MAXEY HAVING TO DECLINE BOTH MOM'S AND EMBIID'S CALLS SO HE CAN HEAR THE ACTUAL ANNOUNCEMENT 😭😭😭

Yesterday I kayaked at a state park that was a four hour drive, one way, with some friends to celebrate my upcoming birthday. The space was so so so beautiful. It felt really nice to see different friends get along well! Our music tastes didn’t align as a group but we made it work (and I think all four of us are a bit too polite (there’s a better word but not wanting to think hard rn) and after garnering reactions from the first run of songs, we started asking to skip stuff that was already created by the Spotify blend lol). While on the river, we came across a mom and her daughter; the daughter got lots of anxiety halfway into the trip as they floated along. The mom asked us if we know how much longer it would be for them to reach the next drop off point and how they could arrive quicker. I was on a tandem kayak with one of the friends and we offered to tie the rope connecting their tubes together to the back of our kayak. They then joined us for the remainder of the kayak trip. It felt so nice to be able to help them!! Then, after we returned our paddles and vests, we changed and we’re eating snacks while gathered around the trunk. There was a lady who parked next to us that i had seen on the river that wore such a cute outfit and had killer eyeliner so I commented on her makeup! She had brought her own kayak and was struggling to put it on top of the car so we offered to help her. It made me remember the mom conversing with another guy on a tube we came across in which she remarked that she was going to ask him for help but he was too far ahead and instead got there with girl power. Girls/women really do rock :-) I would like to go back there with a full day lined up so that we can go tubing after we kayak as well!! I woke up today in such a great mood thanks to the joy from yesterday!!

I watched memoirs of a geisha with a dear friend yesterday. Before we began the movie my mom called and I can’t remember but some part of our conversation pissed me off and i felt irritated even after ending the call but I was trying really hard to keep those feelings internal and enjoy the movie but she asked if I just wanted her to leave and I felt really bad so I tried to do a lil meditation inside my head and it really did help!! The movie was really good! I remember annotating my copy of the book back in the summer after I graduated high school and rereading it through my freshman semester too so I vaguely remembered the plot but I’m glad that she ended up with the chairman in the end. I’ll miss hanging out like this and am trying to somehow store the shared happiness away for when I’ll, no doubt, miss her presence and affection after she lives abroad. Neither of us are big texters; I do much better with in person communication so distance is a big issue for me unfortunately. Proximity is also the largest factor in relationships which is backed by research.

Moving on, ended the night with watching the finale of the last of us and then dissecting it as a group and sharing our thoughts. I think I would’ve done the same exact thing as Joel, and also like the callback to that ‘crazy’ lady who was hunting Henry bc he had sold out her brother to fedra for medication for his own little brother in the whole ‘what lengths are you willing to go to for your loved ones, even if that’s not what they would want for you to do’ as her brother would have likely forgiven Henry were he in that situation and similarly, though idk about life ending brain surgery for a potential cure but Ellie clearly wanted to go through with working with the fireflies to help find a cure and Joel defies that due to his now accepted role as a parental figure and the associated love and attachment and somewhat manipulation (again not the right word but idc rn) that it entails to parent a child. I was really saddened by the fact that he broke the one constant in their rocky relationship which was trust in honest communication. It’ll be heartbreaking whenever she has to confront with both herself and him that he lied to her about something so important when she tried to offer him an opportunity to come clean.

Also I know the whole ‘I know you say like you me but do you actually hate me’ thing feels overdone as a society and I very much hate that I still have feelings like this about people I’ve been friends with for a little bit if not a few years now. I know for my own self that I go through phases where honestly just being around people is too much and interacting often feels overwhelming and I start to get annoyed by them and that it’s not actually personal. I’m trying to tell myself that if I am capable of feeling this way but still loving those people at the end of the day, then I should be okay with sitting with the idea of my friends being annoyed by or disliking me sometimes. But like idk what’s wrong with me but I’m like well if you don’t like me then I feel that im worth less. It’s really annoying being aware of my people pleasing tendencies too because I constantly question whether im actually a kind person or if my kindness in any situation is driven by the need to be liked. I know this goes back to childhood trauma and blah blah blah but like I’ve already talked this shit through in therapy twice can’t I just be a stupid airhead that’s confident in herself and her relationships. It feels gross to want constant validation. Fuck.

Oh. Also??? My face and neck, and especially the bottom area of the skin under my eyes feels so dry and tight and itchy. It’s all a bit red and my neck is very splotchy. I can’t discern if this is the work of allergies bc I’d never experienced allergic reactions (or was aware of it at least) before or if I somehow went too hard on the retinol?? And I’ve been slathering my skin in like three layers of different moisturizers without drying my face even after I wash it but no dice. I might just have to buy Zyrtec or Benadryl tomorrow and see if it helps. The power of deductive reasoning to the rescue.

Joel Miller as a dad

Summary: Having Joel Miller as a dad 

A/N: i got sad there towards the end so sorry about that. I also wrote in that you were dating ellie so enjoy<3 

Warnings: TLOU2 spoilers, talk about death other than that its cute 

Word count: 1.3K

-He tries really hard to be a good dad

-He’s been different ever since Sarah, it’s been hard but you try to be patient with him

-When Joel found out that he was gonna be having another kid he flipped out

-He couldn’t stop thinking you were gonna end up like Sarah and he couldn’t go through that again

-but when  he saw you for the first time he knew  would do anything just to keep you safe

-In Boston he’s not the most loving dad, he’s not mean he just doesn’t show you how much he loves you

-It’s tough love I guess

-He always tells you that you can do better and that your being too careless

-you don’t take it personally though, you don’t know much about Sarah but you know when she died it broke Joel

-Speaking of Sarah, it’s forbidden to talk about her. The only reason you know about her is from tommy

-When you guys settled in Jackson he became more loving in a way

-He would always come up and tell you goodnight, when you were asleep he would kiss your forehead and whisper “goodnight baby girl”

-He calls you baby girl

-Jackson is when he opened up about Sarah a little more, telling you that you are very much like her or she would like you

-“You know Sarah always wanted a little sister. I reckon you two would’ve done just fine together”

-You had bad nightmares sometimes so if you woke up screaming out for Joel or you decided to walk into his room to wake him up, he would always let you cuddle up next to him

-You guys would always poke fun at each other, it was just father/daughter fun

-“Dad, I can't jump up that high”

-“well stop being so short, shorty”

-“Well stop being so old and maybe you could pull me up.”

-Joel was a pro when it came to periods, he knows it’s natural and he’s been around a few women in his life so he knows about it

-when you come crying to him about it he knows exactly what to do

-You are always trying to set him up with women, you even tried to get him to go on a date with the daycare teacher

-“Come on dad. Why not?? She’s so sweet, I wouldn’t mind her as a step mom.”

-“Because a hormonal teenager with a bad sense of humor is enough, I don’t think I can handle another woman right now.”

