#OR THEY'D JUST SPLAT US IMMEDIATELY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

latenitewaffles · 1 month

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OK Agent 32 Side Order drabble GO.

Agent 8 (or Shelly, as they had been told by their close friend, Matt- though, Pearl and Marina still called them Eight.) had become quite accustomed to climbing the Tower of Order at this point. Nearly halfway through all the Pallettes, the difficulty never even surpassed that of Girl Power Station, which still gave them stress dreams on occasion. They had hoped those Octolings had gotten free, but they pushed that thought to the back of their mind for now. There were other things to worry about.

Like finishing Agent 4's Pallette.

"Eight, are you with us?"

Marina's voice shook Shelly back to reality- or as close to reality as one can get in the Memverse.

"Oh, uh... yeah, Marina. I'm fine."

A flash of pink flooded Shelly's eye's- Pearl had suddenly flew right up into their face to get her battle buddy's attention.

"You better be! We're coming up on a boss floor! Yo, Rina! What floor's up next?" The drone yelled excitedly.

"Um... intensifying_harmony.floor! So you're going against the Parallel Canon next!"

Shelly froze. That boss. The one they had extreme suspicions about. The one that strangely resembled their boyfriend.

"Eight? Hello?"

"I'm fine! Let's go!"

"Ahem."

Acht's sudden noise made the group turn to them, as if they had forgotten that they were there in the first place.

"... Am I really that quiet? Whatever. Eight, if you're not feeling up to it, we can go back to the foyer or Marina can switch the boss to the Asynchronous Rondo, it's no problem."

Shelly shook their head. It's not like they had told their companions about their suspicions yet, and they didn't want them to worry... though from the looks on the other's faces, they already were.

"Seriously, it's fine. Come on Pearl, let's go beat these guys!"

"That's what I like to hear! Team Eight rides again!!"

"Well then, stay safe. Marina and I will be here keeping the elevator warm."

The elevator door opened up to the balcony, and Shelly rushed to the cage as quickly as possible. They could see the Parallel Canon in the distance, each of them getting ready to take them on. As soon as they landed, the first wave started- the pair of gray helmeted "Inklings" wasted no time trying to take down their Octoling adversary, but failed miserably as always. The second wave fared no better, each of them going down quickly thanks to the many power chips in Shelly's current Pallette. Though, strangely... the masked Inkling hadn't dropped yet. Odd, it usually comes in the second wave...

"EIGHT, WATCH IT!"

Pearl's shout managed to snap Shelly out of their trance, and just in time, too- they were almost the victim of a Triple-Splashdown. Luckily, they were able to dodge roll away, and Pearl took the Inkling down with an Inkstrike. The next 3 were splatted just as easily... which left the final one. This time, Shelly would get to actually have a look at this Inkling to see if their suspicions were true. It rode the cage and immediately used a Triple-Splashdown, and as the ink settled... Shelly got a good look at him. They'd recognize that dumb spikey hair from anywhere- it was him. Agent 4.

Archie.

Their heart jumped, and not in a good way. They had hoped that Archie had managed to stay out of this, but somehow he was sucked in too, now mindlessly serving as defense for Smollusk just as Marina was before.

"Arch-"

Splat.

He had gotten the jump on them. One life down.

"Eight?! What the heck was that?! Don't tell me you froze!" Pearl said, getting right back into Shelly's face again.

"I... that's... that Inkling, it's... Four."

"Wait. Your roommate? The one who's Pallette you're running right now?"

"Well... we're more than roommates, but..."

"YOU'RE DATING SOMEONE?!"

"That's not important right now, Pearl! Can you just help me free him like we freed Marina?"

"Of course! But we're gonna have a conversation about this later, y'hear?"

"Yeah, I know."

The ensuing fight took up the rest of Shelly's lives. Most of them were wasted trying to reason with the greyscaled Inkling, but now they had a plan. Pearl set her Killer Wail to a non-lethal level, and as soon as Archie's body was just destabilized enough, Shelly would rush in and rip the mask right off his face- it sounded just stupid enough to work. When the Killer Wail ended and the Inkling was practically melting apart, Shelly ambushed him from behind, grabbing the mask from the chin and pulling as hard as possible. Archie screamed in pain- though digitalized through a filter, Shelly knew it was him. The dense, chaotic, lovable squid they loved dearly.

