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chicoryandbananas · 7 years

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Out Breath (Nancy Wheeler/Jonathan Byer Fic)

(Is there a Tumblr-standard format for fan fiction? My blog, my rules. Disclaimer, disclaimer, mid-episode 2x06, spoilers, adventures of the doubter and the liar, enjoy)

A few steps inside the flimsy excuse for a door, he stops kissing her with the equal and opposite force he'd used to pull her into that kiss in the first place. His back is up against the wall and she's standing off balance, alone, in the middle of the room, sense of touch still a few seconds behind. She can feel everywhere his hands were on her a moment ago like her skin had bunched up as easily as the fabric of her shirt and was coming unwrinkled slowly, snapping with the static of frustration.

“What the hell?” She says indignantly, heart so loud she thinks for a second Murray is knocking on the door and she whips around to look at it with rage. She only just registers the new steel in her voice, the certainty, grown over a year of horrors that didn't beat her, that she wants him and she's earned this. “What the hell, Jonathan?” She's says, louder still, angry before he has a chance to answer at the fact that he's not a coward in anything but this.

Jonathan breathes fast and deep. His eyes cast around wildly like he's chalking and erasing numbers in the air, doing the math of self control. Each breath out is a propulsive force, anchoring his resolve to the wall at his back. His shoulders don't fall in on themselves. He's not afraid anymore. Not of her, not of the way she looks at him and what she must see.

“Steve,” he says like the name means regret. “I don't hate the guy enough to….I know how I'd feel if I had someone like you and lost her just because...because the world was ending.”

She too tries to catch her breath, feeling her own eyes dart around the dim, low room in panic. No, no. Anger. “That's really patronizing, you know. I don't get to make choices for myself now because of Steve?”

“No,” he says and his shoulders really are the straightest she's ever seen them, like he's holding up the wall and the world and he's never been afraid to kiss her he's just saying no. “You can do whatever you want but I get to make choices too, Nancy. If I get to be with you, I don't want it to be because we snuck off to hide in some nowhere place.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Oh, come on. It's exactly like that. It's so much like that that everyone on this mission to Bizarro-Ville has been telling us so for the last two days. It's like our lives are this insane play with monsters and mysterious labs and we just walked off stage left where nothing counts toward the plot.” He’d been looking her dead in the eye but now he looks away for the first time and she finds herself wondering, against reason, if he'd kissed her with his eyes open, taking it all in be a use he never meant to do it again.

“You’re right, Nancy. We're only friends when there’s a monster to fight and it’s great...it's great being your friend. But this is going to fuck up our regular lives, the ones we're trying to get back. Yours with Steve and mine with...well, with any other girl for a really long time because I'll compare them all to you. Maybe forever. Pick Steve, Nancy. Even if you just like him. Because the world won’t be ending forever, not if we do this right.”

She runs a hand through her hair angrily and clenches her jaw so hard something creaks. She thinks about shouting at him, screaming about how he's passing up his one chance and that this will be the pattern of his pretentious, self-righteous, lonely existence if he doesn't get his head out of his ass. But that would make the third lie of the night.

She lets the tension drain from her face, feels the anger and vindication go with a sting of loss. Life was chaos and it felt good to explode but he's standing across from her in a spare room in the middle of nowhere and he has trust issues and straight shoulders and a kind heart her misplaced rage could shred to pieces like a blow from a baseball bat studded with nails.

“I don't pick Steve,” she says. “It's okay if you don't believe me right now because I won't pick Steve tomorrow or the day after or the day after we save the world again. You got it?”

He meets her eyes steadily, not trying to hide a small smile until a passing car’s headlights force him to blink and squint. “So...when we're not busy blackmailing a murderous government agency, you're planning to woo me.”

“Woo.” She can't stop a giggle of absurdity at the whole thing. But then she takes a steadying breath. “I like you. Everyone has known that for a year but me and everyone has believed it for a year but you. Lies and trust issues, right?”

His shoulders sag for the first time. “I appreciate the continuity,” he says like he's analyzing a novel, a sure sign he's going to shut down, redirect, “but it's not as simple as, 'you think you like me so everything is fine now'.”

“Jonathan,” she says and it sounds like "Idiot". “I think I love you but I need time to be sure that's true and so do you and that's fine but only if you'll let me have it. So will you? Please?”

