#again someone pay for my therapy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lest-we-forget-the-lamb · 1 year

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anyone else have their brain chemistry altered by nbc hannibal

#i wish i was joking tbh #it’s like drastically changed me #mostly postitive though can’t really complain too much #i do think violence and gore is kinda hot now so uhhh #hannibal #nbc hannibal #again someone pay for my therapy #bug chirps #the hits

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the-woman-upstairs · 6 months

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Many reasons why I love Hoffman but one thing that tops the list is him sending Strahm to a Saw trap equivalent of a “Do you like me? Check Yes or No” note.

#such a deeply pathetic little weirdo desperate for attention but he cannot communicate that normally #so…saw trap #mark hoffman #hoffstrahm #coffinshipping #saw movies #saw franchise #like to believe hoffman had a little crush initially but then strahm gave himself a tracheotomy and it was all over for him #hoffman really comes off as someone who hoarded any and all attention his sister gave him #and when she died and then john directed him to exist in almost total anonymity #he completely lost it when *one* person started actively paying attention to him again #toxic yaoi for the win #can’t believe that not only do i enjoy the fuck out of these movies #but they also include my absolute favorite type of character: repressed weirdo bruiser not fit for society and uses violence as therapy #i binged all the saw movies in two weeks and all i got was this brainrot

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mylifeingotham · 2 months

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Guys I’m so traumatised, I just saw the weirdest, most inappropriate post. Like I was just trying to look at funny batman stuff, now I am traumatised.

#it didn’t even belong there #someone please pay for my therapy #also what are you people posting??#i don’t wanna talk about it #leave me alone #actually traumatized #messed up #tumblr better watch yourself #why are people like this #never looking through tumblr ever again #batman

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dreamlogic · 6 months

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#chronic blogging #shit chat #well at this point both of my parents (who i inherited my Just Tough It Out streak from) have #upon hearing how bad my post-hysterectomy pain has been #told me 'umm no you need to go see someone.' and 'please just go to urgent care i will pay for it if your insurance won't.' respectively #haunted by the ghost of my right ovary (sharp stabbing pains & debilitating muscle spasms around the incision site)#it's been 1.5 years since surgery and it's getting worse not better #at my 1mo post op i was like 'hey right side hurts a lot worse & the incision seems really wonky & off-center. thoughts?'#they said it was nothing to worry about give it time i might still be feeling pain up to 6mo post op #sooo 8mo post op contact surgeon again 'hey remember that thing i mentioned? yeah still hurts bad enough i struggle to walk sometimes'#she says eeehhh maybe you developed pelvic floor dysfunction or always had it and surgery made it worse. read this book & do some stretches #book stretches & muscle relaxers helped for a bit so i just carried on but it was not improving in fact becoming more persistent #lil over a year post op contact surgeon like 'HEY do not ignore me i am in an amount of pain that is NOT NORMAL and you WILL see me'#drive 1+ hrs for her to poke at me for ~10 minutes ignore most of what i was saying and determine it's just muscle spasms do more stretches #said physical therapy MIGHT help if i did it 2x monthly for at least 6mo. which would've involved commuting over an hour during the workweek #no THANK you i'll just keep doing my stupid stretches. and the thing is.#the stretches ARE helping. i feel my overall balance/flexibility/stamina improving #but that by contrast is making the STABBING PAINS WHERE MY RIGHT OVARY USED TO BE all the more obvious #'oh it's just muscle spasms' well why the FUCK are my muscles spasming around THIS SPOT EXCLUSIVELY for SEVENTEEN MONTHS STRAIGHT #i have essentially no pain on my left side at all. i feel overall just fine & dandy but i am convinced there is something #like. very seriously wrong on the right side causing this #and yeah if my surgeon won't listen to me maybe i will check myself into urgent care and demand an ultrasound #(which btw i asked for during my last visit & she told me it was unnecessary & to fuck off)#but now the two people who instilled me with a very deep mistrust for the medical industry #and from who i learned from via a lifetime of observation how to dissociate from chronic pain in order to function #are telling me 'yeah no this is bad you need a DOCTOR.' umm. i probably need a doctor.#was talking w/ E last night about degrees of pain & like. avg day is like 4-6 on a 0-10 scale. good days 2-3.#i don't consider calling out from work unless it's like an 8 or higher cause i'm just so used to it.#i'm sick of it. so fucking bored with being in constant pain. i want my life & energy back. i want a personality beyond Oh Just Tired back.#i wanna be able to enjoy touch again with immediately hitting overstimulation threshold due to pain.