"Sorry, Archie, but this is hurting me way more than it's hurting you!"

A few more tugs, and Shelly heard a click- they hoped it was something good, but the hope was momentarily dashed when Archie threw them off of him.

"What the shell are you doing, Shelly?!"

He actually spoke. Though garbled, that was him, his real self.

"Archie! It's me, don't panic, let me help!"

"Y-you're hurting me! I can do it on my own!"

"Calm down, please! Just let me get the mask off of your face!"

Archie didn't let them. He just kept pulling, and each time, the color returned to his skin and tentacles, but...

"I-I can’t... I can't get it off!! H-Help!!"

Shelly walked back over to him, and kneeled down. There were tears pouring from the red eye sockets of the mask- it was truly stuck. He tried to pull it more, but Shelly stopped him.

"Don't hurt hurt yourself, Archie. It's going to be alright."

They kissed him on the forehead of the metal mask, and it finally fell off. His colors were back to normal, and the greyscaling had been undone. The Tower seemed to count that as a victory, and on the platform behind them, the locker key formed.

But that could wait. Despite Pearl's protests, Shelly comforted Archie in their arms, both soaked head to toe in ink.

It was surprisingly nice.

"Thanks..."

"You're welcome."

"Don't let me go."

"I won't."

#sorry about any spelling mistakes i am tired.#also! my agent 8 (shelly!) uses both they and she but i used they/them exclusively here to differentiate them from pearl and marina.#it was becoming a nightmare at the start lol #agent 8 #oc shelly uchiura #agent 4 #oc archie mikau #agent 32 #agent 4 x agent 8 #pearl houzuki #side order #splatoon 3 #parallel canon #the intensifying harmony #tulin's fics

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 1 month

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Oh my god I was thinking of potential crossovers with Dune and just remembered Aro exists. Like if you drop any other character in Arrakis you would have a very hard time to get them understand the setting but Aro can read minds with a touch. By the way what do you think happens when a vampire eats a Sandworm, which venom is stronger? Or can a Bene Gesserit or Paul survive vampire venom with their witchy powers? I am thinking a starving Carlisle tries to eat one because there is no goddamn animals in that planet and immediately regrets everything.

Aro would have a leg up in that sense and the "he is virtually indestructible sense". Though I imagine he'd be very sad on Arrakis where everyone's blood tastes like this weird blue shit (canonically, in Twilight, humans with substances in their bloodstream/medical issues are notably less appealing than others).

But onto your questions

What Happens When a Vampire Eats a Sandworm

The thing about vampires is they seem to be extremely adapted to Earth. Their main food source is human (hooray, it's plentiful) and in a pinch they can subsist off animal blood, namely the Cullens seem big on mammals so we don't know if things like fish or lizards work out for them.

An alien sandworm with completely different blood that also produces a highly toxic hallucinogenic wunder venom that lets people see the past and the future and develop psychic powers? I don't think that's even going to smell remotely edible. We're not even talking animal edible, we're talking Carlisle would try and would vomit.

So, it's not so much that the worm's venom is more powerful it's just that... whatever vampires use to process the blood they ingest (do they still have livers? the world will never know) it's probably not going to like what that is and the vampire in question is going to vomit. The same way they do when they eat other materials they're not supposed to eat.

As to whether they'd trip balls or not... Well, probably not, but we don't know. Again, vampires vomit up other substances they can't consume, and we have no mention of any ability to get drunk or in any way poison themselves. Probably because they don't have livers the way we do and use something else to process/purify their blood intake. So, my guess would be no.

Can a Bene Gesserit/Paul Survive a Vampire?

No.

The thing about vampires is they move so fast that they could kill them long before they do anything. Their shot would be in that Paul specifically could foresee it happening extremely clearly, and simply choose the actions such that it doesn't happen, and the Bene Gesserit might maybe sort of kind of be able to guess it will happen and try their best to avoid it.

If the vampire's sitting around they can try to use the voice, but this may not work on vampires, as there's a very physical aspect to it that might not sound right to a vampire's ears.

So if a vampire makes them go splat, they're going splat.

