#also i like playing sniper on this mode. so fucking fun
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“Side order was short” babe youre not done until you unlock all of THESE
#GET BACK TO WORK BITCH#this is what roguelikes are. replayable#to unlock. More#splatoon#side order#side order spoilers#if youre wondering why mine is so low its because i ALMOST finished level 30 last night and then died. hehe#also i like playing sniper on this mode. so fucking fun#esp if you get enough weapon buffs
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wrt last reblog its actually so funny to me how overwatch kind of fucked themselves by trying to have their cake and eat it too and in the process made the characters into like, tools to be wielded instead of classes that fill roles.
like to try and elaborate on this (and this is why im making this my own post instead of going off on a tangent on someone elses post), overwatch has hero switching. as of [current date] there are somewhere between 20 and 200 heroes in the game and any time you are in your spawn room you can swap to any of them within your role that your team doesn't already have.
so this means that when dps hero A is hard countered by hero B, who is countered by hero C, one team is going to play hero A until a B appears on the enemy team, at which point the A player is going to swap to C, and then the B player will die and swap to whatever counters C, etc.
the maps are compact, the respawn timers are short, mobility is high. you have time to respawn on the counterpick and get back in the fight and make a difference. so, if you want to get past a certain rank of play, you have to learn how to hero switch- onetricking a single hero stops being viable. you need to know how to play not just one dps character, but all the dps characters, or at least the ones that are relevant counters to the things that check your preferred hero.
this is in contrast to something like a MOBA, which overwatch obviously borrowed a lot of design ideas from. in a moba you're (usually) stuck on the same character for the entire match. hero B being added to the game has no effect on a match where they're not one of the 10 characters picked. in contrast in overwatch hero B existing can prevent hero A from being used at all, just because the hero A player knows that the second they try to do anything they'll just get countered. and in that way the heroes can affect the way a match is played without ever even making an appearance.
then of course we've got tf2 which made so little of an attempt at balancing for 6v6 play that without player imposed restrictions most 6v6 matches would just be like, 2 medics and 4 demomen.
i'm exaggerating a bit- maybe it wouldn't be that bad- but the design philosophy is just completely different. 6s maps tend to be pretty big. respawn timers are way longer. not every class in tf2 is relevant for 6s. a lot of them are EXTREMELY niche. you're not going to see a 6s team swapping to heavy unless they're desperate to defend a choke in a relatively close quarters environment. if you try to run a heavy for the entire match, you're just going to get flattened- he gets counterpicked out of general relevance the same way overwatch hero A does.
tf2's response to this was not to try and make spy have the same level of impact on the game as the scout and soldier, but to just design an alternate competitive mode where each team has 1 of each class, and then those classes have to find ways to try and make themselves as useful as possible instead of competing to get playtime. the spy immediately becomes more useful in highlander than he does in 6s because the enemy team is guaranteed to have an engineer and a sniper for him to fuck with. the pyro in turn is also more useful, because they have an engineer to protect, an enemy spy to check for, etc. the classes get to exist in a mode where they are interacting with every class on their own team and on the enemy team in every match.
i don't think the differences in design philosophy are inherently good or bad or anything, to be clear. i just think it's interesting.
ok, overwatch hero pool bloat is maybe a little inherently bad, and the most fun i ever had in that game was in the modes where you were locked to one team comp and had to play around that fact. but still.
#hello yes i have autism#i didnt even touch on the fact that tf2 competitive modes are community designed#and overwatch modes are designed by the developers very intentionally#this has a huge effect on how both games are played ofc#edited a bit bc i realized this mostly comes off as 'overwatch bad tf2 good' and im really not trying to say that#tf2 has its own downsides. if you really like heavy then you basically dont get to be relevant to the entire 6s gamemode forever#ive heard a lot of sentiment that some classes in highlander have way more fun and get to do a lot more than others#everythings got tradeoffs. i just think its neat
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Helldivers 2 (PC)
This post comes about a week after launch, for what it's worth, in case post-launch support happens to go down foul roads (more likely due to Sony's influence)
Having dumped 28 hours into it, my biggest impressions are that Sony did Helldivers 2 fucking dirty with their advertising, it was granted justice in spite of that (1 million shifted in a hyper-busy window!) and it is a marked example (though not a perfect one!) of how to do right what all the recent live service failures do wrong
The "dual-track" battle pass-esque unlock system (one behind premium currency, of course) existing is shit, and the lack of offline play is a reminder that it will in time vanish and die, which is agonising because it's really good (especially as Helldivers 1 has offline!). But, I got the premium stuff unlocked from the stuff doled out for free within a week of normal play, so it manages its disease well. On top of the clusters of premium currency in the normal unlock pile, small pockets of it can be found in missions with no 'session limit'; if there is one, it's quite generous.
Where Helldivers 2 stands out is a mix of the good ol' Helldivers 1 "Verhoeven's Starship Troopers but we're leaning in even harder" comedy taken a bit further again, and being an actually good game. Unlike Sony's other first-party shite it's comfortable in its skin as a game and provides ample challenge with engaging mechanics, and unlike the glut of service games it's not a spreadsheet misery propagator coated head-to-toe in pointless numbers and percentages, and has actual mechanics with actual design intent behind them. It is a third-person shooter by considered choice, not because that's The Template.
On the one hand, it has comedic ragdoll physics and will send your body hurtling whenever it can, and it will also chuck around enemy bodies and make them hilariously flop in from on high after big explosions completely naturally. On the other, Helldivers 2's actual mechanics are actually a bit complex and brush up against simulator territory at times; guns in particular, for example, hit military-sim with realistic ranges and behaviours (shotguns will still hit and kill targets at 10s of metres out, ranges most others would consider sniper ranges; guns that reload by loading rounds can be fired mid-reload process, etc), you have to hold a button to check your exact ammo count as it's not on the UI, there's burst/full auto/semi-auto firing modes and adjustable scopes with a first-person view, and reloading dispenses of any unused ammo still in the mag you're discarding. It's an interesting contrast that really works, and the willingness to use such mechanics gives Helldivers 2 a real sense of character, as well as making it just plain fun and engaging unlike shite like Warner Bros' recent slop.
It's super fucking fun, alone or with friends, it perfectly continues Helldivers' special brand of chaos with its cavalier attitudes towards resources, death and players and willingness to let things spiral hard. And that's something Helldivers makes great use of: the chaotic spiral, that element some would call "emergent gameplay".
And it launched at £35 new, day 1 on PC alongside the console release, with proper cross-platform play! Not £70 with a £30 Season Pass and £15 Battle Pass on PS5 only with PC a year later on the Epic Game Store only! Miracle of miracles!
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So, I just cleared the Long Spring Wastes Annihilation map and. Damn. I really want an Originium Dust rerun. Yeah, yeah, i get it, they're prolly never gonna give us a chance to roll for Ash again, but that's not what I mean. I just want the event stages to be playable again, I want another chance to unlock the story.
See, OD came out when I was first getting into arknights. I think I first got the game during Who Is Real, so I was still pretty new. There were a bunch of stages I just did not have the firepower to clear. Pinecone could only do so much.
But now...now I have so much firepower. Clearing those stages is way less of a challenge for my current roster. And, even more importantly than firepower, I have Lee. Now, Lee did not exist during Originium Dust. And I could not use him during Long Spring Wastes, since it's an Annihilation map and he's a Merchant. But what that map did make me realize is that on regular maps with regular dp generation? Lee would let you play Originium Dust on easy mode. Think about it! Lee's biggest strength is that his S3 turns him into an operator with effectively infinite block, so long as all the enemies are light. Which turns the enemy splitting mechanic into a joke. Plus, there's the sniper enemies that hide in the sand, which Lee also helps counter because Honored Guest gives him a shitload of dodge against ranged attacks.
Hypergryph please, I don't care about the limited ops, I just wanna cheese the fuck out of the event stages with Lee. Using Lee to cheese stages is so fun and so bullshit which is why it's so great when you get stages that Lee just lets you fuckin trivialize just like basically all of chapter 10 Hypergryph I beg you let me enact the ultimate deathmatch of One Middle Aged Man vs One Billion Originutants.
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random game superlatives for 2023
I just wanted a space to talk about the games that were special to me. I'll be updating it now and then, and even when finished will not be removing my Geocities Under Construction gifs.
game of the year - Pizza Tower, and it's not even close. I can't believe we got just a blisteringly fast platformer with this level of animation and such an incredible soundtrack. It is one of the best handling platformers I've ever played and it just lends itself to wanting to master the gameplay like nothing else.
mod of the year - Archipelago! Archipelago hosts cross-game randomizers for you and your friends. Want to play Pokemon Emerald while your friend plays Kingdom Hearts 2? Great! Instead of a gym badge, Norman gives Donald the ability to shoot lightning out of his ass (I don't play KH2) while your Surf HM is in some random treasure chest in their game. It really is incredible being able to play your favorite single player games with the goal of helping your friends progress. The game list is still growing, too, so definitely worth keeping tabs on.
weird game that heals my soul in the way that only something like Katamari could manage of the year - HUMANITY. Not a surprise coming from the devs of Tetris Effect, HUMANITY is just a fun, surreal experience where you play a shiba that tries to guide a crowd of people that at best behave like liquid and have a propensity for running off cliffs. I haven't finished the game yet, but it's been a beautiful experience that I've been saving for whenever life gets too stressful.
genre twist of the year - Your Only Move is Hustle (FKA YOMI Hustle). A turn-based fighting game experience that emulates fighting games so well I still panic at the exact same spots in the neutral whether it is YOMI or a traditional fighter. It's a time consuming and stressful experience, but still very rewarding when you have a good friend to play with. Also a decent Discord scene from what I hear. Also fuck it, YOMI gets fighting game of the year.
Spiritfall gets honorable mention here as a platform fighter roguelike. Honestly feels like a decent blend of floaty platform fighting and Hades. A lot of fun, and the dev team have been both openly communicating and updating the game frequently.
best character of the year - AKI (Street Fighter 6). Fighting games have such little room to add personality, but Capcom stepped their game up with SF6. AKI is just as weird and quirky as FANG (SFV), but a lot more sadistic. The added quirk of idolizing FANG goes a long way to giving her some fun flavor. I'm already biased towards characters with a poison archetype, but AKI is just fun in a "this character is delusional beyond saving" sort of way.
best game released from early access of the year - 30XX. It is a great roguelike that builds on 20XX in just about every way possible. It's improved graphically, in terms of gameplay, challenge, overall design. If 20XX asks "what if Mega Man was a roguelike?" then 30XX confidently tells you "Mega Man works as a roguelike." Fun solo, way better with co-op.
best 7/10 of the year - Exoprimal. Saw this concept trending and I think it's a great way to highlight an overlooked title this year. Among huge Capcom news like SF6 and a newly announced Monster Hunter, "what if Dino Crisis but it's a co-op hero shooter with muddled PvPvE and PvP modes" really doesn't stand out. Maybe it would have as a budget title, given how much it popped off on Game Pass. Regardless, the game was a lot of fun. I finished it's campaign, did a few of the challenge maps, found characters and archetypes I liked, and even had the familiar/classic TF2 "our team has four snipers, would somebody like to play a different class" conundrum. I'm glad I spent as much time on it as I did, and I hope I feel motivated to give it another run while it's still active.
best return to form - Armored Core VI. I honestly never thought we'd get another one of these. Waited a decade, and after the runaway success of the Souls series I never thought I'd get a new one. Some things have changed, but from the first mission I felt like I was a kid with a PS2 playing Silent Line all over again. Honestly got emotional from the nostalgia. Still need to finish the game, but I waited eleven years to play it so the game can wait a few months for me to get through it.
game that refuses to die award - Grim Dawn. Normally this game has a fixed statue of Terraria in its place, but after a huge community patch and the reveal of an entire expansion one or two years after claiming the game was dead, Crate Entertainment have given a seven year old game something new to look forward to.
