I KNOW A LOT OF MATSU FANS STILL HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO WATCH THE NEW MOVIE SO HERE IT IS FANSUBBED!!!

got permission from op to post here ages ago but completely forgot!! ( sorry!! adhd ;o; )

it should take you to a page that looks like this:

you can just click on the file name and itll take u to the page with the video!

ENJOY!!

Pride | Part 7

Pairing: Doyoung, Y/N, new character, Johnny cameo Genre: Series | Smut | Angst | Crack | Fluff Warnings: as usual, language, little hand cut, same issues around mental health and unhealthy coping mechanisms, angsty, smutty scenario Words: 5.8K

Just one part to go peeps, Part 8 is going to be the last whoop whoop (I can create conflict and drama every chapter but after a while it’s kinda boring, so let’s end it soon lmao) 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 |  Part 8 THE END

The rain was pouring heavily on the roof as if a thousand fingers were tapping on it. You could see it slide down the little cabin’s windows, dragging down tree branches, frightening and beautiful at the same time. It was a cold night but you were feeling so cozy, skin bathed in the yellow hue of the fireplace. 

It was loud and scary outside, but you couldn't hear it. Not really. Your mind was foggy and occupied with so many things. It was difficult to express what those things were. But you knew what they formed altogether. Pleasure. 

Intense, breathtaking pleasure, traveling from the tip of your curled toes, up to your knees, bringing lust and passion all the way to your head, as a slow caress. 

The culprit was Doyoung. Or better, Doyoung’s tongue, while he was holding your thighs so tightly that you were seeing the bruises underneath his fingers. You wanted to see his eyes as well, you wanted to bath in that darkness full of desire, but they were closed. His eyebrows were furrowed as if concentrating and you ruffled the hair on his forehead, to drink in his every expression. When he let go of your clit, a little string of saliva connecting it to his tongue, you whined and arched your back, showing him everything that you wanted. His eyes pierced finally through yours and he smiled. Then those lips, still curved up teasingly, kissed your stomach, painfully slow, rising in a single line, going between your breasts, on your collar bones, on your neck and chin. He brought his hand up to cup your cheeks and rubbed your lower lip with his thumb. You opened your mouth, ready to fall into him, but a little sparkle at the corner of your eye got your attention elsewhere. Looking at his hand you felt your head a little less foggy. You blinked as if hallucinating. Was that a ring? He had no rings, you were sure about it. Why was a ring adorning his finger, but also, why was that fact making you feel so confused and uneasy? "Where did you get that from?", you asked grabbing his hand and analyzing the piece of jewelry. Doyoung looked at the ring first, then at your face with a chuckle. "What are you talking about?", he asked as well. "This is a wedding ring", you explained. Doyoung grinned. "Yes, I can't believe this either, my love". An unpleasant shiver caressed your spine and you already knew before looking. You could feel it. It was cold and secure around your finger as well. Near the other one, with a big stone on it. Your engagement and marriage rings. You gasped as if falling underwater. The corners of your vision started to get dark as blurry stains made it difficult to see. No, no, no, no. You swallowed. The air from your lungs disappeared and even if you tried hard to breathe, nothing came in as your focus shifted. Doyoung wasn’t on top of you anymore. You looked at him and his fiancé from above, the way her hand caressed his back, listening to their whispers and you found yourself panting. Again. No, please, no, stop. Let me alone. Please. I don’t want this. I don’t want it. Your legs kicked the covers and you sat up, hands restless, chin trembling and communicating that you were about to cry. Again. From a stupid dream haunting your nights. _____

