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#Months ago I had a passing thought of Fallen causing such an apocalypse and entertained it for fun for a while.
bonefall · 7 months
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mistystar n who
I think fratboy Podlight who sends his powerful grandmother stupid texts is a VERY funny concept.
"My dad didn't love me because he could never move on from the lover he had in his 20s. My sister is up to no good. I party hard at Aftergatherings about it, are you rockin' with me?"
He is 38 cat-years-old.
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peachywise · 5 years
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nullify part 5
an umbrella academy fanfiction // klaus hargreeves x reader
- part v: the disrupting, devilish, and demanding deal || part i ⋆ part ii ⋆ part iii ⋆ part iv ⋆ part vi ⋆ more parts to be released
- synopsis: Finally, the truth of the Hargreeves story comes out. It's a little hard to believe, but what's even worse is what exactly they need your help for. Vanya, you're happy to deal with, but Klaus? Looks like you two are going to be spending a great deal of time together as well.
- notes: hello oh gosh okay i am sorry this hiatus was so long but i am 100% done all my exams so i am officially back at it and writing actively. expect next chapter out soon and it will be a good ol funny fluff klaus heavy chapter okay i love you all i'm sorry, adios
link on ao3 
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“Do you want to put your pants back on?”
“No,” Klaus smiled, flopping down next to you on the couch and wrapping his arm tightly around your shoulders.
“Then off you go,” you smiled politely back. He gave you a sort of quirked, curious look, but you quickly shoved him off on to the floor before he could figure out your intentions. “I came here to get answers, not to get diseased.”
Klaus mock gasped, while Luther tried to suppress his half-snort laugh from behind his rather large hand. Klaus just crawled halfway across the floor to where he had dropped his pants and slipped them back on— struggling a bit because wow was that leather tight— mumbling incoherently under his breath.
“So, who’s going to be the one to tell me why exactly I’m here?” You questioned, pulling your legs up and crossing them under you, looking from Klaus, to Luther, and then at Five. All three looked at each other as if they hadn’t exactly thought this far ahead. Lovely.  Five sighed as he sat on the chair across from you and leaned slightly forward, clasping his hands together as a serious look befell his face.
“I guess I’ll start at the beginning. Just hold off on any questions until the end, it might be a bit hard for you to believe.”
You couldn’t hold back your laugh as you leaned back comfortably. “We were all born to mothers who hadn’t really been pregnant and have powers because of it. You’re afraid your story will be too much for my mind to comprehend? Have a little faith in me.”
Five raised an eyebrow, and Klaus moved back to sit beside you once his pants were properly back on. “Oh, you say that now.” Klaus smiled, giddy in his fidgety excitement, “but personally, I can’t wait to see your reaction.”
“Klaus,” Luther grumbled in an almost warning gesture. Klaus ignored him.
Jesus, you didn’t have time for this.
“For fuck’s sakes, will one of you just spit it out already!”
A moment of silence followed your outcry, but then rather unceremoniously, Five stated point-blank, “we’re from the future and traveled back in time to stop the apocalypse from happening.”
And then, like the clever little slice you are, you allowed yourself a moment of silence as well. You couldn’t even hear your breath, a pin drop, a mouse scurrying across the house, yadda yadda and all those fun clichés.
“You in there?” Klaus asked. He even knocked you on the head lightly, murmuring, “I think you broke the poor thing.”
You swatted his hand away, and he reared it back into his chest, cradling it with the look of a hurt puppy. “I’m not broken,” you grumbled, sitting up a bit as you turned your attention back to Five. “I’m just wondering what you guys take me for. I’m not gullible. Yeah, maybe I believed at one-point Santa existed and was my fourth-grade teacher in disguise, but this? That sounds like a bad plot to a shitty TV show.”
Klaus moved to sit next to Five, covering the kid's ears as he did. “Shh, he was never around long enough for us to tell him the truth about Santa.” You just rolled your eyes as Five simultaneously jerked away so fast, throwing a fast punch to Klaus’s gut that had him doubled over groaning in a second flat. His attention turned back to you just as fast.
