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hightress · 5 years

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As If He Had A Choice (Bakugou x Midoriya)

This is my gift for the sweet @brown-rice on tumblr fo the @bkdksecretsanta event. Hope you'll like it, sweetheart, it was a pleasure writing it for you!

A03 link

Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki / Midoriya Izuku

Tags: Fluff and Humor, Christmas Fluff, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki, Pro Hero Midoriya Izuku, Established Relationship

Word Count: 2.2k

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair how that freckled idiot could just grin at him in that annoying way of his - all wide, pearly white teeth and freaking dimples showing - and ask for something, no matter what, expecting Bakugou to say yes to any stupid idea of his. And then get exactly what he wanted. Like what the fuck?!

Bakugou was strong enough to say 'no'. Shout it even. Repeat it again and again and again until it got engraved over his moronic forehead. He was good at this, did it every day, with anyone.

Anyone that wasn't Deku, of course.

"We're not decorating the entire house," were his words every single time Deku asked. "I don't give a rat's ass if it's Christmas or not, I don't need or want to waste time putting up things all over the goddamn flat only to waste even more time taking them down." All rough words, all clear. Should've sent the message across but, judging what followed next, wasn't the case.

"But, Kacchan, it'll just be a tree. Please..."

Big eyes, green and shiny and pleading, hoping and waiting for Bakugou to give in.

"Don't give me that shit, Deku. Why the hell would we even need a tree?" They were both in the hallway, fully dressed in their hero costumes, ready to go. Someone was in danger a few streets away from them and here they were, proper, licensed heroes, talking about freaking decorations.

"It's traditional. Besides, everyone will have one." A short pause before he moved his eyes to the floor and his smile turned into that curve of insecurity and awkwardness that Bakugou could not stand. "And...I thought it would be nice to have one as well"

He hated that look. Despised seeing Deku make himself smaller instead of looking right up into Bakugou's eyes, shouting and demanding loud and clear what he felt like he deserved. He wasn't a kid anymore. He wasn't Bakugou's inferior like, maybe once, they felt he was. He was a hero in his own right and he was strong. Incredibly so. If he could stand up against an army of villains, he sure as hell could stand up for himself in front of Bakugou for some stupid tree.

Not that Bakugou would make things easier for him. "I don't care what the others are doing. This is my flat."

It wasn't a fight, just a mere discussion. It was constructive - for both of them, it always was. They stopped fighting for real, leaving all that toxicity in the past.

"This is also my flat and I want a Christmas tree, Kacchan," replied Izuku, his eyes staring at Bakugou steadily, holding his gaze with confidence. "So I'll be getting one."

That's what Bakugou liked to see. Sometimes it took some time for Izuku to speak up properly, even with him, especially to him, but he was getting better. That 'I'll be getting one' was a statement. It didn't leave any space for rejection or doubts. It wasn't as if Bakugou could just say 'No, you're not' or 'I won't let you'. It was Izuku's decision. Bakugou had no power over him or over what he wanted. And, to be honest, he quite enjoyed having Izuku in charge from now and then, even if for something as trivial as decorating the flat.

He didn't say anything in return to Izuku's words, but a tiny, tiny smile appeared at the corner of his mouth.

That small gesture was what did it. Made that contagious grin resurface, just as blinding as always. And, just like that, the word 'no' disappeared from Bakugou's vocabulary completely. There was going to be a tree, end of story.

Damned be that smile. Damned be the way it made Bakugou feel. And damned be the fact that he didn't regret it one bit.

Thankfully, they had to go, leaving behind this whole discussion for a bit. Bakugou might've agreed to the idea but he sure didn't want to say it out loud. Some things were meant to be kept inside. Besides, Deku was smart enough to understand him properly.

Most of the time.

Stubborn was a good word to describe Izuku - stubbornly ambitious to be exact. That's what brought him to UA and what made him surpass every single obstacle life has thrown his way. Bakugou remembered himself laughing and mocking that ambition constantly, not being able to understand him or accept those qualities. He couldn't get how someone could be just as ambitious as him, maybe even more so, while still staring at him and everyone else from thousands of steps below with an almost frightening determination.

