#PARTY ROCKERS IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

riabef · 1 year

Text

✎. I regret you all the time VARIOUS X READER

SUMMARY: Have you ever wanted to have your heart broken in less than 10 000 words? I have a solution for you, read this fic. In which, the reader breaks up with the respective male characters. (These actions done by the characters are not made by any means to sway you into not liking them, this is made for the fact that is… breakup… scenarios)

FEATURING CAST: Al Haitham, Cyno, Tighnari, and reader ^^

PRONOUNS: gender neutral, used second perspective, “You” when writing (please inform me if there’s a mistake)

WORD COUNT: 7322 words

WARNINGS: angst! Mentions of breaking up, very… uhh… emotional moments ? Tighnari’s has some self doubt, Al haitham is a little bit of a jerk here. lowkey toxic relationships (?) I was more focused on the break-up part. Fluff to angst!

PROOF-READ: nope! the only witness to this fic is me and this spider that’s been hanging on my wall for the past 30 minutes

AUTHOR NOTES: i love making Angst but first and foremost I love making it everyone else’s problem, I spent more time formatting and tagging this than I did writing it

yes I still don’t know how to center text…. yeah…. also I genuinely do not remember half of what I just wrote so if there’s any grammar errors uh…. Good luck (?)

Alhaitham

Even in darkness I can see the colours shine bright

Yellow, red and blue calling out your name

From the bottom of my heart, it’s so relentless

The love I had for you is trying to break its way free

YUURI. DRIED FLOWERS

“Be careful of Alhaitham”, “Stay safe”, “I don’t like that guy”, are all phrases you’ve heard about the man, more correctly dubbed as your lover. A man who purely operates on rationality, one who finds it far more easier to put a value to things before emotional value. A relationship with AlHaitham requires more than patience, it requires a security in yourself, confidence, and even more patience.

Falling in love with Alhaitham is harder than falling in love with most, love indeed does have its own trials; yet falling in love with Alhaitham is on another level. For a man so deeply unchanging in rationality, he never expected to fall in love, much less, pursue a relationship with someone. This was drastically different from the life he had planned, the caution all thrown away to the wind as he eagerly counts down the minutes until he can see you again.

For a man so rational, he does have his own round-about way of saying “I love you” in the strangest ways ever, but you couldn’t deny that he made you feel as flustered as the day you met, his traits never seeming to bore you, and someone who always loves to keep you on your toes; that is the kind of lover Alhaitham is.

It is very rarely that he will voice the words, but just from his actions you can feel it, you feel it in the scented candles he gives you when he remembers your favourite scent, you feel it in the extra annotations he leaves in your notes when you’re particularly stressed, and you feel it in the way his presence is a never-changing constant, a lighthouse signalling the way home for sailors in the night.

“I have something for you,” He gives you a box, and you can only assume it’s from your favourite bakery again, and you sigh.

“Let me guess, you just so ‘happened to be in the area’ despite it being a 20 minute walk from here, and you just so ‘happened to notice that I was working in the library long enough for a break’ and it also ‘coincidentally appears to be your break-time’?”

“Good, you already know, I don’t need to repeat myself again.” Insufferable jerk.

He takes a seat across from you, taking notice of the textbooks you were working on, storing their titles in his mind, perhaps he’s able to assist you this time–

“You wrote that wrong.”

“Why do I even love you again?”

“I wonder that as well.”

He may be an insufferable jerk, but he’s your insufferable jerk.

Falling in love with Alhaitham is akin to a stormy night on the seas, the waves crashing against the sides of the ship, threatening to drown any of those who come unprepared; the seas that show no mercy, all that comes must take proper precautions rather than wish on the stars for their hopes to be achieved. That, is a better description of Alhaitham. He is a man incredibly fond of routines, although he understands that it’s not meant for everyone, but he does as his schedule allows. Fortunately for you, his schedule always allows for him to spend time with you, pleasant or not.

His fondness for you, as he likes to put it, is expressed, you know it in the way he stays up late with you on rare occasions, looking over your papers. Or when he would ensure that your research involves the proper safety precautions, or when he double checks your itinerary to make sure that everything matches up to his standards.