He tugs at his shirt where it's rucked up halfway to his ribs on one side, smoothing the thin cotton. His eyebrows knit and purl, like he's trying on reactions, trying out the consequences of his next words. He puffs a cheek out with a resigned shy, nodding quick, sharp nods at the ground and swallowing compulsively. “Okay,” he says finally, so simply she has to fight back the adrenaline of the moment to make sure he's answering the question she thinks he is.

“...Okay?” She’s smiling and shaking her head in confusion. “Okay...go away and never speak of this again? Or okay, okay and I can have the rest of my kiss now, please.”

He grins and nods and breathes in.

#nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #steve harrington #stranger things spoilers #jancy #joncy #jancy fanfic #adventures of the doubter and the liar #st2 #st2 spoilers

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devildove-blog · 7 years

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Twelve Wizard Paths Outside of The Nine Worlds (Poem)

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I'm a wizard, baby, meaning a very powerful magickian. I'm a jack of many trades, so this poem details what and how. Here I'll write about a few magickian's trades that apply to my position. After nearly two decades learning magick I'd better know a lot by now. Gaining the magickal power to claim this title takes time to reach in transition.

On my path were many adventures to have and lessons to learn. From reading books to meeting others and exploring the occult therein I figured it out for myself and in time the title of Wizard did earn. Years of learning religious teachings helped me understand being otherkin. Since I was a young boy defying my upbringing for magickal power I did yearn.

The power I have is a result of many factors I don't need to explain. But putting in time and energy to my craft for a long time played a key role. I have thick skin so I don't mind if you view my pride here with disdain. Yet the poetry's here to explain my path not to brag or to try to save your soul. The 12 paths of Wizardry explained here are more obscure to people mundane.

I'm a yogi, baby, and this is some kind of ancient Pagan stuff. This is a time honoured tradition taking more time to apply than to learn. This path requires much patience, time and energy to master well enough. Years of chakras, mantras, mudras, meditation and more will in time power earn. In time weakness fades and strength is gained, and a wise Yogi hides being tough.

Learning from a Koga ninja this Kuji Kiri psychic yoga is how my path will start. Spending years meditating with these mudras, in time I grow strong. Yoga has many uses, and magickal and psychic power gained is just one part. Ignore the doubters and mockers calling my religion fantasy who string you along. Muggles can foolishly assume it all comes from cartoons like Naruto's ninja art.

I can do more than I'll say here; let it an enigma be. Not everything I experience happens while I'm in my body, you see? This transcendentalist religious belief in time proves itself a rational reality. Muggles often just assume others foreign sounding religious beliefs are fantasy. Letting the muggles think it's not real is often a wise strategy.

I'm healer, baby, and more advanced than many. I can fix medical problems other healers and sometimes even doctors can't fix. Hold my hand, feel the energy, and let me free you from any suffering you have with real healing magick, not illusionary tricks. Unlike con artists making money with tricks healing has never earned me a penny.

Empath healing magick described next may be misunderstood too. Speak of your heart's pain, and let me feel an intense amount. I'll cover my eyes to hide my tears, and I could do well to hide that I'm paying a price of pain on your account. If you felt guilty about hurting me you'd never let me heal you, would you?

Now words of wisdom I can speak guiding you on a path new that the energy of your pain gives me the inspiration to share. Now your pain is forever less or gone, because I paid a price of pain for you. The price empath healers pay is much less than the great suffering it can spare. Once this price is paid, there's no more pain for either of us to go through.

I'm a magus, baby, part priest and part mage. I don't preach to the masses; I'd rather use magick to help others. Here we go and here we go again as my pen sets the stage. I'm rollin' with muggles here I for some reason call sisters and brothers. I'm using my magick for some cause here, as life's book turns a new page.

You can call me The Fool, and I can wear many a mask. I live to serve, and my joy is to create joy for others, you see? The deities I work with can help me with many a magickal task. Being a magus is also the path of self, and there's much power in just me. For what reason do some deities help me, but not most humans who ask?

Magi is plural for Magus, and implications of royalty are here. American citizenship requires denouncing royal ranks. Yet the Magus's path is a religious construct, so have no fear. I ain't here to rule and reign. I just want to earn some thanks. With teamwork muggles can help me fix problems, and happy endings are near.

