#a) the whole story is off-kilter it just feels WRONG to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

13docwriting · 5 months

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So I'll start with the fact that I am, indeed, a fan of Chibnall's era. I am an even bigger fan of the 13th Doctor. I'll also start with the fact that I quite literally grew up with RTD's writing and loved Ten with all my heart. But now I am an adult and some of RTD's writing has left me a bit scared. Here's my "live streaming" review on The Star Beast. SPOILERS BELOW!

I'm going in order of how I processed things, so it's gonna be chaotic. My first essay is this: You know why this post is so long? It's because we're not livestreaming things anymore. I'm not immediately with other fans in real time, typing out our little posts. I'm quite literally doing this at my leisure. I'll miss watching DW live. Now then, in order! 1. The music? Ten out of ten. I have always loved Gold's compositions and he did not let us down. And this opinion is only being generated from the new(er) theme song. Which leads me to...

2. Look at the B U D G E T. Even the opening credits has a budget that you can just FEEL. Those stars/galaxies? Very nice... And then I have to chuckle over the low level lighting / 2000s era effects of David Tennant's full profile voiceover of Donna and his story.

3. Him taking the boxes, seeing Donna's face, and slowly putting the boxes back is an RTD special and I LOVE that kind of comedy. It just makes me chuckle. And then him having a full blown panic over hearing Donna shout "Rose!" which... 4. Having these little call back moments feels rather bitter since we're calling this a reboot of the show. UNLESS the reboot is when Nucti starts up? But the fact that I'm confused just shows how bitter I should be. Again, my Chibnall love is showing. I don't believe in yet another reboot for DW, but that's a marketing thing over anything else... I hope. 5. I'm glad the 2000s Rose/Doctor shipping era lives strong through the name Rose. I know those fans are going to be happy and they deserve it. 6. NOW... Donna having a family. Okay. I'll have a separate post but... Does anyone else think that Donna having a husband just doesn't fit for her? Especially with her memories erased? Idk, I just never envisioned Donna getting married after the whole Lance thing. BUT I'm glad she's happy and the husband seems so nice. 7. Donna giving up that lottery money? Also strange considering she lost her memories. The first time we meet Donna we get this feeling that she's a bit shallow, which makes sense because she has to develop as a character. That was her character development so here KEEPING the money would have made more sense here. Which...

8. Rose. That's all. She's great!

9. Hey, can't help but notice, but when did the 14th Doctor have time to make a new screwdriver, huh? What gives? AND - AND there's not a single hint of 13's sonic on there. HMM. What the heck!

10. FORGOT SOMETHING. Whatever the line was "that says mistress" "Oh, catch up, will you?" I don't know how to take in this scene quite yet, but it's making me pause. It felt... Off kilter. Maybe cause I love 13 so much, I don't know. There's always callbacks to other faces when the Doctor first regenerations, but this felt... Wrong? Also, TEE HEE my mind went to Missy IMMEDIATELY and I love that little connection my fic writing brain is going wild.

11. WHY DOES UNIT HAVE SO MUCH MONEY???? Look at this uniforms, holy cow! I almost don't like it? Like, they're an underground agency. WE JUST SAW THEM GET DESTROYED BY CYBERMEN IN THE POWER OF THE DOCTOR. Are we just ignore that entire episode or...?

12. Donna not being able to keep a job? Yeah, THAT one I believe haha.

13. "I will burn down the world for you, darling" says Donna Noble to her transgender kid. WHICH IS AMAZING, WHICH MADE ME SMILE SO WIDE I WAS HAVING A PARTY IN MY BRAIN. There's my Donna! 14. "Gramps used to talk about flying saucers" oh god my heart. I teared up a little, not going to lie. Wilf, I think about you every single day. You made the Doctor the person he is today.

15. MEEP IS SO CUTE. OH WOW. I know "evil" is coming but SO CUTE RIGHT NOW.

16. To go from some excellent animatronics from the Meep to whatever those alien, fly things are was HILARIOUS. What, we'd run out of money for those costume's? Were they meant to look like a typical RTD alien back in the 2000s? How does that work?

17. WHAT THE ACTUAL FLYING FUCK WAS THE SONIC DOING. Wait, did Disney give the sonic some magical powers? Why are we suddenly writing in the air? How are we getting readouts of the ship from the sonic like that? Could it do that before? Why would we not do that before? I'm dying that's so funny.

18. Shirley seems cool!!! I hope we get more of her! And I love the nod to PROPER representation. Chibs did a good job of that as well. Edit: REAL representation! Good on RTD. The scene with the stairs and she says "don't make me the problem"... I am not a wheelchair user but I do hope that was properly done. 19. "I absolutely love her [Donna]" LOOK AT 14 HAVING FEELINGS! Aww, I hope 15 follows through with the feelings! 11, 12, and 13 have been so locked up, so scared to love... Having a Doctor that's ready to loudly embrace their love for things would be such a good character development. (My fear would be RTD ripping that away in the most tragic way possible, but that's a future problem I suppose).

20. I'm at the scene where Rose is talking to the Meep in the shed, and just, again, THE MUSIC. We did have some good musical moments in 13's era but, even I have to admit, nothing as pretty as this. It really is something, round of applause once again.

21. LISTEN. L I S T E N. I don't condone slapping the Doctor. I don't. In fact, it's wrong. It's very wrong. And you can't slap 13, can you? So slapping 14 shouldn't make sense. It's the definition of sexist. It's just not something you should do. BUT. B U T. Jackie's "stitch this, mate" is always in my head and now THIS "here we go again" after Sylvia gives the Doctor a good slap... I laughed, okay? It was funny! But really, in the good year of 2023, there shouldn't be comedy like that. That joke should have died. BUT I LAUGHED. So I'm to blame as well.

22. "Never mind about the ferret from mars." I LOVE the mars callback from Donna, thank you very much.

23. Kate looking after Wilf damn near brought tears to my eyes. Kate, you are the real hero of the DW universe. Thank you.

24. This is... This is gonna be another post. But. Okay. So. The whole "you're assuming he as a pronoun". Right. Okay. I know groups of people that talk like that. Both online and in person. Personal life spoiler, I work(ed) in musical theater. I've seen it all. I, personally, do not like this whole... "Let's be really obvious about it" thing. And also highly believe in someone else first telling me, when it fits, what their pronouns are. Having someone pull the defensive "YOU ASSUMED" crap doesn't work because humans don't think like that. It's a whole other rant, but yeah. This felt forced and I hate when shows do that. Representation is important but FORCING that representation doesn't help.

25. what's the. what's the sonic doing. what. how'd it. we got lines in the air. we got unbelievable shield. we. he waved it like a wand and now. what the. how'd. (Yo, not me head cannoning that this is 13 banging around in 14's head demanding that they have a better way to protect their friends. Love it). I WILL HAVE A LOT MORE THOUGHTS ON THIS.

26. DW has money now. That will continue to blow my mind.

27. "This is a sonic screwdriver and if it's good at one thing, it's resonating concrete". Oh yeah, Doctor? I'd like to bring forth you, never once, being able to do it. Not once! (And now it's good at creating magical shields and complex, alien holograms, but that's point #25)

28. Where'd in hell's name did he get that wig and how soon can Donna throw it out a window?

29. MEEP YOU - YOU UTTER AHOLE. Man, it was SO CUTE

30. O k a y. I take back, holy crap what point am I on? I take back point #7. So there's some of the Doctor left in her, eh? That's why! I dig that. I really, really dig that. Sorry for being a downer, that was my mistake.

31. I too can come up with technobabble bullcrap that means nothing. I sometimes think that's RTD's biggest failing, his incessant need to over describe things. EDIT. JEEZ, a good five minutes later as we're STILL talking gibberish.

32. Hey, I see you "glass wall between Donna and the Doctor" and raise you "glass wall between Wilf and the Doctor". OW. I demand emotional compensation!

33. Listen, I just got over 13 keeping every. single. emotion inside of her. She never raised her voice, she never really cried, she never had a chance to just scream and yell and be angry at the universe. The fact that there's 14 RIGHT HERE, screaming, because to save Donna, he has to lose her YET AGAIN. Just angry and devastated and grieving... It's a stunning scene, it's a scene that makes sense, but my 13 loving little heart says that this is 13's moment to be angry and it was taken from her.

34. Also, ha, I know Disney bought DW, but did we just "Winter Soldier" Donna Noble. We gave her trigger words to keep her memories at bay? Really?

35. "Hold on a minute," said in Ten's/Fourteenth's voice... Was that.. Was that ELVEN'S theme music while Donna was being, well, Time Lady Donna? Because that was... That was GOLDEN. How amazing is that? What a great idea!

36. You MONSTER, RTD, making Fourteen hold Donna the same way he held the Master? What the hell is that about?

37. The.. The nonbinary, but binary. I... It's... Something! Okay, I'll get there. I'll have a post about it. Maybe. But. Yeah, it's something!

38. DOES UNIT HAVE AVENGERS *cough* sorry it's been a while for Marvel me *cough* STARK TOWER. WAS THAT STARK TOWER? Damn, Disney, you really did bring us back to superwholock Avenger's "Clint in the vents" era, huh?

39. "It's a shame you're not a woman anymore, because she would have understood... Something a male presenting Time Lord will never understand." You can't... You can't do the whole "nonbinary" thing and that just immediately point out gender like that. What. The defeats the entire purpose. The whole point you're trying to make is that gender DOESN'T matter, and yet... And the Doctor has always, always been nonbinary. I refer to the Doctor as "they" when speaking as a collective whole, and many of us have done that. I use pronouns when talking about specific Doctors because humans have always used pronouns. Again, 11 and 13 have made mention that gender has NEVER mattered to them. I just... You can't be poking a bear and then expecting the bear to not to come after you if you've changed the poking object from a stick to a teaser.

40. I gotta laugh that Rose and Donna had the most peaceful "regeneration" we've ever seen. Somewhere in there, a Doctor or two is screaming lol.

41. Oh... The TARDIS is ugly. DON'T HIT ME. STOP HITTING ME. I MEAN It. Not, for real though, Oh my god, what. Why. The colors. Or lack of colors, really. What the fuck. Where's the... Where's the personality? Where's the sass? I've loved every single TARDIS change but THIS... This is a hard one to swallow.

42. The TARDIS having an shit fit over Donna spilling coffee on her is WONDERFUL. That's so funny to me. With everything she's been through with 13, that was just the best way for her to get her revenge! All in all, strange episode, yeah? I mean, what WAS that plot? It was really more of setup for the next episode, and double really meant to reunite ten and Donna, which was well done, but also... Why? It just felt a bit all over the place but very much cushioned by nostalgia. I'm done now. My fingers HURT. As always, and as I say in all my fics, I'm here if you want to chat. Reblog this, PM me, tag me in stuff!

#dw spoilers #dw #doctor who #david tennant #donna noble #dw 60th #doctor who spoilers #dw specials #the doctor #fourteenth doctor #the star beast #DW the star beast

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de-vespertiliones · 10 months

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Can I ask why you don't like RHaTO 2016? I started it solely because the scene of Jason and Bizarro talking on the floor on the first issues did things to my heart the one time I saw a panel of it, but I didn't get much farther. And I like how you talk bout issues

Oh, thank you for the compliment! Apologies for this taking so long. I had to reflect a bit. (For what it's worth, the scene you're referring to is one of my favorite scenes in RHatO and some of the best writing in the entire run).

Some caveats:

I like reading serialized comics, but I'm unpracticed in the art of reading serialized comics, so my structural analyses come largely from analyzing other forms of writing (mostly novels, some TV & film). This means that I might be expressing critiques that are not entirely fair given the nature of the medium.

I read the entire run in a couple sittings last September, so these are generally remembered vibes and not nuanced analysis. I'm open to correction if I've misremembered something.

I actually don't dislike all of RHatO 2016, even though I do strongly dislike some of the canon introduced (this canon is discussed in points 5-6, and thus contains spoilers)

Also, for brevity's sake (ha!), "RHatO" refers to the 2016 version; if I mean RHatO 2011 I'll indicate that.

