professionalism quickly devolves between him and Sunny.

As in, at one point, him and Sunny were whaling on each other about having no lives. Hero felt really bad afterwards; he had no idea what came over him. It was a great way for both of them to let out some hidden frustration, though, and they turned out fine afterwards. They even lowkey pick on each other every now and again.

Sometimes one or the other gets a bit too accurate in their teasing, however.

Psychiatrists are supposed to be able to understand, diagnose, and treat mental, emotional and behavioral disorders. So, if Hero were a completely capable psychiatrist, which he is, he wouldn't break down in front of his client. But Hero's late teenage years are wrought with so much grief and trauma, so to see Sunny and not just another client in this state is.. something i imagine he'd break down about eventually. There's also the fact that Sunny is mostly closed off to any help, which only makes things harder.

Hero is trying his best, but after years of never understanding why Mari died, years of thinking and wondering and second-guessing himself, years of guilt after never visiting Basil before he died, years of doing what he was told was "best" yet failing in what's most important to him (his friends) - his best never feels good enough around Sunny. It feels too little, too late. For this reason, and possibly because even if Hero were able to keep himself together he may just not be the right psychiatrist for Sunny, it would be better for him to find another psychiatrist for Sunny. He won't, though.

Hero really needs some time to himself to just think, or perhaps he needs someone else to talk to. Kel is nice, but Aubrey would have better experience handling emotions.

I have a very limited idea of what Aubrey and Kel are doing. Aubrey is a childcare instructor to parents and works in child services. She has studied child psychology. She has studied how childhood affects adulthood. Kel's off trying to make a name in basketball while giving kids high fives and heartfelt support.

Hero, in fact, does not like to be called Dr. Hero, but his shyness (feeling of unworthiness) about it only endears everyone to call him that more. He tells the kids that everyone calls him Hero, but the adults merely find out from the other doctors and nurses. Hero tried introducing himself as Henry to the other doctors, but Kel told them his nickname, and it stuck for obvious reasons.

Sometimes, on days when Hero has to wear his lab coat, he ties it around his neck like a cape. The kids like it, say it makes him look like a superHero.

Hero doesn't really cook. His schedule is always too busy to make anything that isn't quick. But he does eventually figure out that cooking for Sunny is the best way to entice him to eat, so when he makes something, he makes enough for both of them. They eat together.

Hero had to gather Sunny's change of clothes from his apartment when he found out that the reason Sunny has been in the same clothes for the last week is because he's had no one to visit him. Not even his mother. Why?

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rainhadaenerys · 4 years

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I don’t even know why I keep reading anti Dany metas. I keep expecting that maybe they’ll have some reasonable argument, but they never fail to surprise me in how stupid they are, and how much they distort things. There’s this new meta that’s supposed to be some deep analysis of ADWD, and of how Dany is a bad queen. They keep harping on how Dany is bad because she thinks of “floppy ears” and because she dislikes the Meereenese. And this is such a ridiculous thing to say. This has no bearing in whether Dany is a good ruler or not. A ruler doesn’t have to like all their subjects to be a good ruler. In any government, you will always have people with different ideologies, and you are not obligated to like your political enemies. The people Dany dislikes are the Meereeense slavers. Those are the Meereenese that she hates, not the Meereenese freedmen or poor people. And again, this doesn’t make Dany “a bad ruler”. It doesn’t mean that Dany isn’t supposed to be a queen. The person also says that Dany hates Meereenese culture even when it’s not related to things that are oppressive, but this isn’t true. The culture that Dany hates is the culture of the slaver class, not of her freedmen. And again, whether Dany hates that culture or not doesn’t make her a bad ruler. She can hate the Meereenese slavers while still ruling and ruling well. Oh, and the meta also says that Dany “makes” people shave, but this isn’t true at all. The Shavepate choose to shave their heads on their own will to symbolize their alliance with the new regime, for their own personal reasons:

"My queen," growled Skahaz mo Kandaq, of the shaven head. Ghiscari hair was dense and wiry; it had long been the fashion for the men of the Slaver Cities to tease it into horns and spikes and wings. By shaving, Skahaz had put old Meereen behind him to accept the new, and his kin had done the same after his example. Others followed, though whether from fear, fashion, or ambition, Dany could not say; shavepates, they were called. Skahaz was the Shavepate … and the vilest of traitors to the Sons of the Harpy and their ilk. - Daenerys I ADWD

Daenerys doesn’t “make” people shave, or else everybody in Meereen would hve shaved, which is not the case.

Then they proceed to take many decisions of Dany that were very much reasonable, and try to distort it into something bad. Dany grants a rich woman her clothes and jewels back but not her house. And she does this because there were already freedmen living in the house. First, Dany decreed a pardon for everything that happened during the sack (which is necessary to keep peace in Meereen), so it’s not like she needed to give the woman anything. Dany was still conciliatory in giving the woman back her jewels and clothes. The woman was not homeless: she was living with her brother. But the freedwomen in her house would be homeless if Dany decided to give her house back. Dany’s decision was probably the best and most conciliatory decision she could make, but of course this anti would harp on why it’s horrible for a rich woman to lose her house. Funny how antis never worry about the freedwomen that would be homeless if Dany decided in favor of the rich woman.

Then they talk about Dany not punishing the crimes that happened during the sack, and completely ignore the fact that decreeing a pardon was necessary to keep peace in the city. If Dany had decided to punish the former slaves for rising against their masters, and to punish former slavers for their crimes against the freedmen, she would have war within Meereen, and I’m pretty sure antis would be harping about what a stupid ruler Dany is and how she is incapable of being conciliatory. But here, Dany shows herself to be conciliatory and makes a very reasonable decision that was probably the best decision she could make, and antis go talking about what a bad ruler she is.

Then Dany makes the decision that people will have to go to the temple and swear a sacred oath to get the money for their lost animals (that Drogo ate). Which is a very intelligent decision. Dany is not wrong in saying that some people will lie about Drogon burning their animais and bring burned bones to her that they burned themselves, just to get her money. In fact, Dany keeps receiving claims that Drogon burned their animals even after Drogo left the city and Dany chained her dragons:

Dany did not want to talk about the dragons. Farmers still came to her court with burned bones, complaining of missing sheep, though Drogon had not returned to the city. - Daenerys IV ADWD

So Dany is absolutely correct in saying that some people are deceiving her. Making people swear a sacred oath is smart, especially considering that the Shavepate’s suggestion was much more brutal (to whip everyone), and Dany refused his suggestion. But look at what this anti says about Dany because of this:

The pronouncement was received in sullen silence. You would think they might be happier, Dany thought. They have what they came for. Is there no way to please these people?

This quote says a lot about Daenerys. In her mind, the people should be happy because she’s willing to give them back what they lost, failing to consider how much trouble it would be for them to gather up the bones of their dead animals, bring them to Dany’s pyramid, and wait all day for just the chance to be heard by her. Dany thinks many of them lie about Drogon to try and get money or sheep, and thinks they should just be happy she’s giving them anything at all.

Like, wow. How is it such trouble to bring the bones as proof? Isn’t that what all the shepherds were already doing? And actually, this anti is incorrect, because they would not need to speak directly to Dany, they would just have to swear an oath at the temple. And the idea that Dany thinks “people should just be happy she’s giving them anything at all” is so false. This is definitely not what Dany thinks:

“No, Magnificence.” Reznak bowed. “Shall I send these rascals away, or will you want them scourged?”

Daenerys shifted on the bench. “No man should ever fear to come to me.” Some claims were false, she did not doubt, but more were genuine. Her dragons had grown too large to be content with rats and cats and dogs. The more they eat, the larger they will grow, Ser Barristan had warned her, and the larger they grow, the more they’ll eat. Drogon especially ranged far afield and could easily devour a sheep a day. “Pay them for the value of their animals,” she told Reznak, “but henceforth claimants must present themselves at the Temple of the Graces and swear a holy oath before the gods of Ghis.” – Daenerys I ADWD

I mean, what they say about Dany is a freaking lie. Dany is willing to help people, she never thinks “they should be happy I’m giving them anything at all”, what she actually thinks is “some claims were false, she did not doubt, but more were genuine”. But hey, antis lying through their teeth about Dany is nothing new. Besides, going back to the decision, how in hell is Dany unreasonable for this? This “meta” was supposed to prove that Dany is a bad ruler, but I think these decisions (the pardon, being conciliatory and not leaving freedwomen homeless, and asking people to swear an oath to avoid people cheating her) all prove that Dany is actually a very good ruler.

The anti also talks about how Dany is hypocritical for chastising a man for forgetting the name of his slave, but for also forgetting Hazzea’s name. But this is such a false equivalence. The man forgot the name of a woman who worked for him for years, showing that he never cared to even learn the name of his slaves. Dany remembered Hazzea’s name even though she only heard it once, and she never knew the girl, and only forgot Hazzea’s name when she was sick and hallucinating in the Dothraki sea. How the hell are these two things comparable? And Dany just told the man to buy a new loom for the woman, it’s not like she was whipping him through the streets, but the way antis talk, a slave being compensated for her years of service with a loom is the most heinous thing. Like, wow, Dany is so evil and such a bad ruler for this, right? *sarcasm*

Oh, they also say Dany is a bad and immature ruler because she throws fruits at Xaro. Even though Xaro is already someone she knows, and Dany doesn’t do this with anyone else. Apparently, things like this (or hanging her feet and not sitting in a queenly position) make Dany a “bad ruler”, despite the fact that this has little bearing in whether Dany is a good ruler or not (I mean, I think ending slavery and feeding her people are more important things than sitting correctly, but hey, since when Dany antis are reasonable or logical?), and in fact, Dany is usually very courteous:

In the afternoon a sculptor came, proposing to replace the head of the great bronze harpy in the Plaza of Purification with one cast in Dany’s image. She denied him with as much courtesy as she could muster. A pike of unprecedented size had been caught in the Skahazadhan, and the fisherman wished to give it to the queen. She admired the fish extravagantly, rewarded the fisherman with a purse of silver, and sent the pike to her kitchens. A coppersmith had fashioned her a suit of burnished rings to wear to war. She accepted it with fulsome thanks; it was lovely to behold, and all that burnished copper would flash prettily in the sun, though if actual battle threatened, she would sooner be clad in steel. Even a young girl who knew nothing of the ways of war knew that. – Daenerys I ADWD

They also talk about how Dany is bad for rejecting the peace, completely ignoring all the bad things that peace would bring, and how it benefited the slavers and was bad for the slaves. Oh, and apparently Dany is bad for wanting to forbid the fighting pits, saying that Dany should make regulations to stop people from being forced into the pits as if that was possible, even though the text shows us that it’s very difficult to avoid the fact that some people will indeed be forced and it’s difficult to regulate that, and that poor people would end up in this place.

They also talk about Dany’s mistake in leaving Astapor in Yunkai, ignoring the fact that this is wrong, Dany’s mistake wasn’t simply that she left, but that she left Astapor with no army, and that she left the masters in power in Yunkai. And none of these things make Dany a bad ruler in Meereen. These were mistakes that Dany did in ASOS, not in ADWD, because Dany was very inexperient and didn’t have good advisors. But Dany learns from these mistakes. Saying Dany is a bad ruler because of this makes no sense, because this happened in the past, and Dany has learned and will no longer make the same mistakes (and in fact, she doesn’t do the same mistake in ADWD, she doesn’t leave Meereen unprotected). But Dany antis expect Dany to be a good ruler from the very beginning even though she never had any experience before. They expect her to have never made any mistakes.