Although, just because he loves you doesn’t mean that he’s not going to forget what he’s known his whole life, his rationality. It’s not at all easy to discuss his feelings either, unwanted presences making itself known in his usually clear mind aren’t usually what he faced before he met you. Now, it’s as if it’s what he felt everyday.

He’s not the best communicator, he either bottles everything up, or he tends to say it too straightforward that it hurts even you.

“Alhaitham, I understand–”

“No, do you? If you understood then you wouldn’t be doing something as reckless as this.” He looked at you in disapproval, you felt yourself humiliated by his unwavering glare; feeling as though he’s seen through your actions.

In front of him you felt like a child.

A child incapable of being with someone of his calibre, surely he deserves someone much better; someone more capable than you clearly are, if you were just a bit more capable, you wouldn’t be watching as he tightens the splint on your currently broken leg. You wince at the pain, only registering it now, you were far more pained by his disappointment in you than the physical pain you felt.

The more he tended to your leg as best as he could, the more incapable you felt, despite being the lover of the Scribe, you felt so insufficient to be beside him.

In your mind, with every incident you get into, it only adds more to the list of why he may hate you. Perhaps he did hate you after all, even you couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

It’s no secret that he does try, although he’s so focused on other aspects that you fail to notice that you can’t help but feel a little bit more surprised when he does reveal his true intentions towards you. If it was already hard enough for anyone else to befriend Alhaitham, it’s even harder to be his lover, in the face of what he believes is rational, you may find it rather off-putting.

Although, you cannot deny the hurt you feel everytime you feel that he’s brushed off your feelings in favour of something that makes sense to him, the sense of familiarity makes its unwelcome entrance in disagreements between the two, as he sighs as though he’s dealing with a minor inconvenience rather than his lover.

You loved him, you truly do. There’s just, circumstances where it’s better to know the other as a memory rather than a constant in your life, the one you wake up to everyday.

You wished that you could’ve worked out, you really did.

“You’ve injured yourself multiple times attempting to perform, and everyone in the Akademiya looks down on your association with the arts.” He says, as he grabs the first aid kit again, after you came home limping with a sprained ankle.

He pauses, as if wondering whether to say reassurances, before he figures that you already know of his worries about you. Although you didn’t.

“And what, are you disappointed in me too? Just like–”

“Yes, I’m disappointed in you. It’s so incredibly obvious that it was dangerous, yet you went anyways, I expected you to know better.”

Biting back your tears you couldn’t help but feel helpless to the frustration that was welling up, “You wouldn’t know, I would give up everything for the arts. I don’t care about what I have to give up, as long as it’s what remains.”

Perhaps it was the amount of frustration that had gotten to you, or was it the pain of you injury? You couldn’t tell as you practically spat the words, “I would give up even you.”

You watch as his eyes widened infinitesimally, trying to take time to process what you had just said, before he wordlessly got up from his kneeling position to tend to your injuries to walk out the door.

You’re left to wallow in the weight of the words you just said, sitting there motionless on the kitchen counter.

It’s not often that you two get into disagreements, with him being so resolute and unchanging in his ways, it was only evident that you two would get into fights, or disagreements about what the other said. To take time away from the argument, either one of you would usually storm out of the house to take a walk, but you always reunited with each other.

Be it awkward apologies for each other’s actions, or simply staying in each other’s presence after having reflected on the argument, it was always enough.

Although as you sat there you had come to an epiphany.

You had plopped yourself down on the bed, remembering the argument from earlier, the words you said, and the words you wished you didn’t. If anything, it would be the opposite, you’d be willing to sacrifice the arts if it meant you could keep your lover happy, you’d be willing to tear yourself to shreds if that was what would bring him joy.

Yet it seems like you always did the opposite of that. It’s been so long since you’ve seen him feel happy because of you, and you were the cause of his distress. A lover should be someone who makes you feel right at home, not someone you argue with on a daily basis.

Hugging the pillows, the cold doing little to comfort you. The storm ravaged the boats, bringing it to destruction, the unrelenting storm destroying anything it could.

Just because you two had always found your way back to each other, doesn’t mean that it was necessarily healthy, you could feel the words you said, and his actions weighing down on you, like endless regrets attempting to swallow you whole. It wasn’t an uncommon sight to see you and your lover ignoring each other, or at least go on breaks every so often.

