Oh no not the viagra cigars

Fr tho increased libido? For out inexperienced witch? Please have mercy on her nooo

He's saving one of the cigars to use on the witch and it is just gonna dumby her to get hit with her own magic. She cannot handle Price and he loves it.

The air is heavy with smoke, you thoughts are swirling with it. Resinous and intoxicating. Tobacco and wild magic.

You drag your tongue up the fat heavy cock in front of you, eyes glassy and unfocused as you try to keep them locked on Price. His big hand cups the back of your hand, keeps you held close and panting against his cock. What is that in the air? You can just smell it under the tobacco, under the cold woodsy scent of the man in front of you.

High John the Conqueror, your brain churns, sluggish from the magic in the air.

Your eyes lid, head tipping to kiss the length of his cock as you grind your dripping cunt against his boot. He tastes like sweat and salt, and magic, like something powerful and unchanging. Your tongue traces every vein, lapping at the pre-cum that drools from the thick head. Your hands press against the wood floor, giving yourself an extra point of balance for your canting hips.

"Such a greedy little whore," Price lets smoke drip down towards you, "Don't look so innocent from here." His words simmer like fire in your stomach. Smoke filling your nose, making you wetter, making his cock harder and hotter against your tongue.

You open your mouth wide, stretching your lips around his cock, feeling his hand guiding you down his length as you suck. His magic swirls through your thoughts like the smoke in the air, clouds them, dampens inhibitions. But not shame, no you think he wants you to feel that. To know fully that you're on your knees, so desperate for him that you're willing to take anything he'll give you. Even if that's a cock down your throat and a boot against your cunt.

"All of it," Price tells you, his hand a steady weight, pushing you down his cock. You whine, swallowing as best you can, laving your tongue against the veins lining the underside of his shaft to try and slick the process. You try to pull back and find yourself trapped by his careful fingers. His fingers are so warm where they touch your scalp. Magic. He's pumping you full of some sort of magic as he eases you down his length.

You look up at him, whine around his cock stretching out your throat. He looks like a God staring down at you, uncaring but attentive, hazy but perfectly focused. He reshapes your throat to fit him, insistent on pushing you down until your nose presses against the coarse hair trailing his stomach.

The warmth from his magic fades, and you gag. Your eyes give wide, clouds around your mind clearing just enough. He was stopping your gag reflex. You try to breathe, try to swallow around the thick cock holding your throat open, try to push down the gag. Price hums, watching your brows furrow as you try to sort yourself out. You don't know how to do this, you don't know why he won't let you off.

"You have to learn witch," he tells you with a smile, tipping his head back to watch the smoke filling the room, hardly paying you any mind, "Such a good girl f'me, playin' like you dont love it."

You shiver, closing your eyes to try and focus on the knot in your stomach, and not on the knowledge that he's right.

━"One Burger Please"

━Revivebur

━Tw: None

━Notes: This was a co-author effort between me and (once again) Beep! Everyone send your thanks to Beep and hype them up. I love you so much dear! Also, the fanart above? Revivebur with long hair is just ahHHHHHHH-

━Song: "Bang Bang Bang Bang!" By Sohodolls

(Y/n) had just wanted some food. It was just a regular evening aside from the fact that somehow her fridge had magically emptied itself out again. So when she saw a burger van with outrageously low prices just outside in the streets, she was obviously going to stop and try to get some food.

What (Y/n) didn't sign up for was this hot guy looking down at her from the window of the van.

He had the thinnest rimmed glasses that she had ever seen; complemented by his sharp coco eyes glancing at her slyly from behind them. A cigarette butt stuck out from his plump lips. Every once and a while he'd work it around his mouth with his tongue in order to talk to her. If (Y/n) was all but smart, she wouldn't have realized he was checking her out from head to toe.

"What can I get you?" He asked, smirking. This guy knew he was making her speechless. He practically was leaning out the window entirely now to look her in the eyes.

"I- Sorry, I just needed some food." (Y/n) stammered, trying to recover from the shock this sudden interaction gave her. She wasn't exactly protesting against his action however, which just made the tension increase tenfold.

"Yeah, you said that about a minute and a half ago." He said, voice full of pride and eyes shining with ironic humor. God damn it-

"Yeah, I was just thinking about what I would order.." She trailed off in embarrassment as he laughed to himself.

"Whatever you say darling. Here's the thing, my fry guy's kinda busy flirting with the fry guy from the van across the street, so.. It's just me right now." He sighed. (Y/n) could easily look over the unprofessionalism if he would keep talking to her for a while longer. This man should be a singer, his voice was angelic.

"Y'know what? Surprise me." (Y/n) said, taking out her bag to grab a few diamonds for payment.

"Oh, no need for those things." The man's voice rang out, and (Y/n) looked up to see him staring down at her with a cheeky grin.

"Oh, thanks.." (Y/n) said, thankful for the free food but mildly cautious, because even though he was (extremely) hot, he was still a stranger.

"Instead I want to keep talking with you." He said, and disappeared around the side of the window. (Y/n) turned her body to try and see where he went and jumped when the door right of the van next to her opened.

"My, my, you are SO jumpy!" He laughed, running a hand through his (perfect) hair. Seriously, what was this man doing running a burger van? He should be a model. Or maybe model for something else-

(Y/n) snapped out of the daydream right as it started when the guy was guiding her into the van by her waist. Okay, guess we're doing this now.

Another detail she noticed about him as he carefully guided her inside the small van, was his height. He practically towered over her, vomiting a strong aura of superiority and confidence.

(Y/n) gulped as he caught her staring at him , swiftly avoiding eye contact with those deep honey brown eyes. She chose to ignore the animalistic smirk that slithered its way onto his face as well, instead studying her shoes with an intensity.

A few minutes later and the next thing (Y/n) knew, the man was working hard on a burger for his customer while she sat on top of the marble counter a few feet away. Could you even call her a customer at this point? She wasn't paying.

"So." The guy started after the last buyer had walked off with their food. "My name's Wilbur." He said, looking at her through his bangs. She was just noticing the white streak that really pulled his whole look together.

"Nice name." (Y/n) said, nervously looking at the floor.

Wilbur blew some hair out of his face and started talking again. "What brings you here? You look too pretty to be a citizen of Las Nevadas." He smirked, knowing how flustered she was getting.

"Well- I-" She stammered, forgetting how to speak momentarily. "C'mon pup, don't tell me you're getting tongue-tied." He chuckled lowly, turning his head to look at her this time.

"I am not getting-!" (Y/n) started, but he grabbed her face, forcing her to look him in the eye. Somehow without her noticing, he had crossed the small space between them in just a couple strides. He moved so quietly, (Y/n) would've been scared if she wasnt so preoccupied with the warm hand on her chin. The feeling left a trail akin to fire on her skin, the flames igniting her face in a fire engine red hue.

"Don't lie to me, darling~" He cooed, voice just as low as before. (Y/n) whimpered as his brown eyes gleamed in pride.

Wilbur started pulling her face closer to his when the door to the van started unlocking. Wilbur groaned in annoyance before opening the nearest cabinet (luckily it was on the ground) and motioning for her to get in.

She didn't have to be told twice, scrambling off the counter and onto her hands and knees to climb in. She felt a light kick hit her body as a sign to go faster, and she was quickly engulfed in darkness as the cabinet was closed. The last thing she saw was a slight blur of white and black open the vans door before her sight was rendered useless.

"Ranboo! Took you long enough." Wilbur called out. (Y/n) couldn't hear any nervousness in his voice. He was completely calm and collected.

"Sorry Will." The new person who you assumed to be Ranboo apologized. (Y/n) thought they heard the sound of someone sighing heavily and walking across the wooden floors.

"I just came back to clock out. Michael's sick and we can't leave him alone for too long." His voice was frantic, and he was bumping into stuff. A tiny bit of light started peeking into (Y/n)'s hiding space, and her breath caught in her lungs. The cabinet door was slowly opening, and she tried to curl into the smallest ball you've ever had to go into.

"Is there someo-'' Ranboo started to say, peeking into the cabinet, but the door was quickly kicked closed. (Y/n) had barely caught sight of a bright green eye before it was whisked away.

"Ranboo! Better return to your son, right? I bet Tubbo is worried sick." Wilbur's voice rang out, sweeter than usual with a threatening tone at the end.

