#Why cant I just let them be happy
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I'll watch Titanic with a straight face but the moment someone says "the last time cbeeduo ever saw each other was before cRanboo went to Pandora's Vault" and I'll be bawling on the floor like a little baby
#why r they so tragic#i cant do this#please#just let them be happy#is that too much to ask#(yes)#dsmp#dsmp lore#dsmp tubbo#dsmp ranboo#dsmpblr#dsmp tumblr#cranboo#ctubbo#c!beeduo#c!ranboo#c!tubbo
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I get this strange vibe that if ever Minhyeok and MC (Canon MC not *our* awesome ass MCs) fucked their hyperfixation on each other would sort of fade away.
Like maybe it's just my skittish anxious ass but I feel like once they have sex it'd be like "Oh... Okay what now?" And then either they go back to a casual friendship or just sort of begin to let each other go.
I just get this weird vibe- like is it weird to read it like that?
#what in hell is bad#whb#whb mc#what in hell is bad mc#what in hell is bad solomon's descendant#whb solomon's descendant#what in hell is bad minhyeok#whb minhyeok#i feel like they have idealized perceptions of each other so like once they fuck the illusion is shattered.#then like they sort of just quickly get over each other cause the “will they wont they” game fades away#why cant i just let them be happy??? My mind is mean
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What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?
What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.
#my characters#this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain !#its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL#they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve#deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird#like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire#but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body#like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo#he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever#on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things#and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic#he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity#and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him#this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today#i received gift art of these two and i may never recover#its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him#its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer#its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire#so hes like oh well thats odd hmm#and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things#and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst?#and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item#or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares#he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people'#and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness#and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that?#and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures#like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed#he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified#and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool
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If ur still doing reqs id love older brother and little siblimg 0003!! I love es and fuuta sm, you can choose what they do but id rather it be post/no milgram!! Tysm
Ahh this was such a sweet request, thank you ✨ I had a lot of fun with it! I kept the details loose -- I don't know how t3 actually shakes out -- but Es still doesn't know much about themselves, so they end up moving in with the Kajiyamas. Enough time has passed for things to become fairly normal between the two.
“What are you doing? It’s giving me the fucking creeps.”
Fuuta made a disgusted face, but Es didn’t seem to notice. They just kept standing in the middle of the kitchen. It was 3am. They were barefoot, wearing one of Fuuta’s old pairs of pajamas. They stared at the countertop intently. They hadn’t even turned on the lights. Fuuta waved his phone flashlight around, trying to see what they were up to. It didn’t look like anything had been touched.
He took a step closer. His nerves were already on edge, coming into the kitchen to steal a late night snack and finding them standing ominously in the darkness. The little bit of light from his phone reflected in their icy gray eyes.
“Oi, Es…?”
Sleepwalking. That had to be it. Fuuta rolled his eyes, breathing a small sigh at the realization. The sound was somewhere between relief and annoyance. Es was an odd kid as it was. It had been strange getting used to them living in his house, and now he had to deal with freaky stuff like this…
Fuuta approached as quietly as possible, putting his phone down. He reached out his hand. He planned on guiding them back to bed in silence, but he must have been too harsh with his grip.
Es gasped, the dull look in their eyes turning to shock.
Fuuta immediately leapt backwards, his startled curse turning to frantic apology.
“Y-you were sleepwalking, I was trying not to wake you up but…” he trailed off, seeing Es scan the kitchen and get their bearings.
“It’s alright. I’m used to waking up in strange places, I suppose.”
Fuuta grimaced. ‘Odd kid’ was an understatement.
They didn’t seem to notice. Their expression had darkened. “I… I was dreaming. I was back there, and,” their voice shook with sudden emotion. “And we were all…” their breath caught.
“Hey, don’t go and start cryin’ on me.” They didn’t sound like they were going to cry exactly, but he couldn’t be too careful. He wouldn’t know what to do. “You’re not some baby. All of that is over now.”
Fuuta had meant it as encouragement; he knew how strong Es was. As strange as they may be, they were the toughest person Fuuta had ever met. Realizing that his words may have come out a bit harsh, he tried to speak softer. “Really, it’s all over. You can relax here.”
