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madhattersez · 11 months

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Phreak the Planet

Saw one of these old friends a few months back.

It's becoming harder and harder to find payphones after the mass decommission, so I always take time to have a little moment whenever I do stumble across one.

Memories... Sweet memories of RadioShack-powered boxes, mini tape recorders, calling my long distance girlfriend, disrupting the asshole staff at my Junior High, learning neat tricks to show people, and just having harmless fun before the Internet truly hit.

#payphone #payphones #phreak #phreaking #phone phreak #phone phreaking #hack the planet #ma bell #old technology #old phones #retro phone #hacker #oldschool #adventurewithhatter #memories

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madhattersez · 11 months

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Creep-Ass Shit I Saw in Antique Stores

These were all from my recent trip to Kansas, which has the absolute best antique malls. But, as with all antique joints, they are still full to the brim with frights beyond our comprehension. Here are just a few quick glimpses of Hell.

First up... clowns! Everyone loves clowns:

Don't worry, I did in fact buy those vintage clown masks just in case a bank robbery is in our future. Yes, "ours," like... you and me, partner.

Okay, taking a break to let you know about this scary fella (the one on the right, that is, ho ho).

There was a shop I'd never visited before - They had one bathroom. This was it.

This room had two sit-down toilet stalls, and neither of them had doors. So this fucking sasquatch just stared at you, right in the genitals, the entire time... making you question if it was indeed an evil mannequin inside or if this was just a creeper in a suit waiting to pounce on you.

Fastest sideways piss I've ever taken. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I don't know why we had to add a butler stricken with Eldritch madness to the handle of this little broom, but here we are!

...

Hey, all you folks that made it past the clowns - I'm so proud of you! So proud of you, that I'd like to invite you to round two! Not, not another round of clowns. This time, demonic dolls:

Their eyes. THEIR EYES. Their special eyes. MY BRAND!

Either Santa here is packing one hell of a package to put under your tree, or more likely, Santa was facing the opposite direction until just a second ago, when his head swiveled around to look down at you and scream the loudest "OHHHHHHHH" until your skull started rattling.

I'll let you pick.

Why? Why would you ever trust smiles like these? Don't. Don't you ever.

I can not describe in words just how massive and utterly dirty this fucking thing was. Even if it was crystal clean, would it not still be unsettling? It was so big, you could have stuffed at least two children in it. Scott Cawthon, eat your heart out. Literally.

...

Ooh! It's time for another collection! This one's fun, and I wish I would have taken more pictures. I could have sworn I did, but I couldn't find more...

I don't think I've ever seen one of these before, but I saw at least one in every single antique mall we went into (7) on the trip. It was like some sort of Stephen King-style omen or some shit.

I like to call them the "soul-hungry bears:"

I love how the last one has the most numb, world-weary eyes I've ever seen in my life, losing his fur in patches due to stress, and is getting hella drunk.

THE MONKEYS WOULD ALSO LIKE TO PLAY.

YYEEEEAAAAUAUUUGGHHHH!!!

This Pinnochio is not fucking around. He looks like he's possessed with power from the One Ring, holding a Dragon Ball in one hand and a submachine gun in the other. How could this ever have looked friendly?!

...

Okay, I'm going to have my favorite little guy I found play this post out. His name's Toe Joe. And as you can see, he needs help:

And now I need help.

And so do you.

Thanks for coming on this horrific journey with me! <3

#antiques #retro #vintage #antique shop #antique mall #horror #weird shit #weird antiques #weird finds #thrift finds #weird thrift #clowns #baby dolls #creepy dolls #creepy clowns #sasquatch #weird #toe joe needs some help #adventurewithhatter

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madhattersez · 10 months

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Weird Junk from Kansas Antique/Thrift Stores (Part 2)

Did you miss Part 1? How about this creepy shit?

Let's start this one with some doofy dolls. Here we have two... *gags* Guh... singing George Bushes and... shit, I don't know about the second one, honestly. It's probably also classist garbage humor, I guess?

