#This blog hasn't been consistent before it's not gonna start now-
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Ecstasy
Part 5 - Psycho
Characters: Reader x Baekhyun Feat. Chanyeol
Genre: Soloist AU, smut, angst, fluff
WC: 5.4k
Tag List: @nana-banana @xzyxbbh @iluvybs @greasywall @endzii23 @scopoliax @silent-potato23-blog @baekyeonoreo
Warnings for this chapter: explicit smut, fuckin while on drugs (LSD), drug use and its consequences
A/N: In case everyone hasn't already forgotten about this series because I suck horrendously at updating! Sorry! This is also most definitely the most intense thing I have ever written! There's a reason it took me so goddamn long lol hopefully I can be a little more consistent from now on
Masterlist
Addiction (noun): Disorder characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli despite adverse consequences
“When’s your next day off?”
He sent her the text a few days after their last night together, a whole day already planned for them in his mind. He just had to figure out how he’d make it happen.
She eagerly let him know, and he told her he’d be picking her up that morning, surprisingly early, but she didn’t question it, she was getting to see him, after all. And from what it sounded like, she’d get him all to herself, all day, at his lavish penthouse.
Baekhyun once again insisted on keeping his plans for them secret, so when that morning arrived and he picked her up, she had no idea what she was in store for. However the last time he’d refused to tell her his plans they ended up getting high, and she had a hunch that it might be something similar.
“Are you finally gonna tell me what we’re doing today?” She asked him once he’d started driving, this time showing up in a different car, a silver convertible Porsche.
‘Hmmm.. No, but I’ll show you once we get to my place. The last surprise was fun though, wasn't it?”
He took his eyes off the road for a second to look over at her, his taunting smile daring her to disagree with him, but knowing she wouldn’t dare.
“So more drugs?”
He grimaced, “sounds bad when you say it like that.”
“Am I wrong though?”
“If I tell you that would ruin the surprise.”
She just laughed and rolled her eyes, deciding to wait until she had more details to really judge.
“You’ve been working all week right? Any more run-ins with Mr Kim?”
As soon as he said it, her eyes went to his arm. Now that he was wearing a t-shirt, she could clearly make out the mark from the cigarette, the burn still not completely healed, and even then, it looked like it might scar.
“I should be the one asking you that, you know.”
She saw him glance down at his arm too. “You didn’t answer the question.”
“No, I likely won’t see him again for a while, thank god.” She frowned, still disappointed that he was so reluctant to talk about it. “What about you though? Do you work with him a lot?”
“Unfortunately, yeah.” He still looked uncomfortably serious, but he perked up in less than a second as he pulled into the garage of his building. “But that’s just showbiz baby.”
He was so nonchalant about it, and left no room for her to protest, so she simply allowed him to lead her up to his beautiful apartment once again.
She hadn’t given too much thought as to what drugs Baekhyun had planned for them to take that day, pretty much assuming that it would be mushrooms again, or maybe some weed or molly. But after digging around a bit in one of his kitchen drawers, he pulled out an envelope containing a small piece of colorful paper, with perforated lines criss-crossing it, dividing it into smaller pieces still. She’s never seen it in person before, but quickly recognized it as LSD.
Just like the time before, he saw the hesitance on her face.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Last time everything ended up fine, and we had a great time, didn’t we?”
“I know we did, but this is different isn’t it? I really don’t want it to be too much or something and start freaking out.”
He sighed, setting the envelope back down on the counter and coming to her, leaning in for a quick kiss. “It’s just the two of us here, no interruptions, no obligations, just you, and me. I won’t let anything bad happen. If you start to feel overwhelmed, just tell me and I’ll do whatever it is you need me to to help you calm back down. That day at Chanyeol's house was the most… at peace, I’ve felt in a long time. I’ve been thinking a lot about that day, and what we talked about, that’s why I want to try this with you.”
“You haven’t done this before either?”
“No, I have, but it’s been a while, I don’t remember much of it.”
“Why don’t you remember it?”
“It's a long story, but I don’t remember much from that time of my life in general.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he’d said the wrong thing, she looked uncomfortable again.
“Y/n, sweetheart.” He cooed, and her eyes met his, feeling his warm hands intertwining with her own. “You don’t have to do anything, and I don’t want to pressure you, this is just something I’ve had on my mind lately. I still want to get to know you better.”
“Is it not possible to do that without getting high?”
“Of course it is, but you know what I mean.”
She thought back to the day they'd had out at Chanyeol’s house, and she understood what he was saying. “Okay maybe.”
“So what do you say, hm?” His hands ran down her shoulders, then her arms, eyes never leaving hers. The slight tilt of his head and the way he looked at her with his best puppy eyes ruined any ability she might’ve had to reason with herself.
“Alright, if you’re sure it’s a good idea.”
He grinned, and finally he was kissing her, really kissing her, not like the little peck from earlier. His tongue slipped past her lips, and his hand held her face to his own. It didn’t take long for her to start feeling weak in the knees.
As he pulled away he turned to the counter, grabbing the envelope again. He tore off two of the little squares of paper, placing one on his own tongue, and the other on hers.
“What now?”
He shrugged, “It'll start to kick in in about an hour, have you eaten? I can order us something, or see what I have here.”
They ended up making breakfast together, and she was surprised by how sweet he was being to her, even more so than usual. It didn't just feel like the usual flirtation that went on with him. Despite not being much of a cook himself, he did his best to help out, and the way he rested his chin on her shoulder, singing softly in her ear as she stood in front of the stove, made her heart flutter. When she was done he thanked her, and told her time and time again how great the meal was.
By the time they were done eating, she realized she was starting to feel the effects of the drug. Colors were becoming more vibrant, and patterns would start to move if she looked at them for long enough. It wasn't entirely dissimilar from the mushrooms, but it was definitely still different, especially the way her body felt.
Baekhyun must've noticed the way she was staring off at things, or just the unusually large size of her pupils, since he asked, “how are you feeling?”
“I'm not sure.. kind of weird.”
“Come here.”
He led her to the big cozy looking couch in his living room, facing the windows overlooking the river. He sat down, and she followed suit, resting between his spread legs, leaning her head back on his chest. Some music began to play, and even though they were just sitting there, she felt like her mind was going into overdrive.
If the mushrooms made her feel heavy, more in touch with nature, LSD was the opposite. She was buzzing, electric, almost. It wasn't unpleasant, but she didn't exactly enjoy it either.
“Are you okay? Your heart is racing.”
She wouldn't have even realized it if he hadn't brought it up, but he was right.
“I.. don't know.”
“Y/n, baby.”
She turned around, until she was basically laying on top of him on the couch, facing him.
His pupils somehow grew even larger when her eyes met his, and for a good minute, neither of them could look away. The rest of his face looked just as inviting. His skin smooth and sunkissed, pretty features in perfect harmony. And then there were his lips. Soft, pink, asking to be kissed. Eventually she gave into the temptation, and their lips collided.
That was a feeling she had not been prepared for, even in the slightest.
It was like the excitement of kissing him for the very first time, that night at the club, had come rushing back tenfold.
It was he who eventually pulled away, still looking at her with a bit of concern. “You're shaking.”
He took one of her hands that had been resting on his chest into his own, further confirming his previous words.
“Did that not feel crazy for you too?”
The way she looked at him, eyes wide, panting and shaking at the intensity of it, made his chest swell with pride. Any concern he showed quickly melted away as he grinned back at her. “Kiss me again.”
He didn't have to ask twice. She pressed her lips to his without hesitation, moaning into the feeling as waves of euphoria washed over her.
Baekhyun, too, could feel how much more intense it was, kissing her and touching her with the added excitement the drug offered. The MDMA as well as the mushrooms had given a similar effect, but not nearly to the same degree.
While the mushrooms had made him sentimental, wanting to hold her, feel the way her chest rose and fell in sync with his own, the LSD made him ravenous. Sex, while high on mushrooms, didn't even seem possible. The overall heaviness of the body high simply didn't feel sexy, but now he could think of nothing else.