So it was not an unexpected sight to see you and your lover clearly ignoring the other. Except it continued. It was common for you and your lover to have disagreements that woud last about a week, yet this recent argument showed no signs of stopping.

Unregistered feelings kept building up and showed no signs of stopping, Alhaitham notes. Ever since your most recent disagreement, he can’t find it in himself to move past what you said. If he were to admit it fully, without any room for a facade, or any room for any egos to make a big deal; maybe you would’ve known that your words haunted him day in and day out. Every time he’s about to make a turn on the way home, he hesitates before he decides, “one more day.”

Eventually that had extended so long, he just couldn’t figure out how to begin even talking to you.

It’s been a week, 3 days, 7 hours, and 23 minutes since he’s last had that argument with you. That should be enough time for him to recover, it’s petty of him to ignore you for an argument, even if he did feel hurt by your words.

Finding his resolve, he walks, the familiar way to your home, about to turn onto your street before flashes of that moment appear in his mind, he can’t ever forget what you said. If he was any less than he is now, he would’ve accused you of putting him under a spell, memories flash in his eyes as he remembers the way unshed tears were present in your eyes, he can tell just how tiring it was to be with someone like him from the numerous times you had hidden your future artistic plans from him, the way you had hidden future research topics from him.

Of course he’d know, he had just chosen to ignore them to grant you some sense of stability. Even someone like him, understood that this relationship was closely approaching its ending.

Good thing he never believed in fairytales.

It takes a long while for you two to speak to each other, even longer for you to discreetly move his things back to his own home that he still shared with Kaveh, the latter helping you as well. Despite that, nothing escapes his sights, he’s not clueless, he’s far from that. He’s noticed long before you had hoped he would.

He doesn’t know what hurts more, how lowly you had thought of him, or how you were actively reaching out to his roommate rather than him.

It’s been four weeks from the argument when he sees you, it was difficult since it was obvious that you were clearly ignoring him, not wishing to spend any more time in his presence; contrasted to the love he thought you held for him.

Was it so easy to fall out of love with someone?

You finally catch notice of him, you almost spin around from how startled you were, you paused in your movements of handing over some mementos of Alhaitham that he left at your house, every time you looked away, you could’ve sworn there was more items from him than there was from you.

Kaveh, thankfully sensing the mood, returns the box in your arms before he announces his impromptu walk.

In that moment, Alhaitham’s never felt so grateful to Kaveh, seems like the man did have a brain after all.

“I believe we do have a lot to talk about, don’t we?” You start the conversation, lacking the patience to draw this out any longer.

Words, for once, fail him, as he nods, gesturing for you to enter his home.

He was never a verbally expressive man, preferring to speak the bare minimum, speak only what he needs to, and express it eloquently. He was never one for idle talk, yet that’s all he could hope for when he sees your figure taking a seat on his couch. You’re just across him, almost within arm’s reach yet he felt as though you were far away.

“I…” you begin, thinking of a better way of expressing yourself, “I apologize for what you’ve said, I know I won’t be forgiven, but I’d like to apologize regardless. It wasn’t very appropriate of me to treat you like that, especially since you are my lover. Once again, I don’t expect your forgiveness, nor do I expect a sudden change of heart from you.”

“Thank you. I also think there’s many overdue apologies that I need to make as well.”

You two revel in the silence of the room.

The silence disturbed him, it was unsettling, normally he would’ve welcomed it, yet it only felt foreboding now.

“Although there’s one other thing I would like to say,” you wait for his approval before you continue, “I just don’t think this is working out anymore, it’s clear that this relationship only serves to harm us. I don’t think it’d be best if we continued as romantic partners.”

For someone dubbed as the lunatic of the Akademiya, he seems to have deserved the title as he ignores your wistful stares at him, the way you would almost reach out to call for him like you always had. He would pretend to not know that you kept re-reading the textbooks he’d give you notes on, reminiscing on your relationship.

You wouldn’t know either, the fact that he never touched anything that you returned to his home after that breakup. The way that they were so carefully stored away, yet never left to see the light of day again. The remnants of your relationship that he can’t bring himself to erase. The memories of you that he was all to eager to forget.