Runner up goes to Killer Instinct. So happy for the sickos in the community that wouldn't let it stay dead, and even a balance patch is more than I expected. Had so much fun getting to see it at Evo. Fuck Rash lmao
#year end#game of the year#indie games#pizza tower#yomi hustle#humanity game#aki street fighter#archipelago mod#spiritfall#early access#30XX#exoprimal#armored core 6#grim dawn#killer instinct
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Ranking Every Halo Infinite Weapon
Based on how much I like them.
FIRST CATEGORY: WEAPONS THAT ARE BAD AND BORING
22) THE FUCKING SIDEKICK
The only weapon in this category. An utter failure. Embarrassing. Tactical Sidekicks is like playing laser tag but the lasers do not work. It is also part of the base weapon kit in quickplay and quickplay is boring.
SECOND CATEGORY: WEAPONS THAT ARE GOOD BUT ARE BORING!!!!
21) Battle Rifle
If this was about tactical slayer only (the best mode) this weapon is perfectly fine. Decent, maybe. Every other mode it is the most boring accuracy weapon. It brings me no joy.
20) Rocket Launcher
It is just kinda boring. Nothing exciting about it. You look at someone and they die instantly. No thrill of the hunt. Would be fun in any rocket launcher only mode but otherwise no. Bad. Put that shit away!
19) Gravity Hammer
Energy sword but worse. Fun to kill more than one person at once but it is just sorta whatever most of the time. Fiesta weapon only.
18) Assault Rifle
It sure is consistent. Do not care. Next!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
17) Energy Sword
It can be fun when you get a streak going but I do not want to be the one holding it.
WEAPONS THAT ARE KINDA SHIT BUT THEY ARE REALLY FUNNY
16) Hydra
I like the lock on thingy. It also kills banshees which is good because I hate seeing those flying FUCKS. Kinda funny
15) Pulse Carbine
Honestly it is a bit more usable and I think that is a bit of a detriment to its funny factor sadly. I still enjoy using it to kill people though.
14) Plasma Pistol
I like holding the shot and the funny pew pew noises it makes. Satisfying weapon.
13) Commando Rifle
I'm surprised too tbh. It is a horrible weapon, beyond worthless. Wretched, Foul, Vile, Etc. But honestly? it is kinda funny and a bit satisfying to get a kill with.
12) Bull Dog
Yeah it's alright. It's fine.
11) Disruptor
I love this thing so much. Almost the most satisfying weapon fr. Love you. If this weapon ever becomes marginally good it will shoot up to like second.
WEAPONS THAT ARE GOOD AND ALSO PRETTY FUNNY
10) Cinder Shot
It is a rocket launcher but cooler and kinda based. I approve.
9) Heatwave
It is like if they made a shotgun cool. Impossible.
8) Stalker Rifle
Funny kool-aid sniper.
7) Needler
Very satisfying. Everybody already knows this weapon is good though.
6) Skewer
I think it is funny that this is the sniper the brutes could come up with. Good job guys.
5) Sniper
Sniper
4) Mangler
I am forever pissed about the nerfs they gave it. 343 makes the best weapons in the series and then nerf them into oblivion. Get real. Still fun tho. Tactical Mangler was one of the best modes in the game.
3) Sentinel Beam
Bsshrhrshshshhhrhssshhh
2) Ravager
It has a cool fire blast attack and it shoots globs at people idk what more you could want
1) SHOCK RIFLE!!!
I believe this weapon is the best weapon in any game ever sorry. If you disagree I am telling my mom on you.
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Tag Game: 9 Favorite Characters
Every time I escape the hole @pillowfriendly is there to pull me back in. Stole her rules of sticking to one character per franchise.
Daeran Arendae - Wrath of the Righteous
Hedonist. Ethically bankrupt. Walking problematic.
I love him.
Best romance subplot in an rpg as he actually tries to woo the player. Love doesn't change him but he changes for love. When he ascends to godhood he actively ignores prayers but smites those who talk any shit about his spouse. Has a traumatic backstory as expected but doesn't neuter his character or development.
Bayonetta - Bayonetta
Tells all the gods above and the demons below to fuck off with a combination of high caliber and fem. There has always been a lot of discourse around her but I honest love that there's a female character whose femininity solely for herself and not in-spite of how much ass she kicks. She's an icon and I wish I could pull off purple eye shadow like that.
Raven - Gravity Rush
Goth girl with the power to manipulate gravity's effect on her and the surrounding area. Not super complex as a character but something about her design and dead-pan personality has always stuck with me. Also has a great enemies to not-explicit-but-I-mean-come-on-it's-obviously-sapphic-coded relationship with the main character Kat.
A2 - Nier Automata
Definition of suffering from success. The only survivor of the ill-fated YoRHa Pear Harbor descents and so good at her job that future YoRHa models were based on her. Absolutely lost her shit when her girlfriend died and began a one-woman crusade against the machine beings. We stan a woman with goals. When other characters are blowing themselves (and their skirts) up as their ultimate move, A2 just goes sicko mode. We're introduced to her when she murders a baby but does it count if the baby was also a robot and also super old? I will never forgive FFXIV for not including her in the Shadowbringers raid story.
Balalaika - Black Lagoon
Afghan War USSR Sniper turned leader of the Russian mob in Thailand. Is and always will be my go to template for the "motherly villain" archetype. I believe that scientifically they are known as the "Dommy Mommy." Watching unambiguously evil characters still be humans is always fun.
Leon S. Kennedy - Resident Evil
Our baby boy. Even when he's super-serious-government-agent-man he just serves so much golden retriever energy. Resident Evil is at its best when it treats the zombie survival scenario seriously but adds a dash of levity and one-liners to its characters. Leon embodies that.
Beatrice - Umineko no Naku Koro Ni
Beatrice is the culmination of my weird addiction to characters with unhealthy love languages. Reality warping witch born from the existentialism that comes with trauma that plays horrific death games with the family of the man she loves all as a means to communicate with him where words fail? Yes please.
Faith Connors - Mirror's Edge
Mirror's Edge is one of my favorite games of all time. The use of color, sound effects, and music always made me feel like I was seeing The City specifically as Faith sees it. This connection created a deeper bond and feeling of embodiment than other first-person games, especially at that time. Her story may not be the deepest or most complex but is so memorable. Plus I still really want her tattoo.
The King in Yellow/Hastur - Various Horror Contexts
There's something so fascinating about the horror of The King in Yellow. Consumption brought on by enui, the loss of an artist to unreality, the fear that a single, sound, word, symbol, or thought could poison and entire society. Remember!
DONT. SAY. HIS. NAME.
Honorable Mentions:
The Princess - Slay the Princess
Eda - Black Lagoon
Monica - Hooky
Neon Red - Neon White
I have now completed my eldritch bargain with @pillowfriendly. @gunkreads I don't know if you fully comprehend what you have awoken. @iwishtobeafish, @notimpossibell, @crowbandit your ritual sacrifices are required.
#harder than I thought#first long post#Oh god I hope I formatted all this correctly#I guess my fairy tale ending is a fucked up love story
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Maybe it's late to talk about Scream Fortress but whatever. I'm going to talk about the new maps.
I love Scream Fortress. It's a great time with good (free) cosmetics and what made me get into tf2 in the first place. My first hour in game was spent as a very confused Heavy on Brimstone. I had fun then and I come back for the event every year.
This year, unfortunately, the game decided to test my patience.
There's a different between wanting new content and digging through garbage with the raccoons for just about anything. Every time for the past two or three years whenever they added something new, it was either boring or broken. We had absolute pearls like Laughter and Crasher, two maps that are both beautiful and fun to play. Then we had Soulmill, Bonesaw, Precipice, fucking Sinshine and Graveyard and of course, a whole bunch of uninteresting cosmetics and taunts that just happened to have many votes on the workshop.
And I know that if I wasn't a nobody on the internet, I'd already have an angry mob at my door because I dared saying community made stuff is not the very good. How dare I have an opinion on something that's in the game I've played for way too many hours.
So this year we had a crate that didn't even reach 50 cents on the market for the first evening (something that even Christmas crates manage, mind you) and not one, not four, but a whole twelve new maps to try.
For the sake of my memory and because I want to discuss the zombie mode later, I'll just go in order of whatever I remember.
Spineyard
Let's start off with yet another damn reskin. This time it's Vineyard, a map that I played once then removed from my queue because it's yet another payload map that suffers from the Overwatch condition. Wide empty areas, lots of unused hallways where you're meant to flank but you won't find anyone there because it's an open area, everyone's playing Soldier or Demo and spamming anyway. But there's more! Every once in a while you'll hear a bell and then the undead mafia shows up.
The undead mafia. On a map based on Italy. How fucking original the makers are. Congrats on being fucking boring. I hope you step on a Lego.
Also they're basically SMG Sniper bots from MvM with a bit of skeleton AI, nothing groundbreaking.
Lava Pit
This map made me wonder whether there's people out there who sit around debating which stupid maps should get a reskin next. Sawmill won the last vote, now it's the turn of the map that's only ever been good for promotional material.
So we have a map that is inaccessibility incarnate. It's dark so you can't see Blu team unless you crank up your colors to the max and the rest is lava so Red melds with the background. You can't see sentries for shit because everything is red and brown. This map gave me a migraine.
Slime
"Hey, kids! Wanna play koth with Salmon Run ripoff skeleton reskins that for some reason move at 3fps and teleport around making it impossible to aim at them?"
Yeah, fuck this map. The stupid fish spawn en masse and never stop, making it impossible to even get to the point if you're in a small team. The sea shantie never stops playing so that's added torture. The only good thing out of this is that my mini sentry was still up at the end of the match so I got 60 contract points by waiting for the game to reload the map while I was tabbed out.
I take it someone made a video explaining how to program the skeleton AI in custom maps this year. Otherwise I don't see why the workshop was hit such a wave of originality this past year.
Perks:
"Hey kids! Want to play koth but, like, less? This is the map for you!"
Why the fuck are we playing arena in 2023? Every time it takes ages to complete these contracts because you make at best 5 points per match and that's just if you're stomping the other team! I wasted too much time on this shit. May it burn in the same pit as Graveyard. Fuck play to spectate mode. Valve had a point in removing it from pubs.
Mannsylvania
Every year they add a new chokepoint fest. All you do is leave spawn and hope you don't encounter the same piece of shit who's been camping the rare spell for the past twenty minutes. It's a bunch of hallways. You run around staring at the sky like an idiot hoping that this next turn is going to make you bump in the guy with the points you keep seeing through the walls. Horrid design. Shouldn't have been added at all.
Sandcastle
I don't have much to say about this map. It's DeGroot Keep but sand. The underworld is cute but there's nothing different otherwise. It's a summer map with spells active. I played it a little longer than the others because I like medieval mode.
Corruption
I couldn't believe it at first. This is the one decent map. It's a payload map that isn't just a spam fest. It has the appropriate space for everyone, actual flanks and not just the same door slightly to the side. It forces both sides to be smart with and against buildings and charging in with uber is actually rewarded. And even better, you don't keep clipping into the clutter that's spread around the floor because ✨ aesthetics ✨ (Hello Bonesaw. Fuck you specifically). I don't get the logic behind the underworld being a mental asylum but still, a good map. It's incredible. I'd replay this one if I didn't run out of time.
Infection/L4Dvs/the zombie mode
Let's make a premise. Tf2 isn't good at explaining things. It's a game from another time where you were meant to learn through observation and a lot of trial and error. Minecraft is another game like this. You learn how to play from Youtube. But you know what Minecraft doesn't have? The projector.
