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deans-baby-momma · 6 years

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Shakedown

A/N: Chapter 8. The last installment of My Hiatus Story, Life Without You. Season 14 premiere tonight! I'm excited, nervous, scared; just a myriad of emotions. Are you?

SERIES MASTERLIST

The joy of having Sam and Jack back in the Bunker was short-lived. Everyone was on edge, trying to come up with a viable plan to get rid of Michael while also saving Dean. Sam had called in everyone to help. Jody from Sioux Falls. Donna from Minnesota. Even Garth, the hunter turned werewolf (but still a hunter) and his wife Bess. Everyone was on hand and eager to help save Dean.

Many ideas had been thrown about and each one had a flaw. Sam was getting agitated, Cas was getting upset, even Bobby was getting annoyed. I was put in charge of the nephilim, who without his grace, was in the mindset of a child.

Jack's endless questions and curiosity was time-consuming. And it fell onto my shoulders to be a somewhat mother to not only him, but the few other children who were, for the time being, residing in the Bunker.

"I don't care Bobby," I hear Sam's raised voice echo through the halls. "We are going to find that asshole archangel and we are going to do whatever it takes to get my brother back!"

The response is not as loud and unclear as I head to the Dean-cave to corral the children for their lunch. Dean and I had spent a whole weekend about a year or so ago remodeling and redecorating one of the numerous empty rooms into a tv room/den so we could relax and watch movies. For years we had settled with a laptop screen and a motel bed for this but once Dean was gifted a huge flat screen television from a grateful client we decided this was the way to go. Albeit the television had turned out to be home to a cursed object and we ended up having to demolish it. I had replaced it with a safe and normal, non-cursed one for Dean's birthday, just earlier this year.

"Lunchtime guys!" The children and Jack looked toward me with smiles on their faces. "And yes, before you ask Jack, I cut the crusts off for you. Now, come on get to the kitchen and eat." I walk in and reach for the remote to click the screen off. The other kids run off toward the kitchen but Jack hangs back.

"You will make an excellent mother," he tells me. The grin on his face falters as he notices the tears in my eyes. "Did-did I say something wrong? Do you not want to be a good mother?"

I chuckle despite the tears. "No Jack. You didn't say anything wrong. These are happy tears. It's just my hormones. They are screwy with the pregnancy."

Jack nods as of he understands and exits the room, leaving me behind. I slink down into Dean's chair. The fabric still holds his scent, a mixture of gunpowder, motor oil and whiskey. I turn my head and simply breathe in the heady, yet sweet balm. I miss him so much already. I need him to get back to me, to is, safe and unharmed.

Wiping my tears, I stand up and straighten my shoulders. No time to be melancholy now.

The tension in the Bunker is thick. Sam has gone all Alpha male on everyone. He is beyond determined to get his brother back! He told me late one night recently that he can’t imagine a life without Dean in it and he doesn’t want to try.

“Dean has done so much--sacrificed so much--for me. If it’s the last thing I do on this Earth, I will bring him back to you, to me, to that baby.”

“But Sam,” I say, running my hand subconsciously over the obvious bump of my stomach. “You can’t kill yourself trying. You have to take breaks, rest. We need you too.”

He runs his fingers through his long brown hair. I stand and round the table we are sitting at and pull his head against my chest. The stubble on his chin thicker than usual, from worrying about saving Dean and not his own self. It tickles the bare skin of my arm as I wrap it around his neck. “Take care of yourself. Go get some sleep. Take a shower. Brush your teeth. Eat!” I hug his neck tightly before letting go to look him in the eye. “And something fulfilling. Not whatever you’ve been hoarding in your room.”

“Yes mom,” Sam says, a smile in his voice.

“I’m not your mom. You already have one.” I say as I smack the back of his head before he stands fully to where I can’t reach.

“You’re going to be a good mom to my niece or nephew,” Sam says and nods before leaving the room to hopefully do as I told him to.

Unfortunately, the next morning I am met with an even more haggard looking Sam. I knew from the minute I laid eyes on him in the kitchen, Sam Winchester had not gotten an ounce of rest and was already filling up on caffeine to get through another day of researching and analyzing how to get Dean back from Michael.

I shake my head as I reach into the fridge to grab stuff to make breakfast for the rest of the Bunker residents. Egg, bacon, sausage, frozen biscuits. Food to keep us all going and to keep us all optimistic.

Jack finds me in the library, curled up in one of the leather chairs in the corner. I’ve been doing my own investigations into how to get the archangel out of Dean’s body but have come up short on more than one occasion.

“Can I ask you something?”

I look up to see Jack, his face flushed and he seems to be bashful. He is holding his laptop, open, in his palms.

“What is it, Jack?”

“Did you and Dean have intercourse? Is that how the baby got inside you?”