It’s been a while he’s seen you, and for a moment he doesn’t think he could even forget about you, it simply wasn’t even an option. But he’s never seen you happier.

It’s almost unheard of, to see a scholar and an artist thriving as one and the same, the way you had practically radiated in happiness as you perform. The perfect and elegantly trained movements he remembered seeing you stumble and struggle with, and once again, the fond memories come crashing back, like waves lapping at the sand. And for a moment, he’s entranced in what you’ve become, so entranced that he almost reached out to your hand, so entranced that he almost stayed for your whole performance, and so entranced that he almost confessed. I still love you.

Although, like everything with you, it ends up in a hilariously futile attempt as he returns the way he came.

Cyno

I can’t save us, my Atlantis, we fall

We built this town on shaky ground

I can’t save us, my Atlantis, oh, no

We built it up to pull it down

SEAFRET. ATLANTIS.

A relationship with Cyno entails a lot of things, most of which require patience. The closer you are to fire, the more it burns and that is how you would describe your relationship with Cyno. The fire that once burnt so brightly, built on the fuels of your love and adoration for each other slowly dimmed until all you could do was blow it out.

There were mementos of your love for each other, hidden notes tucked in his papers for him to discover; love hidden in the baths you’d prepare for him when he’d get home, and love prepared for you when he would prepare your favourite foods after stressful days. The fire burnt vibrantly, its heat a testament for the love you shared.

Patience, patience, patience, it was required every step of the way, a man who’s been enshrouded in a world of black and white struggles to comprehend the shades of gray you brought to his world; and you struggle to adjust to a man so steadfast in his beliefs

Although, patience that rivals a saint’s still runs out like grains in an hourglass, people are only people, and so eventually there was only so much you could take before it all started to crack. Cracks in the foundations of your relationship, the love, and admiration for each other simply wasn’t enough to sustain you. It never was.

It’s all become too familiar, to be greeted by an empty bed, the curtains billowing in the night’s breeze. It had become a routine of sorts, to arrive at your house; never to greet your lover. You’d be lying if you didn’t say that you had missed the times when your love for each other was enough. Yet another note lies on the dinner table of Cyno’s sincere apologies that regretted not being able to spend enough time with you.

Somehow, his sincere words left an awfully bitter taste in your mouth.

Understanding can only go to a certain extent, and you prepare to spend another evening alone. You supposed you even missed his jokes, empty words hanging in the air, and the love that once filled the home with a welcoming presence seemed to have dissipated.

Even being greeted by a cold bed was of no surprise to you, the lack of warmth fills you with more thoughts of your lover; was he okay? Was he at least safe? And selfishly, was he thinking of you?

Midnight falls, and you blow the candles out.

It was no surprise, when the relationship started to crumble, slowly and unnoticed by both of you. Putting on a facade despite the yearning for certain words to be said,

When was the last time you heard him say “I love you?”

Empty promises, and empty seats, it was not a strange sight to see you sitting at a reservation, waiting for your lover; although a pitiful sight, those who saw ignored you. Perhaps it was an attempt to restore your dignity, even though the walks back home felt even worse.

You wanted to laugh.

Would it have been strange if you laughed in a street, well past sunset? You would assume so.

Expectations, and far more useless promises; promises of making it up again, promises of being able to do this again at another time. Especially the promise that you could fix what you had together.

The more it happened, the more you noticed the cracks in the relationship, and oddly, how it started to become far beyond your capacity to fix. You loved him, but at that moment in time, you hated him. For the briefest of seconds, you felt the utter resentment build in your heart and swell until it couldn’t be ignored any longer. The love that you could’ve sworn was that all you two needed, wasn’t enough.

The frustrations of giddy flashes of adoration, the nervousness of looking good enough to render your lover stunned, and the expected downfall of it all. The walks home, full of resentment, and embarrassment for having yet another no-show.

That doesn’t mean Cyno wasn’t trying though, he had tried. That was all he did, if you ever wanted answers to any of those questions you asked yourself late at night you would’ve gotten your answers. Yes, he was okay, yes he was safe, and he thought of you every second of his day. Even doing the most mundane of tasks would bring his mind back to you, like a sailor finding solace in a lighthouse on a stormy night.

