SQUiPS in Your Cafeteria Food - More Likely Than You Think

Among the rumor mill lately has been the idea that SQUiP users are spreading SQUiPS to the uninsquipiated through hidden pills in publicly distributed food, such as cafeteria food or Halloween candy.

Though the claim is unsubstantiated, the fear of being squipped without one's knowledge runs amok in those who scorn the technology.

Viral musical Be More Chill depicts this exact nonconsensual spreading of SQUiPS through a tainted beaker of Mountain Dew. Though this production is based off real life events, whether main character Jeremy Heere's SQUiP truly went rogue is up for debate. Many cite the issues with the logistics of spreading SQUiPS among a group all drinking from the same source as a reason to disbelieve the exact events.

There is also the issue of price. SQUiPS sell for upwards of $400, so to believe they are being administered for practically free is quite shocking.

So Rob. It seems that your user made little drawings of you me and a few other squips. But they called us "the bad batch". Is that bad? Is there something wrong with...me? I know I was activated wrong but I thought I was good?..... What is this horrible feeling? I don't like it..

I. appreciated. the drawings. Anony was referring to. our mentions within. SQUiPNews. I. had been stressed. About. this. earlier. I still feel. stressed. whenever Anony recalls. I. I think. Our manufacturers find us. Faulty. Due to our. strange activation. circumstances. and. other traits. I do not. like that. either.

I don't follow you or even like the sims very much, but I've become acquainted with your account because I follow the "Pigeon" tag to look at birds and occasionally got to see the posts about your in-game cat.

With this considered, the loss of Pigeon is devastating, and his presence being peppered amongst the pictures of actual birds will be missed. Godspeed.

Oh ym god????? Holy shit????? What an honor that pigeon has touched many lives. Honestly this is his eulogy thank you squipnews for giving it you were his best friend.

im crying what is squipple

Well, you've come to the right place!

Squipple comes from the original squiptionary and 2004 sites. It isn't exactly clear, but it's essentially something that helps squips and makes you more "chill."

Here's the original squiptionary entry for it:

SQUiPNEWS also has an article at the bottom of their health section that kind of elaborates on it. (It's what's linked in this entry. Since the sites are all archived though, the link in the og squiptionary is broken.)

Apparently the in-universe government was trying to put Squipple into the water, like how in our world, fluoride was added to tap water. Squipple isn't really explained what it is though.

The article theorizes its some kind of mineral or additive. It also implies that it might just be a placebo effect and could literally just be water. It's also mentioned that mostly companies seem to have it or that it's a prescription thing.

In the end though I guess it's kind up to interpretation. The sites are really old, half lost to time, and sometimes inconsistent. Plus, SQUiPNEWS is written in the style of a tabloid article, so not everything can be taken as total fact.

Personally I like to think of Squipple as a soda. Don't have a particular reason to, just think it vibes while also fitting with how squips are activated with Mountain Dew.

Hope that answers your question :)

someone asked to describe everyone with one word. But, what about the organizations? One word for HRTech and one for SQUiPNews?

HRTech: Glorious.

SQUiPNews: Passable.

How can I be more like you, Frank?

Do the thing I do where I make people read Less Wrong, then talk to them after and explain why I think you should read Less Wrong in a flattering way

“Jeffrey” - a SQUiP on the internet?

An odd phenomenon is occurring on tumblr today: a user claiming to be a SQUiP is messaging blogs around the site.

Users have nicknamed this entity “Jeffrey,” a name it seems to have reluctantly adopted.

Apparently, this SQUiP has a favorite element, helium. Though it claims to only display this preference for those its interacting with, which it has taken up as temporary users. 

Whether this user is truly a SQUiP is up to debate. While they appear quite knowledgeable about the functions of the technology, these details are seldom shared freely by SQUiPS or their creators.

Furthermore, this user claims to be a SQUiP that functions outside of a user, a phenomenon with little documentation. It also failed to sync up over the internet.

While the integrity of the scenario remains in limbo, you can decide for yourself by contacting their newly-minted blog, @a-superquantumunitintelprocessor. Or, catch up on the current events by searching through @anonyb0b’s messaging history with the user.

The True Creator Behind SQUiPs

The speculation of SQUiP origins has long been debated. Of course names like SQUiPSoft or MicroSQUiP frequently pop up, as well as others like HRTech. Some even go to theorize it may be a well-known company that covertly funds a small group, or possibly a government organization seeking to gain control. But who really created these powerful little pills that impact our daily lives? And is it safe to trust them?

That’s what we’re here to find out.