But Baekhyun knew that they had all day, and was in no rush. For what could've been anything from several minutes to a few hours, the drug blurring time into irrelevance, they simply laid there, lips pressing together again and again, until he pushed his tongue past her lips, smiling into it when she once again moaned at the newfound depth of the kiss. With both hands on her waist he felt the way she continued to shake, overwhelmed by the new sensations.
Not wanting to overwhelm her too much, and still enjoying the onset of the drug, Baekhyun eventually pulled away, standing up from the couch, with her following.
He leaned in, forehead resting against hers with a wide grin on his pretty face. “Wanna dance?”
She smiled back at him and nodded, and soon the room was full of music, something sexy that would make them want to move.
With one hand in his own he twirled her around, placing himself behind her, hands on her hips as they both swayed to the beat. The heat of his chest pressed to her back and his words in her ear as he sang along further heightened how intoxicated she already was. The room around her appeared to melt and shift in a colorful whirlwind, though she didn’t mind it, still more focused on the man behind her than anything else. With the music pulsating through her, his body pressed to hers, she gave into it, even tearing up a little as she kept moving her body. This was the definition of euphoria, she thought. It simply couldn’t get any better than this, the rush of it all so overwhelming that it moved her to tears.
When she spun around in his arms, attaching her lips to his own, she saw fireworks behind her eyelids, colorful bursts filling her vision even as her eyes were closed. Every touch of his hands brought waves of delight that surged through her without even an ounce of reluctance. Baekhyun noticed her tears, but he could feel it too, not questioning even for a second if they came from anything but pure happiness.
She let out a yelp when he momentarily broke away before scooping her up in his arms, and carrying her into the bedroom.
Baekhyun, too, felt the burning need for more, seeming almost frantic in the way he laid her down, wasting not a single second before slotting himself between her legs.
He was on fire, his tongue in her mouth, dancing with her own as he tugged on her clothes with a kind of impatience she’d never seen before. He thought he would be able to stay patient, savor the feeling and enjoy her with some restraint, but he now saw how wrong he’d been. With the high at it’s full intensity, he was insatiable, he wanted every piece of her, the craving for more so intense even he began to lose it, hands shaking as he got the clothes off her body. First her shirt, then her pants, and eventually her bra, all thrown haphazardly across the room, no care for anything but the need for more skin.
She arched into him, pushing her hands past his shirt, her touch against his bare abdomen bringing a gasp from him. After one more heated kiss he sat up, pulling the fabric over his head and fussing with his belt, finally getting that off as well. When he leaned back in, he didn’t kiss her, instead, he found himself taking her face in his hand, staring.
“So beautiful… You make me feel so fucking crazy, you have no idea.”
His eyes kept scanning her face, taking her in all he could, the way his words made her lip quiver, the blush on her cheeks, it was all perfection, the high adding an aura of effervescence. To him, she was glimmering, sparkling.
“You’ve been making me crazy ever since I met you.” She answered, knowing she was just as insane for him.
His lips pressed themselves to hers, this time though, something felt different to him. He felt himself almost start to tear up, though he fought it off, not wanting her to see the way it all overwhelmed him, too. The emotions roared to a new peak, making him sentimental, kissing her deeper, in love with the way her hands on his back pressed him further into her, never wanting her warmth to leave him, not then, not ever, as far as he was concerned.
“You’re mine, baby, mine.”
The words were pressed into the side of her neck between kisses, and when her voice failed her, all she could do was nod.
“I want to hear you say it.”
She tried to get it out, she really did, but when his fingers briefly met the waistband of her underwear the words got caught somewhere between a gasp and a moan.
He moved slowly, hungry lips making their way down her neck, spending some time nipping at the sensitive area near her collarbone, before finally giving attention to her bare chest. His hands too squeezed and pinched at the sensitive skin where his lips couldn’t reach, and the sounds she made were music to his ears, though he still wanted to hear those words more than anything else.
“Fuck, say it, please.”
“I’m yours.”
By that point the onslaught of emotion had completely overpowered her, simply giving into the way he touched her, too far gone to even think, making it near impossible to form words. It was all like a dream, his touch combined with the high whisking her away to another plane of existence, one where she could do little more than lay back, shaking, gasping, taking in the waves of pleasure that came her way. The weight of him between her thighs and his mouth and fingers as they teased her nipples felt like heaven and hell all at once, both divine and almost frighteningly tempting. He could see it in the way she looked up at him, eyes glazed over, nothing behind them but desire, a deep yearning for more, even if she couldn’t express it, the intensity rendering her speechless.
In the back of her mind she realized the staggering difference between how he acted then compared to every other time they'd been in bed together. She felt the urgency in the way he touched her, hands that were usually so steady, so confident, now shaking, along with his unsteady breaths. Never before had he voiced such possessiveness either, though it didn't feel out of place in the slightest. She knew she belonged to him, no other man would ever be able to compare. He was so exhilarating, she felt that the piece of paper she'd had was nothing, the real drug was him.
She was already out of her mind, and his hand had yet to venture between her legs. With his mouth still on her chest, kissing and nibbling and sucking at the soft curves, he slowly began to venture south, each kiss on her stomach adding more fuel to the fire within her. When his fingers finally hooked themselves into the waistband, slowly pulling the last piece of clothing off her body, a loud moan fell from her lips. She lay there underneath him, panting, mind in a whirlwind, completely exposed, waiting for more.
Baekhyun was eager to deliver. His mouth went straight in, licking up the wetness he’d coaxed from her thus far, the feeling of his tongue incessantly flicking her clit making her hips push against his face, pleading with him for more. The taste made him groan, vibrations coursing through her, his lips and tongue bringing her close to release quicker than she knew possible. From the very first touch she’s already lost control, twitching and nearly screaming at the strength of her own desire. It was all too much, the tension leaving her helpless to his touch, fingers in his hair as she came on his tongue in mere minutes.
The orgasm washed over her like a rushing waterfall, knocking any rational thought from her mind as she shook and gasped. It was a new experience completely, the added rush of her high bending her mind into an unfamiliar torrent of pleasure. Finally prying her eyes open to look down at him between her legs, the smirk present on his wet lips was pure eroticism, his handsome face a work of art. The onslaught of her high had been so paralyzing she hadn’t even noticed the substantial volume of her moans, not until Baekhyun commented,
“My baby can’t help being loud for me, hm?”
A whine escaped her, anticipation building even further as Baekhyun stripped off the last of his clothes. He reclaimed his place between her thighs, looking down at her flushed face, basking in the warmth of the moment as they both stared, entranced. The beads of sweat on his face appeared more like precious pearls, lips a soft pink pillow, eyes of deep chocolate brown, baiting her to get lost. Even with the way the drug made everything shift and twist about, he stayed still, shining, glowing, illuminating her entire world.
He leaned in, kissing her with an unexpected tenderness, soft lips moving with hers gently, almost carefully. When he pulled back his forehead rested against her own, eyes fixed on hers.
“Do you want more?”
She nodded without any hesitation, and the smile on his handsome face was enough for more butterflies to erupt within her. By that point she was dripping, throbbing, wanting nothing more than to finally feel him inside.
“Can you say it for me?”
“Please, Baekhyun. I want - I need- more. Fuck, please.”
Her eyes were filled with greed and impatience as she watched him grab the packet from the nightstand and roll a condom onto himself, wondering how he was still able to keep it together enough to even consider such a thing. The room continued to dance and shift about in a dream like kaleidoscope as he moved himself over her again, both an anchor and a source of even greater insanity to her.
When she felt him finally push inside, it was like she was experiencing it for the very first time. Now chest to chest, fully flush, surrounded by him completely, she felt herself break. The tears were back, and with every push of his hips into her, sparks filled her distorted vision. She tried to look up at him, but her eyes felt heavy, unable to concentrate on anything but the feeling of him above her, and inside her.
Baekhyun was no better off. The drug amplified everything to such a degree that he too found himself letting go of any restraint, letting the high take him wherever it so pleased. His moans, and the ever increasing cadence of his thrusts told her just how affected he was, too. She began to move with him, rolling her body into his more or less involuntarily, just wanting to feel more of him, and he did all he could to deliver.