In the old days, when you joined payload in quickplay for the first time, the game would show a little video with footage of the mode so you would know that Blu pushes the payload and Red tries to stop them. This zombie mode comes with a tutorial but it tells you 10% of what you're fucking supposed to do.
This is a community mode. Fine. What if I never played it? How am I supposed to know that the zombies can only…bite? Punch? It's a clunky melee attack that doesn't even feel good to land like a wrench swing or an actual punch. They don't tell you that the zombies have unique abilities. You just get a meter and then you have to figure it out. I played through all the maps and still don't know what half the classes do.
Well, obviously they're in some way based on the infected from Left4Dead, a game I often found myself thinking about while playing this mode. But what is, say, a guy who started playing the other day supposed to know about this?
Next time someone says Valve should fix the game's learning curve, I'm going to personally apply their clown makeup. This isn't 2016 to find out the latest updates from VNN.
What about the maps?
Murky
Red sits on a little platform surrounded by sentries. It's pitch dark next to the water so you have no way to even get close enough to look at it as a zombie. 60% of the map is unused. The grass is annoying as hell. I left as soon as the contract was finished because fuck.
Woods
The famous wild turtle engineer evolves into a skunk engineer by hiding in a mine with two small entrances crying and whimpering while the level 3 sentry delays the inevitable. What these players fail to realize is that the sentry doesn't shoot faster depending on how much meat throws itself at it. They're simply wasting everybody's time and for this…they should really feel bad.
Atoll
This map manages to be worse than Murky entirely because of the broken hitboxes. I've bumped into several invisible obstacles. Atoll gets the "Bonesaw of the Year" award entirely because I died to fake gaps and platforms with questionable tangibility.
Devastation
The spirits of Bonesaw and Lavapit came together to have a child named Devastation.
This map is too dark. There are corners where you can only spot players because of their cosmetics. Sometimes zombies have to simply walk into the whole Red team and die because they spawned in a place with only one exit and some zombie classes simply don't get to use their ability here because the rooms are too small. The only good thing about this mess is that it bugged out and Red won the round as soon as it started. 30 points with no effort at all. That saved me precious time.
Sanitarium
I kept the best one for last because it's the one I actually enjoyed playing. The setting isn't too dark for once, the inside of a building isn't covered with assets from Mann Manor and it actually feels like a location from a zombie game. You'd expect hordes of rabid Left4Dead infected charging at you from the front yard, past the reception and in every room up to the top floor.
You can't keep a sentry down here for too long either, meaning that everyone has to actually play the game and there is no one just stalling for time and I've seen people have a lot of fun messing around in the elevator.
The only negative I can think of is that it could have used some more polish. The elevator uses a noise that I think comes from Half Life which distracted me because I'm weird like that. But it's a Source noise™️, it's not that big of a deal. The more glaring flaw were the floating zombie skins around the map and the console commands popping up in the chat. It doesn't look great but hey, Bonesaw dropped without a playable objective, didn't it? There’s always worse.
In conclusion, I guess we got 12 maps because Valve noticed that there isn't as much junk to throw in the crates as it used to and is adding gamemodes to make people shut the hell up. The zombie mode left me craving for L4D2 but I don't have as many people to play it with anymore. The other maps were the usual random crap they've been tossing in the game for the past few years. There was nothing really outstanding from the regular gamemodes visually but it was refreshing to get a good experience gameplay wise instead of something that only looks good in screenshots.
I hope we can go back to having a reasonable amount of maps added next year. Less is more these days of games diluting the experience so you stick around to buy the next season pass. Tf2 has no right, nor does it need these practices. It's a good game at the core without gachas or similar crap.
Also, the Toastmaster hasn't been broken for 0 days.
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PLAYING: PlanetSide 2
Massive, exciting, chaotic, confusing, overwhelming, and almost Battlefield...I'm having fun.
Before I dig into Battlefield, I'm gonna go on a long tangent about what I was looking for with PlanetSide 2:
Simply, I wanted an action-packed war simulator not based on kills where I get to be a medic and support my team achieving objectives. Battlefield.
It took me a bit to get into online shooters. Running in circles trying to kill people didn't make me very happy. Warhawk for PS3 was the first time I really got into competitive play...well, World of Warcraft's battlegrounds. I didn't like them, but I played them. I liked the idea of trying to secure territories and earn points as that felt like real-war. That is, you secure resources to be the most successful faction. I still preferred PVE, but that's also the game that made me fall in love with healers. Moving onto Warhawk (cause I was a fan of the original PS1 game), I loved the paper-rock-scissors gameplay. It wasn't just who was fastest on the trigger or who got around behind you--but who had the best counter attack to your offensive. Tanks could obliterate infantry, but an infantry with a flamethrower could obliterate a tank. A Warhawk was a nimble aircraft, but a tank could kill it in a single shot. Plus you had homing rocket launchers and anti-aircraft. The main game mode was territories where you tried to dominate the map, and that played into the "realistic war" aspect I enjoyed. Since in the end, it wasn't about killing to win--killing was a means to an end, not the end itself.
The problem with Warhawk, there were no classes. You had to go find weapons and hope other players hadn't taken them yet. So maybe you're a great sniper, but you had to compete for the sniper rifle lying around. And there was a chance some noob grabbed and got lost in the jungle. I had great time with Warhawk, but it left something to be desired.
Anyway, Warhawk made me hungry for strategy-based online shooters that emphasized teamwork. I did not see that in Call of Duty, and still don't. My next game was MAG for PS3. It touted 128 players online, which was insane and I thought I'd love it. I did not. At first, it was really cool to see so many players fighting (I think the 128 was actually broken up into zones so you were never in a 64 vs 64 battle...but the overall conflict involved as many players. I think.) I wanted to be a medic (Warcraft ,right) but sadly anyone could give themselves a self-heal kit. So anytime ppl got hurt, they just healed themselves. While I dedicated lots of points to being a medic. A medic most people NEVER needed. So basically, no classes. On top of that, players could equip super armor. So it would take a clip and a half to kill anyone. Basically it was a bunch of terminators fighting each other. And when no one is really scared of dying, everyone is just sorta walking out in the open. It just didnt' feel "intense".
While complaining about this, a friend said: "I think what you're looking for is Battlefield." So I bought Bad Company 2 and they were fucking right! It was 12 v 12, but conquest mode felt like what I was looking for. Instead of focusing on kills, you tried to control territories. Also, there were classes, and I got to play a medic! I loved Bad Company 2 and got all of my friends interested. When Battlefield 3 came out, I loved it even more. The Assault (medic) class was unstoppable and I did really well. For the first time in an online competitive game, I routinely was in the top 3 of every round, very often in first place. I usually had the most kills, most objectives taken, and my heals boosted my points way up. I loved that the stats emphasized your point score over your actually kills, as it showed who was the most impactful.
I tried Battlefield 4, but life got in the way of really enjoying it. When I finally had time to get back into Battlefield 3 & 4, people had moved on. I also started to hate killing in video games. I switched to only healing and playing the objectives. I actually got first place, twice, in Battlefield 3 solely on heals, revives, and objectives: zero kills.
I've been looking for an experience ever since. I've tried Paladins and Overwatch 2. While I enjoy the healing classes, the rounds are really short and don't have that epic quality of battlefield. It's fun, but not as exciting.
PLANETSIDE 2
When PS4 was about to launch, they bragged that they were bringing PlanetSide 2 to it. I was shocked that this game was so old and I had never heard of it. It looked like Battlefield but the maps were huge and rounds ongoing. It was intimidating but exciting. I had thought to bring over all my Battlefield friends. But PlanetSide 2 wasn't available at launch. and while I was waiting on it, life went on.
Recently, I was sitting around thinking: I want to play a medic in battlefield. But I don't own a copy of the game that other folks are really playing. Overwatch 2 was no better than Paladins and I prefer the healer in Paladins. I asked around and folks recommended PlanetSide 2. So I decided to give it a real play through.
WHAT'S HAPPENING?!
I'm still figuring the game out. Learning how to spawn caused some issues. I think I get it. The medic class is actually pretty popular. I was almost annoyed by how I was having to compete for heals. That's because I'm trying not to kill anyone, just healing.
I don't love the heal gun. You lock-on and heal, much like Mercy in Overwatch 2. I prefer the medpacks of Battlefield. I think Grohk's healing totem very much achieves that. I'm able to heal with Grohk's staff two, so it's like a combo of the heal gun and the medpack. Still prefer the medpack, as you can place them in strategic places. The medgun just makes it...awkward.
(I forgot to mention I love being a healer in The Last of Us: Factions. Great online game!!!)
I'm still struggling to figure out how to be supportive as a healer, especially as I refuse to shoot anyone. The frontline neads healers, but teams rarely move in a sensible way. While people die as fast as Battlefield, they're not smart about their advancements. Running blindly into hot spots and not taking up shooting positions (sometimes).
I also ran into an issue with controls. Since it's a PC game, I have to use mouse and keyboard. Unfortunately, I'm not used to that so my brain was having to translate my intent into keyboard/mouse actions--kind of like having to translate all my thoughts into a foreign language before I spoke. It slowed me down. So I used my AntiMicro program to assign keyboard/mouse actions to my controller. There's a few limitations, but I'm able to more comfortably navigate and commit actions.
Anyway--the experience itself:
Graphically, it looks pretty good! It feels like Halo, to me. The aesthetic just feels similar. The tanks and flying vehicles seem to have the same design sensibilities. But like Battlefield, it's a really exciting war experience. And what's really interesting is because it's so "big", while you're trying to take a position or objective, you're also parallel to whole other battles. Maybe not full battles, but it was cool to be attacking building A, while tanks and aircraft battle over Build B, and then somethign happens at building C that changes the whole tide of battle. It's almost exactly what I'm looking for--but I wish they had medpacks.
While I love the idea that the battles just rage on for hours. I did run into an issue where my team defended a major base for roughly an hour. The whole time, we kept edging into enemy territory, very nearly securing more ground. But they always seemed to push us back to our base. In Battlefield, the time limit on battles would have ended the stalemate and we would have been whisked off to a new level with a redistribution of players. It just mixes it all up and keeps it fresh. But here, I just kept spawning in the same places, attacking the same places, dying in the same places. It just didn't end.
I don't know when I'll play again, but I had fun.
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And that concludes Verdant Wind maddening mode/classic/no NG+ We did it! Gold screen!!
[The only reason this took 24 turns is that I spent 10 full turns parked on a stronghold trying to make Nemesis break his sword bc I thought it would be funny. He did, and it was. Ingrid final MVP yet again - i now have final MVP screens for her from every route but CF lol]
Once I got through the first few two chapters, this was significantly less challenging than I had expected. The final map was just as hard as AM, which is to say, not hard.
Run summary and some final thoughts (including some VW vs Silver Snow ~discourse~) below the cut <3
Making everyone fight their zombies was fun, and I did manage to get some crit/crest/signature art combos, too! Took clips of it, I'll put them together someday probably. The only hard part was wasting so much time trying to get people in the right position to fight their zombies at all (looking at you, Mercedes).
Fraldarius vs Fraldarius was a sight to behold, tbh. They both activated their crests almost every attack but also both consistently either dodged or proc'd aegis - even survived a crit through aegis - so it took four rounds of combat. (And NO, no one else was allowed to help. This was Felix's fight and his alone, ok.) Being a melodramatic bastard in combat must run in the family. I wrote a fic about it lol.
Units, classes, items:
Felix actually used a sword for most of this battle, I just happened to have the bow equipped when I took the screenshot. Also, they didn't all actually use their relics for the majority of the battle. Mostly silver weapons or the legendary forged ones. ALSO also, Leonie is actually a sniper, I had to restart bc I forgot I had reclassed her during some auxiliary battles.