H̶o̶t̶-

"Uh.. Right. Sorry, boss.." Ranboo trailed off, and a moment later the door to the van was closed. (Y/n) crawled out of the cabinet after making sure he had left for sure, breathing heavily as she sat on her knees.

"God, that was SCARY! Nice save, Wilbur." She laughed nervously.

Wilbur was being eerily quiet.

"Wilbur?" (Y/n) asked, looking up at him from her spot on the floor. No response. He was just standing there.

"Will?" That seemed to get him to snap out of it as he looked down at her.

"There's no risk of anyone seeing me talk to you now. Why are we being so secretive anyways?" (Y/n) laughed, brushing the hair out of their face with one swoop of their hand.

Suddenly, their hair was grabbed from the back and (Y/n) quietly gasped in pain and shock. "Will?!" She looked up at him after calming down.

"Yeah.." He said quietly, eyes scanning for any discomfort or fear. He couldn't find any of either. All the better in his case...

"No risk of anyone seeing us." He said in what was almost a whisper. He leaned closer, to the point where every time he blinked his eyelashes would tickle her own.

(Y/n) gulped, working a dry ball of tension down her throat.

Let's just hope Ranboo doesn't come back.

Beep, you're an absolute legend. Ahhhhhh ilysm <33

I know the only chapters I've been posting as of recent are spicy Wilbur/Revivebur chapters, but thats what all the requests have been. I kid you not. Hope I'm not boring you with them :(

Hype up Beep you losers <3

Merry early Christmas!

1377 words

-WayToSarcastic

Caught

The Lynnwood Inn, which was our next stop. However after the Wendigo situation, Deans been treating me differently, he's been flirting with me. There's something up with him, I thought, was it because of the night in motel? Or the kiss after the Wendigo mission. I look over at him to notice there is a mostly empty plate in front of Dean, who is circling obituaries in a newspaper. An attractive waitress, whose nametag says Wendy, approaches.

"Can I get you anything else?" She asks mostly focusing on Dean. Dean looks up, sees the waitress then goes back to the news paper as Sam comes over and sits down.

"Just the check, please." Sam orders.

"Okay." And Wendy walks away.

"You know Dean I'm surprised you weren't flirting with the waitress." I say, Dean points to Wendy walking away, who's wearing short shorts.

"Well you see her, she's not my type."

"Dude every girl is your type." Sam laughs.

"Not every girl, I highly doubt-" I point to myself "-girls like me are his type."

"If you believe that then your wrong darling." He winks at me. "And the two of you are talking like I'm not here." Sam looks at me, then at Dean who hands him the newspaper.

"Here, take a look at this, I think I got one. Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin. Last week Sophie Carlton, eighteen, walks into the lake, doesn't walk out. Authorities dragged the water, nothing. Sophie Carlton is the third Lake Manitoc drowning this year. None of the other bodies were found either. They had a funeral two days ago."

"A funeral?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, it's weird, they buried an empty coffin. For, uh, closure or whatever."

"How is that closure? If the coffins empty then the body is still out there. Doesn't sound like closure at all."

"You have a point there Y/n, also your hair is green." Sam points out, I groan and pull up my hoodie to hide my hair while Sam takes more notes. "Back to the topic. People don't just disappear, Dean. Other people just stop looking for them."

"Something you want to say to me?" Dean growled.

"The trail for Dad. It's getting colder every day."

"Sam's right Dean, it seems like whereever we go he was never there-" Dean silences me with his the wave of his hand.

"So what are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Something. Anything." Sam huffs.

"You know what? I'm sick of this attitude. You don't think I wanna find Dad as much as you do?"

"Yeah, I know you do, it's just-"

"I'm the one that's been with him every single day for the past two years, while you've been off to college going to pep rallies. We will find Dad, but until then, we're gonna kill everything bad between here and there. Okay?" Sam rolls his eyes, making Dean walk out of the Inn, shaking his head in disappointment. We left the Inn a few hours later, and the three of us made our way to our next case. Sam was in the back sleeping, while me and Dean were in the front.

"....So...." Dean suddenly says, desperately trying to strike up a conversation. "Are we gonna talk about it?"

"....Talk about what?"

"The kiss."

"....What kiss?"

"The one you gave me a few days ago, after we saved Haley and her brothers. I know you wanted to kiss me but you decided against it." My heart started pounding, what was there to talk about? I had a bad feeling of how this was gonna go.

"Dean-"

"Y/n I....I want to ok? Your....You make me feel...." He glances over at me, then travels down to my hand that's resting in my thigh. He slowly grabs it, and squeezes like I'll disappear.

"I make you feel what?...." I say getting his attention again.

".....I don't know, but when I'm around you I have this sick like feeling-a good sick like feeling. I've never felt this way before...but sadly we can't your still a kid and if we were to, ya know."

"I understand."

"I will promise you this, when you turn eighteen, I'm gonna give you a kiss you'll never forget. And one after that, and one after that, and one after that." He smiles but doesn't let go of my hand, and neither do I. We sat there for hours, just enjoying each other's company, hoping that this moment would never end.

~

When we got to Wisconsin, we make our way up to the house that belong to the Carlton's. Dean knocks on the door and a man opens it.

"Will Carlton?" Dean asks.

"Yeah, that's right."

"I'm Agent Ford, this is Agent Hamill and Samson. We're with the US Wildlife Service." Dean holds up an ID, Will leads us around the house and I notice that a man is sitting on a bench on the dock.

"She was about a hundred yards out." Will says. "That's where she got dragged down."

"And you're sure she didn't just drown?" Dean asks.

"Yeah. She was a varsity swimmer. She practically grew up in that lake. She was as safe out there as she was in her own bathtub.

"So no splashing? No signs of distress?" I questioned.

"No, that's what I'm telling you."

"So she was just pulled down but never came back up? Like kind of a shark attack?"

"Yea..."

"Did you see any shadows in the water? Maybe some dark shape breach the surface?" Sam wondered.

"No. Again, she was really far out there."

"You ever see any strange tracks by the shoreline?" Dean says.

"No, never. Why? Why, what do you think's out there?"

"We'll let you know as soon as we do." As Dean heads back to the car Sam catches up to me.

"So, you and my brother huh?" He smirks.

"We're not together."

"Yet, that's right I heard your conversation." My cheeks begin to burn, and my hair turns purple.

"So you were pretend sleeping?" You could hear the fear in my voice.

"No I tried to sleep, I just happened to overhear how Dean is gonna give you a kiss you'll never forget, and one after that, and one after that-"

"Shut up!" I push him lightly with my cheeks burning, he laughs as I walk even faster. We get back in the car, the next stop was the police station. It was silent, but I could feel Sam looking between me and Dean from the back seat.

"Can I help you Sam?" Dean demanded.

"Nope." Sam said with a smile, he was thinking about me and Dean.

"You keep looking at me then at Y/n."

"He heard our conversation Dean." I confess, Dean smirks and looks back at his brother.

"Sam you sly dog!"

"What, it's not my fault you two are loud talkers."

"Oh that's bullshit! You didn't sleep cause you wanted to know if something was gonna happen!" I laugh.

"Well something did...cause when it's your birthday-"

"Shut up Sam!" Me and Dean yelled in chorus.

~

The station was small, but somewhat cozy. I looked around as Dean introduced us as the Wildlife Service.

"Now, I'm sorry, but why does the Wildlife Service care about an accidental drowning?" Jake Devin's, the sheriff asked.

"You sure it's accidental? Will Carlton saw something grab his sister." Sam replies and we follow the sheriff into his office.

"Like what?" Jake motions to chairs in front of his desk. "Here, sit, please. There are no indigenous carnivores in that lake." Sam sits down while Dean offers the other seat to me. I smile at the gesture and kiss his cheek before I sat down. "There's nothing even big enough to pull down a person, unless it was the Loch Ness Monster."

"Yeah." Dean chuckles and Sam glances over at him.

"Will Carlton was traumatized, and sometimes the mind plays tricks." Jake sits down and continues. "We dragged that entire lake. We even ran a sonar sweep, just to be sure, and there was nothing down there."

"That's weird, though, I mean, that's, that's the third missing body this year." I state. "There had to be something there, Sophie Carlton was a varsity swimmer. There's no way she drowned...."

"I know. These are people from my town. These are people I care about." The sheriff admits, he seemed sad, but yet had a somewhat guilty look on his face. "Anyway..." Jake sighs. "All this...it won't be a problem much longer."

