One piece is an eternal game of "friends or dating" in which you might be correct until someone points out the age of the characters.

Incorrect Ted Lasso + The Parent Trap (or an AU where Rebecca follows Ted to Kansas)

Ted Lasso Season 2 » Paved Court

2x1 | 3x9

Y’all ever think about how Rex is like. An orphan. Of all his cartoon contemporaries, he’s the only one whose parents are just straight up, explicitly dead.

And like, yeah, you could argue that for some, their relationships with their LIVING parents are like equally traumatising as having dead ones (cough cough phantom cough). Plus Rex has holiday and six.

But like holiday and six are very much paid to take care of him. Like, no matter how good their intentions are, they are still very much people with jobs and their own agendas.

You think Holiday ever had to ignore how wrong it felt to experiment on Rex and take samples and reduce him to a bunch of numbers and test results but she HAS to because that’s her job and she needs to find a cure for Beverly, needs to figure out how he works.

Or Six having to train Rex to be a weapon, probably in the exact way he was trained. The dual motivation of “this is for his own good, to keep him alive” and “I’m literally being paid to manipulate this kid who trusts me with the goal of ensuring the outcome providence wants in battle” and wondering if one can ever cancel out the other.

Like they care. They care about him so much. But Holiday still does her tests and Six still trains him and doesn’t tell him about Noah. Neither of these things is for Rex’s own good. They’re trying, but they work for Providence. They are literally, undeniably complicit in Rex’s abuse. All they can do is control the extent of the abuse. They love him and they’re getting their paychecks from controlling him.

That’s so fucked up. That is so cool.

I feel great about this 😀

Coach Beard doing a press conference and immediately turning it into a debate over which classic rock guitarist is the best is something that can be SO personal

No Place like Home...? 🌈

So what...Ted Lasso just goldfishes his way into forgetting about his big diverse found family so that he can return to humble, hometown heteronormativity? Look, I get that "be a goldfish" is a cute moment from s1 and an idea that has some (limited) practical value. But isn't it also emblematic of Ted's initial overly positive attitude which ultimately just served to ignore difficult emotions, interactions or situations? This is his big advice to his son and his parting words to his audience? Wasn't the whole point of his time in Richmond and his return to his son to establish and encourage an alternative kind of masculinity? One that expresses, not represses? One that deals with difficulty maturely rather than just avoids it? One that actively and ethically chooses rather than simply doing what's always been done?

Honestly? There was plenty of stuff about the finale that I really liked. Colin's kiss was the best bit. That godawful wedding moment the worst, for many reasons. But I'm unsure how to even read Ted's ending, and not in a oh-gosh-it's-so-rich-and-ambiguous way but in a whaaaa....???-this-is-not-consistent-storytelling-this-is-missing-the-mark-for-me kinda way. When Ted looks at the camera, are we supposed to feel happy for him? Happy that he is happy? Is it a happy ending? Is he happy?? He doesn't look happy. Or sad. Or content. Or much of anything really. He just looks kind of vacant. Which is how he looked most of the episode. The final game (which wasn't even the final game and I suppose they justified not showing it for "creative" reasons, okay, sure, whatever) was the only time he looked engaged, and even then it wasn't fully. Most of the time, he did look like a gaping goldfish with a 6-second memory.

When it was time to say goodbye to everyone, there was no sense of nostalgia for the past 3 years and no sense of those relationships continuing. There were no promises or assurances of visits or skypes or calls. Phones, planes and the internet suddenly ceased to exist (when they'd served him and Henry quite well up until then). While the corniest song choice ever played (yes! we get it! the sacred struggle of fatherhood! GAAAHH), one family was sacrificed for another because both couldn't possibly co-exist. Two things at once makes brain hurty. After all the good work they did around dismantling traditional models of masculinity, in the end they reinforced a version of masculinity which centred supposedly noble self-sacrifice rather than ethical self-actualisation, regression over growth and singularity over plurality.

Sure, it bookends the series poignantly, if predictably. And truth is, Ted leaving Henry was baked into the premise of the show from ep 1. It's actually a pretty big emotional leap to take with a character but, as the audience, we made that leap because we understood that this extraordinary move away from his son was necessary for adventure, narrative and growth to occur. In real life, this move would've been highly questionable (esp for a female parent). But we are in a fictional reality here so we are bound as well as freed by the rules of genre, character and narrative. Without Ted leaving Henry, there is no story. We also understand that Ted's adventures will ultimately benefit Henry, who gets a dad who is fully engaged, professionally challenged and supported by a community of like-minded peeps who think he's super cool. By sending Ted back (or at least sending him back in this way), it implies that there is no more story to tell, Ted's story is over, his growth is done. It robs him of further growth and adventure, robs his son of a happy and fulfilled dad and robs the audience of imagining future failures and glories all shared by an indefatigable Richmond FC.