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grandninjamasterren · 4 months

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#ironic that there's certain people in the notes of my vent post still tone deaf enough to pretend like they weren't part of the problem #im honestly wondering if it was planned #it sure seems coordinated enough #but maybe you just don't pay enough attention to the threads of conversation to notice that everyone is snubbing someone #then again that's been a social punishment since before language was invented so its hard to believe you wouldn't notice #its been made abundantly clear that you wouldn't have cared either way since this is the first ive heard from you since then #therapy doesnt magically disappear problems and it certainly doesnt cure “upset because my friends are ignoring me” suicidal ideation aside #i shouldnt have to lead with “how you're all treating me makes me think i'm better off dead” to get people to hold a conversation with me #about our shared interests after they have admitted a friendly relationship

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yourcalamity · 8 months

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im about to have such a potent opportunity to disappear into the woods forever it itches

#i wonder how long it would take anyone to figure it out lol #youre welcome future coldcase vloggers #but for the record if i do mysteriously vanish no its not because of my job #must be said because thats the easiest explanation people come up with yeah it would be convenient right #if i could just get a new job and suddenly everything in my life will be fixed and all of the other blatant issues clearly coming from other #sources will cease to exist #also therapy and meds will do the same thing. i might as well walk up to a stranger and ask them to snap their fingers and cure me #just as long as the hand i turn to for help points in another direction technically im being ‘helped’ right #life is just a fight and you have to keep fighting for yourself and others and hope one day someone is going to fight for you #and when people dont fight for you when you need them to it becomes clear that you dont even need to fight. it would be easier to lose #you already upset them by not fighting for yourself and instead of fighting for you now theyre fighting againt you. do you really want to #fight harder. do you really want to fight people you love. no one wants that #ive been so emotionally destroyed these past years and idk if i will ever recover or find worth in myself again #and if i got a new job tomorrow at the most comfortable high paying company in the world with a one day work week and unlimited pto #i would still feel worthless because of the experiences ive had and the way everyobe has brushed over them as if i cant feel emotion #i have been carrying so much hurt #now im going home to say goodbye to the remains of a stranger who wouldve disowned me had we ever spoken on even ground #but sure i will enjoy my trip

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reki-rixt · 11 months

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I feel like at this point I’m not even willingly watching Miraculous, I just randomly see edits on Instagram, check the comments, and go “there’s no fucking way that happened”

And then I have no choice but to watch the show to see if the nonsense is true (it always is)

#this has happened at least 3 or 4 times now #and it’s about to happen again because what’s this sentimonster bullshit I’m hearing about???#there’s no way like you all have to be lying to me #I don’t think this show possesses any form of logic or coherent storytelling #I thought this was a kids show wtf is happening LMAO #tangled up in this nonsense all because I was obsessed with cats in middle school and thought a cat superhero was cool 💀#does France have free mental health care?? because someone’s gotta pay for my therapy and I think it should be them #miraculous #miraculous ladybug

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angelicdevil · 4 months

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So. Apparently my mom DOES know I’m suicidal and apparently she DOES think I’m suicidal just to hurt her feelings or something, didn’t say anything to refute the idea that she would happier if I went through with it. So I’m just uh. Gonna try to force myself calm down.