I feel like I finally understand firsthand why crests make the nobility lol Leonie was the only person on the team without a crest, and I actively missed it. Constantly disappointed by the lack of a fun little glowing shape smh
Final pairings:
m!Byleth/Linhardt
Claude/Marianne
Hilda/Balthus
Lysithea/Cyril
Leonie/Seteth
Catherine/Shamir
Felix/Annette
Mercedes/Sylvain
Ingrid/Yuri
Dorothea/Petra (no, I didn't use either of them for a single battle, I just made them eat lunch together until they fell in love ok thank u bye)
Overall MVP: It was surprisingly even across the board, but ultimately Annette took it, winning by two over Sylvain and Lysithea, who were tied.
Highlight: Gronder Field, where I successfully made Edelgard kill Dimitri so I wouldn't have to.
FINAL THOUGHTS ON STORY + SILVER SNOW COMPARISONS: (warning you now, this is really long)
Verdant Wind's story actually falls flat sometimes, man. Things like Edelgard’s death scene stick out like a sore thumb, they so obviously belong to a different story (*cough cough* silver snow). What if instead, we got some final dialogue between her and Claude where he says he could have worked with her? He explicitly said earlier that he thinks they actually have similar goals.
(It also would have made the TWSITD reveal more interesting ["Edelgard, bestie, rethink this. We both want to free people from prejudice and discrimination, we can work together." "Surprise, bitch, I wasn't doing this on my own, the whole thing was manufactured by these secret baddies." "Girl help, I've been underestimating the depth of the secrets of this world."])
Idk, I still like it but there's something to be said about how much was taken from Silver Snow and vice versa and where they REALLY belong. When I finally played Silver Snow, after having already played VW, I was like "ohhhhhhh this makes sense now" about so many things. I'm actually of the opinion that VW is reusing story from Silver Snow more than the other way around. In fact, think Nemesis would have been an appropriate penultimate boss for Silver Snow (penultimate bc lets be honest, hes not designed like a final boss. I literally fucked around and made him lose his battalion and break his sword, just for fun. He's just a normal map boss. Kinda boring.).
What they SHOULD have done is turned Thales into a final boss for Claude so that TWSITD actually do feel like the ultimate baddies theyre supposed to be. He could even turn himself into a big cool monster like Edelgard does in AM!!
And I do love the final boss in Silver Snow, I think it's what really makes the story hit. You sided with the church specifically to save Rhea from Edelgard, only to end up having to fight her anyway! You fight the people who want nothing more than to kill Rhea, only to have to kill her yourself! You finally learn the truth of the destruction of the Nabateans, only to have to pit them against each other! Gorgeous!!!!
So heres my ultimate proposal for Silver Snow: Claude helps draw troops away from the great bridge of myrrdin, as is canon. You actually do try to help Dimitri at Gronder, but you get there too late to save him. You defeat the empire, then they give you the info about TWSITD. You defeat Nemesis. Seiros goes berserk, and you fight her as the real final boss.
For Verdant Wind: All the same, except Thales is the actual final boss. The End.
Okay that's all thanks for reading love you bye xoxo
#fe3h#pg plays fe3h#verdant wind maddening mode#fe3h maddening mode#pg plays#run recap#pg plays fire emblem
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akai shuichi headcanons
shuichi wears a beanie all the time because he's self conscious about hir hairline .... and I mean who can blame him? id be too
shuichi saw gin when he was visiting Japan in the 10 years ago flashback and was like ooh long hair is cool AND it'll piss ka-san off flash forward 5 years later when shuichi infiltrates the BO and is like fUck cool long hair dude is a psycho
shuichi cut his hair off when he heard akemi was killed by gin he kinda went into the whole mental breakdown mode and was like fuck this shit because he started growing his hair out cuz of gin and also akemi really liked his long hair
shuichi used to be a band kid when he lived in England and wanted to pursue a career in music (much to the chagrin of Mary) but after tsutomu disappeared he was like fuck that and stopped playing until he entered the BO
shuichi has a really bad memory about things that dont have to do anything with his job kinda like BBC's Sherlock but not as bad
shuichi used to find dead bodies when he was a kid just like shinichi but it wasn't as often maybe like a dead body once a year or something
shuichi named himself dai because that's what Mary actually wanted to name him when she was giving birth she was screaming die die die and tsutomu wasn't there yet so she was like aight die sounds like the japanese name dai the only reason shuichi wasn't named that was that tsutomu burst in and was like FUCK NO
shuichi was picked on when training for the FBI since compared to 6 foot jock white men shuichi was a 5 foot 7 asian with long hair and dressed like a teenage girl who frequented Starbucks in the toxic environment of the FBI for anyone who doesnt fit the mold shuichi had it cut out for him
shuichi showed signs of multiple mental illnesses but they were all difficult to pin down so he was never diagnosed with anything since he refused to talk at the FBI mandated therapy sessions
shuichi's type is someone who is kind but could wield a gun
he used to dislike kids but being around them as okiya has made SOME kids special in his heart
before tsutomu's disspeareance he taught shuichi how to hunt with a shotgun
shuichi lived off of sports drinks and bars whenever he was single since he couldn't rely on take out due to it being unhealthy which wouldn't help his FBI styled life
shuichi taught akemi simple self defense techniques but refuses to teach her how to shoot a gun saying he didn't want her hands to get dirty
shuichi and shukichi blackmail each other for favors by using the "ill tell ka-san you did that one thing that you blamed dad for when we were kids if u dont help me out"
scotch once told him that bourbon's type was a white milf (in reference to Elena who was white and was a mother) so shuichi was scared as fuck when rei met Mary's adult self for the first time
shuichi hates being compared to his mother but the truth is they're the most similar and they both started mimicking tsutomu after his disappearance
the only thing shuichi knew how to cook before meeting yukiko was plain white rice as that was the only thing tsutomu was able to teach him
shuichi mimics an American accent while talking in America or talking in English unless he's talking to his family or he's mentally shook up and his British accent slips out
he thinks in British accented English as well (idc if the animanga shows him thinking in japanese it makes no sense that western raised people like Jodie and camel think in japanese) but he does use some japanese like ka-san and when he's trying to get deep into his okiya persona
he tries very hard to keep the polite speech patterns of okiya Subaru since as akai shuichi he's very .. rude
shuichi's sniper skills were so good the fbi was willing to overlook his disrespect of authority and his tendency to do everything by himself without consulting everyone
shuichi slips into a British accent around James if he's feeling really comfortable
he felt bad about using shiho since she was only a year older than masumi and she hadn't done anything wrong so he vowed to get her and akemi out of the BO
he had a plan to get akemi and shiho out by convincing the higher ups to grant them immunity if they testified but akemi's death derailed the entire thing
he hates to admit it but his family is the most important thing to him he may not contact them that often but he's going to such lengths to bring his father back because he cares for his family so much
shuichi didnt really know what he wanted to do with his life once he took down his father's pursuers but after akemi and scotch he decided that if he solved his father's disappearance first he'd hunt down the BO next tho once learning that Haneda Koji’s death had something to do with the BO he's back at the thing where he doesn't know what to do with his life without revenge
he promised shukichi that he'd be the one to solve shukichi's death if what happened to Haneda kohji also happens to shukichi
he isn't a fan of dates in amusement parks but if it makes his partner happy and smile he'll have fun
dating Jodie was a quiet thing most likely from an attachment maybe due to a bad case or a loss of a mutual friend depending on the agency they might have been legally allowed to date each other but it is usually looked down upon I dont think they went out together often probably spending time together at home ... doing stuff
he identifies as bisexual it was normal to him in childhood since both Mary and tsutomu talked about their past relationships to their children he never told anyone due to the fact it would affect his FBI status since it was illegal in America shukichi and Mary know he's bi but shuichi has no idea Mary knows
akemi and shuichi would take strolls in parks go shopping and go to cafes
he's very self conscious about his height and whenever he goes to Japan it makes him feel good about himself since he's relatively tall there
Mary was the one who drilled japanese into his head not tsutomu
the last time shuichi talked to Mary was when he called her up to tell her to take masumi and leave Japan for Britain after masumi cornered him and scotch him and Mary had a whole argument and after that they stopped talking to each other, not that they talked to each other much in the first place
shuichi learned jee kun do by watching training videos from vhs tapes/cds/YouTube depending on when you consider detco taking place I personally believe conan shrinks in 2018 meaning that tsutomu disappeared in 2001 and shuichi used a mixture of tapes and cds to learn
shuichi can read people really well but has a hard time manipulating people by being nice he can use people by being a jackass very well but trying to be a normal person is hard for him
Yukiko and yusaku remind shuichi of his parents before tsutomu disappeared but like more upbeat
shuichi dislikes full body hugs
akemi and shiho were both anime and romance drama fans so he knows random things about the shows and uses that info to connect with the DB and especially haibara
he considered himself British first and foremost but when asked about whether he considers himself white or asian he'll always go with asian
he started smoking soon after his father disappeared since his father used to smoke and he needed to cope but didn't wanna fall into drugs like cocaine
smoking is heavily looked down upon in America and is seen as unprofessional which helped shuichi go undercover a bunch due to him being a heavy smoker
akemi would make him stop smoking around her and shiho saying that second hand smoking was dangerous and that shuichi who was smoking constantly was going to get lung cancer but he would tell her that he just couldn't stop smoking he did stop smoking around shiho and akemi tho going outside to do it instead
as okiya it makes him go wild because he desperately needs to smoke to cope but okiya cant smoke it doesnt fit his image so he smokes a shit ton at night during his nightly drives
shuichi forced himself not to smoke during his time visiting Japan when he met masumi because he knew Mary would get even more upset with him
shuichi was terrible driving American styled cars and he got so upset that he perfected his drive-in techiuque over the years just to spite the instructor that said he was barely passing
he likes to go on late night drives and speed on the high way because he's a thrill seeking idiot
he has no social media but he created on as okiya Subaru to keep an eye on haibara's higo stan account
he takes offense to the idea that he's stalking haibara he's just p r o t e c t i n g her
he wants shiho to be happy more than anything so he's an avid coai shipper and is exhausted in Conan's obliviousness
shuichi didnt tell shukichi he wasn't actually dead shukichi just walked up to okiya Subaru one day and was like shuuichi-ni-san right? shuichi has long stopped questioning shukichi's weird ways of knowing shit he shouldn't know
shuichi is a sherlockian but he's not like shinichi or hakuba in that he does not hate BBC's Sherlock and actually enjoys it a bit
one upside to shuichi living in America is that he gets to hoard guns because he's obsessed with them he thinks they're really cool it's like conan with Sherlock he starts yapping his mouth of about them
bourbon once dangled a gun on in front of a sleeping shuichi cuz he didnt believe scotch when he said that rye was obsessed with guns and started saying incorrect shit about the type of gun he was holding and shuichi just shot up and started berating him
shuichi hates that chianti is a killer because she's the only person who's as much as a gun fanatic as he is
he tends to steal Jodie's car a lot
he likes fucking with peoples heads it's very fun to him to watch them get all worked up
shuichi hasn't mourned his father yet because he doesnt believe his father’s dead
deep down he blames his father for his mother going slightly bonkers
he didnt want masumi to be a detective at first but now hes proud of her
he drinks a lot as okiya Subaru since he cant smoke as much
he's willing to go to hell if it means he can rip gin from limp to limp
he really hates gin yall I dont think I can convey how much he hates gin
#akai shuichi#akai shuuichi#dcmk#detco#case closed#detective conan#gin#chianti#miyano akemi#miyano shiho#haibara ai#sera masumi#akai tsutomu#akai family#akai mary#mary akai#haneda shukichi#sera mary#mary sera#okiya subaru#jodie starling#kudo yusaku#kudo yukiko#kudo shinichi#coai#detective boys#amuro tooru#furuya rei#morofushi hiromitsu#scotch
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what your paladins main says about you
a comprehensive essay by a paladins player of right around 4 years
this is like really long so i’ll make it under the cut so my followers don’t have to scroll through this if they don’t wanna
(for context i’m a current maeve main, i used to main skye and sha lin and played tyra a long while ago)
.