Es nodded, but stayed silent. The two stood in the dim glow of the flashlight.
Fuuta coughed. “Now, did you want something, or…?” He gestured to the fridge, then made his way around them. He dug around inside for a snack.
“N-no. Thank you. I’ll be heading back to bed, then. I’m sorry to have frightened you.”
“I wasn’t scared.” Fuuta said quickly. He took out something, sniffed it, and shrugged. “And anyway, it was way less terrifying than when Haruka did it.”
“Haruka sleepwalked?”
“Yeah, and when you wake a normal person up from it, they’re supposed to go into fight or flight. None of us were itching to deal with Haruka’s fight response, you know?” Fuuta took a big bite. He turned to find Es with a miserable look on their face. Through the food, he mumbled, “what?”
“I… I didn’t know that. About Haruka.”
“Okay?”
“There’s so much I didn’t know about all of you.”
“You also didn’t know jack shit about yourself, so we can call it even.” Fuuta took another bite, assuming the conversation was over.
Es wasn’t as satisfied. “I mean it,” they said, their voice still strained. “I thought I knew you, but I’ve learned so much here. There was so much I didn’t know about you. I never knew what your family was actually like, or how well-kept your room is,” they gestured to him, “or that you hardly ever sleep normally.”
Fuuta couldn’t tell if it was a criticism or not. He clicked his tongue. “Well, I never knew that strawberry milk was your favorite, but you don’t see me getting misty-eyed about it.”
Es had opened their mouth to continue, but they blinked in surprise. “How did you know I liked it?”
“Because I like it, and you keep drinking everything in the house.” He rolled his eyes.“I bought twice as much last time I went out, and you still ended up stealing it all. There’s only one little carton left…”
Es’ face slowly softened. Then, a devilish smirk crossed their lips. “You know, I thought I heard that milk is good to drink before you go to sleep…”
“Eh? Oh, hell no! That’s mine.” He went back to the fridge, rummaging around to get it.
“Says who?”
“Says me. I’m older. And I liked it first.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. And I should get it because I’m younger.”
“Now that doesn’t make sense!” Fuuta retrieved the milk. He turned the carton over in his hand. A thought crossed his mind – one he would never speak aloud to anyone, ever. He recalled his sister helping him when he was too small to reach the milk. She used to heat it up for him before bed.
He lazily tossed it across the kitchen. “Not like I care. Here, be grateful.”
Es scrambled to catch it. Once again, their expression turned emotional. “Fuuta…”
“It’s not a big deal, sheesh!” He picked his phone up from the counter, biting down on the snack he’d grabbed. “Like I said, all that is over. You just gotta be normal now. I know that’s hard for a weirdo like you –”
“Hey!”
“– but just try, okay?” He shoved Es’ shoulder as he walked. “C’mon. Pops doesn’t care when I’m up, anymore. But he’ll give a goody-two-shoes like you a lecture if he hears.”
“I’m not a goody-two-shoes.”
“Psh, you’re the worst I’ve ever seen!”
“There’s nothing wrong with being disciplined.”