-You obviously know how to play guitar, I mean your Joel miller’s kid

-you guys always play together on the front porch, sipping on coffee as you watch the sunset

-you guys had movies nights, father/daughter dinners, he would even take you places outside of Jackson sometimes

-He just likes spending time with you, mostly because he feels bad that he wasn’t such a great dad in Boston. He regrets Boston in many aspects but that one he regrets the most

-also he fears something bad will happen to either you or him so he wants to get in as much time as he possibly can with you

-Okay but like having tommy as an uncle would be so fun

-And since Joel looks at Ellie as a daughter, you’re best friends with her, maybe eventually even dating her??

(this is kinda a whole other headcanon lol)

-Joel is super supportive of you and Ellie’s relationship, he trusts ellie a lot and he trusts that you know what’s good for you 

-When you came out to him it was tough for you and even tougher for him to understand it 

-”Dad.... I’m Gay/bi(or whatever your preference is<3)” 

-It took him a bit to take in what you just said 

-He didn’t really understand it, it was different back in his time 

-But he knew he loved you and wanted you to be happy 

-”I kinda had a feeling.. but it’s okay. You’ll always be my baby girl.” 

-You just bawled your eyes, it was honestly the first time you came to terms with yourself 

-He knew how much of a relief this was for you, he knows how much it hurts to hide yourself for so long 

-He just pulled you into a hug, rubbing circles on your back while you bawled your eyes out 

-”At least i know you won’t be getting pregnant any time soon.” 

-You couldn’t help but laugh at his stupid jokes 

-If anyone dared to say some shit about it, he would be ready to beat the fuck out of someone 

-You, ellie and him would have dinners together, you and ellie would hold hands and share small glances at each other 

-He would see that and he would try to hide his huge grin, HE HAS A EYE FOR LOVE AND MAMA YALL ARE SO IN LOVE HE CAN’T 

(anyways i’m getting off track back to daddy joel) 

-Joel’s not much of a dancer but he taught you how to slow dance 

-You two would be in the living room with some old country song and he would be teaching you the steps 

-”You never know when this will come in handy, what if you date a person who likes to dance huh? you can tell them your daddy taught you the basics.” 

-At the dances you would just stand at the bar with him, not having any interests with any of the people there 

-Eventually he would pull you onto the dance floor just to show off your dance moves . You two could look like idiots together 

- He taught you a lot, he taught you how to wood carve, how to shoot a gun and even how to pick a lock 

-You two shared a love for music so yall would have long talks about old music 

-You were really close with him, i mean your mom died so he was all you had. He was a single parent raising a teenage girl so he was really protective of you 

-He wrote a whole song for you, future days?? yeah that was for you (for the headcanon lets just say he wrote it shush)

-There was a time were you felt down, about life and about yourself 

-You were questioning everything, you weren't the same and his fatherly instinct could tell something was up 

-So over a nice cup of coffee you opened up to him, telling him how you don’t get the point of this sad life. How you feel nothing mattered 

-He was taken back, it wasn’t like you too be like this. He saw you go through tough times but it was never like it. you weren’t yourself 

-”You know, i’ve struggled to survive for so long even before the outbreak. but you have to keep finding something to fight for, look at the bigger picture. You are here, with me. You're alive with a roof over your head, obviously there is a plan for you. You are smart and kind, I know it because I raised you that way. You will find your purpose eventually and i know that doesn’t help the feeling go away but i hope it will bring you some kind of peace.” 

-It did bring you peace, it felt nice to hear it especially from him 

-When he died, your world fell apart. 

-There was no more singing, no more dancing, and no more kisses good night... it was just nothing 

-You slept in his bed for months straight, you wore his clothes, you even drank out of his coffee cup 

-It seemed like you were never going to recover, your world had stopped. 

-”You have to keep finding something to fight for.” 

-You never did recover from it, but you slowly but surely picked yourself up 

-You always brought new flowers to his grave, all his favorite kind too 

-You settled down in a farmhouse with ellie, you littered it with things to honor and remind you of your dad 

-He raised you well, he raised you to be tough and smart but he always taught you how to be loving and kind to people 

-He was so proud of you for growing up to be a lovely woman and where he was now, he would always love you 

-

-

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!Credit to Gif owner!

Survey #352

my head’s a mess and a half, i can’t think of lyrics to put here so yeah here’s the survey

