#Stormhold princes
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Stardust: Royal Pains
Chapter 1: Blood Moon
Summary:
Two mysterious figures resurrect all of the Stormhold princes but they come back in the wrong bodies.
Warnings:
All of the princes’ bodies are exactly as they were when they died. Elements of body horror associated with their injuries will be present.
Notes:
Based on events from the 2007 film- not the book. The Stormhold family is Fey and all have unique Fey traits. None of the traits or ages are canon.
Primus: 58 (Killed at 58). Badger Fey. Has tripes down his back, smells like parchment and wax, and super strength when angry. Sixth to die. Throat slit in bathtub by the witch Lamia. Possessor cannot talk.
Secundus: 52 (Killed at 52). Platypus Fey. He has webbed toes, smells like almond butter, and can speak to animals. Fourth to die by Septimus pushing him off a balcony. Body is completely unusable.
Tertius: 48 (Killed at 48). Fish Fey. Has gills, smells like fresh brownies, and can teleport. Fifth to die. Poisoned by Septimus. Possessor suffers from shortness of breath and random intense chest pains.
Quartus: 46 (Killed at 34). Bird Fey. Has a feathered spine, smells like mint, and darkvision. The second to die frozen to death in a freezer at the hands of Secundus. Possessor is constantly shivering.
Quintus: 42 (Killed at 28). Dragon Fey. Has small bat wings, smells like sandalwood, and can breathe fire. The first prince to die in his bed with an axe to the head from Septimus. Possessor suffers from memory loss and impaired mental capabilities.
Sextus: 40 (Killed at 35). Lizard Fey. Has a lizard’s tail, smells like coffee, and can camouflage. 3rd to die. Killed in a fire set by Septimus. Possessor cannot touch things without part of their skin sticking to it.
Septimus: 38 (Killed at 38). Shark Fey. Has a second hidden row of sharp teeth, smells like the ocean, and never sleeps. Last to die and was drowned via voodoo doll by the witch Lamia. Sustained fire damage, piercing and slashing wounds to the chest along with a broken leg and arm. Body is partially unusable and possessor struggles with breathing.
Una: 42. Una and Quintas are fraternal twins. Traded off by Septimus to Ditchwater at the age of 27. Has cat ears she hides under her hair, smells like lavender, and has the ability to charm any man that gets close. Still living.
Chapter 1: Blood Moon
Amidst rubble and broken glass, buried beneath a heavy chandelier lay the body of Prince Septimus. Only a matter of hours had passed since his death and partial reanimation at the hands of Lamia the witch. Over the chandelier, two cloaked figures stood and lifted it off his corpse.
“You’re sure this is one of the princes?” The taller of the two figures whispered.
“I’m sure. Let’s get the body and put it with the others.” The shorter replied while grabbing Septimus at the shoulders to start lifting.
“We have all seven now?” The other lifted his feet.
“Yes. Now we can commence reanimation.” They took the body out to a wagon and set it in the back next to six other bodies. The two figures rubbed their hands together as a cool wind whipped their cloaks about and a red moon rose in the distance.
“Quickly. There isn’t much time.”
The wagon was pulled into a large clearing where a circle was formed of seven large stones painted with varying symbols surrounding a pedestal holding an iridescent crystal.
“Now, we just set them by the correct stone and their bodies will reanimate at the height of the blood moon.”
“How do we know which stone goes to which body?” The taller cloaked figure looked around at the stones.
“…I thought you knew that?”
“No, I thought you knew that?!”
“Why would I know that?!”
“You painted the stones!”
“Yea but I wasn’t told what the symbols mean!”
“Well, I’m sure it won’t be a problem to guess.. we were just hired to bring them back. The boss didn’t say they had to be in the correct bodies, right?”
“Right. Now let’s move them.” The two cloaked figures moved the bodies, all in varying degrees of decay, positioned with their heads just below the stones and their feet at the base of the pedestal in the middle of the circle. As the crimson moon rose directly over the circle, the crystal and paintings on the stones lit up crimson red and the bodies underneath them began to rise into the air. They floated for a moment before illuminating and falling back to the ground with thuds.
“..did it work?” One of the cloaked figures looked around at the bodies as the other pointed and moved towards the body of Quintus.
“That one moved.”
The two slowly moved to the body as it suddenly sprang up with a loud gasp and wide eyes set on the two cloaked figures as they screamed in surprise.
“Would you quiet down! I’ve got a splitting headache-“
The two figures exchanged looks as Quintus suddenly stood up and walked over to the body of Septimus. He stood over it as Septimus sat up spewing out water with pained gasps before looking up surprised.
“Quintus? You’re alive?”
“..I’m not Quintus.”
“You sure look like Quintus to me- wait… why do I sound like-“
“Septimus? Because I’m Septimus and that’s my body.”
“Septimus?! Why am I you and why are you Quintas?!”
“Who are you?”
“Primus.”
“I think I preferred the witch controlling my body.” Septimus rolled his eyes as he held his- or rather Quintas’s- head. He grimaced as his fingers felt a large axe shaped hole in his head. “What is happening?”