#devil script #I don’t even know what I did to upset her initially #Because it’s all ‘I want you to communicate’ until an opportunity comes up TO communicate #And what the fuck kind of person brings up that someone wants to commit suicide just to hurt the suicidal person #And she hasn’t even.#Tried to talk me into getting therapy for it?????????#She genuinely does not see it as a concern??????????#Bitch I held a fucking knife to my that one just because the thought of you yelling at me over something really fucking small terrifies me #so much #And time and time again I think about how much you don’t want me around #Because you constantly bring up that I don’t pay rent #Which leads me to believe that you resent me being here #So it all just seems like she wants me to do it and is annoyed that I haven’t yet #And I think the fact that I will get suicidal over small stuff isn’t a sign of me being childish #I think it’s a sign that I need fucking therapy #But I’m apparently not worth it to anybody #Because even though I brought up that I don’t feel worth going back to therapy no one cared #But I don’t think I can afford therapy on my own #So just….#I don’t know anymore #Tonight was supposed to be about my recent birthday too #vent #negative #suicide mention

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spinningbagel · 1 year

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Adding onto this post because if I don’t I’m exploding.

I like to call it the homeless Au because it’s just Sheriff being a homeless rat.

So I’d like to present my notes:

- Because he got kicked out before anything could be done about his arm or just kept getting worse

- The mutation now takes up the entirety of his left arm

- Sheriff twitches a lot now. Basically being electrocuted because of a steadily growing mutation does a lot to a person.

- No sleep? No sleep.

- He’s got an entire pocket full of coffee beans. Don’t ask him where they came from.

- He found the hoodie in a dumpster, it is pride and joy (he has an unhealthy emotional attachment to it)

- Sheriff has eaten his fair share of strange things. It’s a wonder he hasn’t died.

- Has stolen food from La resistance’s vegetable garden (gotta slow down the mutation somehow)

- He does okay by himself. (Not really he’s very mentally unstable.)

- Easily described as a raccoon.

- Some months later his friends find him and are like “what the fuck.”

- They were raiding buildings and by surprise surprise he’s camping out in one.

- It’s an awkward interaction. He don’t wanna talk to ‘em and they don’t really wanna talk to him

- Somehow he ends back at the lair.

- No trust between both parties.

- Sheriff can tolerate Shooter. (I can’t and won’t shut about these gays 😔)

Uhh I think that’s all I got. So have some doodles I did :3

#mutant busters #mutant busters sheriff #Mutant busters Au #again…#I can’t believe myself #someone pay for my therapy #please #I’ll give you a lil kiss #/j #aaaaaaaa #shit post #mutant busters homeless au #Bagel's art #Bagels rambles

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purewater100 · 10 months

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face reveal

#vent in tags #Erm sorry guys not to be personal on my personal blog but #i'm so fucking miserable.#constantly.#i try to be happy i really do i mean i have friends and two partners and a wonderful dog and a roof over my head and food and i have so muc #i have so much to be happy and thankful over and wonderful friends i get to talk to Every Day #yet all it does is give me a distraction. something to focus on and as soon as it's gone i get reminded how fucking bleak everything is #i'm so miserable #i'm constantly drowning in my own fucking misery and i don't know how to stop.#i can't afford therapy and i can't ask my family to pay for it for me bcuz my mother doesn't have the money either #and even if she did would i even go?#i've isolated myself from everyone. it's been years since i've last talked to someone irl (that i don't live with). my life is so empty #and all it does is make me feel worse #even when i'm fixated on an interest or two my daydreams of it are completely ruined by my misery bleeding into it lmfao #when i'm not thinking about how awful i feel i'm thinking about dying and when i'm not thinking about dying i'm thinking about how hopeless #my future is and rinse and repeat it just repeats and repeats and Repeats #i say i can't remember my days because i have a bad memory but the truth is it's because every day is the fucking same #every day i do the same shit i drown in my misery work a little or focus on something i'm into for like an hour before laying in bed and #thinking about dying Again and it just repeats over and over every hour every day every week every fucking month #i'm so miserable.#i want to kill myself. i want to die; but i know i'm too much of a fucking pussy to do it now lmfao #i want to die

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eileennatural · 1 year

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what if i was the only nonproblem child in my family bc both of my siblings were mentally ill so to make up for that i never had any feelings ever. what if told you both of my siblings are now healthy happy adults in stable long term relationships and um. i once ghosted a therapist bc i was so viscerally uncomfortable even mentioning the fact that sometimes i have feelings and they are not good.