The same stubbornness was what made him bring up the Christmas tree problem again later that day, as soon as they saw the two villains they had to take care of locked up appropriately.

He was taking off the gloves of his hero costume, still covered in mud and slightly burned at the edge of his index finger when he asked: "Do you want to buy it on our way back or during the weekend? They might be cheaper now."

Bakugou stopped what he was doing and looked at Izuku, a blank expression on his face. "It's not even December." Then, he moved his head to the side, not meeting Izuku's eyes, and muttered: "Besides, we're not buying one."

Disappointment hit Izuku instantly. He opened his mouth to protest, but he only managed to let out a cried out "Kacchan, we've already-" before he got interrupted by Bakugou.

"We'll be building the shit."

If Izuku seemed confused before, his confusion only intensified after this. It was clear in his posture.

And, this once, Bakugou didn't waste any more time waiting to explain himself.

"We can't just use a tree some barbarian cut from the forests, Deku. Fucking hell, I like the smell, but I refuse to destroy the future of our goddamn planet for some shitty tradition. And the plastic ones are just as bad for the environment."

For the millionth time that year, Izuku rolled his eyes fondly at Bakugou's antics, a small, soft smile, curving the edge of his lips. Because of some documentary they have watched a couple weeks after they moved in together, years after they left UA behind and started their careers, Bakugou became obsessed with the idea of preserving the nature, recycling and, as he, himself, would've said it, 'all the other crap.' It shouldn't have surprised him, especially considering how he always went way out of his way when something interested him. And since he had started focusing more of on helping people rather than his own pride and desire for a position that mattered less than saving lives, Bakugou did the same thing. He didn't limit himself to wanting to protect citizens. He also used his energy to save the very earth they walked on and everything in between.

Because, as he liked to say, 'what was the point of rescuing them now if they were only going to suffer and live in ruin in the years to come?'

A valid question and one that many heroes never came across even after decades of calling themselves pros.

"How?" asked Izuku, smiling at him, all traces of confusion and doubt gone. Because despite how practical Bakugou's idea seemed, they were both disasters when it came to building things from scratch.

They rarely had the patience to stay put for more than a couple of minutes and they both knew it.

"Hell if I know," admitted Bakugou. But, somehow, this time there was a light in his eyes that told Izuku he was more than a little excited to try. After all, there were few things in existence that Bakugou loved more than a good challenge.

Gathering all the materials for it took less than they expected. In just two days they had an entire bag full of paper, ready to be painted, cut and reassembled. They had only needed to send a message to one of their old UA chats, asking for any kind of unwanted paper they might have around the house and in less than an hour, they had both Kirishima and Kaminari donating every single one of their notebooks and test papers. Which was a lot.

"Why are you donating them all, dipshits?" Bakugou had asked them when they met personally to give them to him.

"We just wanted to help, dude," answered Kaminari with a shit-eating grin and with the most innocent look in his eyes. But all three of them knew better than to believe that lie.

"Just take them, Bakugou. And send us all a picture when the tree is up," said Kirishima instead, beating Bakugou's back twice before saying goodbye, hurrying to get to his own hero agency.

Painting every single page in green took the longest. It was horrible and unexpectedly expensive. Bakugou almost gave up twice, growling at the paint, before remembering that he couldn't ever give up on anything. Just looking at him exhausted Izuku sometimes.

How Bakugou could manage so much energy was one of his life's biggest wonders.

They stopped from time to time for a snack or to stare at the old tests in their hands, remembering fondly (or pridefully, in Bakugou's case) the old days in which passing a harsh test with flying colors had been one of the most stressful things they had to deal with. Of course, Kaminari's answers on certain tests made them both laugh whenever he tried to answer a question by inventing equations or formulas.

"Oh, Pikachu, this symbol doesn't even fucking exist," smiled Bakugou, his eyes moving over the page. There was such an unguarded expression on his face, just looking back at messed up things their friends (God, how long it had taken for Bakugou to acknowledge that fact) used to do back in the day. Having him on the ground, in his socks and the embarrassing t-shirt and pants that were too worn up to wear outside but Bakugou refused to give up on, holding those papers, some filled with greens, some barely touched by paint, and with that smile all over his features, made Izuku happy. Truly, stupidly happy.