“I think they know.” Primus pointed to the cloaked figures watching them. He attempted to stand but yelped as his -or rather Septimus’s- right leg wouldn’t bear any weight. Primus moved to touch it but found Septimus’s right arm was broken in multiple places as well. “What didn’t the witch break?” He groaned as he decided to just sit in despair at his condition.
“Maybe we should have asked which bodies went with the different stones.” The taller cloaked figure mused out loud as the brothers began reanimating one by one- not a single one in the correct body.
“Too late for that now. Let’s just get them back to the boss.” The smaller one gestured to the wagon as they spoke to the group of resurrected princes. “Please climb into the wagon and we will take you home.”
The princes groaned as they complained about their swapped bodies that were still in various stages of deterioration. Primus sat grumpily in Septimus’s broken body while Secundus- shivering in Quartus’s frostbitten body- tried to help him to the wagon. Tertius fumed as he tried to speak out of the body of Primus but to no avail as the slash to his throat had cut the vocal cords. Sextus, who possessed Tertius’s body, stared at his own charred body that was possessed by Quintas and sighed in relief that he got one of the few healthier bodies instead of his own. Quintas was smiling ear to ear at Septimus having to endure the splitting headache from the axe blow he’d delivered to kill Quintas while he was sleeping- a well deserved irony in his humble opinion. Both Quintas and Sextus had to help Quartus as he had the misfortune of possessing Secundus’s body, which had taken a rather lengthy fall from the top of Stormhold tower and broken every bone in his body. Once all of the princes had managed to climb on or be helped into the wagon, the cloaked figures began the journey to Stormhold castle.
#stardust (2007)#Stormhold princes#Prince Septimus#Prince Sextus#Prince Quintas#Prince Quartus#Prince Tertius#Prince Secundus#Prince Primus#shows up 2 years later with a fanfiction for a 2007 film 🫣
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And that’s when Quintus took an axe to the head.
Bonus
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Wait wait wait wait wait hold up a second.
You wrote Stardust????!!!!! As in Tristan Thorne and Yvaine and the murderous princes and Babylon candles and Stormhold?? I fucking LOVE that movie so so so much and it’s wonderful world building and it’s one of my all time favorite comfort movies and I just wanted you to know so I’ll stop rambling now😊
That was me, yes. I wrote the book, then co-plotted and produced the movie.
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The Stormhold Princes in Stardust (2007)
#stardust 2007#Prince Primus#Prince Secundus#Prince Tertius#Prince Quartus#Prince Quintus#Prince Sextus#Prince Septimus#Please enjoy some idiot princes on your dash
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Steddie Stardust AU thoughts
Steve is sweet, unworldly Tristan, son of an adventurous young man and an enslaved princess. Eddie is the fallen star Yvaine, knocked from his astral perch by a flying magical, royal pendant.
hHaving promised the girl of his dreams, Nancy, that he’d cross the mystical wall into another world and bring her back the star they watched plummet from the sky, Steve uses the portal candle his mother left nestled in the basket she sent him to his father in to travel to wherever the star touched ground. Steve is initially confused to find a man lying clumsily in a crater, but overjoyed when Eddie clarifies, rather impatiently, that he is the star, and that he’s very much not on board with being presented as a birthday gift for Nancy. Steve manages to convince a very grumbly, bitchy Eddie to accompany him back to Hawkins for Nancy’s birthday before letting him return to the sky with the last use of the portal candle.
And Eddie never intended to to fall in love with Steve’s bumbling charm and effortless romanticism, but fall he does, and this time the descent is even more disconcerting that the last. He sees Steve’s clear admiration for Nancy, and finds himself imagining himself at the center of Steve’s attention. Meanwhile, Steve is set on returning to prove to Nancy that his love is purer than that of Jonathan, who’s rumoured to have travelled across the county to buy her a ring. He’s so single-mindedly focused on Nancy that at first he doesn’t notice the faint glow that begins to surround Eddie - it’s just a shimmer at first, until he quite literally lights up a room when he walks into it.
It sneaks up on Steve, that light, his eyes becoming accustomed to it until the illumination is near-blinding. Yet, Steve can’t look away. He is, in a word, bewitched. All thoughts of Nancy fade, and Steve finally sees his infatuation for what it was: just that.
Enter Vecna as Lamia (the witch) hunting Eddie down for the power he contains, and the party being the princes fighting each other (non fatally, of course) for the throne of Stormhold, chasing down the pendant that had originally knocked Eddie from the sky.
The three paths converge as Steve realises his feelings, with Vecna capturing Eddie and Max reaching the peak of her search for the pendant. It’s up to Steve, with the help of the recently-found mother he never knew, to save Eddie from Vecna’s clutches.
Also Murray as Captain Shakespeare.
Like the dialogue just translates effortlessly…
Eddie: “You have a Babylon Candle?!”
Steve: “Y- Yeah, I have a bubbling candle.”
Eddie: “Babylon Candle.”
Steve: “Babylon Candle yeah that’s what I said.”