“Drink your damn milk.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
#milgram#es#fuuta kajiyama#its DONE#i got so stuck trying to connect the beginning and the end -- idk why it took me so long#but im real happy with it!! like i said this was so fun - thank you :D#its so funny that fuuta is the only one es so openly teases asdfsdf they would be a menace of a little sibling#i leaned more emotional in this one because i wanted to see es cared for but yeah. theyd be a menace. 😂#but also the pair is the pinnacle of#'little sibling is Really weird and the older brother teases them for it but if anyone else teases them for it theyre Dead'#i picked strawberry because of fuutas berry cake :)#the difficulty writing fuuta is i sit there for hours and think through all of his thoughts and then cant write Any of them down because he#is way too emotionally stunted to say shit#the difficulty writing es is i sit there for hours and think through all of their thoughts and then cant write Any of them down because the#are a quiet and mysterious kid who will not say shit#and somehow i have to write a meaningful conversation at the end of the day -_-#though i will let you in on one secret fuuta line that got cut --#when es says they should get the milk because theyre young fuuta is all ready to say#'im not gonna give you special treamtment just 'cause youre a kid' and then. remembers.#💀#'be grateful' fuuta my beloved#drabbles
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I have seen a couple of posts across social medias in the last couple of weeks about rat dogs not being a good recommendation for pest control in place of "barn cats" because dogs are significantly more work than cats are to manage and train and ngl it really annoys me that the neglect of cats is so normalized that people think they need zero management or training compared to dogs, especially when lack of management and training is literally part of the reason they are an invasive ecosystem destroying pest and commonly die horrible and fully preventable deaths outdoors. The real reason rat dogs aren't a good suggestion to people who have "barn cats" is because the vast majority of those people aren't actually using their cats for pest control at all, they are just keeping cats around and neglecting them and calling them "barn cats" as the excuse for why they keep them outdoors unmanaged and untrained (and often without proper vet care).
Cats deserve just as much medical care as dogs, cats deserve just as much management as dogs, cats deserve just as much play and enrichment provided by their owners as dogs, cats deserve to have their exercise needs met in a way that is safe for both them and other animals in their environments just like dogs, cats deserve training to make them easier to live with and contain and safer to interact with for other people and animals just like dogs, cats deserve protection from predators and diseases and parasites they can encounter outside just like dogs. Cats are not low to no effort alternatives to dogs. Throwing a cat outdoors is not a better or easier solution to a pest problem than getting a ratting dog (if that pest problem even actually exists and is being treated with the use of a cat, which I highly doubt in almost all cases), and is still harmful to the environment and dangerous for the cat even if the cat is occasionally killing mice for you (not rats, don't even get me started on cats for rat control, that is actual cruelty). If taking care of one animal is too much work neglecting another animal is not the solution. Use another pest management method that doesn't require you to take care of an animal at all if providing adequate animal care is a problem for you.
If you have mice inside your house or another building or whatever and an INDOOR cat that you use to help control small pests that are coming INDOORS and the cat also stays contained INDOORS where it can't decimate local small wildlife populations and you take care of it and make sure to get it frequent vet care for potential parasites and diseases it may pick up from those pests then this post is not about you. Scroll on instead of "okay but"-ing me, please. This is about outdoor/indoor-outdoor "barn" cats and cats being neglected under the false guise of them being kept around for "pest control". There is no justifiable reason for someone to have an outdoor cat. Calling it a "barn cat" or a "working cat" doesn't make them not invasive predators, doesn't make them not at risk for death by predation, doesn't make them resistant to parasites or diseases, doesn't make them resistant to poisons other people may set out that they get into or the small animals they kill get into and transfer to them, doesn't make them immune to being hit by cars, and doesn't make them immune to potential animal abuse by strangers. If you have ferals that aren't sociable that you're just taking care of at least keep them contained in an actual barn or sheltered catio or something -- not free to roam --and you still need to provide them vet care including neutering them otherwise you're just making more of a problem and still neglecting animals.
#wishing everyone with outdoor cats a very happy 'i hope someone steals your cat'#you wont even know because kutdoor cats just dont come home all the time because they die or go missing#and thats a risk you accept with outdoor cats so#you cant really be upset about it#better for someone to take your cat and keep it indoors and actually take care of it#than for it to get killed by another animal or hit by a car or poisoned or contract a disease or be injured while roaming#and no you arent exempt from this if youre british#your entire country preferring to neglect cats and ignore science as a policy doesnt make it not still neglect#idk why you think your terrible ecosystem management means that it doesnt matter if you let invasive predators run free#or somehow makes not supervising your animals to keeo them safe not neglect#just adding that on because i always see brits specifically showing their asses on pro-indoor cat posts
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i am so unexplainably sick of things being called basic as if that's a bad thing. so what if someone listens to mainstream music and makes aesthetic instagram posts and watches popular tv shows because if that makes them happy then it's no one else's business. focus on yourself rather than putting other people down for doing what makes them happy.