Finally, they talk about the wineseller’s daughter, and say that “It is one thing to torture someone you only suspect of being involved in a crime, but it is even worse to torture girls just to get at their father“, which is not what happened at all. First, we don’t know if they were girls, the text never says this. Second, the wineseller’s daughters were suspects. They were arrested with their father and were the only ones in the shop whe the poisoning happened. Dany is not “torturing people that she knows are innocent”. Like, I don’t like Dany allowing torture either, but I hate how Dany antis always distort what actually happened (usually by saying that the wineseller’s daughters were just little children that Dany knew were innocent”, which is not true), and I also hate how Dany antis use double standards and completely forget that torture is normal in this world, and even Jon Snow practices it (he does it for other reasons, but he does it). And this antis also conveniently ignores that once Dany realizes the Shavepate is forcing people to confess, she actually forbids torture (she is the only character to forbid torture).

Anyway, sorry that this post is such a mess, guys, I know it’s very badly written and disorganized. I wrote in a hurry, and mostly because this meta I just read annoyed me. But I think the post really shows how Dany antis will really do anything to distort things, and turn even the things Dany does right into bad things. The only “bad thing” here is the torture, but this is also a double standard against Dany. Anyway, is Dany a good ruler? Yes, she is.

#fandom wank #daenerys targaryen #daenerys defense squad

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nobody-knose--archive · 4 years

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well i got home a lot earlier than i thought i would today, which i’m happy for seeing as the place was filled to the brim with people not wearing masks. like this place is normally decently busy this time of year but it was packed to the goddam brim today for some reason. anyway! i took pictures of the place for reference, and whenever i get around to carving the pumpkins we picked out i’ll share pics of that as well. this is lowkey going to be an advertisement for the place because if you ever visit the central valley you really should come around here, especially if you are/have kids it’s amazing. starting from the top.

[image description: a picture of a creek bluff. in the foreground are some ground brush cast in shadow. in the middle ground is some long yellow grasses in patchy sunlight taking up the space where a creek would run if there was rain around here (california). slightly up the hill is a small footbrigde connecting a path that goes from left to right along the side of the bluff. just behind it in the background is the side of a small hill that’s covered in the same long yellow grass from before, and the sky is clear and blue where at the top of the bluff. scattered throughout are oak trees, some small and young, and a few that are old, tall, & mighty. end image description.]

y’all are so lucky i managed to get pictures without people there were so damn many. my older brother was freaking out the entire time about catching corona (he’s nd but he’s in denial about it) and ive decided that for the sake of this post & onwards i’ll be referring to my older brother as Idon & my younger brother as Dr. Lion given that those are dumb unused nicknames we have for each other and it’s easier than referring to them as my older & younger brother all the time. anyway the whole area is set up in this lil creekbed area and normally when it’s winter & it’s not hot n stuff (twas decently hot today, tshirt shorts & no jacket weather in the sun) there’s a bit of water that runs through it. the rest of the time it’s dry and people will walk straight to it to get to the bluffside trail that features a handful of small attractions like a tiny castle, tunnel, metal slide, & other things that appeal to all the children that can fit in them. this place is basically the hotspot for any and all children in this county youve just gotta come here some time it’s so damn fun. there’s even a swinging rope bridge over the creek that leads to the bluffside trail that’s raised way up in the air and is an honestly harrowing experience for every kid who goes across it i could talk about this place for hours. i havent even brought up the train line that goes around the tree farm & things at the top of the bluff. anyway

[image description: a picture of a pumpkin patch, taken from behind a few stalks of corn. the field is full of pumpkin plants with their large, green leaves extended into the air, though there’s no pumpkins visible. there are various flowers i believe to be carnations dotted throughout the patch, in shades of light pink, magenta, orange, and red, and a few stalks of corn also grow in the patch. in the distance a field of corn that doubles as a small maze grows off to the right, and lining the background is a row of large trees that grow along the creekbed behind them. the sky is bright blue & clear from the upper left part of the picture it can be seen in. end image description]

so one attraction of this place (one thing that gives it such an appeal to people who want aesthetic pictures for instagram & whatnot) is that they always set up little pumpkin people all over the place, taking various poses. when i say pumpkin people i mean basically scarecrows, clothing stuffed with straw & posed doing things, but with pumpkins for heads. most of them are out of the way enough that people cant mess with them but can take pictures like i did here. oh can you not see it? well let me just zoom in for you-

[image description: a zoomed in picture of the scene described above. clearly shown is a scarecrow-type figure with a pumpkin for a head standing up in the field. it’s wearing a rather nondescript grey shirt, blue jeans, and a floppy brown farmer’s hat. it’s surrounded by pumpkin plants, carnations, & corn stalks, with a corn field to the back & more large trees casting shadows to the back, as indicated above. there are also some large leaves from corn plants directly in front of the camera where it’s taking the picture, taking up a large chunk of the picture. end image description]

here it is! this is the only one i took a picture of because it was the only one i could possibly find the time to capture without it being swarmed by other people. i was really lucky to take these pictures without anyone in the background here it’s honestly hard to tell from what i’m showing but there was an obscene amount of people there, hence why we barely spent 1.5 hours there. i suspect idon’s unending stream of complaints and fretting and honest request to tell every member of our extended family that we’d have to quarantine for the next 2 weeks got us out a bit faster than we wouldve otherwise done but eh. that stuff’s especially ironic considering dr lion’s going back to physical school starting this week but hey what can ya do. we wore our masks. homemade by my mother because she had nothing better to do the first few weeks of quarantine and now i’m just rambling about my home life. moving on

[image description: a picture of a string of lightbulbs, focused on one in particular that’s completely shattered. behind, various trees, oaks being the only ones i can name, fill up almost the entire background. blue sky can be seen through the branches of a tree to the upper right portion of the picture. for the most part only the lightbubs & the tree closest to it, taking up the rightmost portion of the photo, are illuminated by the sun. end image description]

this is making me realize i didnt take many good pictures. i only took this one because ive got a story behind it but hey i’ll be coming back this winter to pick out a pine tree probably bc they double as a pine tree farm as well as a pumpkin patch and general creekbluff attraction so i can get some better pictures of the area when there’s less people. hopefully. anyway you see how that lightbulb’s broken? well i being the lil aspiring biologist i am saw a bone lying in the dirt next to our car when we were leaving and immediately picked it up. it was picked clean, almost certainly by ants or something, and i was kinda hoping it was the product of some owl because there are a lot of those in the area around the creek, but my family decided twas but the product of some other family’s picnic there. what it was doing in the parking lot i’d love to know, but i couldnt bring it with me (”that’s disgusting” it’s picked clean dirty & dusty lying in the dirt i guarantee it’s not got anyone’s dna on it any more but that of the chicken it came from) so i take a step closer to the treeline to throw it away. and then of course where does it go after i release it from my hand but directly into one of the lightbulbs hanging up by a string all along the outside of the parking lot. whoopsy. so of course i take a picture as soon as i’m done explaining it to my family & freaking out about doing actual damage to this beloved creek pumpkin patch/pine tree farm. then we have a brief argument on whether to tell the staff about it (there’s actual broken glass what else can we do) and so we drive up to the guy sitting there watching people leave, giving directions, our mom rolls down the window, and i, on the opposite side of the car from him, barely get out a proclamation along the lines of “there’s a broken lightbulb down in the parking lot with glass on the ground” he says “ok sure” and we leave. it takes me like 5 minutes to calm down from that which i dont get because we do a whole expedition up to the top of the bluff to see the construction theyre doing to the train line that theyve been working on for years & we dont even get out of the car to walk around because a. social distancing we already took off our masks & they have to be tied on it’s too much work to put it back on and b. the sheer number of cars there was menacing so we just sorta drove around and glanced down the side of the bluff to the best of our abilities. god that’s a damn paragraph. it’s been an hour. <3 i guess

#describing images this detailed is a bit challenging but not boring/annoying i think it was a rewarding experience #tis i #i sure as hell didnt intend to spend nearly an hour writing up an account of what happened the moment i got home but that's what happened #i hope y'all enjoy cause i sure did #admittedly unspecific dialogue

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tvntae · 5 years

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heartbreak hotel 4

pairing: reader x ceo!jeon jungkook

plot: was sleeping with your boss really such a great idea?

Genre: smut (eventual), angst, fluff

word count: 3.7k ish

A/n: THANK YOU GUYS FOR BEING SO DAMN PATIENT!! I NEVER TAKE THIS LONG WITH UPDATES BUT IVE BEEN BUSSSSSY LATELY. I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY THIS CHAPTER!! <3

You shut your eyes tight when you feel Jungkook’s body slightly shift next to yours. Either he was a wild sleeper, or both him and yourself couldn’t sleep. But neither one of you says anything to each other. If you were honest with yourself, you hated that you had sex with Jungkook. Yes, it was arguably the best sex you had ever had, but it didn’t deter you from the fact that it was morally wrong. You chew on your bottom lip as your brain races, nothing making sense, you want to get up from the bed and ran away. Run as fast as you can but what difference would that make really? What’s done is done. It was consensual, something you both had wanted, and now that it’s over you feel sick. You can’t help but wonder if Jungkook feels the same way you do. You know he wouldn’t leave his fiance for you, and besides, that isn’t something that had ever crossed your mind. So, you could bet your life that he didn’t want that either. Jungkook snuggles up closer to you and begins to snore softly; you figure he’s probably comfortable now. This isn’t a bed Jungkook is used to sleeping in. One can assume he rests in a much more expensive, much larger bed than your own. Jungkook’s lips trace the crevice between your neck and collar bone, ticking you. You try your best to move further closer to the edge of the bed but, Jungkook who is most likely not fully asleep just yet groans, loud, might you add and the sound rings in your ears. So used to it being silent for the past hour, expect for Jungkook’s occasional snore. Jungkook smacks his lips to together, gathering saliva to wet his dry mouth. You try to slow your breathing to try tricking him into thinking you’re sleeping.

You don't understand why you’re acting this way if you were uncomfortable you could kick him out. Indeed this is your home. But apart of you likes that Junkook is still here, still holding you, strong arms snaked around you as if he was the one afraid you’d leave him. You hadn’t had a man touch you this way in so long, Jungkook’s affection blinded you and even when you caught wind of how treacherous the situation was becoming you welcomed said danger with opened arms. You could have said no. You had several opportunities to do so and yet you did the complete opposite. Situations like this only end in despair. Moreover, in your case, it could end in losing your job, being homeless or even having to move back home and move in with your parents. You grimace at the fact.

“Please, for the love of God stop moving y/n.” You hear behind you, and your eyes shoot open. You couldn’t possibly be making that many movements for Jungkook to pick up on that fast. You close your eyes again and pray he lets it go.

Jungkook shifts and this time you can tell he got up from the bed. You hear him stretch and yawn, extremely obnoxiously, and for a second you wonder to yourself if he did it to be annoying or because he’s just that much of an ass in the wee hours of the morning. Jungkook is still butt ass naked and for some reason that annoys you more. You don’t even walk around your place naked.