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Round 1, Match 3
Krauss, Eva, Rudolf and Rosa Ushiromiya (Umineko) vs The Princes of Stormhold (Stardust)
Propaganda under break
Krauss, Eva, Rudolf and Rosa Ushiromiya
The four children of billionaire Kinzo Ushiromiya. Every year, they return home to Rokkenjima Island for a family conference. With Kinzo's health declining, to the point where he hardly ever leaves his room, the only topic on their minds is how to carve up his fortune.
Krauss is the eldest, and Kinzo's successor. Even if he's not the smartest of the siblings, his position as heir and imposing physique let him push them around. He even used to beat his younger siblings. Now, they suspect him of abusing his position as Kinzo's caregiver to embezzle their rightful share of the family fortune.
Eva is the second child, and incredibly resentful about it. She despises the fact that despite being so much more intelligent than Krauss, he's always above her just because he's older and a man. She's devoted her whole life to usurping Krauss' position, and then devoted her son's life to becoming the next heir instead of Krauss' daughter. When not scheming against her brother, she loves finding ways to torment and cruelly provoke her siblings, sister-in-law, and the servants.
Rudolf is the third, and with little hope of becoming heir, became a conman and a playboy (though he eventually settled down as a married man and white-collar criminal). Suffering from his sibling's bullying, he turned all their physical and emotional abuse on his sister Rosa. Though unlike Eva, he's stopped being cruel to her as an adult.
Rosa is the youngest sibling, and she's had a terrible life. Even as an adult, she's still terrified of Eva and acts dumb around her for fear of provoking her. But if she was given the opportunity, she could easily make them pay for what she's suffered.
The Princes of Stormhold
(Primus, Secundus, Tertius, Quartus, Quintus, Sextus and Septimus)
The last male descendant of the King gets to become the next king. So the brothers all go off killing each other so they can inherit the kingdom. they are pretty terrible to each other in that respect, but also a kingdom based on such succession is not going to be thriving like it could be.
(luckily they have a sister)
#worst siblings tournament#Round 1#Poll#Umineko#Stardust#stormhold#krauss ushiromiya#eva ushiromiya#rudolf ushiromiya#rosa ushiromiya#poll tournament
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‘Stardust’ gave him the space to grow
BY MARK OLSEN Los Angeles Times (X)
AUG. 5, 2007
In “Stardust,” the character Tristan Thorne finds himself in the fantastic realm of Stormhold, where he must protect a star, fallen from the sky in the form of a beautiful young woman, from all manner of dangers and pitfalls, including pirates, witches and ruthless princes.
Tristan is played by Charlie Cox, 24, who found himself plunged into a leading role as a romantic foil opposite Claire Danes and alongside such mega-wattage costars as Robert De Niro and Michelle Pfeiffer. Yet before he could set off on his magical journey of Hollywood enchantment, Cox faced what turned out to be perhaps the biggest challenge of the role -- simply winning the part.
Director, producer and co-writer Matthew Vaughn first saw Cox on an audition tape the actor had done for another project and didn’t think he fit the part of Thorne. Vaughn, already having seen hundreds of actors for Tristan, eventually gave in to the casting director and agreed to meet Cox. As soon as the young actor entered the room Vaughn knew he’d found his Tristan.
Almost.
As so much of the story revolves around the burgeoning romance between Tristan, a shop boy yearning for a life of adventure, and Yvaine, the fallen star, Vaughn couldn’t fully commit to Cox until he found his leading lady as well.
“The whole point was to find the couple,” explained Cox. “Matthew’s very serious about this. Chemistry on screen, you can’t act it, it’s got to just be there. So he said, ‘I can’t just cast one of you.’ ”
Vaughn knew he was asking a lot of Cox, putting him on the cusp of a big break while also potentially setting him up for a whole lot of nothing.
“I said to poor Charlie, ‘You haven’t got the part until I find Yvaine,’ ” recalled Vaughn, “because it’s about having the right chemistry. I might find an Yvaine and suddenly you’re not right. So I said, ‘You’re going to have to bear with me for a bit.’ And so every time we auditioned the girl, they auditioned with Charlie.”
“Stardust,” based on the book by Neil Gaiman and co-written by Jane Goldman, has a very specific tone and feel, something like a pop-up storybook come to life. Along their way Tristan and Yvaine must fight off a witch who wants to cut out Yvaine’s heart for everlasting life, a set of princes scheming after the jewel around her neck to ascend to the throne of Stormhold, and assorted other extraordinary perils. Grounding this all is the rather sweet, slightly screwball relationship that emerges between Tristan and Yvaine.
As Tristan, Cox somehow manages to walk a tightrope between matinee-idol dashing and puckish whimsy, as the film veers from a childlike innocence to an absurdist, Candide-style picaresque. He largely functions as the audience’s emissary to a world of magic and wonder, where anything might and does happen.
As the story progresses, his character evolves from sweet, simple bumbler to swashbuckling adventure hero. The lack of baggage viewers have toward Cox from previous roles is part of what helps to make his transformation convincing.
“That’s why I wanted an unknown,” said Vaughn. “You genuinely see him grow in front of you without realizing it. If it’s Orlando Bloom all geeked up, you know he’s going to take off his glasses and get a new haircut -- ‘Hey, I’m Orlando, the hero.’
“A lot of people could play the nerd part well, the awkward teen, but couldn’t play the hero. And a lot of people could play the hero well but couldn’t do the nerdy guy.”