"What do you mean?" Sam leaned forward, obviously interested.

"Well, the dam, of course."

"Of course, the dam. It's, uh, it sprung a leak." Dean says, trying to make the conversation less awkward.

"It's falling apart, and the feds won't give us the grant to repair it, so they've opened the spillway. In another six months, there won't be much of a lake. There won't be much of a town, either. But as Federal Wildlife, you already knew that."

"Exactly, sorry it's been a long week." I apologize as a young woman, taps on the door.

"Sorry, am I interrupting?" She asks, me and Sam stand up knowing that it's time to probably leave. "I can come back later."

"Gentlemen, this is my daughter." The Sherrif says and I hold out my hand to her.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Y/n." We shake hands.

"Andrea Barr, Hi." She greets.

"They're from the Wildlife Service. About the lake." Andrea's father explains.

"Oh." Then a boy, walks in around Andrea. "Oh, hey there. What's your name?" I ask, with a smile but he walks away without speaking and Andrea follows, we do the same.

"His name is Lucas." She says and gives him some crayons out of a box.

"Is he okay?" Sam worried.

"My grandson's been through a lot, we all have." Jake stands and goes to the office door. "Well, if there's anything else I can do for you, please let me know."

"Thanks. You know, now that you mentioned it, could you point us in the direction of a reasonably priced motel?" Dean asks.

"Lakefront Motel. Go around the corner. It's about two blocks south." Andrea comments. "I'm headed that way anyway. So I'll walk you there."

"I think we can find it just fine." I say, Sam looks at me and smirks, he knew. I was jealous, she nods with a frown on her face and turns to Jake. "I'll be back to pick up Lucas at three." She turns to Lucas. "We'll go to the park, okay, sweetie?" Andrea kisses him on the head.

"Thanks again." Sam smiles and we walk out the door, Andrea walks outside with us.

"So, cute kid." Dean comments.

"Thanks." She says, then points south. "Like I said, two blocks, that way."

"Thanks." Sam says and she smiles at Dean. "Must be hard, with your sense of direction, never being able to find you a good pick up line." And with that she leaves while calling back over her shoulder. "Enjoy your stay!" Sam slaps Deans shoulder "'Kids are the best'? You don't even like kids."

"I love kids." Dean looks at Sam like he's offended.

"Name three children that you even know."

"Y/n?" He wraps an arm around me, with a smile on his face thinking he won this argument.

"She's older than Lucas, she's not a little kid anymore."

"She acts like a kid."

"Seriously?! I'm right here!" I rant, Dean rubs my head but I push his hand away playfully.

"See? Your pouting, and your short to." He chuckles. "Anyways let's get to that motel, we have work to do."

~

As soon as we got our room I grabbed some clothes and instantly claimed the bathroom. Sam went to get some food for us so it was just me and Dean. It had been a while since I felt hot water run down my back, and damn did it feel good. Sadly I had to get out and go back to reality, when I exited the bathroom Dean was watching Dr. Sexy. I put my stuff down and settled next to Dean.

"So Dr. Sexy?" I asked, I could hear him hum in response. "Well that doctor is pretty hot."

"The girl or guy?"

"Both are good looking."

"Hm." I look over at him, he was staring at me.

"What?"

"Nothing...." He turns off the TV and sits on the edge of the bed, tiredly rubbing his face. I moved to his side, worried.

"Dean are you ok?" I put my hand on his, caressing it gently. He looks back at me, those eyes we're filled with...lust. He didn't take his eyes off of me. I scooted closer to him, making him blush at how close we were but he stayed focused on me.

"You know what?" He mutters.

"Hm?" I wondered, as he slowly got closer to me. "Screw it." Not even five seconds later he grabbed my waist and pulled me against him, smashing his lips against mine. I instantly kissed back, my hands traveling through his hair as he pulled me onto his lap. His rough lips went together with mine like a puzzle, he was kissing me with passion. This was it...our moment, the moment I had been waiting for. I tugged at his shirt, which he immediately took off, then his lips merged with mine once more. I could feel him smile, was he happy? Didn't he want to wait since I was to young? Who cares, who the hell cares right now, I focused my thoughts back on Dean who flipped us over. Now he was on top of me, kissing down my neck, making me moan.

"Dean?" Sam called out, making us both stop and slowly look over at him. He was holding our chinese food with a surprised look upon his features.