“Want something from the kitchen?” Jungkook ask you, and you’re so damn tempted to turn around to look at him, but you resist, still wanting him to think you are asleep. He huffs and you know he still doesn’t quite believe you're sleeping but, for the time being, it would do. You breathe a sigh of relief once you hear his footsteps tracking down the hallway towards your tiny kitchen, and now you kind of really regret not asking him to grab you a bottle of water from your fridge. With Jungkook now being out of the room, you move your duvet aside and get out if bed, slowly tip-toeing as not to alert Jungkook that you are awake as he had previously suspected. You reach your dresser and pull out a nightie, something you don't usually wear, but you'd rather not have Jungkook see you in your regular sleepwear; which are old dingy sweatpants and a way too big tee.

It's quite dark in your room, only light from the hallway slowly seeping through the crack in your door. You couldn't see much but can quickly dress and promptly crawl back into bed. By the time you've secured your duvet in walks Jungkook. You close your eyes tight again and relax your shoulders when he too gets back into bed. He doesn't say another word, and soon you hear his breathing even out.

Your alarm is loud as fuck. You nearly fall out of bed when you finally notice that it isn't apart of your dream, or should you say nightmare, but it is indeed time for you to adult today. You had gotten no sleep last night, and you feel shitty. Your head ached, and your muscles were tense. You turn to your side and see Jungkook is no longer in bed and his clothes are gone as well. You don't know how to feel about him being gone so soon, and you can't help but wonder what time he could have gotten up. You would have heard him leave, right? He wouldn't just up and go without saying anything. He's the type to at least leave a note on a girls nightstand after a one night stand. At least you think he is. But your judgment shouldn't be trusted seeing as you also thought Jungkook wasn't the type to hook up with an employee.

Groaning you step out of bed and turn off your alarm. It's 9:00 am, which means you need to get ready and be out of your door within the next hour. The last few days that Jungkook had been staying with you he advised you to stay home since you would have no use in the office without him. He said he was going to take a few days off from work, which fucking surprised you because The Jeon Jungkook doesn't do work breaks. Staying home was boring as fuck, the occasional flirty conversation with Jeon was fun but, Jungkook mostly stayed on his phone and rarely left your apartment.

The plus side was he did cook and did the dishes and cleaned up after himself like the gentleman that you knew was in him all along. Jungkook wasn't a bad guy, but sometimes he just wasn't the best guy. He had a short fuse, and in the small amount of time he crashed on your couch, and an even shorter time on your bed, you saw just how angry he could get, small or big, and yet you were more than fine putting up with it. You weren't sure if it was because he was your boss and you were afraid of being fired if you got to loose-lipped or if you were growing a soft spot for the guy, you prayed it wasn't the latter.

Finally deciding what to wear today you get dressed and call a cab. You usually take the bus to work in the early mornings but because the weather forecast says it's none stop rain with a possibility of thunderstorms it's best to play it safe today. Besides, you spent a significant amount of time on your hair and makeup today. Just because you feel like hell doesn't mean you want to look it as well.

You walk into your office feeling like a nervous klutz, your palms sweaty, pits itch, the whole nine. You'd been here for 20 minutes waiting for Jungkook to call or at least walk in to tell you his next 'order' and he hasn't. Typically, he at least has some task waiting for you at your desk. Hell, sometimes he's waiting for you inside of your office before you even get there for a quick briefing. So him not making his appearance known is... unsettling. You pace around, your hands covering your face. Your stomach grumbles from the lack of food this morning. You thought having a cup of black coffee for breakfast was a great idea at the time. You were running low on cash so you couldn't stop to get anything on your way here. Ugh, the day was looking to be more and more frustrating.

Two hours pass and Jungkook still hasn't shown up to your office. You scroll on your Twitter and Instagram feed for the 100th time, sighing when you notice your mutuals aren't as active during the morning as they are in the late afternoon and early evenings. You wanted to bang your head on your desk from the anger that has started to boil inside you, Where the fuck could he be? What an asshole. You stand up from your desk chair and decide to make the first move, and that move is heading straight to Jungkook's office. The only time you've been in his office is if he calls you in, which has been less than ten times since you've started this position. You hadn't minded that much about it. A man's office is his personal space, you guess. Jungkook's office isn't too far from yours; it's just a few steps away from your very own much smaller one.

Standing in front of his office door has your heart thumping loud. You're nervous, again for the second time today and it does nothing more than to annoy you further. All you needed to see was if Jungkook was in his office or not and if not then you'd be taking your merry ass on your way. You open the door to Jungkook's office and step inside and what you see makes the blood in your veins completely freeze, actually maybe you freeze altogether.

There's a woman in Jungkook's office; actually, it isn't just any woman. You recognize her as the one from those pictures, his fiance, and he's kissing her. They haven't noticed that you were behind them and you sure as hell don't want to make your presence known. You want to turn around and exit, to pretend like you never came into his office in the first place. You'd been standing there for 30 seconds too long, and when you belatedly decide to leave, Jungkook turns around to face you. Your eyes bulge out if you head and you can tell he looks slightly mortified that you'd 'caught' him but soon that look of shame leaves his face altogether and anger replaces it.

Jungkook doesn't even give you enough time to let you explain yourself before he's excusing himself from his finance and dragging you somewhat roughly out of his room. He's pissed but rightfully, so are you. You've been here for almost 3 hours already, and he still hasn't given you anything to do. If you knew he was in his office this entire time sucking face with his fiance, then you would have just called in sick or some shit. You feel like the absolute worse human on the planet, when did you become a whore? Okay, whore is a harsh word, but still, you had sex with your boss, your taken boss, your soon to be married with 3 and a half kids boss; alright, that last part you're not so sure about, but your point still stands. You're as much of dick as Jungkook is. Maybe you're an even bigger one.

"What the fuck were you doing in my office?" Jungkook is seething, and the grip on your arm has only gotten tighter. He makes you feel like a child again. Like he didn't just fuck your brains out less than 24 hours ago. The thought only makes you feel guilty. You are silent for a moment, and Jungkook's eyes only get wider as he awaits your answer. You stumble over words in your head, trying to piece things together but your brain is ultimately failing you when you need it the most. "Are you fucking dense? You can't just walk into my office whenever you feel like it." If this were anyone else you'd have kicked their ass by now, but this is Jungkook, your boss and you've learned to bite your tongue when he gets this way.

"So what, you're gonna stay silent the whole time?" You open your mouth to say something finally, but he cuts you off. "Fine then. Get your shit and go home." He deadpans. Wait, for what? "But I haven't even worked half a shift today I-," "Don't care. Out. Now." You wanted to cry, and you never cry. Okay, so maybe you always cry, but this was so uncalled for. You look up at Jungkook, silently pleading for him to let you stay. He was so vague with you, and you weren't sure if he was firing you or just making you leave for the day. Either way, it was enough for you to drop your head in embarrassment. You mumble an okay, and Jungkook releases your arm. He doesn't say another word and so your spin on your heels and walk to your office to gather your purse and coat. You were sure that if he fired you, he'd outright say so. But you being dismissed early kind of feels worse honestly. It feels like the walk of shame, and you had nothing to be ashamed about. You hate being unproductive at work and you thought going into Jungkook's office was a great idea. You guessed it would show initiative. That'd you cared deeply about your work. But it didn't seem to appease him; it was the absolute opposite. He's annoyed and specifically with you.

The ride home takes forever. The traffic is terrible around this time. Honestly, you thought the rain would slow the commuters today, but it seems not to hinder them from their daily lives and duties. The rain has eased somewhat but you know soon it will pick up again. At least you can get some more much-needed sleep when you get home or order some takeout since you had little to no food to eat. The rain does distract you from Jungkook for awhile and that you are appreciative for.

You immediately kick off your heels when you enter your apartment and throw your coat on your couch. You know you need a shower, but for now, you want to lounge around. You step into your room and flip your light switch, quickly changing into something less constricting like this pencil skirt that's a size too small for you. You jump into bed after you've put your work clothes in your hamper. Something isn't right because as soon as you land on the side Jungkook was previously laying on the night before a sharp object pierces your ribs. Wincing, you roll over closer toward the edge and pull your duvet back reviling a very shiny, expensive looking Rolex. You pick it up to inspect and roll on your back. Holding it into the air so the light can hit it correctly and you watch as it shines. It's beautiful, and you think it might be custom made. How the fuck can someone afford a gold encrusted watch? Well, that rich bastard Jungkook could. You wonder if Jungkook has noticed that he left it here. Hopefully, you pray he doesn't think you stole it from him. You set the watch on your nightstand and decide to worry about what to do with it later. Shit, you might even toss it in the bin. Serves the bastard right.

You awaken from a nap a few hours later. Going by the time displayed on the digital clock on your nightstand you slept for a good five hours.

You order yourself lunch on your laptop from your favorite takeout place. The restaurant wasn't too far from you so it won't take very long for the delivery driver to show up. You head into your living room to go searching for your cellphone. You usually take it everywhere with you but, because you were so bummed about the Jungkook situation you decided to leave it in your bag.

You had a few unread messages, some from your mom. She frequently texts you during your work hours because of the time difference. It must be nighttime where she is right now. You miss being home, a lot, if you were truthful with yourself. Things were so much different back there, and you were still trying to get accustomed to the life you have here. You would probably be in an excellent relationship by this time if you never left. The guys from your city weren't all bad. There's going to be a few bad apples everywhere you go. You sigh and quickly text your mother back and tell her how your day went, albeit leaving the part where you were sent home early out.

The next few notifications you scrolled through were emails from your Gmail app, as dull as ever. You managed a lot of Jungkook's events and meetings through Gmail, so most of your notifications were mostly work related. You put your phone aside and flop on your couch and start up Netflix.

The takeout you had wasn't as good as it usually is. Today was the perfect day to cry and crawl under your cover for the rest of your days. No one would even notice you were gone besides your parents, but after a while, they'd give up looking for you and go on with their lives. You figure now is the best time to take another nap before you something else uneventful happens. And you're sure your heart couldn't take anymore before it completely stops functioning altogether.

You jolt from your sleep when you hear it. Banging. And it's close, almost like it's coming from right outside of your door. It's loud a fuck and its dark as fuck in your living room, and you can't help but think this is how it ends. You still, too afraid to get up from your couch to check it out. You've watched enough scary movies to know that if you open that door, then you'll be walking into your ultimate demise. This is exactly what your father warned you about when you told him you were moving to South Korea.

"Y/n, open the door I know you're in there," huh? The killer knows your name. "Y/n, come on it's me." Is that... Jungkook? You wipe the saliva from your face and rub the sleep from your dry eyes. What the hell is he doing here? It's 9 in the evening. You turn the lights on so you can see better and unlock the door to see what it is he wants.

"I left my watch here," he says offhandedly and pushes past you heading for your bedroom. "Excuse the fuck outta me." You whisper under your breath. You fold your arms over your chest and follow Jungkook into your bedroom.

He's searching every nook of your room and muttering. You're confident he won't find it at the rate he's going because he hasn't even turned the light on yet. To make this more comfortable for the both of you, he could just ask you if you've seen it. But honestly, you like seeing him struggle, fuck him.

You switch the light on since you're standing right next to it. You just want Jungkook out of your place as soon as possible. You notice he's wearing a completely different suit than the one he had on earlier at the office. As he spins to turn towards you, you see a Chanel brooch on his jacket. How funny, Jeon Jungkook looking for his gold-encrusted custom Rolex in your home while wearing a Dior suit and a diamond Chanel brooch. Your broke ass could never.

Jungkook's hair is slightly parted, and you don't think he's ever looked this good before. Well, he always looks good but right now it's a different type of good. He looks like money and power and you know he probably smells so pure. His beauty always has you at a loss for words.