Anyway, my problems with the run (cut for length):

RHatO doesn't know who Jason is. This is not a "RHatO!Jason isn't who I think Jason should be" critique (though I certainly feel some element of that as well) but rather a "Lobdell cannot decide the basics of who his version of Jason Todd is as a character." In a different run that went through the hands of multiple writers, I'd find this far more forgivable, but barring the tail end of the run, Lobdell is the sole author. Jason is by turns incredibly clever and incredibly stupid in ways that felt contradictory. I had very little sense of what he valued or cared about. Sometimes he expresses great empathy and sometimes he's bafflingly self-absorbed and the only thing that seems to determine these behaviors is what's most convenient for the plot. Don't get me wrong: there are Jason moments in RHatO that I absolutely love, but they're balanced by Jason moments that utterly confound me because I don't understand how this is the same person.

It's not an ensemble book but it's pretending to be an ensemble book. This is a fundamental issue with every iteration of RHatO (including the webtoon) because no iteration of RHatO is written as an ensemble book--Jason is always the main character. RHatO also sort of sets itself up for failure in that regard--Artemis and Bizarro are far less well-known characters with less history than Jason and would require more investment and buildup on Lobdell's part to make them more than just props, but Lobdell doesn't put in the work. Even arcs that ostensibly center Artemis or Bizarro end up feeling flat, especially because so often they operate in service to Jason, The Main Character. (Incidentally, the point when I found Artemis & Bizarro most compelling was when they were separated from Jason and allowed room to breathe and exist).

The emotional core of the story, insomuch as there is one, is between Bruce and Jason and it really, really shouldn't be. Don't get me wrong, I would read a million issues of Jason and Bruce being completely, wretchedly awful to each other, but because the emotional core lies between Bruce and Jason, and also because RHatO is trying to be an ensemble book, and also because Lobdell is very uninterested in crafting a story around an alternate emotional core, whenever the story isn't about Bruce and Jason (which is most of the time) it flounders. I'd say that's fine if Lobdell just wanted to write a fun, dumb adventure book, but the Bruce and Jason bits are too present to ignore, making the whole thing feel very off-kilter.

From a team perspective, I don't understand what Jason adds. The whole run is sold as a "dark trinity," but the role Batman plays in the Wonder Woman-Superman-Batman trinity and the role Jason plays in the Artemis-Bizarro-Red Hood trinity isn't really the same? I feel like I'm supposed think Jason deserves his place on the team because he's The Main Character, but even from a very mechanical powers and abilities perspective I don't get what he's doing there. He's not particularly clever or strategic. He doesn't have the resources Batman does. He's not the brains, especially because later arcs give that role to someone else. If I had to assign him a role I'd say he's the "heart," whatever that means, but I also fundamentally don't buy Artemis and Jason as a team or companions and would argue that Bizarro serves as the "heart" (as well as the brawn) most of the time.

(This section contains spoilers) RHatO introduces the stupidest plot threads and then proceeds to do nothing with them. Willis Todd is alive, for reasons. He's Wingman, who's just randomly part of Batwoman's Bat-Team, for reasons. He's Faye Gunn's son, making Jason Faye Gunn's grandson, for reasons. None of this has any real bearing on the plot but it does create a lot of problems for Jason's canon backstory, whatever it is at this point in time.

(This section contains spoilers) Which also, the fact that it opens with conflict with Black Mask, one of the few rogues Jason has had extensive conflict with as Red Hood, creates a nightmare of what's in continuity and what isn't. My understanding is that UtRH is in continuity, which makes literally everything about the opening act not only nonsensical, but actively confusing.

This is less a critique of the series itself, but worth noting: I generally disagree with how people rec the first half of the run (i.e. the run with Bizarro and Artemis) and not the last half of the run (the Red Hood: Outlaw part). I read the series in trade format so I don't have the issues on hand, but I think RH:O vol. 2 is way more enjoyable (at least when it comes to Jason content) than the middle sections of RHatO.

So I guess I have problems with consistency, character work, storytelling choices, and ensemble writing. I don't with it's a worthless run per se; it's certainly better than other Jason-centric stories, and I love Dexter Soy's art about as much as I dislike Kenneth Rocafort's, so that's definitely a bonus for (early) RHatO 2016. I also don't think Lobdell is a completely incompetent writer, necessarily; he's just lazy, and incurious, and generally kind of a hack, which in some ways makes it worse.

I also don't think anyone is wrong to like either version of RHatO. I am a very brittle reader with specific wants & desires from comics that are usually only ever met by accident. So, obviously, take all this with an amount of salt anywhere between a shaker and a mine.

#the mortifying ordeal of never shutting the fuck up

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writingsofmax · 2 years

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Disarm pt. 5

Words: 3,161

Story Summary: Edward and Y/N's relationship slowly blossoms and Edward tries to reckon with his feelings about it.

Tags: slowburn, chronically ill reader, anti-social Edward, emotional distress, heart to heart, angst, hurt/comfort, online stalking

warnings: emotional distress, panic attack symptoms, canon-typical description of orphanage environment and child death, online stalking

Part one

Chapter 5- Down With Secrets I Can't Keep

When Edward had gotten home after the park outing, he felt agitated, like his world was a little off-kilter. He took a quick shower, made some coffee, and sat down at his laptop to compile financial documents for his latest info leak to his followers. Despite all of this, Y/N would still drift into his mind. He would be typing up his manifesto and then his next thought would be about what Y/N would think if she was reading it. He would be writing detailed schedules in his ledger for his plans and then write anagrams of her name in the margins. It frustrated him to no end. He could not get her out of his mind.

Before, focusing on the Renewal Plan had been easy. He would just think about his life, how he had been treated and focus on the hate he felt. It led him to an almost trance-like state where he could focus for hours and hours on end. Sometimes he didn’t even remember filling out entire sections of his ledgers, but they would be full of his writing the next day, his hands smeared with ink.

Now, it was more difficult because thoughts of Y/N would break his concentration.

Whenever he got really distracted and couldn’t refocus on the Renewal plan at all, he would give in and text her. Usually it was just a riddle because he didn’t know what else to say, but she would always answer. Then the conversations would flow more naturally when she would text back. This eventually led to them meeting and talking regularly. They talked about politics, about Gotham, about how, as Y/N put it, “how bad things are in the world” and what they would do to change it. I am going to change it. So soon now. I am going to recreate Gotham from the ground up. After a few weeks, he even told her about what he had found with the Renewal Fund. She had been furious at the Mayor and Falcone, and then scared.

“Edward, you know what they do to whistleblowers.” she whispered, a concerned look in her eyes. Edward giggled at her naivety, “I’m obviously not going to let them trace it back to me, I’m not stupid. I make sure to reroute the website through multiple servers and…” Edward continued on about firewalls, and multiple proxies and unbreakable ciphers, and then stopped when he realized he was getting into one of his trance-like moods again. Y/N had smiled as she pushed her hair from her face, “I sometimes forget how smart you are.”

He started asking how she was feeling. That was strange for him, he had actively tried his whole life not to care about other people, but he often found himself thinking––no, worried––about how she was.

He had even created a separate ledger just for her. The front cover was an anagram of her name and inside were detailed accounts of everything they talked about, a daily log of how she was feeling, her symptoms and any other information about her health that he could compile: doctor’s names and numbers, medications and pharmacies.

When she had mentioned her doctor's appointments to him in passing, he found her patient login later that night. I should really tell Y/N to get two-factor encryption, this was way too easy for me to get into, he had thought. From there, he got her medical history, recorded it, and filed it away. He didn’t want her information to be lost when he flooded Gotham. If Gotham wasn’t going to take care of her, he could.

He tried his best not to question why he was doing this. Self-introspection had never led him anywhere good in the past. There had been so many nights as a child that he had spent thinking: Why me? Why didn’t my parents want me? What’s wrong with me? Why, why, why, why, why.. These questions, unlike riddles and puzzles and equations, didn't have a clear knowable answer so he stopped thinking about them. He stopped questioning why he did anything at all, really.

He just decided that it was because she was a kindred spirit, a comrade. He was going to make sure that no one would ever have to be treated like he was, or she was ever again. He would make sure that both of them were taken care of in his new Gotham. That was all it meant.

And anyway, he did enjoy the companionship. It wasn’t something that he had ever had before, so it was still uncomfortable sometimes, but he deduced that the positives outweighed the negatives.

His plans were coming along quickly now. He had the information he needed, the pictures, and a dedicated following online. Thank you to Y/N for being good public speaking practice. He had even come up with a name for his persona.

Edward Nashton didn’t quite fit. He had hated his last name, courtesy of the parents that had abandoned him. And everyone who knew him by his name didn’t think of him as a vigilante… A bringer of justice. No, everyone who knew Edward Nashton saw him as a strange, quiet, unremarkable fellow. Hm. I guess not everyone. He thought as he worked on Y/N’s ledger.

Actually, Y/N had been quite helpful with his cause so far. She had started keeping an eye out on the comings and goings of the police in the park and reported what she saw to Edward, helping him compile information. She was also able to watch the news when Edward was at work and tell him what was being reported on, and how Wayne Enterprises and the Gotham PD were being construed to the public.

It was her that had helped him come up with his name: The Riddler.

“I have a question,” Y/N had asked, peering at him over a cup of tea.

“I have an answer,” Edward smirked, filling out a crossword.

“Why do you always text me riddles?” she asked, giving him a curious look. She stirred her tea before taking a sip.

“I just like them.” Edward paused ever so slightly while writing, before filling out the rest of the boxes.

“There has to be more to it than that,” Y/N complained exasperatedly.

Edward put his pen down and looked at her. “I don’t like talking about myself.”

“Edward, I hardly know anything about you, but I feel like you know everything about me! You won’t even tell me why you like riddles so much,” she whined.

I do know everything about you, Edward thought.

“Come on, open up a little,” she prodded, pointing at him with her spoon.

“Fine.” Edward let out a frustrated exhale. “So. When I was younger I had… a rough time.” Edward clasped his fingers together in his lap tightly. “And…my…” he trailed off, picking up his pen again. “I’m sorry, can we walk around a bit while I talk about this? I don’t want to talk about it here.”

Y/N motioned to the waitress to bring the bill over. “Of course… whatever you need, Eddie.”

Eddie. She’s never called me that before, no one has, Edward mused while waiting for her outside. Edward didn’t really like nicknames, but the way she had said it made it tolerable, he supposed. Maybe a little enjoyable. At least it’s not Ed-weird.

Y/N met him outside and they walked as he continued. “My home life wasn’t the best, so I needed something to distract me.” He was hating every second of this conversation. Being vulnerable around others wasn’t exactly one of his strengths.

“I couldn’t figure out why things were so hard for me, and to stop thinking about that I came up with games. Rhyming words, coming up with anagrams, thinking of dual meanings of words. After that I got into riddles,” his pace quickened.

A memory surfaced of the grimy book of riddles he had found in one of the forgotten rooms of the orphanage. He would pull it out from under his bed at night to read. He had always kept it hidden because it was against the rules to keep any personal belongings. He had read that book cover to cover to keep his mind off the cold and hunger. He had mastered all the riddles inside pretty quickly.

“They gave me something to focus on and it came really easily to me.”

“E-Eddie hold on a second, you’re walking so fast.” Y/N had stopped a few paces behind him to catch her breath.

Eddie again. He stopped and walked back towards Y/N. He hesitated for a moment before offering her his hand to stand back up. She took it and he felt his head go a little fuzzy. Quickly letting go, he stammered, “Sorry about that. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“It’s okay,” Y/N replied, catching her breath, looking up at him and giving him an apologetic smile. Edward wondered how he hadn’t noticed how pleasant her smile was before.

“Thanks for telling me that. It’s nice to know about you.”

Edward felt nervous and he didn’t like being nervous so decided to change the subject.

“Anyway, why are you calling me Eddie now?” he asked with a pointed look.

Y/N looked up at him amused. “Oh, I’m sorry, would you prefer I call you Riddler?” she teased.

Edward scowled outwardly but felt butterflies in his stomach. “Eddie is fine, I guess.”

—-—————————————————————-

Edward looked up at the clock on his desk. It was close to 5:00, when Y/N said she would be over.

He had tried to keep her away from his apartment as long as possible but it had been getting difficult to keep coming up with excuses. He had moved his traps to storage, taken down some of the postings on his wall, and had hidden the Riddler backsplash curtain he had made for his streams.