I was glad I wasn’t in the process of drinking anything because his blunt questions had me gasping.

“Where--who told you that?”

“I watched a video on how babies are made. And it said that the mother, that’s you, and the father, Dean. They have intercourse and that’s how the baby is made. Dean put his penis inside--”

“Jack!” I say his name loudly, probably too loudly, to get his attention and shut him up. The nephilim looks at me curious and shy.

“Is that not how it happened?”

I take a breath to even my erratic heartbeat. I sit up straighter in the chair and nod to the one across from me for Jack to sit down. He complies, balancing his laptop on his knees.

“Yes, Jack. Dean and I had intercourse. Some people call it sex. Some call it making love. But apparently whatever video you watched, has told you the intimate details. So yes, Dean and I made love and from that love a baby was created. A baby that I will love unconditionally.”

“Even if Dean doesn’t make it back?”

“Don’t talk like that Jack,” I reprimand him. “Dean will be saved and he will make it back to us. Alive and well. You just have to keep thinking positive.”

“DO YOU EVEN CARE?”

“Yes, Sam, I do care. He is my son,” Mary answers her youngest’s question. “I love him. I want him back too!”

I listen to the argument from around the corner of the war room, in the hallway hidden from view.

“YOU DON’T ACT LIKE IT. YOUR SON IS BEING USED AS A MEAT SUIT FOR THE BIGGEST DOUCHE OF AN ANGEL OUT THERE AND YOU JUST SEEM SO INDIFFERENT. THIS IS YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD!”

Sam’s words echo through the room and make their way past my inconspicuous spot. Sam and his mother have been going at it all morning. Sam claiming Mary of being aloof and heartless about Dean being practically kidnapped and worn like a Halloween costume. Mary defending herself by saying she cares and she is working on her own devices to get Dean back.

“WE NEED TO BE WORKING TOGETHER THEN. PUT ALL OUR RESOURCES TOGETHER AND THEN COME TO A UNANIMOUS DECISION. NOT GO OFF HALF-COCKED, WITH HALF OF THE INFORMATION WE NEED. THAT’LL JUST KILL MORE OF US.”

“Sam, calm down sweetie,” Mary admonishes.

“CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN?” Sam’s voice raises more, if possible. “YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN WHEN THE ONE WHO BASICALLY RAISED ME IS OUT THERE BEING USED AND IS NOT IN CONTROL OF WHAT HAPPENS TO HIS BODY. WE DON’T EVEN KNOW IF HE IS AWARE OF WHAT MICHAEL IS DOING!!”

“Son, we are doing everything--” Bobby speaks up. I hear a crash and peek around the door to see that Sam has thrown a tome across the room, hitting and breaking a vase in the corner, the glass shattering to the floor and the water dripping from the perch.

“NO WE ARE GIVING HALF-ASSED ATTEMPTS TO FIND HIM.”

I leave my hiding spot to head back to the kitchen to grab a mop and bucket and trash can to clean up the mess in the war room. I hear Sam and Bobby pass the kitchen, heading back to the repurposed conference room, a room not frequently used towards the back of the Bunker but after everything Sam and Bobby had turned it into a hub for working to find ways to get Dean back.

I carry the bucket and mop to the war room, to be met with a downtrodden and distressed Mary. I squat to and begin picking up the shards of glass, making sure to give her her space. I like Mary but I also don’t want to crowd her or get into her space. They are all working so diligently to bring Dean back that I don’t want to get in the way.

“You don’t have to do that,” her timid voice sounds behind me. I drop a few shards into the trash can and turn to see her looking at me, a small smile on her face.

“Well, someone has to do it. And you all are working so hard.”

“Thank you. We all appreciate you,” Mary says as she joins me in the floor and begins helping to pick up the glass. “You are the glue that is holding everything else together, you know. You take care of all of us. You make sure we all are fed and well rested.”

“Sam isn’t,” I contradict.

“Not that you don’t try to get that big lug to,” Mary smiles. “I just want you to know I see what you do behind the scenes. And I know Dean will be grateful for it when he comes back.”

Tears prickle my eyelids at the thoughts of Dean coming home, coming back to me, back to his child; the one he knows nothing about.

“I sometimes wonder if he’d known about this little guy, if he would’ve still said yes.”

“He would,” I tell her. “I know Dean. I’ve known Dean for a decade. If he thinks his sacrifice would save people and make this world a better place, you can bet your ass he would’ve still said yes. Especially if it meant making a safe a better world for his child.”

Mary helps me finish cleaning and then makes her own way to the conference room at the back of the Bunker.

A noise catches my attention as I’m in my room, cleaning. I walk through the hall and can hear the distinct timbre of Castiel’s voice. I walk into the room and see the angel’s face. It is beaten and bloodied. I start to rush toward him as he says, “That means Dean dies too.”