What’s the last vegetable you ate, and when did you eat it? Uh I think it was a pepper in this Healthy Choice dinner bowl I had yesterday. What was your last Facebook notification for? A friend liking this photo I shared of some beautiful, small rock and pebble sculptures of people. What bands have you seen live? Just Alice Cooper. Tell me an interesting fact about your mother: She only has one kidney due to the other being taken out because of kidney cancer when I was a kid. Coincidentally, her father was actually born with only one as well. What do you think is the most important thing to happen to you before the age of 13? Nothing really comes to mind. What were you super against as a young child but aren’t anymore? SUPER against? I dunno, man. What are your plans later today? I don't know. Yesterday my mother informed me that Jason's mother died, and since then I've been in shock. I was in awful condition yesterday because I absolutely adore(d) her like she was MY family, and once upon a time I thought she would be officially, and I still feel very, very dead. I doubt I'll get anything done today. Are you doing anything exciting this weekend? Definitely not exciting... Mom and possibly I are probably bringing Jason's family food for the family get-together they're having (we're not staying for... obvious reasons), but she's unsure because it might be a bit too awkward. I'll stay in the car because I don't want to disrespect Jason's space, but I REALLY want to go through with this. His mom was so important to me, and I don't want to just... do nothing as if she meant just that. I want the family to know I never stopped caring just because there was a breakup. Plus I wanna give Jason his favorite chocolate bar to try to bring him a bit of happiness. I can't imagine what he's feeling, and my instinct of "I need to protect him" absolutely never went away. Who do you talk to the most? My mom. What are some things you do regularly that make you feel old? Go to bed before 9PM, sometimes even before 8. And my knees pop like a motherfucker. Who is your best guy friend(s)? Girt and Sam. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Neither; instead, I just wish it was clearer. I have extremely dry skin, especially on my arms, so I have little bumps and marks there, as well as little freckles over my body. Having like, porcelain skin would be amaaaazing. If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? Keep it. Look more badass, haha. Have you had an x-ray in the past year? I think so, on my legs. It may have been over a year ago, idr. Do you think your first love still loves you? I don't want to know. I really don't. What is something that is “going right” in your life? *blinks* When did you feel ready to start dating? Seriously, probably late middle school. When was the last time your pet bit you? If you don’t have a pet, have you ever been bitten by someone else’s? My snake Venus has never bitten me. Meanwhile, my cat Roman lightly (and sometimes not so lightly...) bites me pretty much every day when I play with him, lol. Where were you the last time you made out? My bed. When was the last time you cried tears of joy? I probably haven't done that since I met Sara irl. How do you type your sad smileys? One of these three: :( or :c or :< Do you have “decorative hand-towels” that cannot be used in your house? No. What was the last soda you drank? Mountain Lightning, a Mtn. Dew ripoff bc we're cheap, lol. What was the last thing someone made fun of you for? I don't know. Have you ever had any type of surgery? Yeah, a cyst removal as well as tubes in my ears. Should kids be allowed to get tattoos/piercings without parental consent? Uh no????? Who was the last person to hit on you? That I'm actually aware of, Sara. I'm quite sure nobody has since. What was the last thing you decided not to do, that you were supposed to? I was too weak to even clean the litterbox last night. I just wanted to go to bed. I need to do it today. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell someone? Hm. Maybe that I didn't love Joel? It was just really awkward and I felt awful about the whole situation. What do you put on hot dogs? Ketchup and mustard. Ever fallen in the shower? I've fallen OUT of the shower. I was extremely dizzy and was trying to get out, and I just passed out onto my chin. Broke some molars and got a concussion. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever called someone you care about? Probably a bitch or something. Do you think that things will get better? I sure hope so. Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life? I guess I kinda have. My WoW friend Lisa and I were talking, and she wasn't feeling well at all when she suddenly disappeared. Coincidentally, her husband got home RIGHT when I messaged her again, wanting to check up on her, and he heard the alert so checked it out. Lisa was knocked out on the couch having some medical emergency with a name I can't remember, and he just thought she was sleeping. Because of seeing the chat, he took her to the hospital when she probably would've died otherwise. She insists I saved her. What’s your favourite book genre? Fantasy. Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre? No. Do dogs like you? They definitely seem to. Animals in general honestly do. Would you say that you project an air of authority? Definitely not. Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool? No. I've always wanted to, but I was too scared at any opportunity. Do you use one towel when you shower or two? (one for hair, one for body) I just use one. I dry my hair first, then my body. Have you ever been to one of the great lakes? No, but I did see one of them from a plane when I was flying to Sara's. Who do you know that had a baby recently? My high school friend had her daughter Persephone literally a couple days ago. Cute little thing. Do you like Usher’s songs? Oh wow, what a blast from the past. I don't even recall the names of any, but I remember I enjoyed some as a kid. When was the last time you went to a waterpark? Wow, it has been YEARS. Like, not since I was a teen. Have you ever ridden a train? No. What do you eat your French fries with? Ketchup, sometimes. Do you have family problems? Not really. What’s the last food you ate that was stale? Bread, I think. How do you like your grilled cheese? Just a normal 'ole grilled cheese. What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? I don’t cook. What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? Play video games. Have you ever been close to drowning? Yikes, no. Have you ever had a panic attack? Countless. Do you like doing housework? No, who does? Would you ever get implants? Nah. Do you own a robe? No. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Do you like crust on pizza or do you cut it off? I don't trust people who don't eat pizza crust. What was the last song you listened to? "The Ghost of You" by My Chemical Romance. It's making me cry, but I really need to. Have any of your family members been to jail? No. None that I know of, anyway. Is there anyone that you feel you still need some closure with? An old friend, yes. Can you remember when you first learned how to read? No. What event in your life has transformed your personality the most? My mental illnesses as a whole. Have you ever had any teeth pulled? No. Do you still want to be what you wanted to be in elementary school? No, but only because it's not realistic. I don't want to travel. What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into? I don't care about TV 'til MM resumes, and then absolutely whenever The Edge of Sleep is released. Mark is a key actor in it. How would you feel if you were drafted for the military? I couldn’t be. What is your favorite Queen song? Ha, I'm aware this is probably everyone's answer, but "Bohemian Rhapsody" is the bop of all bops. Do you know how to use any foreign currency? No. Been kissed by someone who you knew was “bad” for you? BEEN kissed, yeah. By Juan. Ever taken an at-home pregnancy test? No. When was the last time you were at a loss of what to do? Now. What did you do on your favorite date with a guy/girl? It was a group date where we went to this big arcade one night. What’s a movie you have seen in the theater more than once? None. What is the reason you’re still alive? That's a big answer that I'm not in the mood to ramble about. Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom? Yeah, oops. Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed? No. Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) HAHA this was the only lucid dream I've ever had lmfao. Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? I don't remember. How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about? Like shit. "Virginia's still dead" just bitchslapped me. Do you still tell your parents that you love them? Well yeah. Have you ever said “I love you” to someone you weren’t going out with? Yes, because I really did. Have you ever been threatened before? Yes. Would you date someone with a physical disability? Yeah. Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? Probably. The last time you dyed your hair, what color did you dye it? Red. Think of the last time you went out to eat. Who paid? My mom. Do you save at least 15 percent of your income? What income? Do you ever go on Reddit? If so, what are some of your favorite subreddits? No. Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? No. Are your parents in good health? Not especially. They're both probably unhealthier than the average person. Dad smokes way too much to be healthy, and Mom has a plethora of issues. Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? No; it sounds awful, but I'm very doubtful I could be because I canNOT clean another human being. Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason? No. Do you have a favorite pair of pajamas? What do they look like? They're black Pokemon pants with Pikachu jumping by the logo. Do you have any interesting pillow cases? No. If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be? My knees. Are you more afraid of spiders or bees? Both, but situationally. Have you ever worn fake nails? If so, what did the last pair you wore look like? Only once for prom. They were maroon, like my dress. Wait... or maybe I didn't wear them? Fuck, idr. Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you? Native American history is way more fascinating to me.

um i need a distraction so heres a question thing that yall are supposed to send to me but i just answered all of them if ur interested

Alisons: Sexuality?

straight i think

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

she/her cis

Amaryllis: Birthday?

january 30th!

Anemone: Favorite flower?

idk what they’re called but these vine type flowers on the side of my porch!

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

atla

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

depends on the context, definitely nothing where they could take advantage of me

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

i hate quotes i can never remember any lmao

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

.... diet coke

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

no

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

maybe? he didnt love me back

Baneberries: Favorite song?

vienna by billy joel

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

my parents are nice and supportive but overbearing and judgmental. my dad has a tendency to talk when its not his place and my mom is very jewish. my sister doesnt like me very much and is kind of rude. one of my brothers is really nice and the other is awful

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

I dont

Begonia: Favorite color?

green

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

red panda

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

a cat

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

an animator 

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

i love kids theyre so cute

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

heights bc theyre scary, and unachieving because i dont want to waste my life

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

i used to play with ants a lot

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  

like if i was conscious it was my last day? i dont even know

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

single :/

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

central asia and iran

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

when im with my friends and we’re just hanging out

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

no ma’am i am a child of god

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  

my ear lobes and i want to get my doubles done

California Poppy: Height?  

5′3. it be like that

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

yes!!!!!!!!!!!! omg

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

a college sweatshirt and pj pants with penguins on them

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

when i was little....

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

my friend hannah

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

i haven’t...

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

um lobster?

Columbine: Are you tired?

yeah lol

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

college and moving out of state!!

Coneflower: Dream job?

something where i can use my degree lmao

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

i think im an introvert but i also might just have anxiety

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

maybe?

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i would take a bullet for most of my loved ones

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

yes. a tie-dyed teddy bear named tie-dye. he is my husband.

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

aquarius

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

nothing that people who arent me should remember, but i think our experiences shape us so

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

im not dead idk

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?  

um id probably be upset i care about my parents approval way to much

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

my friend hannah again lol

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

public speaking!!