He was thankful he didn’t have to move all of the Renewal information from his wall since Y/N was helping him with it now. The way he laid out and understood the information was spatial, and moving it around well… it disturbed things. It was fine though, he could always put it up again later if it meant maintaining his relationship with Y/N.

He anxiously checked each room in his apartment making sure there was nothing out that would give him away to Y/N. Sure she knew about the Renewal fund and the information he had but she didn’t really know about the true extent of his plans and he wanted to keep it that way.

A knock at the door interrupted Edward’s thoughts. He scanned the room one more time grabbing Y/N’s ledger and tossing it under the couch last minute before opening the door.

“Hey, Eddie,” Y/N gushed excitedly. She always seemed so happy whenever he saw her.

“Hello,” Edward replied, looking down at her from across the doorway.

“So this is where you live!” she remarked, looking around the hallway of the old building. “I didn’t realize you lived so close to the diner. That must be nice.”

Edward shifted his weight against the doorframe and looked out the hallway window. “Yeah, I guess it is. Never really thought about that.”

“So, uh… you gonna’ let me in?” Y/N asked, trying to look past his tall frame into the apartment.

Edward braced himself internally and stepped to the side awkwardly. “Come in.”

Y/N walked in, immediately being drawn to the Renewal wall. Her eyes widened at the photos and articles that were tacked up. “Oh wow, you’ve really tracked everything out.” She was quiet as she continued looking.

Edward waited for her to make some quick excuse to leave and then never speak to him again.

“This is really impressive!” she remarked, moving over to the window. “A very nice view.” The next second she was in the kitchen and Edward heard her say “gas stove.”

He wasn’t sure who she was talking to, but felt himself grow concerned as she moved to the hallway and bathroom. His apartment was his personal space. He had to share spaces all of his life, first at the orphanage and then in college. This apartment had been the first time that he could have his own area. It was putting him on edge that she was looking through everything, he didn’t want her finding anything that she shouldn’t see.

“Y/N,” he called, “Come back out here!” he sounded more nervous than he had meant to. Y/N popped back out into the living room. “This is nice!”

“Yes. It’s an apartment. Have you seen everything you needed to see?” he asked, rolling his eyes.

Y/N didn’t notice. “Yeah!” She plopped down on his couch and pulled a book from her bag.

Edward felt relieved that she had stopped looking around so much. He pulled a book from his shelf and sat next to her on the couch, opening it to where he left off. They did this sometimes, just hung out together and read or Edward would work on puzzles or write. That was usually on days like today where they would hang out after Edward got off work. They didn’t always have to talk about things. That overwhelmed him anyway––this was nicer. It was comfortable.

After a while, Y/N got up to stretch and walked over to the Renewal wall. Edward glanced at her over the pages of his book and then went back to reading.

“Hey, Eddie?” she asked, leaning in to inspect something. “Is that… you?”

Shit shit shit. He had missed one picture of him from his orphanage days.

“I would have never guessed you were in choir!” she grinned, and looked closer. “Wait...” her face fell. “Is this from the orphanage..?”

She looked at Edward for understanding.

“Eddie, were you in the—”

“Yes.” Why did I leave that up there? Edward felt like his apartment was too hot. He stood up, trying to get some air.

She looked shocked. “You lived there?”

“Yes,” he answered so quietly that Y/N almost didn’t hear it.

“For how long?” she turned away from the wall, trying to read Edward’s expression with a dismayed look. Edward let out a shaky exhale. “If you must know. I… I grew up at the um,” he cleared his throat. “Gotham Orphanage… I had been left there as a baby. It was hell.” He was quiet for a long time, gathering his thoughts.

Y/N broke the silence by speaking quietly, “I used to follow what went on there. I heard the stories… They seemed like they couldn’t possibly be true but they were. I… I remember volunteering there in high school, and you could tell how hastily they tried to cover up what it was really like there.”

She sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to her, offering for Edward to come sit. Edward sat down, trying to get ahold of his emotions. This was all so sudden and unprepared for––he felt like he was drowning.

Y/N rubbed her hands together nervously. “Back when the orphanage burned down, it was obviously terrible—I’m not saying that it wasn’t, but I remember finding myself a little… relieved.” She snuck a glance at Edward before continuing. “Because Gotham would be forced to build new facilities for them.”

Edward continued to say nothing, just sat staring straight forward, his expression unreadable.

“I can understand why you care so much about the renewal fund now. Not that it didn’t make sense before but… you were affected directly. What was it like growing up there? I can’t even imagine,” Y/N murmured, her eyes downcast. “Yeah it was… awful,” Edward answered, surprising himself. He could feel his hands shaking. “I saw kids die there, you know? I…” Edward drifted off. He had never spoken about his experiences out loud with someone, and the emotions that were coming up were intense

“It was always cold and damp. There were rats that would crawl on you while you were sleeping. There was never enough food for everyone. In the beginning I tried to help. I did try,” he swallowed, “But it was useless. I couldn’t save any of them. After a while, I found that it was easier to just….” He waved his hand. “Not get involved with people. To shut off the empathy and the sympathy. Stop thinking about what’s happening to everyone around you and focus on surviving yourself, you know?”

He knew he was gripping the couch so hard it hurt, but he was afraid to let go––his emotions threatening to become uncontrollable. He had a vision of wounds on his hands, stigmata open and bleeding. “Eddie, you were just a kid. That shouldn’t have been on you.” Her voice sounded so sweet, pulling him through.

Edward noticed that Y/N was blinking back tears. “You should have never been put through any of that. Okay?” She reached over and took one of his hands, gently unclenching his fingers before holding them securely between both of her hands. “I’m going to do everything I can to help you with this. We’re going to expose the renewal fund together,” she whispered, voice choked with emotion.

In that moment, Edward felt like he was being seen for the first time in his life, the dark waters of his mind cleared.

Her touch on his hands felt like being saved.

She rubbed the top of his hand with her thumbs gently. Her eyes were so inviting, so much better than the dark memories that threatened to overwhelm him. As she moved closer on the couch, Edward’s throat felt dry. His heartbeat felt like it was skipping––he needed air. He stood up quickly, startling Y/N. “It’s um––” he moved to the door. “It’s getting late. I’m tired.” He looked back over at Y/N who was still on the couch. “I have work tomorrow so…” Y/N started getting up. “I can take you home.” Her expression was unreadable to him. “Yeah, Edward…” she stood awkwardly beside the couch. “Of course. I’m ready to go whenever,” she finished, grabbing her things.

Edward held the door open for her, and locked it behind the two of them. It still wasn’t any easier to breathe. His mind was spinning, he thought that back on the couch that he had wanted to…. No. Don’t go there. Not now. He rested his forehead against the cool of the door, closing his eyes, willing the world to stop spinning for a second.

“Edward, you okay? You ready?” Y/N called from down the hall.

“Y-yeah!” Edward shouted back. He shook his head forcing himself to stop thinking about it.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” he whispered to himself.

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sunlightbabe · 2 years

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hi babydoll~ I thought uh "i’d shout it from the roof if i could.” "i’ll take care of you." could be the fluffiest thing in the world, pick one, or both up to you ^_^

baby you know i'm doing both uwu

As far as first dates go, you think that this blows every other one out of the water

It’s not fancy- as far as first dates go, it’s fairly cliche. Dinner, some drinks, and a walk around the city. How many times have you read about this in a book or seen it played out on your tv?

Many times, you think to yourself, but those stories didn’t have Ethan.

Ethan. One of your closest, dearest friends. The man you had loved for the past few years. Unrequitedly, you had thought, but as it turns out, you weren’t alone in your longing and pining, you weren’t the only one desperate for more but afraid to make the first move, worried you would ruin the beautiful friendship you had.

Ethan, the gorgeous man beside you, with his hand in yours as you wander down the streets of Rome.

He’s finishing a story about his day, something about him and Thomas doing... something. You’re not paying a lot of attention and you feel bad. Almost. But his hand feels warm in yours- warm and soft and right, like it was always meant to be there- and when he looks at you, you can see the reflection of the streetlights sparkling in his eyes. He’s smiling, naturally crooked, and he tucks his hair behind his ear and god, he looks... incredible.

Ethan’s incredible. And every day you are impossibly, eternally grateful that somehow you found each other, that you get to have him in your life as you do.

“... but you’re not listening, are you?”

“Hmm?” you hum, still caught up in.. him. His face, his presence- you had only a single glass of wine with dinner but you feel giggly and bubbly. “Sorry, what?”

“Nothing,” he says with a shake of his head, a small smile on his face.

“No, hey, c’mon. What’d you say?”

Ethan stops walking and so do you. You reach out, your hand resting on his arm, and he looks at it for a long moment, face far softer and more tender than you had every seen it.

“I was just...” A pause as he gathers his thoughts. You patiently wait. “Thinking. Out loud. About how you’re very important to me. Perhaps one of the most important people in my life and how I am very lucky to know you as I do.”

You swear that your heart leaps in your chest, battering against your ribcage in its ferocity. Oh, how you love this man. Sometimes it makes you feel dizzy- sometimes it makes you feel off kilter, how much emotion you have for him. It’s love. You know it’s love, and you’ve known it’s love, but standing here on the streets of Rome, his hand in yours, his eyes nearly sparkling in the dim light, you can practically see it. You love him and dear god, he loves you too.

A car drives by. Somewhere in the city, you can hear the faint sound of music.

“You’re important to me too,” you confess, giving his hand a little squeeze. “So important. Like... I’d shout it from the roof if I could.”

“Please don’t,” Ethan begs, but his smile grows wider as he takes a step closer, turning to face you more directly. “It’s so late at night.”

“I’d do it!” you insist with a giggle. “At whatever hour, I’ll scream until my throat is sore and I get noise complaints. The world deserves to know that...”

You trail off- not out of hesitation, but out of an abundance of feeling. You love Ethan. You’ve been in love with him for months, for years, for nearly as long as you’ve known him. Never before had you thought he would return those feelings but oh, how wrong you were.

Ethan tilts his head to the side, just a little, and you watch as his hair cascades beautifully down the front of his shoulder with the movement.

“Know what?” he pries quietly. It feels like the whole world has narrowed down to just the two of you. “What do you want them to know?”

You can’t answer right away and you’re worried that he’ll take your silence as indecision. Or regret. Or something negative which isn’t true at all, jesus christ, no-

Ethan steps a little closer and his free hand cups your face. His palm is warm against your cheek and you can feel your face heat up as his thumb sweeps tenderly across your cheekbone, his eyes flitting about your face.

“... it’s intense for me too,” he starts. “What I feel for you. I.. I never thought we would be here-”

“Ethan.”

“But I’m glad we are. I’m glad I don’t have to hide it anymore. Whatever this is, whatever we are... It feels liberating to be honest. To be true. I don’t know what is going to happen moving forward, but I need you to know that I’ll take care of you. Whether we remain friends or we become something more. I will always be here and I will always want to see you happy and I really, sincerely hope that that’s with me at your side-”

You don’t let him finish.

You close the distance between the two of you and press your mouth to his.

As far as first kisses go, it’s a little sloppy. It’s rushed and nervous, your hand trembling in his, yours eyes squeezed tightly. But somehow it’s perfect. Ethan makes a surprised little noise in the back of his throat but then he cups your face more firmly and moves his lips against yours and it feels like the planet shifts beneath your feet.

You love him. And Ethan loves you.

As far as first dates go, this is absolutely perfect.

#ethan torchio x reader #ethan torchio blurb #secret prompt night #writing tag

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variousqueerthings · 2 years

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and here some various feelings about the last few episodes I watched

1. I need to reiterate -- NON-VERBAL CHARLES!!! @genderqueer-klinger think it was you who tagged another post with that and I was watching out for it, but also so taken aback, because that’s fully what’s going on!!! (and yes of course I had to talk about that episode on its own)

2. Love that they’re following through on the thread of Potter’s loneliness, because he’s essentially a single dad to a bunch of unruly fucked-up kids in the worst situation possible, and we’ve seen him talking about that for a few seasons now, so of course he jumps at the possibility of spending time with a smart, competent woman his own age and with similar experiences. And I also love how that episode ended with them. There’s a lot of interesting narrative on this show around reasons people seek one another out for connection that have nothing to do with love and it’s one of the most surprisingly delightful aspects of the story

3. MARGARET WAS SO FLUSTERED AROUND HER?!!!! early on when I saw how much fic there was of Margaret being a lesbian, I figured “sure, she’s the only female lead on the show and that’s reason enough to want to write that,” but now they’re actually letting her talk to women, I’m seeing The Vibes. The way she told Lillian that she looked really good and then was delighted when Lillian returned the compliment to her I????