The whole point of this show was to show Ted building a new life, home and family after the disintegration of his marriage. This marriage did not provide the space or opportunity for him to heal childhood wounds or expand as a man. He was a small man, living a small, limited, conventional life. Which would be okay, if he wasn't suffocating in the process. He needed to find a bigger pond. It's possible that Ted's panic attacks were not a sign that Richmond was unhealthy or overwhelming for him. It's possible that there, he could breathe for the first time in years, he had the time and space to feel his feelings, pay attention to his past pain, move up and out and onward. Are we supposed to believe after that 3 years away and maybe 1 of therapy that that's it? He's done now, all healed, squared away? What exactly has changed in Kansas to assure us that he will be any happier there than he was prior? Henry was there then too. Little has changed with Michelle. His mum delivered some food and guilt then left. The show hasn't spent enough time in Kansas to assure us of Ted's happiness or continued growth. Literally, all we know is Henry is there. And BBQ sauce. (And Michelle's boyfriend has turned into a dick suddenly, conveniently).

What we do know well is what Ted is leaving behind. A rich and challenging world, wacky and wonderful experiences with a diverse community, a loved and actively loving chosen family. So are we supposed to read this ending like "The Wizard of Oz" which has the most disingenuous final line in movie history? Yes, Oz has some dangerous territories and menacing figures (represented by Rupert etc). But Oz is also where Dorothy's friends, her found family are. Oz is in bright technicolour. It's surprising and bizarre and bright. It's larger than life and full of weird characters and unexpected episodes. Oz is where we all want to be, to live, to stay. Richmond is Ted's real life Oz. It's where we want to be and want him to stay, even if only in our imaginations. In the finale he says: "There's no place like home but there's no place like Richmond either" (or something similar, only watched it once). This implies that Richmond is not his home, that homes are just where you come from. Homes are not found or created or collaborated on together. They aren't malleable, moveable. They aren't out there in the wild, potential beyond. They are behind us always, defining us by our often sad pasts.

Again, this idea is entirely contrary to the premise of the show and the progress of its characters who banded together under Ted's leadership to create a home, a family, a community. Unlike Ted's small, conventional family unit, his found family is queer-coded (as all found families are, since they suggest an alternative to traditional nuclear family units based on shared biology but not necessarily values). Logical families are the family you find after you have been ejected from the traditional biological family unit. They are sought and created, based on common interests and mutual support. They are made up of people who are likewise separated from their homes, due to distance, circumstance, fracture, whatever. The home world is displaced, but it is still home (and all the more precious for it). In this case, the queer-coded found family of TL includes and celebrates LGBT+ folk (took a while for them to get there but eventually they did), women, people of colour and any man choosing to do masculinity his way. This is the environment the show set up. This the environment the creators invited us into. This is the environment Ted left behind.

Now, I do think there could have been a way for Ted to return to Kansas and Henry (but not Michelle) that would have been consistent with and faithful to this initial set-up and its themes. But that isn't what we got. Like Dorothy waking up to a dingy black and white world where there's nothing to do but talk to your dog about all the adventures you long to have over the rainbow, Ted's Kansas looks grey and dull and muddy. And Ted looks like he only half-remembers the most vivid and important things he's ever seen and done. "Be a goldfish" is a useful idiom for dropping baggage that weighs you down. If you burn your tongue on your coffee but don't wanna be irritated all day, then it works. It doesn't work for a scenario in which you need to deal with the reality that you and your co-parent/ex have carved out very different life paths. Simple, wilful ignorance is not a solution to the sort of complex family circumstances that grown adults face every day. Just forgetting the past 3 years and moving on like nothing ever happened does not in any way guarantee Ted's happiness or his success as a father. Attempting to find fulfillment through that one! special! person!! is unlikely to end well. Whether it's a parent, partner or child, the burden on them is unfair.

Ted's predicament is a huge one but it's also one that has been there from the very beginning. They had 3 years and 30+ episodes to resolve it satisfactorily, using all of the freedoms that fictional realities can afford. And yet, when Rebecca brings up the various ways in which she is willing to adjust to Ted's fatherhood, these suggestions are made to sound ridiculous, impossible and totally futile. But are they? Are they anymore outlandish than any of the other highly optimistic plot points they've gleefully included? Ted flourishes personally and professionally in this milieu. And had they made a move earlier in the series, Henry could also have integrated into it and benefited greatly from it. (He clearly enjoys the club when he's there). As Rebecca implies, Ted has the opportunity to offer Henry a richer, wider and more diverse view of the world than he would otherwise have. He would have access to a queer-coded community that includes and celebrates, experiments and strives. He would see his dad loved, celebrated and supported. This show takes some BIG optimistic swings. If audiences were able to make the emotional leap of accepting Ted leaving his son in ep 1, then they can probably be trusted to make the leap of him staying, esp. if the writers took the time each season to establish how they will manage their relationship and the benefits each will glean from such an arrangement.