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

math

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

um i met my future roommate, i lost a bit of weight, and i got some cute shorts

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

stressful! 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

no

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

join my college’s honors program and study in russia

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

im not doing this one too tired

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed? 

xanax 

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

i try to tell ppl they are important to me

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

im funny i think

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

i wake up at 9:30 its 70 degrees Fahrenheit and i get lunch with some friends and then we hang out for the day

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

im so bad about this all i do is watch youtube and study, but i love to draw and im going to start reading more

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?  

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

pretty sure its french for clear or bright (depending on the context). my mom just liked it

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

im from a suburb of kck. its a nice and safe place to grow up but i wouldnt choose to live here

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

nice, but its in the basement so the view is really bad i hate that

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

no nope no

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

she is very smart and hardworking but very judgmental and a bit inconsiderate. she loves me very much tho

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

he is short and angry. he tends to interrupt me a lot. he is supportive of everything i do. he is stingy about money tho

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my mother’s mom died before i was born, and my i was never close with her father. he died when i was 8. my other grandma has bad dementia and isn’t sure who i am anymore. shes presbyterian but she would send my sister and i dreidels and such for hanukkah. im told i look a lot like her. my grandfather has been very grumpy for as long as ive known him.   

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

my 13th. i had an anxiety attack and had to go home early.

Peony: What was your first job?

i was a hostess at a seafood restaurant.

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

i give myself time to process it and then just move forward i guess

Pink: Where is home?

where your sense of belonging is ig idk

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

i would have made better grades and quit band in middle school haha 

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

i want to be happy with 2 kids and a husband and live below my means but still be comfortable 

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

nihil was a philosopher. 

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

fuck idk my dog

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

background noise when your sitting outside

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

for everything to work out!!!  

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

very very hard

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

the internet

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

8 hours but i overslept

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

i have to

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

i dont have a job rn and thats bad

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

my jeans from uo

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

cool librarian or 90s mom

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

160,000 dollars :)

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

the cost of college!!!!

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

oof like 2. i read Dune, and Slaughterhouse Five

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

college! finishing up my first semester

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

yeah :( 

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

ive been late to ap french almost every day this semester #c’estlavie

30 Day Shipping Challenge

Day 18: What is the cutest pairing? 

See, I don't read the questions ahead of time, so I never know what to expect until the day of. So I could easily Romione and Jackie/Hyde this question too like I've done the last ones haha.

But to show I have more interest than that, I'll actually think about this one and find something different.

So Imma pick Jr Gomez and Morticia.... A.k.a. Joel Glicker and Wednesday Addams.

So in the 90s, my favorite chick was Wednesday Addams. She wasn't peppy, she wasn't trying to fit in, she wasn't fake. She stayed herself despite the situations she was put in, and I always thought even then that Christina Ricci was so pretty. Also, her insults and downright bluntness cracked me up, even when at the time of first seeing the movies, I didn't understand all of the jokes.

This one here, being the funniest. And I didn't get it until I was in high school lol. Whore. I hated that little girl.

So when she goes to camp and she's absolutely miserable, I like that she found somebody that made camp at least tolerable for her (I wish I could find a gif or pic of when Joel first sees her and almost has an asthma attack, so cute). Joel was basically an outcast too. He had a ton of health problems (which I strongly felt then and still now that his mom exaggerated), he liked odd things, and he did as he pleased without caring who judged him. Right up Wednesday's alley lol.

I like that Wednesday found someone outside of her family that though odd, really wasn't like her. She didn't have any friends besides her brother, so it was nice to see her trusting someone, even enough to invite to family functions like her uncle's wedding and her brother's birthday party. Which I'm shocked that his parents even let him go to. He must have left out some details.

That's so cute lol. Because you know that Wednesday is a morbid person, so her calling him disturbing is actually a compliment and he knows it lol. And the fact that he knows that calling her weird is fine to her is cute too.

And their little kiss was just awwwwwww. I was a strange kid. At that age, cooties were non existent. I thought kissing was totally fine. And the fact that they talked like Gomez and Morticia, OMG!!

It would have been cool if they came out with a third one, and we could see how they are as late teens or something. But they were adorable, and their whole little relationship is what made that movie a favorite of mine.

He wanted to be her devoted slave like Gomez was to Morticia omg 😂😂😂😂

I pity him too girl. Wild days and torturous nights when y'all grow up lol.

UNCHARTED THE LOST LEGACY REACTIONS

- fsaldfsldfsdljfsaj It’s. So. Gay!!!!! Holy shit!!! Like at several points my sister — less prone to picking up on these things than I am — turned to me and went “So they’re in love, right? They’re ending up together?” and I just squeaked and waved helplessly at the screen because… what other explanation can there possibly be at this point. Every time they touch each other’s shoulders or reach out to steady each other my soul leaves my body etc

I hope the end of the elephant scene is foreshadowing that there’ll be a trilogy and they’ll get together and adopt a kid and gore anyone who tries to mess with them (Chloe is already That Mom taking pictures of every damn thing, it’s written in the stars)

- tfw Nadine starts calling Chloe by her first name *promptly dies, happily*

- We are so completely two for two on picking the games that perfectly suit my tastes because Uncharted 3 is a parental substitute/father figure story and The Lost Legacy is a partners becoming Partners falling in love story and those are literally my two most aching narrative weaknesses

- I LOVE that Nadine is That Animal Nerd Girl from your class (“Monkies!”), except also a stone cold killing machine when she needs to be. I wonder if we got to know more about her relationship with her dad in U4? Because from her assumptions around Chloe’s father it sounds like she really loved him, making it all the more painful that she feels like she ‘lost’ his life’s work on her watch :(

- The fact that Nadine took approximately two hours to go from ‘who the hell is this hothead madwoman trying to get us both killed’ to completely charmed by Chloe’s whole being is… truly amazing, inspiring, I feel the warmth of the Iris flowing through me

- Chloe’s weird-ass expressions are everything. Her face moves like… three times as much as it needs to and it’s glorious. At first I thought it was the facial animations in general that were a little off but then they introduced other characters and no — no, they all look very plausible, it’s just Chloe’s features being made of rubber lol. (I actually found some of Asav’s animations to almost be too realistic, to the point of being creepy. Also just b/c he’s a creep)

- I was sort of afraid that I wouldn’t like Sam, but as it turns out… he’s a useless piece of shit disgrace to humanity and a sleazy catastrophe of a person and it’s the funniest shit I’ve seen in my life ha ha, I have accepted him and whatever the hell it is he thinks he’s wearing. I can’t BELIEVE Nate is the responsible, more well-functioning brother, what the fuck

(also the people around Nate crime-babysitting his brother now that he’s out of the business is HILARIOUS, I hope they stay true to this direction of comic relief)

- The contrast of Chloe’s father losing himself to the obsession… while Chloe is here to save a friend… and ends up saving a whole C I T Y while simultaneously being saved by/saving her future wife… I cri

- One thing that is so great about Naughty Dog games is the way they subtly carry themes of interconnectedness and co-operation —  the main characters are very seldom alone and when they are it’s to set up the contrast to when you’re with the companion characters, to make you really appreciate the desolation. It makes the characters feel so alive and real that they need each other and interact among themselves as well as the environment.  