You were the first thought that would wake Doyoung up in the morning. The last desire that lulled him to sleep at night. And in that split uncountable moment between consciousness and unconsciousness, he let himself flow. He promised to do it only in those circumstances when his rational side couldn't hold him in his grip. Even if lately he felt himself slowly slipping its hold every second more. Dreaming is only causing you pain, the Rational side would say. Not doing it is going to cause pain anyways, Doyoung would reply. Yes, but the first type of pain is going to end soon, it insisted. How do you know that? Doyoung would ask. I just know, it would get irritated. What if I don't care? Doyoung would inquire again. The Rational side wouldn’t reply as if tired to argue yet again.   What if I don't care about anything? Legit nothing in life matters. What if I just do whatever the fuck I want? Future me doesn't exist, does it? Only I do, right now. And right now I just want to fucking dream, alright? The Rational side was judging silently while Doyoung would get worked up by himself, in a pathetic fight. Let me, please, please, just let me dream for a second more. I beg of you. Okay? I beg. Just one second. Then I’ll stop. I promise. Just this time. Please. Please. Please. Doyoung would mumble to himself until finally forced to open his eyes and stare soullessly at the first rays of sun entering his room. Breathless. Ashamed. Defeated. Time’s up. No more dreaming, the Rational side’s little voice would wake up as well. ________ Jealousy was something you didn't want to think about. When Johnny was seeing other people, it felt like a sting in the heart, a little oh forming on your lips. You've made an effort to not let it be a selfish sentiment. I'm not a jealous person, you would say with a proud smile. But the truth was that you were. And after waking up, drenched in your own sweat after being so sure that your dreams were a reality before they could become nightmares, and even worse, fantasy, your chest would boil in pain. In pain and rage. You were so angry. You were so jealous. It was no more a sting, or a little oh, it was a hit in the stomach and a soundless scream. You would walk around to class, taking your exams, eating, talking, and laughing with your friends, but never alone, always with this ugly feeling on your shoulders. You felt jealous, possessive, selfish, hateful. You would alternate thoughts of I have to stop, I can’t change it, I can't be a bad person, with I'm a bad person, so what, I am like that, I feel that, that’s me, until feeling like you were driving yourself into madness. When you shook your rector’s hand, while the other was holding your degree, a few months had already passed after seeing Doyoung’s face for the last time. It felt like decades and a few days at the same time. “This is a new beginning, huh?”, Johnny’s face light up in a bright smile. You looked up at him and a soft fuzzy feeling flooded your chest. If Doyoung’s experience was helpful in some ways, one of it was the fact that you finally sorted out your feelings for your best friend. And he did as well, you could see it in the way his eyes looked free and calm, in the way his voice called your name, in the way he felt sorry for you after you told him everything that happened with Doyoung. It took you both some time, but you did it, and you started to breathe more easily after you saw Johnny’s understanding eyes instead of his previous jealous ones. He also realized that your romantic relationship wasn’t a healthy one and he felt better about himself for a long while giving the fault of your fights to Doyoung, when in reality, deep down, he knew you would have behaved like that towards each other anyways. Smiling back at him, you both linked arms and walked away to where your seats were. “I have good news”, you interrupted the silence, whispering to his ear after you sat down. “You know that company you said were hiring?”, you asked, building tension but unable to hide your smile. Johnny looked down at you with wide eyes. A few days before graduation, Johnny came up to you with the most euphoric expression. “Y/N, please apply to this job”, he slammed a piece of printed paper on your desk. You looked at it, confused, then up at him. “Why?”, you asked. Johnny breathed in as if preparing for the longest monologue of his life. “You must”, he just said though. He was so on the edge, sprinkling happiness like a child, that you found yourself chuckling. “Why don’t you apply to it? We’re graduating the same day. You also need a job”, you commented. Johnny crossed his arms on his chest. “You know I want to take a year off and travel the world. I won’t sit my ass in an office chair from 9 till 5, thank you very much. But you,” he shoved his finger into your face, “you love that kind of job, and this,” he slammed the paper again making you jolt, “it’s the perfect opportunity for you. Trust me. You’ll see. You’ll thank me”, he finished. You laughed and shrugged putting the paper inside your books. “Wait, they accepted you?”, now Johnny asked loudly, several heads in the graduation hall turning to hush you. You waved your hand in front of him as to indicate to keep his voice down. But then you nodded while a little smile forming on your lips. “Fuck!”, Johnny exclaimed. “I am- fuck!”, he just cursed again and hug you tightly. _______ Doyoung never realized it before how you were the reason for his every gesture. Not until you weren't there to hold him up anymore. He wasn't as melodramatic as to say that what he did now was pointless, but it had no real meaning either. Like it didn't have before meeting you. He was getting overwhelmed by everything now, he had no patience, every sound and image and person were unbearable. His thoughts were out of control. “You’re under great stress right now, Doyoung”. Doyoung sighed. Yeah, I know, old man. "It's just", he finally spoke slowly, staring out of that window yet again, "I'm always waiting for something", he added, trying hard to explain his thoughts. The therapist nodded. "It's always-", Doyoung paused again, recollecting himself, "-I always think like, it's going to be over soon, just a little bit. I’m assuring myself that this won’t last long, that it’s going to end. While my hands are itching and I can’t stay still. I am waiting and waiting and looking around for something. But what am I waiting for? Death?", he chuckled bitterly. The man in front of him shook his head with a sigh. He put his notes down and rested his elbows on his knees, eyes piercing over the eyeglasses frames. "The answer is - life, Doyoung”. Doyoung jerked his head towards the man as if someone punched him in the face. “You're not waiting for things to be over. You're waiting for things to start". ________ Your limbs were shaking and your throat was completely closed off not letting you even to swallow, as you clasped your hands together, playing with your fingernails. You had to explain to the guards why you had no pass to enter the building yet, then to explain what were you doing there, then you had to wait for a young girl, the HR director’s secretary, to take you to her boss - a woman with a dry smile on her face. “You have arrived at the right moment”, the young secretary smiled at you kindly while taking you through the company corridors, giving you a short tour. The place wasn’t just big. It was humongous. You were in the marketing wing at that moment, with an open mouth, in shock while passing near the windows seeing how tall the building actually was, while the secretary was about to tell you at which desk you will be spending the next few years of your life. This, if they don’t fire you sooner. “Really? What does that mean?”, you asked politely, entering the office. A few people raised their eyes from the computer, most didn’t, some of them were discussing between themselves, some of them were yelling into their phones before slamming it on the desk. Great, you sighed. Looks inviting.  “Tonight there’s a company party. It’s going to be a great occasion to get to know your colleagues. When there are alcohol and music, they all loosen up a lot”, she winked at you as if telling a secret. You smiled back grateful for her being the first person you had the pleasure to meet and not some random rude one. Then you sat down after she introduced you to the department manager, who promptly left you alone talking about being very busy in the same second the secretary left as well.  The evening approached fast as you spent the whole day trying to understand how the phone line worked, how to use the computer efficiently, what your first tasks were. You had to learn most of those things alone as the people you had to shadow were “too busy to babysit someone right now”. You sighed. You kinda knew it was going to be like this so you weren’t that surprised. Getting into such a big company right after graduating university was a big deal and you weren’t about to whine but you still hoped that after that night you’d have at least one new friend. At least someone to talk to you and that would want to answer your questions.  It took you a lot of effort to go back to your new small apartment after the exhausting day, to shower, to try to find something appropriate to wear to a party, but a classy one, but still, a party, to put on makeup again, to do your hair, then to come back to the company building, all before 9 pm. When you got out of the taxi, you were already sweating, heels pierced by the high heels, spirit crushed and mind absolutely ready to go to bed already. You didn’t really like parties in the first place, even during your university days, but you still had the energy to dance at least until 4 am and get completely hammered when in the mood. It definitely wasn’t the case anymore. Entering the hall you stopped to breathe in and out and just awkwardly looked around. All types of people were standing in small groups, smiling fakely, and chatting about boring stuff, probably work. Your outfit wasn’t too off, thankfully and you felt lowkey grateful that no one gave you any attention. You were the type of person to want to socialize but at your terms and being shoved in the middle of a group full of strangers didn’t sound very appealing at that moment. For how intimidating, it was still a pretty gathering. The high windows were letting people admire the little city lights against the dark night. Some waiters were walking around with tall glasses of champagne and finger food. It was alright, you reassured yourself. You could do it. Come on. You closed your eyes as if gathering courage, still standing in the frame of the tall door, and opening them again after a moment you made the first step inside. A waiter walked right in front of you so you awkwardly grabbed a glass to look occupied while strolling the place alone. Your feet took you towards the windows. Sipping on a drink and looking at the night view? Great plan when you have no idea what to do to yourself. So, you picked up the pace, as if physically needing to get to those windows as soon as possible. But you probably shouldn’t have as you suddenly felt a cold liquid all over your chest followed by a deep swear. “I apologize. I didn’t see you coming-”, the man spoke but soon his voice flattered, becoming a tiny sound then nothingness. You blinked a few times looking down your dripping dress, then at the hand holding the glass that just got the champagne all over you, then up at the man’s face. Two fiery eyes were wide enough for you to see yourself in them. "What are you doing here?", Doyoung asked with a breathy voice. You had no idea what a heart attack felt like but somehow, in that exact moment, you thought that you probably were about to die. Yes, definitely. This feels like dying. Your muscles were like paralyzed and your fingers couldn’t keep the grip around your glass anymore, letting it fall, making you close your eyes when it shattered all over the floor. Angry heys surrounded you as some fragments probably went flying to their faces but they sounded so far away. You weren’t able to understand anything that was happening so you just looked at the man in front of you moving in slow-motion. "I got this", his lips formed to someone, probably a waiter, while he knel. You imitated him, crouching down like an automaton, your limbs moving without your brain telling them what to do. Doyoung carefully gathered all the biggest pieces of glass and for some reason grabbed your hand afterward, calling you stupid all of a sudden.  "What?", you asked with a tiny voice, looking down. The party sounds started to return slowly, infiltrating in your brain and shaking your nerves just like the sting on your finger. "It's alright", you said, putting it inside your mouth and sucking on it. "It's just a little cut". Doyoung didn't comment on that and you knew that you probably could have understood what he was thinking by looking at his eyes, but you were too much of a coward to look up. He was still holding your wrist and all your brain cells were concentrated on that spot, trying to memorize the way his cool skin felt on yours. God, you missed it, you missed it so much that you were about to let yourself fall in an agonizing cry. Then you realized what you were doing and felt like running away. You can’t. Don’t feel. No. Stop. "Come", he spoke suddenly leaving all the mess behind and you couldn’t do anything else but to let yourself be dragged like a lifeless puppet. You looked at his back as he was walking in front of you, then at his styled black hair, you listened to the sound his dress shoes made on the marbled floor, then he let your hand go entering a small room. "There should be something here…", he mumbled by himself, opening and closing all the cabinets in the bathroom. It was a pretty one, not like the public ones on your floor. It looked luxurious and almost intimate as if it was private. Doyoung was standing in front of the sink, eyebrows furrowed as if trying to see better. You were left in the frame of the door, holding your wrist, finger raised up, weight shifting from one foot to another. The déjà-vu was so strong to leave you breathless. You wondered if Doyoung remembered as well. Or if he cared at all. You couldn't stop yourself from letting your eyes fall to his hands, afraid, trying to see the ring. God, oh God. No, please, no.  You felt all your blood abandon your brain. You felt like falling. It was there, shiny, adorning his pretty hands. So he did it. He actually did it. So quickly? It felt like years but only months passed from the last time you saw him. How was that possible? Wasn’t that a dream? You couldn’t believe it was actually reality. His number has been on your phone screen multiple times a day for the past months, fingers hovering over it, to call or not to call, to text or not to text. Then his voice had bounced on the walls of your mind every time. Let me go. Let me go. If you’re not giving anything to me, just let me go. Then his last kiss had ghosted your lips as if he had just kissed you one minute before that, and you would have gently caressed the thin skin with your fingertips. Was it your fault? Should you have just called, just once? Would that have helped you, him, both of you? Or did you do the right choice? Not contacting him at all, leaving him, letting him go? God. After all of this time. Your breath was still going missing. "Here". he turned around and getting closer, he handed you the wet cotton. You stared at it as if not understanding what he was saying. Right. It’s not like he was about to hold your hand again, taking care of you, making the scenario intimate, medicating the cut for you. This was no Tumblr fanfiction. This was reality. You took it with a trembling hand and placed it on your finger. It burnt like hell but the pain somehow helped you feel better. "I'm sorry", Doyoung then said. You looked up. "For spilling my drink on you", he explained quickly. You nodded. "It's alright", you answered with a tiny voice. And just when you thought that he would go away and leave you there just the way he did months ago, he spoke again. "There's no Johnny to lend us clothes this time, huh?", he joked with an uneasy little smile.  His eyes were curved in a warm half moon and you thought you could drown in that sweetness. "Yeah", you managed to say after a moment of silence, a little smile intruding on your lips as well. He remembered. He was thinking about the same thing. Your knees were feeling even weaker than before. Then you both bounced on the silence wall between you. "Why are you here?", he finally spoke after a little while, finally about what you both were dying to talk about. His voice was cautious and polite while you put a bandaid on your cut. He looked like speaking to a scared kitty and you were feeling like one indeed. “What are you doing here?”, you asked but as the words left your mouth you already knew. That was his company. Of course. You felt so stupid. You closed your eyes. Dammit, Johnny Suh. Doyoung sighed silently, as if a little uncomfortable, noticing how you knew the answer to that already. You suddenly panicked, realizing how that looked like to his eyes.  “No! I am not here because of you!”, you spluttered out quickly, feeling your eyes widen. “I didn’t know this was your father’s company. I really just thought about it. I had no idea. I swear-”, but he interrupted you by placing his hands on your shoulders. “Hey, hey, Y/N”, he spoke softly, “it’s alright”. You shook your head. “But it’s true. I don’t want you to think that I am here…” you added but drifting off, unsure what words to use. Doyoung let his arms fall slowly. “It’s fine. I believe you”, he assured you. “There’s no need to explain yourself”. You sighed, still frustrated but didn’t add anything else, not wanting to embarrass yourself even further. “Are you alone?”, he looked behind you as if expecting to see someone. “N-no”, you shook your head. “I am- with a man”. The last word sounding way too high to be considered normal conversational pitch. Doyoung looked down at you again, not saying anything for a few instances. “Let me take you to him, then”, he simply said and walked out of the bathroom. “Doyoung!”, you called before realizing how much you’ve missed having his name roll on your tongue. “Please, don’t bother. It’s alright”, you added when reaching him. He stopped, waiting for you to catch up. “I insist”, he replied sternly. “This is the least I can do to make it up to you for destroying your dress”. You knew how stubborn he could get and if you weren’t feeling so many different things altogether, you would have rolled your eyes at him. You sighed and followed him. Entering the hall again, you gulped and lifted yourself on the tiptoes, staring around the room as if effectively looking for your man. “Uhm-”, you murmured unsurely. Doyoung crossed his arms on his chest and looked around as well. “Uh…”, you were about to get a panic attack. What should you do? Be honest? Yes, be honest then go outside and dig a fucking hole to bury yourself in, you fucking loser. What were you thinking? Why was it necessary to tell him that you were over him? Why was it necessary to invent a stupid ass story? “There!”, you exclaimed after a minute and just walked hurriedly towards a random guy, praying that he would play along. Please, please, please. Doyoung followed you and as you reached the man’s shoulders you just slid your arm underneath his. The man turned around, reasonably surprised, and just looked at your wide eyes, telling him to just shut up and do what you were about to tell him to do. “I’m sorry for being away for so long. What a bad date I am, right?”, then you opened your mouth in a sequence of loud “ha ha ha”, making the guy feel even more uncomfortable. He furrowed his eyebrows at your almost desperate expression, not missing the way you were tilting your head towards Doyoung, standing with hands in his pockets behind you. “Oh”, the guy finally said as if finally understating. Then his eyes light up amused and he tugged at your arm, making you come closer. “It’s alright, darling. I hope you’re fine?”, he put on a worried expression eyeing your bandaged finger and holding your hand to look at it closely.   You looked at him, surprised that he was able to catch up on that so effortlessly but pleased at the same time. Thank God. “It’s just a little cut. I dropped my glass”, you explained and inhaled sharply as the guy brought your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles. It was so sudden that you definitely felt your heart flutter. “To make the boo-boo go away faster”, the guy explained as if obvious. Doyoung was still standing there like a big and dark shadow, so you turned around to face him when he cleared his throat. “Oh, Doyoung, hi, didn’t see you there”, the guy looked up as if suddenly aware of the other’s presence. “Yeah, sure. Then I’ll be going now. Take care”, Doyoung spoke directing the last phrases to you. “Wait, you guys know each other?”, you asked surprised, staring at one first then at the other. You were already preparing yourself for the embarrassing moment of having to introduce them to each other, not knowing what to say about Doyoung and not even knowing the guy’s name. The fact that you didn’t have to do that made the air feel slightly easier to breathe in but at the same time, a weird shiver of worry caressed your spine. The guy, indeed, pressed his hand on the small of your waist as a warning. You looked at him and saw the way he smiled, showing all of his teeth, speaking through them. “This is a company party, darling. We all work together. Did you forget?”, he asked with a tight smile. You swallowed nothing feeling your throat suddenly dry. “Oh yeah, haha, wow, I must be very tired”, you chuckled bringing one hand to your head as if suddenly exhausted. “Haha indeed”, the guy replied with a big smile but it was almost obvious that it was fake.  Doyoung looked at both of you, unamused as if watching a terrible play. You were about to say something else since the embarrassment was crawling on your skin, but you didn’t need to as Doyoung spared you of further awkwardness. “See you on Monday then, and please, for the love of God, help me finish that assignment, alright?”, he spoke. The guy put his hand on his hip with a daring face. “I’m too good to be your helper”, he smiled. You gasped. That guy was speaking like that to the CEO himself? Was he doing that to help you out? You tugged at his hand trying to tell him to stop, that there was no need for him to act like that. But Doyoung just sighed as if already used to that behavior and rolling his eyes he just walked away. You couldn’t help but look at his back and legs as they were drifting away every step more, as if praying for him to not go, not again. “What are you doing?”, you finally whispered concerned to the guy after taking your eyes off Doyoung. “Are you insane?” The guy looked at you as if you were the insane one between the two. And maybe he was right. “Aren’t you afraid he’s going to fire you?”, you asked again, explaining your shock. The guy furrowed his eyebrows at you as if not understanding, then he laughed. “Who? Doyoung?”, he laughed even harder. You looked at him confused. “He’s the CEO of this company. What are you laughing about?”, you were getting a little irritated. The guy swiped an imaginary tear out of his eye. “That loser wishes to be the CEO”, he commented. “What are you talking about?”. You felt your head hurting. He breathed in and out, suddenly bored, looking at you from head to toe, as if finally asking himself what the fuck do you want from him. “Who are you anyway?”, he asked. You puffed your cheeks. “Later! What do you mean he’s not the CEO?”, you asked urgently. “I mean”, he started, finally sliding his arm away from yours, “that he’s not the fucking CEO”, he finished. “We’re just co-workers. We work in the same department”. You unfocused your gaze as if thinking about what he has just said. The guy shook his head as if dealing with a weirdo and grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. “I just don’t understand”, you finally spoke again. The guy didn’t reply and just drank, but his face was screaming “because you’re fucking stupid”. Then you tugged at his arm, making him lean down towards you, closer to your face, and whispered to his ear. “He is the former CEO's son”, you shared the secret, wondering if Doyoung was working in a lower position to hide his origins. The guy listened with wide eyes then looked at you and gasped when you finished. “No. fucking. way”, he articulated theatrically.   “Hey”, he then stopped a random dude by slapping the back of his hand on his chest. “Did you know that Kim Doyoung from the IT department is - the CEO's son?”, he asked. You jolted and squeezed his arm as to stop him from talking. What the fuck was he doing? But the dude looked at him with no particular reaction besides pure confusion. “Yeah?”. The guy turned around to you with a fake surprised face. “Oh no! Did you hear that? Everyone knows!”, he exclaimed putting his hand on his cheek.  You stared at him for a few seconds, breathing in slowly, then you just hit his arm. The guy giggled at your reaction and sprinted one step away. “You’re a fucking asshole”, you accused him. “It’s just”, he laughed, “your face was priceless. You thought you were sharing a top-notch state secret. I can’t believe I’m having so much fun at a company party. I’m glad I came”, he said. You were shocked and angry. How dare this guy to mock you and laugh at you like that? You were already out of your own fucking mind because it was the first working day of your whole life, you’ve just met Doyoung after being sure to not see him again, you’ve discovered that he is indeed married after struggling with the most excruciating pain for months because of that, you acted in a full-on rom-com just now, and you still had to be the subject of this guy’s jokes? “Well, then why is he working such a low position as you when he can be the CEO?”, you tried to insult him, but the guy looked unbothered. “What is this? A Korean drama?”, he chuckled. “He can’t just climb the ladder with blood alone. He has to work his ass off just like everybody else. From the bottom”. You really had no idea what to do with all of the information roaming your head. What the fuck was that? Did he marry a random girl just to have a normal position in his own company? Did he sacrifice his life for something that anyone could have?  The guy looked at your expressionless face. “What’s up with this situation anyway? Was Doyoung bothering you before?”, he asked suddenly. You jerked your head towards him surprised. “What? No, why would he?”, you shook your head. “I mean, why wouldn’t he?”, the guy replied, staring you down with a little smirk. You rolled your eyes at his flirt.  “Well”, you crossed your arms on your chest, “maybe because he’s married?”, you said confidently and hoped he didn’t see the way your lower lip trembled while saying that. The guy choked on his drink. “He’s married?”, he asked shocked. “You didn’t know?”, you eyed him, secretly pleased that you were one step ahead of him but at the same time worried dead that you’ve just made a huge mistake by saying that. “He also has the ring”. The guy tilted his head to the side as if thinking. “That doesn’t look like a wedding ring to me”, he commented. “Not that I look at men’s hands or anything”, he added quickly, going back to sipping from his glass. “Well, he is married. Trust me. But don’t say that to anyone else”, you spoke, your eyes drifting to where Doyoung was talking to some people. Even from afar, you could see the way his lips curved in a fake smile. You sighed. You couldn’t believe he was there, in the same room, and you talked, and you saw his face again. God. You were feeling so much as so intensely that you were under the impression of not being able to feel anything at all. “Ohhh”, the guy suddenly exclaimed giving you a mild shock for how close and loud he was, “so, he’s your ex-boyfriend. And now you discover that he’s married!”, he added even louder with wide eyes as if finally understating everything. “God, I fucking love this party”, he chuckled to himself. You grabbed a drink as well, finishing it all in one go. “He’s not my ex-boyfriend”, you replied not giving him any other explanations. “And be quiet. Maybe he doesn’t want people to know”. The guy clicked his tongue as if not believing you but not wanting to be seen as rude by asking other questions. He sighed and you sighed as well, both looking at the way people were moving around, forming groups and changing them up, laughing, chatting, having a good time. You felt like they were on another planet, their energy so different from the one you had inside. It was inevitable. You knew it. It was about to come. You would end up crashing down in the taxi going home, or randomly as you were pouring down cereal for breakfast. You were feeling them crawling under your skin, the feelings, but at that moment, you decided to still bath in the bliss all of the shocking experiences gifted you. “Thank you, for, you know, before...”, you added vaguely after a few moments. “No problem. I was getting bored anyway”, he shrugged. “I’m Y/N, by the way”, you extended your hand. He took it. “Nice to meet you”, he smiled. “I’m Haechan”. 

