#Ok don't do drugs tho but if you DO then be in a great environment like me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

quietbluejay · 4 days

Text

Ahriman Exile Reread 2

First, let's hear from Past Bluejay

thank you for your words of wisdom, past bluejay. Now, onwards with the reread Wait, I forgot to warn, spoilers up to Ahriman: Eternal, not a lot but I do reference a big twist as well as some characters' fates

part 2 time astraeos and his bros are arguing space marine style

yes truly the best way e_e ok so carmenta gave them all bionic eyes to replace the ones that got eaten carmenta continues to be the best "salvation demands loyalty"

because, as terrible as they can be you don't want to see what they will become without the oaths "oaths did not require trust, that was a truth the imperium had taught him" they all know this will end badly but the only other option is to let go of the thing they're clinging to and meanwhile ahriman is crashing after the combat/magic high and is feeling guilty okay straight up suicide ideation see what i mean, he needs to be transplanted into an entirely different universe and put in horse plinko there failing that, i still think a sun lamp and cat would help time for ahriman to spend time with tolbek's rubricae i'm sure this will help cheer him up

yeahhhh

ow that hurts

"they will never be my slaves" thats not gonna last long thidias and kadin (the other two space marines, astraeos' brothers) are still arguing choked voice im fine

;-; ok an aside but i do love the environment French sets up everything is set in an everlasting gloom, all there is is metal and wires (and human flesh) (and frost) it is an existence divorced from the light of the sun and the stars and anything natural Oh yeah so Maroth summoned a daemon into Cadars body (another one of astraeos brothers) Astraeos: I can save him…

Ahriman, having rubric flashbacks: hey that’s hell you’re walking into Time for Ahriman and Carmenta to have a chat about her mind linking with her ship and how dangerous it is Ahriman: I’m not gonna judge you tho I’m not that much of a hypocrite The whole conversation is great, I just don't have anything more to say about it than that!

and we're at trust again Carmenta wanting to trust ahriman time for ahriman to go into his mind palace the only place in this story world with light and natural things

time for ahriman to teach astraeos the deeper magical mysteries man warp juice really is a drug, it's not just ahriman astraeos has the same reaction ahriman: it's all my faullltttt

this, too, is overwhelming pride assuming you are the worst ever and responsible for everything, is just as much pride as assuming you are the best to believe that you are alone the architect of everything it's a terrible defence against the thought that maybe you couldn't have done anything at all ahriman is trapped in the "im the worst/im the best" cycle

it's a hard thing to accept because it means you didn't have the control you thought you did over the situation

gee i wonder what might be a theme like half the cast gets bad feelings abot this the entire psychic part of the cast do they stop? no lol Ahriman answer questions or draw 20 lol this book in a nutshell:

mysterious voice in ahriman's head: you don't need your sword

oh hey the oracle is an old friend used to be a comrade now is like 100 floating eyes ahriman: i have questions menkaura: everyone does ahriman, internally: phew, you know what, my life may suck but at least im not this guy

literally EVERYONE calls ahriman out

to be honest, it's why i was basically done with the series (before the third book even) because it was just the same thing over and over again the supporting cast was what kept me but like, essentially ahriman's character arc is done in book 1 this is what i mean when i say i don't think ahriman can be fixed, i think even if there was irrefutable proof that he'd been puppeted by tzeentch, he would just refuse to see it though he's not quite there yet at this point i think he could probably have been fixed in this book unfortunately this is wh40k and this is his negative character arc "ask yourself what you truly wish to know: the truth, or the lie that forgives you your choices?" man

okay, hear me out how to fix ahriman and save astraeos, carmenta, and astraeos' bros: warp storm causes them to time travel a lot further than intended i kind of want to throw them at a potential blorbo (next book i might be reading) but idk enough about him yet to see if he's actually valid, i have a few ideas for him (it's tax evasion pirate man, the meme the legend, the guy named after one of the best great lakes) okay I'm memeing here but astraeos thinks about ahriman's eyes in order to calm down because he's getting magic headaches man everyone thinks about ahriman's eyes so much