#luc posts#there is a reason “basic” things are popular: they make people happy#like those girls who say they're a girls girl and then say shit like “omg i cant believe they listen to taylor swift thats so basic of them#like do you actually think these people give a fuck??? if listening to taylor swift makes them happy then so what??? why is that a problem?#its almost as if humans hate seeing other humans successfull and happy#I'm not saying you have to like mainstream things#but just be happy for people who do#bc at the end of the day if you make fun of someone for doing what makes them happy then you're a horrible person#let people live#let people enjoy things#let people have fun#let people be happy#someone liking stranger things or another mainstream tv show is genuinely not deep enough to bully them for you're wasting ur time#like really underground niche interests are cool ofc but that DOES NOT make you better than anyone else#happiness#came out of my studying tumblr “break” to post this lmao
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Sowing seeds of discontent and disharmony by hanging up on my parents birthday phone call the second my mom asked if I gained weight. Hope that sits badly on their minds while they think about how that's the first call I've engaged with them in 2 months and it was for the dogs birthday. Dad scrambling to text me for my mom that she didn't mean it. Like fuck I told her I've been having a rough month and day. She couldn't keep it to herself that badly. Fucks sake
#was already not in a great place mentally but i entertained the call and was actually feeling okay talking to them giving them an update#she just hits me with that. and I'm not normally sensitive about my weight even when my mom harped on me for gaining some a few years back#i genuinely normally don't care bc I'm happy with myself. but i know ive lost weight because I've been on icu and we don't have time to eat#im so fucking mad and im even more mad I'm crying about it#bc what the fuck#i was actually feeling like momentarily safe talking to them and being vulnerable about working on my next life stages#and she just ruined the call. i wanted to talk to my mom and dad more. i do miss talking to them about some things.#i was happy to get to see my family all together even if it was for the dogs birthday. and people were smiling and shit#and ik theyre gonna say i ruined it by being sensitive but jfc#it was literally the 2nd thing my mom said to me on the call after we sang happy birthday#why couldn't she just shut up. why couldn't she have said anything else. why did i let it bother me so much i hung up#I'm just fucking tired and sad and now feeling even lonlier than ever#i just wanted a nice moment with my family god fucking damn is that too hard to ask for#and im even more angry and sad now that i cant call them back bc my mom will get on me about smth else we were previously talking about#that phone call was supposed to be a neutral zone just for the birthday song. and i was going to ride it out but fucking hell#why didnt i just put up with it so i could have talked to my family#and no calling them back isnt an option. they haven't apologized and it would be an un neutral call#which gives them space to harass me about work and shit
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#T's “what did u call me? do u think whatever that is is hot? okay then good”#i love the tour pic above K!#and i love how they r still plucked abt not being in Dune2#K the avid winker...#its so cute how T is featured on this album of K's too😭😭😭#T wants to be left alone (on the phone) on her bday and K wants attention... well... ((once again relating to K))#T looked at Ks belly in a suprisingly like? soft way? idk i might have hallucinated that but who knows.#fuck whoever didnt visit K when she would have wanted them to.#its sweet how T visited her! (srsly cant u just communicate who wants what in this situation so its no suprise? ik its hard for them but😭)#T describing Ks party attending habits!!! they know each other soooo well🤭#aaagh how they have to act like they cant easily spend 2 hrs together having fun when they literally cant wipe the smiles off of their faces#(lesbians..... lovesick idiots.......)#oh they r always facetiming! so adorable :(#T was so excited that they r linked! like girl u do not need more confirmation for that research do u?😭#K watching the pod...... my heart......#why dont they just sit closer if they will reach across a whole fucking room to touch eachother?? like it sounds easier for me but u do u!#i really get a kick out of K mentioning TRHPS anytime she does it bc ik it was such a big thing in Ts life and ugh😭#constantly praising each other😭😭😭😭😭 what if i start sobbing huh#well maybe T is trying to get K to learn how to flirt so that she can practice on her? just an idea?😁#K putting her leg up on T?????? hi what? jist sit in the other's lap u creatures... its okay we can all look away for a sec if u need it...#their art! i fucking love it! both of it! its art at its finest🛐 and id kill to see a collection of their drawings bc cmon they r amazing!#its cute how they r talking abt smth and then they go “oh wait we were there together!”#its almost as if they actually spend time hanging out😱 (dont let the police know!!4!4)#“if we were on DR now-” okay but why r u still dreaming of that miss T?🤭🤭🤭 (who could blame her)#them watching the movies the other one recommends is the closest we can get to them watching an actual thing together (outside of NF)#also im so happy T spent time w K on her bday :(((#trixie mattel#katya zamo#tbatb#the brians
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SHOCKING: world's nicest friendliest man you know is actually lonely. more at 7.