(actually I’m also playing The Last Of Us right now and istg Joel’s intention to not get attached lasted all of, like… half a day, well done buddy)

(It’s also good fodder for characterization — contrast Chloe’s repeated refusal to accept Nadine’s help until they get closer to Nate, who is his own weird squirrely collection of abandonment issues and emotional repression but relies on his friends, even clearly expecting Sully and Elena to be there when he reaches out for them… wait no… I am now very emotional… I’m so glad Nadine and Chloe are partners, may they have many years of saving each other’s beautiful butts and helping each other through character development)

- “I looked it up on Wikipedia. Like a normal person” dfahfkdhasklashd I love her so much

- Chloe is such a great character; this cynical, sarcastic, caring mess of a woman has a special place in my heart. There are some scenes where you can practically hear her run screaming to get away from her own feelings and that is very hashtag relatable, and despite her reputation as a backstabber she DOES come back to save her friends time and time again. (Nadine having to drag her out of the train carriage with Asav because even two hundred meters away from plunging to her doom she HAD to get a final sarcastic, thematically appropriate jab in was  e x q u i s i t e )

The scene where Nadine has left and she’s making her way on foot messed me up because she doesn’t even seem hurt, just quietly resigned, like ‘well what did I expect’, thank GOD these girls are so in love that their estrangement lasted all of half an hour and ended in saving an elephant

- The game mechanics are so much better in this one! I even accept the vehicle parts, even though driving in video games is literally my primordial enemy and I usually hate it with my every cell. Being able to actually take out a whole area with stealth was a godsend and surprisingly fun, because the gun fights can be the least inspired parts of this series sometimes

BTW both Chloe and Nate have one particular stealth attack that always makes me laugh my ass off where they jump up on someone like a little monkey from behind and snap their neck and it’s weirdly cute. You don’t even have to be in real stealth, it’s enough to melee a dude from behind when *he*, specifically, didn’t see you coming, so like in the middle of a roaring gun battle you can jump up like ‘maHA’ and do it, adorable  

- This game made me realize just how little I actually know about hinduism. Welp time to read up on it enough to not be a complete idiot ha ha

134 questions

1: Name - Joel 2: Age - 18 (19 in June) 3: 3 Fears - being alone, not making anything of myself, and bugs lol 4: 3 things I love - My Sweet and Wonderful Boyfriend, music and making music, chocolate 5: 4 turns on - the back of my neck, it's really sensitive… when the other person takes control… that's all you get for now ;) 6: 4 turns off - biting, roughness lol, uncomfortable positions, boobs (lol) 7: My best friend - Sterling 8: Sexual orientation - Gay (duh XD) 9: My best first date - pizza place with my current boyfriend 10: How tall am I - 5’6” 11: What do I miss - my boyfriend. And music camp tbh 12: What time was I born - not sure… the afternoon maybe? 13: Favorite color - Teal 14: Do I have a crush - very much so 15: Favorite quote - not my favorite but I love it cuz it's hilarious “...the people that put the chemicals in the water that turned the friggin frogs gay!” - Alex Jones 16: Favorite place - Sterling's house (and now anywhere with my boyfriend :) 17: Favorite food - Mac n’ cheese. Also chicken 18: Do I use sarcasm - nooooooo I neeeeever eeeeeeever use sarcasm (lol) 19: What am I listening to right now - my Mom has some cringey Christian radio station on... 20: First thing I notice in a new person - kindness 21: Shoe size - 10 (12 women's XD) 22: Eye color - blue 23: Hair color - dirty blonde 24: Favorite style of clothing - sweaters with or without buttons, clothes with buttons in general. Fall clothes 25: Ever done a prank call? - once… it was so cringey but he actually fell for it

27: Meaning behind my URL - theboywiththepinkfloralpurse was my first blog where I really needed someplace to make venting emotional posts and I'd just gotten a tacky pink purse with flowers lol. a-random-gay-bunny is pretty self explanatory lol 28: Favorite movie - ahhhhhh I'm so bad at picking favorites for most things…. I do really like V for Vendetta tho. Seen it many times, and the entire X-Men series. 29: Favorite song - too many to pick… 30: Favorite band - except this… I can say for sure it's Pentatonix. I've seen them in concert twice, I love them so much 31: How I feel right now - happy, but I wanna hold my boyfriend and kiss him 32: Someone I love - My boyfriend John 33: My current relationship status - very taken <3 34: My relationship with my parents - much better than a couple years ago, still a little rocky but pretty good 35: Favorite holiday - probably Christmas 36: Tattoos and piercing I have - none 37: Tattoos and piercing I want - I'm not sure, but I would like a tattoo or a few one day 38: The reason I joined Tumblr - to vent my feelings to the void lol 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? - don't have one 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - everyday :) <3 41: Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? - this question is weird lol, but John's the last person I texted and the only person I've kissed :) 42: When did I last hold hands? - yesterday 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - depends, I can get ready really quickly if need be though 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? - nope. Last I shaved was a week ago I think 45: Where am I right now? - at home on my couch 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - either Sterling, John or both, but I don't plan on getting drunk ever. I guess it could happen but probably won't be drinking in the future 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - both, usually slightly loud though 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - yeah… hopefully not for too much longer 49: Am I excited for anything? - seeing my boyfriend on Saturday, and going to camp in 52 days, and hopefully passing my driver's test in 107 days. 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - sort of? I feel like I can tell Tabby everything 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? - not too often, only in situations where I feel uncomfortable but feel I need to smile. 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - couple of hours ago 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - I'd be vereh sad and I'd want to know why. But he wouldn't do that :) 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - I'm a really trusting person so probably 55: What is something I disliked about today? - I couldn't see my boyfriend and kiss his cute face 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - uhhh… I dunno… maybe Tyler Oakley cuz I bet that would be really fun 57: What do I think about most? - heehee, my boyfriend. And also getting a job and figuring out plans for things, always running through plans in my head. 58: What’s my strangest talent? - I'm not sure, but the fact I can sing so low and so high is a pretty strange talent I guess 59: Do I have any strange phobias? - I'm very afraid of getting water in my eyes 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - behind it 61: What was the last lie I told? - I told my Mom I understood when she told me that my having a boyfriend is very difficult and awkward for her. I really don't understand 62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - definitely on the phone, but before my boyfriend I would've said neither 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - I'd like to believe in aliens, but I dunno. As for ghosts I don't believe in them at all really. 64: Do I believe in magic? - kind of? I think people can and have been able to connect with demons and been controlled by them. I don't think it really happens today much anymore. I think it might tho? 65: Do I believe in luck? - not really, sort of in a cutesy way tho 66: What's the weather like right now? - slightly cloudy, but the sun has mostly set anyway 67: What was the last book I've read? - all the way through? Animal Farm. The last book I opened and read from was a book Sterling gave me. 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? - Oh god no, do some people like that smell? 69: Do I have any nicknames? Dork, pianoman (from this strange sports camp where everyone had a nickname) 70: What was the worst injury I've ever had? - had a car hood slam on a couple fingers, they didn't break tho surprisingly. Never had a broken bone 71: Do I spend money or save it? - spend… I shouldn't, I need to make money so I can start saving 72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? - just barely the bottom of my nose 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? - yes, my old pink purse and probably some other stuff 74: Favorite animal? - besides cats and bunnies, red pandas 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - talking to bae 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - I don't think he has one? Strange question lol 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - you'll be in my heart by Phil Collins 78: How can you win my heart? - genuinely caring about me :) 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - Here lies the gayest gay to ever gay 80: What is my favorite word? - maybe bitch lol 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - a bunch of furry blogs lol 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - …..hi?... anybody wanna give me free money and help me see my boyfriend more?.... 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - no. Unless I have distant relatives in jail 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - teleportation 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - not many, but one is “have you cheated on school assignments” 86: What is my current desktop picture? - my cat Loki 87: Had sex? - nope 88: Bought condoms? - nope 89: Gotten pregnant? - NOPE XD 90: Failed a class? - no 91: Kissed a boy? - yee 92: Kissed a girl? - nononono 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - not yet ;) 94: Had job? - not yet :( 95: Left the house without my wallet? - plenty of times lol 96: Bullied someone on the internet? - maybe? When I was like 13/14 I might've, but not really, I made cringey YouTube comments. 97: Had sex in public? - nope lol 98: Played on a sports team? - nope 99: Smoked weed? - nope 100: Did drugs? - nope 101: Smoked cigarettes? - nope 102: Drank alcohol? - nope 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - nope 104: Been overweight? - nope 105: Been underweight? - ...yeah 106: Been to a wedding? - many… many 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - HA plenty of times XD 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - probably 109: Been outside my home country? - no 110: Gotten my heart broken? - yeah 111: Been to a professional sports game? - actually yeah… it was boring 112: Broken a bone? - nope 113: Cut myself? - no, I considered once but immediately decided against it because I know someone close to me who did 114: Been to prom? - nope 115: Been in airplane? - a few times 116: Fly by helicopter? - nope 117: What concerts have I been to? - Oh lots, a bunch of em were when I had a scholarship that allowed me to see concerts for free 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - plenty lol, better question would be had a crush on the opposite sex. Which the answer would be… once 119: Learned another language? - sorta? Not fluently no lol 120: Wore make up? - nope, I don't like stuff on my face like face paints and makeup and stuff 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? - nope 122: Had oral sex? - nope 123: Dyed my hair? - no, but I want to someday. Like a fun color 124: Voted in a presidential election? - yeah 125: Rode in an ambulance? - nope 126: Had a surgery? - nope 127: Met someone famous? - kinda! 128: Stalked someone on a social network? - a few times... 129: Peed outside? - yeah, hasn't everybody at least once? Right? 130: Been fishing? - once… super boring 131: Helped with charity? - not yet, can't afford to yet lol 132: Been rejected by a crush? - once 133: Broken a mirror? - don't think so 134: What do I want for birthday? - always a difficult question. But definitely want to see my boyfriend :)