He thought of you every second that he was given the luxury to think; even if he was in the middle of battle, he would look to the stars and hope that what he was doing was keeping you safe.

For every crack that appeared in your heart, he was there to mend it right away, for every walk of resentment you had, he was there at home, there to soothe your sorrows and mend your heart anew. For every minor disagreement, he would apologize for disregarding your words and leave you feeling the happiest you’ve ever been

He sees you before he hears you. Sitting at the front steps of your shared home, hugging your knees, clothes slightly dry with the new addition of your tears. Whatever he was taught to do, or if he was ever taught to feel shame, he threw it all to the wind as he started comforting you.

His gentle voice, and painful regrets swirling in his soul reflected in his eyes. Nothing ever felt as reassuring as the hug he gave you, and the small kisses on your hands.

For once, his love wasn’t in notes or in the meals he prepared for you, and it consumed you. The flickers of embers in the candles that day slowly relit themselves into a warming fire. You gladly accepted his affections because you were far too scared to figure out how it’d feel without it. It was a question you didn’t want to find the answer to (you hoped to any archon listening that you wouldn’t).

The gradual change of seasons came with more duties, more love to miss, and more love that you wished for. The love that you craved. All you wanted, was to have him back in your arms again, or the lover that you knew that liked ranting to you about TCG invocation, The man that you thought you fell in love with.

It started as a yearning, a yearning for his presence, and a yearning for his comfort on the nights you awoke in a cold sweat. Then it snowballed into a yearning for him, the sorrow that was felt too often became hard to be swallowed, and emptiness in your days.

It came as no surprise when you eventually broke down in tears on one of the days he was at home with you, savouring whatever you had left.

“I…” you started your sentence, hesitating and both trying not to choke on your tears, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“Are you okay? Did something happen?”

The noise of rain hitting the ground seemed to grow louder in that moment, “I think we need to end this.”

“My love, we should talk about this some more hm? You are right, I can’t be away from home all the time and–”

“I don’t think we can fix this Cyno.”

A moment of silence occurs, and his hand hovers over yours, as if contemplating whether or not touching you would destroy everything you had together.

“Are you sure? Maybe if we talked a bit more we could—“ he pauses, fully taking in your pained expression, “maybe I can fix this, it’s my fault after all.”

The room is silent.

“I beg of you, please let me fix everything one more time, maybe we can go down to the port together, you’ve always wanted to go there. Or maybe if you don’t like that we can go to the forest together like you had suggested for our first anniversary…”

There’s no response from you, and he understood in that moment, that he lost you.

That day, the candles were extinguished, the smoke hanging in the air, and the ashes were all that remained.

It wasn’t easy getting over you and Cyno’s breakup, especially since your former lover had been present in almost every aspect of your life, it was difficult trying to get over him, every night as you cried yourself to sleep all you could think about was him. The way that he told you the worst jokes you’ve ever heard, or the way he wouldn’t hesitate in assisting you in any way he could.

Despite the relationship having been ended, it wasn’t rare for others to see you steal glances at each other, the looks that you’d pretend to be less the wiser of. It wasn’t something that you would’ve blamed him for regardless, for a relationship that had bonds deeper than just love; it was understandable why the both of you couldn’t seem to move on

“You’ve looked at him eleven times in the past five minutes, are you sure you’re really okay?”

You’re snapped back to reality as you’re greeted by the worried face of one of your friends, someone you’ve always been on good terms with, sighing as you remember that life decides to go on despite the crushing feeling present in your chest. “I think so…?”

It wasn’t even fair, you were the one who had broken things off so lamentably, yet you were also the one who missed him. It felt like you were the only one who had missed the others, if anything, rumour has it that the General Mahamatra has been working far more efficiently than he used to. Yet you were still stuck here, rooted to the ground still trying to process the loss of the other.

Of course it wasn’t easy for him as well, the nights he spent wondering about your safety, changed to restless nights he’d contemplate the entire relationship. Eager to forget the pain that now suffocated him day in and day out, he drowned himself in his work, not allowing for a second for his mind to drift to you. It was all he could do to keep himself sane.