He notices your staring and scoffs to himself, almost like he's disgusted either at you or himself. And you're more than confident it's directed towards you. Jungkook has everything any man could ever ask for, and he had sex with you, the bottom of the barrel trash. You lower your head in humiliation, and you've never felt this bad about yourself before. You can't help but feel so inferior to him. You're only a few years apart in age, but he's got his whole life together, while you still ask your parents for money from time-to-time when you're afraid you won't make ends meet. You did something so heinous, and now Jungkook can't even stand to look at you correctly.

"Have you seen my watch or what? Don't just fucking stand there, help." He addresses you with such anger and disgust you almost burst out into tears. You point to where you had left the watch, which was on your nightstand and you hear Jungkook walk over and damn near snatch it. He mumbles some more as he wrestles with putting it on and you can tell he's having a hard time. This is the first time you've ever seen him, so ansty and he looks nervous as well. He must have a big meeting or something because why else would he be dressed like this. You walk over to help him, and you're not sure why but you can tell he needs it, and he lets you. You see him visibly relax, and that soothes you somewhat. You're still scared out of your wits, but it isn't like he's about to murder you. At least you hope he isn't.

"I'm sorry about everything, I wish circumstances were different." You look up at Jungkook, and he gives you a sad smile. What does he mean by that? His engagement or your employment. Maybe both? You stare up at him for a while. Pleading with your eyes to get an explanation from him.

You aren't sure who makes the moves first, but in a matter of seconds, his lips are on yours.

#bangtanarmynet #bts angst #bts au #bts x reader #bts jeon jungkook #bts fics #bts fanfiction #bts drabble #bts reactions #bts fic #bts scenarios #bts series #bts smut #bts smut angst

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disabled-queen-hc-blog · 5 years

Note

I haven't seen an ED hc on here yet and I need to project a bit so here's this: at the begging all the queen boys were skinny as hell but as time went on the only one who remained that way was brian. and everyone assumed that it was all natural. what they didn't know was that brian consciously started eating less when he got to the age where people's metabolism usually slows down. he was well aware that his skinniness was part of his trademark look and decided he needed to keep it that way (1/3)

he started cutting down the amount and frequency of his meals but the others never noticed - brian had always been peculiar with food (not eating meat or unhealthy things etc.) so they assumed he ate at home whenever he refused the takeout they had in the studio. in the mid 80s they slowly start noticing that brian’s no longer just skinny, but also sickly looking but still don’t say anything, assuming he might have a stomach bug going on (touring can bring that on quite easily after all) (2/3)

then, a couple of months later, brian passes out in the studio and the boys finally connect the dots. they feel incredibly guilty for not noticing the signs and are determined to help brian recover. (3/3) //if you could please write something where the boys realise all this had been going on without them noticing and then try to figure out how to help brian out of this mess while he refuses to believe that he needs help at all (can be gen or you can add a ship if you’d like)

TW explicit mentions of Eating Disorders, Disordered Eating, Anorexia, Orthorexia, Hospitalization and excessive vulgar language.

All your letters in the sand cannot heal me like your hand…

For my life still ahead, pity me…

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24

Again.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24

One more time. So you remember how you fucked up.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24

24 ribs sticking out from grey ashen skin.

Brian’s bony finger traced over each one as he counted outloud, eyes focused on the full body mirror in front of him.

You remember how handsome you used to be? Remember when theyjutted out like a fucking Greek god? But you ruined it. You ate that chocolatecupcake like the pig you are and now you’re fat again. Fat and disgusting.

“One, two, three, four, five…”

It doesn’t matter if you cry about it. It won’t make you anyskinnier. Put on your running shoes, fat ass.

“Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two…”

RUN!

Brian wiped his face free of the tears, eye’s falling downto his bare feet. Skeletal but most people’s standards but bloated looking tohim. He had blisters on his heels from running a mile every morning, but itdidn’t matter. Pain was beauty, right?

♚

Of all the numbers, zero is the most beautiful. Brianthought that to himself as he ran around his neighborhood, the sun dipping inthe sky, crickets already chirping.

His knees hurt so bad, his chest was on fire and he was surehis blisters had reopened, but he had done this to himself. If he only atethings that were good, he wouldn’t have to run this second mile. If he juststopped inhaling anything that came into sight, he could be home right now,settling into a night’s rest.

But he was out here. In the cold English sunset, wearinglayers of jogging clothes to try and keep warm. He deserved this. Briandeserved this.

The day he hit his goal weight, he’d never have to do thisagain. He’d be doing zero laps.

♚

It was nearly midnight before he tempted to step on thescale.

The bathroom was so dark. Only trickles of moonlight pouredin from the window. He refused to turn on the lights since he weighed himselfnaked. Having to see his bare body was revolting. There was so much wrong withit. His legs were too chubby. His stomach so round. His cheeks akin to a hamster.It was better in the dark.

The cold metal of the scale sent a shiver up his body as hestepped onto it. He had to squint to see the number, but he was sure it hadgone up since this morning. That fucking cupcake.

8 stone.

Tears pricked his eyes. The number had gone down. Why was hestill so big?

So big.

Who could like someone so grotesque as him? With so muchskin? With so much fat?

Brian hugged himself, elbows tucking into his concavestomach.

He was disgusting.

♚

“You’re drinking your coffee black, Bri?” Roger asked, nosescrunched up as he peered into Brian’s coffee mug. Brian pulled the mug closerto him defensively but smiled and lolled his head as if nothing was wrong.

“You know I don’t drink milk, mate,” Brian said, taking asip of the acrid brew, forcing his brow to stay unfurrowed.

“Since when? Thought you were vegetarian, not one of thoseweird animal hippies,” Roger said eyes narrowed.

“Well, I’ve decided through research that the milk industryexploits cows. Did you know that mother cows and their c-“

“Yeah, yeah, alright. You could at least put a sugar or twoin there, you mad man,” Roger said with the wave of his hand, Brian’s plan atboring him with animal ethics having worked.

Brian smiled to himself, taking another sip. Roger was outof his mind if he thought he’d ever put sugar in anything he ate. Might as welleat straight fat. At least his little plan worked.

♚

“Brian, sweetheart, you look absolutely pale! Have you caughta cold?” Freddie said, a hand pressing against Brian’s clammy forehead. Brianducked away from the touch, laughing nonchalantly as he did.

“Perhaps? I feel, uh, fine. Maybe I’m just low in something,”he said as convincingly as possible. His fingers started to twiddle with the sleevesof his shirt that was far too big.

Freddie gave him a look he couldn’t decipher but he nodded.

“Well, you better rest up. Can’t have our main guydeveloping an ailment before our show tomorrow, huh?” Freddie said, a handstraying onto Brian’s bony shoulder. The touch made him erupt into goosebumps.

Did he know?

Does it matter?

♚

“Brian, we need to talk,” John said, his grey eyes big andstormy.

His gut dropped to the floor, heart pounding so hard itechoed in his ears. Was the gig up?

Brian wouldn’t go without a fight.

“What about?” he said casually, crossing one leg over theother, leaning back on the couch backstage.

John sat down next to him, uncomfortably close. Brian didn’tlike people touching him. It made it all the harder to hide.

John looked around to see if anyone was around before heleaned and whispered, “The crowds really big tonight. I, um, I’m kinda nervous,”

Oh sweet jesus. Thank god. Thank god.

The anxiety melted from Brian, a small smile growing on hisface.

“John, how old are you? You silly man,” He said jokinglybefore pulling John in for a hug.

The bassist grew rigid, not reciprocating. It’d only been a second,but the atmosphere grew bleak and heavy. John pulled away, face tightened infear. He looked over Brian for a second before he left in a hurry without somuch as a word.

Did he feel how skinny fat Brian was?

Who cares?

♚

Just because you finished a successful tour does not meanyou get to pig out. Look at all this food. It’s disgusting. Unhealthy. Do youwant to be fat? Don’t you want to be the skinny boy everyone knows and loves?

But I’m so hungry…

Hunger is good. Hunger means you’re strong. Hunger means you’rebeautiful. Hunger means you’re worth something.

I don’t feel good.

You won’t feel good if you get fat. If you stay fat.

I really don’t feel good.

Put that carrot down. Do you know how much sugar carrotshave? Do you want to poison your body with junk?

I think I’m gonna…

The after party for The Game fell silent. They’d all beendrinking, laughing, eating and a few other illegal activities when they heard athud. Hundred of eyes searched the room for the source of the noise untilsomeone spotted a collapsed Brian by the single veggie plate in the corner ofthe room.

Flurries of bodies and voices, yells and whispers erupted,some rushing to the phone, some running over to Brian.

Roger, Freddie and John surrounded their guitarist, panicfueling their every move.

“He’s bloody cold! Has someone called 999?” Roger shouted,rolling Brian over so he was on his back. It was a frighteningly easy task todo, the guy being light as a feather.

“Brian, sweetie, wake up please. Help is on the way, love.Stay with us, please,” Freddie pleaded, eyes misty as he held Brian’s handbetween his own, hoping to warm it up some.

John just stood next to the three, mouth and tongue seized,body trembling uncontrollably.

This is good. This is really good. Maybe soon you’ll benothing. Zero. A beautiful number. A beautiful state to be in.

♚

“…He was in fucking heart failure…”

“…electrolytes too low…”

“…emaciated…”

“…bone’s of a 60 year old…”

“And if he had died?”

“…you never said anything!”

“…was I supposed to know what this was?”

“He’s alive no thanks to any of you…”

♚

Brian’s eyes opened sluggishly, theonly thing he could seeing being an intense white light.

Was this it? Was he in heaven? Was allof this finally over? The pain and the cold and the empty stomachs and the migraines?Was that all gone now?

“He’s awake,” a mousy voice said.

Brian’s vision cleared, revealing awhite ceiling.

So he wasn’t dead.

He looked in the direction the voicecame, shivering when he saw it was John. His face was so swollen and so redfrom crying. It looked like he’d done a week’s worth. When their eyes met, Johnlet out a heart shattering sob, burying his face into Brian’s bed sheets. Theywere soaked.

Why was John crying so hard? He justpassed out was all. Nothing to be bent over.

His eyes scanned the room for other faces.

He found Roger’s. His eye bags wereunprecedented. His hair mused like he’d been trying to pull it out. Rogershrunk back into his chair, looking down at his shoes instead.

He didn’t have to look for Freddie.

Freddie walked up to Brian’s bed, hisface untelling. He looked at Brian’s IV, which he just now noticed he hadbefore he opened his mouth to speak. He faltered for a moment but spoke.

“Brian, I am so, so sorry,” he said,voice cracking, throat dry. He reached for Brian’s hand, but Brian pulled away,shaking his head.

“For what, Fred? I just passed out! It’sno one’s fault,” he said incredulously. They all looked like train wrecks for asimple blackout?

Freddie recoiled at Brian’s wordsbefore he softened again. His eyes parted from Brian’s, licking his lips. Whydidn’t anyone want to look at him?

“Brian…you didn’t pass out. You wentinto heart failure. You were in the ICU for 3 weeks in a coma. It…they had touse the electric paddles on you on two separate occasions,” his voice grewthick, obviously trying to push away the urge to cry and scream.

“They thought you weren’t going to makeit,” Freddie mouthed, his shoulders caving in as a few tears escaped down hischeeks.

Brian blinked before finally look downat himself.