“This isn’t a joke. When I disappeared all those years ago, I found a way to travel through time but I got stuck there. What I found was nothing— no civilization, no us, no you. Everything was in ruins. It took me many years, but I found my way back to stop the apocalypse from happening.” At that, he exchanged an odd look with both Klaus and Luther. Klaus looked more sympathetic at that, his expression turning more serious in those moments. Luther meanwhile just looked uncomfortable and a little shutoff, his arms crossed so tightly against his chest that you wondered if those jacket sleeves would rip.
“And this apocalypse, when is it supposed to happen exactly?” you asked, deciding to play into whatever they were pulling. You should have known they were all insane. You’d expected it of Klaus, but man, were all of them this disillusioned? “Let me guess. Big meteors are supposed to rain down and destroy us like they did the dinosaurs? Oh! Better yet, all these fossilized dinosaurs are going to come back to life and eat us all!”
“Someone has an active imagination,” Klaus commented, a gleeful look crossing his face, but Five’s own cynical impatience cut both of you down. “No,” he sneered, standing up in what you assumed was his way of seeming more intimidating or serious. It was just hard to take it that way when he didn’t even reach five feet. “But if you stop talking long enough for me to tell you the story, maybe you would simultaneously stop proving your idiocy and get the answers you want.”
Well, then.
“Carry on.”
“So, you’re telling me all of you traveled back to the past— my present—three months ago after your sister almost ended the world?”
“Technically she did, we just popped right on out before we all rather disastrously perished,” Klaus interjected, speaking for the first time since Five finished relaying his tall tale of all that had happened. Luther simply groaned, tightening his crossed arms even more.
Five ignored them both completely. “In layman’s terms, yes, that’s what happened.”
Now, you were no doubt impressed by his ability to tell stories. It was convincing, you’d give him that, but you just weren’t positive it was true. If you sat there and told him you believed him, for one, you’d look like an utter idiot if they turned out they were lying. It would have had to have been an intricate joke on their part, but you’d be damned if it was going to be played on you. No. You needed to make sure that what he said was real. And there was only one plausible way to do it.
“I have questions. If you even pause in answering them, I’ll kick your ass for lying to me. Got it?”
Five nodded. Klaus just looked amused and leaned forward like he was ready to watch an entertaining game.
“If they aren’t going to be convinced, why are we even bothering telling them? This is a waste of time and energy.” Diego’s voice sounded behind you, causing you to jump a bit and exclaim softly, “Jesus Christ.” When the fuck did he get there? You hadn’t even heard him.
Twisting around and resting your arms on the back of the too-plush, white leather couch, you questioned, “are you sure all you can do is throw knives? Maybe you’re a cat shifter or something, you’re so sneaky. Here, let me test to see if you have nine lives— pass me one of your knives,” you smirked snidely, an impish imitation of the scowl he offered you back. Diego clearly wasn’t amused. “Listen to me, you—”
“Both of you, shut up,” Five snapped, his patience clearly wearing thinner by the second. It looked like the Fisher-Price poster boy might explode. A pity, but hey, you could live with it. “Why must you ruin the fun? I wanted to see the show,” Klaus sighed, resting his hand on the side of his face. You threw a pillow at him, and he caught it with a wink in your direction.
Standing up from your seat, noting with jealously how your butt hadn’t fallen asleep like it did on your thrift store found shit couch, you crossed your arms and stared down at the boy. Back to business.
“Whose apartment is this?”
“Allison’s. It’s a second one she barely uses, so it’s likely we’ll go relatively undetected,” Luther replied.
Made sense. “What year did you guys come from?”  
“2019,” Five replied in a bored manner.
Now that had you squinting your eyes a bit. It was 2015 now, so allegedly you could ask anything about the future.
“Did Jon Snow really die in the season five finale of Game of Thrones?”
Five tilted his head slightly in confusion, and Diego just looked annoyed as he threw his hands up and begun pacing. Klaus snorted. But surprisingly, Luther was the one to answer the question, shifting uncomfortably as his eyes darted to the ceiling, “uhm, no. He’s alive.”
His siblings gave him a questioning look, but you didn’t care which one of them actually knew. You were just thinking thank fuck he was alive. Well. Thank fuck if the Hargreeves were telling the truth and were from the future. Now you were really hoping they were.
“Who won the presidential election?”