A stepped-up challenge
Cox, a London native, dropped out of drama school when he was cast in a small role in “The Merchant of Venice” starring Al Pacino. He would then land a supporting role as the brother of Sienna Miller (a “Stardust” costar) in “Casanova.”
None of his experiences quite prepared him for the physical and emotional challenges of playing the lead in a film such as “Stardust,” where suddenly he was working nearly every single day for four months and sharing major screen time with major stars.
“It really helped my character,” said Cox of his own amazement and bewilderment at finding himself with such a plum role. “In the same way that Tristan is in the story, I’m entering uncharted territory. Every day is something I’ve not experienced before. When I think back on my experiences on the film, and even to some extent doing this stuff” -- and with this he casts both hands around the plush hotel suite in which he is sitting, acknowledging the catered lunch, the inquiring journalist and the small cabal of handlers in the next room -- “I’m bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, a bit like a rabbit in the headlights and trying to keep myself together.”
At the recent Los Angeles premiere of “Stardust,” Cox looked dorkily dapper in a three-piece suit and cheerfully posed for photos with all of his costars. He worked his way down to the farthest reaches of the press line, daring to go where bold-faced names rarely do. He needed to be frequently prodded along by a minder, having not yet mastered the tricky maneuver of the polite but definitive disengagement.
As he entered the lobby of the theater he was greeted by a coterie of the well-wishers and glad-handers who attend such events. Soon after, De Niro and Pfeiffer entered through the same doors and Cox was suddenly swept aside by a celebrity undertow, momentarily lost as the crowd rolled toward his costars.
The Hollywood pecking order has a way of constantly reminding who fits where, but for now Cox is more than happy with what “Stardust” has done for him.
“I know people complain about it, ‘Oh, this junket’s a lot of work,’ ” he said earlier. “But right now, this is what you work toward. I’ve done films where I would have loved to have been asked what it was like to do the movie, how I got the role or how I feel about this business, but I’ve just not been significant enough.”
#well they certainly got the chemistry right 🥰💞#charlie cox#tristan thorn#stardust 2007#matthew vaughn#interview#article#baby charlie
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I watched Stardust last Night and you cannot tell me that stuff hasn’t inspired acotar.
The seven princes of Stormhold killing each other for their father’s throne?
The fallen star Yvaine who literally looks like Aelin?
The witch queen and her sisters hunting down Yvaine to eat her heart (yes) and regain their youth and beauty?
The forbidden wall?
Their freaking land is called FAERIE ?
"Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?" Pointless, really..."Do the stars gaze back?" Now, that's a question.
I mean…
#has anyone seen this movie and can confirm i’m not making things up?#it all gives me major prythian vibes#stardust 2007#acotar
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Chapter 31: Then, Logan
[AO3 Link]
It was Roman who broke through the gates of the Empire capital.
Their first battalion was pinned to the edge of the cliff. Unable to advance beyond the magically reinforced city gates, the troops had been forced to retreat rather than sit as free targets for the Stormhold archers and mages posted atop the city wall. The crowding blocked the rest of the army from scaling the last leg of the mountain. It was a strategic bottleneck that Logan had warned against, yet no solution had been found.
"Yo, we need a Centauri over here!"
That was Remus’ shout- he and Roman were stationed with the second wave of troops, but were as impatient as ever. They were both pushing their way through to reach Patton and Logan.
"Pat- er, Prince Centauri." Roman’s voice was urgent, but no doubt his manners had been ingrained into him since childhood, because he still gave Patton a respectful nod as he approached. "Can you cover me?”
Patton looked confused for a moment. But then Roman gestured out toward the city gates, and the brief swathe of no man's land before it, and that confusion became realization. Patton nodded.
“Be careful,” he warned, with a glance toward Logan. Then, the fresh scent of a cool morning breeze swirled around them all as Patton wove together a spell that would shield both Roman and himself. The wards formed, a shimmering sky-blue color; and Roman, sword in hand, charged.
[continue on AO3] | [start from beginning]
#sanders sides fic#ts fic#intrulogical#remus sanders#logan sanders#kye writes#archduke of demonic cultivation
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Stardust can not be reminding me of the princes of Stormhold's tattoos right now, it's rude
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#𝗙𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗠𝗔𝗚𝗜𝗖𝗔𝗘. a private / mutuals only + selective multimuse roleplay blog of assorted fairytale, disney and folklore muses. mature content, MINORS DNI. reimagined by 𝑠𝑘𝑦𝑒 (she/they), twenty-eight.
ft. mary lennox & colin craven of ‘the secret garden’, gwyn of locksley & philip of england of ‘princess of thieves’ + others.
𝗣𝗥𝗜𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗬 𝗠𝗨𝗦𝗘𝗦.