So happy that he wanted to jump on him in a less than elegant way and kiss him profoundly until Bakugou had no other choice but to step back, his cheeks tainted with that soft pink that Izuku adored.

He wanted to do it, so he did. And the result was just as wonderful as he had expected.

It has taken them a week to complete the tree. They had used some YouTube tutorials in order to learn how to create origami for the decorations and that brought them close to tears after the 43rd crane they had folded, their hands tired and full of cuts, but the end result had been worth it.

It was standing confidently in the middle of the room, neon colored bits of paper in the shape of animals clearly seen between the two shades of green they have chosen for the tree. Of course, it wasn't perfect - the position not straight enough, the paint job messy in certain places, the paper folded asymmetrically in some cases - but it was theirs. And it wasn't like they were perfect either.

They shouted at each other often, said things they regretted due to pride and fear. But when they stopped to think, hours after, the end result was the same. They'd come together right there, in the living room, either shouting apologies at each other - often full of curses in Bakugou's case - or showing their remorse through touch alone. And every single time, they'd end up cuddled on the couch, too close for comfort on that tiny piece of furniture, a superhero movie displayed in the background that they rarely paid attention to. Instead, they listened to each other, their own heartbeat, their rhythmic breathing.

They grounded each other. And the tree showed their story well enough.

As they stepped back to look at the construction, pride rang loudly in their hearts.

"Can't wait to put your gift under this fucking mess," said Bakugou, turning towards Izuku, one of his rough hands searching for his.

(The greens of his fingers blended with Izuku's own orange ones, creating a mix of brown that should've been muddy and disgusting but, instead, looked warm and complex.)

Izuku held his hand tighter. "I'm sure mine will be better this year."

God, how they loved to compete over the smallest things. Affection often ended up being the one they played around with the most.

"You're fucking with me. There's no chance you'll win this time." So quietly whispered. So aggressive in wording but so completely different in message.

Izuku smiled, letting his head rest on Bakugou's shoulder. "We'll see."

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair how Izuku only needed to look at him once and ask for what he wanted, leaving Bakugou no possibility to deny him anything. It wasn't fair how he could use this weakness anytime, anywhere, and Bakugou would still say yes on every occasion.

The small twist he came up with didn't change reality at all.

The worst part? That Izuku could one day ask for the very last bit of Bakugou's heart that he hadn't owned yet and Bakugou... Bakugou would have no choice but to give it to him - without regrets, without any hesitation.

And he'd still find more to offer.

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lordofsunshadowandsailor · 7 years

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replies to replies and sexually charged replies

simblu replied to your post “story (and sexuality) replies”

To be clear.. for other seeing my replies.. I have no problem with what happened because of their same sex (I have male couples in my story) ..it was the lack of love and the presence of shame and disgust that saddened me.

I understood it perfectly from your comments...

It is Tobio that is disgusted with feeling attracted to men, while Alvar is certainly troubled by it, since it is considered both a crime and an illness. The applicable punishments could destroy both of their lives, or even the treatments considered at the time, such as actual castration, chemical castration, replacement of testicles and... no good prospects in whatever direction they look, is there?

Love would have been very bold at the time, me thinks, shame and disgust and doubt and guilt and fear a lot more common, and representative of the times!

I’m also aware, like you have posted about your own story, of having introduced only male characters so far -- and all of them gay, too, in my own story. Women have been mentioned, like a sister on Alvar’s side, and Ms. Rigidhirta and all the women in Tobio’s household (in fact, he is the only man in it), but visually they will appear only much later.

willky12 replied to your post “story (and sexuality) replies”

I will say that it is hard to comment on these scenes for me because I don't want people misinterpreting my feelings or thoughts. Also I feel like I am almost 'intruding' on the writing. It's very raw and deep and personal. I understand where you are writing from and I understand why. I also don't like to see flippant replies like "nice rug" or "he's gorgeous" or similar, so would prefer you to know that my like is in support and when I feel I can express myself I will.

