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cyber-corp · 9 months

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A """summary""" of Homestuck: Act 6 Part 1

by someone who's glad they've gone back to basics for a bit

Let's (for a brief, fleeting moment) start again nice and simple.

It is the 11th of November, 2011 and today a young girl named Jane Crocker is excited to play the alpha for a game that comes out today called SBURB. How fun!

Jane here is heiress to Betty Crocker's baked goods empire (as mentioned previously in Nannasprite's story), and there is also set to be a major rebranding initiative happening today as well. She likes baking, detective stories, as well as the occasional jape.

But look out! There's another guy! His name is Jake English, and he's quite fond of action-adventure flicks, guns, and blue alien chicks. Fucking freak he is.

Jake is currently helping/pestering Jade, his ectodaughter/dead grandma who is set to give it to John (Jake's relations with him is yet to be revealed), before realising that it'll need a bit of uranium to be finished. He only can get it through a boy called Dirk Strider, (unfortunately), and his Brobot which just so happens to be the only source of uranium on the island that Jake lives on.

Before he pesters Dirk, Jake gets a message from someone (presumably a troll) named UU. They essentially tell him "hey!!! go for it!! i believe in yoU!!! also this event is extremely important timeline-wise, so dont screw it Up!!!!"

Jake attempts to get to Dirk about uranium, only to get the equivalent of an AI-based answering machine, much to his dismay.

He then heads out of the island's forest (with the dread of the Brobot lingering) and into the open. He witnesses the beautiful fauna on display.

Too beautiful for comfort.

Jake attempts a getaway, before being swarmed by a large swarm of fairy bulls! Whatever shall he do now? But not to worry, because a certain BrotherRobot has come to rescue!

He then immediately gets his ass kicked royally, (complete with Tensei's amazing score) and blacks out. He has a dream about someone who kinda looks like Vriska???? But isn't really??? Maybe it's one of the prophecy people that Doc Scratch was talking about??? Or undead Vriska??? idk man.....

He tells Roxy Lalonde about this, who panics because everyone in the group is attracted to Jake in some way. He is a harem protag, apparently.

Anyway, while Jane has the most relatable moment in all of Homestuck by awkwardly confirming her and Jake's 'friendship', Brobot tears out its own heart, then blows itself up, giving Jake the uranium he needs. He also confesses to Jane that he and Dirk would be a good couple!!!!

The Alpha Gang have proved themselves to be superior to the Beta Gang by being gay.

Jake is last seen in this chapter heading down the frog temple, presumably to finally send that package.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Jane!

So CrockerCorp undergoes its big rebranding, changing its symbol to a fork instead of a spoon, which will have very big implications later on.

After UU pesters her about the nature of the game she will play, she continues to look out the window, to no game yet in her mailbox.

While pestering a ditzy girl named Roxy Lalonde, she just so happens to notice that her mailbox flappy thing is up, meaning the game is finally here! She dons a shitty disguise to confuse her dad (which is the same as John's dad), and, with the help of Dirk's robot bunny Lil Seb creating a massive hole in the wall, she lass scampers out of there.

She opens the mailbox, which then proceeds to fucking explode, knocking her out and sending her to Prospit, where Jack Noir ᶠᵘᶜᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵏᶦˡˡˢ ʰᵉʳ ᵍᵒᵈᵈᵃᵐᵐᶦᵗ before she wakes up.

I think at this point I am completely past the point of no return and have no choice but to cosplay as Gamzee with nothing but grey Sharpie. Other than that, Homestuck continues to keep itself fresh and interesting through established lore (probably from a page you don't even remember because you were too distracted by Karkat yelling).

Even more excited to see where this goes!

#jane crocker #jake english #jack noir #homestuck #alpha kids #roxy lalonde #dirk strider #gecko boy #gecko boy reads homestuck #also guy fieri could smash the supreme court no contest

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