#Why does time of day matter
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literally cannot stop thinking about the foxes growing up to be helpful adults especially the monsters because like with the upperclassmen and even with nicky its slightly more expected as compared to the twinyards, kevin and neil
not by my own definition but by the perception people have of them in canon - the selfish, hotheaded or largely indifferent to everyone except their own affairs type of people
but aaron chose to become a doctor and i think of him seeing mothers give up their kids at birth and of people constantly loving and losing and how possible it is for him to be known as a kind doctor - someone who would sit with a man who lost his wife or a mother who's lost her child, someone who would do coffee runs for his colleagues and give flowers to recovering patients (and maybe katelyn bought them the first time but he could repeat the gesture, yknow? he's got a good learning curve)
im thinking of kevin making sure that a portion of his hefty income goes to actual genuine charities and for work against human trafficking and child abuse because what's he going to do with this much money? particularly after amalia is born he would be so much more careful if he ever sees kids or teenagers in parking lots and senses some imminent danger
not just that but kevin keeping an eye out for his fans or any signing events he has where he sees something unfair happen and steps in or asks security to step in immediately i feel like for him its still difficult to put himself on the forefront of a threatening situation unlike andreil but he does his best to try and to listen to the kids that come and rant to him about exy to entertain them with his genuine smiles
idk just the idea of the monsters being so very human and recognizing humanity in others is something that can be so personal
#the more i see the 'andreil moved in and got two cats they're living the life' type of posts its making me think#about how the monsters all did eventually settle down#life did not end when they were teenagers they made it out of that hellish period to a timeline where they#have responsibility over themselves their actions can make an impact and in small subtle ways they can see that#they know how much it would have mattered if someone had been there with them during their tough times#they know better than anyone how insane it is to have someone help u it feels smthn like how neil does whenever the foxes are kind to him#and why would he reserve that to himself? they didn't know him and their kindness knew no bounds how could he not pay it forward?#they would make wymack proud#aftg#tfc#kevin day#aaron minyard#neil josten#andrew minyard#andreil#kevaaron
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god help me but i might have to write inception fic
#look saito spent DECADES ALONE in limbo#he got old he got decrepit he forgot what cobb looked like#and why wouldn't he he'd known cobb for like a week#and then BOOM he's suddenly 40 years old and on an airplane#it's been like eight hours#for the others it's been days for him it's been decades#and then he has to go back to running an international corporation#does he even remember his email password????#or once you wake up does it feel like no time has passed even though you can remember the dream#how does the brain conceptualize that time#rolling into a fandom twelve years late with no starbucks and a lot of thoughts on the matter#inception#saito#op
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alas babes I literally cannot defend this man's name anymore except in the name of ignorance which. you can only claim ignorance for so long
#we established boundaries! no texting! limited contact! no teasing!#and what does he do the day i get sick. text me AND tease me through text#he's texted five times since (as in initiated conversation) and like. yeah i mean he's abnormally clueless but considering we had a whole#conversation where i explicitly said hey. i NEED the space. i need space if we're going to keep being friends#this is all a bit much :-)#thankfully i am 90% over him so this is not as painful as it would've been last month but sheeeeesh#i can't even defend him to my friends at this point because when i show them the texts they go what the actual hey is going on#i don't know if it's a matter of ignorance or lack of consideration or him trying to make things go back to normal#(except 'normal' for him was the time when i was crying like every day because i couldn't handle the emotional intimacy#of our strange friendship) or just sheer carelessness but mannnn what a situation#he told me that if he crosses a line to let him know and he'll course correct which like. yeah i mean i WAS thankful for that#but at the same time why is it my responsibility to draw the line why aren't YOU helping observe the line that#i drew earlier this month what is going ONNNN
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW
#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does#like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful#while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child#like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child#only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you#his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you#agree deep down#and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept#but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide#and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke#and you discarded it and got a new one#and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow#and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it#until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly#and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different#and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child#and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da#and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand#but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee#his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing#and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love#or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do#with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like
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I don't think 9-1-1 is in the business of killing off mains but I get the feeling something catastrophic is coming Buck's way and it's not going to be the car incident
#Time is a central theme that unites and binds Buck and Eddie but it is a theme that has been attributed to Eddie for the most part via#dialogue/context/circumstance/etc.#But last night Lev specifically mentions the concept of time in relation to happiness; not to Eddie this time but to Buck#in a way that simply cannot be mistrued or extrapolated or taken to mean or be associated with anyone else#Kind of makes me wonder about Buck's mental/emotional trajectory as well. Last season he clung to Taylor because he was afraid#of being left again. Understandable since he lost three key people in his life within a matter of months.#But they came back. And then Taylor was gone. And Buck's not clinging anymore but he's not happy either#so why the connection between Buck and Time? It's been so effectively established but why establish it at all?#Does he feel like Taylor was his last chance at the life he wanted? Wife. Kids. Happiness#(or at least some approximation of it)#That would put Lev's words into an even greater perspective: how he had this Thing that Buck actively desires and craves and it still#wasn't enough.#This thing that leaves Buck wondering 'if he had it all and it wasn't enough what will be enough?'#The question is: does he have the time to figure it out?#Because Buck might feel like *his* time js running out in the same way all human beings feel like there is never enough time#to heal the way they want to heal / achieve what they want to achieve / be who they want to be...#But Buck is a character trapped within a narrative he has no choice but to dance to#and that narrative is feeling so. Damning these days.#He feels like he doesn't have time but I'm willing to bet he has even less time than he thinks he has.