When his eyes finally met hers again, his thumb moved to wipe away the tears, though they only communicated to him her immense and paralyzing delight. The way she looked up at him encouraged him further, his hips hitting her more deeply, savoring the feeling every time he entered her, again and again.
The drug had overpowered her senses so entirely, that the lines, the boundary between herself and him began to fade into obscurity, she was a part of him, and he, a part of her. She sensed his pleasure, and felt it in her own body, the same way she knew he felt her, too. They melted together, the high and the closeness of being so intimately connected merging them into one.
Every time he filled her, she felt him brush against that delicious spot deep inside that made her tremble. He was perfection, beyond perfection, even. Having him there with her, enjoying her as she enjoyed him, whisked them away to a different form of reality. Their shared altered consciousness made it all so much heavier, more real than any sexual experience they could have while sober. This was how it was always supposed to be, they were both sure of it.
His hand clutching her face brought her eyes back to his, whimpering at his intense gaze.
“Who do you belong to, baby?”
“You.” She replied weakly, barely able to get the word out.
“Say it again.”
“You- Baekhyun, oh my god.”
Her words stirred up a whirlwind inside him, his lips latching themselves onto the spot on her neck that made her weakest. The pace of his thrusts picked up even more, and she felt her whole body start to tingle, starting from the tips of her toes moving up her body in waves, until she was consumed by it, and again, she fell.
This orgasm was somehow even better than the last, leaving her shaking, gasping, seemingly tearing apart every atom in her body, and then putting her back together again. Her vision went white, arching, twitching, moaning and completely out of her damn mind as he kept fucking her through it, until he too reached his peak.
When it happened for him, he kissed her with such force, such passion, that she couldn’t breathe, though she didn’t feel she needed to anyway. His affection felt more crucial than oxygen, happily accepting his lips as she floated slowly back to her altered state of reality.
They both lay in the aftermath of the near religious experience they just shared, sweating, panting, still pressed to each other as they recovered from the profoundly overpowering encounter that the drug turned their passion into.
Even after several minutes had passed, she was still dizzy, still unable to come to terms with how incredible Baekhyun had just made her feel.
“I love you.” She whispered, thoughtless, the otherworldly memory of it all and his possessive words drifting through her mind. For a while, he didn’t respond, and she didn’t expect him to. It didn’t feel like some sort of big confession, just what the drug and the height of the moment naturally pulled from her lips.
“I..” he paused, becoming tense, eyes digging into her own. “What?”
The harsh change in his tone snapped her back to reality, and she realized her mistake.
“No- shit, I didn’t mean that-”
“What the fuck did you just say?” He said, sitting up, eyes squeezed shut with a pained expression now on his face.
“I’m sorry, it just slipped out in the moment.” She looked at him, worry turning to panic as the look on his face slowly turned into one of anger.
“Get out.”
“What?”
“Get out.” He said again, this time raising his voice, eyes still shut, refusing to look at her.
She started to sit up, tears welling in her eyes, though this time they didn’t come from a good place at all.
“But, you said you wouldn’t let anything bad happen, I’m sorry, I just- I-”
When he finally did meet her eyes, they were hard and mean, not softening at all even at the sight of her tears.
“You can’t be here anymore. Get your shit and get the fuck out.”
“Baekhyun, please, I can't just leave, I'm sorry, really. Please.” She begged, but he wasn't having any of it.
“I said get the fuck out of my apartment. Right fucking now.”
She'd never seen that look on his face before, her shock and upset morphing into fear.
With that she got up, stumbling as she gathered her clothes, leaving his room in a disoriented haze as she got herself dressed, crying harder and harder as the seconds ticked by. The bright colors had turned dark and dull and the patterns that before swirled around so beautifully turned sharp, frightening in their unpredictability. She was delirious as she passed the threshold to his apartment, the hallway seeming to close in on her as she struggled toward the elevator. Luckily nobody saw her as she left the building, eventually collapsing onto a nearby bench under the midday sun, surrounded by the bustling city.
As her eyes squeezed shut she only saw his face, twisted in anger as he told her to leave. It haunted her, though she didn’t want to face the city either, the cacophony of cars and other people entirely too much to handle. She had to get home, and with no other real option, she pulled out her phone, struggling with it for a minute before finally managing to call her best friend.
“Suhyun?”
“Hi! I thought you were gonna be with Baekhyun all day, is everything all right?”
“No…” she said, voice shaking, and even from over the phone Suhyun could tell that something was very wrong.
“Are you okay? Where are you? What happened?”
“I- I don't know, I need you to come get me.”
“Where are you?”
“I don't know, I'm sitting in front of his building, he kicked me out.”
“He did what? You sound weird, what's going on?”
“He gave me drugs, I don't know what to do, I can barely use my phone, I can't take the subway, you have to come get me.”
Suhyun had known her friend long enough to know that something awful had happened, and needed to get there as soon as possible.
“Okay, just stay where you are, I can check your location and come to you, I'll be there as soon as I can.”
She nodded, and her friend on the phone grew even more worried.
“Y/n?”
“Yes! I'm on a bench. I won't move. Please hurry.” Her voice unsteady with the onslaught of tears still pouring out of her.
To make sure her friend was safe, Suhyun stayed on the phone with her until she pulled up, pulling her into the car before making her way towards her friend's apartment.
She was crying quietly to herself in the passenger seat, trying to focus on what was going on outside the window, but still ending up squeezing her eyes shut again and again, seeing his face glaring back at her, making her heart sting every time.
“Can you tell me what happened?”
Finally she looked over at Suhyun, and she saw in her eyes that she wasn't in her normal state of mind, growing more and more worried by the minute.
She just shook her head, too overwhelmed to get a word out as the sobs ran through her.
The day had been so perfect, and because of a few little words he'd seemingly snapped, becoming a completely different person. The harshness with which he'd told her to get out kept replaying, she couldn't escape no matter how hard she tried. His face and his words had etched themselves into her mind, the drug making it all so much more horrible.
They eventually reached her apartment, and Suhyun tucked her into bed, holding her, asking once again, “what happened?”
“He wanted to do LSD together,” she eventually choked out “and we- we had sex, and I felt so insane after, I said I love you to him, just because of how crazy it all felt, and he lost it, and yelled at me that I had to get out.”
“He kicked you out of his apartment knowing you were on drugs?”
She nodded.
“Are you still really high? How bad is it? ”
“I could barely work my phone to call you. All I can see when I close my eyes is his face when he yelled at me to get out but when they're open everything is moving and looks like it's about to attack me. It's awful, I just want this to stop already.”
Suhyun stroked her hair as she cried, comforting her, but was growing more and more angry as well. She decided it would be best to take her phone for a while, worried Baekhyun would try to contact her and make things even worse. She took it from where her friend had discarded it on the bed, sliding it into her pocket.
She stayed like that for hours, just keeping her friend company, talking to her, doing her best to reassure her, seeing the way pain and fear consumed her. When she felt the phone start to vibrate she made an excuse to leave the room, and sure enough, it was him.
“Y/n, I'm so-”
“This is her friend. She can't talk to you right now.”
“I need to talk to her, give her her phone back.” She could hear the desperation in his voice, but she didn't care.
“No. She's fucking wrecked because of you. You threw her out onto the street while she was high out of her goddamn mind. She could've gotten arrested for Christ's sake, all because of your selfish bullshit. If you care about her even in the slightest, and genuinely want what's best for her, you're going to leave her alone. For good. She doesn't need you to fuck up her life even more.”
“Please-”
“Goodbye.”
Suhyun ended the call, cutting him off. When he called again and again, she put the phone on mute, deleting every trace of his trying to contact her. The last thing her friend needed was more of him.
At home in his apartment, Baekhyun cursed himself, nearly throwing the phone into a wall. Unbeknownst to both of the girls, he wasn’t much better off.