africa jul 19

wow lol it’s taken me 2 years to actually put this post together. a LOT has changed since then and it makes me immensely happy to recognize how lucky we were that we’d had 2 insane years of travelling right before the pandemic hit. but this post is not to dwell on that, so let’s get on with it!!

this was our amazing 2019 africa trip~

jun 30, 19 ••• we make our way from hong kong to the netherlands on klm airlines. i distinctly remember how impressed i was with the quality of service and the comfort of the 12ish hour flight. after around 16 hours of commute, we just want to stay in and chill, so we order room service and call it a night early. i recall wearing a fun t-shirt that read, “not to be rude, but shut the fuck up” which i personally find hilarious and endearing, but which made the guy at the front desk quite uncomfortable. lollll oops!

jul 1, 19 ••• yay! we had a full day alone in amsterdam. we (i) decided to walk from the hotel to the town center, because it’s fun experience new cities by exploring them on foot!! why not? you come across many things that you just couldn’t have planned to find.

look how beautiful the canals in amsterdam are! anywhere you turn, it’s picturesque.

we had lunch at wagamama because i saw that the avant garde vegan, gaz oakley, had done a collaboration with them at some point, so there are some guaranteed vegan options. we then walk around the bloemenmarkt and find our way to the cannabis college, which had 2 verdampers for rent! yesssss! i was so happy. 

we explored and walked around more, then stopped by a coffee shop to smoke a bit more. there was a lovely vegan cafe right next door, which i’d been eyeing when we went in to smoke, so we had a top up on coffee and matcha there. we saw a cute frenchie across the road and missed the dogs so...

we had dinner at this place called cafe frijdag (which means Friday!) which was delicious! so happy that amsterdam had vegan options for me

jul 2, 19 ••• we got up bright and early to meet my parents for breakfast and we go to the airport to catch our flight to kigali. about 10 hours later, we were buying sim cards at the kigali airport. we then checked in to the radisson for the night, and it was feeling very surreal to be in africa. i remember feeling anxious.

jul 3, 19 ••• today started on a somber note. we went to the kigali genocide memorial. i cried a lot, especially at the exhibit with the photographs of only a fraction of the victims during that time.