Big-time memories. These tablets full of their weak, tan paper inside were basically the only thing I wrote on for half of my public schooling. Also, yeah, movie Beetlejuice was cool and all, but the cartoon version was on that good good shit.

A gorgeous lil' retro pachinko machine in impeccable condition for this price. I wish I could've snagged it.

Again, an absolutely bonkers condition thing, but a pretty high price. Just LOOK at this accordion, though! It's gorgeous!

Board game night will never be the same again...

I WANT THIS THING WOW

But I'll just cuddle with this dude instead for free.

This little bear with the dope chain is way too excited that some Mason died.

This super-depressed vintage E.T. is now one of my bestest friends ever.

Alright, so that wraps it up for the most recent Kansas trip, but how about some interesting Texas finds now that I'm back? Say no more!

WE ARE THE MOTHERFUCKING BUTTER PEOPLE GIVE US ALL YOUR BREAD

These salt and pepper shakers are almost certainly tiddies.

Both of these made me point and laugh equally.

Someone made the ugly '80s suitcases into... footstools? ... I like it.

I'm not sure how I feel about Cake Man, but I definitely laughed hard at this sheep taking revenge on Dora.

Finally, this incredible, incredible piece that somehow survived all the way from Brooklyn to Austin. It's a 12 foot (or so) tall mirror, a super ornately carvedframe, and some original paint in the middle (sorry, ladies). This sucker was from the original Grand Prospect Hall in 1900 when it burned down and needed to be rebuilt. This mirror was an original from 1892 that had survived. It's yours if you have $12,000 and can figure out a way to move such a thing safely!

Wow, though. 131 years. Jesus.

#antiques #retro #vintage #antique shop #antique mall #thrift finds #weird #adventurewithhatter #thrift shop #toys #retro toys #vintage toys

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madhattersez · 10 months

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Weird Junk from Kansas Antique/Thrift Stores (Part 1)

Looking for the creepy shit I found on this trip? Say no more and click here!

If you know me, you know I love antiquing and thrifting. I literally thrive on nostalgia. Kansas is one of the best places to go for such things, as the best pieces haven't been picked to resell, and the prices are mad cheap.

Here are some choice random objects I found on my last trip:

We'll kick it off with a lovely book selection. The Maker of Boxes is your new god, Macromedia is an ancient conjuring word from the past, and the cover of "RABIES" will catch any child's attention. I was afraid to open that last book because bigotry.

You ready for a hot and wild date night?

Two things to make any party an instant hit - PrintMaster Gold for some sweet banners and invites, and some vintage circus party... um... "nut cups."

One of the funniest fucking shirts I've ever seen in my life.

An absolutely magical Fisher Price playground...

Robert the Robot was bursting out of the box to escape the dust-ridden maze he was forgotten in. Meanwhile, Mr. Machine smiles on. Dear reader, I am a stupid idiot. "Why," you may ask? Because I have been looking for a working Mr. Machine for ages and this one was the cheapest I've ever seen ($40 - They're usually double that). This one was clean and in fantastic condition... I passed on it and have only seen busted up ones for a lot more since then. ARGH.

UNF, sexy Mars Attacks toys I don't own yet. Look at that brain-powered ray gun! Sadly, these were super overpriced.

A graduation Furby and a Taco Bell dog. The dog may talk or sing, but you'll never know until you buy it!

Interesting machinations. I have never even heard of a talking View-Master... Look how big and chonky it was! Also, the neat lil' battery-powered pinball table was cool.

I want to make Albert and Michael battle for one of the last glass Crystal Pepsi bottles left.

Two very, very, very radical picture disc vinyls!

Yes, antique dealers have a sense of humor-ish. ... See you in Part 2!

#antiques #retro #vintage #antique shop #antique mall #thrift finds #weird #adventurewithhatter #thrift shop #toys #retro toys #vintage toys

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madhattersez · 1 year

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Garden Bros Nuclear Circus (Austin, TX)

First of all, I should mention that this circus cut all animal acts out of it, aside from one dog trick troupe doing stuff you'd expect on something like "America's Got Talent." Because of that, we thought we'd check it out.