Those three words had set something off inside him. His high took an awful turn as he watched her leave the apartment, overcome with anger, but mostly, fear. When he called and couldn’t get through to her, it got even worse. Suhyun’s warning to stay away frustrated him beyond belief, but as much as he wanted to talk to her, he had no clue what he would even say, he couldn’t even understand his own feelings.
The guilt and confusion turned the rest of his day into a living nightmare, hoping that he’d somehow still be able to win her back. However as the hours passed, he did come to a realization.
It wasn’t her words that had caused him to suddenly become so agitated, it was the fact that he’d almost said it back.
#baekhyun smut#baekhyun fic#baekhyun fanfic#baekhyun#baekhyun angst#exo fanfic#exo smut#exo fic#exo angst#exo#kpop smut
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Introductions
Copy-Pasting this from twitter dot com as an introduction to this blog and what kinda content is going to be featured here!
Gonna start tweeting about my #ttrpg setting in a hopefully not-unhinged matter. Especially since things are happening quickly again. I'll pin this so everyone know's what's up. Let's talk about Eibon.
Eibon is the setting that I've been working on consistently since 2018. As far as rpg settings go, that's pretty young, but Eibon hasn't exactly come out of nowhere, since as my friends could tell you, it's several hundreds of pages of lore now.
Yes, some of it is stuff that I really just loved a lot from older rpgs. I can't lay claim to that. But also, Eibon isn't meant to be this completely original thing that came exclusively from me.
Eibon is meant to be a reflection of my experiences and my beliefs, as well as the things that inspired me to take up the pen in the first place. That's why there's things that to so.e would feel out of place. Because if you love something, I think you should reference it.
I've lost a bit of my point here. Eibon started before 2018, back when I was in middle school, and being introduced to 4th ed d&d from 40k. There wasn't a setting for me and my friends, the places we went to were just places in the world.
But I got older, and as 4e ended, I got more into fantasy and world building. As well as history. The world didn't come from nowhere, life isn't a vapid fleeting thing that ends when you look away. Legacy is everywhere in our world, good and bad- shouldn't it be true in fantasy?
I decided on a name first, before I knew what I was really doing, because every place should have a name. At the time, I picked Eibon. Partly because it rolled off the tongue well, and partly because i was inspired by Soul Eater. A few years ago I learned it came from lovecraft.
In high school, I kinda lost myself, and found myself, and lost myself again. I lost loved ones, and for the first time in my life I started to think about the future. That's kinda when I realized that the history we're taught in school, it doesn't end.
All the bad things I learned about as "ancient history" for my country happened just a lifetime ago, and worst of all, things weren't getting better for us. It's also around this time that I realized the religion that I was born into was a vector for hate in our world.
This had a impact on me, and on Eibon. After that, I graduated high school, went to college, dropped out of college, and started working full time. I wouldn't really recommend living at the poverty line, but doing so has given me perspective that my relatively cushy youth didnt.
Which leads me to 2018. I had been playing CoS with some college friends and my partner asked if we could play d&d. They were living in LA at the time, which was on the opposite coast from me. I had never heard of a vtt, but decided that we could give it a shot thru discord
It was here that our rpg group of the last 6 years began. And what a journey! These people who form the core of our group are my closest friends now, and they began as strangers, or even antagonistic to me. Now one of them will be moving in with me.
Eibon has been on a journey to. At first it was lifting things from module books. Then it became "I have an idea for a town". Then my friends asked to make their characters in this world we were making. Before realized, we were excitedly talking about some of these made up places
It wasn't much later that we realized that we didn't like what other games were doing. Other RPGs are fine, but we wanted to chart our own direction. When we realized that we started to divorce Eibon from preexisting fantasy copyrights. Then we started Project Starwyrm.
A lot of people are talking about one singular generic rpg system for everything. with respect, it's a little silly. But Starwyrm is the system that me and my friends want, for Eibon. Not everyone will like it the way we do. That's fine. That's what makes it special.
It's been 6 years and Eibon is still an infant to me. But it's got a point. Like our world, Eibon has cycles and legacies. Some are good. Some are bad, so many are dangerous. These cycles and legacies don't stop whenever, they keep going until we end them.
Eibon does have a cycle of empires. Because dead civilizations are everywhere in our world, why wouldn't they be in a fantasy world? Unlike what pseudoscience will tell you, the cycle of empire isn't the life of civilization, it's the life and death of institutions and tyrants.
Eibon has horrible monsters of nations that have scarred the world, permanently, from their abuses of magic, science, and people. Some are gone, some are here, and some are yet to come. That's part of the point of it all, see? History isn't one great battle against a single evil.
Instead, history repeats like an endless waltz, which each beat repeating forever. Simultaneously, Eibon explores how what is new is old, and vice versa. This probably stems from the fact I played Guild Wars a lot when I was younger, but technology is an important part of Eibon.
Just like how ancient peoples proved the basic principles of science before we really defined what science was, in the current "age" of Eibon, people are (re)discovering science, knowledge that in ages past was common-place, but lost through that endless cycle of abuses.
Eibon will explore technology, its intersection with magic, and how that will look- since I don't believe that magic and tech are opposites clashing from two sides with chaos in the middle. I think they are more like a coin. Additionally, Eibon will explore industry and just how awful industry actually is for people. How technology and magic improves some lives, and makes some lives worse. How disparities form between people, and how people with discriminate against those without. And maybe how we can solve these problem.
Eibon wont shy away from problems- but unlike cringe weirdos, Eibon isn't going to be a place where violence against minorities is celebrated. Instead, Eibon is going to be a place where the oppressed will actually inherit the earth, and then celebrate the death of bigots.
Should take this time now to talk about the group- I won't be using names since it's rude to do that without permission, but I'll take the time to say that me and my players are a pretty diverse group. Ethnicity, sexuality, class- we're kinda all over the place. And proud of it.
Because of that, Eibon is going to be about cultures and how they intersect to. There's already some exploration and celebration of real-life cultures planned in the future of our writings, but as time goes on, we will be talking more and more about this.
I say the future, since so much of the now is what we do on a week-by-week basis in our group play. But this is kinda starting to come to an end. Not our group, we'll probably keep going until we die and leave the world, but a day is coming where everyone can explore Eibon.
I'm slowly going off and doing a generic "the future..." thing, so I'm going to be more specific. Right now Eibon is the realm of me and my friends, but there will access for all eventually. By my estimates, Starwyrm is still a few years out from being complete.
When Starwyrm is done, the core rules for it, as well as access to Eibon will be available to the public. Everyone should have equal chance to play around with something, and have an opportunity to learn if they like it, which is why the core stuff is going to be free.
Also, we're not really doing this for money either. We're writing Eibon and Starwyrm for ourselves. It's just that we feel that if you think you might like it, you should get to use it too. Will there come a time where we release books or supplements you have to pay for? Maybe.
But I don't want the rules that everyone uses to be behind a paywall. So if anything Eibon/Starwyrm related is paid, we'll tell you why, every time.
Eibon will be available to the public's eyes before Starwyrm launches though. It's hard to tell when exactly this will be, since I'm currently stuck trying to move and get a new job, but we do want to do a podcast game for those who like such things.
We're gonna keep the cast and crew reduced to our circle of friends for the time being, but probably some time within this year or the next year I'll announce a proper podcast that will stream on youtube. We're gonna do our best to make the podcast all original content rather than say, other people's modules. Will we end up running modules? Probably eventually. The podcast, like the rest of Eibon, isn't going to be done for money. It's going to be done for fun, we just want to share our creativity with the rest of you, if you'll have us.
This is all kinda ground-floor stuff. The big announcement of what Eibon is, and that we want to show everyone what we've done, and eventually let everyone play with our work. Right now, there's kinda nothing. Me and my group work 9-5s (sorta) and this is what we do for fun.
I scrolled up and saw that this thread has accrued more views than my normal tweets and reposts, which is cool. Maybe once the podcast is out in the wild, I'll make a community discord or something, if enough people notice what we're doing and want to talk about it.
the big thing with this is that in sharing Eibon with everyone, I (specifically) want to foster a community. Because by making and fostering communities, we make the world a better place.