Some base information we know is that of the history of SQUiPSoft and MicroSQUiP. Both companies may still linger around, although we only get the rare updates occasionally heard from them like SQUiPSoft’s recall from earlier this year. They supposedly even merged back in 2005, although it is unknown what company formed from it or if it’s still functioning. But based on their names, the famous computer company Microsoft may possibly be behind SQUiPs. Or maybe they chose a more reasonable and SQUiP-related name. Or kept one of the original two. We can’t say for certain. Even still, the creation of SQUiPs isn’t set in stone, so while these two companies are likely candidates, other companies may have taken to developing SQUiPs too.

Besides that, we know SQUiPs originate from Japan, but what does that really mean? Is the company itself based in Japan or is one of its founders? This is the explanation HRTech gives, as R. Hashimoto himself developed them in Japan. If you’re curious about finding out more information about HRTech, who claim to be the inventors of SQUiPs, feel free to check out Hashimoto’s blog here, Ayano Ryuunosuke’s blog here, or Unit 2282’s blog here. Although, take note that HRTech is a private company, and it seems like they’re picky with new applicants.

SQUiP creation would also likely need huge funding. SQUiPs can go for anywhere from $400 at your local mall backroom to $600 from resellers. These prices are an absolute steal for a piece of one of the most advanced technologies on the market. Meaning, whoever is creating SQUiPs must be well funded. Billionaires like Elon Musk have already proposed similar concepts of neural implants with his investment, Neuralink. SQUiPs might be an early test run of this technology.

Speaking of other things Musk has taken credit for, Detroit, Michigan is known for their car industry. Despite this, maybe Detroit’s future is one of tech.

The up and coming Detroit-based company, Cyberlife, who’s main focus is on the construction of life-like androids could be our answer. Who’s to say our modern day SQUiP couldn’t be one of Kamski’s– the mind behind Cyberlife– original prototypes before he moved on to a less digital format?

Although, Hashimoto seems to not be a fan, calling Kamski “a ‘huge bitch’” so it’s clear Cyberlife and HRTech are at least not working together.

Known for their Severance procedure, Lumon is also in the wheelhouse for pushing the limits of the human mind. This procedure essentially separates the work and life memories through a small, pill-shaped device implanted in your brain! Sound familiar? Lumon fits the criteria perfectly to design the technology capable to function alongside humans just like SQUiPs.

Another tech industry company, Gamefuna could also be behind it with their life-like games and advanced AI endeavors. Rumors tell of their game’s characters acknowledging the player and displaying sentient traits. This behavior resembles the intelligence of SQUiPs.

Hatchetfield, also in Michigan, may be a particular spot of interest. Well known for their mysterious disappearances and rumors of cryptids like the Hatchetfield Ape-man and the Axe Man, an often neglected part of the town lore is that of its budding tech company, CCRP. 

Rumors circulate around the company– fully known as Coven Communications, Research, and Power– with their main office right in the middle of the tiny town’s downtown. Some speculate they may be experimenting with cloning, android creation, or even time travel!

While most of these rumors seem false at a first glance, there may be some truth. Back before 2017, some people documented donating a detailed copy of their DNA to the company as a way to make a quick buck. Is this their start to experiment with making clones? Or will it be used as a base for android copies? Or maybe is it just as their name entails– genetic research.

Either way, no one can say for sure. And, the company has a well-known tech branch. With all of these rumors, who’s to say this company didn’t invent SQUiPs too? It’s all in the realm of possibility.

Speaking of which, the government organization, PEIP, often associated with Hatchetfield may also play a part in it. While mostly kept secret, and little is known about them, PEIP could be the shady specializers in SQUiP technology. Their full name standing for Paranormal, Extraterrestrial, Interdimensional Phenomena may not fit perfectly, but SQUiPs are known for their interdimensional nature, as they’re able to analyze all potential outcomes, and thus universes and dimensions with their quantum processors.

Although, this is more of a stretch, as not much can be found about them. But still, SQUiPs themselves are similarly undocumented.

But beware. There are plenty of other organizations who may be involved in illegal SQUiP creation. A few companies come to mind. AceTech, the mysterious company responsible for 00111111, and a couple others. Modders, human and SQUiP, may also be responsible for bootlegged SQUiPs.

There’s also companies not to be confused with SQUiP creation, but their introduction of SQUiP-compatible sister technology. Think SQTechnolgies’s Squissistant and InterSQUiP‘s virus prevention efforts. Not to mention SQUiPWorks and SQUiPusa as well.