#wearing your heart on your sleeve must be hard isnt it.#i just been thinking about this a lot. & plan to make a meta of it eventually.#clark is a classic case of checking up on everyone. happy to be with everyone. thoughtful. but who checks up on him?#less people then you think unfortunately.#clarks lonliness is unique. its not just the act of having no one around. but that he was raised to safeguard himself#and kept that habit for YEARS. imagine being a natural born social butterfly but from childhood into your mid 20s you just had to#pretend to be someone else. or never let anyone know the truth. he always felt guilty in his early years hiding what he was with EXTREMELY>#CLOSE people. because he wanted to be as close as possible. but how could he dump the burden of “im an alien! dont tell the goverment” whic#later turns into “im superman! can you keep that secret with you as well?”#while its easier for him not to admit who he is. for a long time admitting hes a super powered being = burden to others in his mind#to them. to his family. it would always slightly change over the years.#i just cant iterate enough tho he is happiest helping people or working with his friends but atthe end of the day its just him.#this is why i love 1 particular animated movie...clark was shown to be overly cautious to reveal who he is.#believing its a burden.. that HE is a burden if he shows his entire self to someone. even to lois#u_u eventually clark tells lois ( in comics ) and that helps. but he still has his habits..shes an exception. not the rule.#so yeah make sure to tell your local clark you care him.#this is also why when he is like... told off by his friends over his powers ( i.e one time batman scolded him for not doing enough ) it jus#hits even harder. a reminder to him sometimes? that hes in his own bubble of this world or smth
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I'm back writing again but at what cost
Feat. Lilia Vanrouge (mentioned Maleanor, Maleficia, and Malva (my oc))
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Lilia sits alone in the darkness of his room. In his hands is a piece of jewelry; a horn ornament, one that used to belong to none other than Malva Draconia herself. The magistones glow dimly in the low light, making the polished purple-speckled-blue gems seem all the more enchanted. Sometimes it had felt like they had a soul of their own, their glow ebbing and flowing like magic would from a fae's soul. His ungloved thumb traces over the brittle silver chain that links the jewels together, remembering, numbly, the day that she first showed it to him, beaming with pride as she told him that she was finally going to go to that school and learn everything there is to learn about being a healer.
He tries not to let the ghost of her lifeless eyes overlap with the memory of her once-joyful ones. He tries not to recall the way her body laid stiffly on the floor, eyes half-open yet with not a trace of anything in them. He tries not to remember the coldness of her hand as he squeezed it and begged for her to hold on, even when he knew she was long gone.
What was on her mind, he wonders, as she took her last breaths? Did it hurt her? Did she reconsider even once what she was about to do? Or was her mind and heart too overcome with emotion for her to think at all?
With a sigh, Lilia tilts his head back until it made contact with his headboard. There's an unusual feeling in his chest. Equal parts numbness and soul-crushing grief. Again and again, he thinks about what he was about to do. It feels wrong, to invade her privacy and memories after she had died, but the Queen wanted to know what her daughter's final acts were before she succumbed to the poison she ingested, so there is little he could do.
(He lies to himself and tells himself that this isn't for him, but his heart begs and pleads for him to go see. Perhaps, as his heart cries for it to be, there was nothing he could do. Because if there was... If he failed Malva like he did Maleanor...)
(For some reason, it hurts so, so much more.)
(He wonders if the two sisters have reunited in the stars above. It's a nice thought, one that gives him the smallest but of comfort. Malva was always happier whenever her older sister was around.)