But What About Venom?

Venom's a different story and the answer is probably yes. The Bene Gesserit, and Paul as well, are highly trained to be able to psychicly purge poisons from their bodies. This is how/why Jessica survives becoming a Reverand Mother and why only Bene Gesserit survive this process. Paul is notably trained in this as well.

Given we see that the venom can be sucked out in canon by Edward, I imagine a trained Bene Gesserit would have more than enough time to be able to purge it from their bodies with minimal/no side effects.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #dune #dune meta #dune headcanon #vampire biology #bene gesserit #kwisatz haderach #meta #headcanon #opinion

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cassandrasimplex · 6 months

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Let me tell you a story from the dark ages, by which I mean the early 00s. There was (and still is, if the fan-operated servers are still running) an MMO called Neocron. In Neocron, your stats increased with use. Carry around heavy things to train strength, things like that. Taking damage improved your max health. There were multiple cities, but one major one that everybody started off in and got a free living space in. (You had to pay to live elsewhere.) That city had a central plaza where half the server's online population would hang out, trying to barter or waiting to form up groups. Even if you'd moved on to a bigger apartment in a cooler city, you'd still find yourself back in the Neocron City Plaza trying to sell your skills for tips, trade items, visit a guild apartment, or whatnot. Around the edges of the plaza, on the second and third floors, ran balconies. These balconies had guardrails low enough you could climb up on them, jump off, and plummet to the ground of the plaza below. New characters -- especially new characters run by veteran players -- would do just that. They'd leave their gear behind, take their implants out, and generally make sure they wouldn't lose anything if (when) they died, and then they'd jump off the upper floors. Over and over. And over and over and over. And over again some more. When the server was busy, there would be a couple newbies plummeting to the plaza floor every few seconds. We called it "the rain of newbs". Anyway, now that I've modded BG3 to let me carry around all my companions at once, every time I jump even the tiniest bit, I'm immediately swamped by Rain of Newbs nostalgia. "Umph! Oof! Ugh! Unh! Hnff! Haaa!" splat splat splat splat jingle splat

#bg3 #baldur’s gate 3 #neocron

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tfsroleplay · 1 year

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The Agents sit in a small circle at the base in Alterna, Julian has definitely been acting off lately. And having him being so quiet was a bit... awkward. Cordelia is telling a story about her and Arius' time saving the Great Zapfish, something about a mission gone wrong.

"It was the worst! I swear I was bruised for days after! I'm so used to listening to figure out where the enemies were, and they must've learned it quick because they started blasting music and made it difficult for me to hear them coming..."

She leans back, groaning as she thinks about the amount of times she almost ran out of power in the spawn point. Definitely something she doesn't miss...

"Man... the spawn point in that dome nearly losing power definitely gave me a scare..."

Arius nodded, thinking back. It was one of the first missions they'd done together, well, while he was still working for Octavio...

"It didn't help that there were two o' us. Ta be fair, I hardly got splatted, it was mostly her."

"Rude. Don't insult my skill! I'm still Agent 5 of the New Squidbeak Splatoon! So... There."

Arius chuckles, gently ruffling her hair. Cordelia glances at Julian, hoping her story somewhat distracted him from whatever's got him in a funk. He still looks upset, Lil Buddy sitting on his shoulder. Cordelia looked at the Captain, clearly unsure what else she should do.

"...Mhm..."

He's quiet for a moment before looking at Arius.

"...You Agent 4 then? Since she Agent 5?"

He's never actually asked Arius that, since whenever the Octoling was there he was referred to by name.

"Huh? Oh, no, that ain't me. They jus' use my name o' call me Agent Arius. But that's a mouthful."

Adria hums, leaning forward to be closer to the group. They'd been telling stories from the past for a bit so Julian could have a distraction from his thoughts but he didn't seem to pay attention as much. But...

"...Do you want to hear a story about my time as an Agent? It's not exactly... fluff, but it's a story."

Almost immediately Cordelia stared at her, eyes practically sparkling. Julian tilted his head, he was curious too, not as much as Cordelia but... close enough. At least he wasn't looking as sad now.

"We get to hear a story from your past?!"

"Easy there..."