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Like. Once again, I of ALL people understand what it's like to imprint on/relate to/be drawn to/care most about unpalatable or destructive or vicious characters who Aren't Good People, but, you know. I do have to ask why, for so many people, this NEVER seems to happen when those characters are women.
#like. why is it only the men like this you find interesting or emotionally resonant. why does your fondness for this concept go away#when the character who exemplifies these things is a woman#and I'm not talking about 'oh people hate one or two of my faves' IT HAPPENS /EVERY/ TIME!!!!#EVERY FEMALE CHARACTER LIKE THIS GETS SHAFTED#mel screams about fictional ladies again#that whole 'you all say you want morally grey women but you can't even handle [x]' thing is a meme for a reason!!!#because most of the time you take GENUINELY MORALLY GREY FEMALE CHARACTERS and talk about how they're one-dimensionally#SUPER COMPLETE EVIL#and then you ALSO lump female characters who mean well and ARE good people who mess up sometimes like a real human being#in with this group too. like it really is about idealizing some theoretical idea of what you think a female character '''should''' be and#then going 'mmmmm but not like that' EVERY time you get something that matches up with what you claim to be asking for#BECAUSE NOTHING IS EVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR THESE PEOPLE!!! THE WOMEN ARE NEVER GOOD ENOUGH TO MATTER IN THEIR OWN STORIES!!!!!!!#AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH#I know I talk about this every goddamn day but I am BEYOND apologizing#fandom misogyny
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I have written only 300 words in the last month and it was for cody day. This job is ruining my life.
#chit chat#like obviously this is why i went on break clearly the break was necessary#but augh#i can barely even look at my writing much less work on it#because im just so angry all of the time and if i do anything that is frustrating but also *matters* to me i am going to damage it#i read over the next chapter of galidraan the other day and just wanted to fucking delete the whole thing#so#it may be closer to march before we get another chapter lol#this is why I've been playing the harmonica so much#hard to be frustrated when you're making train noises to teach yourself breathing techniques#actually does anyone remember that post that was like 'add a harmonica to spice up your next panic attack'?#that's what my life feels like rn lol
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I actually got an ask asking me how often me and cat guy have done it and while I do share prompts on here based on personal experience which can be TMI, that’s a bit of a personal question to be asking either way. Why are you asking that in the first place and why is it any of your business?