°•°•°•°•°•°
Tags : @kitwasnothere (I'm so sorry)
#twst#twisted wonderland#lilia vanrouge#twst lilia#twst oc#malva draconia#bad timeline malva#why cant I let them be happy...#why does my mind work this way#just like#“heres some nice fluff ^^ now heres some death and anguish and grief”
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been scribblin with the dip pens to prepare for inking the next comic (yuuto⏫’s “origin story” kind of basically) and wow turns out I can do anything I want forever
yuuto’s new friends names of amy and linh >:]c
#UTAU#sawayama yuuto#bakuspecial#[comic tag pending]#I'll be drawing about just the beginning of this whole plot this time round. but boy oh boy if I were paid to serialize this!!#well even if I wont. I will hopefully get to chip away at it a bit at a time. over the next uhhhhh ten years#in another news. I think somethings up with the dip pens. about anything comes out looking good with them#its scary!! I kept looking at my sketches like no way these are gonna work out. but I'll do it for the practice hour#and then I do it and it always turns out pretty good. what the hells!!! thats weird!! thats kinda scary I like it!!!#and like I'm absolutely not even that good with a dip pen yet!! 1/Ive just had these for uhh. two days. and 2/my hands are NOT steady#its why u see me undo and redo a line 298473987 times twice a half hour. it was caught on stream multiple times#but!! the dip pen's making me commit to a line. and also I'm slowly internalizing that anything'd come out okay with them#as long as I have a sketch. boy oh boy is freehanding with these hard#its so. idk its so nice!! its so fun. somehow a lot less pressure than the usual stuff I do lol#I cant wait to really get into drawing this comic... I cant wait to force all of u to look at yuuto&co#you WILL see and hear my baby boy#dskjfhsjk Im so glad the senpai lets me do this. I mean even if he doesnt I will do it anyway. its just gonna suck#but Im so happy I get to do this with him actually#hehehe >:]c
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my mum picking me up this morning: you're not as hungover as i thought you'd be
me, just yacked in an alleyway: yeah haha
#it's 3pm now and i still cant believe that happened that was. an experience#basically my mate's 21st coincided with her sister's 30th so they both had this big joint Event last night#where they literally rented out a farm house and the field nearby and set up a whole campsite and barbeque and everything#it was really random but also really good esp bc ive been friends with this girl since we were super young#and our mums were friends so ive just got. lots of connections to her family and it was nice seeing them all again#but there was fully like 60 people at this thing and i DID drink more than i meant to but i wasn't paralytic which is good#and my hangover ISNT that bad in terms of how bad my hangovers can get#it's just that my mate's dad picked us both up at 9am this morning which was already going to be... rough#and then proceeded to do the bumpiest drive down the country lanes ive ever experienced#i was literally grinding my teeth like i am NOT about to throw up in this man's car please if there is a god do not let me throw up#and i didn't! my mum picked me up from this (thankfully very quiet) road that has this rickety old alley coming off it#and i had the very humbling moment of 'im actually going to be sick aren't i' and had to WAIT FOR AN OLD WOMAN#TO FUCKING MEANDER OUT OF THE ALLEY AND WALK FAR AWAY ENOUGH FOR ME TO AT LEAST HAVE A SHRED OF DIGNITY#and proceeded to throw up. in a public alleyway. at 9:30am on a sunday. so of course i needed to tell you guys about it#im now force feeding myself garlic bread. im going to manchester tomorrow. i have a flight at the crack of dawn on tuesday#what is even going on anymore#also fully did just do nos last night with some 30 year olds. i cannot express how fucking odd a thing that is for me to do#actually no i can express it bc youse know that im funny about drugs so for me to not even be that drunk#and get offered a fucking balloon of all things and be like 'yeah why not!' is.... odd#i know i inhaled wrong though bc it didn't do a thing which honestly im happy about <3#hella goes home
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Realizing I'm literally cycling through the 5 stages of grief because of that episode
#I'm upset bc of this anime#like i dont think i have ever been so emotionally affected by a show before#i cry from shows and other media all the time but this GOT to me and i hate how stupid it sounds to be like#but i am legitimately upset 😭#it's got me in a deppressive spiral#like partly bc i have not been in the greatest place emotionally anyway but fr how they gonna do em like that#how am i supposed to work on my Master's capstone project now#i just been switching back and forth from here and twitter to vent about it#5 stages of grief#buddy daddies#buddy daddies spoilers#buddy daddies ep 10#why did this show hit so hard gd#i am a mess now#i am literally crying#plz let ep 11 and the rest of the season be happy#like i cant#and if kazuki and rei lose each other (bc rei's dad is still against Kazuki so i doubt he's just gonna let them chill) i will never recover
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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at some point i am going to have to force even to go back and deal with donna & tentoo & rose & all and everything they ran away from. and that will probably involve them losing tentoo’s chameleon arch watch by giving it back to its rightful owner, whether she chooses to open it or not. and that is. not going to be a very fun or stable time for them.