Various bruises on his arm fromdifferent IV’s and blood draws Burn marks on his chest. And a line running downhis chest, all stitched and taped up.

A number 1, almost.

Not a zero.

He looked up to Freddie, jaw hanging.

“You needed a bypass, Bri,” Freddiesaid, a nervous hand rubbing his neck.

“W-Why?” Brian choked out, his mindhaving gone blank.

Roger snorted from across the room. “Youknow why,” he said bitterly.

And it was true. Brian knew why.

The room was quiet except for Deacy’smuffled sobs.

“I…I…the…I..can’t bloody think withyour crying, John!” Brian snapped. He didn’t mean it, he really didn’t.This..illness made him do horrible things. Nasty things.

John responded by growing smalleralthough his crying didn’t. Freddie wanted to bark back, but this wasn’t right.None of it was. Instead, he grabbed John and left the room. Roger was the onlyone who could talk to Brian about serious stuff anyways.

Brian gulped when the door slammedbehind the two. Now it was just him and R-

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Rogerasked, playing with the hem of his shirt. There was no malice in his voice.Just a simple question.

“I..didn’t think anything was wrong,”Brian said, which was the truth.

This, whatever it was, made the worldsplit in two. Reality and what went on his brain both felt real. He knew he wassick, but he wasn’t. He knew he was skinny but he wasn’t. He knew he was dyingbut he wasn’t. It was hard to know the truth sometimes. All the times. It washard to reach out when everything felt both okay and crumbling. Which was thetrue one?

Roger let out a puff of air from hisnose, eyes fluttering shut, desperate for sleep. In times of crisis, he seemedto be the only one capable of keeping their wits about, so he’d been on babysittingduty for nearly a month. He wanted his bed so bad.

He wanted his best friend too.

“That’s fair,” he said with a sigh.There was another silence between them before Roger got up and padded over toBrian’s bed side. He plopped himself onto the uncomfortably wet sheets but paidthem no mind, instead looking at the skeleton before him.

“We’re all really sorry, Brian. None ofus knew you were fighting a battle alone. We just thought…I don’t know what wewere thinking. But we thought you had a handle on whatever you were doing and thatwas wrong of us to just assume,”

“You needed us and we weren’t there.There’s only so much we can do about the past though, right? But we’re gonna behere for you from now on. When they send you to the psych w-“

“Psych ward?” Brian spat out, sittingup straighter in bed.

That’s where crazy people go. I’m notcrazy. I’m fine. I’m fine. I don’t belong there. They’ll make me eat. They’llmake me gain weight.

Roger just took in Brian’s anxiety, an uncharacteristicallygentle hand laying onto Brian’s bandaged chest.

With the sincerity and sweetness of amother, Roger said, “We almost lost you Brian. We almost had to bury you. We’renot going to let that happen again. You’re not going to leave us like that,”

Brian laid back against the bed, hisonly veiny and pale hand going over Roger’s.

Nothing felt real. Nothing made sense.Nothing was good. But he knew he could trust Roger. That infernal voice buzzingin his head might have been his constant companion, but Roger was his bestfriend. And best friends don’t lie.

Brian blinked away a few tears, hiswhole body tired, in pain and in a mental tug of war, but he said, “Okay,”Roger collapsed for the first time in weeks.

♚

John held onto Brian so tight, his faceburied into his neck. He would prefer to never let go, but he knew he had tosoon.

“Brian, I lo- you’re my best friend,okay? Get better?” he said before letting go. Brian smiled, patting his back.

Freddie came in for a hug next, meltinginto Brian’s embrace.

“I need my guitarist back. My soul brother,”Freddie said, kissing Brian’s cheek.

Lastly was Roger who just held out hishand for a shake. A firm one.

“See you soon, mate.”

Brian looked at all of them, taking intheir faces before he had to go. Wheeled out from the hospital and into the vanthat’d be taking him to the psychiatric ward.

The future ahead was scary and unknown,but he wanted to charge ahead. He wanted to live. For his friends, his family andmost importantly, himself. He wanted to play guitar and sing and eat and neverworry again.

All he wanted was to be four again.

Not zero.

Never zero.

Take heart my friend we love you

Though it seems like you’re alone

A million light’s above you

Smile down upon your home

#tw eating disorder #tw ED #tw ED mention #brian #anorexia #orthorexia #anorexic!brian #Anonymous #tw disordered eating #long post #longpost

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stupendousshepherdloverpony · 5 years

Text

Bucky Barnes X reader

Insurance: chapter 3

Summary; Reader has also met Pierce who has confirmed her situation of being a toy to the ‘Asset’. She has seen what Bucky looks like, but has been put into another isolated room. Awaiting his return from a mission.

Warning: mention of blood, slight violence, smut finally 😉

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Y/N POV;

It’s been three days. Three days since Iv been locked in this room, awaiting the Asset to return. The room itself was slightly better than the one I first experienced. The bathroom was the same, but with a few extra products for the shower along with a cabinet. There wasn’t much inside, a toothbrush, tooth paste and a hair brush. Clearly they wanted me to remain in at least decent condition for the asset. Just like the last room there was a wardrobe full with grey tops, shorts and a whole manner of different lingerie types. I couldn’t even name half of them, there was so many! It was irritating to admit that some of them were pretty, but it doesn’t mean I wanted to wear them. The ones Iv had on were incredibly uncomfortable so far. Next to the wardrobe was a desk with a few old books, next to that a laundry basket and finally there was the bed. This was the biggest shock. Instead of the shitty, thin, worn down bed in the other room this one was a king size with a few pillows and different thickness blankets. This would make sleep easier, if it wasn’t for the paranoid state I was constantly in.

On the forth day I was awoken by my daily breakfast being delivered by a silent agent. They never once spoke to me, despite my tries. This usually consisted of a bottle of water, an apple and a plastic bowl of oatmeal along with a plastic spoon. I would receive another meal at what I could guess was around 5 o’clock, of course I couldn’t tell as there was no clock or window. The ‘supper’ was simply another bottle of water and a sandwich.

After eating the food I slid the bowl back through the doors latch and without a word the agent left me alone. I placed my apple on the desk to save for later in the day, and I sat down in the middle of the bed.

As what felt around mid day, I was reading one of the books HYDRA had oh so kindly provided me with when I was interrupted by the blaring of an alarm. The sudden piercing noise shocked me so much I jumped slightly with a yelp, to which I quickly covered my mouth in a poor attempt to hide my embarrassment. A thundering hoard of footsteps could be heard running back and forth through the hall. I stood up from my seated position on the bed and put my book back on the desk. Before I could even go closer to the door it swung open and in matched a single agent who I had never seen before. The man gave me a cold stare before stating “The Asset will arrive in 10 minutes. Be prepared” and with that he sauntered out the room.

Blinking in shock, my hands began to shake, ‘holy shit, what do I do?!’ Panic began to flood through my veins as I scrambled to make the ‘room’ as neat as possible, who knows what he will be thinking when entering the room. I decided to change into a clean shirt and shorts, accompanied by a baby blue one piece lingerie. If it were not for the sheer lace material one might mistake it for a swimmer, that is, one with an incredibly low back and deep V line at the front. ‘Thank god for these baggy tops’ I thought to myself. As time began to run out on my little preparations, I sat down on the edge of the bed, with my back straight and hands in my lap. After what felt like a century, the door swung open and someone was shoved through. The door slamming shut once again.

I could tell it was the Asset, aside from his unmistakable metal arm and leather tactile gear, I recognised his relatively long brown hair, if I was in any other position I’d be longing to run my fingers through it. His hair looked so soft, despite the obvious debris in it. As I trailed my eyes up his body, a pink hue overtook my cheeks as I realised he caught me staring. The most intense, steel blue eyes I’d ever seen were staring back at me. They looked dead, soulless despite their beauty. It was almost poetic how contradicting they were compared to the rest of him. His obviously sharp jaw line was covered by a black mask, which went from below his chin to the bridge of his nose. This made his stare all the more deadly, causing me to shrink back into myself, wishing I was invisible.

After an intense staring contest the Asset stalking his way into the bathroom, not sparing me another glance until he returned with a medical kid I noticed hidden in the cabinet on my second day. I yelped as he dropped the kit onto my lap as he began to take off his gear. Only then did I notice the intense bleeding coming from his right side. My eyes widened in horror while he finished his little strip show, leaving him in a white tank top and his trousers. I stood up and tried to back away before he caught my arm, muttering in a deep rough voice “Очисти мою рану” (Clean my wound). I only stared at him confused, not knowing a word of what he just said. The Asset let out a grunt before sitting down in my previous spot on the bed. “Вы русский язык знаете?” (Do you know Russian?) He muttered, followed by “конечно нет. Вы, кажется, невинны, гораздо больше, чем ГИДРА” (Of course not. You seem innocent, much more than HYDRA). He opened the medical kit and grabbed my hand, ignoring my pathetic struggles and put my hand on the equipment before pointing to his bleeding side. I muttered a small ‘Oh’ before realising he wanted me to help his injury. I took out a cleaning wipe and gauze along with a needle, not knowing if he needed stitches I gave him a questioning look which he shook his head ‘no’ to. Hoping that meant I didn’t need to use it, I tentatively lifted up his shirt and began to wipe away the blood. I could tell he was watching me, his calculating eyes made me almost squirm in my uncomfortable, hunt he’d position. After cleaning as best as I could I positioned the gauze over the wound before swiftly standing straight again.

The Asset copied me, standing up and towering above my meek frame. He brushed past me with an unreadable look, grabbing a change of clothes from closet before grabbing the medical kit and returning to the bathroom. The sound of the door closing and the barely audible sound of water indicated he was showering. I retreated back to the far side of the bed, slowly sinking down and attempting to gather my thoughts. ‘What the fuck was that all about?! He didn’t seem to bad though...maybe he doesn’t want to hurt me’. I hummed to myself I’m distraction as the doors latch opened without a word and 2 trays of food where shoved inside, ‘it must be in the evening’. I made my way over and picked both up, placing the Assets good on the desk and I slid down the wall, the furthest side from the bathroom and began to eat in silence.

After a few minutes the sound of running water stopped before the bathroom door opened and to my shock, revealed a naked Adonis of a man with only a towel around his waist. He was soaked, trails of water dripping from his hair down to his chest, oh god his chest! Perfectly ripped abs and a distinctive V line drew my attention while the water made him glisten in the dim lighting. Small scars and cuts were scattered across his chest, my eyes drifted up to the edges of his metal arm. The amount of scar tissues shocked me slightly, and a huge surge of remorse and sadness welled up inside me. The sound of a throat clearing snapped me out of my daze and my eyes snapped up to his, only to be met with a harsh glare. I flinched at the cold stare and blurted out “I wasn’t staring!” ‘Great’ I thought to myself. ‘The first words I speak to a potentially deadly, extremely sexy yet terrifying assassin was a down right, blatant lie’. The asset looked as if he wanted to give me an amused look, but instead opted to hardening his stare.