After all, Ted is not one to back down from a challenge. Taking the job at Richmond was a bold and brave move. This is the same man who pledged to "win the whole fucking thing". This is the same man who looked Rupert Manion in the eye then promptly whipped him at darts. But when it comes to distance co-parenting, he's not even open to suggestions? No "I appreciate you" for the boss/bestie, just oh-so-sage resignation? Please. These writers set up this predicament then refused to resolve it in a satisfactory way. Instead, they reduced Richmond FC to a dream and Ted to a memory-challenged goldfish who flails about when faced with the reality of a pre-existing predicament of his own creation. He rejects the help of others who could actually provide real-world solutions. Nor does he seem to register the possibility of a mature relationship with a woman who wants him and connects with him. Instead, he chooses to forget, keep swimming, paddle backwards -- not onward, not forward. He has a big pool, a new home, a found family that represents human complexity and plurality. But he chooses the small, simple and singular. A traditional three-part family unit that was supposed to make him happy but never did. He had his little holiday jaunt in technicolour land, a fun lil detour into an expansive rainbow family community. He came in, tinkered about with some people's problems: gave a middle-aged woman confidence here, supported a sad gay there. But rainbow families are not just a temporary playground for white cishet dudes with a saviour complex to get their own admirable values reflected back to them. In the end, Ted's found family had something absolutely vital to teach him that he did not stick around long enough to learn.

im allowed to have a diy rarepair too

My feelings about Rebecca are more complex then my feelings about Lark and Sparrow

With what we know I hate the twins a lot, like they would be the antagonist in one of those revenge comic thingys.

Rebecca on the other hand, we don’t know what she knows. She could have been the world’s worst enabler. Normal loves his mom dearly, but earlier on in the season he was right to be pissed at her for never taking a side. Normal is a push over, always lets others have what they want? Normal and the vulture mascot incident. Cheating on your husband with his twin brother. Hero hasn’t really said much about her so I doubt their relationship is great.

But on the other hand

Is very proud of normal (probably Hero too.) Is the literal money maker so there is a chance they went behind her back. Hero may have just not had anything bad to say about her. Probably made all of the big decisions in raising their kids cause it would have been too awkward for Sparrow. Probably tried to keep Lincoln and Normal friends. Would definitely pay for Hero’s college no strings attached. In normal’s 2000s gay kid movie arc she is the supportive parent.

I don’t even mean this in like a Rebecca hate way, but like I wanna know other peoples thoughts.

"what can i say?"' Jameson shrugged again "Im a suspicious bastard."

This line made me realize that all 4 Hawthorne brothers are bastards. In the literal meaning of the word. So are Avery and Libby 😐

Max is the only non-bastard in this group (excluding Thea and Rebecca)

In case you dont know what bastard means:

One of the definitions of "bastard" is a child born out of wedlock.

A synonym can be: illegitimate child

fool me once with the fakeout at the beginning of the episode where i thought ted and rebecca had slept together

fool me twice when rebecca finds ted alone in the stands and all but begs him to stay, says i go you go 

fool me thrice even with a mentioned romcom buy a ticket to get past security so they could say goodbye moment only to be immediately fucked along with every other resolution and storyline and that’s on shame on jason sudeikis 

Another Grant headcanon:

I think he wrote love notes when in relationships, and he went all out with like making the paper scented and stuff. But like he had no good perfume so he ended up using his horrible body spray. So like the lucky boyfriend would like find a paper reeking of the body spray like every once in a while.

Also I think he was someone who fell deep into romance because having a crush and feeling butterflies in his stomach was better than numbness. So he would pursue every crush even if he knew it would not end well because of the thrill of it. I think this sucked but I think he atleast felt like this is a normal way for life to suck.

Trent Crimm, excellent at girl talk!!!

Hey btw if your ever in need of ranting about a blorbo/oc, this is an ask that tells your to do so. What is the most interesting thing about them? Do they have any symbolism to them and if so what is it about? Favorite ideal situation to put them in? Any romance ideas?