Anyways, we’ve done it-
#0 times you fucking weirdos#so we don’t do it often at all. In fact we haven’t done shit at all#there’s this thing called intimacy without taking clothes off#there is this thing called getting frisky without going all the way#there is this thing called dry humping please look it up#wild prompts doesn’t mean a wild bedroom life#and even if we did shit 10 times a day why does that matter to you LMAO#and also a LOT of stuff can happen in literally just one session#so it’s not a matter of doing it like fucking rabbits or smth#I’m just saying#personal#cat guy chronicles
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I have loved all the comments I’ve gotten on my post season three fic (like you don’t even know how much I have reread all of those bad boys they give me oxygen), but by far one of the most gratifying ones I’ve gotten has been:
“you made that last episode seem so much more reasonable”
THAT WAS THE GOAL
#laughing crying thank you so much whoever you are#achievement unlocked#this was my AGONY#the amount of notes I made the rewrites the editing#most of them centered around the question ‘but is this consistent?’#‘does it flow?’#‘have I given the characters a satisfying amount of internal consistency linking the events as they happen to the growth they have made?’#‘DOES IT ALL MAKE SENSE YET’#‘Roy relapsed’ even relapses have a progression. they tend to happen for a reason#also#why is there a cut on Roy’s head the night of their final practice but not even a scratch on game day?!#how does Rebecca go from ‘should I sell the club’ to ‘I sold half the club’ in a matter of days#why does Roy say ‘we have city on Saturday’ when the match is in fact the day after next#anyways#I have been biting my tongue the entire time I spent writing that chapter and now that I don’t have to anymore?#I’m definitely definitely gonna be talking about it#fic: oh god you’re gonna get it (you have not been given love)#self indulgent blogging about my own fic
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there is no possible way to communicate to my fucking roommates that they're not doing their share of the chores in this house without them ignoring or hating me and i feel like i'm going Insane
#i wanna talk about me#i texted this morning saying Hey guys its dirty in here. i'm doing my part now please do yours at some point today too#and just the other minute i checked with the person who's supposed to do the counters if she did them yet#cause they're still fucking dirty.#and she said i cleaned them last night and always does them at night#Well then why is there a fucking oil slick next to the stove that's been there for three days then.#But just me trying as politely as possible to check in and ask 'did you get to the counters yet?' and she got cross with me#i can tell.#and of course she hasn't done the bathroom yet either.#even though it's her week. and was last week too.#but it's still gross.#and she hasn't fucking touched it.#and like#she got way on MY ass months ago for the exact same fucking chores. and not being up to her cleanliness standards#but no matter how many times i try to improve things or speak up nothing changes#if i ask nothing changes. if i keep asking i'm an annoying nag and they hate me!!!#what the fuck am i supposed to do!!#i can't clean an entire house of four people all by myself every week!!#AND WE AGREED TO SHARE THE CLEANING!!!!!!!!!!#WE'VE HAD MULTIPLE HOUSEHOLD MEETINGS ABOUT THIS
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Solas says I know a place and takes you to the middle of a swamp where he insults your culture, religious beliefs, and then dumps you.
#yeah im still thinking about this and its the next day#he might be telling the truth about the Vallaslin but my inquisitor did not let him remove it#I’ve played her as very proud to be dalish and believes in elven gods so it would be out of character even if solas says something else#maybe that’s what it represented then but it is not what it is now and she chooses to move forward#about the breakup … this is not the first time a man takes me on a date and dumps me 😭😭 but hey um wtf#honestly my lavellan does love him and is hurt but she has to be so many things to so many different people#there’s bigger things at stake and bigger problem to deal with at this time than whatever he's hiding or lying about#im pretty sure he was going to say something else not about the vallaslin#but his fear is dying alone becasue i saw it in the fade and yet !!!! he pushes everyone away he picks fights with everyone no matter whos#in the party he didnt come to the wicked grace game he never opens up beyond what he has seen in the fade. he is a fixed point#i wanna shake him by the shoulders and YELL WHATA RE YOU DOING you could have it all someone who loves you and a wonderf#a wonderful found family. he is kind and gentle but he is also so full of ANGER and he is so set on things being as he sees them.#Cole cant change because to Solas cole is always a spirit. the dalish are misguided and YOU Lavellan are just different YOURE special#the meaning of the vallaslin cant change because to him it represents slavery and it is in stone to him. things dont change with time they#are fixed. like things in the fade it what it was preserved. he is trying to hold on to a past that doesnt exist that has moved forward.#Solas says you cant change yourself by wishing. but i would say wishing for change is THE required prerequisite for change. a little though#a little idea a little wish that something was different better. but to#why cant you move forward Solas what the fuck are you holding onto so intesely#OKAY WHATEVER IM DONE WITH THIS ESSAY IM OVER IT ITS FINE ITS SO FINE
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I’m trying not to be a hater but that tiktok and comment section pissed me off so bad.