I shyly looked away from him, his eyes piercing me while I flushed red in a poor attempt to stop my staring. “Come here, маленький котенок” (little kitten). I was shocked to hear him speak English, but then again, HYDRA is a world wide organisations. They must have the best resources, the best of the best fighters, which entitles the knowledge of different languages. I must of gotten side tracked (again) because I heard a grunt of irritation. I shot up off the ground, taking shaking steps until I was a foot away from him. I refused to meet his eyes, not even when he laid a metal hand on my shoulder and applied a small amount of pressure. “On your knees, маленький котенок”. I gulped before slowly kneeling before him, big doe eyes staring up at him below my eyelashes. I knew that if I were to disobey, he could kill me instantly. I could almost see the thoughts swirling behind his eyes while he stared down at me in concentration. His metal hand moved up to cup the right side of my face, his ‘thumb’ tracing over my cheek bone, over my lips before going back up to rest behind the back of my head. I was startled at the sound of a snap before my hair feel from it’s pony tail and it drifted in front of my eyes. Before I could even lift a hand the Asset beat me to it, grabbing my hair in his flesh hand and wrapping it around his wrist, suddenly yanking it back harshly earning him a gasp as I stretched my neck up towards him.

I stared at him with wide eyes as he bent down more towards my level, his face inches away from mine. I felt my face flush pink as his eyes roamed over my face, drinking in my almost submissive position. Apparently he found what he was searching as he sharply stood back up, he let go of my hair and walked around me to the bed, taking a seat on the edge. “Crawl towards me, маленький котенок” he muttered, his voice deep and raspy yet smooth as silk. Embarrassment flooded my veins as I slowly got down on my hands and knees, shuffling towards him until I was before his legs, sitting back on my heels between his legs I was growing more and more humiliated. This man, this practical GOD was ordering me around, so simply making me submit to him. I shouldn’t be enjoying this, yet I could feel the desire growing within me.

Suddenly the towel adorning his waist feel and I let out a squeak of shock before snapping my head to the side so to not look at his manhood. A cool sensation touched my cheek before turning my face back towards him, ignoring the huge distraction in close proximity to my face I stared him in the eyes. I’m no prude or snob, simply inexperienced. But it didn’t take a lot of experience to tell that he was bigger than the average man. In both length and thickness, this man was huge. The mere sight of his manhood sent me into a frenzy.

Bucky’s POV;

I felt a smug smirk stretch across my usually stoic face. This innocent little pet was a spectacular sight. Kneeling before me, to afraid or maybe to scared to look at my crotch. I felt my cock harden at the sight of her big doe eyes staring back at me, her very prominent hardened nipples peaking through the thin layers under her shirt. I almost wanted to laugh, she knew the potion she was in, physically and metaphorically. I had been previously told by my handlers that I would receive a toy, a girl I could do whatever I wished with. I could ruin her or treasure her, they would not care. As long as I don’t kill her then they can use her a leverage to make sure I return from missions and follow orders. Perhaps it would make my life more fun, maybe I could be more human instead of a killing machine. I have no remorse for all my actions, this is my purpose in life. I am told that I’m humanities last Hope. I will do my job as instructed.

I once again grasped her hair but this time turned her head down, forcing her face closer to my hardened member. “маленький котенок, be a good girl and suck” I commanded. There was a flash of horror in her eyes before she began to struggle to escape. She twisted in my hold but I easily overpowered her with my metal hand behind her head and flesh one reaching into my discarded gear and grabbing a plastic tie. I secured her hands behind her back before delivered a swift slap to her cheek with my flesh hand. I did this as a warning, hardly any strength going into the hit but it was enough to scare her to still her movements.

“A-asset please sto-“ I harshly interrupted her by wrapping my flesh hand around her throat roaring “DO NOT call me that! You will address me as sir, and only sir do you understand?!”

Y/N POV;

I let out a whimper of pain before he squeezed my throat even harder, hissing “ I said do you understand?”

“Yes sir! I understand” I all but whispered. He once again motioned me before his rock hard cock, so without much choice I leaned further down and poked out my tongue with a tentacle lick to the tip, taking the angry red dome into my mouth and swirling my tongue around. He let out a low growl before forcing my head deeper, I gagged at the sudden intrusion before licking and sucking as much as I could. Taking him as far as I could, with the little experience I had, I used my knowledge from my friends tales that I should pay extra attention to the slit on the tip. I hollowed out my cheeks as I licked over the slit, tasting his pre-cum. It was an infuriatingly divine taste, salty yet sweet. Bitter yet tangy.

My desire began to peak more as I began to such and lick even harder. I must of been doing well as the asset, or ‘sir’ began to thrust up into my mouth. “That’s it my little pet. Swallow me deep, we will have to work on your skills, it’s obvious your new to this. Doesn’t meen your doing a bad job маленький котенок, quite the opposite. You want me to cum down your throat don’t you? Your such an obedient toy. You deserve a reward.”

His dirty talk in a distinctive Brooklyn accent made me flush and the heat spreading across my body made me moan lowly around his cock. The moan must of tipped him over the edge as his fist tightened on my head, pushing me deeper than before and his huge length made me choke. With a sinful moan his cum shot out to the back of my throat, straight down into my stomach. The delicious taste flooded my mouth and I savoured as much as possible before being lifted back off him. I gasped and tried to catch my erratic breath, cum dripping down my chin as one (metal) hand reaches behind me to snap off the wrist ties and the other drawing almost caring circles on my cheek bone.

After a moment the realisation of what just happened sank him. I sucked an assassins cock, he spoke such filthy words to me. And worse of all, I enjoyed it. “Get to bed”. A simple command sent me going to the bed and slipping under in silence as ‘sir’ stood up and went to the bathroom, I’m assuming to clean up. I turned my back to the bathroom, curling my legs into my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I heard him step back one and he lay down behind me. I flinched when I felt his arms wrapping around my waist, pulling my back flush against his front. The only thing covering his modesty is a thin pair of shorts. His legs intertwined with mine, the last thing I heard before submerging into the abyss being “sleep tight little one, I have such plans for you.”

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@darkficsyouneveraskedfor

@brazen88brat

@desdemonadeluna-blog

Im soooo sorry for the wait guys! Iv had an unexpected work load recently along with my friends wanting to meet more than usual. Not used to socialising so much! I hope this made up for it tho! 🖤

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doomedandstoned · 5 years

Text

The Curious Case of Dr. Sludgelove and His Awesome Cosmic Adventures

~By Billy Goate~

There's something to be said for the enduring power of a Stanley Kubrick film. There's no denying his potent storytelling, especially when it's inspiring a new generation of bands to write music about 2001: A Space Odyssey. I mean, wasn't that movie released in the late-60s? It's tech is dated, as are much of the effects, yet here we have young musicians writing minor epics about Dave's star-tripping Jupiter run, raging apes, and that gosh-darned monolith. Hmmm, well if you look at your typical Sunn Amp, it's no wonder. Thing is a picture of solitary grandeur, to say nothing of its omnipotent, knee-bending sonority.

In our last globe-hopping journey, we landed in Mexico City where we met a band called MOONWATCHER, known to project scenes from the film while playing open amphitheaters at the dead of night. Our travels next take us to Hungary, a scene I've sorely neglected over the years. More specifically, we're going right into the heart of the action: Budapest. It's the birthplace of the great pianist-composer Franz Liszt, who is arguably the first rock star for taking his solo piano performances on the road, which ignited the swooning throngs.

Some of you may have been exposed to the Hungarian doom-stoner sound already and not even realized it. Bands like Apey and the Pea, for example, have demonstrated that Hungarians like their music spicy, served up with verve and gusto. I decided it would be a good time to open up the window and take give you all a peek at this world through the eyes of a band I stumbled upon at random a few weeks back, who endeared themselves to me almost from the start with their name: Dr. Sludgelove. C'mon, how can you not love it?

Another thing I admire about the band is their dedication to concept. The presser they sent out was helpfully annotated with scene-by-scene narration of each track, which I've decided to share with you as I walk you through them. Finally, we're going to meet the band and find out what they can tell us about what it's like to be Doomed & Stoned on their side of the planet. Buckle up, boys. We're about to take a ride with a pair of wild men out into the final frontier.

Dr. Sludgelove is:

János Papp

Attila Temesvári

János Paronai

This is the story of their excursion into the universe of Stanley Kubrick, relayed in their own words.

My Space Odyssey

I. Dawn of Man

This is the first song off of Dr. Sludgelove's debut album, inspired by the Stanley Kubrick movie 2001: A Space Odyssey. In this song, humanity has just been born. Apes are living their everyday lives, which is just about struggling, fighting for food, and finding a place to sleep. They gather into groups -- the groups are fighting with each other, as well. The Earth during these times is very unfriendly place, with big and wrathful storms. Green can be found barely in this region and the vegetation is not very rich.

At some time, in the morning a big black prism is just appearing in front of our group at the ape cave. The shape, color, and smell is just something that has never ever been seen on this planet before. It is a monolith. An ape shows interest at once, as he caught sight of it. He moves closer, wants to touch it, but at the same time he is afraid of the unknown. He starts to dance around it. Others are appearing, as well, but they have bigger fears and choose to watch him from a decent distance. After a while, our hero just decides to tap on it. Then after some quick taps, he constantly touches the Monolith, but nothing visible seems to happen.

My Space Odyssey by Dr. Sludgelove

After some days, the ape finds some bones of a guinea pig, which are just lying in front of him. He starts to play with a piece, but he realizes after a while what he can do with it. He holds it high, then smites it with all his power. At this moment, he realizes how to use something to achieve bigger force than he is able to provide with his bare hands. He has just started to use a tool! This is also the start of the intellect, which drives humanity to reach bigger and bigger improvements. The Monolith gives the possibility of having a better, more developed life than the miserable life of apes. This moment starts everything, a pathway to the modern person's future.

II. Discovery One

In this second song, humanity is in space, travelling between planets in the Solar System. There is a base at the Moon, which can be visited by the average person, as well. Traveling in space is not such a big thing any more.

My Space Odyssey by Dr. Sludgelove

After discovering the Monolith in the surface of the Moon, a group of elite astronauts and scientists start their travel to the planet Jupiter to discover an anomaly, marked by the Monolith on the Moon. Most of the scientists are in hibernation, though two astronauts are awake during the long journey to supervise. An artificial intelligence, called HAL9000 is supporting them, dealing with all the low level controls of the spaceship.

III. HAL-9000

In this song, HAL-9000 reveals his true colors, as he tries to kill all astronauts on the spaceship. Dave Bowman, the last astronaut, decides to switch off HAL's intelligence to stop its influence controlling the whole ship's whole ecosystem. During the switching off operation, Dave needs to wear a spacesuit, as maybe HAL will try to kill him by providing no oxygen. Because of the spacesuit, we can hear Dave breathe during the entire track. This gives a sense of great tension to the whole song and originally for the movie scene, as well. We can hear as HAL tries to convince Dave that everything is alright and it will have no problems continuing the mission successfully.

My Space Odyssey by Dr Sludgelove

In the meantime, Dave pulls out computer cards from HAL's central unit, so HAL gets more and more simple-minded. At a certain point, HAL tries to convince Dave by appealing to his emotions as it states it is AFRAID! During Dave's actions, the music is heavy, a really metallic riff suggests that Dave is doing some harmful thing to HAL. When Dave finishes with the shutting down process, HAL goes into standby mode. Then he starts to "sing." This is the first thing that was taught to HAL back in the day, when it was created by its instructor, Mr. Langley.

IV. Alone Into The Void

After Dave Bowman successfully switches down HAL9000's high-level functionality, he continues the mission and heads towards the direction of Jupiter to investigate the enormously big copy of the Monolith found in the Moon. This is the focus of the fourth song. His colleague Frank Pool and all of the scientists held in deep hibernation were killed by HAL 9000 and the connection to Earth is also cut.