ahriman: so who is hunting me menkaura: lol the list of who isn't is shorter menkaura: so why didn't you let yourself die ahriman: i still allow myself to hope rare mental health W for ahriman unfortunately it's…. note from future bluejay: past bluejay did not finish this thought. I am consumed with curiosity

anyways time for ahriman to actually explain what's going on

so no one told you life was gonna be this wayyy lmaoo his method is to project his memories into their minds man will do literally anything to avoid explaining with his words

oh, ouch, the last thing Magnus said to him before banishing him was "You are the best of my sons, you always were" moment of silence after the memory ends where everyone is trying to mentally process this, ahriman smiles weakly man, he'd be so great in another setting, unfortunately he's here

hope disguised as arrogance ahriman you are KILLING ME with your lack of critical thinking skills and inability to apply lessons you previously learned wails and grabs hair repeated eye motifs specifically removing eyes ….i've connected the dots

groans oh no not again i am deeply tired of human fat burning owo kadin pov

in the end ahriman just jumps from one type of pride to another with no stops in between to learn humility but also i mean it's hard when there are forces (tzeentch) that are actively (tzeentch) poking him into this shape honestly, i am starting to get a bit fed up with him, though it's idw optimus but less rage inducing (because it's better writing lol) and i get that it's part of the point of the setting but there's only so much i can take of this cycle tbh i knew i'd hit this point eventually, it's just making it frustrating at times to read his POV mainly because I know what's coming lol ahriman and kadin think the same thing about astraeos

at least astraeos does get out of the cycle eventually oh boy horror movie time in the dark meanwhile, ahriman summons a daemon with astraeos' help daemon is fun takes the form of his dead brother and then goes through how he died

sassy

rip ahriman, got outplayed ah, tzeentchians so, Amon knew he was going to summon this daemon, so he summoned it first and put a binding on it so it would kill Ahriman when he summoned it thidias dies a hero so he won't become a villain ;-; Carmenta once again saves the day and everyone* *except Thidias and also arguably Kadin who got double possessed

interesting ahriman's experience with the dark mechanicum is that they tend to lose their emotions and humanity vs carmenta who is becoming more emotional the longer she mind melds with her ship more light motifs so, astraeos wants answer about why his brothers died, or worse than died ahriman: i made a mistake astraeos: just one? owo a hint astraeos' chapter gets special darkvision powers now which primarch could be their founder….. next up ahriman: let's steal ourselves a navigator

I return to Ahriman and hey it’s Iobel my beloved This is wild

And also setup for the astraeos thing

And now cut to Astraeos going “this is a bad idea” Note he and Ahriman are now wearing blue armour, this may be relevant if I ever do time travel fic

Really getting Star Wars vibes from this The -hahahaha - the rebel ship going dark and waiting for the imperials to board and investigate so they can retrieve/kidnap someone on board Ahriman has been way out of it enough for the inquisition to pop up and him to have no clue who they are Okay we know Astraeos eyes are green Didn’t expect that

Iobel!

Ahriman once again passes out And gets badly injured Not in that order If I had a nickel for every time Ahriman has passed out in a novel, I’d have…probably at least 50c? Time for time shenanigans

Man everyone gets poetic about ahriman's eyes. I like Silvanus (kidnapped navigator) well enough but I don't have super strong feelings about him.

Who are you and what did you do with Ahriman

...

Yeah. I want to strangle you a bit lol In the end it is his untempered virtues that note from future bluejay: I left this sentence unfinished WHERE WAS I GOING WITH IT??? Meanwhile Carmenta panics

Annnd that’s when she decides to betray Ahriman

Ahriman is Tired Also he’s a bird furry Classic tzeentchian Annnd Amon decides to reward Carmenta by killing her Rip

The repeated theme of either becoming monstrous or dying

Ayyy she’s alive RIP Silvanus for finding her this has not been his day his week, his month or even his year Also I misremembered! Ahriman was not in fact chained to the ceiling naked he gets to wear a tunic So, amon's plan is to kill all the remaining thousand sons with the rubric

To be continued...