Thank you for your feedback! And also for understanding -- and seeing the writer behind the text. But you would not be intruding. Others views on the story and characters are so precious to me, like what you said about the recurring dream! The thing about flippant replies made me laugh, because I thought the rug in the scene was actually nice and I hope the guys are gorgeous :) -- but totally understand what you mean! Thank you for your truthful support, sincere interest and all the quality comments!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: With a rather vague recollection of the...”

Like, erm WOW! I had to scroll down your page to get to where I last saw, and i got a glimpse of the story and the shots and I was like "0___0" CAN'T WAIT TO READ! So then I gets to this post and thought, oh is this really where I last read, not about the dream and the angels? So I click Previous and it takes me to the dessert and yes it was right, but then I have to scroll back through your posts because I didn't think to click NEXT so now I get teased twice!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: With a rather vague recollection of the...”

Also, I decided to click on @lordofsunshadowandsailor blog to read from there but #83 post is not on that blog that I can find? Or I am going crazy. But anyway, enough from me. On with this VISUAL EUPHORIA!

Tumblr is a very weird media for stories, in my opinion. But this is where I’m in society with great storytellers, and I appreciate the company of all so much! And each of us find a different way of organizing their stories, so that it is very varied among blogs... Post #83 for Chapter Two is exactly where the sequence after the desert dream starts, I’m glad you found it! Clicking on previous/next opens the post in its own window, and I guess it is easier to read chronologically than scrolling up or down.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: While the aristocrat boy did not refuse the...”

Intense :O I am gripped! (Now I've walked the dog, done my reply post and can RELAX with your FANTASIC STORY!!) Also I always thought Tobio was a Top. The wording here about the role he is to take on - beautifully put!

Thank you so much for your enthusiasm with LoSSS!

For many guys, being a top is a cop out, as it is presented as less gay, or not gay at all, since the top does what he does to whatever hole he is getting into, be it a woman’s or a man’s. In this same logic, bottoming is the quintessential gay role-- and therefore I could not phantom one as insecure as Tobio taking such a role, that involves a whole lot of courage and being at ease with oneself, even to take any amount of violence in the physical act, that usually comes from the top.

All the time I’m trying to indicate things more than properly showing them, choosing the words according to that principle, too.

As for the role Tobio is about to take -- he owes it to Alvar, who quite bravely immediately puts them in their respective places, sensing what is most comfortable for both of them.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: Tobio could have blamed the exiguous space...”

OMG THE SLY DOG!!! Alvar! Who'd have thought? I hope poor Tobio can handle him. Also this was so erotic to read. It got me twinging!!! :O

Alvar would be in absolute shock to be called ‘sly dog’! Of course this perspective will change in a later post, when the concept of erastes and eromenos in paiderasteia is introduced, and we understand he is just conforming to an ideal form of love, as he sees it.

I should admit this was erotic to imagine and to write, but also challenging, since I did not want it to sound like an erotic fantasy or a script to porn... I wrote and rewrote this so many times, and am not sure I’d ever print this on paper!

But that the words have had an effect on you... Isn’t it reading some wonderfully magical trick?!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: Afraid he would finish before they began,...”

Yeah that is a real fear for him, Penicillin eh? I hope Alvar is clean, but I doubt it tbh now I look at him lol (Judgemental much?)

Imagine a medicine student, and how much he saw this in his studies, or even was discretely approached by guys from the sports teams for help... All the time he fears being caught, losing his reputation -- and though Tobio would be able to treat himself if he caught any venereal disease, he knows how hard it would be to hide it from his colleagues. I wanted to show yet another fear keeping Tobio from having sex.

But all too soon Tobio finds himself planted inside Alvar, who has devoured him, and he finds no forces to retreat...

As for Alvar, he looks a little dusty in those clothes, doesn’t he? And though not taking daily baths, like everyone else back then, I’d say he is clean, though I cannot attest it -- whatever is most interesting to the plot should happen. Please judge as much as you feel like, but please share it with me!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: Long overdue, urgent satisfaction...”

Subjugating Terror! Wow, amazing wording to capture the mood :O I LOVE THIS!!!