My Space Odyssey by Dr Sludgelove

During the long journey, therefore, he is really alone. The way to Jupiter lasts for long months. He tries to focus on the mission, but because he is lacking communication partner, Dave thinks a lot about his future, what he will find next to Jupiter, how the Monolith will behave, what will happen when he encounters it. A lot of questions and a lot of pressure on him and the prospect of the unknown drives him to depression, as he prepares to meet his doom.

V. My God, It Is Full of Stars!

For the fifth song, astronaut Dave Bowman encounters the Monolith. He says the following phrase just before losing contact with Mission Control: “The thing’s hollow -- it goes on forever -- and -- oh my God! -- it’s full of stars!”

My Space Odyssey by Dr Sludgelove

During the journey, he sees these stars as flashes, as the known three dimensional world falls apart. Time, direction, and all the usual physics does not make sense here anymore. Bowman is transported via the Monolith to an unknown star system, through a large interstellar switching station, and sees other species' spaceships going on other routes. Bowman is given a wide variety of sights, from the wreckage of ancient civilizations to what appear to be life-forms living on the surfaces of a binary star system planet.

VI. Death of Man, Born of The Starchild

After a journey through the wormhole, Dave Bowman finally arrives during the last song. The Monolith creates an environment for Dave to exist in that would not harm him in any way, making it look like a hotel room filled with familiar items to assuage any fear and appear welcoming.

Dave can't believe what he sees, but leaves the pod and explores the room in his suit. He sees the telephone and telephone book, but the phone doesn't work and the telephone book is blank.

He explores more and finds the refrigerator, where there is a variety of packaged food, but it is all "blue substance, about the weight and texture of bread pudding. Apart from its odd color, it looked quite appetizing." There are clothes in the closet, which are a bit out of date for Dave's time.

My Space Odyssey by Dr Sludgelove

Dave decides to trust the environment. "But this is ridiculous," Bowman tells himself in the novelization by Arthur C. Clarke. "I am almost certainly being watched, and I must look an idiot wearing this suit. If this is some kind of intelligence test, I've probably failed already. Without further hesitation, he walked back into the bedroom and began to undo the clamp of his helmet. When it was loose, he lifted the helmet a fraction of an inch, cracked the seal and took a cautious sniff. As far as he could tell, he was breathing perfectly normal air." He eats the blue food and drinks the water, showers, dresses, and he turns on the television.

Refreshed and exhausted, Dave lies down on the bed, turns off the light and "...for the last time, David Bowman slept." The Power behind the Monolith then transforms Dave into the Starchild, the next evolution of man.

Encounter With Dr. Sludgelove

I'm afraid 'My Space Odyssey' has only whet our appetite for more from Dr. Sludgelove. Where does the band go from here?

We are just starting to dive into the Hungarian stoner/doom/sludge scene. Our first release is more than a year old, but the needed band members have just been recruited. We started to rehearse and were able to find rehearsal room, so a lot of technical problems were solved in the last few months. Now we are planning gigs more gigs, after performing for the first time in this configuration during the spring. We are mostly close to Baby Gorilla Records and bands like Third Planet and Lanterni. We are planning gigs together first in Budapest, after that probably in some bigger cities around the country. Our one year goal is to be a band in Hungary that's invited to support a bigger foreign name, when such an act comes to play here. Our second album also will come out around the summertime, with the help of the sound engineer of the well-known band Red Swamp. Also merchandise, CD, and cassette releases are planned.

You mentioned a couple bands from the Hungarian scene. What are some others that doomers and stoners might check out?

Maybe the biggest name nowadays is Apey and the Pea. They usually play to sold out parties in Budapest, tour the whole country, and perform in foreign countries and festivals more and more. Their first releases were more grunge and stoner, then they delved into doom and sludge. Their most recent release is sludgier and contains thrash elements, as well. They are the best in Hungary right now.

Some other names worth checking out are Red Swamp, Lemurian Folk Songs, Űrhajó, Grizzly, Lanterni, Entrópia Architektúra, Alone in the Moon, Mighty Manlifter, and Third Planet, just to name a few top of mind.

For outside bands looking to tour through Hungary, what are some good booking agencies?

There is Baby Gorilla Records -- overall, really nice guys. They are managing and representing around 8-10 bands in the stoner, sludge, doom, noise, and prog rock subgenres. Also dealing with record releasing, of course, in addition to artwork, and organizing label nights, where their bands are usually supporting bigger names from foreign lands. While we're not on their label roster, we played one of their label nights in May, supporting the British band Famyne.

Thulsa Doom Booking is another one. They organize gigs for smaller foreign bands. Also they have their own group of bands, which they manage. They organize the underground festival called Thulsa Doom Fest, which you might have heard of.

Cudi Purci Booking is a bigger fish in this pond. They organize gigs with big foreign bands in the genre, like Elder, High on Fire, that kind of thing. They also organize the so-called Desszert Fest in Hungary.

What are some places that people like to hang there?

So, I'm listing some places where metalheads usually go out. Durerkert hosts a lot of live gigs in all rock and metal genres. This is a really cool place, we like it very much.

BARhole Music is the place where today's "rock stars" go to hang out in Budapest. If you want to meet with members from bands like Apey and the Pea, you will likely bump into them there.

Három Holló is a coffee house and restaurant at daytime, a cultural gathering at night -- including host to a lot of heavy music gigs and festivals.

Gólya is a cozy little place, which has lots of possibilities for smaller bands in our genre to perform live.

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#D&S Reviews #D&S Interviews #Dr. Sludgelove #Budapest #Hungary #Doom #Sludge #Metal #Sci-Fi #2001: A Space Odyssey #Stanley Kubrick #Doomed & Stoned

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dunkalfredo · 6 years

Text

Mirage Springs (Home Sweet Home)

The protagonist: a young Gadget the Wolf.

The setting: a time when things were... simpler.

(Infidget, except it's that shared Old Friends AU I have with @theashemarie)

AO3 | FFN

yo yo yo what up im back at it again. I think I've only posted during- and post-war so far???? Yeah I think so. this should be somethin new for yall

warnings warn brief animal violence and also implied/referenced character death

anyways heres wonderwall be sure to like comment and subscribe to my youtube c

Gadget doesn’t dream about his father per say, but a few months out from the accident and the funeral and the beginning of it all his dreams get… unpleasant.

Always traumatic. Disaster, tragedy, bodily harm, his mother, trapped, his own self, broken and immobile. He wakes up with a prancing heart and pains in his neck, like his head was moving but there was resistance, a pillow in the way. Advil never really helps. He pretends it does.

One night, he spends all of two hours asleep, the second dreaming of a feral dog tearing a cat into two with its teeth. He hears the procession of the cat’s screeches so vividly, struggles with the molasses around his bones as he looks around at the others in the room, wondering if he should look outside, out the window at the sources of the screeches and the dying. Eventually, he does, and finds Finn, his best friend, one he hasn’t seen in person for years and only in grainy jpegs on his monitor, wrestling the wrangled parts of the cat from the bared fangs of the dog, horror pulling at his features in strange, uncomfortable shapes.

Gadget wakes up ten minutes before his alarm. He doesn’t shut it off.

It rings a few times, the peaceful, lighthearted marimbas that normally fill Gadget with destructive intent only reminding him of the hours ahead of him, hours undoubtedly to be filled with migraines and a putrid sickness in his stomach.

He stumbles down the stairs with Frankenstein feet, legs that don’t really fit him and feel short and stubby and long and gangly at the same time, legs that stick out from his body at odd angles, bones that grew too fast and in the wrong places. He sees his mom, Helen, in the kitchen, still and focused on the kitchen counter (empty) and he decides to tell her.

“We need to move.”

It’s the rain outside that sets him off. He sees it in the window behind his mother, feels it in his bones like little hammers against his marrow, chipping away bits and pieces with every impact until there’s nothing left to support his innards and his flesh. Rain, obscuring, blinding, slippery. Too wet and too slick for city tires. Too obtrusive to the eyes of a crowded interstate. Too enticing for accidents, for metal cars with disgustingly fragile bodies inside of them.

Gadget wants to get as far from the rain as possible.

Helen maintains that obsessive, hollow gaze at the counter tile, and only nods, mechanical and noncomprehensive. Gadget hums, accepting it for now and deciding that, maybe later, he’ll ask again, when she’s had food and a good night’s rest. He knows she didn’t sleep last night. Her pacing kept him up. He wanted to join her.

He didn’t, continuing to stare at his wall and eventually dreaming of rabid dogs and festering cat corpses.

Ultimately, it’s a matter of waiting for the house market to open and for Gadget to finish eighth grade, though perhaps not quite in that order. The where isn’t an issue, because there’s only one place that holds the familiarity they desperately need while also giving them needed, necessary space, and the “how” of the matter is settled with his father’s now liquidated assets.

So, July.

There’s the sad, forlorn, empty husk of Gadget that feels close to nothing about this, but then there’s this small, hopeful spark, created and fueled by a face he hasn’t seen properly since a distant, warm but entirely too fuzzy childhood, connected now only to a username tattooed to the back of his brain. Moving has one big, tangible perk, one that’s not centered on recovery, on death, on rain, and he didn’t realize it was there until he was halfway through listening to his mother speak with the realter on the phone.

A familiar face. A friend.

The revelation only reminds him of the loneliness, but. But. That spark shines a little brighter.

In May, they finalize the lease for the new homeowners and work on packing (there’s not much, and Helen has a distressing vastness to her knowledge on quick moving shortcuts; Gadget knows why and has never asked for details. Helen never gave them. It’s better that way).

Gadget’s quick to hop on his laptop as soon as he gets off packing duty, perched on the fat windowsill he used to furnish with pillows and blankets to make a makeshift couch (there’s a word for this sort of window-couch, he knows, but he can’t quite reach back in the recesses of his brain to find it, nor can he find the will or energy to care).

AIM is open and chippering happily when he opens the lid. As soon as the window pops up, he sees Finn’s gargantuan mix of x’s and numerals waiting eagerly for his return.

Gadget’s fingers fly over the keyboard. Mmmmmmmhenlo!!!! finally got the lease signed. were packing right now

He receives immediate whiplash as Finn spams a long, dark block of capital A’s.

Gadget types back, quick and a bit snippy: please don’t break ur a key ull give ur mom a scare

Finn, after hesitation and a guilt that seeps straight into the texts and out of Gadget’s monitor, responds with a single, solemn, h.

thank u, Gadget types.

They launch into quick, idle chatter after that, slowly morphing into something more thoughtful as the hours wear on until Finn sends, after a brief pause: u think ull recognize me?

Gadget’s chest collapses slightly, not quite a sigh but a hefty release of breath regardless. I mean. ive seen pictures but. I dunno

When a quiet, hesitant ‘we’ll see’ flashes across the screen, Gadget flinches, only to force his eyes closed and away from the affronting text. He breathes, in, out, shallow but to a slow count of ten.

It’s just Finn, unsure and insecure and afraid. He’s always worried, Gadget tells himself. He’s paranoid.

But there’s a brief image in his mind of himself looking out at the swarm of bodies in the airport, lugging a suitcase of clothes behind him and a ticket, punched, in his hand, with no one there to greet him.

He doesn’t know if he could handle that.

He doesn’t want to find out.

July. Humid in the north, but bone-dry in the south. That should’ve made it better. It didn’t.