then we drove at turtle speed to our next hotel, which was a loooong long way away. we arrived at the lake kivu serena hotel in time for a very late lunch. the cuisine here consists of rice, tortilla-like wraps and papadum-esque crispy rolls.

this fruit tastes disgusting... it looks like a tomato but isn’t sweet at all. i only remember spitting it out, trying another piece from another plate, and still hating it.

thankfully everyone wanted to relax and take it easy, so we ordered in for dinner and spent the rest of the night chilling.

jul 4, 19 ••• we drove out to see the border between rwanda and the democratic republic of congo. we were told to be very careful about taking photos of the police officers there, so we were. it felt strange to take photos of the border, i’m clearly very ignorant of the relations and history. it was a very busy juncture, with a sea of people crossing this way and that, lots of cars bumbling about and a lot of fruit, as i recall. hahah.

we then drove out to see a makeshift hot spring. we were asked if we wanted to take a dip, but none of us wanted to..... felt bad saying no, but really not worth it, sorry.

https://vimeo.com/568059672  (okay, i’m unable to embed more videos so links will have to do until i figure out something better...)

we took a boat ride along the lake, but there wasn’t that much to see around there, it was pretty dirty and murky... reminded me of the hong kong harbor, with trash floating around. it was also freezing, so i wasn’t having any fun at all.

we went to the gym and worked out a little bit because there was a lot of time to kill in between returning to hotel and our private pre-planned bbq dinner on the beach. we were lucky enough to enjoy traditional rwandan dancing which was absolutely gorgeous.

jul 5, 19 ••• we spent most of our morning in the car, having crossed the border to the republic of uganda. we stopped by a cute cafe along the way for lunch, but it was a grueling 4-5 hour car ride to mahogany springs, which was our hotel for the gorilla trekking. we managed to arrive around 715pm, by which time it was pretty dark and scary outside. the other car had broken down twice, once in the dark as well, so spirits were low and there was a lot of muttering and grumbling done under people’s breath. everyone was ravenous by the time dinner was served, but despite how late it was, it was absolutely delicious and i was happy! (also grateful for our car not having broken down)

jul 6, 19 ••• we woke up VERY early in anticipation of gorilla trekking. we waited around the hotel lobby after some coffee and biscuits for breakfast. it was an awful lot of waiting, but i didn’t sense anything wrong until i saw how pissed off our tour guide looked. it turns out our permits had gotten stolen! probably bribes.

here we were mucking around, still anticipating gorilla trekking.

we didn’t let it slow us down though. i actually am grateful for how things turned out because we wouldn’t have gotten to experience uganda like that without this turn of events. we joined a community tour that showed us how tea is harvested, how coffee is grown, harvested and round, as well as how bananas may be used to make juice, beer and gin! very cool

african tea leaves

jackfruit??

these are flowers from the coffee tree

the different stages of the coffee plant

this is henry, he owns this coffee plantation. here, henry shows us how to the use this contraption, the purpose of which is to grind coffee beans into powder

here henry is, sifting the coffee powder

here are my parents, having the time of their life (lol at my dad)

fresh bananas

these are the different stages of a banana’s life: from raw to ripe to fermenting. it can be made into juice and liquor.

we then visited a local school, where we were entertained by kids from kindergarten to 6th grade. we learned about their mission and goals to educate the younger generations by providing classrooms and a dining hall and even dorms for boarding. the singing and dancing was BRILLIANT. loved every single second of it. wish i’d joined in and not cared about what anyone thought.

we stopped by a women’s community center and saw a lot of cool crafts and art. that was on the way to the batwa pgymy tribe. we learned how they integrated with the batwa community. they showed us some dances they have dedicated to the gorillas, for which they are very grateful because it brings tourists in and therefore gives them an income. they showed us how to use a bow and arrow to hunt, and how they weave baskets and make handicrafts.

alan with the leader of the pgymy tribe

one of our guides spotted 2 chameleons, which was super impressive. he even brought the chameleon down close to us so that we could see it. i won’t ever understand how he was able to spot it in the wild, and from so far away as well.

we returned to the lodge and had lunch. the veggie stir fry was pretty dang good. it was served with posho, which is a maize bread, beans, and also matate (???) which reminded me a lot of plantain. back at the hotel, we chilled (without tv or wifi) until dinner. alan fell asleep, and i kept myself busy sorting out photos. dinner was early, and our night was early because we were promised gorilla trekking in the morning!

delicious!

jul 7, 19 ••• we were up and ready to leave by 7am. we were in the clear! we drove a little bit to the bwindi impenetrable national park for some entertainment (dancing and singing) from local students and a hilarious briefing on what to expect and do’s and don’ts of the trek. 

we then had separate meetings within our trekking groups. ours was quite big, with 10 tourists, because michael and our guides had spent HOURS the day before handling our stolen permits. an exception was made to accommodate us all, so our group consisted of the starke’s, alan, kerstin, a couple from oregon, and an english family. we had to get in another car and drive a bit to the mountain, where we met our porters and then began our trek!

the hike up was difficult, and at times i legit feared for my life because the mud/rocks were loose and one wrong step would have had us tumbling down the edge of the mountain... and that was me at age 28!! cannot imagine how my parents were feeling...

alan with meddie

as we made our way to the gorilla family, we encountered a solo young male who was soooo friendly, he cut across our group, like right down the middle, and he even reached out and touched my mom on her jacket! it was wild that a gorilla was that close to us, and then he left as quickly as he had joined.

this is the photo my mom managed to take when the young gorilla male was right next to her

we kept on hiking and found a large. our guide, meddie, told us that we were lucky to have found such a large family doing a whole bunch of different activities: we saw mothers nursing their babies, babies swinging from the trees and playing with one another, sub adult males beating their chests and other members of the family eating and feeding. we even got to watch as a silverback gorilla pulled a very healthy poop out of its butt, and we ran into him snacking again later on.

on the way down, it started raining a little bit. we all slipped at one point or another, but it was especially dangerous for my dad so we all had to slow down our pace a little bit to match his speed. thank god he had a porter there to help him out and save him. 

we returned to the same place as where we had started our morning for a debriefing, and we each received a certificate to show that we had been on this trek. we waited around a little bit for the other group to arrive, and were once again very grateful that our experience was much more pleasant. one lady in the other group had to leave the trek on a stretcher, and the others were caught in the rain on their way to the gorillas, so it must have been a cold and awful experience on their end. 

us after the successful completion of our gorilla trek!!

we headed to a local inn nearby where we had a late lunch and could change into dry clothes. we then drove a bumpy 4 hours to mweya safari lodge, located inside queen elizabeth national park. we made a couple of stops along the way (one of which was in the middle of nowhere so that people could go pee out in the open where animals are potentially roaming around?!?!?) and when we finally arrived, it was already 830/9ish pm.... we insisted to order room service because we were pooped, and we got showered and hit the hay.

this cute sign was outside the lodge!

this super old school cash register was at the lodge too

jul 8, 19 ••• today started off with a game drive, early in the morning! 

we drove around the gorgeous park and saw elephants, warthogs, antelope, eagles, all sorts of bird and butterflies, buffalo and weird-looking lemur or ferret creatures. we thought it was great, but some other members of the group were underwhelmed. 

this is the view from the car we sat in for the safari

this gorgeous tree houses sooo many bird’s nests! do you see them?

cute antelope we saw on the tour

after lunch at the hotel, we went on a boat tour around the kazinga channel. i think it was called lake edward? we saw many animals again, including crocodile, elephants, buffalo, all sorts of birds, and hippos.

favorite photo of my parents ¨̮

we followed a few elephant cuties along the bank. it drizzled for a little bit in between.

dinner was delicious. it was a great buffet, although i was severely grossed out by the ants that joined us on the dining table.

there were so many animals on the grounds of the lodge. don’t be fooled by how cute these guys look, we saw them fight over raw meat at some point! we also saw a warthog stroll around.

jul 9, 19 ••• we were up bright and early today for a quick breakfast before heading right on out. on the way to entebbe, we stopped by a local motel for lunch. the service was SUPER slow (maybe because we had such a huge group together!) but it was delicious and worth the wait! i ordered a coleslaw and avocado vinaigrette (this was THE HUGEST AVOCADO i’ve ever seen in my life?!?!?), a veggie biryani and some of paul’s aloo matar. we then filed back into our cars for several more hours of “african massage” to the next destination. had an early night, i think we ordered room service to the hotel room and tried to get our butts to bed as early as possible because it was another EARLY day the morning after.

we stopped at the equator in uganda to take some photos, of course!

i was sooo happy to be able to order room service! we felt like we were finally back to civilization... 🥺 we had wifi and tv and hot water... ugh it was amazing

jul 10, 19 ••• my alarm was set for 4am this morning.... 🥲😅 we left the hotel at 5am for the airport and obviously i was tired and grumpy and just in a crappy mood overall hahahah. our first flight was barely 45 minutes.... to mbarara i’m guessing?? i was assigned a middle seat on my own originally but no one was in the aisle seat so i moved over woohoo! our first layover was 2-3 hours, not too bad. we hung around at the lounge area. 

our second flight was to harare. alan and i managed to snag 2 joined seats towards the back end of the plane so that we could watch conan’s traevel shows on his ipad. there was a pretty scary drop when we were descending imto harare. i think we just stayed on the plane for about half an hour so some people could get on the plane and join.

we flew about 3 hours more to cape town, and we were EXCITED to arrive. it was a hell of a time checking in, and it was a nicer hotel in a nice area so we decided to just stay in and order room service again. we had a slow night and it was SOOOO needed. cape town felt a lot closer to the first world and we were enjoying and appreciating it to the max. we even started playing pokemon go and its harry potter-themed equivalent (oops forgot the name), but to be fair, we didn’t get cell phone service everywhere we went, so it would cut on and off.