The New Hunter Masterlist

@samsgirl93 @nani-gram @eliwinchester99

Janis & Grace

Janis: what are you up to rn Grace: UM why? Janis: 'cos we can't find Cass and can't take the kid on the decent rides, will you just stand with him for a minute Grace: oh Grace: yeah sure Janis: cheers Janis: give you some cash, he likes the easy shit Grace: OMG don't even mention it Grace: or like worry about it cos I'm not trying to break a nail rn Janis: you've gotta entertain him somehow Grace: Duh Grace: but that's not with waltzers and rollercoasters babes Janis: I've just said he can't come with Janis: we're talking coconut shy level, Grace Grace: & I'm saying I know what I'm doing Janis: well don't fuck it up please Janis: call if he gets too worked up he's shy Grace: obvs! just go Janis: it's serious Janis: and you haven't said where you are Grace: I'm being serious Grace: I'll meet you at the sweet stand Janis: 👍 Grace: 👌👌👌 Grace: [shows up with a very unimpressed lad in tow] Janis: [just such a withering look like who the fuck are you] Grace: [does not intro him and is just intro-ing herself to Bobby and it's cute] Janis: [just in the background letting Jimmy do what he need to do but lowkey trying to walk away like bye] Grace: [it's fine girl we know Grace has got this] Janis: [ahh when you can't stand to be around her for literally five seconds] Grace: [me when Trace is on one] Janis: [go have fun] Grace: is he allowed any more 🍬🍩🍭??? Grace: he says he's had NONE but I know when a boy is feeding me a line 😂 Janis: try and make him have a hot dog or some chips first Janis: if not he'll be 🤢 Grace: me too tbh Janis: such a good influence, like Grace: I'm sorry that my date is a feeder or something 😱😱😱 Grace: does not take no for an answer Janis: bodes well Grace: UGH IKR 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: he's in a mood cos I got 💋 on him earlier like ?? excuse me Grace: I don't have my own makeup line yet, boy Janis: it is grim when you've used a cup Janis: like a crime scene Grace: OMG don't be on his side! Grace: he wouldn't be complaining if it was anywhere but his face Janis: behave Janis: shits probably harder to wash off that herpes Grace: EW Janis: you said it Grace: I literally did not Janis: you did Janis: don't need to hear about you lipsing anyone Grace: Okay hun that makes no sense Grace: if it had staying power it wouldn't have transferred and he wouldn't be 😣😣😣 Grace: & I wouldn't have to go hard on 🍬🍩🍭 to show him my chill vibe or whatever Grace: so #notlikeothergirls & so annoying Janis: what's any of that got to do with me Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: you talk for the sake of it Janis: talk to your shit date, not me Grace: sure Grace: laters, babes Janis: 👍 Grace: 👋 Janis: [later than you were probably expecting, like] Janis: k where are you Grace: bumper cars Grace: there's a line but we're basically at the front of it now 🙏🙏 Janis: cool we'll jump it Grace: you can take my place, these are NOT driving shoes Janis: babe, you just steer Grace: really!?? Janis: yes 😂 Janis: how do you not know that Grace: Oh thank god! Grace: idk I've never been on them Janis: how is that possible Janis: maybe you should go in with your lad, let Jim take Bobs Grace: Before this date I haven't been to the fair since I was younger than Bobby so Grace: Oh please, he's long gone Grace: Your boy can if he wants to though, that'd be cute Janis: sure, too many sights and smells, can't control her gag reflex when she's abused it that hard Janis: oh, soz Grace: 🙄🙄 not everything I do is with Mia, thank you Grace: & no you're not, babes Janis: pretty much since you were a bit older than him, maybe Janis: well not really but can't blame him Janis: didn't reckon on you bringing a child so Grace: do you see her rn? obvs not Grace: 🤷🤷 if he wants to say that's the reason Janis: can't really bring your missus on a date Janis: got to have some boundaries Grace: can you STOP Janis: what Janis: I said soz, make Jimmy buy you a drink or something Grace: I don't want a drink Grace: I'm gonna have to work out tomorrow Janis: well can you not just take it Janis: you don't need paying but he'll wanna do something so Grace: He knows my coffee order Grace: I'll make time to go Janis: k good Grace: He's a cute kid, I don't even need anything Janis: that just makes you sound like a child snatcher so keep that hush Grace: you're ridiculous Janis: am i Grace: Duh Janis: 👌 Grace: Whatever, I've said my goodbyes so 👋 too Janis: cheers Janis: later Grace: Any message for mum and dad? Janis: lol that's a good idea Grace: I obvs meant about where you'll be or when you'll be back Grace: but 👌👌👌 Janis: that's even stupider then, ain't it Grace: mhmm Grace: my bad, hun Janis: don't mention it Janis: not the easiest mistake to make but 🤷🤷 Grace: 🤷🤷🤷🤷 Grace: I'm so over it Grace: you too, I'm sure Janis: if they're still acting like they don't have answers to either of those questions, I can imagine Janis: could always repurpose my message for yourself Grace: if I wasn't going straight home but tragically Janis: what difference does that make Janis: can still tell them to fuck off Grace: not before dad picks me up thanks Grace: it's not like that boy will be doing a U turn now I'm Bobby free Janis: lol no way he was 17 Janis: looked 12 Janis: and he still would, he's a fucking pushover Grace: he's 19 Janis: so a nonce Janis: cool Grace: You're literally OBSESSED Grace: first I'm a child snatcher then he is Janis: that's literally the definition Janis: you're a child, he ain't, what do you want me to do Janis: didn't work anyways and even if it did, no one's throwing 😍 at it Grace: If you wanna report him, go off Janis: yeah I'll ruin some sad cunts life 'cos you're out here trying to prove something Grace: ???????!!!!!!! Grace: he asked me out, I agreed, it's not a big deal Janis: mhmm Janis: swear guv Grace: OMG SHUT UP Janis: sort it out for fuck's sake Grace: I didn't know he was that old! You literally just said yourself he doesn't look it Janis: don't incriminate yourself Janis: not illegal but just as weird if you're tryna fuck 12 year olds Grace: gross Janis: you said it Grace: No Janis: definitely did Grace: Leave me alone Janis: ooh alright Janis: touchy Grace: OMG why can't you ever stop? Janis: pot kettle Janis: why are you being so sensitive Grace: Why are you still talking to me? Janis: 'cos what's wrong with you Grace: yeah cos I'm gonna tell you Janis: why do you care Janis: you got what you wanted from him anyway Grace: What does that even mean? Grace: you have no idea what I want or wanted Janis: you wish Grace: obvs you do, but I really don't Grace: I'm wishing you'd go away thanks Janis: yeah, can't you tell how much I wanted to see you Janis: good catch up babes Grace: 😂😂😂 Janis: about right Grace: sure Grace: see you at school, like Grace: Spanish is first lesson back Janis: maybe Grace: 💔 Janis: isn't it just Grace: next time you steal a car is fine too Janis: next time it won't be nans so 🤞 no Grace: just don't look up my bad date, his wouldn't get you a mile out of Dublin Janis: got standards, darling Grace: I know, babes Grace: everybody does Grace: You can only wish for secrets Janis: can give the daily vlog a miss then Janis: phew Janis: love it when they put the work in for me Grace: mine's postponed cos I don't film little kids but there's plenty of other content THANK GOD Janis: 💔 should've thought of that before agreeing to go out with one really Janis: not very committed Janis: I'll 🙌 to that Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: n'awh Janis: say hi to the gals from me Grace: I'd love to but there's been a disconnect Grace: I'll say it to my ex instead, he just got here Janis: less impressive than the 19 year old Janis: forgetting your audience Janis: they'll probably go for it though THANK GOD 👍 Grace: You're forgetting I only need a ride Janis: that's low, man Grace: If you wanna console him, he'll be free later Janis: you know something's gonna happen to you one day yeah Grace: I know you've got your 🤞 Janis: get a grip Grace: obvs the plan Grace: I'll make sure he's parked first tho, wouldn't wanna cause a crash Janis: unlikely Grace: not really Janis: if anyone bought you were a decent ride you wouldn't have to rely on your ex Grace: if I wasn't he wouldn't be back Janis: he's back 'cos your price is a ride Janis: you know it's not even a fiver in petrol Janis: literally the eastern euro girls on the street aren't as cheap Grace: wow Grace: so judgemental Janis: you're dirty Janis: it's disgusting, judgment from me is the least of your worries Grace: Yeah it honestly is Grace: & I'm sure you have better things to do so Janis: yeah talking to mum and dad for a start Grace: cute Grace: say hey from me Janis: you reckon I won't Janis: got no loyalty to you Janis: be more than a hey if they can manage to do even a semi-competent job Grace: I don't care if you do or whatever else you do Janis: Don't need you to Janis: be out of your hands, like Grace: sure Grace: they'll really show up for whatever slut intervention you think is about to happen Janis: you don't reckon Janis: you're