This whole thread has kinda been my off the cuff, rambling thoughts about the work we've been doing in private, and finally just wanting to kinda shout out into the void of twitter about it. I want to try making a post a day now about Eibon, for the one or two who might be a little curious about what exactly we're up to and want more details about things. Don't like, expect big art or anything, since all I myself can really do is paint minis and write, and the artists in my friend circle don't do work like that for free.
but definitely expect little factoids, or me talking about whatever I can for this made-up world we've been working on. When the time comes and we are ready to announce the podcast, and the public release of Starwyrm, I'll be loud about it, promise.
That's kinda it I think! Hey thanks for reading all of this. I'm really shy, and being autistic I don't always communicate clearly. So if you have a question, just reply and I'll see if I can make a good response. This was just kinda me rambling on twitter, so I've probably lost a thought or two here and there no doubt. If you're interested in hearing more about Eibon, please just follow or like and I'll try not to disappoint. If you're the kind of person who likes to support indie stuff, also please just follow or like.
#ttrpg#ttrpg podcast#dnd#dungeons and dragons#dungeon master#tabletop#homebrew#introductory post#this will probably be pinned#hey can someone catch all the references here? If you do I'll give you a cookie
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Kicking off posting on this blog with a little bit of worldbuilding and such! Gonna start with some general stuff that's considered canon to this AU and then later I'll try and do a post for some character headcanons.
Six does not drop Mono. However, that's not to say she hasn't done it before. There's already been several time loops by the time this AU takes place and Six ended up dropping Mono in all of them. Why she doesn't in this one will eventually be elaborated on.
The eventual main group consists of the following characters: Six, Mono, The Ghost Kid, The Runaway Kid, Bait (my fancharacter) and The Kid in the Mask (also my fancharacter). Still could be room for more depending on how things develop but as of right now these guys eventually form a group with each other.
Adding on to that last one, The Runaway Kid is still alive and manages to avoid his Nome fate. For simplicity's sake, he just goes by the name Kidd. And while The Ghost Kid's fate was a little more ambiguous in the comic, I really like them so they're for sure alive too lol. They just go by the name Ghost.
Over a year passes in between the events of Very Little Nightmares and Little Nightmares 2 while only about a month passes in between the events of Little Nightmares 2 and Little Nightmares. A few weeks then end up passing between the events of Little Nightmares and when they eventually get to a fan location, The Amusement Park (which hopefully I'll come up with a better name for it).
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Also, been reading more about the various forms of Christianity, as well as delving into the online communities of each. And, as a technical outsider still, I feel like Protestants really don't like Catholics, while Catholics are just happy you've found God. Like, Catholics will make jokes that you're not like actually saved or whatever, but it's a lighthearted acknowledgment of their differing styles. But I've seen non-Catholic Christian YouTube channels who like say the Daily Wire isn't a Christian company (I mean, it's not technically; it's just a right-wing media company with a focus on upholding traditional Judeo-Christian values), just because the number of non-Protestant Christians outnumber the Protestant ones (Ben Shapiro is an Orthodox Jew, Knowles and Walsh are Catholic, and Klavan is originally a secular Jew who converted to Christianity, attended an Episcopalian church for awhile and now considers himself an American Anglican...and Anglicans are kinda all over the place from what little I've read. Meanwhile, Jeremy Boering and Candace Owens are the only openly Protestants, and I think Brett Cooper is a non-denominational Christian, because she has talked about religion, but her show is more focused on culture...so she hasn't disclosed what she is exactly, but I def think she is a Christian of some variety).
But this one Christian blog (not on tumblr) was weird because they were analyzing some Christian music artists for their beliefs and they started bashing Crowder for being really interested in St. Francis of Assisi. Like...not gonna convert to Catholicism, just intrigued by a singular saint. And Lord, haven't we all been? Like, even in my deepest pagan days, I was greatly intrigued by various saints, namely Saint Brigid.
Also also, why are almost all Christian blogs/YT channels/music artists/etc. all fluffy bunny about Christianity? What happened to the medieval fire and brimstone outlook on religion? I cab handle that outlook, I can't handle the "everything you do in God's light is perfect and natural and totally okay"! Like no. Not everything I do is okay. Some things I do are really bad. And I know God understand, and He loves, and He accepts us as we are...but I don't think that's an excuse to constantly be a shithead without even trying to get better! It takes two to tango; how would you feel if someone you deeply loved consistently did things to disappoint you over and over again? You'd be upset, and you'd have right to be!
"Oh, but God is more forgiving than I, because I am a flawed human being and He is God". THAT'S NOT THE POINT! That's just being disrespectful to God, and then hiding behind it with more fluffy bunny bullshit. Do better. Be forgiving of yourself and others, obviously; if you're having a really hard time overcoming something, pray about it. God understands. He understands before you do, even. But don't use that "we're all inherently flawed and God just gets us, guise" as an excuse to be an asshead without bettering yourself!
Thanks for listening to my Ted Talk.
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Hey lovelies, I just wanted to let y'all know that I'm here and gonna work on getting through some asks and drafts and getting to any starters I owe- I was gonna work on about pages and stuff today but I took an accidental nap (laid down because my head was hurting, fell asleep and woke up three hours later dazed and confused) so I'm gonna do it either tomorrow or later if I've got the time and/or energy- also I will have a few new oc's coming soon, I'm still figuring them out but I know there will be five just so I can even up the amount of canons vs oc's I have- I might actually do six and add one more canon so then it's 150 and 150 but we'll see cause I'm not totally sure what canon character I would even add right now (if you have any ideas though please leave them in the comments 👀)
Also, if you have me on Discord and have messaged me recently (like not in a server) I haven't been getting the notifications for some reason so I promise I'm gonna go through my messages soon and see who I need to reply to but I'm really sorry about that- I think it was because I was frequently logging out on my laptop so the notifications would go to my phone instead while I was playing the Sims and something got screwed up-
And one last thing before I let y'all go; well, two things- just a few friendly reminders about some things that are on my rules page. Number one is that if you are consistently interacting with either only one gender of my muses or only my canons then I will slow interactions with you- if not cease to interact with you at all. I have a hard time enforcing my rules because I don't want to seem like a bitch but at some point something has to be said especially when it's something that is already in my rules and that I've mentioned in more than one ooc post.
Number two is that I'm not a meme source, this doesn't really go to anyone that follows me because it hasn't been any of y'all that have done it but recently I've noticed a few random RP blogs reblogging memes from me and not the source when they are literally tagged to reblog it from the source. And I know there's a pretty low chance of them seeing this post, but it might be something I add in my bio and I just wanted to let you all know that it's nothing any of you did- I'm not even entirely sure why it's happening or how these people are finding the post from me but it's starting to get irritating-
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Hi Chanaaa! Idk if someone's asked this before but... OTP's from yoru stories?
i always have a different answer to this question! for some reason, my opinion on my characters' relationships changes over time LOL
just for fun, i'm gonna rank every single couple in my masterlist from best to worst :) (based on compatibility, soulmate-ability, overall romance, chemistry, their future etc.) - top ten are my ideal otps. top three are the for REALSIES otp
!SPOILER ALERTS!
1 - legends of darlaria (myg/jjk)
lod is first for a lot of things on my blog. i'd say it wins best couple, highest wordcount, longest series, first two-member fic i've ever written, first explicitly magic-based story! as of yet, we haven't gotten to the meat of the romance, but the endgame couple is absolutely unstoppable. i don't think i've ever written two people more perfect for each other. they balance each other out in every way possible <3
2 - over the moon (myg)
otm used to have the title of the #1 otp on my blog, but it's recently been bested by lod. the otm couple falls short in that their romantic journey is a lot shorter. lod's romance progression is much more natural (and takes years to become fruitful), while otm's romance can be interpreted as merely circumstantial. but otm still stands as #2 because the couple there—in my opinion—are SOULMATE MATERIAL. their chemistry, their dialogue, yoongi choosing OC over his "family??" i love these two together so much (and maybe because i'm biased since this is the type of romance that i would personally love to have)
3 - love yourself trilogy (pjm)
before otm, ly tril was the #1 otp on my blog LOL. the couple has been through thick and thin. they've been tested by everything you can possibly think of in a modern couple: cheating, scary mothers-in-law, drifting apart, breakups, jealousy, etc. the only reason that they're now in third place is... well, the lod couple and otm couple have gone through objectively crazier challenges (a war??? the mafia???)