This is the heat of the moment. Tobio has passed an epic threshold in his life -- sex has to be that powerful a happening for him as to momentarily win over his religiosity. Thank you for your appreciation!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: The front door cracked open, letting in the...”

JESUS F CHRIST! How brazen are these two!! That was a close call!! Whew! I had to lean forward to look at this in detail. Amazing picture of naughtiness!!! :D :D :D

Like other scenes for this sequence, I fear it has turned out too dark, and one might not notice the two men kneeling behind the bench... But it had to be so, if I wanted to be coherent with them being sheltered by the darkness of the niche.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: “It’s complicated for them, we all know it....”

I am glad I am reading this now when I know there are more fabulous posts ahead, and don't have to wait for more :D :D :D

I’m rushing to finish this scene and this chapter, since I’m going on holidays soon, so whenever I have at least 7 posts ready, I’ll release them!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: The scandal. And subsequent expulsion. ...”

This is erotica writing at its finest. I can't believe the thoughts this is giving me! Also, perhaps Tobio will be ok with Alvar being so tight and small a bottom - unused and virginal but just as keen as eager to get filled for the first time as Tobio was to fill it. I love these guys. They seem some privacy. Or do they? I sort of am turned on by the public woohoo going on here :D

I think by this point it’s been hinted that Alvar is not unused nor virginal at all -- though he is not promiscuous, either. Sex back then had completely different standards, from what I’ve researched.

I wonder if this scene would ever happen in the privacy of a bedroom... I’m inclined to say Tobio fears intimacy, and he would not have assaulted Alvar (assaulted not being a synonym for rape here, since Alvar clearly wants it too, though maybe not with the same intensity as Tobio) if they were on a bed... It being public, and inadequate, and furtive, and clumsy, in the dark, very adequately suits Tobio’s fears. A romantic situation would have scared him to death. He wants it as forbidden as it can be, so that the act can fit within his stream of past and future suffering.

Still, both men are also very turned on by the public woohoo going on here, as we shall discover in the next posts.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: His own trembling legs feeling weak, and...”

Jees! Tobio nearly strangled the poor boy! I bet Alvar LOVED THAT!!! :D

Maybe he did, didn’t he? And this could send us back to the first scenes of LoSSS, where a grown up Alvar strangles Eddie the Lost Boy, and the tension between them becomes sexual in this post... Maybe he learned it from this occasion with Tobio?

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: His own trembling legs feeling weak, and...”

Also, this pic leaves just the right amount of graphic stimulation for the brain to do the rest. Lovely work Az!!!

I had to move them around, and the bench and the sculpture, unaccountable times before making this shot... There are some pretty grotesque things, and other very explicit shots that will remain unpublished, for I too prefer to leave it to the writing and imagination to complete the scene. Thank you for the compliment!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: “What was that?” Tobio heard one of the...”

Right, this is the one. THIS is the picture that has finally whipped my arse into finally going back to post #1 and finding out wtf Tobio's brain is all about. I'm going to stop being LAZY and do it!!! lol. I fucking LOVE this story! Have I already mentioned that? lol

I have already sent you the link to the first post where Tobio appears, at the very start of chapter Two.

Since the sex scene is a flashback, reading about them ten years later might not help and even confuse things about when they were so young... We’ve seen Tobio is a widow, with an orphaned baby at home, his face destroyed by the war... It’s sort of touching, I hope, to see them so young and before real tragedy touches their lives...

Thank you for your enthusiasm with LoSSSS! Have I already mentioned that? :)

declarations-of-drama replied to your photoset “lordofsunshadowandsailor: Panting heavily, his mouth wide open...”

So it's actually snow leaking in and not rain? �� HAHA JK! Wow, Alvar, you little dick pig!! Somebody gonna need to get an antibac wipe :D

Nearly getting caught simply sent Alvar overboard.

Again, being called ‘little dick pig’ would shock him so much, haha. This and other comments made me laugh so hard, thank you!

As for hygiene -- it will be mentioned later, but I’m left wondering if this is the first sex scene this hall has seen in its existence...

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: With a tenderness that evoked the hurt...”