Adria chuckled, Cordelia tended to look up to her for reasons she... honestly wasn't sure she deserved. She adjusted the Cap on her head, nodding.

"...I can. Julian, you up for a story of mine?"

"...Mhm."

"Good. I don't think you've actually met Agent 4 have you? Give me one sec and I'll find a photo for you."

She pulled her phone out, scrolling through her photo app to find a picture of Agent 4.

"Ah, here we go. Gramps actually took this one of us."

She holds her phone out to show Julian first, it's of her and Agent 4 when they first started out as agents.

"That's Hayden, otherwise known as Agent 4. Also known as my best friend. The two of us saved the Great Zapfish together."

"Oh wow, you two haven't changed much. I mean, Hayden's changed up his tentacle style a bit but other than that? Still pretty similar. Not that that's a bad thing! I mean, I still look the same besides the earrings... and the choker."

"Yeah, though I once tried to grow out my tentacles to cover... this..."

She hesitantly points to the green scar, it's not exactly something she enjoys looking at.

"But... Well, since my hearing on that side isn't the best anymore, and I can still see out the eye, it would have more cons than pros... So..."

She shrugs, just leaving it at that. She's never gone into too much detail about the events in Kamabo Co., Cordelia did once ask about her scar but Adria only said her memory of it was fuzzy at best (lie) so it was dropped.

"But enough about that, I was going to tell a story. Agent 4 and I were on a mission to save one of the smaller Zapfish, I think it was just before Agents 1 and 2 came in the picture for us."

Both Callie and Marie look at her, but neither interrupt her story.

"It was a battle against Elite Octolings, much like our own Octoboy here."

"Hey."

"We had to split up to cover the grounds in Kelp Dome, but planned to meet back at the end to grab the Zapfish. 4 took the ground and charged his way to it, while I stayed up high. We were a little hesitant to actually splat any enemies, but they had far more power in their spawn point than we did. 3 strikes and that was it."

Cordelia nods, it was similar for her and Arius too. When they didn't have a lot of power, it had to be limited somewhere...

"I used a charger, and 4 used a roller, so I was more looking out for any potential enemies surrounding him. But... I wasn't watching my own back, which almost easily lost us our lives..."

"We were 16, and the reality of what we were in for hadn't really... set in, I suppose. This was like another turf war to us, but... Facing against Octolings like them was a huge wake up call..."

She leaned her head on her hand, frowning. The amount of close calls they had before fighting Octolings hadn't been a lot, but thinking of it now felt like it was still too much.

"4 had been splatted twice, but even then the energy on the spawn point was fading. Gramps said it had enough for 3 times but... Honestly, had one of us gotten splatted again, I'm not sure we would've made it. I managed to get him a safe path to the Zapfish, but as I went to meet up with him, I heard a splat bomb land beside me. I barely managed to get out of the way before it exploded, and even then I was sent tumbling down to the ground..."

#in chara: cordelia #in chara: arius #in chara: julian #in chara: adria #((me? actually shading something for once??))#((wow LMAO))#((i dont shade often idk its not my favorite thing to do))#((don't you worry this is only part 1 of the story its just kinda long so... 2 parts hdghdg))

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morganpdf · 1 year

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Ok 🖊 for Ellis (don’t think I’ve seen you chat about them much) and obligatory 🖊 for Fig bc you asked about my Fig first :3

not me immediately forgetting to answer this dsvfvds

BUT TY i don't talk about ellis much & i know part of it is because they don't have (or want) a partner so I tend to draw less of them (i'm foolish)!!! BUT in splat timeline ellis is agent 3 in an offshoot universe from the main one juice and i have (wherein flynn, rowan, and jo are 4, 3, and 8 respectively). they live with august (the agent 4 for that timeline) until she moves out to live with her gf, piper (agent 8).

the rest is under the cut bc ouhhhhghghhhgh oc chatter

BUT BASIC STUFF: in every universe, ellis uses they/them (maybe toying around w xe/xir but not sure on that yet) (honestly i think they'd be down for any pnouns that Aren't he/she) (don't even THINK about gendering them) and is aroace. they're also autistic in the "this conversation isn't interesting to me at all so I'm just going to leave" way.

in splat timeline! ellis is the youngest of the agents, despite being. the most longterm member of the splatoon. they're about a year or two younger than august (it used to be more than that but I think this works better), and they meet through the agency. ellis had been living alone in agency-based housing and was assigned august as a roommate and, hates her (lovingly). they have a very sibling relationship and ellis judges every girl august brings home (except for piper BUT to be fair. august didn't bring her home technically. and ellis knew her previously through the events of octo expansion).