delusional if you don't Grace: you are Grace: where's it been, babes? Janis: you're putting yourself in danger Grace: Me and how many of the rest of us Janis: you're stupid, Rio at least has some brains Janis: marginally more self-esteem Janis: born victim, you, trust me, they're gonna get on board Grace: nobody's more devastated than me that I'm not more like Rio, obvs Grace: except maybe dad Grace: 💔 there's not 10 of her Janis: no one cares what he wants Janis: irrelevant beyond being a sperm donor Janis: enjoy your chat 💕 Grace: 💜💜💜 Janis: 😂 Grace: it will be amusing if it happens Grace: I'll keep you a front row seat, hun Janis: don't worry Janis: buzzin' I care, so far in my DMs Janis: must be gutting when you're the only one that does and you get no recognition for it Grace: 😭😭🙄🙄 Janis: that's alright, sure your ex will take you back and console you Janis: epic shag and all around winner that he sees you as 😍 Grace: if he won't, I'll try one of the others Janis: always the shameful hookup when you've run out of lotion, never the girlfriend Grace: mhmm Janis: love that for you Janis: just get her in to help you with your prices Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: she is good at maths Janis: is she Grace: oh of course she's never helped you with your homework Grace: my bad again, babes Janis: not what she's remembered for is it Janis: being the whore who married her cousin is really all that comes to mind but that's almost sweet Janis: pop it in the eulogy, lovely Grace: if you'll excuse me, I have to make some conversation with this boy Grace: such a good chat tho Janis: not what he's paying for Janis: so don't worry about not being a decent conversationalist Grace: tragically telling him that wouldn't get me where I wanna go so Janis: the tragic thing is you think you're too good for the bus when you're literally selling yourself Janis: wonder how many times this one told you you talk too much? 🤔 Grace: Oh please Grace: & I'm the extra one Grace: everything's a drama tonight, hun Janis: don't act as if you don't understand Janis: he would only pick you up so you blow him Janis: you aren't friends, they don't care about you or even respect you Janis: it's as simple as that Janis: and you're not even trying to get out, you're going home, half an hour away Janis: it's actually the saddest thing I've ever heard Grace: not anymore obvs Grace: why would I go home for the lecture? Janis: because you've got no balls and nowhere to go Janis: fucking hell I hope they pay for a decent shrink, seriously Grace: Thanks to you I've got nowhere to go Janis: go home Janis: sort yourself out Grace: I'll take the party he's offering but thanks again Janis: that's right Janis: get off your face then it ain't your fault Grace: It'll be my fault but I won't care Grace: you always tell me not to so congrats, finally taking that advice Janis: you'll be crying on a stranger's bathroom floor within the hour Janis: you ain't built for it, so tah for the guilt trip but i ain't biting Grace: I love that you've given me that long tbh Janis: got to earn his time and attention and petrol first Grace: Oh honey, I could do that crying Janis: wanna turn your phone off Janis: they'll be out looking now Grace: I would but if it's not on my snap it didn't happen, don't need to tell you tho Janis: your locations on Janis: they aren't that thick Grace: What do you care? You want them to find me Janis: you mean you do Janis: christ Grace: You think you know everything about me Grace: where does the delusion even come from? Janis: you think no one does Janis: let's unpack that one Grace: no-one does know everything Grace: they can't Janis: someone needs to take your netflix away too whilst they're at it Janis: fucking hell Janis: we aren't 13, even then that shit was embarrassing Janis: now it's well Janis: get yourself on the corner with your bessies level Grace: Whatever Janis: you really thought that was a revelation Janis: put it as your next caption, get those kids clicking ❤ Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: this is what comes of letting stoners breed, jesus Janis: experiment over Grace: we all wish it was Grace: at least they've stopped now Janis: no need to wish Grace: not gonna jump out of this moving car, however much you'd love that Janis: i know Janis: no balls Grace: 💔 Janis: answer your phone yeah Grace: As if Janis: for fuck's sake, Grace Grace: I don't need to hear mum chatting to me like I'm Carly or Edie Grace: or dad telling me that he still loves me Janis: well then, think that it's not about what you need, I don't care Janis: just do it Grace: I literally just said no Janis: I literally don't care Grace: So get out of my inbox Janis: answer your phone and I will Grace: I'd actually rather kms than answer that phone call in front of this boy Grace: it's not happening, go away Janis: no Janis: answer the phone Grace: no Janis: do it Janis: stop being selfish Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: coming from you Janis: and? Grace: it's just hilarious that you think you can make me do anything Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: answer the phone Grace: no Janis: do it Janis: he doesn't like you anyway so don't act like that's an excuse Grace: It's not about him Grace: he answered the fastest Janis: then talk to mum and dad Grace: I've nothing to say & like I said I don't wanna hear what they are going to Grace: no thanks Janis: No one cares Janis: pick up the phone and get it over with then Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: exactly Grace: I'll do it when I'm drunk obvs, there'll be no stopping me then Janis: why not now Grace: I'm busy, like Janis: no you ain't Grace: excuse you Grace: the fact this makeup has no staying power was literally the opener of this convo Janis: and what Grace: & he'd kick me out of the car if he saw me without any Grace: duh Janis: again Janis: so Janis: that's the point Grace: your point, babes Grace: mine was that I wanna be here Janis: no, yours was you need a lift Janis: which you don't now so get out Grace: no, it was that I don't wanna go home thanks Janis: no one does but you have to Grace: Why do I? Grace: I literally don't Janis: yeah you do, you aren't being safe or smart Grace: &? Grace: it's been forever since I was either Janis: exactly Janis: so go home Grace: Why now? Janis: its pretty obvious Grace: No Grace: it would've been obvs if someone had said something at my 13th birthday party when I went further than anyone during 7 mins in heaven cos Connor O'Malley said he really liked me and he wanted my birthday to be special for a good reason again Grace: or when I hooked up with his best friend like a week later cos he lied Grace: You don't care, you've never cared Grace: don't tell me what to do now Janis: yeah, your birthday Janis: and you reckon you got it bad it could've been worse if I hadn't bothered saying anything Janis: you think i'm going to pick up your slack and be 2nd to you Janis: for what Grace: OMG you're just like Mia, putting yourself in the centre of everything Grace: I've never thought that or wanted it Grace: 2nd to me!? I'm not that fucking delusional Janis: how dare I remind you its my birthday and all Janis: bullshit, Grace Grace: That wasn't the point Grace: I'm trying to tell you, it's too little, too late Janis: that's it Janis: that's your problem is it Janis: poor you Janis: get a grip, you and every other girl at school Janis: fucking hell, edie died Grace: Get a clue Grace: this is why I can't talk to you Janis: not trying to talk to you Janis: go home Janis: I'm not there Grace: Even Diego's out so like I said, why should or would I? Janis: because you wanna be Grace: You're actually not on the same planet, I s2g Janis: that heart to heart you're trying to have Janis: they're the only ones that'll listen Janis: so go Grace: They won't Janis: bollocks Janis: all they do Grace: You go Grace: do whatever it is you want Grace: I'm good Janis: no you're not Grace: obvs but as good as I can be 🍾🎊 so 👋 Janis: no Janis: I've told you Grace: Go off, I'll mute you when it gets boring Janis: no you won't Grace: ILYSM but even so Janis: you won't so save us both the hassle Grace: you'll be hassled by drunk me, babes Grace: she'll be living her best life Janis: no one believes that Janis: and you think I wasn't bored before this began Janis: difference between us is I do give a shit Grace: of course I don't think that, we OBVS know each other so well Janis: hurry up Grace: 💃💃 Janis: hilarious Janis: don't reckon I won't show up and bring them with either Janis: get your head out your arse and make it easy for yourself before I make it worse Grace: that's your fave thing tho Grace: it'd be so mean Janis: not stopped you before Janis: go on Grace: drunken portuguese is some drinks off but sure dad's waiting by the phone so Janis: can't even remember any so Janis: what do I care, you're talking to them Grace: this is so annoying now Grace: you're putting me off Janis: now Janis: you are slow Janis: come on Grace: shhhhhhhhhhhhh Janis: no Janis: [rings her all the times] Grace: 🙌💜 Janis: picked