Yeah who are you kidding. Tobio is not going anywhere! Those scholars would need a bucket of water to separate these two right now. And I would KILL THEM for trying - we need to see this out! So how did Tobio finish? I can hardly wait to click on the next post :O

They are acting like dogs, aren’t them? But I guess their shame would separate them quicker than that bucket of water, if the scholars had not taken the steps up the stairs...

You’re right. Tobio is fooling himself that he will so easily give up on finishing what he has just started, especially after having waited for so long, suffering so much... It also shows him quite coldly evaluating risks, and his self control in holding back his own satisfaction -- like Alvar couldn’t -- and still surrendering to desire in deciding to go on with it.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: But except for their own panting, the hall...”

Go for it boy! Gag him and then destroy that peach!

Haha, this made me laugh so hard! I doubt Tobio is thinking in those terms -- still, that is exactly what he is doing!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: But except for their own panting, the hall...”

:D Haha sorry for my crude comments, my natural love for gay men and their activities has been thrown into the light by your story!

I have to confess I would never have imagined this kind of subdued, sublimating writing to have such an effect... And am made to see a different dimension of this scene with your comments. Gay men and their activities certainly appreciate your love for them -- at least, these two here do!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: He tried stuffing Alvar’s mouth with the...”

To be honest I would have offered to make you Alvar's hat as a mouth accessory for this shot. If you need anything like that for this future story, gimme a shout! :D Also, this is exactly how I would have wanted this to go. Pure rampant repression releasing from Tobio's soul. I'm so happy for him :D

Thank you for the offer! Reading is enough for the readers, though those who are only having a peek shall never know of the detail you mentioned... It’s okay not to have everything in the pictures, I guess. I would often have Sims block from this kind of lack, but I’m fighting my own perfectionism to simply keep on with telling the story, no matter the mistakes or shortcomings.

Yes, let’s be happy for Tobio, though he might not be very happy with himself after this is through. For the moment, he is taking revenge on life -- though it’s poor Alvar who is actually taking the beating.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: He tried stuffing Alvar’s mouth with the...”

Also, I don't know if I would have used the word "relieve" - it sounds to me like Tobio's dick is just too big and almost painful. But maybe I have misinterpreted the wording. (That's the only bad thing I can think about this glorious story so far and thought you might appreciate me being honest)

PLEASE be honest all the time! Do quote my writing, question it, criticize it. (Like Alvar here, I need the beating/spanking to progress as a writer, not just the compliments)

I used the word ‘relieve’ not so much as an indication of Tobio’s size, but certainly of how painful this must be for the bottom. How uncomfortable for Alvar it is to be pounded against bare floorboards, his ribs and pelvic bones hurting, how hard it must be to breathe, and the dust that he is breathing not making it any more comfortable, the lack of room, the restraint of their clothes, and the force of Tobio’s trusts... I did not want to bring in all these details, but that’s why I used ‘relieve’. It feels awfully good, but it hurts badly too!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: Tobio couldn’t have known – and being it...”

I hope they have a lovely lasting relationship, though I doubt that it would ever be public knowledge, perhaps an unspoken secret, but I do feel bad that they are stuck in this time. Perhaps they could find a time machine? :D

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: Tobio couldn’t have known – and being it...”

Also I'm not sure if my comment is in context with the story because I haven't been back to #1 yet. So forgive me if they are some sort of dream-weaving time lords.

We’ve seen as Alvar did not want to take Apollo Jim to any hospital, but still felt confident to knock on Tobio’s door at 6AM in search of help... Their relationship has survived the war, so it holds some quality and strength in it to have lasted that long... We’ll learn more about it, in chapter Three.

It’s sad that their love is considered both an illness and a crime (and a sin, too, for Tobio) -- but at least death penalty no longer applies to it! As for the time machine -- only Alvar has access to it, in his knowledge of history from Ancient Greece, and in his romantic, idealized fantasies that wrap his sexual relations. Tobio, stuck with religion, should better stay where he is than embark in a time machine -- for he could die on a bonfire or impaled with an spear.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: Tobio knew nothing about Greek Love, and...”

Ahh! So this does shed a lot of light onto Alvar's experience. Hopefully he's not a boy from the alleys after all!