jul 11, 19 ••• eek, cape town was COOOOLD! luckily i brought a jacket along, we really really needed to cover up and stay warm! got to sleep in a bit, we left by 830am to drive to the pebble beach by the water to take some gorgeous photos. we stopped by chapman’s peak for another photo op, then drove to boulders beach in simon’s town to see the penguins!! it was such a dream, loved every second of it.

i believe this was chapman’s peak??

what a model

this was at the pebble beach at the cape of good hope. 

saw a cute ostrich on the way somewhere

next we went to cape point. we took the funicular to the top, then hiked up to the lighthouse. we took pots of great pics but omg it was EVEN MORE freezing there. we had lunch at the two oceans restaurant. fancy and delicious! the calamari was bomb, the arancini was alright, but the main of chickpea and mushrooms was delish. after lunch we headed right on back to the hotel.

when i said it was cold, i wasn’t joking... it was FREEZING at the top. i had a horrible time because i don’t do that well in the cold

alan and i walked over to woolworths to get water and makeup remover and snacks. on the way back we stopped by PLANT for dinner. i was sooo excited to try out their vegan fast food, so i ordered a lot of the menu. we got the quinoa salad, mac and cheez, seitan lasagna, schawarma, pot stickers, siu mai, spag bolognese, tiramisu, milk tart and a bunch of other random vegan snacks. i was in HEAVEN. even though some of the stuff was cold by the time we got back to the hotel and ate, it still tasted DELICIOUS. i was soooo impressed.

this was the lasagna. omfg i need an encore of this restaurant one day!!! wish i knew how to cook like this

jul 12, 19 ••• today we went to a wine blending workshop at grande provence winery. the first step was to blend 3 different mixtures. after tasting them all, we decided the last blend was the winner, with 40% zinfandel, 10% shiraz and 50% cabernet. so then we blended up a big bottle of it, corked it, thew on a hand-signed label, and then walked around the beautiful indoor and outdoor art galleries.

this was our group!

wine blending is literally mixing different wines together in different proportions and figuring out which you like the taste of the best

there was a lot of cute art at the winery! i loved all the dogs and greyhounds around the property. these 3 dancing pigs came a close second

we drove a little way for lunch at another beautiful vineyard. i had a charcoal ciabatta, tomato quinoa salad, root veggie risotto and steamed veggies on the side. we skipped the wine tasting because our lunch overran a bit and our bus driver buford said that the traffic would be pretty heavy on a friday afternoon and it wouldn’t be worth it to be stuck on the bus. so we just walked around the cute little town we were at, franschhoek (??)

there was a lot of cute art and small local shops around this town! we strolled around and got some souvenirs ¨̮

love this

we had a dinner booked way ahead at fyn restaurant. it was stunningly delicious. i loved every single course and was thoroughly impressed.

UGHHHHH just soooo good.

jul 13, 19 ••• FINALLY we had a day to sleep in!!!! we let our group know the night before that we didn’t want to join the walking tour around the city. we woke up and made our way to the company’s garden, which was directly next to our hotel. we played harry potter wizards unite and ran into the tour group. my mom told me later on it was a good decision of ours not to join haha.

we walked to addis in cape for an authentic ethiopian meal experience. we washed our hands at the table, ate the whole meal with our hands, and finally i was able to taste injera. it was 100% teff injera and it did not disappoint. i ordered a vegan platter while alan got a combo. the amount of food was PERFECT for us, we finished every single thing. 

we ordered dessert but the hot berries never showed up and the ice cream was interestingly very gummy and very very sweet. the coffee was strong and served with a beautiful platter.

after that, we needed to walk our full tummies off. we headed to the waterfront, where there were many shops and stalls in indoor and outdoor malls. it was just a really good time walking around there and we saw soooo many things. there was bubble tea in south africa, a yogurt bar that made me sooo happy, dogs were up for adoption, and a bootleg jabbawockeez performance at the city square. we walked back to the hotel after that and got ready for bed.

jul 14, 19 ••• we woke up at 430am to head to the airport by 530am. we caught our first flight from cape town to johannesburg, then transferred to a direct flight back to hong kong. it was a TIRING trip but wow, the memories!! really want to go to back soon

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

WARNING: Very mild sexual content.

NOTE: Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this fic, please toss a little appreciation my way. Helps keep me from becoming that "starving artist" thing everyone keeps talking about! By the way, be on the lookout for a PERSONA 4 fanfic coming to this space soon! See you all!

Jessex

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

"None of your business!"

Despite her protestation, Makoto couldn't seem to keep the grin off her face as she loitered around outside the haunted house ride. No matter how many times she had been badgered to enter, she had resisted; scary movies and things like that always stuck with her long after the initial "thrill", and she therefore stubbornly refused to be forced inside. The wait time had seemed best spent catching up with a friend.

"Girl, you keep ducking my questions," Eiko's voice tittered on the other end of the call. "You killed my relationship with Tsukasa, so the least you can do is let me feed off gossip!"

Smirking as she nibbled at the Jack Frost-shaped melon bread, she told her, "He was a host. You didn't have a real relationship; he was just using you for your money. Where's my 'thank you' for setting you straight?"

"I did thank you! But like, you also didn't find me a new boyfriend, either!" They both giggled for a few seconds. "So…"

"So?"

"Who are you on a date with? Still that Ren guy?"

"N-no," she said, grinning like a fool as she turned away - as if anyone were listening. They weren't. "And I never said I was on a 'date'. Stop living vicariously through me, it's not healthy."

Eiko's voice got higher and whinier. "You can't make meeee!"

"Maybe not, but there's nothing to live vicariously through. Besides, you're pretty and sweet, and funny. It won't take you that long to find someone. And in the meantime-"

"Yeah, yeah," she cut her off. "I know. I should be figuring out the rest of my life instead of just working in a maid cafe. But it is good money…"

Rolling her eyes, she hissed, "They don't have to be mutually exclusive! Just… figure it out while you work. And don't be afraid to love again."

"God… I mean, my judgment is obviously wack. You sure I shouldn't die an old maid? Pun intended."

"YES." Just then, Makoto spotted a wobbling figure and hurriedly said, "Oh, I gotta go. But I'll call you later, okay?"

"Who are you there with?! MAKO-CHAAAAN!" But she didn't answer her. Just thumbed the 'end call' button and turned back toward the incoming patient.

Sadayo Kawakami looked distinctly ill for having bragged so staunchly that she was going to be "just fine on her own" on the ride. She hung onto the railing near where Makoto had been waiting, taking a few deep breaths. "Oh… oh, I really regret that…"

"Hashtag yolo?" she asked bemusedly.

"Hash-what? Yo-low? You know I don't keep up with you kids and your silly internet lingo."

Makoto grinned wide and offered her bread to her girlfriend. After only a moment's hesitation, she took a big bite. "It's okay, doesn't really matter. Did you not enjoy yourself?"

"Well… it was fun and it wasn't, but there was a part at the end that really got me. So scary how their heads come off like that, floating all over the place!" She shivered and rubbed her arms, and they shared a little laugh. "But um… your choice of vacation spots was…"

"Was what?"

"Destinyland?! I already feel like a creep, taking a girl so much younger than me on a vacation, and you literally had me take you to a children's amusement park."

Holding up her index finger, she corrected, "It's a family theme park. Not just for kids. And I didn't make you do anything; I only suggested it because I had so much fun with my friends. Besides, you were the one who was so excited to finally take me somewhere now that I graduated."

"Yeah, yeah," she handwaved - literally waving her hand around and making Makoto giggle. "Then why didn't you invite the prosecutor if this is supposed to be for family? Hmmmm?"

"W-well, um… I think I've forced my poor sister to have to deal with my sexuality enough for one lifetime. Maybe it would be cruel to persist." Flashbacks of that ill-conceived lapdance haunted her, even now. Though she knew it was fairly harmless and she had only done it to prove a point, it was still distinctly un-familial and poor Sae had seemed a little more awkward around her ever since.

"Sure, sure. Still… I'm surprised you didn't ask your friends along. Didn't one of them get you these tickets?"

"Yes, my friend Haru. As for why they aren't with us… well, I wanted to spend a special day with my special friend. Aren't I allowed?"

Sadayo couldn't keep the huge grin from spreading. "Okay. Don't get me wrong, I'm more than glad to have my little Master all to myself. Just wondered why you chose this spot."

Instantly, Makoto's ears were turning red, and she started hiding her face behind her melon bread. "Stop that! You know it embarrasses me when you call me 'Master' - and besides, you quit that job!"

"I did," she giggled, locking arms with her. "But it's fun watching you get all ruffled about it."

"I'm not 'ruffled', I'm mortified. I do not want to be in charge of my girlfriend!"

The elder woman bit her lip and began to pet up and down Makoto's upper arm as they started strolling through the gathered crowds. Luckily, they had picked a day Destinyland was not incredibly busy, but neither was it a ghost town; too many people would have sucked all the fun out of the trip, but too few would have made their date that much more conspicuous. No matter how much they wanted to be out and proud, just enough of Japanese society still looked down upon lesbian relationships as 'immature' to make them uncomfortable; they simply didn't want a bunch of snide looks and whispering behind their backs. Maybe one day, things would be different.

"Maybe I want you to be in charge of me."

"What?! Stop saying things like that - you sound like you've been to Shinjuku."

"Nothing wrong with Shinjuku, you know; those are our people. I guess." Despite her words, now Sadayo looked a little worried.

"Oh… I know. And I've been there, and you're right; they're just people living different lives than we're used to knowing anything about. But I like figuring it out on our own."

Now Sadayo looked surprised. "You went to Shinjuku? Why?!"

Before she could answer, the conversation was suddenly shattered with an outcry of "HEY! MAKOOOTOOOO!"

At first, she felt a spike of fear that it was was Eiko, tracking her down like a bloodhound. Instead, she saw a pair of fluffy blonde pigtails bouncing over most of the heads in the crowd as they weaved toward their location.

"Ann?!"