#warhammer 40k #bluejay reads warhammer

2 notes · View notes

ghostlyfirenut · 2 years

Text

Ok I know my last post was like "what if I relapse and lose 20lbs in the next 2 months" and my post before that was like "I'm so happy I grew out of my eating disorder and I'm still skinny and everything is great !!! "

Well , today's post is like , I love that I still have a thigh gap in random situations !!! like I just drank a whole bottle of wine by myself tonight and (would like some more honestly might open another bottle) im feeling the chaos of being a young inexperienced girl thinking about how to create my own money as an independent artist out in the world doing my own thing without a specific boss or company to work for etc like mostly freelance independent contractor starting my own small business and whatnot BUT at least my thigh gap is still just hanging out being present offering small comforts in the middle of this professional "emerging artist" chaos !!!! Like what a small but meaningful comfort to just be chillin in bed "trying to get some work done" and let my knees fall in against each other and there's still a nice lil gap there between my thighs... Like if I flex my thigh muscles it closes but like that's fine it's still there when I'm just chillin without any effort on my part. (If I lose another 10-20 lbs honestly it probably wouldn't close even if I tried to flex my thighs and that was one of my favorite things when I was at my LW was the way my thigh gap was unavoidable and things were constantly falling thru my lap lmfao , like honestly at this point it would probably be annoying to be that skinny /now that I'm working using tools every day like setting your phone/pencil etc on your lap idk it'd be annoying to fall thru all the time; and I don't think I could make it back to that anyway bc I don't want to lose the muscle I've gained but like ,,, 10 pounds ??? I can do that let's make it happen lol )

Anyway lmk if anyone relates to this / I miss the ed community even tho I've been trying to grow out of it like idk I'm 26 there's things to accomplish but I'm already out here relapsing on cigarettes and alcohol and other drugs I might as well embrace the thinspo relapse at this point 🙃

And like it's one thing to be a chubby teenager romanticizing anorexia / just wanting to be skinny for prom etc it's another thing to be like , a college senior who suddenly found the "willpower" to be a "successful anorexic" and you now have to Force yourself to eat food with carbs+protein so you don't pass out in sculpture class again (passing out with welding equipment is fucking scary AF omg) / can keep performing in your dance classes etc ,,, and then it's a Whole 'Nother Thing to be a full grown adult / out of school / out in the ~ real world ~ (briefly felt like I was over the whole thing) but then realizing "the art world" is just as chaotic and disordered as your college environment, it's 1000% ok if you're abusing Adderall and other drugs (except I don't have health insurance so I need an alternative to adderall = caffeine and ed behaviors,, oops, oh well ,,, ) -> -> what matters more, "success" or "wellness" ? ? The vibe is almost like, if you're not disordered are you even a real ""artist"" ?? It's like bro I'm gonna be 27 in a few months and I'm not interested in joining the 27 Club lol let me live with whatever wellness I can manage for myself haha. But also maybe I can lose another 10 lbs and be extra skinny 👀 20 is probably too much / I don't need to be under 100 I've done that I hit that goal I can let it go.......someone remind me when I get to 105 and I'm like "it's not enough!!" Girl it's enough let it go we've been there done that moving on. Lifting 50 lbs > being medically underweight.

Anyway. Long ass rant talking to myself. I'll probably go open a new bottle of wine and regret it in the morning. Main thing!!! I'm fucking free!!!!! I can do whatever I want!!!! I can get fucked up alone tonight/ already applied for a contractor job for next month / already have plans thru December and then feb-may next year, I'm honestly doing great, it's ok if I drink some alcohol and do some drugs . Like, yeah the "wellness" industry is a whole thing, but the "art world" is a whole separate beast - choose which one to focus on. Drugs and wellness don't really mix; drugs and art are kind of a package deal ? I love drugs let's keep doing drugs honestly. It's worked out so far !! (If youre reading this and you don't currently do drugs, pls pls don't feel like you need to do drugs in order to be a successful artist bc it's 100% not like that but also I've been doing drugs for 10 years + trying to stop bc I thought "professionally" it would be a good idea idk , just talking myself thru the fact that all the ~arts professionals~ I've met this summer also do drugs lmfao - not like they'd ever pressure you into it but more they wouldn't care if I do it or not)