4 - sticky notes (myg)
an absolutely BEAUTIFUL couple. however, while the top three otps are soulmates, i wouldn't go as far as to call these two that as well. but the reason that this couple ranks so high is that they're representational of a mellow but consistent romance. in their story, they also showed that they can bounce back from a fight! i think there's something beautiful about showing your love in other ways than spoken words. and though this couple hasn't gone through as much as the others below them in the rankings, their compatibility breaks traditional romance. they care for each other in unconventional ways, but it fits their styles. this is the biggest reason i ranked them higher than the ignis fatuus couple
5 - ignis fatuus (jjk)
now this couple has been through shit. i mean, a zombie apocalypse? damn, could it get any worse? but throughout the course of the story, they evolved from simple acquaintances to close companions. though they never explicitly get into a relationship, if they did get into one, i'd see them going very far. it's not easy to care for someone at the level that they did during absolute fucking chaos. usually, in zombie apocalypse movies, it's every man for themselves. but they loved each other, and it showed in the way that they'd risk their life for each other
6 - (our very own) camaraderie (jjk)
ideally, this couple would be placed higher than ignis fatuus. but they weren't placed in a life-or-death situation as the couple above were. and though their romance mostly blossomed when they were younger (high school), they showed emotional maturity by being able to console each other when distressed. and despite their rocky start, they grew into two amazingly compatible people! i think their chemistry is top-tier!!
7 - for everland (myg)
another couple that's been through shit. their relationship was significantly shorter than the others', but they're still a formidable couple on my blog. definitely underrated. i think their romance is intriguing because it shows that love means you don't hang on. you learn to let go. you learn to take action to right the wrongs. the main character didn't even know what love was until she met yoongi! i think that's deserving to be in the top 10
8 - where the colors fade (jjk)
i adore this couple. i wouldn't normally rank a uh, "doomed" relationship so high, but even after his death, OC remembers him, cherishes her memories with him—even though this all happened when they were much younger. i do believe they were soulmates to be but their time together got cut short
9 - into the spiritual realm (pjm)
i think there's nothing more beautiful than two lost people coming together and becoming found LOL (as pretentious as that may sound). but in all seriousness, the itsr couple is steady, grounded, and i expect their relationship to last for literally ever. despite that, their ranking is on the lower side of top ten, because much more of the focus of itsr was on the main character's growth as a person. the romance was there, but not as powerful enough to be a top 5 otp
10 - a kiss to forever (myg)
the last couple to steal the top ten spot! this couple is ~complicated~ and i feel like not everyone will agree with this placement. but i think the kind of love that they have for each other is slow, steady and growing. yoongi's supposedly dead; however, he becomes warmer, more amicable for OC. OC, on the other hand, goes through this journey of self-reflection. ultimately, they realize they belong with each other. and though OC's choice at the end is technically a depressing one, death is forever. and she chose eternity to be with yoongi. i think that's romantic. the only reason that they're in the last spot in the top ten (and not any higher) is that i can't help but doubt if OC would've made the same decision if she were older. maybe she was just in the slumps. what if she went to therapy, and began trying once again? i feel like that would totally change the tide. but then again, yoongi's boss did allude to the fact that they're practically soulmates
11 - the talent finder (jhs)
another great couple! both have so much to grow and love and learn from each other. i love dynamic relationships, where each partner is able to grow into a better person because of the other. this is that relationship. they haven't been through immense tragedy or anything (why it missed top ten), but i find the start to their relationship pure and sweet. this is a couple that will definitely last
12 - our love like fibonacci (knj)
now this is actual universe-given romance. it's ranked 12th and not higher because technically, i would argue that joon's not in love with the same person every time she reincarnates. her environment and upbringing mold her into a slightly different person every time. some versions of her have more chemistry with him than the others
13 - true love at first sight (jhs)
this is similar to the talent finder, but the only reason that it's lower is that the learning curve is much steeper for the main character than it is for hoseok. they're still a beautiful relationship, and their love progresses very nicely, but i wouldn't guarantee that they would last. overall, their chemistry is lacking compared to the couples above them. hence, they didn't make top ten
14 - the exam (kth)
i think that the romance here was cut short. it had so much potential!!! and though the period in which our two protagonists met wasn't that long, i think they'd make wonderful partners just by nature. then balance each other as well as complement each other. if their romance was a little longer, i would've ranked them higher
15 - propinquity (law of seesaw) (jjk)
this is probably surprising. they broke up. yes, BUT somewhere inside of me thinks that they could still be a wonderful couple. the way that they resolved and compromised their conflicts!!! i'd say that they handled their issues better than some couples who are still together LOL. their chemistry is also undeniable. it's a shame that they decided that they were better off without each other. but they're both people who value their own freedom
16 - redefining destiny (jjk)
interestingly enough, this isn't as high as you'd expect for an actual soulmate!au LOL. it's true that these two have literally fallen out of love to fall back in again... BUT, i personally don't think their chemistry was draw-joppingly good. i'm sure they'll get married, but i think they're just another average couple
17 - vernacular (knj)
a romantic story. except... there's not really a future for the couple 💀
18 - across the madness (ksj)
these two went through a LOT. (like literally.) but i'm not sure those experiences will change them completely. they might go on a couple of coffee dates and realize that they're not right for each other. their romance was most likely possible because they only had each other to lean on during their journey. but i could also be totally wrong. they could end up being endgame... however, the fact that i have to flip flop like this isn't quite a good sign. they're just a little too different
19 - on a cold summer day (ksj)
the romance was there! it was, in fact, a relatively fluffy story. the only problem is, it reads as your typical college first dating experience. also, tinder
20 - the time traveler's playbook (kth)
see, now this, i thought i would rank higher. but then i realized... there's not much actual romance at all. we just know that taehyung is very idealistic (hopeless romantic, if you will) and he's dead set on having his original wife come back alive. but how much does he really know about her anyway? the romance here just reads one-sided. it's mostly taehyung's journey—what lengths he will go through to find his love. and though they're also definitely a healthy couple, the couples above them have had much more screen time and better chemistry
21 - change of plans (ksj)
one word: tinder
22 - lack of apathy (jhs)
this is strange. the whole fic is about a horrible fight, yet they're not rated dead last. (but that's because the last few bottom spaces are reserved for the ~friends~ lol.) but i think the fact that they had this crazy fight shows that they care about each other. i think they would get back together and try again (and be successful!)
from 23 and below, there is little romance
23 - prescient (kth)
the couple is together (and quite cute); however, their romance isn't centric to the story
24 - it runs wild (knj)
they would not work out after the story ends LOL. but during the story, i would wholeheartedly believe in their romance. either that... or be suspicious if joon had ulterior motives
25 - of significant figures (knj)
your average married couple
26 - whipped with a cherry on top (kth)
a typical college romance. wouldn't exactly see it going too far
27 - insurrection (it's about time) (pjm)
jimin idolized OC; OC never loved him back. however, they do still care about each other in a way that is beautiful. if not romantic love then friendship love.
28 - appetence (ksj)
seokjin idolized OC; OC never loved him back. but it's worse than insurrection because they're both dead
29 - don't look back (ksj)
seokjin idolized OC. OC did love him back. but their characters are too different. i don't see them working out. also, i'm not sure if OC really knows what love means
30 - fleeting forevers (pjm)
there is a possibility of romance here, but i just think they're better friends
31 - resonance (kth)
well... this was really just a schooltime "fling." logistically, it would not work out. unless taehyung sprouted legs
32 - cuss out (jjk)
no way. i imagine that they'll go on one date and never see each other again
33 - tomorrow's another problem (knj)
he was just acting 💀
34 - too young, too old (pjm)
the imagination got too vivid in this one
35 - nothing a lil green can't fix (pjm)
again, better off as friends! like they've 100% friendzoned each other. they are besties. they are meant to be this way
36 - all you see is blue (jjk)
this "couple" is worse than fics like tyto and tomorrow's another problem because at least part of the feelings in those stories was really some version of love. but these two were only fond of the ideas of each other
37 - brevity (but most often not) (jhs)
... what romance?