"Hey!" the blue-eyed font of youthful excitement exclaimed as she came to a stop in front of them. "Wow, what are you guys doing here?! Are you on a date - is this a legit date?!"

"Shhh!" Miss Kawakami shushed her, cheeks rouging. "So this is the one you spilled the beans to…"

"I didn't! Well… I only told Ann so she could help me setup that nice evening we had together. Remember, your outfit? Plus she's one of my best friends, and she's also-"

"She's one of the former Thieves," she said in a much quieter voice. Makoto could see shock flicker across Ann's features but she didn't say anything right away. "Of course you trust them. I just wish you had filled me in as much as you filled her in."

Now Makoto looked just as embarrassed as she did regretful. "I… forgot?"

"A lot happened," Ann put in with a shrug, scratching the back of her neck. "So no duh you'd forget to mention it. You saw the whole thing, right, Kawakami-sensei? In Shibuya? We were fighting a literal god!"

"No, no, you misunderstand." Their teacher reached out to rest a hand on Ann's shoulder, smiling softly. "I'm not mad! Especially not about you saving us from that madman and the evil spirits pulling his strings." It seemed Kawakami had decided it was easier to think of them as 'evil spirits' being controlled by a megalomaniac than to fully absorb that the god in question had been doing its best to keep the entire population enslaved within their own complacency. Even Makoto herself wasn't sure how to feel about that, and she had a front-row seat to the near disaster. The Phantom Thieves had changed the heart of all of Japan and it barely made a difference, but at least they had hope for the future now.

Sadayo continued, pulling her from her self-reflection. "Anyway, I'll get over it. More like, I wish I knew so we could have been talking about it before now, and I could keep track of who we're 'out' to. That's all, I promise."

That made her flash one of her patented Takamaki megawatt smiles. "Really? I mean, I'm just some dumb girl in your class, you don't have to talk to me about anything."

"Ah, ah!" She held up an admonishing index finger, and both girls ducked their heads instinctively. "You're a very important person in my girlfriend's life. That trumps your grades - which really aren't that bad, all things considered. Not compared to Sakamoto-kun's."

As they shared a laugh at Ryuji's expense, another figure pushed through the crowd to their sides. "There you are! I finally got our tapioca drinks and I turned around, and you were gone! Where… did you… oh."

We were all still staring openly at the dark-haired girl as Ann smiled and took her drink, seemingly not noticing that the girl fell silent when she noticed they weren't alone. "Thanks. And I'm sorry I ran off - I didn't go that far! Just to say 'hi' to these guys."

"Suzui-san," Sadayo breathed in mild surprise. "It's… been a while. How are you?"

That higher-than-usual level of concern made sense. The last time Kawakami had seen Shiho Suzui, she had just jumped off the roof and was being escorted to the hospital in an ambulance. Now she almost looked back to her usual self, even if she seemed as sickly as she had before Coach Kamoshida's unwanted advances drove her to the suicide attempt.

"F-fine, Sensei," she answered haltingly, bowing politely. "I'm… sorry to interrupt."

"You're fine," Makoto told her warmly, keeping her smile small and polite. Trying to set her at ease.

"Yes, of course!" Sadayo joined in. "So you're here with Takamaki-san? That's good; I'm glad to see you're out and about. Really, I mean that; after that bastard… well, nevermind. Forget him."

Even while Shiho stared at the ground, starting to sink into her private pool of anxiety, Ann grabbed her by the arm and shook her just enough to jostle her out of it. "Yep! We're all about moving forward, remembering the good times and aiming for the future! Ain't that right?"

"Ann!" she whispered shyly, but at least she was starting to smile again. She had always been a bit mousy and meek around anyone who wasn't Ann; at least, Makoto had thought so.

"What? You ashamed of hanging around with the weird gaijin?"

"Don't say that, you know I'm not. I… always want to hang out with you." Then she bit her lip, looking away shyly.

And it clicked. Makoto prided herself on being able to analyse a situation, and this one was telling her something extremely specific.

"Oh." Glancing up at Ann's face, then back to Shiho's, then back to Ann's, Makoto asked, "You two are here for the same reason we are. Aren't you?" Ann bit her lip even harder and nodded - but in her case, the lip-biting was to prevent her grin from being huge enough to be visible from the International Space Station. "Wow…"

"What?" Sadayo blinked at Makoto a few times, then glanced between the other two girls. "Oh, really? Wait - that can't be true. That would be crazy!"

As Shiho started to edge behind Ann, as if she could legitimately hide there, Ann turned to whisper to her, "Wait, Shiho, you don't have to do that. These two are cool."

"Wh-what do you mean? 'Cool'? I… how do they… do they know we're…?"

"It's okay," Makoto hurried to explain, picking up Sadayo's hand and raising it as they laced their fingers together. "You don't have to hide who you are around us."

Then it finally clicked for the former volleyball star. "Oh. You two… you're lesbians?"

"I'm bisexual, I'm pretty sure," Sadayo chuckled nervously. Though the nervousness didn't make her drop Makoto's hand. "Since I used to date men and I didn't hate it that much. But those jerks had their chance; my Mako-chan takes way better care of me."

"Stop!" she hissed back at her girlfriend, and both she and Ann giggled. "But you're right, I try to."

"And you succeed." Then she turned back to Shiho. "So how long have you and Ann been… seeing each other?"

Completely red-faced, Shiho whispered, "N-not long. A few weeks."

"Ren and I took her to the roof of the school again," Ann explained as she managed to get Shiho to stand next to her again, then slid an arm around her waist. "Before he moved back home. So she could, y'know, make peace with what happened. And while we were up there, like… all the feelings came out. Things we wanted to say to each other before but couldn't, and then I wanted to while she was going through physical therapy but thought it would be too weird to do it then, and… I dunno. The time was right."

"Yeah," Shiho whispered, finally looking somewhat at peace as she wrapped both arms around Ann and leaned into her side. Makoto felt her heart skipping a beat; they were so adorable together! "Maybe I wasn't very um, perceptive, but… all those weeks of her visiting me, cheering me on even when I felt like I'd never walk again… how could I not love her? Just took me a while to see it."

"I can relate," Makoto hummed. Sadayo turned and kissed her cheek.

"Same here, Master."

Shiho's eyebrows furrowed, and while Makoto was trying to recover she said, "But is it alright? Her being your student - won't you get in trouble with the faculty?"

"Well… not anymore," Ann giggled. "She was a third year, remember?"

"Oh? Ohhhh, that's right; she's off to university now. So Kawakami-sensei is no longer her teacher." Reserved as it was, her smile started to grow. "You're really dating? It's not just us?"

"Not just you," Sadayo reassured her gently. "But you have to give the Queen the credit for being the initial pioneer."

"Huh?"

"She's the one who flipped me, dressing all butch and putting on that mustache. The rest of us were hopeless after that."

Makoto's face was almost as red as Shiho's now. "Hey! Cut that out, I am not a pioneer!"

"You totally are!" Ann cackled as Shiho was polite enough to do her giggling behind her hand. "I mean, if not for you crushing on Kawakami, I'd never have even thought about dating a girl. So y'know, my feelings for the best girl in the world would have been stuck behind that wall of, of… straight-ness. That makes you a lesbian leader! Hero to us all!"

"You're so cool with this," Makoto half-accused. "Why? I thought you were still looking to date boys - how did you change your mind so easily?"

That got the blonde shrugging. "What can I say? Shiho's amazing - and when I thought about my life without her in it, that sucked so much that I slowly realised I never wanted to be away from her again. That's about it; love won."

"Very true," Shiho whispered with bunched cheeks of joy. "She's my Ann. Forever."

"So simple," Sadayo giggled as she approached to hug them. Shiho did jump in surprise, but still allowed herself to be squeezed by the older woman. "I'm happy for you two, though. After all the both of you have been through… you deserve this."

It only took Makoto a few seconds to join in the group hug. "Agreed. I'm so happy and proud to call you my friends!"

Ann's laughter could have filled a stadium. "Right back atcha, Queen!"

                                                              ~ o ~

The four of them found a ride to go on together, and had a lot of laughs before parting ways. Ann and Shiho only had day passes, and they wanted to feel out their new romantic connection - which was best done one-on-one. But Makoto and her former teacher had booked a room in the hotel.

"You're sure you want it to be here? Even though it's a 'children's park'?"

Sadayo smiled over her shoulder as she tossed her blouse onto the dresser carelessly. "The hotel isn't a children's hotel. I mean, I didn't see any 'no sex' signs in the lobby, so we should be alright."

Getting up from the bed, where she had been lounging, Makoto slid her hands up Sadayo's back to begin toying with her bra clasp. There was a brief instant where the woman froze, unsure of how to react… and then it passed. But it was enough to merit a response.

"Are you sure you're ready?"

"No," she groaned, head dropping back so she could gaze up at the ceiling as if praying for a deity to ease her suffering. "I mean, yes, I'm ready to do this. But I'm not. God, I sound like a little kid."

"I'm the kid, remember?" When that only prompted a louder groan, Makoto laughed and hugged her around the middle from behind, nestling her face against her former teacher's neck. "It's alright. I'm nervous, too. We can wait if you need more time."

"I don't need to wait. Well… I mean, we'll see," she amended with a soft laugh, and Makoto smiled even wider against her skin. "Either way, it's nice to- oh!"

The gasp was accompanying her bra coming off. Makoto's hands slid up the plane of her stomach to begin tripping very lightly over the sides of her breasts, avoiding her peaks for the time being. Clearly, Sadayo appreciated that, because she breathed a sigh of relief.

"You sure you don't want to slow down a little?"

"No. I want to see… how we work together. In bed. Since I've only been with men, and you haven't been with anyone. If…" She swallowed hard, voice growing soft and apologetic. "If I can't handle doing the deed with a girl, I'd like to find out before you end up trapped in a relationship with some woman who isn't, um… sexually compatible? If that's a real thing?"