𝗬𝗩𝗔𝗜𝗡𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗥, who loved to observe the actions of humans down below until she was knocked from the heavens by the Power of Stormhold, a topaz that marks its bearer as the ruler of the land.
fc. tbdecided. from. stardust
𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗬 𝗟𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗢𝗫, orphaned only child sent from her lonely, privileged home in india, to the moors of yorkshire and misslethwaite manor, under the care of her late aunt’s husband, lord archibald craven. there she meets her only blood relative, an unknown cousin in the frail colin craven.
fc. dominique devenport (in sisi) from. the secret garden
𝗚𝗪𝗬𝗡 𝗢𝗙 𝗟𝗢𝗖𝗞𝗦𝗟𝗘𝗬, the only child of outlaw robin of locksley ‘robin hood’ and maid marian, overlooked by her foes and stifled by her father. when her father is taken prisoner after the death of king of england, she rallies to his aid in a secret revolution to free him, and seat the kings son & heir, prince philip, upon the throne.
fc. alicia vikander (in the seventh son) from. princess of thieves
𝗖𝗢𝗟𝗜𝗡 𝗖𝗥𝗔𝗩𝗘𝗡, the only child of absent, grief-stricken lord archibal craven, bed-bound, raised in solitude and brainwashed to believe he was destined to die at any moment. he left his room, finally, at age eleven when his cousin mary lennox comes to his home in misslethwaite manor.
fc. toby regbo (in reign) from. the secret garden
𝗣𝗢𝗧𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗜𝗔𝗟 / 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗠𝗨𝗦𝗘𝗦.
𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗖𝗘 𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦𝗟𝗘𝗜𝗚𝗛, a wealthy young woman come trade route sea captain and apprentice, the champion of the white queen, mirana of marmoreal. after facing down the jabberwocky and saving underland, she is skilled in combat and is now freely able to travel between this world and the world of underland.
fc. mia wazikowska (in alice in wonderland) from. alice in wonderland
𝗣𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗖𝗘 𝗣𝗛𝗜𝗟𝗜𝗣 𝗢𝗙 𝗘𝗡𝗚𝗟𝗔𝗡𝗗, tba.
fc. henry cavill (in the tudors) from. princess of thieves
𝗕𝗥𝗜𝗔𝗥 𝗥𝗢𝗦𝗘 / 𝗔𝗨𝗥𝗢𝗥𝗔, here
fc. holliday grainger (in the borgias) from. sleeping beauty
𝗣𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗖𝗘𝗦𝗦 𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗔, the sixth & second-youngest daughter of king triton, and the princess of the adriatic sea.
fc. yael groblas (in reign) from. the little mermaid
𝗚𝗜𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗟𝗘, a young maiden in the land of andalasia who has been kept in a fairytale-like cottage to await her true love.
fc. eleanor tomlinson (in poldark) from. enchanted, pre-canon
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Stardust: Royal Pains
Chapter 2: Danse Macabre
Summary of Body Swaps:
Primus - Septimus (Can’t walk)
Secundus - Quartus (Constantly Shivering)
Tertias - Primus (Can’t talk)
Quartus - Secundus (Can’t move)
Quintus - Sextus (Can’t touch anything or their skin will stick to it)
Sextus - Tertius (Intense chest pains and shortness of breath)
Septimus - Quintus (Memory impaired)
Chapter 1
The seven brothers glared at each other in tense silence for a while. Secundus, who currently possessed Quartus, finally spoke up through his intense shivering.
“W-what k-kind of m-m-ma-magic can d-do thissss?!”
“The ironic kind?” Quartus smirked from Secundus’s broken body.
“How are any of us living right now?” Primus frowned through Septimus’s brows. “These bodies are broken- some more than others.” He’d look over at the body of Secundus.
“I don’t mind. I can’t feel any of it.” Quartus gave a self satisfied smirk from Secundus’s body. “Besides, whoever hired these goons to bring us back must know a way to fix us.”
“Even if they do, I’ll just have to kill you all again seeing as I’m king now.” The other brothers looked over to Septimus possessing Quintus’s body.
“You’re n-n-not king.” Secundus growled.
“I found the stone. I’m king.”
“Septimus, you’re dead. Our nephew, Tristan is king.” Primus explained.
“Who is Tristan?! Which one of you had a son?!”
“Una. Don’t you remember?”
“Of course I remember… who is Una?”
“I think that axe wound might be treating your memory poorly.” Quintus smirked from Sextus’s body.
“What axe wound?” He lifted a hand to feel the gaping hole in his head then back down at his hands before looking over at his body staring at him. “Why is my body looking at me?!”
“Because our souls are in the wrong bodies. I’m Primus.”
“Why did it have to be you?” Septimus grumbled and Primus sighed heavily.
“Why couldn’t you have been in my body- then you’d at least be quiet.” Primus looked over at his body who he knew from process of elimination must be possessed by Tertius who was glaring at him angrily.
“Una has a son?” Septimus whispered and shook his head. “I traded Una to a witch over a decade ago how does she have a son?”
“You sold off Una?!” All the other brothers glared at him.
“..what? I didn’t kill her.”
“We all loved Una, how could you do that?!”
“Because you loved her! She made us all soft! I never could have killed Quintus if she stayed around.”
“Una didn’t deserve that, Septimus. Your quarrel was with us, not her.” Primus frowned and Septimus became even more irritable at his own face glaring at him.
“I should have killed her.”
“If you had, we’d all be stuck as ghosts right now.” Sextus growled from Tertias’s body.
