#My feet were killing me
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do you wanna see the cake I made today? Yes?
#Started at 11 pm finished at like 3:30am#My feet were killing me#I know it's not the prettiest but Ive never decorated a cake before#And it's my bisexual audacity to believe I could do it first try no tutorial watching hour long videos as background noise#Also major respect to cake artist#Letters are fucking difficult#And Im short so like I should have stood on a stool for better advantage#Um it's devils food with chocolate frosting with white and green icing#My grandpa turns 81 I think#Anwyays thanks for letting me show m cake off
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Lullaby <3
#one day I’ll learn to draw feet/shoes lmao#anyways they’ve been killing me the last few weeks#I can’t think about them and be normal I have to pick one#Kai RAISED her guys…. they were both so LITTLE#when Nya said my brother was always my hero#god. what if my heart shattered into one billion pieces#now imagine this is after a game of countershot#they’re eepy!!! they’ve been running around!!#ninjago#my art#lego ninjago#dragons rising#ninjago Kai#ninjago nya#Nya jiang#Kai Jiang#ninjago fanart#the scars are just burns amassed over time as Kai tries to figure out blacksmithing with literally no guidance#he was like five. rip girl
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More misc. daily life pictures and such
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1 & 2 - Very bright pretty looking sky !#2. HUGE icicle that looked like you could kill someone with it or something.. Pulled from near a gutter on the side of a building#3. & 4 & 5 - various images from a silly party I had where I pretended to be some elf king turning like 204 years old lol (also not like#a REAL party. Only my roommates were there really and we're all in the same household bubble.#just to clarify. I would never dare have a large party anyway given#my hermitous nature but on top of that.. didn't want there to be some implication that I'm having a Party while covid is still ongoing lol.#NEVER.. But I do love dressing up as some fantasy character so much.. The only thing that could ever bring a true hermit wizard#to engage with others socially is the prospect of connecting it somehow to fantasy worlds and costumes lol. One must simply dress up#as a silly 200 year old man from time to time and pretend you've never seen a balloon before in your life. etc.#6. bapy boye... feets#7. The main food that I made for the elderly elf man 'party'. which was a Deconstructed Beef Wellington (kind of as ajoke since I watch s#o many silly cooking competition shows and they always make stuff 'deconstructed' at the last minute when under time limits or whatever.)#I've wanted to make beef wellington a few times but Ithink to do it well I'd need like..an actual kitchen and a lot of time and#an oven that fully works to bake things and etc. etc. So I thought this would be an easier method. A thick steak cut round to kind of mimi#c the round tenderloin or whatever it is in a wellington. instead of the puff pastry being wrapped around - I just did star shaped cut outs#of pastry and baked them and put them on top (to go with the star theme). instead of mushroom duxelles being wrapped around in pastry#its in a little circle under the steak. and instead of mustard being brushed onto the meat I made a mustard gravy sauce type of thing#Then of course asparagus on the side.. my favorite... Though I know some wellington#also has a layer of prosciutto I think. or I saw one person use crepes. I didn't feel it was necessary to incorporate that too lol#8. bapy son helping me do a giant puzzle that took me hours and I had no idea it was actually that large of a puzzle#until I started putting it together and for some reason it made me stressed by the end instead of relaxed lol.. puzzle fatigue#photo diary
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I just watched the beginning of the cool guy again and it filled me with so much indescribable rage 😐 Why were they like that
They’re weird
#My mind immediately went to when peepers was giggling and kicking his feet#Please tell me you were also thinking that or I’ll look weird#EAAHHHH#AHHH#My mind is playing scenes where he’s there#The kicking the hater figure off the table last#I’ll kill him I’ll kill him#STOP#Sorry#Don’t talk to me about episodes ever again. Lie
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ttrpgs fuck you up
everyone says “try out dnd”, including me but dude believe me, dnd fucks you up, ttrpgs fuck you up
there’s this person in your head and you can only scream about them to the other five idiots with their own little guys in their heads
and sometimes you can’t even scream at them because first you have to reveal the backstory you came up with and you don’t want to do that immediately
ttrpgs fuck you up because they make you daydream about your little guy and what happened with them AND YOU CAN’T STOP THE THOUGHTS
try out dnd (or any other ttrpg), they say… but what they don’t say is that it’s all emotional damage
and the worst part of it is that you enjoy every fucking minute of that emotional damage
ttrpgs fuck you up.