Do you mean in present time or in previous incarnations? At 19, Alvar is Lord Phallihurst in the making, and we have seen him admit to have never approached prostitute boys before his search for Apollo Jim -- but maybe in another life he might have been himself a boy from the alleys, or a professional in the brothels, or a slave, who knows?

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: Knowing only of his pressing satisfaction,...”

This was a perfect encounter for Tobio's first time. How lucky is he to have found such an eager bottom as Alvar.

Yes -- but he doesn’t know it! He has no terms of comparison, and he doesn’t know how Alvar’s training as an eromenos, the submissive lover, has really made it easier for him, being totally inexperienced and hesitant, to carry out his first intercourse with another man.

And as said above, there is no affection in the act, which suits Tobio perfectly, too!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: Whenever his sexual desire sought to...”

The boy has stamina! Unless what he's experiencing is one of those head-fuck moments where time seems like it slows down and a hundred things go through your head, because from the descriptions of Alvar's experience, and grateful need of Tobio's meat I would have guessed that there would be a lot more snow leaking out of somewhere by now!

This post, and the last paragraph in particular, depicts more Tobio’s climax than Alvar’s -- though you’re right to imagine Alvar leaking again from the pounding he has just taken.

In terms of the act, I guess it did not last more than a couple of minutes since Tobio has started trusting -- and it would still be incredibly long, given the exposure of the situation, the risk of being caught still existing, it being his first time, Alvar being not exactly passive... It’s just that I have extended the act along dozens of posts, breaking it with Tobio’s recurring dreams, and the scholars’ arrival, and many personal impressions from both Alvar and Tobio... It doesn’t look so, but as tense and intense as it might have been, it still was a quickie! Which, again, suits Tobio well.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: Rather rashly, he was opening an...”

I'm not as good at English as you because I'm only English, but I'm guessing this is the descriptive form of Tobio's ejaculation. I hope his dreams don't haunt him as much now he has crossed this threshold, though I fear his brain is going to make his doubts and self-torment a lot worse :(

Haha, this made me laugh, too!

How many words did I need to use instead of ejaculation, right?! And it’s not even clear when it has happened, is it?

This particular post is the resolution of his recurring dream -- how the desert is invaded by the water from the dam, as the wall that separated them collapses with Tobio having sex and finally surrendering to his desires. And desert or dam no longer exist for him, but a new, boundless sea, that he’ll have to learn to navigate -- for the rest of his life!

We’ll see more of Tobio as we return to his house and office, ten or so years after this sex scene. We know he has married Emily, who died upon giving birth to their daughter... How to bring together the married man who has become a widower and a father, and this gay sex beast from his youth?

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: Enlarged, their expanded bodies...”

:( Such a shame. The heat of the moment has now turned into the hate of the moment :(

I just love it how you played with the words containing the same letters!

Shame is the key word here, though in a different sense for the boys than you are making use of it.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “lordofsunshadowandsailor: Though Tobio did not immediately withdraw...”

Heartbreaking to be honest because Tobio will now torment himself badly over this, and poor Alvar who just wants to be fucked and loved by a manly stud :(

From your words of feedback on both Tobio and Alvar, I believe to have succeeded in depicting sex very differently for each of them. Same place, same moment, both engaged in the same act -- but completely different experiences happening concomitantly, opposite even in outcome, as we’ll see with the closing of the scene.

I’m thankful that you have taken so much interest in Tobio, for he is not my focus -- but I did not want to leave him out of focus either. To me, he is more a mirror in which Alvar, who is the protagonist, can be seen with an specific quality of reflection -- Tobio-nesque, I guess we can call it. At the same time, I don’t want to make Tobio simply that bland mirror.

I’d say Alvar wants to be loved more than he wants to get fucked. He thoroughly enjoys the second, but aiming at the first. His perception is that openly offering himself, obediently surrendering, and actively submitting and engaging to pleasure his partner (though, as a side benefit, finding himself uncontrollable pleasure) only might lead him to love, some love, any love at all.

Thank you @declarations-of-drama so very much for the comments --and @simblu and @willky12 too in this post -- your comments and special perceptions of the story put you all in a position of co-writers, really!

#simblu #willky12 #declarations-of-drama

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