“As opposed to these broken bodies?!” Septimus growled back before clutching his head and blinking a few times before looking up at Primus.
“..why is my body looking at me?”
“Oh here we go again.” The other brothers groaned.
“Keep it down back there. We’re approaching the castle.” One of the cloaked figures yelled back to them. “We don’t need to concern anyone with you all looking.. like that.”
The princes grumbled but all silently agreed they did not want to be seen in their current states. The wagon was pulled into the castle and escorted to the royal stables. The cloaked figures came around to the back of the wagon once it was stopped. “Alright, let’s go.”
Septimus furrowed his brow at the cloaked figure and saw the stone they were holding. “That’s my stone!” He reached for the crystal but the cloaked figure backed up just out of his reach. Septimus leapt from the back of the wagon, bat wings unfurling from his back and fire slipping out the side of his mouth as he snarled. “Give me the stone!”
“Oh no, he’s going full dragon.” Quintus looked over at Primus. “You’ll have to stop him before he gets too heated and burns the place down!”
Primus barked at his brother as he painfully drug himself to the edge of the wagon. “Septimus! That’s not the stone!”
Septimus turned around and furrowed his brow. “Who are you?!” He stormed towards Primus and lifted him from the wagon and shoved him against the nearest wall.
“I’m your brother! Primus!”
“You expect me to believe that?!” Septimus spat small sparks of flame.
Primus grabbed onto Septimus’s arm and looked over to Quintus who nodded. “Sorry brother.” He bit hard into Septimus’s arm- which was really Quintus’s. Septimus howled as he was bitten by his own body, feeling the sharp pain of his second layer of teeth. The cloaked figures came over to help Primus but as the did, a burst of flame shot out of Septimus’s mouth and into the air. The crystal one of them had been holding fell to the ground and shattered causing all the princes to fall unconscious to the ground.
“Well… that went well.” The shorter cloaked figure quipped.
“Let’s just get them inside before they cause any more trouble.”
#stardust (2007)#stormhold princes#prince Primus#prince Secundus#prince Tertius#prince Quartus#prince Quintus#prince Sextus#prince Septimus
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The Stormhold Princes
#stardust (2007)#prince Primus#prince Secundus#prince tertius#prince Quartus#prince Quintus#prince Sextus#prince Septimus
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HAEMOGLOBIN!!!
ok so stardust is about this kid Tristan thorn who is the son of this guy Dunstan thorn and this faerie woman. In the prologue, Dustan and the faerie woman Do The Do and then the faerie woman goes back to faerie because where dunstan/Tristan lives is this town called wall and once every nine years on the mayday the meadow beyond the wall welcomes the faerie market and thats how Dunstan and the faerie woman met anyway so after they fricked the frack the faerie woman went back to being enslaved by this very unkind witch who turned her into a peacock for her troubles and Dunstan went and married a very nice woman who pretended Tristan was her baby when he turned up on the doorstep in a basket and so they raised him like that
FLASH FORWARD EIGHTEEN YEARS Tristan has never been allowed to go to the faerie festival. He is very close with his father and not as close with his mother. And he’s head over heels for this girl Victoria forester and one night he’s like eyyyy Victoria heres all the things I would do to win your heart and its very romantic etc etc and anyway they see a star fall to the ground in the far distance and Victoria is like bring that star to me and I will give you your heart’s desire and Tristan is like Bet and he goes on his merry way with a full endorsement from his father
Anyway he crosses the border into faerie and he meets this short little man who feeds him things and gives him a candle that will take him miles in one step (its magical) and he also learns that he knows the locations of Literally Anything in faerie as long as it is an established place like it can’t be a person
CUT BACK TO WHEN THE STAR FALLS, BUT FROM THE POINT OF VIEW OF FAERIE
The lord of the stormhold is dying. His three sons, Primus, septimus, and secundus (the others were all killed by each other) are all wondering who will be the next lord of stormhold. Anyway he takes this stone he’s wearing and YEETS it out the window like fucking FAR. It hits a star and they both fall to the ground and the lord is like ok whoever brings that stone back to the stormhold will be the next king. And then he dies.
AT THE SAME TIME, A COTTAGE OF WITCHES OBSERVES THE STAR FALLING AND ARE INCREDIBLY HAPPY ABOUT IT
Why, you may ask? Well, my heart, there are six of them. Three are youthful as ever, and three are not. The three who are not wish to be youthful again, but they can only do so by eating the heart of a star. So they draw straws and the one that wins eats the last piece of the last heart they had and she becomes youthful but only for a little while. You see, she needs the heart of that new star.
ANYWAY TRISTAN MAKES IT TO THE CLEARING USING THAT FANCY CANDLE HE GOT BUT O H N O IT BURNS ALMOST OUT!!! HES STUCK!!! HES TRAVELLED HUNDREDS OF MILES IN MINUTES, SURELY IT WILL TAKE SIMPLY M O N T H S TO GET BACK!!