I'm a necromancer, baby, so don't tell 'em what's true. Don't stab me in the back by being seen publicly expressing to me your love and gratitude for how I used magick to help you. People value my discretion, so don't prove to Fools my power's validity. I'm happy to meet a fan, but I don't desire the public credit that seems due.

In a necromancer's trade being misunderstood is often how it goes. If I show up after sunset in a graveyard I'll bring my tools. Be cool, man. All I got here is a stick of incense, a bloodstone and a rose. Signs and wonders performed here are kept hidden from the Fools. If you hear the dead hiss or moan as I wake them, stay on your toes.

Muggles, necromancers and the dead all are not very forgiving when some Fool sacrifices an animal in a graveyard. That newb shit pisses off the dead even more than the living. Those Fools piss off necromancers too, making our work hard. I'm there only once to offer any dead willing the contracts I'm giving.

I'm a warlock, baby, an ancient term misunderstood but real. I'll use my power for a good cause and call it doing the thing. The power of war is implied in this word, and I'm the real deal. Let me be occult as I'm guided under a Red Dragon's wing. Tattooed on my back of my left hand is an modified AGLA hexagram seal.

Separation of church and state is a Masonic ideal as is the freedom of religion allowing warlocks to operate. Yet in the occult world there's much hidden in this religious ordeal. As time goes on interpretation of these ideals are open to debate. These balances lacking harmony result in Nobody caring how minorities feel.

To work well with others a warlock needs harmony found working on common ground. The warlock's path has traps, education, judgment and more. If warlock means deceiver does this even mean as it may sound? Who would ever suspect deception to be a humble protector's moral chore? Whether good or evil, eventually every warlock's karma comes back around.

I'm a creator, baby, and like the Ace of Wands I've got the power of fire. Watch me burn bridges faster than you may know with this poem like a pro. My divine, holy, infernal, celestial and gothic flames make creation transpire. I move these flames through 5 primary elements and through more than you know. Fools take a stranger's word unwisely, but fans of my work learn I'm no liar.

When I posted my non-hermetic psychopian elemental system theology online I clearly cited Plato as the source inspiring what I'm parroting thereof. When I don't fit into other mages' labels so called experts pop up to whine. Baby I have access to elements most mages don't, and many aren't even aware of. When it seems wise to do so from time to time I share created power of mine.

Be cool, man, and let the doubters and mockers doubt and mock all they want. Muggles do it most, but it's all arbitrary until they create danger and fear. Interpret my pride on these wizard paths as you will as my talents I flaunt. If you think I'm earning respect by bragging you don't see what's happening here. It's easy to misunderstand the reason behind my rhyme and what I really want.

I'm an occultist, baby, and I study things hidden. The occult hides the magickal, religious, esoteric and things of earthly power. Only so much is found in books, and Fools don't understand the forbidden. I have a couple cards to play, still surprising many by never facing The Tower. Fools rush in where wise men never go for reasons they don't know, no kiddin'.

I've got a weird way of speaking here understood clearly by a few. I'm not the first occultist to be intentionally obscure to most of you. I've got that occult fame in secret circles for better or worse. Who knew? If you're a fan of my work don't ruin the show explaining this path I go through. Don't judge a book by its cover; in time an occultist's work is paid karma due.

I'm The Fool, The Magus, The Devil and even the Hierophant from time to time. The Magus card comes from the THOTH deck, used by me for reasons unsuspected. If I call myself The Devil would you just assume I live an evil life of crime? The Devil is Rider Waite though, so my chains are often with gratitude accepted. I deal these tarot cards as the lesson of my occult strengths in this rhyme.

I'm a Dog of Reason, baby, so named in the memory of harmony true. We've got memes and shit, and things we do to build a New World. From chaos comes Order, a lesson taught and learned in time and time again too. The occult can be a dangerous thing, yet we've no banner to be unfurled. These wizard-dawgs work for one love for humanity to do the thing we do.

This ain't no criminal organization or some kinda terror shit. This is one of many parts of my greater dreams and ambitions. Membership is by invitation only, so if you're motivated prove it. We ain't thelemites, baby, and with great power comes some terms and conditions. Some want more time to work, and others want more time to Fool around a bit.

I'll share some magick and theology online from time to time. The gospel of figure it out for yourself is dogma as my theology already shew. Dogs of Reason have two commandments in this religion, besides avoiding crime. Seemingly a joke if unexplained, yet truth is hidden in plain site to you. Is the illusion of a joke as real dogma even dispelled to most with this rhyme?