#sorry 4 using my blog as um. a blog i wont do it again i prommy #what if i told you that um. i love both of my parents and i understand why they behaved the way they did but it would have been nice #if someone had noticed how bad i was doing bc now i have all these scars so i cant get undressed in front of anyone #and my psychological symptoms have contributed to long term negative consequences on my physical health #but i still cant even process the idea of gettinf therapy bc i would have to ask my parents bc im on their health insurance #and i could never afford to pay for an outof pocket therapist. but i dont want them to know that im doing abdly #and have been for an entire decade because that will make them feel guilty #but also at the same time ive been doing so poorly for so long i dont even know what it would be like to do better. clearly ive been #getting by okay without help so maybe its not even worth it idk

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autistic-shaiapouf · 1 year

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Same anon as before, I’m happy that you’re accepting yourself! That’s great news. I had a very similar situation where I was very embarrassed about what character my brain chose to project onto, but after working with my therapist and years of reflection I’ve realized it had to be that character because they were the only one I could see myself in, we were both abused in certain ways that made it like looking in a mirror, and being Him meant that I was able to protect myself because he could (character is someone “dangerous” in their world). So I really think it comes down to a reflection of trauma, and there’s nothing to be ashamed about. We coped with what our brains found the most comfort in.

If I can ask, what does your therapist think about it? Only wondering because with my therapist, they are aware we have fictives of this character as well as the system as a whole projects through him but I’m still trying to figure out if it’s part fictives and other part alters with psychotic attachments or if there’s something else at play as well like past lives (the old fictionkin community used to be big into that but I know it’s not so much anymore so I’m a little embarrassed but I am still a spiritual person) alr that’s all, looking forward to your response!

First of all, I'm glad to hear back from you anon!!

My therapist and I figured roughly the same thing happened with me! When I say I use this character as a therapy tool, I don't think it's appreciated enough that it's bc my therapist familiarized himself with the source - my therapist watched (and enjoyed) 148 episodes of anime for my sessions and I cannot stress that enough lmao; we're pretty sure that what happened was that I saw a lot of my emotional trauma play out again in front of me in his character arc, mostly in the way he perceives himself but also with how he struggles with his emotions and general interactions with the world (with my own difficulty with such coming from the climate of the family that abused me). He did serve as a mirror, not just of my own trauma, but also of what I wish I could have done, which was to lash out and genuinely own my anger and frustration and do something. Of course there's a lot more to it, but with just covering the surface, looks like we've had pretty similar experiences!

As for my therapist's thoughts on this, we actually haven't put any clinical labels on it. I personally like labels, they make me feel sure and certain about things in my life, which is why I tried to nail this down with the OSDD/DDNOS (complete with question mark) in my bio, but truth be told I'm not entirely sure I meet the full criteria for either of them, in spite of the genuine experiences I've had with what definitely feels like multiplicity of some sort. Interestingly enough, while I myself am not very spiritual, my therapist did make a mention that this is an experience that I could try looking at through a spiritual lens, especially since it's been coming up a lot more as I'm trying to rework some deeply held thought patterns. There's been a pretty positive outlook on it overall and he encouraged me to interact with it - the episodes tend to come with some specific thoughts and feelings, so we're treating them (and by extension, this character) as a sort of conduit for them, sort of like a messenger bringing attention to them. This is all some pretty specific info for my stuff though lmao, I just wanted to cover the ground as thoroughly as I could 💖