The Big Top and attached... um... medium tops (?) were large and bright and easy to see from the highway. That's good, because the address the site had when I purchased tickets was about two miles away (there was at least a sign at the original spot that helped).

The whole thing had a... Doctor Who-adjacent storyline. The only clown in the show also served as a bit of a Ringmaster, preceding each act by repeatedly not learning his dumbass lesson and answering the phone every time it rang - It transported him each time (somewhat violently) to a different time and place.

One thing that made this circus way more different than ones I went to as a kid was the amount of really well-costumed dance numbers whenever the time period changed. I suppose this probably fills the holes that were once populated by numerous animal acts in the past.

I honestly dug it - Having a storyline and dancing in between stuff gave it a (very low budget) Cirque de Soleil vibe.

The aforementioned doggos doing doggo things:

Random circusy things:

You know those "People that are all muscular that stack together like statues?" Yeah, this circus had one of those troupes. But they were the best I'd ever seen, on TV or in person. I mean, look at this shit:

One thing about them is that, in between tricks, they did some sexy salsa dancing. And, let me tell you, dear reader - It was the most ridiculously sexy salsa dancing I've ever seen in my life. I think I accidentally laughed out loud the first time they did it because it was so overcharged. There was howling from the stands, even.

I thought this had to be Magic Mike's Nuclear Circus.

Anyway, I'd love to finally talk about this thing:

I don't know what this contraption is called (maybe one of you can educate me without Googling it? Hah), but it has always been my favorite thing to see at a circus ever since I was a little kid.

Literally death-defying. No safety net. No cables. These folks run and grab and jump around inside and outside the circle as the whole thing swings around.

I can't imagine the practice and precision it takes to master an act like this. I'm always blown away. And this kid was probably like 16-18 max. Here's some video proof of me yelping in amazement:

Damn, that's impressive.

#garden bros #garden bros nuclear circus #circus #circus act #big top #austin #austin tx #stunt #stunts #adventurewithhatter

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madhattersez · 1 year

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Stephanie Nichols 12th Annual Car & Vintage Plane Show (Georgetown, TX)

I love it when cars, uh... cosplay as planes. Hah. It's a rad idea, and the top one here is a Ford Mustang... painted up like a P-51 Mustang plane. That's just cool as hell.

I wish I could remember what kind of plane this was / history it had, but my son was too busy distracting me by laughing at the giant "69."

Sexy and sleek, or a dirty rat rod? Gorgeous, no matter the condition.

UGHHHHHH. I didn't have a Trans-Am, but I did have a car almost identical to this a long ways back. I had a 1979 Firebird that had the same body as this. Built for racing (for better or worse - It literally caught on fire when I raced someone once... but, yes, I did beat him).

It was awesome being in the presence of this cousin of my old ride. All sorts of memories I probably shouldn't mention here...

This plane looked like a '60s rec room.

I also had a 1971 Volkswagen Westfalia bus, which came a few years after this one on the left. I most certainly didn't have anything like this vintage Rolls Royce showstopper on the right.

One of our favorite local planes is from World War II, and it's still flying today - A B-25 Mitchell bomber called the "Devil Dog." What an incredible machine.

Random shots. Oh my good God, this Edsel, though!

There were a few vendors there, including Hot Wheels ones. I had to go home with these, they were all just $3 apiece!

Okay, I saved the best for last. Look at this sexy trike:

Just as legit as they come, including a speaker that plays multiple Mario Kart songs and sound effects, and a blue shell side pack. Godddddddd damn.

#car show #air show #classic cars #vintage cars #vintage planes #b25 mitchell #hot wheels #mario kart #vw bus #edsel #pontiac firebird #pontiac trans am #rat rod #ford mustang #p51 mustang #georgetown tx #adventurewithhatter

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