The nights were the ones he hated the most, unable to focus his mind on anything else, he was completely and wholly plagued by thoughts of you, losing the ability to forget.

Tossing and turning in the bedsheets that still smelt like you, getting up in the morning, pouring you a glass of water only to remember once the glass was full. He still wears the scarf you knit him when it’s cold, he still keeps the dried flowers you sneaked into his papers, he still has photos of you two together on the walls, he still has your photo in his wallet, and he still loves you.

You wouldn’t be the only one who would sneak glances at your former lover, maybe if you let your gaze linger for just a bit longer, you’d see the way his eyes would always land on you. In some way, he hated it. He hated the way that he was reduced to nothing but a desperate lover who searched for you.

In every crowd, in every festival, in every gathering, his eyes would always wander, searching for a familiar figure, hoping yet dreading the notion of seeing you again.

He watches you, the way that you kept trying to take another glance at him, hoping that it was all the closure that you needed. Unable to tear his gaze off of you willingly, he beats himself up, archons know how many times he did that ever since your breakup.

You notice him catching onto your glances, and out of old habits, you almost felt his name exit your mouth. Luckily you were able to catch yourself, and settled with looking intensely at the book you had in your hands, “Did you need something, General Mahamatra?”

At the name, he almost flinched, unused to the uncaring tone that you had taken. He promptly considered what it’d be like if he could spend time with you rather than imagining worlds where you still belonged to each other. Without even a nod of acknowledgment, he turns around and went back the way he came.

The ashes dance around in the air, and flickers of what once was, rush to your mind as you continue, to no avail, of trying to read the same sentence over and over again.

After that day, you only saw him in your dreams.

Tighnari

But I always thought you’d come back,

Tell me, all you found was

Heart break and misery

It’s hard for me to say, I’m jealous of the way

You’re happy without me

LABRINTH. JEALOUS.

Falling in love with Tighnari was frighteningly too easy, maybe it's because everything about him was just so easy to fall in love with, from his sass to the calming reassurances that he’d offer to struggling students.

Falling in love with him was like a marigold growing within the crevices of your heart, the steady growth of the flower pulled you deeper into your affection for him. The archons finally granted all the wishes you could’ve attained, in the form of your lover. The answers to all your wishes, all your wants, all you could ever need, appeared in the form of a man named Tighnari.

Like sustaining a plant’s life with proper care, returning home to your lover had been the constant to your days, tea brewing in the air, and smiles exchanged in the silence of you ridding your coat.

“Hey, I knew you had a stressful day, do you want to talk about it? I even prepared your favourite tea for you.”

What a joke, just by seeing him, all your worries had dissipated away like it always had when you saw him. Grabbing the cup, full of gratitude, you place a quick kiss on his lips. “I’d love that, thank you so much.”

The marigolds that he planted in your heart grew blossomed wonderfully, the golden petals swaying in the gentle breeze, roots that have entangled deep within your heart, racing everytime you see your lover.

When Tighnari was with you, it was easier to do anything, with him, you found how easy it was to laugh, how easily he had allowed your smile to spread across your face. With him, it was easy to let all your worries become nothing but a faraway dream. In your heart, the marigolds that blossomed were taken care of by Tighnari, and take care of it he did.

It was easy to let the dwindling feelings slip away unnoticed, your lover was an amazing person, surely he was just stressed from all of the events that occurred at his work. It wasn’t exactly the most easiest job to keep people from danger in a forest, after all.

To love Tighnari, you truly adored him, it’s just that sometimes, things didn’t work out as planned. Time will tell, and it whispered in your ear; doubts of a long-lasting relationship, the pressure building on your back as you smiled off your pain once again to assure him that no, everything’s alright, you’re just tired.

“You know, your attention’s been lingering on the ground too much, I’m starting to wonder if there’s something wrong with it.” his back was turned to you, in favour of examining some mushrooms growing on the grass.

“Yeah, I think there’s something wrong with the ground because I could’ve sworn I scraped my knees falling for you.”

“You need to stop talking to Cyno so much, he’s starting to rub off on you,” he tuts, sighing deeply before he pretends to contemplate the reasons why he loves you.