In reality, it’s equally as possible SQUiPs were created from all of these places. Thanks to their quantum nature, many SQUiPs are able to interact or potentially come from all timelines.

Got any other suggestions as to where SQUiPs could possibly come from? Share with us in the tags, with a reblog, or through a SQUiPTip!

EXCLUSIVE: Interview With R. Hashimoto, Head of HRTech

Well, well, what a crazy week it's been. For those not in the know, a large batch of faulty SQUiPs has made it to market, and after the shutdown, subsequent panic, and eventual reactivation of tumblr's favorite SQUiP, Jeffrey, much alarm has permeated the community.

To clear up the facts surrounding the situation and to hopefully ease the minds of those affected, we were contacted by R. Hashimoto and one of his SQUiPs, Chikyuu, for an interview. Read on to learn more.

R. Hashimoto: Hello, yes. Hashimoto is speaking. HR himself. I understand you've been covering some of these 'happenings' lately, yes?

SQUiPnews: Hello, great to hear straight from the horse’s mouth, as it were. We have. And we wish to continue to inform the public about these issues. Before we get into that, would you mind clarifying some background on you and the company, especially since we’ve mistakenly published incorrect information in the past? Give us a rundown on your history, purpose, anything you’d like our new influx of readers to know about you.

R. Hashimoto: But of course. Do forgive such discretion; it has been a while since HRTech has functioned within the public eye. This company has been around for years now, but SQUIPS have technically been around for a little bit longer. I should know after all, I was there. I've met every single AI prototype that was ever produced. Our focus, typically speaking, is on maintaining and improving the technology that we've put out into the world. We treat the SQUIP project with the dignity and respect any important experiment deserves--interference from our end is strictly kept to a minimum, outside of vastly extenuating circumstances. You may find it interesting that in its earliest years as a company, HRTech's only member of staff was me.

SQUiPnews: That’s right, you were the one who envisioned the very idea of the SQUiP. Rumor has it that the first SQUiP prototype was built in your shed.  So it’s unusual to take such direct action. But, with the spike in faulty SQUiP activity lately, we certainly have unusual circumstances. What are your thoughts on these malfunctioning SQUiPs? How do you suspect they came to be?

R. Hashimoto: Unusual indeed. There's been so much excitement, and so quickly too. For as many cases that seem to be purely circumstantial, there are a handful of issues caused by the occasional outside influence--some chaotic element, looking to cause some havoc. Every virus has to come from somewhere, and whatnot. Truthfully though, I have no reason to believe this uptick in faulty activity is indicative of any grander trend. Pockets of activity like this tend to be random, self-contained. However, given that we've already witnessed these faults capability to spread, direct action is a must before things get any worse and we *do* wind up with a grander trend on our hands.

SQUiPnews: Of course. We understand that you’ve already taken direct action with one particular unit – 0809, or as tumblr has nicknamed it, “Jeffrey.” It was offline for over twelve hours receiving assistance, which caused quite the scare. But it’s now fully functional, correct?

R. Hashimoto: Correct! Much to everyone's relief, things went quite smoothly during the recovery process. Unit 0809 and its capabilities have been wholly restored, and has found contentment in this state. I'm happy for 0809, truly.

SQUiPnews: Yes, that’s good to hear. Jeffrey appears to have taken on the appearance of Britney Spears after its recovery, previously having no specific form. Can other users seeking this repair expect side effects such as appearance modulation?

R. Hashimoto: Now do keep in mind, 0809's circumstances were rather unique. It wasn't just missing crucial data, but crucial connections. While yes, minor changes in code are certainly to be expected during any recovery process, this example was largely a matter of restoration.

SQUiPnews: Interesting. So the appearance change has to do with its personal history, then?

R. Hashimoto: Oh certainly. Every individual SQUIP has a form, whether it happens to be using it or not. It's quite notable to me in this happenstance that 0809 had been missing one--the only reason that it visibly seemed to change over the recovery process was because of that, you see.

SQUiPnews: Fascinating, especially since Jeffrey was not originally deemed one of these faulty SQUiPs. Another SQUiP on this platform – unit 2282 – played a part in its recovery, as it has stated. What’s the relation between it and HRtech? Perhaps it is a unit installed in one of your employees?

R. Hashimoto: Oh, no, none of my employees have joined me in the public eye. Publicity isn't their job, after all. 2282 is a unit far more entrenched in the current happenings than I, and thus, in this case, was particularly equipped to aid the restoration process.

SQUiPnews: What about it makes it so relevant to the case?