SPEAKING of piper. in every timeline ellis LOVES piper. she can bake a mean pan of brownies and she's also autistic so she Gets them and its very (autism creatures shaking hands image). they just sit together quietly on their phones/laptops hashtag parallel play. when they find out august and piper are dating they're very PIPER YOU ARE MAKING A HORRIBLE MISTAKE (i am so happy for both of you) AUGUST IF YOU FUCK THIS UP I'LL KILL YOU. also when august moves out to live with piper they cry but no one sees ok. no one

NOT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP STUFF:

ellis has to be doing something with their hands at all times. they have like 50 different fidget toys littered around the apartment, 30% of which are different color fidget cubes. they don't even like fidget cubes that much but they're all different colors/novelty gimmicks (ie baby yoda, a cat, etc) so it's ok. their favorite fidgets are rubbing smooth stuff and clicking so. clickable pens and smooth stones are their go-to fidgets

in splat timeline they use up a lot of that energy tinkering with their autobombs (they refer to them as their chickens, always in a deadpan) (with how technical they like to be when talking abt them, no one can tell if the chickens thing is a joke) (good luck figuring it out), but in every timeline they do a lot with textiles. their favorite is cross stitching but they also dabble in knitting. all the cross stitching they do is like. rude phrases made to look super live laugh love home sweet home because they think it's funny. they have a very floral "go away" hung on their walls in different scripts in like 3 places

oughhh this is just making me realize i need to draw ellis more...... they're the focus of my piece i did for hero shot zine tho so here's a sneak peak straight from that!!

AND THEN ONTO FIG..... fig (they/them) is @saltylenpai's OC technically so i'm a little rambly about them but they're dating my OC wren (he/him)!!! i have like NO recent art of either of them though so i need to. do that

but fig is super sweet, in love with the world and everything in it. in splatoon timeline, fig is a sanitized octoling in recovery and their love for all of the little things in life comes from relearning how to exist as a person. in human aus they're just. like that

fig's also like. our tallest oc. they have a huge tattoo spanning their chest and arms that's sea themed, uhhhhhhh, they love art and making art and thats how they meet wren actually!! they go to school together!!! wren is a printmaking major who dabbles in pottery and fig is like. i want to do Everything actually. so theres some overlap in classes. fig is also mega autistic (are you sensing a theme with our OCs) ESPECIALLY in the "i don't understand social cues" way and that whole flirting situation was a shitshow bc fig just dropped the "you make me feel a way [romantic but doesnt realise it]" and wren is just a fucking Mess over it bc he's so flustered and gay about it but he's not sure if *he's* reading the situation wrong . they get together thought shhh

fig's also a huge romantic and takes so many candids of wren and paints wren and like. wren is just their muse in a lot of ways its so fuckinf cute. ouhhhhhhh i just love fig a lot. i love fig theyre so cute and sweet and i love them so much i have so many feelings about fig i am not good at words about them theyre just (crying noises) and their relationship with wren is SO (louder crying noises)

here's a fun fact!! fig grew up birdwatching with their mom so when they come around to be like "hey mom this is my boyfriend wren" she's like yeah that tracks for you, always a birdwatcher!!

#ask.pdf #nightbloggingbyday

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gemma-collins-ily · 3 years

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Kaz/Jesper with a s/o who is basically snow white (aka sis could pick up the worlds most poisonous snake and live bc that danger noodle likes her)

Kaz with a Snow White S/O

a/n - ooh, got an idea for this straight away! It went a bit off the rails and talks a lot about pigs but you know, whatever!