Anyway, if you're still reading and you made it this far - life is weird. I'm gonna try to lose 10 pounds and get some more art gigs this season. Balance between wellness and indulgence and everything that comes with drugs vs helping friends find their healthy limits... It's a process we'll see how it goes. Thanks for reading ❤️ I love you always feel free to dm if you need advice ❤️

#thinspo #proana #ed community #idk #i love you #thanks for reading

8 notes · View notes

werebutch · 3 years

Note

For me, everything really got so much better when I turned 18. There's a bit of an adjustment for the first little bit as you start to learn what it means to be an adult, but it honestly brings good things.

Advice time!

1. Get some kind of storage, and keep all your important documents there. Any tax receipts, passports, proof of employment, ect. When you move, it rules to just open a drawer and have all that stuff ready to go. Obviously also make this a secure storage, if you can

2. Cooking! Even the higher-end dishes can be cheaper than eating out almost anywhere. Provided you don't live in a food desert - those are worth moving to a different city to get out of. If you're completely unknowledgable, refried bean burritos, steamed vegetables, stir fries, and most breakfast food are good ones for people just starting out. I've been cooking since forever, and anyone is always welcome to message and ask for recipies, fyi! Also while you're learning stuff, fixing clothes is a great one to pick up if you have the change. In general, how to fix things is always worth learning if you can.

3. Don't feel like you need to move out just because you're old enough to do it! If your parents are people you like (or don't really mind at least), consider staying with them and focusing on building up finances. If you need to get out, see if you can join a rental group, especially queer-focused ones. It's always cheaper to rent with roommates. Keep in mind that living with other people is a skill that takes time to develop and there will be road bumps.

4. There's a lot of new things to do & try! Hell yes. Don't feel like you need to do any of them, just because they're easier/legal to do. Especially for drugs (including alcohol) and sex (especially kink / risky sex). If you do want to try a new thing, start with a smaller amount. Doing something too much or too intensely can really be a rough experience, and doing something in a small amount will let you get a good feel for it, while keeping your head clear enough to understand what's happening.

5. Fuck rules and manners. Learn how to say no to people, its the best skill to have. Also, learn how to say yes - specifically when you're offered help, or free things, or any act of kindness. If someone is offering something, it's often because they'd legitimately be happy to see you have it.

6. Go thrifting! Buying high quality used clothes, instead of fast fashion, will have a much longer life span. Go to shitty little music shows! Go to dingy diners at 2am! But also take care and joy in taking care of yourself. Self maintenance will seriously make everything else much easier, and getting into the habit early will really help.

7. Whenever you move out, you'll be in a totally different environment, and that's really spooky. The first 3 or 4 nights will likely feel scary, and like you made the wrong decision. Big changes are hard, and leaving the consistency of your home is intimidating. Normally, I always say trust your gut instincts, but this one is usually wrong. Humans are built to survive, and your brain doesn't trust new things. Once you've lived there a week or so, you'll love the place. If you still feel like you shouldn't be living somewhere after 3 weeks or so, you should start looking, if you can afford it. Keeping a good and healing space is serious a #1 priority.

8. You may have been lied to about credit cards. My parents, teachers, and a bunch of people basically hammered home "don't get a credit card or you'll lose all your money". I didn't get one for so long, and I was honestly so proud. But, it was a struggle! Occasionally a place will only accept credit, and it'll suck to be locked out of them. Also, you won't build good credit that way. My recommendation is to get a card that doesn't have any fees (doesn't matter about points or whatever) and just use it for 1 or 2 of your purchases a month, that you know you can easily afford, they really don't need to be big. Pay it off immediately. If you end up taking out any loans, pay them on time! Most people recommend paying the maximum amount off of a loan each month, but as a new adult, it'll be ok if you want to hold onto more of your money, and only pay the minimum each month. That's totally OK, just do it on time! As long as you do this, you'll have really good credit.