you up yet Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: they're slow too, hello Grace: I've been saying that this entire time Janis: told them where you are or what Grace: mhmmm just gonna send them the location so they can hang Janis: do it then Grace: I 👏 AM 👏 BUSY Janis: no, you aren't Grace: Oooh this boy says he knows you Grace: very ginger, very aggressive 👋 Janis: okay Janis: that's nice Janis: off you pop Grace: he is not cute, babes Janis: what a tragedy Janis: start dialling or I'm gonna come over Grace: No you're not Grace: you never wanna be where I am Grace: & neither does your actually cute bf Janis: correct Janis: that's not what it's about so do it Grace: Just let me have a night off OMG!!!!!!!!! Grace: you get to do everything you want Janis: so Janis: you aren't me and you don't know what you want Janis: sort it out Grace: yeah okay I'll figure all that out in the AM Janis: no, you won't Janis: we're coming so you can think about it all you like once they're done Grace: STOP Janis: why should I Grace: cos I'm asking you to Grace: cos you're my sister & you don't even love me Janis: so you think you can just say and do all that fucked up shit and I'm not gonna stop you Janis: I don't think so Grace: What do you what me to say or do? Janis: I've been clear, call mum and dad and get them to come get you Grace: & after that?? Grace: Why do you want me to be all alone like?????? Janis: they're going to talk to you, work something out Grace: they're gonna talk at me and we'll all 😭😭 & nothing will be any different literally Grace: not drunk enough for that yet soooooo Janis: try listening yeah Grace: they're the MOST cringe though 😱😱😱 Janis: then you should agree Grace: 😂😂 okay bitch Janis: mhm Janis: they're waiting, like Grace: UGH Janis: yeah Janis: they've said they'll text so I'm not going Grace: What did you say? Janis: why? Grace: cos I wanna know how bad the freakout will be Grace: what did you say about me? Janis: what you said Janis: no need to lie, you gave it all up Grace: so you just told them everything Janis: all the relevant info, yeah Grace: I literally can't go home EVER Janis: yeah you can Grace: How could you do that to me!?? OMG Janis: how could I not Janis: not cosigning on that shit Grace: cos it's none of their business what I do Grace: or yours but at least you're not like OLD Janis: you're their kid, that's literally all their business is Grace: So are you! You don't let them tell you anything Janis: they're still meant to try Janis: and they do Grace: I hate this Janis: good Janis: you're not totally crazy then Grace: can't you come instead? Grace: I'd take Rio over them rn Janis: probably don't Janis: when she have her last kid, probably hormonal Janis: well I ain't got a car and we know how you feel about me stealing one but I can come Grace: IOU 💜 Grace: screenshot that in case I'm more drunk than I think I am Janis: you're always more drunk than you think you are Janis: forget about it, like Grace: me or like everyone? Grace: 🤔🤔🤔 Janis: you, specifically but yeah Janis: most in general Grace: my ex isn't if you wanna fight him Grace: cos you wanna fight most people Janis: which one Grace: this one Grace: oh you mean how many hookups ago duh Janis: i mean name, any other identifiers, even then, unlikely i'll remember Grace: Tyler Grace: he's not white that helps him stand out in my exes line up Grace: hmmm Grace: short and mad about it? Grace: that's his identifier with me but shhh Janis: 😂 Janis: oh right, can recall that one then Grace: he does NOT like you, babes Grace: too tall obvs Janis: 💔 Janis: gutted, obvs Janis: his 👀 are chest height and everything, that I remember Grace: IKR?! Grace: he was so 😣😣😣 cos I had my 👠s on Grace: boy they weren't for you! I'm SORRY Janis: probably gonna wanna steal some shoes if you're coming with me though Grace: ??? Janis: 👟 Janis: you'll be like a  baby 🦒 on ice Grace: are we walking all the way home? Janis: depends Janis: send us your location and I'll see what I can do Grace: [does] Janis: we could walk that Janis: but we can get a bus like 10 minutes from there if you need Grace: Today has been the literal WORST from the moment I agreed to the fair idc Janis: that means no complaints then yeah Grace: can I do them now cos I've been so excited to go out with him since I met him and then FINALLY it comes around & ugh Janis: seemed like a moody prick Grace: boys are such liars Grace: like okay you're nothing like you were that day in town & you're actually 19 & I don't think you even wanna be here Janis: yep Janis: girls too, in fairness Janis: you're just used to that and not trying to fuck 'em so Grace: I just thought he was different, nice or something Grace: like you said I should go out with Janis: yeah well Janis: never said it'd be easy, like Janis: few and far between Grace: I tried really hard Grace: Like REALLY Grace: it's so stupid Janis: ain't your fault he was a twat Grace: I fell for it Grace: nice lads aren't here for me, obvs, I should've known Grace: I literally do know Janis: it ain't that simple Grace: It is though Grace: I'm a bitch Grace: Is Jimmy coming? Janis: don't worry about that right now Janis: nah, he don't need to Grace: Tell him I'm sorry then Janis: bit rude i don't get one Janis: it's fine Grace: I mean for everything Grace: Mia Grace: since he got here Janis: yeah Janis: pretty mental, even for you lot Grace: I told her, I keep telling her Grace: cos I am happy for you, like Janis: alright, I'll tell him Grace: Believe me though Janis: I do Janis: don't be weird, like Grace: you have to cos I love you, okay? Grace: but idk what to do about her Janis: I can handle her Janis: he can too Janis: but she's genuinely just Janis: you know Janis: you need to handle her too, yeah Grace: I don't work with her though Grace: or without Grace: cos she's not talking to me rn & look Janis: bollocks Janis: she would've told you to go for it with that lad Janis: come on Grace: I met him because she was being a bitch about you that day he was over at our house & I made her leave Grace: I wouldn't have gone into town on my own otherwise Janis: you could've met him any time Janis: and it's not about him Janis: you've gotta admit, he's not exactly out of character in your ex line-up Janis: can't think like that Grace: she would've said no & none of this would have happened so Tyler wouldn't have picked me up & mum & dad wouldn't think I'm a sex worker Janis: I didn't tell them you were a sex worker Janis: and she only would've said no 'cos she'd wanna be watching us so that's not like she's looking out for you Janis: not like she's got a sixth sense for dickheads herself Grace: I hate her Grace: I hate my life Janis: yeah Janis: I know Janis: you've got to get rid of her at some point Grace: Why don't you love me? Janis: Grace Janis: it'd just be easier if we didn't Janis: for all of us, you especially Grace: what does that mean???? Janis: it only hurts if you love or care or Janis: whatever Grace: but its not about Edie cos you didn't love me before Grace: & you love him, your boyfriend so Grace: what did I do? Janis: that's not true Janis: I don't know Janis: maybe I can't Grace: but you literally love him Janis: no I don't Grace: It's everywhere, all over everything Grace: I can't be on my phone without seeing it Grace: or in the same room as you Janis: yeah and how many of your exes did you actually love Grace: that's not the same Grace: I don't look at them like that & they'd never look at me like it either Grace: it's so fake, it has to be if I'm in it Janis: I've not known him that long Janis: no one has, like Grace: So? Janis: can't be in love with someone you don't know, right Grace: I know when I've done the wrong thing like IMMEDIATELY Grace: maybe you can still feel something that soon when it's good too idk Grace: not the right person to ask about love Janis: noted, babe Janis: just saying, think lots of people fake it Grace: Yeah Grace: sometimes you have to & sometimes you want to Janis: do you want to? Grace: when? Grace: I fake like everything, babes, you need to hit me with specifics Janis: well that's what I mean Janis: if your ratio is mostly wanting to, then I guess that's alright Janis: but it ain't so Grace: it's like I have to pretend I'm not freaking out whenever a boy touches me but I want to pretend that's not always gonna be a thing Grace: specifics Grace: I have to be friends with Mia but I don't want to Janis: Why do you have to Grace: ??????? Janis: be friends with her Grace: like I said, it's too late Grace: I can't go back and not tell her everything or have her with me for everything Grace: idk how to do things without her anymore Grace: I need her even if I don't like her Janis: 'course you can Janis: look at us, we're blood relatives and we manage Janis: you don't want her fucking up everything you do forever Grace: I'll have her to blame that way though Grace: if it's just me, it's literally me Janis: nah Janis: family album full of people you can blame Janis: easy Janis: swear Grace: she hates you & I wanna hate you, sometimes Grace: so I thought that would be easy Janis: yeah but