4. speaking of all the things I am saying more and more about Hawkeye-and-his-neurodivergency (unexamined because “that’s just Hawkeye”), the way he hyperfixated on knowing BJ’s name, and even treated not knowing it as a deep betrayal of their relationship! “Why can’t you tell me I’m your best friend??!!!!!” the way he attempts to find out throughout the whole episode, going so far as to look at his private files and telegram... 27??? more???? of BJ’s friends and family. Hawkeye, my guy... I know you wear each other’s socks (thanks for that tidbit canon), but I think you may be going too far.......

(I so badly want him to go so far that it goes horribly wrong... I feel like it’s gotta happen. It’s right there! He’s banging on the door of “goes horribly wrong” begging to make a decision so off-kilter that he can’t restabilise in time)

5. also “What does it stand for???????!” --- “anything you want”.... there has got to be fic of that

6. ALSO! Margaret getting divorced! Potter being so supportive of it! Her getting to talk to another, older woman about the prospective of living without that sort of relationship and the joys thereof!!! I’m so happy for her!

#im watching MASH #MASH #hawkeye pierce #charles winchester #bj hunnicutt #sherman potter #margaret houlihan #and now... to bed!

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perryhedge · 2 years

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Why is Gleipnir Like This

So I'm watching Gleipnir right now. Why am I watching Gleipnir right now? Well, for one, it seems like the Japanese is pretty easy, so that's a big motivating factor. I also am in the mood for edgy stuff, because I do like that every once in a while to please my lizard brain, and this fits the bill. There's definitely something unique about this show that reminds me of watching Toonami as a kid, back when anime seemed cool, different, and transgressive (I'm thinking stuff like Black Lagoon and Hellsing, but even Cowboy Bebop or Naruto to an extent). At this point in my life where I've gotten pretty desensitized to everything, there's still something here that kicks up my fight or flight response.

I have only heard that this show is absolutely weird and out of control, and I would say that so far halfway through (7/13 eps) I exactly half agree with that assessment. I mean, I haven't read the original manga, but it is definitely part of the not insubstantial genre of "manga made to explore the fetishes that the mangaka had". Not that there's anything wrong with that. Sure, there's a lot of probably objectionable and definitely weird stuff in this show, and it's definitively Not My Fetish (which applies to a lot of the aforementioned genre of manga). But I still try to approach these things with an open mind, as an amateur weirdo anthropologist.

The show starts off strong with a very bizarre setup (fursuit, metaphorical pegging, body horror, death game) but it is true that it mostly front-loads the weird stuff. As the show goes on it does kind of dull that weird edge and right now seems to be settling into a fairly standard battle royale action show (which, on balance, I still do actually like as a genre). The narrative decisions that lead to each battle are pretty barebones and sometimes stupid, but the powers and character designs are consistently pretty fun and interesting. I did roll my eyes a bit when the main character is defeated and then picks himself up off the ground revealing his previously unheard of nine tailed beast form, but really my primary reaction was surprise (?) that something so weird and off-kilter would slide so quickly into a standard shounen narrative. Then again, it's clear to me that the setup and characters were the clearest part of the plan for this story. The rest is sort of being made up as it goes along, which often seems to be the case (and that's understandable, since I'd argue the primary driving force in anime is making a show with your OC in it).

The show also looks really good, which surprised me. The BGs are pretty standard but don't look bad at all, and the character designs look pretty good (despite arguably the most appalling key visual I have ever seen from any anime, just look at the blurb on MAL), and there's actually sakuga. There's some weighty and dynamic action scenes (especially in the 2nd ep) and even when that's not happening there's still a good sense of space and choreography and the violence has impact. It doesn't come off as lazy whatsoever, and in fact on a moment to moment basis that's probably what keeps me interested.

So, I was struggling to figure out what is that "weird thing" that made this anime still feel unique, even after the initial premise wears off. And I realized it's absolutely the music, which is uniformly great. There's some high energy drum and bass and some really weird off-kilter melodies that make the whole thing sound like an Adult Swim bumper. I think it's this more than any other single factor that gives this show that nostalgic (?) edge that I was looking for. The OST veers from Brainfeeder-esque jazz trap to drum and bass and back, and even when it's just doing "basic anime music", there's a momentum to it that keeps things interesting. I also love the ED, which again has that surreal, eerie, melancholy, drugged out Adult Swim flavor that I really cannot liken to anything else in anime except 2 other OSTs:

Gleipnir's ED:

youtube

Compare to Yasuke's OP, by none other than Thundercat:

youtube

And the unbelievably underrated ED from Un Go

youtube

So yeah, I don't really have anything else to add or an interesting note to end this on. Gleipnir is pretty cool and I hope it gets even weirder. It delivers in ways I definitely didn't expect and even though I have somewhat lower expectations for the second half of the show it's been a fun ride.

#gleipnir #anime #Youtube

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twentyninebirds · 1 year

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2022 readings: assorted hogfather thoughts

way back when in january of this year i decided to pick up hogfather based on its absolutely batshit summary, which somehow failed to capture the absolute insanity that is hogfather, and honestly does that even come as a surprise to anyone. who could've guessed that the book where santa is murdered and death steps up to the task while gods are spawned every other page would go off the rails.

was this the best way to start the death books? as someone who hasn't read them all yet i can't answer that, but holy shit did i enjoy this book. a lot! a lot a lot! i felt the pacing was a bit odd in some places, but unfortunately i'm insane and enjoy that sort of off-kilter feeling. keep me on my toes and prod me to see what sound i make, go wild. i appreciate a good bout of chaos with a million moving parts specifically because it makes my brain squish in funny ways.

did i feel the story dragged in some parts? yes, but any flaws regarding its narrative structure i can forgive for how hard the book steamrolled me in the last bit. the humour in this book is sharp and absolutely on point and as someone who adores terry pratchett's writing style perhaps it's no surprise that i have half the book highlighted. it's just the cost of good literature.

anyway, if you're interested in reading any more of my deranged comments then here they are:

death as a character is just. how do you do it. how do you make such an incredible character. the utter glee of watching the guy monkey-see monkey-do his way into santa-hood is a masterpiece. "i shall tread extra soot into his carpet" is such a throwaway line but not to me it isn't holy shit

the unseen university subplot is exactly the sort of stuff i like to see in a narrative this unhinged. every time the god of hangovers was addressed as the "oh god of hangovers" i snorted, which really reflects more on my eviscerated sense of humour than anything else. i cackled through the entire hangover cure conversation and you should too

hex's existential horror trip into +++ All Things Strive +++ and honestly the whole hex subplot is just fantastic. 12/10 would terrify machine with the unbearable weight of mortal existence again

this book doesn't pull its punches regarding the nature of belief but it also picks up the issue of "socio-economic factors" and compresses it like a squeaky toy. there's something very telling about death, who begins the series as a character who seems if not content then at least indifferent to the fact that everyone prescribes to themselves their own eternal afterlife no matter how deserving or underserving they were of it—there is no justice, just death.

and as that itch of humanity rears its head over and over again we get death confronted with the bearable yet still fundamentally wrong hardships of being born on the wrong side of the socioeconomic divide. what is happiness, really? death doesn't have to worry if you die happy, just that you die punctually.

the scene with the little match girl sold me immediately on everything i read before and after. if the world allows for happiness only after that very world fails you then the world itself will reject it. death recognizes his role and his function as a stabilizing agent, but more than that he recognizes the limits of his ability. this isn't how it should be—this is just how it goes.

the book isn't particularly subtle in communicating the power of belief in shaping all lives, not just mortal, but hell if i didn't enjoy it. at first it plays on the field of absolute lunacy and holy shit is it entertaining: bees and sock-eaters and hangovers, oh my! and then we have conversations about how the world is structured and how said structure makes people feel.

it's good that there are people who are not just miserable, but genuinely, entirely, senselessly miserable, like little girls selling matches in the bitter cold, because if they exist then that means at least you aren't them, and some sense of structure is returned to the universe. it's easy to miss ridcully's comment that "things go wrong, things get lost, it's natural to invent little creatures that—" that what?

the many bearable hardships of life transform into nuisances of various forms... and in those forms they embody both problem and solution. to believe that those little problems are caused by something is to believe in one link in the universal causal chain. in the chain all events have purpose and reason. and in such an existence so long as you believe then it's not your fault and even if it is or even if it isn't you can make it better. you can fix this. the horrifying mundane is made fantasy. a child's drawing is a real, tangible domain. and in that realm you don't die. you just "get old, listening to the laughter..."

the entire scene where susan tries to ease banjo into taking over the tooth fairy's duties made me deeply, viscerally sad. the sort of quiet sadness that settles over you, akin to grief but also a little distant. odd experience. holy fuck

"the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape" is probably among one of the best-known phrases in all of discworld and for good reason. i have almost that entire conversation highlighted.

there is no justice. there is no mercy. there is no duty. if you put the universe to the test you will always find it wanting—but the universe wants for nothing. you just want it to be. there is no meaning except where you find it, and the same goes for justice, mercy, duty... and yet you still have to believe, because if you don't what's left?

the evidence is against you. the numbers don't add up. there isn't so much something missing as something that wasn't there in the first place. you feel betrayed because you've made the choice to believe in something that wasn't real and when you were faced with the facts only now is something wrong. and yet. and yet

"You have to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become?"

there's this ongoing notion that children are the perfect innocent ideal, entirely devoid of evil, unable to take responsibility for their actions. in some ways that's true! in others it's absolute bullshit. children can be absolute devils and they can suffer the cruelties of a world made by people who failed them. these statements are not, in fact, mutually exclusive. when death claims that letting children know of the brutal violence of the world is "educational", he does so while also teaching them that "there's always the poker". maybe they didn't really understand his angle, and their innocence will protect them? or maybe "they had a very good idea of what he was."

anyway. can you tell i recently took a course literally called "reason and revelation". false advertising embodied. should've called it "the nature of reason and belief". can't believe i subjected myself to such horrors. or can i? anyway i've thoroughly enjoyed every death book i've read so far. yes. all two of them. maybe a third in the coming weeks! sometimes i like to lie down and listen to great echoing indifference of the universe. i also like to read. i hope you also like reading, or else.

#book review #reading #discworld #hogfather #novalo's 2022 readings #novalo's reading reflections #text

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ahintofoctober · 1 year

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Review of The Cabin at the End of the World (Paul Tremblay)

Also on Goodreads

(No spoilers!)

With most of Tremblay's books, I enjoy the journey, but do not always feel satisfied, at first reading, with the destination. In some cases, if I reread, I can better understand what was being set up, and thus appreciate the ambiguity of the ending. A Head Full of Ghosts and Disappearance at Devil's Rock were both in this category, and, particularly with the former, I found the reread, knowing the end, much more enjoyable.

Unfortunately, I do not think this will be the case if I were to reread The Cabin at the End of the World. In this book, it felt as if the ambiguity and uncertainty were allowed too much of a hold on the narrative, leaving the reader, at the end, not just trying to decide what they think "the truth" might be, but - at least in this reader's case - wholly unsatisfied by ending with MULTIPLE unanswered questions.

I did enjoy the book - very much so! The premise was set up immediately as a strange, off-putting scenario, and it reflected nicely the whole "cabin in the woods" setup, but in this instance, the cabin was not some decrepit hut stumbled upon by teenagers with all the intelligence and forethought of a puppy released in a Milkbone factory, but rather, a cabin rented, and enjoyed, by an established, normal, stable family having a summer holiday away from the city. It makes sense that their cell phones don't work, that they cannot just hop in a car and leave, and that everything feels, initially, calm and controlled and comfortable.