I stop as the words permeate my ears. Then Jack’s voice sounds and it makes my blood boil. “Then he dies.” I can’t stop myself as I make my way to the nephilim and smack him across the face. The boy looks up at me as he holds his cheek in his hand. “I do not want to hear those words come from your mouth again!” I yell at him. “Dean is not going to die!”

I turn to Cas and grab his chin, lifting his face to inspect the damage.

“I am sorry you had to hear that,” he tells me.

I take a breath and focus on what needs to be done. I grab the towel from my shoulder and wipe the blood from his face. Not answering him, I continue cleaning his wounds.

Suddenly we hear a commotion and the majority of the adults who have been working tirelessly to save my boyfriend and baby daddy rushes into the room.

“We found him!” Sam announces. But before any plans can be made, the iron door above us opens and in walks Dean. Well, Dean’s body; Michael is in full control. I can tell just by the posture and the gait with which he approaches the balcony.

“Wrong. I have found you.”

@internationalmusicteacher @xxdragonagequeenxx @death-unbecomes-you @larajadeschmidt13 @mahalaraewolfe @thewinchesterchronicles @mannls @wayward-gypsy

#dean winchester #castiel #dean x reader #dean x you #angst #season13 #supernatural #spn13 #mary winchester #shakedown #hiatus2018 #sam winchester #jack kline #michael!dean #pregnancy #smidge of fluff

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dustydreamsanddirtyscars · 7 years

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“Do You Believe in Miracles?“

Short answer: No. Not in relation to “the Future”. Not when it comes to Supernatural. Not when it comes down to exactly this phrase, these words, this question and the “miracles” it entailed. But believing and belief played a huge part in this episode and after having re-watched it when not being just about to fall asleep I have to say I really have a couple of issues with the story and narrative of this episode. I may get wanky in the following, you have been warned!

I hadn’t exactly been excited about this episode yesterday during first watch, but rather indifferent. Today however, I see the flaws of the episode - and there were a few - in much more colour. It’s no secret that I have my fair share of issues with this season and that I am sad and disappointed about how little Dabb has used the potential of the general set up, but I don’t mean to go into that again. I do however feel the need to type out my frustration with the most recent episode anyway. So fair warning ahead, just skip the rest of this post and don’t continue reading past this, because it will be very critical and quite possibly may contain some slightly angry wordings on my part. You have been warned.

So with that out of the way, here goes nothing.

“Cas Ain’t Cas”

I think the main thing that really truly annoyed me even more on second watch than on first watch is how we are just watching a repeat of a repeat of a repeat when it comes to Castiel’s story and it is enraging, because essentially we are back in S6/7 with Cas making decisions on the Winchesters behalfs in order to keep them save and “going dark” in the process as Dean so expositionedly said in their conversation right before Cas betrays him again to steal the Colt. We have had this over and over and over again and it just keeps Cas from ever growing or even reaching some semblance of closure or healing, because he tries finding purgatory to keep the Winchesters save and unleashes leviathan into the world, he tries to save the world from Amara by saying yes to Lucifer and now once more Cas - just like Kelly - is losing his free will yet again (and yes, that is of course the reason why the writers absolutely needed to name drop the “Team Free Will”-phrase as the last 15 minutes of the episode see Cas reverting back, back to a time where he used to believe in destiny and a plan, all of which he abandoned and had grown out of, something he had overcome, which is why Cas’ almost drugged out smile and his lines about him now no longer feeling lost and having a mission and faith again is so upsetting) and is brainwashed by an unborn nephilim child. Essentially Cas once more isn’t really Cas and ends up hurting those who really care about him most: the Winchesters. To put it plainly: I am tired of this charade, of the same story over and over again. Especially as the rest of the season had made such a point about Cas finally seeming to truly move to a place where he’d chose to become human even maybe, which still to me will be the only arc to make sense for Cas.

“A Sad & Angry Dean!Girl”

But it wasn’t just Castiel’s story that was frustrating, something I am really majorly annoyed by at this point - and yes, I can admit that I am probably biased because I am a Dean!Girl - is how the entire season sees Dean making amends, being compassionate and understanding, showing all the time how empathic he is, how well he can read people and also proves that he doesn’t hold on to grudges all that long anymore even when he would have every freaking right to do so. Dean has been shown to be the one character to be screwed over by any other character the most this season. It’s people leaving him all over again. His mom (as the Woman in White)? Can’t wait to get away from her sons. His best friend? Leaving again and making the same mistake all of them have made before by doing something behind the others’ back to protect them and by not being honest and open with one another making it so much worse. Dean has shown concern and worry and has talked openly about his issues, but he isn’t met with the same treatment by others, instead he gets walked all over. By virtually anyone he meets. In seasons prior I would have felt content knowing this pattern would be broken and pay off at the end of the season, but we no longer live in Carver Era (dear lord, do I miss him), but Dabb is doing his thing and I don’t think that there will be a pay off in this regard, that there will be a focus on how Dean’s feelings, doubts and words have been rendered “not important” throughout the narrative by various instances, but how exactly that in the end will be the crux of the entire thing. I dont think that will happen, I don’t think there’ll be resolution. And it pains me for Dean, who tries so hard, but ends up hurt all the time by his loved ones - and the fact that they do things out of love for him doesn’t change anything about the fact that some actions still are far from okay.