Warnings: snakes, I'm not sure what else

Kaz never really understood

or knew, actually

he guessed when you perched on his window with Inej to feed the crows, they came because of the food

not because of you

but actually, they would land on your hand and give a gentle playful peck

it was really funny when they'd jostle each other just to get to you

all wanting to have a moment specially

you'd wave your hand over Inej's so they would follow and go to her

because you loved seeing the overjoyed look on her face when one would land on her hand instead

there were several times the birds were jealous of Inej

because she was taking up all the time of their prescious hooman fwend

when they'd peck her none too lightly you'd gasp dramatically and waft them away

telling them to go to the back of the line

you'd laugh together when they'd sulk their way there

because you only had a few minutes before you needed to go and they might not have seen you again after that

Kaz would be quite worried for you when you're sitting right at the edge of the roof or at the precipice of falling from his ledge

he knew Inej would be fine since she literally sits up there for fun but you...

"(Y/N), get down before you topple to your imminent death and splat below. I don't want someone to have to clear that up."

"Aww, 'Nej look, he cares."

"(Y/N)!"

"Just two minutes more, Kaz!"

you would definitely try to coax a pig into the Slat

for sure

I will be taking no questions

Jesper would totally be all for it and drag Wylan along too

"Hey, Jes-"

"I'm down."

"Okay, cool let's go!"

cue Wylan trying to dissuade you from it for hours

this eventually ends with him trailing behind you

as you walk back to the Slat with a pig following you at your heels without persuasion

he's shouting weak protests and after a while he only sighs heavily as the pig trots behind you

it took several clicks out of the corner of your mouth from you which lead to the pig nudging him along and butting him with its head

just to prompt him along, you know?

Jesper wonders if you rub treats over the edges of your clothes so animals follow you

he has tried to 'tie his shoe' several times while attempting to sniff a trouser leg from a bit away

"What are you doing?"

"Tying my shoelaces, isn't that clear?"

"Jesper, you're wearing zip up boots."

anyways

when you bring the pig back Kaz says it isn't allowed

Jesper gathers a small battalion of younger and more willing Dregs to make a rabble

they hold up signs of protest and everything

you don't know how he organised it so quick, but you supposed they would just do whatever the cool man told them to

while this is going on, you and Inej are ushering the pig upstairs

doing that whole roll the carpet dance move

the mission is a success and Kaz does not see

until he walks into your room to see Jesper helping you build a litterbox, the pig inside it as you use a tape measure to check it's the correct size

he tells you immediately to chuck it out

he only gets a distracted waving of a middle finger from the both of you as your eyes remain on the slabs of wood scattered on your floor

Kaz walks upstairs and puts his head in his hands

because, what is he going to do with you?

he knows the answer when he sees Inej waltz in, practically skipping, and Jesper giving the pig a piece of French Toast

he had attempted to give it bacon too, but that had quickly been put to a stop

"Jesper, that's canibalism."

"Huh?"

"You know when another animal eats one of its own, that kinda-"

panicked screams sound out as the pig's teeth clamp onto the meat

you quickly whistle and it drops it

the first thing he thinks is, 'That pig has got to go.'

for two reasons

one because it's galavanting about his house and pooing in corners no one can see

and two because it's taking up all the time he wants to have with you

the second thought is that you would never give up your prized pet, who you have named Alex by now

it was chosen through a vote by the Dregs and Crows, taking into account that no one wanted to check whether it was actually a boy or girl

so, Alex it was

you had even forced Kaz to take a vote

shaking the box with a slit for paper at him until he scribbled down an 'A' and dropped it in

"You're a part of this, Kaz. Whether you want to be or not, it's happening."

"Not if I say it isn't."

"Uh huh, well, I haven't seen you banning the pig from the Slat."

you spoke too soon

poor Alex was living in a barn by the end of the week

but it was close enough to the Slat to see them

and it was under your official ownership

still

you and Jesper decided to push your luck

"Just do the puppy dog eyes, he can't resist those from you!" He hissed.

"Seriously?"

"Yes! Just, oh shit, puppy dog eyes right now, he's coming over!"

you did go course follow through

anything for bestie Alex

"What are you doing?"

"Oh me, nothing. Just... Well, feeling so awfully upset about Alex. They were such a lovely pig."

A dramatic sigh was heard as Jesper added something, "Rest in peace, my friend."

"You're acting as though I sent it to the Slaughterhouse!" Kaz was appalled at how attached you seemed to one little scrappy animal.