#last night’s vtm session was a fucking rollercoaster#i can’t stop thinking about it#we started with a tattooing session andit was absolutely cute because the npc was a sweetheart and my character got a tattoo#a little line art#based on her pet rats#and then shit hit the fucking fan#we owed an npc and she asked us to investigate why her runner guy haven’t got back yet#he was supposed to get back with the fugitives hours before#and shit really hit the fan when we got to the meeting point#the guy was dead#the fugitives too#they were fucking massacred#and the runner guy was burned to final death#and my character saw them die in a vision#and the vision was like a fucking epilepsy attack#because i had to roll a rouse check and it was a fail#which meant that cassandra (my character) was bleeding from her hand and feet and forehead because she’s a fucking stigmata#and then the other roll was a messy critical#she saw the whole thing in all red#and then one of the hunters who killed the three of them throw a fucking molotov cocktail on us#one of us almost died#we fought him and i drained him so he died#my humanity level haven’t changed but the thought that cass killed a guy was there#and then the secret kindred radio announced simon’s death because he was also a malkavian the host played a song for his sister#cry little sister by chvrches#i cried and i’m still thinking about it and crying a little because it really fucked me up#vampire the masquerade#vtm#san antonio by night#i am not okay
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A small collection of mc el doodles
#obey me#obey me mc#mc elliot#obey me mammon#cats the musical#fantasy gore#gore#implied gore#digital art#slighly suggestive but not really#anyway heres a bunch of silly lil things that i thought were too small to posy individually#a joke abt els huge ass feet cryptid el moments#i got bored and drew him as tugger bc hes my favorite guy#el just trying to do his job as a model and mammon losing his shit at el wearing gold [bc el fuckin HATES gold stuff]#an au where he becomes an angel but instead of fallin and becoming avatar of bloodlust he just straight up kills god#and punk au outfit concept for els band “heart failure” ^^#elliot doodles
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worked four sections today bc we were so understaffed. i had 20 tables. a normal section is about 5/6 tables. the way i didn't maul anyone will go down in the guiness book of world records as strongest silly guy alive
#MY FEET HURT!!!#like my sister worked at a HUGE place one time and she had around 20 tables to a section#and she has complained loudly and at length that it's just not something that works#like a single waitress CANNOT take a section that big especially when it consists of tables ranging from 2 people#to 15 people like that's a ridiculous amount of customers relying on a single amount of staff#and that was in a place that was BUILT TO WORK LIKE THAT#MY PLACE IS VERY MUCH NOT BUILT TO WORK LIKE THAT#WE HAVE ONE WAITRESS TO A SECTION AND TWO ON THE BIGGER SECTION NORMALLY! NOT THIS!#IT WAS INSANE#i was soooo lucky we werent busy bc it meant i wasn't slammed off my feet but there was a constant flow of things to do#like i could JUST keep up with the tide of it if that makes sense#but i knew if i fucked up even minutely then id lose it and get overwhelmed#not a fun position to be in#ALSO I DROPPED A FUCKING PLATE#FOUR YEARS OF WAITRESSING AND I FINALLY DROPPED A PLATE IM GONNA KILL MYSELF#IT'S BC THIS BOY WAS TRYING TO BE NICE BY STACKING HIS PLATES BUT HE DID IT IN SUCH A TWATTY WAY#AND THEIR TABLE WAS LITERALLY THEE FARTHEST ONE FROM THE KITCHEN I NEVER STOOD A CHANCE TRULY#IT WAS MORTIFYING THE TABLE NEXT TO WHERE I DROPPED IT WERE SO ANNOYING ABOUT IT#like they were TOO nice about it the bloke asked me like 4 times if i was okay i was like YES IM FINE STOP TALKING ABOUT IT#then i dropped a wine glass like an hour later should've just quit right there and then#the lad i was on shift with went for his fag break at one point and i was joking with him like 'oh you slacking off?'#this boy goes 'im having a fag break for each thing you break' COME ON 😭😭😭#i am hateful today. i am very sleepy#hella slaves to capitalism
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Man. Leaving a toxic relationship is just an exercise in learning how to live in your own head again.
#lot going on in here folks :'(#but also :')#for a few weeks i couldnt be alone couldnt be in silence couldnt just. think.#im loving myself again. im laughing and connecting and god im so excited for what comes next#june 19th lana..... you are my soulmate my rock my queen you are everything to me#bc june 19th lana had the strength to leave#june 19th lana swept me off my fucking feet and she fought and yelled and stayed up for 4 days straight#so that 4 days later i could be free again <3#i will work so fucking hard for june 19th lana.... i never want her to have any regrets... any whatifs....#im going to give june 19th lana the life she hopes shes fighting for#those four days were torture... moving... yelling... crying crying crying... more moving... driving...#she did that... for me....#literally she talked to me often... she would sit amongst the boxes and fear and heartbreak and shed talk to her future self#which ig is me <3 and shed tell me how she loved me and how i better not screw this up and she begged me to love her again#god i love her again. i love that mess of a girl. beautiful and strong and terrible! and she got out despite the torture.#june 19th lana. also june 20th 21st and 22nd lana. i hear you. you will have such a beautiful wonderful life i swear#one you will never ever second guess#he fucking killed us! he killed you! the connection the devotion the love it masked the insidious truth that you had to die for that shit#the life he could give you...its pathetic compared to what im gonna give you.#and unlike every promise he ever made... i never go back on my word :)#ok bye
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everyone in the notes of alpacinocharactertournament want me dead