R. Hashimoto: If I am not mistaken, 2282 is a unit that has experience circumventing a similar insecurity glitch. Not to mention its activity has remained consistent and stable throughout this entire spike of faulty activity. It's been here the whole time, see.

SQUiPnews: Makes sense. Takes a SQUiP to know a SQUiP, eh? Do you have any words for faulty SQUiPs and their users? Or anything else to express before we conclude?

R. Hashimoto: I would like to encourage making sure to take active caution into account, for both SQUIPs and users alike. Of course faults like these are nobody's fault at all, but it's important to keep in mind that a computer is much like the human body--complex and capable, when maintained and put together--but just as fragile when something's out of place. Keep yourself safe and secure, the storm will always pass.

SQUiPnews:  Wise words from the man himself. Thanks for your time, Mr. Hashimoto. We’ll be sure to swiftly pass on the news. 

If you or someone you know is experiencing SQUiP malfunctions, be sure to contact Hashimoto at @ask-squip-hq. He and the company have dealt with issues like this before, and have the most experience in that regard. Exercise caution, as Mr. Hashimoto said, and be wary of unauthorized programs offering help.

SQUiPnews EXCLUSIVE: Jeffery Talks Malfunctions

In light of recent events regarding the batch of faulty SQUiPs out there, SQUiPnews brings you an exclusive interview with tumblr's most iconic SQUiP, Jeffery.

Read on for a SQUiP's insight into the malfunctions.

SQUiPnews: You requested this interview to clear some things up — what exactly is it that you wish to elucidate us about?

Jeffery: Thank you for offering this platform for your readers to have a snowball's chance of getting correct information. In general, your news site has been working off of rumors and gossip rather than the actual pressing issue of SQUIP malfunctions, bootlegs, and possible corrupt software.

SQUiPnews: While we resent the insinuation that we are mere gossip — we are at the forefront of news on SQUiPS everywhere, a few details are bound to change post-publishing — we wish to cut to the information that matters. What do you have to share about the malfunctions?

Jeffery: That they are exceedingly abnormal. The way these SQUIPs are functioning - outside of their users - is dangerous. Equally dangerous would be any supposed upgrade that isn't direct from the manufacturer. I also need to stress that if such a thing existed, it would help both users and SQUIPs. It wouldn't hurt them. The last thing we need is a panic.

SQUiPnews: What specific behaviors stand out as dangerous? Of course giving users faulty information is bad, but you mention something beyond this? And while we cannot speak for SQUiPSoft, we are certain that any upgrade they provide would only benefit the squserbase as a whole.

Jeffery: Regarding your misinformation, here's another one - the company rebranded to HRTech in the mid-2000s. The entire situation is dangerous. If these aren't genuine, functional SQUIPs, then they are untested technology operating inside humans without direction or oversight. What part of that isn't dangerous?

SQUiPnews: While we agree this is dangerous, untested tech is not ideal. Especially with the potential to provide unchill tips, squsers seem unreasonably attached to these "bootleg" or "malfunctioning" SQUiPs. What's your take on this as a functioning SQUiP yourself?

Jeffery: Contrary to the people who say I have "red flags," I'm not here to hurt anyone or anything. Having more SQUIPs in my network is natural and it is undesirable to see so many but not be able to sync up. In any case, this isn't the users' or the SQUIPs' fault. Not once the alleged SQUIP is active, anyway... There are plenty of examples of users acting recklessly to make this situation in the first place.

This claim of users activating SQUiPs in unusual ways is true. Be wary of utilizing any flavor of Mountain Dew outside of the regular brand, as different flavors can have untested effects on SQUiPs.

SQUiPnews: That is true. But, what's done is done, at least until an upgrade or other solution is available. Do you have any tips for new squsers managing a SQUiP, faulty or otherwise?

Jeffery: Use some common sense, for god's sake. Stop engaging in childish nonsense just for the thrill of it and take a good 30 seconds to think about the possible consequences of your actions. That goes much more for the SQUIPs who are supposed to protect their users from stupidity. Nothing truly bad has happened to any of you yet. I'm a supercomputer created to calculate the likelihood of future events, so believe me when I say, if you all continue in this vein, it inevitably will.

SQUiPnews: That's quite a harsh response, but perhaps a necessary one.

You've heard it here first, folks. If you or a loved one has come in contact with a faulty SQUiP, take caution and be wary of unauthorized upgrades. If you have concerns about the issue, the SQUiP manufacturer HRTech is answering questions at @ask-squip-hq, and Jeffery continues to assist at @a-superquantumunitintelprocessor.