“The Boyking Reloaded”

And last but not least let’s talk about the elephant, well the nephilim, in the room. I disliked this storyline and everything to do with Lucifer all along, but I just really dread how this storyline will continue to unfold in S13. Sure, I would love it immensly if Lucifer’s kid ended up as I said during live watch yesterday as rebelious as his father and would in contrast to him actually truly be on humanity’s side - it would be the biggest fuck you and lesson learnt for Lucifer and would bring him full circle and to walk in his father’s shoes, but let’s be honest. What are the chances the kid’s future will truly be this “dreamy wonderland” Cas and Kelly seem to see? With hellish squeaky sounds strewn in? And most of all what kind of story would they build from a world where everything’s alright? That doesn’t make for very interesting storytelling, simply because it lacks urgency and imminent danger. So while I’d much rather prefer the child to be at the very least portrayed as innocent, which was one of the key themes of the season, that exactly no child is born evil, but that the way we are raised shape and form us, I don’t think that option is truly anything to count on.

To me the thing they want to do with the nephilim is basically re-telling the Winchester story (and with that loosely playing with allusions that one may read as Sam and Dean not truly being brothers or that Sam may be a nephilim too). We have a mother (said to die soon after the child is born - sounds familiar?), basically called Mary by Daegon and very decidely and not very subtly working in the parallel here between Mary and Sam and how Kripke thought of Sam as a christ figure, etc.

Other Eyeroll-Worthy Moments of the Episode imo

Daegon: Seriously, such wasted potential for what the show could have turned into an interesting character. But I find it deeply infuriating how they basically limited her down to a power hungry fan girl of Lucifer, who just wanted to be with him and rule alongside him. Like... where is the feminism and emancipation in that? She was just following orders and yeah, the fact that Lucifer could torture her with his mind of course should let all alrm bells ringing for what Lucifer’s child is doing to Cas and Kelly no matter if it is honest and well intention or not - it remains mind control.

The fucking Colt: I mean, SERIOUSLY?! Wouldn’t Azael have thought of snatching the Colt from Dean’s hands and melting it into nothing in S2 too? He only needed it for the Hell gates to be opened, after that he could have just... destroyed it too. Like... if they really brought back the Colt to get ridd of it again in this fashion. Just... I have no words for such stupid decisions, not going to lie.

Joshua: He actually reminded me of Michael for some reason, but oh well... whatever. He’s gone now, so... why even make a big deal of the character? That said, maybe the show could bring Michael into the mix finally to get rid off Luci and his offspring. It would be interesting in so far as they also emphasized the “righteous man” bit. Maybe Dean will play an integral role in regards to the kid after all? Who am I kidding lol, the writers wouldn’t ever go there, because they don’t give a flying fuck about Dean focus.

The Impala and the Truck: I know people will say that I am overreading this, but the Impala as a symbol for Dean’s soul is “kidnapped” - lol literally as Kelly’s decision is driven by her child. Dean isn’t in control of the Impala, he has to stand and see his car drive off - kind of like he’s been treated and invalidated by multiple sources the season. So yeah, one may read this as a further possible connection between the kid and Dean, but that’s reaching. In any case, Dean fixing Cas’ truck is also rather symbolic of Dean’s role throughout the series and how he always tried to shoulder others burdens and help fix what’s wrong (even though of course he has helped messing up enough stuff himself of course).

So yeah, my biggest sadness over this season is how hollow it feels, how little emotion it conveys, it feels like the core of the show went missing somehow and I am left here standing at the side of the road desperately trying and hoping that maybe the Impala will pick me up and take me back to the time where I didn’t feel like this, but actually was captured and captivated by the stories of the characters of this small show called Supernatural that I love - which is why this season is so painful, because god, it can do so much better than this. So yeah, basically I am waiting for a miracle, but if SPN taught me one thing, there’s no such thing as miracles...

#SPN spoilers #SPN meta #Supernatural Meta #Wank for ts #Possible unpopular opinion #12x19 #The future #SPN criticism #I am sorry #I don't like to be negative and wanky #But this season is just so saddening and frustrating to me #I miss SPN #I miss the show I love #;_______________;

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