Anon, I want to start off by apologizing for taking EXACTLY A YEAR to reply to this! Happy One Year Anniversary! 💀😭 Obviously, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, trying to decide who I wanted to talk about and trying to put my thoughts into words. And, of course, it took even longer because I wanted to include drawings of the characters… 🤦‍♂️Anyway…

I’ve decided to talk about multiple characters of mine, since they are important for my upcoming comics: Boxman’s mother, father, and sister! I have some New™, Fresh™ information to share about all of them today! Hope you enjoy my ramblings!

MEREDITH (Boxman's Mother)

Most interesting thing: Hmm, well… the things I find most interesting about Meredith are kind of spoilers for my comics, but an interesting thing about her is her special ability! (“Every proper siren has one, darling.” 💅) It’s called Eye of the Storm, and it allows her to summon and control a raging thunderstorm at will. Obviously, this sort of thing takes a lot of energy to maintain, so this ability actually comes with a secondary feature: Meredith can occasionally choose a victim to steal the energy from, and all she has to do to steal said energy is to make direct eye contact with them. The lady’s got a mean glare as it is, but with this power on top of that? Wowza. Watch out.

Symbolism: Given my answer to the previous question, you won’t be surprised to know that I associate Meredith with storms! She is a passionate character with a wild side, and when she truly gets going, she will step aside for no one.

Favorite situation to put them in: Meredith is a complex character with a lot going on, and I don’t want to reduce her to just an antagonist… but MAN, does she make a good antagonist! 😆 I love to put her into situations in which she terrifies/intimidates other characters, and trust me, she will have a lot of chances to do that in the comics!

Romance ideas: Meredith isn’t much for romance. At least not anymore. Heron was her first love, and after her relationship with him went south, her trust in men was destroyed. (To be fair, it was shaky to begin with.) She has, however, made an attempt at another relationship or two for monetary reasons. If that even counts lol

HERON (Boxman's Father)

Most interesting thing: Heron has had a wide variety of experiences across his lifetime, and during that time, he has developed many, many skills. These skills include (but are not limited to): farming, fishing, sailing, cooking, baking, sewing, crochet, whittling, building, juggling, and playing the banjo! Just… don’t ask him to sing, okay?

Symbolism: Heron’s symbolism is… probably pretty obvious, huh? I mean… he’s got an anchor… tattooed… on his back… *ahem* Anyway. The anchor is connected to a lot of Heron’s positive attributes—loyalty and sturdiness being the main ones. But it is also connected to some of his character flaws and the way he views himself. In a way, Heron himself is an anchor, for all the good and bad that entails. ⚓

Favorite situation to put them in: Despite the immense amount of comic outlining and scriptwriting I’ve been doing for Siren Theory, I can say pretty confidently that any scene in which Heron interacts with Professor Venomous is one of my favorites. It’s partly due to the “meet the parents” trope, but the other part of it is that Heron is just an unusual guy who does unusual things, and having a stranger witness that firsthand is hilarious.

Romance ideas: While Heron has had his share of crushes in his youth, he has never been in a serious relationship with anyone but Meredith… and he would like to keep it that way. He still feels like he’s putting the pieces of himself back together after their messy separation.

REBECCA/SIRENA (Boxman's Sister)

Most interesting thing: I think the thing that I enjoy most about Rebecca is the duality in her personality. She is very charismatic and graceful onstage as Sirena, but offstage, when she’s just Rebecca, she can be pretty socially awkward and kind of a klutz.

Symbolism: Some of you may have made the connection already, but Sirena’s real name, Rebecca, is a nod to Rebecca Sugar, the creator of Steven Universe and the spouse of Ian Jones-Quartey (creator of OK KO). This name was actually a suggestion by my sister (Thanks, girlie!) because she knew Sugar sang the end credit song of OK KO, and that little song was one of my inspirations for creating Sirena in the first place. Since then, the name has really proven itself to be a perfect fit for my little superstar siren! The meaning of the name Rebecca is “to tie/bind,” and Rebecca really is the character that ties her family—and the narrative of a lot of the comics—together!

Favorite situation to put them in: My favorite moments for Rebecca are the ones in which she is emotionally vulnerable. It isn’t always easy for her, but there are some things that will happen in the comics that will force her to wear her heart on her sleeve. I’m excited for that!

Romance ideas: Honestly, I’ve come up with so many ideas for OK KO that I won’t have space for all of them in the narrative, even though I’m planning to create, like, 19 comics! 😂 One of those things that won’t get a lot of time in the spotlight is Rebecca’s developing romance with a certain someone. That being said, it wouldn’t be a big spoiler for me to say… Plazecca! 🎵

Thank you so much for asking, Anon! Truly, you have enriched my enclosure. 💖