9. Own it! You're in control now. For me, the simple little thing of picking out my own hand soaps is something I treasure. It's your life, and it looks like it now! You can get posters, fairy lights, plants, anything! Give your space some personality, make it feel like yours! Note- posters feel a little dingy after a while, even new ones. If you have some you like especially, buy some frames for them, or get them as tapestries. Both feel way fancier and more adult. But posters are cheaper, so you can get way more of them.

10. Once you're out of school, it'll be a bit harder to make friends. The best way to do it is to go to social events, like board game nights, hobby groups, ect. Anything with a shared interest means you'll likely find some people you vibe with. Don't feel like you need a ton of friends! Just a few is fine, you want to make sure they're people you truly like being around, that are good friends to have.

11. Oh shit also get vaccinated before you do any of that social stuff. Also,,, maybe look into health insurance. It's a seriously good investment, (more if you're in USA, in Canada it's not needed quite as much. Dental, on the other hand, is definetly worth getting). If you're on your parents insurance, stay on that for as long as possible! It's free baby!

12. Don't try to become what you thing an adult "needs" to be. It's your life, being an adult can be whatever you want it to look like! And, honestly, the first step of being an adult just looks a lot like being a teenager, just with a bit of change every year or so. Take it slow, and put yourself first.

13. That's it! There's probably a bit more I could put on here, but this feels good. I'm open to questions! If this ends up getting posted, this includes other people too! It's a scary process, but it can be a really good thing, and it has been for so many people I know. Good luck, be safe, have fun!

this is super helpful once I start wanting to move out, but I’m not quite there yet :) thank u tho this rlly helps me prepare lol

#asks #anonymous #I’ll put some tags in here:#life tips #life advice #long post

19 notes · View notes

taechaos · 3 years

Note

Idea series oc sneaking Tae in the house after he had big fight with his father about something (your choice if it's smutty or fluff or angsty) with a peek of a vurberable Tae? Honestly i think he would change the topic as soon as he started it and prob with sex.

Anyway I'm really interest in their family dynamic since I remember don't know if it was in part one or two that you mention they have really religious parents? And seeing how harsh their dad is with Taehyung it have me wondering how is his relationship with the mother and ocs with both parents, despite everything the seem really distant from their kids, maybe thats why Tae and YN find comfort in each other. OC is the first real bond Tae made with someone so maybe that's the reason of his fear of being replaced and his obsession with her, and ocs mother probably don't pay that much attention to her so that's why even after the incident she still want him to be there. At this point I'm just rambling I'm sorry. And this ask is all over the place, started with a request and ended questioning characters life 💀💀. Sorry hehe.

when i read this yesterday i was literally blown away by this like hOLY shit your analysis is so in-depth at first i was like damn do my characters have more than oNE DIMENSION?? WHICH IS RLY FLATTERING BUT I THINK ITS JUST UR WORDS THAT MADE ME SOUND SMART 💀💀💀 the ending is chef's kiss tho made me bust a lung SHFJJD thank you so much for taking the time to write this its honestly so fucking amazing. hopefully u can see more of their family dynamic in this drabble :)

Rays of sunlight slither through the cracks in the blinds of the living room, allowing Taehyung's father enough light to scan the newspaper he holds in his hand, with the musical, happy chirping of mockingbirds filling in the silence. All of these beautiful signs of nature and peaceful rotation of the earth makes Taehyung tense up even more.

The moment he got back home from buying drugs, his father greeted him in monotone with a, "would you sit with me for a moment?" and he hasn't spoken since. The zipperbag in his pocket crinkles every time he shifts in his seat, making him cringe momentarily before he starts nervously fidgeting again.

This is so awkward and yet equivalent to hearing: we need to talk. God, why is he so silent?

Clearing his throat, Taehyung stands just as his father flips a page with a lick of his thumb. "I'm going to my room really quick."

"No."

"Oh." When will his step-mother return? She's his only hope as he sits down while avoiding looking at his father, whose gaze is set on the black and white printed pages.

It's only a minute later when he talks without diverting his gaze.

"Your sister is in her room, researching her major to get a headstart on a typical syllabus."