The characters are also well-developed, and Tremblay, in all his books, has a superb talent for creating family dynamics that feel organic - parents and children who love each other, but, particularly as more and more uncertainty is piled atop their safe little bubble, also struggle as cracks begin to spread beneath the weight. Eric, Andrew, and Wen are likable, interesting, and most of all, believable as a family unit. I particularly enjoyed that, sprinkled through in particular at the beginning, we get glimpses of Wen caught between "this is my family," but also "why do some people think my family is wrong?" At seven, it makes sense that she is beginning to question that which has always been her normal, but is also old enough to begin to understand that she (as someone adopted from China, born with a cleft palate, different in these small, formerly-insignificant ways) and her parents (two dads) are always going to be a little off-kilter to many others, and is trying to nose around her own thoughts. She's very defensive in Leonard asking about the scar on her face, and in asking him - almost, it seems, as a challenge - if he thinks there's anything wrong with having two dads. Eric and Andrew are living their own happy, happily-ever-after existence, but Wen is just beginning to grasp that everyone has to decide for themselves what "family" really means.

And so, as usual, we are presented with a family that hits believable notes. We are also then given the "monsters" of the story, and they, too, are interesting, especially as they contrast with Wen, in particular: she has just begun to question her own situation and place in the world. In Leonard and the others who arrive, we have, instead, a group that is resolutely trying NOT to question their new place - and what it seemingly requires them to do.

The first 2/3 or so of the story worked well, and for those reasons. Even the home invaders are set up as very different people with different personalities, viewpoints, beliefs, and - maybe, just maybe - ideas about the purpose of what they claim they have been asked to do.

Or rather, what they have to ask Andrew, Eric, and Wen to do.

Where the story begin to totter, I felt, was when it became clear we were going to get almost NO definitive answers. Not about what was happening, or WHY it was happening, or what it ultimately meant. Too much ambiguity left me feeling unsatisfied before the crux of the story was even reached. Ambiguity should still offer enough crumbs to piece together, even if it takes rereading, what you personally think has happened and is happening. Not necessarily right or wrong - just a solid opinion.

This book, unfortunately, did not feel to me as if it offered enough to do that, and so was somewhat unsatisfying. I think I would have LOVED the ending... if there hadn't already been far too much ambiguity. More background on all the characters aside from Wen would have been great, even if only explored late in the narrative. Why do Leonard and the others accept so readily what they are doing? DID they have a choice? What in their own background might have made them believe or choose what they did? And, without spoiling the book, was one particular character actually who the others began to believe, or not?

Too many unanswered questions swerves too far from "ambiguous," to "unsatsifying," and unfortunately, The Cabin at the End of the World very much swerved that way for me. But I'm not every reader, and there are plenty who clearly loved this book, and so, as always, your own satisfaction with the way the story is laid out, and how it proceeds, may be very different from mine. If you've enjoyed Tremblay's other works and the ambiguous endings felt solid, you may find much more in this one than I did!

My other major criticism is the change in perspectives and POV towards the end. I can absolutely understand what was being attempted, and WHY, but at least for myself, it ultimately seemed more distracting than emblematic of mental crumbling and fracturing. It is a rare writer who would be able to make such a thing work well, and unfortunately, it did not work well here. It pulled me repeatedly from the story and into considering just that - how it might have worked better.

Regardless of some overall dissatisfaction with both the development and the ending, I do think the very end was solid. It just needed more to flesh out the build-up and, for the reader, additional hints to piece together what was (or was not) actually happening. And I absolutely agree with Tremblay and many others regarding the movie: the book ending was more appropriate and less overlayed with some very nasty implications when applied to gay men and queer history.

Overall, the book was enjoyable, and there were parts that very much stood out as believable within the context - Wen realizing she had left the lid on and reacting hysterically. Eric and Andrew's tension with one another, eventually surpassing the tension from the invasion, even as their LOVE for one another fights back against it. The borderline frantic reaction to possibly putting a past incident with the present - all of these things were disturbing and discomfiting in a way that aided the narrative as a whole.

All in all, I think I would have enjoyed the whole more if (1) more development time had been given to all the characters, but in particular the invaders, and (2) less ambiguity was offered and never resolved before the same was allowed yet again at the end.

I have not yet seen the movie (though I did look up the way it changed the ending), but in even less space and time to offer development, I don't know that it would do any more to make me feel satisfied with the story as a whole. Unfortunately, it seems as if Tremblay is, since the success of A Head Full of Ghosts, dedicated to working ambiguity into his books, and this one is an example of it becoming too much of a good thing - a reread here does not seem likely to give enough clues to leave the reader satisified at what THEY, at least, believe to have really happened. The ambiguity gimmick threatens here, and could very possibly do the same in future, to become too much of a given and expected element, and overshadow the reader's enjoyment of everything else Tremblay is attempting to do. As M. Night Shyamalan - ironically, considering he made the movie! - has shown in the decades since the release of The Sixth Sense, while it can be tempting to attempt to recreate the unusual element that first brought acclaim and attention to a work, it can also eventually leave an audience waiting half-annoyed for what they know is coming and hope this time will at least prove satisfying. Here, an ambiguous ending, unfortunately, did veer into gimmick territory, and at the expense of the story as a whole.

For the initial setup and characters, I'd happily offer 4 stars - but the plot, particularly the ending, and the lack of any material to create a solid idea of what was truly happening, would scrape by with 2 stars, unfortunately. As a whole, 3 seems a solid middle ground. Hopefully in future works, Tremblay can use his talents for character and family development, and tendency to present situations that could be wholly supernatural OR wholly mundane, as better story crutches to lean on, rather than doing so with ambiguity that overwhelms the whole.

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coredrill · 2 years

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imagine getting to work with studio trigger and handing them that script 💀 couldn’t be me

anyways, eps9&10!

btw i want to clarify the above comment. the story’s not bad, per se. i personally don’t find it particularly compelling nor creative, nor worth my time were it divorced from the animation, and i think the timeskip was especially poorly executed and set the remainder of the story off kilter. the characters are also pretty flat all things considered, which is especially an offense w lucy and david. but it’s not beyond salvaging (cough kzn), on the whole, and my comment isn’t really abt quality. it’s about how the video game company gave trigger the WRONG SCRIPT

like, okay. trigger’s entire catalogue of shows and films is about hope and human connection and rising up against what keeps you down to become your true self. the foundations of the company rest largely on a show that has literal optimism punches to the face, and in which love changes the universe. imagine showing your ass and admitting that you didn’t pay attention to any of those themes and that you just focused on the pretty drawings. this is the studio that made a whole meta show about how it doesn’t matter how dumb and hopeful you may be, because if something has meaning to you, and if you can find something of value in it, it’s worthwhile loving, no matter what it is!! imagine going up to that company - the company which DISNEY gave more creative freedom to - and asking them to make a GRIMDARK SHOW. i have to laugh!

anyways, i hope trigger made a billion dollars from the collab so that whenever nakashima and imaishi team up next it’s balls to the wall again!!!

ep9:

kiwi back w the group 🤔

ohhhhhh so david doesn’t have the skeleton already LMAO. so is he really just special????? is that it?????

the dub saying yeehaw 💀

REBECCA’S FACE AFTER DAVID ASKS HER FOR THE FAVOR LMFAO

the animation of rebecca throwing the charge VERY GOOD

HARPOON ANIMATION I LOVE IT

YES TRUCK FLYING ANIMATION I LOVE TRIGGER

LMAO DOES KIWI EVEN HAVE A TONGUE?????

fdhsjaklfdjkknd rebecca flyin off the rock

i feel bad for rebecca :(

LMAO TRIGGER BE LIKE IF WE DON’T PUT A MECH IN EVERY SHOW WE’LL SIMPLY DIE

they finally let trigger do their thing thank FUCK

the super line heavy shot looking up at david in the skeleton YES GOOD

ep10:

SUSHIOOOOOOOOOOOOO

not them saying “atom smasher” so seriously 💀

i still want a kiwi and lucy backstory tbh. i feel like that would’ve actually done more to give lucy some sort of character beyond david/moon/arasaka. w the benefit of hindsight the mystery really all there was to her, once that was revealed she fell rather flat imo

16:51 THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE

the fucking pink highlights on the cyberskeletons GAWD

OH SHIT sushio AND imaishi AND yoshinari??? on storyboard AND keys??? no wonder this ep was the best lookin LMAO (ep3 is the next best still)

is atom smasher like. a guy??? relevant??? who was that LMAO. felt very unearned imo

also david you had such potential but also ended up being rather flat LMAO. like immediately post timeskip i feel like he could’ve done what he did in this last ep and the reason it was stretched out so long was just to get to the point where his body broke (especially cause he really was just “special” there was no reason for it)

like idk ppl are all saying this episode “destroyed” them but the ending was predictable right from the start and david and lucy were not so compelling as to get me to invest in their relationship anyway so. HOW?????? bro i was just vibing and enjoying the pretty pictures lksdjflnkjfdb

HOWEVER IMAISHI IS THE FUNNIEST DIRECTOR ALIVE, THAT MAN REALLY SAID ONLY GAY PPL GET HAPPY ENDINGS SLKDJGNLFKDJGB

overall pros: GORGEOUS ANIMATION OFC NO SURPRISES THERE, COLORS, the lyrical music choices i found to be quite suitable

overall cons: the plot, like what was that about 🤨 also the characters relied SO HEAVILY on their designs and animation that they fell completely flat for me in the end on personality/development alone

OH ALSO i REALLY didn’t like the reliance on the HUDs which i assume are from the game. every time there’s text i can read on screen my eyes just default to reading it (which is why i struggle a lot w watching subs) and i zero in on that rather than watching the animation so.

tldr: not a complete waste of time like arcane, i do recommend for anyone looking for something pretty but don’t go in expecting trigger’s usual depth and heart of story and characters!!!! also i think video game companies should stay in their lanes LMAO. now everyone go watch promare (2019)

#also off topic but is yoshinari really doing more lwa 🤨#a: cyberpunk edgerunners #edgerunners spoilers #t.txt

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mlchaelwheeler · 2 years

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Do you think the writers were originally going to set s4 during thanksgiving? They had El and Mike talking about how they'd arranged something for thanksgiving in the s3 finale but on s4 we see that Mike hasn't seen them since they left. My feeling is that too much time went past and the young actors had obviously grown quite a bit so they decided to make the time jump a bit longer.

Hmm, I honestly don't think so. S1 and S2 were already set in the fall (near Thanksgiving), so imo it would seem redundant to have S4 also be at the same time of the year. I think that when Mike and El were talking about Thanksgiving, it was more to show the audience that they would still be seeing each other over the school year, even though they live far away from each other. I know they also mentioned the Byers coming to Hawkins for Christmas.

Perhaps bringing this up (especially right at the end of the season) makes it that much more jarring for viewers to hear that the Byers haven't seen anyone from Hawkins since they moved away. Even Mike (who has the closest ties to the Byers) hasn't been writing or calling much. When the story made this clear, we were supposed to realize that this directly contradicted what Mike had said before the move, further indicating that something is very wrong--hence, Mike is struggling.

Also, I honestly just feel like the timing of everything after S3 is off-kilter. First, we have the "epilogue" of S3 (right before the Byers leave Hawkins) as taking place 3 months after S3, which would put it roughly around October 4, 1985. This is already at least one month into the school year. Did Will, El, and Jonathan attend school at Hawkins High for a month before they moved? This just seems weird to me especially since Eddie mentioned that Mike and Dustin were sitting alone at lunch on the first day of school. Shouldn't Will have been with them if it was August/September? It's also weird that S4 opens on March 21, 1986--the date is clearly shown on the screen--which the audience knows (from watching a key moment in S2) is the day before Will's bday. Then on his bday, the date is shown again on the camera used to film El at the roller rink. Seems unnecessary to show the date again, only to seemingly "forget" Will's bday. Even though the whole bday debacle has been thoroughly discussed, I still think it was intentional by the writers and will be a key jab used by Vecna against Will in vol 2. For writers who consistently pride themselves on attention to detail, it seems so strange that they'd forget a main character's bday and then show the date onscreen twice! Another weird timing thing I noticed in S4 was that Mike kept referring to "the past year," which if the Byers did move in October, this would only take place 5ish months later--not even half a year. Just seems weird to me, idk 😵‍💫

#ask sarah #anon tag

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doesitmatterseriously · 3 years

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Long post warning yeah I’ve already made 2 post that have a ton of questions so might be repeating some just so it’s all on one post

in Kingdom of The Wicked…

-when Emilia goes to meet wrath, the talons appear in the cave once he sees Antonio. In the wrath POV chapter he does this when he’s pissed off while speaking with pride. Why did he have that reaction in the cave? He already had a bad reaction to Antonio and made it clear that he was claiming Emilia . If we are going by actual lore then demons are incredibly possessive and he had also marked her by this point. so did they just need Antonio dead and was surprised or was he feeling some type of way? Or both? Because it seemed like pride was willing to kill Antonio immediately

- The grandma says that out of the seven princes of hell they only need to be afraid of four and those four are wrath, pride, envy, and greed. But lust also seemed incredibly malicious. So what if that legend is not right? These are old stories and stories get less accurate over the years.