Androxus
it’s not a phase, mum
“i don’t care we don’t have healer, i’m really good at him i swear”
you ult every time it loads in and you die before the final shot
your favorite mode is siege because you can fly up and shoot the whole point on ult
you’re usually really stand-offish and don’t communicate much and/or a 13 year old boy with anger issues
.
Ash
you are level-headed but in a scary way
you will hold the point solo even if it costs you your streak
“get on the point” “guys get on the point” “attack the objective”
you’ll ult to save yourself 99% of the time
good leader
.
Atlas
you probably used to main lex or androxus before he came out
“he’s like a flank, but a tank, he’s great!”
you chase after solo kills instead of sticking to the point
healers hate you, flanks and damages fear you
your favorite mode is death match
.
Barik
you’re a former/current tf2 player looking for something fresh
you don’t like working too hard so you spam turrets on the point and hope for the best
“healer stick to me i’m boutta ult”
actually really nice between rounds
but you don’t communicate much mid-game and kind of do your thing
.
Bomb King
you’re a really old player. you have the beta makoa skin and you were there when lex was first released. veteran’s discount.
your favorite maps are the old ones and they barely show up any more
the team always underestimates you
“who plays bomb king in 2021 lol?”
you need a hug
.
Buck
“wait, he’s a flank? i thought he was a tank??”
you’re also a veteran in the game
you’re a dying breed. i like never see you. do you even exist?
you’ve been here since like the first day of the game
buck gets so many skins and you want all of them but the best you have is a random recolor
.
Cassie
sweetest person alive
“we can do it guys! let’s try to all rush the point this time!”
you are the bane of every flank
the opposing team hates you, your own team kind of doesn’t notice you’re there
*casually gets a pentakill*
.
Corvus
you know those weirdly political kids who like ww2 and know the details of every tank to ever exist? yeah that’s you
but like that’s corvus. as a character.
but no one ever plays him.
like i never even see him do you exist???
you are a cryptid.
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Dredge
yo ho you’re a hoe
no seriously the other team views you and they FEAR you
“yeah i just got a penta kill” “YOU WHAT?” “eyes on the point mate don’t get distracted”
hella good at the game and hella casual about it
you like onslaught on the one sea map the most
.
Drogoz
another veteran, are we?
you’re either useless or can wipe out a whole team in seconds. there is no in-between.
you always have a really cool skin.
dovahkiin, dovahkiin...
“i don’t care about the point i gotta get them trips”
.
Evie
you bought her because you thought she was cute, admit it
*turns into ice right before dying* *turns into ice right before dying* *turns into ice right be
your personality type is identical to her. no question about that.
always buys faster reload and better speed
strangely good communication with the team
.
Fernando
gay gay homosexual gay
“he’s kinda hot if you look at him the right way”
fernando is the tank for gay people
you are gay people
i don’t have much more to say
.
Furia
mum energy. not as much as inara mains, but still, mum energy.
will protect every member of the team with your life, even the flanks
you’ve been maining her since she was first added
i bet you didn’t even know she’s canonically seris’ sister
“we’ve literally failed to capture the point the last 3 times we might as well give up and go to another game”
.
Grohk
“yeah i have a gremlincore tumblr blog, how could you tell?”
i honestly have no words
you’re kind of like a catboy but a racoon
do you even heal the team or do you just pretend
you were there when lex got announced and thought he was cringe, now everyone finally agrees with you
.
Grover
he was your first purchased character and he’s stuck around ever since
he’s the only healer you can play well
“i am groot lmao”
you would never say a word to your team
would give your life for the tank but that’s about it
.
Imani
daenerys targaryen on drugs
your favorite anime is my hero academia
your husbando is todoroki
you see where i am going with this
“team protect me i’m gonna ult” *dies 5 seconds into ult*
.
Inara
BIG MUM ENERGY
your team is your family. you will protect them with your life.
can only hold your own with a good healer so you have good teamwork going for you
*cutely places wall in front of your ult*
useless in tdm so you stick to onslaught, siege and koth
.
Io
are you a furry, furry, or a furry?
“victow! dont ult on my tweam pwease! uwu!”
you 100% find her attractive in some way shape or form
you are either a 30 year old redditor who enjoys loli content or a 16 year old teen who is playing a shooter for the first time
she’s kind of cute, i guess
.
Jenos
i can never tell if i’m going to absolutely destroy you or if you’re gonna kick my ass
*cutely holds you up so the whole team can shoot you to death*
kamehameha
you’re a healer??? i guess???
your character has such deep lore and i bet you don’t even know half of it
.
Khan
one day you were playing and your team desperately needed a tank. you picked the first one you saw. suddenly, you’re lian’s foot stool
despite 2 layers of heavy armor, you’d still let this man walk all over you
“this skin is really cool, wish it wasn’t behind a pay wall...”
YEET
you actually know the game’s lore, for some reason
.
Kinessa
i never trust people who are good at a sniper. if you’re bad that’s natural and you’re 99% of the population. if you’re good you are definitely up to something
you’d sell your sister for 5 pennies if you could
you’re missing from the team all game and somehow have the most kills
“we have a kinessa???”
you are an urban legend to your team
.
Koga
someone’s been watching naruto
you are so shit at the game. like i’m sorry. no one’s good at koga i’m so sorry
how do you have so many skins for one character???
you’re always missing from the point
healers hate you. so does the enemy kinessa.
.
Lex
quit the game /nm
“who mains lex in 2021??? lmao???”
wall hacks, aimbot, and it’s all legal for you as an ability. you are a hacker in a world of puny vanillas. you like it easy so you go for the easy min max character. have fun getting hated
you think he’s hot and press on his loading abilities just so he can scold you and you can hear him being mad at you
*bonk* go to horny jail
.
Lian
"she could step on me”
you used to main some sort of healer but switched over when you got sick of everyone being needy
you can hold a point all on your own for a really really long time but the moment your team gets there you start flunking
you wish you had more skins for her
you don’t
.
Maeve
so imagine this. it was like 2018 and you were just chilling playing the game. you kept getting killed by maeve. in every game. she was in every game you went to and she kept killing you over and over and over again. you got frustrated, snapped, and bought her to see if you could do the same to others. you are now the maeve in every game. the cycle repeats.
your whole team doubts you but then you casually get a quad kill and they just sort of look away
you die a total of two times each round and 99% of the time it’s because you go too fast and fall off the map
you repeat everything she says in her accent because you think it’s cute
“welcome to ze meant streets, kitten!” “can you shut the fuck up” “i hate to cut and run, he-he!”
.
Makoa
you have the plushie skin or the beta skin, otherwise you don’t main and only play casually stop lying to yourself
“attack turtle go brrr”
you’re really good if you get paired with a good healer
otherwise you’re useless
you wish you could get better teammates because you could really thrive with an organized group. but on paladins you won’t get that, i’m sorry-
.
Mal’Damba
i always forget this guy is even in the game
you’re definitely under 6 foot IRL
you have an older sibling you always fight with
you’d love to have a snake irl
you’re really chill outside of the game, but when playing you hella rage
.
Moji
you are so precious
but also such a little shit
you annoy me but i also want to give you a hug
“let’s go guys!! to the point!! wheee!!”
please never change but also get out of my sight
.
Octavia
you always main the new character until the new person drops
somehow always have enough credits to buy the new champion whenever they come out
you don’t like having a stable main cuz you get bored
you like hanging out at the training rage
hate siege and love team death match, you like your games quick
.
Pip
you are the worst and best thing to ever happen to this game
you only pick him to heal yourself and hardly ever heal your team
no one notices you there until you ult
then you get focused
honestly you just seem like you wanna do your thing and i can respect that
.
Raum
you probably go to therapy or desperately need it
“BIG MAN BIG. HE IS BIG. BRRRR”
you always love the demons in media
you like being in charge of the team and wreck the point any time you are there, you like fighting on your own but having a healer nearby is nice too
you probably have daddy issues
.
Ruckus
you think ruckus’ and bolt’s dynamic is cool and that’s one of the main reasons you started playing him
he’s the only tank you can play
you used to main either inara or ying at some point but chose violence instead
really short irl. you physically relate to ruckus and spiritually to bolt.
“funny goblin man :)”
.
Seris
certified girlboss
you can hold an objective all on your own or heal your whole team no problem. either way you are SLAYING
“alright. who’s ass am i kicking today?”
mum energy is inferior to inara but still kind of there
i’m like 50% sure you have a foot fetish
.
Sha Lin
*pointing and chanting* incel, incel, ince-
whether that’s about you or the character you can decide
you like minecraft bedwars on the side
“if i don’t get this headshot i am literally going to spontaneously combust”
really useful when there’s no other long distance people - otherwise a nuisance
.
Skye
AWOOGA *jaw drops to ground, eyes roll out of head* BOOBA BOOBA BOOBA
you bought her for the tiddies, didn’t you?
she’s actually really satisfying to play once you get the hang of her, but can be real tough on rough days
you need a break i think - maybe play some other game for a bit?
*casually gets team kill with ult*
.
Strix
you own at least one pretty knife
you played him when he was unlocked on rotation, fell in love, and spent a whole evening collecting credits to buy him fully
“haha bird man”
i’ve said what i said about snipers. if you’re actually good at him you are hiding a body somewhere. i fear you.
why does everyone ship him with viktor????
.
Talus
little furry child
he reminds me of tommyinnit because he is small and annoying
if you play him you are tall and intimidating
i’m friends with a tall scary talus main
i can’t say bad things please spare me
.
Terminus
you always ult at the worst time and just get killed again 5 seconds after
“hey losers watch this” *goes on the point, dies, revives, kills one person and dies again*
you’re only a good tank if you cooperate
you don’t
on your own you’re a pretty good player
.
Tiberius
*sigh*
you think the cat is hot, don’t you?
“his accent is kinda cute tho hehe”
you saw that one ending scene in zootopia with the dancing tigers and it CHANGED you
you are probably a furry. if not your awakening is coming. be ready.
.
Torvald
you’ve been playing this game for too long
you’ve seen skins rise and fall. you’ve seen nerfs and buffs. you’ve seen reworks and remakes. you are ancient. older than the dragons and wiser than makoa. respect.
people see you on the opposing team and get really annoyed
“the point is really crowded, we can’t move in” “don’t worry guys, my ult is charged up”
you’re really good at all the characters but you like this guy a lot because you think he’s funky fresh
.
Tyra
you’re either new to the game or have been playing for too long
either way you can KICK ASS but you need to keep behind your team to do the most damage
flanks are the bane of you, especially the fast jumpy ones
you really want one of the cooler skins but you can only ever get the basic ones. such is the curse of maining one of the OG characters.
“bite me”
.
Viktor
you are level 100+ guaranteed, and everyone fears you
“oh shit they got a victor. flank focus him”
you probably play COD and CS:GO normally and wanted to go with something familiar and easy. your skill from the other more advanced games DWARFS everyone else
but why are you playing “guy with gun 132″ in a game with magical elves and fairies. like come on bro.
you don’t have any in-game friends because paladins is your guilty pleasure game you would never admit to
.