Gadget forgot just how heavy the sun felt in Mirage Springs, and in that brief stretch between plane cabin and port entrance, he’s reminded with vivid, visceral clarity just how much he loathes the heat, even if it doesn’t stick to his neck like it did back home. At least, at home, he didn’t worry about blistered feet and heat stroke.

He tries not to take it as a bad omen, as a sign that this was a bad idea, but it sits in the pit of his stomach and grows fetid.

It doesn’t help that he aches, that his knees creak after stuck in artificial, harsh angles for so long, that his ears pop every now and then without warning because the plane was high but the mountains and trees up north were even higher.

He’s hurt, and tired, and nervous, and overall in a sour, worn mood (not helped by the long minutes spent in one security check after another), and there’s little pomp and circumstance when he’s finally out in the open with his meagre luggage behind him and plane ticket crinkled between his fingers.

Then, he sees Finn.

Or, rather, his mother Helen sees Finn, and he only sees Finn after she puts a knowing hand on Gadget’s shoulder and says, “I’ll go back for the rest of the luggage.”

And she leaves, and it’s just him, and Finn (and an entire airport, but that’s unimportant).

Gadget doesn’t know why he ever worried; Finn sticks out like a sore thumb. Not in stature, the shrinking violet he was, but definitely in the black everything and the thick, sturdy, too-hot boots and the long, long, chaos it was so long hair and really, even without all of that, his scar made him look like some rogue mercenary lost in a swarm of unfittingly normal people, loose from the trail of his target and aimless in his search for a way back on.

There’s no warning before Gadget is, in every sense of the word, swept off his feet.

“You’re back!” Finn booms with every ounce of air in his lungs, voice cracking like an egg on a floor but pitch reaching an unnerving deepness for a teen his age. Gadget’s overwhelmed, with all the earth-shaking timber of Finn’s voice roaring right next to his ear and the room spinning around him and the lack of ground under his feet and, wait, no ground, wait…

Gadget’s placed firmly on his feet mere seconds after the hug-and-spin that was needlessly thrust upon him (though he’d later reflect that, perhaps in other circumstances, maybe he would actually enjoy it, just a little), and his first words are not heartfelt, or gentle, but just as booming as Finn and with alarming distress: “You’re tall!”

This is just about shouted into Finn’s chest (Gadget is still being hugged (and is hugging back, undeniably)) and Finn only knows he said anything over the rumble of the surrounding airport because of the vibrations Gadget’s creaking tenor voice leaves in his chest (proximity, not power).

Finn pulls back, troubled by the tone and not sure what to make of it, simply responding with a dazed, panicked, “Yeah?” that cracks at the end.

His panic is furthered, if only for a moment, by Gadget’s subsequent movements of hand comparison, that funny maneuver where the hand, palm down, is dragged from the top of one’s head straight across to the other person, and Gadget lets out a distraught squeak when his hand bumps against the center of Finn’s sternum.

“What?!” This is Gadget speaking, or rather borderline hollering, as he stares exasperated at Finn. Then, just like that, he deflates. His head hangs. It’s a pity party for one.

Finn stands there, completely dumbfounded, watching his friend stew in his own misery, then walking forward to pat his back with the finesse expected from a young, awkward teenage boy. “There, there,” Finn soothes.

He receives a small, saddened whimper in response.

Later, when Gadget’s home and nestled in a neat corner of his bare room, it dawns on him that Finn’s boots had heels. His ears pop again.

B L E A S E reblog i beg of u my crops are dying

#sonic the hedgehog #sth #sonic forces #infidget #infinite the jackal #gadget the wolf #long post #cw: animal death #its rly brief but im sensitive and ive gotten bothered by this stuff before #so like gotta be careful #the rest of it is kinda punchy and sweet so it should b k #mmmmmmmm hopin i get some reblogs on my fic this time #b l e a s e #OH ALSO #art tag

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oranges8hands · 6 years

Text

there's only so much silence a home can take (various ages)

totally forgot to move this over sooner // [carpenter verse] // can read on A03 // cw: terrible teacher? (in v.)

summary: Living with other people can be good

i. medicine delivery

Dean is perhaps not as gentle as he should be when he pushes Cas back into bed, tucking the extra blanket around him and frowning, but this is the fifth time Cas has tried to get up for non-bathroom related reasons and playing corral-the-sick-husband was not a fun game.

Dean points to the tray on the night stand. "Your mint tea, your herbal tea because you couldn't decide, a glass of water, pills and cold medicine, your book from downstairs, and your glasses. I called Naomi and explained your absence. You've emailed your T.A.s' their work. You can get your laptop and cell back in two hours. Take a nap. Read your book. Do not get up unless your bladder is gonna burst."

"You're not the boss of me," Cas says, like he's five, and is asleep three minutes later.

ii. mice are not pets, they are snake food

Dean is stirring the pot when he hears a loud yelp and then Josephine's voice yelling, "Mr. W!" and Emma's just as loudly calling, "Dad!"

He drops the wooden spoon and races into the living room, where the girls are standing in the corner, Josephine holding up her math book and Emma with the fireplace poker. "What?" he says, glancing around; their bags are by the table and he can see the various crap (papers, books, bag of chips they shouldn't be eating so close to dinner) that surrounded the area where they were sitting while they did their homework, but everything else looks fine. "What is it?"

"We just saw a big ass rat run under the TV unit," Josephine says, and Dean can feel the blood drain out of his head. Fuck.

iii. um murderers (sorry, I mean "loud noises")

She shouldn't have watched the movie, ok, she admits it, but her Dads were both jam packed with work and she kept the volume on low and Josephine saw it with her older cousins and also are they allowed to show that much blood at 8 o'clock, really aren't there supposed to be family guidelines or something?

The thing is there was a very long hallway between her and her dads' room, and the bathroom door (opened a crack, just enough to see the shower curtain was closed) and the closet door (sure, it should have shelves too stuffed with items to hide a body, but maybe that's just what they want her to think) were between them, and Emma is way too old to be freaked out about the lack of night lights (someone could trip and die! why was her Dad not worried about that!), but also...

Emma pulled the blankets over her head. The main problem is before her Dads’ room, and the bathroom and closet door, and the entrance into the hallway, was that really weird shadow beside her huge dresser, the one that had just enough space between it and the wall to hide Mr. Saw-n-Chains.

She was going to die.

iv. exhausted bones

Dean cooks 90% of the time. Mostly because he's (way) better at it than Cas, partly because he likes it (and boy did that take awhile for him to admit to), somewhat because he's used to it, and a little bit because he loathes grocery shopping and this seemed like a more than fair exchange of chores with Cas. He likes the routine of it, Emma usually doing homework on the kitchen table while he preps, Cas coming up behind him to lean over and watch his hands work. He was providing for his family, tangible, necessary things that they could enjoy, and Dean liked that even more than just the relaxation of cooking.

But as he's been discovering over the years (and Cas's various insistence into healthy food, non-gluten food, the three weeks of vegetarianism because Hael was his least favorite of Cas's sisters, and that semester Cas was doing his absolute best to avoid writing his second book and insisted on taking over any and all chores in one of the saddest versions of procrastination Dean has ever seen), liking cooking and coming up with a healthy/cheap/different dinner plan every night for years were sometimes two very, very different things.

He checks the clock on the stove, feels the echoing weight from the frankly ridiculous amount of lifting he's had to do today, and calls Cas.

"You're in charge of picking up dinner tonight."

v. can you believe this shit?

"Michael has not fired him yet," Cas says, setting aside his work bag and crossing into the kitchen to grab a glass of water when he gets home that night. "I'll help you with History in a minute, Emma, I just need to write up my notes about his actions."

"And then I had to spend an hour calming her down," Cas says, stabbing his steak a little too hard at dinner. "She's devastated; all her work wiped out, and it's too late to restart this semester, so she's really losing twelve weeks of work."

"He told me it was 'no biggie'," Cas says, changing out of his day clothes and into his sleep shirt and sweats for bed, the finger quotes obvious even without the accompanying hand gestures. "Like it didn't matter at all."

"He is a prick," Cas says, voice like an announcement on a mountain top, curse word slightly unfamiliar in his mouth. Dean very carefully does not groan into his pillow where two seconds ago he was almost asleep. "He is an absolute prick."

vi. you scratch my back, I scratch yours

Emma had lice, which was one of those normal kid things Dean half-remembered from his own childhood and definitely remembered from Sam's, like the chickenpox or the idiot who introduces your child to sugar for the first time. (Though, in Sam's case, he was that idiot. In his defense he was also eight and didn't have trouble with the resulting sugar high, having one of his own at the time, but yep, his fault.)

Still, Dean thought, stuffing Emma's pillowcase into the washing machine, trying to ignore the itch between his shoulder blades, this was definitely one of the less fun sides of parenting, like nightmares and bruises. (At least his kid wears a helmet, and Jesus he owes Mary an apology.)

Cas comes in with her towels, probably stuffing the washing machine a little too much but frankly he was foreseeing a lot of laundry in his immediate future and couldn't be assed to care at the moment about one possibly-too-large load. He nudges Cas with his shoulder, presenting his back as he pours out the liquid soap, and Cas scratches with fingernails that should maybe be cut soon.

vii. the tall bastards club

Dean owns five ladders. One in his house, two at work, one at Gordon's (who borrowed it a million years ago, and will be giving it back probably around the same time Dean returns Gordon’s mom's ceramic pie plate, so never), and one that tended to float around between friends, who had a much better return rate than Gordon and didn't see any reason to have their own. But five ladders, count them, and at least seven people he could borrow one from if all of his magically disappeared.

So why the hell Cas was standing on the kitchen chair (and of course he managed to grab the one Dean hadn't fixed yet, because there were three perfectly good chairs they could use for dinner for their family of three, sue Dean for prioritizing it low, but Heaven forbid Cas use one of those), frowning up at the ceiling, was beyond him.

"Hey, so how many angels does it take to screw in a light bulb?" Dean asks, pulling Cas down from the chair, smiling his best shit-eating grin when Cas turns his scowl on him.

viii. dancy party

"You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh,” Dean sings, Emma’s feeding spoon in hand like an imaginary microphone, “you don't have to goooo."

Emma does the drum solo against her high chair table.

Cas is already grinning as they both sing (wildly out of tune from each other and the song) "Ay ay ay ay ay ay."

ix. my back doesn’t bend that way

By the time Cas comes upstairs, Dean is already laid out on the bed, jeans off and boxers pulled below the curve of his ass, head planted into the pillow. Cas straddles his upper thighs, tweezer in hand.

“So how did you get a splinter in your ass?” Cas asks, and Dean should probably give credit to Cas for managing to get that sentence out with a mostly even voice, but there was a ten-minute laughter spree in the kitchen so fuck him.

Like he fucking knew his jeans had a hole in the ass when he sat on the chair before sanding it.

x. skin hunger is a legitimate issue

“So how much longer is this?” Dean asks, running his fingers lightly up and down Cas’s neck as he leans into Dean on the couch. He wishes he’d grabbed popcorn or something before they started; salt and butter could only distract so much from people in puffy outfits spouting bad poetry, but better than nothing.

Emma snorts, tilting her head back from where she’s sitting on the floor in front of them, using Dean’s calves as a backrest. “It literally just started, Dad.”

“It is one movie, Dean, while you made me sit through three Star Battles. Be quiet.”

“Oh my God.”

#spn #the orange carpenter verse #wrote this before moving and forgot to add it here #more notes at the a03 ch #also the formatting was fucked up; think I fixed it all but tumblr has fooled me before

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