- the dress given to Emilia. Wtf? Why was a dress given to her that was wraiths aesthetic? her sister was found in a wedding dress and I’m wondering if the other girls were as well. So why was she given such a different dress and something so similar to what wrath would have her wear.

-the hair clips! It was literally made a point that was mentioned that pride was staring at the hair clips. Why?

- why did wrath do the ritual to save her life? It sounds like he transferred some of his power to her. Why would he do that? And during that when she was in his head she saw that he did it out of fear. But also that he was worried that despite his best efforts that she was like a splinter slowly getting under his skin and he was worried that she might get to his stone heart and she admits that she could see that happening.

- I feel like wrath has to care about her because of the kiss. I can’t see him just letting someone kiss him and then him kiss back in such an intense way. Also his reaction when he finds out that Emilia actually cares about him is angst filled and he acts kind of devastated from the few clues we got since he doesn’t show a lot of emotion. Especially when he gets angry and says that whole maybe you like threats, maybe I should make some of my own. Like why would he care if he had no feelings?? In the fairyloot pov he literally,well, basically, says fuck love. Yet he still came to help Emilia . It could’ve been for many different reasons but one of them could’ve been because he truly cared about her.

-is their magic tied to each other? He was able to step in to her protection spell. So what happened during that intense ritual????

- after she made that bargain about no princes from hell being able to leave, he stares at her a bit too long and Emilia says that he wants to incinerate her on the spot maybe but we also have to consider that all of her conclusions have been wrong about everything.

-envy was legit going to have her stab her heart out and then stopped (cos the tattoo stopped her)and then suddenly wanted her really really bad after he saw the tattoo. Dudes name and is ENVY! I just feel like there has to be more to it than that. He would love nothing more than to take something away from his brothers. He seems to really hate wrath too.

-honestly with Emilia in any conclusion she makes I can’t really trust because she’s like always wrong and jump to them too quickly but that’s understandable although annoying because she’s only 18 and she just had a really Traumatic event happened. Honestly she’s had the worst month ever.

- it seems like the legends and the stories get so twisted so parts of them might be true and parts might be totally off kilter. So it’s really hard to decipher which is true. But the biggest thing I’m curious about is which princes do they really need to fear?

- in the sneak peaks of Kingdom of the cursed…why is wrath escorting her into hell? Are they using her as bait to catch the killer? Because due to her bargain I am wondering if it really is in his best interest to get her soul to pride since she wants NO prince of hell to be able to leave. and it seems like he’s genuinely trying to help her. If this were a normal situation where he really give a damn? I mean there’s so much we don’t know because the world building is just now starting and we’re entering a whole new place with whole new rules. But that just seems odd to me.

-the tattoo!!! If the bond was really broken wouldn’t leave?

I have a ton of more questions but those especially. excuse typos.

#kingdom of the wicked #kingdom of the cursed #emilia di carlo #emilia x wrath #princewitch #prince wrath #kotc #kotw

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bunny-hoodlum · 3 years

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Asynchronous With You: Ch 5.5

ship: naruhina

rating: teen (references to much ecchi this chapter)

tags: Modern Day AU, Foster Siblings, Family, Angst, Unrequited Love, Poor Communication

summary: An awkward journey full of self-denial and missed moments between two foster siblings. Perhaps their love will find the right timing someday.

She can't stand herself right now, so she makes him feel like he's the untolerated one

She just wants to be alone.

Between the abandonment from her parents, the fact that she wronged Hanabi and will deserve the worst outcome for it, to the way Naruto skillfully fucks up her emotions without even trying, she just wants it all to stop.

It's all… so itchy.

These events and circumstances, they gravitate to her, they stick to her fly-trap skin and die. And she can't be rid of it.

It's all fated.

Her whole existence is one incurable allergy, and continued exposure will only lead to anaphylaxis.

However, if she closes her eyes and lays very still atop her covers, she can dream of a world where everything is as it should be.

One where her parents cherish her and she and Hanabi are one of the closest sisters you'll ever see.

A world where Neji didn't lose his parents, yet it would still feel like he's always lived with her in the same house.

A world where Naruto had never been orphaned, had grown up secure in the love of his parents so that he didn't have to inebriate himself on his vices.

She just can't stand being his sister, because it makes her feel depraved.

She can't stand all the ways that she wants to compete against those other girls.

She's got the home advantage.

Proximity is everything, or it should be.

She doubts he would hate it if he found the hole had grown bigger. She doubts he would hate testing it out.

She pictures it and pictures it, and it's exciting. Tingles shoot down into her belly, traveling lower and lower.

It's so wrong how much she wants to be claimed.

She knows he wouldn't dare.

She knows he would hate it if the one offering themselves on the other side was her.

She can't stand how she had wanted to be curled against his side on the train ride to Neji, how she wished his voice would tickle her ears again like when they were kids, giving her the reassurance that she needed.

She can't stand how she had conspired with Neji to make Naruto feel off-kilter, like he didn't know her at all, just to hand off this whole cosmic unfairness onto him.

Any effort on her part brings them closer together as foster siblings, so really, could anyone blame her for giving up at this point?

She's starting to feel itchy again.

Hinata sucks in a sharp breath as she wills her legs to work.

She needs to apologize to him.

She wobbles out of her room, then leans against his bedroom door. She knocks against the wood. Her efforts are weak at first, hesitant pauses punctuated between each knock. Then desperation finally takes hold, and her knocking picks up as much volume as intensity.

She knows what she's here to do.

It's not that hard.

But the hushed desires crowding the back of her mind, the clawing need to clear the air and put her anxieties down for good, these make it so hard for her to breathe.

These make her not trust herself to be alone with him.

The door handle rotates, the click hitting her ears like the cocking of a gun hammer.

Her heart seizes in a panic.

He greets her with an affronted frown, then tugs at his earbud wires. Thunderous drums and riotous electric guitars buzzed like industrial wasps from the earbuds. When he hit pause on his phone screen, the absence of noise made their home feel like a cave.

Cold and vast.

"I-I have things to say." Her nose wrinkled with embarrassment.

Naruto stepped away from the door, allowing her passage into his room.

It feels like it's been forever since she's stepped foot in here. The posters were all different, and there was an abundance of them plastered along his walls. To her shame, the ceiling over his bed was also well-decorated with the ripped out pages of Gravure models. They all had different looks, different shapes and sizes.

Did he really have no preference?

As she hovered awkwardly in the middle of his room, he took a seat on his bed and patted the empty spot beside him.

She stared, her skepticism all too open.

"Hinata…" His eyes implored her, but when she would still go no closer to him, he was reminded of a life he had thought long-forgotten, back when he was treated like a germ. He shut his mouth, and buried that pain down deep. He couldn't bring himself to say those words. It felt way too pathetic.

His eyes followed her as she headed for his desk and slid the chair out from it. But then she stood there, staring at it too, like it would infect her.

With a growl, he collapsed onto his bed. "You're not going to sit, you're not going to talk--"

"I am going to talk."

"So talk." He laced his fingers behind his head, staring at her pointedly.

She pushed the chair back, and turned towards him, her hands wringing themselves to the point of splintering bones.

"I'm sorry. Neither of us have had a choice in all of this. The only thing we can choose to do is be better to each other."

His pointed look evolved with a lifted eyebrow. "Yeah, we kind of decided that early on, didn't we? I made sure to get along with Neji, and I protected you. It's what I could do. The bullying you endured didn't just stop for no reason."

"I-I know. And what I'm saying is, I'm the-the one whose g-given up on--" Her stuttering caused him to sit up.

"Hey, Hinata? Hey, hey, hey," He stood up and walked over to her, his hands clasping over her strangled ones. "It's okay. C'mon, it's okay. Try to breathe," he extricated her hands from each other and squeezed each of them in his own, offering her strength. "Breathe. Breathe."

But that shaky breath she took caused a few tears to let loose, and for her to question her purpose here.

When he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, holding her tight, her mouth smashed against his shoulder, the sobs wouldn't stop. The air was like pins in her throat and she felt so, so itchy.

His bedroom was caked in perfume and sex just as she had always imagined, and she wanted to wipe that all away.

"I c,c,can't be a g,good s,s,sister."

She wanted to love him fully.

He stroked her hair and shushed her.

"You'll be an amazing sister. That little brat already loves you. Hell, sometimes I think I won the lottery myself, y'know?"

She wanted to pound her fists against his chest. Instead she clawed the fabric of his lounge hoodie, because she may not be able to hold onto him like this for much longer.

I don't want to be your sister.

I don't want you for a brother.

These are the things she wishes she could say. With every intention of making it up to him, if he would have her.

Before she came here, she needed to gauge how badly he wanted to be part of this family. But now that he went and said something like that… she doesn't have the heart to take this away from him.

"I-I'll do better, Naruto-lun, I,I,I'll do better."

"Geez, you push yourself hard enough, don't you?" He teased.

In the world she dreams up when her eyes are closed, she's able to press her lips to his, all questions erased from both their minds as they melt into the rightness of each other's bodies.

In reality, this is as far as they can go.

AN: I didn't feel comfortable leaving them all passive-aggressive and whatnot, because I no longer like that part of my writing? I think in the past I was fascinated with the whole concept of 'this is what happens when you let things be', but lately it's not all that fascinating, it actually feels pretty dumb. So maybe this is just one of those stories where it's like, 'Yeah, this ain't working for this'. Also, I used to think communication, even if it's healthy, was boring no matter what. Like, 'Easily solved! There is no story!', but lately my mindset on that has evolved and maybe that's because of exposing myself to better stories and media. Anyways, another short one, unfortunately, but I hope you liked it! This chapter has allowed me to go back to advancing the plot with summaries, so I'm quite looking forward to speeding things up. IDK if there is actual NH juiciness up ahead, but we'll see the story allows. 😅 I really had imagined Hinata getting up to more bold 'hint-dropping hijinks' like she did with her shirt, but it seems like it wrote itself out. :( lesigh.

#naruhina fanfiction #naruto x hinata #naruhina #modern au #chapter 5.5

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wisherbysharlight · 4 years

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Adrenaline Rush of Admitting a Crush

Word Count: 1622 Ships:Prinxiety, mentioned Pintroverts AO3: here Thanks to @vintagesquid for the beta! Description: Spoilers for FWSA! Virgil can’t wait. He just can’t. He needs to do this now, but there are limits to even the adrenaline high of bravery...

Roman is right there. And he’s smiling, and dancing around the room, and squealing in a way he hadn’t in months, if not a year, and Virgil has to say something.

“Do you need to pee?”

He can’t stop shaking his hands, bouncing in place. He’s hearing Roman spouting off ideas left and right, sees his delighted expression, and,

“Are you sure you don’t need to pee?”

Virgil can’t wait. He just can’t. He needs to do this now, but there are limits to even the adrenaline high of bravery. As impatient as he is, he has to wait for Thomas to not be paying attention to them.

All this energy, all these emotions, all this bravery, he has to do it now, before he loses the adrenaline high, but of course Thomas still needs them. He still needs to run back through the entire scenario at least five times, to check and double check and triple check that it actually happened. Virgil can’t fault him for that, hell, he wants it all too.

But Roman.

Roman is right there. And he’s smiling, and dancing around the room, and squealing in a way he hadn’t in months, if not a year, and Virgil has to say something.