He turned, and he was prepared to see your smile like he always had, like he always would. Yet this time, he only felt worry grow, and an undeniable sense of something wrong when instead, your expression reflected barely concealed pain.

You would hope he hadn’t noticed or that he at least ignored the fact that your heart didn’t beat as fast as it normally would when he walked into the room. Maybe then, it’d be easier to pretend that you were still just as madly in love with him as you once were, maybe this was just cold feet. Or maybe you seriously had to check out yourself for any commitment issues.

You had hoped, to every archon, that this was just a passing phase, maybe there was some external factor that you hadn’t noticed. Or maybe this was just a test, to persevere, after all, not all relationships require one to be happy at all times. The irrefutable fact remained, that your feelings for him dwindled by the day.

When most things occur, usually the feeling we turn to most would be denial, denial. You’ve denied any fact relating to the issue as much as you could, swearing over and over again that this wasn’t you falling out of love, this was just some plateau where your feelings had begun to adjust to staying committed to Tighnari.

Surely it wasn’t love that you were falling out of, it couldn’t be. Tighnari was the most amazing lover you’ve ever had, yet you could feel the marigolds begin to wilt, its petals adopting a duller shade of yellow in contrast to the stunning gold that seemed as though it was sown by the stars hung in the sky.

The moments you got alone, you’d contemplate, and maybe if you thought hard enough, your feelings for him would return. At least then, you wouldn’t have to pretend that you were just as in love with him as much as he was, so maybe then you wouldn’t have to deal with seeing his worried face after he notices the dwindling amounts of times you’d smile. As for your heartbeat… you could only hope that he was willing to ignore the fact that he no longer made you giddy like people usually do once they first fall in love.

Walking through the streets of Sumeru City with your lover running an errand, you felt relieved at the strange sense of peace the busy city had filled you. At least here, the silence of the forest wasn’t audible, and here, you could feel the pressure lifting off your back, dissipating at the busy streets, comforting you like he used to. You had always admired cities, seeing people from all walks of life gathered in one place granted you some semblance of comfort.

You no longer felt the heat rise in your cheeks when he’d call you by an endearing pet name of his, or when he’d do the smallest of gestures which always made you feel loved.

You had agreed, to be his forever, to be the only one he’d choose.

You hoped that your heart still had it to act out the part.

His hand eventually found his, a small smile returning to his face once he notices the shock he’s given you. You pray, desperately, that he couldn’t hear the normality of your heartbeat, or the way that you quickly avoided eye contact playing it off as being flustered.

“Let’s go back home.”

Tighnari was no idiot, he’s been the opposite of that actually. It was unmistakable, he used to struggle to hear your racing heart over his own; now, only his heart alone would race. Similar to you, he had hoped, even prayed to the dendro archon, that maybe this will just eventually pass, perhaps it was because he’s been too domestic lately.

Perhaps he should try Cyno’s advice to spice up the relationship.

He was at a loss for words, trying to figure out your heart as though it was some plant that had refused to grow; taking any advice he could get. Perhaps you’re just getting bored of the relationship, he does admit that it feels as though it’s similar to stagnated waters. It didn’t sit right with him to let his lover struggle alone, yet he also recognized the space that you had subtly asked for every time you directed your gaze to the floor.

Skimming through books he found on the subject, he had to stifle the ridiculous remarks he would’ve made if it wasn’t for your situation. Tighnari didn’t wish to devalue any advice that may help resolve this predicament, yet even he recognized how embarrassing these solutions might be.

11. Spend time apart.

Seemed to be the only one helping, he knew the sighs of relief, and how your hands had lost all tension in them when he left for an errand. Or when he gave you the space to think without the pressure of appeasing him.

The rest were laughable advice. Yet, there’s no explanation for how he started planning a date. A picnic under the cover of a tree near a flowing river; something you had always wanted to check off on your bucket list.

He was a determined and self-disciplined individual, yet that’s all nothing if he couldn’t ignite the love that you thought, began to run out.

While he was preparing for your impromptu date, you had begun to reminisce on important relationship milestones hoping that this little trip down memory lane would spark the feelings you were so desperately missing. Similar to how scholars of the Akademiya would spend hours pouring over texts and documents, you spent hours upon hours looking through the scrapbooks of your anniversary, of your birthday, of his, of the memorable moments you spent together.