38 - before the looking glass (jjk)
there's nothing cuter than betrayal!
#ask#anon#writing#this was a pain in the ASS to rank but i wanted to do this at least ONCE#these are my personal rankings (so you might not agree)!!#i tried to give my reasons for them but idk LMAO#some were purely based on gut feeling#bro as i was making this i realized last minute that i put TWO number 9s#apparently i can't count to 10... as a literal math major#that was embarrassing#it was the re-numbering of shame
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Maybe you can help us in other ways? Like giving us clues as to what's effective against Void?
"T-Treeangle energy... Th-The only thing that c-can harm th-the Void, as well as K-King.." He moved his hand, showing an image of a glowing triangle. It lit up the area even more than it was lit up already.
"Oh! We can get that easy peasy!" Penta chirped.
"..." Logic didn't respond to them.
"...A-Anything else you n-need..?" He asked, a bit hesitantly.
#jsab#aria the derg#red#jsab logic gatekeeper#I have work soonish so I wont be able to do much but I do want to make it Very Clear I am still running the blog#Asks are always open for a reason >w<#Also yea Logic can do some Funky Things as a God hehe!#And so in that case maybe I'll list some things off: He can make illusions. He knows all three of their greatest fears...#Other stuff like that :3#Also changing how I do the art a little bit maybe? Who knows#This blog hasn't been consistent before it's not gonna start now-
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Do you see yourself changing or incorporating your Muse based on the updated Alastor 'redesign', or any information presented in the eventual show? Curious on your thoughts.
The only changes to his design are:
- the shades of brown/dark red in his clothing appear to now all be consistent
- the dark-to-lighter-red gradient in his coat's body has been taken out to consistently use the lighter shade throughout
- his lapels are red instead of brown and have a white trim
- his mic's screen is white instead of pink.
All the other possible "changes" are ambiguous—"is his hair actually slightly pinker or does the lighting just make it look that way?" "Is his hair slightly shorter or is that just how it happened to be drawn this time?" etc. So I'm not gonna count those changes because they might not be real.
The only definite changes are to his clothes and his mic. The Alastor in here bought himself a whole new set of clothes and hasn't pulled out his microphone cane a single time since the start of the blog.
We've also now seen inside his studio—but it's the studio attached to the Happy Hotel, and this version of Alastor went AU before the hotel was founded and never joined it.
So thus far, there's been nothing relevant to this blog.
I always try to write Alastor—on this blog, my other blog, or fics—as 100% canon compliant (or, as in this blog's case, "canon compliant up until the one incident that forked him onto an AU path"). I plan to keep that up as we learn more about him from the show.
As much as possible, at least. Like, if the show reveals, "Alastor the Radio Demon is actually the imagined persona donned by the angel Raphael who's been sent undercover to spy on Hell's worst sinners and destroy any overlords that pose a significant threat to Heaven—" then, like, obviously, I can't slightly tweak my interpretation of Alastor to be canon-compliant because that's a totally different character; I'm just writing an AU and have to live with that.
But it's worth noting that my definition of "100% canon compliant" is extremely limited and extremely petty. Like, I headcanon that Alastor and Sir Pentious used to be close allies & besties until Alastor randomly backstabbed him and now Alastor acts like he doesn't know the guy because it's less awkward. Is this canon? No. Is it canon compliant? Nothing we've witnessed in the show/comics proves it false, so yes. So unless the show pulls out something wild like "undercover angel," I'm probably gonna find a way to finagle and contort my headcanons into being "canon compliant" if I really want.
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[image description: a cropped image of a pink sky. on the right hand side is a bunch of darker pink clouds. Just left of the centre is a full moon. In the centre, in a white serif font reads "writing update" /end id]
july writing update
Hi friends! This writing update is me pretending I did Camp Nano and didn't kinda give up a week in! I had a proper goal and everything, but a lot of things got in the way that I'm not gonna talk about here because I already ranted about it in another update I'm drafting rn. Lets just say it's Disability Pride Month and being not neurotypical or able bodied in writing communities and their inherent focus on productivity is Hard.
But I did get some writing done and wanted to do a little Camp wrap up post regardless. And I'm doing it now because I'm cancelling the last week of July for some rest/self care and I do not want to think about writing for that time and if I write a tumblr post about July Nano being over my brain will think it's actually over <3 I will probably do updates like these for most months tho! Depends on how much I write lol! This one is not too long (by my standards) and has some Revelations, Revelations, Life Cycle of Massive Stars, Nocturne for the Holy and a new wip idea 👁️
excerpts under the cut!
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I'm also editing this in to say I only just realised that July is my writeblr birthday month and that is very weird to me! A year and a couple days ago I impulsively turned an old blog into a place to document writing for me and ended up meeting people who now mean the world to me and my writing blossoming in a way I never thought it would. And the funny part is it doesn't feel like it's been a year, ever since I joined it's just felt like life has Always been this way and I cannot fathom that it hasn't. I'm sappy bc it's 4am lol but ultimately the friends I made (you know who you are) and the community I found is what retaught me the value of writing and helped me unlearn toxic ideas and whilst the last year was tough I wish I could tell July 2020 Dallon (who did not realise he was Dallon yet </3) what July 2021 would look like.
revelations, revelations ;
Oh the absolute state of affairs with this book rn. Nothing bad but I don't know when I'm gonna update y'all because sometimes I do not know where to start when talking about this wip lol! Currently on a break with it (but also my thesis work is on late 20th century queer lit/history rn so am ever really free of RR? <3) but had a lot of fun with it at the end of June/start of July. Anyway here's Dorothy finally revealing more of herself to me after a year. Dorothy as a character is like, I truly believe she is capable of killing a man but the story she is in just does not allow that so I am trying to grow her unhinged side a little bit in other ways bc I know she has it in her but I also really cannot deal with the plot repercussions of her actually killing a man! I'm sorry Dotty but this'll have to do!
(cw for groping/a man being creepy as hell, death/funeral mention, drug mention, drowning imagery kinda)
There’s too much to tell Felix. That his sister lives on the fringe of Castro and has attended three funerals since September; that it’s January 11th and she’s already attended one this year. That his sister drives through sunsets and imagines parties: the amber dusk, warm mosaic tiles, platters of Greek salad skewers and shrimp tostadas, and sometimes Jolie joins her and they share a blunt on the hill. That his sister bought an aquamarine body-length dress for six bucks in a thrift store sale bin, so when her and Jolie broke up for the second time, she waltzed into a sunset party, locked arms with a CEO’s son and gave him a fake number and plucked strawberries out of champagne and blended so well nobody noticed when she left. That during the summer of ’83, his sister walked a neighbour’s Golden Retriever on Wednesdays, and on the sixth Wednesday he gave her a wad of tens with one hand and palmed the back of her neck with the other, so she walked his dog to the beach and stole another hundred from his wallet. That his sister bombed an interview for a Nursing school and didn’t get home until night and missed their monthly call, and Jolie heard the phone ring and didn’t take a message, so his sister snuck into the CEO’s son’s villa and floated in the centre of their heated pool like a cloud. A pause, a breath, an Opheliean threat.