Vivian
“step on me” syndrome cranked up to 100%
this woman could spit on you and you’d still respect her more than your own mother. good for you
“i’m not a simp. i’m just tier 3 subbed to pokimane ironically”
you sweat the game hardcore. former victor main or he’s your secondary.
you’ve got her on level 50+ at least
.
Vora
like the maeve mains but somehow worse
bought her out of spite or played her while she was on rotation, now here you are grinding credits for her a day after she became unavailable
honestly you’re really good at the game i have nothing else to say
you enjoy the newer characters more than the OGs - you’re either a former vivian or lian main
you miss the play of the game feature in the game because you’d get all of them with this girl
.
Willo
you seem like the moji mains at first but show your true colors soon after
“fuck you” x50
you are a trash talker on max overdrive. you need to sit down, do some breathing exercises and have a drink.
you hate your own team more than the opposing guys
when you see a willow on the opposing team you make it your sole goal to eliminate her as many times as humanely possible
.
Yagorath
i bet you didn’t know she was canonically female until you read this
you don’t like sweating too much so you pick the tank that leaves you heavily relying on your healers and damages
you can hold a point really well so you like siege and onslaught
“are vora and yagorath connected in the lore somehow and do i really care?”
you have a friend who you always party up with to be your healer, otherwise you might switch to another character
.
Ying
“tanks love me, flanks hate me”
you are too powerful. literally. how are you so strong
you’ve mastered the most difficult healer in the game. the others are really easy for you to play but you have trouble with seris
motivate your team a lot but start shading and trash talking if they don’t cooperate
you’ll gladly play someone else for a long while and like taking breaks from her
.
Zhin
this is your first main after switching over from overwatch. we can smell it on you.
you’re really annoyed with his personality and voice lines but the character is too good to play for you to pass him up for that. you respond to his voice lines aloud very aggressively to let him know he’s an ass
“YES ZHIN HEALERS AREN’T USELESS YOU SELFISH PRICK”
you try your best but you’re not a great team player
infinite trips on a good day, die repeatedly without kills on a bad one and you switch over to vora or skye for a bit.
.
this took me hours to write out pls leave reblog and note thanks uwu
#paladins#paladins champions of the realm#paladins meme#paladins text post#maeve of blades#ying the blossom#skye twilight assassin#paladins viktor#paladins maeve#paladins ying#paladins skye#paladins octavia#paladins khan#paladins vora#paladins zhin#paladins vivian#paladins torvald#paladins makoa#paladins cassie#paladins inara#paladins evie#paladins seris#paladins furia#i tagged all the pretty girls#lets hope this gets around pog#pcotr
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Fallout 4 ~
Random headcanons.
Includes NSFW. 18+ Only.
I'm more bang into AoT right now but I also want to incorporate Fallout into this blog, so introducing some Fallout 4 H/Cs
MacCready;
People often Headcanon this wonderful human as being dirty (beyond the norm is post apocalyptic America) and smelly but I cannon that he's pretty good at hygiene. .. Bear with me on this.
Mac not only has allergies to dust which is seen in game, but he also complains pretty loudly when there's a bad smell. So although he's one dusty mf, I don't think he'd be any less clean than your average sniper-in-the-shadows.
His teeth are bad probably off living in little lamplight and not having adults around to tell him to put that sixth snack cake down.
MacCready loves playing target practice with you. It's one of his favourite things to do. You keep a tally on who has the most points.
- NSFW -
Mac's member is on the more skinny side, but it's long and curves upwards slightly at the tip.
He loves receiving oral.
Mac pants a lot when having sex, which begins to escalate into moans that can get pretty loud, especially when he's nearing his end.
His panting is hot as f though. It's like a deep, ragged octave which quivers at times.
He masturbates quite often.
Hancock;
It's blatenly obvious; but Hancock is a hell of a lot of fun to be around.
If it's your thing, Hancock often plays drinking games with you, makes bets and a favourite of his is watching you squirm when you lose at strip poker.
If your first time huffing jet was with him, he cautioned you before hand and like the great man he is, kept a close eye on you as you ran and danced around like a maniac, giggling like some insane yandare.
Still, he almost pissed himself laughing at you.
"Man... Seeing someone's first time is always a blast."
-NSFW-
One of the many ailments that comes with being a ghoul is he's lost a lot of sesntivity down there, which means he can go for hours before reaching his climax.
This dirty dawg is amazing in the sack. He knows exactly what he's doing and has a gift of picking up on what you like pretty quickly.
Loves to mark his territory on you with his teeth.
Dirty talk. Lots of it.
"That's right... Who's my beautiful princess...?"
"Mmm you always taste so fuckin' good."
"Cum for me, baby. I wanna feel you pull me in deep..."
Piper;
Piper has a secret obsession with pre war romance novels.
The more smut the better. She reads them before she goes to sleep with an excited rose tint to her cheeks, kicking her legs slightly.
Piper often gets writers cramp when she's doing the paper, sighing with frustration as she's on a roll.
Piper likes to draw and often draws the characters she reads about in the books she's scavanged.
- NSFW -
Piper has a slight bitter/iron taste to her, almost like a penny but sweeter.
Piper is a huge squirter and often gets pretty messy when having sex.
She adores having her breasts and nipples played with, being able to orgasm just from that if it's good enough.
Danse;
This absolute beefcake if a man usually smells of slight BO tinted with oil. It's a pleasant smell though, not too over powering.
Danse will bring you back alsorts of weird stuff he's scavanged, to ask you to to explain to him what it's function was and what it was for. He's like the Fallout Universes own Arthur Weasley, just a lot less excitable.
"What the hell could this have possibly been used for...? I know, I'll take it back to y/n for a full report."
"Well, Danse, we would use those to shave dead skin off our feet."
"Really?! And did it do a satisfactory job?"
"Yeah...?"
"Outstanding."
- NSFW -
Danse is a big lad. Both downstairs and just in general. It's pretty long but it's most prominent feature is it's girth.
He's not at all clued up about sex so you'll probably have to teach him a thing or two. But by God will he give it his all.
He's a quick learner too, studying you with a furrowed brow at how you react to certain things, keeping them in mind.
He loves it when your legs are over his shoulders or when you push him deeper into you via his perfect ass.
He's pretty quiet when having sex say for heavy breathing, but he is known to let out the odd gruff growl, which is thek hottest thing ever. Ad Victoriam, your coochy. ...Ad Victoriam.
Cait;
It's pretty obvious from the game but Cait loves a bar fight. She's the happiest when she's smashing a stool over some guys back for speaking to you in a tone she didn't like.
Cait has double knees which she's insecure about, regardless how many times you tell her that her legs and knees are great.
Cait sleeps sitting up a lot, still in danger mode resulting usually in a stiff neck.
-NSFW-
This Irish bird loves it rough, but she loves it even more tender, a side of her she rarely shows and it turns her on more than anything that you care ebough to make love to her, not just a quick fuck.
She is amazing at giving oral sex. Second to none. She'll have you teetering to the edge within a few minutes.
Cait has a slightly scarred vajumba, something a slaver did to her onc which she doesn't like to talk about.
#fallout#fallout headcanons#fallout cait#paladin danse#maccready#robert maccready#fallout 4#hancock#piper wright#fallout 4 headcanons#fallout 4 hancock#fallout 4 cait#fallout 4 piper#fallout 4 danse
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Halo Through its Guns: Reach
The year is 2010. Bungie has one final game left on their contract with Microsoft before they can make something that isn’t Halo. They were going to make it count.
Reach is the last Halo game that Bungie developed, and the latest non-numbered entry in the series that’s still a First-Person Shooter (unless Infinite dropped the 6?). It came at a time where FPS games were at the height of their popularity, when they dominated living rooms and the fledgling days of e-sports, before the rise of MOBAs and mobile games and the like.
The game is a reflection of all of this. It’s a mirror to both the franchise past and those others that sprung up in its wake. It’s a deliberately different game in story, aesthetic, and play to the others around it. And it’s proof that Bungie’s developers as a whole really loved working on this series, seeing as they put so much into their final entry.
As per usual, I think you can use the weapons as a lens into the game. As such, this is Halo: Reach through its gun- the Grenade Launcher.
In order to talk about Halo: Reach, we have to talk about Call of Duty. I know, I don’t like it either.
2009 and 2010 were the height of what could be referred to as the Halo/Call of Duty rivalry. Halo 3 was still huge, ODST had just released, with the franchise arguably at its peak of popularity- but Call of Duty was faring similarly, with the incredibly popular Modern Warfare releasing the same year as Halo 3 and the series sill riding the high of Modern Warfare 2 in 2009. Moreover, Halo: Reach and Call of Duty: Black Ops were set for release within the same few months of 2010. In effect, if you were, like me, a preteen middle class dude who had touched an Xbox controller before, you had to have an opinion about which one is better. Lines were drawn in the sand over which you preferred (with the other clearly being dirt), though CoD had the advantage of not being a console exclusive.
To those unfamiliar with shooty mans games, the two franchises look incredibly similar, but this isn’t especially true. Call of Duty is what many refer to as a “twitch shooter”, with an increased emphasis on reflexes and map awareness. Engagements between players are typically much shorter owing to their increased fragility, with much more weapons being able to kill in one or two hits. A melee is always a kill in CoD, whereas in Halo that’s only true if you catch someone from behind.
In place of the weapon sandbox from more classic shooters (like Halo), the CoD games of the era featured a huge range of customization options in the form of Loadouts. This kind of completely changes how weapons are treated in the series- since you can spawn in with any weapon in the game, the idea of a “power weapon” cannot exist for game balance, and so traditionally powerful weapons like sniper rifles and grenade launchers are significantly weaker than they’d be in other games. This, combined with the restriction that the guns have to be, you know, real actual guns that exist, makes the guns all kind of blend together. Most of the time, the differences are statistical rather than functional, and minor at that. I’m not saying this is an inherently worse way to go about things, but it’s very different, and something that will likely determine how much you enjoy either franchise.
This brings us to Reach. Bungie was very obviously aware of Call of Duty’s design at this point- they’d already been outsold by Activision twice- but I’m not sure anyone was expecting them to so deliberately change the way their own series works as a result. While obviously the game is still Halo, the way the gameplay has been facelifted in Reach is a clear reflection of the influence of the franchise’s primary competitors.
The biggest, most clear divide is in the massive complexity increases with weapons both old and new. Especially seeing as Reach heralded the final, permanent removal of dual wielding from the franchise, individual weapons were enabled to be more differentiated as a result. Looking at the new weapons from the game, only one of them could be argued as “basic”, and that’s the DMR- yet that’s also a major change, as it replaces the series’s now iconic Battle Rifle, having a longer range and scope to allow the Magnum to reclaim some of its former glory at medium/close range now that it’s been buffed and scoped once again.
I shit you not, every single one of these weapons is fucking odd. The Plasma Repeater’s fire rate slows as heats up, making it worse in an extended firefight, but you can press the reload button to vent it out it a pinch. The Needle Rifle features the Supercombine effect from the Needler on a longer range weapon, with the 3-bodyshot explosion making it much stronger in the hands of less experienced players. The Plasma Launcher echoes the Spartan Laser, but fires homing Plasma Grenades and allows versatility in how much you charge it up. The Beam Rifle has been replaced by the Focus Rifle, a long-range…Sentinel Beam? I dunno I’m not a huge fan of the Focus Rifle actually.
And then there’s the Grenade Launcher. The most obvious comparison to Call of Duty the game has. Modern Warfare 2 had an underbarrel Grenade Launcher available as an option for many primary weapons, with its quick switch option and instant-kill potential earning it the nickname of the “N00b Tube”. Bungie, on the other hand, nicknamed their Grenade Launcher the “Pro Pipe” and it shows in the gameplay. It has effectively two firing modes, requires very precise aim and timing to use most effectively, can shut down vehicles, and most importantly won’t be one-shotting anything anytime soon. It can be used to flush out enemies behind corners, as a trip-mine in objective-based gamemodes, and if you’re good, can even work very well against airborne opponents.