Quiz thing

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? Seeing as that was my father, absolutely not lol.  2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Nope. 3. Have you taken someones virginity? Nope.  4. Is trust a big issue for you? Yes it is, a lot of people have betrayed my trust, especially some of the most important people in my life.  5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? I dont romantically like anyone right now so no.  6. What are you excited for? Going to the beach today with my best friend=) 7. What happened tonight? Nothing since tonight hasn’t happened yet lol.  8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? When anyone gets wasted, yes.  9. Is confidence cute? Um, I guess? As long as they aren’t too confident.  10. What is the last beverage you had? Water 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? uhh...I dont have many people in my life that are guys right now. I feel like the only guy I really trust is probably my brother.  12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Nope, HATE jeans.  13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Tonight is Sat night lol. I think just watching tv and hanging out.  14. What are you going to spend money on next? Expensive dinner lol.  15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Nope.  16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Might be better at driving and I will also be a year older, so a little bit I guess.  17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? My best friend.  18. The last time you felt broken? Probably a couple weeks ago.  19. Have you had sex today? Nope, haven’t ever.  20. Are you starting to realize anything? That winter is coming to an end lol.  21. Are you in a good mood? Yeah, great mood=) 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? Nope, I cant swim and I feel like that would be extremely anxiety inducing, even if I could. 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yes they are, but people say I have my mothers eyes. 24. What do you want right this second? I dont know, im doing fine right now.  25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? If we were in a relationship, id confront them. If we arent, then “that really sucks and is shitty” but there would not be much I could do.  26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yes=) Although i’ve wanted to/thought of dying it red.  27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? I dont think so.  28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Umm i’m not sure...Probably something my best friend and I talked about last night.  29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? I miss my dad all the time.  30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Not everyone. If they killed someone, prob not.  31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? No I dont. I’ve felt like I hate him before but I know I dont.  32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? No because I dont like anyone lol.  33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Uh no lol. I LOVE soda, especially orange soda and vanilla coke.  34. Listening to? “Sweet Child of Mine”-Guns and Roses 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Yes, take notes in pencil so I can erase easier.  36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? Not really, we are kinda in and out of touch. 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? I think it could be possible maybe.  38. Who did you last call? Mom 39. Who was the last person you danced with? My dad maybe?...It was years ago. 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? We were like 5 and 4, wanted to see what it was like.  41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? A week ago. 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? Nope, we arent really like that.  43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? YES.  44. Do you tan in the nude? No lol. 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Nah, there isnt really reason to. 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Nope. 47. Who was the last person to call you? It was some crap caller.  48. Do you sing in the shower? Yes, very much lol. 49. Do you dance in the car? No lol. 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Yes=) 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I think senior year of high school. 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Nah, I love them. 53. Is Christmas stressful? NO! I love it=)  54. Ever eat a pierogi? Nah I haven’t.  55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Lemon Cream=) 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Uh a lot lol. A princess, a cowgirl, a mermaid, all 3 lol, a vet, “the boss”, teacher, zookeeper, marine biologist, ballerina.  57. Do you believe in ghosts? YES! 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yeah, all the time. 59. Take a vitamin daily? I’m supposed to but dont lol. 60. Wear slippers? Nah but I should. All my socks are dirty cause I walk outside with them on. 61. Wear a bath robe? Sometimes. 62. What do you wear to bed? Nightgown and underwear, sometimes a top and shorts. When its REALLY cold, ill wear a top and pants. I run hot though so its gotta be really freezing.  63. First concert? Think it was like a Disney concert lol. 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target=) 65. Nike or Adidas? Nike. 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos, love the flaming hot ones=) 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts. 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? “Style”, “Everything Has Changed” or “Last Kiss”.  69. Ever take dance lessons? Nah, I wanted to when I was younger though.  70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Uh, not really.  71. Can you curl your tongue? Nah lol. 72. Ever won a spelling bee? No, i’m terrible at spelling. 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Almost have=) 74. What is your favorite book? “Perks of Being a Wallflower” 75. Do you study better with or without music? Without. 76. Regularly burn incense? Nah. 77. Ever been in love? YES. 78. Who would you like to see in concert? MJ=( 79. What was the last concert you saw? I think it was Billy Joel’s son...Forget his name. Went with a friend because she was really into him.  80. Hot tea or cold tea? Both=) I think I do like iced better though. 81. Tea or coffee? Tea, hate coffee. 82. Favorite type of cookie? Chocolate Chip! 83. Can you swim well? Can’t swim at all=( 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes. 85. Are you patient? Uh, can be. I feel like I was more patient when I was younger though lol. 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ 87. Ever won a contest? Yes=) 88. Ever have plastic surgery? Nah, don’t want to. 89. Which are better black or green olives? Neither 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? I used to think it was horrible when I was really young, now I don’t really care lol. 91. Best room for a fireplace? Bedroom=) 92. Do you want to get married? Yes, absolutely. 