Diego was the one to reply this time, a deeper bitterness attached to his tone than the one directed at you earlier. “Donald Trump,”  
Never mind. You hoped they were filthy, humorless liars.
Your face must have displayed your severe disappointment and revolt, as Klaus speedily added, “I would offer words of comfort, but even I can’t find the silver lining in it,” giving a small shudder as he said it.
“Well if you’re done with twenty questions, can I finally get to the part to where you come in, or would you rather waste my time for a while longer?”
You felt a twitch at the corner of your eye at Five’s abrasiveness, but you offered a sweet smile over it. “As a matter of fact, I would rather waste your time longer. Thanks.”
Was he getting red in the face? Ooo, delightful.
Diego apparently didn’t see the joy in it. He stomped over to you in his little combat boots and all, getting directly in your face. “You can nullify powers, and we have a sister who’s having trouble controlling hers, and no longer wants to try. Either you help, or get out and forget about all this."
You held your breath for a moment, eyeing him down in what you were sure was some unspoken fight for dominance. At least he was blunt about something both Klaus and Five had been leading up to. You could respect that. However, the situation on the other hand? It was a little confusing. If Vanya did actually have powers— and after having read her book, you were surprised in the least to hear of them— and was the cause for the end of the world, what could be done to really control them? You could stop it from happening maybe, granted you had no idea how much pressure your force field could take in stopping her from using them, but wasn’t that just a momentary fix?
“She nearly put an end to the whole world, or rather, she did, but you all just escaped it. What exactly do you need me for? You expect her to do it again or something? Where even is she?”
Luther suddenly pulled Diego back, taking his place in front of you as a voice for the collective of them. “She’s in one of the rooms with Allison now, but all you need to understand is we’ve been here for three months. For the first month, Vanya couldn’t even look at us. She wouldn’t speak. She was in a catatonic state. In the second month, we tried to understand the extent of her powers to figure out how to prevent another apocalypse from happening, but every time she tried to use them, she couldn’t control them. Now she won’t even try, but they’re still there. She’s a ticking time bomb.”
A small unsettled flare lit in your stomach. “She’s also your sister. Don’t talk about her like she’s just a problem to fix. From the story Five told, you guys locking her up and essentially ignoring her for her whole life was the catalyst for this whole thing. Yeah, I get it. She almost ended the world, and what she did to Allison was fucked up. I’m not condoning that. But if you’re actually going to help her now, then do it for her. Actually, be there for her. Don’t pin me— a stranger— on her to take the problem off your fucking hands.”
You had been in enough foster and group homes to understand the loneliness that often came with them. But it was one thing to be ignored, and another to be acknowledged as simply not good enough. Vanya’s book had been very telling, about all their lives and not just hers. Each Hargreeves sibling had been fucked over by their mad father, and undoubtedly you felt empathy and sympathy for each of their situations and not just hers. Though your life had its own tragedies at the hand of your powers and other’s opinion of them, you had still spent most of the time you could avoiding every being detected by Reginald at all, fearing being included in his little makeshift family. You had known the love of a father before. They clearly hadn’t. Growing up, the Academy thing left a sour taste in your mouth. It wasn’t until you had read Vanya’s book that you finally understood why.
Luther blinked at you in surprise, and you noted a bob in his throat as he swallowed a little nervously. He looked a bit cross like he might actually dare to argue back, but Klaus cut him off before he could, moving to stand beside him.
His wide eyes seemed to reflect a serious outlook, his face a little pale. “We all made mistakes, we know that,” he started off with, and you were once again shocked by the sincerity he seemed to be able to display. Your breathing was a bit ragged after getting so aggravated in your little monologue, and Klaus grabbed your hands and led you back to the couch as if calming an upset child. Ass face. Sitting across from you on to ottoman, he continued, “we all sat there pinning blame on one another when really, it was dear old dad who ruined us all. I want to help. We all want to help.” he squeezed your hands, before finally releasing them. “But we need you as well. Vanya needs to feel like she’s in a controlled environment. If she practices around you and things get out of hand, hopefully, you can turn it off before things go boom again.”