Ah but check it out theres this really pretty girl here and she’s shining in the night almost like the stars WAIT A MINUTE-
Yeah the star is a girl (its a romance what do you think)
She broke her leg when she fell and is pretty much like. Broken. Anyway Tristan comes up to her and is like hey. You are my kidnappee now. I have to give you to the love my life so she’ll marry me. And the star is like weird flex but ok and then Tristan puts a chain on her (not good) and then they go on their merry way (not really they’re kind of stuck and shit out of luck)
AT THE SAME TIME THE PRINCES OF STORMHOLD (THERE ARE TWO LEFT BECAUSE SEPTIMUS KILLED SECUNDUS) ARE CHASING EACH OTHER AND PRIMUS IS TRYING HIS LEVEL BEST NOT TO DIE! HE DOES SMART STUFF ETC ETC
MEANWHILE THE NOW YOUTHFUL WITCH IS ON HER MERRY WAY TO FINDING THE STAR! She stops at a caravan of a familiar looking old woman with a very familiar peacock and is like hey I’m a witch you’re a witch lets be besties and the old witch (who is the old witch from the market if you did not catch on) is like aight bet and then she puts truth serum in the youthful witch’s food and she’s like hehehehe I’m so smart anyway whats new Scooby doo and the youthful witch has to tell her but when she does she is like I cast this spell upon ye that you will never remember any of this you will never see this star so long as you shall live (hold on to that its important) and then the youthful witch goes back to the search (the peacock the other witch had is watching all of this very disdainfully)
Also Tristan and the star have found a unicorn! They’re riding it now. And the star is like so I got knocked out of the sky because SOME DUMB FUCK THREW A ROCK AT ME and she pulls out the rock that the lord of the stormhold threw and she’s like this is so fucking dumb Tristan look how dumb this is and Tristan is like yes I see how dumb it is and she’s like good will you let me go now and he’s like no
uhhh. Things happen. They bond over shit.
THE STAR MAKES A BREAK FOR IT WHEN TRISTAN GOES INTO TOWN FOR FOOD!!! SHE TAKES THE UNICORN AND FUCKING G O E S! Tristan goes after her LITERALLY ONLY BECAUSE HE WANTS TO GET WITH VICTORIA NO OTHER REASON along the way he meets this very nice man who says his name is Primus and he has this very nice carriage! How nice!
AT THE SAME TIME
THE WITCH HAS SET UP A POPUP IN RIGHT IN THE PATH OF THE STAR! THIS IS WHERE SHE WILL LAY HER TRAP! She transfigures two goats to be the innkeeper (her husband) and a pot-maid (basically a servant) and then she waits! Eventually, the star (who’s name is yvaine) happens upon the inn. Salvation, at last!!!
pay no attention to the innkeeper’s wife, who is sharpening a knife and licking her lips. All is well.
Also yvaine doesn’t eat food or drink anything because she subsists on the moonshine or some shit
Ok back to Tristan who has spent some time in this carriage with this fellow Primus and they’ve just happened upon an inn!!! How nice!!! Tristan volunteers to sleep in the barn with the horses and theres a white horse back there too but no matter he’s too tired Primus tells him he’ll get the pot-maid to bring out some brandy and thats the end of it.
UNTIL!!! THE BRANDY IS BROUGHT OUT!!! AND JUST AS HE GOES TO DRINK IT!!! THE STABLE CRASHES AND THE UNICORN COMES BURSTING THROUGH AND STICKS HIS HORN IN IT!!! TRISTAN RECALLS SOMETHING: UNICORN HORN NEUTRALIZES POISON!!! GASP!!! HE’S ALMOST BEEN POISONED!!!
HE RUSHES INSIDE
AT THE SAME MOMENT
THE WITCH IS GETTING CREEPIER AND PRIMUS IS TRYING HIS BEST
TRISTAN BREAKS IN AND IS LIKE PRIMUS BRO I ALMOST GOT POISONED SHE ALMOST POISONED ME AND THEN HE SEES YVAINE AND HES LIKE OMG BABE IVE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU AND THEN ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE
THERE IS SHOUTING
THERE IS FIGHTING
THE WITCH KILLS PRIMUS
SHES COMING FOR YVAINE AND TRISTAN
BUT TRISTAN STILL HAS THE CANDLE
HE FASHIONS A WICK FROM HIS SHIRT AND THRUSTS IT INTO THE RAGING FIRE! HE AND YVAINE TAKE A STEP AND A STEP AND A STEP AND TRISTAN HOLDS THE CANDLE UNTIL IT BURNS OUT, SCARRING HIS HAND BEYOND BELIEF!!!
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
On a cloud. chilling.