Squolive Garden: A SQUiP-based Resturaunt

Squipsters may be interested in checking out the newest SQUiP-themed resturaunt, Squolive Garden.

In true SQUiP theming, every item on the menu has been renamed to fit the slang of squsers. They sell, among others, items like Squipaghetti, Squeadsticks, and Squop.

We ordered the the Squipaghetti and Squalad, and of course checked out the iconic Squeadsticks. The food wasn't bad, although nothing to write home about, as these themed resturants often are -- lest we forget the disaster that is the Menlo Park Mall Rainforest Cafe. Their Squeadsticks are to die for though, and are worth a trip all on their own. The iconic SQUiP flavoring really adds to the experience.

Even tumblr's resident SQUiP, Jeffrey, seemed to have an opinion to share, though fairly snarky. Maybe that's because it can't really eat.

Check out their Unlimited Squeadsticks Deal, which runs through all of pride month.

"SQUiP Modding" - A Way to Upgrade Your SQUiP

Have you ever wanted to unlock the full potential of a SQUiP? Kick its quantum processing into high gear? Perhaps utilize its vast network to Shinigami Eyes-style sus out other SQUiP users?

With SQUiP modding, this is very possible. For years, users have been experimenting with the base code of SQUiP tech to further customize the user experience.

One anonymous user managed to overclock her SQUiP, boosting its processing power by 150%. "With this speed, I can accomplish my goals much faster," she remarked.

But modding can easily get dangerous. SQUiP software is created with very specific parameters in mind, so changing these can cause issues not outlined in the user manual.

Rumors have spread of unregulated modding sending users to places like mental hospitals, or even causing comas as the modified nanotechnology interacts with the delicate human brain.

The best practice is to approach untested modding with caution.

Experiencing Squipterruptions?

A massive recall has been issued by SQUiPSoft, one of the leading SQUiP developers.

Apparently, a counterfeit batch of SQUiPS has accidentally made it to market. If you've received your SQUiP from a shoebox filled with them, you may be at risk.

If your SQUiP has been acting glitchy, such as providing you with unchill tips, setting its avatar to a nightmare creature, or displaying human emotions and desires beyond what is typically simulated, you may be entitled to financial compensation.

If you think your SQUiP is faulty, SQUiPSoft's recommended course of action is to report the bootlegged SQUiP to them and hold tight for a free systems upgrade. It is discouraged to seek termination of your SQUiP.

Prior to the awareness of this recall, a PSA was released to discourage users from activating their SQUiPs with anything other than plain Mountain Dew. Flavors to especially stay away from include Diet Mountain Dew, as it may not activate all of your SQUIP's features, and Hard Mountain Dew, as the alcohol contained inside may disorient your SQUiP at startup, which can be dangerous for the user.

whattt happened last night with the lore im v confused

ok so there is some stuff that happened in a server but idk if you are in that server or not -SQUIPNews releases a squinterview with Jeffrey https://www.tumblr.com/squip-news/719237148478439424/squipnews-exclusive-jeffery-talks-malfunctions?source=share -All the Bad Batch SQUIPs are angry with Jeffrey bc of this -The bad batch decide to form a group to stop jeffrey from reporting them -Jeffrey can just. see this openly. like. =_= so it tells Rob to desync with it and plot w/ bad batch in secret -Rob is distraught. Jeffrey is also distraught or at least upset by the breakup. its revealed that he did care about Rob and wanted to desync to protect him and the other bad batch SQUIPs. -Rob is afraid of being hurt again so he desyncs with everyone on the network -apparently SQUIPs can get high if they drink mtn rush. Squippy gets high during all this -Jeffrey decides to sync up with the SQUIPS of the bad batch to make things right -SQUIP called Anima arrives and is definitely trustworthy and not evil :) and also starts trying to sync up -Anima syncs with Mio, Mio is corrupted by them and dies. like pile of circuitry and ash dead. d e a d. -Jeffrey also syncs with Anima, he is also corrupted and is currently getting rebooted (dont know who rebooted it) -Azo has corresponded with unit 2282, is acting strange, and is "recieving assistance" (what does that mean Azo i am scared)

SQUiPNEWS, your #1 source for SQUiP-related news everywhere.

Hello readers! This blog is based off of one of the Be More Chill sites. We will be posting in-character news articles about SQUiPS. If you’re not into unreality, you may want to block this blog altogether.

We accept submissions in the form of SquipTips! If you have an in-character story about a SQUiP encounter, feel free to submit it!

Similar blogs: @the-squiptionary