Makoto's brow creased as she pet down Sadayo's sides to rest her hands on her hips. "Oh. Um… I hadn't considered that. I guess I just… like you so much and am getting so comfortable with you that I kind of… assumed it would be fine? But now, that seems pretty stupid."

"It's not," she breathed as she turned to face her. The girl's cheeks were clearly rosy at getting the full view of her, and Sadayo smiled softly. "I'm actually jealous it's that easy for you. Maybe I'm overthinking this whole thing, huh?"

"You think this is easy?! No way! I'm still scared! Just…" She shrugged and kissed the corner of her former teacher's mouth. "It's you."

That kiss led to a dozen more. Which led to further clothes being shed, hands wandering. Makoto was surprised at how much she liked the feeling of nails raking down her back, teeth nipping at her earlobe. How wet it made her, how much more she craved. It was as if she had been aching for this for years, not a few scant months.

"How does this even work?" Sadayo whispered once they were very nude beneath a very thin bedsheet. "You don't have anything I'm used to working with! Well… I mean, on myself, but even then I use a vibrating egg most of the time, so it's not the same…"

The former student's smile was as playful as it was bashful. "Don't worry, I'll show you."

"You'll show me? Wait - how will you show me?!"

"So… I may have looked up a few things…" When Sadayo looked alarmed, she dipped her head in chagrin. "Shhh, I know, it's shameful. But I was curious, because everything I learned in sex education barely even covered how this works for um… penetrative sex with male and female organs. It certainly never covered this."

Her girlfriend cringed, looking squeamish. "Don't say it all clinical like that, it makes me feel creepy."

"Sorry," she whispered.

"No, no, it's okay. I just… you're almost more grown up about this than I am. Doesn't that seem… backwards? At all?"

"It seems fair, actually. You get to be the adult about some things, and I get to about others. That's how relationships work, right?"

Rolling her eyes, she muttered, "Yes, Master," before kissing her again.

"Good, Becky. And as your master, I order you to stop calling me that and just… be here with me." She bit her lip for a second before whispering, "Sadayo."

"Ughhh, you know it gets me weak when you say my name like that!"

Not that it caused her to slow down at all. Makoto was more than happy to begin using every trick she had gleaned from the reluctantly-clicked links for the sole purpose of making her girlfriend sound as beautiful and unfettered as she had ever heard her. The fingers worked better than her mouth - which earned a startled outcry and a lot of shoving away, both of them laughing afterward. She had never had so much fun in all her life.

Afterward, they lay in bed staring at the ceiling and humming when they weren't panting for breath. Too afraid of what they might say to manage saying it. Then Sadayo finally broke the silence.

"I can't believe we just did that."

"I can't believe it took us that long. Well… I can, but only for specific reasons."

Rolling slightly to face Makoto, a lock of hair falling into her eyes, she whispered, "Still doesn't seem real, y'know? You and me… even if I did know I was a lesbian before, even if I was going to date a student - which I wasn't, ever!"

"I was the last one on your list?" she guessed with a smirk.

"Yeah. Just… I didn't think you could ever… you were the student council president. Right?"

"No, no, I know what you mean; I'm not offended. Trust me. But…" Sliding a little closer, she pet up and down the soft skin over her ribs, watching Miss Kawakami suck in a breath of gentle surprise when one finger moved down to dip into the well of her navel. "I'm happy."

"Mmm… couldn't be happier you took my heart. Even if this is crazy, I'm glad we didn't screw it up somehow."

Giggling, she leaned in to peck her chin. "Came pretty close, pretty often. But at least we're here now. Together. And… we can be together in Okinawa, too."

"Really? You still wanna go, even after Destinyland?"

"Of course. We don't have anywhere to be; not for a million years."

"We sure don't, my Queen."

They lost themselves in passions again, lips and hips colliding and arms tightening around sweating backs. And Makoto Niijima vowed anew that she would never let Sadayo Kawakami out of her sight again.

                                                              THE END

Episode 5 - they finally swapped us - Austin

I’m taking more of a leadership role on this tribe, trying to make more calls with the challenge. On a smaller tribe it is less risky to do that, and also more risky to go to tribal if people find a reason to target you its easy to get numbers. Dylan especially is a worry for me, in the past he has turned on me for absolutely no reason, so idk how much I can trust him. Dan seems ok, he gave us good intel about the other tribe. Still makes sense to vote him out if we go to tribal though lets not make enemies out of the og tribe just to save one guy.

Tribe swap. Honestly I’m not freakin out abt it bc I’ve got Stephen & Austin who’ve both been pretty good in challenges so. Hopefully I can Michelle my way to the merge Even seems chill he’s just got a russel hantz profile picture which is a lil susp Although I’ll admit I’m a lil sad this is a cooperative challenge bc I really don’t work well cooperatively. Especially when these people are choosing words like CAT and WASHINGTON DC have y’all never played scattergories the object is to get the most random ass answers. We can’t put Unagi that’s way too common, we gotta put UNI, which means sea urchin & is a delicacy. If someone else puts uni I would literally cry I’d be such a clown Xiomara? BITXH have y’all seen Jane the Virgin? Hell no!! We putting Serena spelled with an X. She’s a character in a short story I wrote it’s a real name look it up. Sorry to rant I just can’t believe one of these boys chose Cat. Cat. R u joking

So after 4 straight wins from my tribe they finally swapped us. Dylan, me, eric,and stephen from my og tribe long with dan from the other tribe. I like it and think we are gonna do well together.  Dan told me sunshine said I was trustworthy which I appreciated.  I dont wanna lose any challenges but if we do I feel maybe i should try and save dan? Idk i wanna be a lil more risky then i usually play in other games. Just gotta see what happens but idc to flip for my own game to do better.  

LOCK & MANCALA. LOCK & MANCALA mancala is like the most famous board game WHY did we choose that I said to go with Master Trainer: Pokémon why was that not CHOSEN I hope we lose so I can get voted out & be remembered as this seasons biggest bitch

My tummy is saying Fuck rn. I don't know how this tie breaker is gonna go

So what I am thinking it is going to be like is between Keegan and Coco but like Coco is my number 1 out here rn. Glo says she will protect me and Im trying to see what chips is feeling but I feel even when he says things Im like is this legit? Keegan wants to try working with me. I have to weigh my options but if I vote people from OG Musquodoboit tribe I upset everyone else there, if I vote Keegan, Who knows where on the totem pole I can be with the OG tribe.

It has been brought to my attention that the person I’ve been referring to as ‘even’ is actually dan. ukmmmmmmmmmmm okcay also MICHELLE let’s keep this Queen energy to the merge 😈😈

I think I’m cursed. This will be the fifth tribal council in a row I’m attending. Like how does this even happen? And of course I had to be dumb enough to step up and do the tie breaker which sent us to tribal. At first glance this could very well be the end of my game. Getting swap fucked is becoming a personality trait of mine at this point. However, Heather and I have been messaging and she said she’s going to talk to Chips and see about making a move to keep me in the game. I’m not sure who we’d vote out between Coco and Gloria but honestly I don’t care as long as I stay in the game.

Hosts, Admins and VL. I made a chart that went like 6 layers deep in before it would deadend and I’m like “oh okay it must be at the 6 layer mark”. Nope I got down to 8 layers (T1 was the first) and I feel like it’s either claimed or it’s down that path. In other news, my two biggest obstacles is the OG other tribe -_- me forgetting the other tribe’s name. The second obstacle is Kyle. Kyle thinks he runs the joint and I just play a “Sheeple” game when in reality I’m trying to make small moves to further myself in the game. Kyle and Livingston are close and Kyle, myself and Darcy are tight. Sunshine is the odd one out and a easy boot.

Update since recording, I think Chips is leaning more towards keeping Keegan oof im a swing vote then oof

Maybe I’m just getting massively played right now but I currently have an alliance chat with Heather and Chips and we’re deciding on voting Coco or Glo. And I have Coco asking me if I’d vote for Glo. Maybe I’m being bamboozled but this is actually looking a little bit promising for me staying in the game right now. I don’t want to get my hopes up too much. The last time that did I got annihilated.

Did I just suggest a Chips blindside? I- don't know. I am AHHHH. I am in a bad position next round that's FOR SURE

So unfortunately we are going to tribal. At first I thought Keegan would be an easy vote BUT Chips started playing dirty. He made a chat with Heather&Keegan and tried to form "majority" with them. They were discussing whether to eliminate me or Glo. I'm not having it. Heather and I came up with the plan to blindside Chips because he probably wouldn't see it coming. I kept telling Chips I was SO worried,SO nervous because none is talking to me but it's just all an act. Hopefully we can get rid of either Chips or Keegan tonight and even flush an idol if they use it on Keegan.

So ummm, Operation Chips Gone is under way. I am HELLA nervous! Idk if this is gonna work but I feel HELLA bad.

ok Chips has turned on me saying I am weak link on tribe and wants me voted out with Keegan staying safe, Heather and CoCO are in alliance with me and tipped me off. So our vote is CHIPS. but we all three fear the idol situation. So I may not survive but calling me weak link who beat Chips ass in Scavenger hunt and came from behind to do so lol yeppers Glo beat Chips. Anyways it might be good bye GLO GLO tonight and if so I did my best. That would be end for me I guess. <3 GLO <3

I think if we were on larger tribes and the challenge was different I might have thrown it. Bit as it is tribal only presents three options: a) vote out dan, which is not a big move or anything and is not going to change much. b) save dan, and vote out someone from my og tribe, which would piss off 8 other people I had ground work with, and c) Dan pulls something out of his ass and survives, voting one of us out. So yeah, no good scenarios for my long term game at tribal. However without it I can keep my relationships while also building new bridges with Dan that could help come merge and further.