I'm a cyber-mage, baby, like these chaos mages in a way. I've had training and practice on this path I've been on since 2003 when I joined the TIAMAT Cyber-Magick News-list back in the day. I've spent years evolving my craft, and now have things to share for all to see. My joy is to bring you joy so follow me and I'll lead the way.

My cyber-magick is all safe and fun to use, and there's nothing to be afraid of. Free Magick Enterprises gives two projects of cyber-magick. Let my star evolve your heart chakra, and experience new love. Take the red pill, and this devil can even remove your unwanted chains so tragic. No money will be accepted, so forget about the price tag from this devil dove.

Here come the doubters and mockers; Thinly veiled saying: "I'm better than you." I don't have time to be lectured by these Fools that Cyber-magick isn't real. Participate or don't, but Bhakti Yogi say the proof is in the pudding if you do. We did lots of experiments and testing with group input in this TIAMAT deal. I learned a lot and had years of practice to develop cyber-magick that's new.

I'm an alchemist, baby, and I got the mad transformation skills for the physical and spiritual nature of substances, souls and magick too. Sure, man, let the weaker mages brag about the power to destroy and their kills. Alchemy's sacred transformation art is beyond what they know how to do. Like Yoga, this power's about time and effort on this path not cheap thrills.

I'm on a quest to not just learn new magick, but to make it evolve. I'll purify forbidden black magicks citing the great work of the ages as my cause to create that which before did not exist and otherwise unending problems solve. Alchemy's art of creation may come with a price, so beware of that because. To purify the corrupt may corrupt the pure, but balance a price paid to absolve.

With Alchemy I can create joy and harmony, and I like to work for free. Alchemists of old claimed they might turn lead to gold as part of their plan so a King would protect their right to practice and pay their research's fee instead of explaining occult arts involved that matter not to the common man. This misunderstood art involves more and includes transformation spiritually.

I'm left hand path, baby, and yes it's really true. Different people, mostly mages, find different meanings therein. The left hand path most simply put means just to be taboo. What hand is my tattoo on then? Baby, that's secretly a Talisman. Let's turn back the clock of time to understand meanings old and new.

This term comes from India if you'll study history that far. Originally this insult started to describe Tantric Yoga when first created. The dark ages belief explaining its meaning that left handed people are morally and intellectually weaker than the right has since become outdated. The more things change the more they stay the same until someone raises the bar.

In modern times the left hand insult resurfaces metaphorically. Now embraced by many eager to be shunned by society the left hand path evolves into its own mentality. From a religious reference to basic views on morality the devil is implied on this path either literal or symbolically.

I'm a trickster, baby, and that's an occult magick path. I'll teach you lessons mostly harmless so don't take them personally. If I see chaos I may create order; see my results to do the math. I'm an educational experience; I guess I'm like this inherently. Mistake my kindness for weakness and will you get forgiveness or wrath?

I was born this way, and I'm not going through a phase as others are. When I started calling myself The Fool, that would have been your first clue. I've got metaphors like dark disguises and masks that take me far. I live to serve, and there's a method to the madness; it's true. Pride and humility working together in harmony help trickery raise the bar.

In the occult only so much is learned online or in a book. As an occultist trickster this rule applies to me the same. I'll capture the essence of my story in the poems for those who look. Here lies the story of my path as a Wizard and why this title I claim. These 12 titles of magickal paths explain why the 13th title of Wizard I took.

I'm a Wizard, Baby, just like I said before. I'm a wordsmith here sharing this path with you. As the tale comes to the end of this rhyme's chore the tip of the iceberg has been revealed to view. Muggles may take interest in this poem, or was it just a bore?

I guess doubters gonna doubt and mockers gonna mock. In the end it's always what I do and not what I say that shows my true strength. If you've walked the paths I walk you may better understand that of which I talk. I've got dreams and goals hopefully soon reached at arm's length. In Chinese Astrology not surprisingly I'm born in the year of the cock.

My story doesn't end with this poem, and my life goes on still. There's still more adventures to have, power to gain and knowledge to learn. There's still people to meet, places to go and things to do as I wilt and will. This poem describes the path, but is not in itself how a Wizard's respect I gain. If you wanted to understand my magickal path, this poem shall your wish fulfill

#poem #poetry #ftf #find the fool #occult #occultist #the magus #the fool #magic #magick

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