life cycle of massive stars ;
Switched to LCOMS this month because I was burnt out with RR and it made such the difference! I really love working on two novels at once because it keeps me consistently creative but also both of these books are so different so its always refreshing to bounce back into one from another. I have a whole update in the drafts rn for this so keeping this part brief but still love this book, still the best thing that has ever happened to me, me and this book will have a glorious summer wedding etc etc. These excerpts are from chapters that summarise the first semester of each character's first year and have to say it. has been Very Fun to get into the mindset of Freshers Melodrama. Here's Junie having a crisis and an unhealthy relationship with her hetero flatmate :( (alcohol cw for both excerpts)
In October you are drinking double espresso and trying to breathe normally in lectures and you are trying to figure out your favourite colour because Fleur asked and you stumbled out an answer (Purple, I think. Violet? Lavender? Indigo?) and it didn’t match hers (I like yellow. I like sunlight). You buy mugs from IKEA to paint you paint cats and fireworks and constellations and moon phases and daisies. You try to scratch paint stains off your desk. You do laundry at 2am. In October you colour code your notes with pastel highlighters. You go to the library at 3am. You paint your nails sunlight and hate it. You finish an essay that’s due in December. You knock on Fleur’s door at 8am so she makes her 9am. You wear off the shoulder tops and you let a girl dab glitter on your collarbones and you are watching Fleur kiss a boy from the neighbouring hall. You bite your sunlight nails. You break the handle off your IKEA constellation mug. You leave your keys in a lecture hall and stand at the reception for forty minutes waiting for them to realise that the keys on the desk have the moon chain you mentioned - or, you are waiting to say it yourself. You are watching the rain trail down your window. In October you get a halo headband tangled in your hair you are sipping a vampire themed cocktail that tastes like acetone you rip your heels off and you go home early and do laundry at 2am and you are waiting for the courage to tell Fleur you don’t like clubbing - or, you are waiting for her to ask where you are. In October you are many things / a good student a dancer a painter an angel a big sister an alarm clock you are nocturnal and a lucid dreamer and confused about your sexuality / and it’s still October but it’s not because it’s November now and you are still Junie but not because you don’t know who Junie is. It’s November, it’s September October November December. It’s 2016 2017 2018 2019. You are fragments and you don’t know if you are a kaleidoscope or shattered glass.
And here's first year Tomas being like I Moved Countries For University And All I Got Was Homesickness And A Crush On My Flatmate And Resurging Autistic Symptoms And This Lousy T Shirt (cw: vomit mention, injection mention, parental death mention)
Kristen is seven months younger and five inches taller than you. He’s the last flatmate you met and the only one you talk to beyond kitchen greetings and passive aggressive texts about dirty dishes. He is too quiet and too loud and not the type of person you befriend. The first night, he lost Ring of Fire and downed the concoction of Echo Falls, Dark Fruits, Jack Daniels and coke, vodka and lemonade alongside a cigarette and said he’d let God figure out the rest. He held your hair back when you threw up amaretto and held onto your knee when you first self-injected testosterone. He taught you Yorkshire dialect and you pretended to understand the Yorkshire dialect. He told you he got diagnosed at four and you told him you didn’t get past the first assessment but sometimes you flick the bathroom light on and it’s fire: the orange on the orange towel is louder, the white on the white tiles are louder, the colours and light and sink and showerhead are prickly and all you can do is blink and breathe until it fizzles out. You reminded him to take his meds and asked if you were weak for wanting to drop out and hop on the first Eurostar to Rotterdam. He reminded you to take off your binder and asked if he was robotic for not grieving his mother. You spent inky nights on the kitchen floor, counting the dead flies in the lights and scooping crumbly coconut ice cream out of a maker you got for half price in TK Maxx. You spent dusk-dusted afternoons at the global street food markets, at the vegan markets. Spent student loans on raspberry lemonade in recycled cups, veggie burgers in beetroot buns, got him hooked on poffertjes and advocaat and could’ve cried when the vendor spoke to you in Dutch. Sometimes you didn’t buy anything. Just liked hovering at stalls ambered with fairy lights, writing down Etsy stores on your notes app; just liked Kristen’s impulse to trek forty minutes into the city for a market he didn’t know existed until five minutes before; just liked how he always invited only you, cancelling your other plans last minute, the feeling of being ambushed; just liked how he stopped to take photos of dogs and the sunset; just liked how he looked haloed under lampposts waiting for Ubers, golden on golden.
This is also nearing creative nonfiction because Sheffield truly is a haven for just. vegan markets and cafes lol! I experimented with veganism there and never struggled to find something and at this point I call myself a fake vegan because it's too easy to be vegan in Sheffield and too difficult to be vegan in my actual hometown. And the global street food markets!!! SO GOOD! I miss pre pandemic days
nocturne for the holy ;
Giving her a little shout out because she does exist actually! I've figured out a really good system for working on two novels at a time, so my plan is maybe to start properly on this after I finish either RR or LCOMS. Idk I got 3 novels to pick from haha oops! I did do some free drafting back in April though and found it recently and I Like It! And I edited it so it counts as Something I Did This Month :) Also have decided that I loathe this working title <3 Okay see you with an update for this novel in like a year, sorry for the absolute zero context for this excerpt hehe
The morning I was due back, I hadn’t yet decided that this would be my last visit. I wandered between rooms like an overstayed guest, like I didn’t know which crockery lived in which cabinet and which bedroom had the best view of the overlapped hills. Dad would wake for his run in an hour, plastered to his twenty-year-old routine. Mum would pretend to be asleep until breakfast. Until then, it was myself and the house, hazed by sleepy sunrise. Downstairs. The peeling paisley wallpaper in the lounge, the lilies in the middle of the kitchen table, the vases of candy floss pink peonies wilting on every windowsill, the desolate double swing-set in the garden. The mist-clogged mornings. I stood outside in my dressing-gown until my fingertips felt numb. Upstairs. The sage coloured bathroom. The bathtub I’d laze in with my clothes on and no water because it was the quietest room in the house. The dusty dance trophies on the top of my wardrobe. Wine-flushed Jeanette in my teenage bedroom. The stale grey mum painted my teenage bedroom after I moved out. Minus their room, I stalked the layout of the house three times before settling back into bed - teenage Nora’s bed. Nora who cared for peonies and pushed her brother on the swing set and flung her ceramic ballerina at the wall and jogged with her father and collected wine bottles and acorns and kisses from girls who were supposed to visit for dance practice. Before I left, I’d have cycled each room another three times. And in every room he was there, hovered in the corner like black mould.
love this update bc it's like i've got my third person, my second person, my first person! collecting all the POVs like chaos emeralds :)
eulogy for our burnings ;
-looks away-
girl help I did it AGAIN!!!! Apparently Camp Nano is just the perfect time for me to get novel ideas. I made this post specifically to talk a bit about this because I have no idea when I'll draft it but it's certainly not soon. This is not me trying to doubt my own skill but I feel like I am not in the place I'd like to be as a writer to tackle this project with the zest it needs, however I am v excited by the prospect of it! Don't know how I feel about the working title bc I'm like "that doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about this wip to dispute it" but the only purpose my working titles serve is to sound pretty lol! But here's the tea:
1991, UK.
2nd person present + past. Very flexible form. I can't decipher how yet but I'm feeling interviews, newspaper articles, receipts, grocery store lists weaved with actual narrative, that kinda vibe.
Best summary is we follow our nameless narrator, a stealth trans man, as he becomes unhealthily obsessed with a man who "hires" him to photograph the buildings he burns
Very,,, isolated? Minimal settings, minimal characters, minimal prose etc. Almost claustrophobic
There's basically only two characters and they are probably the most morally deplorable, indefensible characters I've created which just means most of you are gonna LOVE this /lh I do too I do too
Only comp title I can give is it has the vibes/tone of Boy Parts by Eliza Clark (just with none of the nsfw content lol if you've read the book you know what I'm talking about) (also that book is great for morally deplorable women protagonists but omg look up the content warnings because it caught me off guard! enjoyed it tho gave it 4 stars)
The pinterest board is the best visualisation of the Vibes also follow me on pinterest lol
And that's all I've got today! A bigger Life Cycle of Massive Stars update coming in the next few weeks. Might do a proper intro post for Eulogy For Our Burnings but idk!!! It's a surprise :) Thank you for reading this far!
#also i have LOTS to catch up on so if u tagged me in anything im gonna do a big queue of rb's soon!#promise im not ignoring anybody!#just barely functioning <3#atlastracking#writing update#revelations revelations#life cycle of massive stars#nocturne for the holy#eulogy for our burnings
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