Survey #263

laptop is still broken, nvm. :’)

Do you have a favorite song by The Cure? "Sweet Soul Sister." (': Are there things you've never told for fear that others would judge you? Yep. Can sex ever be casual? I personally don't support it, but ultimately, so long it's consensual, protected, and both parties understand what's going on, you do you. Would you like to go on television to receive a make-over? Not on TV, no. It'd be awesome to see myself after a professional makeup, but I ain't going on TV to show my ugly face. What will no one ever see you do? Smoking. Are you quick to anger? Rarely. Are you slow to forgive? Not really. Usually. What do you need help with? Being an adult, lmao. Do you take the easy way out of things? More often than I'd like... What is your favorite fabric to wear? *shrugs* I don't pay attention to the fabric I wear, really. Do you still make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? C'mon dude, you've got to! I don't believe in wishes increasing your odds of anything, but it's a must anyway! Do you look for four leaf clovers? Just casually when I'm walking or sitting outside. What are you the guardian of? My pets! Are you for or against censoring child pornography? I've seen many stupid questions in surveys. But this is the absolute dumbest. What the fuck is wrong with you. Are naked child images in paintings more acceptable than photographs of naked children? GENERALLY, yes, but it really depends on the artistic portrayal. None should be sexualized. Now that we can create such lifelike digital images, do you think it should be allowed for digital child pornography to exist (as in there were no children involved in the porn, it is all digitally made, the kids aren't real, they just look real)? Absofuckinglutely not. The concept is absolutely repulsive. Enough with these fucking questions. Do you like Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy better? Wheel of Fortune, ig. Jeopardy is pretty boring to me. What is your favorite tarot deck? I don’t know enough about tarots to comment. How do you feel about Wicca and Paganism? IT'S SUPER SUPER INTERESTING AND COOL AND I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT IT!!!! I relate most to Neo-Paganism anyway, so I obviously don't mind them. Wicca especially is a very, very misconstrued religion that has just been horribly abused by the media. Do you believe that people who practise the above religions are able to accomplish magic? No, I don't. If you were given the opportunity to lead a creative writing program for a small group of students in a high school with a low budget in generally poor neighborhood, would you do it? No, but only because I could never been a teacher. Sounds fun otherwise. Should high school cafeterias stop serving twinkies and other fatty foods? BIIIIITCH whose HS sells Twinkies????? I need to know?????? Anyway, no, but I believe there must be mostly actually nutritional options. Let kids have the chance to have a little snack during a boring 'ole school day. What band is so romantic that anyone who listens to them must be romantic at heart? BOY Josh Groban. Have your gods and idols let you down? The Christian god did. What do you waste? Whew... time... time. When was the last time that you were neither going to school or working for a month or more? Currently. Ugh. What is your light at the end of the tunnel? The potential of a beautiful future. Speaking of the light, is the light that people see when they die the random firing of electrons or is it something more? Good question. I lean towards it being a natural phenomenon as everything shuts down, BUT I find the reincarnation/birth canal theory to be quite interesting. I don't really believe it, but hey, who the hell am I to decide if it is or not. If you were going to have a mural painted in your bed room what would you want it to be of? A scene of meerkats probably. Is sex more about fulfilling a need or giving yourself? Giving yourself. Do you like your belly? FUCK NO. Do you think more or act more? Think, sadly. Should there be a mandatory retirement age? Of course not. You work all you want boo. What's the craziest thing you've ever done on impulse that worked out well? This is gonna sound... very bad, but my suicide attempt. It made things abundantly clear I needed serious help. It led to my partial hospitalization program. Do you have any exercise tapes or DVDs? No but OH MY GOD this made me remember my lil sister used to a Barbie one that we followed lmaoooo. Does the sound of crickets bother you? No, I quite enjoy it actually. Is the sound of a fan on at night soothing? Yessss. How do you feel you will likely die? I really don't know, but probably cancer-related. Recent events have made it abundantly clear it does in fact run in our family, and genetic testing because of Mom's cancer revealed that at least through her, my sisters and I are susceptible to pancreatic, breast, and ovarian cancer. Once this virus passes over, we're all getting tested for free to get an understanding of what hell Dad gave us lmao. Have you ever been slapped in the face? No. How about punched? Yeesh, no. That was something unique about you as a child? I was CRAZY about dinos for the average little girl. Have you ever come up with a memorable quote? Not really. What is something interesting about where you live? The town is like, really, really old. Downtown looks right out of an old movie. Were you breastfed as a baby? Yeah. If you’ve lost your virginity, what was your first time like? I don't remember it because it didn't really register what we were doing was sex. I still don't know today if you could call it sex since it was really dry humping through thin clothes, but it sounds close enough. What do you think about masturbation? You do you boo. Is it sometimes better than the real thing? I don't think so, though I only had a brief episode where I did it when I was put on a new birth control that made my hormones like so, so far beyond control. I stopped that shit sooo fast. I got almost nothing out of it, honestly. Intimacy is a two-person job for me. Who do you think about most? Jason, whether I want to or not. Favorite way to pamper yourself? Go to bed early lol. What's your most expensive piece of clothing? I don't have a clue. I don't really have expensive stuff. What was your last big achievement? Ugh... I'm not the person to ask. I haven't made any big ones even semi-recently. Have you ever had a "false alarm" moment, what was it about? Oh sure. The first time that comes to mind was when I thought Venus was dying once when she had a series of horrible coughing/gagging fits a long time ago. We took her to the vet with the risk of a respiratory infection, but she was clear, thankfully. I think she had early signs, though. Do you know how to ride a bike? Ye. If you were in the hospital who are the two people you'd want by your side? Mom of course, and it'd be nice if Sara was there if she was at all capable of that, but I'm fine w/ just Mom. If you could ever take a street sign, what sign do you want? Well, I wouldn't, but probably "stop" bc that applies to a lot in my life, lmao. Have you ever not returned something you borrowed and if so what was it? I don't think so? When you pack your lunch, what's your favorite packed lunch? Usually just a good 'ole pb&j. :') What was the one most important thing you learned from your parents? Take care of your goddamn relationship. Talk shit out instead of yelling. Work together. Never neglect the reason you're with each other. Have you done something you worry could come back to haunt you, what? No, because I don't believe in karma. If you had to build a small ark, what 7 animals would you save? Those with the biggest ecological impact, like bees and spiders, for example. I wouldn't be very happy with all my choices while all other animals perished, but you've gotta think of what comes next. Out of just selfishness I'd obviously have to spare a spot for meerkats, aha. They'd help with the bug control, though! I don't know about the other four, though; I'd have to think real hard on 'em. What is something your parents love that you actually love too? Classic rock and metal. Has anyone ever said "I love you" and you couldn't say it back? I firmly remember this is how I ended that childish shit with Joel. He said it and I couldn't. Have you ever ridden a camel? No. What's been the hardest loss you've had to take? Jason. What emotion is your least favorite and the one you are not in touch with? Fear, of course. No one likes being afraid. I'm not all that in touch with greed at all. Do you think facial moles or freckles are cute? I don’t mind 'em. Sometimes they're super-duper cute. Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I don't trust strangers for shit. If you're searching for a relationship, where is your go-to place to look? I don't really "look" anywhere. What book have you read multiple times? I lost count of how many times I've read Meerkat Manor: Flower of the Kalahari. Granted, in subsequent reads, I would skip over the HUGE tangent chunks that were entirely unrelated to meerkats. I seriously remember one long-ass section was like a goddamn essay on why smaller animals tend to have unnaturally large testicles like I don't fucking care talk about Flower again. I think I only decided to read it in full two times, but maybe not even that. Do you keep a budget? I don't have the income to do so. Have you ever test driven a car you knew you weren't going to buy? No, never test-drove anything. What do you have a hard time visualizing? There's a number of things, but this one thing is weird shit: I can't picture my old therapist. Even when I saw her every month, I could almost NEVER visualize her in my head. She's a fucking cryptid or something, paranormal shenanigans is going on here. She's the only person I know where I have that problem. What makes you feel uncomfortable in group settings? I worry I'll make myself look stupid in front of everyone. What was your worst date ever? I don't feel like I've really had a bad one. I've had one that did nooooot go according to plan and I know the average girl would've been annoyed, but I'm actually an understanding human being who found the adventure fun in the end. Basically a flat tire, a sketchy tire place, and a lot of walking happened lmao. Tyler felt fucking awful, felt bad for him. Have you ever gotten in a bidding war on Ebay, if so for what item? HAHA yeah, though it was technically Mom, but she had me keep an eye on it. I remember Parasite Eve took some battling to get. I think maybe a Legend of Spyro game, too? Are you supportive of your friends even if you don't agree with them? So long it's not literally insane or stupid, usually. It really does depend. What did you think was stupid until you tried it? Hm. I'm not sure. What subject do you and your parents never see eye to eye on? Religion. I keep most of my beliefs to myself now. Where do you see yourself in 1 year's time? Honestly, I don't want to ponder and picture this. What is your favorite type of seafood? I only like shrimp. What triggers your inner shopaholic? HA, do tattoos count? See cool ones, and then I'm planning (more than only always...) tons of new ones I want and will just be DYING (ALSO more than always lakdjfwe) to go to the parlor. What public figure do you disagree with the most? I really can't say considering I'm just not educated enough here. What is your opinion on rats as pets? They are absolutely wonderful! Smart, sweet, and very clean despite their stigma. I've had quite a few. What is something you're afraid to try? Sky diving, the Tower of Terror ride. ;___; That kinda stuff. What song makes you dance uncontrollably? None. Do you like nachos, if so what topping is a MUST have? Cheese is all I really need for nachos. Do you have any subscriptions? Yes, to Adobe Creative Cloud. Which is better, Mario or Sonic? Mario games are cute, Sonic's make me cringe - I've watched enough Game Grumps to know lmao. I hate hate hate cringe culture, like let people enjoy whatever, but I absolutely cannot stop my cringe reaction to some shit. I don't judge the people that enjoy whatever it is, though. THAT pisses me off. Who is the most creative person you know? I've known Sara and Connie much too long to not say them. They have such vast imaginations. Besides a pickle, what is your favorite thing pickled? I've actually never tried anything pickled, I think... no wait. Aren't jalapenos? Well there, jalapenos. What did you do for your 21st birthday? If not, 21 what are your plans? I had my normal therapy sessions in the mental hospital lmfao. It's unfortunate, but I do have fond memories of the day. Everyone was so damn sweet, and the friend I made there even got in touch with one of the lunch ladies, who literally went to go buy me a slice of cake. She and the other employees in the kitchen brought it out at dinner, and everyone sang happy birthday. I think I remember tearing up just because it was so goddamn sweet, but also bittersweet in that I was in a fucking mental institution for my BIGGEST birthday. When I got out, Colleen bought me a red velvet cake to "make up for it," ha ha. I miss her every now and then alsdkjf;wae. Are you a role model for anyone in your life? Oh, I doubt it. Do you think you need to slow down and enjoy life more? I don't need to go any fucking slower in my life. Can you impersonate anyone famous? I don't believe so. Never really tried anyone. What is your favorite salty snack? Spicy Cheetos mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden for sit-down, Sonic for fast food. Have you ever been in a play for school? In elementary school. I never had a big roll, though. Do you wish you had more friends? Very much. What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? Aunt Lydia. Which famous author would you like to meet? I'm not particularly interested in any. Which artist would you like to meet? Hey hey hey. Mark's brother is a comic artist. Meet him, one step closer to meeting God Himself. (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง Which singer would you like to meet? OZZY sobs What celebrity do you have a crush on? Anyone who's even heard about a hint of my Markiplier obsession knows I would fuck him into oblivion. When you were in middle school, were you in love with someone you never talked to? No, I didn't romantically love anyone. Do you believe that there is an unseen spirit realm? I do. Martini, margarita, or sangria? YO STOP I'm weak with these things. I can't pick. Do you feel you are extremely gifted but no one appreciates you? No. I honestly feel like people have more faith in what I'm capable of than deserved. What Lisa Frank character is your favourite? The angel cat, probably. Or tiger. Do you know how to use Braille? No. When you use stairs, do you usually hold the rail? Currently, I have to because of my muscle atrophy. I need help to stay steady. Have you ever worn a veil? No. Have you ever planted a tree? We actually did plant an apple tree in our front yard at my childhood home. Never grew much. Have you ever made anything with clay? A number of things from art classes. Has today been a good day? No, honestly. Have you ever fed a horse hay? Yes. Are you more likely to text "Okay", "OK" or just "K"? "'Okay.' The other two are restricted for when I am in a mood and want someone to know I am in a mood." <<<< HA HA SAME. Do you like the taste of lime? Sure. Have you ever seen a mime (in real life)? Not to my recollection. Have you ever seen a deer (in real life)? Plenty of times; whitetails are common here. Right now, what can you hear? "Game Over" by Falling In Reverse. Have you ever seen a bear (in real life)? In the zoo, yes. I think there's a possibility I have in the wild, but only from a distance? Have you ever eaten glue? No. Do you tend to buy clothes used or new? New. If you have Netflix, how many items are in your queue? N/A