Leaning back, you sank down into the cushions and covered your face with your hand, the light not helping your now growing headache. You took a deep breath in and then out. “Okay. Okay, I’ll help,” you relented, dropping your hand to peer at Klaus’s hopeful little smile. You quickly shifted your gaze back to Five, who had been silent during the entire exchange, simply watching with a contemplative eye. “So, what’s the plan then? I just come over sometimes and stand guard or something while she does her thing?”
Five picked up a coffee mug of the table and took a sip, putting it back down as he muttered, “you ask a lot of questions. But no. We want to be as safe as possible, so the plan would be for you to move in here in case anything was to happen.”
You were quiet for a moment. Maybe a little too quiet, since Five looked a little surprised by your lack of response, which was odd, since you weren’t sure what he was expecting your reaction to be.
“You should stick to brooding. Humour is not your strong suit. Seriously, what’s the plan?”
“I’m not joking. That is the plan.”
Hmm.
Getting up from the couch, you picked up your tote bag, and then the broken clock which had still been sitting on the floor. You slipped it into the bag. Pulling down your sunglasses, you turned towards the group and gave a lazy salute, stating, “Well, it’s been real guys. I’ll be sure to send you a Christmas card.”
Klaus shot up so suddenly you almost got whiplash, and ran to the door to pin himself in front of it like a scraggly leather clad barrier. “Whoa, whoa, hold on a second,” he pleading with a frantic little laugh, “be reasonable.”
“Reasonable?” You huffed at the shithead, no trace of such amusement in your voice. “You want me to just drop my whole life to live with a bunch of batshit insane grown up super babies and be at your every beck and call? Hell no. I have two jobs. I have an apartment I need to pay for!”
Klaus muttered back awkwardly, “technically you’re also a batshit insane grown up super baby,” but before you could reach back into your bag for the clock to chuck at his head, Five’s hand gripped your wrist in a tight grasp.
“Will you calm down? If you don’t want to move in here, then Vanya can move into your apartment with you,” Five snapped, releasing his grasp as Klaus started to move back towards you like an inquisitive animal unsure if the being in front of it was a predator or not.
You scrunched your brows together. “Seriously? I told you guys she needs her family. Having her live with me isn’t going to do much good. Look, I am fine coming over once and a while to help out, I really am, but I can’t just drop my whole life. You guys aren’t going to be here forever, and what happens when you guys leave? I have to go back to something.”
Five took a step back, contemplating this as you spoke. Diego took the quiet opportunity to intervene with his own point of view, adding, “they’re right. This whole plan was bound to fail anyway. We can think of something else.”
You were about to agree with him, but before you could, Klaus interjected with a very loud, “wait, I have an idea!”
Luther stated, “well that’s a first,” and you decided your clock’s next target was going to be his big rude head instead.
“Vanya will live with you, but all of us can still visit you and stay with her when you’re at work or what not.” Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad idea, you thought. But still, she should be around them more so than around you. Part of fixing this whole situation was fixing their family relationship too. Klaus seemed to almost read your mind, albeit, a little misconstrued, as he added, “better yet, I’ll move in too! It’ll be fun, we can all paint each other’s nails and braid each other’s hair—
“Fuck no.”
Klaus frowned, grabbing your shoulders and giving your tense self a little shake. “Oh, come on. I thought we were getting along?”
You deadpanned, “I’m a terrific actor.”
Granted, his plan did have some merit, but you loved having your own space. Your apartment wasn’t even that big anyway. You had your room, a pull-out bed in your crappy makeshift spare room, and then that uncomfortable couch. You wouldn’t subject anyone to that no matter what.
“We’ll pay you if you agree,” Five interrupted your thoughts, and suddenly, you wondered why you had ever thought it had been a bad idea at all.
“Well in that case, hello roomie,” you smiled at Klaus, as his mouth popped open in slight shock. Ignoring him, you dropped your bag on the floor and turned back to the rest of the family.
“Well, let me meet Vanya. We should probably check to see if my force field can even keep her powers at bay in the first place. Or if she’s even comfortable moving in with me.” Lowering your sunglasses back down, you looked them all in the eyes and said, “I, of course, will be paid for my services no matter the outcome.”  
Klaus uttered a small, but very audible, awe of, “they’re magnificent, aren’t they?”
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