Finally, finally, Thomas goes upstairs to change, claiming to try to use some of his nervous energy for a run. They won’t be summoned again for a bit, most likely, and they’re safe to sink out into the mindspace’s version of the living room. No one else is around, and this is it, this is his moment, he can do this, he squares his shoulders and he looks at Roman and he opens his mouth and-

“You don’t have to say it Virgil,” Roman says before the sound can leave Virgil’s mouth, “I know. I won’t tell the others about,” he waves his hand vaguely at Virgil’s eyes, “sparkle city, or whatever, until you’re ready. I know you, worry. Heh. About the whole ‘emo nightmare’ reputation.”

Virgil’s shaking his head furiously before Roman can even get his whole sentence out, the shadows under his eyes darkening in concern, “No, Roman, they- if they don’t know already I don’t care if they do now. I’m excited, it happens, no use trying to hide it.”

Roman looks concerned at the change, taking a hesitant step towards him without seeming to think too much about it before stopping himself, “Then - then what’s up, Legion of Gloom?” “I wanted to talk to you. About today. And. And tell you that I- shit, I am terrible at this. How did Thomas do it?” Virgil grumbles, feeling his face flame up and sparing a thought to be grateful for his foundation. He has to break eye contact because looking straight at Roman is not helping, “Ok listen. I wasn’t going to say anything. I really wasn’t. But Roman, today. You said - you said a couple things that … that set off alarm bells for me, and I just - I feel like I need to tell you this so just let me get it all out before you say anything.”

Roman nods mutely, but his hands are still restless, still moving and grabbing onto each other then onto his sash then to his belt loops.

“Ok. Ok so, I’ve noticed. Recently. That you have been a little. Ugh, shit, what’s the word. I should’ve practiced this better. I’ve noticed you’ve been a little, uh, insecure? And I just wanted, no. No I needed you to know that I see everything you do and how hard you’ve been trying. How much you want to be right. I’ve been there, Princey, and it’s not a fun place to be. But Roman. Just. Know I see you, and that ... that you can trust me to be honest with you. About my feelings. Because god knows I don’t talk about them often. And Ro? I really, honestly, care about you. Seeing you happy today? Knowing that I, me, I myself was able to do that for you? Well. It forced me to acknowledge something I’d been trying very hard to ignore.”

Roman looks absolutely shell-shocked, eyes wide as saucers, mouth hanging open a bit, hands now twisting his sash between them, face flushed almost as red as his emblem. He drops the sash when Virgil stops talking, gesturing wildly at him, voice clearly on the verge of breaking, “What is it? Don’t leave a man in suspense, Virgil, a story like that cannot be left unfinished.” Virgil huffs out a laugh, fidgeting with the zipper on his sleeve, “You would be focused on the story, dramatic ass.” He huffs again, then stares up at the ceiling, “Roman, I- If I could make you smile like that. You- God you’re just so good Roman, and for a long time I think I was denying ... that I could ever be enough. But if I could do that, today, for you, for Thomas. Well. I think I can try. To be enough. And to let myself want to be-”

Virgil’s voice dies in his throat as Roman’s thumb gently presses on his chin, tilting his head down - when had he even moved that close - and oh. He’s smiling, that brilliant smile that Virgil was worried was reserved just for Nico - “Virgil. I was also concerned. About being. Enough. For you.”

“Well that’s stupid,” Virgil bursts out, then feels his face flame up and theres no way his foundation is enough to cover that. “Because. Because.”

“Because we’re both a bit stupid?” Roman grins, and his thumb moves slightly from where it’s still on his chin, the rest of his hand cupping his cheek, and that feels really nice. Maybe Virgil leans into it a bit, feels that light tingle under his eyes that means his shadow is shifting and fights the urge to sink out and hide it, “And maybe we are both enough? Or rather, that we balance each other quite nicely?” Virgil nods, and idly wonders when he became the mute one in this conversation, and where all this suaveness had been when they were trying to woo Nico, but those thoughts fly out the window when Roman’s thumb brushes feather-light over his bottom lip, “And maybe? We could try to explore how well we work together? As a team, and as more?”

Virgil knows he’s gone full-lavender at this point as he nods, careful not to dislodge Roman’s thumb. He leans in, feeling even braver than when he had shoved Thomas earlier, bolstered even more by the urge to assuage the doubt still hiding in Roman’s eyes, but still slow in case he’s wrong (oh god, what if he’s wrong), but Roman surges forward, capturing his lips and holding onto his face with both hands. Virgil even doesn’t know what to do with his own hands, he’s so happy he can’t possibly keep them still, so he just holds onto Roman’s shoulders, then his arms, then his hair (oh soft hair that’s a good place to stay), and lets Roman take the lead.

Virgil notices a moment later that Roman’s humming, and it doesn’t feel intentional, which makes him grin into the kiss and causes Roman to start laughing, and then they’re both off. They’re leaning into each other still, but Virgil’s hands are flapping on either side of Roman and Roman’s bouncing on the balls of his feet and neither of them can stop giggling long enough to even say anything. They just exist in each others’ spaces, giggling just like before, only this time Virgil can smell the mint from Roman’s breath, can see the sparkle in his eye, and it makes him feel like he can take on the world.

Eventually, Roman quiets enough to speak, though he’s still grinning like a loon, “So, I guess I have to start thinking of fun pet names instead of just plain nicknames, huh Hot Topic?” “I knew you thought I was hot,” Virgil croons back without missing a beat, feeling less off kilter with his trademark smirk, though he knows his shadow still betrays the levity in his entire being.

Roman leans in to kiss him again, and their laughter returns when Virgil is caught off guard enough by Roman nipping at his lip that he stumbles. ‘You’re supposed to be alert, Virgil. Get back on your game.’ the nasty voice that sounds a lot like his own from the past hisses in his ear, but is drowned out quickly when Roman swoons dramatically and coos, “Oh Virgil I knew you’d fall for me eventually.”

“I’ll show you falling,” Virgil growls playfully, pushes Roman to the couch and straddles him, getting his hands back in that soft hair and pulling him up for another kiss, then another, and another, each only to be interrupted when one of them gets so overwhelmed they squirm, or squeak, or hum, or flap, and they dissolve into laughter again, like they have all the time in the world.

At some point, they’ll have to debrief the other sides on the particulars of what went down at the mall food court today. They’ll discuss Janus being overworked and exhausted and in everyone else’s business, and address Patton’s suspicious absence in a matter of the heart, and assist Logan with his inevitable sulking about yet another emotional connection to maintain, and deal with Remus’ certainly ever-growing list of new material featuring that new connection.

Eventually, they, Roman and Virgil, would have to address their insecurities in a less indirect manner, and actually talk through them to make sure neither one was rushing in blind. It all needed to happen, but later. For now, with just the two of them here on the couch, Virgil couldn’t bring himself to fear any of it, even though it was all residing in the back of his mind.

Bravery. Huh. He could get used to that.

#prinxiety #roman sanders #virgil sanders #fwsa #flirting with social anxiety #stimmy virgil #stimmy roman #look at me writing canon fic who AM i #my writing

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squidpizza · 2 years

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Ten Things I Learned From Cryptids of Belenon

Cryptids of Belenon is my baby; my first completed custom magic set and a topic I was and still am fascinated by: cryptozoology. It is first and foremost top-down cryptozoology, and I hit as many different tropes and creatures as I could squeeze into 278 cards. Still, it is far from a perfect set, but as a first set it’s always going to be an uphill battle to get it into a shape one might consider good. That is why, after nearly two years of development, I wanted to give some advice to people on how to avoid mistakes that I made when working on it. As always, take my writings with a grain of salt; I’m not infallible, and what worked for me may not work for you. Still, I hope this helps someone, whether or not they’re new to the hobby. Just for clarity’s sake, these are in no particular order and are definitely not least important to most.

1. Kill your darlings

This is a piece of writing advice I’ve adapted to the custom magic space. ‘Kill your darlings’ means, basically, that whatever you think you need you probably don’t. If something becomes unnecessary, whether that be a thematic element, a mechanic, or even a pet card, you should really consider cutting it. When I was first developing Cryptids, the set had a steampunk theme and multiple new and returning mechanics; I ended up abandoning every mechanic the set was pitched with, and traded in the steampunk aesthetic for a more modern thematic. The set is better for this change, even though at the time it was hard.

2. Get the picture

When developing for top-down sets, a unifying theme is very important. This should be obvious, but what isn’t obvious is that everything that contributes to that theme must be recognizable. Top-down sets such as Amonkhet didn’t reference obscure concepts like Egyptian metaphysics of the soul, and instead went for the most recognizable aspects: Mummies, animal-headed gods, jackals, snakes, and iconic imagery like the Luxa (Nile) and pyramids. That isn’t to say nothing obscure wasn’t referenced, but the focus was clearly on what people knew and understood. This is something I didn’t do in earlier versions of Cryptids; I referenced every obscure creature I could find, no matter how recognizable they are, and that hurt the set’s cohesion. Nobody knows what a Nandi bear is, but everyone recognizes Bigfoot and many people have heard of Mothman and a fair few people know what an SCP is.

3. Story time

Cryptids of Belenon does have a story, but it's told poorly through the cards. This isn’t the end of the world, but it makes the whole package feel less interesting and a bit confusing, potentially. Why are the banishers (an analogue for the SCP foundation, or the FBI from the X-Files) keeping everything hidden during an alien invasion? Why is there an alien invasion in the first place? Flavor text can help, but if the story is flawed in execution that can leave the audience even more baffled than without it. With the benefit of hindsight I know more resources should’ve been put into making the story flow more naturally.

Why is this a story spotlight? What even is the story?

4. Playtest, playtest, playtest!

Playtesting is extremely important, as anyone who’s been in the custom magic scene long knows. For me, playtesting was vital for grasping an intuitive knowledge of Cryptids’ mechanics; Sighting looks a little awkward but plays very smoothly, and Mysteries are full of knobs to balance them with. Mysteries in particular are the splashy, attention-grabbing mechanic of Cryptids, so making sure they all played well was the most important part of playtesting for me.

5. Archetypical.

Cryptids of Belenon does have limited archetypes, but its mechanical variance is off-kilter. Why are there one-off sighting rewards in red and white, when sighting is centered in sultai colors? This muddies the draft and can send wrong signals to drafters who aren’t familiar with the set. Sighting appears in all colors, but the archetypes rewarding it should be the main focus for that mechanic. This issue is present in other mechanics; there are flying rewards in blue despite the archetype being focused in white and black, and in general makes drafting more awkward.

6. Art thou ready?

Cryptids of Belenon has an identity problem. Much of the art suggests a modern, low-magic world very much like our own, but a few cards still remain that suggest a different time period. I’ve been slowly whittling away at replacing and reflavoring those cards, but this has hurt the set’s themes a lot in my opinion. Art is the greatest limiter in a lot of custom sets, and figuring out what you can and can’t art is a very important skill to master. Cryptids also just has a few pieces of low-quality art that could stand to be improved on.

7. Constructed applications.

Cryptids of Belenon is a somewhat lower-powered set, mysteries aside. Those are the main buildarounds, and a lot of them are pushed for use in constructed. With that much of the constructed budget eaten up, a lot of other constructed-pushed cards are riffs on existing cards, which is just not as interesting as new, competitively viable and interesting cards.

8. What’s in a name?

I am terrible at naming things. Straight up, easily the worst part of designing for me. I did very little worldbuilding for Belenon while developing the set; there are few locations named and few important characters with more than a line or two of flavor text each. In a better world, Cryptids of Belenon could’ve been a richer vorthos experience. I want to call particular attention to Anning, named after the real person she’s based off of. Why did I do that? The world may never know.

9. Cut the Chaff

Cryptids of Belenon has a lot of one-off cards and strategies that simply didn’t get the support they needed. There’s a small voltron package in blue and green, and a lifegain one in black and white. These are draft traps, and the set would be better without them. These cards don’t need to exist, and again confuse drafters by signaling archetypes that are not present.