If Glo is truly the vote tonight, I’m probably going to cry. Not even going to sugar coat it. I’ll be crying. She’s just so pure and so nice and just this incredible person. I’m trying to not let it sway my judgement too much. I’m tearing up just thinking about her leaving. But if Heather and Chips are being honest with me and not conspiring against me they’ve both said they’d vote for Glo. And all I need to do right now is stay in the game. Against all odds, I might just manage to stay in the game in a disasterous 4v1 swap. The biggest downside after this is getting Evan(?) back from Oak Island. I’m praying he’s not close with Heather and Chips or I might not survive another tribal.

So we got swapped onto a tribe of 5... and lost the first immunity challenge on that tribe. Keegan is the obvious vote since he got swapped onto our tribe. I'd rather not. Spent all day lying to Glo telling her I was going to vote him. If for some reason that's not the case and Glo doesn't go, cool. I got gamed. Also, I'm in an alliance chat with Heather and Keegan and lowkey I love it. I want to see this be a final 3 but I'm not going to get ahead of myself.

Conspiracy theory: coco, glo & Keegan voted out chips, heather on the outs. No fucking clue why but it’s the only thing that makes sense. This whole game is so scary I’m like watching blindsides & murdering happening & im just chillin on the sidelines

KEEGAN SURVIVED! I’m so happy for him! That’s all I wanted. Hopefully Keegan and Dan can make merge. I wanna throw the F14 immunity to send home Sunshine but that’s just a thought. I always said my two biggest obstacles were the OG other tribe and Kyle. That’s still true but maybe there’s hope for the first obstacle!

Oh damn, I didn’t see that coming. There are two possible situations here: 1) That Keegan managed to pull two votes in with promises and shit, and 2) That there was a pre-existing alliance against Chips (and others) that I wasn’t aware of. This is worrying, not only did I just lose someone I wanted to work with but it shows I’m not that aware of what’s going on. Not good.

I watched the tribal council. Keegan wasn’t even on the chopping block which is great. Glo seems like a lovely lady and seems easy to bond and manipulate. Great for me 🐍. Our alliance including Dan, with Keegan and his allies can make a strong group and potential majority. I feel like at merge I can play my cards right and secret pull strings.

Chips was voted out which is honestly a big surprise to me but at least I’m still here! Who survived a 4v1 Swap Fucking? This guy!

OKAY I FOUND SOMEONE SCANNED THE JAPANESE VERSION OF THE PERSONA 5 ARTBOOK!!! I’m still preordering the english version though. And this seems to have a LOT more text info and interviews than other artbooks I’ve got, so the english version will still be enlightening even though i cant resist the temptation to read this preview here... So yeah, I’m gonna link this in case anyone else wants to see! And also cos i really wanna talk about the interesting stuff AAAA!

IT HERE

But seriously I would feel ALL OF THE GUILT if I just read this and DIDNT buy the real version when it comes out in my country. So I’d heavily advise that all of y’all buy it too, okay? Its just real hard to wait til september.

Bunni’s Thoughts About Things In This Thing:

* The one everyone already seemed to know was Yusuke’s beta design, I think it was shown in an english interview or something? But yeah, I already knew about this, but I still really think he looks even cooler with long hair! And I like that they ended up using this design for his mother instead. That just feels like a really sweet way to deal with beta designs! Apparantly Ann’s design was based on Rise’s beta design from the last game, so its nice to know that atlus always tries to find ways to keep promising ideas, even if they dont work with the current project. ANYWAY BETA YUSUKE OF CUTE

* Also unrelated but: did you know that Yusuke slapping people during the Harisen Recovery skill was actually a GLITCH and not a feature?? It strikes me as weird that they didn’t catch that in the super long time it took to finish the various dubs. Its a meme in japanese fandom too, so its definately in every version of the game! They only just patched it recently and I AM SAD NOW. It fit really well as an easter egg for this character in particular, lol.

* ALSO I am sorry that i commonly misspell his name as Yosuke. Its weird cos I never get Ryoji and Ryuji mixed up... ANYWAY BACK TO COOL BETA TALK AND NOT JUST YUSUKE LOVE TIME

* Beta Wakaba (futaba’s mom) used to have the hairstyle that was given to Haru instead! O_o She looks really cute with it, I guess they thought it was hard to make the shadow boss scary with such awesome hair. There’s also a beta doodle of what seems to be an alternate introduction scene, where the party would be walking down an alleyway and her giant face would appear behind them as a jumpscare. I THINK I WOULD HAVE FUCKIN DIED! that’s some fuan no tane shit!

* Man I didnt even recognise beta kawakami! O_O I would have thought that was beta takemi, or even yusuke’s mom again...

* Oh man, Sae is already one of the coolest and most beautiful looking characters but seriously beta Sae has EVEN MORE of that badass butch lady handsomeness holy shit. If I can appreciate her aesthetic so much as an asexual person, I can only imagine how other fans would feel about this!

* I have legit no idea who this character is, but she looks badass! Its a shame this imgurl dump of scans is completely out of order, lol! Another reason to buy the official version when its translated: actually knowing the context of things! XD

* Same design for papa okumura’s shadow, but it seems there was originally an idea for a chase minigame with his shadow. Instead of being weak with an army of reinforcements to fight thru, he’d be weak but keep fleeing in his motor chair thing. Considering how much I DESPISED the chase minigames in Nocturne and DDS2, i am really damn glad they didnt do that...

* BETA PERSONAS!! Wow they’re so different?? Its weird how they seem to be like.. different art styles/personalities for the same character idea? Maybe this was from before the personalities of everyone had been pinned down, or maybe the personas originally belonged to different party members? i’m really curious by the goemon in a modern punk style, did he belong to ryuji??? MORE BETA PERSONAS!! Oh holy SHIT, johanna is SUCH a good design! like... what?? BADASS!! typical lady pope face attatched to a buff as fuck body in a jojo-esque costume, with like an encapsulated hat thing with halves of a mask of a cliche male pope. This design has way more to do with the actual story of that mythological figure! Popecycle was cool too tho, I think maybe they should have made someone else be popecycle, and then johanna could be the second persona using this design and taking the place of Anat.

* Beta Ohya has a nice design! Its not even necessarily a cooler costume or anything, I just like how they try and show her personality more through it. She looks more dishevelled and overworked and has some bandages. Dunno why they couldnt have worked that into her final design!

* BETA MORGANA WHAT THE FUCK jesus christ thats almost as creepy as some of the beta Teddie designs I mean, I like using swirly eyes on a lot of my mascot ideas too, but that sort of face just looks a bit unnerving along with the body being like.. all leather and weirdly detailed. Its like ann’s costume but on a damn cat! As its skin! What!

* Some goofy expressions of final design morgana that ended up not being used.

* Beta Iwai looks like a younger AZ from pokemon??

* Beta design for protagonist’s thief costume and persona, which were WILDLY different! I like the all-concealing cloak, it looks like it would have animated really flashily. Tho i totally agree that showing more of protagonist’s actual design works better for the version of him you’ll be seeing 24/7 in battles.

* Not a beta design, but look at this concept art of Makoto beating up everyone. I love makoto so much.

* Aww I kinda prefer the beta costume for [spoily endgame character]. It makes her seem closer to [other two characters of relevance to her]. I mean, not like I dislike her costume, but I really liked [those two characetrs’s costume] so hers seemed a bit boring in comparison. Having it at least have more similar design elements to other [people in that place] would have gone a long way towards making her seem less like just... Alice, as a person isntead of a persona. (It would have been a cool plot if that was her backstory tho, lol!)

* I HAVE NO IDEA WHO ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS ARE BUT I LOVE THEM! Are they rejected Confidants? Or designs for characters mentioned in confidants who never appeared? i wish we got to see the sick lil girl in takemi’s subplot, it would be cute if she looked like that design there.

* Another beta of Milady! She used to have the same design but different weapons would come out in a different way. Knives instead of guns looks a lot scarier, but I dont like the weird garbage disposal mermaid thing, just from the fact people would inevitably make vagina jokes.

* Beta Futaba was very similar but just with different outfits. She looks really cute with a beanie hat and EVEN MORE becomes Literally Me As A Character. Seriouslyyyyyy

* Also we never get to see the mounting animation for futaba’s ultimate persona. I like it a lot better cos robot hands come out and carry her to the cockpit, instead of weird tentacles. Seriously, again, inevitable pile of stupid sex jokes about that. *sigh*

* A nice bigger reference of P5 Loki design, without all the SFX and stuff during that boss battle. I really like the way he sits on his sword sassily, and how it levitates around instead of swinging it normally. I also never noticed he has hoof-like heels! With that and the long ponytails it kinda looks like they were trying to give him an eight limbs sort of look, so maybe the design is meant to invoke Sleipnir?

* HEY. UMM. HOH. LEE. SHIT. I guess this kinda counts as beta cos we never get to see this, even if its part of the final design?? Seriously, I thought the shiny red bit was like the visor of his helmet, not a mouthpiece! LOKI’S HORNS COME OUT OF HIS FUCKING EYEBALLS! What the FUCK, they should have shown some sort of animation to make that clearer, that would be SO scary and fitting for that particular boss fight!

* A few beta outfits for our heroes! Ryuji originally had a clown mask instead of a skull, and Makoto wore a jacket with a biker gang logo, in addition to everything else biker gang. INCREASE BIKER GANG! Eeeeeven more beta outfit designs! Some more cyberpunky thing for ann, and a blue colourscheme protagonist, and a character with a sledgehammer who seems unused. There’s Iwai’s gecko tattoo there, so maybe originally his role was gonna be a school-aged ally instead of an adult shopkeeper? or maybe his son would join the party? The hero also originally wore Arsene’s top hat, and there’s this mysterious pic of two characters that I dunno who they are?? They look like twins, so it makes me wonder if that means there was originally a gender choice for the protag...

* A lot of storyboards for scenes that never happened! There’s a female character we’ve never seen before, so maybe that adds more to the theory of a rejected fem!protag option...

* Beta Ann had a bunch of different ways they tried to make her look like catwoman but not too much catwoman. She also used to use a crossbow as her ranged weapon!