#the way the fics end in Bruce saying sorry and everyone coddling tim and tims like ‘well I was just a placeholder 🥺’#the fun part about tim is that he made grown ass decisions at a little ass age that literally everyone told him would turn out bad#and then it turned out bad and he knows he dug his own grave so he just has to pretty it up as best as he can#and if he could go back in time he would do that shit again BECAUSE HE LIKES IT! BECAUSE ITS EXCITING! BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE ROBIN#that Robin is a job shit is a lie he told himself that literally nobody around but YALL the stupid ass audience believed#that’s like the crux of him I think#lying to himself to get the job done because he can’t let his emotions get in the way but unfortunately that’s not how it works#and when he realizes that he gets pissed at everyone else for not letting it work and himself for not making it work#he somehow thinks that he can remove this attitude as tim Drake when Robin is the crutch tim Drake leans on in adulthood#which is an issue because now everyone around him is moving and he’s still stuck at 14 knocking on dicks door and hoping that he’ll have to#make use of the suit he brought with him. not because he’s excited or anything but just in case#his friends and family died and came back Gotham gets destroyed every other day and rebuilt every other week everything keeps changing but#nothing is and he’s stuck in that cycle and maybe it’s his fault for not letting things rest but he refuses to accept that because he’s GOOD#as Robin he does excellent work and always has and nothing will change that not even a new Robin. his friends are all making names for#themselves and he’s still stuck under Bruce’s cape fighting a teenager to be robin.#THATS whats fun about tim#the writing is stuck rn I’ll give u that but the next move should be an acknowledgment of that#tim doesn’t wanna peak in high school so he has to move on but he doesn’t know how and matter of fact doesn’t know why! nothings been this#permanent before (<-LYING!)#but no whatever everyone hates him realizes they’re wrong and he leaves Gotham bc he deserves better but comes back bc he’s so nice. ok.
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fun fact about me: i'm insecure about so many random things that i've never flipped anyone off in my 22 years of life because i think my middle finger looks awkward and ugly by itself
#and like i say: brf slt#i felt like this especially when i would have been likely to do it semi-regularly like in middle school. but like i was thinking about this#the other day and i did it in front of a mirror just to check and it looked as bad as i remember like it's just not for me#i have a story abour middle fingers though or just about what one would call the finger#when i was in what an american would call the 5th grade (i can never do when i was x years old because it's not an accurate representation#of the class i was in since i skipped a grade and the grade is what matters more to me. when i was 9 and my friends were 10 i was saying)#we would always play this game called girls catch guys or guys catch girls where the girls would run after the guys and like tap them on#the shoulder and then they would go to prison and they would line up and another guy could set them free by like touching one of the#prisoners it was a very fun game except it's way more fun to be like the ones getting caught than to be the ones catching and we would#ALWAYS play girls catching guys and it was very unfair we would be like okay in the morning we do guys catching girls in the afternoon#girls catching guys so it's fair like normal system but the guys NEVER wanted to do it (and we would always give in because like we still#wanted to play ig and idk guys. female socialization) they never wanted to be the ones doing the catching it was so unfair because we also#didn't like it as much and we did it all the time?#and i remember this one morning we were fighting about this we had literally all agreed that it was fair this way but they didn't want to#do it and my second best male friend flipped me and my best (female) friend off and (very#important detail) he did it with both of his hands so like two middle fingers and i don't know why because i'm not even sure that that's a#thing but one middle finger meant fuck you and two middle fingers meant go fuck yourself and to us that was very different? and i remember#my friend and i we like knew what it meant but for some reason we were like. he did do the one finger before doing the two does this mean#he...loves us because it literally means he wants to have sex with us#but what's funny is we never talked to him again after that and i don't even know why that was our last straw because i remember i#genuinely liked him before that like i said he was my second best male friend! so like maybe sixth best friend overall that's not bad#and he's not the only guy friend who flipped us off that year like it was so random to stop talking to him after that😭#like he was an actual enemy we really did not like him we talked about him in letters we'd give each other using a nickname etc#and what's even funnier is in our last year of middle schoold FOUR YEARS AFTER THIS a friend of a friend told him he should become friends#with well my friend and he was like hm i don't think so have you seen who she hangs out with? marianne *last name* like why do YOU hate#me😭 it was so funny like wdym it was mutual this whole time. i had literally moved on by then i didn't even care about hating him#anymore like wow...i think he's the only person i hated who actually hated me back
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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also I feel extremely normal about all in taking place on the three year anniversary of hangman officially getting kicked out of the elite.
#maybe that doesn't matter. buttt maybe it does.#he'll be teaming with kenny that day. in a situation that could potentially bring stress/turmoil#the bucks are feuding with the very same people who were involved in the situation at that time.#too many factors feel the same rn. you know?#i'm a bitch for dates and parallels and stuff okay. i live for it even. why do you think i like these guys so much?!
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