"Might as well have!"

his last thought about it all came later, when he compared all the times the dratted animal had ignored him completely in favour of you

not that he'd want a pig sitting at his feet

he wondered how you managed to make animals appear at your beck and call magically

that scene in Paddington?

where he makes friends with the stray dog then it helps him

wham

that's you

sometimes Kaz will almost have to forcefully drag you away from animals, anything ranging from lizards to dogs

even caterpillars end up in small cardboard boxes on your window, trying to help them become beautiful butterflies a sort of hobby

sometimes, he'll also have to drag the animals from you

of course, you don't mind but when on a heist, it really isn't helpful to have a noblewoman's Lhasa Apso sliding across the fancy ballroom floor all to see you

even if food is offered though, it is well known the animals would much rather go to you

anyways back to Paddington

one day, you're on a heist and it hasn't really gone well

now your practically playing knock a door run okay?

because you cannot for the life of you recall which house the rendezvous spot is

and then, a sharp whistle rings through the air, your two fingers against either side of your mouth

(because that's the cool whistle and we all know it)

all of a sudden, a shaggy and unkempt greyhound dashes around the corner, almost colliding into you

without any prompting, it lowers its front paws, allowing for you to clamber on and grip with your knees as it rises upward to its full height

you don't squeeze too much with your feet or tuft the dog's hair in your fists because you don't want to hurt it

the only thing you have that could maybe work for the dog to track is the scarf Jesper draped over your neck when you shivered the day before

so, you bring it to the dog's nose, and then you're off

from the Crow's perspective, it's so strange to hear a scrabbling on the door only to open it to see you sat upon a huge dog

you tried to adopt the dog as a thank you gift later, but Kaz said no

is it because he's grumpy?

because he's a bitch let's all say fuck you Kaz

just kidding

he's being practical

you can't adopt every animal you see, he knows you are sure to either not be able to handle them all

or want them to be taken care of before you, causing for you to neglect yourself instead

as your boyfriend, he sees it as his need to protect you and make sure you are taking care of yourself

he did however organise giving it to a more responsible but young Dreg, one that did not have so many responsibilities

the dog was named Lyle

even after all your animal escapades, on weekends you will often sit with your knees drawn to your chest and absorbed in a book at the back entrance of the Slat

every time, a weight will drop into your foot a few minutes later

or a damp dog's nose will sniff at your hand, peering under your book

you'll only laugh and stroke its head, searching for a collar

if one isn't found, it's no big deal considering many in Ketterdam don't put collars on their pets, knowing that is in no means making it less likely to be taken

but if the animal looks in bad shape or neglected, you'll take it back to the Slat, grinning when the little ducklings squawk as they follow behind you

or the puppies nip softly at your heels

these animals will be given to a Dreg, and eventually, nearly half of the Dregs come home to licks in the face and enclosures of rabbits

you have been distracted on heists many times

maybe staring into a koi pool and drawing gentle ripples from the water with the tips of your fingers

or glaring at the way animals are restrained in a cruel way, going over to pat them and sneakily undo their chains or tough leads

Kaz doesn't really dispute the second one because you cause a distraction so it is a win win

the snake thing has happened

it slithered in and attached itself to a Dreg's trenchcoat

it was ready to strike but as soon as you came down the stairs after hearing the screaming it stopped still

then travelled over to you and slid right up to your hand

you only sighed and patted its head then preceded to speak in a babying way

"Did the big mean man try to shake you off? Oh no! I still don't think he deserves a bite though, do you?"

the snake was calmly taken outside after several of the Dregs were still panicking

you took it all the way to its habit, still on your palm, head resting there as it coiled over your arm

as a goodbye you got a light squeeze from the coiled body

everyone found it bizarre but it was easier to just accept it than question it

in the end, all the Dregs now have a bigger family with pets to accompany them on their prowls of the streets

and Kaz still smiles, having to cover his mouth with a gloved hand, when he sees you interact with any animal you can appear to get to

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker fluff #kaz brekker fic #shadow and bone #kaz brekker imagine #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone x you #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone fic #grishaverse #grishaverse imagine #grishaverse fic #kaz brekker headcanons #the crows

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