she also wants to live in my skin so Janis: complicates matters Grace: but like same ?? so Janis: now you see why I didn't wanna come to those sleepovers Grace: fine cos I don't want you there being prettier than me Janis: 😏 yeah right Grace: ugh Janis: you alright Grace: I just didn't wanna cry here, you know? Grace: he'll think it's about him Janis: go outside Grace: I wish screaming I DON'T LOVE YOU BYE actually meant that Grace: instead of making people think I do Janis: screaming anything don't really help your case Janis: try 🤐 Grace: actually can't though, sorry Grace: 💘 or 🤐 Janis: I've got headphones Janis: it's fine Grace: Where's Jimmy's mum? Janis: not coming to pick you up, can tell you that for certain Grace: Is she dead? Janis: Don't know Janis: did Bobby talk about her lots then Grace: He asked me if we've got one Grace: & said that he doesn't Janis: yeah, she pissed off, about the sum of it Janis: don't know if he knows that or what though so Grace: Maybe he was too little Grace: he's so sweet Janis: yeah, pretty cute Grace: like really gentle, little lads are normally so loud & annoying Janis: girls are well worse Janis: especially the ones in this family Grace: duh Grace: you can say I'm most annoying, babes 👑 treat yourself Janis: was talking about the actual children, like but you know Janis: fight a toddler if you need to, babe Grace: Oh so I'm an actual child when a 19 year old lies to me but not when I want a 👑 Grace: so rude Janis: that's life Janis: don't make the law up, soz Grace: 💔 Janis: I'll run for PM when I get a sec Grace: I love that for you Janis: obvs Janis: no 👑 Grace: but you have any food?? Janis: food? Grace: I'm so hungry like all the time 😱😱😱 aren't you? Janis: nah 'cos I eat enough and at the right times Janis: I've passed hundreds of kebabbies and shit, we'll go get something Grace: 🙏🙏🙏🙏 Janis: who's gaff even is this Grace: UM idk Grace: his cousin maybe? Grace: no his uncle Grace: no Janis: don't need the family tree, I get the vibe Janis: are there any other girls from school there like Grace: that's a real no Grace: I would not be here Janis: ugh Grace: if I'm gonna commit suicide I'll do it myself thanks Grace: don't need them or their insta stories Janis: not my main concern Grace: ?? Janis: it'd be better if it was an actual party with school people Janis: not his cousin uncle and co Grace: Why? Janis: because why would he bring you around his older male relatives Janis: what do you have in common with him, never mind them Janis: it's so dangerous, Grace Grace: I didn't know it was gonna be this sketchy Grace: that's not what he said Janis: yeah well boys lie, remember Janis: it's fine, I'm only a few streets away now, apparently Grace: I'm outside so we can just leave, yeah? Grace: it's not gonna be like a thing Janis: nah I well fancy going in there and shouting my head off and all Grace: you know what I mean Janis: if you're outside then yeah, what am I gonna do Grace: I'm sorry Janis: at least you are okay this time Janis: I meant it when I said something's gonna happen though Grace: It won't even I'm so done Janis: alright, well you all say that when you feel like shit Janis: general you that time Grace: he's deleted Janis: 👌 Grace: Like, I'll obvs get new shitty exes but no need to go back here Janis: screenshot that one, yeah? Grace: 💜 Grace: he's not that cute, I was just over all the white boys Grace: no offense Janis: variety is the spice of life Janis: though literally no idea who that ginger you're talking about is Grace: I think he thinks you slept with his gf?? Grace: I set him straight on that, literally Janis: ha gutted i did that Janis: shh Grace: No way you would've, he showed me a pic & you can do so much better, babes Grace: trust Janis: awks Janis: poor ginge Grace: he wouldn't stop shouting at me like excuse me we're not the same person Grace: as if I'm gonna turn around and you're the back of my head Janis: you probably telepathically told me to do it though Janis: know what twins are like Grace: if she was cute, sure Janis: i don't think that helps us sound any less weird Janis: glad you went with a different clapback Grace: there's worse things than homewrecking someone that ugh Grace: but 👌👌 Janis: not taking that one for the team Janis: no matter how much of a cunt he was Janis: soz Grace: fine, wouldn't wanna risk barista boy's 💘 anyway Grace: a bitch but not that bitch Janis: shut up idiot Grace: he's so highkey 😍😍😍 & I think that's nice Janis: shame he ain't coming Janis: be hilarious if you said that to his face Janis: for me anyway Grace: I've seen enough PDA thank you Janis: you were definitely told to leave so Grace: I'm still mad at you btw Grace: & you can't make me leave a coffee shop, bitch Grace: I was mid ☕ Janis: that weren't my idea Grace: idc still 😱😱😱 Janis: your mates shouldn't bitch so loudly, like Grace: 🙄🙄 I know Grace: I'm so over it Janis: seems exhausting Janis: having to give a shit about what everyone else is up to all the time Grace: mhmmmmmm Janis: and just to be bitches Janis: seriously Grace: they're just hung up on you specifically cos every boy they want has asked you out & you said no Grace: boys they can't even get Grace: like it's your fault you're prettier than them Grace: when they have nobody to blame for how petty they are trying to be Grace: it's so boring & ridiculous!!! Janis: should fuck 'em just to really make it worth their rage but Janis: do you do it too, when it ain't me Grace: Ew no don't Grace: &? I know what I am, honey Janis: unlikely, reasons I said no Janis: I mean, it's probably easy to fall into that way of being Janis: like when you left all your shit at CG Grace: Okay no Grace: not talking about that with you ever Janis: why not, I literally had to give you your stuff Janis: we all know what it was Grace: exactly so we don't have to go there Janis: alright Grace: are you here or do I have time to kms? Janis: not trying to embarrass you Janis: and yeah not far Janis: this is just the longest street ever for some reason Grace: you should stop smoking with that boy Janis: please Grace: mhmm please do Janis: we're a long way from you giving anyone lectures Janis: let alone me Grace: it's still gross & you're already way thinner than me Janis: the ulterior motive comes out Janis: don't smoke enough for that, or lung disease, tah Grace: you can get fucked up by his sexy smoke rings, babes Grace: but sure Janis: that's 2nd-hand Janis: it's worse 'cos all the co2 you breathe out Janis: smoking yourself, way safer Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: I'll take it up then Janis: you'd have to get 'em off weird john Janis: no way you ain't getting ID'd Janis: any safety is dashed tbh, wouldn't bother if I were you Grace: excuse you literally have 19 year olds falling at my feet so Grace: well almost Janis: that like underage girls but sure Janis: probably ducked when he realised how virginal you ain't Grace: Yeah Grace: 2 years too late, sorry boy Janis: ick Janis: leave it out Grace: ????? Janis: that's too young Janis: it's depressing Grace: I know, I cried for like a week Janis: stop thinking about it now Janis: and chatting Janis: drive me to drink Grace: you can share this one Janis: alright, had enough earlier Janis: one of us should be vaguely sober Grace: did you sneak it into the fair while I was babysitting? Janis: ha Janis: after, went pub Grace: Oh okay Janis: did you think i was drunk Janis: was just a sugar high, like Grace: you left ASAP and I did when you got back Grace: literally wouldn't know Janis: did think it was a bit of a jump Grace: it's so rude that I can't get in anywhere & you can Janis: I'm tall Janis: and you've got a babyface Grace: like I said, so rude Janis: blame mum and dad Janis: neither of them brought it in the height department Grace: I blame avó, she's who I look like Grace: & she has that direct 🙏🙏🙏 line to god, obvs so Grace: she could have put in a word for me not to look like this Janis: get that you ain't meant to be a braggy cunt Janis: but bit of a slap in the face to call out one of his creations and say 'not again, thanks' Grace: 😂😂 Janis: also she'd give you a slap in the face for that one so let's hope she ain't in the kebab Grace: she'd wanna hit me for lots of things I do but Jesus loves a whore Grace: & she's never ate anywhere that isn't ours either Grace: doubly saved 🙌 Janis: 😏 Janis: not suggesting she's been out on the piss tbh Janis: it's late as hell and not midnight mass vibes, like Grace: if you're going that hard of the blood of christ, maybe just marry him tbh Janis: gutted she didn't Janis: probably can't dump your kid to be a nun though Janis: unfortunate for us all Grace: maybe I'll go become one Grace: can you vlog it? Janis: considering the vow of poverty, don't think you can show up with thousands worth of filming equipment, no Grace: tragic Janis: not even to mention all the others i think you'd struggle with Grace: well it's just mean if you don't tell me now Janis: come on then, I see you Janis: tell you all about it Grace: 👋 Grace: you look so pretty OMG Janis: let's not be texting and walking rn babe Grace: 👌👌👌