The witch flees the in and septimus happens upon it and sees his dead brother and is like ha lol ur dead and then he’s like FUCK I DIDNT KILL YOU NOW I HAVE TO GO TAKE REVENGE ON THE PERSON WHO DID FUCK U BRO
So he goes to go kill the witch (he killed like all his brothers so he should be fine)
Ok and then Tristan and yvaine get picked up from the cloud by some flying people who know Tristan through that little fellow who gave him the candle in the beginning and they spend some time with them (a few weeks maybe?) they help to heal Tristan’s hand and yvaine’s leg, though it never heals correctly, so she always has a limp now
And eventually they get dropped off a ways away from wall (closer than they were but still far) and the flying people are like byeee!!! Lovely to meet u :))) and then Tristan and yvaine are like damn better get moving I guess
The witch is like hehehehe they want to get to wall let me set up camp in this pass which is the only way to get there hehehe no one will stop me!!! And septimus is like IM GONNA ARSON IT and he almost does but she catches him and is like BITCHBOY I AM A WITCH YOURE DUMB and then she kills him
Anyway yvaine and Tristan meet this old witch lady (its the same one with the bird and the peacock) and barter with her safe passage to wall because she’s headed there for the faerie market. They use this glass flower his dad gave him which he got from the faerie market himself. Weirdly enough the witch doesn’t notice yvaine or acknowledge her like???? At all???? Ok then and also she turns Tristan into a hamster because why the hell not
So they’re on their merry way to wall and tristan is a hamster and yvaine is still not noticed by the witch so she chills with the bird sometimes and the bird is nice very smart for a bird actually
And they of course pass by the home of the youthful witch who almost got arsoned but did not and also she’s not that youthful anymore and she’s like HALT and shit and she’s like WHAT HAVE YE IN UR CARAVAN and the old lady witch is like nothing hehehe just a hamster hehehe (and because she is cursed to never notice yvaine) the witch believes her!!! They escape thanks to the failings in the witch’s own spell!!!
BACK TO WALL!! THE FAERIE MARKET IS IN FULL SWING!! THEY TRY TO GO IN BUT ARE BARRED BY THESE GUARDS WHO ARE LIKE MMMM NAH AND TRISTAN IS LIKE GOTDAMN OK
So they go back to the faerie market and have a sleep with long romantic pauses (Tristan is seriously reconsidering marriage to Victoria at this point cos like. Yvaine is fucking great yk) and yvaine is like HE WILL NEVER LOVE ME BUT I WILL COPE BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I DO and in the morning its like TRISTAN THERES SOMEONE HERE FOR YOU and Tristan is like ah yes my lady love Victoria brb yvaine (because men) but actually its his sister who is like YOU FUCKER YOU WERE GONE AN ASS LONG TIME WHAT THE HELL and Tristan is like ah yes about that and then he sees Victoria who is like TRISTAN W MUST TALK IMMEDIATELY
Basically she eplxains that she is going to marry mr Monday (who once employed Tristan) and she is very happy but a promise is a promise and if he has her star then she will fulfill his heart’s desire and Tristan is like well I’m a Grown and Matured man now I DESIRE THAT YOU MARRY MR MONDAY LITERALLY THIS WEEK and also that I get to be with yvaine lets gooooo and Victoria is like FUCK YEAHHHH!!!! And so she and mr Monday get married
And Tristan is like yvaine can live with me in wall but also wall fucking sucks what if I just live in faerie forever that would fuck
Also yvaine can’t cross the border out of faerie bc then she turns into a rock (similar to the stone of stormhold which she still has btw)
WHEN VICTORIA AND MR MONDAY GET MARRIED THE PEACOCK WHO IS NOW A WOMAN FOR FAERIE MARKET REASONS IS LIKE AHA IM FREE!!! Because the terms of her enslavement were that she would be freed on a week where the moon lost her daughter (the stars are the moons daughters) and two Mondays came together in the same week (Victoria and mr Monday got married) and so she’s free now and she finds Tristan and is like SURPRISE BITCH IM UR MOM ALSO IM THE LAST REMAINING CHILD OF THE LORD OF STORMHOLD BET U DIDNT SEE THAT COMING DO U KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS OH YEAH UR THE FUCKEN LORD OF STORMHOLD COS UR BAE OVER THERE HAS THE ROCK
And Tristan is like wait no I don’t wanna and he and his mom are all ready to get up and arms and yvaine is like mmm I’m gonna go now and she wanders off and runs into NONE OTHER THAN THE NO-LONGER-YOUTHFUL-WITCH who luckily can’t get her heart anymore and they have a conversation and the no longer youthful witch is like I don’t get it why can’t I steal your heart and yvaine is like perhaps because it belongs to someone else (and it was at this point in the book that I came upon my brilliant idea) and then she throws a wanton glance at Tristan and the witch is like *insert that one hades meme here*
Anyway Tristan and his mom have it sorted that she’s (his mum) is gonna go back to the stormhold and be the interim ruler while he and yvaine make their own way and she’s like yeah ok and it turns out she’s such a fire queen that by the time (about six months later) yvaine and Tristan get there its so good they leave a note like “hey so we’re gonna stay out longer don’t begrudge us our travels xoxo gossip girl” and so they do that for a bit
Then they come back and Tristan and yvaine take over as the rulers of the stormhold and all is peaches and cream forever and ever and then Tristan dies and yvaine doesn’t but she does sit in a tower gazing at the stars for the end of time and no one ever mentions her limp
THE END
damn
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Still an amazing movie
#stardust 2007#tristan thorn#yvaine#dunstan thorn#princess una#king of stormhold#prince secundus#prince septimus#lamia#mormo#empousa#ditchwater sal
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back on my bullshit
#stardust#mark strong#teal#digital art#BAD art#kai's art#septimus#prince septimus#stormhold#ilan eshkeri#neil gaiman
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