You still remember the first time you held hands, the first date, the first kiss you shared, and many of the firsts of you two as a couple. You felt nothing but fondness as you had looked back on those wonderful memories, perhaps that was all you really needed, a reminder of why you fell for him in the first place. Maybe you had overthought it and it felt like a bigger issue than it should’ve been.

The days passed by and you found yourself being invited by Tighnari to a certain location beside a river, where the nilotpala lotuses grew in the water, surrounded by the serenity that only a forest could offer.

“And here we are,” Tighnari gestures for you to take a look at the scene before you, and your heart momentarily stops. There were little lanterns that lit up the night, the floating nilotpala lotuses blooming under the moon and stars radiating an ethereal glow; a blanket set aside on the floor with a picnic basket of what you could only assume was some small snacks considering the time. He felt pride at your amazement of the scene, a smile growing when you began to excitedly ask him where he got the time to decorate this as beautifully as he did.

Revelling in your returned admiration, he returned your questions with a quick kiss planted on your forehead, unsaid words exchanged in your minds, I did this for you. I did this for you so I could see your smile again, I missed it.

That night, you spent the comfort that you two desperately needed in each other’s arms, laughing about past mistakes, finding solace in each other about recent struggles. Of course, this resulted in him teasing you about it, “Did you really think I wouldn’t know? Goodness, I don’t know whether I should be disappointed or if I should laugh.”

You smiled once more as the magnolias in your heart began to wilt.

It was an irrefutable fact, that date was helpful yes, but. It had felt so wrong. The feelings you once felt about your relationship had returned tenfold, the uncaring guilt crushing you as the crevices in your heart grew wider. The deeply intertwined roots that you thought Tighnari had in your heart, seemed to have disappeared, slowly but surely.

There was no more room for denial or anger, the bargaining was surely far gone by now, you knew it in the way you stole glances at him when you woke up earlier. You understood what you needed to do when you couldn’t bring yourself to take a look at him when you felt his loving stare when you made him tea after a long day.

It wouldn’t be easy, but it was what needed to be done.

“We have to talk.” Your hands fumbled with the promise ring that he gave you, the seemingly small ring weighing more on you than you remembered it had. The dim lights of the living room helped conceal the distressed look on your face, the kind of expression a guilty criminal would make as they recounted their crimes.

He looked towards you, and within a moment, he understood. All he needed to see was the way the ring weighed down on you, the way that you couldnt begin to speak, the guilty expression you wore.

All he could do in that moment, was give you a pained smile, he spoke as though it would be his last words that you were hearing, “I know. Thank you for everything.” He watches as you kiss him for the last time, he supposes this will do as a goodbye kiss. The desperation catches in his throat as he pulls you in closer, for the last time before he lets you go.

Without much noise, you slip off your promise ring, leaving it on his bedside table before you exit the room.

It takes a long time for him to see you after that, if anything, he’s been intentionally avoiding you. Even stealing a glance at you would bring him unimaginable pain. Even though he can’t bear to think about you anymore he still desperately wishes for you, even though he can’t imagine to change out the coat hanger that’s made for two.

Not much has changed for him since you left, however you begun to find yourself, you surrounded yourself with the friends you loved and adored, and he couldn’t begin to hope for a better outcome with you.

Although he hoped that ending was with him.

His promise ring glints in the sun, shimmering with every slight movement, the sapphire glinting in his misery as he walks by, running another errand; preferably he would’ve had you do it in his place, although you… left.

While walking through the streets crowded of people, he can’t help but notice a familiar face in the crowd, the world stops as the first thing he notices about you is the happy look in your eyes; as though you’ve lived a million lives and you don’t regret a single one of them. Twisted feelings emerge in the shadows behind him as he tries to escape, although it’s futile since you cannot escape memories.

He knows it’s selfish, he knows it’s wrong, yet he couldn’t stop himself from hoping, that maybe you were feeling just as destroyed as he was, maybe you felt even more miserable.

And he guesses, it’s worse, to have seen you so happy while he remains rooted on the ground, still holding onto the magnolias of your heart.

272 notes · View notes