Tommy & Ali

Chatting ‘bout Christmas, boy troubles, pregnancy AND THE FACT THE BABY IS TOTALLY NOT DREW’S LOLLOLLOL

Tommy: Oi! 😼 What you gettin da cos like even I feel cheeky considering socks for 2 years running Ali joined the chat 3 hours ago Tommy: I was gonna go full rivers of whiskey cept I'd probs drown myself in it before the bottle was in the bag 😂 Ali: So you should, elf on the shelf! Socks should only ever be an add-on prezzie, even if they're DEAD comical, like. Ali: Speaking of elf on the shelf, would you be willing to come round mine every day at the crack of dawn (aka JUST before the kiddos will arise like horrible demon krakkens from the depths) so I can arrange you in comical positions and situations? Ali: They love that shit. I on the other hand want to murder the CEO of whatever company/the high-key mum mafia that made this shit popular again. Ali: I've got me thinking cap on for the old man for ye...Hmm Ali: (and how rude to get cuffed for the season and not even get to the part where you get a bomb-ass present/someone to tout around the family functions...rude. You not actually at the bottom of a bottle quite yet though, yeah? Doing the obligatory welfare checkup here) Tommy: Excuse you miss money bags! 💰 just 'cause you're one of the rare artists who ain't starving like! some of us don't have boyfriends who cook or paying audiences Tommy: so yeah obvs! Gotta keep in shape just in case don't I? catch me pirouetting across your patio bitch Tommy: Green's my colour these days and red's always been signature Tommy: I'm alright (love you for asking!) how's you? Tommy: Genuinely Ali: Oh yeah, 'cos father will flip his shit if the price tag ain't AT LEAST three figs... 😏 Silly billy, and oi, oi! My student loan ain't kicked in yet ...I'm on a gap yaaaaaah though, darling, I've simply GOTTA act like a frivilous rich bitch. Deal with it, you're still the shady bitch of the fam, okay? 😘 Ali: Yaaasss, you're gonna have to drop a couple of pounds to fit in that teeny costume but a day in the life of a TRUE star init, babe? I believe in you Ali: Bet you didn't come here to be called fat, did you? How fucking cheeky is that forreal Ali: Colour of luck boy 🍀🍀🍀 Ali: Hmm, ngl I'm in a bit of a...situation, and I ain't talking I've forgot to order a turkey Tommy: Imagine...jog on old man just 'cause went for the quantity with the sprogs doesn't mean you'll get quality back soz Tommy: try it but good luck trying to get your little uns to deal with you being the spoilt one 😂 Tommy: well since I got the 🍀 its 🤞 Tommy: feckin hell has caleb forgotten kids are for life not just chrimbo again? Tommy: I'll deck his halls if he's being a prick Ali: That'll show him! That's what you get for bringing me into this world, whole lotta backchat and not an ounce of grattitude, take that! Ali: Join me 'cos I'm sure that's what mum feels I've got her Ali: We did Rio's first Xmas morning, and 2nd, at home! It really is Caleb's fams turn Ali: I can't help that its Junie's first, evidently I ain't planning this shit woman! Ali: #contraceptionwhomst? #pulloutnhopeforthebest #itswhatgodwouldwant Ali: And it ain't like we're not coming over for a second dinner, we fat as hell, get wid it and pass the gravy Ali: Catch me in the tesco throwing tantrums with Rio on the reg tbh #twocanplayatthatgamehoney #childrenraisingchildren Ali: Nah, although loving all the macho threats of violence when my honour is at stake as of late...Is my drama letting you live up to your full brotherly potential? Welcome... Ali: TMI, give a shit, but I'm late on and I've thrown up a few times, not from the mother's ruin, like Ali: hahahahahama'sgonnakillmeisn'tshe Ali: whatthefucklike Tommy: Who you kidding you're the blatant fave & lbr if the lord's got his specs on should be even more so for following her shining example like Tommy: honor thy father and mother and all that Tommy: who doesn't love a mini me Tommy: especially one who can sing every sperm is sacred with perf pitch Tommy: Amen! this aint 1850 pass the roasties gdi! Tommy: all we want for christmas is carbs Tommy: OH MY CHRIST NOT AGAIN Tommy: 😧 Tommy: I know you're on your gap year but no need to be so literal Ali: Ha, please! Not Tess Vickers' fave. Da's, obviously, as he is mine, (babe). You and Joe are the momma's boys, always have been, you needy little babbas. Ali: A woman who doesn't love herself...damn, too deep, reverse, reverse! Ali: You'd be surprised how annoying an all-singing-all-dancing constant reminder of all your best and worst bits is Ali: Usually the best, which is happy-making magic, but when its the worst...GOOD LORDT. Plus its a reminder of the same in your other half, and we all like to overlook that shit now, don't we? *sips tea* Ali: God I am gonna go HAM with my 'cravings' this Chrimbo...what timing! Maybe I did plan this after-all Ali: but no, I did not Ali: But yeah...this is a thing I'm processing, thought I'd drag you down with me 🤷 Tommy: I was gonna be all like not with him probs dead in a ditch and me one audition away from getting cosy in a cardboard box but I better swerve too dont wanna spend the season with the samaritans on speed dial Tommy: you and fraze are the success stories savor it Tommy: honey I've got a mirror Tommy: and near constant feedback from them in the know Tommy: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Tommy: that's calebs chrimbo gift sorted then yeah? Ali: Lordy, I know we're Irish but there's no need to be that fuckin' maudlin, Tommo Ali: Oh, you wanted an idea for Da but that is SO Fraze's prezzie Ali: Just tell him that, all day. Money can't buy that kinda happiness Ali: The spirit of the Holidays Ali: Them in the know don't know shit Ali: I mean...gift or curse? Ali: We've only just got back on track, this is probably going to derail the whole damn caboose Tommy: everyone's a critic and there's only one shane macgowan I hear ya Tommy: I reckoned you meant a mirror for a sec I was like uh huh he's got that one covered love 😏 Tommy: Hey! That's mine covered 🙋 just repeat that back to me Tommy: those clueless cunts Tommy: Nah he'll be buzzing esp if he gets another girl Tommy: there's only one Rio but he's shameless ha Tommy: leave the cursing for ma she'll be doing plenty once she's done stuffing your stocking with contraceptives Ali: Mhmm, save it for the improptu karaoke when we're all feeling merry on the day, like Ali: Lmao, he'd live in a 360 degree view changing room if he could Ali: How millenial of us! Lets just gift each other with positive affirmations Ali: Maybe...Gah Ali: Whatever, whether he deals or doesn't, doesn't change the fact I am with child again and yeah, Caleb's reaction is the least of my worries Ali: I'm going to be going to Uni abroad with 3 kids...damn Ali: If I don't get locked away for my own good, of course Tommy: 😇 Will do Tommy: I reckon that's the goal when he 'makes it' Tommy: scrawl it on my personalised starbies cup and have done babe Tommy: You're grand it'll just be one hell of a plane ride Tommy: 🍀 & 🤞 Tommy: OH SHIT WAIT Tommy: the whole Caleb reaction thing has me thinking...not to be rude but Tommy: it is his yeah? Ali: It better be Ali: Aside from the Drew incident I didn't shag anyone else Ali: and we used a condom Ali: I mighta been several sheets to the wind but I hadn't lost my whole goddamn mind Tommy: thank christ for that Tommy: imagine trying to play happy families with that twat Ali: Amen Ali: Yeah that isn't the life I've signed up for Ali: Bitches forget I already got a ring on my finger, like Ali: Legal or otherwise Tommy: Beyonce is here for your union Tommy: good enough for me Tommy: low key proud of ya not to be an enabler but like Tommy: I'll happily hooray you getting Drew to put something on it too god knows where that fuckboy's been Ali: Thank you! I will take that hooray because I literally had to mum Ro's arse and tell her to do the same every time Ali: AND had to do it in such a way it didn't sound like I was saying as much, like, your boyf is a cheater and we all know it sweetie Tommy: ugh 😷 glad you did though I hear your next door nemesis had to get herself to the clinic sharpish & i don't reckon she'd spread gossip that'd make her out to be riddled Tommy: 🦀🐛 Ali: 🤢😤 Unsurprised on both their behalf there but low-key furious Ali: he knows how that bitch treats Ro, and always has done Ali: there's being a cheat with any random hoe and then there's that...is it me or is that next-level careless? Ali: To the point it looks like he's doing it to hurt her, I'm sure he's just ignorant but, like, what the fuck?!!? Tommy: RIGHT? Tommy: like I don't doubt she ain't telling him all the ins and outs of her childhood drama but still Tommy: even with more brains than biceps he's gotta have a clue or two Tommy: OOOPS ACCIDENTAL COMPLIMENT Tommy: I'm offended on my own behalf Tommy: almost as cringe as once thinking he was hot 🤓😳 kms Ali: Yeah but it ain't like he's not been here...and she's still a cunt to Ro now, so Ali: Tries to be to me but who's listening, Bitch I'm deaf all of a sudden??? Ali: Hahahahaha Ali: He's attractive, to the point its kinda fact more than opinion so I don't think you're alone on that score Ali: If the notches on his bedpost are anything to go by...and I fucked him so can't be judging, consider your sins absolved, no hail mary's needed, maybe a few bloodys when I next pin u down for an IRL debrief? Ali: Oh wait, a bitch can't...I'll make it a Virgin Mary...WHEY! Tommy: True and I know he ain't got a bitch muted 'cause I aint rn either 👀 & my specs are on when I'm scrolling Tommy: I see what I see Tommy: 😞 Tommy: Fuck it lets go dancing Tommy: bounce that bump while you still can Ali: 'Course not, gotta 'low the bitch to slide into dem dms on the reg, if for nothing else than the ego boost Ali: 😒 Ali: I need that, lets go lets go lets go, its been TIME since I got to go out and not take the bubs Ali: I'll have to see who can have 'em though... Ali: Can't be mum, really selling how responsible a parent I'm gonna be to 3 by throwing 2 at her and fucking off to partay Tommy: SAMSIES...not that I'm going out with 2 kids on the reg but y'know Tommy: we on it 💃 Tommy: Dial up their daddy Tommy: he'll step up while we step out I'm sure Ali: Sure, just the one, like #oosh! toosoonforbants? Ali: Can but try, I'll get back to you when he replies Ali: Ooh, what are we gonna wear Tommy: I've got my elf cossie if I can only squeeze in Tommy: you could pin a red letter on if you've got something that won't clash 🤔 own that guilt like a good catholic 📿 Ali: Ooh, festive AND appropriate for my situ, I like it. Tommy: A for advent sweeties 😘 Tommy: can you cut my hair though I looking like the grinch if he was a blonde blue eyed dreamboat Ali: And Awesome! And Ali! And Ass! 😎 Ali: Obvi, you never could rock the long hair look, remember that dark period in time 😂 Ali: Can I try something slightly new tho? 🤔 Tommy: why the feck not gotta at least look ready to mingle like Tommy: 💔😂 Ali: Dubo not gonna know what's hit it and ya mans gonna know what he missing when I'm done with you! Promise Tommy: I'll hold you to it Tommy: no pressure Tommy: oooh maybe we could go shopping 😀 Ali: You know I'm winning boys back like its my business Ali: well, boy singular but that's enough, right? #greedybisexual Ali: I am always down for killing time snapping up killer #lewks, lets do it man Tommy: yaaaaaaaaaaas Tommy: careful I might hold you to that too #tipsfrommybabysiskms Ali: baby be wise tho 💞 where u at i'll come get u Tommy: about a lot of things yeah 👍 nws I'll come at you I need the exercise #aintforgotyoucalledmeafattylike Ali: alright well, RUN FORREST RUN Tommy: 🏃