10. Flavor Judgement

Aside from the overall issue of Cryptids’ story being hard to glean from the cards, a lot of the flavor text is just lacking. It’s quotes from a smattering of characters, most of it is quippy one-liners, and in general it just detracts from the flavor of the cards more than it adds in a lot of cases. This creates a feeling of sameness where there should be a lot of diversity; research reports, eyewitness accounts, et cetera. While I think the set does have a few standout flavor texts (such as Devolve, pictured below), a lot of them are in dire need of improvement or replacement.

#custom magic #cryptozoology

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poisonintopositivity · 4 years

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(My Very Own) Top 20 Sterek Fics

Here is my very own Top 20 Sterek Fics (out of order)

For me, these fanfictions are a “MUST READ NOW!!!” kind of deal. These authors have so much talent, it’s incredible. These stories are just marvelous and deserve LOVE ! So, I decided to share them with you.

I’ve read most of these fics several times and some of them are even my bedside table books (with Harry Potter and the Prisonner of Azcaban and Jane Eyre)

So here we go!

1: Enemy Lines by @qhuinn - 150k - Explicit - Dystopia - Enemies to friends to lovers - Action/adventure

This is the story of werewolf Derek Hale and human Stiles Stilinski: two people who grew up in the same town but completely different worlds, their realities split by the war between men and wolves.

Years later when Derek returns to Beacon Hills, he does it as Alpha of a military pack on a mission to capture those responsible for the region’s resistance. With his main objective, Sheriff Stilinski, out of sight, he settles for the next best thing: his son, Stiles.

Neither of them suspects they’ll need to trust each other if they want to make it out this alive.

2: Actions Speak Louder than Words by @isthatbloodonhisshirt - 435k - Explicit - The BEST and slowest burn there is - Spark Stiles/Mute Derek - Friends to Lovers

“I apologize.” The cop finally looked back up at his face, seeming thrilled. “It’s just—it’s been so long. And we finally have you.”

That was a bad word. Not found.

Have.

Stiles wrenched his hand free and took a step back, but before he could even think up a gameplan, he felt a prick in his neck and jerked away, reaching up to slap one hand against it and twisting in the same moment.

One of the others had come up behind him while he hadn’t been paying attention, and his vision began to swim even as his eyes caught sight of the half-empty syringe the guy was holding.

3: Radio Tower by @hyperlittlenori - 130k - Explicit - Dystopia - Hope - Slow Burn/Build

Everything was different. The world he knew was gone. It’d been a long time since he’d started thinking he was probably one of the last humans on earth, that out there the only sentient beings were those that would devour him whole. He wasn’t sure why he continued with the radio broadcasts, continued to talk into nothingness. The only explanation was that there was a spark of hope in him yet that he wasn’t alone. The lonely safety Stiles has built around an old radio tower in the middle of nowhere is about to be broken. Stiles isn’t sure if Derek is a harbinger of chaos or hope at the end of the world.

4: The Hollow Moon by @thepsychicclam - 180k - Explicit - Fix-It - Memory Loss - Slow Burn/Build

It's the summer after Stiles' first year of college, and he's working a crappy job and dealing with nightmares and anxiety - but he's okay, he swears. He makes it through most days without too much trouble. Then, a certain werewolf comes back into town. Which Stiles doesn't care about, nope, not at all.

After two and a half years, Derek returns to Beacon Hills with his small Pack. Though he tried to move on, something just kept drawing him back to Beacon Hills, he's just not sure what. Now, he figures he can start building something like a life - but he keeps getting distracted by Stiles Stilinski of all people.

5 : Amor Fati by @alocalband - 43k - Explicit - Consent is sexy - First Time - Fluff & Angst

When Stiles gets thrown into the bank vault about twenty minutes after him, Derek isn’t even surprised.As it turns out, neither is Stiles.

6 : (not so) Pure Imagination by theroguesgambit - 33k - Explicit - Shared fantasies - Angst with a happy ending - hotdamn!

"There is a world where whenever someone fantasizes about you, you can physically feel it, but you have no idea who is thinking it about you."

Stiles knows it's wrong, but he's been Fantasizing about Derek and he can't bring himself to stop. Derek doesn't know who's taken an interest in him, but he's enjoying it way more than he probably should.

7: What I Did On My Summer Vacation by grimm - 119k - Explicit - Wolf!Derek - Slow Burn/Build - Friends to Lovers

There's something weird about Beacon Hills that Stiles can't quite put his finger on. The way everyone in town knows his name the day he arrives. The way they insist the melancholic howling that echoes through the forest every night is just a dog. The way his dad denies getting a dog, even though Stiles comes home to find one sprawled across his bed, some big black thing whose eyes gleam red in the right light. The way that massive oak tree out in the woods vibrates under his touch, pulsing with sickly life.

There's something weird going on in this town, and Stiles is determined to get to the bottom of it.

8: Stand Fast in Your Enchantments by @devildoll - 77k - Explicit - Captivity - Feral!Derek - Angst with a happy ending

"Stiles knew damn well what a pissed-off wolf sounded like, and every hair on the back of his neck was telling him that somewhere in this room was a very pissed-off werewolf." An AU in which Derek is feral, Stiles is magical, and they eat a lot of fast food.

9 : What Fresh Twilight Bullshit Is This? by @isthatbloodonhisshirt - 196k - Explicit - Soulmate - Slow Burn - Misunderstandings

“I am not Bella!” he insisted, shaking his fist angrily at Jackson, as if he’d been the one to suggest he was. “I am not Bella! I am, like, a Jacob, at least!”

Lydia made a noise of debate from his right and he whipped around to look at her.

“What?! What was that sound?!”

“You’re more of a Mike,” she insisted, shrugging neatly and flipping some curls over her shoulder.

“Wha—” Stiles had never been so offended in his life! “I am not! No way! I am a solid Jacob!”

“Mike,” she argued.

“Who’s Mike?” Scott asked.

“Shut up, Scott!” Stiles insisted, pointing a finger at him but still glaring at Lydia.

10 : taste your beating heart by @cinematicnomad - 112k - Mature - Pack Dynamics - Slow Burn/Build - Stilinski Family Feels

Something was wrong in Beacon Hills. Derek was halfway across the country when he felt a call to return to his hometown, and somehow Stiles had been talked into letting the werewolf stay in his guest bedroom. This could lead to nothing good.

11 : between the click of the light and the start of the dream by @thepsychicclam 105k - Explicit - Pack Dynamics - Getting Togheter - Fluff & Angst

A twig snaps, and then Stiles hears breathing and the rustle of leaves. He strains to get a better glimpse into the darkness, but it’s pointless. There’s nothing but a black void.

It's Stiles' senior year, and he's trying to concentrate on normal things - like the lacrosse championship, spring break, prom, graduation (and definitely not Derek) - when he starts having nightmares and waking up in the middle of nowhere. Oh yeah, and he's being haunted by a hag. Great.

12: And You Say You're Alone by taelynhawker - 30k - Explicit - Pack Dynamincs - Bad Friend Scott - Romance

Between the kanima, the Argents, and Peter's untimely return from the dead, everything has fallen apart. Stiles and Derek try to put their lives back together once the crisis has passed. Stiles deals with the aftermath of being tortured, and the distance growing between he and Scott. Derek attempts to become a stronger alpha and keep his pack safe, and that includes Stiles.

13: Trust Fall by Stoney - 144k - Explicit - Body Swap - Hurt/Confort - Slow Burn/Build

Stiles is fairly certain that a case could be made for every bad thing in his life coming back to Peter Hale. This time it's pissing off a powerful witch, who retaliated by swapping Stiles and Derek a la Freaky Friday, because sure. That makes sense. Um, there are GPAs on the line, not to mention the whole thing where his dad wants to shoot Derek on sight. Except who he sees as Derek is actually Stiles, and Stiles did not sign up for filicide.

Great. Wait...does this mean he's the Alpha until they figure this out? Holy. Shit.

****

Derek had stood in front of the bathroom mirror for a few minutes trying to control the panic as he saw himself as Stiles. As the loud mouthed human friend of the pack. He was going to kill Peter. He was going to kill the witch, then he was going to kill Peter. Maybe even resurrect him again just to kill him all over.

They were going to have to play this cool. They would have to stay calm and focused. Which is of course why the universe threw him into this situation with someone who physically couldn't be calm and focused.

Of course.

14: Gravity's Got Nothing on You by @zosofi - 84k - Explicit - Fake/Pretend Boyfriends - Humor - Romance

“Three weeks,” Derek says.

“Still don’t want to,” Stiles says.

“I’ll pay you,” Derek says, and that… that has Stiles interested. Alf’s Antique’s may be a great job, but it’s not a high-paying job, and half of Stiles’s tuition is coming from financial aid, so…

“How much,” Stiles asks, “are we talking here? Because I know your family, dude. And it’ll be kind of awkward after.“

“My family thinks you’re some sort of fucking gift to the world,” Derek seethes, like he’s jealous, “they’ll probably be pissed at me when we break it off, so don’t worry about that. Five hundred bucks.”

“A thousand,” Stiles says, because screw ethics. Also, the Hale family is loaded. Derek can deal.

15: Every Step You Take by @nokomiss - 49k - Mature - Magic - UST - Secret Feelings

Stiles accidentally ends up magically bound to Derek. It’s super.

16: Baking My Way Into Your Heart by theSilence - 179k - Mature - College AU/Coffee Shop AU - Slow Burn/Build - Friends to Lovers

Derek is an uptight college student, all work and no play. His carefully scheduled life is thrown kilter when his regular barista is replaced with someone new.

17: Windows by @drgrlfriend - 83k - Explicit - Blind!Stiles - Friends to Lovers - Found Families

Derek has a new neighbor who won't stop looking.

Excerpt:

“You’re blind,” Derek said flatly, the anger draining from him so suddenly he felt almost woozy. His vision cleared, his claws sliding back into blunt fingernails.

“Thanks for the memo, genius,” the kid said acidly. “I can still fucking defend myself, so don’t take another damn step.”

“Fuck, I...I’m sorry,” Derek stuttered.

“What?!” The kid’s brow crinkled. “I mean — what?! You’re fucking sorry!?” His lips thinned into a harsh line. “What, is this some kinda Hallmark movie where you’re discovering the error of your ways because you don’t want to rob a blind person?! That’s fucking condescending, man. I’ll have you know that —”

“Just, wait.” Derek interrupted what was apparently the start of a convincing argument as to why he should rob the kid after all, feeling his head start to spin. “This is — it’s a misunderstanding. I’m — I’m not robbing you. You’re — you’re safe, okay? I’m taking three steps back. Just — just let me explain.”

“Explain why you came busting into my apartment? Yeah, go right ahead, man, I can’t wait to hear this epic tale.”

18 : Just to See You Again by MellytheHun (@loserchildhotpants) - 15k - Explicit - Love Letters - Getting Together - College AU

A sterek college!AU where writing student Stiles specializes in love letters, runs a blog about it and can be commissioned to write love letters on behalf of lovers who are at a loss for words.

He makes some cash, he’s good at what he does (especially when he gets to be a little more explicit in his letters), it pays for his textbooks and that’s all he’s really looking for and life is fine. That is, until someone anonymously commissions him to write a love letter to mathematics student, Derek Hale.

19: Chasing Slumber by @hyperlittlenori - 21k - Explicit - Post-Nogitsune - Porn With Feelings - Fix it

Stiles finds solitude and a glimpse at recovering from his ordeal with the Nogitsune in a dingy motel far from Beacon Hills. Inhuman blue eyes follow his silent struggles in the darkness of the room and he can no longer pretend to sleep, pretend he hasn’t been profoundly changed by all that has happened. He can only let his fingers stretch out across threadbare but clean sheets and clench around them, in a failed attempt at not reaching for Derek.

20 : the thread is ripping by @thepsychicclam - 36k - Explicit - Pinning - Angst with a happy ending - Flashbacks

Stiles is 27 now, with a master’s degree and a career and a house and a serious boyfriend and a life in San Francisco that doesn't include Derek. But then Stiles unexpectedly shows back up in Beacon Hills, and Derek would recognize that scent anywhere.

If you are interested, feel free to check out my Sterek Fic Recs Collections on A03.

On this lovely note, happy reading guys!

#Fic rec #Sterek #sterek fics rec #sterek fics #my favs!#spread the love #teen wolf #teen wolf fics

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