Speaking of airborne opponents, the Grenade Launcher interacts very interesting with most of the game’s new addition of Armor Abilities. Just about every gamemode has multiple available to spawn with, and they all work great in different situations. Unfortunately, just about all of them paled in usage compared to the Sprint ability and Jetpack- Halo not having an increased speed option was a deliberate choice, which Sprint really messes with, making it typically the best option. And Jetpack is so utterly insane for mobility, especially when you’re playing a game with powerful weapons in far-off spots. The Armor Abilities replaced the Equipment from 3, and I’m ultimately not sure how I feel about it. They did, however, contribute to something else, which we’ll get to in a moment.
Before that, I want to talk about factions. Much of Halo 2’s weaponry was dedicated to parallelising the UNSC and Covenant loadouts, to make going between Chief and the Arbiter easier, and 3 continued this with the Brute weapons. By contrast, Reach goes out of its way to deparallelise the two factions, deliberately making the two play slightly differently. You can still pair them up (though some of those are kinda a stretch), but there’s enough difference between each pairing that each weapon feels different, which especially makes playing as a Spartan or an Elite a subtly changed experience.
This is all (arguably) in service of what I’d call Reach’s crowing achievement- Invasion mode. It is the culmination of everything the game has to offer- an asymmetrical, objective-based gamemode with massive maps and incredibly complexity. The default loadouts are fairly basic, but as the game progresses, the power of each player’s equipment ramps up. The round-three loadouts are extremely cool, often letting you spawn with what would be considered a power weapon (albeit a more niche one like the Shotgun), each with a different Armor ability that suits its weaponry, and each forming a different role in an effective team. The Grenade Launcher gets to seriously shine as a part of the Grenadier loadout, particularly on Defense, as a tool to keep vehicles at bay, and the loadout’s Hologram ability lets you get an idea of enemy placement or movement so you can more effectively fire on out-of-sight targets.
Invasion is just such an incredible game mode. It perfectly suits the story and gameplay changes of Reach, and it is just really bloody fun. It has a scale that no other Halo Gamemode has managed to achieve, dwarfing even Big Team Battle. It lets you fully take advantage of everything the game has to offer, from weapons to abilities to vehicles to maps. As well, with Reach’s massively expanded gamemode customization and Forge map editor (with Forge World being a much greater canvas to work with than Sandbox ever was), it can and has been expanded and played with for years, being arguably the game-mode with the most potential for variety of all of them.
This complexity is what made Reach great. It’s what set it apart from its competitors, and what sets it apart from the other games within its own franchise. Sure, it doesn’t have dual wielding, but it really doesn’t need it. Bungie set out to make their last Halo game a memorable one, and its inarguable that with Reach, they succeeded.
Unfortunately, it’s also a level of complexity we’d never see again. While Reach was deliberately different from its contemporaries, the next games in the series would instead fall further in line with them. Join me next week, as we enter the 343 era of Halo.
…I’m going to need to find a way to play Halo 5 real quick, aren’t I?
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DRV3 Boys playing TF2 Headcanons
(First made long before the F2P mute and bot crisis but I added the bot crisis)
Me and my bro made up many scenarios AND cosmetics for the class (my brother mostly help me with the idea)
I originally have the terminologies explained like market gardening, friendly and such but cut it because it’s getting too long. If you want the terminologies, you can tell me. Btw, I’m not an imagines blog, just doing this one for fun.
Kaito Momota
Main: Soldier
Thrilled to play this game, saying that's very manly and it's one of the coolest games yet
He, along with Kaede (and to an extend, Chiaki), are the ones who introduced the game to the class
Was a scout main at first and likes the scout unironically
A terrible tryhard warpig soldier
Saw a rocket jumping soldier at a High-tower map and wanted to imitate that, almost like he's blasting to space
Watch this guy try to market garden someone and then get fucking rekt by a Medic of all classes
He just dies, a lot, which is frustrating and his team gets mad at him
Kaito gets better at it fortunately, but it's a painfully slow process
You'll be lucky if he decides to go back to Scout in a round lmao
Rages in chat or voice but is the best cheerleader you can have in your team, he never actually shits on you for being shit on the game
There's that one time where Kaito got the Rocket Jumper from a drop, fired it at an enemy, got angry how it didn't worked, realized it doesn't do damage and embarrassed himself
Gets a bit pissy when no one is doing the objective so he avoids the maps Hightower and 2fort most of the time
Capture the flag and payload races mostly pisses him off for the same reason (tho he would go to Hightower for the sick rocket jumps)
So he doesn't like friendlies (but he may or may not, you know, do the conga, rock paper scissors, mannrobics, kazotsky kick-)
Anything that looks cool and manly cosmetics, but mostly you'll see him decked with space cosmetics
Bonus: Avoids Full Moon and Scream Fortress, is obviously afraid but he gives Alien Invasion a shot when it comes up, loves it. Also like Doomsday
Rantaro Amami
Main: Engineer
Everyone seems to be like it so why not give it a shot?
He got invested and also found the trading system
Rantaro usually plays engineer but is willing to change classes if the team needs a class
Is at least good at every other class
Rarely does turtling or battle engie but enjoys doing it with the other engies for laughs, and is very good at battle engie
Some people confused him with Uncle Dane
Hc that Rantaro looks up to Uncle Dane
Imagine Rantaro and Uncle Dane having a collab, that would be sick as fuck
Casual and competitive but more casual, often plays in community servers
That type of person who voice chats
Rantaro is one of the ones who would help his classmates play, along with Kaito. Imagine him like in a server with Kaito and Gonta, helping Gonta how to play and Avocado and Space boy act as a translator while Bug boy plays cutely
Doesn't mind friendlies, he chills with them a lot and he is easily well liked by the community
Some even suggested him to make a tf2 youtube channel
Has an unusual hat, making him look like a pro, has a lot of medic girlfriends because of this
One of the two reasons why the whole class have a wide array of cosmetics
Gonta Gokuhara
Main: Medic
At first he doesn't like how violent the game is
But since this violence is just for fun and in game and no one is actually getting hurt and dead so he's at least convinced
Still wants to play passively so Gonta goes with Medic, healing and helping his team seems to be a fitting choice!
The game is not too complex so he learns easily... i-in a way
Best boy learns fast, he should be fine
He's definitely that type of Medic who would go to someone when they press the E key and whoever is near him
Doesn't know where to look most of the time, gets lost easily to big maps like the control points
Gonta still has a firm grasp on what to do, like if he noticed that someone is in low health, he'll heal them immediately without needing the 'e', build up uber, spy check the patient, and never heal spies when they're disguised
Can't aim for shit, though he supposedly gets better at it with the crusader's crossbow
He sometimes would accidentally forget to pop when it's necessary and then die
"Danke!" Says that a lot
He doesn't play a lot despite having fun, he's an outdoor type of guy
Absolutely LOVES friendlies and just loves it when someone just stops, does the conga taunt and everyone follows, creating a conga line (until someone kills them all but it's all in good fun!) He loves silly servers
Is honestly surprised that there’s even such thing as silly servers and friendlies, thought it’s all blood and gore (he sometimes switch to pyro vision googles to avoid gore)
Sometimes plays as Heavy for the protecting part and the friendly Hoovy part for this reason
Anything fancy for the cosmetics, especially for hats the Gentleman's Gabsy or the Vintage Tyrolean (a good cosmetic for a good gentleman!)
Has a lot of cosmetics like Rantaro and trades them with the class
Bonus: Isn't fond of Banana Bay and the Second Banana... because banana
Kokichi Ouma
Main: None (most played: Scout)
Bold of you to assumed he never played this game before
... or is it a lie?
Needless to say he likes it for the cartoony and chaotic vibe of the game
Switches between the 9 classes, even if there's 5 spies he'll be the 6th one
He'd be that Medic who would leave the others to die, Scout that steals sandwiches from Heavy that's meant for the dying Medic and so forth
He might as well pretend to be a sniper bot
Chaos incarnate
This is the fucker who spams E and X+5 (Place the dispenser)
Also taunts in every kill
When he's on a losing team, he would try to bind kill right before the time is up or taunt kill in humiliation, sometimes works
Actually really good at the game, he's one of the very few people who picked up very quickly
Though he fooled Gonta once as a disguised enemy spy. He got rekt when they both noticed the achievement
Also dominated someone so badly that they immediately rage quit, another achievement
Another "you'll be lucky if he plays seriously" which is rare
Is definitely on a 30+ killstreak
People would sometimes thought he’s a squeaker (a kid who rages in voice chat) so he just fucks around with them and then just pulls a no u card
Neutral opinion on friendlies though he gets bored when no one is doing the objective or any action happening so he burns them all and watches them get mad in the chat
Obnoxious combos of cosmetics that you can easily recognize that purple neon Scunt from afar even if he's under an alias
Korekiyo Shinguuji
Main: Spy/Sniper
Not interested at first but is interested when others play and hovers over their shoulders to watch
While watching Gonta and Kiibo playing with the friendlies, he got interested
You don't see that in a lot of fps games
Korekiyo looks like an edgy sniper/spy main who just watches the chaos enveloping from the distance and getting headshots/backstabs out of nowhere
He's very calm and collective despite the crazy amount of chaos and all the deafening sounds of the vc
It's amusing to him, he even find the Administrator interesting and would sometimes go into many modes to hear her voice tone changes and a lot of behaviors of many players too
He even noticed the voice lines of the mercs and got invested in the lore of Team Fortress 2
Korekiyo still does his job in the game but can sometimes be interpreted as him in afk, almost got him kicked
Though he does get kicked for the being good at sniper, people getting butt hurt and called him a hacker
Also an amazing spy checker
Is interested about friendlies, he would come up to them close and observe them and he plays along with the taunts
He got really interested to see this "culture", like how most of the players collectively decides to play silly, serious or both, resulting him trying out almost every game mode and map there is
Unironically loves 2fort, Hightower, Suijin and Degroot Keep
Often joins community servers and silly servers but will do casual/pub servers whenever he feels like it
Something that resembles him irl, he looks edgy with the mask tbh
Other than that, his cosmetics changes depending on what mood or observation he wants to do
Ryoma Hoshi
Main: None (most played: Demoman)
Convinced by Kaito into playing
Not that much actually
Mediocre at best, he’s just doing his own thing
Definitely would stick around even if there’s one person in the server
Imagine getting killed by a Medic as a Demoknight in a melee fight with a shit weapon Do No Harm, couldn’t be me... or Ryoma
Likely plays Passtime
He will never admit it but he finds the ragdolls in the game funny
Also unironically likes the Scout
Demoknight tf2
God, imagine Ryoma has demonknight speed, combine it with his own speed and Solarlight skills, he’d be infinitely flying across all maps and go beyond the skybox
Ryoma too strong pls nerf
Doesn't play it often, not really his thing
Doesn’t mind friendlies, honestly surprised that there’s even such thing as one
Doesn't customize himself, though he likes the animal cosmetics
I apologize to the Ryoma fans out there for this being short
Shuichi Saihara
Main: None (most played: Spy)
Also doesn't see the appeal, but convinced by Kaito into playing
When he played the game for the first time, every time he dies, he switch to a class just to test them out
It’s too much for him, please hold him
Probably fell off a cliff several times-
Imagine the sheer amount of panic he feels when playing any class, especially Medic since Medic is a death magnet
Rockets, explosives, bullets, fire, blood and ragdolls everywhere! ... oh hey why is that guy just crouching with a melee?