#this part is v vague and fuzzy because i want to watch the rest of 12 & 13 and finish the doctor/donna specials before i set anything in#stone about it. but i think i need to rearrange some things in the timeline here vis a vis when the doctor is also forced to go back and#deal with his baggage.#i dont think 14 exists in even’s universe for this reason. and for the reason of tentoo kind of taking on his role? the human part of the#doctor who can stay with donna & with rose.#she’s also trans to me because i love trans!tentoo. her name is johanna. i think it’s pretty. i make a singular exception to my rule of#never changing characters names when i trans them.#but i think. what im getting at here is that this cant be a happy ending. not so cleanly. its more bittersweet.#like i think this version of the story. what i have so far. donna does remember. (tentoo doesn’t but that’s because she’s become her own#person. the doctor is who she came from but she isn’t just the doctor anymore.) and rose knows her doctor is out there and loves her but#she has her wife at home.#and even. oh even. you can’t hold onto a heart that’s not yours forever. you have to give it back.#this. i think. is a moment of respite and recovery for the doctor. and a really really low point for even. however this works out.#its not perfect but there’s kindness in it. and there’s a home to go back to. if they can bear it. both of them.#but like i said. this is all preliminary based on what i might play around with here. and how watching more of the show changes my ideas.#but i think. whatever revelations come in 13’s arc. i think in even’s universe they have to come after donna. i’ll find a way to make it#work.#but mostly right now the important thing is forcing even to give up the watch because why would i let them have one single comfort object <3#dw oc
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God. God. God. Holy fucking shit i love Avatar so fucking much
#horse.txt#im being so real right now it breaks my goddamn heart that so many people hate it on principle and go into it waiting to be disappointed#like. god. seriously? how do so few people seem to see the shit im seeing? how do people not GET its RIGHT THERE???#idk man im like. high and the hd release is out so it feels like Christmas but this shit has been on my mind and its at like a precipice#its one thing when ppl just aren't into it but the absolute LOATHING and DISDAIN people harbour for these movies is just. baffling#i cant understand it#i hate statistics. why did it have to pan out this way#how can anybody hate this production literally decades in the making? the fucking DEFINITION of a Passion Project?#the labour and love and inventive GENIUS that has gone into these films--and#you know what? the writing ISN'T that fucking awful. its not perfect because no movie is ever fucking perfect and sometimes you#have to give a script and characters breathing room. room to make mistakes!!! because this fucking obsession with#'characters dont have to be realistic!' is BULLSHIT. and NO saying that does not conflict with the idea that Characters=/=real ppl in#discourse!the ideas can fucking coexist! having realistic characters is GOOD its fucking GOOD when theyre stupid and do shit you dont like!#because thats what REAL PEOPLE DO thats what makes them fucking COMPELLING thats what youre SUPPOSED to let draw you in!!!!!!#but noooo no no no no keep repeating your smurf pocahontas jokes and roll your eyes at anyone who does like it like theyre stupid#because you can't be assed to give something a chance just because everyone Else is calling it stupid#and you dont want them to roll their eyes at /you/#i know this is dumb to be so heated about but im just. im sad man. im happy im having a great day!! but im sad#about how few people i can share it with yk..???
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