"Smart," he comments with disinterest and nibbles on his upper lip.

"Taehyung, how was your attendance in college?" he folds the newspaper and curiously peeks at his son, who is doing a poor job at hiding his nerves.

"It was alright–"

"Lying is a sin, son," his movements are aristocratic when he leans his chin on his fist. "Don't lie."

"I'm not," he stammers and his eyes flicker, "it was bad at the beginning of the year, but I fixed it."

His father pinches the bridge of nose where his frames lie. "I love your sister, Taehyung," he sighs and takes off his glasses, "I want her to do well. I've given up on you, but her? She can accomplish great things if you're not there to influence her. You're a bad influence. Are you following me?"

Taehyung nods dumbly with a racing heart before registering his words and shaking his head. "What?" he blurts. "I used to help her with her homework all the time–"

"You were home once every month."

"Just because you didn't see me doesn't mean I didn't see her," he coldly says. That's not entirely accurate, but it is true that he saw you more than he saw his parents before he started living here again. For you.

His father is taken aback, offended as he scoffs, "You avoided me and your mother, and yet have the face to stay in our home?" He stands up and passes the coffee table that was Taehyung's only barrier to hover over him with distance. "I expected so much more from you, but you can't even do the bare minimum. An adult without a stable job, respectable girlfriend, and embarrassing grades. I'm ashamed to have raised such a boy, for I can't even call you a man."

Taehyung abruptly stands but he continues, "If you can't even pay rent, go back to that landfill you came from."

"I have to pay rent to live with my family?" He's livid and his hands shake by his sides; they're taking you away from him because what? He isn't the son they wanted him to be?

"You've made it clear that the only thing keeping you here is my daughter," he blindly points at the closed door of your room, "and you will have to try much harder to see her again. Get your life together, and you can come back."

Taehyung's face is heated with anger from the injustice. "What the fuck?! This is such bullshit; you're kicking me out?"

His father frowns at his language, growling, "Taehyung! I will not let you drag her down that path with you. When you stop destroying everything you touch, I'll gladly let you live here."

Destroy? He hasn't done any harm to anyone—especially not you. He knows he's self-destructive, but it doesn't extend to his environment. If he fails, it's his failure, but his father takes it personally instead of encouraging him to do better.

The importance of reputation and success in this family enrages him; he's aware that he's not much of an affectionate person either, but a little love wouldn't hurt to witness in the household.

Instead of defending himself or speaking his mind, he obliges bitterly.

"You need to get laid," are his last words before he slams the door and opens the zipper bag to pop a pill. Ecstasy isn't so fun when you're not around, but he can use the distraction. It's been a bad day.

He flips off a stray cat idling around the garden before casually leaving the property.

—————

Studying isn't fun for you, never has been, never will be. Though you hate every second of it, it does give you something to do to make time pass faster. You've been tutoring yourself about things you'll learn sooner or later anyway, but you guess it doesn't hurt to have to study less when the time comes.

You check the time. It's approaching night at 9 PM, and your father wouldn't protest against a break now, hopefully. He only suggested that you should start studying, but you know what his suggestions really mean.

Do it, or get shamed into doing it with subtle glances.

As if that isn't enough, he constantly checked up on you throughout the day. He wasn't exactly giving you a choice, which irks you.

But that's done and over with, and there's a more pressing matter at hand: where is Taehyung? You heard bits and pieces of the argument, but you couldn't get the whole scoop. You worry he's going to go back to his old habits of never being here, rarely seeing you. He would've been hanging out with you six hours ago out of routine... It can't just be you being clingy. Something happened.

You: are you coming home tonight?

The response takes a few minutes.

taehyung: nop

taehyung: but i am coming to ur room

taehyung: cuz ik u cant sleep without me 😖

You: actually the opposite but ok lol

You: when are you coming

taehyung: whenever u want uwu

You: uwu...?

You: just come before it gets too late

—————

So that was a lie. It's 1 AM and still no word from Taehyung. Okay, maybe you're just being clingy now, but it's unlike him not to be clingy. Maybe he wanted to cool off for a long time after his tak with your step-dad, or simply wanted to hang out with his friends after spending all of his time with you.