He gets the hang of it over time
One of the best spy checker there is as well, not only as Pyro, though he feels sorry for the new spies (or newbies in general) so he tries to teach them the best way he can
The server kicked him for using hacks to find spies but for him, it’s obvious???
He usually plays the class whatever the team needs at the moment
Hard reads are strong in this one
Sushi likes the friendlies, chills with them a lot :>
Doesn’t customized himself, Kaito’s the one who helped him with it
K1-B0
Main: None (most played: Heavy)
Tries it out
It's ok I guess
He also doesn't have a main because he'll try to accommodate in which class is needed
If the whole team is like a full house of cards (in a 4 snipers, 5 engies type of way, you get the idea), he'll mostly go for the Medic since he knows it's vital for a team to have a Medic
There's rarely any Medics or Heavies in the start of the round, are they an endangered species??
He might start an event or something dedicating to the two classes
It never goes well despite Keebo's efforts in those, let's be honest
Though sometimes the team has like three Medics, the poor boy is confused
He's actually doing alright with all the class
The bot problem, oh god the bot problem
So there's that one time where the Myg0t bot joined, the enemy team said in the chat about kicking the bot
Well... obviously this made Keebo upset, as he thought they were referring to him
The server thought Keebo was trolling when he said something about him being a robot and saying that they're being robophobic... and sending them to court-
By some kind of miracle, the server liked Keebo because of this so he wasn't kicked out but he's incredibly salty throughout the match
"The server is robophobic" "Keebo, they were referring to the aimbots, they weren't robophobic" "... What Aimbots?"
His classmates were able to explain with videos and experiences, and also told him about several other types of bots that ruins the fun, which made Keebo embarrassed for having the wrong assumption
Though he still gets offended whenever it happens-
Like Kaito, he also doesn't like friendlies, insisting that that it's not how really play the game, though is guilty in pre-game conga lines, mannrobics and kazotski taunts, he likes the mannrobics
Bonus: Does NOT like the bot deco and is conflicted with the Mann vs Machine game mode
#mangled-schmidtty rambles#danganronpa v3#danganronpav3#drv3#ndrv3#new danganronpa v3 killing harmony#gonta gokuhara#kaito momota#ryoma hoshi#shuichi saihara#korekiyo shinguuji#kokichi ouma#k1-b0#rantaro amami#amami rantaro#kiibo#keebo#ouma kokichi#shinguji korekiyo#saihara shuichi#hoshi ryoma#momota kaito#gokuhara gonta#imagines#tf2#team fortress 2
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Last Stand of the Wreckers, Issue #5: I Sure Hope You Didn’t Go and Get Attached to Any of These Characters…
We ended on a cliffhanger last issue, so let’s see what the lads are up to now.
Hm. That’s not great.
Overlord’s just ripped Guzzle in half for the fun of it. If you’re wondering why everyone’s outside now, it’s because he exploded the torture chamber so hard when he came in, it no longer exists. Kup doesn’t appreciate having one half of the Big Gulp duo torn in two, so he goes in for the attack. This doesn’t work out very well for him, as he has his head crushed between Guzzle’s upper and lower halves. This whole situation is a non-issue for Overlord, and barely distracts him from his goal of having Megatron show up to kick his ass. Impactor tries to have a big hero moment by shooting Overlord in the eye with his harpoon hand-attachment. Again, very little effect on Overlord; it doesn’t even seem to register on the same level as getting a little soap in your eye.
Back over with Ironfist and the Big Conundrum, Verity’s arguing that killing Impactor will kill the Wreckers- as a team, not in the literal sense. However, time’s running out, and Perceptor really doesn’t seem to be bothered by the idea of not having Impactor around.
She gets smaller every issue, I swear.
Verity makes her case to Ironfist, trying to play off of his fanboy status; the Wreckers are a symbol of hope, one that Ironfist himself created with his datalogs as Fisitron. Killing Impactor to make things easier for themselves destroys the illusion of a cohesive unit who can always be counted on when the chips are down. Too bad ol’ Ironfist knows Things™, and it’s actually Perceptor who’s swayed by her argument, which is interesting, given that he was about to vote Impactor into an early grave a minute ago.
Perceptor wasn’t always the cool, efficient sniper we see him to be in Last Stand of the Wreckers. He used to be a regular old science nerd, and a relatively talkative one at that. He wasn’t really built for a four million year war.
Then all that talking got him shot and he was left for dead.
He made some changes after that, both in body and personality.
Could his own experience with being forsaken by his peers for his flaws perhaps be influencing him here? Or am I, a reader and giant dork, just trying to justify a very quick backtracking on the narrative’s part, most likely due to page number limitations?
So they decide to fight. Then Pyro suggests they run. The “they” in this case doesn’t include himself. You remember how Optimus Prime’s big character quirk in every continuity is self-sacrifice? Yeah, we’re hitting on THAT portion of Pyro’s hero worship. It’s not exactly what he was hoping for in death, but it’s what’s got to be done at this point.
The others run off, and Pyro shoots the control to the door, bracing for one hell of a fight.
Holy shit, I forgot they had Fort Max with them! That scared the crap outta me.
There’s one last look at our hero before we go, and it…
Well, it sure is something.
Yikes. That’s a series wrap on Pyro!
Now it’s time for us to learn about what really happened on Pova. Turns out the files Ironfist had access to weren’t exactly virginal.
First things first, it was raining, and Impactor is kind of a dick. I mean, we already kind of knew that from what we’ve seen of the guy in the present day story, but this little scene really takes the cake. Springer had to basically beg him to stay with him; none of that “I’m not leaving you behind” nonsense. And the whole “shoot Springer through the midsection” idea? That was all Impactor. Springer doesn’t have a way to dampen the pain the way Impactor suggests, and doesn’t even get a moment to brace himself as he’s blasted more or less in half.
When Springer regains consciousness, he’s treated to the sight of Impactor and Prowl having a little chat. It turns out there’s a problem, and that problem’s name is bureaucracy. Pova is a protected planet, declared off-limits by the Neutrality Agreement, so any Cybertronian war business is pretty much null and void there. The fact that the Wreckers are there at all could have disastrous repercussions if the Decepticons catch wind of this and tell the Povians. They’ll have to let Squadron X go.
But it looks like Prowl forgot that Impactor’s a bad boy who doesn’t play by your daddy’s rules.
He walks into where they’re holding Squadron X, chained together into a circle on their knees, with their arms pinned behind their backs, locks the door behind himself, and executes every last one of them as Springer bangs on the door trying to get him to stop. This, obviously, puts a bit of a damper on everyone’s mood.
Even Whirl’s bummed out, and you just know that guy loves a good ‘Con-killing spree.
I guess the moral of the story here is Impactor kinda sucks.
Speaking of Impactor, Overlord’s currently stomping him to death as he holds Springer by the face. It’s honestly almost tender, the delicate placement of his fingers. It also reminds you that Overlord is literally twice the size of Springer, who, as a triple-changer, should already be on the tall side. Overlord is a big dude.
Springer’s still doing okay, because he knows that even if he doesn’t make it, the rest of his team will, and they’ll save the day and get all those Autobot prisoners off Garrus-9.
Ha. Haha. Oh, Springer, you naïve fool. You forgot that this was hell, didn’t you? Overlord already took care of the Autobot prisoners.
Someone really took their gun to that hanging guy on the left and said “fuck this dude in particular.”
Then the calvary arrives! With guns! And art tangents!
Surely things are looking up now!
Ironfist throws Springer a gun that’s about as big as he is- where did he get that?- and Springer proceeds to light Overlord the fuck up.
You don’t get the B-word pass at IDW unless you’ve already had your series truncated and the entire universe is about to get ended for a reboot. That’s just how it goes.
Of course, even the big boy gun isn’t enough to do much to Overlord outside of annoy him, and Springer gets his face ripped off for his troubles.
Now it’s just Ironfist and Verity left, and Overlord is very much looking forward to doing very bad things to both of them. Ironfist has a gambit though! That gun Springer had was actually firing deterrence chips into Overlord’s body, and now he’s just chock-full of the things. And since Ironfist has all of Aequitas in his head now- including the detonation codes- he can do this:
He blew Overlord’s lips clean off! The evil truly is defeated.
However, using this newfound power has costs- Ironfist is knocked clean out by a sudden pain in his head, eyes flaring and fizzing as he hits the ground, leaving Verity alone with Overlord’s flaming, animated endoskeleton.
Yeah no, he’s still not dead, and he’s still not fucking over Megatron, lamenting on how he just isn’t sure how he’ll fight him, now that he’s little more than robot bones. Verity has to be the one to break it to the guy that Megatron’s dead, and Overlord takes it about as well as he can.
I’m sorry Overlord, but at what friggin’ point were you promised ANYTHING from Megatron “Peace Through Tyranny” of Tarn? You were threatened, but that’s a little different than a vow to get revenge. Hell, that’s not even on the same level as as pinky-promise. What a baby.
Impactor ends the pity party by shooting Overlord with his alt-mode’s weaponry and then does a little something for Springer… by not ending Overlord. Nope, looks like the death of Springer finally let him see the error of his ways, and they’re going to bring Overlord in to stand trial, because while the guy deserves to die, Impactor doesn’t deserve to kill him. Maybe if more Transformers took this little idea to heart, they wouldn’t still be at war four million years and counting.
Impactor goes to radio for a ride, and Ironfist wakes up. It looks like everything’s going to be okay now.
Or not.
Yep, those weird brain-seeking bullets Ironfist had loaded into all the guns he brought on the trip were perfected after a disastrous prototype testing accident. THE accident, if you will. Prowl knew about this, and used it to his advantage, throwing Ironfist on the mission, with the intent that he’d be used to unlock Aequitas. Topspin, of course, caused the plan to change a bit, but it all worked out in the end.
Also, Springer isn’t dead. He’s pretty messed up, but he’s not dead. They’ve got Ratchet on it, it’ll be fine.
And thus we arrive at the debriefing, between Prowl and Ultra Magnus. Magnus is questioning just why Prowl had this mission sanctioned in the first place, if he was so very against the Aequitas trials while they were happening. The answer is simple: propaganda. If the Decepticons were to find out that the trials involved nothing but Autobot war crimes, and lots of ‘em, it would be the ultimate blow to the Autobot forces.
Ultra Magnus thinks that they should go public with the information, but Prowl disagrees. The only copy of Aequitas is left with Prowl, and while Ultra Magnus would like to trust that he wouldn’t destroy this info, the end result is left a mystery.
But you’ll have to read the sequel series to see just how that all turns out.
If Ironfist is dead, just who is writing up this narrative framing device for the issue? Why, it’s none other than Verity Carlo, using the power of the internet. I guess she has access to the Cybertronian internet now. Wonder who hooked her up with that. Probably not Ultra Magnus. Maybe Percy did her a solid as a thanks for surgically removing Overlord’s will to live.
Whether you want it to or not, I suppose.
This miniseries is a little dark, ain’t it?
Verity went to all the trouble to leave Earth and hide in the escape pods so she wouldn’t be abandoned, only to end up right where she started, with a heaping spoonful of PTSD to pair off with all the disappointment and lack of friends in her life. She watched a lot of people die on Garrus-9, and she’s in no way battle-hardened like one could argue the other surviving Wreckers are. All she has at this point is a blog she inherited from a nerd who accidentally committed a slow-burn suicide. I hope Perceptor will keep in touch with her, at least, seeing as he’s the only one who was also there and isn’t dead.
That’s the end of the miniseries proper, but not the entirety of the story. Up next, we’ll be looking at all the fun little extras Last Stand of the Wreckers came with.
#transformers#jro#last stand of the wreckers#issue 5#maccadam#Hannzreads#text post#long post#comic script writing#wreckers trilogy
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