#apct.txt#al pacino character tournament#al pacino#to clarify something the matchups here were RANDOMLY SELECTED i assigned them numbers & used a dice website#do you think i WANTED to put michael & sonny against each other? NO#but God looked down on me & She said hey you know what would be funny#& now i have bisexual genderweird goths threatening to kill me in my notes#i actually dont havve a problem with bisexual genderweird goths threatening to kill me im kinda giggling kicking my feet all that
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Graduation day pics 🎓
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if you told me all those years ago that the people who made the song that got me through the worst time of my life would go on to do some of the craziest things in their career and you said they're gonna go perform at all these places and do all these things 😭 idk what baby me would've done but current me is literally so overwhelmed with emotions ... 😞🫶‼️💗 like that's just too crazy to me to really put into words but watching the skz journey feels so heart warming and exciting and im so incredibly fucking proud of them... 🥺🤍 my skz you are so amazing 😭🫶💗🌙🫂
#idk what i'm trying to say#but 17 year old me found you when my life was in ruin#and then 🤍🫂 you picked me up and put me on my feet... 😞💗‼️ and i... i am lucky to have you in my life ...#i wouldn't be the same without you...#no i mean.. i wouldn't even be here without you#😞 i know that for sure ... like without a doubt#that part of my life was ... bad 👍#sitting on that train after being assaulted the first time and feeling like it was over like i was going to kill myself and then#all i heard was chans voice saying 'blessings wait for you'#and 😞 it felt like the first hug id had in ages... like someone had held me and told me it would be ok 😞💗#idk ... kinda presumptive to say i owe them my life but... 🫂 i wouldn't be here without them#that much is for damn sure ...#so to see them come this far ... do so much#🥺 the pride in my heart is beyond overwhelming#being here since they were nugu losers 😭💗🫶 GOD I LOVE UUUU MY SKZ!!!!!#i don't know how much more i can say it........ i so incredibly love you 😞🤍💗#god i'm so proud#i hope chan knows 😭🫶💗🥺 with every fucking fibre in my being that i'm always ALWAYS cheering him on 😞 that he deserved this so infinitely#god i fucking love him 😭‼️ my darling boy.........#:( my skz fr...#li.txt
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Gravity falls has wrecked me emotionally I am not okay
#I DONT REMEMBER IT BEING THIS SAD#The tale of two stans episode broke me I had to take a break from watching to process it#I have so much shit I need to do but I haven't done anything because all I can think about is them#I literally sobbed in public 😭 We were eating in a restaurant and my sister talked about Stan and I started crying#with actual tears and people were looking at me weirdly because I'm loud and was rambling on and on and on about gravity falls while crying#My feet hurt so badly too.. Context: I love to pace around my room esp when I need to think#I needed to walk and think about them because they're so sad and my feet are so sore and my ankle and knee are killing me#My legs are also uneven lengths which makes walking more painful#Shows usually don't upset me and I usually cheer whenever something tragic happens..#Going to go and read more fanfiction to make myself feel better
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SWEET FREEDOM, I GOT OFF MY 10 HOUR CLOSING SHIFT AND I HAVE *TWO* DAYS OFF!!
#almost collapsed on the job teehee#i think i MIGHT??? have had a panic attack because my back and feet were KILLING me and i couldnt find something in the freezer#shit was bad#ANYWAYS I CAN DRAW AGAIN YIPEE#not cc#queenie talks
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you know how i said in an older post that i probably deleted how it wasn't worth it to feel this amount of stress and anxiety to go to a dinner party where i would probably get ignored the whole night anyway? yeah... i was right. i could have dropped dead at any point and nobody would have noticed. expect my "friend" who kept leaving me her purse. i love being a coat hanger.
#i wish people would stop inviting me to things#oh and i didn't even mention the drunken guy who started to psychoanalyze me at 1 am cause i never smile#how about you TALK to me like a normal person if you wanna see me smile?? huh?#how about you involve me in things like you do with the others?#people would literally take pics with my two co-workers and i was just standing by behind them like a fucking moron#'you have sadness in your eyes' oh you noticed? why would that be i wonder?#telling me 'life is full of ups and downs but you gotta react' when you know nothing about me#you don't even know what you're talking about#i didn't react? it's a miracle i didn't jump off a bridge and you're telling me i didn't react?#i'm sorry i'm not jumping up and down from happiness when i don't feel it i guess#of course HE was happy he drank the entire bar!#that wasn't real happiness either my guy#so i guess he just wanted me to pretend to be happy so i woulnd't make him feel uncomfortable#which i do btw i try to smile and laugh as much as i can so i look normal#i'm sorry if after 5 hours i was tired and my feet were killing me and i couldn't keep up the pretence!#rambling#don't mind me just let me vent
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I'm home
#my feet are killing me and my battery died#my mom and sister were arguing so i just closed my eyes and focused on the great day i had!#it had its low moments but the good parts made up for it
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wearing a maxi denim skirt but the wind here is so strong my legs are still cold I wish I wore the tights I found last night 😞
#i always look good. BUT AT WHAT COST!?#last time my feet were killing me cause the shoes were rlly high heels#now this 🤦🏾♀️ wish i had a facking car sometimes
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