That makes sense. What doesn't is the slide of your window and shuffling of your curtains. You instantly sit up in your bed and clutch your blanket closer. You watch a silhouette enter your room as you pick up your limp, your tense muscles relaxing only when you recognize the intruder. You put down the lamp with a click of your tongue, ignoring the relief in your pounding heart.

"Hey," he stupidly grins at you. He looks disheveled, clothes untucked and wrinkled, and from the little light you have, you can see his redshot eyes.

"There's also the door," you remark sassily. "Are you um... high?"

He shrugs and crawls in your bed, dismissive as usual. You both make an effort to keep your voices quiet.

"I talked to mom earlier," you ease into the discussion until he butts in.

"That's great."

You roll your eyes and prop an elbow to look down at him. His head lies on his hands while staring at you, mood strangely upbeat. He's definitely high.

"She was a little sad about something, and I know it involves you. I heard you talking to–" You're interrupted with a lingering peck, a little rough in its force but not unwelcomed.

"I've missed kissing you. Shouldn't you be asleep, by the way?"

Recovering from the unexpected attack, you reply, "It's not that late. I don't have to wake up early."

"You shouldn't ruin your sleep schedule," he tucks a hair strand behind your ear without taking his eyes off of you. "Staying up is hard to stop once you start."

"Yeah, you're a great example," you joke with a quiet giggle. Whispering with him feels intimate in a heart fluttering way. His heart pangs with a feeling he can't put a finger on. "You didn't answer my question."

"Hm?"

"Don't play dumb, I'm really curious. What happened with dad?"

"A lot of things happen with dad," he shrugs, "sometimes we play catch–"

"Taehyung," you give him a pointed look, and he giggles.

"You're right, he'd never play catch with me." He groans as he stretches in your bed before trapping you with his arms on either side of you in one motion. You don't know what he's trying to do, but you watch him above you in amusement. "No offence, but when is your mom not sad when my dad is around?" he laughs with a huff.

"That's rude, Tae," you remark seriously, "she's happy when you're around."

Taehyung's smile falters like yours, his happy guise crumbling when he says, "Are you?"

"Pfft," you roll your eyes, "What do you think? I was up waiting for you."

Ah. That's not a very good influence.

"I'm here now," he whispers, "go to sleep. It's okay, I won't do anything, I know you worked hard today."

You agree with a yawn and nod. But even in your sleepy state, you can read the room—Taehyung is especially attentive of his tone and volume aside from being so tense. "Are you alright?"

"I'm in and on ecstasy," he falls back on his former spot, "I can't not be alright."

"Taehyung, I haven't seen you all day–"

"Yeah, because I didn't want to be here," he looks at you dead in the eye, "and I don't want you to be here."

You blink rapidly, slightly shaking your head in confusion, "What are you saying?"

"Move in with me."

He's met with cold silence, so he persuades persistently, "Don't you want to get away from here? You'll have so much more freedom with me, and I can help you with your assignments and everything. It'll be perfect."

"I— do you... Where?" Taehyung is high and he doesn't know what he's saying is what you believe because this is so out of the blue, so irrational, but he describes it like it's utopia; you are not completely against the idea.

"I have enough money from drug dealing to rent an apartment, and you can tell dad that you want to move out to be like an adult or whatever, that you have a stable job, without mentioning me," he rambles, and his dilated pupils are more noticeable up close; it slightly puts you off.

"Wh-what about mom?"

He scoffs, "If she wants out, she can get her second divorce. Don't worry about them; after all, they're apparently the only real adults here," he relates back to not being worthy of being called a man. You shift away from him little by little. "Just trust me."

The phrase is triggering for you, a reminder of the time you were tricked into trusting him moments before your trauma. "We'll talk about this when you're sober," you meekly say, avoiding eye contact.

A wicked smile grows on his face, "I can't wait, princess."

#idea tae #*cue big time rush theme*#just gotta say this one last time #the analysis was so well written #its honestly a sight for sore eyes 😫

7 notes · View notes