#part of me genuinely does wanna reach out to the fictionkin community just for the value of having potential community experience #but also. maybe I'll just watch them for a bit and think about it lmao #my experiences with my dissociation is like. it feels like there's someone else with me you know? im alone but i can feel someone else #and I'm holding their feelings and thoughts in those moments #if i believed in ghosts hardcore this would 100% make me think im possessed but fortunately i recognize where #all this is coming from as far as functionality and the name attached; funnnily enough i remember a video my roommate #put on and it was talking about psychosis scenes in movies + gauging them for accuracy #and the guy starts talking about DID and I'm like okay i definitely dont meet the criteria for that but I'm half paying attention #and he mentions that one of the things that people have reported is feeling like they're possessed and i just sat there FLOORED by this #bc that was exactly how I'd described the feelings in therapy; 1:1 word for word 😳 again i know for sure i dont have DID #but the same guidelines that make up the definitions and criteria are kinda also running along my dissociative episodes as well #ive already said so much in the tags but i did have a session where i just sat there and was like. i want to love every part of myself #and that includes the episodes; i know they're a protective measure and i dont wanna feel like I'm fighting them anymore #that was months ago; this is by far the most vocal ive been about it #it took almost a year for me to settle into it and be able to talk about it even in therapy but I'm so glad i can do it now #and I'm so glad to be hearing from people who understand how this feels 💖💖💖 thank you so much again!!!#im realizing that i actually have a lot of thoughts on this now that im actually understanding it a lot better #the asks are just giving me some chances to infodump a little hehe 💕#you're welcome in my inbox any time!! thanks again!! 💖💖💖#asks

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darkrunsout · 2 years

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I hate this fucking system so much.

#I've been looking for help in form of many different kind of therapies for months now - MONTHS #and I haven't even gotten on 1 (ONE!) single waiting list #and that's not just from regular insurance covered therapists #I was willing to pay for horse riding therapy lessons or now a service dog myself #but they all don't even have an open waiting list anymore #I mean what else am I supposed to do now?#I need some form of therapy really badly #and asking for help again and again is difficult enough when I have barely any energy for all those phone calls #but getting rejected again and again?#it's the absolute worst feeling.#like I am here somehow trying to get my hopes up again and again in order to be able to reach out for help again and again #and they're always getting crushed again and again #how am I supposed to not despair especially with depression?#how is it possible that the only thing I hear is to 'try again next year' when I'm having acute problems?#I mean no one tells someone who broke their leg that all the doctors don't have any appointments left anymore #and that they should just try to reach out again next year #I just can't anymore #I don't know what else to do #I'm just like screaming here asking for help #and not only is no one helping but everyone is refusing to do so

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zombiesun · 2 years

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I do think it's funny that I resent people for using me for my ability to give excellent advice while enduring the brunt of someone's life trauma but then I'm like "I just need someone to use for their ability to give excellent advice while enduring the brunt of my life trauma" like the human need to dehumanize someone else for their own emotional needs is a circle

#vin.text #I know I just need to get into therapy again my issues are not friend appropriate or me appropriate at this point #need to pay someone so I can cry in front of them about things I don't even talk to myself about

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emypony · 16 days

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#the way this pigeon is the only physical thing right now that is holding me from killing myself #godspeed the universe gave me this feathered fucker so id have someone to come home to cry to #i LOVE having a panic attack at work over my boss yelling and cussing at me its just what ive always wanted #“you need therapy” you pay me minimum wage. what fucking therapy #pay me to go to therapy and then ill go how's that?#piece of shit #“you'll never find a boss like me again” BITCH I'D HOPE SO #the way this 30 something guy managed to fuck up all the work i did on myself #depression stocks went UP baby

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adambomb82 · 6 months

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#that time again #happy halloween #i watched scooby doo 1 and 2 #the live action #i had never seen the second one so it was nice to finally see it #i had someone over for the first time since everything happened #not that i was bringing people over but yknow #idk how to word it but yeah #theyre into me but im not really into them #happy to be friends but just not my type #and i feel shitty bc im just nice to them and im sure it comes off as me leading them on which upsets me honestly #i dont mean to do it but i just cant seem to express that im not really interested in them like that #idk #life is getting better #im pretty sure im finally getting a new job #a nice job that pays well and has benefits #idk when ill actually move out bc my roommates owe me $2k and i dont want to move out before getting it from them #so we'll see #but regardless itll be nice to have insurance and get back into therapy at least #thats the plan at least #ive been so lonely recently #its getting colder #once again by myself #i hope things get better soon #i know they will bc they have to #i miss you so much

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